Tankards and Tempers
by Useful Oxymoron
Summary: The story of the elven Bhaalspawn Laska Leafwalker and her friends, as they stumble through Amn and beyond looking for adventure, fun and a kidnapped little sister. Contains femslash and various forms of absurdism.
1. First Impressions

Hello everyone,

Welcome to Tankards and Tempers, usually abbreviated as TnT. Those of you readers here whom have been to the Attic BG fanfic website or posted there might remember it. For those who haven't, TnT is about a moon-elven Bhaalspawn named Laska Leafwalker with a propensity for fighting, drinking and generally enjoying herself adventuring with her friends. This story was started over ten years ago and spans (as of the writing of this disclaimer) 231 chapters.

TnT, for me, is a labor of love. A small warning for new readers, if you come across things that seem silly, campy or downright absurd, that's working as intended. Though there are plenty of serious plotlines involved, but mostly I prescribe to the Rule of Funny (see tvtropes). If you get a laugh or a chuckle out of something I write, I will have done my job. Characters, plotlines, etc, might be a bit different than you're used to from the game.

Mature rating is for the violent and sometimes racey content. Oh, and femslash. There is also femslash.

I've always wanted to go back to the earlier chapters to clean them up, add improvements, change some things to make the characters more consistent with the later chapters. Also, the old TnT archive at the Attic hasn't been updated since 2005 due to a management change there. With the imminent release of Baldur's Gate Enhanced Edition, I figured it was a good excuse to finally go through with it. It is daunting to do this with 231 chapters, but I figure that if I do one chapter a day, it should be fine.

I'm reasonably certain there might be some old Atticers here and I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to drop me a line. My postname there is Weyoun (don't ask). TnT will, of course, continue to be posted on the Attic as well, and those not familiar with the Attic, feel free to check it out. There's a lot of great well-written stories there.

In the meantime, I hope you'll enjoy reading as much as I have writing it over the past decade.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 1: First Impressions_

Rays of light from the morning sun shone through the window, instantly brightening a small room inside the Copper Coronet. Only a few moments later, the single occupant of the room groaned in displeasure and shielded her eyes by jamming her head under her pillow.

"Somebody turn off the damn lights..." the elven female muttered, but as soon as she spoke the words, the sound of her own voice lanced stabs of immense pain through her skull, which was followed by yet another anguished groan. _'Oh, gods... What have I been drinking last night? Paint-thinner?'_

Slowly opening her eyes, she noticed she was in her dingy room at the Copper Coronet. There was barely enough room for a single bed and the bathroom consisted of a mirror and a bowl of water on a small table at the foot end of the bed. The walls were so thin she could hear a snoring dwarf in the room next to her, not to mention the peddlers and shrieking children in the streets of the slums outside. Unfortunately, this room was all that she could afford right now.

_'Well, at least there's nobody sleeping next to me...' _she thought. Xan had insisted nothing had happened at the time, but somehow he seemed less gloomy than was normal for him for a few days after that. She slowly sat up in bed and promptly flopped back on her pillow as the sharp agonizing pain in her head returned with full force. 'After all those drinks in the past, you'd think I'd be used to it by now,' she thought wryly. At the second attempt, she rose out of bed successfully and sat on the edge, facing the floor as she rubbed her painful head with both her hands. '_What the bloody hell had happened last evening anyway?'_

She vaguely remembered a fight with three young men who had called her a 'dolly-girl' and she had had a lot of drinks in her already then. After that, she remembered walking back to her table being really annoyed. There was another man that spoke to her then and she remembered him calling her "Fair lady..." just before she treated him to a fist in the face. The reason? He was there.

She shook her head: she always had a low breaking-point when she was drunk and that Helmite had driven her over the edge. Then again. she also had a low breaking-point when she was sober so she might had punched him out anyway. The rest of the evening was obscured by a terrible haze, but she was sure it was she start of a gigantic brawl. How she had ended up in her room, she did not know.

Getting up from her bed, she walked towards the small mirror in the back of the room and, after wiping away the grime on gazed upon herself. _Gods, I'm a wreck..._ she thought to herself. Looking into the mirror she saw a tall, dark-haired elf with high cheekbones and piercing dark eyes staring back at her. Her hair, tied back in a long thick braid, was a mess, while her gray-silver moon-elven skin seemed even grayer than it usually was. Most noticeable, however, were the two tattoos under her eyes. Three jet-black tear-like streams ran from below each eye to halfway over her cheeks, and adorned her face. The tattoos adequately hid the bags underneath her eyes, however.

_'Tattoo's, that's a point!_' she thought. It seemed as if she had slept in the same clothes she had been wearing the previous evening and removed them to inspect her slightly muscular frame. She was tall for an elf, and thus had much room for tattoos, room she intended to fill up. Right now, she checked to see if she had obtained any new ones... There were five tattoos over her body at the moment. She remembered going asleep really drunk at the Nashkel Inn after celebrating the victory over Mulahey and had woken up with a large tattooed dragon on her lower back. It was a blue dragon, wings spread and its long tail running down her upper leg. Finding the tattoo incredibly beautiful she had decided to have more applied later. The two under her eyes followed shortly and the elven symbol of longevity, tattooed just above her navel, was to cover up a rather nasty magical scar she'd obtained from her battle with Sarevok. Then there was a ornate webbing, looking much like a fisher's man net, running from her upper right shoulder across her shoulder-blade she had no idea where or why she had gotten that one. Lastly, a serpent, immortalized in a striking-pose, was wrapped around her left knee. That last one she had discovered when awakening in the Three Kegs Inns at Baldur's Gate after a particularly nasty binge. But right now, there didn't seem to be any new ones.

_Pity._

Taking another look in the mirror, she sighed and cursed herself... Why had she had so much to drink last night? To get rid of the memories of her months of torture? To forget about the death of her good friend Dynaheir? To repress the thoughts about Imoen's theft?

How did things turn sour for her so quickly? One moment, she and her friends were traveling the roads, the next thing she knew was that she woke up in a dungeon. A dungeons she had been for months without so much of a memory it. She was in a strange city without so much as a copper to her name. Viconia missing, Dynaheir dead, and Imoen... the human girl she called little sister.

_'Imoen,' s_he thought back how her little sister had always scolded her after drink-fests like last nights. According to Imoen, she was irresponsible, childish, petty, borderline insane, hot-tempered... but also her friendly, loving, humorous, open-minded and a hero... but right now, she merely felt like a failure.

"You're no hero," she told her reflection. "Real heroes would have ripped this sodding city apart right now. Would have cut their way through those cowled freaks. Would have found and rescued Imoen by now! Real heroes would not sit in a bar getting drunk and starting petty fights!"

She took one last look in the mirror. _'You're a loser, Laska,_' she thought wryly and smashed her fist into her own visage. As pieces of shattered glass landed on the floor of the room, Laska inspected her now bloodied knuckles. "And I am NOT hot-tempered!" she shouted at the broken mirror.

"Great," Laska sighed. Now you're a penniless loser with a bloody hand. Nice going."

After a deep sigh, she walked to the chair where her clothes, chain-mail and swords were waiting for her. After sliding into her pants and wrapping her vest over her chest, she wrapped a rag around her bleeding hand and sped out her room and slammed the door shut with great force.

* * *

"Ah! Be still my heart! Most beauteous creature! A woman who must have been shaped by the very gods themselves!" Salvanas cried as he saw a goddess of a woman descending from the stairs. Of course, Salvanas saw every woman as a goddess.

The next thing the frisky elf knew, he was flying through the air and rolled over the floor as he landed.

"Not tonight, honey," Laska muttered with a smile, "I have a headache."

The Copper Coronet was not very busy in the morning, and the spacious hall was barely populated. The signs of the fight were still there; broken chairs, upturned tables, spilled mugs, some blood splatters and the occasional broken tooth.

"Are you starting again, miss?" a portly man called Bernard asked her from behind the bar with a hint of nervousness. "We've barely cleaned up from last night!"

Laska turned around, showing sheepishness in her expression. "Were there many damages?" she asked.

"Well, this happens at least once a week in here, so we usually buy cheap furniture..." Bernard said. "So a hundred gold should cover it... And most people don't even remember what happened. I haven't seen that Helmite again, however. I think you broke his nose."

Laska reached for her money pouch and handed him his price with an apologetic half-smile, before realizing it was empty.

"Can I put it on the slate?" Laska sighed. "Or do you have some dishes to wash? Some rats to kill? Some goblins to chase out of the wine cellar?"

Bernard smiled for a bit. "Tell you what. You seem like a good sort. There's plenty of work for an adventurer like you in this city. You can owe me until you get paid for your first job," he said.

"Thank you," said Laska.

"Anything else I can do for you?"

"Hair-of-the-dog?" Laska asked hopefully while rubbing her head.

"Not with the stuff you've been drinking," Bernard snorted. "You'll end up as dead as a troll in a Paladin's bedchambers. But I have something else," Bernard walked to the counter and pick-up a glass of murky liquid. "Old family recipe! Down the hatch in one go!" Bernard said cheerfully as he offered her the glass.

Laska complied and let the murky liquid slide down her esophagus. As soon the liquid hit her stomach, she wretched and was barely able to keep herself from hurling it all over the floor.

"This... this is _vile_!" Laska cried. "What _is_ this?!"

"Six raw eggs." Bernard smiled. "Should take care of your headache, as well as your haze."

Upon seeing Laska's blank stare, Bernard smiled and told her he would bring her some roasted bread on the house. Laska sat down at the nearest table and leaned back into the chair. She'd have to go look for work today. If she wanted to find Imoen, she would somehow have to raise twenty thousand gold coins. So far she was already one hundred gold in the negative.

Moments later the only real friend in the world she had right now descended from the stairs. _'Correction,'_ she smiled to herself. _'Make that two real friends.'_

"A good morning to you, from Minsc and Boo!" the large ranger shouted enthusiastically and put the small hamster on the table. Laska smiled, and fed the happy hamster some of her bread.

"Good morning, Minsc." Laska replied, slightly surly. "Ready for another day of useless wandering about looking for work?"

"Boo notices friend Laska is not is a good mood." Indeed, Laska noticed Boo was looking at her in a funny way, whiskers twitching. "Every day is a good day to wipe the floor with the dusty buttocks of evil!"

"Oh, please," Laska groaned. "Kill one evil bloke and there are five others waiting to take his place. It never ends and it's always the same. People in danger, friends killed and sisters... taken away."

"But Laska..." Minsc continued. "It is what we do! Evil must be meet the fury of sword and hamster!"

"Ah, it's like Xan used to say..." Laska snarled. "What was it...? _'Life is just a never-ending string of terrible humiliating defeats'_. Sometimes it's just better to quit while you're ahead. There's a good chance we'll never see Imoen again."

Minsc said nothing and just stared at her. Then without saying a word, he got up from his chair and circled around the table, leaving Laska to wonder what the hell he was up to. Suddenly without warning, Laska felt her chair being pulled from under her. Her normally apt dexterity was dulled by her hangover and could not save her this time as she tumbled down to the floor. Following that, she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her rear-end. Disbelief crossed her face as she realized what Minsc had done.

"Mi... You... You kicked me in..." she stammered.

"'Tis but a mild kick, Laska, not like the ones I normally reserve for the Butts of Evil!" Minsc said. "Boo felt it was something you needed right now. You cannot give up. You owe it to Dynaheir and little Imoen! And friends that are missing and new friends we have yet to meet!"

For a moment it seemed Laska would jump and attack the large ranger, and the few patrons of the Coronet scrambled away from the pair of battle-hardened adventurers, as tension seemed to rise. Then, Laska's snarl made way for a look of sadness.

"Ah, Minsc and Boo and Laska had a lot of fun in last night's fight, haven't we Boo?" Minsc asked his hamster, who returned an excited squeak. "A flurry of punches and cries! But then Laska fell asleep and we had to bring her to bed to rest!"

"You?" Laska asked with a smile. "You brought me to my room last night?"

"Boo thought is was better to let you sleep in your own bed, rather than having you slumped over a table all night." Minsc replied.

Laska simply smiled. It was a simple act of kindness, but it meant a lot to her nonetheless.

"AYE," A gruff, yet cheerful voice greeted the elf from the other side of the room. "Thar be the lass that be stirrin' all that trouble the night afor'!"

Laska turned around and was faced with a burly dwarven fighter. "Do I know you?" she replied with a hint of suspicion.

"Aye, lass. We've met briefly last night, while we was both introducing the same Talosian to our fists," the Dwarf laughed, which sounded much like a deep roar. "The name be Korgan, Korgan Bloodaxe. And I cannay say I 'ave e'er met one of those pointy-eared treehuggin' lily-lovin' pansies who could throw a punch in such a bonnie way as ye. Or keep so many drinks down as ye did."

"Why thank you, I guess." Laska replied. "My name is Laska Leafwalker and this is Minsc..."

"And Boo..." she added quickly as she noticed the hamster staring at her angrily.

"Aye, well met..." Korgan said with a hearty smile. "I 'ave a proposal for ye, If ye might be interested."

"Little Laska," whispered Minsc. "Is he a new friend?"

"He can fight, he swears like a dockworker and he has a job for us," Laska nodded. He's definitely a friend.

The three adventurers shared the table to discuss the particulars. Taking one last look at Minsc, who was eying the dwarf with interest, Laska smiled to herself. The ranger had filled her with hope again. _'Hold on, Imoen,' _she thought to herself. _'I am coming for you.'_


	2. An Old Friend

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 2: An old friend_

"Lass, tell me again why ye've dragged us to this cesspool o' human filth," Korgan stated gruffly as the small group of adventurers entered the government district, "filled with these useless noble gully-warts?"

"I hate nobles as much as you do, Korgan," Laska replied sharply, "but some of the people at the government center might know something of Imoen's fate."

The government district itself stood in sharp contrast with the slums they had just come from. Stately manors were neatly arranged around a huge square, the streets were clean, the lawns were pretty and opposite to the fountain in the square was a large building which was the seat of government in Athkatla. There was a large amount of guards while the people walked about in expensive looking clothes. No doubt the guards were keeping a close watch at the three of them right now.

"Aye, lass," Korgan conceded. "But I donnae hav'ta like it," he added, wanting to have the last word.

"Live with it, Korgan..." Laska replied with a smirk as she scanned the government district. There seemed to be a large gathering of people near the town jail. Laska shook her head as she noticed they were setting up a stake to burn someone at, while dragging someone towards the pole. Her heart skipped a beat when she noticed whom exactly they were dragging to the pole. A drow. And a very familiar Drow at that.

"Let's go!" Laska shouted to her friends. Minsc, having seen the drow as well, followed suit.

"OY!" Korgan shouted, who had been occupied staring at the bottom of a passing noblewoman. "Wait fer me!"

The drow female had been tied to a stake by the time the adventurers had arrived. A Beshaban was continually ranting the same useless religious slurs over and over again, while his assistant was screaming sob-stories about murdered parents. The crowd of nobles was unimpressed however, and all of them were more interested in watching the drow burn for entertainment value, than hearing the underlying religious message. The drow female known as Viconia, however, appeared stoic and brave in the moment of her impending doom, but Laska could see the mortal fear in her eyes even from afar.

"Bah!" Korgan said disgustedly. "Watchin' someone burn at the stake is cowardly. Now if they be throwin' her in a fighting-pit with a couple of umberhulks, that would be good entertainment," he chuckled.

"An old friend is in distress!" Minsc shouted. "It is our duty as goodly and kindly heroes to save the day!"

* * *

"Shar... My deliverance is in your hands..." Viconia whispered to herself, but she gasped when she saw a familiar elven female working her way through the crowd. Relief washed over her entire being. She wanted to plead to the elf for help, but Laska flashed her a handsign – Laska had seen her and was asking her to stay calm and let her take care of things. Laska took on a thunderous expression and strolled over to the Beshaban priest.

"AH! Look here, people!" The priest shouted. "One of the fair folk is here! Tell me, my elven lady, does it do your joyful heart good to see an ancient enemy, one of the fallen of your race, to be judged in the cleansing fires of Beshaba?"

"I am _not_ your friend," Laska shouted, temper flaring. Viconia smiled inwardly – her friend wasn't easily impressed by religious zeal. "You do not even know what you are talking about! Viconia is my friend and I want her released now."

Viconia could see that the priest was taken aback by this unexpected turn of events. This uncharismatic bore looked to be quite frightened by the tall, tattooed female elf.

"Excuse me, my lady," the Beshaban chuckled, apparently trying to ease the tension. "But this drow was captured because of her evil intent."

"Oh?" Laska raised her eyebrow. "Let me guess. She was walking across the market-square minding her own business, when you saw the opportunity to increase the size of your flock and thus nabbed her?"

Viconia almost chuckled- for someone as fickle and young as Laska, she did understand clerical politics quite well.

"It... it was nothing like that! She is evil I tell you!" The Beshaban replied a bit too quickly. Viconia immediately calmed down. The situation was fully under control.

"So you will not release her?" Laska asked calmly.

"NEVER!" The priest shouted.

"Well, then I guess your luck has run out..." Laska replied and, quick as lighting, grabbed both the sides of his face to jerk his head around violently. The Bashaban, his neck cleanly snapped, was dead before he even sank to the floor. Gasps came from the crowd as they looked upon the body with shock and horror. Viconia threw her head back and laughed at the situation, scaring the crowd even further.

The archer with the obviously faked sob-stories fumbled with his bow as soon as he overcame his shock, but, suddenly, he too jerked violently and doubled over with an axe in his skull.

The dwarf whom Viconia did not know flashed a 'Who? Me?'-look in the direction of the crowd of gathered nobles, while giving Laska a 'taken-care-of'-sign with his stubby fingers. Soon enough, Laska jumped on top of the pile of wood to cut Viconia down. It was a blessed relief to be free again after several days of captivity and she rubbed her wrists now that the shaggy rope had been cut.

A dazed crowd looked on as the tattooed elven female helped a smiling drow off the stake.

"Vico," Laska said cheerfully as she extended her hand to the drow. "You have no idea how good it is to see you again."

"Thank you," Viconia said. "I would say something about trouble following in your wake, but that might seem a bit ungrateful."

"Okay, folks. Nothing to see here! Move along!" Laska told the nobles, who still had no idea what was going on.

"SHOW'S _OVER_!" But it still had no effect.

"Might I suggest a promise of violence?" Viconia said.

Time for drastic measures, then. Laska drew both her longswords and stepped towards the nobles threateningly. "BOOOOOO!" she shouted. This time, she nobles squealed bloody murder and ran in every direction. The guards, it seemed, knew better than to get involved.

"My thanks, Laska," Viconia said sincerely. "It seems I owe you my life once again."

Laska simply smiled and flipped her the Beshaban's mace. The irony was not lost on the Drow. "I still have a magical chainmail and shield in my Bag of Holding here, Vico," she said as she rummaged around in the small bag and handed Viconia the mentioned items.

"I'm not going to change _here_," Viconia snorted. "Too many eyes."

"We'll head back to the inn soon. We have rooms at the Copper Coronet."

"So, yer takin' this indigo heart-carver with us then," Korgan stated.

"I see your taste in companions is still the same..." Viconia said as she ignored the dwarf and took a look at Minsc.

"Oh, joyous day!" Minsc suddenly shouted and swung his large arm around Viconia's shoulders, taking her in a crushing hold. "Minsc and Boo are reunited with an old friend!"

"You're killing me, you addled fool!" Viconia shouted in a labored voice as the air was crushed from her lungs.

"Let her go, Minsc." Laska told him gently. "So I can tell Vico what has happened the last few months." Then, Laska led her group to a bench in the small park. Viconia listened thoughtfully to Laska's story, which was frequently embellished by Minsc. She rubbed her chin as Laska told her about Irenicus and Imoen's kidnap, and the implication that the Shadow Thieves would know where to find her. For a price, of course.

"I still have our old journal," Viconia said. She made a grab for her satchel, which she had recovered from the body of the Beshaban. Aside from some small food items and some Sharran items of worship, the satchel only contained a leather-bound tome. "I seems only appropriate that I'll continue were we left off."

Laska smiled. After Viconia had become a part of her party, she had taken over the task of keeping up the party journal, and had done so in painstaking detail.

"So what are your thoughts on all this, Vic?" Laska said as she sat back.

"Thoughts?" Viconia smirked. "It stinks on multiple levels. Those Shadow Thieves probably know more than they let on. And they must have an agenda. It would seem a good idea to play along with their game right now until we learn more. In the meantime, we should investigate further leads. How much money have you managed to collect so far?"

"I'm a hundred in the hole," Laska sighed. "We need to find proper work fast."

"A hundred in the hole?" Viconia frowned. "What did you break this time?"

"Six tables, at least twenty chains and a lot of teeth," Minsc piped up. "Boo lost count of the teeth."

"Typical," Viconia then turned to the dwarf Korgan, who was snoring loudly on the bench next to her. "Where'd you dig up this one?"

"Copper Coronet," Laska grinned. "Good brawler."

"No doubt," Viconia said. "So, any other leads?"

* * *

"So, this is the council chamber, then?" Laska spoke out loud as she looked around. "I am unimpressed." And even moreso when she noticed bureaucracy in motion – the clerks were literally moving stacks of papers from one desk to another in perpertual motion.

"Do you think this Tolgerias fellow knows about Imoen?" Laska asked.

"Och, he be a fancy high-up bag-of-tricks, be givin' me lots of shady work in the past," Korgan grumbled. "He might be knowin' about yer lass."

"And how much is this tip from you going to cost us, dwarf?" Viconia sighed.

Korgan stopped in his tracks and gave Viconia a dirty look. "Not all dwarfs be greedy bastards who be only helpful when there be coin to be had! That be a dirty stereotype and I will nae stand for it. Ye be ignorant, ye black-hearted she-bitch. Ye drow be all the same!"

"Typical, I..." Viconia started to say when she was suddenly interrupted by a female clerk, who ran up to them.

"YOU!" the clerk directed at Viconia. "Hang on a moment, let me check these papers," she said, while Viconia waited impatiently. "Ah, here it is," the clerk said with a smug, superior smile on her face. "A dark elf tax was brought into being by the council of 1107. All dark elves must pay a daily fee to remain in the city!"

"What?!" Laska suddenly jumped back from Viconia with astonishment... "White hair. Pointy ears. ebony skin. Vic! I never knew!" she joked.

"Come to think of it," Viconia said, playing along. "I always thought I was a bit odd. I just considered myself a really tall halfling with dark skin."

"But... But... _a drow?_!" Laska continued. "Does your mother know?"

"No," Viconia said with a mock-sad look on her face, "I can't tell her. She'd be devastated."

"Look here," Laska told the clerk as she took her aside. "Viconia is actually a halfling trapped in the body of a drow. Nasty incident involving magic. She's still sensitive about it and still in denial. Let me tell you, somewhere out there, her original body is walking about with a Drow spirit inside of it... Nasty business..."

"Oh, I see," the clerk said. "How awful for her."

"Could we just wave the tax for know?" Laska asked. "You see, she also inherited the temper of that drow priestess whose body she's in and you don't want to be here when it breaks free."

"Ah, yes. That would be for the best, I think," the clerk replied with a hint of fear and receded back into the dank hole that was her cubicle.

"Oh, hold on a minute," Laska said. "I've heard we can get a magic license here. Let's get one while we still can."

"Magic license?" Viconia asked.

"Ah, some bullcrap about needing a license to cast magical spells in Athkatla," Laska said.

Viconia sighed. "The things these humans come up with."

"Excuse me?" she asked a man, whose name-tag said 'Corneil'. She felt her quick temper flare as the man simply ignored her.

"EXCUSE ME!" Laska shouted again as she practically pulled the man over his desk by his lapels.

"What is it?" The man asked irritatedly as he readjusted his clothes.

"One magic license to go," Laska asked icily.

"What for?" Corneil asked. "You only have a cleric with you, and those are covered by our laws."

"I like to be prepared," Laska replied through clenched teeth.

"Oh? Well then, you must fill out this questionnaire then, " Corneil said. "And then there's the two-month waiting period while we evaluate your request. Of course, you can also pay a minor fee to 'speed up' the process," he added with a grin.

Laska looked at the questionnaire. It was a scroll with at least a hundred questions. "Are you serious? _Question number one: Are you a magical deviant? Question number two: Are you planning to use magic to blow up a church? Question number three: Are you planning a spree of serial murders using magic? Question number four: Are you planning to overthrow the government using magic?_"

"Well, we could forget all about the questionnaire. For a small fee," Corneil grinned.

Knowing full well that she had no money, Laska rolled her eyes. "So small is this fee?"

"Not much. About five thousand gold pi..." Corneil suddenly gasped as he felt a very cold and very sharp object press into a very sensitive part of his anatomy.

"How much was that?" Laska asked icily.

"Ummm," Corneil, faced with loosing two important parts of his anatomy, decided to take the easy way out. "Did I say fee, questionnaire and, ummm, waiting period? I meant, you can have his one here!" Corneil said as he grabbed a license from his pocket with trembling fingers. "Here. It's on the house! Urmm... Welcome to the city! Enjoy your stay! You can go now. Back to your Inn! Far away from me, I hope!"

"Thank you for the service," Laska mocked, fished a copper from her pouch and put it in his breast-pocket. "Here's a little tip for you. And thanks again," she added as she withdrew the dagger and left a trembling Corneil to sink back in his chair. She then tossed the dagger in a pouch for cleaning since she knew where it had been.

"BOOOOOOOO!" sounded the panicked voice of Minsc as he fussed about at the watercooler. When the others rushed to him, the found Boo swimming around in the bottle. "Help Boo get out of there!"

Laska blinked. "How did Boo get in there in the first place?"

* * *

"Ah, you have returned then, my dwarven enforcer!" Tolgerias adressed Korgan while rubbing his hands. "I have job that needs doing, one of utmost urgency!"

Korgan sighed heavily, and it was obvious to anyone except Tolgerias himself that the dwarf hated the wizard with a passion. "Aye. I'd be up to any task, wizard. But it'll be good Laska here who will decide if I be takin' the job or nae."

"A dwarf taking orders from an elf?!" Torgerias snorted. "That I live to see that day! But even for her, it would be obvious to see the advantages of serving the Cowled Wizards!"

"Aye," Korgan whispered to Laska, "now ye see why I 'ate this cowled bastard. One day, he be be lyin' in the gutter bleeding from a severe axe wound, I can tell ye that!" Laska nodded at the dwarf and took on a look of 'all business'.

"What would you have us do?" she simply asked.

"Ah, yes... A certain ranger has been causing trouble as of late. But I'm afraid, I must ask for an oath of allegiance before I elaborate on any details..."

Naturally, Laska didn't like signing contracts before reading the small print. And there was another matter that needed to be addressed.

"My sister Imoen has been taken by you Cowled Bastards! I want her back! Tell me where she is and I'll do the job for you, otherwise..." Laska said.

Tolgerias snorted. "Outsiders are not privvy to information as such... But maybe after you have completed the task, I could..."

"Goodbye," Laska simply said and motioned her friends to follow her. She needed work, and desperately, but she didn't like the idea of being pressed into servitude by an arrogant wizard. There'd be other jobs.

"What!?" Tolgerias raged. "Come back! I command you! The Cowled Wizards command you!"

"Up yours!" Laska shot back.

"Korgan?!" Tolgerias tried desperately.

"Oy, the elf has spoken!" Korgan laughed heartily as he walked off as well.

"That male knows more than he let on," Viconia said as the group made its way out of the council-chambers.

"I know," Laska replied.

* * *

_'Impudent northern adventurers'_ Tolgerias thought as he made his way back to his house at the docks. _'Were they simply too ignorant to follow orders?' _Now he had to use Cowled Enforcers to find Valygar, and that did not fit in with his plans. He wanted the sphere for himself, not for the Cowled Wizards.

"Excuse me, sir," he heard a deep, throaty and seductive voice say from behind. For a moment, he expected to see one of Bodhi's vampires, but instead came face to face with a cloaked, but obviously elven female.

"What do you want?" he asked sharply. "I do not give alms!"

"I am poor and new to the city," she said. "But I do not need alms. I would, however, like a place to spend the night without having to worry about being accosted in the streets."

She stepped a little closer to him, but he still could not make out her features in the dark. "I would be willing to pay... anything for a safe place tonight," she added.

Tolgerias smiled inwardly. It seemed this would not be such a bad day after all!

"And so would my friend," the elven female continued and pointed behind Tolgerias. As he turned around, he briefly noticed a familiar tattooed elven female before she punched his lights out.

* * *

"Wakey, wakey!" Laska cooed at the downed wizard after she and Viconia had dragged him into an alley.

"Typical male," Viconia said in disgust as she kept a watch-out for nosy passer-by's. "Out like a light with the simplest of a woman's touch."

"What? what... You!" Tolgerias said as he recognized the two women, but a swift kick to the stomach silenced him.

"Where is Imoen?" Laska asked calmly.

"You'll never get away with this!" Tolgerias said as he prepared a spell. Laska was one step ahead of him, however, and smashed him into the wall. After he had sank to the floor stepped on the fingers of his right hand with the steel nose of her boot. The wizard screamed in pain.

"Keep him quiet!" Viconia hissed from the entrance to the alley.

Tolgerias rubbed his painful hand and, to his horror, found out he couldn't cast anymore spells because of his broken fingers.

"Where is Imoen?" Laska asked again.

"Listen to me, I can't..." he began, but Laska grabbed him by the neck and smashed him face-first into the other wall.

"Where is Imoen?" she asked again, while holding a bloodied wizard.

"I don't..." the wizard replied, but was treated to a succession of rapid punches.

"Where is Imoen?" she asked for the fourth time.

"I can't tell..." he said, but this time, Laska drew a dagger from her belt and put the sharp end against the fingers of his good hand. Realizing her intend, Tolgerias eyes grew wide with horror.

"Wait!" he shouted, "wait! I'll tell you!" And Laska let him sink to the ground.

"Sp-Spellhold!" he stammered. "She's in Spellhold!"

"Now we're getting somewhere..." Laska said as she turned towards Viconia, "We're a bit closer to Imoen now. Now we only need to figure out where and what this 'Spellhold' is..."

"LOOK OUT!" Viconia shouted, pushed Laska aside and quickly cast a spell. A towering column of flame engulfed a screaming Tolgerias as he was reduced to ashes.

"What was that about, Vico?!" Laska asked in surprise.

"He was about to draw a wand," Viconia said with indifference.

"Damn," was Laska's simple reply. "I would have let him go."

"Don't tell me you were actually planning to let him live?!" Viconia stated, but she saw understanding in Laska's eyes. "He could identify us and send the wizards out for our hides. There was only one way this could have ended."

"There was no wand, was there?" Laska said and was answered by Viconia with silence. "You never have to lie to me, Vico. I trust your judgment. Between me, Minsc and Korgan, you're the only mature one here, now that Imoen is... gone."

Viconia nodded once as they stepped out of the alley. "Come on, Vico. Let's get back to the Coronet."

"Don't forget to search him first," Viconia suggested.

* * *

"Yo, Bernard," Laska said as she entered the Copper Coronet with a hooded Viconia in tow. "Here's what I owe you. One hundred gold, thanks of a small windfall we've had just now."

"Good on ye, Laska!" Bernard smiled.

"Ah, Boo is happy to see you have returned!" Minsc greeted the two elven women as they walked to their table. Korgan and Minsc seemed to have been spending their time well at the inn, while Boo had been nibbling away at the nuts in the finger bowl.

"Aye, what have ye been up too, anyway lassies?" Korgan looked up from his cups.

"Oh," Laska replied, "Girl-stuff."

"Aye," the dwarf nodded and returned to his drinks.

"Hey, what are you doing here?" Laska asked cheerfully.

"I be 'avin' a drinkin' contest with yon Minsc, there." Korgan replied, "Oy, that reminds me! Bernard! Other twenty mugs o'ale here!"

For Laska, the prospect of drinking ale was maddeningly alluring. Faster than normally possible, she sped to the table and sat down beside the two men. "Say, is this a private party, or can anybody join in?!" she said cheerfully.

While Laska downed the first ale in one go, Viconia looked on and realized what a terrible position Laska has put her in by proclaiming her the mature one. Instead, Viconia sighed and walked to her room for much deserved rest, but briefly wondered, with a smile, if her friend would wake up with any new tattoos the next morning before leaving her to her drinks.


	3. Trip to the Sewers

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 3: Trip to the sewers_

"Looks nice," Laska mumbled absentmindedly as she appraised the temple of Helm.

"If ye wants to see som'tin' impressive, lassie," Korgan replied, "takes a look at yon lightnin' in a bottle at the Temple of Talos over there..."

"Talosians," Viconia muttered. "Nothing but braggards and blowhards."

"Boo says those clerics have to be blowhards to be worshiping the storms!" Minsc smiled in reply.

"Boo would be right," Laska nodded and scratched the top of Boo's head with her fingernail while Minsc gently held the hamster in front of her.

After doing some exploring through Athkatla, the group had finally entered the temple district. Laska might not be one for quiet worship, but she could appreciate the serene atmosphere surrounding the temples. This part of the city lacked the bustle of the inhabitants, as well as the noises. The chimes of bells played in the background and the soft rustling of the water calmed her senses. The quietness emanating from the temples made her want to, well, get a drink actually.

She noticed her companions were not sharing her state of mind. Minsc seemed very eager to combat evil, since he hadn't had a good fight for two days now. Korgan looked immensely bored by the whole district, while Viconia was spying the clerics here a bit nervously, keeping an eye out for more religious fanatics lying in wait to kill her for simply walking by.

"Oy!" Korgan suddenly shouted, interrupting Laska's train of thought, "look over at that group of longlimbs." He pointed at a group of people, gathered in from of the temple of Lathander.

"What are those people doing there, I wonder? Surely there is room in a temple for such a large gathering?" Viconia said, while a look of suspicion crossed her face.

"Maybe they're planning to burn something again?" Laska asked. "It seems to be a fashion trend around here."

"Aye," Korgan chuckled. "Mayhaps they be findin' another drow to burn to cinders, HAR!"

"Oh, be quiet, you walking sweat gland," Viconia snarled back, while taking another look at the group of people. Using her sharp senses she noticed the man standing on a low pedestal in the middle of the group of people was actually missing two important parts of his anatomy. After pointing this out to Laska, they decided to approach to group to find out what was going on.

"I, Gaal. I, who have been mercifully stripped of my eyes. I, who was chosen by the Great Unseeing Eye. I have been allowed to see the truth that has eluded the world for all ages! The gods you worship are false gods. They are creatures that are drunk on their own lust for power, riches and followers to play out against each other," the man continued his ranting, while Laska and Viconia shared a look. Viconia herself, had seen many forms of religious fanaticism during her old life in Menzoberranzan, but this sort of self-mutilation she had never heard of before. Still, his lack of eyeballs didn't seem to be affecting his vision one bit, if at all. Perhaps he had other ways of seeing, magical means.

After Gaal proceeded to berate a visibly shaken priest of Lathander, the crowd seemed divided.

"Aye, this be a load of pigdung, then. I nay be a worshipper o'gods, but I donnae think that Gaal pratt would say this load unless he's got some powerful protection backin' 'im up," Korgan mused.

"But there _is_ a god! The Unseeing Eye offers the faithful a clarity of vision, the true path to the divine!" Gaal continued, "He offers you protection and succor!"

This was an offer too good to withstand for some of the disappointed peasants in the crowd. Laska snorted as she realized Gaal had chosen his victims well. Most people here wore ratty clothing, looked malnourished and were probably farmers or beggars who has recently lost everything they had owned. As Gaal wandered off with his new victims in tow, the frustrated priest of Lathander stormed back into his temple.

"Aye, I tells ye once, and I tells ye again, lassie," Korgan directed at Laska, "all Humans have brain-rot..."

"Those clerics are truly evil!" Minsc shouted. "They have no eyes and now Boo cannot attack them!"

Korgan said nothing, but directed a 'told ya so!' look at the tattooed elf.

Laska simply smiled and patted her hand on Minsc's shoulder for a bit. Suddenly, quick as a flash, she drew one of her two longswords and pointed it at a shadowy corner at the temple of Lathander, where her elven senses had picked up a shadow lurking in the corner.

"Come out," she snarled through clenched teeth, while her companions drew their weapons as well.

"Stay your hand," an older, graying man told the elf. "I am a servant of Helm. And I have come to ask for your aid. I have heard of your reputation and of your deeds up north, miss Leafwalker. Helm requires your assistance in dealing with this new 'faith'," he spat out the last word as if the very idea filled his stomach with bile. "Come to the temple of Helm, then. I, High watcher Oisig, will be waiting for you there."

And before Laska could reply, he was off. The four companions shared a quick look.

"Do we get involved here?" Viconia asked.

"Surely we must!" Minsc roared. "For evil reeks from their bodies!"

"So they sweat evil?" Viconia frowned.

"Yes, we goodly heroes are the deodorant of justice which will cleanse them and give them a good bath of goodness!"

It was at this point that Korgan started to twirl his finger at the side of his head.

Laska shrugged. "Well, it's work. And it'll probably be fun."

* * *

The temple of Helm was a very dull and gray place on the inside, except for the artworks which were sporadically strewn across the back wall. A gigantic statue of a clenched fist was the centerpiece of the temple, and the high watcher was standing in front of it with several acolytes. The acolytes were looking very tired and haggard, as if they had seen great hardship recently.

Assuming the role of leader, Laska stepped forward to approach Oisig, who offered a sincere smile.

"Welcome," he began impassively. "I am glad that you have decided to come. We are aligned in a like fashion and I would like to pose question to you. You heard the words of Gaal, did you not? His words are lies. If a new power had risen, Helm would not be left in the dark about that. This raises the question however, what the nature of this cult actually is."

"He picks his victims well," Laska pointed out. "Poor people without hope."

"True, but it's not only those people which have fallen victim," Oisig continued. "Do you see these acolytes? They are all that remains of the dedicated clergy of followers in Athkatla. About ten novices disappeared without a trace. Whether they have been taken against their will or not, we do not know. And other temples have reported to have missing members as well. The blindness this cult promotes is abhorrent to the Vigilant One and thus, it must be dealt with. According to his sight, the cult resides underground, so I would like you and your companions to..."

"So you want us to go into the sewers to investigate? Or exterminate? Or both?" Laska asked.

"Investigate, if you like," Oisig responded. "Whatever happens, Helm must know of the true nature of this cult..."

"Urm, might I be allowed to break in fer a moment, lass?" Korgan asked. "We still have to get yon book from the graveyard fer Pimlico before me ol' companions get their 'ands on it."

"I agree with Korgan, Laska," Viconia added. "Why should we care if the fools of this city wish to worship some abomination and put out their own eyes? What difference does it make to us?"

"Why Viconia," Laska smiled and told her drow friend in a little voice, "does the mystery not pull at you? Do not wish to find out who is the puppetmaster pulling the strings, or stuff like that?"

"If we have to trudge through the sewers to do so," Viconia continued, "No. It does not."

"Come on," Laska urged with a grin, "besides that mystery thing, there's a good chance we'll get to kick some ass!"

"Well, in that case," Korgan grinned wildly while rubbing his long beard, "it's a cracker! I'm on!"

"Minsc?" Laska asked and smiled in his direction.

"Boo will finish the eyeballs of the evildo'ers," Minsc shouted, but then paused. "Errrmmm, that is if the the eyeballs weren't finished already!" A confused squeak sounded from Minsc's pocket.

"Viconia?" Laska asked and smiled at her Drow friend.

Viconia sighed once, shook her head and then, after a offering a brief gaze, she slowly nodded.

"Okay," Laska directed at Oisig, "We'll do it."

"Excellent!" Oisig replied in utter relief. "May the Great Guard protect you from all wrongs reared against you! Our resources are thin at the moment, but a servant of Torm is already awaiting you in the sewers below. He will be of aid to you."

* * *

"Oy, where be this Keldorn chappy then?" Korgan asked impatiently. "We be trudging through old dishwater for about an hour now!" he said as they made their way though the sewers. The sewers were smelly, foul, dark and filled with all types of beasties. The encounter with the Rakshasa was the most profitable, and Viconia was wearing a nice enchanted cloak they had found afterward.

"We've only been down here for five minutes, Korgan," Viconia chuckled.

"Well, it soddin' feels like an 'our, Drow! Do you want a taste o' me axe?" Korgan smiled back. "These tunnels are shoddily made. I fear one wrong tap against the wall will be bringing down the rocks on top of us. Crap longlimb construction."

"I think there are six people ahead. Boo says they are adventurers," Minsc, who had been making good use of his tracking abilities, suddenly spoke up.

"Six?" Laska asked with a hint of suspicion. "Didn't Oisig tell us there would only be one? Better keep your weapons ready."

As soon as they rounded about the corner, the companions were standing face to face with six powerful adventurers, apparently led by a dwarven hatchetman.

"OY!" The dwarf called out in surprise. "Who was supposed to be holding watch, 'ere!" The five others shared sheepish looks while the hatchetman's fury grew by the second.

"Well, then," The dwarf continued, adressing Korgan, "I be Tarnor the Hatchetman... And this be our spot! So hand over yer loot, or I'll split yer head with me axe!"

"Don't ye be lookin' at me," Korgan snarled, while the two dwarves stared each other out. "I be be more than 'appy to put me axe in yer brain, but it be Laska that does the talking..."

The dwarf snorted while he appraised the elven female. "Ye take yer orders from a bleedin' _elf_?! Are ye addled?"

"This one may surprise ye, groundling!" Korgan retorted.

"Aye," Tarnor laughed. "Axe not as sharp as it used to be, eh, Bloodaxe?"

"That be it!" Korgan shouted. "Come on, lass! Let's show this piece of pigdung what we be made off!"

"Minsc hears not very nice things being said to his friends!" Minsc narrowed his eyes as the hulking giant readied himself for a fight. "A severe butt-kicking is in order!"

"Pay the gold," Viconia whispered to Laska through clenched teeth. "They are far more powerful than us. It's not like have much to give up anyway."

For a moment Laska seemed to agree, but then Tarnor taunted her again.

"Aye, elven lass. Shouldn't you be dancing and prancing naked through the woods and singing to the trees and flowers," Tarnor mocked. Viconia saw a snarl tug at the corners of Laska's mouth. She knew that her hot-tempered friend would be pushed over the edge if Tarnor would mock her futher.

"Ye be a looker, though. For an elf, that is. Mayhaps you can do a little happy-dance for us, while we toss some coins in yer hat!"

Viconia nodded her head and took hold of her mace, preparing for the assault. Taking Tarnor completely by surprise, her elven friend drew her longswords and bellowed a battlecry before throwing herself into the fray.

"A SKULLBREAKER!" she heard Korgan yell over the sounds of battle.

"GREAT FUN! Right boo?" Minsc shouted as well, boo squeaking in agreement.

Viconia grimaced as she swung her mace into the head of the half-elven mage...

* * *

"That was idiotic!" Viconia shouted, echoing through the sewer corridors. After casting her last healing spell, she had managed to heal most of her companions' and her own wounds. She had, however, not been able to heal her own anger.

"Your attacks were uncoordinated! Do you realize that if I hadn't taken out that mage, we'd all be dead by now?!" Viconia shouted while she tended to the last of Laska's wounds with a piece of dirty cloth. "You've learned nothing since our days on the Sword Coast."

"Oy, donnae be bickering. We won, did we nae?" Korgan said. "We've got new armor and I've got me a new axe," he said while giving the axe, which he pried from Tarnor's dead fingers, a loving look.

"We could have walked away from this," Viconia replied. "Instead you three let yourselves be lured into a fight with superior foes on a dare. I don't mind if you play with your own life. But I do not favor someone playing with _mine!_"

"So you don't want your share of the treasure then?" Laska joked?

Viconia, already wearing the magical platemail, raised her eyebrow. "Now I didn't say that, did I?" she replied while sharing a smile with the elf.

"Doesn't Laska want a plate? Boo says even big girls need good protection!" Minsc said.

Laska leaned against the wall and smiled. "Nah," she began. "I'm a chainmail-gal myself. Besides, that Full Plate was dwarven-sized and there's only one dwarf here."

"Who knows what's in store for us when we descend deeper into these sewers?" Viconia stated again.

"Oh, come on," Laska chuckled. "This is a _sewer_! There'll be no worse than goblins below, aside from a couple of crazy cultists."

"Have you forgotten about the party we just fought, idiot?" Viconia snarled a reply, when she suddenly spotted an anomaly in the wall. The drow let her hands run over the slimy rock, scanning for the seams she knew would be there.

"Oy," Korgan called. "Whatcha be doin', Drow?"

"I see it too," Laska added. "Fake wall?"

"Fake wall," Viconia replied.

* * *

For Laska and friends, this was turning out to be a very bad day. While going down the stairs in the sewers, they had managed to find a place to sleep safely for her and her friends, but Laska had also been forced to slaughter one of her elven kin over a misunderstanding. Then, worst of all, there was certain tiefling bard they had stumbled upon. One who was rather annoying.

"My raven. Let us to the playhouse fly!" Haer'Dalis stressed in his melodic voice. "Miss Raelis is awaiting the gem with dire need!"

"Listen carefully," Laska fumed. "I will say this one more time. My name is Laska. You may call me everything you like: Laska, elf, lassie," she directed a smile at Korgan, "girl, Lady, even 'Hey You' for all I care. But if you compare me with a bird one more time, I swear you will witness the 'entropic decay' of your _teeth_ first hand!"

"Aye, that be tellin' 'im," Korgan laughed. "But I be tired o' restin'. Let us smash our weapons into the gullets of those cultists, and bathe in their blood! We be a group of vicious skullbreakers!"

"I will be happy to assist you, but we must go the playhouse first. It would do miss Raelis no good if the gem lies at the depths of a dungeon, drenched in the blood of the unfortunate adventurers who were expected to return it to her! Death comes for us all, my ravens. For some it is sooner than for another, but sometimes it is quite fortuitous to avoid it to live another day!" Haer'Dalis stressed.

Korgan, disturbed in his violent musing, shot the bard the harshest look he could master and shouted, "Oy, ye've ruined the atmosphere, ye daft pansy!"

"Your words are confusing to rangers and hamsters alike!" Minsc said. "Minsc and Boo do not flee from danger! No sir!"

"Come to think of it," Laska chuckled, "you may compare me to a bird..."

"Oh?" Haer'Dalis replied in surprise.

"Yes," She smiled like a wolf, "you may call me 'Woodpecker'."

"Woodpecker?" Haer'Dalis asked in surprise.

"Yes, because a woodpecker, pecking a tree makes roughly the same sound as my fist when it is repeatedly punched into your forehead unless you stop talking bollocks immediately."

"As you can see," Viconia chuckled. "This lot is not very interested in poetry, or philosophy, or basically anything else besides fighting, drinking and pulling pranks."

"Ah," Haer'Dalis replied. "I see I cannot convince you to join me then. Please then, my... woodpecker, come to the playhouse to bring the gem to us, after you have taken care of your business here... Do not disappoint me, then, my ravens... and woodpecker." Haer'Dalis smiled and rounded about the corner before Laska could reply.

"Wait," Laska shouted after him, "what about your..."

But he was gone, leaving Laska to hold a strange, gnarly gem. She threw it around in her hands for a while and then gave it to Korgan.

"Interesting," said Viconia. "Why didn't he take this gem to the playhouse himself? It seemed to be the reason why he was here."

"You've seen plenty of precious stones, Korgan. What is this?"

Korgan looked at this closely, holding it close to his eye. He sniffed it and took a small bite. "Zircon. Worthless," Korgan huffed and tossed it back to Laska.

"Well, I'm no one's lapdog," Laska grimaced and tossed the gem down a pipe. "See ya," she said while she heard the gem rattling all the way down.

And then, the companions continued on their way deeper into the complex, still looking for Sir Keldorn Firecam.


	4. Deeper Dungeons

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 4: Deeper Dungeons_

"Explain to me again why I am finding myself in a dank tunnel underneath the city within 24 hours of finding you?" Viconia huffed as she held her nose.

"I thought you'd be used to it by now," Laska said as she led the way down.

"The tunnels of my old home were considerably less smelly," Viconia retorted.

Laska stopped in her tracks, turned back to Viconia and grinned. "Kobold warrens, Firewine bridge."

"Yes," Viconia crumpled her nose in disgust. "That one was smellier than this sewer."

The more deeper the companions descended into the sewers, the more murkier and slimier the walls became. The smell of decay assaulted their senses, and it seemed Minsc was having some trouble maneuvering in the darkness, being the only person who could not see in the dark. In the distance, there was light ahead and when the companions moved towards it, they discovered the light was emanating from the recently lit magical torches.

"Well, I think we're getting closer to the cultists' base of operations," Laska stressed while listening intently, hoping to pick up the sounds of humans in the distance with her elven senses. Hearing only rats and other small lifeforms, she silently moved into the lightened area.

"Aye," Korgan said, eager to try out his new axe.

"I am happy Minsc and Boo are able to see again," Minsc bellowed, "Boo was getting a mite frightened in the dark."

"Oh?" Viconia chuckled. "Well, he should be. Many an evil creature stalks hapless hamsters in the darkness."

"Is what little Viconia says true, Boo?" Minsc asked his hamster, while taking Boo in a more protective grasp.

The lighted area posed an interesting dilemma. It branched into two tunnels, one being closed off with a door, the other leading into yet more darkness.

"Now if I'd be an daft eyeless," Korgan mused. "I'd be 'avin; me compound behind a door like that."

Laska, taking the hint, nodded at Korgan once and, without considering the consequences, took a few steps back and ran towards the door, with the intention to break it down with her shoulders. A muffled thud sounded through the tunnel, followed by sound of a dazed elf sliding down the heavy door until she lay on the ground.

"Har har," Korgan laughed.

"I swear to you," Laska told her amused friends with a smile, while she was rubbing her sore shoulder. "This has never happened to me before."

"Use your head next time," Viconia chuckled. "All that thick bone might be able to break down that door."

"Next time, lass," Korgan grinned, "wait fer the dwarf with the big axe!"

Without further ado, Korgan aimed his axe to land just beside the obviously magical lock and slammed it down. It took him several swings, but eventually the door gave way and flew open with a loud crash.

"Open," Korgan said cheerfully and grinned at Laska.

However, Laska was preoccupied with listening intently. She stood up and walked towards the darker tunnel.

"I hear it too," Viconia muttered to her.

Then, without warning, Laska drew her swords and sped off into the darkness, closely followed suit by her friends.

'_This is were Keldorn Firecam falls_,' the aged inquisitor thought to himself, while fighting off several shadows. To his credit, he managed to kill many of the beasts, but their numbers were simply too great. Keldorn had faced many a battle, but this was one of the few ones that did not go in his favor. Suddenly, the prospect of his impending death overcame his thoughts, yet Keldorn was not afraid. The battle for good might claim his life, but Keldorn did not fear death. His mind wandered briefly to his family, on the surface, far away from danger. A brief pang of regret passed his features in the dark.

His family. How much time did he actually spent with them? The Church is a harsh mistress, perhaps, but had he truly so little time to find for his family?

Survival was at stake, however. Keldorn pushed the feelings back into his mind. These monsters would have to fight for every inch of ground.

Oddly, Keldorn could hear a strange sound coming from the distant tunnel on the far side of the room. As it came closer, he was able to bring more substance to it. It was female... elven... and ready for battle.

The elven female let loose a battlecry as she ran into the room, swords drawn, and jumped forward in the air. As she flew past two shadows, she arced both swords backwards and decapitated them both in mid-flight. She landed on her feet and stood ready to fend off the shadows. Keldorn noticed she was followed suit by three companions, who also had their weapons drawn and engaged the other shadows.

With tide of the battle turned, it lasted only a few moments more. Keldorn took a deep breath and gazed upon the assembled group. It was obvious that they were not aligned with the cultists, yet this party of adventurers was not free of the taint of evil. From years of experience, Keldorn had his senses fine tuned to detect evil near, and he regarded the party members with narrowed eyes.

The elven female was obviously their leader. Keldorn deduced she was young and brash, and her many tattoos told of her devil-may-care nature. Keldorn grimaced as he sensed a powerful evil deep inside of the elf, although it was, as of yet, far away from the surface of her being.

"Are you quite done staring at us?" the elf spoke up, interrupting his musings.

"I apologize, my lady," Keldorn said sincerely after hearing the elven female's indignity in her voice. "But I have been beset by foul fiends on my way down. There is a great evil here, my lady. The source of which, I have yet to find..."

"Aye," The dwarf sighed. "We've found the daft ol' paladin, alright..."

"You must be Sir Keldorn Firecam, I presume," the elf chuckled.

"That I am, my lady. At your service," Keldorn replied.

"My name is Laska, and these are my friends Minsc, Korgan and Viconia. And you were supposed to meet us in the sewers, not down here," the elf admonished.

"Aye, ye daft ol' longlimb!" The dwarf broke in again. "I 'ave been trudging through the shite of those blasted nobles for over a day!"

"I have been waiting for you, but I thought you wouldn't show up after waiting for half a day," Keldorn retorted sharply.

"Blasted tiefling," Keldorn heard the elf mutter. "This is all his fault."

"And then there is the matter of certain people of clandestine nature who are to travel with us," Keldorn said while throwing a dirty look in the direction where Korgan and Viconia were standing. "I will not allow a drow to travel with us! We seek to destroy a force of evil, not embrace it!"

"Do you have a problem with my presence, male?" Viconia fumed, her dark eyes blazing with fury.

"I do, dr..." But Keldorn was interrupted by Laska.

"Okay, first of all, we just saved your life. Beggars can't be choosers. Second of all," Laska snarled. "Viconia is my friend. I've known her longer than I have you, and I trust her a lot more than I do you as well! So if you have any problems with her presence, you can leave right now and we'll go on to face the cult on our own! Otherwise, stow your comments and save them for the pub we'll go drink ourselves stupid in when this is over, but whatever happens, now or later, Viconia STAYS!"

"If these are your terms," Keldorn conceded. "But when this quest is over the Drow will be dealt with," he directed at Viconia, who flashed him a very smug grin.

"Okay, let's get to it then," Laska said, while leading her party back to the door Korgan had opened. "Let's go kill these evil buggers, so we can get something to drink soon... "

'Unbelievable,' Keldorn thought. '_This elven female with good intent allows such an evil thing as a drow into her party, as well as a very bloodthirsty dwarf?.Who knows what to expect from this rag-tag band of adventurers_.'

"Hello, Keldorn," the large ranger cheerfully greeted him. "Would you like to see my Boo?"

* * *

Far beyond, in the darkness beneath the crypt.

_'Lying here...Just lying here and lying here and lying here,' _she had thought so many times. Her existence had been so exhilarating! Her master was an adventurer of great prowess and had earned the right to wield her many times over. She had seen the exotic locales of the Moonshae Isles, the Great desert of Anauroch, the towers of Calimsham and the horrors of the Underdark. But then, now almost three hundred years ago, her master fell to an insidious trap, while searching for the great device in order to destroy it. And it left her here, in this dank pit. All alone and probably never to be used again.

Thankfully, most of the time she had spent lying on the cold granite had been in a dormant state, only occasionally waking herself up when hope of recovery drew near. Madness would have overtaken the sentient sword long ago otherwise.

A familiar tingling sensation overcame her, then a renewed hope sparked inside of her. An elf! An elf was near. Perhaps Evermeet has finally sent someone to find and rescue her. Perhaps she would have a new master soon. In fact there were two elves. Two!

Hope was shattered when she detected that one elf was, in fact, a drow. That would not do. The magics that forged her would not allow the drow to wield her, even if the sword would allow it of her own free will. Luckily, however, the second elf was a moon-elf. And oddly enough, she was very young. Only twenty-eight, a child by any stretch of the imagination.

But beggars can't be choosers. Now if only the elf would get close enough to her so that she could direct her to her.

* * *

"Ye be thinkin' this Lich here has somethin' to do with this cult, eh?" Korgan asked Laska as the party passed through a large mausoleum.

"No, I think it's asleep," Laska replied, looking a bit green about the gills. "And let's hope it stays that way. The evil air in this room has the hair on the back of my neck standing on end."

"Ye cannae be _afraid_ o' a walking bonebag, eh?" Korgan mocked.

"No," Laska said calmly. "It's an 'moon elf-thing', I think. Being around undead makes us nervous. And it seems to make me sick for some reason. If that thing was awake, I'd puke all over your boots."

The group of friends passed through the tunnels leading deeper into the complex, and when the walls of the sewers gave way to a large cavern, adorned with eerie glowing symbols, Laska spoke up again.

"First a Lich-tomb and now this!" she blinked. "And right under the temple-district too. Does no one know that this is here?"

"Obviously the cultists do," Keldorn replied with a grim expression, "but all the knowledge of the existence of this location, might have disappeared in the bureaucracy of the Athkatlan building code council."

"So ye longlimbs donnae even know, what lies under yer own city?" Korgan laughed, "Typical. Just put up a door and forget what be behind it."

"What are those in the corners, Boo? They seem to be moving," Minsc asked his hamster, but he needn't wait for the answer.

The shadows were upon the group before they were prepared for such an attack. There seemed to be dozens of them and did their best to split up the party. Before long, the creatures, with skins as dark as the blackest of night, had Minsc and Viconia pinned down in a corner of the room, while Keldorn and Korgan were fighting off the dark creatures back-to-back.

Laska in the meantime, was less lucky than the others. About a dozen shadows threw themselves at her, claws at the ready. She let out a loud scream of fury and slashed at the shadows with her swords to keep them off her. At that moment she was joined by Korgan who had dispatched all the shadows attacking him.

"Hah, elfie," Korgan yelled over the sounds of battle. "Ye sure know how to 'ave fun!"

"We aim to please, Mr. Bloodaxe," Laska joked, "Full carnage guaranteed or money back!"

"Aye, that'll be that day!" Korgan laughed.

The battle was ended as quickly as it began. As soon as the shadows realized that the ambush had failed, they withdrew back to the darkness from which they had come. Laska was the only one bearing injuries; she was bleeding from several wounds as well and had clawmarks showing through her damaged chainmail. Laska didn't mind much, as Viconia started to cast her healing spells. But then, she felt a trickle of blood running down the inside of her left ear. Startled, she felt the top of her ear and was horrified to discover that what she expected to find was true: the tip of her ear was missing.

"Bloody bastards!" she yelled. "They cut of part of my ear!"

"My Lady," Keldorn began lightly, "you have far more serious wounds than that to worry about!"

"Hey!" Laska retorted, "And elf without her ears is only half an elf! Viconia! Can you heal this?"

"I... I'm afraid Shar does not yet grant me the power to perform healing of that magnitude." Viconia stammered. "But perhaps if we can find the missing piece I can magically reattach it with a simpler healing spell."

"Okay," Laska forced herself to calmth as she said these words. "Okay then. Everybody look around. And please find my ear before some rat makes a meal out of it."

"Aye," Korgan muttered sheepishly. "I never would 'ave thought, I'd be at the bottom of a dungeon lookin' fer a piece o' elf-ear!"

"Boo's sharp eyes will spot the ear of our friend!" Minsc announced, while Boo let out a cocky squeak.

"Need I remind you," Keldorn stressed, while everyone was looking for the ear, "that we have to locate an evil cult who removes the eyes of their followers, while we are stuck here for such a frivolous reason?"

Laska fumed, stepped towards the stricken paladin and punched her finger against his chest. "Well, I was expecting this from a bloke whose face looks like he has been attacked by a garden-rake, but this is my _ear_ we are talking about, so shut up your righteous mouth and get back to looking!"

"Ermmm, yes ma'am," Keldorn replied meekly.

"Oh, joyous day!" Minsc suddenly shouted "Boo has found it for you!"

"Good Boo!" Laska laughed as she patted the hamster's small head. She then took the bit of ear to Viconia so she could reattach it.

"Well, I certainly feel whole again," she said as she fingered her healed left ear. "Well, like the paladin said, we still have a job to do!" Laska smiled and prepared to lead her party deeper into the dungeon.

"Laska? Perhaps I should first heal your other wounds before you bleed to death," Viconia chuckled.

"Oh... I completely forgot about those," Laska replied with a sheepish grin.

* * *

Being wary of shadows lurking in the dark, the party continued their trek through cavern. Eventually they came upon a narrow tunnel leading further down.

"Hold," Laska suddenly spoke up.

"What is it now, my lady?" Keldorn asked with a hint of irritation.

Instead, Laska said nothing but took a throwing-dagger from her belt and threw it at a tile in the floor. Almost immediately, magical energy flared up, turning the dagger into solid stone.

"Ah, good thing ye saw that, lass," Korgan said, "or we'd be a fine set o' garden gnomes right now..."

"Just step over that tile," Laska said. "I guess I was a bit quick with sending that Yoshimo fellow away."

"Boo did not trust him!" Minsc said harshly.

"Im would have spotted that trap miles away..." Laska replied with sadness. "But I guess elven senses are the best thing to have in a dungeon besides a rogue, right Vic?" she smiled smugly at her Drow friend, but as soon as Laska took a step forward, the tile her foot rested on shifted inward...

"Eep," Laska muttered softly as six Skeleton Warriors were summoned.

* * *

"That was an amazing plan, Viconia!" Laska replied. "However did you come up with the idea to..."

"Oy!" Korgan yelled, "Let us nay bother with the retelling of our miraculous and unlikely escape and see if there be some gold in this here trap-maze."

"We are not here to seek gold, my good dwarf," Keldorn replied. "We are here to further the cause of righteousness. We are here to remove a slight to the sight of the Gods!"

"Shut yer noisehole, longlimb," Korgan snorted. "I be here to get rich!"

"You're both wrong," Laska chuckled. "We're here to kick some ass, right Minsc?"

"Boo agrees! We shall have our boots firmly implanted into the buttocks of evildo'ers everywhere!" Minsc replied.

"Don't look at me," Viconia chuckled. "I'm just here because I have nothing better to do..."

_*Pssst... Hey, you!*_ Laska heard a female voice speaking to her in her mind.

"Who?" Laska started to say, but an irresistible lure made her walk in a different direction than she was planning to. With her party in tow, Laska was led to an alcove in the walls, where the remains of an elven adventurer were sprawled over the floor. She knelt to one knee, examining the skeletal remains. He was a male, and from the symbols on his necklace he hailed from Silverymoon. A trap seemed to have killed him, as a crossbow bolt was lodged in his spine.

_*His name was Hyart Longbranch.*_ The female spoke again, _*but now his spirit resides in Arvandor.*_

"Who? Where?" Laska looked around in the darkness.

*_Here*_ once again sounded in her mind.

Laska spun around, searching for the source of the voice.

_*Oh, for crying out... in front of you! The blue glowing sword! The only source of light in this alcove!*_

Finally, Laska was able to trace the voice to a glowing longsword laying beside the fallen elf. It was a beautifully crafted weapon, obviously of elven design. It also seemed to resemble the sword Xan had had.

"Aye, now this is what I be callin' treasure!" Korgan rubbed his hands as he took a closer look at the gems adorning the hilt of the longsword.

_*Get that dwarf away from me before he drools all over me... I don't like that greedy look in his eyes.*_

"I don't think that swords want you near her, Korgan," Laska smiled apologetically.

"Her?" Keldorn said.

_*If I might interrupt your delightful plebian discourse,*_, the sword replied in an uppity fashion. _*I have a proposal for you... I have been here for three hundred years now, and the elves of Silverymoon seem to have forgotten about me. So, you, being the only moon-elf here, will be given the honor to wield me, provided you get me out of this hellhole and soon!*_

"What's the catch?" Laska crossed her arms. "For all I know, you'll be stuck to my hand forever the moment I pick you up."

_*Catch?! Look, I am here now, and you are here now! It's been three hundred years since an elf has been here so I'm not letting this opportunity pass by. You can prove yourself worthy to wield me in the time to come! And judging from your past, that should be interesting to say the least.*_

"So you've been reading my mind then..." Laska replied. "But stop doing that or I'll fling you into the nearest pit, no matter how persuasive you are."

_*Point taken and I apologize. I am Ipsiya, by the way. Now, will you wield me or not?!*_

"Sure! I can't wait to use you on those cultists," Laska said as she reverently picked up the fabled sword and twirled it in her hand. Amazed with the well-balanced quality of the sword, as well as the low weight, she took a few more practice swings and shifted it in one of the scabbards on her back. Looking over her shoulder, an uncharacteristic giddyness overcame her, as the name on Ipsiya's hilt slowly changed from 'Hyart Longbranch' into 'Laska Leafwalker'.

*Erggg... Don't you ever clean these scabbards? I don't know what's been in here. And I am a Lady after, all.*

"Making demands already, Ipsiya?"

_*Only a few...* _The sword replied smugly._ *But there is something you must know about this dungeon. Let me tell you what Hyart knew.*_

* * *

"Oy, Keldorn," Korgan asked, while they followed Laska, who was apparently discussing tactics with her new sword. "Do ye ever talk to yer sword?"

"No, I do not. It is only a tool, like any other," he replied.

"Fer shame, longlimb, fer shame," Korgan laughed. "I be treating me axe like it be a lady! I tells it, it be a pretty axe and a good axe. And that I hope it'll spill many a skull in two!"

And once again, Keldorn wondered how got involved with this bunch of nutters and only hoped this endeavor would end without being horribly killed.


	5. Kinda Dead

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 5: Kinda dead  
_

"Well, we've found the cult alright," Laska whispered to her companions.

"Aye," Korgan muttered in reply. "This be a lot of barmies fer sure."

After crawling across outcroppings of rock, the five companions lay on their bellies, trying to remain undetected. The outcropping offered a good view of the chambers of the Cult of the Eyeless in the depths below. And there was a lot to see. Only minutes ago, they had witnessed a failed initiation of a former follower of Helm. It was a bloody affair: the high-priest Gaal and his followers chanted haunting tunes in the name of the Great Eyeless, while he slashed the unfortunate Helmite across the eyes with a sacrificial dagger. The Helmite then collapsed in searing pain, after which Gaal pronounced the Helmite unworthy of serving the Unseeying Eye. He had his acolytes unceremoniously throw the screaming former Helmite in the pit behind the altar. It was all Laska and her friends could do to keep an enraged Inquisitor from storming the cultists to finish them off in the name of Torm.

In the past few hours, a lot had happened. Descending deeper into the dungeon on Ipsiya's guidance, made it clear this was no simple search-and-destroy operation. The memory of one particular meeting still lay heavily upon their minds. They had come upon a group of diseased people, followers of the dead god Amaunator, whose shade still resided inside the temple.

"Remember the days when all you found at the end of a dungeon was a pile of treasure guarded by an orc that was slightly larger than the orcs you ran into earlier?" Laska sighed. "This was supposed to be a simple job."

Instead, the dead god Amaunator had spoken to them, giving rise to radically different reactions. Keldorn showed the dead god quiet respect, while Korgan was making fun of the 'deadish ruleboy' behind the avatar's back. Viconia was engaged in thinking happy-thoughts, namely wishing the same fate on her former goddess, while both Minsc and Laska were fairly indifferent to the whole thing.

The shade then told them of the Great Device, the once which the beast that led the cult was seeking. All in all, things weren't looking up. Laska was allowed to take the half owned by Amaunator, to make it whole in the dungeon, and bring it back to free his undead followers.

While musing back to these recent revelations, Laska felt her unease return. This time, she was getting even more nauseous then when she passed like the sleeping Lich.

"You seem pale, Laska," Viconia remarked silently.

"Something powerful is out there," Laska whispered back. "And it's very undead."

"Och!" Korgan chuckled, a bit too loud for everyone's liking. "'T'll be truly dead when the beastie meets with me axe!"

"We move," Laska whispered, while gesturing the group to follow her. "Keldorn and Korgan, you take on that small group on the left. Minsc, you and Viconia take out that group on the right. I'll take care of Gaal myself."

"Oh, sure," Korgan snorted. "Ye be takin' all the fun fer yerself, lassie!"

"Oh no, she will not," sounded from Gaal, just before the group was in the proper attack position they had agreed upon.

Gaal turned around grinning wickedly, a frightening sight on a face with empty eye sockets. More cultists appeared from the adjacent chamber, more than they could handle. "Did you think I would not notice you?" the eyeless high-priest shouted, "Did you think I need eyes to see? Did you think I do not posses the holy magics of the One True God?"

"Shar would disagree, _iblith_!" Viconia retorted.

Gaal said nothing, but raised his arms in reverent prayer. Powerful magic crackled in the air as the prayer concluded and a magical passageway opened, revealing Gaal's one true god. It was a beholder. But not just any beholder.

The floating creature was dead and rotting.

Immediately, a sense of extreme nausea overcame Laska again, like always when she was near the legions of the undead. Taking another look at the beast made her experience yet another bout of revulsion. The Beholder was a lump of rotting, yet preserved flesh. Its central eye was covered with a milky film, completely covering its pupil. Most of the smaller eyes on its stalks were missing, but even these were brimming with power.

"They have the rod, oh Great One!" Gaal shouted in excitement. "It shall be the first step in attaining your everlasting reign of terror!"

"Never!" Keldorn shouted as he held out his blade towards the dead creature. "Foul beast! Myself and my brave companions shall fight you to the bitter end, for honor, for right and for the gods! We shall lay down pir lives to prevent your rise to..."

"Oy!" Korgan shouted to Keldorn. "Ye daft ol' longlimb! We be runnin' away!"

"Ey?" Keldorn replied in surprise and turned around just in time to see Laska helping Minsc to dive down that same hole where the Helmite was tossed in only moments ago.

"Coming?" Laska asked the inquisitor. "Fighting this battle here will only get our asses kicked!"

"But... righteous... self-sacrifice..." Keldorn blinked.

Taking another look at the evil monster and its rampant followers, he thought of his family again. '_Maria, Vesper, Leona..._' he thought while staring in the dead eye of the Undead Beholder. '_This is not fleeing from evil. This is... a tactical retreat. When we're better prepared then, this creature will fall_,' he grimaced as he and Laska jumped down the long tunnel simultaniously, both yelling for no apparent reason.

* * *

Once they were down the slanted shaft, the companions landed in a small underground compound of tattered buildings. Almost immediately, Laska's senses were assaulted by the nearby presence of a large number of undead. This time, they weren't very powerful, but they certainly were of great numbers.

_*And here I thought you were taking me AWAY from this place*_, the voice of Ipsiya sounded in her mind. _*Instead you take me deeper into this hole?!*_

"I should have left you on the ground," Laska huffed, now seeing the downside of having a talking sword.

"Oy, " Korgan mocked to the moon-elf, by speaking in a higher pitched tone. "_What danger could there be in these here sewers? Oh, I bet this'll be the easiest job ever._ Well, I donnae fancy bein' chowed down by a daft beholder that be already dead!"

"It is not following us," said Minsc as he looked up the shaft. "That is a shame. Boo has a very big target to attack."

"Undead Eye-tyrants," Viconia mused. "Those are usually slaves and servants of powerful wizards and are not supposed to have a will of their own. But I've heard stories back in Menzoberranzan about incompetent wizards misreading the spell, which can potentially turn the beholder not into a willing servant, but an actual lich. A very powerful lich at that. It is rumored entire houses have been brought down this way."

"I would not even dare guess where a beholder's butt is, so Minsc and Boo might not even be able to administer a righteous kick!" Minsc announced.

"Perhaps," Keldorn mused. "Perhaps we should continue forward into the lair of the beast. The avatar mentioned the beast had the other half of this rod, correct? Perhaps we should find it and combine it with the half we possess. Then, we might be able to defeat the creature."

"A good plan," Laska muttered. "If we don't get killed getting there, that is..."

"Listen," Viconia suddenly broke in. "Do you hear that? Shuffling of feet, those... moans?"

They need not look far to find the source. As soon as the five friends rounded about the corner, they came eye to eye with a group of three zombies, feasting on the remains of the unfortunate Helmite. After a brief skirmish, the zombies were dispatched, and Keldorn said the proper burial rites for the fallen Helmite, allowing the poor lad to pass to the afterlife in peace.

"Oy, what be that?" Korgan suddenly asked. "Thar be an ol' rattlin' pipe! Mayhap there be somethin' in it!"

"Treasure?" Laska asked with a smile while climbing up some rocks to get closer to the rusted pipe.

"Aye," Korgan grinned.

"How can you two think about gold at a time like this!" Keldorn hissed.

"Hah," Laska said. "We need a lot of money right now and every little bit helps."

"Oh, I've seen Laska swigging down a bottle just before a fireball hit, Keldorn," Viconia chuckled. "This is nothing special."

"I do not believe I asked you anything, drow!" Keldorn retorted sharply.

Viconia huffed in response. "Suit yourself, male."

"Almost got it," Laska muttered as she reached her arm into the pipe to get at the treasure and jerk it around. Suddenly the pipe gave way, causing the elf to tumble onto the ground a few meters below.

"Is little Laska alright?" Minsc asked. "Do you want to hold Boo for comfort?"

"I'm fine, I landed on my head," Laska laughed as she sat up. At that very moment, the 'treasure' dropped from the pipe, right onto her head and from her head into her lap.

"Ow!" Laska yelped . Then she saw it: it was the same gem which that annoying tiefling had asked her to bring to the playhouse. Anger flared while the elf stood up and savagely kicked the gem away. The gem hit another pipe, tumbled down a small stairway and landed right at her feet again.

"Will you stop hounding me?!" Laska shouted at the gem with her quick temper.

"I be takin' care of this hunk of zircon, lassie!" Korgan chuckled. "Me axe be bloody ready!" Korgan grinned as he slammed his axe home. Unfortunately, the gem was stronger than it looked. A strong vibration worked its way from the axe through Korgan's body, shaking him up quite a bit.

Laska gritted her teeth as she drew Ipsiya and prepared to slash the gem in two.

*_HEY!_* Ipsiya protested, but it turned out be unnecessary. Keldorn snatched the gem from the ground before she could hit home.

"Look at you!" Keldorn preached. "You both are behaving like children! Do you not realize where we are? We are a hundred foot underground in a village filled with the undead, being hounded by a foul cult and an even more foul undead beholder! I will be keeping this gem with me for now, until you two get your senses back! Although that might take a long time, I should think!"

Then Keldorn stomped off, suffering loud protests from both elf and dwarf.

"Ermmm, Minsc is confused," he directed at Viconia, who had been standing at the sideline. "Wasn't Laska in charge of this party?"

"If she is, then Boo is the brains of the outfit. Laska probably has trouble finding her own socks in the morning," Viconia sighed.

The group moved deeper into the underground village, soon to be beset by more disgusting undead. Keldorn slew about seven of the foul beast, while Korgan took great pleasure from slamming his axe in the limbs first, enjoying the sights of seeing the zombies flop helplessly in the dirt. Slaughtering every undead in their paths, the moved from building to building, until they came across a different zombie. He seemed to be wearing what once was an expensive suit and a tophat.

"Byyyy the Greatttt Feeder, wwwwhat are you doing herrrre, flessssshlings?" the undead mayor hissed through a rotting mouth.

"Great Feeder?" Laska asked, barely being able to stand because of her nausea. "You mean the beholder?"

"We ttttrrries to be ccivvvilized! The Greattt Feeder providesssss us with mmmmeat."

"Oh, yeah!" Laska said sarcastically. "I just saw your kinfolk chow down a helmite with knife and fork. Very civilized behaviour, that. You make me sick. Quite literally, actually!"

"I cannot resssssissssst the ssssssmell any longerrrrrr!" The Mayor suddenly said with a painful expression on his decaying features. "The meat callssssss! It CALLSSSSSS!"

With that, a second slaughter of undead creatures began. Laska hung back while Minsc stormed forwards, slaughtering the mayor and the two Ghoul Lords which tried to flank him. While Korgan and Viconia were destroying a group of mummies, Keldorn was pinned in a corner by three Skeleton Warriors. Just as Keldorn was about to be overwhelmed, two of the skeletons exploded, signifying that Viconia had started to turn undead with the holy powers of Shar. The battle was soon over. The prize: Gauntlets of Dexterity, which were give to Minsc.

In the end, the dead were really dead, like they were supposed to be. The group again, moved deeper into the complex, until they came to a chamber even more horrifying than the Undead village. The very walls of that cavern were made out of living flesh. The floor squished under the companion's feet as they stepped on it, and for a moment, it seemed as if Keldorn was as pale as Laska was when they had entered the undead village.

"A hive," Viconia said to no one in particular. "I've been in a hive only once, when I led a trade mission from House DeVir with two of my sisters. This one feels... and smells much the same..."

"How do they create something like this?" Keldorn wondered.

"They plant a seed of living flesh onto the rocks of the caverns and it slowly expands over the centuries. Or the seed is magically aided to grow faster. The eye-tyrants find it pleasing to look at, no doubt," Viconia muttered in reply.

_*Oh great! Just great!*_ Ipsiya muttered to Laska sarcastically. _*I sure get to see interesting places on your travels! What's next? An Umberhulk-farm?*_

"I never should have picked you up," Laska sighed.

* * *

**Despair, mortal! For death is thy familiar! s**ounded in Laska's mind.

"Think of another line!" Laska shouted as she put the two pieces of the rod together. Power surged through her, as did greed, murder and evil. She thought of her friends, and how the beast had stunned them only moments after they had obtained the second part of the rod, after sneaking through the horrific labyrinth. Anger flared as she shot a look at them, only to find them lying on the living floor of the cavern, unconscious. It was all up to her now.

She resisted the heavy urge to throw up as the beholder floated towards her. She grit her teeth, and focused her anger. The rod. She had to use the rod.

For a supposedly powerful item, it seemed to be a simple piece of metal. A small button on the side would activate it.

"Alright," Laska snarled. "Alright, take this, you flying gas-bag!"

She aimed the rod at the beholder and almost pressed the button. At the very last moment, she noticed an arrow etched in the rod which now pointed towards herself.

"Argh, idiot!" Laska cursed herself – she had holding the rod the wrong way round and been mere seconds away from vaporizing herself due to her own carelessness.

Before she could turn the rod around and aim the business end at the behold, one of the eye-stalks took aim and hit Laska square in the chest with a powerful spell. She felt as if she had been hit by a cartload of bricks as she felt the very life drain from her body. She fell to her knees, fighting to remain conscious. When she recovered, she noticed that the rod had fallen from her hand and rolled towards the beholder; too close to the beholder for her to reach it.

Anger flared as she realized that the beholder was mocking her, daring her to make the first move. And that she did. She held Ipsiya in her hand, ready to strike.

_*Laska Leafwalker!*_ Ipsiya announced, realizing her new mistress' intent._ *DON'T YOU DARE!*_

Laska grinned wickedly before letting out a fierce cry and threw the sword at the beholder. The beast screamed in pain as the magical sword sliced through its central eye like a hot knife through butter. While the beholder was stunned, Laska rolled forward grasped the rod, and, after making sure she wouldn't fire at herself, the pressed the button.

The beholder was fried in an instant, its unlife shattered by the rod's power. For the first time, Laska realized how much power this device really possessed. The beholder landed on the floor like a sack of potatoes, crumbled to the floor as dead as it was the day before the unknown wizard animated it. The flesh walls of the caverns seemed to die with it as well. The magical lights dimmed completely.

Not dwelling on it, she picked up a fuming Ipsiya from the body and stuffed it back in the scabbard before it could speak. Then, when she heard her friends were recovering from the beholder-rays, she smiled and put her booted foot on top of the beholder-corpse. "Well. That ends that, then. Lets go get paid. Then we'll go drink ourselves stupid!" she laughed.

* * *

It was only a small matter to deal with the cult now that its source of power was gone. The priests of the cult, including Gaal were now as blind as bats in the dark and were dispatched without much trouble. After a short side-trip to bring back the rod to the avatar for its destruction and to free Amaunator's worshippers, the group led the rest of the Eyeless followers to the surface for punishment and redemption, perhaps. Of course the Helmites were happy with the destruction of the cult.

In the meantime, the group of friends was recovering from their ordeals at the Copper Coronet, lounging around with a drink in their hands. While Keldorn had opted to return to the guildhouse of his Order to submit a report, Laska had decided to make a brief stop at the local tattoo parlor.

"Ah, there she be!" Korgan announced, as the moon-elf entered the inn an hour later.

"Well," Viconia grinned. "Don't keep us waiting. Show how you've marred your skin this time."

Laska winked at Viconia and lifted the side of her chainmail a little, to show her new tattoo to her friends. It was a blue longsword, a moonblade, partially covered by a rendition of a finely pointed elven ear.

"Traditional place, I know," Laska said, "but it came out great! A good memento about our first real job in Athkatla. Not the easiest one we've ever had, but at least it was fun"

"Boo has made sure to save you a cup," Minsc said and handed his elven friend a mug of evermead.

"Thanks," she replied and sat back lazily in her chair. "You know, after all this beholder-business, I'd like some peace and quiet for a day or two."

Viconia nodded. "I quite agree."

"Here, here!" Korgan raised a mug, to which the others raised theirs in a toast.

"Excuse me?" The voice of a young girl sounded through the inn. "Is anyone willing to hear my plea? Anyone? You!" she suddenly addressed Laska. "You, errmmm, the elf with the pointy ears there. You like have had formal training. Would you be..."

Laska simply scowled, stared at her harshly. And growled a little.

"I'll... I'll come back later..." the girl twittered nervously and slinked back into the mass of people.

"Hey, Vico?" Laska suddenly laughed. "Are there any elves with pointy ears here?"

"Nah," Viconia smiled in reply. "I've never heard of such an elf. Pointy eared elves. The very notion is ridiculous."

"I thought so too."


	6. Family matters

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 6: Family Matters_

"Well, the only thing I can say is that half a night of celebrating the death of the Unseeying Eye takes its toll," Laska said to her gathered companions as she rubbed her painful head.

"Aye," Korgan said in sympathy, since he had just been treated with Bernard's recipe against hangovers.

"Laska," Viconia chuckled, "from the amount of liquor you consumed last night, I think you both are quite flammable right now."

"Uh-huh," Laska mumbled and directed her gaze at Keldorn who had returned after having given his report to his order. He seemed quite unimpressed by their skills at consuming copious amounts of alcohol.

"From what I do recall of what happened last night, I hazily remember a conversation I had with a gnome called Kylee Jansen. She told me about her cousin Jan. Now he's both a rogue and a magic user and when I think back to those traps in the sewers, I think it is best we add him to our little group of misfits while we're here in Athkatla," Laska said.

"My friend," Keldorn began, seeming a little distraught. "Are you certain about this? A rogue, a magic user, and a Jansen?" The aged paladin held no particular love for either profession. It was, after all, his duty as an Inquisitor to seek out and destroy evil magics and it was his duty as a Paladin to uphold the law, which meant bringing thieves and the like to justice. Not mention the many rumors that were finding the ears of many townsfolk about the Jansen family, which made him unsure what to expect of this Jan fellow.

"Why?" Laska asked. "You know the bloke?"

"Not really, but..."

"Keldorn, ye old longlimb," Korgan broke in. "We almost ended up as lawn-ornaments in that beholder-hole. We may nae be lucky the second time we be steppin' on a tripwire! Having a good thief in this group of loonies may nay be such a bad turn."

"Boo says it's good to have a well-prepared party," Minsc interrupted. "Being a rogue or a mage doesn't make someone evil! It's how someone uses those skills that makes a person an goody buttkicker or an evil buttkick-ee!"

"Of course," Korgan chuckled and grinned evilly. "If I find his hand in me pockets stealin' me gold, I'll be forced to plant me axe in... various bodyparts."

"I agree with those three idiots here as well," Viconia chuckled as Laska, Korgan and Minsc stared at her with a little indignity. "I have no desire to be killed by a trap which could have been easily disarmed by even a lowly skilled rogue."

"You are right, of course," Keldorn sighed. "I shall reserve judgment until I have met the fellow in person."

"Good. You shall," Laska chuckled, once again rubbing her sore head. "If you don't mind, I'm going back to bed for a couple of hours. My head feel like there's a miniature mindflayer in there slowly eating its way out. And since Minsc has volunteered to buy the supplies today, the three of you have to meet this Jan at the government square."

"Are you certain you should let Minsc handle our money?" Viconia asked carefully. "Don't you remember what almost happened last time you did that?"

"Minsc does good shopping! I buy good things with our money! Boo sees to it!" Minsc protested.

"Oh really?" Viconia said. "How about you tell us all about that time in Baldur's Gate, where a gnome offered to trade you all our magic swords and armors for three magic turnips?"

"It would have been a great deal!" Minsc retorted. "But Boo said the beans weren't real, so I chased that silly gnome all over the city before he slipped away in the crowd."

"Thank Shar for Boo, then," Viconia chuckled. "Or we would have faced Sarevok naked and only would have had our harsh language for weapons."

"Now that woulda been a fight to see! HAR! HAR! HAR!" Korgan laughed.

"Alright," Laska chuckled, while rubbing her head again. "All this laughing is playing merry hell with my head, so get out of here!"

* * *

After Laska closed the door to her room and Minsc made his way to Waukeen's Promenade, Keldorn was left to stare at his two remaining companions, who in turn, stared blankly at him. Keldorn sighed as he realized he would probably have to spend all day with those two misfits. But perhaps... perhaps he might take some time to stop by his house to see his family.

A year. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen them in over a year... He felt himself sinking into a deep pit of regret once more.

* * *

Viconia glanced around nervously as she once again entered the government square: the place where she was almost burned at the stake no less than a week before. But quite soon, it became apparent that she had little to fear; the guards ignored her, since they had probably heard of her involvement in the destruction of the beholder-cult, meaning she had been given a little quarter here. Once in a while, she spotted a few of the nobles that had cheered for her death at the burning, but they went around her in a large circle as soon as they had spotted her. She gained not little amount of satisfaction when she saw the fear in their eyes. Perhaps they would think twice before attacking her again.

She glanced over to Keldorn and Korgan, who were standing some yards away, looking for the gnome called Jan Jansen. She considered that, since this Jan described himself as a traveling turnip salesman, he had either taken a break or found another place to sell his wares today.

Her train of thought was interrupted when she felt a small thump against her ankle. Immediately on the defensive, Viconia snapped around to take a look at her assailant.

Instead she saw a little blonde-haired girl standing a few feet away from, looking at her with a questioning look on her face. The girl couldn't be more than four years old, and her well-tailored clothes suggested she was of a noble family.

"Urmmm, ma'am?" the girl asked nervously. "Can I have my ball, please?"

After looking down, she noticed a small pink ball laying at the side of her foot. Chuckling over her foolishness, she bent to one knee and picked it up.

"Is this yours?" Viconia asked, while motioning the girl to come closer.

"Yes," the girl said happily as she took it from her. "Thank you."

As Viconia prepared to walk away, she noticed the little girl still hadn't moved from her spot and was looking at the drow again, with a very questioning look on her face.

"You are one of the elves-peoples, aren't you?" the girl asked.

"You could say that," Viconia replied gently.

"But your skin is all pretty dark. Have you been on fire, elf-lady?" the girl giggled.

Viconia chuckled in return. When young, these humans were very innocent still. She found it comforting. "Well then, tiny_ jalil_, think of me, then, as a nymph who has taken a tumble through a dirty chimney and you'll be happier by far."

"I once looked up the chimey for the fireplace once," the girl giggled. "And I got my face all black too! My mother was so angry."

"I bet she was, little one," Viconia chuckled, happy to have met another human not intending to bring harm to her. Then she noticed a small, yet bloody scrape on the girl's knee. "What's that?" she asked.

"Oh," the girl waved her hand. "I slipped on the stairs when I went to the park and scraped my knee."

"Bet it hurts," Viconia said, receiving a sad nod from the girl. "Come here," Viconia motioned.

As soon as the girl stepped close to her, Viconia began casting her spell. Enticed by the pretty lights, the girl giggled excitedly as the spell took effect. With her wound healed, the pain disappeared.

"Thank you! That was pretty!" the girl giggled and kissed the Drow on the cheek.

Chuckling again Viconia rubbed her hand though the girl's hair. "My name is Viconia, tiny _jalil,_ and yours is?"

"You have a pretty name, Viconia," the girl giggled. "I am Vesper, ma'am. Vesper Firecam."

Viconia never saw it coming. The one moment she was kneeling on one leg, talking to little Vesper. The next moment, Viconia was violently shoved away from the girl and ended up sprawled on the ground staring at the business end of Keldorn's Hallowed Redeemer.

"FILTHY DROW!" he bellowed angrily. "I will not allow you to corrupt my daughter with your vile words and magics!"

"Fool!" she retorted. "I was only healing her wou..."

"Silence wench!" Keldorn replied sharply. "I told you I would deal with your evil hide after we had finished our quest in the sewers, but now the time has come sooner than expected!"

"So, it's a fight you want, ey?" Viconia snarled in reply. "I'd be more than happy to oblige you."

"Stop!" Vesper suddenly called out. "If you hurt the nice lady, I'll call the guards!"

"See?" Viconia directed at Keldorn. "Everybody was happy until _you_ showed up."

Keldorn, visibly taken aback, lowered his sword and addressed his child. "My sweet Vesper. I... I am your father."

"You're not my daddy!" Vesper shouted back at him. "My daddy is younger and a lot less mean than you! I don't know who you are, but you're a meanie!" Vesper shot one more look at Keldorn, stuck her tongue out and ran off, presumably to her home to tell her mother what is happening outside.

For Keldorn, in the meantime, it seemed as if the world just had collapsed on top of him. A thousand thoughts, including all the regrets he had experienced over the past few years hit him all at once, as he realized his own daughter didn't even recognize him. He was so revolted by his negligence of his own beloved family he almost vomited on the spot. The church was a harsh mistress indeed.

"Aye, now this be an interestin' sight!" Korgan replied, who had wondered over from his perch in the park. "Now who be I bettin' on? More important, who be I bettin' with?"

"I... I..." Keldorn stammered. "I must see my family... I must see them now."

"What?" Korgan laughed. "Are ye daft? We be here to see this Jansen-chappy."

"I _said_ I must see my _family_!" Keldorn hissed in reply.

"Let it go, Korgan," Viconia said as she saw the dwarf make a grab for his axe. "I get the feeling this is very serious."

"Urgh," Korgan sighed. "Those bleedin' long-limbs and their first world problems. Bloody annoying, I be sayin'."

* * *

"So ye say this girl ain't seen ye for over a year, then?" Korgan asked as the three companions arrived at the Firecam estate. "Well, no wonder then. It be a quarter of her life, after all."

"Yes," Keldorn replied sadly. "But it's worse than that. I think that in the four years of her live, the days I have been in her presence would only number a month or so."

"Well, then," Korgan said with a sly wink. "Yer woman must be even more happy to see you, then! HAR HAR!"

"Get your mind out of the gutter, dwarf!" Viconia whispered. "If you go too far you might drive him over the edge."

"I'd like to see him try!" Korgan replied, keeping his axe to his side.

"Oh, dear," Viconia rubbed her temples. "You'll be the one explaining to Laska why we were forced to slaughter a paladin in is own house, then. I wash my hands of it."

"Och, it be self-defense. And fer fun. But mostly fer fun," Korgan grinned.

Upon entering the estate, Keldorn, Korgan and Viconia were being led to the living room by Keldorn's maid Peony, who made a more than a little nervous impression on Viconia. Viconia knew something bad was about to take place in this estate. Once in the living room, they were met by Keldorn's wife Maria and his daughters Leona and Vesper.

Maria was a stately lady dressed in fine silks, while Leona was a plucky seventeen year old with short cropped hair.

"Hey!" Vesper waved to Viconia. "Look, mother! That's the nice lady who healed my owie! Hi!"

Viconia shot back a smile, until confronted with a thunderous look on Keldorn's face.

"I still don't believe you're my father!" Vesper directed at Keldorn and stuck out her tongue once more.

In the meantime, Leona was staring at Keldorn with a distinct look of contempt. It was quite easy to spot that Keldorn was not happy about that either.

"Girls," the woman known as Maria Firecam said, "please wait for me in your room. I must speak to your father."

"And who are these here?" Maria said, pointing at Korgan and Viconia. "Heathens you converted in Calimport? Pilgrims you stumbled across in Saradush?"

"OY!" Korgan suddenly shouted. "Does we look like god-praying, lilly-lovin', feetwashin', dessert-travelling, walkin'-on-water religious types to ye, ye daft old co..."

"Korgan," Viconia hissed at him through clenched teeth.

"Actually," Keldorn said, ignoring both dwarf and Drow, "these are companions of a new friend who is..."

"I do not care, Keldorn," Maria spat. "I haven't seen you for a year! A whole year, Keldorn! And even then you were only here for a day! Not even long enough to leave you scent about this place."

"If I had, but a choice, Maria," Keldorn said with audible sorrow as he replied to his wife's accusation. "But the Order's work..."

"Would you? Would you, now?" Maria interrupted with fury. "The guildhouse is _here,_ right in the city, Keldorn, and yet I never see you! It's always Radiant Heart this, Radiant Heart that! But... but what about my heart, Keldorn. What... What if I don't... love you anymore," she said with sorrow.

"Maria!" Keldorn replied. Amazing how much emotion a person can convey with a single word, a single name even. Anger, sorrow, confusion, surprise... even fear.

In the background, Viconia and Korgan shared a look, both wanting to be anywhere else but here at the moment.

"Do you not think," Keldorn stammered, "that my thoughts are never with you and the children every single moment that I am away. Do you not think I ache for you every day I am gone?"

"It... It is too late for that, Keldorn," Maria replied warily. "What if my girls can't live without a father anymore? What if I can no longer live without a husband?"

It appeared Keldorn was still in the dark to the meaning of this statement, but both Korgan and Viconia knew exactly what Maria Firecam was implying. Both were inching towards the door, preparing for a swift escape, should things heat up.

"You... don't love me anymore? But... But I still love you," Keldorn replied. "I love you like I love the Church, but the Church is a harsher taskmaster. You knew that when we married."

"I knew... and I still know that. But... I... still love you, Keldorn. And I always will..." Maria stammered.

"But... If there is still love, how can anything come between us?" Keldorn replied hopefully.

Korgan nudged Viconia. "Let's get the bloody hell out of here."

Viconia nodded. "On the count of three."

"I... I've been seeing another man... The children and the servants already know... H-he took the girls out to the circus, twice... oh, Keldorn..." Maria said apologetically.

_One._

"You... You what?! What is his name?!" Keldorn shouted in anger and sadness alike.

_Two._

"William - Sir William of Thorpe," Maria replied. "I beg of you, don't hurt him, Keldorn. If I can't have you, at least let me have something!" she shouted adamantly.

_Three._

"G...Go to your daughters. To look at you right now, Maria... To look at you is to go mad!" Keldorn shouted in anger. Just as Viconia and Korgan started to bolt to the door, the aged paladin turned around and stormed outside, unceremoniously knocking over both drow and dwarf. Without so much as a look back, he accidentally pushed the both of them into a large cabinet. They both hurled to the floor and Viconia had barely a time to yelp when the cabinet, containing an expensive looking set of porcelain crockery, barreled down on top of them. A loud crash of wood and porcelain shattering on stone sounded and both dwarf and drow found themselves covered with shards and splinters.

"Well," Korgan chuckled. "This be bonney now, innit?"

* * *

"Curse the dictates of honor!" Keldorn shouted to no one in particular, when the three companions stood outside his estate. He let out a heavy sigh before continuing. "Oh, the very gods demand that I bring this case before the courts. Sir William shall be hung and my love of my entire life imprisoned! There is no other outcome."

"That is the law here, correct?" Viconia asked with interest while picking shards of porcelain from her hair.

"Ye actually think yer gods give a flyin' shag about yer marriage or yer courts? Lemme get this straight, long-limb," Korgan started. "Ye love yer lass, don't ye?"

"Of course I do!" Keldorn retorted.

"Don't ye be shoutin' at me, prissy pants!" Korgan said angrily. "Ye brought this on yerself!"

"So only because it's a local law, you are willing to send your wife to prison?" Viconia mused. "Is this your idea of vengeance?"

"NO!" Keldorn replied. "I do not want that to happen!"

"So, then why bring this to the courts at all?" Viconia suggested. "Why not solve this matter yourself?"

"Listen to me, drow," Keldorn replied sharply. "Listen to me carefully. I am not an evil monster like you. I can not ignore the dictates of honor and only cherry-pick those parts of it I find most agreeable, only to toss the rest aside as easily as you do!"

"Oh, here we go again!" Viconia sighed. "I know what honor is, fool! You don't have to be a paladin, or even a good person to understand the concept."

"Leave the darky alone, longlimb!" Korgan broke in. "That law be daft! And if you follow that daft law, then ye be daft too!"

"But the courts..." Keldorn began, but was interrupted by Viconia.

"This is not about the courts, Keldorn," Viconia said. "This is not about honor, Maria, your children, or even this Sir William. This is about _you_, Keldorn. Your female has deemed you unworthy of her, so you must prove your worth to her again. This is done by dispatching or repelling your rival, in this case Sir William, so you can take your place at her side once more."

"Are you suggesting I commit murder?" Keldorn asked icily.

"That is a possibility," Viconia said, but held up her hands when Keldorn narrowed his eyes at her. "But merely repelling him should be enough. Perhaps he can add to this tale of woe. Or perhaps he will leave your family be, if you confront him."

"Aye, and ye'll never know fer certain if you donnae find out fer yerself!" Korgan added.

"But..." Keldorn started to say.

"If this is about us bearing yer stigma of evil," Korgan said. "Well, we are nay as virtuous as ye, knighty, but there be things even we would nay do, longlimb!"

"Not all 'evil' is the same, Keldorn," Viconia added. "What do you have to lose by heeding our advice, Paladin?"

"If ye follow yer path o'honor, ye'll be certain to lose yer lass, laddie," Korgan added.

Keldorn thought deeply for a moment. Yes, they might be wicked at heart, but they were also correct. He would lose Maria forever, and probably his daughters as well, if he wouldn't follow their advice. At least their method would give him... and his family, a chance. Sighing deeply, he decided against his better judgment: he took the advice of an evil Drow cleric and a maniacal dwarven beserker at heart.

* * *

"Sir William of Thorpe!" Keldorn shouted across the Mithrest Inn, causing unease among the gathered nobles in that place. A butler moved to motion the three companions to silence, but as soon as he saw how well armed they were, he decided against it and returned to the kitchen.

"Sir Keldorn... I was hoping you would come," was his simple reply. This William was the complete opposite of Keldorn. A regular 'noble-fop-stickboy', as Korgan put it. Still, he was a moderately handsome man, with brown hair and a knowing smile.

"I assume you know why I'm here?" Keldorn snarled in pure fury. This time, all three held their weapons ready, even though it would be a very short fight, should one break out.

"I was a husband to your wife and a father to your children, if that is what you mean," Sir William simply replied.

"Lady Maria has but one husband and it is I!" Keldorn shouted, venting all his anger and frustration towards Sir William. "As for Vesper and Leona, how dare you defile them with your presence!"

"They yearn for a father... any father. Even an imposter off the street in your stead! Be to them in your compassion what you are to them in blood, Keldorn," Sir William accused angrily.

"So says the viper who will sleep in my bed, running his wretched fingers through her spun gold hair? What do you want, Sir William? To have a child that is not even yours?" Keldorn spat, not noticing all the eyes in the place were directed at them.

"Lady Maria and I have never even spent the night, Sir Keldorn," Sir William replied softly. "She loved you too much to betray you in such a manner. I offered only companionship for she and her family, Lord Keldorn. Lady Maria loves you deeply, but without expression, love withers and dies. I was but a single drop of moisture, you are the oasis for which she searches. Love her, and I will be but wind-borne dust."

Keldorn was absolutely stunned. He had never expected this kind of reaction, or even this kind of man. Sir William was hardly the wife-stealing fop he expected him to be. A tense moment followed, a moment so tense the entire inn fell silent.

"Are you asking for my forgiveness, then?" Keldorn finally stammered.

"I am not foolish enough to expect that. I only ask you to go to your wife and children and stay with them. Perhaps, one day, you will thank me." And then, Sir William was off, leaving a stunned Keldorn behind.

Another moment of intense silence followed, only to be broken by Korgan.

"Och! Dammit! Me axe was itching for fresh blood," Korgan grimaced. "Ye be no fun, longlimb!"

"I once believed that with age would come wisdom, but every day I seem to doubt it more," Keldorn said.

"Have you vented your anger?" Viconia asked.

Keldorn nodded.

"Are you ready to talk your wife, then?" Viconia asked.

Keldorn nodded once more.

"Well, be goin' to her then, ye daft ol' knighty!" Korgan shouted.

"Well, I..." Keldorn began, but was interrupted.

"Go to her now, or I'll be plantin' me axe in yer rear to spur ye on!" Korgan said. "We ain't be walkin' all across this blasted bloody city only fer ye to give up now."

"Very well," Keldorn said decisively. "I shall go and see Maria... We have... a lot to discuss. Tell Laska I'll be back in a couple of days perhaps. I... I must think upon my future as well."

"Ach, ye finally started thinkin'" Korgan said, waving his axe around to scare the gathered nobles.

* * *

"Vic, you've been gone all day," Laska said as her friends entered the Copper Coronet with a gnome in tow. "It's almost happy hour!"

"We've finally found Jan 'ere, lassie!" Korgan replied with a chuckle.

"I see, anything interesting happen while you were gone?" Laska asked, already sipping her first ale.

"Nah," the drow shrugged. "Nothing of importance."

"Where's Keldorn?" Laska asked, but was interrupted by the gnome.

"Ay, so you must be that elven girl who's been fighting that big bad beholder, ey? You know, I once had an uncle who fought beholders for a living. My uncle Giles Jansen used to be _the_ expert on beholder-slaying, you know. Even had a young blonde apprentice named Buffy who was supposed to take over the business when he'd retire to the Moonshae Isles. Indeed, he used to slaughter them all, you see? Big beholders, small beholders, blue beholders, undead beholders, red beholders, near-sighted beholders, angry beholders, scary beholders, blind beholders, beholders with cataracts, pink beholders, happy beholders, cheery beholders… wait where was I? 'But Beholder cannot be buggered at all!' Funny to think how a single griffin could take out someone who killed that many beholders, ey? But that was..."

"YOU!" Minsc suddenly shouted. "Minsc remembers Count Turnipsome! You try to sell Minsc fake magic turnips!"

"That was you?" Viconia directed at the gnome. "I should wring your little neck!"

"Now, now," Jan Jansen said rather nervously. "The man who sold those turnips to me, ermmm, assured me they would work! I was betrayed! You see, when my cousin Pamela went to Waterdeep..."

"RRRRRRRAAAAARGH! There shall be liberal butt-kicking now!" Minsc shouted and chased the gnome out the door.

"Gotta catch me first, Minscey!" Jan giggled as the two ran trough the slums and the streets of Athkatla.

Viconia rubbled her temples. "For once in my lifetime, I would like to meet some normal people."


	7. Graveyard Shift

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 7: Graveyard Shift_

"Oy, what ye be findin' lass?" Korgan asked as he saw Laska and Viconia emerge from one of the crypts in the Athkatlan graveyard. The graveyard itself consisted of a haphazard collection of crypts, varied with the occasional burial plots. For such a large city, the graveyard was remarkably small, leaving Korgan to believe this particular piece of land was only used to bury nobles and people with money, while the ordinary folks had to make do with a pile of dirt beyond the wall.

"Look at this this," Laska replied, holding up an ornate longsword. "Quite a nice companion for Ipsiya, I think."

_*That mangy thing?*_ Ipsiya snorted, her voice is bit muffled from being in the scabbard. _*Even the enchantment is second-rate.*_

"Shut up, sword," Laska threatened, "or I just might throw you into a river."

_*Oh, I'm so scared,*_ Ipsiya mocked. _*Look at me... I'm shaking*_

Laska shrugged, drew the sword, raised it up high and prepared to throw Ipsiya as far away as possible.

_*Hey, hey, hey! I was just kidding! Sheesh.*_

"Well, you don't seem to like uppity swords much, eh, Laska," Jan chuckled. "You know, my Uncle Yorick Jansen once had an ugly singing battleaxe. Yentirb Sraeps, she was called and she sung up a storm during local parties. Sadly, Yentirb was completely tone-deaf, which kinda made the crowds go ugly. 'Incitement to Riot' or at least, that's what the Amnian legionnaires called it when they dragged the both of them to jail. Unfortunately, a family a griffins was among the audience and demanded their money back, so they decided to lay siege on the jail until they got their money's worth or Yorick paid up. So, since Yorick was a total miser (There are plenty of stories about that, but I'll stick to the subject this time), Yentirb decided to give another concert, which ended up collapsing the jail on top of poor Yorick. Athkatla really should stop using cardboard instead of cement, but that's a later concern. All things considered, Yentirb Sraeps now has a succesful career in Riativin, entertaining the troops. Only shows what a good marketing strategy can do, ey?"

"What?" Jan asked when he noticed his four companions were staring at him with open mouth.

"Oh, do shut yer noisehole, gnome," Korgan said, getting a bit agitated. "'Ave ye found the entrance to that ole tomb yet, laddie?"

"Zilcho," Jan replied. "Only some undead here and there."

"Yeah," Laska sighed, "Vic and I ran into some bum calling himself the Crypt King, but he is no longer un-dead. Jan's right, though. There are lots of undead below us. I can sense them in the pit of my stomach."

"Aye, yer undead detector is doing overtime, eh lass?" Korgan said. "Just donnae hurl all over me boots again. Like ye did in that undead village, in that beholder hole."

"Hey, I already apologized for that!" the tattooed elf replied with a crimson blush and quickly took Viconia and Jan with her to yet another crypt.

"Erm, Boo wants to know something?" Minsc said, who had been quiet ever since they had entered the graveyard.

"What be yer problem, Minsc?" Korgan asked.

"Welllllll," Minsc said with raised eyebrows. "Minsc and Boo are wondering if disturbing the graves of the honored dead is a nice thing to do for goodly heroes such as us."

"Goodly, eh? HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed. "Well, look at this this way, Minscey. These here graves be crawlin' with the undead, right?"

"Well, yes," Minsc conceded.

"And, we bein' heroes and all, it be our job to make sure these undead buggers nay hurt someone, eh?" Korgan said, while smiling a toothy grin.

"I... suppose," Minsc said, while a pensive look crossed his face.

"And," Korgan continued, "ye know Laska donnae like bein' around undead. Do ye nay want to help yer friend, Minsc?"

"Of course! Minsc and Boo are the best of friends to Laska! We shall tear these evil crypts apart to re-kill all the undead here!" Minsc yelled. "You hear that, evil undead? MINSC AND BOO ARE COMING FOR YOU!"

"Aye," Korgan muttered, "dumb as a mule and twice as ugly, Minscey." Korgan was happy Keldorn wasn't here, but instead was home snuggling with his missus. He would not have been able to sway that old paladin so easily, that's for sure. Now, if this band o' misfits could simply find the entrance to the tomb.

* * *

"Hey," Laska said as they passed a freshly dug grave. "Vic? Do you hear that?"

"Hmmm?" Viconia replied, apparently interrupted in her musing. The Drow was studying some of the marvelous architecture in this graveyard. Especially, the pillar devoted to Kelemvor appealed to her appreciation of the finer arts.

"It sounds like someone trying to dig himself up from underground," Laska said pensively.

"Another undead?" Viconia said. "There seems to a plague of those around here. That's what happens when a graveyard is poorly managed."

"Doesn't feel like it," Laska said. "I don't sense any undead near."

"It's coming from over here," Viconia added and pointed to the grave.

"OY!" Korgan and Minsc came running over. "'Ave ye found..."

"Nope." Laska replied. "Not since the last thirty times you asked."

"Och, blasted, bloody," Korgan muttered.

Together, the group dug into the ground until a hand surfaced from the dirty earth. Grasping the hand, Laska pulled up a very startled nobleman. Immediately upon being freed from his terrible prison, the man collapsed from exhaustion and shook violently in a state of near-shock.

Soon however, the man recovered and flew into Laska's arms. "Oh, bless you, bless you! I did not know how much longer I would survive buried in there as I was!"

Viconia cringed. It wasn't too long ago since she herself was buried alive. It was definitely not her favorite memory.

"Right," Laska gently pushed the man out of her reach.

"Now this is a fine turn of events," Jan said. "How'd you end up here? Got into an argument with your stockbroker?"

"My name is Tirdir. I...I was buried by three men who kidnapped me! They held me for ransom and after my family had paid they knocked me out and dragged me out here. I remember being tossed in a hole... and screaming and screaming when I heard the dirt crash on top of the coffin. They had held me for ransom, but when my family payed, they buried me alive!" Tirdir said.

"Hmmm," Korgan mused. "Sound like it be a pretty good setup. Get paid and get rid of the witness in one foul stroke!"

"Well, you're free now," Laska said. "Do you know where these men are? I'm in the mood for some asskicking, today!"

"Ermm, lass?" Korgan growled slightly. "Book? I realize ye be 'avin' attention deficits, but do be rememberin' why we be 'ere!"

"They said they had done this before! Kidnapped people and buried them here for money! They will surely exact revenge if I go to the garrison!" Tirdir said, sounding very desperate. "Please. You must... you must stop them! I beg of you!" He handed Laska a little red rag, torn off from the clothes of one of the kidnappers.

Tirdir made a dash out of the graveyard, leaving a very confused elf standing at his would-be grave with a piece of red cloth in her hand. "Well," Laska said. "For a moment I thought it might be difficult finding work in this city, but there seems to be someone with some kind of problem at every street corner."

"Those who bury the living must be buried by our righteous fury!" Minsc yelled. "Woe betide those who would flout justice! So says Minsc, though 'betide' was Boo's word."

"I'm sure it was, Minsc," Viconia chuckled, but her expression hardened. "A most gruesome death this is."

"Let's go see the gravekeeper," Laska said while flashing that feral grin of hers again."I hope he know more about this."

"Och," Korgan chuckled. "Mayhaps this be interestin' yet."

"Violence always is," Laska nodded sagely.

* * *

A fist cleft through the air and connected squarely to Gravekeeper Sethle's jaw. The startled man flew backwards and crashed into a wall behind him. Sethle look up fearfully at the female elf, who seemed like a demon of battle as the sun reflected off her chainmail.

"What's this?" Sethle stammered. "Why are you beating up an innocent man like me?!"

"You know," Jan piped up. "He _could_ be innocent. A punch to the face isn't really a good start of an interrogation. Perhaps you should consider offering a cup of turnip tea first and then throw the hot tea in his face when he slips up? Just a thought."

Laska ignored the gnome and continued her interrogation. "Don't toy with me! I'll plant you in one of your own graves if you don't tell me what you know about that Tirdir fellow I just yanked from the soil!" Laska retorted and punched Sethle in the gut.

"Oooh, this is getting complicated! I didn't do anything!" Sethle shouted. "Almost nothing! He would have killed me if I hadn't helped!"

"Oh, that old chestnut?" Laska narrowed her eyes. "Nice try."

"But, but, but," Sethle replied, only to be knocked off his feet again by a savage blow to the nose.

"I don't know nothing, alright! I just let them bury who they want when I fill in the graves! It's a man in red who did the actual digging! He's the one. He pays gold and I turn my head! You want _him_!" Sethle cowered and held his bloody nose. "I think I see him sometimes in the Bridge District. There, I helped you! You're not going to tell anyone, are you? Are you?"

"Nope," Laska menaced and drew her longswords. "But you've allowed some pretty heinous things to take place here, so it's time to face the music."

"Oy, that be soundin' right," Korgan grinned. "Me axe be ready!"

"AAAAAIIIEEEE!" Sethle shrieked. "Gotta RUN! Must HIDE!"

"Coward," Laska muttered as she watched Sethle stumble over his own feet trying to get away from the enraged elf as fast as his legs could carry him.

"Ermm, lassie?" Korgan tried again. "Now that that be done with, can we be focusin' on me book again?"

"You're right, Korgan," Laska conceded. "First things first. We'll go hunt gravediggers later."

* * *

After quite a struggle with a very, very heavy door, the party managed to open the way to the deep underground tomb. The place looked old, very old. Judging from the dust and decay, this place had not been disturbed for ages. It looked as if the very graveyard had been built upon the tomb, its location long forgotten. Moving forward through the dark winding tunnels, the party suddenly came across a deep chasm.

"I wonder how far down it goes," Laska whispered as she tried to see the bottom. She took a small stone from the floor and tossed it into the dark pit. They never heard it land.

"I've found a way across," Minsc announced, his voice echoing through the cavernous room and the chasm below.

They way across was actually a series of very, very thick rope-like windings and within the center of it lay a large structure which resembled a hellish beehive.

"Hm," said Viconia as she rubbed her chin. "I've seen these before."

"Kinda sticky," Laska muttered when she felt the substance.

"It's webbing," Viconia nodded. "It's a spider's web."

"So the bridge we be standin' on came from a spider's bottom?" Korgan asked.

"Ewwww!" Laska suddenly exclaimed and wiped her hands on her pants.

"Boo says it must have been a pretty big spider who has made a web like this," Minsc said.

"Either one big one," Jan said, "or a large family of itty-bitty tiny ones. The kind that crawls up your leg."

"Quiet!" Viconia hissed. "Do you not hear them approaching?"

"What be that, darkskin?" Korgan muttered.

"The spiders, of course, you idiot," Viconia said angrily.

Indeed a chirping sound could be heard from the distance. And soon, a group of large spiders loomed from the distance. At least three sword spiders, two wraith spiders and a flurry of tiny ones stormed towards the party, their intent obvious.

"Aye," Korgan yelled. "No eight-legged bastard bugger will keep this dwarf from 'is prize!"

Minsc sprung into action too. With a single swipe from his sword he slammed a wraith spider off the web, screeching all the way down as it hurtled into the chasm.

As Jan cocked his crossbow and Laska's longswords locked with a sword spider's forelegs, they noticed Viconia, simply standing in the corner, observing the combat. Then, suddenly, she sprang to life as well.

"Stop!" Viconia shouted and moved in between the party and the spiders. She drew her mace and held it out horizontally. The spiders surrounded her, but made no move to attack. Viconia held out her free hand and one of the spiders slowly crept towards it.

"Are ye daft?!" Korgan hissed while Jan kept his crossbow aimed at the lead spider just in case.

"They are just defending their home," Viconia said as the spider started sniffing her hand. "We are the intruders here."

The spider carefully inched up, but seemingly calmed down as Viconia squatted down. "Yes, that's right," she said while gently petting the large sword spider. "Good people, good people."

The other spiders relaxed now too, withdrawing from the party and going back onto the web, while the sword spider remained behind for more petting.

"What just happened?" Minsc scratched his head. "I don't want to kick the butts of nice spiders. Are these nice spiders?"

"Sword spiders are very intelligent," said Viconia. "Many drow keep them as pets. They are great with children and love to play."

"What's wrong with a dog?" Laska smirked.

"They are boring," Viconia smirked.

"Hey, Vicky?" Jan asked. "Maybe we should get into pet business, seeing you are a spider whisperer and all. We might even corner the market in Athkatla, since having spiders around will do wonders to help with giant fly infestations. You know, my aunty Gladys had the nasty habit of shouting out 'PEPPERONI PIZZA' in the middle of the night. She said it kept the giant flies away, you see? We didn't mind all tha much, until we found out it attracted griffins. You see, griffins are suckers for pizza, especially with gnome topping."

"Shut up, gnome," Korgan grinned. "I be seein' a crypt entrance there. That be the symbols Pimlico described, so that must be when me book is!"

The sword spider suddenly chirped and jumped a few inches back, skittered towards the hive, then turned around and chirped at them expectantly.

"Och, why we be goin' to the spiders? The blasted bloody book be right _there!_" Korgan snarled as he pointed at the crypt.

"Wait a moment," Laska muttered. "Let's check out that oversized beehive first. I'd rather not have spiders attacking us from behind."

Korgan muttered some curses under his breath as he followed the others into the spiderhole.

* * *

As soon as the group entered the hive, they were confronted with an army of spiders. Most of them were simply curious and stared down at the party from their perch high up. Ever so often, the party could see large cocoons hanging from the sealing, but nobody wanted to even think about what could be in them.

If the spiders would decide to fight, they would be outnumbered a hundred to one. In the middle of the web stood a short drow female. She was wearing a simple leather vest and wielded a staff. As soon as the party entered, she waved her staff in the air. Immediately about twenty spiders pounced upon the entrance and closed it behind them with webbing.

"Oh, look at all the nice spiders, Boo," Minsc said.

"What is it you wish in this place?" the drow female asked. "State your purpose!"

"Well," Laska began, "we were in the neighborhood and we were looking for a good tavern. I should really smack that boy who have us the directions in the back of the head! In fact, I'll go do that right now. Is that the door behind you?"

"Silence!" the drow, whom upon closer inspection turned out to be a half-drow, shouted. "This is a sanctuary you have set foot in. Only spiders and friends of the spiders are welcome. Here the eight-legged can prosper beneath the city, away from fearful eyes! You have not attacked my spiders, so I will hear you out."

"You're a hivemaster druid, aren't you?" Viconia asked. "One of those rare half-drow willing to protect the spiders on the surface? Even though you are reviled by our people?"

"I am!" The half-drow said with haughty pride. "And this is the 'grove' that I have chosen to build. It is a haven for the spiders, but it is not enough to keep them safe. They die most tragic at the hands of louts and hooligans."

"You've created a safehouse for spiders?" Laska asked.

"Ye be bloody daft, lassie!" Korgan shouted angrily.

"No, it is the murderers of these fine beasts that are 'bloody daft'," the half-drow spat. "Even as we speak these creatures are hunted down, more out of fear than any actual damage they might do. There have always been losses, but now there are even more. The workers of the city have found some fell weapon that smites the spiders most unfairly! I need you to get it, and bring it here. I will dispose of it, and restore the balance beneath the city. If there are too few spiders then the will vermin rise up. The exterminators do not think of this."

"I hate to say it, fellahs," Jan said. "But I think she has a point. I'd hate to see the turnip-cellars devoured by armies of Red-Horned-Polkadotted-Squarenosed Turnipwasps. Nasty creatures, though easily distracted by mayonnaise. We always keep emergency jars handy just in case."

"Bring me the Spider's Bane! It is in the hands of the workers that clean the ducts and sewers. They are in the sewers under the Temple District, killing my charges at this very instance! Go..." the half-drow said. "And Pai'na shall reward you."

"Reward?" Korgan's mood greatly improved. "Now we be talkin'!"

"Hang on a moment," Laska raised her hand. "How did we go from 'state your purpose' to 'do this quest for me' so quickly? We haven't even stated our purpose yet!"

Pai'na sighed heavily. "Details, details. Just do this thing for me, okay? It'll really help me out."

"Alright, alright," Laska nodded.

"Hmm, I see you have among you one who appreciates the majesty of the arachnid. I saw your handling of my spiders, female. How do you come to be here? I cannot show my face above and I am only half dark elven," Pai'na said, addressing Viconia.

"It's not easy," Viconia said. "And I do not worship Lolth, in case you are wondering."

"I am not surprised, especially when you walk the surface lands," Pai'na replied. "My father was drow, and my mother human. And yet, even my half-blood condemns me."

"Tell me about it," Viconia snorted. "I was almost charbroiled last week."

"Hmm, perhaps we should swap some tales then. It is not often that I am able to speak with someone other than my spiders," Pai'na said.

"Ermm, excuse me," Laska said. "Could you open the door for us?"

"For you? Yes. For 'us'? No," Pai'na grinned. "I will keep your friends here to insure your cooperation, my dear elf. Do not worry, no harm will fall to them."

"_I want to check out that hive first, Korgan_," Korgan mocked in a high-pitched voice. "_I don't want spiders attacking us from behind_... If only we had gotten me book first."

"Spider's Bane?" Minsc muttered to himself. "Didn't I wield that swo..."

"Shut up, Minsc," Laska whispered harshly. "You wanna get eaten?"

* * *

"HEEEY, baby!" A half drunken sewer worker named Hurg greeted the tattooed elf as she approached him and his colleague. It had been easy enough to find the two men, since their drinking-songs echoed through the tunnels of the sewer system. Having trudged through the sewers quite recently, it had been easy for Laska to find her way down there.

"Well, hello there," Laska purred as she greeted the two men who were, obviously, slacking at work. There were several empty bottles strewn about the place, and this area of the sewers seemed to have a table, some chairs and a cupboard or two.

"Hello there, two-planets-colliding-in-a-tiny-chainmail," said the other man as he leered at her breasts. "Them's two lovely twins that just came around the corner. Can they come out to play? I'm Jeager and I'd love to play rough with you and your twins."

Laska suppressed the urge to grab the man and jam his face into the disgusting stream of fecal-filled sewer water.

"Hey, elvie, wanna drink?" Hurg asked as he held out a bottle of wine.

"I thought you'd never ask!" Laska said happily, grabbed the bottle and clugged down the entire content.

"Whoa, there, elvie!" Hurg laughed. "Don't want ye hurtin' yerself, now."

"Ah, that hits the spot," Laska purred as the fire wine burned all the way down into her stomach.

Hurg bit his lip. "So, what brings a pretty elvie lady down to a place like this?"

"Isn't it obvious?" Jeager grins. "She wants some real men to play rough with her. Yeah, elven men with their poetry and song and dance... Can't blame the elf women for wanting a taste of a real strong macho man."

"A man who handles shit for a living, you mean?" Laska chuckled.

"Huh?" Jeager blinked, but quickly recovered. "Yeah! Cause only _real_ men can handle this job. And women like _real_ men!"

"Say, do you fellows have a... sword?" Laska winked.

Jeager leered wickedly. "Oh, yeah, I got a really nice sword for you right here. You can draw it, if you like. And I'd love to sheath it in your lovely scabbard over and over and over and over again."

"Jeager," Hurg facepalmed. "Stop embarrassing yourself."

"What?" Jeager narrowed his eyes. "I know I'll tire her out completely, but after I'm done, I'm sure she won't be too tired to give your sword a little shine, Hurg."

For Laska, the will to fight back the urge to drown Jeager in feces was lessening by the second. "Actually," Laska said, biting her lip. "I'm looking for a sword you use to kill spiders."

"Oy, yeah baby," Jeager bragged. "Even a dead-beat hick could kill a giant spider with that thing."

"Boy, ain't that the truth," Laska grinned.

Jeager blinked. "Huh?"

"Oh, nothing," said Laska and continued her dance of seduction. "How about... I give you ten gold pieces for it?"

"TEN!" Jeager shouted. "Wow, missy! You've got a de..."

"Jeager!" Hurg shouted. "That's city property! What would Bene say..."

"Och, Bene steals quills from the office. This is just the same!"

"Oh," Hurg whispered. "Well in that case, I think we could make at least 15 gold pieces from this deal!"

"Oh, come on fellahs?" Laska giggled in a girlish fashion while stretching her body, giving the two drunken sewer workers an ample view down her cleavage. "Surely you help out a little woman like me? When you're done staring, of course."

"I dunno," Jeager said. "I can stare all day."

"Tell you what," Laska grinned as she walked past the man, making sure to move her hips suggestively as she did. "How about a trade, hm? I meet you at the city gates. There's an inn there with very comfortable beds. You give me the swords... and I'll give you both the ride of a lifetime. Is it a deal?"

"Here, here!" Hurg said while tossing the blade to her.

"Yeah, it's yours!"

"Righto," Laska took the blade and slid it into her bag of holding. "Thank you, gents. And I will be seeing you later tonight. Bring your own candle wax," she winked and walked off into the darkness.

"Oh, we are SO gonna get laid!" Jeager raved as the two men high-fived.

"Suckers," Laska smiled as she disappeared into the darkness.

* * *

"Ah, you have returned victorious! My gratitude you have! It shall trouble no more the eight-legged kin." Pai'na spoke up from her conversation with Viconia when Laska entered the hive.

"Ah, there ye be!" Korgan said with a hint of relief. "I dinnae care much fer they way them spiders were looking at me."

Laska handed the blade to Pai'na who immediately started to chant eerie sounding rites. The Spider's Bane was engulved in blue light and slowly began to rise off the floor. As the chant reached its climax, the magical Spider's Bane shattered in a thousand pieces, which promptly fell to the ground.

"Here, I have little to give, but you may find this useful," Pai'na smiled and handed Viconia a small bundle. "Take it and go. We are concluded in our business."

The spiders chirped a goodbye in chorus when the party left, thanking them for their help. Once outside, Viconia took a look inside the bundle. Apparently, she found the contents agreeable and smiled broadly.

"What'd ya get, Vicky?" Jan said, barely able to contain his curiosity.

"This," Viconia smiled and pulled out a small statuette resembling a spider.

"That be what we've been held hostage by spiders for?!" Korgan was outraged.

"Big things come in small packages, so says Minsc!"

"Indeed," Viconia said and performed a summoning rite. Before them, a large astral spider appeared in front of the party. It was about the size of a large dog, had a green-black color pattern. The spider regarded them with curiosity and didn't move to attack.

"Och, another one of those buggers," Korgan sighed.

Viconia simply smiled and knelt besides the spider. Surprising all, she started to pet the happily chirping spider from front to back and made soft cooing noises. The spider was quite receptive to the attention and jumped around slightly in a playful fashion.

"Eh?" Jan said, utterly stunned. "That's not quite the reaction you had last time."

"That was a wild spider," said Viconia. "They are more cautious. This one, however, has been a companion to many drow for centuries."

"So, we have a pet now?" Laska asked.

"He's a Phase Spider," Viconia said. "Very intelligent and utterly loyal. His name is Khittix. You know, he reminds me of the house-spider I had as a pet back in the Underdark when I was a child. My brother and I used to play for hours with her. She used to teleport in front of us and away when we were chasing her across the corridors. She used to play hide and seek with us all day long..."

"I take it, Khittix is not a servant of Lolth?" Laska asked.

"No, and to be fair, most spiders in the wild aren't," Viconia said. "Khittix is from the astral plane. And utterly devoted to the one who holds the statuette. Me, and because you are my companions, you as well."

"You never told me you had a bother, Vico," Laska began to ask, but Viconia's mood seemed to slip from tenderness to fury, and suggested she should avoid that line of questioning for now. Viconia softly bid the spider to return to the statuette and gently put it in her pouch.

"Okay, now that that's over with," Laska said. "Let's get the book."

"About bloody time!" Korgan shouted in agreement.

* * *

"She's not coming, Jeager," Hurg sighed as the two men stood waiting at the inn near the city gates.

"Oh, yes she is," Jeager grinned. "And when she's here, she'll be coming again and again and again."

Hurg grunted heavily in frustration. "Come off it, man, can't you see we've been had? That elvie played us for the fools that we are. We've been standing here for hours!"

"No, you're just jealous because she was looking at my codpiece the whole time," Jeager grinned. "She fancies my greatsword."

"Greatsword?" Hurg laughed. "Don't you mean 'tiny dagger'?"

"Shut up," Jeager said. "Just because you can't handle a woman like her."

"You'd have more luck with the whores at the dock," Hurg snorted. "I'm not waiting for this a minute longer. I'm going home."

Jeager scoffed at Hurg as he left. "Yeah, you go polish your sword by yourself then. You'll be laughing on the other side of her face when that elf slides her tongue along the blade of..."

"Oh, will you please stop with the crap sword metaphors already?!" Hurg shot back.

"She's coming," grinned Jeager. "Oh, yes she is."

"Dream on," Hurg said before he finally walked out into the street.


	8. Booksmarts

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 8: Booksmarts_

"So," Laska asked Korgan as the group left Pai'na's hive behind them and proceeded deeper into the ancient tomb, "what's so important about this book you're looking for?"

"About a month ago, me and me old mates were hired by a bloke called Pimlico, who collects books just fer the pleasure of collecting. Arcane, bizarre, peculiar... it matters not," Korgan said. "When the daft fool be hearin' of a curious map, chart or book 'e travels countless leagues to get 'is hands on it, and he nay be fearful to hire mercenaries who use.,, extreme measures to obtain the bloody things."

"Sounds like a nice fellow," Laska grimaced. "But I didn't think someone like you would consider a job like this. It's basically running an errand."

"Aye," Korgan laughed. "But he be a collector. And obsessive collectors pay the best moneys of all!"

"Obsessive, eh?" Jan broke in. "I once had an aunty Ricky Jansen, whose only goal in life was to own the fattest cat in all the realms! So, after buying a kitten from the farmer's mart, she started the feeding process. Turkey, chicken, ham, pork, caviar, lard... All her savings and all her assets were called upon to buy only the best and greasiest foodstuffs in the Realms. But still, after four years of feeding, Ricky still didn't think her cat was fat enough, so she finally cracked and fed her cat everything in the house, the furniture, the roofing, the support beams, but to no avail. In her eyes, her cat was still not fat enough. So, she finally went completely bonkers and started to feed her cat," Jan paused a moment to shudder, "all the _turnips_ too... And then we found her one day, a dried out husk of a woman, thin as a broomstick laying right next to cat whose only means of locomotion was to be rolled around by at least six gnomes. The cat ended up better than aunty Ricky, though. He now has a successful career as a Trunip-stomper in the family turnipwine business."

"Oh, be silent gnome!" Viconia snarled. "Korgan? This book is hidden in a dank crypt, obviously trapped and guarded, probably by undead. Why are we here, even?"

"Well, it'll take far more than a few shambling bags of skin and stitches to deter Korgan Bloodaxe from a king's ransom!" Korgan laughed. "A foolhardy jaunt into a hive of undead? How could ye resist?"

"Oh, I can think of at least one good reason not to," Laska said uncomfortably.

"Ah, yes," Korgan said. "Undead make ye hurl, eh? Just warn me next time, because I hate 'aving to treat me boots with lemon... again."

"I'll keep it in mind," Laska chucked. "Thank you for the sympathy, by the way."

"I hate to break up this most intelligent conversation," Viconia chuckled, "but I wonder what is in this book which warrants undead guardians?"

"It nay matters to me what lays 'twixt its skins," Korgan laughed. "I'll nay risk knowin' I've bled fer Drizzt's memoirs."

Viconia suddenly laughed. "Oh, if it was that blowhard's memoirs, one book would not be enough! He'd need a whole series of at least twelve volumes to tell his tale, completely blown up by a ghostwriter to boot. Why, I bet there could be a whole trilogy about his life in Menzoberranzan and his first steps on the surface lands."

"Hey, Vic," Laska chucked. "What was it that Dynaheir used to call Drizzt?"

"An obnoxious little twerp?" Viconia replied with a grin.

"That's the one," Laska grinned.

"The book be called the Book o' Kaza," Korgan said. "It belonged to some fool bag-of-tricks who be tryin' to take over the Cowled Wizards. He be residin' here, after bein' fried by the wizzies and buried by his apprentices."

"So, how'd ya figure that one out, Korgy?" Jan said. "The cowlies bury their secrets well. Better than a turnipbeetle does with its business, at least."

"It be all in city records," Korgan replied. "Ye can be sayin' a lot about those daft human pansies, but the bureaucrats they be keepin' some pretty good writings in storage."

After receiving an incredulous look from his companions, Korgan shouted, "Oy! I can read! Donnae act so surprised!"

A few narrow and damp passageways later, the companions reached a large chamber, lit with magical torches. The smell of death and decay assaulted their senses as they entered. Finding it bearable after a while, the group moved inside the chamber, which definitely was a crypt. Several niches in the wall held the skeletal remains of mages it seemed, since they were all clothed in robes adorned with arcane symbols. On the floor was a large mosaic artwork resembling a female noble, and even the most inept adventurer knew that mosaic held several deadly traps.

"How be yer undead detector, elf?" Korgan asked. "Be it time to buy lemons yet?"

"I'm not sure," Laska replied. "There are not many undead here. I still feel a bit queasy, but I'm nowhere near as nauseous as when I entered the graveyard in the first place."

"I must admit I had expected more of a welcoming reception in this chamber alone," Viconia mused.

"Ah, the undead must have heard Minsc's powerful bellow on the surface and turned tail!" Minsc said.

"No, minscey," Jan chuckled. "I don't think so. There's a vampire hiding behind that door on the other side of the room."

As soon as the vampire knew he was discovered, he jumped out from his hiding place to face the intruders. The vampire stood on its legs, trying its best to look intimidating. Which was hard, considering he was three foot tall.

"Oh my, he's... cute," Viconia giggled slightly. "I think he'd made a good jester in a matron's court."

"We're not taking him home with us, Vico," Laska replied.

"Aw, why not?" Viconia pouted slightly.

"You already got a spider, we have to draw the line somewhere," said Laska.

"Och, I know how this be endin'," Korgan sighed. "Drowsy here will be bored with it and be shirkin' 'er responsibility. Then it be me who takes yon vampire out fer walkies at night."

Laska noticed the vampire was already wounded, presumably by a large sword and considering the regenerative powers of the vampires, he must have been even more wounded a few days earlier. The vampire however, was in no way deterred from defending both himself and the crypt.

"A VAMPIRE!" Minsc bellowed, dropped his sword and grabbed twin maces from his belt. Faced with his racial enemy, Minsc stormed forward with determination. "RRRRRRRAAAAAARGGHHHH! MEET THE RIGHTEOUS FURY OF MINSC AND BOO!"

The vampire snarled, making an effort to intimidate his opponent. Unfortunately, being a short vampire had its disadvantages. As soon as the raging bull that was Minsc stormed towards the startled vampire, he cursed the day he came back from the dead. Even though the shadow of Minsc standing over him scared the vampire to no end, he decided to snarl one more time and to get at least one attack in... only to be pommeled silly by two maces. In the end, the poor vampire hadn't manage to attack Minsc even once while Minsc continued to slam down on him without mercy. Eventually, the vampire regressed into a gaseous state, condemned to scatter in the wind.

"Oy!" Korgan shouted. "Ye be leavin' somthin fer the rest o'us Minsc?"

"I am sorry, friend Korgan. Vampires frighten Boo so. It is best to deal with those evils quickly, lest Boo's fur turns white from fright!" Minsc said.

"Hey, look here!" Jan shouted. "Some of the traps on this floor-mural here have been disarmed."

"Recently?" Viconia asked.

"No way to tell," Jan replied. "The mechanism is old in itself, you see?"

"Well, never mind then," Laska said. "Let's get what we came for then!"

"I'll take point!" Jan said and shoved a pair of goggles in front of his eyes. He then began to walk carefully through the long winding tunnel, closely followed suit by his companions. Slowly, agonizingly slowly, they progressed deeper into the dungeon while Korgan became more and more agitated.

"Stop!" Jan suddenly spoke up. "See those floortiles? Trap."

"Dried blood," Viconia said as she examined a spot of reddish brown substance. "Less than three days old."

"So," Laska said. "Someone _has_ been here then."

Jan said nothing and went to work. He took a small toolkit from his belt and crawled on the floor. Carefully, he took a small instrument and carefully lifted one of the tiles. "Clever," Jan said. "Very clever. Look at the gearwork here. This is a self-resetting trap, working with pressure plates. Gnomish craftsmanship at its finest."

"Yeah, yeah, very cute," Korgan stressed. "Just bloody disarm it!"

After studying the mechanism for a while, Jan found the gear with would reset the trap. Carefully, very carefully, he emptied a small vial of acid on the rod keeping the gear in place. "Okay, stand back everyone!" Jan yelled as he carefully removed the offending gear. Immediately as the gnome rolled away, the trap sprung to life. A large axe mounted from the ceiling shot from the wall from its perch and slowly came to a halt. It was a grisly find still, since not only the axe came down, but also the fresh corpse which was impaled on it.

"Well, it seems we have found the owner of the dried blood," Viconia said to no one in particular. "Judging from the state of the body, he indeed died less than three days ago."

"That be Roget Huriyas!" Korgan shouted. "Me old party's bag-of-tricks! He always was an impatient bastard!"

"Geez, not much left of him," Laska said.

"You knew hi..." Minsc started to ask, but could never finish his statement. Korgan immediately sped forward to the tunnel."

"Korgan! Wait!" Laska shouted after him. "There could be more traps!" Sighing heavily, Laska ran after the enraged dwarf. Trap or no trap, Laska wasn't about to let a friend face some of the undead that might still be wandering about alone.

Fortunately, there were no more traps to deal with and Laska found Korgan standing into another large chamber, obviously the main burial chamber. It was considerably smaller than the antechamber they entered through, but it was adorned in much the same manner. A pile of slaughtered mummies lay scattered throughout the chamber, and standing next to an empty coffin, was a very, very angry Korgan.

"This tomb looks to be looted! The rank, stinking bastards beat us here! Those scoundrels'll dine on me sup of cold steel 'afore I'm through with 'em!" Korgan shouted while practically jumping up and down with rage. "If we nay had been traipsin' through that dad-blasted beholder-hole we would 'ave gotten here first!"

"Korgan, I," Laska tried to say.

"Thrice over their graves I'll be dancing, I swear! Stolen from under me! I do the work of ferreting out where the blasted book will be, and those crackgnats take it away!" Korgan shouted. It was then that Laska noticed another pressure-plate.

"Korgan, look out!"

But to no avail. Korgan was to angry to listen and one of his feet landed squarely on top of the pressure-plate. Immediately a column of lightning shot through the room and hit both dwarf and elf simultaneously. And, unfortunately, chainmail and platemail were made large out of metal.

Laska felt a bit dazed and could sense all the hair on her head was electrically charged and standing up from the top of her head in straight lines. Korgan had worse problems. Not only was his hair standing up, but his beard was charged into just every direction too, making him look much like a fuzzy ball of gray hair. Laska could also swear there was smoke coming out of his ears. The uncontrollable laughter echoing from the walls of the chamber let elf and dwarf know in no uncertain terms that Viconia had entered the room as well.

"Och," Korgan sighed and crawled to his feet. "Remind me never to do somethin' like this again."

"Ditto," Laska agreed.

"Ey, lass?"

"Yes?"

"Be that lot laughin' at us?"

"Who else? Did two other dorks just get their butts fried?"

"I nay be knowin' fer sure."

"Then they're laughing at us."

"Ye think we might be able to get the book back from me old party?"

"Well, it's better than sitting here and being laughed at by a gnome, a drow, a berserker and a hamster."

* * *

After a short and uneventful trip back through the passages, the friends, to their great relief, arrived back on the surface. Immediately, Korgan suggested to go to the home of Pimlico in the temple district, in the hopes of catching his former companions before they arrived there. After some discussion, Laska agreed with Korgan's plan.

"Say Korgan," Laska asked while they made their way through the winding streets of Athkatla. "Who are these former companions of yours?"

"Och," Korgan replied absentmindedly. "They be a right bunch of nitwits, alright. Most of them be longlimbs and there was one halfling. And ye already met me ole party-mage. The one ye must be careful with is Shagbag. Madder than a hatter that one be."

"Shagbag?" Laska blinked. "His name is Shagbag."

"Aye," Korgan nodded.

"Why on Toril is he named... "

"Och. Give him a jute bag and he be showin' ye why. Har HAR!"

"Why did you leave that group, Korgan?" Viconia asked. "I should think you would feel right at home between madmen and wanton killers."

"Aye, and ye be right darkskin," Korgan chuckled. "But there be a fine line between greed, rage and madness, darky."

"You have standards, Korgy?" Jan laughed. "Quick, the world must be coming to an end!"

"Oy!" Korgan retorted. "Thar be things even I would nay do! Trust me, you would be sayin' the same if ye knew them. Donnae get me wrong, I like plantin' me axe in a skull as much as the next dwarf, but they be a load of maniacs! I would nae surprise me if they ate their victims too."

"You left that group because of a... moral conviction?" Jan said. "Wow, they must really be bad."

"More buttocks for the kicking," Minsc said. "So says Minsc!"

"Here it be!" Korgan shouted as they entered the temple district, deftly avoiding Jan's line of questioning. "Let us be inside and find out if we still be needin' to find Shagbag."

And inside they went. It didn't take long before they found Pimlico and his loyal guards. All dead due to being hacked to pieces. The house's fineries and library of books were covered with splatters of blood and bits of internal organ.

"Aye," Korgan sighed while standing over their bodies. "Now ye be seeing what I be talkin' about. They be collectin' the fee, killed the poor bugger who paid the bounty and be takin' the book again. That be a big no-no in the bountyhuntin' business."

"This is vile!" A shaken Minsc said. "The evil people who have done this must meet with the fist of justice, as well as the hamster of virtue."

"Nice people you traveled with, Korgan," Laska sighed. "I think we best be off. If the guards find us here, heavily armed and armored..."

"We'd be burned at the stake," Viconia finished.

"Yep, no turnips for us for a week then," Jan added. Laska was just happy Keldorn wasn't here. He would have probably gone on a rampage.

"We'd best be payin' a visit to the Copper Coronet. I've a strong inklin' that the motley crew ain't even out of town just yet. They'll be living the good life 'bout now," Korgan chuckled wryly. "They probably be out on the roof with their drinks. Bernard dinnae want them inside anymore after some mysterious deaths in the backrooms. Shagbag almost be killin' one of the pleasure slaves last month. Poor lass almost bled to death on the carpet."

Slowly, Laska and her companions left the murder scene behind to find Shagbag.

* * *

"Argh!" Viconia shouted as a rotten wooden board in the staircase gave way under her foot and she almost fell through. "I hate these slums," she muttered as she was helped to her feet by Minsc.

"Oh," Jan chuckled. "You're just overweight, Vicky. That same board held me many times."

"I'll have you know my figure is perfect, gnome," Viconia said. "It was probably your grotesk bulk that softened up that board to begin with."

"Hey," Laska shouted. "Will you two shut up? The bloody buggers are sitting there, right by the fire."

Laska stepped on the roof first, but even though she had a quiet step and the five uncouth men were quite drunk, she was still noticed. One particularly large and drunken oaf sat in the middle of the group. A smell which was a mixture of alcohol, sweat and dried blood wafted over all the way from the other side of the roof.

"Hey, wasss hhhave we here!" the smelly man said. "Lookit that elfy! Woohoo! You lookin' for a good time, baby?"

"If I was," Laska chuckled, "I wouldn't be here."

The smelly man was mocked by all his 'friends', but that did not deter him from shooting Laska a brown-toothed grin. "Oh, a spirited elfy!"

"I be seein' little has changed yer candor, Shagbag," Korgan said as he stepped up from behind the tattooed elf. "Still a lant-gulping scumsucker."

"Speak of the undersized broadarse and what should waddle in?" the smelly man named Shagbag laughed. "I was just saying to Crazyface and Scrooloose that it's a shame there's no dwarf tossing til next moonsday."

"Ye know, there be nothin' that ails ye that I can't fix with me axe, ye wormeater," Korgan retorted.

"You don't scare me, dwarfy. Do I look scared here, fellahs?" Shagbag turned to his group, who vigorously shook their heads. "Okay, now that's settled you can bugger off! I've some high life to live with the lads... and this elfy here!"

"This 'elfy'," Laska menaced, "would rather stick her head in a beehive than to spend any time with you which is not spent fighting."

"Who said you'd have any choice in the matter," grinned the smelly man, who suddenly appeared to be much more malicious than before. "You're cute. A woman elf who thinks she can fight."

"Ye be hearin' the lass. Me and me new allies here have come to beat the crap out o' ye!" Korgan shouted.

"You are evil people!" Minsc shouted. "Prepare to feel the boot of justice firmly rammed up your buttocks."

"Like my aunty Gladys used to say: 'Run for the hills. Pick up your turnips and hope for the best!' Not a very brave thing you say, mind you, but effective nonetheless," Jan chuckled.

"Oh, be silent, gnome," Viconia snapped. "Just raise your weapon. It seemed Laska and Korgan have provoked our party into doing battle... again."

"Then set your fury on the ground and we'll see if it stands up," Shagbag grinned and pulled out his club. "I doubt it muchly. But what can you expect from an elf... and a woman elf at that..."

Laska's eyes burned with fury as she drew her two longswords. Ipsiya glowed a steady blue, reflecting an eerie glow upon the scene.

"Uh... killin' then?" A not-so-bright halfling thief asked.

"Yes, you blummin' idiot!" Shagbag shouted. "Killin'!"

Unfortunately, due to their inebriation, Shagbag and his companions were too slow to react to their new opponents. In an instant, Laska was upon Shagbag and slammed Ipsiya down on his club, causing it to fly from his hands. Jan was charged by two of Shagbag's companions, but a quickly cast 'grease-spell' but a stop to their charge. The two screaming men slid past a laughing Jan and crashed into the wall behind the gnome, falling unconscious on impact.

Meanwhile, Shagbag was very surprised that Laska was not yet pinned underneath him begging for mercy. He weakly held up his hands while he frantically looked for his club.

A grinning male wielding a serrated dagger was upon Viconia. The drow looked on impassively as the man made many an impressive slice through the air. Still smiling, Viconia thrust her hands forward, releasing her magical energy onto the man, who suddenly found himself unable to move. This time, it was Viconia's turn to grin. She approached a very frightened male and slammed the handle of her mail in the back of his head. And even though the man didn't fall down, but was still unconscious.

The halfling thief made a brave attempt to tackle Minsc, but it was to no avail. The large ranger grabbed a barrel and put it over the startled halfling. Ignoring the loud protests of the angry halfling, Minsc sat down on the top of the barrel and started to pet Boo, thanking him for the great idea the hamster had given him.

In the meantime, Laska and Shagbag were standing at the edge of the roof. A nervous Shagbag made a vain attempt to engage Laska with some clumsy attacks with his fists, but every blow was blocked by the tattooed elf. A quick glance past Shagbag magically conjured a wicked grin on Laska's face. With the speed of lightning, Laska slammed a mighty blow against Shagbag's jaw, causing him to fly backward and off the roof, only to landing on a passing cart carrying fresh manure.

As the party moved to the edge of the roof to laugh at Shagbag, they heard the voice of the driver of the cart. "OY!" he shouted. "You filthy bugger! Get off my cart, yer making all my fresh manure dirty!"

"Uncle Eggbert! Hello!" Jan shouted to the driver.

"Eh?" The gnome looked up. "Oh, Jannie! Hello!"

"Is that the new batch of turnip feed?" Jan asked merrily. "Gee, I hope that Shagbag didn't mess it up."

"OY!" The party heard an angry dwarf shout from behind. "Did yer daft ole mothers nay learn ye the virtue o' sharin'?! The fight be over already, and I even NAY GOT TO USE ME AXE!"

* * *

"You seem happier now, Korgan," Laska said as the party made their way into the temple district.

"Aye, lassie, aye," Korgan laughed. "Of course the golders we got from runnin' in Shagbag did help a lot ta improve me mood. I be sure to attend their hangin' next week. And the book is ours to sell as well!"

"I don't know about that, Korgan," Viconia said while leafing through the book of Kaza. "There's some descriptions of powerful magics in this book. It might be worth more to hang on to it. At least for a while."

Viconia, engrossed in reading the Book of Kaza, almost walked right into a canal, were it not for Laska who quickly wrapped an arm around her waist and steered her in another direction. Viconia herself never even noticed.

"Ach," Korgan replied. "I nay care. Come on, laddies and lassies, let's go get that daft old longlimb Keldorn and get to celebratin'!"

They came upon the building of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart. The place looked more like a temple than a guild house, but perhaps that was to be expected. The interior was even more lavish than the exterior. It seemed the floor most almost like a mirror, reflecting in the sunlight which entered through the small windows. Everywhere were knights standing, chatting, sparring or otherwise engaged in knightly activities. Laska's motley crew literally stood out in the crowd here, and Viconia was especially nervous as it seemed most knights directed their gaze on her. The drow knew very well that the only thing stopping the knights from attacking her was the fact that she assisted in the destruction of the beholder cult. She did her best to keep a low profile and decided it was perhaps wise to keep her mouth shut as well. Korgan and Laska, in the meantime, were looking at the various statues.

"Sir Charles Radcliffe. Dragonslayer," Laska read from the plaque.

"He looks like there be somethin' up his bottom, HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed.

"Sir Borus Dulles. Orator and Diplomat," Laska read.

"Now this lad looks like there be comin' somethin' _out_ of his bottom, HAR HAR HAR!" Korgan's laugh echoed through the guildhall.

"Oh?" Laska asked. "How about that bloke there? He's got a face like a donkey, and a fat and ugly one at that."

Several gasps of disbelief were followed by the stares of a lot of angry knights.

"Just to let you know," Viconia said smugly, happy that now all eyes were turned away from her, "that's a statue of Tyr."

"Oh," Laska said sheepishly and moved through the sea of angry knights, only to find Keldorn in one of the backrooms. Laska immediately noticed the difference in his step and demeanor. To her he seemed more... alive.

"My friends! I am the bearer of good news!" Keldorn said happily. "Lady Maria and I have made our peace! Once I am no longer honor bound to your cause, I shall settle down with my family on our estate and submit my resignation to the Order!"

"Huh?" Laska replied. "Who's Lady Maria? And why are you retiring?"

Keldorn directed his gaze on Viconia and Korgan. "You didn't tell her?" he asked.

"I don't believe this!" Laska fumed. "Nobody tells me anything! What am I? Chopped liver? I'd like to hear the latest gossip too!"

"I thought you told her?" Viconia said to Korgan.

"Nay, darkskin!" Korgan said. "It was yet job to be tellin' the lass!"

"_My_ job?" Viconia replied. "How'd you get that idea, dwarf?"

"Ye said ye were gonna tell her!" Korgan retorted.

"I'm quite sure I did not," Viconia spat.

"Well, if ye weren't a daft Drow..."

"And if you weren't such an ignorant pig..."

"See what I have to work with, here?" Laska whispered to Keldorn. "Come on. It seems we all have some celebrating to do."

And then the shouting match started. Soon the voice of drow and dwarf could be heard through the halls of the Radiant Heart. And many knights thought the gods themselves were cringing at the sounds of the cuss-words those two used.


	9. Confrontation

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 9: Confrontation  
_

"My newest friends," Keldorn began, "I am glad that you have all joined us on this happy occasion. It is only fitting that I share this moment with both my family and the people responsible for my decision to retire."

Keldorn Firecam had invited all his companions to his estate to celebrate both his impending retirement, as well as his reunion with his family. Strangely enough, the aging paladin seemed not at all glum at the prospect of leaving the battle against evil to his younger peers. In fact, Laska had never seen Keldorn more alive since their first meeting in the beholder dungeon. He truly seemed to be looking forward to finally being able to fulfill his long overdue role as a father and a husband.

Peony had cooked a grand meal, consisting of cooked geese, delicate soups, freshly baked bread, fine cheeses and even finer wine. All gathered were certain this would be a feast to remember.

Even nicer than the banquet was Keldorn's estate. A warm fire burned in the center of the room, which was lavishly decorated with artworks, decorative weapons and paintings, presumably of Keldorn's ancestors.

Keldorn, as the host, sat at the head of the table, flanked by his wife on the left side and his two daughters on the right side. Viconia sat next to Maria Firecam, much to Keldorn's unease, but Maria had insisted on it. Every so often, little Vesper and Viconia shared a brief look and a wink.

Next to Viconia sat Laska, impatiently fidgiting with one of the many forks lying next to her plate. The tattooed elf briefly wondered why so many different utensils were laid out in front of her. One knife, one spoon, one fork. Why the need for four variations of all three?

Facing Laska was Korgan, looking bored and ready to dig in. Unlike Laska, Korgan did know what to do with all those utensils - he scooped them all up and unceremoniously dropped them to the floor. The only thing left next to his plate, was his meatknife. Korgan grinned wickedly to all those who gave him an odd look, signifying that the knife was all that he would need.

Sitting next to Korgan was Jan Jansen. The gnome was twiddling his thumbs, often glancing to the kitchen in an idle hope that a stack of steamed turnips would be brought into the room at the very last moment.

Minsc was facing Jan and had put Boo on the table. Minsc was constantly feeding Boo some of the bread, yet was instructing the hamster 'not to fill up on bread, while there was all that delicious foodstuffs just waiting to be eaten by goodly heroes.'

"Glad to be 'ere, longlimb," Korgan chuckled anxiously. "Now let's eat!"

"Oh, yeah!" Laska practically shouted.

"Pass the turnipsauce!" Jan yelled.

"HOLD IT!" Keldorn shouted. By this time, Minsc had already grabbed a bowl of soup, while Jan had his fingers in the cheese. Laska and Korgan had their eyes set on the same goose as well. Laska had both her hands around the cooked bird, while Korgan had one stubby hand around the leg and his knife slammed into the bird's midriff and the goose was about to be ripped in two, when Keldorn's voice froze the scene. Apparently, Vesper and Leona were quite amused by the spectacle.

"OY!" Korgan was the first to speak up. "What be the bloody hold-up!?"

"Don't you think we should thank the gods first? I had something to say to all of you, as well," Keldorn said.

"Thank the gods, ey?" Korgan chuckled. "Okay, how about... Rubba-Dub-Dub-Thanks for da Grub! Now, let's eat!" The dwarf immediately started to tug on the bird again.

Viconia sighed deeply. "Show some repect, dwarf," she snarled. "Hey," she said when she noticed Keldorn and Korgan were staring at her, "I _am_ a cleric!"

Korgan sighed as well, "Alright, darky, we'll be hearin' the daft old longlimb out."

"Thank you," Keldorn said. "Seeing some of us are impatient, I'll make this short. I owe a debt of gratitude to those sitting at the table, and in particular to Korgan and Viconia for helping me through a difficult decision as well as reuniting me with my family." Viconia nodded once when Lady Maria and her daughters glanced at her and Korgan with gratitude. Korgan merely seemed bored and was wistfully staring at the goose in front of him. "And that is the reason I have invited all of you to this fine meal. For gratitude and celebration, I thank the Gods for our companionship and the graces of love." Keldorn finished and raised his cup once. For Korgan this was the sign to continue eating.

It took only seconds for the upscale dinner to turn into a battlefield.

Korgan threw himself on the goose and pulled the entire bird on his plate. Laska, who had been twirling a fork in her hair, reacted too late to stop him.

"HEY!" the tattooed elf protested, the fork still hanging from her dark locks.

"Get yer own bird, lassie!" Korgan chuckled and stuffed an abundant amount of meat in his mouth.

Meanwhile, Jan jammed his fork into a large hunk of cheese and dipped it in his soup before sliding it in his mouth. "You know, some turnip sauce would make this party complete! I remember my aunt Petunia and I were trekking through the woods looking for wild forest-turnips. We had a trained boar to sniff them out, you see? Well, it wasn't really a boar, but simply a pig we dressed up to _look_ like a boar, because, well, boars are dangerous. Maybe that's the reason why we never found any wild turnips, come to think. Anyway, we were traveling around the Coast Way when we came across this weird human. He was wearing this painfully yellow shirt, which was ripped at many places, and the fellah didn't even remember his own name! And to make matters worse, he...kept...talking...like...he...was...gasping...for...air...between...every...word. So, we decided to take him home with us to figure out who he was. Come to think of it, we had some strange adventures getting back home, but I won't go into those right now. We kept having to fight off these brown orcs with ridges on their foreheads, you see? But strange facial ridges is a clear sign of not having eaten enough Vitamin-T, I can tell you that! Anyways, we got him home and Ma decided to fix him a good meal: fried turnips with seconds of mashed turnips, richly laced with turnip sauce. Suddenly, just after finishing off his meal, the strange man jumped upright and said: 'I... remember...who...I...am! My...name...is...' Sadly, he never got to finish his words, since the poor chap suddenly disintegrated in a yellow flash of light right before our very eyes, I kid you not! The moral of this story is Turnip sauce is good for the body, but bad for your continued existence. I'll give Peony the recipe after dessert!"

"Gnome," Viconia snarled. "You're putting me off dinner with...your...fanciful...tales..."

Minsc was loudly slurping down his soup, not having heard a word of Jan's tale.

In the meantime, Keldorn was surveying the 'battlefield'. He noticed the only one besides himself and his family, having _any_ tablemanners at all, was Viconia. She held her knife and cut her meat like a proper lady, betraying her former status as a member of the drow nobility. Laska sitting next to her, however, was still trying to figure out which spoon to use to eat her soup with. Eventually she seemed to shrug and simply grabbed the bowl to drink the soup from it directly.

Then, almost reluctantly, Keldorn's gaze moved towards Korgan. It was a painful thing to watch. Korgan was scarfing down his goose with the speed of a flying arrow. Gravy and pieces of meat which were not flying around were clinging in his beard. Suddenly, Korgan seemed to cough once. His eating speed came to a grinding halt as he grabbed his throat with stubby hands and made choking noises.

"Hey, Korgan is choking," Jan announced to the world.

"Worry not, my little friend!" Minsc yelled and stood up from his seat. "Minsc is coming to the rescue!"

"This should be good," Viconia whispered to Vesper, who was giggling at all the funny people around the table.

While Korgan was leaning against the table, Minsc drew his sword and, with all his strength, hit the dwarf on the back with the flat end. The bone that was lodged into Korgan's throat was launched with great force, bounced off the wall and landed squarely into Laska's soup.

"Hey!" Laska sneered and wiped the soup from her face. "I was eating that!" she added, fished the bone from her bowl and tossed it aside before continuing her dinner.

But as soon as one crisis was solved, the next began. A loud scream came from the kitchen, followed by Peony jumping through the door in a hysteric fashion. "There's a _giant spider_ in the kitchen!"

"Oh, that's just Khittix," Viconia simply stated and put another piece of meat in her mouth.

"You let a giant spider inside my estate?" Keldorn thundered.

"Spiders need to eat too!" Viconia replied.

"How do spiders eat, miss DeVir?" Vesper asked. "Do they have sharp teeth?"

"Not exactly, tiny female," Viconia smiled, "some spiders spin their prey in a web, like Khittix does. Then they use their pincers to inject a poison which liquifies the prey's insides. After that, it's a simple matter for the spider to extract that liquid and... feast."

"WOW!" Vesper said.

"Oh, do you mind, Viconia?" Laska said sharply. "Some of us are trying to _eat_ here!"

"Oh, is that what you were doing?" Viconia chuckled. "I thought I was witnessing a small group of pigs who are being fed after a week of starvation!"

"Aw, Vicky!" Jan said. "That little story of yours put me right off thinking about turnips!"

"And thank Shar for that," Viconia muttered.

Just then, Laska spotted a tray of muffins which Korgan hadn't seen yet. The elf snuck around the table, almost reaching her prize. Suddenly, as soon as she had grabbed the tray, her long braid was violently yanked back. The tattooed elf yelped in surprise and landed on the ground, while the person who had yanked her braid, a certain dwarf, took the tray of muffins and started stuffing his throat.

"Gods dammit!" Laska sighed.

"AAAHHH!" Minsc suddenly shouted. "BOO FELL IN THE WINEBOTTLE!"

"Let'm drink 'is way out!" Korgan answered with his mouth full.

Minsc held up a bottle, in which a hamster was paddling for dear life.

"How'd he get through that narrow bottleneck?" Laska asked.

"Boo must be double-jointed!" Jan said. "I have a funny story about that, actually. My cousin Ryker Jansen was..."

Keldorn observed the 'battlefield' once more. The formal dinner had turned into a farce, but he wasn't upset. He noticed his wife was smiling and laughing at the antics of his companions. Oh, and it seemed Vesper and Viconia were about to engage in a friendly pea-shooting contest. Keldorn considered this simply was a wonderful moment between friends and family...

"I like your new friends, dad," Keldorn heard Leona say. "They're not as stuffy and boring like your friends from the Order..."

"No," Keldorn rubbed his chin. "They certainly are not."

* * *

"Careful!" Viconia yelled to Keldorn as they were carrying a passed-out Laska upstairs. "Don't knock her head against the wall..."

"Next room?" Keldorn asked.

"Better," Viconia replied. "Jan, Korgan and Minsc are having a snoring contest in there..."

"How did she get drunk on this particular wine?" Keldorn wondered. "These are supposed to be low on alcohol!"

"That flag doesn't fly when you drink a whole case!" Viconia chuckled as they dragged the unconscious elf into the bedroom. "Let's put her on the bed..."

"Why is there a fork in her hair?" Keldorn asked. "Perhaps I should remove it."

"Leave it there as a testament to her folly," Viconia chuckled.

Viconia chuckled while hoisting up the unconscious elf to a bed. "I'll be sharing this room with her." The room was small, but neatly adorned and had two beds. It was on the second floor of Keldorn's estate and had a nice view overlooking the plaza below. A small bench was put before the french doors leading to a small balcony.

Keldorn's mood suddenly darkened. "Do not go wandering about in the night, drow. I am grateful for your help saving my family, but my tolerance of your presence only stretches so far."

"Oh, come now!" Viconia chuckled again. "What do you think I'm going to do? Sneak about the house and slit everyone's throat in the night?" Then all the humor vanished from Viconia's ebony face as her mood darkened as well. "That's exactly what you think I'm going to do, isn't it?"

Keldorn didn't answer with words, but his expression told more than mere words could.

"Yes, because it so practical to slit the throats of the people who accept me, while being surrounded in a city where I am surrounded by people who are potentially hostile towards me. I am so much of a petty thug that I shall kill the people who I call friend for no apparent reason whatsoever.

Keldorn froze up as he heard her words, making Viconia blink.

"And you are insipid enough not to recognize that last statement as sarcasm. Oh, this is just marvelous!" Viconia said with a touch of sardonic humor. "I don't know what you've been told about drow society, but even we are not random and wanton murderers, _suliss_."

"Hah!" Keldorn replied. "How many innocent beings have you sacrificed in the name of your evil demon goddess!"

"_Former _goddess!" Viconia snarled. "I have lost _everything_ by leaving Menzoberranzan! MY home, my life, my goddess, my power, my House, my br..." Viconia paused a moment. "And I would do it all again in a heartbeat. I don't know why you humans think I have some insidious double motive to serve a gluttonous goddess or my people! I don't know why you humans are so insistent upon making a scapegoat out of me! I don't know why so-called good people hunt me down without remorse! I don't know why religious fanatics try to burn me at the stake, simply because of my race! I don't know why three farmers would see the need to violently capture and abuse, but I have had enough! Enough for them, enough of you and enough of all your accusations!"

Keldorn was taken aback by both her words and her strong reaction to his accusation. The Inquisitor's senses were honed to the detection of even the most crafty of lies and Keldorn regarded the drow in front of him to try to detect any. He saw she was shaking with rage, but in her face, behind the mask of anger and strength, Keldorn saw no two-faced demon, but simply a woman... a woman in deep pain.

Sensing she might want to vent her feelings, he decided to guide her to the next room, away from the sleeping elf. Besides privacy, Keldorn knew he could find a hidden weapon there, should the enraged drow go over the edge.

He caught himself in his thought: if Viconia was a woman in pain then she needed help, not more suspicion. Not to mention, she had helped him and he would return the favor with blood? How easy it was to fall towards baseless accusation.

He led Viconia into the next room and motioned her to sit down on a comfortable bench next to the window. Keldorn kept standing, and leaned against one of the wooden walls. Viconia directed her eyes to the ground as she began to speak.

"It happened about two months ago," she began. "I was traveling with Laska and the others, down the Coast Way. We had just left Baldur's Gate. We were heroes there, but it was going a bit stale for us there. Then suddenly, in the night... it all went down so fast. We were overwhelmed. There were smoke bombs, magic spells flying around us. I was knocked off the road, fell down into a river. I woke up on a river bank the next morning. I looked for them, but there was no sign of my friends."

Keldorn listened intently. Viconia didn't look up and continued to talk. "I went back to Baldur's Gate. The flaming fist did an investigation, but nothing came of it. I didn't know what to do with myself. Lord Belt offered to let me stay at the ducal palace a while longer, but I know human gratitude is fleeting, so I took my meager belongings and left for Beregost. I remained hooded at all times and negotiated a deal with one of the local landowners to sell me a small stretch of land on the outskirts of the town. I had to give up my share of the earnings, and I had to sell my weapons and armor to pay for it, but... it was worth it."

"Did you not continue to look for Laska?" Keldorn said.

"I kept an ear out in the local inns," said Viconia. "But I had no clue were to even look. Prayers to Shar offered no guidance. I figured that if Laska was still alive, she would come find me. She's like that, you see? Fiercely loyal to her friends."

"But in the meantime, you decided to become a farmer?"

"Hah! I wasn't interested in farming, you see," Viconia looked up briefly before bowing her head again, "but I only wanted a place all of my own, where no one would bother me. Where I, perhaps, could find an inkling of peace. And it was... nice, for as long as it lasted. I only went to market in town once a week to get some supplies and then I began the arduous task of building myself a home."

Viconia chuckled wryly for a moment and looked Keldorn in the eye. "I am no carpenter, and believe me, it showed... But it was nice... having that little place of my own to live. If only for my neighbor, it might have lasted longer." Viconia gazed about the window, watching the rain trickling down the glass.

"His name was Roran Midfallow, a stout, sunburned farmer. We spoke at times and I allowed him to bring me supplies that I needed but could not find myself. Over time, we formed an awkward friendship. He did not ask why I wore my hood and I slowly began to trust him, fool that I was. He wondered, though...that was obvious. And one day, I made the foolish mistake to remove my hood. It was a warm day. The sun was dappling along the south quarter of his farmland and I pulled down my hood. Then he smiled a warm inviting smile... I should have noticed the fierceness in that grin, but I didn't. Perhaps I didn't even want to see itm" Viconia grimaced and continued. "He mentioned that his oldest son, Jiscanan, was busy making a feast to burst the first button and that I was invited. I was delighted at the time. I thought I finally had found someone who would accept me as I was," Viconia shook her head. "Idiot. I was such an idiot."

"We walked to his farmhouse, where his other son, a surly oaf named Funnard, was sickling quackgrass in the front yard, but when we reached his farmhouse, I learned his true intentions. Somebody hit me in the back of my skull and the ground rushed up to meet me. I had grown weak in my trust. They chortled as I lost consciousness, saying how easy it had been and congratulating each other on... a fine catch. That's what I was to them. A catch." Viconia continued. "But I had my revenge... Oh, I had my revenge... I could no longer live in Beregost, of course... The memory of their abuses still fills me with bile."

Viconia raised her head again took look at Keldorn. Human and drow regarded each other. Keldorn stared in her eyes, his years of experience noticing the many unshed tears behind her facade of unwavering strength.

It would be a lie to say that Keldorn didn't have inner turmoil about this all. Either he was to condemn Viconia simply because of her race and her past, or he was to take a deeper look at the person Viconia sitting in front of him, telling this horrible tale. But he had the feeling it was not the violation of her body, but rather the violation of her trust, which was bothering her so. It was a long time of soul-searching before Keldorn suddenly spoke.

"I'm sorry," was his simple reply to to Viconia's words.

"Pity, Keldorn?" Viconia snarled. "I do not require your pity! I am strong... I am strong because I am drow! Because I am steel, honed to the sharpest of blades. I have tried to adjust to the surface-life, but that is now over with! I know now, that if I ever want to be left alone, to find my peace, I must have the _power_ to be able to enforce it!" Viconia said sharply.

"I am certain that is not the right way to go about it," Keldorn said. "The road to peace is through charity, good works and defending the weak from wickedness. If even half of the stories I have heard about Laska are correct, you did a lot of good during your time with her, intended or not."

"I'm tired of trying to adjust," Viconia continued. "You humans are more often than not incomprehensible to me. There's this odd duality in almost all the surface-races which puzzles me to no degree. Among the Drow I knew what I could expect. If someone wished to advance their station at my cost, they'd do it. And then I'd prepare and defend against those measures. But here, so called good people chased me away for no other reason than the reputation of my race, while almost all of those who _did_ accept me, wanted something in exchange. Usually my body," Viconia sighed.

"It seems your bitterness towards humanity and the surface lands is quite understandable," Keldorn mused. "Humanity certainly hasn't shown you its best side. Trust me, Viconia, there is courage and honor to be found in humanity as well."

"I was starting to wonder about that, until I met Laska and Imoen. They saved me from death and freely took me into their midst without asking for anything in return. And even though they were completely void of ulterior motives, at first I started to ascribe all sort of mischievous plots to any of their actions. It's hard to step out of that paranoia: among the drow there is no such feeling, since everybody actually _is_ out to get you, but things here are quite different at times, I admit to that."

The rain started to pour down. Viconia watched out the window for a moment, thinking

"This world is so strange," Viconia continued. "Mates actually care for one another. And many add this incredible value to the lives of others. But then there's that duality again. For every person trying to help those in impoverished destitution, there's another person trying to fleece or kill them."

"Such is the nature of man, I fear," Keldorn said. "The fight against evil is an everlasting struggle. Your society knows no good, so there is none of that duality you mentioned. The only real struggles drow society knows are between rival groups."

"I fear that life on the surface lands is changing me too, and," Viconia said, but was interrupted by Keldorn.

"And that frightens you so much you cling to your old ways with all your might. For you it, is the only certainty you have left. You choose to ignore those around you and are more and more withdrawing into yourself, because you insist on believing in your old ways, which no longer even apply to you!" Keldorn broke in.

"I have lost so much," Viconia said, her eyes flashing with fury, "and now to lose _myself _as well!"

"Improvement comes with change, Viconia," Keldorn stressed. "Change is not necessarily a bad thing. Trust may be a difficult to muster for you, but if you come to realize that being able to trust will be the first step towards coming to terms with a strange world and its inhabitants, your life will make sense again. Right now, you are floating between two worlds, Viconia. If you don't accept the change neither will ever accept you. If you don't learn to trust, you will be forever alone. Someone who shall never have a place to call home."

Viconia bowed her head for a moment, apparently contemplating Keldorn's words. The aged paladin thought he saw the inkling of a nod for only a brief second, but Keldorn felt he needed to press the argument home.

"Don't you trust your old companions?" Keldorn tried. "Don't you trust Minsc and Laska?"

"Of course. Implicitly," Viconia stated, but her mood seemed to have darkened even more. The drow suddenly stood up and approached Keldorn. "Why should I change?" Viconia snarled in his face. "Why should I accept the rules and values of a society that reviles me?"

"You must convince the people that you are different from others of your race," Keldorn said, and just as Viconia opened her mouth for an angry retort, he continued. "Don't bother denying it. You are already different from other drow or we would not even be having this conversation!"

But this statement angered Viconia even more. "You want me to become teary and weak! Shall I crawl on the ground, exposing my belly to every surfacer waiting with a knife to gut me? I think not!"

"No," Keldorn continued unfettered. "you should become... respectable. You do not have to be a hero like Drizzt Do'urden, ermm, don't bother answering that, I know how you feel about him. You should simply become an honest individual who means nobody harm. Then you can be left alone, if you choose so, no matter the amount of power you possess."

Again, Viconia seemed to be contemplating Keldorn's words, and again Keldorn tried to add one more argument for his case.

"Aside from Minsc and Laska there are more people you trust, no? You seem to be very nice to my Vesper. I've also noticed your nervousness out on the streets, which seems to completely disappear when you are in safe and familiar company."

"You notice far too much. I must watch out for you," Viconia flashed Keldorn a half-smile. "Children are more innocent, more accepting. Children don't try to charbroil me at the stake. Funny thing is," Viconia continued, "I was just starting to enjoy my life on the surface. I enjoyed the verbal sparring with Imoen, the chats with Laska and Dynaheir. Even Xan was friendly to me, even though he kept saying that 'having a dark elf in the party is a sure sign it's the end of the world as we know it.' And... I miss Dynaheir. She told me about life on the surface, and I could always confide in her. She was my friend and I will see Irenicus dead for having her killed."

"So you _did _have a confidante?" Keldorn said and rubbed his chin.

"Laska is my best friend," Viconia smirked. "But, well, she's not exactly well-versed in intelligent conversation. Dynaheir was."

After some moments of deep thought, Keldorn looked upon Viconia intently and made a difficult decision. "Perhaps you simply need a teacher, to help you understand life on the surface better. To show you how to deal with our 'strange' values and laws."

"In this party?" Viconia grinned, as if the very notion was absurd. "Who? Laska? She's just a child, in many ways, and has plenty problems of her own. Korgan? Please. Minsc? I'd become his butt-kicking side-kick! Jan? I'd end up on a hundred gold a day turnip-habit," but when she noticed Keldorn gazing at her she said, "You? Surely you don't mean..."

"Paladins do more than simply go to battle with evil hordes, my Lady," Keldorn smiled. "Paladins also help others. I owe you a debt of honor, Viconia. Because of your advice, I've ignored the laws which would have meant the imprisonment of my beloved wife. I never would have done that if you and Korgan did not convince me otherwise. You've helped me make the hardest decision in my life, and because of that, I have my family back and will spend the remainder of my life with them. Let me repay my debt to you. You've helped _me_, now let me help _you."_

"You?" Viconia said with astonishment, "a paladin? Help me?"

"Even in the brief time I spent in this party, I have learned that an old dog can definitely learn new tricks. I've had many students over the last decades. Some were priests, some were squires of the Order, some were converted heathens, even. You'll be my last before I retire, if you choose to accept. Consider my offer and make the big step, lest you retreat too deep within yourself to crawl out of that trap again."

Viconia stared at Keldorn with open mouth. "The irony," she chuckled, "to be offered aid from one of those who used to hunt me." Eventually, chuckling turned to laughter. Hysterical laughter. The drow flopped back on the couch and supported her head on the padded armrest. Keldorn watched the drow, not sure how to respond.

Then suddenly, her laughter stopped as abruptly as it began. "Why not?" she whispered. "What do I have to lose except myself?"

"Good," Keldorn replied with a small smile. "It is settled then. Tomorrow, I'll notify the Order I have a new student. The Order and the clergy will refrain from attacking you when they know this."

"You know," Viconia half-smiled, "I have the feeling we could learn a lot from each other. Perhaps a little more flexibility in your rigid thinking?"

"The student-teacher relationship works both ways, so perhaps we will see," Keldorn said, trying to avoid making any promises he could not keep. "Come," Keldorn said. "It is a late hour. I suggest we both get some rest."

"Indeed. And if this teacher-student arrangement doesn't work out, I could always slit your throat in your sleep and be done with it."

"Ey?"

"That was a joke."

"Ah."


	10. Dockworkers

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 10: Dockworkers_

"Bloody, salty, friggin, ruddy sea-air!" Korgan shouted as the party walked towards the Athkatla docks. "I 'ate the bloody smell of it. It makes me want ta puke all o'er me boots."

"Now you know how I feel when I'm around undead, dwarfy," Laska grinned.

"Och, why be we 'ere again?" Korgan muttered.

"I told you," Laska said. "We need more work. We made a name for ourselves by going down that beholder hold, but it didn't really put much coin in our purse. There might be adventuring work at the docks."

"Sounds like you don't care for the sea much, Korgy," Jan added. "Reminds me of a cousin I once had who was a fisherman, but was also allergic to the very fish he caught! You know, old Roddy Jansen was probably the only fisherman who'd be dancing with joy whenever he'd catch an old shoe. Fish used to give him a terrible rash, you see? How he got into that line of work is a rather funny story. You see, he was a very talented musician. Unfortunately, the only people interested in his music were griffins, and seeing how Roddy was also allergic to being eaten by griffins (aren't we all?), but also wanted to keep on playing, he chose for a career on the ocean, where he could play his music as well as make a living off it. Unfortunately, he steered his boat into a school of webtoed-gilled-purple-dotted-seagriffins. All that was left of him were his shoes. Nasty business, that."

"So are your tales, gnome," Viconia added solemnly.

"Why Viconia," Laska said. "That's the first thing you've said in all day. You've been unusually quiet lately."

"I'll say," Jan added. "Vicky, you haven't even complained about anything either! Must be a new record for you!"

"Quiet, gnome! I have a lot to think about," Viconia said and bowed her head downward again.

"In fact," Korgan added. "We be not hearing much from ye either, Keldorn? So... do ye have lots to think about too? Have ye two been doin' the dirty behind wifey's back? HAR HAR!"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!" Both Keldorn and Viconia replied simultaneously.

"Whoa, strong reaction there!" Laska chuckled.

"Hmmm, Boo says evil is approaching!" Minsc suddenly spoke up. "Perhaps it is time for us kindly heroes to get our weapons!"

And, sure enough, a blackrobed Cyrican priest approached the party after jumping out from behind a building. He had a mad look in his eyes as he leered at the party, his staff at the ready. "YOU!" he shouted, addressing nobody in particular. "Bow, worms, and pray that Cyric allows you to become one of His holy worshippers! Cast aside whatever false god you pray to and embrace the Prince of Lies in all His majesty!"

Laska blinked. "Yeah, how about 'no'?"

"This ought to be good," Korgan muttered.

"You'll find I am more than able to deflect the wrath of your mad faith, Cyricist!" Keldorn said, reaching for the sword strapped to his back.

Before he could do anything, Laska stepped between them. "Oh, I'll handle this," she said. Without hesitation Laska grabbed the mad cleric's staff from his hands. She twirled around her axis while getting the staff into position. Then, as the mad cleric stood there wondering why the call of Cyric was not being answered, the tattooed elf slammed the staff in his belly and hooked it under his belt. Immediately, Laska lifted the cleric up in the air and over her head, only to throw the wizard over the railing. A smile crossed Laska's face after she heard a most gratifying splash.

"HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed. "Ye showed 'im, lass!"

Unfortunately for the mad cleric, it seemed that more splashes followed. "I don't think he can swim, Laska," Viconia said after she had walked up to the railing. "Oh, wait... Someone is coming to help him... A fisherman is pulling him out... Oh, the fisherman has seen he's a Cyrican... And he's back in the water again drowning... Looks like he's going under?"

"Should we do something?" Minsc frowned.

"Maybe we should rocks at him," Keldorn muttered.

"That's not being helpful!" Minsc admonished.

"Let's just go," Laska said, being the only one of her party who hadn't walked towards the railing.

The Athkatlan docks had three layers. The first layer was located just outside the town walls and mostly consisted of a large plaza filled with small stands where numerous scruffy-looking salesmen were hawking their wares to the sailors and locals who wandered in and out the plaza. Access to the plaza was given by two long tunnels, which seemed to be bored through the walls long before the docks were even built. The second layer was intended for homes, warehouses, a barracks and a large, orange and suspicious looking building. The third, and final layer, were the actual docks themselves. There was a large loading area where several ships were docked, a crude lighthouse and more warehouses and homes.

At the moment, Viconia was regarding the orange color which some of the buildings had. The irregular sandstone bricks the buildings were made of, gave them an pattern which she found most compelling. For most of the day, Viconia had been spent in deep contemplation. Again she wondered if she had done the right thing in agreeing to become Keldorn's student. True, he didn't threaten of attack her anymore, and her dealings with him had been a lot more smoother. That the practical side to it.

Pride came into play, however. Viconia was much older than Keldorn, after all – he should be taking lessons from _her._ She didn't really like to be called a student, either. Still, there was wisdom in Keldorn's words and perhaps his soon to be given lessons might give her some insight in the conflicting behaviors of the surfacers. She had seen plenty of that in the old days up North, but Laska and Imoen had always been hard pressed to come up with answers that would be satisfactory to her. In fact, Imoen was always quick to say that Viconia was a cynic.

"Hey, psssst!" Viconia heard a shady looking man say to Laska as the group walked further along towards the orange building. Viconia knew that the man's next words could end in either work for the party or a kick in the groin from an enraged moon-elf.

* * *

"Yer a friend of Gaylen, aren't ye? Me boss says you can enter if you like," the shady man said. Laska merely nodded and motioned the party to follow her into the building. The interior was, if anything, shady. The room was dimly-lit and most windows were all or partially blocked by black curtains, causing eerie shadows to fall upon the walls. Many thieves of all races and both genders lounged around, talked to each other or hawked wares.

A half-elven woman approached Laska, and spoke with a deep mysterious voice. "So, you're the elven girl who's been clearing out the Beholder-caverns, eh?" she said. "My boss, the guildmaster Renal Bloodscalp, has asked me to fetch you. He has a job for you, should you be interested."

Since the name didn't mean anything to her, Laska looked over her shoulder briefly. Jan, who was checking out some stolen goods, turned to answer her. "Oh, just a local big-wig, Laska. And one who is hardly interested in turnips, either. He sometimes hires outsiders to help with guild-related business. How much for these crossbow-bolts, miss?"

"Shame on you, Jan!" Keldorn said. "These are obviously stolen goods!"

"Yeah, isn't it great?" Jan said. "Stolen goods have the lowest prices!"

"But they belong to another!" Keldorn stressed.

"Quit yer whinin', longlimb!" Korgan said. "I doubt any of the original owner would be livin' long enough to re-claim 'em. But we be here now, and we be needin' stuff _and _gold."

"Boo agrees," Minsc said and uncharacteristically approved of a less-than-goodly act. "We must save our friends, and these little weapons and armors might help us, so I do not think the owners would mind if we use these items to do great goodness in the name of Hamster-valiance!"

"Keep your sword in your sheath, Keldorn," Laska menaced. "These are the only link we have to Imoen and if we lose that link because of your paladin nature, I'll personally beat you two black eyes!"

Keldorn sighed heavily. "Alright, I'll let this pass. For now."

That said, Laska turned towards the half-elf again, intending to ask her for directions to Renal, but only to find she had silently vanished. Looking around, Laska confirmed she wasn't even in the room anymore.

Letting out a sigh, she went off in search of Renal Bloodscalp.

Thankfully, Renal Bloodscalp was easily found. The group located him on the second floor, surrounded by papers and assorted documents, obviously quota-lists and plans for future expansion. Renal bloodscalp was a surprisingly short man, dressed in black leather and a lavish red hat with several colored feathers sticking out of it. Immediately after spotting Laska and company, he grinned broadly, sent his sniveling assistants away and called for his two bodyguards, one of which being a very familiar half-elf. The girl winked at Laska before Renal spoke.

"You'll have to excuse me if you're not quite what I was expecting," Renal spoke in a pleasant voice. "From all I've been told I expected something...grander."

Laska grinned ferally as she rose to the bate. Calmly, she strolled over to the thief-leader and stopped when she only was a few centimeters away from him, putting both her party and the bodyguards on full alert. "Grand enough for you?" Laska purred as she stretched her body.

Renal suddenly laughed heartily, breaking the tension. "Oh, my... my sources were quite right about you. Daring and fearless. And then there are your companions. Korgan Bloodaxe, the mercenary. Minsc the Ranger. Viconia the drow cleric, who's been quite the odd one out in this here town. Jan Jansen, traveling turnip-salesman and inventor. And then there's Keldorn the knight... I trust you will be keeping your weapons by your side?"

"How did you come to know so much about us, thief?" Keldorn snarled.

"You must understand, naturally, that an organization like mine thrives on information above all else. He who is ignorant quickly becomes a target, and all that," Renal said impassively.

"You mentioned a job?" Laska continued.

"Indeed," said Renal. "I realize you are collecting a great deal of coin to pay to us to mount a rescue. A noble goal, one which I would like to support by hiring you for an important assignment. Now, this might create the illusion that the thieves' guild is paying itself for its own money, but realize that our guilds act very much independantly."

"Bah! Let us be gone from here, my friends," Keldorn suddenly broke in. "We do not need the kind of 'work' these fiends would offer, nor do I think I could stand the association!"

"Don't be daft!" Korgan retorted. "The thieves of this city have their coffers flowin' with gold a'plenty! There be no reason besides a yellow belly to be turnin' it away!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Laska replied. "What do you want from us?"

"Right to the point, eh?" Renal smiled. "Refreshing. I am sick of underlings who shift from foot to foot. I find a bit of directness to be a nice change. To be short, Gaelan recommended you and I trust his word. I am in need of mercenaries to perform a task of utmost delicacy and you are just the one to do it."

"Why us?" Viconia broke in with a certain amount of suspicion. "I'm sure you have no shortage of manpower."

"A fair question," Renal conceded. "Any of my available assassins or thieves are quite capable and on a normal day I would not consider it necessary to look beyond my guild. In this one instance, however, my men are limited. I need someone of skill who is not one of the Shadow Thieves. In short, someone more or less unknown to us."

"Get to the bloody point already and tell us what needs to be done," Laska stressed.

"Ah, yes! The details. One of my guildhouses to the south is run by a rather ambitious fellow named Mae'Var. Good thief, but I never liked him. In fact, I've recently come into some information that he is getting too big for himself. Thinking of taking my place, I suspect, but I've had no real evidence to say that this is so," Renal said, while a dark smile crossed his face. "But us thieves are a hard lot to please and," he looked at Keldorn, "unlike what some people seem to think, there _is_ honor among thieves. Without concrete proof of betrayal, assassinating him would anger the other guildmasters and then I'd have a guild war on my hands and, well, war is bad for business."

"Heh heh... especially not with that extra guild rumored to be out there on the streets, eh, Bloodscalp? Come to think of it, that's quite the moniker you got yourself, there. How did it come about? Severe dandruff problems? If that's the case, Ma Jansen has the most wonderful turnip salve that will clear that right up, quick as you please. You might want to think about it... people might be tempted to give you a nicer nickname if you had a pleasant head of hair. You know, that reminds me of my cousin Ripcord Jansen, who suffered from premature baldness. Often we'd find him crying his eyes out in his bed, saying he looked to old for his job and all... So Ma applied the strongest batch of turnip salve she had, since Ripcord had to work that very evening. And sure to her word, hair literally exploded from his head! Long thick hair, standing right up, strong and thick as arrows! So when he goes to work that evening, he steps into his cannon. Oh, didn't I tell you that? He was working at the circus as the 'gnomish cannonball'. The Bald Bullet, they called him. So, like everyday, Ripcord was launched into the air and flew towards the net which was strung between two poles to catching. Unfortunately, his hair hadn't had the chance to fasten into his skin, so while he was caught by the net, his hair continued on it's merry way, skewering several members of the audience! Thus, Ripcord ended up bald AND jobless..."

"Yesssssss," Renal said and decided to ignore the gnome for now. "So...where was I? Oh, yes. Your part in this. I would like you to go to Mae'Var and join his guild."

"Not all of us are thieves," Laska said.

"Not all the people here are thieves," said Renal. "Guilds need bruisers, enforcers. Snoop around a little, find the evidence and head back here. Easy enough, no? You'll need to ease Mae'Var's mind, naturally, so I'll give you some transit papers. What say you? Interested?"

Laska smiled and nodded once. "Sure, I like the idea of undercover work. "

Renal smiled as well and nodded briefly. The next few moments were spend discussing details, the location of Mae'Var's guild and his manpower. And, of course, the reward.

"Remember," Renal said as he led his newly hired party from the guildhouse. "Work for Mae'Var as long as it takes to collect your evidence, and bring whatever you can find to me. I'll be waiting to receive it most eagerly."

"Will do," Laska smiled. "And then we get to kick some ass, right?"

"We serve thieves now?" Minsc suddenly said. "Thieves are bad, Laska! Ehhh... this churns my belly like a hamster running endlessly within a wheel."

"Imoen's a thief too, Minsc," Viconia said. "So not all is black and white, and even in evil there are distinctions."

"Boo and I shall think about that," Minsc said, "but Minsc still does not like it!"

"So we are snoop around this other guild, are we?" Keldorn broke in. "And what will we be required to do, there? Steal? Murder? I do not care for where this seems to be heading, Laska."

"Oh, don't worry," Laska said. "I won't murder to keep my cover. We'll get the evidence as soon as we can, and get out of there. Hopefully busting a few heads getting out, too!"

* * *

After leaving the guildhouse through the back entrance, the party of friends made their way towards the lower docks, passing through a chorus of drunken sailors singing raunchy shanties. One of the sailors, however, broke away from his horrifyingly off-key rendition of the 'snakecharmer's daughter' and approached Viconia.

"Hey, now!" the sailor said as his smelly bulk slammed semi-suggestively towards her. "If I don't be seein' a beautiful drow in front of me drunken sailor eyes! I wonder if all the rumors be true?"

Grimacing from the smell of alcohol and fish, Viconia retorted sharply, "They are, lowly male. But you will never have them proven for you, let me assure you."

Immediately, Viconia moved past him. Laska, however, stuck behind. "Hey, guys?" she asked. "Could we perhaps stop for a couple of drinks, first?"

"NO!" Viconia replied and yanked her away.

Mae'Var's guild was quite different from Renal's. It was a disgusting place, in a state of reasonable disrepair. The building itself was several stories tall, but was nothing to write home about. Broken windows, rotten boards and actual holes in some of the walls. They went inside through the front door and found a small store. Items of all nature and quality was on display. Apparently, a small pawnshop was the front for Mae'Var's operations. As nonchalantly as was elvenly possible, Laska tossed the documents upon the counter.

"I'm the new girl," Laska told the storekeep. "And these are my lackeys," she said, causing her friends to look upon his with indignity.

"OY!" Korgan said and moved up to the counter. "This dwarf be nobody's lack..."

Korgan's statement was cut short while a smiling Laska swiftly kicked him against the ankle.

"OW!" Korgan said, while grabbing the counter. "Ye daft, blasted, bloody..."

An unimpressed shopkeeper muttered, "Out back... Down the stairs... Don't give the boss lip. I'd hate to clean your blood off the floor."

The group complied, followed by a limping (and cursing) Korgan. When they reached the basement of Mae'Var's guild, the experience went from bad to worse. A nasty torture chamber was set up, and the screams of a victim welcomed Laska as they approached a rat-faced thief, who could only be Mae'Var. It was all Minsc and Laska could do to keep Keldorn from storming them all to free the poor chap.

"So, you're the new recruits I have requested?" Mae'Var spoke in a sing-song voice. "You don't look like much of a thief."

"That's because I'm not a thief," Laska said. "And neither are my friends here. We are muscle for hire. And I am here to help your operation, not to trade insults," Laska said. "Renal has told me the profits from your guild is waning, my friend. Perhaps you _should_ be replaced..."

"And you will replace me?" Mae'Var fumed, then smiled. "Seems, I'll have to keep on my toes around you. But if you want to join my operation, you shall have to prove yourself to me first. Hm, a test."

"A test?" Minsc said. "Oh, I do not like that. Do you think the test is about calculus? Can I bring Boo to help with the counting?"

"Hmmmm," Mae'Var said while pretending to think. "Test, test, test... How should I test you? Ah, I have it! How about a little petty larceny amidst the stuffed robes over at the Talos temple? I require...the amulet worn by the Weather mistress. Yes, it looked lovely on her and I've a beautiful sheltie-spaniel cross that it will adorn just as well! She likely removes it in the night, though. As pleasing as it is, even it would leave a welt the size of a melon if slept upon. Now, DO YOUR JOB and GET IT!"

That said, he had his lackeys escort the party from the basement and from the guild. After a short walk towards the citywall, the party stopped to conver.

"You know," Jan began, "you wouldn't happen to be resistant to electricity, would you?"

"Stealing," Keldorn muttered and shook his head. "Even though it is from a temple of Evil, I cannot be part of it."

"You don't have to," Laska said. "For my plan to work, I only need four people."

"Four?" Viconia asked. "And you have a plan? You actually thought of a plan? A plan which doesn't involve drinking?"

"Yes, and it's a good one!" she replied. "But, sorry, Vico. You'd attract to much attention."

"Just grand," Viconia said angrily.

"Don't ye be worryin', drowsy!" Korgan laughed. "Ye and Keldorn could hire a room for the night at the Sea's Bounty until we be returnin'! And do let us catch you doing the dirty when we be returnin'! HAR HAR HAR!"

"DON'T COUNT ON IT!" Viconia and Keldorn shouted simultaneously.

Suddenly, from the corner of her eye, Laska noticed a human jumping from the shadows.

"No! My name is Habib Khalid Achmed Allafif, and I cannot be captured!" the man shouted. "I will throw my mighty scimitar at your head rather than suffer the indignity of prison! Hiiii-YAA!"

A scimitar flew from his hands, only to be deftly caught by Minsc, who held it in his hands.

"Eerrrmmmm," Habib said. "That normally works... Byeeeee!" And he ran off again.

"What the hell just happened?" Laska blinked.

* * *

"I have paid for the room," Keldorn told Viconia as he entered their luxurious room for six. He found Viconia prone on one of the beds, scribbling notes in a book.

"Spell-research?" he asked, trying to make conversation.

"Curious, Keldorn?" Viconia grinned. "No, I'm updating our party's journal."

"Isn't that usually the leader's responsibility?" Keldorn asked.

"HAH!" was Viconia's reply. "Trust me, I've had this job ever since Laska found me in Peldvale. Laska's calligraphy is barely readable, and her entries are much like: _Need find ring for guy in Inn_. At least, I give our journal some more depth."

"Perhaps, if you are finished, we should have our first lesson on trust, Viconia?" Keldorn tried.

Viconia raised her eyebrow and regarded Keldorn for a few moments. "All right", she finally conceded. "Let me finish this first..."

* * *

"Ye, longlimbed moron! Ye be to long fer yer own good! A dwarf ain't sure of 'is life walkin' these here streets!"

"Boo says, you should look where you put your tiny feet better!"

"Daft idiot!"

"Short-legged, weasel-keeper!"

Two Talosian guards moved away from their post, smiling to each other, and hoping the two would eventually start a most destructive fist-fight.

Meanwhile, two figures snuck behind them into the temple. Laska and Jan soon found themselves standing in front of a large machine which took up most of the room. Her sensitive elven hearing was assaulted by the massive groans and clanks that the machine produced.

"Quite an impressive array of machinery," Laska said and let out a whistle. "You think this is what produces that lightning-in-a-bottle outside?"

"I know for a fact that it does, Laska," Jan said. "You see, it's another fine invention of the 'Jansen and Sons gear cooperation'. In fact, I remember..."

"Not now, Jan," Laska hissed sharply. "We're trying to be stealthy, remember?"

"Then why did you put on your steel-toed boots, missy?" Jan chuckled.

"Is that the door to the Weathermistress' room?" Laska asked.

"How should I know? I've never even been in here!" Jan said.

"Hah, that's comforting."

Sure enough, it was her room. The Weathermistress Ada was lying prone in the bed, wearing a skimpy nightshift leaving very little to the imagination. The necklace was lying on the nightstand, bery close to Ada herself. Motioning Jan to be quiet, they snuck past the bed and around the weathermistress. Laska was just inches away from the necklace, all she had to do, was to make a grab for it. As she did so, the necklace scraped over the wood, causing Ada to stir. Suddenly, Ada grasped her hands around a surprised Laska's neck and dragged the elven female on to her bed with amazing strength. "Oh, Sain," she whispered. "Take me to new heights, like only you can... Your hair smells great..."

"Hey," Jan whispered. "Isn't Sain one of the Lathanderite Dawnbringers?"

Laska smiled as Ada wrapped her arms around her waist and started kissing her neck. "Well," Laska whispered. "I can't say I'm not pleased about this predicament."

"You won't be pleased when she wakes up," Jan whispered.

"Dammit," Laska said as she tried to wriggle free.

"Don't struggle, my love," Ada whispered, tightening her grasp around the elf.

"Could you find a way to get me out of her iron grasp without waking her?" Laska hissed.

"Will do!" Jan said and grabbed a small contraption from his belt. With the device he tickled Ada under the arm. Immediately, Ada stirred and let go of Laska. Almost reluctantly, Laska withdrew from her arms and let herself slide out of bed.

"I have the goods!" she whispered. "Let's get outta here!"

Once outside, Laska and Jan snuck around the guard and found that Korgan and Minsc were still hurling insults at each other to distract the guards.

"Yer mother be a hamster, and yer mother be a gnoll!" Korgan yelled.

"I am rubber, you are glue..." Minsc replied.

"And yer hamster be suckin' eggs!" Korgan added with a chuckle.

"WHAT!" Minsc suddenly raged. "Don't you be insulting Boo! You insult Boo? You insult MINSC! He who insults Minsc will not do so again!"

Without warning, Minsc grabbed the flailing Korgan and held him over his head. A few seconds later, Minsc tossed a shouting Korgan over his head and into the river.

"Minsc, what have you done?!" Laska shouted as she and Jan had gotten away from the temple. "It's supposed to be make-believe! Your portrayal didn't have to be _this _real!"

In the river, Korgan surfaced and a jet of water sprang from his mouth. She swam to the surface, encumbered by his armor, but yelling curses all the way. "Ye daft, bloody, scumsuckin', bottom-feeding, lilly-lovin', dwarf-tossin', dimwitted, tongue-bitin', 'uman! I be hopin' ye be sittin' on a spear! I be hopin' yer nose be droppin' off yer face! I'll have ye tastin' off me axe before morn!"

"Minsc is sorry," he said with genuine regret. "But I'm very sensitive when it comes to my Boo!" A squeak followed from his pocket.

"You should have known better than to insult Boo, Korgan," Jan snickered.

"Let's get Korgan out of there. Does anyone have a ladder?" Laska sighed.

* * *

"And thus, a trustworthy individual should be truthful whenever possible. Being a liar is a terrible reputation to have..." Keldorn said, while both Paladin and Drow had taken opposite chairs at the warm fireplace.

Viconia leaned back in her own, padded chair. "In Drow society, all are liars, _suliss._ We believe that truth is something that can be... _interpreted_. How can this lead to trust?"

Keldorn sighed, though a moment, and then had an idea. "Let me tell you a story," he said.

After seeing Viconia roll her eyes, he continued. "Do not worry. It is not like those infernal Jansen-tales. I'll tell you the story of the 'boy who cried Orc'. It is intended to build moral in children, but it will suffice. A long time ago, in a village often plagued by Orcs, a young boy was charged with guarding a flock of sheep. His job was to warn whenever an Orc tried to steal a sheep. One day, however, the boy was bored and wanted attention, so he carelessly cried out a warning. Immediately, the village militia came running, but, of course, there were no Orcs to be found. So, the boy was praised for his quick actions."

"Clever," Viconia mused. "He created a situation, presented the solution and reaped the rewards."

"Satisfied with himself, the boy cried the warning again, and again every day, and never there were Orcs. The villages became suspicious and stopped coming out to the pasture. But, one day, a raiding party of Orcs did descend on the sheep and again, the boy warned. This time, however, the villagers did not come to his aid, thinking his call to be a false alarm again. The boy was killed, and his flock was eaten."

"Hmmm," Viconia said, a pensive look crossing her face.

"So the moral is: If all you tell are lies, no one will take you seriously and no one will trust you when you do need help," Keldorn said.

"Are you sure that is the moral?" Viconia said while she bit softly on her index-finger.

"What else could it be?" Keldorn asked with surprise.

"How about," Viconia grinned. "Never tell the same lie more than once?"

Keldorn sighed deeply. Teaching this Drow would be a difficult task indeed, and for a moment, he wondered what he had gotten himself into.

He was saved by the bell, however, as the rest of their friends entered the door, including a bashful Minsc and a dripping dwarf.

"Do you have the item?" Keldorn asked. "And why is Korgan all wet?"

"Shut yer bleedin' mouth, paladunce!" Korgan snapped. "I needn't any lip from any longlimb right now! Blasted, bloody, irritatin', lousy, stupid..."

"It's late," Keldorn said. "Perhaps we should all get some rest before we continue our quest..."

Keldorn received nods from everyone and, less than an hour later, the room fell dark and silence, excepting the snores from Korgan, Minsc and Jan.


	11. Of good breakfasts and pesky wizards

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 11: Of good breakfasts and pesky wizards_

The cries of the rooster announced the coming of a new day and Athkatla would soon be the stage of bustle. Of course, at the docks, the bustle mostly continued around the clock, so it didn't really matter in the rooster cried there or not. In fact, the rooster only succeeded in annoying people who wanted to sleep late today, such as Laska and her friends.

A drow female wrapped in a white bathrobe stepped out of the bathroom. She also wore a white towel over her wet hair and a pair of fuzzy white slippers to complete the picture.

"Ah, ye be enjoyin' the good life, Drowsy?" Korgan chuckled as she sat down at the large round table in the middle of their luxurious room for six.

"Hey, we do not get much luxury tromping about these lands. We might as well enjoy it while we're here," Viconia retorted and sat down at the breakfast table as well. "Soaking in a hot bath is a very nice way to relax between adventures, Korgan. You might try it sometimes."

"Bah!" Korgan shouted. "I be 'avin' a bath last eve, drowsy. That be quite enough for the a month or so."

"Your narcissistic devotion to your lack personal hygeine impresses me, dwarf," Viconia chuckled.

"Oy!" Korgan retorted. "Ye know how long it takes to get me to look this grimy? How much work it even be takin' to look as dirty as possible? After t'night, I have ta start all over again! HAR HAR! Where be the others by the way? The food be delivered only five minutes ago. Ye'd expect these here piggies to 'ave dug in already."

Viconia took a look at the food on the table. She mused how bountiful it was in comparison to her recent solitary travels. There were all kinds of delicious breakfasts. Bacon and Eggs, toast with all kinds of toppings, a decanter of warm tea. Viconia smiled inwardly as she considered that even her friend Laska would prefer hot tea over any sort of liquor in the morning.

"Hmmm," Viconia said. "Keldorn went into the bathroom after me to wash up and shave. Jan went to the inn's kitchen to prepare some turnip sauce. Minsc and Laska went downstairs to spar in the basement, I think."

"Shavin'," Korgan actually shuddered. "The thought alone..."

"I don't know," Viconia chuckled. "You might end up having a cute baby-face."

"Shut yer yap, Drow!" Korgan chuckled. "Donnae make fun o' me beard!"

"Good morn, all," Keldorn greeted as he stepped out of the bathroom, wearing his bathrobe and sat down beside dwarf and Drow.

Viconia nodded and handed Keldorn a plate.

"Hmmm, bacon!" Keldorn said. "It's been a while since I have eaten that..."

Suddenly, the tripling of eight chitinous legs could be heard approaching the breakfast table. Khittix, Viconia's pet astral phase spider, rounded about the corner and stopped short next to Viconia. Keldorn could swear that the spider was giving the drow a hopeful, pleading look.

"Och!" Korgan suddenly said. "Does that beastie 'ave to sleep and walk around 'ere? Why do ye keep pullin' it off that astral plane-thingy?"

"Oh, he's just been sleeping at the warm fireplace. He never went anywhere near you this night," Viconia said and petted the spider. She handed a happy spider a large piece of bacon, which Khittix immediately spun in a web and skittered with it's catch back towards the fireplace.

"Ye be givin' that beastie our bacon?!" Korgan snorted.

"Yes, just let him liquify it and he'll suck it in though his pincers," Viconia said.

"Viconia, please!" Keldorn said. "I'm trying to eat here!"

"Am I stopping you in any way?" Viconia asked with confusion.

The three continued eating until Minsc and Laska entered the room. Both seemed pretty worked up for this time of the morning. "Good workout, Minsc," Laska said. "Your turn to spar with me tomorrow, Vico."

"I am rife with anticipation," Viconia spoke with disinterest clear in her voice.

"Oh, look Boo!" Minsc shouted as both sat down at the table. "Nuts! Go get them!" Minsc set down Boo on the table and the hungry hamster immediately headed over to a bowl of hazelnuts. With tiny hamster paws, Boo took a nut and brought it to his mouth. Happily munching, the hamster twittered his whiskers.

"I trust we won't be treated with another display of your table-manners, Korgan," Keldorn stressed.

"Don't ye be worryin', ye daft old longlimb!" Korgan chuckled. "Lookie 'ere, an omelet 'as to be treated with respect, or ye will lose the good taste."

"Keldorn?" Laska asked while the others were eaten and she sipped some hot tea. "You've lived here longer than any of us. What can you tell us about the Shadow Thieves?"

"Well," Keldorn began and put down his cup, "the Shadow Thieves are an intervowen part of the Amnian power structure, much to the Order's dismay I might add. They are literally entrenched in the everyday life of the Amnian citizens. It is even said that the Grandmaster of the Shadow Thieves sits on the Council of Six. Contrary to popular belief, the Shadow Thieves are not one single guild, but rather a coalition of guilds. Renal Bloodscalp heads one of the larger ones. And he only answers to his superiors, whose names we do not even know."

"Jan mentioned a guild war?" Viconia asked.

"Aye, the Order's contacts on the street say there's another guild recruiting thieves to stand against the Shadow Thieves. Blood has already been shed on both sides, small skirmishes have been noticed and it will be a full-out war soon enough, I gather. And the Order will be standing by to pick up the pieces, I can assure you," Keldorn continued. "I worry about this new guild, though. The Shadow Thieves are far too powerful to be slighted by just any group. Either this group has strength in numbers, or they are willing to do whatever to takes to defeat the Shadow Thieves. Or even both. Either way, a lot of innocent people are going to be caught in the middle."

"Oy!" Korgan suddenly spoke up. "Shut yer yaps! I be hearin' Jan approach and I be 'avin' a good idea fer a prank!"

"A prank?" Laska asked while her eyes lit up with joy.

"Yeah," Korgan said, "come on lads and lassies, gather all the food on this tray and I'll be puttin' it under the table."

"That's it?" Laska said with disappointment.

"Oy!" Korgan said. "I dinnae see ye think of it! Hush now, he comes."

And sure enough, the door flew open and Jan entered, triumphantly swinging a bottle of turnip sauce. "Hey, look!" he announced. "This stuff is great for on toast! The cook lipped me off, though. That nasty half-orc didn't aprove of me sneaking in to his kitchen. Never have I seen so many kitchen utensils fly since my aunty Gladys' divorce."

"Awwwww!" Korgan chuckled. "Ye missed it, buddy!"

"Wah?" Jan asked, then he noticed the lack of food on the table. "You've eaten everything already? Wow, the five of you sure can eat! I remember when my cousin Cartman Jansen stopped by for dinner last month. He's widely recognized as the gnome with the biggest set of buttocks on the face of Faerun, you know. It's all the fault of that weight-gaining program, you see? That and the fact that he eats his turnips deep-fried with lots of sugar and fat gravy. When my uncle Gerhardt joked that his house was made of candy, it was gone and eaten within ten minutes. In fact, cousin Cartman is so heavy he's actually immune to griffin attacks. A pack of ten tried to grab him by the nape of the neck once, but they couldn't even get him a millimeter of the ground. Too bad he's such an insufferable git, though."

"OY!" Korgan shuddenly shouted after he heard eight legs skitter away. "Drowsy's beastie stole my omelet! Get yer arse back here!"

* * *

"Blasted, bloody beastie," Korgan muttered as the party stepped out the inn. "Liquified me omelet before I 'ad a change to nab the bugger."

"Oh, leave Khittix alone, dwarf," Viconia managed through her chuckles. "Room service sent up another omelet."

"It be the principle of the thing," Korgan simply grumbled. Viconia had even recalled the spider to the statue before he could even get in a swing.

"Oh, come on, Korgy," Jan said. "You could at least appreciate the luxury!"

"Yes!" Minsc added. "It's been a long time since Boo chewed on some nuts..."

"And I kept the slippers," Viconia said, referring to the fuzzy white slippers she put in her pack.

"Geez, did you steal the towels too, Vicky?" Jan asked.

"Ermmm, no," Viconia said meekly, instinctively reaching to her pack to make sure that no pieces of fluffy white cloth were sticking out of it.

The docks were already buzzing with activity. Ships were being loaded, sailors walked back and forth and seagulls flew overhead, looking for any loose fish brought in from the fisherman's wharf.

The party walked down the stairs giving access to the docks and moved along the buildings until they came to Mae'Var's guild. Again, they entered the grimy building and moved on towards the basement, where they found the rat-faced Mae'Var, gleefully torturing another one of this victims. As Laska and friends approached the thief, he barely granted them one eye.

"Well, you're back at last," he greeted. "I'll cancel the order to kill you then. You have a few skills we might find useful after all. Now, let's have a look at that amulet."

Laska said nothing, fished the amulet from her pouch and tossed it to Mae'Var, who deftly caught it.

"It's a mystery how they walk with a dinner plate around their necks," Mae'Var said and tossed the amulet in a chest. "I'll file it with the other garbage to be sent to Calimshan. They like jewelry big, I hear."

"Good," Laska said. "Have we proved ourselves, now?"

"Perhaps," Mae'Var said. "Perhaps not. I have taken the liberty of having you all checked out. Especially Sir Keldorn Firecam here interests me."

Worried that their cover was blown, Laska and friends inched for their weapons.

"It's nice to know that every man has his price," Mae'Var chuckled. "Even you, 'Sir' Keldorn."

"Y-yes... It is..." Keldorn stammered, practically boiling with rage at the accusation.

"Now, get yer arses upstairs," Mae'Var snarled. "I haven't the time to piddle around with you, so my right hand man will keep you busy until you can work for me personally. His name is Edwin. Bloody good spellcaster, but he likes his luxuries. Usually happens to adventurers that hate the road. He's on the third floor above us. Get going."

"Edwin?" Laska and Viconia whispered to each other as they made their way up the stairs.

* * *

With a sense of anticipation, the party made their way up the staircase with some amount of speed. And, sure enough, in a luxurious room filled with food and cozy furniture, sat Edwin Odesseiron, reading a spellbook. As soon as he heard the clanking of armor, Edwin looked up from his book. A flash of recognitition crossed his eyes as he narrowed them and spoke. " Greetings," he said impassively. "I am Edwin Odesseiron. You simians may refer to me merely as "Sir," if you prefer a less... syllable intensive workout."

"Not you again," sighed Laska, making the wizard look up from his book.

"Typical," Edwin sighed. "Mae'var is even more incompetent than I gave him credit for. You'd think a simple background check would identify you as the heroes of Baldur's Gate (but then again, simple minds fail even at simple tasks). Alright, get it over with. Spew your insults. (Let's see what the monkey brains come up with).

"You shall be called what you are!" Minsc suddenly exploded. "You are an enemy of fair, departed Dynaheir and therefore an enemy of mine! You shall be destroyed for the good of all!"

"Ah, the feeble protector of that Rashemaar witch," Edwin snarled. "Have you finally misplaced her for good, ranger? Does she linger amidst the worms where she belongs, now? (If the worms would even have her. Such creatures have standards, after all)."

"You will not speak of sweet Dynaheir in this fashion!" Minsc bellowed. "Terrible hamster justice will be wreaked upon you! GO FOR THE EYES, BOO! RRRRAAAAAARRRGHHHH!"

Laska and Keldorn stepped in between Edwin and Minsc and did their best to keep the raging giant from rushing towards Edwin with his sword raised over his head. "Will you stop provoking him?!" Laska shouted at Edwin.

"Silence!" Edwin yelled at all of them. "You joined Mae'Var's guild with the rest of your party, ranger. Will you spoil your plans so soon?"

"I... no," Minsc lamented. "No, our cause must not be disrupted. Righteous fury will wait for now, but one day the wizard shall pay for his words with blood! So swears Minsc!"

"Oh, we shall see how long your sword lasts against my magic," Edwin threatened. "We shall... oh," he said and softened when he saw Viconia standing in the back of the room, watching him with fury in her eyes.

"Ah, my beautiful Viconia," Edwin said sweetly, "We have met so briefly last year, but your frankness, bearing and grace have beguiled me quite profoundly. Perhaps I could convince you to..."

"Save your breath, _iblith_!" Viconia snarled, fished a small dagger from her boot and lay the tip against Edwin's neck in record time. "And if you ever talk about my friend Dynaheir in such a fashion again, I shall make certain that the only thing you'll need your right hand for is for writing and holding a fork!"

"This is a practitioner of evil magics!" Keldorn said. "I can sense it in my bones!"

Edwin pressed his index finger at the flat blade of Viconia's dagger and gently pushed it aside. "And what bones are they, you undersized mountain-gorilla? (Probably the bones he gnaws before returning to his doghouse every eve.)" Edwin snickered.

"Scum!" Keldorn bellowed. "Doer of evil!"

Edwin merely freigned a yawn.

It was then that Jan piped up. "Wow, such hostility in this room. That can't be healthy for your blood pressures. Perhaps we should talk about our differences and try to address each other with calm and respect. You see, my uncle Phil Jansen had this public venue where families could discuss their problems in an honest and open discussion. Shame he got horribly killed when he got too lippy at a family of half-orc barbarians. I guess you don't suggest to barbarians that they should follow an anger management course."

"Edwin," Laska mused, interrupting the shouts. "Didn't we throw you into the river back at Nashkel?"

"My robe was soaked for days! (not to mention having to explain to my peers why there was a dead fish in my inner pocket)." Edwin narrowed his eyes. "My ultimate mission is too important to suffer distraction from simpletons."

"And what might that mission be?" Jan asked. "To find the world's biggest ego? You've come a long way already, baby..."

"Uh-huh," Laska added. "Let me just say, that I'd rather shovel horse dung than work with you, Edwin."

"You've no choice in the matter, you sorry excuse for an elf," Edwin spat. "Mae'Var is my benefactor, I his trusted emissary. His left hand may never know what his right hand does, but I do for I am it."

"No doubt ye be linin' yer pockets with 'is golders, ey?" Korgan winked.

Laska strolled over to the Thayvian wizard and spoke to him in a husky voice. "So, you and Mae'Var are pretty close then?"

"Not really," Edwin sneered. "I merely know enough about him to ruin his career and quite possible end the monkey's life. (How little significant it even is...) As it happens, I know where we can find damning evidence of Mae'Var's betrayal of Renal Bloodscalp. That is your purpose here, isn't it? (Yes, I thought so.)"

"Really?" Laska said with wide eyes.

"Yes, (impudent elf)," Edwin sneered. "I possess a key which gives access to Mae'Var's cache of secret documents. I shall give it to you, if you simians deem to perform a little task for me. One of the cowled wizards has started to investigate..."

"NOW!" Laska suddenly shouted and the party shot forward.

"Wha..." Edwin managed to mutter before he was overwhelmed. Minsc bowed down, grasped Edwin by his legs and hoisted him up in the air.

"Put me down, you deranged apes! (If they don't put me down this instant, I swear I will... do something at least!)" Edwin bellowed before his eyes were covered by his own robe, which had fallen down.

"There's the key!" Jan called.

"Good!" Laska said while handling a wildly struggling Red Wizard. "Go find out which lock it belongs to!"

"As quick as a turnip-wasp who's noticed a Calimport Delicious!" Jan said and sped off.

"Simians, Gorilla's, Hooligans!" Edwin spat. "I shall make you rue the day you have ever heard the name Edwin Odesseiron!

"Quick," Viconia said. "Try his robe together! He won't be able to cast any spells!"

"Keldorn?" Laska asked. "Get one of those crates we saw downstairs! Korgan? It's axe time!"

"I thought ye'd never be asking," Korgan grinned and hit the wizard on the head with the flat end of his axe.

* * *

"Excuse me, good captain?" Laska asked as she and her friends walked up to one of the largest ships moored at the docks.

"Ey?" the captain, a burly dwarf with a ruddy beard and an eyepatch, asked. "Oh, I be sorry miss, but if ye be lookin' for passage over the high sees, thar be no places where da' Elfmaid be mooring. We be headed straight for Easthaven in Icewind Dale ta be deliverin' supplies. They be in dire need fer foodstuffs."

"Perfect," Laska purred. "This crate here contains a fragile tea service. It's a gift for my aunt in Lonelywood. I'd appreciate it if you could take it along."

"Certainly, miss," the captain said. "That'll be 50 golders, and you'll have to haul it on board yourself."

"Such a small sacrifice," Laska purred and paid the gold. The captain pointed to the boarding plank and walked off to confer with his crew.

Laska, Korgan, Viconia, Minsc and Keldorn heaved the chest aboard and navigated the slippery deck until they stepped inside the cargo-hold. There, a sudden pounding could be heard and Laska decided it would be best to get the chest as deep in the hold as possible.

"Hey," Viconia suddenly said. "Shouldn't we have drill some air-holes?"

"Sure," Laska chuckled and drew Ipsiya. Twirling the sword, she slammed it down to piece the chest.

"Aaahahhh!" could be heard from the chest. "Watch it! (Stupid, moronic monkeys! Almost hit my kidney!)"

"Now, ye just be sittin' tight," Korgan chuckled. "And when ye be hearin' the penguins sing, ye will know ye be there."

"What?! Let me out!" Edwin pleaded.

"Not a chance," Laska chuckled. "I've left some flasks of water and field-rations in the chest which you can grasp and I'll be leaving your spellbook lying on top of the chest for when you get out."

"But...(And I was about to score with Viconia, too!)" Edwin stammered.

"Boo is pleased," Minsc chuckled. "Dynaheir would have approved!"

"Hmmm," Keldorn laughed. "This is a solution I can live with."

"Let me OUT!" Edwin yelled for the last time as the group left the cargo hold. "Master Dekaras never told me how to deal with _this_ kind of situation," he sighed.

* * *

"Ah, Laska and co!" Renal Bloodscalp said as looked up from his work as soon as he heard the party approach. "I was just counting some loot from a delightful outing we had not long ago and I thought of you. Mask help me if I didn't smile just a little!"

"I'm sure," Laska gnodded. "We have something for you too. Jan?"

"Here it is, Renny," Jan said and tossed him a scroll. "Mae'Var's dirty laundry. Seems our boy has been dealing with the night-thieves. Quite silly to keep the goods in his nightstand too. But then again, it's not really smart to hold turnips under your bed as well, like my Uncle Roberto once did..."

"Is that so?" Renal seemed genuinely surprised. "Night-thieves. Now, that is unexpected. Fortunately, it's more than enough to damn Mae'Var completely. Thank you for providing this. I can now move against Mae'Var. Or rather, _you_ can now move against Mae'Var."

"So were are assassins now," Keldorn menaced.

"You've seen how that scumbag acts," Laska said. "Let's stomp out some evil buggers!"

"Go and eliminate Mae'Var then, with my full authority," Renal said. "Do that and this business shall be finished, finally."

* * *

"Dammit, someone told 'em we be coming!" Korgan shouted over the noise.

"Is it really that obvious?" Laska retorted and slammed Ipsiya in the chest of one of the attacking thieves.

"Be nice to be able ta get the drop on 'em once in a while!" Korgan yelled and slashed his axe across the belly of a screaming thief, disemboweling him in the process.

"GREAT FUN!" Minsc yelled again and slashed his large sword around with expertise. Viconia rammed her mace around and kicked one thief in the jaw. Keldorn grimaced and brought the hallowed redeemer home on the shoulder of yet another thief. Jan fired crossbow-bolts from a safe distance, and barely managed to dodge an arrow. All in all, it was pandemonium and the party was outnumbered three to one.

"Having fun, Ipsiya?" Laska asked while blocking one blow, and countering another thief by kicking him in a tender area.

_*Quite,*_ she said. _*Now if only these morally incorrect humans would wash more often.*_

"Always something to complain about, eh?" Laska said, right before slamming her hit into a female cutpurse's forehead, sending her sprawling down to the ground.

"That was the last of them," Viconia said after finishing off the last thief by slamming her small shield against his chin and following up with magic fire pouring down from the ceiling on top of the hapless man's fallen body. "Let us finish Mae'Var."

The party rushed towards the cellar, only to find Mae'Var standing at the ready. "Come for me, have you?" he spat, and motioned for several bodyguards to join the fray. "I've still those loyal to me and they have warned me. We'll not lay down for you!" That said, Mae'Var and his associates charged.

Korgan's axe sang, Viconia's flail twirled. Swords and daggers cleft through the air, but neither group seemed to be making any progress. At the sides of the battle, the captured prisoners and slaves of Mae'Var looked on with a renewed hope.

At the heat of battle, Viconia fished the statuette out of her pouch. Then, after uttering some words of power, a giant spider appeared on the battlefield. Surprised by Khittix's sudden appearence, the thieves stepped back a little, giving the party temporary advantage. Keldorn made us of the distraction to bring down his Hallowed Redeemer onto the skull of one of the thieves.

Khittix suddenly twittered and spat webbings towards the thieves, bringing chaos among their ranks. Several thieves were caught in the sticky substance, including Mae'Var. Struggling too wildly against the web, Mae'Var toppled over and fell to the floor.

"Aye," Korgan chuckled. "This 'ere beastie be not so bad after all!" He held his axe above his head and slammed it down on Mae'Var.

* * *

"FIVE THOUSAND GOLDERS!" Korgan shouted as the party stepped out of the Renal's guildhouse. "Now that be a reward!"

"Plus we managed to destroy a very evil guild," Keldorn added. "Can you believe some of those slaves had been there for over ten years?"

"So..." Viconia asked. "Are we going back to the inn?"

"Well, we should have enough golders for a couple of drinks," Laska said, feeling very satisfied with herself. "And it goes a long way to help us find Imoen. Who knows, maybe we'll..."

At that moment, a dark figure stepped out of the shadows. He was an odd looking fellow, with a maniacal grin tattooed on his face. Obviously a wizard, judging from his robe and staff, he looked upon the party with disdain.

"You there! Unwashed one! I would have a word with you!" Laska heard called from behind. "I want to hire you."

"Oh, no," Jan moaned. "What now?"

Laska blinked. "Wow," she said. "There really is work for adventurers on every street corner in this city. We've barely finished one job and it's right onwards to the next one."

"I be lettin' ye know," Korgan said, while glancing at Minsc. "that I be 'avin' a bath last night."

"Last morning," Viconia added, referring to herself.

"Two days ago," Laska added and smelled herself. Perhaps a long soak back at the inn was in order.

"And here we have yet another practitioner of evil magics!" Keldorn shouted and drew his sword.

Laska hissed. "Quiet, Keldorn! You want to cost us work?"

"I am Xzar," the wizard bowed, his voice changing from a madman's high pitch to a reasonable baritone. "My friend Monty has been taken captive by those irksome Harpers. I would have you enter their building and find Monty for me."

"Harpers?" Laska said, intrigued. "Here? In the city?"

"Duh," Xzar said. "See that building over there? That is their stronghold. It is where they have taken Monty. He is a halfling of a most disagreeable nature. As such he will be hard to miss. All you have to do is break into the compound KILL EVERYBODY, EAT THEIR HEARTS AND FORNICATE WITH THEIR REMAINS and then rescue Monty and bring him back to me. Or just rescue Monty, don't KILL EVERYBODY, EAT THEIR HEARTS AND FORNICATE WITH THEIR REMAINS but that would be the boring option."

The six friends blinked in unison.

"Uhm," Minsc started. "Boo says that is, uhm..."

"Deranged?" Viconia finished.

"Quite," Jan added.

"Hmmm," Laska said, thinking, "Fine. I will see what I can do."

"Goody, goody!" Xzar said. "Monty! I'll be seeing you very soon!"

That said, the group left the mad wizard to his musings and headed to the building Xzar had conveniently identified as the Harper-hold.

"Laska," Keldorn said as they made their way, "the Harpers are an organization that does good, despite what you might hear. I would not brook any attempt by that cretin to subvert them."

"I don't care about Xzar, Keldorn," she replied. "But I would like to know why there are Harpers here. My dealings with them were not very pleasant in the past."

They came to a large building, about the size of the thieves' guild. From the outside, the building didn't look very spectacular to say the least. There was a man standing in front of the door. He was looking very burly, like someone who didn't want to be messed with... which gave Laska the distinct pleasure of wanting making his life miserable.

"Hi there!" she greeted happily. "Is this the Harper-hold? Wow, I came all the way from Baldur's Gate to see this! Can I take a peek inside? Maybe? Maybe? Huh?"

"Get lost, kid," the guard said. "This is private property."

"So this is not the Harper-Hold, then?" Laska said. "Hmmm, perhaps we took a wrong turn then, eh? Perhaps the six of us should ask around then, to see where we could find the hold instead!"

"Errmmm," the guard said. "Now just hold on a minute."

"Jan, can your family help us in asking around?"

"Sure, kid, sure!" Jan said. "I can ask Ma, uncle Beeloo, Tot and Tat, Uncle Gerhardt, Aunt Petunia, Cousin Scooter, Aunty Rumbledors, Cousin Albert, Uncle Eduardo, Cousin It, Uncle Shabby, Aunty Regina, Cousin Gerty..."

"Yes," Viconia added with a wicked grin "All of us together can find that pesky Harper-Hold. Then we will tell everyone where it is, so no one will have to look for it again!"

"HOLD IT!" the guard said. "Alright! Don't you realize you will endanger many Harpers with your antics? You'll waste the lives of the heroic!"

"Heroic?" Laska snorted. "What they tried to do to me back in Baldur's Gate was hardly heroic."

"You risk the wrath of the Harper-justice," the guard tried.

"Oh," Laska said in a little-girl-voice, "I'm sooooooo scared. Look, I'm shaking!"

"I am warning you!"

"Stow it! We only want to know where Montaron is. He's the little halfling thief that you nabbed some time ago!" Laska yelled.

"Oh, is that all?!" the guard shouted. He walked over to the door and whispered something inside while it was ajar. A female handed him a golden birdcage sometime later and the guard returned. "Here is your stinking thief! Take it and be gone!"

Laska blinked. "That's a bird, not a halfling. I might not look very smart, but I know the difference between the two."

"That is what you came for. Take it or leave it," the guard huffed.

"'kay," Laska shrugged and then walked away, only to turn around after walking a hundred yards and screaming at the top of her lungs: "BYE, HARPER-SIR!", drawing chuckles from most of her friends.

The party made their way back to where the wizard Xzar was impatiently waiting for them to return.

"Okay, Xzar," Laska said they approached him. "We have your friend here. It seemed the Harpers turned him into a bird."

"Better to be turned into a bird than into a seal," said Jan. "You might be pressed into a life at the circus. And before you know it, you spend the rest of your days balancing a ball on your nose for the paltry reward of a herring."

"Finally Montaron will be returned to my side! " he yelled in glee and started the incantation to return the bird to its proper form.

The series of events which followed happened too fast for most of the party to follow. Instead of a surly halfling, the bird changed into a lovely silver-clad half-elf. A half-elf who was carrying a crossbow. With the speed of a striking serpent, the half-elf assassin aimed the crossbow and shot the surprised wizard right the forehead. The necromancer was dead before he even hit the group. While the party fumbled for their weapons, Laska was the quickest. The half-elf turned towards the party, crossbow in hand, but suddenly a stunned and pained expression appeared on her face.

The party was stunned to see a sword buried almost to the hilt in the half-elf's chest, the tip sticking out of her back. Blood gushed from her wound as the half-elf gurgled in her moment of death. The sword in question was held by Laska, who seemed just as stricken as the half-elf herself. With a single move, Laska withdrew her sword, causing the Harper assassin to fall to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

"LASKA!" Keldorn yelled out. "What have you done?!"

Seeing the look on Keldorn's face made Laska bite her lip. "Uh-oh," she said as she looked at Keldorn, then at the body of the Harper bleeding out on the ground, then back and Keldorn again. "I did something wrong, didn't I?"

"I'm sure the lady lying dead on the ground would agree," Jan scratched his head.

"You just killed a Harper," Keldorn sighed.

Laska blinked. "Will that get us in trouble?"

"I would think so," Keldorn buried his face in his palm.

"Well... she shouldn't have jumped out at us like that!" Laska bit her lip. "I thought she was going to attack us next!"

"Oh, gods, what a mess," Keldorn sighed. "What are we going to do about this?"

"Hey, it's not my fault, I was just being pro-active!" Laska protested.

Keldorn sighed. "She didn't RUN into your sword, Laska!"

"Well, she might as well have," Laska protested.

"Oy, check if she be carrin' a coinpurse," Korgan suggested.

Laska smiled. "Good idea! She won't be needing her money anymore!"

"Argh!" Keldorn grunted in frustration.

A few minutes later, Laska returned to the Harper-hold. Finding that the guard had gone inside, the elf quickly propped up the body in front of the door. After attaching a note to her tunic which read 'Sorry!', Laska knocked on the door and ran off as quickly as her feet could carry her.

* * *

Master Dekaras is a character from a story written by Laufey called In the Cards at the Attic and is used here with permission. You can find her stories on the Attic. Check them out, it is a wonderful read.


	12. Girls' day out

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 12: Girls' day out_

Laska stretched in her bed as the morning sun warmed her face. It took her only a few moments to notice that she was not in her own room, that the elven sailor next to her was still fast asleep, and that the both of them were quite naked.

Judging from her slight headache, she knew she had been drinking last night, but not too much to keep her from recalling the previous eve. She remembered the celebration last night quite clearly, in fact. She and her group had decided to go to the Sea's Bounty to celebrate their sizable reward. Laska remembered everyone telling jokes and swapping tales over a couple of stiff drinks. Viconia's burlesque joke concerning three Matrons and a poisoned velvet glove stood out especially. It was worth seeing Keldorn grow as red as a beet.

Then, a group of sailors and merchants entered the inn. Their ship had been on a mission of trade from Waterdeep and had docked at Athkatla for repairs and replenishment of supplies. As soon as they saw Viconia sitting at the table, tension mounted and the party began. It was all Keldorn could do to keep an all-out barfight to break out. After some of the elven merchants had threatened an unimpressed Viconia, Laska and Minsc had stood up from their seats to defend their friend. Keldorn's shrewd negotiating tactic (he bought a round of ale for everyone) saved the day, however.

Soon enough, Laska got into a chat with one of the younger elven sailors; one with a particular love for body-art. Sure enough, they started to compare tattoos before too long. Wanting to show off the blue dragon on her lower back, she suggested to find some privacy and ended up taking their drinks to a room. They ended up having a rather close inspection of each other's tattoos as they were rolling around in bed.

A smile crossed Laska's face as she silently slipped out of bed to gather her clothes. Last night had been very enjoyable and it had been far too long a time since she had slept with someone. After all the horrors of the past months being trapped in Irenicus' dungeon, Imoen's kidnapping and finding herself in a strange city with no money, she could use something to take her mind off things. For Laska, sex was always one of the best ways to forget all troubles and focus purely on fun and enjoyment for a while. Plus it didn't have some of alcohol's more nasty side-effects.

She snuck towards the door, directed on last grin at the sleeping elf and stepped out of the door.

* * *

"Vico?" Laska asked as she entered the luxurious room she and her friends had hired. She found the Drow sitting at the table wearing a robe and her fuzzy slippers, sipping on a cup of tea with a content look on her face. "What are you doing up so early?"

"I could ask you the same," Viconia chuckled. "But I did see you slip away with that sailor..."

"Where are the others?" Laska asked.

"Keldorn is sleeping in his room," Viconia said. "That damnable gnome is snoring on the couch. Minsc is sleeping it off next to the gnome and last time I saw him, Korgan was passed out at the table. I assume he is still downstairs with his face on oak."

"Wait, wait, wait, wait," Laska suddenly said and grinned suggestively. "Did you?"

Viconia snorted. "Oh, yes, _him_. Well, it had been a long time since I coupled with a male."

"Anyone I know?" Laska asked with a smile.

"Remember that gold elven merchant that wanted to see me hung?" Viconia grinned wickedly.

"No!" Laska gasped in a mixture of disbelief and irony.

"Oh, yes," Viconia chuckled. "Let's just say that, in a private atmosphere, his tastes for the forbidden were quite more obvious. How about you? Did you enjoy yourself?"

"Yeah, well, we kept each other quite busy most of the night," Laska grinned. "You?"

"Hmmm," Viconia said and rolled her eyes for a moment. "Well, all things considered it wasn't _that_ bad. I had to do almost all of the work, though. Still, it had been a while and he was a clean and submissive male."

"On a scale of one to ten?" Laska grinned.

"Two."

"Only two?"

"Drow have high standards."

"Oh," Laska said. "Where is he, by the way?" she said after looking around for the gold elf.

"Oh, I tossed him out when I was finished with him," Viconia grinned evilly. "I didn't want to sleep with his sweaty hulk lying next to me."

"Well," Laska chuckled. "You seem lively today. Now that we have money, how about us girls going out on the town to spend some of it? We could invest some of our reward money in some new gear."

"Sounds good to me," Viconia said and emptied her cup of tea.

"Let me just jump in the bathtub first," Laska grinned. "I'm still a bit sweaty after last night's work-out. Hot sex has a tendency to do that."

* * *

It might have been early in the morning, but Waukeen's Promenade was already bustling with merchants and customers alike. All around, people were bartering, arguing, hawking and otherwise exchanging currency for goods and goods for currency. Laska sighed as she realized this was the first time she had been here since Imoen had been taken from her. She looked over to the rubble of the collapsed entrance to the dungeon in which she had been trapped. The rubble had barely been touched, so even after a week the clean-up of the mess she and Irenicus had made had only just barely begun, showing the sluggish reaction-speed of the Athkatlan political machine. In fact, the only action that had been taken had been to place a small sign warning for falling pebbles.

Viconia was visibly impressed when she saw the Colosseum-like promenade, which housed not only shops but also quite a number of people. The multi-layered Colosseum was built of marble and granite alike, a true monument to the wealth of the city of Athkatla. The two elves were approaching the entrance to the northern side of the marketplace when a scruffy human male with a crazy look in his eyes jumped out from the shadows.

"Elves!" the man ranted. "Stinkin' elves! You dare to wrap yourself in your race's pride!"

"Yeah," Laska menaced, "we elves have a lot to be proud of... got a problem with that?"

"Yes, I have actually!" the man ranted.

"Are you actually talking to this nothing?" Viconia asked Laska.

"Elven fiend, with your pointed ears and your narrow faces!" the man ranted on. "Your very appearance is insulting to us _real_ humans!"

"Oh, now you're just being jealous!" Laska said, angering the man even further. "You don't look as good as we do and you wish you have such cool pointed ears like we have. Tsk, tsk... ear-envy is a very serious issue, I hear."

"Come to think of it," Viconia chuckled. "He does have a bit of a smashed nose. And let us not mention the rest of his face, which looks like a cart just ran over his head..."

"Yeah," Laska said. "Now that you mention it, he does look a bit like a camel."

"I will not hear your words!" the man rambled steadily on. "You are a demonic copy of us, created by the gods to punish us for our sins!"

"I hate to break it to you, pallie," Laska replied, "but us elves have been here much longer than you have."

"ELVEN PROPAGANDA!" the man shouted while a vein in his neck almost popped.

"I thought you wouldn't hear our words?" Viconia chuckled.

"The day will come when humanity will see your true faces! You shall be cleansed, you hear me?" the man shouted. "YOUR SOULS SHALL ROT IN THE ABYSS!"

It was about then that Laska noticed the man had stepped very close to the edge of the fountain. Glancing over at Viconia, she noticed her friend had seen it as well. Grinning wickedly, both Viconia and Laska shot forward and shoved the jerky man into the water. After a gratifying splash the sputtering man surfaced again, too outraged to utter a word.

"Oh, and by the way," Laska chuckled, "elves have spirits, not souls. Subtle difference." Laughing heartily, the two friends walked towards the marketplace, leaving the steaming man behind.

* * *

"Wow, this place is incredible!" Laska said as the two elves entered the Adventurer Mart. The shop was large, and filled with all kinds of weapons, spell-components, armor, ammunition and supplies. A lot of people from the adventurer's cloth were browsing around or chatting. Artworks and tapestries richly adorned the walls of the shop, which consisted of two levels and in the middle of the shop, behind the counter stood a friendly looking half-elf flanked by a burly dwarf. A loft above the counter led to even more stacks of useful items.

"This is an adventurer's dream!" Laska said gleefully as her eyes fell on some magical armor on display, propped up on a wooden holder. "Look at those enchanted chainmails! Only three thousand gold!"

"Why don't we concentrate on the dire necessities, Laska?" Viconia asked.

"Huh?" Laska said. "What can be more necessary than armor and weapons?"

"Oh, how about a tent, rations, pots and pans, bedrolls and a tinderbox, maybe?" Viconia suggested. "You know, the things we lost when we were ambushed."

"Oh, we won't need that stuff!" Laska said. "We're in the city now!"

"Pay attention to the word 'now', Laska," Viconia chuckled. "'Now' often changes."

"Oh, alright then!" Laska sighed. "What did you have in mind?"

"Look at this," Viconia said and picked up the most expensive tent from the stack. "The Amnian-World-Ranger-Stormbuster Mark 8, third edition. It's strong, durable, fits six to eight persons, is quick to assemble and can withstand rain and storm."

"_Any_ storm, huh?" Laska chuckled. "Well, those inventors never spend any time around Korgan when he breaks wind. How much is it?"

"The tinderbox is fifty gold, the set of cookware and crockery are seventy gold, we can get six good bedrolls for twenty gold each and the tent costs two hundred and forty gold," Viconia said.

"I'm not paying two hundred and forty gold for a piece of cloth!" Laska said.

"Funny," Viconia said with a grin. "You are perfectly willing to toss down three thousand for a piece of enchanted metal."

"Fine," Laska sighed. "We'll buy them."

Viconia smiled smugly over her victory and put the items in her complementary basket. The two elves then strolled over to the counter, where the smiling half-elf was standing.

"Well, hello there, lovely ladies," the half-elf greeted with a over-exaggerated bow. "Ribald Barterman at your service. Welcome to the Adventure Mart, a shop solely outfitted for those of adventurer stock."

"We can see that, male," Viconia muttered under her breath and put the contents of her basket on the counter.

"Say," Laska asked, "do you also buy items from adventurers? I've got a whole Bag of Holding filled with a variety of Carefully-Collected-But-Completely-Useless-Junk... In mint-condition! Well, mostly."

"Certainly!" Ribald replied. "We buy and sell items all the time. Let's see if we can make a deal."

"Let me handle this, Laska," Viconia said. "I am the trader here."

The next few minutes were spent making various deals for items Laska and her friends had obtained during their previous trips through the city, but couldn't use themselves. Satisfied with the fact that her money-pouch now contained twice as much money as she had when she entered the store, Laska decided it was definitely time for a new chainmail.

"I like the look of those chainmails," Laska said. "Is there a place where I can fit them?"

"Certainly!" Ribald said after charging Viconia for the equipment she had bought. "There's a fitting room in the back, complete with a sparring dummy and complementary swords. Please leave the swords for the other customers when you're done with them."

The two elves stepped onto the loft where the fitting rooms were and started picking through the chainmails hanging from a round rack.

"How'd you like this one?" Laska said as she picked a skimpy chainmail from the round rack and held it in front of her. It was obvious that little number would leave very little to the imagination.

"Bit lavish," Viconia said, while glancing at the paintings in the back of the store. "Besides, do you really want that deep a cleavage? A bandit could easily bypass the armor completely and plunge an arrow in your heart!"

"I sense your attention is not quite on my armor, Vico," Laska said sarcastically.

"Hmmm?" Viconia asked. "Oh. Well, I was just looking at the pictures. Whatever happened to Tiamat, I wonder."

"I read somewhere," Laska began, a pensive look crossing her tattooed features, "that she lost her purpose in life when she ate all her enemies. I think she went in real-estate or something. But take a look at this chainmail already."

She took several of the chainmails she had chosen from the rack and headed towards the fitting room. Taking the first one off the stack she had chosen, she removed her old armor and tried to squeeze into the new one.

"Oh, dammit," Laska fumed. "My breasts don't fit into this one. It's supposed to be an elven-sized chain-mail for crying out loud!"

"Oh, we can remedy that easily," Viconia chuckled. "Give me one of your knives."

"You're kidding, right? Right?" Laska asked with a raised eyebrow.

Laska pulled the chainmail over her head again and put on the next one on the pile. Immediately, Laska had the sensation of drowning in the baggy chainmail. "Ack," she hissed in disgust. "This one is human-sized! What's it doing on the elven-rack?!"

Another toss and another chainmail was tested. Everything seemed right this time, until a look of intense discomfort suddenly crossed Laska's features. "Vico," she said. "This chainmail was made for females by a _male_ blacksmith who had no clue about female anatomy."

Viconia directed a look of sympathy towards Laska. "I hate when that happens," she added. "It's actually a capital offense in a drow city."

"I mean," Laska said while running her hands over her bosom, "no extra leather padding for support and insulation! I can feel the cold of the metal on my skin."

"And no woman wants to be chilly in the chest-area," Viconia added in disgust.

"Toss!" Laska yelled and ripped the chainmail off her body. The next one was a little better. It seemed to fit well, and Laska decided to take the swords for a combat run. After a few moments of sparring, this chainmail was tossed off as well. Following Viconia's questioning look, Laska answered "It's too tight! It pulls in my neck and sides when I thrust, and around my back when I spin."

Sighing heavily, she sat down on the bench, ready to put on the last chainmail.

"Why don't you buy a nice plate?" Viconia asked. "Nice and roomy, and it only impedes movement a little."

"You're one to talk, Vico!" Laska said. "You're the one who wears splint. Besides, I've said it before: I'm simply a chainmail-gal."

Viconia sighed heavily and sat down next to her friend. "I was hoping to get your Mail of the Dead when you buy a new armor," she grinned. "Besides, that Ankheg Plate Thunderhammer made for me fit me like a second skin. Too bad I had to sell it."

"You may get my mail yet," Laska said as she fitted the Crimson Mail and twirled around. "This one fits like it was made for me!"

"Are you sure you want that one?" Viconia asked as she regarded Laska. "I mean, it's just so _red_, it's bad luck, I think."

"I think we have a winner!" Laska said as she swung her sword to the dummy with some acrobatic movements.

"Good," Viconia grinned and tried on her friend's Mail of the Dead for good measure.

* * *

"I cannot believe this," Viconia snarled as the two elves walked alongside the many stalls, each one wearing their new armors. "A vendor who sells fried lizards on a stick? Who'd eat a lizard on a stick?!"

"Tastes like chicken," Laska said and bit off the lizard's head.

"Is there anything you _won'_t eat?" Viconia said, remembering the time when Laska had cooked for their party back in Cloakwood. When the meal was halfway finished, Laska had casually mentioned the sweet meat they were eating belonged to one of the Ettercaps they had slain that morning. The evening-dinner ended abruptly when Imoen turned sheet-white and Dynaheir ran over to the bushes to hurl her dinner. Laska, however, was actually quite a good chef, put a lot of work in preparing the meal and had been so insulted that she hadn't talked to anyone for a whole day.

On the promenade, the two elves walked past a stand which contained a various amount of old trinkets, junk and other various strange, exotic, old (and often, very useless) objects. A short, graying dark-skinned human male was sitting in front of all the useless items, eyeing the two elves' money pouch. Next to him, stood another dark-skinned man, tall and with a warm smile.

Suddenly, the smaller, older man stood up and addressed the two elves. "Ah, might you two pointy-eared foxy ladies be interested in some of our quality merchandise? We have a collection of fine antiquities to browse, of which many people did not see the true value!"

"We sell junk," the taller man broke in.

"Quiet, you big dummy!" the older man said. "Don't you recognize two pigeons when you see them? Ermmm, I mean, lovely ladies, of course. My name is Sed Franford, and this dummy here is my son La Monte."

"Will you stop calling me dummy, pop!" La Monte replied. "I'm sick and tired of you calling me a dummy in front of the customers. I think I really should try to find a better job."

"Who's gonna be stupid enough to hire you?" Sed said. "Ain't nobody gonna hire a dummy, stupid! Stupid dummy."

La Monte sighed and addressed the two elves. "I'm sorry about that. Feel welcome to peruse our items."

"As long as you are prepared to leave some cash behind, and ain't gonna be no freeloader!" Sed added.

A few minutes of browsing through the 'antiquities' later, Laska grinned broadly when she noticed a pair of glasses. Immediately, she put in on and took on a sexy pose, thrusting her chest forwards and arching her neck upwards, flipping her hair in the process. "How do I look?" she asked Viconia.

"A bit smarter," Viconia said impassively.

"What do you mean, 'a bit smarter'? Are you saying I don't normally look smart?" Laska asked with a smile.

"Yep," Viconia chuckled. "You normally look like a big, dumb, muscle-brained, tattooed, useless-for anything-but-fighting elven tramp."

"See what I have to put up with everyday?" she grinned at La Monte.

"I hear you, sister," La Monte said while directing a glance at his father.

"Wait a minute!" Laska said. "I suddenly know what this ring is! It's a ring of Invisibility! I just wore it because it looked pretty!" Immediately, Laska grabbed some unidentified items from her Bag of Holding. "This is a Rod of Resurrection... This is a Potion of Hill Giant Strength!... Wow! How much for these glasses?"

"For you," Sed pretended to make her a good deal, "just ten big ones."

"Bit steep," Laska replied.

"You think so?" Sed replied in annoyance. "How about this: In this world, you've got the Haves and the Have-nots. Now, if the Haves would give the half of what they have to the Have-nots, the Haves would still be the Haves and the Have-nots would be the Have-sumtins!"

"Come on, pop!" La Monte said. "A thousand gold _is_ steep! Let me make you a better deal: How about six hundred?"

"OHHH!" Sed said while suddenly clutching his chest and raising his head to the skies. "Our son is trying to give away everything we own! This is the Big One, Elizabeth! I'm coming to join you, honey. Penniless and thin as a stick!"

"Oh, pop," La Monte said.

Laska carefully tucked the pair of glasses in her Bag of Holding for later use as she and Viconia continued their way through the stalls and vendors.

Apparently, there was a circus in town. Several brightly colored tents had been raised in the middle of the promenade, amidst several odd contraptions which were on display. Laska and Viconia stood in front of a strange wooden contraption with a glass bubble in the front and a propeller at the back.

"How about that," Viconia said. "A ship that sails underneath the waves. I wish I'd had that during trade missions in the Underdark. I could have sunk the ships of the competing houses with that spike weapon on the front."

Suddenly, the sound of screaming children could be heard from the largest circus tent. At first, Laska and Viconia paid it no mind, thinking it was just children being entertained. It wasn't until a bit later that they realized that they were actually screams of terror.

Apparently, a huge group of people were running away from the circus-tent at the center of the square. Sharing a look, the two elves decided to investigate further.

As they stood near the multi-colored tent, they noticed the entrance-flap gave way to an extremely dark passageway which seemed to run quite deep far deeper then the tent was long. Just as the last person ran out of the tent, Laska grabbed him by the arm, causing the man to protest loudly and tried to pull free of Laska's iron grip. "Lemme GO! Monsters! Werewolves! Death! I saw DEATH! KALAH! KALAH!"

"What was that about?" Viconia wondered as she rubbed her chin.

"Maybe there's someone in the tent," said Laska. "Someone named Kalah."

"Really?" Viconia snorted. "What was your first clue, genius?"

Laska grinned lopsidedly as her friend, making it clear she wanted to take a look inside.

"I'm going to regret this, aren't I?" Viconia sighed.

"Probably, yes," Laska winked.

As soon as the two elves stepped through the void, they arrived at an impressive and luxurious castle. It was oddly shaped, flanked by swirling grey color schemes which seemed to be impossible to exist outside of a painting. A small drawbridge crossed a moat comprised of a liquid as dark as ink.

"Is it just me," Laska asked, "or is the tent way too small to contain all this?"

"This place is not real, Laska," Viconia said. "Trust nothing here."

The two elves strolled forward and stepped on the drawbridge. Immediately, a genie appeared out of thin air. Before Viconia and Laska could react, many invisible hands grabbed them and hoisted them up in the air under loud protests and many colorful expletives.

"SILENCE!" the genie, a malicious looking man wearing a turban and having a cone of smoke for legs, bellowed. "See that water down there? It kills everything it touches instantly. Struggle, and I will command my minions to toss you into the moat. Fortunately, I have a little riddle for you. Should you answer it correctly, I will let you go. Otherwise, you both die horribly."

"Well," Viconia directed at Laska. "That's another fine mess you've gotten us into."

"Shit, I'm crap at riddles!" Laska said.

"Answer me this," the genie grinned. "A princess is as old as the prince will be when the princess is twice as old as the prince was when the princess' age was half the sum of their present age. How old are they? Take your time. But you can only answer once."

"Any ideas?" Laska asked, not having a clue.

"Hmmmm," Viconia said and put her finger to her mouth, "If I'm right, the prince is thirty and the princess is forty. The princess is as old as the prince will be when the princess is twice as old as the prince was when the princess' age was half the sum of their present age, correct?"

"Eeeeeeeemmmmm," Laska stared blankly.

"So when the princess was half the sum of their present ages, she was thirty-five," Viconia said. "Add thirty and forty and divide them by two and you'll get thirty-five. Do you follow?"

"Eeeeemmmm," Laska looked like a deer which was about to be hit between the eyes by an arrow.

"So, when the princess was thirty-five, the prince was ten years younger... twenty-five," Viconia added.

"Twice the prince's age then is fifty and when the princess is fifty," Viconia grinned, "the prince will be ten years younger. He'll be forty. Which means, the princess is forty, which agrees with what we started with! Are you still with me, Laska?"

"I think you lost me where you said 'If I'm right'," Laska said and rubbed her forehead. "Can you run this by me again?"

But the genie broke in. "Yes," he said, clearly impressed. "You are correct... and you have definitely more brains than the one who summoned me and had me create this place. Do kill him, would you?" That said, the genie was off, and the two elves fell to the floor with another batch of loud expletives.

After dusting themselves off, Laska and Viconia crossed into the courtyard, which was just as lavish and colorful as the circus-tent. A large fountain spewing fresh water was the center of the room and was flanked by many pots filled with fragrant flowers. Most notably, though, was the extremely large and disgusting ogre standing behind the fountain.

"Oh, more prisoners of..." the ogre spoke in a sweet, childlike voice, but it was too late. Laska was already in the air, shouting a warcry while Ipsiya glowed blue in the darkness as she prepared to lop off the ogre's head with a single swing. The ogre stared death in the face, covered its eyes with its hands and screamed in a shattering, high-pitched voice. At the last moment, Laska realized her mistake and managed to slightly bend her body away from the crying ogre, her blades barely missing the beast. Laska shot past the creature and slammed into the railing with a loud crash. A pot toppled and fell down, shattering over Laska's head.

"I don't know about you," Laska wheezed in pain as she removed earth, shards and the offending flower from her hair. "But these illusions feel pretty real to me!"

"I'm sure they do!" Viconia said, barely able to contain her laughter.

"I... Is it safe?" the ogre stammered.

"Safe is a relative term around Laska," Viconia answered.

"Y-You are a _drow_!" the ogre screamed.

"And you're an ogre," Viconia said carefully. "That makes us even."

"I am not an ogre! I am an elf! A winged elf... or at least, I was... My name is Aerie... And Kalah has... transformed me..." the ogre formally known as Aerie said.

"Figures," Laska said. "I bet those other monsters are actually normal people caught up in this fake world."

"My uncle Quayle!" Aerie suddenly yelled. "Kalah took my uncle! He's gonna kill him! We have to rescue him, please!"

"We?" Laska asked with disbelief. "No... Vico and I will handle this one. You stay here and out of trouble."

"O-Okay," Aerie said, sounding a little hurt. Laska motioned Viconia to join her and they both ventured deeper into the complex.

* * *

"Dammit!" Laska yelled out while she and Viconia were beset by dozens of werewolves and shadows. The creatures seemed to match every blow Laska inflicted on them, while they fought in a round room filled with many mirrors.

"You're not real!" Viconia suddenly yelled. "_None of you are_!" Due to the strength of her conviction, more than a dozen of the creatures moaned in sorrow and disappeared in a flash of light.

Thinking she could do the same, Laska lowered her weapons and confronted her attackers. "None of you are re..." Laska was never able to finished her sentence. A werewolf slammed his fist against Laska's jaw. Blood spurt from her mouth and a coppery taste teased her tongue as she flew backwards.

"Quickly!" Viconia yelled and dragged her partially stunned friend along to the stairs, where they quickly closed and barred the door. Turning away from the pounding and scratching on the door, they noticed they had entered a luxurious throne-room, filled with riches and treasure. On the throne sat a large and imposing Ogre-mage.

"So," the ogre replied in a voice that was far to high-pitched and squeaky to belong to a large ogre, "I doubted that you would survive to meet me. Welcome to my domain. I regret that my hospitality will result in your deaths."

Before they could reply, a bright flash of light blinded Laska, and when she opened her eyes... two Viconia's stood in front of her, completely identical in every way.

"I'm the real me!" Left-Viconia shouted. "Kill her!"

"What?" Right-Viconia retorted. "You don't even look like me, _iblith_! Laska, kill _her_!"

"Errrmmmmmm," Laska said, her brain almost frying in her skull. "I... I don't know."

"You, you," Right-Viconia shouted in anger. "FOOL! Are you such an insipid moron, that you cannot even tell your real friend from a fake version of her? You truly are a moronic bitch!"

This time, Laska grinned evilly and swiftly drove her blade through the heart of a surprised Left-Viconia. "That's _my_ Viconia," she said, while smiling at Right-Viconia.

"N-no," Left-Viconia said while blood ran from her mouth. "T-this isn't what the genie promised me."

Immediately, Left-Viconia turned into an unattractive gnome while the castle rippled out of existence, making place for the familiar sights of a circus-tent. The commoners were happy to have been returned to their normal forms, and a blonde-haired elven girl was lovingly embraced by an older gnome.

"I suppose he wanted to be more than he was," Viconia shook his head. "Foolish gnome."

Immediately, Laska started to loot the body of the gnome and found several interesting items. Just as the two elves were getting ready to leave, they heard a girlish voice from behind.

"T-thank you f-for saving us!" Aerie said. "I-I was w-wondering if I c-could j-join you. I always w-wanted to s-see the world and..."

"Wait a minute," Viconia broke in. "Why did you lie to us? You said you were a winged elf. Did you perchance leave your wings on your nightstand this morning?"

The girl stared at the Drow in disbelief before breaking into tears. "H-How could you b-be so c-cruel?!"

"What'd I do?" Viconia retorted.

"I guess there are some people who don't appreciate your special brand of humor, Vico," Laska whispered in her ear.

"I'm sorry, kid," Laska directed at Aerie. "But I don't think adventuring... or our group," Laska added, receiving a nod from Viconia, "is for you. You should make a life for yourself here at the circus."

"As far away from the real world as possible," Viconia muttered to herself.

"O-Okay," Aerie nodded with disappointment. "I-I will be h-here if you change your mind..."

That said, Laska and Viconia left the tent after receiving a final cheer from the circus-people.

* * *

"I _can't_ believe you talked me into this!" Viconia snarled while both elves were lying half-naked on their stomachs at the tattoo-parlor in the slums. The tattoo-artists, a tall half-orc female covered with body-art and a short halfling male, husband and wife, were just adding the last touch to their work. The two were the best at what they did, and Laska was certain she would be returning to their parlor for future work.. On Laska's left and Viconia's right shoulderblade, they had created a matching tattoo: A small image of a sun rising from the sea, symbol of the dispelling of darkness and illusions.

"Hey, we've been talking about this for months back at Baldur's Gate." Laska said as the smiling artists held up mirrors to allow them to see the tattoo. "Come on, admit it! You love it! And it's a memento of our adventure today!"

"Well, it is rather nice," Viconia conceded.

"You loose points for having it down in the same color as your skin, Vico," Laska smirked. "But I guess I'll settle for this."

"Not everybody wants body-art on display as you do," said Viconia.

"Great work!" Laska told the artists and paid them their fee. "You've really outdone yourselves."

"I bet the others are wondering where we are," Viconia added, while she got dressed.

"Oh, they'll live," Laska said as she put on her new chainmail as well. "We'll get back to the Sea's Bounty and pick them up."

As soon as they stepped outside, however, they saw the boys standing on the other side of the Slums, and obviously they were looking for them. Laska waved to get their attention, and soon enough, they were joined by the lads. The only problem, however, was an angry Keldorn.

"You should have left us a note at the very least!" Keldorn said. "We've been worried half to death!"

"Correction!" Korgan added. "'_e_'s the one who be actually worried!"

"I'm sure I left you a note Keldorn," Laska blatantly lied.

"There was no note," Keldorn growled in a low voice.

"Are you sure you checked?" Laska tried. "Maybe it fell behind the couch."

"THERE WAS NO NOTE!" Keldorn menaced. The argument was cut shot though, when buckets of rain suddenly started to pour down instantly. It was time to retreat into the Copper Coronet.


	13. Revolution!

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 13: Revolution!_

Being early in the morning, the Copper Coronet was quite empty except for the usual regulars. A red-haired dwarf was nursing a drink in the corner, a group of perpetually drunken barflies was sitting around a table near the stairs, a bug-eyed man was eating his breakfast and the pouty red-headed girl that had tried to talk to Laska before was still sulking in a corner.

Outside, the rain could be clearly heard pouring down on the roof of the Copper Coronet, accompanied by the occasional thunder. However, to call it mere rain was to it an injustice – outside of the windows was a veritable curtain of rain slamming down on Athkatla. It was literally impossible to see further than a feet or two. To step outside for a minute would mean coming back inside drenched to the bone.

Water dripped through several leaks in the roof and streamed into buckets and pots which were strategically placed on the floor. Laska and her friends, however, had been sitting around the place, bored out of their skulls. Keldorn and Viconia were quietly chatting by the warm fire, while Laska, being in a rare non-drinking mood, was involved into a swearing contest with Korgan which she appeared to be losing. Jan and Minsc in the meantime were engrossed in a game of Amnian Easy-Street.

"Pick a card!" Minsc said as he put his pawn on the appropriate square. Jan quickly fumbled for a card and read it.

"Hmmm, you win first prize in a beauty-contest! Get ten gold," Jan said. "What a nice surprise."

A squeak and a chuckle from Minsc later, the large ranger responded. "Boo highly doubts that, tiny friend."

"If I had a copper for every time I've heard that," Jan snickered, "I'd be completely broke. Anyway, this will finance two new houses on Graveyard Boardwalk. Your turn!"

Minsc tossed Jan ten cardboard disks and rolled the dice. "Ah!" he yelled. "Four! One... Two... Three... Four... AHA! Dock Avenue! Minsc will buy that street!"

"You really think there's money in that one, Minscey?" Jan said. "My turnip stand failed miserably there. I had expected more walk-by traffic, but those sailors were more interested in the local girls when coming back from a long trip at sea, if you can believe it." Then, it was Jan's turn again. He rolled ten and set his pawn forward.

"AHA! Dock Avenue! Minsc owns Dock Avenue and you must pay! Ten gold please!" Minsc said and held out a beefy hand.

Jan sighed and handed Minsc the ten gold disks. "Ah, story of my life," Jan added.

* * *

"... the farmers are usually happy with it, but sometimes these spells of heavy rainfall can last for days on end," Keldorn told Viconia as he warmed his hands at the fire. "And it can be completely unrelenting. The skies can get so dark it seems perpetually evening and we tend to have some landslides near the walls. Though we get rainy season twice a year, they don't tend to last very long, luckily. Basically, life in Amn grinds to a half during these rainstorms."

"I remember the first time I was caught in a rainstorm," Viconia smiled at her own foolishness. "It happened only a day after I had left the Underdark. I thought the emptiness in the sky was falling down, and that I was certain to drown. Falling water was quite a strange concept to me."

"I think we have ample time for another lesson, if you are willing?" Keldorn probed.

"Hmmmm," Viconia bit her lip. "I was afraid you'd say that... but seeing we have little or nothing to do, it might kill some time."

"Actually, this is more of a lesson for me," Keldorn said.

"Oh?"

"Yes," Keldorn said. "Tell me about your family. All I know about the drow I know from a book from the Order Library. I have heard drow families have a certain amount of in-fighting and heavy rivalry."

"My... family?" Viconia asked. She lent back in the chair as she prepared to answer Keldorn. "Well, you seem to have a knack for finding elements of surface-life I fail to understand. I cannot understand the relationships the closeness that the families of the surface retain with each other. I look at how Laska and Imoen treat each other and I must admit to feeling a certain amount of jealously towards that. In drow noble houses, sisters are the most lethal rivals. Rising in station is your only goal."

Keldorn raised an eyebrow, but continued to probe. "What were your younger days like, then?"

"You could say I came from a typical Drow noble House. I had a family of fourteen brothers and sisters. House DeVir's strength was in trade. We had cornered the market on several luxury goods and had license to import certain types of perishables from three other drow cities. As a noble daughter, I spent a lot of time overseeing trade missions to those other cities. In fact, I saw more of the world than an average drow female of my age. Every drow city is different, be it in local customs to philosophical views. Heh," she chuckled. "I've seen things what would be considered weak and blasphemous in Menzoberranzan. My old home wasn't exactly the most liberal of drow cities."

"Hm," Keldorn rubbed his chin. "That is interesting. Would you say that knowing that things can be different made you more adaptable and more willing to accept change?"

Viconia thought for a moment. "And interesting thought, actually. I do not have an answer for you."

"Excuse the interruption, I was just thinking aloud," Keldorn nodded. "You were telling me about your sisters."

"Yes, them," said Viconia. "There were rivalries between us, sometimes bitter. I could say I was 'closer' to some sisters than others, though using the word 'close' to describe my relationship with my sisters would be stretching. Even if we wanted to, we wouldn't be able to show it in public. Our mother delighted in letting us compete over everything. And I do mean everything. At the communal diners, mother made sure that there was always one seat short, meaning there was always one of us forced to skip the meal. Who would be the unlucky one was usually decided by some sort of contest of skill or wit. This rivalry extended to competing over who would be assigned the most prominent trade missions or the most virile male for the evening. Unfortunately, rivalry breeds jealousy and hatred; there were feuds with lethal results, some of them my doing."

Keldorn shook his head in distaste. "The whole arrangement sounds horrible and devoid of caring. How the drow survive is beyond me," he replied.

"Pain and suffering bring strength. And the Spider Queen encourages rivalry and feuds. There was... caring, however, in my childhood," Viconia stammered. "If only a little. You see, Matron Mothers cannot be bothered with the 'trivialities' of raising their children during their younger years. In our house that task befell a trusted commoner. All the children of House DeVir were raised by Vierna. She was an aged Drow herbalist and healer, and she was over a thousand years old," Viconia smiled.

"She was kind... she told us stories... taught us about all the animals which live in the Underdark... she even gave us ample opportunity for play," Viconia said.

"Us?" Keldorn asked.

"The children of House DeVir," Viconia said.

"But," Viconia sighed, "during that time, I was also taught the tenents of Lolth by Devora, my eldest sister. Horrible bitch of a woman; no head for business whatsoever, but she did have a fanatical devotion to Lolth. She... didn't spare the whip. But it was always Vierna who healed my wounds and... made it better."

"She sounds like a unique individual," Keldorn said.

"She was," Viconia smiled sadly. "But let me tell you, Keldorn. The feelings she showed were not unique. Not even among the drow. Forget what you have heard or read about our race, Keldorn," Viconia sighed and shook her head. "We are not evil incarnate. It's usually the commoners who can afford feelings and display them in public.. I once traveled to Rilauven in the far north, and walking across the marketplace there, I often saw scenes which were unimaginable in my own city: Children running and playing, mothers nursing their young, and even a few couples of lovers quietly chatting in a separate corner. And I... deeply envied them," the Drow lamented and shifted uncomfortably in her padded chair.

"But what about you, Keldorn?" the Drow asked with a sly grin, deciding to turn the tables. "I've told you about my childhood, how about you told me a little about yours?"

"There's not much to tell," Keldorn mused. "Compared to yours, my childhood was much more peaceful. Some might say boring."

"Indulge me," Viconia pressed. "Surely there must be more to your story."

"I was born in Esmeltaran, as the son or a wealthly nobleman, and cared for in a most luxurious way," Keldorn began. "My mother hired tutors and knowledgeable men from all over the Realms to educate me in all manner of subjects, ranging from etiquette and philosophy to strategy and the art of warfare. I found those subjects to be fascinating at a later age, but to a child those lessons always seemed rather dull. But later in life, during my teen years, my decisions became rather questionable. One might say I was quite a... juvenile delinquent," Keldorn said with an uncomfortable look on his face.

"NO!" Viconia said and broke into laughter. "You? Say it is not so!"

Keldorn sighed, but smiled a little. "Sure, make fun if you wish, but I was fast becoming a severe disappointment to my parents. I preferred to hang about with my ruffian friends on the streets over anything else. One day, I decided to pull a prank on one of the passer-by's, a Tormtar priest. As I was about to lift his foot, he snapped around and glared at me, snarling: 'No, my son. You will NOT!'. That very night, I had a dream which changed my life forever. An avatar of Torm stood before me, and laid his sword on my shoulder. He did not speak, but the tranquility with which that dream filled me was most alluring. As soon as I woke, I headed to the temple of Torm, where that same priest from the night before was waiting for me, smiling. I quickly became involved and enthralled by my Church. And eventually, my Church sponsored my application to the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart."

"So, you moved to Athkatla to better serve you god, then?" Viconia asked.

"Yes," Keldorn said. "As a squire I toiled to earn a place in the Order. Earning my Paladin-hood was one of the most rewarding experiences in my life. Unfortunately, I wasn't prepared for the rookie-work," Keldorn grimaced. "Instead of the battles for good I expected, I was put on guard-duty in front of the Order Guildhouse or sent on menial tasks of errands. I found out the hard way that the Order never tells its squires about... the paperwork. And why."

"That," Viconia smirked, "must have been a letdown."

"Oh, I was sent on missions soon enough, but, yes, to the impetuous youth that I was, standing in the rain waiting for trouble which would never come, was quite... a letdown," Keldorn chuckled. "That seems like a very long time ago."

"And what about Lady Maria?" Viconia asked.

"Ah!" Keldorn said, lighting up instantly. "I would meet her ten years later. The first time I saw her, I was about to enter the Guildhouse, when I spotted her across the bridge heading into the Temple of Lathander. She was a vision of loveliness, with the sun shining on her beautiful face."

"Let me guess," Viconia sighed. "Love at first sight."

"For me it was," Keldorn grimaced. "But she wouldn't even see me standing! It wasn't until the annual joust..."

"Joust?" Viconia asked. "What is that? Some sort of contest?"

"Yes," Keldorn replied, "a ritual friendly combat where two knights ride on horseback and try to knock each other out of the saddle with a long lance. In any case, I noticed Lady Maria sitting in the lodge with her family and I rode to her. You see, it is customary to offer a Lady a wreath of flowers to show her that the knight is fighting for her affection."

"So," Viconia chuckled, "females _do_ have some power over males on the surface!"

Ignoring her, Keldorn continued his tale. "Lady Maria simply smiled and accepted the wreath I almost fell off my horse in sheer joy."

"And the fairy-tale prince won the joust for his Lady," Viconia mocked wickedly.

"No," Keldorn shook his head and smiled to himself. "I got knocked off the horse and landed on my arse. Right in the middle of a muddy puddle."

"You sound like a rather incompetent jouster, then," Viconia rubbed her chin.

"Yes," Keldorn grimaced, "mock me if you like. But it was that time I considered chevaliering wasn't for me, and decided to specialize myself as an Inquisitor-paladin. I still remember Lady Maria entering sickbay while giggling like a schoolgirl. We got in a conversation and... we were married a year later."

"That's the story?" Viconia asked.

"That's the story..." Keldorn confirmed. "What about you, Viconia?"

"Well," Viconia's face fell and leant back in the chair, "Marriage still seems a bizarre internment to me, tantamount to slavery. Variety is the spice of life... this is certainly the case in the Underdark, since the very notion of the word 'husband' is a very different one. Commoners and nobles can ask for a bonding contracts. Basically, the marriage is handled like a business arrangement; drow pledge to stay together for a set period after which the contract can be renewed. The female holds all the power and can break the contract at will. Children born during a contract period always belong to the female."

"A contract?" Keldorn blinked. "That sounds so cold."

"In noble houses, we often didn't even bother with the contract. We could just take whomever we wanted. In drow noble houses, the husband pledges an oath of loyalty to a female, and he is then expected to obey her every whim in trade for protection and even a position. Drow noble culture also allows for husbands to be disposed of and replaced at the female's indulgence. Husbands deserve to die whenever they become to demanding toward the female or break their oath. I had four husbands in the Underdark, the one more obsequious than the other... I killed the first three for sport."

Then, Viconia noticed Keldorn's stern look. "Oh, don't give me that," Viconia said in annoyance. "They were fools, all of them. But my fourth husband, that was another thing altogether. I killed him for infidelity with my younger sister." Viconia sighed deeply and spoke in soft tones while she avoided Keldorn's gaze, "Of them all, my sister's betrayal was the most difficult to deal with. I didn't wish to, but punishment had to be administered. I caught them together, and bound them where they lay. I soaked them in lamp oil and flammable moss and set them... ablaze."

"That is a vile deed!" Keldorn said and seemed to be in a little darker mood. Glancing carefully to him, Viconia noticed a familiar twitching on his face, which she noticed in the Beholder cavern when they had first met.

"You misunderstand," Viconia said softly. "I didn't want to do it... I really didn't. But I had too... I even liked Felynrae. By Shar, I used to read to her when she was little."

"Then why on Toril did you set her on fire?" Keldorn narrowed his eyes.

"Because she was an idiot!" Viconia hissed. "Because she forced my hand!"

The outburst was loud enough for several of the patrons to look towards them with interest. Keldorn and Viconia ignored them and continued talking once she had calmed down.

"I couldn't really blame Jarfein for the breach of his oath. Felynrae had made the first move, and refusing a priestess of Lolth means certain death. But doing nothing on my part, would have been a weakness and would have resulted in my own death. Lolth revels in having her subjects make choices. It is the Dark Mother's favorite past-time. Felynrae, she was young and stupid, but I liked her. She was someone I could talk to. And... that's why she thought I wouldn't kill her if she'd get caught with the male I had claimed."

"There are worse things than dying in defiance of an evil god," Keldorn muttered, but considered that Viconia spoke of yet another breach of her trust, which soured her so.

"Not when that evil god is your own," Viconia sighed. "I remember the first time Lolth put me to that test. I also remember that the day before, Vierna was expecially nice to me. She gave me sweets and spent all day with me, playing with me and telling stories, but the next day..." Viconia shook her head again. "I was only eight, _suliss,_" Viconia muttered. "Vierna came to see me before my sisters took me away. She hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and she... she was so sad. Then, my sisters took me away to the family temple. I had never been allowed in there, and I giggled as I heard the voices of all my big sisters echo through the room. After that, they dressed me in the purple-black robes of Lolth," Viconia chuckled to herself, but it was a dry chuckle, laced with bitterness. "I was a very tiny girl, and the robes weren't even my size. They swaddled all around me and I had to watch were I put my feet or I would have tripped over my robes."

Viconia shifted uncomfortably in the chair. "My sisters took me to the altar, where I saw a crying human male bound. My sister Devora gave me the knife and then I realized what was expected of me... I glanced over and I saw my mother; Matron Ginafae standing over the altar, beckoning me to step forward. I did. The human cried and pleaded, and it just felt so... wrong... Deep in the core of my being, it felt so very wrong. And, I... hesitated. Matron Ginafae showed me a little patience, since she understood that this was my first kill. But even that 'small gift' was withdrawn soon. Matron Ginafae beckoned to my eldest sister Devora, who drew a sacrifical dagger of her own. Then, I realized that if I didn't strike, Lolth would demand my own sacrifice... So I closed my eyes, and plunged the dagger in the man's heart..."

"Only eight," Keldorn shook his head. "That foul demon has a lot to answer for..."

"Quite," Viconia sighed and mused how much this conversation was like the one she had had with Dynaheir so many months ago, but just like then, she did not tell her about what happened afterwards, how she cried for hours in Vierna's arms. This she would not tell, as she had exposed much weakness today already. Still, it had felt good to get this off her chest. Despite his puritan streak, Keldorn was a smart man with a willing ear.

"What does Laska thing of all of this?" asked Keldorn.

Viconia smiled briefly. "Laska, well. She made it quite clear that whatever happened in my past doesn't matter to her. She is a good sort and has always had a place for me regardless. I am grateful for her friendship, even if she can be insufferable at times.

"Speaking of Laska, where are those two going?" Keldorn asked as he and Viconia noticed Laska and Korgan going up the stairs...

* * *

"Scumface."

"Beardless lilly."

"Broadarse."

"Pointy-eared fish-face."

"Dilweed."

"Night hag."

"Hipster Doofus."

"'ipster Doofus?" Korgan broke in, interrupting the contest. "Ye be losin' yer touch, lassie."

"What do you expect?" Laska sighed. "I'm so bored even a play would be exciting to me right now!"

"Now, ye donnae 'ave to be overreactin', lassie," Korgan grimaced. "'ere," he said, handing Laska a pocketflask, "'ave a nip o' dwarven grog. It be bound to put some color on yer face."

"Thanks," Laska said and put the flask to her mouth.

"OY!" Korgan shouted. "I be sayin' a NIP, not the whole bloody flask!"

"Sorry," Laska said sheepishly. "I'm just so damn bored."

"Ye know," Korgan began and whispered in her pointed ear. "If ye be really bored, might I be interestin' ye by sayin' thar be an entire backroom in this 'ere place, with al sort o' entertainment not fer the faint o' heart!"

"Oh?" Laska grinned. "Well, that figures. A dive like this always has a backroom. What is it here? Cockfights? Cause if it is, I'm not interested."

"Now, I nay been in the backrooms afore," Korgan said. "But I be 'earin' many tales! HAR HAR! Come on, we must be talkin' to Lethinan."

* * *

"I cannae believe ye not be interested in spendin' some time with some of Madame Nin's lovely merchandise," Korgan chuckled.

"If I really want to find someone to share my bed with, I can find one for free without having to resort to buying someone's time and body. Besides, it's more fun that way too," Laska grinned in reply, but almost grimaced after remembering the talk she had that rat Lethinan, who was, rather disgustingly, eating a leg of lamb at the time. For some reason, she felt compelled to take a bath.

"Of course ye would be sayin' that," Korgan snarled, "since it be far easier for an elven lass like ye to find a bedwarmer than a sturdy dwarf like yers truly 'ere. And fifty gold be a bargain fer a whole night."

"Nah, I don't think so," Laska said. "Is there anything else to do in these backrooms?"

Korgan sighed. "Alright, lassie. But if ye donnae like that one, it be back to sitting bored at the tables."

"LET ME PASS NOW!" they heard Keldorn say from the other door leading to the backrooms. Elf and dwarf shared a brief look when they heard the clanging of metal as the guard was roughly shoved aside.

"Aye," Korgan chuckled. "'ere comes trouble."

"And we even haven't done anything yet!" Laska added. "Well, at least not this time..." she said, remembering the bucket of water she placed over the door to Keldorn's room at the Sea's Bounty, which ended up in drenching a very irate butler.

Keldorn stormed into the backrooms, thoroughly disgusted by the grime and dirt laying everywhere around him. A grinning drow was right behind him.

"Can't I even leave you alone for five minutes?" Keldorn said. "At the earliest opportunity you two sneak off to indulge in cheap debauchery!"

"I nay be callin' fifty golders very cheap, long-limb," Korgan replied.

"I am appalled that you would indulge in your most base of excesses so easily, dwarf," Keldorn replied. "And to drag a lady like Laska along with you."

"'old on, fool," Korgan snarled. "I be not the one settin' up this fine establishment. I be simply using what the gods be givin' me. Be appalled by _that_ one, laddie!"

"Geez, we just decided we'd rather go see the fights anyway!" Laska replied. "Besides, it's not as if I'm an innocent schoolgirl. I can handle myself."

"I... see," Keldorn replied sheepishly.

"Hey!" Jan yelled as he and Minsc stepped past an unconscious guard and into the backrooms. "You lot aren't leaving us behind, are you? At least have the decency to tie us to a tree, like my uncle always did with his dog... Until the dog broke free one day and decided to return the favor by tying my uncle to a tree right outside a nest of hungry griffins."

"Great!" Laska said. "Now we can all go see the fight."

* * *

"What am I even doing here?" Keldorn asked himself as he and his friends sat down in luxurious seats surrounding a large fighting-pit. Several men and women in lavish clothing were already seated, but Laska had managed to conquer some front-row seats by casting threatening glares. After sitting down, the lights dimmed and an announcer, a skinny and rat-faced human male made his way to a platform.

"Aye, now this'll be fun," Korgan chuckled and petted his own axe wistfully.

"Hm," Viconia muttered. "These pit-fights are common amongst my own people and serve only to make the audience lazy and fat."

"Stop ruinin' me fun, darky," Korgan muttered.

"Ah, there's nothing like a watching a fight and making negative comments about the techniques of the gladiatiors," Laska sighed as she leaned over the back of her seat to talk to one of the men.

"Indeed," said the fat man. "But I swear, if there's not at least two rounds, I shall complain in the strongest possible sense on forums of public discourse."

"Well, we all know it's all choreographed and faked anyway. I'll bet their swords will be made of rubber too. Say, who's fighting today?"

"The Green Claw-beast," the fat man replied.

"Cool name," Laska said. "Who's the other gladiator?"

"Other?" the fat man laughed. "This is your first time here, isn't it?"

"GOODMORNING GENTLEFOLK OF ATHKATLA!" the announced yelled in a dramatic tone. "Today's fight will be grand indeed. Let us begin!"

Immediately, a haggardly under-fed dwarf was pushed through the door in the back of the pit. The dwarf was looking very nervous and was unarmored and unarmed.

"Is that the Green Claw-beast? Doesn't look like much of a gladiator," Laska remarked to Minsc, who was looking very perturbed. It seemed Boo already knew what was going on here.

"I will nae be fightin' fer ye fat cats!" the dwarf suddenly yelled with a dry throat. "I will nae be liftin' a finger fer yer pleasure!"

"You will fight!" the announcer yelled with an irritation lining his voice. "You will fight because you are a slave and you have been told to fight!"

When she heard the word 'slave' being mentioned, Laska narrowed her eyes as her blood boiled with anger. "SLAVE?!" Laska said while standing up in her seat, ignoring the shouts of angry nobles wanting her to sit down and stop blocking the view.

A gate opened on the other side of the pit and out came a troll. It was tall, lanky and had been fitted with two large sets of metal claws.

"I take it that is the Green Claw-beast," Viconia said.

"This is terrible!" Keldorn said. "Slaves fighting monsters?!"

"Minsc is outraged and so is BOO!" the ranger bellowed in anger. "We must kick asses a-plenty like the heroes we are!"

The dwarven slave was ready to go down fighting bravely as the troll was bearing down on him. But after Laska and Minsc exchanged a nod, both of them launched themselves into the air and into the pit, drew their weapons and prepared to engage the troll.

"Well," Viconia chuckled. "Laska hates slavery."

"You KNEW this would happen!" Keldorn shot at Viconia with an accusitory stare. "Next time, please warn me!" Keldorn said before carefully lowering himself in the pit.

"Aye, it be fun to watch," Korgan chuckled as he prepared her axe to join the fight, "but no one has ever been 'oldin' ole Korgan from a good fight!"

Meanwhile, Jan and Viconia stood at the edge of the pit launching spells and crossbow bolts alike to support their friends fighting in the pit.

The troll was an experienced fighter, but against the powers of two longswords, two great swords and a tenacious dwarven axe tearing in its flesh, it stood no chance at all. Soon enough, the creature fell after letting out one last agonizing bellow. Viconia took the hint and cast the appropriate spell. As her friends backed away, a towering column of flame engulfed the troll and finished it off for good.

The nobles, thinking it was still part of the show, cheered at the elf in glee. That was, until the tattooed elf took one deep breath and shouted at the top of her lungs the one word that strikes mortal fear in the heart of every noble: "REVOLUTION!". As a result, the frightened nobles poured out of the door, screaming, pushing and trampling each other on the way out. The annoying announcer, who started to run to get the guards, was promptly silenced by a throwing dagger in the back, the source of the dagger being Laska.

"Ye," the dwarven slave stammered. "Ye be freein' us?"

"Well, what does it bloody look like, ye moron!" Korgan shouted. "But I nay be 'avin' so much fun in a long time!"

* * *

"Hey, you can't come in he..." a guard tried to say as a well-armed group entered the prison through the door to the pit, but after a slash from a longsword across his throat, he suddenly found his vocal chords missing. An axe across the gullet silenced a mage, while the rest on the guards chose to flee.

"Hendak be in there!" the dwarven ex-slave pointed to the door. "HENDAK!" he shouted. "We be as good as free!"

A head popped up from behind a small barred opening in the cell-door. His eyes betrayed him as being a very angry soul, never even close to being broken by his capture. "Quickly," he said to the group of armored friends. "This is a magical lock! You must get the key from..." he tried to say, but then an elven female with a feral look on her tattooed features savagely kicked the door right next to the lock. The wood cracked, gave way and on a second kick, the door flew open.

"Magical lock, normal door," the elven female smiled.

"We are free brothers!" Hendak said, while for the first time in a long time, he was filled with joy. "Go and free the women!"

Then, the former slaves gathered up the weapons dropped by the guards, and an army of angry ex-slaves descended down the hallways.

* * *

"Burn in the abyss fiend!" Hendak shouted as he stood over the body of Lethinan, who was still holding the leg of lamb in his dead fingers.

The 'revolution' had ended as swiftly as it began. Many of Lethinan's guards had fled, and there were minimum casualties on both sides. Behind Hendak, ex-slaves were happily crying and hugging each other. Their future was already provided for, since Hendak had already decided to take over the inn and make sure everyone of his friends would be taken care off.

Further back, Jan and Minsc were looking on and laughing as some on the ex-slaves treated Madame Nin and the guards and nobles that couldn't get out in time to a portion of tar and feathers before being thrown out on the streets and into the rain.

Many of the slaves were hurling themselves on the first real meal they had had for months. Chicken, duck and pigs roasted on the fire, while Bernard stood behind the bar as he always did.

"You don't seem every upset about the sudden change in management, Bernard," Laska smiled while bringing a mug of frothingly good ale to her lips.

"Ah, Lethinan was just the latest owner in a long, long line," Bernard said. "I've been tending bar here for two decades now. I've seen them all come and go."

"Let's hope Hendak's reign takes longer," Laska took another sip from her ale.

"We have done a good deed today, my friends," Keldorn said. "We have indeed struck a blow to slavery in Athkatla."

"And preceded inta makin' the Copper Coronet a far less fun place ta be!" Korgan huffed.

"Hmmm, do a good deed and get a nice reward to boot," Viconia said, glancing over to Keldorn. "Perhaps the life of a hero is not a bad one."

"Yes, my friends. I thank you all but..." Hendak hesitated. "I wish I did not have to ask, but there is one more task that needs doing. The slavers remain at large within Athkatla, hidden at their base here in the slums. They have many children, yet, that they retain as slaves. I would ask of you to rid the city of this infestation once and for all."

"More slavers?" Laska said eagerly. "Let's go kill 'em!"

"Imprisoned children?!" Keldorn bellowed.

"I knew you would not let me down," Hendak smiled warmly. "The compound is not far from here...a dry-docked boat just across the way on the east side of the slums. There is a secret passage through an old sewer which connects their base with this Inn. Lethinan often had new slaves brought in this way."

* * *

"Why does 'adventuring with Laska' always end up with 'taking Viconia through the sewers'?" Viconia complained as she stepped through the slimy, dirty and smelly catacombs, being careful to avoid stepping in the disgusting waste-filled water.

"Gee," Jan laughed. "I was thinking you'd be quite at home here. I just saw your cousin slithering away around the corner."

"That be a good one, gnome! HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed, which echoed through the entire tube.

"Do you know what we do to chatty males in the Underdark, gnome?" Viconia asked icily. "We cut out their tongues. But knowing you, it'll keep on talking for days even when released from your mouth."

"Ah, I was just having some fun with you, Vicky," Jan said. "Here, have a turnip! It's good for the bones!"

"Thanks," Viconia said wryly, pretending to toss it in the water, but instead putting it in her pouch with lightning speed, saving it for later consumption.

As they rounded about the corner, sounds of combat in the distance could clearly be heard. Sharing a look, the party ran towards the sounds, throwing caution into the wind. The sounds led them towards a flight of stairs, which in turn led to a larger cavern filled with many plants, as well as several dead adventurers. A single minotaur was heaving his heavy axe in defense against a pair of unknown assailants dressed in totally black clothing and masks. The minotaur fell as Laska and her friends ran towards the assassins, who promply Dimension Doored out of the room.

"By the gods!" Keldorn lamented. "I know these adventurers. They wage, or rather, waged a crusade against slavery in the Realms!"

"All dead," the minotaur wheezed in pain and coughed up blood. "Ambush..."

Viconia examined the bodies and the minotaur and solemnly shook her head, acknowledging that she had not yet obtained the powers to save them.

Keldorn and Laska knelt down next to the dying minotaur and the aging paladin put a water flask to the man-beast's mouth while Laska supported his head.

"I thank..." the minotaur said. "Ambush... Slaverlords... We had them... we finally found them..." That said, the Minotaur handed Laska a bloodied parchment and let out his last breath.

"A worthy death in battle," Keldorn said as he took a cloak and put it over the minotaur as a shroud. "But this is not how their crusade should have ended. We must inform Hendak of the location of their bodies. The priests of Helm will be able to see them to their final resting place. What about the note?"

Laska, who was reading the note with wide-eyes and seemed even paler than normal. "Emmm, it mentions the slaverlords by name... per-perhaps we should look into it..." Laska stammered.

"Aye," Korgan sighed. "But one thing at a time, lassie..."

One by one, the adventurers left the makeshift grave, but Laska stopped Viconia before leaving.

"What is it?" Viconia asked with concern as she noticed Laska's distress.

Laska said nothing but handed her the note. As Viconia read the first line, her eyes grew wide with disbelief.

The note mentioned a request for a shipment of slaves to a place called Brynnlaw with the utmost urgency. But that was not what surprised Viconia; she recognized the delicate calligraphy and the wording. The signature at the end of the note confirmed that which was not possible.

The note was unmistakenly written by Dynaheir.


	14. Unwelcome guests

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 14: Unwelcome guests  
_

"Dynaheir," Laska sighed. "I don't believe it. This can't be written by her! It says she's buying slaves! Somebody must be using her name or something."

"I am afraid that this _is_ her handwriting," Viconia replied, holding the letter in one hand, while rubbing her chin in puzzlement with the other one. "Peculiar."

"Maybe a Doppelganger?" Laska tried. "We've had plenty of dealings with those buggers."

"No, no," Viconia shook her head. "Doppergangers can only mimick appearance, not things like handwriting..."

"But Minsc said she was killed while he watched..." Laska all but shouted.

"Hmmm," Viconia said, apparently in deep thought. "Minsc _says_ he watched while they killed her."

"Minsc isn't a liar," Laska said.

Viconia nodded. "True, but he's addled enough to quickly jump to conclusions."

"Okay!" Laska threw her hands in the air only to violently punch the wall a moment later. "If she was still alive, she'd have try to find us already."

"I am perplexed as well, Laska," Viconia nodded.

"Okay, okay," Laska tried to control her breathing in order to calm down a bit, but control was never one of her best qualities. "Let's assume that the person who wrote that letter is actually Dynaheir, then how do you explain her ordering slaves? She'd never approve!"

"She could be charmed. Or she could be being coerced, but the fact of the matter is, that I don't know for certain either, Viconia replied. "We might try tactfully asking Minsc some questions about Dynaheir's apparently not-so-permanent demise, but considering we'd be dealing with Minsc, that might not prove very useful. Still, he might be the only chance we have of finding out the details, unless we run into that Irenicus of yours along the way," Viconia said. "Didn't Minsc let something slip during your escape from his dungeon?"

"No," Laska replied, finally regaining some measure of calmth. "Just what you and I know. He told me Dynaheir was killed while he watched and he was getting quite agitate about. We still needed to escape from that damn hole-in-the-ground, I decided not to press the issue."

Viconia sighed heavily. "Look, there's nothing we can do about it now, so let's save this conversation for a later time. We should deal with the business at hand first, and I don't think it's wise to fret about this while the arrows, spells and swords will be flying over our heads."

"I don't think I can get my mind off this 'little' mystery," Laska sighed. "But I will try."

"Good," Viconia grinned. "Getting yourself killed will end our quest needlessly early."

"The voice of reason as always, Vico," Laska grinned uneasily.

"Heh," Viconia snorted. "I am just as disturbed about this as you are. I just hide it better."

"OY!" an angry, gruff voice shouted from the doorway, coming from a grey-haired, burly dwarf. "Are ye two yap-dogs comin' or goin'? Me axe is dying fer blood, doncha know?"

"Indeed," the voice of Keldorn sounded from behind Korgan. "We are done here and no doubt the slavers are already aware of the happenings at the Copper Coronet. We should make haste to the slaver-compound, lest we risk them relocating and taking their victims with them."

"We're on our way. And just so you know, males were lot less demanding in the Underdark," Viconia told them. "Will you be alright?" Viconia asked her shook-up elven friend.

"I will be," Laska sighed. "But I could really use a drink right about now."

* * *

Of course, the fate of one of Laska's friends, someone whom had fought and bled besides here, weighed heavily on Laska's mind as her party moved through the dank hole that was the abandoned sewer system. She had told herself and Viconia that she would not dwell on this letter until later, but she simply could not get the whole thing out of her mind. Maybe she was in trouble. Maybe she needed help. Was there even anything she could do?

"Oy!" Korgan shouted from beside the tattooed elf. "Be I that boring to ye?! I be sayin' this be a smelly dank hole, what smells like longlimb shite!"

"Oh, do not be so touchy, Korgan," Minsc added. "You weren't in the sewers of Baldur's Gate! Why even Boo shudders at the memory! He could barely breathe."

_'A diversion... Thank you, gods!'_ Laska thought. "Oh, yeah," Laska half-smiled. "Remember all the corpses and the spiders?"

"Unlike these, the sewers of Baldur's Gate were unfortunately in constant use. We had disgusting, smelly water, carrion crawlers, spider nests and rotting corpses to deal with," Viconia said.

"So all things considered, Korgan," Laska chuckled. "You're just a light-weight if you're complaining about this patch of Amn."

"Hmmpf," Korgan huffed and held his axe a little tighter.

"Wellllll," Minsc suddenly spoke up while sniffing the air. "Ah, Boo knows another difference! We didn't meet any Otyughs in Baldur's Gate!"

"Oty..." Laska started to say, but would never finish her statement. She suddenly found herself grabbed by the neckline of her chainmail, and jerked backwards by Keldorn, just in time to avoid being caught in the gaping maw of a very disgusting specimen of the Otyugh family. The slime and grime covered creature slowly moved forward and bellowed a mighty roar, trying to intimidate its new meal.

Its victims weren't passive about being a meal, however, and the Otyugh suddenly found one of its tentacles missing at the hands of a grinning dwarven beserker.

Cursing herself for letting the Otyugh get the jump on her, because the thoughts of Dynaheir were keeping her occupied, Laska decided it was finally time to save the mystery of the missing Invoker for later. She drew her swords, but immediately, Ipsiya started to protest.

_*'Hey, hey, hey! HEY!'_ the enraged sword shrieked. _*'You can't stick me into that snarling thing! I'll be houring for weeks!'*_

"Tough luck, sister," Laska shouted and slammed both her swords into the Otyughs head.

_*'ACK!'*_ Ipsiya wailed in annoyance as the grime on the creature splattered all over her beautiful blade.

Keldorn, Minsc and Viconia joined the fray and put their own swords and mace to the task. Jan stood well back while red glowing orbs of magical energy shot from his hands and slammed into the sides of the creature.

Eventually, the Otyugh let out a final, disbelieving bellow and rolled over to his side, dead as a doornail. Just before it let out a final breath, the creature convulsed and a hand made from blue stone shot from its mouth.

"What the hell is that?" Laska asked, while Keldorn picked it up.

"Treasure!" Korgan grinned.

"I haven't a clue," the aged paladin mused. "Strange. It feels like marble, but it is warm. The warmth seems to come from inside the rock."

"Keldorn," Minsc broke in. "Boo says it might be wise to keep that handy hand in hand for now, and Boo is always right!" he added, backed up by a merry squeak.

"Better pocket that hand, Keldorn," Viconia chuckled. "If there's one thing I've learned during my travels with Minsc is that Boo's instincts are always right."

"As you wish," Keldorn said and stuffed the hand in his pack.

"Talk to the hand, baby!" Jan chuckled as the party once again continued on their path through the sewers.

* * *

Their continued path led the party to a small rocky intersection. This particular site seemed to be hewn out of the rocks of the sewer system. Several pieces of broken equipment lay on a rotting wooden table.

"What's this here?" Laska asked.

"It seems like an excavation-site," Keldorn said while surveying the small room. "It also seems like the people who were working here left in a hurry."

"And that it's an obviously long forgotten dig site," Viconia added.

"I wonder what they were excavating in here," Jan wondered. "Pre-historic turnips? The graves of the ancient gnomish king of the land of Hooplah Dooplah? Fossilized Dragon-poop, maybe?"

"Boo says it might have something to do with those skeletons over there," Minsc announced, and sure enough, two human skeletons were partially uncovered in the face of the rock, locked in what appeared to be a fierce embrace. Laska wondered how they died, and considered that their names, their lives and their fate would be a story that would never be told. All in all, the whole thing was pretty depressing.

"Geez, I feel like a grave robber in here," Laska said. "Let's keep on going."

"Oy, ye be 'angin' on a moment, lassie," Korgan chuckled with a deep voice. "Ye be seein' that little blinker on yon bone-girl's 'and? Should be worth a pretty penny."

"Nah, let 'em keep it," Laska said and moved to walk out of the room.

"Ye be leavin' treasure behind? That be just bloody daft! She won't be needin' it anymore, and by the look o'things, the bone-boy's already scored with her, so..."

"Shame on you, Korgan!" Keldorn broke in. "How would you like it if someone robbed _your_ grave!"

"I be sayin' that if they'd be able to enter me tomb and not get all carved up by the traps, they be earnin' every penny they be takin'! HAR HAR!" Korgan grinned.

"Leave the ring, Korgan," Laska said. "Besides, these skeletons might be enchanted and come alive, which means my undead detector will go off and when they're as close to me as this, I'll puke all over the bloody room."

"Aye, point taken," Korgan sighed. "It sure be a pretty blinker, though."

The continued trip finally brought the party to the only active part of this sewer, where a trench filled with mucky, smelly water moved towards the docks to be dumped into the sea. This part of the sewers was more mucky, grimy and actually in use. As such, it took Laska and her friends a bit longer to get used to the smell.

"Now," Viconia said while holding her nose, making her sound much like one of the clowns in the circus, "this brings the experience a lot closer to that of Baldur's Gate."

"Wait!" Jan suddenly yelled as Keldorn was about to put his foot on a old oaken door, which served as a makeshift bridge. "I sense a trap here."

Keldorn nodded and took a step back. Jan said nothing and took a small enchanted pebble from his JansenTech-Ultra-Rogue-Toolkit (tm). He flicked the pebble from hand to hand for a bit, and finally (when the party started to stare harshly at him) tossed the pebble right on the middle part of the door. Immediately the magical trap activated and a disgustingly green light shot upwards, petrifying one of the wooden beams above the door.

"I thank you," Keldorn said, while he was staring intently at the petrified wood.

"Don't mention it, Keldy" Jan chuckled. "We wouldn't want you ending your career by becoming a statue in a sewer, when there are so much more nicer places where you could become a statue! The park, for example. I bet the pigeons would just love to have you there."

"I... see..." Keldorn grimaced.

"Ah, don't worry," Jan grinned. "I would have sent my cousin Gerty to clean you once a month. Still, it would take a family of pigeons only a day to completely cover you with birdsh.."

"_Thank_ you, Jan," Keldorn said, effectively ending the conversation, at least on his part.

"Hey, look," Laska broke in and pointed at a petrified kobold lying in the gutter next to the door. "Looks like that little furball there tried to cross the bridge as well."

"And you were going to mention that, when?" Keldorn asked after letting out a deep sigh.

"Hey, don't look at me," Laska retorted and crossed her arms. "I only just saw the damn thing."

"Hmmm," Viconia said. "Look at that staff he's armed with. It's not petrified along with the kobold."

"That's pretty peculiar. Kinda like a albino turnip," Jan said. "But weapons are supposed get petrified if their owners do too. Let's see," Jan said and started casting. A spell shot from his hand and turned the kobold-statue back into living, breathing, kobold.

"Why did you waste a spell, Jan?" Viconia asked. "We could have just pulled the staff from his hands."

"Well, I thought we'd best get the info on the staff from the horse's mouth, I guess," Jan chuckled.

"No!" the Kobold suddenly yapped. "No, staff, no, no!" it said and dropped the staff to the floor. "I hate this staff. I get staff to get powerful sword from pool, but then I become rock! I say screw sword. I go to Calimsham," it said while hopping away. "Me get time-share condo and lay on beach all day long. I say screw sword and screw adventuring."

"Charming," Laska muttered and picked up the odd staff.

* * *

The journey continued and still the slaver-compound was nowhere to be found. The party arrived in a another chamber, scarcely filled with shabby furniture. More disturbing however, was the find of an almost completely naked man, along with a snarling Carrion Crawler. Drawing their swords, Laska advanced on the creature.

"You have come for the blade, I suppose. Too long in this pit, too long," the old man sighed.

"Thar be a manhole cover right above ye," Korgan pointed out.

The naked man ignored Korgan. "I have been called Quallo in this place but that name is truthfully another's. My name is sung both near and far. On the tongues of bards and the lips of fools. This beast that you see, he is a monster to you but to me he is a friend. Would you like to kiss him? He loves affection as well as to taste the flesh of the unwary. It is his one weakness and it has been his gift to me for these long years," the old man crackled.

"So," Laska grinned. "Let me get this straight. You live in the sewers, you stink like a skunk, you use a name that is not yours, you kiss and I don't wanna know what more you do with a Carrior Crawler and you eat whatever diseased meat this thing here digs up? Doesn't sound quite healthy to me, actually."

"Laska," Viconia whispered in her ear. "This male is being controlled by another. I can sense it."

"Ye just be sensin' the 'daft-old-bloke'-rays eminatin' from that fool over there, drowsy," Korgan chuckled.

"I agree with Viconia in this matter, Korgan," Keldorn said. "I sense a great source of power here. Not from the man, but from another place in these sewers."

"The eternal jest! The jest of those who believe that hiding equals safety. Find the One and you may understand, the jest, the jest, the jest, the jest, the jest!" the man rambled on. "Perhaps you can solve the One's riddles. You already the key! The first is the hand of Vallah! It was Vallah's hand that cast the One into the depths. His suffering is of prime importance!"

"I see," Keldorn said. "You mean this hand?"

"Yes!" the man wept in joy. "And you have two other keys as well!"

"Two?" Laska asked.

"Yes, the staff shall seal the bargain and prove your worth," the man said. "The ring! It is not first, nor does it belong in the third pipe."

"The... ring," Laska said suspiciously, and all eyes of the party turned to Korgan.

"Ach!" Korgan snarled and tossed the ring belonging to the two lovers over to Laska. "So sue me!"

"Is there anything you won't do? Even for gold?" Keldorn shook his head.

"Oy, thar be very little," Korgan chuckled.

"Finally," the old man continued unfettered. "You must place on the third, the blood of a friend, loyal and true."

"Blood of a friend, ey?" Laska said. "Viconia? Step over here please while I gut you. Please to be bleeding in this cup," Laska joked, and received a chuckle from Viconia.

"They be sayin' _loyal_ an' _true_ friend, lassie!" Korgan chuckled. "Ye be carvin' drow for nothin'!"

"I am loyal," Viconia bluntly stated. "I thought I had proved that by now."

"Aye," Korgan said. "I just be 'avin' a little fun with ye. No need to be wettin' yer knickers or anything."

"Nevertheless," the old man said adamantly. "You _must_ slaughter a friend to get the blade."

Immediately, Laska sped forward and slammed her fist into the old man's jawbone, knocking him out of commission and with the speed of lightning, lopped off the head of the Carrior Crawler.

"What did you do that for?" Jan asked. "Getting antsy? Impatience? Or do you just hate old men?"

"No," Viconia chuckled. "Laska just changed the rules. She killed a friend, but not one of her own. Sometimes you get flares of insight that can truly astound me."

"Like the time I drank two ales through my nose at the Friendly Arm Inn?" Laska chuckled.

"And, just that, the magic is gone," Viconia shook her head.

* * *

"So," Laska said while she stepped to the edge of a polluted glowing pool, lying directly under four pipelines. "This is that spot that old nutter mentioned."

"Indeed!" announced a hollow voice from the pool. "I am the One."

"Wow, a talking pond!" Jan said. "That would make a great alarm-system for the garden. You don't know how long it takes to train a dog to speak, and even then they only repeat the word 'ruff' over and over again."

"Silence, buffoon!" the One shouted. "I am a biotic god. I think things – and they happen. I am greatness! FEAR ME!"

"What's a biotic?" Keldorn frowned.

"Why fear water?" Minsc wondered aloud. "A little water never hurt anyone, and certainly not kindly heroes like us!"

"Watch who ye be calling kindly, boy-o!" Korgan menaced.

"Sooo," the pool said. "You like the sword, huh? You'd like to have the sword, huh? I let you have the sword! But only if you solve the riddle my servant Quallo has told you. Lay the items on the pipes in appropriate order. NOW!"

The room fell silent.

"Eh, NOW!" the pool said.

Again, no reaction.

"DAMMIT, I said NOW!" the pool shouted again.

"Ermmm, okay," Laska said and sheepishly fished a half-eaten sausage from her pouch and place it on the pipe.

"What is this?" the pool groaned.

"Well, you wanted me to put an item on the pipe, and here is one," Laska said.

"I meant," the pool snarled, "the item Quallo told you about, in his CLUES!"

"Oh, wait..." Laska scratched her head. "This is some sort of riddle, isn't it?"

"Och," Korgan sighed. "I be 'atin' riddles."

"Hm, how about this?" Laska said and put a throwing dagger on the first pipe.

"Oh, you're not even trying!" the pool glowed an angry green. "You're just guessing!"

Suddenly, Laska was shoved aside by Viconia, who deftly placed the required items on their respective pipes. "Don't you ever take notes?" Viconia sighed as she finished the riddle.

"How can I?" Laska chuckled. "You are the one who handles our journal."

"Ah, how nice to see there's at least someone with half a brain around here," the pool said. "Now here's your sword. He's been annoying the hell out of me lately, so good riddance to bad rubbish! And don't even _think_ of bringing him back to me. Believe me, two centuries of having that sword around is even more agonizing than being locked up down here. Take him and go... go far, far away. Bye now, don't come back. At least not as long as you have that sword in your possession!"

Like a sword of great legend, the hilt of Lilarcor rose to the surface. Immediately, Laska made a grab for the two-handed sword and held it expectedly. She was not prepared, however, to hear the sword utter a reasonable facsimely of speech.

"HHHHEEEEERRRRRREEEE'S TOASTY!" the sword yelled enthusiastically.

"Heh," Laska muttered. "Another talking sword."

But the sword seemed more interested in the moonblade Laska held in her other hand. "Whoa!" he yelled. "Lookit that honey! Helllooooo, beautiful!"

_*'Keep dreaming!'*_ Ipsiya huffed.

"Oh, I will!" Lilarcor laughed. "Impressed by the size of my hilt, eh? Eh?"

_*'I've seen larger'.*_ Ipsiya told him in an uninterested tone. _*'In fact, I've never seen smaller and I've dated daggers...'*_

"Yeah, she wants me," Lilarcor continued on his self-impressed rant. "I've got some pretty hefty enchantments cast on me."

_*'Uh-huh,'* _Ipsiya said. _*'You know, I've heard they go off prematurely.'*_

"Boo-yeah! You know it, baby!" the sword acknowledged, not getting the double meaning of Ipsiya's words. "Soooo... you're adventurers right? Doing any monster slaying soon?"

"Well, as a matter of fact," Laska said, "we're on our way to kill some slavers!"

"Ah, the slavers?" the pool broke in. "Yeah, they're just around the corner, you can't miss it. Now please keep going and take Lilarcor with you. Bye now! Don't come back!"

"So, who wants to wield Lilarcor? Keldorn?" Viconia asked. But Keldorn reply by vigorously shaking his head.

"MINSC WILL!" the kindly giant shouted. "The sword will make a fine companion for my Boo."

"Yeah-hoo!" Lilarcor chuckled. "Just remember, even though my brother was a +12 hackmaster, but I'm a better sword by FAR!"

"+12?" Viconia asked. "What do you mean by that?"

"Oh, errrmmm," the sword said sheepishly as if he had broken a sacred oath, "well, damn, that's just background stuff you weren't supposed to know about. It's just weapon-lingo, no need to dwell on it. Just remember: you ain't got it from me, or they might throw me out of the union!"

* * *

"Hurry it up!" the slaver wearing a lieutenant's uniform of the Amnian guard shouted to his subordinates, which consisted of several archers, several priests of Cyric and several hired yuan-ti soldiers. "We have to be gone before those buggers from the Copper Coronet come here too. You want to blame someone for this mess, blame the ones who ruined us and stop yappin' at _me_! You know this was a risky business when you got into this!"

The slavers grumbled and started to pack they assorted illegal goods in wooden crates. The lieutenant was moving towards one of cages where a small girl was locked in. He opened the cage and ripped the crying girl from it.

"Be quiet!" the lieutenant yelled and slapped the girl against the cheek. "Just be quiet! You might still fetch us a handsome price in Cali..." the lieutenant started to yell, but was abruptly silenced by a sharp pain all the way through his chest. He looked down in disbelief only to see a piece of the a blade which had been violently rammed into his back and through his chest.

"Bet you never saw that one coming, eh?! HAHAHAH! GREAT FUN!" the sword gleefully told him before the lieutenant's soul hurtled towards the Abyss, to be torn apart by equally gleeful Tanar'ri.

Immediately, the lieutenant's underlings sprang to life and aimed their spells and arrows at the group of adventurers which had burst from the secret passage. They hurriedly dove behind a stack of crates, while Minsc first picked up the girl and, protecting her with his own hulking body, dove behind the crates to join his friends.

"Ambush!" Keldorn yelled. "That was to be expected."

"I thought _we_ were the ambushers!" Laska shouted back.

"Not anymore. If we go out there, we'll be turned into pincushions!" Viconia added.

"Not necessarily!" Jan yelled over the sounds of combat and started casting a spell. He aimed for a decorative metal shield and a ball of flame launched from his hands. It hit the shield and bounced towards another shield to eventually land at the feet of the confused slavers. The sound of the explosion made the adventurers burst from their hiding place and ran towards the slavers while they were still recovering from the blast. Their swords sang (in one case quite literally) and one by one, the slavers fell.

"See?" Jan said. "I'm an even better shot than my cousin Eastwood Jansen. Actually, there's a funny story about that. You see, Eastwood was riding on his horse, ropin' some turnips when he was..."

"Save it for later, Jan!" Laska said. "We still have some slaves to rescue!"

"Hmmm," Viconia muttered. "You _humans _seem so unaccepting of those not like you, Keldorn, but explain to me how these Yuan-ti got here?"

"Well, there's a chance that they entered through the sewers, or the slavers might have bribed a guard to look the other way. I know of a whole smuggling network for black lotus which relies on bribery, which has been going on for years while the guards don't do anything about it..."

"Slam the sword down, matey. Slam the sword down,

chop, chop, chop, chop-chop, chop," sang Lilarcor, an adaptation of a popular sea-shanty.

_'*Blowhard...'*_ Ipsiya muttered.

"There are children here, sword!" Minsc menaced. "But neither does Minsc like your rough language!"

* * *

Their search ended with the discovery of at least a dozen more children in the compound. Laska decided to send the children, who were overjoyed at being free, back through the sewers toward the Copper Coronet, accompanied by Minsc and Jan, to be out of harm's way. Further search of the old dry-docked boat fielded no more slavers, or at least no more lackeys.

Suddenly sensing the presence of another, Viconia motioned the party to silence, while they snuck towards the double doors, which led to a luxurious office, filled with art, gold and luxury item, all paid for with bloodmoney, no doubt.

A single graying wizard stood in the office, but faced with such an overpowering force of adventurers, he decided to cease his casting and drop his wands to the floor. The man was a scoundrel, that was sure, but he made the impression of counting on these adventurers being 'good' and thus would not stoop to kill an unarmed man.

"So," the wizard crackled. "You've ruined my operations, killed my servants and freed my merchandise."

"And now we have only you to deal with, vile fiend!" Keldorn snarled.

"Oh, come now," the slaver-wizard chuckled. "Most adventurers are money-orientated. I'm sure we can made a deal."

"Oy," Korgan chuckled. "We nay be needin' a deal fer me to be grabbin' at these shiny lovelies."

"No deal," Laska spoke in a low voice and stepped a little closer to the slaver-wizard.

The wizard was unimpressed, however. "So what will you do? Turn me over to the guards? I have them in my pockets!" the wizard smiled smugly. "I'll be out on the streets to run my business again before you go to bed tonight!"

"No," Laska grinned, while she put her swords away. "No, I don't think so..."

"Oh, so pray tell," the wizard laughed. "What will you do then? Hurt me with harsh language? I am unarmed."

The wizard got his answer. With the speed of lightning, Laska's hands shot forward and grabbed the sides of his head. With a single violent jerk, the wizard's soul joined that of the lieutenants, while his body dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

"Hmmm," Keldorn muttered. "A rather violent solution, but I can live with it. Certainly considering his statement about having the guards in his pockets was probably true."

"Yeah, I kinda slavers," the tattooed elf winked. "Come on, let's go celebrate the children's freedom. And I still need that drink."

"Oy," Korgan chuckled. "Wait fer a blasted minute while I be 'elpin' meself to some o'these golden lovelies.."


	15. Vampiric Justice

Apologies for not making my chapter-a-day quote this weekend. Chapter 15 needed extensive retooling. It has about seven pages of new content in comparison with the original chapter. Hope you like it.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 15: Vampiric Justice _

A swift kick against the door of the dry-docked slaver-ship opened the lock and caused the door to violently fly open. Oddly enough, at least according to Laska, the crash from the opening of the door was followed by a stifled yell and several loud clanking sounds. Stepping out into the open revealed the reason, for the first thing she saw was the dry-docked boat's guard lying unconscious at the bottom of a ten foot high staircase in the middle of a puddle.

"Ermmm, sorry!" Laska yelled sheepishly. Then Laska noticed it was still raining, and that, in fact, the intensity of the rain had remained the same. It explained why the guard had been standing so close to the door – there was a small makeshift roof at the top of the staircase.

"Well," Laska said, "I guess it's only a short dash to the Copper Coronet."

"We'd be completely soaked when we get there," Keldorn added.

"Ach!" Korgan yelled. "I will nay be runnin' aroun' in that bloody rain! It be ruinin' me grimy complexion! Can we nay wait this out?!"

"Sorry, my friend," Keldorn said. "But autumn-rains like this are very unpredictable. They could have a dry spell in a minute, or it could last for a week without end."

"Ach, blasted bloody," Korgan cursed. "Can ye two morons nay order yer bloody gods to make this bleedin' rain stop?"

"It doesn't quite work that way, Korgan," Keldorn shook his head.

"Shar does not control the weather," Viconia said. "Besides that, you could definitely use a bath or a good shower, in this case."

"I 'ate baths, and I be 'atin' showers even more!" Korgan snarled.

"Yes," Viconia grinned. "I can smell that from here."

"Oy!" Korgan retorted. "This be a manly smell!"

"Trust me," Viconia chuckled, "if drow males smelled like you do now, our race would die out in less than two generations."

"Okay, cram it you two," Laska said. "I need a drink and I need it now, so either we make a wild dash through the rain and hope we don't run off a cliff or we go back through the sewers and get there completely dry."

* * *

"See, completely dry!" Laska said as she and her friends emerged from the secret entrance to the Copper Coronet.

Minsc, Jan and the children had already arrived. And exactly two minutes later, Laska found herself in exactly the same situation she had been in this morning before all the kerfuffle around helping the slaves escape and revolt - sitting at the table being bored stiff.

It was still raining profusely outside, there was still nothing going on inside, exactly the same drinks were on tap. The only difference was that there were a bit more people about. Laska had expected there'd be more celebration – happy children dancing, slaves hugging, feasting away at the roasting meat in the center of the room, musicians were playing merry tunes, while the ex-slaves were dancing. But there was actually none of that.

Ex-slaves tended to their wounded, the children were too traumatized by their ordeals to do much of anything and most of the ex-gladiators were resting in the backrooms. This left the Copper Coronet, once again, boring as hell. The rain still slashed against the windowpanes and leaked through the many holes in the ceiling of the common room. It was a depressing state of affairs.

Nursing her drink, Laska looked around and saw that Jan and Minsc had picked up their game of Amnian Easy-Street again, while Keldorn was napping in a chair.

"Ahey!" Minsc bellowed in joy. "Minsc has an inn at the docks! You must pay!"

"Argh," Jan grumbled. "Throw a poor gnome a bone here."

And Jan was still losing said game. Laska glanced over at Viconia. The drow noticed this and beckoned her over. When approaching her, she saw that Viconia was counting their money. Most of their collected wealth lay spread out on the table in front of her, as well as their party journal, while she was jotting down notes and calculations on a notepad. Diligent as the drow was, she would copy her findings to the journal afterwards.

"What are you doing?" Laska asked.

"Accounting," said Viconia, without looking up.

"What's that silly hat?" Laska said, pointing at the odd cap-like hat Viconia was wearing.

"Hm?" Viconia frowned. "Oh, that! I picked this up at the Adventurer's Mart the other day. It keeps the light out of my eyes and Ribald say all moneycounters should have one. And since I handle the party's finances, well..."

"So," Laska said. "How are we doing?"

Viconia took a pencil to her mount and huffed slightly.

"That doesn't sound good," Laska pouted slightly.

"Let's see, we've done four jobs of note so far," Viconia said. "The beholder caverns, cleaning out Mae'Var's guild, liberating the circus, we got a bit of reward money for freeing the slaves. First two jobs paid well, the other two not so good. Add in various lootings, Korgan's ill-fated bookhunt and the sale of found items... I come to an end total of 2726 gold."

Laska sighed. "That little? But... we got so much reward money!"

"Laska," Viconia sighed. "You purchased a rather expensive armor. Worth the price, sure, but expensive. We bought assorted amounts of adventuring equipment, you've had two tattoos done, and while luxury at the Sea's Bounty was a welcome distraction, it did cost us a bundle. Add in that you and Korgan put away drink after drink... On average, our group blows through at least 400 gold a day. That is a lot more than we used to spend per day up north. We have to find a way to be a bit more economical."

"That or we need to find better jobs," said Laska.

"Better paying ones often help," smirked Viconia.

Laska sat back and lay her arms in the back of her neck. "If only we still had those crates of money we had in Baldur's Gate. I wonder what happened to it."

"Most likely your Irenicus used that money to buy the equipment he used to experiment on your with," Viconia rubbed her chin.

"Charming thought," sighed Laska. "What time is it?"

"Laska!" Jan called over from the game. "My automatic sundial says it's almost five o'clock."

"Minsc says the friend Jan should focus on the game he is losing!" Minsc annouced.

Laska sighed. "Gods, much too early to go to bed, but nothing to do here. Charming."

"You could help me work out a way to limit our expenses," Viconia said.

Laska blinked. "I'd only get in your way. Besides, you said I couldn't buy that gnomish underwater ship."

"We have _no_ use whatsoever for an underwater ship, you moron!" Viconia slammed her fist on the table. "I told you before, we have to be more economical, not spend money like water!"

"It'll earn itself back!" Laska challenged.

Viconia narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "How, exactly?! Do tell."

"Erm, we could go pearl diving with it?" said Laska.

"Wrong season, wrong location, and how would you actually get in and out of the underwater ship without it sinking and without you drowning?" Viconia replied. "Besides, you're scared of being in the water!"

Laska tried to think of something, but finally held her hands up in defeat. "Spoilsport," she sighed.

"You go amuse yourself," said Viconia. "I'll work out the details here."

Viconia noticed Laska looking over her shoulder. "Vico," said Laska. "I think my entertainment for the evening just walked down the stairs." Laska's target was apparently one of the freed slaves. Though it was hard to tell a human's age for Viconia, he seemed around twenty-ish as far she could see. Short brown hair, slightly muscular, brown eyes. A good choice.

"Very well," Viconia smirked. Laska nodded, got up from her seat and headed towards the young man. The drow could see that the tattooed elf was in full-flirt mode. There was pride in her stride, she swayed her hips a little more than she usually did and had her chest thrust forward. The drow shrugged and returned to her accounting.

After putting the money back in the money-pouch-of-holding, Viconia turned her mind to thinking of ways to cut costs. She wrote down a few ideas and looked up to see Laska and the young man quietly chatting at their table. The young man seemed a bit flustered by the attention, not all that strange considering this was the woman who rescued him was flirting with him.

In fact, flirting with him was a bit of an understatement. Laska's body language was screaming 'I want sex and I want you in bed with me right now!'. Her flirting was not of a girlish nature; though she sometimes twirled a lock of her long hair, she was more aggressive and often touched the young man's arm and inched ever closer to him.

Viconia returned to her notepad, writing down another idea. When she looked up again, she saw that Laska and the young man were lip-locked. She smirked for a moment; this was the young man's lucky day. He had been a gladiatorial slave and, judging from the amateurish way he had held his sword, he had near zero combat experience; a recent arrival. He wouldn't have lasted long against the beasts. Laska's timely intervention had saved his life.

In one day, he regained his life, his freedom and, very soon, he would be bedding the woman whom had rescued him. A lucky day indeed.

When Viconia looked up again, he just saw the young man and Laska walking up the stairs to the rooms, his arm wrapped around her waist. With one hand, Laska was already loosening her braid. Laska would have her fun this evening, while Viconia started striping down ideas which she think would not work.

To cut costs, Viconia thought it would be for the best to either stay at a cheaper inn or, in fact, stay at Keldorn's estate. That was an idea Viconia wanted to explore; there'd be be no costs to staying there and Laska and Korgan were a lot less likely to get in contact with enough alcohol to binge on. Yes, she would have to explore that.

Her sharp elven hearing picked up on someone approaching her. She looked up and looked at the rugged yet smiling face of Hendak. "Excuse me, my lady," Hendak said. "We have decided to hold a feast in the honor of our rescuers and to celebrate our freedom. We are preparing the kitchen for a feast that will be served soon. Please be our guests of honor."

"I'd be delighted," said Viconia. "Though I think Laska and one of your friends will be busy for a while yet."

"Cadaemor?" Hendak chuckled. "Lucky lad. But not to worry. It'll take a few hours still to prepare the feast."

* * *

Ironically, Laska ended up in exactly the same dilapidated room she had been during her first night in Athkatla. It was in exactly the same state she had left it. Rain crashed against the pane of the single window of the room, the first proper cleaning it had had in months. Two buckets had been kindly placed on the floor by the maid service to catch the water leaking through the roof, amidst clothes that had been haphazardly strewn about the floor and the room when Laska and her lover of the evening had carelessly strewn them.

Moans and sighs of pleasure filled the room, along with loud creaking of the old rickety bed and the groans of protest from the half-rotten floorboards underneath it. In fact, any casual observer (and there were quite a bit due to the thin walls) would wonder if the bed or the floor would give way first due to the strenuous activity taking place.

This was far from the minds of the two occupants of the bed. Laska straddled the young man and bucked her hips in a slow but steady rhythm. The young elf dug her hands in his chest as she threw her head back and let out a groan from the depths of her lungs. She often slowed or quickened the speed of her movement for variation and increase their pleasure.

Though the buckets on the floor took care of the biggest leaks, it was not enough. One of the smaller leaks was right above the bed. A drop of cold water dropped down on Laska's back and slid down her spine, making the elf shudder and gasp. The fact that it happened at completely random intervals greatly added to the experience.

The young man was a good lover; a bit inexperienced, but definitely enthusiastic. He lay beneath her, his eyes closed and his face locked in an expression of bliss as Laska continued to slowly ride him towards climax. His hands slid along Laska's hips, her sides and her back. The tattooed elf grinned as one hand lay on her side while the other gently massaged her right breast. Indeed, this young man was no gladiator; he had the soft and skillful hands of an artisan.

Laska bent forward to lay on top of him and their lips met. A deep kiss followed, without slowing down the rhythm. The young man loved to embrace and took any opportunity to do so. Their sweat-drenched bodies slid over each other while he embraced her. Another ice-cold drop of water fell down on the warm skin of Laska's back, making her hiss and clench her teeth.

"Gods..." the young man said between gasps. "You... are... so... beautiful..."

The young man surprised Laska by gently flipping her over. The two rolled in bed for a while until Laska ended up lying on her back. The young man raised himself up somewhat and increased the rhythm of their lovemaking slightly, his enthusiasm apparently having gotten the better of him. Laska responded by spreading her legs a little further so that he could move a bit more comfortable while she held on to both his arms. The young man panted while Laska let out a small cry with every thrust. It was obvious to her that he was close to going over the edge now. Indeed, it followed swiftly; he threw his head back as the release of his climax came long before hers. But it did not matter, the evening was young.

The two lovers of the evening lay next to each other, panting and sweating from the excertion. Laska rolled to her side to watch the rain fall. It was dark outside, and it seemed that the sun had set. It was then that another drop fell down, hitting her on the side of the hip. "Ah," Laska exclaimed as the cold drop ran down the side of her buttock.

An arm wrapped around her waist while the young man started kissing her shoulders. Indeed, the young man loved kissing, touching and embracing; he treated her gently and with respect. Behavior for with Laska had pleasurable rewards in mind.

"Your skin is so soft," the young man said. "You were wonderful."

"Oh, we're not done yet," Laska grinned as she rolled around to face him. She pushed him to his back and rolled on top of him, crushing her body against his. "We are going to have sex as if it's our last night together. Because it is."

The young man seemed a little disappointed. He gently stroked her hair while embracing her with his other arm. "Just for one night?"

"Just for one night," Laska smiled as she leaned in for another kiss. Their tongues met as the elf's hands started to roam over his chest. "What was your name again?" Laska asked.

"Cadaemor," he laughed. "It's not that hard to remember, is it?"

"I was... distracted," Laska smirked as she slid over his body, making her intentions clear.

"W-wait," said Cadaemor as he blushed a little. "After that, I... I'm not sure if I can do it again so quickly after."

Laska grinned wickedly as she started to lead a trail of kissed slowly downward. "Oh, trust me, you will..." The elf grinned as she mercilessly continued her ministrations. This would be a very, very fun evening.

* * *

"Ah, there is the lady of the evening," Hendak said as Laska walked down the stairs. The tattooed elf was wearing clean clothes and had had a short but relaxing bath after her evening of fun. The victory feast was in full swing. Most of the children were in bed as the hour was late, but the adult ex-slaves and Laska's friends were only too eager to partake. There was roast pig, mutton and lam waiting for the eager guests to fill their bellies with.

Laska sat down and nodded at her friends.

"Bloody good shag," Laska said.

"Yon lad be givin' ye a right royal seein' to? Har har!" Korgan laughed.

Laska crossed her arms and chuckled. "No, I was the one who gave him a 'right royal seeing to', but he was able to keep up."

"A male lover this time?" Viconia said.

"I was in the mood."

"And where is the poor boy now?"

Laska grinned wickedly. "Still in the room. Recovering."

The elf soon found her plate filled with all manner of good foods. Since she hadn't eaten anything for most of the day, Laska was only too eager to fill her belly.

"You know," Keldorn told the tattooed elf, who was wolfing down yet another leg of lamb with amazing speed, "just because it's an 'all-you-can-eat'-buffet, doesn't mean that you should feel obligated to eat yourself sick."

"Hey," Laska replied with her mouth full, "great sex can work up quite the appetite in me, and besides, I haven't eaten anything since this morning."

"That's enough general information for one evening, Laska, "Keldorn sighed and looked around. The festivities seemed to be dying down a bit and some of the former slaves were ready to call it an evening. As usual, this group was lacking any table manners whatsoever, with the notable exception of the drow sitting next to him.

"You know," Jan said, "I had promised you that tale about my uncle Eastwood Jansen."

Keldorn groaned slightly and shook his head. "Do I have to listen to this?"

"Yes. You see, Uncle Eastwood Jansen was an ace-cattle wrangler on the Cormyrian planes, just west of the city. Fastest shot in the west, they used to call him, and his two miniature crossbows hanging from the sides of his belt were used frequently. But unlike the other wranglers, who just wrangled cows like the amateurs they were, uncle Eastwood wrangled a thousand-head herd of Cormyrian Jumping Turnips. Luckily, he was good with a lasso, since those Turnips tend to jump around and escape a lot. One day, he came home after a long day of wrangling, only to find that his little frontier-town had been taken over by a group of desperado's known as the Waltons, a horrible dysfunctional family of cutt-throats, murderers, thieves and life-insurance salesmen. Some blame the parents, you see. So, he let his Jumping Turnips stampede, and they ended up crushing the lovely frontier town under the purple menace. Afterward, he drew his trusty crossbows and proceeded to mow down all the surviving Waltons with fervent glee. When he had the last Walton, Pa Walton himself cornered on what used to be mainstreet, he rasped in his low and threatening voice, 'Do you feel lucky, punk? Well, _do_ you?'. Apparently, Pa Walton did, since he was buried with three nostrils. And all the surviving townsfolk (both of them) rejoiced at his great deeds."

"Sounds like quite a hero," Laska said, while munching on another piece of roasted lamb.

"Yeah, but unfortunately, he died a few days later..." Jan added.

"I'm almost afraid to ask," Keldorn said, "but how did he die?"

"Griffin sat on him," Jan said. "A griffin that was feeling more lucky than Pa Walton."

Over the sound of the voices chatting, it was almost impossible to hear, but to sensitive elven hearing, it was clear as day; the rain was no longer slashing against the window panes, nor was there water dripping into buckets. The rain had finally let up.

"Boo says it is safe to go outside now without the risk of getting wet fur," Minsc announced. "Shall us heroes of goodness go outside to administer a righteous butt-kicking?"

"It's midnight, Minsc," Viconia said. "And I don't know about you, but I am feeling rather tired. I do believe I shall retire for the evening now that the rain is no longer threatening to wet my linen. I shall take the bucket off my bed and indeed go to sleep.

"You gonna eat that mutton on your place?" said Laska as Viconia rose from her seat.

"You're welcome to it," Viconia yawned as she walked up the stairs.

"Good night, little Viconia!" Minsc waved at her. Viconia did not wave back. "Hm, maybe she did not see us, Boo?"

At that moment, a hooded figure stepped in through the door. As soon as she was inside, the cloaked woman dove towards the shadows, doing her best not to be spotted. Though Korgan and Laska kept eating, it was Keldorn who first noticed the woman. Despite thinking there was something off about her, Keldorn didn't immediately perceive a threat from her. He watched her as she rounded about the room and crept towards their table.

Finally, she arrived, stopped short next to Keldorn where Viconia had been seated, and leaned forward to face Laska.

"Greetings," the female spoke in a low tone of voice, and made no effort to remove her hood, "might I have a word away from the ears of others? I would impart a fine bit of business your way."

"Can't talk," Laska said and took another bite, "eating..."

"Now 'old on, lassie!" Korgan said. "What be this business, and will there be a reward?"

"Oh, there is profit, to be sure," the woman said. "There are also answers, but they shall come from my mistress. She would have words with you."

"Would she now?" Jan said. "Now, I've always wondered why people send other people to tell even more other people their problems? Hmm, might be a good thing though, since the unemployment-rate for adventurers would shoot through the roof if those people dealt with their own problems in their own way in their own time with their own assets."

"She is worthy of your trust, do not concern yourself diminutive one," the female added. "If you feel worthy of it, come to the Graveyard District tonight and she will speak her offer. Make your visit while the sky is darkened; she will not be there when the sun rises."

"Boo wants to know who you are, strange, pretty lady," Minsc broke in.

"I am Valen," she said, "though my name is not important. Go see my mistress." That said, the female straitened her hood and strode right toward the exit.

"Well," Laska said, while taking yet another bite, "it seems we've got a new job! And we didn't even have look for on."

"Ye could 'ave asked the bugger ta come 'ere, doncha know?" Korgan said angrily. "Now we 'ave to go out in the bloody rain."

"It's not as bad as it was the rest of the day," Laska said.

"Still wet," Korgan muttered. "Should we be wakin' the she-bitch?"

"Nah, let her sleep," Laska said. "Let's finish our food first and then go. I will tell Viconia all about it later."

* * *

Laska's stomach groaned in protest as the party set foot on the darkened Graveyard. Unlike the daytime, the graveyard was very, very creepy during the night. The wind howled through the branches of dead trees, and the groans of the wind roared past the stone crypts. The moon shot its rays of light upon the headstones of persons dead for hundreds of years. The rain, the mist and the lightning, inspired even more eerie spectacles.

Despite the rain having let up somewhat, it was still far from being dry. The rain had also done quite a number on the patches of soil. The regular grave sites were little more than puddles of mud, making it clear why the graveyard consisted mostly of crypts.

"Boo is shivering from fear," Minsc said. "Plus, Boo is soaking wet."

"Aye, I be reasonably dry," Korgan said, and he had picked up a piece of sheetmetal which he held over his head like an umbrella.

"Yep," Jan chuckled. "and you'll be reasonably dead when the lightning comes here."

"Ach, I might be dead, but I would 'ave died dry. HAR, HAR!" Korgan laughed.

"Uuuuuuuuhhhhh," Laska groaned as another sting of pain crossed her aching belly. "I should have listened to you Keldorn. I shouldn't have ended the evening with a pan of soup, like you told me."

Keldorn said nothing, but simply nodded. "I still don't know how you managed to put away an entire pot of soup in five minutes."

"Like I said, sex can make me really hungry," Laska replied.

The party made their way through the dark graveyard, looking for any sign of life or unlife. Walking from crypt to crypt, they were starting to wonder if this had been a fool's errand.

"See anyone?" Jan said, but suddenly he head a short hiss for a doorway. Immediately, weapons were raised.

"So, you're finally here," a childlike female voice sounded from the doorway. "Do you know how long I've been standing here?! It's raining, you know?"

"Trust me," Korgan said. "We be knowin'"

"Yes, I can tell by looking at the sheet metal," the girl said. "I am Bodhi, and I greet you warmly."

"So you're the mystery-mistress, then?" Jan asked. "Afraid of a little rain?"

"Hardly," the girl sing-songed and stepped into full view. She was an extraordinary pale-skinned elven female, with jet-black hair and eyes like black coals. She wore a leather outfit which let _very_ little to the imagination.

"Beware, Laska!" Keldorn said. "I sense intense evil from this creature...Do not parley with her... it will lead only to ill! I believe she is undead..."

"Trust me," Laska groaned as she felt another batch of nausea flare up, "I quite certain that she is."

"Ye be lookin' a mite green, lass," Korgan remarked.

"Shut the hell, up!" Bodhi suddenly snapped. "I have a deal for you and I expect you to listen! I will outline what I intend. You are...employed of course, and do errands occasionally. No doubt you have questioned the intent of your employer on occasion? If you haven't, then you should. You work for the Shadow Thieves, on the pretense they will help locate your missing companion, Imoen, but I would offer you an alternative. I will help you find your friend for...oh... half the gold the Shadow Thieves demand? What do you think of my terms?"

"Sounds bloody good ta me!" Korgan said. "We'd be 'avin' more golders left to buy other stuff!"

"Such an offer from this woman sends chills up and down my spine like angry weasels... Even Boo is confident, Laska, but neither of us would like to deal with this woman," Minsc said.

"I must decline," Laska felt her stomach constrict "You are undead."

"Is that a problem?" Bodhi asked and stepped a little closer, wearing a sly, seductive grin. Apparently, she saw Laska's objection as a challenge.

"You... you," Laska said as the nausea intensified even more, "you really shouldn't stand so close to me..."

"Come now," said Bodhi as she stepped closer, making the party fumble for their weapons. "Am I not beautiful? What does it matter if I am undead of not? Dear Laska, I have heard of your exploits and your tastes. "I would be perfectly willing to... sweeten the pot, as it were."

"You are quite lovely, yes, but... you see, I have this problem," Laska started as her stomach started to twist around in her belly.

The creature slid her hands over her body. "Look at me. Am I not beautiful? Dear Laska, spending the night with a vampire is like experiencing pure exctasy itself. We have no inhibitions, we never stop. I will show you pleasures unimaginable. Join me, Laska Leafwalker, join me and..."

The tattooed elf truly did her best to fight back her nausea, but as the vampire stepped ever closer, it become a losing battle. Bodhi was now mere feet away, close enough that Laska could see her razor-sharp fangs glistening in the moonlight. Suddenly, Laska's eyes bulged as her dinner returned towards the entrance. A deafening, high-pitched disgusted shriek followed by a crypt slamming shut resounded through the entire Graveyard, while Laska was on the ground on all fours coughing after her order.

"Aye," Korgan laughed. "That be screwin' up that particular deal."

"Yep," Jan added. "And, geez, what an amount! Where did you put it all, Laska? Do you have a stomach-of-holding? That poor vampire was completely covered with that muck."

"Stupid vampire!" a partially recovered Laska yelled to a closed crypt. "Now I'm hungry again!"

* * *

"Well, that was a complete waste of time," Laska muttered as she and her friends came back to the Copper Coronet completely drenched. "All I want now is a hot bath and sleep."

"Wet armor chafes much worse," Minsc replied.

As the party rounded about the corner, they were greeted by a rather grisly sight. Valen, the human girl whom had told the party where to find Bodhi, was now standing in the middle of the road, surrounded by three deformed undead creatures. Vampires again, vicious and angry.

"You!" Valen shouted. "You have spurned my mistress and insulted her in a most foul manner. This cannot be forgiven!"

"Laska, look," Keldorn said in a horrified fashion as he saw a corpse strung up from a lamppost behind the vampires. The corpse was bloodied and mutilated, covered with claw marks and puncture wounds. His throat had been torn out and his gullet torn opening, making intestines spew forth. What was worse, Laska recognized him.

"Cadaemor," Laska whispered.

Korgan laughed. "Har, that be the lad ye been shaggin' tonight? Looks tonight's shag be 'is last."

"How did they know?" Keldorn blinked.

"I think," Jan said. "That that lady vampire we just met must have been watching us. Either that or she got a lot of trained flying monkies spying for her."

One of the vampires picked up Valen and, with unnatural force and speed, jumped on top of one the buildings with her in his arms. "Tread carefully, Laska Leafwalker," Valen called down before disappearing. "You have made a dangerous enemy today. Consider this a warning!"

"Oh, shit!" Laska shouted and she ran towards the Copper Coronet. "Viconia!"

The elf sped into the inn, past Bernard and Hendak and dashed up the stairs. "VICO!" she shouted as she rounded about the corner and literally crashed through the door to her room. Of course, it didn't take much effort to lift the rickety door off its hinges. Laska half expected to find her friend in bloody pieces strewn across the room, but relief washed over her when she found the stricken drow awake, alive and well.

"Laska?" Viconia snarled as she reached for her robe. "What the hell?! Why did... hey!" Viconia shouted as she barely had enough time to put on her robe before being dragged out of the room, and found herself being pulled into the street.

"Alright," Viconia sighed heavily. "Why am I standing here barefoot in the rain with only a robe wrapped around my body?"

"Look!" Laska pointed at the mutilated corpse.

"What the..." Viconia blinked. "I leave you lot alone for one hour and you end up with a mutilated corpse hanging from a lamppost?!"

The party took some time to cut the poor boy down and brought him inside the Copper Coronet. The guards were called while Hendak and the other ex-slaves that were still up took time to mourn. The body of Cadaemor was put in cold storage for the time being, covered up by a white shroud.

Laska ended the evening with a stiff drink of scotch. "Well," she said. "I guess we've made dangerous enemy who has been and probably still is watching us. Lovely. Why can't things ever be simple?"

"Hm," Viconia nodded. "I guess the poor lad didn't have such a lucky day after all."


	16. Home Improvement

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 16: Home Improvement_

The rain still trickled against the window panes of Keldorn's estate, still pouring down as heavily as it had been for the past few days. If it was not dark from night, it still would not have been possible to see far through the windows because of the mist and the density of the rainfall. Slowly, one by one, the current occupants of Keldorn's estate were going to sleep. All lights were turned off, all candles were blown out, excepting the ones in Keldorn's sitting room and for a small flickering candle in one of the upper rooms.

Laska sighed as she looked out of the windows. Still raining.

It had been a day since they she and her party destroyed the slave-ring in the Copper Coronet and she was still waiting for the chance to get her hands around the necks of the slaverlords of Athkatla. But, unfortunately, this amount of rain did not provide a proper climate for adventuring. Besides, Korgan wouldn't even consider going out in a rain this dense, not even for the prospect of gutting some 'longlimbs'.

The rain was as debilitating for the slaver lords as it was for them. With any luck, they might not even yet be aware that their operation had taken a major blow. Then there was the matter of the vampire Bodhi and her not-so-thinly veiled threat. Hendak had taken arrangement to have the poor boy buried, but the vampires were still out there.

Shaking her head, she decided it was best not to dwell on it for now and once again sat down in Keldorn's lazy-chair to read in the book she was leafing through.

"Bunch of tripe," Laska suddenly said and tossed the book, _'Men are from the Abyss, Women are from Baator'_, into a dustbin. For some reason, Lady Maria was the owner of a great deal of book with the subject of relationship advice.

Standing up from the chair, she strolled over to the bookcase and, to her surprise, found a small rag of a magazine printed on bad quality paper. Ready for a good laugh, she took the newest issue of the 'Amnian Gutter' back to the chair and started to read.

She took a look at the frontpage, which sported the headline, _'Massive Alien Cube Assimilates Temple of Cyric'_, and was accompanied by a badly drawn picture of a gigantic floating cube attacking a temple of the Prince of Lies with some sort of greenish holding beam.

Leafing through the rest of the rag delivered such laughable material as: '_Elminster and Mystra : The real story. UNCENSORED!_', _'Sexy Secrets in Sembian Seminary: Saucy Sharran tells all!'_, and classics such as _'I was a Teenage Otyugh: The Unfortunate Adventures of Ricky Jansen.'_

"Ermmm, miss Leafwalker? Ma'am?" a meek voice asked from the doorway. Glancing over to the doorway, Laska noticed Keldorn's eldest daughter Leona. With a smile, the elf beckoned her to enter and sit down.

"What are you doing out of bed?" Laska asked, when she noticed the girl was wearing a nightgown.

"So," Leona asked nervously, "you hear about that Cube?"

"Yeah," Laska chuckled. "But knowing the reputation of this gutter-rag and that of the Cyricans, that 'Massive Cube' that destroyed the temple was probably three orcs in a go-cart."

"Yeah," Leona giggled nervously. "I mean, this is the same rag who wrote that Drizzt Do'Urden married his pet goat."

"Ahah!" Laska laughed. "So _that_'s why he was constantly staring at that goat pen when I met him! He was probably trying to cheat on his wife, or something..."

"Yeah," Leona stated, but then nervously changed the subject again. "Say, miss Leafwalker? You're a girl right?"

Immediately, Laska looked down at her chest with a grin. "One... Two... Yep, still there."

"Ermmm, sorry," Leona asked. "But, I... I wanted to ask you... Ermmm, you know, I... Ermmm..."

"Calm down," Laska said. "Take a deep breath. Lemme guess, you want to ask me a question about a boy?"

"Please," Leona whispered. "Don't tell my father! I think he'll get mad! But... But, I wanted to ask you... Well, I've been seeing a boy from my class and... I... How do you know if your... You know, move to... to... the next level... of... intimacy?"

Laska, noticing the girl in front of her was practically hyperventilating now, motioned Leona to sit down beside her. "Well," Laska said. "Don't mind what that boy says, since the decision lies with you. Only do what _you_ want. And go as far as _you _let him."

"Uh-huh," Leona said with a puzzled look.

"I was about your age, relatively speaking, when I started, and it is fun, that's for sure," Laska nodded. "What do you know of this boy? Is he clean? Disease free? Those are things to look for in a partner... at least for the night."

"I... I think he's those things," Leona stammered.

"Okay then," Laska smiled. "Next thing you should find is a secluded and quiet place to do the deed. Try a room at a classy inn. They have the softest sheets."

"Inn?" Leona asked fearfully.

"Oh, and never forget protection!" Laska stressed. "Elves like me don't have to worry much, since we're immune to pretty much anything. But you can buy excellent spell-scrolls at the temple of Sune. They read easily, work all night and are not very expensive."

"Protection?" Leona blanched.

"Oh, and then there's the positions, well," Laska added, "I have quite a bit of experience with that, but I think you're better off talking to Viconia when she stops sulking. She has quite a repertoire of exotic ones, I understand."

"Positions?" Leona asked. "How can there be positions with kissing?"

"Kissing?" Laska asked with a raised eyebrow. "You mean... you only wanted to know about kissing? Not about... anything more than that?"

"There's... there's more than kissing?" Leona asked with curiosity.

"Ermm, no, no..." Laska said uneasily. "There definitely is nothing beyond kissing, nope, nope, nope. Ah, bugger, your dad is gonna rip my head off... Look, just forget everything I said and stop worrying about it. Just press your lips together and the rest will go by itself, but, ahum, don't try kissing when you're near a bed, or your dad will break every bone in my body. Or at least, he will try to."

"Ermm, okay," Leona said. "Thanks, miss Leafwalker. Good night."

"Off to bed with you. Good night," Laska chuckled and sighed in relief as soon as Leona was out the door.

* * *

Viconia sat reading in study of Keldorn's estate. Indeed, it had taken very little convincing to talk Keldorn into allowing them to stay at his estate. There had been a mad dash from the slums to his house and the party had arrived drenched. Some warm baths and warm drinks had proven to be welcome, but the rain was still the real enemy. Laska and her friends were trouble when bored. It would only be a matter of time before they would overstay their welcome.

A knock on the door alerted Viconia to another downside of this arrangement. Though she enjoyed conversing with Keldorn on an intellectual level, he was still rather judgmental. Still, he offered a listening ear and had more insights than her less intellectual friends had to offer.

"It is your house," Viconia said. "You need not knock."

"It is polite," Keldorn said as he entered and found Viconia sitting cross-legged on the floor, facing the darkness beyond the window. Before her burned one of the pitch-black unholy candles of the Night Singer, its light casting eerie shadows on the wall.

"I was about to offer a prayer of gratitude to Shar," said Viconia. "You may stay and observe, if you like."

"I am... not comfortable with this," Keldorn said. "Prayer to an evil deity in my own house."

"I will make certain your children will not observe," Viconia nodded.

"Thank you," Keldorn said. "I must admit, this is the closest I've been to a follower of the Night Singer without being at blade's length."

"Hah," Viconia chuckled. "You might have met many Sharrans before and would never have known about it. We are everywhere, Keldorn."

"A troubling thought," said Keldorn.

Viconia ignored him and lit some incense above the dark candle before starting to chant a rhythmic hymn.

"_Oh, Night Singer, may your Darkness spread to the four corners of Toril,_

_Oh, Night Singer, may your Wrath banish the weakness of the Light,_

_Oh, Night Singer, may your Anger inspire my rage towards my Enemies,_

_Oh, Night Singer, may your Embrace ease the pain of my Loss,_

_So begs your humble servant. Forever will I celebrate your glory."_

Viconia blew out the candle and offered it to the darkness by holding it out. She closed her eyes and reverently put the candle back in her pack to be used the next day.

"Vesper was quite disappointed that you didn't come out to play with her today," Keldorn said hoping for a way to break through this awkward moment. "I think she rather likes you."

"No time," Viconia said as she stood up. "Perhaps tomorrow?"

"Shar," asked Keldorn, changing the subject. "May I ask how you came to worship her?"

Viconia looked at him for a moment, and he could see the turmoil on her face. She wanted to tell him, that much was certain, but she didn't seem to be sure if she could.

"Get some rest, Viconia," Keldorn said. "Answers will not come to a tired mind. Besides, we will be taking on the slaver lords tomorrow. And they will no doubt have plenty of defenses."

"The surface," Viconia said, ignoring Keldorn, "My first steps on the surface were the most terrifying moments of my life. I knew only a few words of common and as I traveled I carefully avoided any contact with the surfacers. The land was strange and each day I huddled under the terrible open sky, sure that I would be pulled into the vastness of it, if I but closed my eyes for an instant. Lolth had abandoned me and I was alone in a strange world. Those humans who saw me hounded me with abandon, and I fled to the forests. There I was hunted by the _darthiir_...surface elves...and their honed hatred drove me further. I was sure I would perish, never to see the Underdark again, but then, as I lay there in fear while water poured down upon on me from the very sky, I had an epiphany."

"Shar?" Keldorn asked.

"Yes," Viconia smiled. "She spoke to me... She told me to be strong and stand firm against the raging storm. She told me I should make the ways of this strange land my own, and... she told me that, in the future, I would meet powerful friends and allies. The Night Singer, gave me the strength to go on and, to my joy, accepted my worship. I had gained a measure of power, once again."

"Odd," Keldorn mused as he rubbed his chin. "Shar is not know for being an altruistic or merciful deity."

"That is what I have been puzzled about as well," Viconia sighed. "Why does she allow me to walk my own path? Why has she taken me in at all? But it seems she will not answer those questions for me either. Perhaps... perhaps, it is not wise to doubt the wisdom of Shar. She is a greater being than I, and undoubtedly has a far better understanding of past, present and future as a whole. If there is a reason for me being left in the dark regarding her thoughts, it is not for me to question her... Perhaps, it's destiny..." Viconia added.

"So you will just ignore your doubts?" Keldorn asked. "These actions Shar has undertaken are not merely odd, but completely outrageous for a goddess of her character."

"Or _what_, Keldorn? What am I supposed to do?" Viconia snarled. "Reject her? Lose my powers? Again? No, Keldorn. Never again! You ask me to give up the only boon I have been given in these surface lands!"

Keldorn looked towards the door. For a moment, Laska could be heard laughing downstairs. "Your only boon?"

Viconia's hardened expression softened for a moment. "No. Not my only boon," she said as she sighed and rubbed her forehead. "I had always been taught to hate elves. Elves were our ancient enemies, our destroyers, our nemesis to be killed on sight. I should hate them as much as they hate me. But look at me now; one of the darthiir has become my best and dearest friend. The world has a sense of humor, _suliss._ And perhaps Shar does as well. Still, what use would Laska have of a cleric without power?"

"I am not asking you to reject Shar," Keldorn sighed. "But don't tell me that you don't have doubts, because I heard them in your voice and saw them in your eyes."

"Yes," Viconia nodded. "Perhaps you are right about that, Keldorn. But you do not realize the intensity of my gratitude."

Viconia picked up a small box of incense and reverently placed it next to her candle in her pack. "If you will excuse me now, I intend to be well rested for the fight tomorrow. Thank you, Keldorn," she said and strolled to the room she shared with Laska.

* * *

"Come on, laddies!" Korgan tried desperately. "If we be waitin' fer only 'alf an 'our or so, the rain just might be stoppin'!"

"Korgan," Minsc said. "Korgan, Korgan, Korgan. Boo be sayin', ermm, I mean, Boo says a little water never hurt anyone!"

"OY!" Korgan snarled. "Yer hamster did nay be throwin' me in a river a whiles back!"

"Korgan," Keldorn said. "The slaver lords Sion and Ketta might already be alerted to the damage we have done to their business. I think it is for the best to attack as soon as possible before they can entrench themselves even further."

"Don't you wanna go kick some ass, Korgan?" Laska grinned.

"Well, sure, lassie, but..." Korgan said. "I nay want ta be gettin' wet in the process."

"I'm not so sure about that bit about water not hurting anything," Jan said. "You know, my cousin Dottie once traveled to Cormyr, took a wrong turn and ended up in the Land of Osborne, home of the headbanging Munchkins. It's somewhere west of Thay, I believe. So, anyway, cousin Dottie took her turnipcart and traveled across a black-brick road to the Hardrock city in the middle of Osborne to sell her psychedelic turnips to the great Headbanger Wizard Ozzie who lived there. Now, Dottie met the strangest people while travelling through that odd land: A manic-depressive scarecrow, a chronically-aggressive tinman and a wimpy lion halfway through his midlife crisis. Anyway, they arrived at the wizard, but before he would buy, he gave Dottie the assignment to kill the Wicked Griffin of the West. So, afraid but determined, Dottie and her new party stormed the peaceful town of Eastburg and killed all the inhabitants, before Lion sheepishly admitted he had held the map upside down."

"I 'ate when that 'appens," Korgan added, speaking from his own personal experience.

"So, they set course to the West and ended up breaking down the door to the castle of the Griffin. Unfortunately, the fire of Tinman's cigar, who subsequently loved the smell of sulphur in the morning, set off the Griffin's rather elaborate sprinkler system which she installed to preserve her collection of Redwood pines. The last thing remaining of the poor thing was a beak in a puddle. So, victorious, the party returned to the wizard Ozzie of Osborne, and just before Dottie would make the deal of a lifetime, a house drops on her head... Go figure, huh?"

"On second thought," Korgan groaned. "I be better off takin' me chances with the bleedin' rain!"

And thus started a mad dash through the streets, alleys and squares of Athkatla, hoping none of their weapons or armors would rust.

* * *

"Och, we be a load o'drowned cats!" Korgan yelled as he regarded his fellow party members. Everyone looked as if they had just been in a shipwreck. Viconia's wet hair was sticking to her face, while water dripped from Korgan's beard.

Currently, they were standing on the porch of the mansion of Sion and Ketta in the Temple District. It was a lovely and beautiful, two-story mansion built in a classical Amnian style, which was obviously bought with blood money.

"I don't believe it," sighed Keldorn. "Right next to the Order guildhouse. The audacity of these people is astounding."

"Oy, look!" Korgan snarled and pointed at the sky. "Look at the bloody sun! Dammit, the rain is stoppin'! If ye daft buggers had waited fer only a few more minutes, we be arrivin' dry!"

"Unfortunately, Korgan," Viconia grinned, "it's too late for recriminations. We're drowned cats. Live with it."

"Och, shut yer yap!"

Laska grinned and took point at the dripping party stepped into the mansion. It was a beautiful place on the inside as well. Paintings and tapestries hung on the walls, while expensive carpets and furniture further adorned the floor. The centerpieces of the room were the large fireplace in the back between two winding staircases leading to the seconf floor, the beautiful piano in the middle of the room... and the two angry looking nobles who were staring at the adventurers dripping all over their stuff.

"Look who's come barging in!" A ratfaced noble said, wearing rather foppish clothes. "I should check the wards on the door, Ketta. I do believe that they've weakened enough to allow the riffraff in."

"Indeed," A pretty woman said with a hard grin, "an Icestorm trap next time?"

"Quite. Now, as for you," the fop addressed Laska. "This is private property, friend. You are not welcome here."

"Oh," Laska chuckled. "You see, us adventurers go wherever there is evil to fight, and you are it, I'm afraid. I've got a letter here naming you as the slaver lords of Athkatla and we are here to kill you for it"

"Rrarrrgh!" Minsc roared. "You steal the lives of little children, bigger children and grown-ups alike! You will face the wrath of Minsc's sword as he smites you with Hamster justice!"

"What?" Sion snarled. "where did you get that idea from?" He cleared his throat before continuing. "This is vile slander! I demand you leave at..." Unfortunately, Sion had stood a little too close to Laska that time, and held his arm too close to her as well. The next thing Sion heard was a loud crunch. He did not know how he ended up crying on the floor, nor why his arm now seemed to have two elbows.

"She... she... she broke my... arm," Sion grimaced in pain. "Ketta, do something!"

"Sorry, Sion," Ketta snickered. "Every one for himself now. ALERT!"

"Prepare to meet your fate, vile fiends!" Keldorn shouted.

Immediately, all hell broke loose. From the adjacent rooms, two guards, a minotaur and a kara-turan ronin came to the aid of their mistress. The minotaur, a large, imposing bull-man wearing only a loincloth and a heavy axe, was immediately engaged by Keldorn and Minsc alike. Laska could hear Lilarcor's excitement from the other side of the room. The tattooed elf engaged the Kara-turan master with a sly grin crossed over her face. Her opponent was a handsome man, dressed in a colorful armor, and given other circumstances, she might have shared a drink with him. The two magical katanas in his arms meant business however, and even a fighter as skilled as Laska was having trouble dealing with the man's speed. Even when she was driven back into a corner, her sentient blade offered a solution. Ipsiya had noticed the kara-turan had the tendency to point his swords downward after a strike and had mentally informed her mistress of this little fact. Laska took note of this and sprang into action immediately and, while still holding her own swords, grabbed both his ears and yanked them downwards, while violently raising her knee. When she heard the sounds of bone breaking, she pushed him upwards again and twirled around her axis while slashing Ipsiya across the Kara-Turan's neck, severing most of it. The warrior was dead before he fell.

Korgan was having more luck with the two guards he and Jan were handling. After slashing his axe across the knees of one of them, he was now free to try to slam his axe into the skull of the other one. Jan was using his newly invented quick-loader on his crossbow to fire six bolts at a time. This new invention made quite the impression on a newly downed guard's chest. Unfortunately, the guard didn't have much time to enjoy the effectiveness of the weapon.

Viconia was grinned wildly when she was circling Ketta, mace in hand. Without warning, Viconia whistled once, making the statue in her pouch turn into a giant spider. Ketta flipped out a poisoned dagger, getting ready to attack the drow, when the cleric in front of her suddenly unleashed a spell. Instantly, Ketta felt numb, weak, sickly and was unable to think clearly. She gasped as the skin on her arms started to rot away. She could barely defend herself while Viconia and Khittix made mincemeat out of her.

In the meantime, while Keldorn finished off the minotaur, Sion had almost managed to creep to the door, when, suddenly, Laska slammed her sword in front of him.

"And where do you think _you_'re going?" she grinned.

"Yeah," Jan said. "It's not like we can keep him as a pet and nurse his broken wing back to health."

"I be 'avin' a fine solution, gnome," Korgan grinned, and with a single swipe from his axe, slave-trade in Athkatla existed no more.

* * *

"Look at this place!" Laska grinned when she went exploring after the bodies were carried out of the door by the city guards.

"Quite a little pad they had here," Jan added.

"Hm," Keldorn frowned. "We were never able to recover Ketta's body. I wonder where it is?"

"Well..." Viconia grinned.

"You didn't!" Laska sighed.

"Siders have to eat too!" Viconia said. "Last time I saw, Khittix was dragging her body to the cellar. And after today's fight, he sure earned a good meal."

"Hell, I'm not complaining," Laska said. "But look at this place! Look at the luxury! So many rooms!"

The party made their way upstairs, only to find even more luxury. A big study, filled with antiques and a vault, and, best of all: "Look!" Laska said excitedly. "An indoor pool! And an indoor-outhouse with magical odor-eaters! And, wow!" she added while pointing at a glass door leading out onto a patio covering a third of the second floor. The patio was walled on both sides as to afford privacy was richly adorned with plants and seats. One side of the patio was open and overlooked the western part of the Temple District and, right now, offered a beautiful scene of a rainbow stretching into infinity.

"Will you look at that?!" Laska cried out.

"Aye, they be livin' large fer sure!"

"Quite a nice place, even for a nest of vipers, which often is not so nice," Minsc added while walking onto the balcony.

"Ah, friends," Jan said, while walking towards the vault with his little kit. "Genius at work here. This'll only take a few seconds."

"Hey, guys," Laska said, while she laid her arms around both Viconia and Minsc's shoulders. "I got a pretty wicked idea here. Why don't we squat this place?!"

"Oy, now that be a good idea, lass!" Korgan said.

"Hm," Viconia rubbed her chin. "Not a bad idea at all. It is a beautiful home, plenty of room for us all and it's in a good state. The upkeep for the house would be far less than renting out rooms at the inn. That is, if we can claim ownership."

"Hang on a moment!" Keldorn broke in. "You can't just _decide_ to move in here! This property is to be confiscated by the guards and auctioned off."

"Oh, yeah?!" Laska said angrily. "Well, I'm _not_ leaving! We have a pool and there's real marble in the pool room."

"I thought you were scared of water," Viconia frowned.

"It's only a big deal if I can't see the bottom, and it's quite shallow," said Laska.

Keldorn sighed. "Don't be a child, Laska. This house is not yours."

Laska pouted slightly. "I always wanted a home of my own and we thinking of trying to buy one in Baldur's Gate. Didn't get off the ground. I don't want to make the same mistake again."

Keldorn put a hand on her shoulder. "Look, I understand how you feel, Laska, but..."

"Does that mean we can stay at your estate for the time being, then?" Laska smiled.

Korgan chose that moment to belch, fart and scratch his arse in rapid succession.

"Uhm," Keldorn blinked. "I, uh, well, I..."

"Hey!" Jan suddenly shouted while he ran over, making Keldorn sigh in relief. "Take a look at this stuff I found in the vault."

Jan handed Korgan a bag of gold, which immediately vanished without a single trace and handed Keldorn a ledger. "I think this here paperwork will interest you, Keldy," Jan grinned.

"By the gods!" Keldorn shouted. "Look at these documents! This is a list of bribes to corrupt guards, clerks and nobles! And a complete listing of transactions. With this, Chief Inspector Brega can finally sanitize the guards!"

"And don't you think that deserves some kind of reward?" Laska grinned.

Keldorn sighed and shook his head. "Laska..."

"Come on, lassie!" Korgan said and pulled on Laska's arm. "'ere, lets go see if this pad be 'avin' a wine-cellar!"

"Think of it this way, Keldorn," Laska said. "If you give us the house, we no longer have to mooch off you!"

Keldorn smiled briefly, "It is no burden, my friend. But if this is truly what you want, I will see what I can do."

* * *

Two hours later, Keldorn Firecam returned to the mansion formally owned by the slaver lords of Athkatla. He turned to close the door behind him, only to find himself staring into the expecting looks of his party-members.

"Well?" Laska asked.

"I gave the ledger to Chief Inspector Brega, who was very happy with it. And then we discussed how best to sanitize the guards with the help of the Order and..."

"The _house_, Keldorn!" Laska snarled. "What about the _house_!"

"Well, we've talked it over with Magistrate Bylanna," Keldorn began, not mentioning the 100 gold he slipped to a clerk to speed up the process. "And we've decided that the monetary funds of Sion and Ketta will be confiscated, and the house and its contents... will be awarded to the party for services to the city," Keldorn said. He could see that it took a moment for Laska's brain to register the positive outcome. Indeed, Keldorn had done his best for them – he had called in a couple of favors from the Order to add to his recommendation, and he had subtly told Bylanna that if she would not agree to his terms, he would be taking the book to the Order so that the knights would handle the situation themselves. That was enough for Bylanna to agree.

"WOOHOO!" Laska whooped. "It's _ours_!"

"A private place of my own," Viconia added. "A place to come home to..."

"Hey, we don't have to worry about thieves or anything, what with a hundred paladins lodging next door," Jan chuckled.

"Look Boo!" Minsc said. "It is ours now! We can finally get one of those little wheels for you!"

"Hell, we could get a cat now," Laska chuckled.

Keldorn tried to calm them. "Now now, there is some paperwork to handle before its official. Just a formality," he said, only to be completely ignored.

"Aye, I be preferrin' somethin' more damp," Korgan said, "so expect me ta move into the cellar. Close to the wine too, HAR HAR!"

"Okay, I've always wanted a communal dining room, so if we move the piano to the entrance, we can fit the dining table in the main room. Then we can covert the old dining room into a new bedroom. I think we can convert the second library into another bedroom as well," Laska raved. "There's only five beds so we'll have to find another one for Keldorn."

"No, Laska," Keldorn said. "It's kind of you to think of me, but I will be staying at my own estate, near my family. It's only a short walk away."

"Sure, Keldorn," Laska smiled. "But we still have plenty of work to do! Korgan wants his room in the cellar, so we have to drag a bed and furniture down the stairs... And all the other stuff we don't need we toss into the storeroom upstairs. What about those couches? We can put them by the door, along with that table and..."

Keldorn sighed and smiled. It seemed he wouldn't be fighting more evil today, just some furniture instead.

* * *

"Excuse me," the merchant Belinda Quicksilver heard say while she was adjusting her stand, which specialized in pet supplies. Turning around, she was startled to find that her new customer was indeed of the Dark Elven race. She scraped her throat. This drow female be a scary one, but as long as she had a purse filled with gold, she would not turn her away, for she had, in fact, never sent away a potential customer in her life.

"Hullo, miss," Belinda stammered. "Can I help ye?"

"Yes," the drow female said and held up the end of a leash. "I am looking for a basket, so my pet can warm himself at the fireplace."

"Ah, a little doggie-woggie, eh? Wanting to warm himself by the nice firey-wirey?" Belinda cooed.

"Ermm, yes? I think I'm supposed to answer 'yes' to that asinine question, at least, " the drow replied, giving Belinda an odd look.

Belinda didn't hesitate and picked up a rectangular basket. "Here," she said. "How about this one, luv?"

"Hmmm," the drow replied. "I do not think that is a good idea. Khittix can't lie down in a basket shaped like this."

"Ey?" Belinda replied. "Well, we've got round ones as well, but let me take a look at the little doggie-woggie," she said while leaning forward. "Where's the little doggie-woggie? Who's a nice boy?" she said, until she came face to face with... eight eyes displaying a playful look.

With a shriek, Belinda fainted and rolled off the counter on the floor.

Viconia watched the unconscious human and frowned. "I fear I will never understand surfacers," Viconia said. "Don't you agree, Khittix?"

Khittix merely looked at Viconia and chirped quizzically. With a shrug, she put a pouch with some gold coins on the counter and took the large round basket under her arm.

"Hey, _Vico_!" Laska shouted to her. "We've got all the paint and supplies. Let's go to our new home!"

"Sure, Laska," Viconia said and led Khittix by the leash. "But whoever made that law about pets having to be on a leash should be whipped severely. I've never been stared at so many times as today."

* * *

"Ah, home, sweet home!" Jan said as he, Keldorn and Korgan were examining their handywork which took almost a day.

The main room now sported the piano, the harp, the dining table and two chairs in front of the largest fireplace.

The kitchen was left alone, but it was bound to see plenty of use once Laska had made a proper inventory of all the available food. Right now, the only food that would come into the house would be the take-out from various inns. Next to the kitchen was the old dining room, which had been turned into a makeshift room for Jan. Already, he was having old keepsakes and family pictures brought in from the Jansen home in the Slums.

Right next to Jan was Minsc's new room, which was in turn, a converted barracks. Already, several hamster-toys were being brought in.

Across the hall, the first door on the left after entering the house, lay the old bedroom of Sion and Ketta, complete with a oaken bed. The room was quickly called by Laska, who now occupied it. Opposite to Laska's room was Viconia's, which was a converted library complete with a fireplace. Immediately, Viconia had created a small quiet corner for prayers and had lain the basket she had bought in front of the fire so Khittix could keep warm.

The other rooms, which included a guard barracks and a bath, were left untouched for now, but could be converted quickly into more bedrooms if need be. The rooms on the upper floor were mostly used for storage, safe for the study. The servants quarters, though well maintained, were unoccupied.

Korgan kept house right next tot the winecellar, and had taken most of the golden antiques from the office on the second floor to surround himself with. Ipsiya had a nice little pad too: she had been placed in the umbrella stand next to the door.

Keldorn, Jan and Korgan had spent most of the day painting the front of the building in an azure blue, indicating a recent change of ownership. Also, Jan had painted a small sign saying, "Here lives Laska! Please wipe feet before entering or be _impaled_!"

"So," Keldorn asked. "Where are the others?"

"Oh, Minsc and Viconia are upstairs cleaning up," Jan said. "Laska was dragging one of the kegs of Ale upstairs and..."

"Here I am!" Laska shouted and was dragging one of the kegs, which fortunately had wheels mounted, up the stairs.

"And where are you going to place that thing?" Viconia asked while she stepped down the stairs.

"Oh, just here!" Laska grinned and kicked away the old shrine of Cyric which had belonged to Sion. "I'll throw that thing in the river outside. Who needs the gods when you've got booze?"

"What's that thing on your arm?" Keldorn asked.

Laska grinned and held up her arm. "Oh, just a little something I had done to celebrate the end of slave-trade in Athkatla. What? You think buying paint takes an hour?" she said, while showing her new tattoo, a beautiful pattern of swirling azure strings, running from the back of her hand to her lower wrist. From a distance, the tattoo resembled an ornate gauntlet.

"Pretty," Jan said.

"If you keep getting tattoos as this rate, you'll have no skin left before you're fifty," Viconia chuckled.

"And that is a problem, how exactly? Now, there's only one more thing to do!" Laska grinned and ran upstairs.

"Pool," Viconia, Korgan, Keldorn and Jan said simultaneously as the elf ran towards the water. And, soon enough, a splash and a whoop sounded from upstairs.

"Anyone bought a clothesline?" the elf called from upstairs a few moments later.


	17. An Old Score

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 17: An Old Score_

As the birds started singing outside, Laska finally woke up. In her own bed. In her own house.

It was still a very foreign idea to her – her own home. The bed she was lying in was far too soft and fluffy, so she did what any elf would do in the morning; wrap the duvet around her body and enjoy the softness. Seeing her throat was a little dry, Laska very reluctantly got out of bed to fetch a drink of water from the kitchen. Once she stood outside of her bedroom in a bathrobe, it took her a few moments to figure out where the kitchen actually was.

Such a large mansion all for herself and her friends. If only Imoen were here to enjoy it too.

The tattooed elf figured she had been the first one to wake up, meaning she was planning to get a drink and then head straight back to bed. But then she heard some rustling coming from the upper floor. After going upstairs, she saw Viconia sitting in the study behind a large desk, apparently scribbling down on some papers.

"What are you doing?" Laska asked, suppressing a yawn.

"Couldn't sleep," Viconia replied without looking up. "So I decided to do some calculating."

"Why couldn't you sleep?" Laska asked.

"Don't know," Viconia replied. "Maybe I need to get used to this house, or maybe I was just too busy before going to bed last evening."

"What are you calculating, then?"

"Daily costs of our party, offset with the upkeep of this house," Viconia said. "The house is in excellent condition so we don't need to put much money in it. The yard outside is a bit overgrown, but otherwise fine."

"We... have a yard?" Laska blinked.

Viconia frowned. "You didn't look outside when you were in the kitchen?"

"I didn't think that was ours," Laska chuckled.

"Well, it is," Viconia smirked. "Quite big too. There's a big upstairs balcony overlooking the yard from the observatory."

"We have an observatory?" Laska blinked again.

Viconia sighed. "Obviously. What have you been doing the yesterday?"

"This house just keeps getting better and better," Laska grinned.

"I have taken the liberty of filling out the ownership papers," Viconia said. "Just sign here and it'll be taken care of."

"Shouldn't we all sign this?"

"No, apparently homes can only have one owner in Athkatla," said Viconia. "That'd be you. One thing we should consider is hiring a cleaning lady and maybe some other servants. We can easily afford it if we make room and board part of the package."

"I'll keep an eye open for one," Laska said.

"In the meantime, I do believe we could lazy about for a day or two," Viconia said as she looked around. "Enjoy the spoils and all that."

"Yeah," Laska grinned. "No reward we've ever had was as good as this."

"A place to settle in safety," Viconia nodded. "That's worth a lot, Laska."

"Right," said Laska. "Now, I'll go to the kitchen to fetch a drink and crawl into my warm bed again. You try to get some sleep as well."

* * *

"Ah, this is the life," Laska said as she lay back in the lazy chair mounted on the patio of her new home. It had been two days since she moved into this mansion and she finally starting to feel at home. Currently, she was calmly enjoying a nice, sunny morning. After noticing the plants surrounding the terrace, she made a mental note that she would have to water them, and immediately decided she'd do it next week. Right now, Laska was too busy snacking from a sandwich, while holding a cup of honeyed morning tea in her other hand.

"Say, Las," Jan said, who was sunbathing in the chair beside her and was actively snacking grapes. "Did I ever tell you about my great uncle Eric's house?"

"No," Laska said. "But don't let that stop you."

"Well, Eric lived in Sembia, you see. And he had a very broad, one story house. Lovely, but the ceiling was a bit low. Anyway, the day came when the lord of Sembia imposed a new land-use tax and, faced with bankruptcy, Eric decided to make his house fly so it wouldn't actually use any land! After attaching four large propellers to the roof, he bought a small army of hamsters to put in several high-yield engines and, while the hamsters were running around in their little wheels, the house rose from the ground until it floated over the large city. Content to never have to pay taxes again, Eric could now sit in his chair and be lazy all day long. This went okay for a couple of months, but then a silver dragon called Shiny Pete flying over Sembia was unfortunately too engrossed with looking for a place to park. So, Shiny Pete noticed the house only at the last moment and, with a yelp, made a move to avoid the house, but still knocked off one of the four propellers in the process. The house came crashing down, but it seemed his old lot had been claimed by a wizard whom had built a tower there. Eric still lives in Sembia, his house now balancing on top of the tip of the wizard tower. And Eric still doesn't have to pay his taxes."

"Aha, so Sembia should make a landing strip for dragons," Laska chuckled.

"Well, it would certainly curb the destructive tendencies when dragons get frustrated. A red burned down a whole block just to land on the flattened site," Jan grinned.

"What do dragons want in Sembia anyway?" Laska asked.

"Theater, I guess. Dragons are suckers for theater and Sembia has some great playhouses. But a bad performance tends to get the stage flamed," Jan chuckled.

"Uh-huh," Laska said. "I guess hanging around the lair for a century or two can get pretty boring. Speaking of hanging around the house, I think it's time for us to find a new job."

"New job, eh?" Jan said. "Well, I'm pretty good at shoe-repair. Minsc could become a chef in the Copper Coronet, Keldorn could become a life-insurance salesman and Viconia would make an excellent turnip farmer. But I think you and Korgan could do nothing else than hacking people to bits, no offense. Have you considered a career in turnip-chopping?"

"An adventuring job, Jan," Laska laughed. "We still have to find the buggers who buried that man alive. We might look into that."

"Oh, _that_!" Jan chuckled. "Well, maybe he buried himself. People can have strange hobbies, you know?"

"I guess we should see how the others are doing," Laska said, almost reluctantly. The two friends got up from their chairs and headed inside.

As Laska and Jan walked down the stairs, she noticed her friends were acclimatizing quite nicely as well. Minsc was giving Boo a wash in Sion's tropical aquarium, while Korgan was sitting by the fire soaking his feet in one of Ketta's old suitcases filled with red hot water. Viconia was sitting at the table tossing scraps of bacon at Khittix, who was in turn happily skittering through his new domain. Ipsiya was still in the umbrellas tand, thankfully far away from Lilarcor, who had been tossed inside the study upstairs.

As predicted, pieces of armor, laundry, weapons, empty bottles and boxes now lay haphazardly placed on the floor despite Viconia's insistence for a regular clean up. Laska decided she'd do it tomorrow. Either that or hire that maid and Viconia had been talking about two days ago.

"Aye, lass," Korgan sighed in a state of bliss, "this be the way ta live."

"Boo is most happy with his new wheel!" Minsc announced.

"How many wheels does that make now, Minsc?" Viconia chuckled. "Fifteen?"

"Twenty!" Minsc shouted in glee. "Jan and I have bought rain pipes and we'll hang them all over the house so Boo can run and move at his merry hamster leisure!"

"Be still, my beating heart," Viconia spoke with disinterest. "Just don't hammer in those pipes without telling me about it. Last time, the paintings dropped from the wall."

"Ach," Korgan grunted. "We cannae all be artsies like ye, drowsy."

Then, there was a knock on the door, which resounded through the entire room.

"Ah, Keldorn is back!" Minsc said happily.

"No," Viconia said, when she noticed Khittix had approached the door and make noises resembling a dog's growl. "Keldorn and several other people."

"Well, open up!" Laska chuckled. "Just don't let them see the mess," she said, while kicking some dirty laundry laying about the floor inside the kitchen and quickly pulling her chainmail over her head.

The door was opened and while Viconia held back a growling spider, Keldorn and a group of five members of the Order, three male and two female, stepped through.

"Oy, longlimb!" Korgan shouted. "If ye want ta be hostin' a party 'ere, ye should 'ave called ahead! HAR HAR!"

"I'm afraid it's quite a serious matter, my friends," Keldorn said unease. "We have all been summoned to the Order Guildhouse."

"Oy, I be soakin' me feet! Come back later!" Korgan shouted.

"Yeah, we need to get on the road again too," Laska said. "Looking for jobs and the like to make money for the Imoen fund."

"Trust me on this, my friends," Keldorn said. "The prelate hasn't told me much, but apparently this matter concerns Viconia the most."

"Oh?" Viconia frowned. "What now?"

* * *

"This is not encouraging," Keldorn muttered as he and his friends were led into one of the back offices of the enormous guildhouse. The double doors closed behind them, and they were motioned to sit down on the wooden chairs situated in front of a large raised bench, which contained seats for three people.

"Will you please tell me what the hell is going on?" Laska snarled with a low voice.

"And will you tell me what this has to do with me?" Viconia asked, her voice betraying a sense of unease.

Korgan said nothing, but grunted and combed his beard, while Minsc sat down and put down Boo on the chair next to him. Jan Jansen was cheerfully twiddling his thumbs and daydreamed about turnips the size of a boulder.

"A tribunal," Keldorn said.

A few moment later, three silent, grim paladins entered the room and took their seats at the raised bench. In the middle, sat Lady Sylvana Skye, a graying paladin of Tyr. She had clearly visable laugh-lines in her face, but she conveyed a sense of 'tough but fair'. She was known as the Defender of Justice during tribunals. Prelate Wessalen sat to the right of Lady Skye, taking the role of Speaker for the Order during tribunals, signifying he defended the honor and the interests of the Most Noble Order with diligence. The third person was the youngest of the three: the dashing Sir Ryan Trawl reprized his role as Speaker for the Members, and acted as a representative for the individual members of the Order.

"All rise!" the bailiff sitting next to the raised bench said. Minsc and Keldorn raised immediately, but the bailiff sheepishly waved the formalities as he noticed the tattooed elven female remained seated and was daring him to say something about it.

"Greetings," Lady Skye began, in a pleasant, yet business-like voice, "I thank you all for coming."

"Sylvana," Keldorn began. "Please tell me what this is about. Why have my friends been summoned here?"

"I'll get to the point," Lady Skye told Keldorn. "Sir Trawl?"

"Keldorn," Sir Trawl began. "Some of our fellow members have expressed doubt in your most recent companion, one Viconia DeVir. Some do not approve of a drow walking among these hallowed halls or remaining with a member of our Order unpunished. Is it correct that you have taken her as a student?"

"Typical," Viconia spat.

"She asked for knowledge about the surface-lands. Our lands. I have offered my aim to someone in need," Keldorn nodded.

"A noble sentiment, but it would not befit the reputation and thus, the effectiveness of the Order," prelate Wessalen broke in, "if it becomes public knowledge that we allowed a drow, a worshipper of Shar no less, to walk freely."

"I do not see the problem," Keldorn replied. "Even though she worships the Night Singer, she has aided this party in performing great deeds in the name of righteousness!"

"Keldorn," Lady Skye said. "She is a creature born of evil and a servant of the Night Singer to boot. Surely you cannot expect us not to be wary of her?"

"It would not be much of a problem," Sir Trawl continued, "if a single knight hadn't been speaking ill of this and spreading the doubt across our fellow members."

Keldorn suddenly darkened visibly. "Let me guess..."

"Sir Roghyt Dawn has called for this tribunal," Lady Skye said and motioned the bailiff to let the man enter. A thin, yet strong looking man entered the room. He had a hard look in his eyes and his very appearance radiated a sense of pure arrogance. Constantly, Sir Dawn was shooting Keldorn hateful looks while stepping towards the bench.

Suddenly, as he tried to sit down, he heard and enraged cry from the huge man sitting next to him and was violently shoved to the floor.

"YOU ALMOST SAT ON BOO!" Minsc told the man, while his hamster gave a surprised knight a hard look. "This is Boo's chair! Find your own, little man!"

"Next time, Sir Dawn," Lady Skye chuckled, "you will look before you set yourself down. You may speak..."

"Thank you, Lady Skye," Sir Dawn spoke. "I represent a group of concerned knights, who..."

"We've already told Sir Keldorn and his student, Sir Dawn," Lady Skye broke in. "And if you had bothered to have shown up in time, you would have known that," she said angrily.

"Please don't tell me, you have started this... circus because of that insane feud that exists only in your mind!" Keldorn snarled at Sir Dawn."

"Nonsense," Sir Dawn narrowed his eyes. "I move that Keldorn is a danger to the Order and I move for his ejection from this noble place."

"I see," Keldorn shook his head.

"Personally, I find the idea of taking a drow for a student laughable at best. But, Sir Keldorn must have had an ulterior motive for this, I would gather. Have you stolen a look at her? She is a very lovely woman, after all. Just how _intimate_ is your relationship with her, Keldorn? Wife not doing it for you any more?" Sir Dawn grinned.

"You _dare_!" Keldorn rose and looked ready to jump Sir Dawn to punch some sense into him.

"Oh, come now," said Sir Dawn. "The troubled relationship between you and Lady Maria is well known."

"SILENCE!" Lady Skye shouted. "Sir Dawn, you will refrain from making such speculative comments or we will see who gets ejected around here!"

"I... I beg forgiveness, my Lady," Sir Dawn stammered uneasily.

"Truth be told," Sir Trawl added. "There is a significantly larger group of knights who trust Keldorn's opinion and are prepared to give Viconia DeVir the benefit of the doubt because of that. And then there are the facts that she actively participated in several great deeds of benefit to the entire region, which Keldorn spoke of earlier. Regardless of her motives, she was part of the group that prevented a war between Amn and Baldur's Gate, ended slavery in Athkatla and ended the reign of the Sightless One's cult."

"Thus, we have concluded she is to be given a test to prove her worth to the Order," Prelate Wessalen added. "This is to be done to once again bring unity among our members. If she refuses to take the test she will be banned from the city on pain of death."

"I am allowed to say anything?" Laska said as she stood up.

"It is not the custom of..."

"Right," Laska said. "You are a bunch of..." A series of colorful expletives that would make a sailor blush followed briefly, questioning the parentage of Sir Dawn and the mental capacity of the tribunal members.

"R-right," Lady Skye blinked. "I, uh, your opinion on these matters are noted. I, uh, let's just move on."

"I have decided on the test," Sir Dawn grinned at Keldorn. "She is to engage and destroy the organization of fallen paladins led by the traitor Anarg."

"One cleric against a dozen battle hardened warriors? That is a suicide mission!" Keldorn shouted.

"The decision has already been made, Keldorn," Sir Dawn grinned. "There is nothing you can do about it."

"This has always been about you and me, Roghyt!" Keldorn snarled. "I will not allow you to sacrifice her life because of our so-called feud!"

While Keldorn and Dawn were arguing, Viconia, who had been watching the proceedings with disinterest, stepped up to the bench and calmly said: "I will pass ANY test you set for me, lowly _male_."

"If you succeed," Sir Trawl directed at the drow, "you will be doing the Order a tremendous favor."

"If I succeed," Viconia grinned evilly, "I reserve the right to decide the fate of that male _iblith_ Sir Dawn."

"Such is your right," Lady Skye acknowledged.

"Viconia!" Keldorn said. "You don't have to..."

"A challenge has been made," Viconia replied calmly. "And I will accept."

"Alright!" Laska said. "Let's go! Adventure awaits us!"

"I am sorry, miss Leafwalker," Sir Trawl said. "But your friend must perform this quest alone."

"So I cannae be usin' me bloody axe soon?" Korgan snarled. "How dare ye!"

"If you expect me to leave a friend of mine to face death alone, you are sadly mistaken!" Laska shouted to Lady Skye. "I will carve a path through all the knights who try to keep me here!"

Lady Skye cursed inwardly. The elven female's loyalty was admirable and she was very much capable of making true of her threat. Perhaps they would be able to subdue her, but she would still do a lot of damage either way. She worried that Dawn's issues with Keldorn would get many good men and women seriously injured if the elven female would be driven over the edge.

"Laska, it's okay," Viconia spoke softly. "Those fallen knights are all males so how hard can it be? Besides, who said I had to _fight_ them? I am quite adept at manipulating males."

"You sure?"

"Positive," Viconia grinned. "Trust me, they won't know what hit them."

"You will be our guests here," Lady Skye told Laska and her friends. "Make yourselves at home until Viconia DeVir has performed her mission."

Laska snarled at Sir Dawn, and quickly slammed her fist against his jaw. A surprised Dawn rolled off his chair and onto the ground. "If Viconia dies... You die!" she told him while pointing her blade at his face.

"Sir Dawn," Lady Skye told him. "I am ninety-two years old and I had to walk all the way from the government district to get here. If I find you have called for this tribunal because of your idiotic feud with Sir Keldorn and are willing to sacrifice a life for it too boot, I have half a mind to _let_ her kill you."

Meanwhile, while the party made their way to the main hall, Jan's snoring could be heard in the background.

* * *

"I don't believe this!" Laska shouted. "My house is right next door and I have to stay in this dump!"

"Korgan!" Keldorn suddenly shouted. "Dammit, put your pants back on!"

"Oy!" Korgan retorted. "The ole prune be tellin' us ta make ourselves at home! And how else do ye expect me to mend that bleedin' hole in me pants?"

"Where's the winecellar?" Laska asked. "I could use a good swig around now."

"Ey, Keldy," Korgan said as he reattached his belt. "What be the deal between ye and that daft pansy?"

"Years ago," Keldorn began, "the Order fought a campaign against a large horde of invading orcs in the south. I was acting as an advance scout behind enemy lines when I came across a squad led by Sir Dawn. It was his first command, and from a distance I noticed the battle was already lost. Sir Dawn's commands were erratic at best and suicidal at worst. He was nearing breaking point and kept pushing to attack an enemy which had the squad outnumbered at least twenty to one. Dozens of paladins and clerics fell that day due to his incompetence. I rode down and relieved Sir Dawn of command, which I had to do by knocking him unconscious. He was just about ready to attack me for even suggesting it. I led the retreat of the squad to save who could be saved. Only fourteen out of forty knights returned, but the entire squad could have been saved if Dawn hadn't ordered the attack in the first place. There was a tribunal, and it was decreed he would never get a command again. He has hated me ever since."

"Gee, nice friends you have here," Laska said. "Oh, look! There's Vic!"

Viconia and Sir Ryan Trawl entered the main hall, after a short visit from the armory. For her belt hung a new weapon, a flail white as snow and heavily enchanted.

"A Watcher's Flail," Keldorn said, referring to the weapon.

"Yes," Viconia said. "It lacks the dark magics I am used to wielding, but it will have to do."

"Incidentally, miss DeVir," Sir Trawl said. "We are all hoping for your success. Anarg is a wolf in sheep's clothing who has walked aside us in these halls with darkness in his heart. It started out with bribes and espionage and ended with assassinations of Order members and the subversion of the younger squires. He used foul magics to hide his evil nature until he was caught in the act and managed to escape. Due to the influence of the Shadow Thieves, Anarg operates in the Bridge section alone, setting up his own little corrupt empire. You will undoubtedly find him there."

"Tell me," Viconia chuckled, a plan already forming. "Is he an arrogant man?"

"Increasingly so," Sir Trawl laughed.

"Perfect," Viconia purred, as she was led to the entrance of the Guildhouse to begin her assignment.

* * *

Viconia was on the prowl. She was no stranger to acting alone; necessity had taught her to be observant and exploit chances as they appeared. This tribunal might be the biggest blessing in disguise; though it was sweet of Laska and her friends to try to defend her, Viconia knew that if she managed to pull this off, she would end up having the endorsement of one of the most respected organizations for good in this land. It would assure her of a safe position within Athkatla. Strengthening the Order would be strengthening herself and her friends.

After several hours of searching and waiting, after scouring of back alleys and docks, Viconia finally found her quarry. Using the stealth techniques she had learned during her time in the Underdark, she snuck behind several crates and barrels to observe the situation a little better. What she saw a group of heavily armored young men, led by a middle-aged fallen paladin. The paladins looked awkward and out of place in this situation; they were not suited to be criminal enforcers and it showed. A lot of the paladins looked very conflicted – a perfect situation to exploit.

Facing the fallen knights was a group of rag-tag individuals, looking grimy and rugged. They were the more regular types of ruffians to be found on the docks. A leather clad half-elven female spoke for the smugglers.

"We shall not allow you to continue your depredations here, Rindus. Take your men and be gone. Your smuggling will not be tolerated any longer," the middle-aged paladin said.

Viconia smiled briefly. They were still playing at being paladins. This was looking better and better.

"Tolerated, eh?" the female snarled. "You better be able to back your words up, big man. You're going to die trying to take my turf. What, are you trying to convince me that you're still part of the Order, eh, Reynald? You still think you're some kind of goody-goody paladin, eh? You know what I hear? I hear you lost your paladin-hood due to some moxie that seduced and used you like a patsy! What was her name, now? Celestine, wasn't it?"

Again, useful information. Females still had power over the most pure of hearts.

"You know nothing of her, fool! And while I may no longer meet the Order's standards, I'll not stand by and listen to a cur such as you cheapen Celestine's name!" the middle-aged knight snarled.

"We'll see," the female snarled in return. "ATTACK!"

Immediately, the battle began, but it soon became clear to Viconia that the smugglers would never be able to win the battle with these former knights. Already, three smugglers had been killed while the knights remained untouched. Then, the tide turned. One of the clerics on the smuggler's side cast a spell on his teammates. Immediately, the bodies of the smugglers seemed to fade into the background.

The knights, unused to this type of dirty fighting, almost panicked when they were unable to see their attackers while they felt the sting of dagger and sword. Viconia decided it was time to strike.

The former knights looked up when Viconia jumped from behind the barrels and launched her spell. Magical energy shot through the area and instantly dissolved the smugglers' invisibility. Now it was the smugglers' turn to panic. Viconia casually launched enough spells at the smugglers to make it seem like she was helping the knights, while still preserving her most powerful spells for later use. The knights themselves fought with adequate skill. Soon, all smugglers lay dead.

"Greetings to you, friend," the middle-aged fallen paladin greeted gratefully, " I am grateful for your aid against these dogs and would know your name if you are willing to give it."

"I am Briza Del'Armgo," Viconia lied and revealed her drow heritage by removing her hood. Some of the fallen knights gasped, while the middle-aged man spoke softly.

If their leader was disturbed by her appearance, he did not show it. "I am Reynald de Chatillon, once of the Order and now under the leadership of Anarg," he said. "Forgive my impertinence, milady, but I have rarely seen someone of your heritage brave the surface lands."

"Indeed," Viconia replied. "Due to an... incident, I was forced to relocate to the surface. I hope to raise my fortune and return to my home to start a new House. I have heard rumors of former knights whom I had hoped to hire for a task."

"Damn right!" one of the younger knights spoke up. "The Order of the Most Radiant Fart never let us do anything."

"Might I ask what kind of task?" Reynald asked, after silencing the young knight with a harsh look.

"I would rather discuss that with your leader, but I can tell you it involves the... liberation of a certain item. Believe me, there'll be ample profit for all of us," Viconia grinned.

"I see," Reynald sighed, and seemed to be oddly saddened by the prospect of thievery. "Well, we do owe you for coming to our aid. I shall inform my master Anarg. He is in hiding, so you must wait here."

Viconia nodded. This was looking good.

* * *

"Ah, Keldorn," Sir Ryan Trawl said as he approached his old friend. "I wanted to tell you how truly sorry I am about all this."

"It is not your fault, my friend," Keldorn said. "I am just angry that Viconia is being used a pawn in Dawn's game."

Meanwhile, the floor of the guildhouse was looking a lot like the floor of Laska's house: Haphazardly strewn with armor, weapons, empty bottles and boxes. Many a knight cursed like a dockworker after tripping over some clutter for the umpteenth time that day.

"I wonder how Vico is," Laska wondered. "Just thinking about it makes me wanna slaughter this whole place."

"Och," Korgan said, while he was soaking his feet in the breastplate of one of the ornamental suits of armor. "I be jumpin' at the chance to use me axe on one o' these sanctimonious pansies."

"An outrage!" a familiar voice sounded from behind. Laska whipped around and noticed a haughty looking young man with brown hair and a short beard. "You think the Order Guildhouse is your personal sty!"

"Don't blame me," Laska said. "The Order wanted us here, so stop complaining."

"You don't even recognize me, do you?" the man accused. "So typical of common scoundrels like you."

"Do not ask for credit," Laska menaced, "since a punch in the mouth often offends!"

"Oy, just whip him! HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed. "Ye can take 'im."

"Well, misery seeks company, I see," the man replied.

"You are really getting on my nerves, you little bastard," Laska snarled.

"You are no lady, madam!" the man spoke. "Just a sad, violent, insane, tattooed tramp!"

"Who are you calling sad!" Laska snarled and got ready for a fight, until she suddenly remembered. "OH! You're the guy whose nose I broke three weeks ago during a bar fight in the Copper Coronet! In that case, I'm very, very, very sorry..."

"Ah, so you apologize?" the man told her in surprise. "I am pleasantly surprised."

"I'm sorry your nose was the _only_ thing I broke! How about adding both your legs to the list of broken bodyparts!" Laska shouted. "I'll do it right here, free of charge!"

"What's going on here! _LASKA! SQUIRE DELRYN!_" Keldorn suddenly shouted as he and Sir Trawl stormed in. Trawl did his best to restrain Anomen Delryn, while Keldorn was having dire trouble getting a flailing Laska to calm down, clamping his arms around the waist with all his might. The roaring laughter of Korgan could be heard above the commotion and echoed through the Guildhouse.

"Come back here!" she shouted as Sir Trawl led Anomen to one of the backrooms. "Come back so I can _bite your nose off_!"

"Stop it!" Keldorn shouted. "Look, I know you're frustrated and angry, but this isn't helping."

"Frustrated doesn't begin to describe it!" Laska retorted. "I can't help my friend because some self-righteous revenge-monger wants you for dinner, Keldorn!"

"I know," Keldorn sighed. "And it's eating at me."

"Mind you, that squire isn't the first member of this Order I ticked off. Do you know a man called Ajantis?" Laska asked.

"Yes," Keldorn said. "A fine paladin, if a little overzealous."

"Well, when we first met, I gave him... a wedgie," Laska chuckled.

"What?" Korgan said. "Did ye be pullin' his shorts a mite or did ye really be pullin' his shorts over 'is head?"

"Well..." Laska laughed.

"You didn't!" Keldorn said in surprise.

"OY!" Korgan shouted. "Anyone seen Minsc?"

* * *

Viconia was still waiting for the knights to return, when she heard soggy boots approaching from behind from a distance. She turned around, only to stand face to face with Minsc.

"Ah, we have found little Viconia!" A drenched Minsc announced.

"What the..." Viconia blinked.

"Minsc was unable to save Dynaheir," Minsc choked. "_Never_ again, shall Minsc allow a friend to be in danger while he and Boo can do something about it! NO SIR!"

"Well, that's... comforting, but how did you get so wet?"

"Boo and I climbed through a window in the latrine! Sadly, there was a moat under the window and we ended up all wet." Minsc said. "But Minsc has a plan: the three of us fight the knights, we win and we return to the Order to celebrate our victory over EVIL!"

"Minsc!" Viconia sighed. "I need you to hide and stay absolutely silent! I already have a plan. Anarg is the only real criminal here. The others are mostly disgruntled youngsters, but still act much like paladins. I plan to create a rift between Anarg and his men, so I... we only need to fight Anarg."

"Ooooh!" Minsc said. "Isn't that clever, Boo? Little Viconia is very clever!"

"Sssssst!" Viconia hissed. "They return."

Minsc immediately ducked between the barrels when Reynald strolled over to Viconia.

"Anarg will hear you..."

* * *

Viconia strolled in the dark room where Anarg stayed. It was a rather spartan room, and Anarg, a charismatic former knight sat in the middle of the room and eyed Viconia hungrily.

"So, you must be Briza Del'Armgo?" he grinned, while Viconia nodded. "Let's hear your proposal."

"Alright," Viconia grinned. "I have bought information from a reliable source that a set of very valuable gemstones is being shipped through this city and is being kept in an inn under guard. The whole transport is low profile and very hush-hush. Now, my suggestion is that you and your men liberate the shipment, and kill all the witnesses at the inn."

"Quite a risk," Anarg said warily.

"Ah, but the best things are gained by risk," Viconia chuckled. "Are you prepared to take... a risk? I could offer you a little extra incentive. You know of the drow and our reputation? Trust me, a book could never do justice to the truth."

'_Score_,' Viconia thought when she felt the eyes of the fallen knight roving over her body.

"I would need to... sample the wares before making my decision, Briza," Anarg grinned.

_'So predictable',_ Viconia grinned, strolled around to Anarg and slowly started to nibble on his earlobe, making the fallen knight shudder with ecstasy. Men like this were so easy to manipulate. Then, as quickly as she had begun, she stopped. "Work first," she grinned. "Play later."

"I shall inform the men," Anarg grinned. "But, rest assured, I want you in my bed all night all."

"Get me my gems," Viconia lied. "And you will experience a night as never before."

Hook. Line. Sinker.

* * *

"You cannot do this!" Reynald shouted at Anarg, while many of the younger former knights were giving Anarg dirty looks.

"I have taken you in, and _this_ is your gratitude?" Anarg snarled. "You _will_ follow orders!"

"But we cannot attack the Den of the Seven Vales!" Reynald said. "Do you even realize how many innocent people will end up caught in the middle?"

"Is this the 'glorious new life' you've promised us if we'd leave the order?" one of the youngest former knights wailed.

"I say _no_!" Yet another knight called.

Meanwhile, Viconia was grinning like a Cheshire cat. Her plan was working perfectly. "Well, now," she sing-songed. "I guess you aren't in control of this group after all. Perhaps I should take my business elsewhere." Her statement and potentially endangering Anarg's prospect of a wild night with a drow female served to throw more oil on the fire. He was close to snapping now.

"Obey!" Anarg shouted. Suddenly, a bolt of lightning, courteousy of Viconia, crashed into Anarg full metal plate, knocking him to the ground with a cry of intense pain. Then, when Anarg finally noticed the symbol on the top of the flail, he croaked, "You... you... you were sent by the Order."

"Correct," Viconia chuckled and rose her flail in the air.

"ANARG!" one of the former knights shouted and short forward to protect his master.

"NO! Minsc will protect!" the huge ranger shouted, picked up the former knight by the nape of the neck and threw him off the bridge head-first while Viconia slammed down her flail on Anarg's head, ending his miserable life with one foul blow.

"What fools we have been," Reynald spoke with bowed head. "He used us... What is to become of us now?"

"Ermm, Boo says you might go back to where you started," Minsc suggested. "If many Order knights are like Keldorn, they will let you in to fight evil once more!"

* * *

"I have you now, Keldorn," Sir Dawn tormented Keldorn as the aged Inquisitor was pacing around nervously, awaiting news of Viconia. "Your student will die, and you will be ejected from the order. I will finally get even with you after all these years."

"You are a delusional fool, Dawn," Keldorn snarled. "And I regret having ever called you 'comrade'."

"KELDORN!" Laska shouted from the other side of the guildhall, much to the consternation of the other knights. "VICONIA IS BACK!"

"_What_?!" Dawn asked incredulously.

A few moments later, Minsc and Viconia walked in the guildhall, followed suit by several former knights of which many were begging for forgiveness the instant they talked to anyone. The members of the tribunal came out to congratulate Viconia on her success as well.

"This is _not_ possible!" Dawn shouted, but Viconia simply smiled and tossed him a bloody bag. Dawn blanched as he recognized the head inside of it.

"Goody, Vic!" Laska laughed. "I knew you'd make it."

"Congratulations," Lady Skye smiled. "And may I apologize to you on behalf of the entire Order. You shall be allowed to walk these halls forever more. Not only have you defeated the fallen paladins, but you have managed to convince all of Anarg's men to return to their rightful place. This day shall be remembered for a long time."

Viconia smirked at Dawn and bowed her head at Lady Skye for only an instant. "Excuse me, but I remember I was allowed to decide Sir Dawn's fate?" Viconia asked with an innocent voice.

"I..." Dawn sighed.

"In my culture," Viconia narrowed her eyes at the man, "I would be well within my rights to have you disemboweled."

"No, Vico, wait!" Laska started to whisper something into Viconia's ear. After a snort, Viconia strolled over to Sir Trawl, Prelate Wessalen and Lady Skye and whispered her plan in their ears as well.

Barely being able to contain her laughter, Lady Skye spoke to the crowd. "Sir Dawn, it is the decision of this tribunal..."

* * *

"Twenty!" Laska counted. "Only eighty more laps to go, Dawnie!"

All paladins and clerics of the Order were gathered to watch the spectacle and it seemed Sir Dawn was drawing quite a crowd on the other side of the district as well. Dawn, suffering from one of Laska's horrible pranks and from Lady Skye's vengeful nature, had been sentenced to running one hundred laps around the guildhouse naked, with his rear end painted green, wearing a bucket for a helmet and having a note saying 'I am a lowly male _iblith_' pinned to his back.

"I know I shouldn't laugh," Keldorn snickered. "But, it's just too good to pass up."

"Oh, this is the highlight of my year," Lady Skye chuckled.

"Hey," Jan said as he walked out the door and wiped the sleep from his eyes. "What happened?"


	18. Dark Reunion

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapte__r 18: __Dark Reunion_

"Dammit," Laska muttered as she and her friends made a narrow escape from the celebrations at the Order Guildhouse. "They call that a party? Where's the bloody booze?"

"I be tellin' ye," Korgan snarled. "I 'ave never seen a more borin' fest than that miserable specimen."

"Well," Keldorn said apologetically. "For the Order, that was a bit boisterous. A quiet meet-and-greet and a dignified dinner followed by a..."

"Boisterous?" Jan smiled. "I've seen more boisterous parties at family funerals! Although things tend to get rowdy when the turnip wine starts flowing. I tell you, at my great-grandfather's funeral we all had a ball. Quite literally, really. First of all, we were happy the griffin had left us some remains to bury in the first place. He spit out my great-granddad's glasses after his meal, you see. And we never liked the guy anyway, so there... But then, after formal dinner laced with turnip beer, my cousin Hilda, who was a powerful necromancer by the way, decided the place was really dead and did something about it. With a wave of her arms, all the skeletons rose from their graves! And so it happens, a whole band of bards was buried there after they decided to play ding-dong-ditch on a blue dragon, so they started to play music and before too long all the skeletons were dancing the hokey-pokey with us Jansens through the night. But then, the time to say goodbye came, and all the dead returned to their graves, except for the band I think. They now play at weddings and funerals. Just go to Riatavin and ask for 'Skull-and-Crossed-bones'."

"Yes, well," Keldorn shook his head, ignoring the chatty gnome, "the dinner would have been _far_ more dignified if Laska didn't get the brainy idea of starting a foodfight."

"Did you see Lady Skye throw that pie in Prelate Wessalen's face?" Laska raved. "Minsc, you throw a mean roast chicken too!"

"Minsc never retreats from any fight!" Minsc announced. "Though the weapons in this fight were very strange, though. But tasty, right Boo?"

"I also liked it when you showed that roast chicken over Ryan Trawl's head," said Laska.

"Argh," Keldorn sighed. "I won't hear the end of it for years to come."

"Say," Laska turned to Viconia. "The guest for honor was a bit quiet through the dinner, though. Weren't you hungry? It was _your_ party."

"I was too busy dodging pies and gravy," Viconia grinned. "Besides, I feel like I've still got half a turkey lodged in my hair."

"Can't I take you lot anywhere?" Keldorn sighed. "Does every dinner have to turn into a farce when you are around?"

"Most of the time... yeah," Laska grinned.

"I nay be usin' yer longlimb 'tablemanners'," Korgan mocked. "Just be shovelin' it in yer gob and hope ye won't choke. Works fer me!"

"I do not know about you," Viconia added. "But for some reason, seeing all those knights in those full plate gave me the incredible urge to repeat the word 'Ni' over and over again."

"What is this 'Ni'?" Keldorn asked.

"I think it's some kind of trainable attack-turnip! My uncle had one. Very vicious! Could tear up a carrot in less than a second. Great for dealing with competition on the veggie-markets," Jan said. "Teeth _this_ size!" Jan added and held his hands as far apart as he could muster.

"Well, no matter," Keldorn muttered. "Everything worked out for the best. Anarg lies dead, the surviving fallen paladins will be sent on a pilgrimage to prove their worth once more and Viconia is no longer considered a threat to the Order, despite being a Sharran and a drow. All-in-all, it was a good day."

"I agree," Viconia snarled. "No more 'tests' for this despicable drow, then?"

"It wasn't like that," Keldorn tried.

Viconia snorted in response. "Each nonsense," she said. "I expect no more trouble out of them."

"Hey, guys," Laska suggested. "How about a real celebration? We go to a nice tavern, drink ourselves into a stupid and smash up the furniture before we leave! How's that for a slice of fried gold?"

"It's a cracker!" Korgan said while hugging his axe, "I be on!"

Keldorn sighed, while the rest of his friends seemed to agree with Laska's suggestion. "Shouldn't you go home and rest?" he tried.

The tattooed elf glanced over at her beautiful home next to the Guildhouse. "Not, we can always go home after some drinkies!"

* * *

"Please get out," the owner of the Mithrest Inn at Waukeen's Promenade pleaded to the last six customers in the place. "Please? I'll give you money?"

It was long past midnight and the boisterous party was well stuffed with proper food and even more proper drinks. They were the last ones in the tavern still up and showed no signs of wanting to leave.

"More drinks!" Laska shouted.

"It is time to go," Keldorn said. "Leave the poor man alone. It's the middle of the night!"

With a sigh, Laska paid her tab and motioned her friends to step outside after a long, but fun-filled evening. After plenty of fun pestering the nobles and faux-nobles frequenting the Mithrest by talking loudly and generally making fun of them behind their backs (and quite often not so behind their backs), drink after drink after drink was being brought to the table, while the friends chatted and dined and generally enjoyed each other's company.

Laska was the first to step outside the door, having some temporary problems remaining upright, but after steadying herself against the doorpost, all went fine. She mused she had downed plenty of tankards, but just not enough to lose all control over her faculties. Her other friends were rather tipsy as well, often with funny and unusual results.

"I tell you, Laska," a tipsy Viconia, who was the second to step out of the inn, said. She stared a little in the distance as she spoke, and she was definitely in a better mood than usual. "If we ever travel to the Underdark, I'll have to take you to Rilauven sometimes. I know a place where the males are so... cooperative and well-trained... And with the right application of certain magics, can grow the size of a..."

"Hmmm," Korgan said, who always waxed philosophical when he was approaching drunkenness. "What if we dwarves never be 'avin' beards? Would we be gnomes?"

Jan came out fourth, and had a tendency to talk even faster than he normally did. "Say, Laska? Ilovedthewayyouhandledthatob senquinouswaiteraskingyoutok eepdownthenoisefortheothergu ests. Remindsmeofastoryaboutmyanti eGladyswhoranasmithyindwarve nlands..."

_Oh, yeah_, Laska mused, recalling the incident. After a more boisterous fit of laughter, a waiter had stopped by to ask them to show some consideration for the other guests. During this talk, he had placed his hand on Laska's shoulder. After giving him the darkest look she could muster, she had simply told him: 'Touch me and I will kill you.' while taking out one of her throwing daggers and pressing it against his chest.

"Oh, the shark has pretty teeth, dear," Minsc wailed terrible out of key. "And he shoooowwwwwwsssss them, _pearly white_!" Laska could swear Boo was humming along.

"Hey, no fair!" Laska said when Keldorn exited last and managed to apologize to the owner of the Mithrest before the door slammed shut behind them. "You counted your cups!"

"Someone has to be in control of their faculties, or we might end up sleeping under a bridge this night." Keldorn grimaced. "But despite my efforts we are now all banned from the Mithrest for life!"

"Let them try and keep me away from their booze!" Laska challenged.

"I be thinkin'," Korgan mused, "therefore I be being!"

"Decent people are all asleep at this hour!" Keldorn added.

"Oh?" Jan asked. "What about those people there? They seem to be up and about just fine."

Keldorn stared over at the spot were six figures were facing each other off in the eerie magical street-light. The three on the left were all wearing leather, and the group consisted of a half-elven girl, a burly dwarf and a tall human man. Facing them were two scantily clad pale figures, which flanked a purple-robed figure who seemed to be threatening the other group of leather-clad people.

"Shadow Thieves," Keldorn said.

"Undead," Laska said as she felt the familiar uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach.

"Vampires!" Minsc snarled.

"Let's go!" Laska said while drawing her swords.

* * *

Just as Laska and her friends were running up to the group of people, all hell broke loose. The two pale-skinned figures standing next to the purple-robed figure shot forward and attacked the hapless thieves. From the look of it, the thieves were ready to fight bravely, but stood no chance at all. One of the pale-skinned females grabbed the burly dwarf and literally began to tear him apart with her claws. The other two, demoralized by the screams of their companion, tried to engage the other vampire, but without result. Suddenly, the vampire touched the hapless half-elf briefly and immediately afterward, the girl was visibly weakened severely and fell to her knees.

The girl looked death in the face with sheer determination as she looked up to the vampire and saw him getting ready to strike with his claw. Just before she closed her eyes, she saw a flash of a blue blade and heard the agonized scream of the vampire. After forcing herself to open her eyes again, he saw the vampire cradling his elbow, while his arm lay twitching on the floor. Immediately, an elven female treated the vampire to a savage kick.

"Don't let them touch you!" Laska shouted, while Jan took aim from a distance. "Oh, gods, my stomach... I'm going to be sick..."

"Fall back and let us handle it," Viconia said as she stepped in front of Laska.

Viconia, being amazingly agile for someone in a tipsy state, stepped out of reach of the other female vampire and connected her flail to the creature's head, while Korgan slashed the vampire's leg with his beloved axe.

Minsc and Keldorn weren't standing still either. While Keldorn kept the creature separate from the other two with swings from the Hallowed Redeemer, Minsc pummeled the 'poor' creature with twin maces he had taken out for the occasion. Soon, the male vampire yielded to the assault and exploded in a could of dust.

Meanwhile, the purple-robed figure stepped forward and clasped her hands around the head of the male thief. He screamed as the sickening sound of teeth puncturing his neck sounded. His blood spurted from the wound as the vampire drank hungrily. The vampire held the body of the thief with a single hand and threw it almost a fifty yards away, where it landed with a thud. The animals of the circus stirred out of their sleep during the fight and their wails and growls resounded through the entire promenade.

Then, the purple-robed vampire turned around.

And all time stopped.

Viconia's flail dropped from her hand as she stood there with open mouth.

Laska was unable to speak. She did not even notice that the nausea, which had been plaguing her ever since the beginning of this battle, had reached a peak-height. She didn't even care.

Over the sounds of battle, Minsc's wail of denial shook the earth.

_Dynaheir._

The vampire standing in front of them was none other than their missing companion Dynaheir. She looked as if she had in life, completely the same, but her face showed no emotion. That was no sign that she even recognized them. Blood ran from the left side of her mouth, and, in an agonizing spectacle, licked it off her dark skin with the tip of tongue. For the first time, Laska noticed the tattered purple robe was the same one she had worn during their adventures together.

Suddenly, her expression changed. Her eyes were glowing a deep red as she stooped forward in a threatening posture. Her mouth opened, and it seemed to be opened further than was humanly possible. Definitively out of place were the two inch-long fangs still dripping with blood. From her mouth escaped a sound which seemed like a mix of a snarl and a scream that would wake the very dead. Dynaheir only seemed to be a charicature of her former self. But no one was laughing.

"One vampire-filet, comin' right up!" Korgan chuckled, breaking the silence. He snarled a battlecry as he held his axe high above his head. Dynaheir looked on with amusement as a bolt of lightning shot from her fingers and knocked the enraged dwarf backwards against the wall of the Promenade. A part of the bolt, in turn, shot from the dwarf towards Keldorn, knocking him of his feet as well.

"You been practicing, Dyna," Laska muttered in sadness. "Last time we spoke you didn't know that spell..."

"OY!" Korgan shouted enraged. "This dwarf shall not be thrown!"

"This day will be your end, vile fiend!" Keldorn snarled.

"I'll split ye in two!" Korgan added.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO!" Minsc suddenly wailed in anger. "I MUST PROTECT MY WITCH!"

Dynaheir smiled briefly when she noticed the dissent in the ranks of her enemies. Her former protector shot forward and grabbed Korgan before the dwarf could reach her.

"OY!" Korgan shouted. "NOT THE BEARD!" Immediately, the dwarf was thrown against the wall for the second time. "What did I be sayin' about dwarf-tossin' just a moment ago?!" Korgan snarled.

In the meantime Keldorn had nearly reached Dynaheir, but suddenly, a bolt of lighting shot from the air and slammed just before Keldorn's feet.

"Let her be!" Viconia shot to the surprised Inquisitor, while the vampire Dynaheir moved away from Keldorn."We have a bigger problem!"

"Minsc is going berserk!" Jan shouted and avoided the Ranger's weapons flying over his head. Minsc seemed to be venting his anger on anything near him: Companions, enemies, platforms, poles, cages containing the animals. The twin maces he was holding found target everywhere.

Laska tried to subdue the large ranger, while Keldorn clamped his arms around Minsc's huge upper body. To no avail, the ranger was in no way subdued, only slowed down a little. He tossed both the strong elf and heavily armored paladin around as if he was a rabid bull bucking and kicking at a Sembian rodeo.

In the meantime, Dynaheir motioned to her vampire companions that is was time to leave. Together, they shapeshifted into two demonic bats and escaped the scene after swooping over the party one more time.

"Minsc!" Keldorn shouted, while Minsc was dragging him and Laska with him. "MINSC! Stand down and calm yourself!"

Minsc grabbed Laska around the neck with one fist, rolled her over his shoulder and rammed her down into the ground.

"I will fight for fair Dynaheir!" Minsc shouted. "Minsc fights and evil falls! I will... I... Keldorn?"

"Yes, Minsc," Keldorn sighed in relief. "It is us, your friends. She is gone, my friend... She is gone..."

"It's me, Laska!" the elf wheezed. "Let go!"

Minsc do so, and as such, confusion took hold of the gentle giant. All his focus suddenly went to Boo as he held out the small hamster and started petting it.

"Man, what a day..." Laska muttered.

The surviving half-elven girl limped towards the party with a grateful smile on her face. "Thank you for saving my life," the girl smiled. "You know, the Shadow Thieves always reward those who help them, and punish their enemies with..."

A fist to the jaw silenced the girl and she fell unconscious to the floor.

"Sorry," Laska said. "Not in the mood for your bollocks right now."

* * *

"I have failed my witch even more!" Minsc wailed as his friends led him into the house. "I am no man and Boo is no hamster!".

"Nice friends ye got there," Korgan muttered.

"Be silent, dwarf!" Viconia shouted and brushed past him into her room.

Keldorn noticed her leave and, after excusing himself, followed her in, leaving the others to deal with Minsc. "Your friend no longer exists," he started. "He soul has been corrupted, infected her like a disease. Why did you stop me from slaying her?"

"I did you a favor," Viconia told Keldorn. "She wasn't the biggest threat anymore. I have seen Minsc go berserk before, and it is never pretty. He would have torn you apart where you stand."

"Granted," Keldorn sighed.

"You say vampirism is a disease? Well, there is no disease without a cure. And do not intend to leave her in this state."

"Curing a vampire has never been done successfully that I know of! In the meantime, she is free to kill innocent people and feast on their blood," Keldorn stressed.

"Don't you think it is rather arrogant to assume, that just because you have never heard of a cure means there isn't one in existence?" Viconia snarled. "She has become someone's slave. Someone's tool! And I will do something about that. I owe her that much!"

"Loyalty to a friend," Keldorn allowed a half smile.

"Yes, spare me your smug smile," Viconia said, while taking out some prayer-books. "When I first joined Laska's party so long ago, I was... less than receptive about the whole thing. I had intended to use them as protection to travel safely through those lands in return to my services, and I had little feelings for becoming a true part of the group. It was not for the lack of trying on their part, though. Laska was constantly offering me drinks, asking me to join them at the dinner-table and such. But I did not trust her. How could I? She was an elf, after all. An ancient enemy of my people. Minsc tried too, but he was a male... a human male, and after my experiences with human males I did not trust him either. Imoen... well, she was jusr annoyingly cheerful. But then there was Dynaheir. Dignified, proper, always in control, but... personable, likable. Despite my best efforts to keep her at arms length, she kept trying to win my confidence, kept trying to force me out of my shell. One day at one tavern or other, she and I were sharing a table while the others had already turned in. She was pestering me with stories from her childhood, and I was hardly impressed... Until she told me the story of one of the males from her village who was trying to impress her by climbing into a bullpen to ride on the creature. Of course, the bull chased the hapless male all over the pen. She described the whole story in such detail and with such a tongue-in-cheek tone, we both ended up laughing. The whole inn looked at us as if we were lunatics, but Dynaheir gave me the first real taste of true friendship. It make me decide to take a risk with the fools I travel with now."

"I see," Keldorn said. "I understand she is important to you, as well as Laska and Minsc, but what can you do? What do you know about vampirism?"

"A great deal, actually," Viconia said. "It is one of the Spider Queen's greatest rewards, reserved for only the most loyal and the most powerful of priestesses. It is a goal every cleric, priestess and matron aspires to but an honor that is granted to a minute few. It is called the 'kiss of Lolth' and female drow vampire clerics command great respect."

"Why would anyone choose to be a vampire?" Keldorn snarled in disgust.

"Oh, eternal beauty, eternal life, boundless power and the never-ending favor of Lolth can be quite appealing to most," Viconia chuckled. "But cases are also known where the gift of Lolth was taken away again if the Spider Queen was displeased enough. I think I will need access to the Order library. I must research the religious texts of many beliefs. I am certain the answer must be known to at least one of the surface-gods."

"Very well," Keldorn said. "The Order trusts you now. Within limits."

"Of course they do," Viconia rolled her eyes. "I will start immediately."

"No," Keldorn said. "It is late. Get some sleep first. Face this problem with a fresh mind, and take some time to recover from what has happened tonight."

Viconia nodded gravely. "I suppose you're right."

* * *

"And then, after the evil minions of the wizard-man with the scary face had beaten poor Dynaheir," Minsc sobbed, while Boo squeaked in sorrow, "the scary face wizard-man had her taken to the other room. Minsc and Boo did not see, but heard her scream beyond the door! We thought her dead, but she must have been given to the vampires. Minsc tried to reach her, but the wizard-man froze him with magic!"

"Here," Laska said, picked up a bottle of whiskey she had gotten from the cellar, yanked the cork out with her teeth and handed the bottle to Minsc.

"That's tough, Minscy," Jan nodded sympathetically.

"Aye," Korgan muttered.

"And the only vampire we met was this Bodhi-character," Laska said as she took the bottle from Minsc and stole a moment to gulp down more than a bit of the whiskey. "You think she and Irenicus are connected somehow? Maybe he hired her minions to protect his dungeon or something and Dynaheir was... payment. Her magical abilities certainly have grown."

"IF MINSC WILL MEET IRENICUS!" Minsc suddenly shouted, "he will chop the scary face wizard-man into itty-bitty pieces! And he will chop those itty-bitty pieces into even smaller itty-itty-bitty pieces! And then he will lay those itty-itty-bitty pieces onto a road so many carts will drive over and flatten them! Then he will toss those flattened itty-itty-bitty pieces into the fire for fair Dynaheir!"

"Amen, Minsc," Laska muttered. "We'll tear him limb from limb."

Keldorn watched them with sadness as he stepped out of Viconia's room, and decided not to tell them anything about Viconia's plans yet, as to not give them false hope. He would stay in the guestroom today, to lend some moral support, and he promised himself to say a prayer tonight for the lost companion of his friends.


	19. Steam, studies and visitors

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 19: : Steam, Studies and Visitors_

"Well, miss DeVir," the Order librarian told the drow standing beside him. "Here we are. The collected texts of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart."

Viconia stared at the many bookshelves piled to the brim with books of all sizes and creeds. The Order library was a semi-large room, yet very spartan compared to the rest of the Order guildhouse. The floors lacked the marble shine of the main hall and the windows were rather small compared to the others she had seen. A single table stood against the wall, and there only were some simple statuettes between the bookcases, signifying the notion of a library was certainly less important than the other interests of the Order, like combat or prayer. Viconia got the impression the librarian was quite miffed about that fact, since he had been going on about it since they met. "This will suffice," Viconia nodded.

"I tell you, I am happy that at least _someone_ is interested in reading my books. Study is required for both knights and squires, but I sense very few of them actually enjoy it," the librarian sighed. "Why, if any of the knights needs something researched, it's always the same four people, myself included, who do the reading."

Viconia simply nodded in reply.

"I mean, the Oghmites at the docks have plenty of literature, but when it concerns religious texts, my library is unsurpassed!" the librarian announced with pride.

Again, Viconia simply nodded. She had the agree that the library seemed very serene. The spiders in the cobwebs hanging from the ceiling certainly seemed to agree.

"Well, I'll leave you to your research," the librarian, who had never even seen a drow until this day, said as he turned to leave. Then, he spun around again. "Oh, and incidentally, you might find _Van Helsing's Compendium of All Things Undead _a good starting point. Good luck with your research."

Viconia watched the man leave the room. He was spindly and pale, as if he hadn't left his precious library for years. She didn't much dwell on him or his complaints. Viconia was simply too preoccupied with thinking through all the angles. She had to find a proper ritual that relatively simple to put together: ingredients like the wrappings of three-hundred year old Netherese mummy simply would not do. Then there was the problem of finding the vampirized Dynaheir again and containing her long enough to actually perform the ritual. So many angles to cover and so many different avenues to explore.

Best to get started. With grim determination, she took the Compendium from the shelf, sat down at the table and started to read.

* * *

"Hey, I thought there was a Drow living in this house?" Laska said as she entered Viconia's room at their new house. Viconia's relatively large room was becoming more and more decorated and adorned. Aside from her bed and Khittix's basket next to the fireplace, Viconia had been searching flea-markets and other merchants and was slowly filling the room with classy paintings, statuettes, carpets and even a tapestry or two. She had even acquired some luxury furniture, like an antique writing desk, a dresser and a set of delicate chairs.

"Lot of stuff," Laska said.

"All from flea-markets," said Viconia. "Pearls for the swine. Those humans don't realize what they're throwing away."

Laska snickered when she realized Viconia's voice was actually being muffled by large stacks of books which were scattered through the room, totally obscuring the drow sitting at her desk, save for the tip of her white mane and an ebony hand scribbling in a leather bound notebook.

"I thought it was you who I saw rolling a wheelbarrow filled with books inside the house," Laska chuckled.

"I could not concentrate with the sounds of clanking armors and swords so prevalent in the next room, so I took my work home with me," Viconia said gruffly. "I was allowed to take these books with me to work at home, but only after I told the librarian I lived next door to the Order, so his precious books would be very near to him at the very least."

"Yeah, Keldorn told me about that guy," Laska chuckled. "There's this rumor going around that he has this pet dragon which he sics on people who brought their books back past their due-date."

"Mind you," Viconia snarled. "It's getting very hard to make some _progress_ when there's a chatty Darthiir in the room with me!"

The tattooed moon-elf simply stared at Viconia after hearing this statement. "What'd I do?"

"I'm sorry," Viconia conceded. "I've dug through twelve books already without any result. All these so-called benevolent religions all deal with destroying undead, instead of curing them. What I need is a book of dark rituals, or a text dealing with black necromancy. But the Order despises those writings! I feel like my research is taking me in circles! I have some results but..."

"What you need is too clear your head," Laska interrupted. "How can you dig through those books when you're all stressed like that?"

Noticing the glass in Laska's hand, Viconia chuckled. "I don't think alcohol will help focus my thoughts, Laska."

"You can't have my ale," Laska grinned. "It's mine and I'll drink it myself, thank you very much. I came to invite you to cool your head, so to speak... Remember that little wooden shack we all thought was a garden shed in the backyard?"

"Yes?" Viconia replied.

"I will have you know that Jan just found out what it really is," Laska chuckled, grabbed her friend by the arm and dragged her friend along, toppling several stacks of books to crash onto the floor.

* * *

"This _is_ nice," an already relaxing Viconia said as she removed her towel and sat near the hot coals in the middle of the small sauna.

"Told ya!" an equally naked and sweaty Laska replied. "Those slaver lords really did have a nice pad. Some more water on the rocks?"

"We could use a little more steam," Viconia replied, while she watched Laska pour some more water. She mused how beautiful her friend was, even for a mere surface elf. Then again, Viconia considered she looked far from bad herself. Laska was tall, almost half a head taller than Viconia, and was ever so slightly muscular, most prevalently in her arms and abdomen. And that way saying a lot, since elves rarely showed their musculature, which was normally always hidden in their bodies. Considering Laska's reputation of gladly getting into fights and other types of trouble, her greyish moon-elven skin was only marred by a single scar, which had been neatly covered up by the elven symbol of longevity, tattooed just above her navel.

Laska's largest tattoo was always something that attracted attention. The blue dragon covered most of her lower back, the side of her hip and the upper part of her left leg. Why she had specifically chosen for this dragon tattoo and why specifically a blue one, Laska never knew herself due to the drunkeness at the moment of application. All she knew was that it was her first and her favorite.

"Why are you looking at me?" Laska asked. "You want any more tattoos?"

"Not on _your_ life!" Viconia chuckled.

"Suit yourself," Laska grinned. "Your loss."

"Say," Viconia asked. "How is Minsc holding up?"

"Still sulking," Laska said, while her own face fell. "Come to think of it, so am I. We need to find something to cheer him up soon. Yesterday, he didn't even get out of bed."

"Perhaps he needs to 'kick the butts of evil' again soon," Viconia chuckled and rubbed her hands through her moist hair, pushing it all the way back.

"Yes," Laska said, then looked at Viconia intently. "Hmmm, I've never noticed before, but you have a very nice pair."

"Yours aren't so bad either," Viconia smiled.

"Thanks," Laska said. "I take good care of them..."

"So do I. They're valuable assets."

"Sure, they are the first things the people look at when you enter a room."

"I've noticed many males directing their roving eyes at them as well."

"Of course! Men love looking at a pair as great as mine are!"

"Males are pathetic, aren't they?"

"Hmmm, I think yours are slightly more rounder than mine."

"What?! Where did you get that ridiculous idea?!"

"Just by looking... It's pretty obvious from here."

"Truly? Hmmm, perhaps. But your tips are pointier than mine."

"Mine are bigger than yours," Laska said smugly.

"That is a lie," Viconia snarled.

"It's true! Just look!" Laska smiled and pointed.

"Yours are not bigger than mine!"

"Are too!"

"Are not!"

"Are too!"

"Hmmm," Viconia grumbled, after comparing. "I must concede to your point. Your ears are indeed larger than mine."

"Hah!" Laska chuckled. "You have ear-envy now?"

"You have no idea," Viconia grinned.

"Pity we can't take our drinks in here," Laska said. "It'll end up tasting like crap when the ste..."

Suddenly, without warning, a robed gnome entered the sauna, suffering indignant protests from both elves for invading their privacy.

"Get outta here!" Laska shouted, pointing to the door, while Viconia was boring holes in Jan's head with her eyes.

"Whoops, sorry!" Jan said sheepishly. "I only wanted to tell you Keldy and I will be waiting to try this baby out next. I figured the steam would obscure all the luscious and voluptuous feminine curves on your naked sensuous bodies. Why, that remind me of the time those three sexy halfling neighbors of ours went skinny-dipping in the Sea of Swords and..."

"SOD OFF!" Laska shouted.

"Hey, it's nothing I ain't seen before... though those ears on both sides of your heads are looking very big, pointy and sexy! Rrrrrrowwlll..." Jan said.

"If you do not leave now," Viconia snarled. "I will make sure you will never utter a sound like that again!"

"Okay, okay!" Jan chuckled and held up his hands. "Say, you mind keep sitting there like that? I'll bring Minsc here. Perhaps the sight of you two there in this state might cheer him up!"

"OUT!" shouted both elves.

"I'm going! I'm going! Sheesh," he said and exited the sauna. Immediately, he bumped into Keldorn, also wearing a robe, and getting ready to enter the sauna.

"Ah, Jan!" Keldorn greeted cheerfully. "My friend, is the sauna free and ready to go?"

"Ready to go!" Jan said, equally cheerful. "Just step right in!"

Keldorn smiled, opened the door to the sauna and stepped in.

"Hmmm," Jan muttered to himself. "There was something I was supposed to say..."

Immediately, Jan could hear the angry shouts of two females and the surprised (and embarrassed) yelp of Keldorn, closely followed suit by a splash of water.

"Oh, yeah!" Jan snapped his fingers as a very wet Keldorn stepped out of the sauna, wearing an empty bucket for a hat. "Forgot to mention that there are still two naked elves in there!"

"I _know_!" Keldorn snarled as he removed the bucket from his head.

"Hey," Jan nudged Keldorn. "Did you take a peek at their ears?"

"Certainly not!" Keldorn replied and blushed as they walked back toward the house.

"Oh, come on. You can tell _me_!" Jan chuckled.

"Yes. Very nice ears," Keldorn conceded.

* * *

Feeling refreshed, and filled with new thoughts and ideas, Viconia sat down at her desk and picked up some of the books to resume her studies. Unfortunately, it wouldn't take long for her to be disturbed again. The skittering of eight legs entered the room and stopped short just behind Viconia's desk. Smiling, Viconia turned around to greet the cheerfully chirping Khittix who looked at her with eight playful eyes and held a red ball between his pincers. Khittix let the ball drop, which rolled towards Viconia's foot.

"Sorry, Khittix," Viconia said. "I still have plenty of work to do."

Khittix chirped in disappointment and slowly skittered back to the door.

Viconia sighed, picked up the ball as well as the leash. "Come on, then," she smiled. "Walkies!"

A few moments later, the drow and her spider, properly leashed and constantly stopping to sniff trees, slowly made their way to a small field at the back end of the Temple District. After greeting the guards outside the Order, she decided to let Khittix go unleashed. During the game of fetch that followed, Viconia's mind was miles away. _The Sharran faith deals with vampires by indenturing them, no go there. Kelemvor? Perhaps, though he prefers the destruction of undead. Worth looking into, though._

After several minutes of play, Viconia's train of thought was interrupted by the sounds of violent chirps and the shouts and cries of a woman. Looking around, she noticed one of the washer women of the Order was hitting Khittix with a broom.

"Hey!" Viconia snarled as she ran up to her spider and stepped between them. "What the hell do you think you're doing, you stupid _Elg'Caress_!"

"Things like that aren't supposed to walk the streets!" the woman retorted.

"He only wants his ball!" Viconia said, pointing at the ball behind the woman's left foot. Seeing the woman made no move to stop hitting Khittix, she grabbed the broom from the woman's hand and broke it over her knee. Realizing she had better not mess with this drow, the washer woman retreated back into the guildhouse, but not before giving her a harsh stare. After Viconia was absolutely certain the other woman was out of sight, she leant back and rubbed her now painful knee.

"Let's go home," she told Khittix and limped back home.

* * *

"Keldorn," Lady Maria told her husband as they and her daughters were about to knock on Laska's door. "I can't help it that the babysitter didn't show up. And we have tickets for the Sigil Troupe this evening! Do you know how long it has been since we spent an evening of culture together?"

"I know," Keldorn sighed. "But to leave them here?"

"Come on," Maria laughed as she knocked on the door. "They're your own friends! How bad can they be?"

"That's exactly why I'd rather not leave Vesper and Leona here for the night," Keldorn sighed as they were let though the door. Laska and Jan were sitting at the table, glancing in the direction of the front door. Minsc, Viconia and Korgan were nowhere to be seen.

"Ah, Laska dear," Lady Maria told the young elf. "You are looking healthy."

Immediately, Laska burst into violent laughter when she spotted Keldorn in his formal wear. "HA!" Laska chuckled. "It's Paladin Puffy-Pants!"

"See what I mean?" Keldorn grimaced when he heard the snickers of his daughters behind him.

"You look like you've swallowed a pumpkin whole!" Laska laughed.

"OY!" Korgan's deep bass voice sounded from the basement. "Any of ye lot seen me pants?! I be forgettin' where I be puttin' them!"

"We're leaving!" Keldorn said hurriedly after hearing that ominous statement. "Sorry to bother you!"

"Don't be silly," Maria said. "Laska, dear, Keldorn has told me about your friend. It must be awful for you."

"And Viconia," Laska sighed. "But it's the hardest on Minsc. It's the second day he hasn't gotten out of bed... But don't dwell on our problems. You'll be late for your date," Laska winked.

"I am still not sure about leaving Vesper and Leona in this Den of... of..." Keldorn said.

"Tsk, tsk," Laska chuckled. "And this from the man who saw me naked this morning."

"E_xcuse me?_" Lady Maria frowned, put her hands on her hips and stared at her husband intently.

Faced with another marital crisis of serious magnitude, Keldorn did the only thing he could do. "It was his fault!" Keldorn said and pointed at Jan, who promptly shoved his plate of turnip soup away from him.

"Mister Jansen..." Lady Maria said, directing her ire from her husband to the chatty gnome.

"Hey," Jan chuckled. "All we saw was a very nice set of ears!"

"Ears?" Lady Maria asked.

"Damn right!" Laska said proudly. "Pointed ears are the most important part of the elven anatomy! And mine sure look mighty fine, if I say so myself."

"I see," Lady Maria said, cooling down immediately, "well, Keldorn and I must go. I trust our two precious children to your care."

"Okay, have fun," Laska grinned. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!"

"Such as?" Keldorn asked with a grin.

"Ermmmmm," she replied nibbling her index-finger. "Gotta think about that a bit longer."

"Please keep this evening a sane one for the sake of my daughters?" Keldorn pleaded.

"Oh, I'm sure Laska and her friend will take good care of our little angels," Maria said. "Come on, time to go!"

"Perhaps we should reconsider..." Keldorn said again while Lady Maria prodded him out the door.

"So..." Laska said as Leona and Vesper looked up at her expectantly. "Bring your swimsuits?"

* * *

"1971... 1971... 1971... 1971..." Jan said as he was counting a large pile of gold. "Geez, I really have to invent a coin-counting machine."

"Are you an inventor?" Leona asked, while she lifted her little sister to sit on the bench. It was dinner-time, and Laska had ordered mutton to be brought in from the Copper Coronet.

"Why yes, I am!" Jan said proudly. "Perhaps you've heard of the Jansen Slash-and-Dash Mouse, Cat and Dog trap? It reduces elephant into delicious steaks as well! Or maybe the Jansen Automated Dancing Doll? Especially useful for young ladies wanting to learn how to dance. Still working on getting the speed setting right, though. Can be rather painful for the young ladies, unfortunately. Or perhaps you've heard of the Jansen Whizzbang Machine! A device which repels griffins! Sadly, it attracts dragons like crazy! You don't know what a rush it is when there's five dragons sitting on your roof. Will the wooden beams hold, or will you be crushed to death by the hulking drakes when they flatten the house? Quite a thrill!"

"Wow!" Vesper giggled.

"Also, I did improve the Jansen Wheelroller!" Jan said. "You've heard of the Annual Gnomish Wheelchair races?"

"No?" Leona asked.

"Every year, all the geriatric gnomes of the city of Athkatla come to the slums with their wheelchairs to be pushed along a track set across the city by the younger gnomes. Quite a merry race it is, and all the oldies in the chairs beat the competition with their canes as they pass. Strangely, the gnomish mortality rate seems to rise tremendously during those fun races. My grandfather was wheeled down a cliff. My great-aunt Helen ended up rolling into the harbor. My great-great uncle Harold, who's grandson lost control over the chair, ended up crashing through the front door of the Rest House for Retired Griffins... But the races are a lot of fun in any case."

"I bet," Leona chuckled. "When's the next one?"

"Ermm, we are currently short on geriatric gnomes, I'm afraid, since there was no winner last year." Jan shrugged innocently.

"Okay!" Laska shouted and stepped out of the old kitchen carrying a roast of lamb on a large silver platter. "Food is ready!"

"YAY!" Vesper shouted.

Smiling, Jan returned to his counting, but soon, his face fell. Sighing, he shoved the pile of gold to the right of him. "One... Two... Three... Four..."

* * *

"HI!" Vesper said as she entered Viconia's room.

"Why, hello there tiny _jalil_," Viconia said, not looking up from her work.

"You look very tired," Vesper pointed out.

"That's because I _am_ very tired, little Vesper," Viconia grimaced.

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Reading all these books, so I can save a friend," Viconia said. "But so far, I'm not having much luck."

"Awwww," Vesper said. "Why don't you go play? I don't like doing all my homework at once, cause it gets harder if you do it longer! Oh, Khittix!" Vesper added and ran to the cheerful spider laying in his basket. Vesper giggled and petted the happy spider over his head, scratching him between the eyes.

"Hey, Vico," Laska asked as she entered the room, wearing a black two-piece swimsuit. "We're all going to the pool upstairs? You coming too?"

"Hey!" Vesper giggled at Laska. "You have finger paint all over your body!"

"They're called tattoos and maybe you'll have a few too some day," Laska chuckled.

"Alright," Viconia sighed and put away her notebook. "Not making any progress anyway."

* * *

"This pool is great!" Leona said as she sat next to Laska in the water. "We have a pool too, but it's not as deep and big as this one. And Peony keeps fish in it, so we can't swim."

"Well you can come over and swim here anytime you want," Laska offered.

"What a great house you have," Leona mused.

"Yep," Laska grinned. "And I only had to kill a couple of slavers to get it!"

The upstairs pool was turning in a water ballet very quickly. Vesper was in the pool, splashing water at a chirping Khittix on the side of the pool, who deftly dodged the flying water. From the other room, a shout from a gnome closing fast made its way into the room. Jan Jansen, jumper extraordinaire, leaped into the air, folded his limbs together and slammed into the water. A huge wave of errant water splashed over the marble floor. Everyone who was not wet before, was so now.

"OY!" Korgan, who was not in a swimsuit and was standing on the edge of the pool, shouted in anger. "Ye be careful, ye daft gnome! I nay want ta be gettin' me beard wet!"

"Scared the water will clean it?" Jan laughed.

"Har, har," Korgan said without humor.

"Minsc?" Laska asked Korgan.

"'e's locked the bleedin' door," Korgan replied. "And 'e's nay be comin' out anytime soon."

"Dammit," Laska grimaced, but decided to dive underwater and swim to the other side of the pool.

In the meantime, Viconia, sitting in the water, wearing a one-piece bathing suit, was still brooding and mulling over the meager results of her research. Suddenly, a violent splash of water slammed against her, interrupting her train of thoughts yet again. Glancing around for the culprit, she noticed Vesper Firecam sitting next to her with an oddly mischievious glint in her eyes.

"Oh," Viconia grinned evilly. "You are going to pay for that, tiny _jalil_!"

And soon, chaos arrived at the pool once more, this time in the form of a splash-fight.

"OY!" Korgan shouted yet again. "Mind the dwarf!"

And someone did. A tattooed elf exploded from the water, grabbed the startled dwarf at the arm and pulled him into the water.

* * *

"Did you have fun, children?!" Lady Maria asked as she and Keldorn returned from their play

"Did we!" Leona and Vesper shouted at the same time.

"Remember," Laska said to the two girls. "You can stop by anytime... and you two. How was the play?"

"Great!" Lady Maria said.

"Awful!" Keldorn replied at the same time.

"Moving!" Lady Maria added.

"Pretentious," Keldorn muttered.

"Daddy?" Vesper asked. "Can I have a pet spider?"

"No," was Keldorn's simple reply.

"Awwww," Vesper pleaded. "I'll take good care of him!"

"No," was Keldorn's second reply.

"Can I get a tattoo, like Laska?"

"Absolutely not!" Keldorn replied.

"Can I kill some slavers, so I'll get a great house too?" Vesper asked.

"When you're older, sweetie," Keldorn conceded.

"Thank you for minding the children," Lady Maria offered, then smiled and followed her husband and children out the door.

Laska closed and locked the front door, think it was time to go to bed. There was still much on her mind, however. Such as the matter of Minsc - She had no idea how to solve this mess.

Laska decided to consult Viconia about this matter, like she always did when she encountered a problem she couldn't solve. But stepping into Viconia's room only led her to find Viconia slumped over her books in peaceful slumber. Grinning, she picked a pillow from Viconia's bed and carefully placed it under the head of the sleeping Drow. After patting a drowsy Khittix on the head, she headed to her own bed for some well-deserved rest.

Tomorrow, she'd look into finding more work.


	20. Six adventurers and a little lady

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 20 : Six Adventurers and a Little Lady_

A certain elf groaned as she lay in bed staring at the ceiling. Outside, the sun had been up for quite some time now, but Laska didn't feel like getting out of bed.

First of all, this bed was way too comfy and soft. Comfier and softer than many beds at the inns she had stayed with.

Second of all, the floor of her bedroom was covered with clothes, armor, weapons and, by all, all manner of unidentifiable piles made up from empty plates, apple cores and empty bottles. If she would get up now, she'd have to clean up.

Third of all, there was simply no work to be found for an adventuring troupe that was mostly out of commission and she was getting demotivated by it all.

So, why bother? It was much nicer to stay in bed in her own home than to get up an actually do anything. She didn't feel like cooking, she didn't feel like going out and, most of all, she didn't feel like getting out of bed.

The downside, however, was that lying in bed was very boring and almost a zero chance of finding someone to fight or to have sex with (not necessarily in that order). And then there was the matter of Imoen.

Rather than to dwell on it, Laska rolled on her side and watched the room. The former master bedroom of this house was sparsely furnished and the tattooed elf had yet to make it her own. It had a nice fireplace at the foot end of the bed on the other side of the room, and the windows offered a scenic view of the streets beyond. Fortunately, this was the only room to home with a private bath, but unfortunately, it had not been used for a week.

Laska considered that she could go out to buy a nice armor stand for her armor or a new dresser for her casual clothes and boots. Some figurines for her mantle, perhaps a cool painting or two. It would make the room more like it belonged to her.

A project! A reason to get out of bed!

But then again, the bed was so very, very soft and nice.

So, the elf settled for turning around underneath the duvet and groan a bit more.

* * *

"Ach," Korgan grunted as he shoveled his omelet and bacon into his mouth with tremendous speed. "Ye could 'ave stood in bed with yer girlie and slept late. Looks like we be goin' nowhere today... again..."

"I see," Keldorn said. The aged Inquisitor had only stepped through the front door a few moments ago, leaving home to check up on his friends and fellow party members. Immediately, he had almost tripped over an axe lying on the ground. "Well, with what's happened a few days ago, I am not surprised."

"Och," snorted Korgan and slurped down another part of cooked egg. "I nay be complainin'. Mooching of the lass 'as been fun, but me axe be itchin' fer a skull to split. Sitting on yer arse all day makes ye fat and lazy, unless ye break the occasional head. But thar nay be chance of that happenin' anytime soon. Minsc 'as locked 'imself in 'is room, the drow nay been seen since she be puttin' 'er nose in all those bookies. That bloody gnome 'as been pesterin' me for a switch of rooms too. Do ye believe that 'e wants to turn me quarters into a turnip-patch? And from what I be 'earin' that blue sword of the lass 'as been itchin' fer battle as well."

"I'm sure you must have had a hellish week in this house of extreme luxury," Keldorn said with a sarcastic undertone, going completely over Korgan's head. "Aye, certainly in a place like this, for what a commoner in the slums would give his right leg to own."

"Aye," Korgan agreed. "Fer once, I'd be likin' to meet some normal people!" he roared, grabbed his axe and slammed it down on his plate. Korgan chuckled as he took another slice of egg and sucked it down.

"Yes," Keldorn muttered, noticing the many axe-marks on the formerly antique table, as well as a large number of shattered plates. "Normal people."

Suddenly, a loud groan could be heard from behind the door to Laska's room. A few moments later, a loud clank followed by a colorful expletive could be heard before the door opened. A tall elf with disheveled hair emerged from the room. The hem of her leather pants was crooked and Laska had not bothered to close the front of her vest, meaning that even a small gust of wind would reveal more of Laska's chest than most people would be comfortable with in public.

"Mruf," was Laska's greeting as she staggered past Keldorn and Korgan and headed straight to the wine cellar.

"Look," Korgan continued, "maybe ye can convince the lass to get us in gear again. Ye can find 'er in the winecellar, gettin' loaded."

"At this hour?" Keldorn said in surprise. "The rooster has barely let out his last cry!"

"We 'ave a rooster?" Korgan asked, and looked from his plate to his axe. "I 'ate the buggers. They keep ye up at dawn, but be tasty well enough in the eve! HAR HAR!" Then, Korgan looked up from his meal and stared Keldorn in the face. "Ye still 'ere?" he snorted. "I thought ye were goin' to find Laska."

"You didn't give me time to leave," Keldorn sighed.

"Well, get goin'! Get yer arse in gear," Korgan replied. "I ain't got all day, ye know?"

"You could go down and express your discontent with Laska yourself, Korgan," Keldorn grimaced.

"Oy!" Korgan replied. "Can ye nay see I be eatin'?! Ye be doin' it!"

* * *

As soon as Keldorn stepped into the damp wine-cellar, he could already see Laska leaning against one of the kegs, currently busy refilling a bronze goblet.

"Don't you think it's a little early for that?" Keldorn asked.

"Listen, I'll get drunk whenever I want to!" Laska snapped. "Though it might take forever with this light wine. Who would have figured a hardened slaver like Ketta would drink light wines."

"I've been talking to Korgan," Keldorn said, getting right to the point. "He says everyone is itching to get on the road again."

"Heh, I bet," Laska chuckled. "But we are not going anywhere," she added, her expression hardening again. "Minsc is in no state to travel, Viconia has been working on her project and me... Well, I've had a couple of bad dreams last night and let's keep it at that..."

"I see," Keldorn said. "But I must remind you that we seem to have been side-winded from the path to our primary goal: the rescue of your sister."

"Imoen is safe for now," Laska shrugged.

"Being taken into custody by the Cowled Wizards does not equal safety by far, my friend," Keldorn said grimly. "Not by a longshot."

"She is saver than when she was under the 'gentle' care of Irenicus!" Laska retorted. "And certainly a hell of a lot saver than when she was with me."

"Why do you say that?" Keldorn asked.

"I've never told you about heritage," Laska laughed uneasily. "I guess I forgot about it all. I suppose it doesn't really matter anyway."

"Viconia told me," Keldorn stated. "As well as Jan and Korgan. Before we talked to Renal Bloodscalp, even."

"Really?" Laska snorted. "All the 'mama got raped by a dead god and I popped out two years later'-stuff?"

"Aye," Keldorn nodded sympathetically. "Do not worry. If I thought you were evil because of your god-blood, I wouldn't have been here."

"Keldorn," Laska asked, changing the subject to a degree. "Have you ever felt like you were... incomplete?"

Wondering where this was headed, Keldorn decided to be open. "Yes... When I was faced with the prospect of losing my family to Sir William. Even though it was the result of my own actions, or rather inactions," he spoke with bitter regret.

"Remember how ballistic I went back in the Beholder caverns, when the shadows cut off a piece of my ear? My tip no less?" Laska smirked.

"Yes," Keldorn confirmed. "I must say I was surprised by your sheer ferocity over the whole matter."

"It's because I am only elven in a biological sense," Laska stammered, letting Keldorn know this was very difficult for her to talk about. "I am quite proud to be an elf. But I'm an elf in name only."

Apparently feeling the urge to follow that statement with a drink, she downed the whole goblet in one gulp.

"Oh, sure, I can sniff an orc or hear Korgan belch from miles away, but... I lack the elven spirit! Oh, I have an elven spirit, otherwise I'd be a mindless shell. It's just... incomplete," she sighed. "You have heard of the elven people's connection and the unbreakable bond with workings of nature, yes? Well, I ain't got that," she sighed. "I can stroll through a forest and feel nothing, not a single thing... I cannot just disappear and become one with the forest like the rest of my elven kin. Nature actually is a rather hostile place to me, actually. Animals suck and mosquito's hate me. I sometimes think the bloody forest doesn't want to have anything to do with me. That's harsh, you know? Being snubbed by a whole forest."

"I see," Keldorn grimaced. "Bhaal has a lot to answer for..."

"No kidding!" snarled Laska before her expression softened. "But I actually prefer the cities. I say burn all the stupid woods! There ain't no pubs there anyway. See why Imoen would be safer with the cowlies, huh? I sit here in this big house drinking wine while she's in a cell..."

"You care about your sister, do you not?" Keldorn interrupted.

"Of course!" Laska said, while boring holes in Keldorn's skull with her eyes. "What are you suggesting?"

"I suggest," Keldorn said in a low voice, "that you should stop trashing yourself and stop feeling guilty. I suggest you should get your _damn_ act together and start working towards finding and rescuing your sister! Clean yourself up, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go out there to look for work!"

Laska rose her fist, as if to strike Keldorn where he stood. After a few tense moments during which Laska stared at the paladin with a pure acidic look, she finally spoke in a low, angry voice. "I'm going out for a walk." That said, she brushed past him in a state of barely controlled anger.

* * *

"What now?" Keldorn muttered to himself as he knocked on Viconia's door. Only a few moments after coming back up from the cellar, he passed the old library, which had been converted into Viconia's room. He had heard books being tossed against the wall, accompanied by words unknown to him, but judging from the tone with which they were spoken, he was quite certain they were far from flattering.

"Enter, damn you!" sounded from the other side of the door. Keldorn did.

What he saw was the fact that his Drow student had obviously lost herself to frustration: nooks were strewn across the room in a haphazard fashion and in the middle of it all, stood a heavily breathing Viconia with a look of thunder crossed over her dark elven features. After running her hands through her hair, she spoke calmly. "What do you want?"

"I take it your research isn't going well?" Keldorn asked.

"What gave it way, _wael_?" Viconia snarled. "If your Order wasn't so paranoid about accepting texts of a darker nature, this would have been a lot easier! I'm not making any progress at all!"

"The Tribunal feels that might negatively influence the younger members," Keldorn nodded.

"Why don't you allow them to make up their minds on their own, without rules from the 'above'?" Viconia retorted. "In Menzoberranzan, books and information about the surface were forbidden too, but that didn't stop half the city from reading them!"

"Perhaps you should table your research for now," Keldorn suggested. "It is obvious you are not making any progress. You need to get out, take some free time, do something else. It might rekindle your creativity."

"No!" Viconia snarled. "I want to have a cure ready next time we meet Dynaheir!"

"Rushing yourself won't do any good," answered Keldorn.

"Oh," Viconia sighed. "You're right, unfortunately... Dynaheir. She really used to keep the party together, you see. I myself did too, in a lesser degree, but I was still adjusting to working with a group back then. She really used to keep us on her toes, kept us on track and spurred us on when we were getting lazy. We would still have been sulking around Nashkel right now if she hadn't been on our hides. I must say you have taken over her role quite nicely. But it would be impossible to replace her. She was unique," Viconia smiled sadly.

"I've had a talk with Laska just now," Keldorn started.

"Oh, really?" Viconia chuckled. "I doubt it had any result. She was in one of her surly moods today. She gets those from time to time. Laska will be moody, sulky and generally uncooperative. Even Dynaheir couldn't do anything about it. Imoen could fix those moods, though, be she's not around right now. What did you tell her?"

"Well," Keldorn said. "I felt it necessary to press her, so she would get her act together... She went for a walk... to think, I would gather."

"Oh dear!" Viconia chuckled. "Now you've done it."

"Done what?"

"Well, let's just say we've learned to let those moods simply blow over, instead of trying to end them prematurely," Viconia chuckled. "But now, it either means she'll do something completely unexpected or extremely reckless and dumb."

* * *

Laska strolled through the city, block by block, street by street, hands in her pockets and dark mood crossing her elven features. "Self-righteous git..." Laska muttered. "I should have kicked his gods-damned ass!"

She divided her long hair in two bunches, braided it while walking and tied the end of it into a knot. Laska than threw her braid over her shoulder and stomped along the sidewalk.

The people walking around her all seemed to be so damn cheerful and happy, she just snarled at them all and gave them dirty looks. She didn't know what part of the city she was in now, nor did she really care. From the looks of it, she was nearing Waukeen's promenade, but was still in a neighborhood will with cheap, yet stately houses. She just damn-well hoped she wasn't anywhere near the jeweled-towers. All those campy colored stones seriously grated her nerves, even if she was in a a good mood.

"MY MOTHER SAYS THAT ELVES SHOULD GO CLIMB A TREE SOMEWHERE!" sounded a shrill shout just next to her. Looking down, Laska noticed a haughty little girl looking triumphantly at the tattooed elf.

"That's great," Laska smirked. "Just tell your mom she should eat some acorns. If she's lucky, a tree might grow out of her arse."

The haughty girl didn't know how to deal with that bit of information and instead fell silent. "My cat's breath smells like cat-food," she managed to say after a few moments.

"Good for him."

"Ermmm, I'm going home now."

"Bye."

After the little girl had run home, she noticed she was all alone in the street, except for a man standing on the curb next to a sobbing child.

When Laska had left her house, she had forgone putting on her armor, but did grab her scabbard with her two swords from the umbrella-stand and strapped them to her back, a decision which she had sorely regretted since her sentient sword had been talking her ears off ever since.

_*Come on, Laska!* _Ipsiya suggested and glowed and angry blue. _*He might be trying to kidnap her, or maybe he just likes to make children cry!*_

"I told you to keep quiet!" Laska snarled. "Last time you spoke up, I was in the middle of a square filled with people... who looked at me funny when I had to tell them it was my sword insulting that old lady instead of me!"

_*Oh, come on!*_ the blade suggested. _*I hadn't been out of the umbrella-stand for a week! Swords need to be used! Besides that old lady was jay-walking and needed a severe stabbing!*_

"Okay," Laska finally sighed. "I'll check it out..."

The tattooed elf strolled over to the man standing next to the girl. The girl had blunt, pointed ears, signifying she was half-elven. Laska was about to speak, but the man beat her too it.

"Greeting, noble elven warrior. I am Dawnlord Arenthis of the church of Lathander church. Excuse my young charge here, but Risa doesn't talk much since the recent death of her mother," the man spoke with un underlying sadness.

"I see," Laska said, softening immediately. "I never knew my mother myself, but I have lost a father."

"R-r-really?" the sobbing girl spoke up and looked at Laska with teary eyes.

"There is very little that can be done for her, as well," Arenthis shook his head. "Other than to put her into an orphanage, I suppose. She is so shy and sad, though, I am sure it will do her no good. There is only place for her in the Trademeet orphanage, unfortunately. Death and murder seem to run rampant these days for some inexplicable reason. Last night, another batch of people were found murdered and drained of their blood."

Then, the girl flew towards Laska. "Please!" she sobbed. "I don't wanna go to 'nother city! I don't wanna lose all my friends. I don't wanna live there!" Laska, unused to dealing with children, carefully scooped up the crying child, being overly careful not to drop or harm her. The child, in turn, hugged a little, as if clinging to Laska would make all the worries go away.

"Poor kid," Laska sighed.

"If only there was someone who would care for her," Arenthis mused, dropping the hint. "Hmm. You strike me as a good person, noble elf. And I have heard good things about you. Per... perhaps you would be willing to care for a child in need? What would you say to that?"

Laska gave Arenthis a blank stare.

* * *

"This is my house, where I live," Laska spoke as she entered her home, holding Risa by the hand.

"WOW!" Risa raved. "This place is so huge!" she said, referring to the cavernous entrance hall, which sported a long dining-table, a large sitting area, some statues, expensive carpets, and even a piano and a harp. In the back of the hall, stood a large fireplace, flanked by two winding stairs, one going up, the other leading to the cellars.

"Wow! You have stairs!" Rise continued. "Our house was just flat."

"We've got a pool too. And a large kitchen, and," Laska whispered in Risa's ear, "_secret rooms_ too. But don't tell anybody, or they won't be a secret anymore..."

"Okay," Risa whispered in return. "Promise!"

"Hey there!" Jan said as he came for the cellars. "I almost have Korgan convinced to switch rooms with me. 'Anythin' ta keep ye from chattering' he said. Who's the pint-sized elf?"

"That's Risa," Laska said. "She's going to be living with us for a while. Risa, this is Jan."

"Hello," Risa greeted.

"Risa, why don't you go pick out a room on the second floor? There's plenty of big rooms for you to choose from, but you can see a lot of the city from the largest room next to the pool," Laska suggested.

As Risa ran upstairs with Jan to explore her new home, Laska heard the thunderous voice of Keldorn from behind her. "Laska," he said with a low snarl, while leading her to her own quarters "A word?"

* * *

"THIS IS BY FAR THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE THING YOU HAVE EVER DONE!" Keldorn roared in anger. "IF I WAS TO LOOK UP THE WORD 'IRRESPONSIBLE' IN THE DICTIONARY, I'D FIND A PICTURE OF YOU! OR BETTER YET, YOUR PICTURE SPLASHED ALL OVER A WHOLE PAGE, NO, A LIFE-SIZED FOLD-OUT PICTURE OF YOU!"

"What are you on about?" Laska asked after having explained herself to Keldorn. "We have plenty of room in this house for another person," she said and stepped back into the entrance hall, followed suit by Keldorn.

Keldorn, who forced himself to calm down. "Look, there is more to it that simply giving the child a home. Risa will need love, affection and a proper upbringing!"

"Oh," Laska challenged. "And she will get that at an orphanage? In a whole other town? Look, she'll be fine with us."

"I am not sure she will ever feel at home here!" Keldorn snarled, but then, he and Laska noticed Korgan, Risa and Jan sitting at the dining hall engrossed in a story-telling-session.

"...So I looks over to me mate, and 'e slammed 'is sword into ta other bandit's chest, while I use me axe to gut another Orc," Korgan boasted, while Risa was completely enthralled. "So me ole mate Tucker slashed 'is sword inta yon orc's gullet, and 'is guts spill out all over the floor, while the bloody Orc be starin' at 'is own organs afore realisin' they be fallen out of 'is body! And then, Robus, that be me old party's bag-of-tricks, be castin' this spell that be makin' the Orc tiny, so ye can smash 'em with yer foot! And then, I turns around to the other orc and slam me axe in 'is skull!"

"WOW!" Risa raved. "Did his brains fall out?"

"Sure did! HAR HAR!" Korgan chuckled. "Bugger kept trying to stuff it back in!"

"You call that a story?!" Jan laughed. "This is a story. Once upon a time, in a place, far, far away. Last month and next street, in fact, there was this handsome, young, experienced, talented, virile and dashing young gnomish prince called Naj. Now, Naj was liked by all and everybody loved his long, long stories about his family. But he had this arch-enemy, you see? The evil ogre-king Trax, a bottom-feeding, turnip-hating, scum-sucking brigand from Hell! And he had this weapon, you see. This weapon which could imprison prince Naj forever! It was called Form JD456-24D, which prohibits an honest business man from selling high quality illegal Flashers for a reasonable price. And just as things look bleak, prince Naj defiantly stands up to Trax... standing well back while the ogre is being beaten up by the elven princess Aksal. Then, princess Aksal introduced Naj to her friends Ainociv, Nordlek, Nagrok and Csnim, fine people all, and they had many fabulous adventures together."

"Ach, now _that_ be epic," Korgan said sarcastically.

"See, I think she fits in fine!" Laska chuckled and waved to Risa, who quickly waved back.

"You are an adventurer! We all are!" Keldorn retorted. "How do you expect her to cope when we are all away from home!"

"I can take care of myself!" Risa suddenly spoke up with a surprising amount of maturity, having overheard Keldorn. "My dad was elven and he left us after I was born," she pouted. "My mom had to work hard as a waitress in the Mithrest Inn and had to leave me alone plenty of times... I usually went playing with friends... One day," Risa choked, "my mom never came home. She had told me she had been followed by that man again. And the next day, Arenthis came to our house and told me... my mom was dead... And I had to leave our house."

"Oy, how about if we ever be findin' that bloke, I rip out 'is 'eart and show it ta 'im afore 'e dies?" suggested Korgan. Risa managed a weak smile.

"Do you really want to ship her off to an orphanage?" Laska asked Keldorn.

"I say nay!" Korgan slammed his fist on the table. "I be likin' the wee bairn."

"So do I," Jan added. "Do you like turnips, Risa?"

"Kinda. Why?" replied Risa.

"Now I like her even more!" Jan chuckled. "Oh, come on, Keldy! I'll have my family check up on her if she's alone. And Ma always has an extra bed at the Jansen home... And I'm sure your family will like her too, Keldy."

"See?" Laska offered Keldorn. "It's three against one."

"THIS IS NOT A GAME!" Keldorn roared. "I'd hardly call this a stable environment for her."

"I don't wanna go to an orphanage!" Risa wailed. "They hit you with sticks and feed you grass and make you shovel horsepoop!"

"Orphanages are not like that, child," Keldorn smiled apologetically.

"If she stays here," Laska said. "She won't have to leave the city, won't become a faceless number in an orphanage, nor lose all her friends."

"Pleeeeeaaaaseeeee?" Risa asked while looking at Keldorn with puppy-dog eyes.

After a long time of thinking, Keldorn finally caved. "Alright!" he said. "But I want to make sure she'll end up with a decent upbringing. I will make arrangements for her education. Risa will be schooled by the same priests that teach my own children."

"School?" Risa grimaced. "Eeeeuw."

"See, that's a healthy reaction right there," Laska smirked.

"You'll learn reading, writing and how to appreciate fine veggies!" Jan added.

"What is this I hear about a new housemate?" Viconia asked as she stepped out of her room.

* * *

"Don't be afraid," Viconia cooed and Risa stood facing Khittix with her little hand extended. "Don't worry. He likes you..."

Risa gulped and brushed her hand over Khittix's head, between the eyes. "Ooooh! So smooth!" Risa giggled. The spider chirped in appreciation when Risa resumed petting.

Suddenly, the spider withdrew, ran into Viconia's room and came out with a big red ball in his mandibles. Khittix dropped the ball in front of Risa and looked at her excitedly.

"He wants you to throw his ball," Viconia said, picked it up and handed it to Risa. "Now, you want to throw it straight up and but not so hard that it bounces off the ceiling."

Slightly puzzled, the little girl threw up the ball like an expert. Immediately, the spider ran up the side of the walls with great speed, stepped on the ceiling until he was over the ball and jumped down, grabbing the ball out of the air with his mandibles. The spider landed on all eight feet and tossed the ball in front of Risa, getting ready for it to be thrown again.

After some playing, it was Korgan who walked up next. "Oy! Wee bairn!" Korgan said, holding his hands behind his back. "I be 'avin' a surprise fer ye."

"Really?" Risa asked.

Korgan whipped out a miniature axe, recently sharpened and wrapped with a red ribbon.

"Wow! For me?"

"Aye," the dwarf grinned. "It used ta be me practice axe when I was a wee laddie."

Immediately, Risa took some wild practise swings and giggled with joy. "I can't wait to tell my friends about all of this..."

"Aye," Korgan sighed to Viconia. "They be growin' up so bloody fast, donnae they?"

* * *

The next morning, Laska stepped out of her chambers after having had a nice long relaxing bath. She thought back about the previous evening, where Risa had dined with them for the first time, and had enjoyed helping to redecorate her new room, which she claimed was even bigger than her entire house. After 'visiting' Risa's mother's landlord, and 'persuading' him to part with all the furniture he had stolen when he foreclosed on Risa's old home, it had been a merry time getting everything upstairs and inside her room.

Laska noticed morning had long passed, and everyone had gone on their own merry business however. One thing did stand out, though: the door to Minsc' room was open, and he was not inside. A quick search of the house did not reveal the hulking ranger, but when she looked out of one of the back windows, she learned why. She decided to eavesdrop and step onto one of the balconies upstairs. What she saw and heard made her smile.

Minsc stood in the backyard, with Risa on his shoulders, while the half-elven girl held Boo in her hands and was carefully petting him.

"And that," Minsc said while pointing at one of the trees in the backyard, "is an elm-tree! Look at that pretty tree! There's two little blue jays building a nest on those to branches there, see?"

"Yeah!" Risa giggled. "Minsc? What do they make their nest from?"

"Oh, twigs, pieces of clothing and more little things like that."

"What do they eat?"

"Oh, flies, beetles, little insects, and worms! Oh, do birds love worms, right Boo?!"

"Ewwwwwww!" Risa grimaced.

Minsc was looking very much cheered up, and for the first in a long time, Laska felt good about herself; they were back on track. Still grinning, she stepped back inside.


	21. One Bridge too far

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 21: One Bridge too far_

"Weeeeee!" Keldorn heard being yelled from the other side of the house as he entered Laska's abode. Apparently, she and his other friends were ready to start adventuring again and they would try their luck finding a new job to further fill up the 'Imoen'-fund as Laska called it. A moment later, he noticed Risa sliding down the bannister, apparently having great fun.

"Careful, child!" he said while he moved to catch her. "You might fall!"

"Nuh-uh!" Risa laughed as she wriggled away from his grasp only to run up the stairs again for another go.

"Coming through!" the voice of Laska sounded from above as she came sliding down the bannister as well. "Keldorn!" she shouted as the last moment, just before the elf slammed into the paladin while he replied with a resounding 'ooooffff'.

"Errr, sorry," Laska grinned as she stood up and helped Keldorn to get up as well.

"Why do you act like such a child?" Keldorn groaned as the strong elf hoisted him to his feet.

"Oh, come on," Laska chuckled. "It's fun. Try it."

"GREAT FUN!" Minsc shouted as he slid down the bannister. Unfortunately, he shot through and landed squarely on top of the table. His trip didn't end there; he slid over the table and came to a halt when he crashed into the piano, making the instrument scream in protest by exclaiming false musical notes.

"Woohoo!" Jan giggled as he followed and actually overshot Minsc.

A few moments later, Viconia followed suit, sitting side-saddled on the bannister.

"Not you too," Keldorn sighed.

"Wow, the bannister has never been cleaner," Laska chuckled.

"And my robe has never been greasier..." Viconia grimaced, while she wiped her pantseat.

"OY! Watch me go!" Korgan roared as he shot down the bannister with great speed.

"But now it's all dirty again," Laska muttered as she ran her finger over the bannister after Korgan's brief use of it.

"Och, it be nothing. No need ta be thankin' me," Korgan replied.

"Don't you lot have anything better to do?" Keldorn sighed.

"Oh, yeah... I almost forgot..." Laska said and bent to one knee. "Risa, you enjoy yourself at school while we go off to work."

"Sure!" she giggled.

"Remember to lock the door," Laska said.

"Oh, what can happen?" Jan giggled. "Though I guess some people might come in and squat the place... Oh, I forgot, _we _already did that. What are the chances of that happening twice in one lifetime?"

"Alright," Keldorn said. "Gather up Khittix and Boo and we are off."

"A little eager, aren't ye, long-limb?" Korgan chuckled.

They noticed Khittix and Boo were sitting in opposite chairs in front of a roaring fire. Boo was squeaking, and after he was done, Khittix seemed to be chirping in response.

"Hey," Laska said. "Is it just me, or are those two having a conversation?"

Jan put a finger to his beard. "Say, shouldn't we douse that fire?"

"Nah, it'll go out on its own," Laska shrugged.

"You're a credit to home security, Laska," Viconia sighed and folded out the screen in front of the fire, effectively choking off the fire's supply of oxygen.

Then, while Minsc picked up Boo, Viconia bid Khittix to return to the statuette which she gently put in a small pouch tied to her belt. The group gathered their weapons and were set to leave home.

"WE'RE OFF TO SEE THE WIZARD! THE WONDERFUL WIZARD OF THAY!" Lilarcor sang cheerfully, but terribly off-key.

"No, we shipped him off to Icewind Dale," Viconia muttered.

_'*Can't you shut your mouth for just an instant, you big blow-hard!*'_ Ipsiya snorted, while Lilarcor continued to talk.

"Hey, baby," Lilarcor tried again. "We're off to adventure again, you little nice-hilted blue momma..." he spoke in a strange accent.

_'*Shove it!*'_ Ipsiya snarled.

"Your scabbard or mine? Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink," Lilarcor added.

_'*Grrrrrr*'_ she seethed in response.

"Ready to go?!" Laska asked while her companions nodded. "Let's go!"

And before Keldorn knew it, they had run out of the house leaving him standing. "Amazing," Keldorn told himself. "Immovable for a week, and then out of the door in an instant."

Gazing around, he noticed the house was a big mess. Clothes, armors, pieces of half-eaten food were all laying on the floor. Used plates and half-filled glasses were sitting on the table, having awaited a wash-up for days. Two decorative suits of armor were thrown about and left lying, and spots of dirt 'adorned' the expensive carpets, while the walls showed the remnants of a recent food-fight... and this was only the main room. Considering they had only been living here for a week, he wondered what this house will look like a month from now. Or a year.

Then, before leaving, he gazed at the bannister. '_Why not?_', he chuckled inwardly, walked up the stairs and attempted to slide down. Unfortunately, the weight of his armor meant that he was only able to slide for a couple of centimeters. "Aw," he sighed in disappointment.

* * *

One of the most important places in Athkatla was simple called 'the Bridge'. Whoever came up with that name was not very creative, but rather very practical. Athkatla was essential sliced into two halves by the river moving through it, and the bridges were important lifelines keeping connected. As such Athkatla's three bridges, of which 'the Bridge' was the largest, saw traffic twenty-four hours a day.

Laska had seen and walked across this impressive structure several times before, and she was just as amazed as she had walked across it the first time. This sturdy, stone bridge was very long, almost as large as Waukeen's promenade, and high enough to allow vessels to travel under it. Twenty-five years in the making by the finest gnomish craftsman and designers (none of which was a Jansen, Jan had told her indignantly), had given Athkatla a bridge to be proud of. So thick and sturdy it was, it was able to support a multiple amount of large structures, including several inns and houses which were actually built into the stone bridge itself. The Five Flagon's Inn was famed for having an entire basement hewn into the stone. This massive feat of engineering in itself was completed by the wooden docks which complimented the larger docks nearby.

Best thing of all, the bridge was large enough so that Laska would not have to be confronted with deep water on either side.

Today, however, the Bridge seemed to be seeing considerable less bustle. There were a lot of guards about and some places seem to have been cordoned off.

"Uh-oh," Laska muttered as she was interrupted by the clanking of armor and noticed one of the city guards approaching them. "What did we do now?"

"Greetings, citizens," the guard greeted with a harsh look. "I trust you'll be keeping your weapons at your sides. I should hate to have to run you by the garrison if anything should happen."

"Hey, we haven't done anything yet! We just got here. This isn't a shake-down, is it?" Laska snarled.

"Without question," the guard replied, "but I'm making it my business to warn everybody on the street. With all your gear you might look a rich target to the wrong person."

"Heroes of goodness need no warning!" Minsc shouted. "Where we tread, evil trembles in our wake! Any evil scum who would dare to do their evil deeds will face hamster justice!"

"Errrr, I see," the guard replied warily. In the background, Viconia made extra effort to keep herself hooded.

"Ach! Any bloody fool who dare to be thinkin' of me as a target, rich or nay, is a fool begging to have his innards brought out to be meetin' the sun, and that be the bleedin' truth," Korgan pounded on his chest.

"It's not like that..." the guard sighed. "There's a disgustingly sick person out there and I simply don't have the manpower to protect everyone. He's been killing paupers, sometimes in the alley where they sleep."

"What!" Keldorn spoke up from behind. "How long has this been going on?!"

"Sir Firecam!" the guard exclaimed. "I did not see you standing there."

"What do you mean 'I did not see him'?" Jan chuckled. "How could you have missed the hideous color of his armor?"

"My armor was a gift from Torm," Keldorn spoke in a heavy, threatening voice.

"Have you kept the receipt?" Jan asked. "Maybe you can exchange it for something less horrible, like a purple plate mail or a red leather..."

"If I might break in," the guard broke in, "I think we got off on the wrong foot. I am Lieutenant Aegisfield and I have been charged to investigate these horrible murders. All the clues I have gathered indicate that the murderer flays them... alive, and then he leaves them to bleed in alleys. Little Faraji, a local urchin, found the latest victim. I hate to think of a child seeing that. But now, Sir Firecam, I assume these are the adventures who cleaned out the Beholder cult? Perhaps you could assist me in my investigation."

"How long has this evil been going on?" Keldorn asked.

"Two weeks now. I'm afraid I don't have the manpower..."

"Two weeks?!" Keldorn exclaimed. "Why did you not inform the Order? We would have gladly assisted you in this effort."

"My superior Isaea Roenall explicitly ordered not to involve any other organizations or persons with this investigation," Aegisfield spoke with disdain. "He wants all the glory of finding the murderer for himself."

"Preposterous!" Keldorn snarled. "That whelp wants to hoard glory while people die?"

"And he full well knows I can't do this one on my own," Aegisfield lamented. "I would be grateful for any assistance you can give me. But I bid you to be careful. Old Rampah was damn near killed, and a streetwalker in the area, Rose, was plain lucky." With a curt nod, Aegisfield bid the party good luck before going on his rounds.

"Well," Laska grinned as the party moved to an alleyway to confer. "We have a new job! Things are looking up."

"Well, what be this then?" Korgan chuckled. "Mayhap a rabid mink wants revenge on the long-limbs... HAR HAR!"

"Please," Keldorn stressed. "I hardly think talk like this is appropriate."

"Strange," Viconia muttered. "I wonder why he only takes the skin. I've heard of other human organs making excellent spell components. And the bodies could be enchanted as undead. Seeing the murderer wastes so much profitable ventures, it makes me consider he's looking for something specific. On the other hand, it is no strange occurrence in the Underdark to flay a prisoner or slave for sport."

"I really don't want to know how you found out about that," Laska grimaced.

"Gee, I wonder if those drow flayed someone I knew. I haven't seen uncle Eduardo for a while. We lost track of him when he bought a new house, next to a nice family of griffins," Jan muttered. "Maybe the drow kidnapped him!"

"We must give the boot of justice to the nasty icky person who steals skin that does not belong to him!" Minsc announced.

The group moved out of the alleyway and stepped further on to the Bridge. But just as soon as the party passed through a great arch leading into another section of the Bridge, they were met with another gruesome scene. Three bodies, all human men, lay sprawled on the ground, surrounded by a number of gawking locals. The faces on the bodies were twisted visages of pain, and the flesh seemed to have been ripped from their necks with great force.

"Aye," one of the peasants said. "Aegisfield's men ain't got around to pickin' 'em up yet."

"At least they ain't skinned like the other poor sods," another spoke.

"Ach, they be thieves. I ain't sheddin' no tear for those Shadow Bastards," yet another peasant added.

"They were men too, Gilbe," the fourth peasant said. "No one deserves this fate. Come on. Let us leave..."

As the peasants walked off, Laska and Viconia stepped up to the bodies to get a better look. "Hmmm," Viconia said. "I wondered if this was done by... someone we are acquainted with..."

"Speaking of which," Laska replied. "Are you any closer to finding something that could help Dynaheir?"

Immediately, a gasp of hope could be heard from behind the two elves. A twirl around her axis revealed a beaming Minsc to Viconia. "You... will help?" he asked. "You will cure fair Dynaheir?"

"Well, I," Viconia said, but a few moments later, her ribs screamed in protest as she was taken in a powerful bear-hug.

"Oh, GLORIOUS DAY!" Minsc shouted and put Viconia down again.

"Thanks _a lot_!" Viconia shouted at a sheepish Laska while being crushed by the hulking giant. "That's _all_ I need! Yet _more pressure_!"

"Errrr," Laska flashed bright red, "sorry... Me idiot..."

"Hey!" Minsc suddenly spoke up. "Boo hears the sounds of whipping! Maybe a disgusting mean man is harming a helpless horse! Let us investigate!"

"Yes," Viconia said while still killing Laska ten times over in her mind, "lets. I am thankful Minsc, at least, has a short attention span."

"Hey, I said I was sorry," Laska pouted.

* * *

"Oh, come on, Laska," Jan called from the bottom of the staircase leading to the docking ports next to the bridge. "It's easy... One step after another... You've down stairs before."

"Oy! Will you be comin' down anytime soon? We ain't got all day!" Korgan stressed.

Once more, Laska put her first foot on the staircase... and felt fear grip her by the throat again as she looked down. "No!" Laska shouted. "I'm not going down! You'll have to solve this yourself."

"Ach, get down, ye sissy elf!" Korgan shouted.

"Is she afraid of heights?" Keldorn asked.

"No," Viconia replied. "Water."

"WATER?! HAR HAR!" Korgan roared in laugher. "Donnae be tellin' me missy tough-as-nails point-ear is afraid of a little water?! Har, HAR!"

"It's true," Viconia said. "Imoen told me Laska has never even told _her_ the story behind it."

"But I've seen you swim in the pool back at the home!" Jan called upward. "Is there a different type of water in your pool?"

"Yeah," Laska retorted. "But I can see the _bottom_ in my pool, not here! I'll just stay here, thanks..."

"We will not get her down. She is very stubborn in this matter," Viconia said, remembering Laska's fearful attitude towards water back in Baldur's Gate. She had refused to cross the bridge leading to the city and it had taken Viconia and Dynaheir an hour to convince her to cross it.

"Come on!" Minsc added. "We must hurry! The evil man could be leering evilly over that poor horse as we speak!"

"Har, har... Sissy elf," Korgan chuckled, just before a bucket thrown from above hit him in the head.

* * *

"Work faster, you useless dogs!" a very portly man with whip in hand shouted in a very whiny voice at his two workers who were loading crates to his ship. "Faster, I say! We shall never have the ships loaded on time if you continue to be so lazy!"

The two ogres were hard workers and continued to load the crates. One of them, however, seemed to display a rather sickly color in his face. Immediately, the other ogre put down the crate and supported his friend. "Gurgh be sick! Sick! He must slow, master!" the ogre spoke.

"Never!" the fat man shouted. "I'll not lose a commission because of you damnable ogres! Work faster I say! _FASTER_!"

"You no nice! We ogres no work!" the sickly ogre replied.

"Yes, we no work for you if you so mean!" the other one said.

"Do not force me to whip you again, lazy dogs!" the fat man replied. "You will respect my authori-TAH!"

Suddenly, as the man raised his whip and tried to slash it forward, he found his wrist caught by a graying, scarred man in a hideously colored armor. "For shame, merchant," the man spoke with disdain. "These ogres turn from the path of evil to attempt to make an honest living and you reward their good intentions with violence?"

"Who do you think you are, dog?!" the fat man cried. "Release me, I say, or this entire city shall BURN!"

"I highly doubt that. And I think it would better that you two find a new job," Keldorn spoke to the ogres who looked on warily. "There is always good work to be found for ogres with strong backs. Try to find someone who will treat you better."

"Gurgh and me thank," the large ogre spoke and he and his friend strolled to the other side of the dock to try their luck at another docked ship.

"You cur!" the fat merchant shouted at Keldorn. "Now I will never get back to Neverwinter in time!"

"Next time, think upon your actions," Keldorn said and turned to his party... just in time to see Korgan's axe fly only inches from the side of his head. From the gurgle behind him, Keldorn was certain that the axe had landed in the fat merchant's forehead. "Korgan!" he said as the dwarf whooshed by to retrieve his precious axe. "That was unnecessary!"

"Was it?" Korgan chuckled and turned the bleeding corpse over, showing that the fat man had been holding a miniature crossbow. "He be plannin' ta shoot ye in the back, ye daft pansy!"

"Ah," Keldorn humbly spoke. "I owe you an apology then. And my gratitude."

"Ach, it be fun. And even better! Now ye owes me. HaHAR!"

A few moments later, a very confused Minsc stepped into view. "Minsc does not understand. Where is the poor horse?"

* * *

Tired of waiting, or more to the point, tired of pacing around waiting for her companions, Laska decided to take a few moments to wet her whistle. There were no less than two taverns near here, and she was deciding where to go. The Five Flagon's Inn had more choice of drinks, but Delosar's Inn was rowdier, and thus, the change of getting into a good fist fight was greater.

After some thinking, she decided to step over to the Five Flagon's instead. She could use a drought of evermead. It was her people's drink, after all... But walking across the marketplace near the Five Flagon's she came across a crying girl calling loudly for her mother to find her. The little girl was about Risa's age, Laska could see. The tall elf bent to one knee and spoke to the child. The child started a little, but looked the elf in the eye.

"Hey there," she smiled. "What's wrong?"

"I...I'm lost," the girl sniffed, dressed in rags and barely five years of age by the look of her. "I can't find my mommy."

"Okay," Laska smiled. "This is an adventure I can handle. So, in which house do you live?"

"We...we don't live anywhere," the girl cried. "Mommy doesn't have any money!"

"I see," Laska said. "Tell me about your mother? What is her name?"

"Me mommy is... is... she's my mommy!" the girl's tears ran over her cheeks again. "I just want my mommy! Please, please, I just want my mommy!"

"Okay, quit the waterworks," Laska said and took the girl's hand. "Now where did you last see her?"

* * *

"I told you to leave me alone!" Viconia snarled at an elven sailor.

"But I... I was just wondering if you... Ermmm, might be... willing to... Errr..." the hopeful elven sailor pressed.

"I can _smell_ you from across the docks, _darthiir_!" Viconia snarled. "Even if I were interested, I do not want you to be _that_ close to me!"

"But..."

"Do you really want to find out how vicious drow females can be?!" Viconia snarled. "It's people like you that prove males are inferior!"

"But..."

"_Go away_!" Viconia snarled again. "Can you not take a hint? I am not a sex toy nor a prostitute!"

The elven sailor sighed and slinked away disappointed.

"Let us find Laska," Viconia asked Keldorn, while the aged paladin gave a couple of coins to a halfling beggar, who in turn bowed and told Keldorn he was looking forward to eating the food he was going to buy with it.

"Why do you bother, Keldorn?" Viconia asked. "Why do you give your gold to these people who do not deserve it?"

"A little compassion, Viconia," Keldorn spoke softly. "The measure of our hearts is taken by the kindness we show to the least of our brethren."

"Hah," Viconia chuckled. "What will your coins do? At best, it will buy a beggar a meal or two before it is gone. In the worst case, it makes him a target for a mugger or cutpurse, meaning your kind gift could cost him dearly. The best solution for him would be to find a job and work himself out of destitution by self-determinism. Your hands-out only serve to keep the destitute lazy and unproductive. Hunger is a powerful teacher,_ suliss_."

"Of course," Keldorn said, "but our gifts will keep a man from starving. What you propose could lead to people dying the streets. There are simply not enough opportunities offered for everyone. The solution is not as simple as it might seem to you. A few coins can help, and the church of Ilmater does a lot to alleviate the suffering."

"Which creates adverse effects, unless Ilmater hands out employment."

"Sometimes they do."

"Ah, but it is the nobles that control all the opportunities. The poor are simply not strong enough to take them. What they don't realize is that, together as a group, they are about twenty times more in number that the nobles, and that they could easily overpower them and take power from the nobles."

"What you are suggesting is nothing less than a peasant-revolution!" Keldorn said. "But that will have death and chaos as a result!"

"Do not worry," Viconia chuckled. "It will never happen, for they cannot work together. In a way, they have the same weakness the drow have. We are strong, powerful warriors, in the way of blade and magic alike, but we trust each other less than we trust outsider-races. And that is our greatest weakness. Trust me, if the drow ever learn to trust each other and work together, the armies of darkness will march all over the face of Toril. But it will never, ever happen..."

"Did I hear mention the word revolution," Jan chimed as the party climbed the stairs heading toward the upper bridge. "That reminds me of my cousin Jeffrey Jansen. Strapping young lad, he was. Until the exploding horse-plop incident of course, but that is another story altogether. Anyway, cousin Jeffrey was the first and subsequently the last gnome to mechanize the turnip-growing process. After buying out all the old trustworthy turnip cellars around Luskan, he created a whole factory to grow turnips at an incredible rate. With machines, top-notch fertilizer... and lots of unhappy gnomes who, while lovingly growing turnips still, were dreadfully underpaid. One exploding piece of machinery too many, which was shabby workmanship really, led to public outrage. That silly Jeff; I told him not to make heavy machinery out of highly flammable cardboard, but Jeffrey was a cheapskate, you see? Anyway, all the workers went on strike and left Jeffrey high and dry. The factory was down for more than a month, the turnip-supply was dwindling, and so were the exports. Unfortunately, the export halted to a very big importer of turnips, namely, the drow city of Rilauven. And those drow get pretty cranky when they can't get to their turnips!"

"Drow, myself included, do _not_ eat turnips!" Viconia said, a little too quickly.

"Oh, they didn't only eat them, they also smoked them!" Jan said. "And they made furniture out of turnips and beholder-spit!"

"Oh, I refuse to listen to this!" Viconia snarled, again a little too quickly.

"Anyway, the drow came, took all the remaining turnips and burned down the factory. They also forced Jeffrey to return all the lands he had taken, so that the normal turnip-farming could begin anew. And so, the drow actually did a good deed... If they hadn't threatened to come back if the gnomes couldn't deliver, that is... Jeffrey came to a sadder end actually. He traveled to Sembia, where he insulted a half-orc's mother. 'Trench-mouth' is apparently not an acceptable greeting there. So the half-orc folded him up into a nice little ball and tossed him against a couple of empty bottles. And through this a new sport was born... 'Gnowneling'. They don't play it anymore nowadays, since there's this big gnome-shortage in Sembia right now."

"Those lucky Sembians," Keldorn muttered.

"Let's just... find Laska..." Viconia sighed.

* * *

"MOMMY!" the girl cried as she flew towards a lean, attractive human woman going through a dustbin in an alley.

"Becky!" the woman called as her child and Laska stepped into the alley. "I was so worried."

"This nice lady helped me find you," Becky said and pointed to Laska.

"Wow," the woman spoke, "you look... dangerous," referring to Laska's armor, weaponry and tattoos.

"I'm an adventurer," Laska said. "Don't you have a place to stay for the night? There are murderers about. It isn't safe."

"Ah, I'm afraid it was the fault of my own naivete," the woman said, looking sad. "I came to this city to start a new life with my daughter... But without money... I was so stupid..."

"Nah," Laska said. "Drinking heavily and spinning around very quickly. Now, _that_'s stupid!"

"My name is Lasalla. Becky here," the woman sighed. "Is the result of my liaison with my former employer. I used to be a maid for a rich nobleman. But when I told him the child was his, he threw me on the street in fear that his wife might find out. We traveled from Trademeet to Athkatla but we haven't had much luck when we got here. I fear Becky here will be the victim of my mistakes..."

"You say you are a maid?" Laska asked. "You see, I recently become the owner of a lovely mansion."

"Definately!" Lasalla said. "I also have quite the cooking experience. Might... Might I presume you... you are seeking to employ a... maid?" she asked with intense hope radiating from her person.

"Well, basically, yeah," Laska chuckled.

"You're not more boring nobles, are you?" Becky pouted.

"Nope," Laska said. "I think you might enjoy our company. You might like my small house-guest too."

"Does, does this mean we are hired?" Lasalla asked?

"Sure! I'm not sure if I'm doing you a favor if you mean to clean up the mess we make, though," Laska chuckled. "Room and board and a nice pay. You can work out the details with my friend Viconia later. She handles all our finances. I'll have to squeeze Keldorn a bit, but I'll be able to get Becky into his daughter's school as well."

"Thank you," Lasalla whispered, almost in disbelief. "You're a saint..."

"Hey, there's no need to insult me!" Laska grinned. "Just go to the Temple District. Look for the Guildhouse of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart. My estate is next to it... Heh, 'my estate'. I love saying that. Pick out a free room at the top floor and get settled in at your own leisure. Now if you'll excuse me," she said while drawing her swords, "I must go kick some ass soon... Oh, and I hope you like spiders... and hamsters... and dwarves..."

Lasalla nodded once more and took Becky toward the temple district, as to not give her the opportunity to change her mind.

"Ah, another good deed," Laska chuckled, feeling good about herself.

_'*HAH!* _' Ipsiya chuckled. _*'I wouldn't say that, considering she has to clean up after you lot...'*_

"At least they're off the streets and out of harm's way..." Laska said. "Come on," she told her sword. "Let's find the others..."


	22. Murder most horrid

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 22:Murder most horrid_

"So, what do we know?" Keldorn threw in the group as he and his friends took their table in the Five Flagon's Inn. As a pleasantly smiling middle-aged halfling woman brought them their cups of Evermead, they mulled over their options.

"The guy be bloody daft?" Korgan offered.

"We already knew that," Keldorn sighed, while Laska downed her first cup.

"Not necessarily. There is something methodical about this," Viconia said. "Our murderer seems to be only interested in obtaining the skins of his victims and leaves the rest of the bodies relatively intact. Why would that be, you think?" she asked, more to stress her point than to actually inquire.

"Spell-components, of course!" Jan said, as if a little light had blinked on over the top of his head. "Of course, my uncle Bendy can attest to that. He tried to harvest bread crusts for his magical aviary-cage. You'd think an aviary couldn't be made entirely out of bread, but it wasn't really a problem as it turned out. Whenever the birds finished eating their bread-cage, they'd be so stuffed they couldn't fly anymore. At least they were out of commission long enough for Bendy to build a new cage around them while they were groaning on the floor, wrapping their wings around their bellies. He had to constantly find new pieces of bread to build the cage, though. So, he broke into bakeries, pretended to be a pigeon when an old lady was throwing breadcrumbs, things like that. Got quite a nice collection of birds too. Sadly, his acquisition of the rare Micro-griffin was his last one. Micro-griffins don't care much for bread, it seems. Poor sod, but we did warn him about keeping that griffin fed properly..."

"Jan, please!" Keldorn stressed. "This is a serious matter," he said as Laska downed her second cup.

"If we look past that insipid story, Jan has the right of it," Viconia said. "Many drow wizards make use of human slaves solely for spell-components, so it's not that uncommon..."

"A vile deed," Keldorn muttered.

"No more viler than human wizards turning my kin-folk into magic potions is," Viconia snarled. "I've heard the stories of wizards of a dark nature constantly seeking to chop up members of my race to make spells that increase their own waning virility."

"If they survive the process of actually capturing a drow, of course," Laska offered with a grin.

"Hah," Viconia chuckled, "the road to Menzoberranzan is littered with corpses of Halruans, Thayvians and other wizardly types. Often cases of 'overconfidence killed the cat'. One wizard actually managed to sneak into the bedroom of a drow priestess. Unfortunately, this 'mere' priestess-girl he intended to capture turned out to be the Matron Mother of House Fey'Branche, the second House of my former home-city. The wizard was captured alive... It took him three months to die."

"This conversation is drifting away from our goal again," Keldorn sighed. "I would suggest we focus on the business at hand."

"Yes, mister pushy," Jan chuckled.

"To come back to the subject of our murderer," Viconia said, "the guardsman told us he suspected the victims were flayed alive. This is consistent with the spell-component argument I offered earlier. Also, he's focused on only a single part of the human body. If he was killing humans for sale of spell-components, he'd take more to sell to different buyers. Possibly it's for a personal project he's working on... or for an employer with specific wishes."

"Employer?" Korgan chuckled. "Ach, figures one o' the daftie magelings in this blasted bloody city be hirin' a toady fer doin' the dirty work."

"But this vile, evil, scumbag, nasty, icky, not-so-nice, needs a good boot up the butt, bad guy," Minsc said, "just throws the bodies of his poor victims on the street! Boo wants to know what can be done to find this evil scoundrel and punch him silly!"

"That's the most puzzling of this whole mystery," Viconia said. "He... Or she for that matter. Let us not presume the murderer is a male. I know for a fact females are capable of terrible deeds as well. Our murderer simply tosses the bodies on the street in plain sight! It defies common sense."

"Arrogance," Keldorn brought up. "Our murderer thinks he or she won't get caught no matter what he or she does. He or she considers himself superior to everyone around."

"I be thinkin' our laddie ain't human 'imself, what ye reckon?" Korgan suggested.

"There's a thought," Laska laughed. "Where were you when the first murder happened?"

"Probably killin' some daft long-limb after lippin' me off, HAR HAR!" Korgan chuckled.

"I may be off on a limb," Jan added, "But I'm thinking undead here. Think about it? A vampire, a lich or a ghoul would consider a human like a Jansen does a turnip: fresh, plump and juicy."

"And what about you then, Jan," Laska chuckled. "Where were you when the first murder occurred?"

"Probably peeling some turnips and... oh," Jan grimaced, then smiled. "That was NOT a confession. You did not hear that, okay? Good."

"Please!" Keldorn stressed angrily, getting a bit frustrated with Laska's flippancy.

"To be returnin' back to our original topic," Korgan said, "I be thinkin' 'is lair is close ta the victims, somewhere on this bleedin' bridge. 'E don't drag them bodies fer long, and 'e needs a large room which be mufflin' the sounds of 'is victims."

"There's a point," Laska joked again. "How about you Vic? Where were..."

"Do not!" Viconia snarled. "Do you not realize how your childish joke might put me in jeopardy? How many more days will my life number, if you point your finger at a drow in a packed public place in an area nearing the breaking point!"

"Sorry," Laska sulked and took another sip from her cup, "Wasn't thinking."

"Alright," Keldorn said. "I suggest we split up and talk to the people Lieutenant Aegisfield mentioned. Myself and Minsc will question the boy Faraji. The poor child will obviously be traumatized by his experience so we must be careful."

"Then," Laska said with renewed spunk, "Jan and I shall question this Rose Bouquet."

"That leaves Rampah for me and Korgan," Viconia sighed.

"Och," Korgan chuckled. "'E'd better be spillin' 'is guts, or me axe will be doin' it _for_ 'im!"

* * *

"And there was this blood alllll over the alley... It was soooo COOOL!"

Keldorn was feeling a mite green around the gills after hearing the joyful boy's very graphic description of the body he had found. Traumatized? This boy was anything but. Sifting through the many words like 'cool', 'neato' and 'far out', he managed to discern the boy really knew nothing he didn't know already.

"Boo feels not well in his tummy," Minsc said. "And neither does Minsc..."

"Did," Keldorn stammered, still recovering from the horrific mental images, "did you know the cool corpse... Errr, the poor victim?"

"Sure I does!" the boy said. "That was ole Grodin. Mean fellow... Used to rob me of my gold I begged, and the bread I could buy. But now he's maggot food! And the maggots crawled from his neck already cause the flies found him first, hah!"

"I see," Keldorn closed his eyes. "Did he have any enemies? Anyone who wanted him dead?"

"Just about the whole bloody Bridge!" Faraji chuckled. "But missus Cragmoon! Yeah, she was always telling him to shove off, or beat it... And I knows why! She's a WITCH! Yeah, a BIG, FAT WITCH! I knows it, cause she smacks you for stealing cookies, and I knows that's mean! But let me tell you more about ole Grodin. I pokes him with a stick and one of his eyeballs popped out! It was funny!"

"A witch?" Minsc said. "Witches are good! Witches do good deeds! Minsc likes witches! And Boo does too!"

Faraji made a dirty face, "You're nutty,"

"Let us go find this practitioner of magic immediately," Keldorn said, while giving Faraji ten coins.

Mrs Cragmoon was quickly found. She was standing next to a low building, currently handing out some potions to some the local beggars and urchins. Mrs Cragmoon was an elderly lady, yet her wrinkled face showed subtle laugh-lines. Still, this meant nothing. Keldorn immediately sensed the lady was a mage of moderate power, and even if the woman was too frail to carry around bodies, that did not mean she couldn't have used magic or a magical construct to do so.

Deciding to take action, Keldorn motioned Minsc to follow him as he walked over to the lady. The lady, in turn, noticed Keldorn as soon as he crossed the street.

"Well, hello there deary," she greeted with a smile. "Can I help you? You look a little preoccupied, like you have a question or two."

"My lady," Keldorn greeted, "I am Sir Keldorn Firecam of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart and this man is my companion Minsc..."

Minsc scraped his throat loudly, prodding Keldorn into action.

"... and his animal companion Boo," Keldorn finished. "We are investigating the murders that have plagued this region as of late."

"About time someone did something," Mrs. Cragmoon spoke with a harsh tone. "A pox on that Isaea Roenall and his damnable pride."

"On that we agree, my Lady," Keldorn said. "We have talked to Faraji and..."

"You did? Delightful boy," Mrs. Cragmoon smiled. "Light fingers though. Poor thing doesn't have parents to help him. I let him get away with stealing far more often than he thinks."

"He said you are a witch!" Minsc broke in. "Boo wants to know if this is true!"

"I see," Mrs. Cragmoon said softly, yet her hearty smile didn't falter. "This child, who finds me old and a little off my noodle, has called me a witch and you have taken that as basis for murder accusations? I think not. If every old crone were murderers because some child said they were evil, there would be a decided shortage of crones! A funny thought, yes?"

"I apologize, my Lady," Keldorn nodded. "But these crimes are of such a serious nature and we must investigate every lead we can uncover. According to Faraji you often had arguments with the most recent victim."

"Grodin was a scoundrel of the highest order," Mrs. Cragmoon said. "He'd kill a child for a single gold piece, if he didn't know I was constantly watching him... and them."

"Let us dispense with the games, my lady," Keldorn said harshly. "I am an Inquisitor..."

"Ah well, then I shall tell you why the child thinks I am a witch. I _am_ a witch, or a magic user at least. A crime in this city if they decide it is, but I use my magic powers to create potions that fill bellies with magic or heal disease and wounds. I use my magic to make sure none of the poor and urchins are harmed, not to kill and maim..."

"This is not the foul buttkickee we seek, Keldorn," Minsc said. "Witches are often good and kindly heroes too, like fair Dynaheir."

"I must admit I sense no evil in you, Mrs. Cragmoon," Keldorn admitted. "But, nevertheless, it is my duty as a servant of law and order to report you to the Cowled Wizards as an unregistered magic user."

"No, Keldorn!" Minsc said. "You cannot do this! If you arrest this goodly witch, then who will keep the children safe and who will keep the poor safe, fed and happy?"

"It is true," Keldorn sighed. "The council or the guard would not even give them a second glance if they starve in the streets, but duty..."

"It is not the duty of good and kindly to imprison other good and kindly!" Minsc said resolutely. "Good and kindly must imprison Evil and meany!"

Keldorn looked around him, and saw the many street children depending on Mrs. Cragmoon. "You are right, of course," Keldorn admitted. "My lady," he directed at mrs. Cragmoon. "You have my sworn oath that I shall not reveal your secret."

"Thank you," mrs. Cragmoon said. "Oh, and don't forget to thank your elven friend. She just pulled a couple of the most unfortunate people off the street and gave them a home. There are so many unfortunate people on the Bridge. Because this always a busy place, there are plenty of opportunities for the poor to hawk their wares, for beggars to beg and for unfortunate young women to sell themselves."

"Truly?" Keldorn said thoughtfully. "I think I must have a chat with Laska about that one..."

"Ah, Keldorn has done the right thing, didn't he Boo? Ah, Boo certainly agrees!" Minsc said, while holding out Boo so that Keldorn could read the hamster's expression.

"Minsc," Keldorn smiled, "It seems that, in this party, I must often choose between duty and my heart. A difficult choice at times."

"But what about your duty to your heart?" Minsc asked.

Keldorn chuckled for a moment, then clapped Minsc on the back. "Minsc, no matter what some people might say, you are one of the wisest men I have ever met."

* * *

Rose Bouquet was the nom de guerre of one of the many streetwalkers who plied their trade on the Bridge. Rose was a half-elven woman with strawberry blonde hair and deep green eyes. The woman was wearing a red silken dress with an upper bodice which accentuated her figure. Unlike other streetwalkers, Rose had not overdone her make-up. Instead, she had gone for a subtle blush and soft shade of red on her lips. Her strawberry blonde hair was pinned up, revealing a delicately pointed ear. As she was a half-elf, her pointed ears were shorter and slightly more blunted than Laska's.

Rose and Laska's eyes locked while she and Jan were still halfway across the block and immediately, Laska could feel a spark. She become more nonchalant in her step, more self-assured. She stood up straight, pressed her chest a little more forward and put a stride in her step.

"Uhm, Laska?" Jan frowned. "You seem to be swaggering."

"I know," Laska grinned, never losing eye contact with Rose Bouquet.

Stepping ever closer, Laska could see that she was a full head taller than Rose. The half-elf smiled; it was a genuine smile, tugging at the corners of her mouth. She cocked her head sideways a little, inviting the elf to approach her further, while her eyes darted and roved over Laska's figure.

"Well, well," said Rose as she lay her hands on her hip. "I've never seen an elf as tall and beautiful as you."

There was enough of a sultry quality to her voice to give Laska the hint that the flirting going on was more than just a streetwalker hoping to pick up a customer. The tattooed elf went into full flirt mode.

"My," said Laska, preparing one of her best lines. "If I told you I liked your body, would you hold it against me?"

Rose smiled at her. "Not at all," said the half-elf. "You're not so bad yourself, dear lady. Tell me, that armor of yours? Does it ever come off?"

"It comes off at a moment's notice, sweetness," Laska purred. "If you're the one to ask, that is."

"Hm," Rose said, stepping a little closer to her, close enough for Laska to smell her subtly applied perfume. "Perhaps you could help me out of my dress later. The buttons on the back can be a bit hard to reach. An extra pair of skilled hands would be... helpful."

"I am always happy to help a beautiful woman, but after helping you with your dress my skilled hands could be of... further use," Laska cocked her head sideways.

"Promising," Rose smiled gently. "Might I know your name, dear Lady?"

"It's Laska. Laska Leafwalker," said Laska.

"Perhaps I will whisper that name in your ear in the near future," Rose chuckled. "Oh, let it be so."

Jan scratched his head for a moment. "Okay, there's a gnome standing right here who is very confused."

"Huh?" Laska blinked. "Oh, yes, uh, I suppose I should... focus." Laska found that focusing was not easy while staring down Rose's cleavage.

"Ah, yes," Rose said. "I do apologize. I think we got carried away there for a moment. Of course you are here on business."

"Uh, why do you say that?" Laska replied.

"Honey," smiled Rose. "You are armored and armed, yet not in guard uniform. You are either an adventurer or a mercenary. And since you preferred to flirt with me, rather than immediately negotiating my price, I think you are here to talk to me about what I've seen yesterday night, correct? Did Aegisfield hire you to find the murderer?"

"Wow, you're good," Laska replied.

"Hm," Rose nodded. "In my line of work, it's important to keep an eye out for details."

"You _are_ Rose Bouquet, then?" Laska said. "The description Aegisfield gave you does not do you justice."

"For you, I'm just Rose," the half-elf said quickly. "Bouquet is just a name I use for... clients. Come," she said, hooking an arm around Laska, while guiding her to a small unoccupied bench on the side of the street. "I need to rest my feet for a moment anyway. Business is slow today."

Jan shrugged and followed both of them to the bench.

"This is the first time you adventuring and guard types actually take me seriously," Rose said. "It's quite refreshing, really."

"Why wouldn't anyone take you seriously?" Laska said.

Rose smiled briefly. "I'm a dock-whore," she spoke matter-of-factly, as if that would answer any question. When Laska's puzzled expression did not change, she patted the elf on the knee, allowing her hand to remain there for a while. "You're sweet. You didn't judge."

"Why would I judge you?" Laska said.

Rose closed her eyes and chuckled briefly. "You're the first elf I've met who's ever shown me the time of day and you have a kind heart. I bet you're very brave too."

"I very bravely drove into the sewers to dispatch a Beholder cult," Laska shrugged.

Rose blinked. "That was _you_?! Half the city was talking about that!"

"Well, I had help from my friends," Laska said.

"Modest as well," Rose smirked. "You're becoming more attractive to me by the second."

"Uhm," Jan said. "Will you both be getting that room now or should we focus on the murders first?"

"Right," Laska snapped out of it. "What did you see, Rose?"

"Actually," Rose said, completely ignoring the gnome and focusing her attentions solely on Laska, "the man was hooded. It was definitely a man, though. You could hear by the way he walked. But it isn't as much as what I saw, but what I smelled..."

"Smelled?" Laska said, arching one eyebrow.

"Ah, don't underestimate the power of a good nose, Lasky, as us gnomes well know," Jan said. "Why, I remember my cousin Vinnie claiming he smelled gas one day. Unfortunately, that was right after he had lit the hearth. He, and his home blasted into the sky. The house landed through the roof of the estate of one of Thay's most prominent noble families. I believe the lord of the manor turned it into a coffee-table and conversation-piece. Cousin Vinnie himself wasn't as lucky, though. Just as he was about to land, a griffin had just woken up and had stepped out of his lair. And when he rose his head in the air to yawn... KA-POW! Instant breakfast... Cousin Vinnie landed right in his mouth..."

Rose blinked, then smiled. "Your friend is funny," she said.

"Oh, she likes my stories!" Jan nudged Laska. "This one's a keeper, Laska!"

"But what I smelled were, well, it smelled like Guril berries. I've sometimes come across those, since men can use them for, ahum, personal afflictions. No wonder the guards made fun of me, huh?"

"Ah!" Jan said while he walked towards a greengrocer. "Be right back!"

"So... now that your friend is gone," Rose purred, "those lovely tattoos of yours. Do you have any that are under that chain mail of yours? Can I see those sometimes?"

"Well," said Laska. "I have plenty of tattoos and most of them are actually covered up by my armor. But I'd love for you to inspect them. From up close."

"Hm, that sounds enticing," Rose replied.

A few moments later, Jan came back onto the scene, holding a basket with some items in his hands. "Hey, I'm back!" Jan spoke up.

"Already?" Rose said.

"Hey, put your nose under these beauties," Jan said while holding up three peculiar items.

Rose leaned over to Laska. "I'd rather smell _you_," she told the elf. Rose leaned into her, her gentle face hovering mere inches away from Laska's. Laska closed her eyes and cocked her head sideways; her breath quickened as she was expecting the half-elf to kiss her neck. Unfortunately, the expected kiss never came.

"Hm," Rose said. "Is that... Jasmin?"

"Possibly the scented soaps from the bath," Laska said. And just like that, the half-elf teased her with a grin and turned to Jan.

"Hah," Rose chuckled as she took the items from the waiting gnome's basket, "this might be the strangest request I've ever had. Aside from the sailor who wanted me to wear a bodice made from hedgehog-fur, that is."

"Here," Jan said, "take these Guril berries first."

"Hmmm," Rose said as she sniffed, "Nope... nope... It's not the berries themselves. The scent was much more subtle."

"How about these solik berries? Tasty suckers," Jan offered.

"Mmm, solik berries. Mumbleberry pie, right? That's not the smell though. Good thing too. I'd hate to think of the murders every time I smelled a pie. Next!"

"Last try," Laska said as she took the piece of oak bark from Jan and gave it to Rose, who 'casually' and slowly grazed her finger's over Laska's. Rose took the bark and sniffed if briefly. Her blue eyes grew wide as she recognized the smell.

"This is it! Oak bark? But what does he want with oak bark?"

"Well, as my aunt Togra knows (or should know) is that oak bark is used to make tannin, which is normally used when working with leather. But aunt Togra usually just uses water, which makes for terrible clothes, through," Jan said.

"Leather, eh?" Rose said. "Hmmmm..."

"So, Lasky," Jan said, "we'd better tell the others what we found, don't you agree?"

"Do we _have_ to?" Laska sighed in disappointment at having to leave after all this flirting with this lovely lady standing in front of her.

"Okay," Rose smiled at the tattooed elf. "My help comes with a price, you see? If you are interested that is."

"I'm definitely interested," said Laska.

"I'm not working tonight," said Rose. "So take me to dinner?"

"Agreed!"

Rose smiled and gently kissed Laska on the cheek. "See you tonight, then, dear Laska."

* * *

"Me... Murder... Talk... You..." Viconia said, thinking that talking slow might make this old human more sensible.

"Or I be slamming me axe in yer gullet, doncha know!" Korgan threatened.

"Korgan, you are not helping!" Viconia said. "And put that thing away. The last time you threatened to axe him in the skull, he mistook you for his ex-wife!"

"Ach, it nay be goin' wrong till the ole bugger be talkin' about kissin' and makin' up..." Korgan shuddered at the memory.

"I ain't done no murders!" the old man spoke in a scratchy voice, his beard reaching his belly as he leaned forward to better hear his interrogators. "I'm innocent I tells ya! I ain't stole no badgers!"

"Badgers?!" Viconia snarled. "This is about murder of _people_! Not badgers!"

"Oh? Oh, well it's alright then," Rampah chuckled. "For a moment there, I thinks it be a serious matter. But if no badgers were harmed..."

"OY!" Korgan said, getting the inkling of an idea. "If ye nay start talkin' right now, I be travellin' to the forest, find me a burrow o'badgers and SLAUGHTER THE WHOLE BLEEDIN' LOT OF THEM!"

"NO! NOOOOOOO!" Rampah cried. "Not the badgers, not the badgers! I'll tell, I'll tell!"

"Badgers?" she whispered in Korgan's ear. "Smart tactic. But... pray tell, what is a badger?"

"Och," Korgan chuckled. "Who be carin'? To me, all the woodland animals be like cats with a stripe o'paint on their backs. HAR!"

"Alright," Viconia snarled at Rampah while she hoisted him forward by the lapels of his jacket. "Start _talking_!"

"Nothin. Not a thing," Rampah said casually, while grinning through his bushy grey beard. His attitude changed, however, when he noticed the Drow in front of him was now boiling with rage.

"Do not _play games with me_!" Viconia shouted in his face, but when she noticed her shouts were attracting the attention of gawkers, she forced herself to calm down a bit. Then, she got another idea. After taking the small statue from the pouch on her belt, she began chanting. A few moments later, Khittix appeared next her, looking very happy his mistress had called him again so quickly. "See this spider here? Well, he would like nothing more than to devour you whole... I need only give the word, you piece of _iblith_."

"Oy," Korgan spoke up. "What be 'iblith', then?"

"Shit," Viconia says. "It means shit."

"Why do ye nay be sayin' shit then, ye daft she-beast?"

Viconia could swear she could feel a vein pop on the side of her forehead. "It just... sounds... more... esoteric! Now, Khittix, attack and kill!"

Khittix looked from the man to Viconia to the man again before he caught on to Viconia's hint. Immediately, he rose his most forward pair of legs and started to chirp in a threatening fashion.

"AAAAHHHH!" Rampah cried again. "Don't let the big eight-legged doggie pee against my leg! I finds something at the murder, I finds something! They be blind, but I saw it, and now it's mine to give to you! Good doggie, nice doggie!" he told Khittix, who in turn, chirped again for good measure.

Rampah fumbled in his pack a little until he pulled out a large, thick greyish hide, which he gave to Korgan. "Here! I finds... I gives... Now call off doggie!"

"What the bloody hell be this?" Korgan snorted. "I nay can imagine the beastie this be comin' from."

"Maybe the others know... Or maybe Rampah," Viconia said, but she noticed Rampah had bolted off. Instead, she bent down to pet Khittix over the head, praise his performance and bid him to return to the statue.

* * *

"So," Jan asked after the party had reunited in front of the Five Flagon's Inn. "Who got into trouble with their leads," he chuckled.

"I had to deal with a complete nutter," Viconia sighed.

"Yep," Laska winked. "Rose wants me. She wants me bad!"

"Faraji's word led to a dead end," Keldorn sighed.

"I nay got to use me axe!" Korgan sighed deepest of all.

"But in that little time Rose Bouquet was not fawning over Laska, she did say she smelled tannin on the murderer," Jan said.

"What do you make of this, Jan?" Viconia asked while handing the gnome the leather.

"Ah, this is elephant hide!" Jan chuckled. "Of course I would recognize it!"

"What is this... elephant?" Viconia asked.

"Oh, just a grey, big, fat creature that takes up a lot of space. They've got big ears and a very long trunk for a nose. Love to eat peanuts..." Jan said. "I should know all this, you see. My brother married one..."

"STOP," Viconia snarled, then caught herself. "Spare me the stories. I've dealt with enough buffoons for one day."

"Hmmm, tannin and elephant hide," Keldorn muttered. "This cannot be a coincidence, I'd say."

"A Tanner," Laska said. "Makes sense."

"No..." Keldorn says, "nothing about these terrible murders makes sense..."

* * *

The building that housed the local tanner was in a state of sad disrepair. Some inquiries at neighbors revealed that the tanner, one Rejiek Hidesman, had only moved in there a month ago, and rarely left his home. From the look of things, this building was three stories tall, seeing it was built inside the very bridge. The front-door was locked, but a swift kick from Laska shattered the wood around the lock, allowing the party access to the inside of the building. Slowly they crept inside, weapons at the ready.

The inside of the Tanner's home was in even a sadder state of disrepair than the outside of the building. There was no furniture, except for a couple of old tables. The strangest thing was that there were no tools that were normally used in tanning. In fact, it seemed the first floor of this building was not even in use at all.

Obviously alerted by the sounds of armored and armed people breaking into his home, the tanner came walking up the stairs from the second floor. Now, he was to be presumed innocent until proven guilty, but dressed like he was, he could easily be the murderer. He wore a formerly white apron, drenched with blood. He held up his hands, also covered with fresh blood. The man itself had a strange expression about him. His ratlike-face seemed to be pasted on his bones, and even though he looked intently upon the invaders of his home, his gaze seemed to stretch into infinity. In the background, Keldorn's eyes narrowed, for he sensed deep evil from this man.

"I am sorry," the tanner spoke in a strange accent, "but we are closed at the moment. Please return later..."

"Good sir," Keldorn said, trying a diplomatic approach.

"We know you did it!" Laska broke in.

"I beg your pardon?" the tanner asked, not showing any outward sign of being upset or bothered.

"Interrupted you during yer trade, eh laddie?" Korgan grinned. "I care nay fer yer victims, but I do be feelin' like guttin' ye!"

"I cannot be bothered with these wild accusations," the tanner spoke. "Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to do."

"We found a hide of a poor elephant!" Minsc yelled. "And bark of a poor oak smells like tannin!"

"I see," the tanner said calmly. "You have gathered this... evidence?"

"Foul beast!" Keldorn snarled. "Your schemes are exposed! We shall bring you to the justice of the courts! Come with us, or be slain!"

"No, I cannot allow that!" the tanner suddenly snarled. "You cannot understand! My work, my craft has only one place left to go, and you must not stop it!" That said, he sprinted for the stairs, with the party in hot pursuit.

Coming down the stairs, the first thing the party was confronted with was the wall of stench. As they reached the end of the stairs, they noticed why- Skinned body parts of about six people lay strewn about the place, next to a large amount of bloodied tanning and butcher appliances. Overcoming the initial shock they noticed the tanner was vigorously removing boards in the back of the room. A volley of magic missiles shot from Jan's hands and was accompanied by one of Laska's throwing daggers. The tanner hissed in pain as the target was reached, and for a moment, he hesitated, deciding to keep rummaging with the boards, or run. In the end, he decided to run.

"Hey!" Laska shouted. "GET HIM!"

"WAIT!" Viconia shouted at the top of her lungs. "This is the lair of a madman! It is the nature of madmen to trap their holdings..."

"She has a point," Jan said, and put on his goggles. "Alright, step over that board there," he said.

The journey across the room only took about ten seconds, but it seemed an eternity to the band of heroes chasing a madman. Finally, after Jan indicated they should jump over a set of boards, they arrived at the end of the stairs leading to the third floor, which was in fact a loading dock, signifying that this building was formerly used as a storehouse for shipping in and out goods for the city. They came just in time to see Rejiek's boat disappear onto the river.

"I got him," Jan said, cocked his crossbow and took aim... and only just managed to dodge a magical acid arrow, which ended up embedded in the wall behind him.

The arrow was fired from the hands of a wizard standing in the middle of the room, flanked by two leader-clad rogues who looked as if they meant business.

"You shall pay the price for crossing the Rune!" the wizard shouted, while the thieves shot forward. Immediately, all enemies were removed from sight.

Having dealt with invisible enemies before, Keldorn stood his ground and was in the process of calling upon the innate powers of True Sight given to him by Torm. This would reveal deception and bring the thieves out in the open. But it was too late. He had not counted on the rogues crossing the room in the small amount of time it took to summon his ability. Before he could react, he felt himself being held around the neck by an invisible opponent, while the enemy stuck with lightning speed. Keldorn felt cold steel bite deep into his body as one of the rogues slid a short sword through the seams of his armor. Grunting in intense pain, the aged paladin felt his knees buckle from under him as he sank to the floor. His vision, already starting to blur from the sudden loss of blood noticed a dark figure speeding towards him. Before the sounds of the beating of his own heart deafened him, he heard a flail ring out, and moments later, the intense relief of curative magic seeped into his wounds.

Viconia, just having chased off the rogue and alleviated the seriousness of Keldorn's condition somewhat, took a defensive stand and scanned around the room. Her party members were equally confused by this turn of events. While cursing herself for not having memorized any magics to counter invisibility, she noticed Korgan and Minsc were waving around their respective weapons in a futile fashion, trying to hit at least _something_.

Then, to her horror, she noticed Minsc had been attacked in a similar fashion as Keldorn had been. The giant was raging, but he wouldn't be able to keep standing for long. That meant two of their strongest fighters had been disabled, and that these assassins were intent on taking them out one by one. Then, from a location quite near her, she noticed magic crackling in the air. aAblizzard of frost and ice was shot from the hands of the invisible wizard, right to where while Jan and Laska, were standing.

From their startled cries, Viconia could hear they were being overcome by the magic. But the good part was that Viconia knew not only where the wizard was standing, but also that he had had his back turned to her. Without hesitation, she jumped forward... and landed right on the back of the invisible wizard. Seemingly floating in the air, Viconia quickly pressed the hilt of her flail to the front of his neck and pulled backwards with all her strength until she heard the satisfying snap of the wizard's neck breaking under the strain. She grinned wickedly as the body of the wizard rippled into existence, his neck twisted at an odd angle.

In the meantime, Korgan was being attacked by the two rogues at once. His wounds were deep and many, but that only resulted in the dwarf getting enraged more and more. His axe was certain to have hit something, if his body hadn't give out from the strain first. Laska was the next target.

But Jan was not out of the race. After shouting to Laska to keep her head down, a ball of viciously raging fire shot from his hands, aimed at a crate. The ball expanded outward, setting the two rogues aflame. Laska, who had dove to the floor to avoid the fireball, jumped upwards and made a backward flip until she stood between the two rogues, still invisible except for the flames burning their skin and armor. Grinning wickedly, she lashed out with both her sword and aptly skewered both rogues through the chest. They rippled into existence, showing a look of pure surprise on their faces before dropping like two sacks of potatoes.

"Bugger!" Laska shouted when she noticed her downed friends. "Viconia! We need you!".

As she was about to rush forward, she felt an intense pain from her side. "Dammit," she added when she noticed blood was gushing out of the right side of her armor, just under her chest. One of the thieves had tried to carve her up like a roast and she hadn't even noticed.

* * *

"That's the last of my healing-spells," Viconia said as she finished healing her friends. Using her spells, she had managed to save them from immediate danger, but still more healing was required. She felt completely and utterly exhausted from having to channel so much magics at once. Thankfully, she herself was not injured.

"Och," Korgan sighed weakly, "those laddies really did a number on us..."

"There's a temple of Helm near here," Jan said. "We need to get them there quickly."

"We can only carry them there one by one," Viconia said. "Jan and I are not strong enough to carry you all there in one turn."

"I can still walk," Laska said weakly as she supported herself by propping herself up against a crate. "So I can help carry them." She tried to get up, but a grimace of pain crossed her features as she grabbed her right side and sank to the ground again. "In a bit. Let me catch my breath first."

"If you can even walk, which I doubt, you can walk yourself to that temple and _stay_ there," Viconia said. "You've lost far too much blood already."

"Minsc will survive," Minsc managed weakly. "Bring the mighty Keldorn to the temple first."

"Aye," Korgan said. "We be livin' fer another while."

"Keldorn's in the worst shape," Viconia added, pointing to the unconscious paladin, "we shall bring him first, then come back with the acolytes of Helm to fetch the rest of you."

Laska closed her eyes. The freshly healed wound still hurt like hell. "Let me just... sit here for a while, then."

"Aye," Korgan chuckled, while Viconia and Jan lifted Keldorn up on a make-shift stretcher. "We be here countin' the rats."

"Rats?" Minsc grimaced, "Boo does not like rats."

"Really? Hmmm, ye be thinkin' he'd be interested to be meetin' 'is cousins, HAR," Korgan said, then coughed violently.

"Korgan is not funny," Minsc pouted.


	23. Leisure Suit Laska

Apologies for taking longer than expected to get out another chapter, but this one required a lot of reworking, even more than the last one. I hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 23 : Leisure Suit Laska_

With a slightly stifled, painful groan, Keldorn started awake. Through his hazy vision, he groggily tried to recall what had happened and where he was. Like a bolt of lighting, it hit him that his last memory had been one of battle. Forcing his body to respond to his will, he tried to rise, but fell back with a thud after the sharp pain in the side of his chest took its toll.

"Careful, Sir Keldorn," he heard a gruff voice say, "a short sword punctured your lung. We have healed the wounds, but you will feel pain for at least another day."

Keldorn, his vision still hazy, tried to discern his location. Certainly, he was no longer on any field of battle, but from the sounds coming from his left side, he considered he might actually be in a saw-mill. Still, that made no sense at all. He blinked several times and allowed the light to stream into his eyes to reveal a small, spartan hospital ward, with Minsc and Korgan sleeping on cots at his left side.

"Ah, you are the first to awaken," Keldorn heard say, and noticed a priest-warrior in a shining armor standing over him, the symbol of Helm etched on his chest-plate. Then, Keldorn was forced to look away, since the light reflecting from the shining plate mail was starting give him a headache.

"Temple of Helm?" he sighed as he shifted from his painful side.

"The hospice on the Bridge, Sir Keldorn," the priest-warrior said. "I am Guardian Vottnar, at your service."

The guardpost, Keldorn recalled, was a smaller temple of Helm. As an extension of the larger temple in the Temple District, the purpose of this smaller temple was to serve as a hospice to provide healing and to bring the discipline of Helm to the poorer common folk.

"I must say, your guardian takes his job very seriously," Vottnar chuckled. "He wouldn't even let the orderlies near any of you three until his mistress allowed it."

"Guardian?" Keldorn asked, just before he noticed Khittix standing watch in front of the three beds that the sickbay had. "Ah," he chuckled. "The faithful watch-spider."

"There were a few startling moments when you first came here, Sir Keldorn," Vottnar sighed, as if the whole story was rather embarrassing. "A drow entered our temple, and we were rather shocked by that... I was about to remove her from the temple, when she gave me a look so dirty it would make milk curdle and told me they were carrying wounded. Then another elf and a gnome entered. The elf was severely wounded, but still said that she would personally 'send us all to Helm in a hand basket' if we refused to help her friends. After that, the gnome told this silly tale about Helm and his cuddly teddybear..."

Keldorn chuckled. "Yes, that certainly sounds like my friends."

"Sir Keldorn," Vottnar sighed, "this drow told me that she is your student... This cannot be true, can it?"

"Aye, 'tis true," Keldorn chuckled. "But at times I feel quite the student myself. We seem to learn a lot from each other."

"But... she is a creature of pure evil! And a servant of Shar to boot!"

"You'd be surprised how loyal she truly is, Vottnar," Keldorn said. "And I know Shar and Helm are often at odds, but I would not have taken her as a student, if I did not believe she could better herself, guardian. She only has to make the effort."

"I see," Vottnar said.

"Ah, Keldy!" Keldorn cringed at the cheerful and loud voice echoing through the sickbay as Jan and Viconia entered the room. "I see you're finally awake. About time too, it's already evening and you lot have been sleeping all day! If almost getting killed promotes laziness, I gotta try to get wounded more often. Maybe I'll wake up in a Calimport harem, being fanned and fed fresh turnips by scantily clad gnomish maidens, only wearing three turnip-peels as a costume... Rrrrrrowwwwllll..."

"Eloquent as ever, gnome," Viconia said.

"Oh, you're welcome to join my harem too, Vicky," Jan snickered. "I bet those three turnip-peels would look good on you."

"I would prefer stuffing turnip-peels up your throat until you explode from the pressure," Viconia said, her gaze darting off into the distance as if she was living a wonderful fantasy.

"Hey, that reminds me of my uncle Tackleberry. He loved blowing stuff up, like his house, the place where he worked (a horrible office desk job at the Amnian peanut-counting office), his wife, half the slums, his griffin neighbor, that priest of Helm that looked at him cockeyed... Sadly, he sat down on a stick of dynamite and was blown all the way to the moon! And did you know that astrologers say there are all these craters on the moon? Coincidence? I think _not_!"

"Anyway, thoroughly searched the tanner's lair during the day and found something quite interesting," Viconia started. "Remember those boards that Rejiek Hidesman tried to pull from the wall when we attacked him? Jan and I managed to remove them. We found a cache of items and... something else."

"OY!" Korgan yelled, instantly waking up. "Treasure!"

"Not really," Jan said. "Some potions, some coins, some gems, nothing much really."

"Except for this bow," Viconia said and produced an ornate black, but unstrung bow. "But it cannot be used. Still, it looks magical. I was hoping Laska could use her magic glasses to identify it."

"You just missed her," Vottnar spoke, albeit very coldly. "She left earlier this evening while you were still gone. She said something about meeting a lady at the Five Flagons."

"I see. No doubt to see that female she was flirting with earlier," Viconia told Vottnar with an equally icy tone. "She might be healed but she's still wounded. Sometimes I think all of Laska's brains are between her legs."

"Let's talk about Laska's weird anatomy later. There was more behind those loose boards, in a supposedly well-secured lockbox." Jan said. "Well, it wasn't secure enough for this gnome and his lockpick!"

Jan picked up a separate bag and fished out a most vile suit of armor. The smell of fresh tannin assaulted the senses while Jan held it up. It was a leather-armor made entirely out of patches of human skin stitched together. However, it was still unfinished and unenchanted, so it just looked like a rather loose hanging shirt. "Guess we figured out what that bloke was killing and skinning people for."

"Good gods!" Keldorn exclaimed.

"What kind of beast was this tanner?!" Vottnar added.

"This... this... _thing_," Keldorn snarled, "must be destroyed!"

"Oy, oy, oy!" Korgan broke in. "Ye be 'oldin' off on that, laddie. I be thinkin' this could be worth a pretty penny if we be sellin' it to the right person. Long-limb skin is hard to come by, after all."

"Korgan," Keldorn snarled. "We will not stoop to selling this horrible thing to anyone."

"What? Those killed long-limbs won't be needin' their skins anymore, so who'd be the bloody wiser?" Korgan chuckled.

"I dunno," Jan chuckled. "I don't think Ribald will be carrying this particular armor. Just imagine what would happen if he dressed up a wooden dummy with it and puts it in his storefront window. I'm sure it'll be all the rage among the vampires and the evil necromancers, but you have to wonder if that's the kind of clientele Ribald wants to cater to. Still, he poo-pooed my idea of turnip-shell full plate, so what does he know?"

Keldorn, however, ended the would-be discussion by grabbing the armor and tossing it into a fire burning in the hearth to warm the sickbay. Due to the oily residue left from the tanning process, the armor caught fire and ended its evil existence in a matter of seconds. What it left, however, was a dreadful stench which spread through the hospice with alarming speed.

"Next time you decided to make such a rash decision," Viconia held her nose as she hurriedly cast a spell. The magic disposed of the foul smell, at least temporary, "please tell us about it _before_ you actually do it."

* * *

Laska entered the Five Flagons Inn, hoping she wasn't too late. The place was reasonably quiet; the murderer had been caught and run out of town, but it might not have been spread around all that much, resulting that many of the folks living on the Bridge mostly remained in their homes after dark.

The tattooed elf looked around and happily noticed that Rose was sitting at a table in a dimly lit corner of the inn. Eye contact was made and Rose was apparently quite happy to see Laska as well. Rose had exchanged her red dress, her 'work clothes' for a much simpler dark green tunic and a set of brown leggings, while her strawberry blonde hair was tied back

Laska had decided to wear the leather vest she normally wore under her armor and in her leisure time. It was made from soft black leather and covered her upper body as a rather skintight non-sleeved wrap-around. It was open in the front, only held close with several strong leather laces and left a good deal of her chest and midriff exposed, showing off plenty of her gray skin and quite a few of her tattoos. Add in her low-cut leather pants, and it offered Rose quite a bit of eye candy.

"I'm sorry I'm late," Laska said as she stood at Rose's table.

"Not to worry," said Rose. "I'm happy to see you."

"Yes," grinned Laska as she felt Rose's eyes roam over her body. "I can see that."

A slight blush came over Rose for a moment as she looked away. "Was I that obvious?" she chuckled while Laska sat down opposite to yours. "But yeah, you look great. But... what's that on your side?"

"Ah," Laska nodded. "You saw that too, huh?"

On Laska's side was a large long bruise, the remnants of the wound she had received when one of the thieves had backstabbed her. Though the wound had been healed, the area was still tender and she had had some minor internal bleeding earlier today. Fortunately, most of the wound was covered by her vest.

"Got injured earlier. Some rogue parked a couple of inches of steel into my lung. Occupational hazard," Laska shrugged. "Feeling alright now."

"Oh my!" Rose spoke in sympathy. "Does it hurt?"

"Only when I laugh," Laska chuckled heartily.

The Five Flagons Inn was a very friendly and welcoming place. As an inn run entirely by halflings, the inn itself resembled a halfling hearth and the plethora of good food and drink only added to the atmosphere. Laska and Rose ordered their food, which quickly arrived.

"To be fair," Laska said. "I half wondered if you would so up."

"All that flirting and you didn't think I'd follow up on it?" Laska smirked. "I've used some of my best lines on you."

"Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you did," Rose said. "It's just that... elves usually don't give me the time of day, like I said. You're the first one who's talked to me for any length of time."

"Maybe you haven't met the right elves, then," Laska said. "Us moonies are very friendly and outgoing."

"Moonies?" Rose frowned.

"Yeah," Laska said. "I'm a moon-elf. Most of the other elves I've seen around here are gold elven traders. Those are notorious tight-arses. They wouldn't give me the time of day either. Though they seem to be attracted to my friend Viconia quite a bit."

"A moon-elf," Rose said. "I didn't know there were more than one kind of elves."

"Trust me, I didn't know that either when I was growing up," Laska said. "I was raised by humans, you see? I grew up in Candlekeep, a big library fortress keep up north along the trade way, halfway to Baldur's Gate. I was the only elf there until my father asked an elven friend to teach me what being an elf is like."

"Ah, that explains why you're so open," Rose smiled. "Are you an orphan?"

Laska sighed briefly. "It's... complicated," she replied.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Rose said as she took Laska's hand. "I didn't mean to..."

"It's okay, it's okay, it's not something I'm broken up about," Laska said. "I grew up with my sister Imoen and my father Gorion. They weren't my family in blood, but they were by heart."

Rose nodded. "My mother was human. I never knew my father. He left us when I was very young. My mom and I scraped by, but we were happy."

The evening continued, the food was consumed and drinks were brought out. Laska had chosen to stick to light wines for now, as getting too drunk would be counter productive. Rather, she only wanted to go as far as too loosen up a little. The conversation continued and was steered towards lighter topic.

"Crimson chain mail?" Rose rubbed her chin. "I don't know, it's just so... red. I think it's bad luck."

"_You_ wear red," Laska replied.

"Only when working. But I don't fight monsters," Rose returned. "Being a streetwalker doesn't involve waving weapons about."

"Touche," said Laska.

"I think you should dye your armor light gray or even stark white," said Rose. "It'll bring out your skin and eyes a bit more. You'd look even more gorgeous."

"I'm sure the monsters will agree," Laska chuckled. "I'd look very bright and easy to spot. And then my white armor will get red again."

"Ah," Rose giggled. "There is that."

"Besides, I always give my old armors to my friend Viconia," smiled Laska. "She'll have a fit when she'll be forced to wear white armor."

Laska told her little bit about her adventures, both in Baldur's Gate and in Athkatla. Though Laska only mentioned the very tip of the iceberg, it was easy to see that Rose was impressed.

"Truly?" said Rose. "It was you who prevented that scuffle between Amn and Baldur's Gate?"

"Yep," Laska said. "Which makes that fight last night extra embarrassing. I mean, we've duked it out with an undead beholder, a powerful Nebassu, whole legions of undead, and we almost get our gooses cooked by a pair of two-bit thieves!"

"Sobering thought?" Rose smiled.

Laska sighed and took a sip from her wine. "Quite the opposite, really. It's a good reason to get completely hammered."

"It sounds like you make friends easily, though, judging from all the new friends you've made in less than a month," Rose said. "I'm sure you'll be able to find and rescue your sister Imoen. It's only a matter of time. You're strong and resourceful."

"And you are a beautiful and kind lady, Rose," Laska said and gently kissed the back of Rose's hand.

"Is that all you're going to kiss?" Rose grinned wickedly.

"Oh, trust me, I haven't even gotten started..." Laska smirked.

The evening continued and the number of people in the inn's common room dwindled as time passed. Laska and Rose continued talking; in the past, the tattooed elf had slept with men as well as women. Generally, the men were a lot easier to invite to her bed than most of the women she had conquered in the past, but usually it was worth the extra effort. And this lady, Rose, was worth every second of her time and every iota of her effect.

"Go on then, another one of your lines. Hit me," Rose giggled before taking a sip from her cup.

"Alright, how about... Do you sleep on your stomach?"

Rose frowned. "No. Not really."

"So can I sleep on yours, then?" Laska smirked.

"That's terrible!" Rose laughed.

"Well... can I?"

Rose smirked. "Prospect seems likely, miss Leafwalker. Very likely."

"How about... You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?" Laska winked.

"That's even more awful!" Rose laughed.

Laska shrugged. "I used up all my good ones when we met, I guess."

The half-elf laughed and cocked her head to one side, offering her a sultry smile. "Laska? Will you walk me home?"

Laska paid the bill for both her and Rose and both of them left the inn. At this time of night, the Bridge was reasonably quiet. Most people were in their homes and even the usual busy traffic had quieted down quite a bit. The tattooed elf gently wrapped an arm around Rose's waist, which was welcomed by the half-elf as she led her lover of the evening towards her home. The street lights only dimly lit the Bridge, while the only sounds to be heard clearly were the wooden groans of the docked ships.

As they passed one of the staircases leading down to the mooring docks, a human man suddenly jumped in front of them. Rose started a bit, but Laska stood at the ready to defend if need be.

"Ah, finally, some whores!" the man, obviously a sailor, exclaimed. "I've been looking for a lay all evening, but I guess most of the whores are still scared of the murders."

"There's about to be another murder if you don't bugger off," Laska snarled.

Rose, however, decided to be more professional about it. "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not working this evening."

"Oh, and two pretty elven girls too," the sailor swooned. "Tell you what, I just received my pay and I'm feeling generous. I'll offer one hundred gold to bed both of you for the rest of the night."

"What?!" Laska growled. "I'll bloody rip you in two!"

"Each!" the sailor said quickly and held up his hands. "One hundred gold each!"

Laska shot forward, grabbed the man by the lapels and violently shoved him face-first into the nearest wall. The man yelped and slid down, leaving a bloody trail from his broken nose from the point of impact to the ground below.

"Impressive," Rose chuckled. "But seriously, though, that was a pretty good deal."

"I'm not _that_ desperate to raise money for the Imoen fund," Laska muttered.

"Be grateful you have the choice," Rose sighed. "Shall we move on?"

They soon arrived at Rose's house – a small stone building with a large door with a red lantern on the side, which was currently unlit. "Well," said Rose. "Here we are."

"I'm going to kiss you now," Laska announced valiantly as she wrapped her arms around Rose's waist and pulled her towards her. Rose was only too eager to let her, and embraced the tattooed elf in return. Their lips met, their tongues touched and all the sexual tension which had been building up since yesterday poured into it. The kiss deepened as a result as Rose leaned in and let her hands roam over Laska's body.

The open-lip kiss turned into butterfly kisses until Rose started to whisper in Laska's ear. "Do you still want to be my blanket?"

"Hells yeah," Laska smirked.

"Let's go inside, then," whispered Rose, but she balked when Laska motioned towards the door. "No, not that room. That's the room where I receive customers. I... want you in my _own_ bed."

Rose led her to a second, smaller door at the side of the building, which led into that part of the building which led into Rose's private rooms. The two lovers burst through the side door, kissing madly.

While Rose pressed her against the wall and assaulted her with kisses and caresses, Laska had little time to take in her surroundings. First of all, she took note to be careful of the low ceiling. The tall elf had barely an inch of room left between the top of her head and the stone ceiling above her. Secondly, their final destination, the bed, was quite near.

Rose tugged at the leather laces of her vest. The tattooed elf grinned and helped Rose untie the laces. Laska shifted and snaked out of her vest, letting it drop to the ground, revealing her upper body to the half-elf. "Hm, nice," Rose purred. Two soft hands found Laska's breasts and started a gentle and sensuous massage. Laska threw her head back and let out a lustful moan while enjoying the sensations. Just as suddenly as it had begun, it ended. Laska opened her eyes and saw Rose standing with her back to her.

"Help me with my tunic?" she asked with a playful edge to her voice.

Laska held her from behind and slowly undid the laces on the front of Rose's tunic. The half-elf held her arms high and let Laska raise the tunic over her head. As soon as the tunic lay on the ground, Laska held her lover tight and kissed the side of her neck.

Laska suddenly flipped her around and deftly raised her up. Her intention was to press against the wall while kissing her wildly on the mouth before moving a trail kisses towards Rose's now liberated breasts.

Unfortunately, Laska had forgotten about the low ceiling.

"Ow," Rose rubbed her head.

"Sorry," Laska gulped. "Did it hurt?"

"Yes," Rose playfully swatted against Laska's shoulder. "Mood-killer."

Laska grinned as Rose took her hand. She barely had time to kick the door shut, hearing the satisfying click of the latch falling in place – there would be no unannounced visits this evening. Rose held on to Laska's hand as she let herself drop on the bed, dragging the elf along with her. Both lovers giggles as they embraced and kissed once more.

Several hours later, the two lovers lay naked underneath the duvet, lazying about. Being somewhat sleepy, Rose stretched as Laska shifted to her side to face her.

"Awake again?" Laska grinned. "Am I that boring?"

"Oh gods, you are not," giggled Rose as she held Laska's long braid and tickled her own cheek with the end of it.

For the first time, Laska had some time to look around a bit. All of Rose's private space consisted of a single room. The room was rather small, only had one window on the other side and there was a second door which undoubtedly led to the second half of the house where Rose received customers. Apparently, she wanted to keep her working and private life completely separate and Laska supposed she couldn't blame her.

In fact, Laska considered that her recently acquired bedroom at her house was larger than the entirety of Rose's house, customer space included. For furniture, there were two bookcases, a dresser, some chairs around a small round chamber and a very small area next to the fireplace which served as a kitchen. An easel stood near the window where there was better light and Laska could see paints and canvas supplies leaning against the wall.

"You painted these?" Laska said as she looked at some of the paintings hanging from the wall.

"Yeah," Rose shrugged. A blush crossed her features as she seemed to be a bit embarrassed about it. "It's nothing, really, just a hobby."

She reached and let a hand slide over the soft skin of Laska's side, only to be startled when Laska gritted her teeth as she hissed in sudden pain. Rose found out why when she saw that she had just let her hand slide over the bruise she had seen earlier.

"Oh, my, does it still hurt?"

"No," Laska said, but when Rose gave her a doubting frown, she quickly relented. "Yes," she sighed.

"I think it hurts you a bit more than you are letting on," said Rose. "I saw the pain in your face a couple of times when we made love."

Rose grinned and pushed Laska to her back. The half-elf rubbed her cheek against Laska's belly and followed it up with a series of kisses around her belly-button. "Shall I kiss it and make it better?"

As Rose continued her trail of kisses, Laska suddenly trembled and dug both her hands into the mattress while involuntarily arching her back. "T-that's not where the wound is!" she exclaimed. But soon enough, there were no more complaints at all.

* * *

When Laska and Rose finally parted, it was already approaching evening. Since Rose had no bath or running water in her house, she and Laska decided to get cleaned up at the local bathhouse. However, as soon as they were undressed and in the water, their amorous encounter continued. Since they were in a somewhat public place, they toned down their affections somewhat, but still Laska had been asked to leave by an attendant for 'inappropriate use of a bar of soap'. The tattooed elf didn't think what she had done was inappropriate at all, but she didn't want to make too much of a fuss in front of Rose. So, in an usual display of restraint on the elf's part, Laska decided to forgo punching the attendant's lights out and holding his head under water until he relented. She didn't even shove the bar of soap into the attendant's mouth; though that would have been quite funny to see.

At least her body was clean and she felt freshened up. Laska and Rose had reluctantly parted ways after one last kiss. It had been a fantastic and memorable night, but now it was time to return to her friends. No doubt Viconia would be angry with her for slipping away from the hospice, but Laska wasn't too worried about that.

She paused in her step. It was late and she and Rose had been lazying about in bed for so long that she hadn't had any food or drink since yesterday. She rubbed her chin and noticed she was close to a tavern called Delosar's Inn. It looked to be quite a bit less classy than the Five Flagons, but she was hungry enough to have a taste for some over-roasted mutton and a good mug of ale to follow it up.

A few steps later, the door to the Delosar's Inn could clearly been seen, as indicated by an old worn sign. The building, like most of the ones on the Bridge, was in a definite state of disrepair, showing that the Bridge wasn't nearly as popular with ship captains to unload their cargo as the docks.

Just as she Laska about to enter the inn, fingering her coinpurse to assess the amount of drinking which could be done with it, a casual glance revealed a man wearing a very, very, very red suit. A _really, really, really _red suit. It was so red that the name of the color 'red' would do no justice as a description.

When the filefolder labeled 'Useful Information' in the back of Laska's brain was finally opened, and the data had finally managed to override the drinking-impulses, she thought to what had happened two weeks back, when she went with Korgan to investigate the Graveyard district. They had come upon a man called Tirdir, who had been buried alive by kidnappers. During the struggle he had with his kidnapper, he had managed to rip off a piece of his clothing. A piece of clothing Laska still had in one of her belt's many pouches. Laska took the piece in hand and could clearly see that the color was the same. She decided it was time to investigate and pulled her chain mail over her head. Time to go to work.

The man himself, who also had red hair and wore red boots, didn't look so dangerous to her aside from his abysmal fashion-sense. However, he stood on a parapet added to the side of the bridge, and Laska would be able to see the water through the seams between the boards. Taking a few deep breaths, she steeled herself and decided she just wouldn't look down. Pretending to be as nonchalant as possible, she strolled around the man while hiding the piece in her hand. Looking at the back of his suit, she grinned as she noticed a small piece was missing. Whistling a merry tune, she slowly bend down and carefully held the piece of cloth against the torn fabric. She grinned; It was a perfect match.

"Hey!" the man suddenly spoke up and turned around to look upon the kneeling elf. "What are you doing back there?"

"Hi," Laska greeted. "Are you in some sort of security detachment?" Laska had no idea where this quick improvisation actually came from, but it did the trick for now. The man suspected nothing.

"Errr, no," the man said. "Oh, now I get it. You were admiring my fine set of clothes! Wonderful aren't they? They were on sale too. Ninety-five percent discount!"

"Gee, I wonder why?" Laska muttered, still kneeling. "But there was someone who was definitely interested in this outfit. Very popular at the graveyard, I hear."

"Wha... wha... wha?" the man replied nervously.

"Yes," Laska said, rising to full height. The man grew even more nervous when this elven woman in front of him turned out to be a lot taller than he had expected. "A man who you buried held it in his hand..."

"But, but, but!" the man suddenly stammered. "I _had_ to! I can't kill anyone. I can't stand the sight of blood!"

"You wear clothes like that, and you can't stand to see blood?" Laska blinked.

"Don't make fun of me! I can kill as well as the next guy!" the man said.

"Yes, you leave you victims to die in a small wooden box, no light, no air, no food, no hope..." Laska snarled. "And judging from the way you just confessed, you're a bleeding coward as well."

"But, they, they, they said," the man glanced towards a small house at the end of the parapet, "I had to do it but slitting their throats and toss them in the river for the sharks to feed on!

"Sharks?!" Laska blinked. "In the river?"

"I had to get rid of those berks or they would have killed me! Don't you understand."

"Kill you?" Laska grinned wickedly. "There's a thought..."

In her usual lightning-speed manner, her hands shot towards the side of the man's head. A single, violent jerk later, the man fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes. "And that's a more kinder death than your victims ever had."

"Come and get it, sharkies," Laska muttered as she kicked the body into the river, being careful not to look down. She doubted there were really sharks down there, but if there were, they wouldn't be hungry for long.

Unfortunately, she had left her armor behind at the hospice, but had brought her two blades. From the relative ease with which she had dispatched the man in red, she figured it wasn't really all that necessary.

While drawing Ipsiya and her companion-sword, she stepped towards the small building with determination etched on her face.

* * *

"We're discovered!" one of the criminals panicked, broke off the attack and ran for the door.

"Wait, ye daft fool! She..." the dwarven ring-leader tried to speak, but it was too late. The elven woman had twirled around and hurled her second sword after the cowardly human, who screamed as he suddenly found himself impaled to the door.

"Ye donnay be gettin' me as easy as that!" the dwarf threatened and slammed his axe on the elf's blue sword. He grinned broadly as his many powerful blows kept the elf on the defensive. It would only be a matter of time before he would be able to corner her and chop her into bits. The elf was very good, he had to admit that, but it was obvious she was used to fighting with two swords instead of one. Undoubtedly, there would be an opening on her left flank which he could exploit. The fact that the foolish girl was unarmored only added to his glee – once glance of his axes into her gullet would bring her guts spilling forth. He looked forward to strangling this disgusting elf-girl with her own intestines.

_*'Hey!'*_ To the dwarf's surprise, the sword actually spoke. _*'Stop scuffing my beautiful blade with that greasy axe of yours!'*_

Stunned by this strange turn of events, he did not notice he had lost his head until it was physically the case. He tried to hurl some insults to the elf but found that he could only gurgle until his head landed in a nearby dustbin.

* * *

Satisfied with having removed not one, not two, but three scummy villains from the face of Toril, Laska sheathed the moping Ipsiya and searched the house for anything useful. Apparently the thugs had spent the majority of their money already, since she was only able to find a grand total of three gold pieces tucked in a small drawer. First thing Laska did after that was to retrieve her second sword; the bandit that was impaled to the door dropped to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

Going up the stairs, however, revealed something of a very different nature. A young noblewoman, dressed in a silken gown had been tied to a chair and was gagged with a white cloth, which had been roughly shoved in her mouth.

"Vile scoundrel! I demand you release me at once! If you do, I might convince the courts to hang you instead of quarter you!" the lady shouted as soon as Laska removed the gag.

"Don't worry," Laska chuckled and took a dagger from her belt. "I'm not a kidnapper. Now, what's the magic word?"

"_RELEASE ME NOW_!"

"Be nice," she said, holding the dagger in front of the lady, "or I won't use it... Or I will use it, just not on the ropes..."

"_VILE FIEND_!"

"Goodbye," Laska snickered inwardly at her own joke as she prepared to walk down the stairs. "I'll tell someone where to find you. Eventually. Don't count on that happening before the bodies start to get whiffy, though."

"NO! wait," the lady sighed meekly, dropping her act. "I'm sorry... I've just been under a lot of stress lately... But I've never given in and... have always been defiant. I sense you're not one of my kidnappers. Please get me out of here, I've been so scared..."

"Wow, a noblewoman is actually admitting she's wrong!" Laska laughed as she returned. She took a dagger from her belt and cut the lady free.

"Yes, that's very rare, isn't it?" the lady chuckled as she rubbed her painful wrists. "My name is Lady Jysstev, and I thank you for my release."

"You were probably close to being killed though. They were burying their victims alive after they had collected their pay," Laska said.

Growing notably more pale in her face, Lady Jysstev hugged Laska briefly and then headed towards the stairs. "Thank you doubly then. If there's anything I can ever do for you, come see me at my estate near the Council Chambers."

"Okay, and when you get downstairs, just... step over the corpses, they're quite dead."

* * *

"You should have seen Isaea Roenall's face when I told him outsiders had solved these murders before _he_ did!" Lieutenant Aegisfield raved. "His face grew red, several veins popped and after I had left his office I could hear he had started to trash the place to vent his rage..."

"Ah, Minsc and Boo are glad to have upstaged the corrupt policeman!" Minsc announced.

"And so are all of us at the garrison," Aegisfield laughed. "We all had a good laugh about it... But, I wanted to thank you for doing this. You're already quite popular in this city and if you keep up this good work it'll only get better for all of us. I've been authorized to give you this reward of two-thousand gold."

"Och, now we be talkin'!" Korgan grinned merrily.

"I'd say that was worth the trouble," Laska nodded.

"Such is no trouble, Lieutenant," Keldorn said. "We are happy to... Laska? Laska?" he directed at the elf beside his as he noticed she was waving to a half-elven girl on the other side of the street, who seemed to be blowing Laska a kiss.

"Laska?" Keldorn asked. "Why are you waving to that harlot?"

"Because she kissed me and made me better," Laska whispered in a giggly fashion.

"What?" Keldorn tried to ask, and would have succeeded if Jan hadn't broken in.

"Keldy," Jan asked. "I am almost out of bolts. Do you have some left? We might run into a group of bandits on the way home and I hate to be caught unaware."

Keldorn frowned. "What are the chances of that happening?"

"Bigger than you think," Jan nodded. "There's this group of bandits that just keeps trying to mug everyone, but it's always the same group. I wonder how they keep coming back. Anyway, do you have some bolts?"

"Hold on," Keldorn said and rummaged around his his pack. "I think I have some magical bolts left and... _ow_," Keldorn suddenly exclaimed and withdraw a bleeding hand from his pack. "What's this?" he said as he pulled the offending sharp object from the very bottom of his pack. It was a large, strange-looking blue gem.

"Oh, that's that gem that Haer'Dalis guys wanted so badly. It was the one Korgan and I tried to destroy back at the undead village," Laska said.

"Hmmm," Keldorn said, "and I took it from you, put in from my pack and forgot about it. Should we bring it to this man? If it is as urgent as she said..."

"Nah," Laska shrugged. "That was almost three weeks ago. He can wait another day or two."

As the party finally left the Bridge to go back home, Laska turned around to steal one more look at Rose. She was startled to see her talking to a burly tradesman, apparently in the process of negotiating a price. The two apparently had come to an agreement; Rose opened the door to her building and led the man inside; he laughed and patted her on the bum as he followed her in.

At that moment, Laska wanted to rip off both his arms and beat him over the head with them.

"Hey, ye be comin'?" Korgan called back.

"Yeah, yeah," Laska sighed and followed.

* * *

"Oh, no!" Laska suddenly spoke up as they entered the Temple district. "I forgot! I totally forgot!"

"Forgot what? Did you leave the gas on perhaps?" Jan suggested. "A lot of gnomish estates get blown up that way."

"No, no... I think I mentioned that I hired a maid, but I forgot that we locked the front door rather tightly," Laska said. "I hope they haven't been standing in the porch for two days."

"I nay be seein' someone afore the door from 'ere," Korgan added.

Indeed, nobody was there. Thinking Lasalla and her daughter might be coming back later, Laska opened the door to her home... and was stunned by the spectacle in front of her.

"By Shar!" Viconia exclaimed in sheer disbelief. "This place is _spotless_!"

"Look Boo!" Minsc added. "The stains from that thrown pizza from last week have been removed!"

"And the bloodstains that Sion so kindly left on my carpets seem to be gone as well!" Laska said.

"Hmmm," Keldorn added. "Your clothes and armor have been picked up."

"All the woodwork has been waxed," Jan said while he wiped a finger over the wood coated wall.

"All the faux-armors and copper have been polished," Laska grinned.

"The beds have been made!" Jan shouted from his bedroom. "AAAAHHH! My collection of turnip-peels is gone!" he shouted while headed to the door, making a run for the dumpster behind the house.

Indeed, the place was spotless, clean, waxed, polished and otherwise tidied up. The entrance hall was looking... shiny. And by the looks of it, so were all the other rooms in the house. Utterly stunned, Laska looked around her transformed home.

"Ah, mistress!" Lasalla stepped out of the kitchen. She was wearing a servant's uniform, apparently a welcome change from the rags she had worn this morning. "Welcome back! I took the liberty of entering through the servant's entrance and..."

"We have a servant's entrance?" Laska asked.

"Certainly, it's on the side the of the house and was unlocked. Anyway, I saw that your estate really needed a woman's touch, so I changed into this servant uniform..."

"We have servant uniforms?"

"... and collected the cleaning supplies..."

"We have cleaning supplies?"

"... to really get some work done. Your house guest Risa came home from school and lend Becky some of her clothes. They're playing in the yard right now..."

"We have a yard?"

"Yes, it's next to the garden, mistress," Lasalla chuckled. "After my daughter and I took up residence in one of the upper rooms, I checked the larder..."

"We have a larder?"

"... and after I found some stored food..."

"We have stored food? Why was I not informed?"

"... and some cooking supplies..."

"We have cooking supplies?"

"...lunch is almost ready at the table. I hope you'll enjoy it, mistress."

"Lasalla?" Laska asked. "Please call me Laska. We're pretty informal around here. And welcome to the house. I think you'll fit in fine..."

"You may be good with swords," Lasalla chuckled, "but I am a wizard with my featherduster..."


	24. Elfnapped

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 24 : Elfnapped_

Opening her eyes, Laska was awakened at by the dimmed sunlight shining through the half-opened shutters of her bedroom windows. She groaned and rolled to her side, a response to the insipidly cheerful chirping birds and early risers walking towards the temples... as well as to the after-effects of last night's visit to the Copper Coronet with Korgan.

It had been three days since they had exposed the tanner, Rejiek Hidesman. The terrible murders plaguing the Bridge had completely stopped and Laska's side, where she had been stabbed deeply, had finally stopped stinging. Hiring Lasalla had proven to be an excellent decision, seeing the was an excellent cook and indeed a master with the feather duster. Risa and Becky swiftly became good friends, not only with each other, but also with Keldorn's youngest daughter Vesper. The two girls, now acting much as sisters, even shared Risa's room, despite a brief disagreement they had had over who would get the top-bunk.

It was a dire conflict which Korgan settled with a blindfolded axe-toss. Hitting the bare wall would have meant Becky would get the top bunk, while hitting a vase, lamp, painting, door or tapestry would have meant Risa would get the top bunk. A new problem ensued when the axe flew through the open door to Viconia's quarters and ended up with the three of them running from an irritated drow hurling obscenities at their backs. Technically, since the axe shattered one of Viconia's vases, Risa had won the toss and the top bunk.

Laying her hand across her forehead, Laska wiped the sweat from her brow. The tattooed elf was still unused to the subtropical climate of Amn. The nights were particularly balmy this week, and while she had opted to sleep in the nude for the time being, it didn't do much to help keep cool. Laska had discussed the situation with Lady Maria and Viconia, but both of them didn't have any problems with the warm nights. Perhaps it had something to do with the fact that she had spent twenty-three years Candlekeep, where the climate wasn't only colder, but she also slept in a keep where the walls were constantly cool and damp. A few weeks in Amn were not enough to negate that acclimatisation, it seemed.

A knock on the door interrupted her musings. "Just a minute," she sighed and threw a flimsy nightshirt over her head.

"Enter," she said after covering up sufficiently and rolling on her side to face the door. Little Becky entered the room, carrying a silver tray piled with foodstuffs. Becky herself was looking very spritely, and very happy to have a home again.

"Hello," she greeted cheerfully. "Mom ask me to bring this to you before Risa and I go to school."

"That late already?" Laska asked while falling back on bed with a groan, also remembering having to twist Keldorn's arm for a second time to get Becky a place at a proper school as well.

"You're lazy," Becky stated matter of factly.

"And don't you forget it," Laska smirked. "You like school?" Laska asked.

"It's okay," Becky replied. "But I don't like that the priest keeps calling me 'Rebecca'... I hate my full name."

"Let me tell you a little secret," Laska grinned. "But you have to promise to _never ever ever_ tell anyone about it."

"Okay," Becky said, put the tray on the nightstand and hopped on the bed, eager to hear this dark secret."

"My full name," Laska whispered, "is Fey'Lasquillariq'uaiea Leafwalker."

"Fey'La... Fey'Laskwari... Vey'aqkw..." Becky tried.

"Yeah," Laska chuckled. "Nobody at Candlekeep could pronounce it either, so everybody just called me Laska. Then again, I couldn't read or pronounce my own name either until I learned to read elvish..."

"Who gave you such a silly name?" Becky asked.

"It's a family thing, really. You see, elven names don't work the same as human names." said Laska. "Our last names are house affiliations. Basically, you can be called Leafwalker without being part of the bloodline. My father told me that my mother came from house Leafwalker, which is apparently a proper moon-elven house. If you are a simple elf carpenter, for example, who moves into a town on Leafwalker lands, you'd have the right to adopt Leafwalker as your last name."

"Ohhh," Becky said. "So, anybody can be called Leafwalker?"

"Sure. You don't actually have to be part of the family to be a Leafwalker. A lot of Elves have very long first names. For us elves, our first name identifies our bloodline. I've been told my first name tells me I'm second daughter of my mother, her third child, that I'm a part of the Leafwalker bloodline and that I come from a long line of female wizards. Basically, elven first names usually become one big complicated mess, so every elf thinks up a simpler name to go by. It all broils down to the fact that my full name is pretty dumb."

"Your mum was a wizard? Can you do magic too?" Becky asked.

Laska sighed slightly and reached over to ruffle Becky's hair. "Sadly, no. I don't have any magical talent at all, so I guess I'm kinda the black sheep of the family," she smirked.

"Wow, and I thought _my_ full name was stupid," Becky giggled. "Are you going to look for your mom? And your home?"

Laska sighed. "Maybe. One day. Right now, I don't even know where to look and I have better things to do than to chase a mother around who didn't want to have me around in the first place," she said. Laska realized that had come out a lot more bitter than she had intended.

"BECKY!" Risa yelled from the hall. "WE GOTTA GO TO SCHOOL!"

"Thanks a lot," Laska chuckled. "Now get your arse to school."

Becky complied, waved and ran out the door closing it behind her. Immediately, silence entered the room once more, making Laska wish she had instead asked Becky to stay and chat for a while long. During these times in the morning, her thoughts always drifted to the bad memories and ever since her escape from the dungeon underneath Waukeen's Promenade, those were centered on a single individual... Imoen.

Curling into a fetal position, she tried to banish the feelings of despair and guilt by clenching her eyes shut and thinking of cups of ale, bloody battles, dancing gnomes, singing ghost-pirates, traveling to all kinds of exotic locales, fabulous sex with beautiful people, and generally everything except the unknown fate of the girl she considered to be her sister.

It did not help.

Instead she stepped out of bed and walked over the foot-end to do some push-ups. She flexed the muscles in her arms, grabbed the wooden railing of the bed, placed her legs so she was in a thirty-degree angle from the floor and started the exercise, hoping the continuous physical effort and the counting of push-ups would help.

Again it did not.

* * *

_Pain... Misery... Despair... Loathing... Hate! Pure unadulterated HATE! _

_Those were the feelings the face of her Tormentor brought to the surface whenever He paid her a visit. Condemned to spending the past few days to sleep and live in small cage she could only stand upright in and which was suspended over... a deep, seemingly bottomless pool of water._

_She'd been doped up with gods knows what kind of chemicals. Every time she had been taken from the cage, she had been given a series of some kind of injection. She didn't know what it was, but it burned as it entered her veins, make her head spin, her skin crawl and writhe on the operating table in agony. _

_Living in constant fear of sinking into that black abyss, combined with food and sleep deprivation, as well as the constant stream of painful experiments her Tormentor had subjected her to, had caused her to live the last months purely on instinct, instead of what little rationality she had before this damnable Tormentor had captured her. Her thoughts were comprised of a swirling miasma of base and extended emotions, nothing more. She saw the face of her Tormentor in everything: in shadows on the wall, in the swinging chains facing her cage, in the golems regularly patrolling the hallways._

_Laska gasped as her Tormentor's face was staring into her eyes once more, telling her to wake up. But... but... wasn't He just here? Didn't He just leave her? Thinking back to the many atrocities she had suffered at the hands and knives of the leathery-faced figure, she wanted nothing more than to wrap her hands around his neck and squeeze the life out of him... nice and slowly. She wanted to make Him feel pain for a change. She wanted Him to know fear..._

_The cage! It squeaks! It opens! Hope... Glee... RAGE!_

_In mere seconds, she was upon her Tormentor. He looked upon her with surprise as she pushed Him to the ground and put all her strength to her upper arms as she squeezed._

_"La.. Las... No... It's me..." her Tormentor wheezed in a voice that was not His._

_Laska stiffened, and froze as she forced her blurred vision to focus. "I... Imoen?" she asked._

* * *

That was the first and only time she had hurt Imoen. The only time ever... She squeezed her eyes shut as she continued her push-ups, but she cringed at the memory. Imoen had told her that she understood and that the pain had subsided quickly. She'd been so doped up at the time, it was a small miracle that she was still able to function. But it did not ease her own guilt.

* * *

_"Minsc and Boo are still trapped," Minsc wailed. Having witnessed the death of Dynaheir and having been trapped in a tiny cage, labeled 'Control Specimen: For Later Dissection' had not done much to improve his mood. A powerful magical lock had been placed on the cage, one Laska and Minsc could never, ever break. That should not have been a problem, save for the fact that the key Imoen had found did open the lock, but the door still wouldn't open._

_"Okay, I'll pull," Laska said as she put one of her feet to the cage for extra support, "you and Boo push!"_

_A display of wicked grunts and moans later, a few of the strong bars were pulled a bit looser. The cage groaned, but the door still not budged._

_"I hate to interrupt all the sweat, moans and display of muscle-power," Imoen giggled, "but you're both buffle-headed."_

_"What?" Minsc and Laska said at the same time, while Imoen stepped over to the cage._

_Brushing Laska aside, she opened the door. "See?" Imoen smiled, "this door opens to the inside, not to the outside of the cage!"_

_"Ah," Laska said._

_"Oh," Minsc replied. Boo just seemed to giggle in so far as hamsters could giggle._

* * *

Laska chuckled at the memory in spite of herself and continued her workout. "Forty-three... Forty-four... Forty-five..." she counted aloud.

* * *

_"I thank you for my freedom," the Genie smiled as Imoen handed her the lamp. "But our captor will not be happy with you for doing this."_

_"Yeah, well he can get stuffed," Laska said, wondering why bottomless water gave her instant fear, while a black bottomless abyss on the plane of air didn't bother her at all._

_"As I promised I will give you the item of yours I possess. Excuse me, if I don't stay," the Genie said and poofed out of existence. A single sword clattered to the floor. And Laska recognized it immediately. _

_Its form... its look... its color... its cold, cold steel bite as it slammed into her abdomen and cut its way through the soft tissue... the taste of copper in her mouth as blood dripped from her mouth, while she felt it slide through her body until certainly the half the length of the sword was sticking out of her back._

_It was not a good memory._

_"Hey, hey," Imoen mused. "Isn't... isn't that?"_

_"Yes," Laska said, picking it up by the hilt "It is..."_

_With a cry of anger, she flung the sword into the black abyss, intending it to be lost forever. Looking down upon the patch of dark where she had tossed it, she felt a smile of satisfaction cross her face._

_"LOOK OUT!" Imoen screeched, and Laska jumped aside just in time... to avoid the same sword she had flung into the depths, crashing tip-down into the wood where she was standing only seconds ago._

_"Wow... neat," Imoen said. "Check this out..."_

_"Neat, she says," Laska chuckled as she picked up the sword again._

_"Yahoo!" she heard Imoen shout from the crow's nest of the airship. Looking up, she found Imoen waving to her. "No," Imoen called down, "don't look up, look down!"_

_Doing so, Laska noticed the unmistakable color of Imoen's pink hair, like a beacon in the night._

_"Errr, Minsc is confused," the hulking ranger spoke. "How can little Imoen be in two places at once?"_

_Taking out a throwing dagger, she tossed it towards the front end of the ship. It disappeared into the darkness, only to end up lodged into the mast behind her._

_"I don't get it," Laska said. "Where's this ship supposed to be going?"_

_"Boo thinks it's some kind of prison too..."_

_"Right, lets bung that sword into my bag of holding and let's get the bloody hell out of here."  
_

* * *

Laska pushed herself up with one hand, while she took the time to feel the scar just above her belly-button. Though neatly covered up with a tattoo of the elven symbol of longevity, she still felt the little slope of scar-tissue where the sword had entered her. The wicked magics of Sarevok's sword had not allowed the wound to heal properly. She was just happy that the exit-wound was not affected by it for some reason.

Thinking back of the final battle under Baldur's Gate, Laska closed her eyes again as to remember better, the dance she had with her brother Sarevok. Oh, he had brute force and strength on his side, but Laska definitely kept him on his toes with her speed and agility. Varscona and the Sword of Chaos clashed numerous times as the dance seemed to last an eternity until it suddenly ended... when Sarevok slammed his Sword into his foe, and Laska did the same.

She had never seen the attack coming; she'd been so focused on finding an opening to end the fight, she never expected the counter-attack. Sarevok's sword sliced through her armor and her abdomen, while the hulking bastard literally lifted Laska off the ground by raising his sword. However, this was also his undoing.

Exploiting a weakness in his ridiculous armor, she had thrust forward Varscona at a piece of armor protecting his left shoulder and the upper pauldron gave way under the strain. Due to the upwards motion of being lifted off the ground, he had put Laska in a position to better slice her sword into his upper chest. Before the pain in her own body became too much to bear, she could literally feel the gleeful spirit of the angry Sharran that was Varscona bite at Sarevok's heart with bitter cold.

They stood there for yet another eternity, simply staring at each other's eyes. There was no victory, no defeat... Only stalemate... They had killed each other.

Then, both brother and sister began sinking to their knees as fatigue and blood loss took their toll. She remembered coughing up blood and felt an expanding pool of slick warm blood underneath.

Imoen holding her hand as Dynaheir held her and put a piece of leather in her mouth to bite down on. Minsc grabbed the hilt of the sword that was piercing her and, with one swift yank, pulled the sword out of her body. It was an excruciating agony. She remembered the echoes of her screams before passing out.

If not for Viconia ripping her from the jaws of death itself, both of them would have gone to their father that day. As it stood, only Sarevok had.

Stalemate...

Now Laska never knew if she could have done it. If she could have defeated Sarevok by herself. No stalemate, but a clear-cut victory...

She increased the pace of her push-ups once more. "One hundred and twelve... One hundred and thirteen... One hundred and fourteen..."

* * *

_"So, godchild, you have escaped..." her former tormentor told her. To Laska, the man Irenicus looked a lot... smaller in the daylight. But still, she wondered why his name sounded Elvish. He didn't look a bit like an elf._

_"You won't be so smug when I knock your teeth out!" Laska retorted, but Irenicus seemed to be unimpressed. Instead, he fired magic from his fingers which slammed at the foot of an outcropping of the collapsed side of Waukeen's Promenade. The rock, and the elf on it, crashed down, but before Laska slid down herself, she slammed her head against of the rocks._

_What happened next was a complete haze to the tattooed elf. Before slipping into unconsciousness, she saw some strange wizards teleporting next to Irenicus, but he seemed unimpressed as he blasted them out of existence with single spells. More wizards came... and even more... And all of them perished at the hands of Irenicus. Until... for some reason, he surrendered... The last thing she saw was the fearful face of Imoen as the strange wizards took her as well._

_Despite the fear in Imoen's eyes and her cries of help, Laska could not force her body to respond._

* * *

Dammit, how could she beat Irenicus?! Sarevok seemed like a frightened little schoolboy compared to, and she couldn't even win against _him_!

Once more increasing the pace of her push-ups, "Threehundred and forty-seven... Threehundred and forty-eight... Threehundred and forty-nine," she decided she should train more, gain more experience and magic equipment. To prepare before going after Irenicus. So she could _crush_ him like the _bug_ he is. Rejoicing at the mental image, she almost smiled.

* * *

_"I don't care if you are_ the _Yoshimo!" Laska shouted at the Kara-Turan thief standing in front of her. "I have never heard of you, but if you don't leave now, no one will never hear of you again!"_

_"I wish you would reconsider," Yoshimo said uneasily, as if he was actually eager to remain at Laska's side for some reason. "I can be of use to you and..."_

_"I don't trust you..." Laska snarled. "You came to us in the dungeon at a very convenient moment. A bit too convenient I would think! Maybe you're to blame that Imoen was taken. I only travel with people I trust!"_

_"But, I could..."_

_"Listen to me, little man," Minsc boomed. "If Laska says you will go, then little man must go! Or do I have to help you leave with a mighty kick at the posterior?! Ha, ha!"_

_"Errr," Yoshimo sighed. "Alright, then. I question your judgment, but it is your decision."_

_"Damn, right..." Laska snarled. "Now SOD OFF!"_

* * *

Thinking, that perhaps she was a little harsh on Yoshimo, she decided it was too late to change the past anyway. Besides, she really did not trust his shifty nature. Something about him reminded her of Edwin and the games the red wizard played back in Nashkel.

Gods be damned, when had she become such a wuss? Why all the doubts, why all the worry? She never used to be like this. She used to be confident, strong and fearless.

Laska sighed again. A fat load of good that did against Irenicus.

"Fivehundred and eighty-nine... Fivehundred and ninety... Fivehundred and ninty-one..." Suddenly, she felt a speck of pain in the side of her neck. Immediately, she felt her muscles and her body weaken. Unable to keep up the strain, she dropped down to the floor, banging her head on the end of bed in the process. Slowly recovering somewhat, she weakly rose and supported herself on a bedpost. Feeling her neck, she pulled out... a dart?

Still confused, but aware of sudden movement behind her, she put her hands together to form a single fist and slammed it towards the intruder with all her might.

* * *

_'It's working,'_ Yoshimo noted with relief as his target supported herself on the bedpost, looking visibly weakened. '_She should fall any second...'_

After weeks of observing, studying the target, and waiting for the right moment, Yoshimo was relieved to have finally captured the elf known as Laska. He mused it would have gone easier perhaps if she had taken him in her group, but it was not to be.

Waiting until most of her formidable party, and especially the Inquisitor, had left her house, he had donned a magical cloak to remain hidden from her elven senses. Now, the only thing he had to do was to get her to the docks, so that his contact could take her to Brynnlaw with the next shipment of captured Shadow Thieves and equipment. Then, like his mistress Bodhi had said, his employer would take over the asylum. He did not know why this was all set in motion, nor why he wanted to own this elf so badly. He only knew how deeply he loathed his employer. But this was a do-or-die situation for him.

The elf weakened and froze during her exercise. He actually felt sorry for her when she unintentionally hit her head on the way down to the ground. He'd have to pick her up gently.

Approaching his target, he only noticed the swift movement of the elf when a mighty blow to his stomach knocked the very wind of him. The thought that he had severely underestimated his target only hit his mind after the elf hand grabbed his hair and slammed his head down on the wooden bed-post.

A sharp pain and the feeling of gushing blood alerted him to his broken nose. Still, Yoshimo recovered a lot faster than Laska did. He noticed she was scanning the room, and that her eyes were very unfocused. Seeing his chance, he fired another dart from his blowpipe, which landed squarely in her arm. But again, the elf did not fall. Instead she snarled ferally.

_'Incredible!' _Yoshimo thought. _'She's got enough diluted curare in her to stun an elephant!' _He gathered that the adrenalin coursing through the elf's veins was slowing down the effects of the sedative.

Yoshimo was just able to dodge a massive uppercut, but not the powerful kick to the groin that accompanied the strike. Falling on his knees, Yoshimo was suddenly pushed to the floor while an elven female gone berserk rained blow after blow on his face.

Once more, Laska seemed to weaken, giving Yoshimo the chance to recover and push the elf away from him. Loading his blowpipe again, he fired a third dart, which landed in her leg. For a moment, it seemed the elf would fall into another fit of rage, but then, her eyes rolled in the back of her head and she fell to her stomach, this time, quite unconscious. Of course, he made sure of this just to be on the safe side.

Sighing with relief after finding out that she was indeed disabled, Yoshimo decided how he would carry the elf to the docks. Walking about town with a scantily clad elven female slung over his shoulder would be a bit conspicuous, after all. After taking a few moments to grimace at his battered face in a small mirror, he noticed a large carpet on the floor.

But them, a new problem occurred. Laska seemed to be suddenly making more noise than a dozen sawmills.

* * *

Viconia was lazily nibbling on some bread, while she was sitting at the dinner-table. She wore a bathrobe, and her customary fuzzy slippers since she had just stepped out of a fine bath, and had eaten some of Lasalla's finely prepared breakfast. Taking out her party's journal, she decided to update the part describing the murder-case at the bridge-district, a task she had been putting off ever since she made a breakthrough in her own research.

Disturbed by the sudden noise coming from Laska's room, followed by the loud, loud snores, alerted Viconia's suspicion. _'Ah, she must be sleeping on her stomach again,'_ she thought, but then she remembered that Laska only snored when she slept on her stomach AND only if she had emptied sufficient amount of cups as well. But not even Laska drank so early in morning.

Considering this was not simply a case of flipping the tattooed elf on the back, she decided to investigate and entered her friend's room just in time to see a hooded figure with a carpet slung over his shoulders about to jump out of the window.

Due to her quick reactions, she managed to make the intruder yelp as he was hit in the back with the necromantic energies shot from her hands before he managed to jump down.

"ALERT!" Viconia shouted.

* * *

Viconia, who had quickly changed to her armor, Khittix and Korgan stood in front of their house, getting ready for the chase.

"So they be takin' the lass?" Korgan grunted. "Aye, they 'ave been lookin' in at us, then..."

"Yes... I think so too..." Viconia mused. "Take a look at this cloak. I gather the intruder wore it to hide himself in plain sight. And this dart... Undoubtedly tipped in some kind of sedative."

"Aye, and Keldorn be 'ome with 'is lass. Minsc be to the market and Jan be visitin' some of 'is cousins..." Korgan rubbed his beard. "Ach, they be spyin' on us. Probably long gone by now..."

"Not for long," Viconia grinned and held the cloak before the leashed spider, who immediately rubbed his head against it. Khittix stepped over to the window and skittered about a little, until he turned towards the road, stood still and pointed his right-forward leg towards the archway leading to the Bridge.

"Follow that spider, HAR HAR!"

* * *

_'Unbelievable,_' Yoshimo thought as he sped through alleyways. Normally he would have scurried up to the rooftops to escape his persuers, but with the surprisingly heavy unconscious elf on his shoulders, that was not an option. _'Not one of my jobs has gone as horribly wrong as much as this one has.'_

The Drow and the dwarf were hot on his trail, as well as a really big pet spider. Diving into a niche in the wall, he decided to wait for the right moment, like he was used to doing.

"Ye sure yer spidey be knowin' 'is stuff?" he heard a gruff voice, no less than directly on the pathway above him.

"Yes," he heard another voice, deep and throaty this time, say. "He must be around here somewhere. I could try to divine Laska's location with holy magics."

_'This is not going well,'_ Yoshimo sighed. He had lost his magic cloak and was certain to be detected now. For a moment, he considered making a break for the ship, but they were certain to see him. And the ship wasn't fully loaded, and thus, not leaving yet.

_'Good gods,' _Yoshimo thought in horror. _'That spider is sniffing me out!'_ Indeed, Khittix was sniffing very dangerously near his location, but it seemed the salty air was throwing the spider's nose off a bit. In the meantime, he could hear the drow was casting her spell already. Now was the time for quick action.

He stared at his dagger. It was his favorite, but he had to make a sacrifice. He flung it towards a rain-barrel a few meters left of his location. Immediately, the spider started chirping at the barrel.

"THERE!" Korgan shouted, and interrupted the spell-casting drow by shoving her towards the barrel The coast was clear!

However, it was as this moment that Laska decided to recover.

Moving around in the carpet as she was, Yoshimo lost his grip on her. The carpet fell from his shoulder and rolled down the road, heading towards the harbor. Cursing to himself, he tried to chase after her, but by now it was apparent that the dwarf, the drow and the spider had seen her as well. So instead, he sank back into the niche, contemplating a visit to a temple very soon to avoid further scarring.

In the meantime, the carpet was launched into the air after it rolled over a loose rock. In midair, the elf was released, landed on the road and rolled on further, right through the door of the Sea's Bounty.

* * *

After groggily getting to her feet, Laska rubbed her painful head. Forcing her eyes to focus, she finally saw she was standing in the middle of a tavern. "What the... how the hell did I get here?" Laska muttered to herself. Then, she noticed she was quite the center of attention... The tavern was filled with sailors, who had just come from a three-month trading tour to Maztica and hadn't seen a woman in at least as many months.

Glancing down, she was expecting to find a flimsy night shirt. Not so. Apparently, she had lost it somewhere and somehow. She was completely naked in the middle of an inn filled with lustful sailors.

Korgan and Viconia entered the tavern just as the first sailors were treated to a knuckle-sandwich.

* * *

"You could have looked harder!" Laska muttered.

"Do you want to walk back all the way back to the Temple District naked?" Viconia asked.

"No, but... Well, couldn't you have brought my chain mail?"

"We dinnae 'ave the bloody time fer that, lassie," Korgan chuckled.

"Well, I am grateful Khittix found me, but.. come on, a _rainbarrel_?" she said while holding up the barrel around her torso. "That's so cliché! At least you could have found me an empty potato-sack."

"You 'eard the woman," Korgan said. "That would 'ave cost us two gold! The barrel be only one gold!"

"Didn't you get a look at your attacker?" Viconia asked.

"No," she said. "Everything was a haze. I think we'll have to ask Jan to enchant the windows and maybe put a couple of traps. We have kids in the house now, and we need to keep them safe at least."

"Har," Korgan laughed. "At least we be 'avin' a tale to tell our gnome fer a bloody change."

Chuckling, the party returned to the mansion, where Khittix was given a whole leg of lamb for a treat.


	25. GROG!

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 25 : GROG!_

"Hmmmm," Laska told a beaming Lasalla as she put another one of the delicious syrupy breakfast waffles in her mouth, "these are great..."

"I'll bloody say!" Korgan, who was sitting on the other side of the table, agreed.

"Yes, we can all see the sticky syrup in your beard," Viconia grinned. "Will you wash it before we leave, or will you simply lick it off before we leave?"

"Oy!" Korgan chuckled. "It be a shame to be wastin' good food, drowsy! HAR!"

"Yum," Risa added. She and Becky were sitting at the other end of the table eating waffles as well.

"My mommy makes the best waffles," Becky confirmed.

"Boo, thinks so too, though I am concerned about his weight," Minsc said.

"And here are your waffles, master Jansen," Lasalla grinned. "Liberally covered with turnip-shavings, just the way you like it!"

"Ah," Jan said. "Just like Ma used to make... Well, it's actually better than Ma used to make since she often included shavings of sub-standard veggies like Carrots, Parsley and Tomato. It was during the time she tried to enlarge the Jansen-family taste-palette. I remember she ended up quite disillusioned about the whole thing. But I digress... You're a solar, Lasalla!"

A knock sounded on the front door, and Lasalla immediately sprang up to open it before anyone else had the chance to. The door was opened to reveal Sir Keldorn Firecam.

"Ah, Keldorn!" Laska said. "Any lead on the bugger who tried to elfnap me?"

"Sadly, no," Keldorn said. It had been two days since an unknown person had tried to drug and take Laska to the docks to be shipped off to some unknown destination. To soothe Laska's mood, Lasalla had fixed her and her friends a meal which could have fed an army the previous evening. Laska almost agreed that Jan's story about exploding moon-elves could have merit if she had even eaten a single pea more after finishing. "No leads from any of the Order's informants. No leads on the origins of the curare either and..." Keldorn interrupted himself as his nose went in the air. "Oh, my... Those waffles smell delicious..."

"I'll bring out another plate," Lasalla said, and soon Keldorn was enjoying her excellent waffles as well.

"So," Keldorn asked after finishing his first two waffles and wiping off his mouth with his napkin, "are there any quests we must perform today?"

"Idle hope, Keldorn," Viconia chuckled. "Laska? Korgan? Why don't you tell Keldorn what's your schedule for the day?"

"Korgan and I will be checking out this new bar at the Docks! It's run by this retired pirate navigator called Ignatius Cheese and he's supposed to sell this really strong grog."

"Grog!" Korgan grinned.

"Grog!" Laska added.

"GROG!" Korgan exclaimed.

A second knock on the door was barely audible over the enthusiastic exclamations of the word 'grog', but Lasalla's keen ears make her move to open the door.

"Grog?" Keldorn asked. "Is that all you're going to do today? Swill grog? Don't you have to look for more work?"

"Excuse me, master Jansen," Lasalla said as she returned to the table. "There is someone here to see you..."

"Work tomorrow! First GROG!" Laska said.

"GRRRRRROOOOOOOGGGGGGGG!" Korgan roared.

Keldorn sighed. "I guess they will be swilling grog all day."

"There is a silver lining," said Viconia. "I still have to negotiate a price with Ribald Barterman over some armors and weapons we have looted. That should put some coins in our pockets, at least."

"HEY, turnip-boy!" sounded through-out the entrance/dining hall of Laska's estate, turning all heads towards a roguish looking gnome wearing black leather.

"Beeloo?" Jan asked. "Fancy meeting you here?! The last time I saw you, you were sentenced to fifteens years of hard labor for dwarf-smuggling."

"Eh?" Korgan asked and scratched his head.

"It's a long story," Beeloo said. "It involves dwarves, tourists, a klipper, a monkey and a pair of pants, but I won't get into that right now. I just got out of prison, you see. It's just that the warden doesn't know about it yet, so I'm kinda in a hurry..."

"I always thought that sentence was unjust! It was a victimless crime, unless you consider all those dwarves losing their beards in the flash-fire to be victims," Jan said.

"EH?!" Korgan gasped. "That nay be a victimless crime!"

"Long story," Beeloo chuckled. "So, you seem to be traveling with a tough crowd nowadays. Nice little pad here too..."

"Yeah, I doesn't have a turnip-cellar, but I manage. And even though my friends aren't gnomes, they're not a total loss either," Jan grinned.

"Alright," Beeloo's expression suddenly grew cold, "enough pleasantries. Listen, Jan, you haven't come by the house for a long time. We've been looking for you."

"Oh, no. Not that again! I tell you, me accidentally covering the chimney with my coat didn't have _anything_ to do with the exploding fireplace!" Jan grimaced.

"Jan," Beeloo interrupted. "It's Lissa."

Suddenly, it was as if the temperature in the room had fallen below freezing-point.

"Did..." Jan uncharacteristically stammered. "Did he hurt her?"

"Kids," Lasalla told Risa and Becky. "Come on," she said gently, "I still have some spoons for you to lick in the kitchen..."

"YAY!" both girls giggled as they were led to the kitchen. Apparently, Lasalla has had some experiences with this type of situation during her time with the former noble families she had served. As it stood, most of the party-members had not even noticed.

"You should talk to her yourself. I promised to give you the message but I have to go. Farewell, cousin. See you soon," Beeloo said, tipped his cowl to the ladies in the room and took off.

"What is going on, Jan?" Laska asked.

"Grog?" Korgan asked.

"It looks like something serious is afoot," Jan spoke with uncharacteristic dread. "I'll have to be heading back to my home in the Slums District."

"That still doesn't answer Laska's question," Viconia pressed.

"It is not an easy tale for me to tell. This girl, Lissa, that my cousin mentioned is an old friend of mine. More than a friend I should say. She grew up poor, like me. It was a hard life but there was happiness to be found," Jan started his tale.

"Grog?" Korgan asked again.

"I loved Lissa like I've never loved another," Jan spoke with true melancholy. "She was the most beautiful girl in Athkatla. I was not the only one to think so, however, since she had several suitors when she came of marrying age. I worried little about it. I was her closest friend and she claimed to love me."

"Grog," Korgan snarled.

"There are many gnomish families in Athkatla. Life is very different for gnomes so used to woods and caves of the country. Many of the families struggle with poverty in exchange for the safety of the city walls and Amnish law. Some families do very well. He came from one such family. Vaelag," Jan spat out the name in intense anger, "is the gnome who runs all 'business' in the gnomish areas of Athkatla."

"Boo thinks that by the way you say 'business', you mean criminal, evil and nasty business, deserving of a steel boot up the buttocks!" Minsc announced.

"A Shadow Thief?" Keldorn asked.

"Grog..." Korgan sighed.

"Not exactly, but close enough," Jan sighed. "He is a thief who pretends to be an honest merchant. Rumor has it that he reports directly to the Shadow Thieves. Regardless, he was not a pleasant person to begin with. He was a bully and a cruel man. He enjoyed exercising power. He was also suave, sophisticated, and very, very rich. I had asked Lissa to marry me and she had agreed. We were to be married at the midsummer's festival the following year. That was before she'd met Vaelag. Like most men, he took a liking to her immediately. He swept her off her feet. He showered her with gifts and city cultural events. At the time, my bitterness had me believe that he cast some sort of spell on her. In retrospect, knowing what I do about magic, she chose him out of her own free will. She was pregnant shortly afterward and they were married."

"Hmmm," Viconia said. "The female has chosen her mate of her own volition, as is her right. We should wash our hands of it..."

"GROG!" Korgan agreed.

"You do not understand," Jan said. "I would have given her the world, had I been able. Almost did once, until the government declared the deed null and void, but I don't really believe it matters anymore. I just want her to be happy, but Vaelag is a petty and cruel man, and I should help her if she has been hurt by him."

"I agree," Laska said. "Let's go find out what's happened to your Lissa, Jan..."

"Grog?" Korgan whimpered.

"Grog will be there tomorrow too!" Minsc said. "A poor innocent has been hurt today! Let us adventure post-haste!"

"Grog!" Korgan cursed and slammed his hand on the table.

* * *

"You know," Laska said, while Jan was unlocking the front door of the Jansen home in the slums, which seemed to be oddly shaped like a turnip, "I've never seen the inside of your home, Jan..."

"Well, you will now," Jan grinned. "Come on, I'll introduce you to the family. Not everyone is here now so introductions should only take about half an hour."

"Great," Viconia muttered under her breath.

The interior of the Jansen-home was oddly shaped like a cave. Closer examination revealed that the walls were made to appear like a cave by applying a mixture of clay and soft materials. The floors seemed to be made of soft green grass, meant to resemble a forest-floor. Light liberally poured in from the small windows and the huge hole in the ceiling which let the sun into the turnip-cellars one floor below. Several shelves containing all kind of contraptions were hewn into the wall.

Not surprisingly, the Jansens were big on technology. On the wall were hung several blueprints of new inventions: the 'Jansen-Aeroplano Dynamica', the 'Jansen-Deep-Diving-Turtle', the 'Jansen Joint Strike Fighter, with especially designed air-to-griffin tactical missiles' and the 'turnip-class StarShip', which strangely resembled a big metal turnip with two sleek nacelles fashioned to the bottom.

"It's unusual to say the least," Viconia muttered.

"I dunno, it's rather homely," Laska whispered back. "So different from the rest of the city. It's like we've stepped into an entirely different world."

"MA?!" Jansen shouted. "I'm home!"

"I'm here!" The elderly and gray gnomish matriarch came down the stairs. She radiated an air of authority, mostly due to the fact that she was swinging around a mean-looking walking-stick. "Don't get your knickers in a twist, you... OH! Jannie! Come to visit your old mother, have you?"

"Well, yes..." Jan grinned uneasily. "Does this mean you've forgiven me for the fire-place incident?"

"Oh, that reminds me," Ma Jansen said, and promptly whacked Jan once over the head with her walking-stick.

"OWW! Ma!"

"_Now_, you're forgiven," Ma said. "You've been in trouble, I suppose."

"Of course not, Ma. I've been very good," Jan grinned. "Why, look at the fine bunch of people I'm traveling with!"

Ma Jansen gave Jan's party-members a look-over. She saw an elf covered with tattoos wearing tight chainmail, a drow female who was currently cleaning her nails with a dagger, a huge mountain of a man cuddling a hamster, a middle-aged man in a hideously colored armor and to top it all off: A dwarf with syrup in his beard muttering the word 'grog' over and over. "Oh, yeah, I like this crowd," Ma snorted sarcastically. "I suppose you've been a bad influence on them."

"What's going on, Ma? Beeloo made it sound quite urgent..." Jan broke in.

"Well, Lissa and her daughter came to us two nights ago. Poor thing was in tears and near hysteria. She told us she had fled from her mansion with her daughter. It's not Lissa that was hurt, but the little girl. So sad too... She was bruised and bloody, and she did not speak, only stared into oblivion. And that is what the poor girl has been doing for two days now. She doesn't sleep, eat, talk... She just stares... Jan, I think Lissa will be happy to see you... She needs a friend..."

* * *

"Oh, Jan!" A young, spritely brown-haired gnomish girl rushed Jan for a fierce hug. "I'm so happy so see you! I would have prepared a meal for you and your companions, if I'd known you were coming today. I'm an awful mess." she sniffed.

"You look fine, Lis. You look beautiful," Jan said as he blissfully returned the embrace. "What did that bastard do to you, my little dumpling?"

"Little dumpling," Lissa giggled. "You haven't called me that since... the wedding... I was worried about you... You disappeared and..."

"I went and learned magic and shooting crossbows at people. Oh, and improved my turnip-sales techniques quite a bit too..."

"Jaella," Lissa sniffed. "She's hurt, Jan. I don't know what's wrong with her. She just lies in bed and stares at the wall. Won't even eat. Please heal her, Jan. She's just a little girl! It started a few months ago, before it ended with Vaelag. He was always a cruel father, and hard on Jaella. He beat her if she did anything he didn't like."

"You mean to say," Laska snarled. "Jaella was beaten by her own father?! Maybe I should return the favor," she added after cracking her knuckles for a bit.

"Och!" Korgan said, for the first time forgoing saying the word 'grog'. "There be few things I'd nay do, and harmin' a child be one of them. Her da be needin' a swift axe to the skull!"

"Not if I get to him first," said Laska.

"Speaking as a father myself," Keldorn spoke in a low voice, "I must consider this man to be not worthy of raising his children."

"The poor little girl got knocked on the head?" Minsc replied. "Oh, Minsc knows it is no cherry picnic, no sir!"

Keldorn stood next to Jaella's bed and examined the girl. Numerous bruises covered her little body, mostly on her face and chest. Keldorn could barely suppress a snarl.

"Viconia?" Laska asked.

"Alright," Viconia said. "I get the hint. These wounds," she said as she began her own examination, "were not clumsily applied, as if in a blind rage. I say the lowly _iblith_ who beat her knew exactly which wounds in what location would cause the most pain."

"You... you mean he... he... deliberately?" Lissa sniffed then started to cry.

"I come from a society where laying a hand on a female warrants the most painful of deaths," Viconia snarled. "But that does not deter some of the more... defiant males. Then again, defiant males usually don't live long enough to be defiant again... or to be defiant in the first place..."

"Can you help her?" Keldorn asked.

"As luck would have it," Viconia said. "Shar has recently blessed me with the ability to cast more powerful spells. She shall attempt a healing."

Immediately, Viconia started to chant and, soon enough, a blue light descended over the gnomish girl. The magic settled on the bruises which immediately receded to be completely gone a few seconds later. Jaella seemed to breathe a little easier and made a more lively impression, but she still did not speak, nor did she stop staring.

"Jaella?" Lissa sniffed. "But... it didn't help..."

"Only partially," Viconia sighed. "It would seem the problem has deeper roots."

"It is as I feared," Jan said, no longer being flippant at the moment. "Laska, I want you to go to the turnip-cellars to talk to my uncle Gerhardt... He might have some ideas... I'll stay here with Jaella..."

* * *

"UP SAID THE WEASEL!" Uncle Gerhardt cackle resounded throughout the basement. Plenty of larger and smaller turnips were grown here, while the elderly gnome apparently tended them.

"Dammit," Viconia said, glancing at Minsc. "Are we magnets to the insane? If it's not a skin-removing murderer, it's an addled gnome!"

"It would have helped if Jan had told us that the poor man was insane," Keldorn sighed. "It might be very difficult to extract useful information from him."

"Just give me a minute with him and some pliers," Viconia chuckled.

"Errr, that's a joke, right?" Laska asked.

"Maybe," Viconia smirked. "Maybe not."

"Abandon ship!" Uncle Gerhardt shouted. "Pharmacists and sausages first!"

"JA-ELLE-AH!" Laska shouted. "TELL ME ABOUT THE GIRL!"

"A is for AXE!" Korgan snarled.

"Oh, yeah?!" Uncle Gerhardt told Korgan. "Well, you fight like a cow!"

"OY, OY, OY!" Korgan shouted and it took the combined efforts of Keldorn and Minsc to keep him from slashing the gnome in two.

"LOOK!" Laska shouted at the top of her lungs. "JUST TELL ME ABOUT JAELLA AND THEN PACK IT IN! OKAY?!"

"Oh, why didn't you say that before?" Uncle Gerhardt chuckled. "Sure... You got to go to the Jysstevs! They're a part of a big, big, BIIIIGGG secret! Find what is Hidden!"

"The Jysstevs?" Viconia grinned. "Didn't you save lady Jysstev's life a few days ago?"

"Oh, then she would be happy to help us heroes, no?" Minsc said. "One good turn deserves another!"

"I'll deal with it," Laska said. "You keep the gnomes company."

* * *

"OUT!" the Jysstev butler dared to poke a heavily armored tattooed elf in the chest with a finger. "I'll have no riff-raff trudging through these halls!"

"Look," Laska said, already starting to get annoyed. "I came all the way from the other side of the city and I only want to see lady Jysstev. I'm not leaving before I speak with her, so why don't you just make it easy on yourself and go get her before I go get her myself!"

"Don't get pushy with me," the tiny man said. "I'll not have you smear the entire elven forest you undoubtedly have under the soles of your boots all over my clean floor..."

"Was... that..." Laska growled, "a crack about my elven heritage?"

"And what if it was?!" the tiny man grinned.

Immediately, Laska grabbed the man by the arm, threw him over her shoulder and tossed the screaming butler through the still-open door. He sailed over the path until he soared past the railing, slid over the tree-tops and landed in a trash-heap below the elevated government district.

"Go play outside!" Laska shouted after him.

"What is all this noise... Oh, my savior!" the young noble, Lady Jysstev, said as she walked down the stairs. "I was hoping you'd stop by," she added, "we had so little time to chat..."

"I'm afraid I still haven't," Laska shook her head. "I have come here for the sake of a little girl. I was sent here to 'Find what is Hidden'. Whatever that means."

Lady Jysstev visibly blanched. "I... I... Are you certain you need to consult the 'Hidden'?"

"Frankly, I don't know," Laska said honestly. "But I'm not willing to gamble away Jaella's life. My friend Viconia doesn't know how to help the little girl beyond what she's already done. We don't know what else to do."

"I. know I owe you, but... but... Oh, gods, he'll be so angry if I told any..." Lady Jysstev stammered. "But... the life of a child..." she shook her head once more. "Alright. Go to the sewers below the Copper Coronet. I'll... I'll ask him to meet you there."

"I don't know why you're so afraid of this guy, but I'll make sure you won't be harmed," Laska said. "Just say the word and I'll come."

* * *

"Blasted bloody sewers!" Korgan rambled. "If these be not constructed so shabbily, I be enjoyin' the trip a lot more! And ta think I could 'ave been swillin' grog!"

"Why are we even back in these foul-smelling tunnels, Laska?" Viconia asked.

"More to the point," Laska shot back, "why do evil cult-leaders always want to meet in places like this?!"

"Ah, but if evil cult-leaders would meet in a field of flowers, it would sully all those pretty flowers, and Minsc would have to break the cult-leaders' arms!" Minsc replied.

"Look," Keldorn said. "There is a man ahead. I do not sense a thing. No good, no evil, nothing in between. Just nothing..."

Indeed, a man was waiting for them in the tunnel. He unnerved Laska to no end. The man's dark, penetrating gaze seemed to pass right through her. He wore plain clothing, nothing that would distinguish him from a normal peasant from the streets.

"Funny," Laska said. "He doesn't look like a cult-leader..."

"The most dark of evils are oft hidden, Laska," Keldorn said.

The man seemed to have noticed them, and Laska scraped her throat to prepare to speak, not expecting that the man would beat her too it. "Ah, you are here to ask me to save the life of a child. Alright, I can do that," he spoke in an unexpected wimpy voice, "but you'll have to take care of a little problem for me first. Here's what you do- go to the Five Flagon's Inn and..."

The man had sent them on an interesting quest. Just about the last thing they had expected to find was a duo of Githyanki. This offshoot of the human race had been looking for an unknown target, but unfortunately, Korgan was in the party. Some remarks were made, some mothers insulted, some masculinities emasculated and before too long, the duo of Githyanki lay dead on the ground in several pieces.

And just as soon as the party returned to the slums, they ran into the cult-leader, who had apparently been waiting for them. Just as Laska was about to address him for the second time, the man's face seemed to shift and blur, forcing Laska and her friends to look away. After a few moments (and a mighty headache) the man was still standing there. Only he was no man. Instead, a mindflayer stood in the middle of the street. Strangely enough, he didn't look like the pictures of mindflayers Laska had seen in the books she had read back in Candlekeep. This one, despite having the squid-like head, seemed rather pale. The clothes he wore were rather colorful, and he had large and floppy shoes on his feet, making him look more like a clown than a horrible monster. Unfortunately, that did not deter Keldorn, who had already drawn his sword, getting ready to attack.

"HOLD!" Viconia said, holding him back. "This Illithid is the only one who can heal the girl! If you kill him, Jaella will be doomed!"

"Fine," Keldorn said, remaining tense. "But one false move and I shall skewer him on my blade..."

"Oh, be a little less maniacal about your paladine profession, Keldy," Laska said. "He hasn't even done anything yet."

"Errmm, I am confused," Minsc asked the mindflayer. "Why are these people not running in fear from your icky tentacles?"

"Oh, they can't see me," the Mindflayer told the party. "Simple mind-trick, really... Shall we go?"

* * *

"Laska?" Jan asked. "Laska is that you?"

"Yeah!" Laska called from down the stairs. "We've brought help!"

"Lissa, Jan," Keldorn said as he was the first one to walk up the stairs. "You'd better brace yourself."

"Well, shiver my timbers!" Jan said as the mindflayer came up the stairs. "Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo!" Jan exclaimed. "I haven't seen you for ages!"

"Jan! If I knew it had been you, I'd have come straight over," he said as the gnome and the mindflayer actually embraced. "I only read the elf, but she's kinda hard to read. Lotsa dense matter between her airs and some weirdness in her blood."

"You two know each other?" Laska blurted out. "Wait, what was that about dense matter between my ears.

"Well, yeah!" Jan chuckled. "We had this mind-reading scam going on in Luskan. Made a fortune too, until one of the customers looked behind the curtain. I was the Great Uri Jansen, who could speak to the dead and bend spoons! We had those whole show set up in a circus tent while Bob-Reggie sat underneath the rafters reading minds and mentally telling me what they were thinking. They ate it up and spent so much money. I showed the audience how to bend spoons with their minds, but the spoons never actually bent – Bob-Reggie just made the audience _think_ they did."

"Aye," the mindflayer shrugged. "Silly people were actually throwing their money away."

"Your name is really Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo?" Viconia snorted.

"No," Jan chuckled. "That's just a name I gave to him, since pronouncing his real name often ended up with people covered in spit. So, Bob-Reggie? What scams have you been up to lately?"

"Well," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said. "I've got most of the nobles duped into joining this fake secret society. Oh, all I do is some card-reading while I creep around in their minds looking for dirty little secrets. And then selling those to the Amnian Gutter for cold cash."

"AH!" Jan chuckled. "Brilliant! That's my the Gutter has been doing so well lately!"

"Yeah," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said. "I already own six boats and three houses so far... It pays great!"

"Any new juicy tidbits?" Jan asked.

"You know about the Roenalls? Father and three sons?"

"Yes..."

"Well, all four of them have a mistress..."

"What's so juicy about that?"

"Those 'four mistresses' are the same girl, but none of them know about it."

Minsc raised his hand. "Uhm, Boo is confused. In stories, tentacle-heads are often unknowable and foul and icky. Why are you so nice?"

"Pfft," Bob-Reggie waggled his tentacles. "Those ideas can do whatever they want. Meanwhile, I've got three sports-carriages, a mansion, two boats and all the pheasant brains I can eat. So while they sit under the ground brooding about, I am living the high-life!"

"Bob-Reggie," Jan said as he led his mindflayer friend up the stairs. "Can you help Jaella?"

"Are... are," Lissa asked as the mindflayer bend over Jaella, "are you sure this is safe?"

"Oh, this is Bob-Reggie! A friend!" Jan chuckled. "Besides, he hates to eat human and demi-human brains. He thinks they taste like turnips which have been lying in the sun for three months."

"Yes," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said. "I mostly eat fried monkey-brain. I have them imported from Dinky Island..."

"What about Jaella?" Keldorn asked.

"Ah, yes," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo said and went to work. "Hmmm," he said. "This poor girl has been beaten regularly, I see. Almost every evening."

"E...every evening?!" Lissa said, then burst into tears.

"Yes," Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo spoke in a low tone, making it harder to discern if he was actually communicating vocally or if he was just speaking directly into their minds. "I feel she sought to escape within herself to avoid the pain and fear. She has now fled so deeply into her own mind that she cannot find her way back... Hold a moment..."

For what seemed like an eternity, the mindflayer stared directly into Jaella's eyes. Then, almost instantly, Jaella's eyes fluttered open and close. Jaella stretched and sighed. "Mo... mommy?" she spoke, almost a whisper.

"Oh, Jaella!" Lissa broke into tears and hugged her daughter tightly.

"I was lost," Jaella said and then pointed at the mindflayer. "He showed me how to get home..."

"Thanks, Bob-Reggie. And all of you," Jan said, seeming his cheerful self again.

"OY! Donnae be lookin' at me so," Korgan said, while turning away from mother and daughter. "I just be 'avin' grog in me eyes..."

"Jan! JAN!" the grating voice of Ma Jansen sounded from downstairs. "Get DOWN here! Bring your armored friends."

* * *

Laska, Jan and the rest of their friends had run down the stairs quick enough to just catch two gnomish henchman of a lavishly dressed, wicked looking gnome tossing over one of Ma's tables.

"You!" the gnome who was obviously Vaelag snarled. "I have come for my wife and child! Hand them over or there will be trouble."

"You beast!" Jan shouted. "You cruel murderer! I will not have you brutalize them or my family! Leave now, or I will toss some magic in your direction that will make you wish you were made out of wax!"

"Wax?" Laska gave Jan a quizzical look. "Would you mind explaining that one later?"

"I don't have to take this from a dreg like you! They are _mine_! They belong to _me_!" Vaelag said.

"You do not deserve a wife and child," Keldorn simply said.

"Enough!" Vaelag shouted. "You two," he told his henchmen. "Take Jan outside and slit his throat! Leave him to bleed on the street..."

"Don't even think about it," Laska said, drawing her swords. The two henchmen stared at each other, now faced with two heavily armored elves, a paladin, a hulking human who seemed to be on the verge of exploding, a maniacal dwarf and an angry gnome.

"What's all this racket?" came from a mindflayer descending the stairs.

"Errr, boss?" one of the henchman dared to ask. "They, uhm, they have a mindflayer."

"Cowards!" Vaelag snarled. "Attack, damn you!"

"Boss," said the second henchmen. "We don't have a mindflayer." At this moment, the henchmen decided they weren't being paid enough for this, and ran out the door.

"Forget it Vaelag!" sounded from Lissa, who had accompanied Bob-Reggie down the stairs. "I am not coming back with you, nor is Jaella! This has gone too far, and I will no longer stand for it!"

"You are my wife!" Vaelag threatened. "Do you know how this will look to my business-partners?! If you do not come back with me, I shall beat you into submission!"

"Listen, you bastard," Laska said. "I hate to play on height here," she directed at Vaelag, "But I have half a mind to simply step on you and crush you under my boot! Sorry guys," she glanced at Jan and Korgan.

"Donnae worry, Las," Korgan said. "I just be seein' a very, very tiny man 'ere."

"You will regret this All of YOU!" Vaelag snarled.

"YOU TINY, ICKY EVIL MAN WILL SHUT UP NOW AND WILL LET MINSC DO THE TALKING! BOO HAS WARRANTED THE USE OF THE ULTIMATE KICK! ONE MORE WORD OUT OF YOU AND YOU SHALL BE DROP-KICKED OFF THE FACE OF TORIL. NEVER AGAIN SHALL YOU BE ABLE TO SIT WITHOUT THE HELP OF SOFT PILLOWS AND... hey, where did he go?"

"He ran out the door the moment you opened your mouth, Minsc," Viconia chuckled. "Such a weak male he is..."

"This won't be the end of it," Jan said. "We can't protect Lissa and Jaella in the Jansen home."

"I hate to say it, but I agree," Ma Jansen said.

"Laska?" Jan looked upon his friend with hopeful eyes.

"Oh, crap," Viconia sighed. "We don't run a mansion, we run a hotel."

"Look on the bright side, Viconia," said Laska.

"There is one?"

"Steady supply of turnips!"

* * *

"So, Lasalla?" Laska asked. "Are Lissa and Jaella settling in nicely?"

"Oh, yes," Lasella smiled. "Risa and Becky are delighted to have made a new friend. I prepared a room for them, the one which used to be some old office on the second floor."

"Perfect," Laska grinned. Ten people were now living in her house and it still wasn't crowded. Jan was looking forward to reacquainting himself with Lissa and with the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart as their neighbor, Vaelag wouldn't dare make a move against them.

Also, rather than going back to the sewers, Bob-Reggie had chosen to return to his luxurious mansion and had promised to keep an eye out in case Vaelag would try anything.

Life was good. Currently, it only needed one more ingredient.

"Och, lass?" Korgan asked. "Are you ready to go?"

"GROG, GROG, GROG!" Laska and Korgan chanted over and over again as they headed out the door in search of the newest bar in Athkatla!


	26. Squire, squire on the wall

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 26 : Squire, squire on the wall._

Laska stretched as she lay on her side in bed in Rose's house. It was still the dead of night and the rain slashed against the lone windowpane. All that could be heard was the rhythmic tap of water dripping from a minor leak into a bucket and the breathing of the sleeping Rose next to her. Though the nights were still balmy, it could get quite cold in Rose's house – the fire in the fireplace was dying, however, save for a few smoldering embers.

It was funny, really. Laska was on her way to the Copper Coronet, ran into Rose along the way and stayed for a chat. A chat become a conversation, a conversation became a dinner and dinner evolved into lovemaking. Not a bad evening, all things considered, even if she didn't manage to sample Bernard's latest shipment hard liquor. A pity that; she was rather looking forward to sampling 'Everard's Ripened Old Dragon Piss', but there would always be tomorrow.

Instead, she lay on her side, staring at the wall. Mostly she was thinking.

A hand slid across her thigh, her side, her belly and finally rested on one of her breasts while soft lips found her earlobe.

"Hm, thought you were asleep," Laska purred. "Ready for round three, then?"

Rose giggled slightly. "Naughty girl," she playfully swatted Laska's behind. "But seriously, Laska, your body is with me, but your head is miles away."

"That obvious, huh?" Laska sighed.

"You were with me body and soul when we were making love," Rose said. "I'd be insulted if you'd be thinking of something else back then. Something on your mind?"

"Some dumb summons from the Order of the Most Radiant Heart," Laska sighed. "I swear, those paladins thinks we are just at their beck and call. I'll have to be there with my friends at seven sharp. I suppose it's easy money, and I shouldn't complain, but still..."

"Aw," Rose smiled. "No lazying about in bed in the morning then. Now, on your back," she ordered. "I want to snuggle."

"Yes, ma'am," Laska grinned and rolled on her back. Immediately, the half-elf pressed against her and lay her head on Laska's chest. The tattooed elf pulled the duvet over them both and started running her hand through Rose's hair.

"It's nice being the one who's being pampered for a change," Rose closed her eyes and shifted a little to get in a slightly more comfortable position. "You give a pretty mean backrub."

"Magic fingers," Laska chuckled.

"Oo-er," Rose smiled. "Sounds a bit rude."

"There is something on my mind, actually," said Laska. "Why do you do this?"

"Do what?" Rose asked. Laska motioned to the door leading to the room where Rose received customers. "Oh," she sighed slightly. "Do you hold it against me?"

"No," Laska said. "I don't."

"Good," Rose smiled briefly.

"So, why?" Laska asked. "I don't get it, you're smart, you're kind..."

"I can't do anything else," Rose smiled in spite of herself. "I never learned a profession. My mom and I were always poor so I have no education. No opportunities. It's... just something I became. My story is the same as many of the other girls out on the street. Young, poor, foolish... desperate. I am luckier than most, though."

"In what way?" Laska asked.

"I'm a half-elf. I'm exotic," Rose shrugged. "So I can ask a higher price and get away with it. And because I'm exotic, I've got the eyes of the nobles."

"Nobles?" said Laska. "They come here?"

"Hah," Rose chuckled. "Seen all those carriages going back and forth over the Bridge all the time? What do you think happens in those? Mostly insanely rich people looking for a quick thrill."

"So I guess those nobles pay a bundle?"

"Hells no," Rose giggled. "They are usually the biggest cheapskates, believe it or not. But there are some who are real generous tippers. Since a few days, I do a bit of appointment work in the noble districts. Some of the nobles got some weird and perverted requests, but mostly it's doable and it's decent money. Money I made thanks to my exotic looks allowed me to buy this house. It might not look like much, but it's all mine."

"It is a nice house, even if it only has one window," Laska said.

"Most of the other girl are stuck with the flophouse or are forced to live on the streets," Rose said. "This house offers me some safety and security. A lot of girls have a black lotus habit or fall under the influence of protection rackets. There's a couple of nasty individuals out there who shake down a lot of the girls."

"Where's your mom now?" Laska asked.

Rose shifted uncomfortably. "She's... no longer alive. I'd have loved to introduce you to her. She would have liked you a lot."

"I'm sorry," said Laska.

"Don't be," Rose whispered and kissed Laska on the cheek. "But it's not always bad. I have a bit of a reputation in town for my... preferences. It's always a treat when a woman buys my services, and I've got a few steady female customers now."

"Oh?" Laska asked. "Anyone I know?"

"That would be breaking professional ethics," Rose smirked. "But I guess I can trust you. Hm, there's Jerlia, the ore merchant. Hard body, soft heart. Then there's Lady Jysstev..."

"No way!" Laska blinked. "_Her_?!"

"What do you think she was doing at the Bridge when those mooks caught her?" Rose winked. "Then there's Simik, a high-up among the shadow thieves. She's... flexible. Very flexible. Hm, and Lady Elizabeth Trarr of the Order. A lady-paladin with a heart of gold and a gentle touch. She always feels guilty for employing me, so she overpays a lot."

"Wow, there's more to this streetwalking thing than I thought," Laska smirked.

"Well forget it," Rose said playfully. "This is my corner, find your own if you want to start out!"

"As if!" Laska chuckled. "Adventuring is a good enough job for me, thank you very much."

Rose snuggled against Laska again, her hand still resting on Laska's breast. "I always wanted to run a tavern. Some of the girls and I have been talking about it for ages, but it never got off the ground. This house only cost a mere fraction of what it would take to buy a real tavern. And then we'd need money for bribes to get permits. A starting capital to buy food, drink and furniture. It's never going to happen."

"Putting my life on the line is always a good source of money. Maybe I could invest something to help you out?" Laska suggested. "I could talk to Viconia about setting some money aside."

Rose stiffened for a moment, looked at Laska, but then shook her head. "Oh, no. You need the money to rescue your sister, I'd never forgive myself if something would happen to her because you weren't there in time. And, I'm fine, really. It's just a pipe dream."

Laska rubbed her chin. "My friend Jan always has some creative business ideas, maybe you could talk to him? Mostly it involves things that explode, though."

"Hm, I'll keep that in mind," Rose said. "Jansens have this uncanny ability to think outside the box."

"In the meantime," Laska grinned as she rolled on top of a giggling Rose, " I'd say you're ready for round three."

Rose's response was to wrap her arms around Laska and lean in for a kiss.

* * *

Already up at this ungodly hour, Laska had made her way back to the house just in time to catch up with her friends. There were plenty of yawns, curses and snores going around.

"I wish Keldorn would tell us about why we are being summoned to this infernal place once more," Viconia wondered as she and her four friends were about to enter the Order Guildhouse.

"Ah, Viconia!" Minsc raved. "Mayhaps the nice knights will send us on a grand adventure! I hope it involves plenty of evil in need of a jawbreaking punch!"

"Then again," Viconia snorted, "they might decide to slaughter us for no apparent reason."

"So," Laska asked Jan. "How was your date? I think you left right before I did."

Ever since Lissa and her daughter had been living in Laska's house, Jan seemed to be walking on air all the time.

"Oh, oh," Jan grinned. "We're getting re-acquainted. Ah, it was so romantic last night. More so even than cousin Iggy's wedding. But then again, he did marry six brides at once, so there was a certain accumulation there. Anyway, we spent all evening waiting for the moon to come up, and it sure took him long enough, mind you. It started to rain, so we decided to sit on the patio of the house, looking at the moon, drinking from a single turnip with two straws in it... Ah, it was bliss..."

"Nice to know things are going well for you and Lissa, Jan," Laska chuckled.

"Oh, hey!" Jan certainly said. "No need to be jealous. You know, if you're lonely, I could introduce you to my cousin Reginald. He owns a pig-farm, you know? Very lucrative..."

"NO!" Laska quickly replied. "No fixing up for this elf!"

"Are you sure?" Jan asked. "You'll get all the pork you can eat! Liberally covered with turnip-shavings, of course."

"I'll pass."

"I nay know, lass," Korgan broke in. "Ye could always kill the bugger in his sleep and be takin' the pork. Then ye be a free elf _and _'ave yer pockets filled with pork rids!"

"You know, that's exactly what happened to auntie Roberta!" Jan added. "Then again, we did warn her about marrying a half-griffin. Half-griffins like gnomes as much as the full-blooded ones do as it turns out. Sad thing, really, she was a legendary expert on creating exotic tasting pork-rinds, like 'sour-creme and salsa', 'Turnip-peanutbutter surprise', 'Lemon-Tang-Orange' and 'Fish-Beef-Cognac'."

"Well," Viconia replied sharply. "That has certainly put me off dinner for a while."

"Hmmmmmmm," Minsc licked his lips, "Lemon-Tang-Orange Pork Rinds."

The five friends entered the Order Guildhouse, finding the floor buffed to the point that they could see themselves in it.

"Ah, you have finally arrived," Keldorn smiled as his friends stepped past the small stables and into the Hallowed Halls of the Order Guildhouse. "I was starting to get worried."

"No detours this time, Keldorn," Laska grinned.

"Now," Viconia asked. "If you would tell us why we are here."

"Of course," Keldorn said, in his most official tone of voice. "The Order would like to hire you for a task."

"Ach, more fallen sanctimonious gits?" Korgan chuckled. "Me axe be itchin' fer a swing or two."

"No, nothing like that," Keldorn said as his bid his friends to follow him to one of the offices in the back of the Guildhouse. When they entered, they found the familiar visage of Sir Ryan Trawl waiting for them. He was dressed in Full Plate, brandished a mean-looking halberd and was generally looking ready for combat, though judging from his disarming smile, he had no intention of initiating combat any time soon. He was flanked by a red-haired girl barely seventeen years of age, wearing a blue mage-robe. She seemed to be holding her fighting staff rather awkwardly, betraying she had very little experience in actually using it.

"Are... are these the adventurers you have hired to help save my father's keep?" the girl asked Keldorn. "They... they look kinda familiar, but..."

"Do not worry, my Lady," Keldorn said. "I have worked closely with these fine people, and I consider them to be most competent adventurers."

"Most?" Laska asked.

"Competent?" Viconia smirked.

"This is Lady Nalia De'Arnise," Sir Ryan Trawl broke in. "Daughter of the honorable Lord Dougal De'Arnise. His keep is being besieged by unknown attackers, and she has requested the aid of the Order to help deal with the situation."

"It's been very hard to find people who will help me," Nalia sniffed. "I've been traveling the more seedier parts of town in search of mercenaries, but no one would even hear me out."

"Do not worry, my Lady," Sir Ryan said. "We of the Order take duty very seriously."

"Just don't expect me to be your lackey," Laska practically snarled.

"No, Laska," Keldorn said, "for what we have in mind, you, meaning the party, will be in charge of this operation."

"So, we be gettin' to boss around knighties?" Korgan laughed. "Oy! Ye be jumpin' of the bloody cliff, and flap yer arms when ye be fallin'!" Korgan pointed at Sir Ryan. "Donnae be talkin' back to me now, or yer god will get angry and smite ye!"

Against all expectations, Sir Ryan Trawl broke out in laughter. "No, no, no, no, no," he chuckled. "You won't be commanding any knights."

"As you might be aware, the Order has a rather large number of Squires who sign on each year in attempt to gain a place within its hallowed halls," Keldorn said.

"They are good souls, but merely one tenth of all the squires actually makes it through the rigorous training and selection process," Sir Ryan Trawl said. "And even then, there are more squires left then there are actual free positions in the Order itself. Meaning that each year, we divide all the squires into groups of three and send them out on an adventure with a knighted supervisor. Usually these are small quests, not one of this magnitude. That is why only the most talented and most promising are sent on this particular mission, and why you have been contacted to lead the operation."

"So we get to babysit a couple o' wanna-be's?" Korgan chuckled. "I be 'opin' I nay be needin' to change their nappies. HAR!"

"Do not worry," Keldorn said. "All these squires are very competent fighters. It is our job to see how they work together with others and how they conduct themselves under true battle conditions."

"A training mission," Laska said.

"No," Sir Ryan Trawl said. "A real mission."

"Very real for my father and the others still trapped in the Keep!" Nalia stressed. "Please, you must help me!"

"I will observe and supervise the squires," Keldorn said. "But the evaluation all of you will give after this quest has been completed will be vital in the decision which of these three squires will be chosen to become a knight this year. We only have one position to give away in this group. Those who are not selected will be given more appropriate training and will try again at another time."

"Ah," Jan said. "That'll be fun! I'll made a checklist for anyone. And if they don't like turnips, they _don't _get to be knights!"

"Oh, this is wonderful Boo!" Minsc said. "We get to decide who will kick a dragon's butt as a knight!"

"So I take it, you are going to help me?" Nalia asked, radiating intense hope.

"Yes, we will," Laska nodded.

"Send in the clowns," Viconia chuckled.

Immediately, Sir Ryan Trawl nodded and the first squire entered the room. He was a young, but strong-looking human man, dressed in an incredibly well-made, ornate plate mail armor and brandished a bastard sword and a shield as choice weapons.

"This is Gurgan Forgehammer," Keldorn said.

"Oy!" Korgan broke in. "That be a dwarven name!"

"You couldn't be more right," Sir Ryan Trawl replied. "Gurgan was orphaned as a child and adopted by a dwarven smith who works the forge in Trademeet."

"Aye, I should 'ave known," Korgan chuckled. "That armor be dwarven craft."

"Young Gurgan was actually approached to join the Order after one of our knights noticed him settling a dispute between two large groups of armed soldiers belonging to the two rival noble houses of Trademeet. With a diplomatic approach, combined with a few waves of his sword, he managed to defuse the conflict before hostilities could break out. Since then, he studied hard and trained even harder. A place as a knight would be well earned for him, even though he is the youngest squire of the three. Squire Gurgan?"

"I be makin' no illusions that I will be chosen ta be knighted," Gurgan spoke in a heavy dwarven-accented voice. "Like Sir Keldorn be sayin', I still be too young to be knighted. I will be servin' you no less, though."

"Well, we know where you got that fine armor," Jan grinned.

"Ach," Gurgan chuckled. "Me da be a good man, and I told 'im 'e shouldn't bother, that I would be buyin' me own armor. But 'e would nay hear of it, kept tellin' me that 'No son of 'is would be wearin' nay shabbily made 'uman armor'. Anyway, me blade be in yer service. And in the service o'Torm, of course."

Once again, Sir Ryan Trawl nodded. A second squire entered the hall. A woman, this time. A woman with blonde hair and laughing brown eyes. She wore a rather plain chain-mail and brandished a rather large two-handed sword. The huge sword made the girl look rather scrawny as she held it strapped to her back and more often that not, the tip of the sword would scrape over the marble floor of the guildhouse. Immediately as she saw the party, a blush rose to her cheeks. "Errrmmm, hi," she spoke meekly.

"Squire Elotta Trarr!" Sir Ryan Trawl spoke firm, yet gently. "You may not yet speak."

"Sorry," she muttered nervously.

"Elotta has been approaching the end of training as a Squire-Paladin in the service of Tyr," Keldorn said. "She's the daughter of one of our prominent members and is showing much promise for the future. Her biggest problem, however, is her shy nature among strangers. Still, she is one of the most well-liked squires there are. You may speak, Elotta"

Elotta spoke up, and through her high-pitched nervous voice several words like 'Tyr', 'Squire', 'Paladin', 'Order', 'Loyalty' and 'Rutabager' could be heard.

"And the third," Keldorn sighed.

"Why are you suddenly so nervous?" Viconia asked.

"Squire Anomen Delryn," Sir Ryan Trawl announced, and _he_ stepped into the room, looking cocky as ever with his polished platemail, his trusty hammer and his family shield. But as soon as he and Laska locked eyes, it was as if oil had been thrown onto a fire.

"_YOU?!_" they spoke simultaneously.

"I'm _not_ going anywhere with that idiot!" Laska shouted.

"I'm _not_ going anywhere with that trollop!" Anomen shouted at the same time.

"This is what I feared," Keldorn sighed.

"Squire Anomen," Sir Ryan Trawl stressed. "You may not yet speak."

"You wish me to travel with this group of amoral scoundrels?" Anomen shouted. "Their leader is as evil as those who we will be fighting in the first place!"

"I am Laska," Laska grinned inwardly and faux-snarled, "the mighty demonic elf! And I mean to eat you _all_! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Is that your impression of evil, you annoying little git?"

"Listen to how she mocks a squire of the Order!" Anomen directed to Keldorn and Ryan, unaware that Gurgan was snickering and Elotta's face was caught in the state of a blushy smile.

"Squire Anomen! You will be _silent_!" Sir Ryan Trawl replied.

Anomen looked as if he was about to explode in rage, but, showing remarkable self-control, he managed to calm himself down enough to remain silent.

"This is Squire Anomen Delryn," Keldorn said. "And I have heard of how you first met. Still, I am confident both of you will set your differences aside to help free the keep from the siege it is under. Lives will be depending on this, Laska."

"Hey, don't look at me. As long as I don't get _too_ drunk, I might be able to keep myself from stuffing his head up his bum," Laska said, immediately taking a sip from her pocketflask.

"I like to see you try, brigand!" Anomen retorted.

"_Anomen!_" Sir Ryan Trawl bellowed.

Anomen nodded apologetically, but did not stop giving Laska harsh stares.

"Squire Anomen," Keldorn continued, ignoring all the outbursts, "is the son of a local merchant, but was not sponsored by the man and he earned the mantle of a squire on his own. He is an eager warrior-priest of Helm, sometimes too eager and driven. But I have no doubt he'll become a great knight."

"Hah," Laska snorted. "He'll probably become the kind of knight that will kill a squirrel for stealing a nut."

"HAR HAR!" Korgan belly-laughed. "That be tellin' those pansies, lass!"

"Say," Jan asked. "What's the Order's stance on the sale of completely semi-legal advanced mechanical machinery of a delicate, yet very useful nature?"

"Well," Sir Ryan Trawl said. "If it's useful..."

"I'm working on this new device, you see? I call it the 'pocket-knife'. It's a small fold-out utensil. It's got a razor, a cork-screw, a pair of scissors, a turnip-peeler, a turnip-holder, a file, a piece of candy for those hungry days, an umbrella, a gift-coupon, a tankard, the complete biography of Elminster, a Red-Wizard repellant, a magic missile, a magic book, a 14-cylinder turnip-beer maker, a mighty demonic skull, a crossbow, a doghouse, a dog, a compass, a magnet, a spare set of keys and some lockpicks," Jan raved. "Plus, there'll be a free cart included for anyone wanting to lug this handy little device around!"

"What about a knife?" Viconia asked. "I didn't hear you mention one and it's called a pocket-_knife _after all."

"Are you _nuts_?!" Jan retorted with a frown. "There's no more room left to add a knife!"

Viconia rubbed her head and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry I asked now."

"And you want us to got with this lot?" Anomen asked. "I question your wisdom in this matter, Sir Trawl, Sir Firecam."

"Duly noted," Sir Trawl said. "You and the other squires shall report to the corral outside of the city in an hour."

"I do so under protest, Sir Trawl," Anomen said, before joining the other squires.

"Ah, yes, we must leave as soon as possible," Keldorn asked his friends. "Will an hour be enough to gather supplies and prepare for a journey? If so, I will meet you at the corral in an hour."

"What will we be doing at the corral?" Laska asked.

"Retrieving our horses, naturally," Keldorn said. "Surely you did not expect us to _walk_ to De'Arnise keep?"

* * *

"So," Laska asked her friends as they had gathered up their packs, "do we have everything?"

"Almost everything," Viconia said, and pointed to the three giggling girls playing hide and seek. They peeked in every closet, looked behind every piece of furniture and generally tore the place upside down. In the background, Khittix silently skittered from his hiding-place behind a chair to the back of a small bench put against the wall. Before the children could spot him, he had put his legs on the wall and equally quietly skittered to the ceiling.

"Found Khittix yet?" Viconia snickered.

"No," Risa said. "We've looked _everywhere_!"

"Hey, look, look!" the tiny gnomish girl knows as Jaella spoke up and pointed to the ceiling. There, clinging to a fancy hanging chandelier, was Khittix. Knowing he was found, he shot a silky wire from his hind-quarters and slowly let himself slide down by that silky wire. Once on the floor, the children 'assaulted' Khittix with a series of pets and cuddles. The happily chirping Khittix was obviously very pleased with all the attention he had been getting from the children lately.

"Sorry, young ones," Viconia said, "but I'm afraid Khittix must come with me."

"Awwwww," the three girls pouted, and waved Khittix goodbye as he returned to the statue in Viconia's hand.

"Ah," Minsc said and held out Boo. "Minsc has all he needs!"

"HEY!" sounded from the umbrella-stand. "You big lummox! You take that rodent, but not me?! I'm the blade here! I'd like to see you pummeling someone to death with a hamster..."

"Ah, Minsc's face is red from shame," Minsc added, "Of course I would not forget my pointy buddy Lilarcor!"

*'_HAH!_'* Ipsiya spoke up. *'_He'd be better off with just the hamster'_*

"Ah, but then you won't have my charming personality around to arouse your torrid fantasies, my sweet Ipsiya! Rrrrrooowwwwllll," Lilarcor added.

*_'Well,'_* Ipsiya snickered _*'there is this fantasy of my which involves you and a smelting oven.'*_

"Ah, the red-hot smelting oven of LUVVV?" Lilarcor asked.

*'_No, I just watch... and laugh... while you scream...'_*

"Sorry about interrupting your research again, Vic," Laska said, ignoring the two swords.

"No matter," Viconia replied. "I feel I am close to uncovering the secret, though... I will be taking some of my books with me on this trip..."

"Okay then," Laska said. "Lasalla will keep this house running while we are gone and paladins will check in on Lissa and Jaella. Speaking of which, let's see if we can pry Lissa and Jan from their goodbye-hug."

* * *

"Ah, good you are here," Keldorn greeted as the party left the town-gates for the first time. In the distance, pastures and woods were as far as the eye can see. For the most part, nature still reigned in Amn. For some, it was a delightful contrast from the bustle of the city, for others it was mere dangerous wilderniss. It was as if the city gates of Athkatla was a portal to an entirely different world.

The Order's horses were stationed just outside the city-gates in a separately walled-off section. This section contained at least a hundred horses, which were able to graze and gallop free range. Apparently, the stone corral had been donated to the Order by a rich noble whose daughter had been saved by a passing Order patrol.

At the small, yet well-defended western gate to the corral, they were greeted by both Keldorn and Lady Irlana, the Order's Keeper of the Steeds. As they passed through the gate, they came across a collection of small wooden structures, including a storage facility for the saddles, a number of carts and quite a lot of separate stables. A burly dwarf was in the process of shoeing one of the horses, while several squires were forking hay on a cart. Several horses were loitering around, eying the hay hungrily.

"Welcome," Irlana spoke, "welcome to the Order stables. Have any of you ever ridden a horse before?"

Korgan was the first to speak up. "OY! I nay will be gettin' on one o'those long-nosed devils! Now 'orse_meat_. That be a different thing, HAR!"

"Ah," Irlana said. "I had forgotten about the irrational fear our dwarven kin have for my fine horses. Even Girhen there only shoes them, but never rides. But do not worry, noble dwarf, for I have the perfect solution."

"Well, ye'd better 'ave!" Korgan said.

"Och," the voice of squire Gurgan called from one of the stables. "Me da almost be 'avin' a 'eartattack when 'e first saw me sittin' on an 'orse."

"Ah, Squire Gurgan," Keldorn said. "I take it you are ready to go?"

"Aye," he replied. "And so are squire Anomen and squire Elotta. They be waitin' fer ye at the eastern entrance to the corral."

The horsemistress led the party to the eastern entrance where their steeds were waiting for them. "Are you ready?" Keldorn asked as his friends approached a large pen containing four horses.

"Your usual steed is being prepared by the squires, Keldorn," Irlana said. "Justice will be waiting for you at the eastern entrance. In the meantime, the Order has given you Sugar, Honor, Rarity and Swift Death. I am here to give you a quick lecture on riding. You pick up a lot by practise, though. But I recommend getting to know your horse if only to form a bond of trust."

"I have some riding experience," Viconia said. "I've ridden lizard-steeds for decades when I still lived in the Underdark."

"Then Swift Death is yours," Irlana said. "Try her."

Immediately, Viconia climbed the fence, put her foot in the stirrups and swung her leg over Swift Death's back. "Although," Viconia grimaced as Swift Death started to walk, "on the lizards I was never seated _this_ high." Then, Swift Death started to gallop. "Or this FAST!" she yelled. Before too long, her hair was whipping in the hair as she held on to the horse's neck for dear life.

"Is it fun?" Laska asked as the speeding black horse ran past the party again.

"_IWANTOFFIWANTOFFIWANTOFFIWAN TOFFIWANTOFF!_" the screaming Viconia yelled for everyone to hear.

"My turn!" Jan said. He was given Sugar, a light-brown horse. Immediately, Jan sat down on the saddle and whipped out a long fishing pole with a turnip tied to the end. As he held the tantalizing vegetable in front of Sugar's nose, the horse started to chase the turnip with enthusiasm. "HAH!" Jan said. "Never fails and... WHOA!" he shouted as Sugar tossed him from her back. As Jan lay groaning in the grass, Sugar strolled over to the turnip and blissfully started to munch.

"Is that my horse?" Minsc asked as he pointed to Rarity, a small white pony.

"Errrr," Irlana said as she looked from the hulking iron-clad ranger to the tiny, delicate horse and back again. "Hmmm, wait here, please!"

A few moments later, Irlana came back and was leading a huge, hulking brown clydesdale by the reigns. "I think Tiny is better suited for you, Minsc," she spoke.

"Ohhhhh! Look what the nice lady has brought us, Boo! Look at the huge nice horsey!"

"Okay," Laska rubbed her hands, "my turn."

The elf put her foot in the stirrups, swung her leg over the back of Honor and ended up staring at the horse's tail. "Cool, I can see where I've been!" Laska chuckled, while Honor arched his neck around to regard the annoying elf on his back. Laska then tried to wiggle back-to-front while still on the saddle, something Honor did not like one bit. Before she realized what was happening, Laska was sent flying and landed on the ground with a thud and a snarl.

"HAR HAR HAR!" Korgan belly-laughed. "That 'orse be not likin' ye! HAR HAR HAR!"

Fuming, Laska strolled over to the laughing dwarf, and while Korgan was unaware, bend towards his ear and yelled the word '_NEIGH_' as loud as she could.

"Aaah!" Korgan yelled, stumbled backwards and fell into the drinking trough.

"Hey!" Irlana shouted at the flailing, wet dwarf as he lay in the throg. "Will you please get out of there right this instant? My horses still have to _drink _from that water!"

* * *

Keldorn was pleased to see that his friends were quick learners. The trip was well-underway by now. Keldorn rode point, since he knew the land best, and was followed by Laska and Viconia. Behind them, Minsc's steed Tiny was pulling a large wooden cart containing the supplies as well as Korgan who still refused to set foot on a horse.

Behind the cart trailed Jan, Nalia and the squires, and by the sound of it, the gnome was regaling them with tales of his family. Keldorn then noticed that quire Anomen, who had been moping the entire time, was steering his horse in his direction.

"Sir Keldorn," Anomen finally spoke in a hushed tone. "I am baffled as to the group you have chosen to accompany us. A drow cleric of Shar, up to who knows what! A maniacal dwarven mercenary, driven by a lust for gold! A incessantly chatty gnome! An addled ranger who talks to a hamster! And then... that... that infuriating elf. They have no sense of discipline. They have no sense of order!"

"Anomen," Keldorn sighed. "This is a tightly knit group of friends who care about each other, who are aware of their shortcomings and make up for it with teamwork. Even though they don't often agree with one another, they are all loyal and honorable people. And I for one am proud to be a part of this group."

"I... see," Anomen said, sufficiently rebuffed. But in truth, he could see that Anomen did not understand. Keldorn did not blame him. He was still young and has had a harsh life, but Keldorn was certain Anomen would learn a valuable lesson from traveling with his friends. Even though his years as a Squire would soon end, Anomen still had a lot to learn.

"Anomen, sometimes fate forces you to work with people who clash with you or who will have a philosophy you will not agree with," Keldorn said. "But then you must still fight by their sides since they are your comrades, Anomen. I know this is a hard lesson. One that I am still learning."

"I question your judgment, Sir Keldorn," Anomen simply said and let his horse fall back, while the aged paladin sighed and shook his head.

Soon enough, Anomen found himself riding next to Laska. After a long, awkward silence, Anomen was the first to speak. "In time I shall surely command more respect with these fools. 'Tis hardly much of a party that you have put together."

Laska said nothing, but just slowly turned her head towards Anomen and treated him to an icy stare. "How so?" she almost growled.

"With my knighthood, I shall be above the petty concerns of a field officer for the Order. That is where I shall command more respect," Anomen added.

"You're not a knight yet, Anomen," Laska said.

"It's only a matter of time," Anomen chuckled. "Elotta and Gurgan don't stand a chance! Elotta can barely string together a sentence and Gurgan... well, he doesn't exactly speak like a knight should."

"Anomen," Laska retorted. "I may not know much about the Order, but how does the way someone speaks affect things like honor, loyalty, kindness and common decency? You know, those minor insignificant character traits."

"You are right," Anomen spoke. "You do not know much about the Order."

"Anomen," Laska grinned after letting Anomen's remark sink in. "That scar on your face? Did you get it in a mighty battle?"

"Ah, I am glad you are interested in the travels of a morally superior person," Anomen spoke. "During my battles with the orc..."

"AH, you must have been _so_ drunk when you tried to pick your nose! You missed it by a mile!"

"WHAT!" Anomen shouted. "HOW DARE..." But before Anomen could react, Laska whacked a twig on the butt of Anomen's horse. Immediately, the horse started to buck, trying to toss Anomen to the ground.

*'_Cute'_* Ipsiya said as a cursing Anomen fell to the ground.

"Anomen?" Laska asked.

*_'No,'_* Ipsiya replied. *'_His hammer...'_*

"Oh," Laska whispered as she regarded Anomen, struggling with the reigns of his horse. "This'll be fun..."


	27. Campfire

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 27 : Campfire_

"Ah, this be the life," Gurgan said as he sat next to the firepit, talking to his new friends. "Comradery, adventure and steel on steel..."

"Hm, I remember hearing that before somewhere," Minsc scratched his head.

Nighttime had fallen, and the party had decided to set up camp for the night, despite the protests of Nalia, who had been pressing to push on. The party, Nalia and the two squires Gurgan and Elotta were sitting on a semi-circle of wooden logs carried towards the make-shift firepit. On the other side of the firepit, facing the others was Viconia, quietly listening to the conversation and making sure the meat they had brought from Athkatla wouldn't burn, while Anomen sat further away still, vigorously polishing his armor as was demanded from servants of Helm.

Three large tents flanked the fire, one for four and two for three occupants. The horses were tied to a pole, the huge Clydesdale Tiny towering above all of them.

The light of the full moon augmented the yellowish crackle of a nice campfire. Camp was made at the edge of a forest, overlooking a large patch of green grass.

"It nay be bad," Korgan chuckled. "How be the food doin', drowsy?"

"Fine," Viconia spoke with a distinct lack of interest, actually doing three things at the same time: listening to the conversation, keeping an eye on the food and flipping through the pages of one of her books she was researching.

"Ach, I be so hungry, I can eats a bleedin' 'orse!" Korgan exclaimed.

"Not so loud!" Gurgan chuckled. "Our 'orses might hear and decide to go on strike!"

"HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed. "Mayhaps we be carryin' the long-nosed freaks on _our_ back then, ey?" Korgan had to admit that, for a self-righteous paladin git, Gurgan was a find chap and he could get along easily with him.

"Oh, that wouldn't be the first time horses were more important than people," Jan spoke up. "Allow me to tell you the story of my cousin Jeffrey Jansen, when he encountered the Fabulous Flatulent Horses of Cormyr."

"Oh, sweet Torm," Keldorn muttered.

"Now, these weren't your ordinary horses, you see. Now, Cormyr was always known for its clean air, green hills and generally peaceful setting. That changed overnight, when the horses began so suffer from a most strange affliction. All clean air was driven away as all the horses of town began to toot and expunge all types of noxious gasses into the atmosphere. Laundry was ruined, plants wilted on the spot, canary-birds dropped in their cages and there was a rapid exodus of cats and dogs from the city as the epidemic continued," Jan chuckled.

"Och," Korgan chuckled. "This be soundin' like 'orse-crap. HAR!"

"But soon enough, the tourist-trade bloomed! Families from all over the tri-kingdom area flocked to Cormyr to have a picture taken while standing next to a tooting horse!" Jan raved.

"Do you realize, good gnome," Keldorn said, "how truly difficult it is becoming to tell people I actually associate with you?"

"And when the city was about to be invaded by a group of ravenous orcs, the good people of Cormyr line up all their horses in a row with their rear-ends facing the orcs," Jan said. "Let's just say this particular artillery was the key to a very smelly defeat for those orcishly inclined brigands..."

"I can imagine," Laska grimaced.

"Now, the truth behind the whole matter is, that my cousin Jeffrey Jansen was working on an experiment to make horses run faster, and, for months he had been sneaking gunpowder into the horsefeed. And, to his credit, the Cormyrian horses _did _actually run faster than a normal horse due to an extra, ahum, push from time to time, but this was not enough for poor Jeffrey. He got greedy, you see? He fed his own horse nitroglycerin daily, hoping it would eventually launch his horse into the sky! Unfortunately, he did not consider the side-effects of applying highly unstable chemicals to the gastric-intestinal tract of a race-horse. Also, he did not look where he put his feet. That last horse-plop he stepped in exploded and became the death of him, really..."

"What?" Minsc asked. "Boo is confused... Is there no griffin in this story?"

"Of course!" Jan said, "but seeing Jeffrey had blown himself up, the griffin decided to eat the horse instead."

"No turnip?" Viconia muttered.

"Well, cousin Jeffrey was kinda the black sheep of the family," Jan said. "He preferred 'carrots'," he finished, while twirling his finger along the side of his head.

"Carrots?" Viconia muttered. "Perish the thought."

"Is... is he always like this?" Squire Elotta asked in a meek, yet slightly clearer voice.

"She speaks!" Laska chuckled.

"Aye," Gurgan said, still chuckling over Jan's story, "it be takin' a while afore Elotta speaks, but when the lass be speakin', she nay knows when to stop!"

"All this comradery is all good and well," Nalia spoke up, sounding a bit bratty. "But I would really prefer that we head to my keep immediately. It's only four more hours away!"

"My Lady," Keldorn said, trying his best to be polite. "I have already told you..."

"... twelve times before..." Laska added.

"... that we have already traveled for an entire day, and we need to rest before arriving at the siege. We cannot fight a superior force _and_ our sleep at the same time..."

"I... I know," Nalia said and buried her face in her hands. "But... But it's just so frustrating, you know? I know all the people fighting for their lives back there and... and... I'm here sitting safely at a campfire!"

"Ye need nay be feelin' guilty," Gurgan smiled. "Ye risked yer own life to escape the siege ta alert the outside world. And ye came back with help."

Keldorn smiled. Squire Gurgan would make an excellent diplomatic paladin. His patience, kindness and good humor made him an excellent candidate for knight, even though Gurgan himself didn't yet consider himself worthy of that position.

"I... Perhaps... perhaps," Nalia said and returned to her brooding.

"Sir Keldorn Firecam?" Elotta asked with extreme nervousness. "I... I have heard so many tales of your many travels. Is... Is it true that you slew twenty Hill Giants in the Troll Hill campaign?"

"No, no," Keldorn chuckled. "Me and my _unit_ of thirty knights slew the twenty Hill Giants, not me personally. I seriously doubt any one person could kill twenty Hill Giants in single combat."

"Aye," Gurgan chuckled. "Nay like a fellow squire whom shall remain nameless."

In the background, the sounds of polishing stopped for a moment, before starting again with twice the vigor.

"Keldorn," Minsc asked. "Boo would like to know why not all of these fine soon-to-be knights are allowed to enter the league of buttkicking heroes! The more feet to kick evil butts, the merrier I say!"

"A good question, Minsc," Keldorn said, to which Gurgan and Elotta opened a willing ear. "The first reason why there's only one position per three squires is one of brotherhood. The Order must not become a faceless organization where no knight knows one another. We knights must rely on each other in combat, and it is far easier to form a bond of trust and comradery if all the knights at least know each other's name. This way, the shortcomings of each knight are known as well, which can be compensated for in the formation of squads. It is one of the reasons the Order has been so successful in dealing with the many evils that stalk the land."

"Sounds reasonable to me," Laska said. "I'd prefer to be part of a smaller group too instead of a faceless mob."

"Is that why you rejected Lord Belt's offer to become Scar's successor in the Flaming Fist?" Viconia asked.

"Nah," Laska said. "I didn't like the helmets with the fluff sticking out of it."

"But that's not the only reason," Keldorn added. "Some squires are simply not ready to be knighted, not even if they have gone through the entire course. Most need more combat-training, others need to learn how to work better in a group. Yet more others must learn humility. Some squires even voluntarily remain squires to work another year to hone their skills."

"That would be me," Gurgan said. "I feel I be not ready to match blades with evil at this point. Besides, I be still too young."

"Do not disparage yourself, young Gurgan," Keldorn said. "I have seen you in combat."

"I feel I am not ready to be a knight either," Elotta meekly spoke up. "I... I... fall silent whenever someone speaks to me, or whenever I need to speak to a small crowd. It took me a day to become c...confident enough to even speak to Sir Keldorn..."

From the back of camp, a barely audible snort could be heard.

"I be 'avin' nay clue as to why we be named 'most promising' ta be knighted," Gurgan said. "There be others far more worthy that us two, right Elotta?"

"I'll say," Elotta sighed and resumed staring at the ground.

"Are squires usually sent on these kind of missions?" Laska asked.

"No," Keldorn said, "usually a veteran knight takes three squires to seek out brigands or a nest of orcs. The only reason this mission was chosen to determine who gets knighted, is because of this group. I convinced the Order that, considering this party's recent history, we would be capable of dealing with the threat at hand as well as safeguarding the lives of the aspiring knights."

"That be putting yer eggs in one basket, knighty!" Korgan said. "Ye better make sure these pre-knighties donnae be gettin' in the way o' me axe! HAR!"

"So," Jan asked. "Why did you want become knights? No more place in the fire department? Did the fishing-ships sink? Allergic to turnips?"

"Well, me da always told me 'e be likin' me to take over the forge someday, but 'e allowed me to be choosin' me own way in life. 'E told me 'e'd be proud to see me as a knight. I really donnae knowin' why I be so interested in accepting Sir Hidder's offer to join the Order as a squire, but 'e said I be makin' a grand knight some day," Gurgan said.

"My mother sponsored me, actually," Elotta said. "My mother is a celebrated knight in the Order herself. Lady Elizabeth Trarr, is her name. My father was a wealthy merchant from a noble house. They were married for only a short time, though. My mother found out that my father's reputable business was only a front for an active slave-trading ring. My father was arrogant enough to think that my mother would never learn the truth. In the end, my mother had their marriage declared void and slew my father when the Order moved against his trade. My mother was carrying me then, and I was practically raised in the Order guildhall. Becoming a knight seemed so natural to me..."

"And one day, both of you will walk the hallowed halls of the Order as proud knights," Keldorn nodded, confident of the truth of his statement.

"What about the grouch over there?" Laska snorted, and pointed at Anomen, still sitting away from the campfire, polishing his armor.

"Oh, don't be mindin' 'im," Gurgan said. "'E be aloof to anyone nay 'avin' the same ideals and ideas of knighthood as 'e be 'avin'..."

"I suppose Helmite rigidity has something to do with it," Elotta mused.

"It's quite a bit deeper than that," Keldorn sighed. "But it is not our place to speak of it."

"Alright," Laska sighed. "Nalia? You've never told me about how you actually managed to escape the keep?"

"Oh, that was the easy part," Nalia half-smiled, while tossing a chip of wood in the fire. "I escaped the keep through a little-known secret passage. I used sneak out of the keep to bring some money or food to those less fortunate, and this was no different. The enemy mostly concentrated on breaching the front gates, so I managed to sneak away unnoticed."

"Did you catch a glimpse of the enemy?" Keldorn asked. "Do you have any ideas of the numbers of soldiers we will be fighting?"

"Errr, no, no... I didn't," Nalia replied, a little too quickly. "My father really didn't want me to go, him being the experienced adventurer and all, I feel I just would have been in the way. But... But I wanted to do at least _something_ to defend my home! So I decided to find someone who would help us."

"Do not worry, my Lady," Keldorn said. "Laska? When we arrive we should spy and observe the siege-camp first before making our move."

"There's a small rocky ridge on the northern side of the keep," Nalia said. "You can observe the entire valley from it."

"That's the plan then," Laska said. "You say your father is an adventurer?"

"He was an adventurer until he met my mother, and he returned home to his ancestral keep to become the Lord of the De'Arnise lands," Nalia said. "But adventure never left his being. Paperwork and protocol always bored him to tears, and he let his heart guide him, instead of his moneypouch like most Amnian nobles. He make a lot of enemies that way, though..."

"Dinner is ready!" Viconia simply said, and soon enough the hungry adventurers gathered to the pot of stew and freshly cooked meat.

* * *

"You've been awfully quiet this eve, Viconia," Keldorn remarked as he sat down next to the Drow and scooped some stew on his plate. They were sitting some distance from the rest of the party. In the background, Korgan was amazing his friends with his sheer lack of table-manners.

"I was reflecting on the many nights I spent around the campfire before our party came to Amn," Viconia mused and popped a small piece of meat in her mouth. "Imoen would annoy us with stories or her abysmal juggling-act to keep up 'the spirit' as she called it. Dynaheir would usually do the cooking, since she was the only one with an inkling of experience in that field. Laska would usually joke around, Minsc would feed his hamster. We also had this problem with finding and keeping hold of a sixth member of our party back in the day, you see, so there were often new faces about for as long as they could stand us. Xan the elf, Coran, another elf, Alora, one of the most annoying creatures alive, Shar-teel... now that was a woman with issues. A lot of good memories, though. This is the first night in Amn with our new party-members. Somehow, it's not quite the same..."

"It never is," Keldorn nodded, having lost friends himself in his career as a paladin.

"No," Viconia chuckled. "Dynaheir knew a series of spell to keep us safe at night. The first spell created an impenetrable barrier around the campfire, while a second spell created the illusion of a rocky outcropping."

"Still, it is wise to have a party member on guard duty," Keldorn suggested.

"We found that out the hard way," Viconia chuckled. "Several times really. At one time, a group of dwarven miners had set up camp near the rock and started breaking pick-axes on the rocky illusion. You should have seen the looks on their faces when Dynaheir broke the spell to complain about the noise."

"Hah," Keldorn chuckled.

"And then there was the time a large hobgoblin raiding party had set up camp around the rock while we were sleeping, and, rather than taking on over ninety hobgoblins, we spent all day quiet as a mouse, waiting for them to leave. We practically had to gag Laska and Minsc."

"Hm, I don't think a guard would have helped at that instance."

"Keldorn?" Viconia asked. "Have I ever told you about how I survived when I first fled to the surface?"

"I would be interested to hear the tale of your first steps on the surface," Keldorn asked.

"It was difficult, if you can imagine," Viconia sighed. "Even though my dealings with surface-creatures had been many, I knew only a fraction of common. As I traveled I carefully avoided any contact with the surfacers. In the Underdark, I had the advantage, but not here... I was alone in a strange world. Those humans who saw me hounded, me with abandon and I fled to the forests. There, I found out there was no quarter there for one such as I. I was hunted by the surface elves, and their honed hatred drove me further. The rift between drow and elf is deep, _suliss_. This is why I was especially distrustful of Laska when we first met, even though she made every effort to win my trust. She was raised by humans, so she never really had a taste of the racial hatreds bred into her kind."

"But you are good friends now," Keldorn added. "You must have overcome this cultural barrier."

"Indeed. But long before that, a group of goblins tried to seal my fate. I had no armor, spells and my only weapon was a stout branch, but a human merchant came in his caravan and his guards scattered them," Viconia snorted. "From a distance he had thought me to be a surface elf. Surprisingly, when he learned I was drow he offered me shelter. It was a sanctuary while I learned the human tongue. Luckily, I am quick to learn languagse, and common is simpler than the drow tongue."

"A noble deed for a merchant," Keldorn remarked. "Surprisingly noble for a merchant, actually."

"Not _that_ noble, Keldorn," Viconia chuckled. "The price for my safety was the favors I bestowed. The erotic arts that the Drow have honed for an eon."

"By the gods!" Keldorn's eyes grew wide. "How can a dog such as him ask such things from a helpless woman?!"

"Hah!" Viconia snorted. "He was a rank amateur at best, and never passed the beginner's level. Using me for pleasure is one thing, but I would have hoped he'd invest a little more effort."

"I... see..." Keldorn sighed.

"Oh, carnal pleasure is no skin off my nose, Keldorn," Viconia said. "Drow culture is practically centered around it. One day, I had enough of his pawings and decided to take the initiative myself, a bad decision as it turned out. His heart gave out, and the guards chased me away, thinking I had murdered him. But I did manage to make off with a large number of gems, a chain mail and a magical mace. Some more stew?" Viconia asked.

"Ah, yes, thank you," Keldorn replied.

* * *

The party had retired to the tents for the night, and Laska took the first guard, as she usually did. Keldorn had decided a second guard would be necessary for a party this size, and has chosen the squires for secondary guard-duty. Unfortunately, the first person on guard next to Laska was Anomen.

An awkward silence hung between them as they faced each other across the fire. Anomen was still polishing his shield, while Laska was twiddling her thumbs thinking back to a story Imoen once told her. _'Heh, it's been a while... How did that song she used to sing whenever she told that story go?'_ Laska thought to herself, and softly hummed to Imoen's lyrics of her rendition of 'the Lady and the Orc'. As an elf, it was very easy for her to carry a tune, but apparently Anomen took offence.

He dropped the shield. "Will you please stop humming? Your presence here is bad enough!"

"Oh, so sorry," Laska grimaced. "I was not aware that the 'delicate genius' needs utter silence. I will refrain from humming."

"What are you doing now?" Anomen asked a moment later.

"Tappin' my toes," Laska replied.

"Well, _stop_ it!"

"Jerk," Laska muttered under her breath.

"What is it _NOW_?!" Anomen snarled.

"Just clapping my hands," Laska said. "Gotta keep the rhythm going!"

Anomen, apparently considering if placing his hammer through Laska's skull might cost him his knighthood (or if it was even possible to match Laska's speed, for that matter), decided to simply ignore the elf.

"Anomen," Laska asked. "Why did you not join your fellows around the campfire to get to know us?"

"Let me bend your ear a moment, then," Anomen retorted.

"Ack!" Laska grimaced and instinctively covered the pointed ears emerging from her hair. "Never say that to an elf! Least of all me!"

"Nevertheless," Anomen said. "I do not associate with people of lesser morals."

"Lesser morals?" Laska snarled.

"Yes," Anomen said. "Lesser morals. Let's see, you travel with a maniacal dwarf whose only loyalty is to the coins in his pockets, a huge oaf who talks to a hamster, an annoyingly chatty gnome and the evil that is a drow!"

"Is Keldorn a person of lesser morals too, Anomen?" Laska snarled, clenching her fists, ready to punch some sense into the arrogant Helmite if need be.

"No," Anomen spoke, "but he is lowering himself by associating with the likes of your party, as are Gurgan and Elotta. Have you listened to them? Have you heard them whine about their insecurities? They don't deserve to be knighted and I _do_! I have slaved for the Order! I have honed my skills! I have dreamed to become a knight all my life, and they simply have their wish dropped in their laps! I _DESERVE_ to be knighted!"

"Yak, yak, yak... And that's why you don't sit at our campfire?" Laska snarled. "You're afraid to be tainted by our 'evil ways'?"

"Look at you," Anomen said. "You dare to call yourself good, while you merely play the role like an actor!"

"Beholder cults wiped out by Laska and friends: one. Beholder cults wiped out by Anomen: zero," Laska narrowed her eyes.

"Mere mercenary-work!" Anomen spat and continued polishing.

"Slaver-rings round up by Laska and friends: one. Slaver-rings round up by Anomen: zero," Laska retorted as she sat crosslegged on the log.

"Perhaps," Anomen said, while he finished polishing his shield and held it up towards the fire to see the shine. "But you conduct yourself in a most chaotic matter! You drink like a fish! You pick fights in bars for fun! You take nothing in life seriously! You intent to cover your entire body with ink to strike fear in all those whom you encounter. Why else would you have a tattoo of a blue dragon!"

"Anomen," Laska said. "I have tattoos because I _like_ them. And, how do you know so much about me? If I didn't know better, I'd think you've been spying on me!"

"I make it my duty to know the evil which dwells among the good citizens of Athkatla!" Anomen retorted quickly.

"And how can you know about the blue dragon?" Laska asked with narrowed eyes. "It's on my lower back and upper leg, and you've never met me without me wearing full body armor."

"Errr, well," Anomen stammered, and Laska's elven sight picked up a slight blush at being discovered.

"Hmmm, I have a nice view of the Order guildhouse from the pool on the second story of my house, and methinks that view works both ways," Laska snarled. "Perhaps you were watching when I went for a morning dip?!"

"I... I... _resent_ the implication!" Anomen said, really blushing violently red now. "It's just the sort of wild accusation I would expect from a woman who travels the world without the comfort of virtues or morals!"

"And how many times have you stared at my naked 'morals', Helm-boy?!" Laska chuckled. "I really must put curtains in my pool-room."

"Regardless," Anomen stammered. "My opinion of you and your cretinous friends stands! The righteous path ever beckons to those of virtue, but you shall be swept away by following your craven lusts..."

"I..." Laska stated, utterly shaking with rage. "I won't break your nose for a second time, Anomen... I really will not..." she said, walked away.

"Ah, because you know I am prepared for it now! Run, then, with your tail between your legs! Now ... Where is my helmet?"

"Here!" Laska snarled and threw him the helmet. "And I bid you to stop staring at my 'craven lusts' in the future! I'll go see to the horses."

"Good riddance!" Anomen shouted as he moved to put on the helmet.

As Laska walked on, she inwardly chuckled, barely being able to keep a straight face when thinking of the event to come.

Behind her, she heard the disgusted shout of Anomen echo through the night. She heard his helmet being tossed to the ground in intense anger, while Anomen seemed to run into the woods towards the small brook in the distance.

Laska smiled as she approached the towering Clydesdale Tiny and patted him on the nose. "Thanks for the kind donation, Tiny," she chuckled. "There'll be and extra carrot for you tomorrow. Too bad it didn't explode..."

* * *

"Yo, wake up!" Laska whispered to Elotta as it was her turn to take over guarding camp. The elf had just entered the bare tent she, Nalia, Viconia and Elotta were sharing, only to find Viconia reading in one of her books. Elotta, in the meantime, reluctantly awoke and stepped out of the tent to do her duty.

"So," Viconia asked. "What was all that commotion outside?"

"Oh, that," Laska chuckled. "Anomen's brainmatter has just been significantly increased."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, he's a real poopy-head now," Laska laughed. "But what about the commotion in here? From the gleeful shout I heard a few moments ago, I thought you had a man in your tent."

"No," Viconia smiled. "But I found it, Laska. I know it."

"You mean?" Laska asked while she knelt down to all fours to sit next to the prone drow..

"Yes, I know how to help Dynaheir!" Viconia exclaimed. "I mean, it's so simple! It was right in front of my nose the whole time. Remember the book of Kaza we found? It turned out to be the key. Kaza was a lich of great power and documented his research on undeath in his journal... this journal I am reading right now."

"That's great news, Vic!" Laska raved.

"Just... just keep this under wraps for another while, Laska," Viconia grinned. "One task at the time..."

"Right," Laska reluctantly agreed to keep the secret and plopped down on her hammock tried to the two tent-poles, drifting into sleep almost immediately.


	28. Damn the torpedoes

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 28 : Damn the torpedoes..._

After a night without incident, the party made good time and arrived at the valley in which De'Arnise keep was located. To get a better view of the situation surrounding the castle, the party left their horses by the side of the mountain and, after a short climb, they arrived at the top of the high overhang overlooking the valley containing Keep De'Arnise and several farm holdings. Being careful to remain concealed between several hillocks of grass, Laska, Viconia, Nalia and Keldorn lay on their stomachs to observe the situation.

"Careful," Nalia cautioned. "It's a long drop straight down."

"I kinda noticed that," Laska looked down.

"Can you see anything?" Keldorn asked. "Unfortunately, my eyesight did not improve with age..."

"Let me put my highly sensitive elven peepers to the task then," Laska chuckled and crawled a little closer to the edge. As the tattooed elf gazed upon the valley, her eyes narrowed and her cheeky smile was wiped off her face instantly.

"What do you see?" Nalia was almost too afraid to ask.

"Carnage," Laska said simply. "Viconia?" she asked the Drow, who immediately joined Laska at the edge of the cliff.

"She has even better eyes than Laska has," Keldorn added to the group.

"I would say so," Viconia said as she observed the valley. "Nalia?" Viconia asked. "What are the colors of your house's guardsmen?"

"Red and Copper?" Nalia asked with barely concealed dread. "Why?"

"Because there are at least a score of crucified corpses lining the outer gate, all wearing tattered red and copper uniforms," Viconia said. "And by the looks of it, they've mostly been hacked to pieces."

"B-but..." Nalia stammered, tears welling up in her eyes, "that... that means the keep has... has fallen..." Immediately, Nalia broke into tears, covering her face with her hands as she wept silently.

"Correct," Viconia said. "The outer wall seems to have been breached. Oddly enough, part of the wall seemed to have been purposely collapsed as well. My guess is the invaders shot a hole in the wall, stormed in and collapsed it behind them to prevent escape of the keep's defenders."

"Remind me that we must have a little chat about tact, Viconia," Keldorn sighed.

"What?" Viconia exclaimed and rolled to her side in the rough sand. "Why?" she asked with sheer indignity etched on her ebony features. "I am very tactful. Did I just not tactfully tell everybody that everybody inside the keep is possibly dead or dying as we speak?"

Another wail from Nalia followed, to which Keldorn gently patted her on the shoulder.

"I cannot see a thing," the nasal voice of Anomen sounded from behind them as he stood full height on top of the hill.

"Get yer arse down, ye daft fool!" Korgan hissed. "With the bleedin' sun reflectin' off that damn polished armor of yers, they be seein' ye from ten bloody miles away!"

"Do not be ridiculous, dwarf!" Anomen retorted. "They..."

Suddenly, a huge beefy hand grabbed Anomen my the collar of his armor. "Boo says, _PLEASE GET DOWN_!". Anomen yelped as he was yanked to the ground, and Laska chuckled at the clanking of Anomen's armor as he landed on some small rocks.

"Say, Vic," Laska asked. "Aren't those claw-marks?"

Viconia let herself shift onto her stomach again and gazed over the valley. "Yes," she confirmed. "Although there are also signs of wounds caused by bladed weapons, the claw-marks are most prevalent."

"Wait!" Laska said. "There's movement in the siege-camp!"

"I see it," Viconia said. "Hmmm, Red and Copper uniforms. Hm, it looks as if the surviving defenders managed to capture the original siege-camp right from under the attacker's noses. An interesting role reversal."

"Red and Copper?" Nalia managed through her tears.

Wasting no further time, Laska and her friends descended from the overhang to the rest of the party and informed them. The group moved into the valley and onto the battleground, sticking to the edge of the forest in hopes of staying out of sight of the keep's siege weaponry.

The former battleground was just that... a battleground. The earth was scorched at many places. Broken weapons lay scattered all over the ground, while wide craters signified the use of the keep's siege engines. The keep itself was in rather bad shape; the outer wall was on the verge of total collapse, as was one of the towers and would not withstand another hit of a battering ram. A second tower was blackened around windows and doors, meaning a raging inferno had taken place there only hours ago.

"Well," Jan said. "It seems we missed the fight. Come on, let's go home. Ma has brownies!"

"Nay, gnome, nay," Korgan retorted. "I be gettin' all worked up ta use me axe fer days now. I even be near some bleedin' 'orses and I be promisin' ye - this dwarf will be splittin' some skulls afore morn!"

"Anomen," Laska said. "Why don't you make nice and go stand over there so Korgan can use his axe."

"Oh, be silent, cur!" the priest of Helm replied.

"And you want to be a knight?" Viconia smirked. "Denying a person's fun like that. Honestly!"

"I... I've never seen something so horrible in all my life!" Elotta sighed while she scanned the area with fearful eyes.

"Aye," Keldorn replied as he walked with the young squire. "The spirit of death stalks this field."

"Miss Nalia?" Gurgan asked. "This be nay the work of ordinary brigands, right?"

"Errr, no... no, it's..." Nalia stammered, still shaken from this whole turn of events.

"Trolls, right?" Laska said after having strolled off to one craters.

Minsc scratched his head. "How did little Laska know that?"

"Call it a hunch," she said as she fished a severed troll-arm from one of the craters the siege-engines of the keep had made. After shooting Nalia a disgusted sneer, she tossed the smelly arm as far as she could.

"Care to explain?" Viconia snarled at the young mage.

"I... I..."

"Any more surprises?" Laska asked as she strolled over to the young mage and glared into her eyes.

"T-there were yuan-ti too... And several Umberhulks... And an Otyugh..." Nalia sighed.

"And why did you not inform the Order of this force of monstrous creatures stalking your lands?" Keldorn asked with an icy tone.

"When-whenever I told a group of adventurers... they abandoned me..." Nalia admitted. "I was afraid you'd abandon me too."

"Nalia," Laska said. "I like a challenge. I really do. But what I _don't_ like is people lying to me and my friends."

"Minsc does not like people to lie about things that can cost lives!" Minsc added. "But Boo says we must forgive Nalia. She was just scared of the mean old trolls whose butts we shall soon kick!"

"Alright," Laska said. "I think checking out the siege-camp might be a good start."

*'_Does this mean,'_* Ipsiya whined, _*'that I'm finally getting out of this scabbard? It's smelly in here! When's the last time you cleaned this thing? It's greasy and I am a LADY, you know?!'*_

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!" Lilarcor howled, then produced something which sound a lot like a wolf-whistle, "whip it all out, baby! I love to see you... _glowwwwww_. Hahaha!"

_*'Oh, please,'* _Ipsiya sighed. *_'I've known HALBERDS who had better lines that you have!_'*

"Oh, Minsc," Lilarcor spoke. "When you see a sock hanging from your armor, don't draw me, okay? I'd hate for you to look in while I'm roving my lips all over Ipsiya's shapely naked hilt!"

_*'Lips?!'*_ Ipsiya giggled. _*'You're a bigger idiot that I thought!'*_

Minsc gasped in anger. "SWORD! I will not have you talk such filth to a lady! Apologize this instant or be flung into space, where the hamsters roam wild and free!"

After having watched the exchange, both Viconia and Keldorn blinked in rapid succession.

"Is this... normal?" Keldorn asked.

"That conversation was weird even for this group," Viconia said.

* * *

The siege-camp was a shoddy mess of haphazardly constructed buildings surrounded by a semi-high palisade. Despite the fact that it appeared to be close to the keep from high above, it still took the party some time before they had reached their destination. As the party was led through the remnants of the camp, they passed many wounded soldiers, quite a few farmers, some servants of the keep and several children which were playing as if nothing had happened.

Keldorn noticed Nalia's eyes were darting back and forth. This hardly surprised him, since Nalia had known so many of these people since her childhood. No doubt she was looking for friends and family, since her looks of concern often made way for a brief smile. They were led to a small hut where a graying muscular man was sitting at the table, speaking to one of the lieutenants.

"Nalia!" the man exclaimed and took the girl in his arms. "Oh, my. We thought you had perished!"

"Far from it!" Nalia said, returning the embrace. "And I have brought help. But... What happened? Where is my father?"

"Those umberhulks happened," a Kara-turan female soldier with a nasty looking headwound replied. "They turned up from nowhere, ran past our artillery and buried their way straight through the wall!"

"Wasn't there anything you could do, Yang-ja?" Nalia asked.

"Nothing," Yang-ja replied. "We were lost when that happened. Lord De'Arnise ordered the entrances to the Keep barricaded, but I don't know what happened next. I was knocked over the head and lost consciousness and the next thing I know, I'm lying in a makeshift sickbay with a splitting headache."

"After Lord De'Arnise," Captain Arat filled in, "had the doors barricaded, he ordered a complete evacuation of all wounded, servants and other innocents from the keep, while he and a small group of guards stayed behind to buy us time to escape. We took most of the people out through the secret passage and we saved all the wounded, farmers and children, and most of the servants. Unfortunately, there were still some people trapped. Your father tried to assemble the Great Flail, but I don't know if he succeeded. After we left the keep, we noticed the invaders had all but completely entered the compound, so we decided to take over their siege camp. There was only limited resistance, and there was no way all the wounded would have survived the trip to Athkatla. We've been here since this morning, awaiting help of any sort."

"But what about the siege-engines?" Nalia asked.

"They were all destroyed in combat, Nalia," Yang-ja broke in. "I doubt those creatures have the skill to repair them, so I think we're safe for now."

"Well," Keldorn spoke up. "This has completely changed our mission profile. We must decide if we will still go through with this. Perhaps it is better to ask the Order to send reinforcements."

"Oy, we can 'andle this! Right, laddies?" Korgan snickered.

"Do drow like turnips?" Jan chuckled. "Oh, that remark shall be stricken from the record," he said after Viconia glared at him.

"Boo does not doubt who shall be the victor this day!" Minsc announced.

"It should be fun," Laska grinned.

"How I hate this group playing with my life," Viconia sighed. "But I'm in too. It's not like I have anything better to do anyway."

"But there are the lives of the squires to consider, of course," Keldorn spoke to his three charges. "You may refuse this mission, if you wish to do so. No one will think any less of you."

"I be 'avin' the feelin' this will nay be the only time we of the Order will 'ave to fight against impossible odds," Gurgan chuckled. "I be in."

"Isn't it our job to be prepared for unforeseen circumstances?" Elotta said, still a little uneasy to speak among such a large crowd. "I mean, we can't just run because of that... I will fight too."

"Only cowards would do so, Elotta," Anomen spoke. "I shall fight this day. Righteousness shall prevail!"

"Me too!" Nalia said. "I shall join you to help save my home!"

"Out of the question!" Captain Arat slammed his fist on the table.

"I know every nook and cranny of the Keep, captain Arat," Nalia replied sharply. "It was I who discovered the secret passage through which everyone escaped. I can be a great help..."

"I agree," Laska said. "But I'm not baby-sitting a pampered noble. You'd better be able to hold your own in combat."

"I am a well-trained mage!" Nalia shot back. "Plus it's said that I shoot a mean arrow!" she smiled.

Korgan turned to Viconia. "Oh, this be bonny now, innit? Another bloody baby to sit!"

"When you're inside," Yang-ja said, "try to open the drawbridge. We've still got a little fight left in us."

After leaving the siege-camp, they moved to the side of the keep where the secret entrance was located.

"Here it is," Nalia said as she led her new friends to the foundation of granite on which Keep De'Arnise was built. After twisting a few loose rocks, she instructed to push at an indentation in the wall. After Keldorn, Minsc and Laska put their backs to it, groaning and moaning until the rock gave way, Nalia sheepishly told them the door was easier to open from the inside than the outside.

After weathering some icy glares from a certain elf, Nalia led her friends through a narrow rocky tunnel. After a few moments, the tunnel gave way to the limestone walls of the Keep itself. "We've made it in," Nalia sighed in obvious relief. "I don't think they've discovered this secret passage. I think we should find Daleson first, if he's still alive. I didn't see him at the camp, but maybe.. When we've found him, we should make our way to the courtyard and open the drawbridge."

"HEY!" Laska shouted. "Who's the one in charge here? Who's the one who formed this party in the first place? Who's the one who decided to actually _take on_ this quest of yours?"

"Sorry..." Nalia added sheepishly.

"Then what, oh great pointy-eared leader with the painted body," Jan chuckled, "whatever shall we do?"

"Errr," Laska said, then pointed at Laska. "Let's just do what Nalia said."

"I question the worthiness of this," Anomen spoke up. "There is no honor in sneaking through the backdoor like a common thief."

"Oh, you're welcome to try to break through the front door," Laska chuckled. "No doubt the archers would gladly turn you into an honorable corpse doing a porcupine impression."

"Hmpf!" was Anomen's swift reply.

The tunnel still contained several locked doors, which gave way to Jan's undeniable expertise in lockpicking.

"Where be this tunnel leading, Lady Nalia?" Gurgan asked.

"Oh," Nalia said as Laska shoved aside another loose panel in the wall. "The Keep's Armory."

"JACKPOT!" was gleefully shouted by Laska as she threw herself through the newly opened wall and onto the racks stacked with pointy metal stuff. The next few moments were spent raiding every inch of the armory for enchanted arrows and crossbow-bolts.

"Quiet!" Viconia suddenly spoke up. "Do you hear that?"

"There's someone behind the door," Laska confirmed. Immediately, Laska and Viconia hugged the walls next to the door, while Keldorn, Korgan and Minsc took up attack positions a few feet away from it. Being quiet as a mouse, Laska moved her hand towards the doorknob, then twisted it slowly and threw open the door.

"AAAAAAAHHHHH!" Sounded from beyond the door. A figure shot through it, brandishing a pitchfork and ran past the three stunned adventurers only to slam into the back wall, spending the next few moments trying to jerk free his pitchfork.

"DALESON!" Nalia smiled in utter happiness as she regarded the young raven-haired stable-boy still trying to rip his pitchfork from the wall.

"Oy!" Korgan shouted. "I be axin' 'im until the bugger tells me where this Daleson be!"

"No, no!" Nalia quickly added. "That _is_ Daleson!"

"Well, I be axin' 'im anyway!" Korgan snarled. "Shoutin' in a poor dwarf's ear like that. It be bloody rude and deservin' of a skullbreaker!"

"Miss Nalia!" Daleson exclaimed in happiness as he let go of the pitchfork. "What are you doing here? You never come to the servants' quarters, at least not in my memory."

"Hah!" Viconia chuckled as she whispered in Laska's ear, almost inaudible for human ears. "That is an obvious lie. I can see the lust in both their eyes."

"Nah!" Laska whispered back. "Really?"

"Have I ever been wrong about such matters?" Viconia smirked. "Look at those two young rivvil. I can smell the hormones from here."

"Thank you Daleson, but now is not the time for secrecy. These people are not my family; these are my own hirelings," Nalia said, unaware that by using the word 'hirelings' she was creating some very bad blood. Except for a single dwarf who seemed to be getting enthusiastic.

"Ah, so ye mean we be gettin' paid!" Korgan chuckled. "Now that be a pleasant surprise."

"As you would have it, Miss Nalia," Daleson almost chuckled.

"Go to the stables often, do you?" Viconia chuckled. "I take it you prefer the company of...common men?"

"Why not?" Laska added. "I do..."

"Viconia, please," Keldorn sighed. "This is not the time." But the violent blush on both Daleson's and Nalia's faces revealed more than mere words could.

"Well, it's... it's..." Nalia stammered. "Nothing I haven't heard from aunty before..."

"Right, she's one stuffed old biddy, isn't she?" Daleson chuckled. "We got a saying for her kind, we do. South end of a north-bound ogre."

"HAR HAR!" Korgan chuckled. "That be a good one, laddie!"

"I don't get it," Nalia replied and scratched her head.

"Nothing, love, nothing," Daleson chuckled.

"What about father, Daleson?" Nalia asked.

"Aye, and the other survivors," Gurgan offered.

"Lord D'Arnise was alive this morning, and I saw him taken into the keep by a real big troll, biggest I seen. Probably took him down to the..." Daleson said.

"_CELLARS_!" Nalia interrupted. "You mean the cellars! Oh, but this is not good... Father..."

"Ah Yes, Miss Nalia," Daleson spoke. "He fought bravely, but didn't make it to his flail, or perhaps didn't get enough parts. There is one hidden around here somewhere, I guess, but he never told anyone where..."

"By 'cellars' you mean 'dungeons'," Laska chuckled. "Cabinet of Horrors... Theatre of Torture... Screamer's Gleeclub..."

"The cellar is a relic, a leftover from a time when our family was... not as caring as it could have been," Nalia sighed.

"I've seen maybe thirty trolls," Daleson said. "They were bossing something called a 'yuan-ti', but I don't know how many of those there are. Weird things, but everything about this is odd. They seemed to be going out of their way to not damage the interior of the keep. Never heard of careful trolls, but maybe they just like the cellar better."

"Thank you, Daleson. Now, I want you to be safe. The way behind us is open, and you can head to the siege-camp, which is under our control," Nalia said.

"But, Nalia," Daleson replied. "Come with me! I can't just leave you here..."

"Daleson... I..." Nalia stammered. "My father is still here somewhere, and... and I have plenty of bodyguards."

"Nalia, I..." Daleson added. "Let's bring everything out in the open for a change..."

"But we can't..."

"Nalia, you might _die_! Please don't deny me this... I love you, Nalia."

Nalia fell dead-silent for a moment, breaking through the last of the false barriers placed between so-called nobles and commoners. "I love you too, Daleson," she said before allowing Daleson to embrace her. A passionate kiss followed.

"How sweet," Elotta smiled and pinked away a tear.

"It'll never last," Anomen snorted.

"Och, enough sappiness! It be axe time!" Korgan grunted.

"Happy to oblige," Viconia said and took the statue of Khittix from her pouch. A few moments later, a huge spider stood in front of the Drow, eagerly awaiting a command. Finding himself in a new spot amount new people, the curious spider started sniffing around a bit and tried to attract the attention of the strangers.

"Did you see that, Sir Keldorn?!" Anomen shouted. "She just conjured up a most _foul_ beast!"

"Khittix is no more a foul beast than I am, fool!" Viconia spat at the startled knight as the drow backed him into a wall with an icy stare.

"A dog, a cat, a rabbit," Anomen spat. "Even a hamster I can expect to be an animal companion, but spiders are meant to be slain!"

Apparently, Khittix had decided that Anomen wasn't being very nice, so he stood in between him and his mistress to come to her aid if need be.

"I dunno, Anomen," Laska said. "You might make some ranger a nice animal companion too. Or, you could be the monkey for an organ-grinder. Or you could be the monkey grinding his own org..."

Keldorn, eager to solve this new conflict before further hostilities broke out, stepped next to Anomen. "Squire Anomen," he told him sternly, "harming a member of the party is more than frowned upon in the ranks of the Order. If you attempt to harm Khittix, you will forfeit your chances on becoming a knight this year."

"I see, Sir Keldorn," Anomen spoke in a hushed tone, properly admonished. "I apologize..."

It was then that Khittix turned his back to Anomen and squirted webbing into his face.

"Boo is chuckling at Anomen," Minsc snickered. "And even though Minsc might be snickering, he does not approve, no sir! Err, well, actually I do. Anomen must not harm poor innocent giant spiders!"

* * *

After the defusing of a second conflict, Khittix set out to his task, and sniffed out that there were only three small trolls on this whole floor. After Daleson and Nalia had finally managed to break apart, Daleson had to almost be forced into the secret passage to leave his lover. It only left Nalia to blush and fall silent again as they passed a huge pile of hay in the stables.

The first floor, containing the kitchen, the dining-hall and the stables, was quickly cleared without much problems. The cook Olma and the butler Metigo were rescued in the nick of time, and were escorted to the secret passage.

There was more of an adventure when they heard screams coming from the other side of the hall. An investigation fielded two snakelike yuan-ti who were busy trying to knock down a door to a room with some people inside. The two snakes were quickly dispatched and, upon investigation, found that the room was in fact a storage closet of sorts. Inside was a young guard, with bare chest and weaponless and two young maids. Judging from the soft cloth on the ground, the copious amounts of wine bottles and the candles, the siege had had some bad timing for their planned amorous encounter. Somewhat embarrassed, the three grateful young people quickly made their way to the secret exit.

After cleaning out the first floor, Nalia led the party up the stairs to the second floor. There, they arrived in what seemed to be a large room filled with a great number of crates.

Khittix, being familiar with his task, strolled into the middle of the room and sniffed around. Immediately, a shrill scream of alert sounded from the spider as he quickly skittered back towards the party. As it turned out, they barely had time to prepare their weapons. From behind the crates, at least a dozen trolls appeared and stormed the party. A door flew open, and another dozen yuan-ti warriors stormed out.

Like agreed to before this battle, a defensive cordon was formed around Jan and Nalia, whose spells and arrows were the only things which could actually finish off the trolls. Korgan and Minsc protected Jan, while Keldorn, Viconia and Khittix watched over the slightly more vulnerable Nalia. In the meantime, Laska, Anomen, Gurgan and Elotta were free to go on the offensive and lended aid wherever they could. Though they were greatly outnumbered, the group held its own.

Laska swiped an angry glowing Ipsiya across the throat of a green snake-like Yuan-ti, and before she could hear the creature gurgle and drop to the floor, she was forced to move on to the next opponent: a towering, green, ugly troll. From the sounds of battle raging around her, she assessed the situation. Her sensitive ears placed all players on the field, and she managed to identify her friends by listening to the combination of breathing-patterns, footsteps and the sounds their weapons made, as well as the occasional battlecry. She almost giggled as she heard Korgan make a remark about bisection right as he buried his axe in the crotch of one of the trolls.

In the meantime, the battle against the troll she was fighting did not go very well. Most of the wounds she had inflicted in the greenish skin of her opponent often healed before her very eyes. The party still was outnumbered almost three-to-one, but this ambush could have been much worse if Khittix hadn't been on the look-out. It wouldn't be the first time Khittix had made a valuable contribution to the party, and she promised herself to buy the spider a huge steak when they got back to the house. Listening to Ipsiya for a moment, blade suggested a blade-singer maneuver known as the 'raging spin', which was a combat-move her previous owner had often used. Gritting her teeth, Laska decided to try the move. Having Ipsiya guide her body, she stood on one leg and used the other leg to rapidly spin around her axis, hitting the troll with slashes from both her swords every time she spun full circle. In the forehead and throat in the first spin, in the gullet and the knees in the second spin. The severely weakened troll was then finished off by one of Jan's crossbow-bolts.

"How was that?" Laska asked Ipsiya during a brief lull in the raging chaos.

_*'Good, not great'*_ Ipsiya said. _*'Hyart could manage four spins instead of your mere two'*_

"Everyone's a critic!" she shouted as she engaged another Yuan-ti, but her sensitive ears alerted her to more trouble. Glancing briefly over her shoulder, she noticed a group of three yuan-ti and a troll had managed to separate Viconia from the rest of the group. The drow deftly dodged any blows, but was slowly but surely being backed into a corner where they would be able to quickly finish her off.

The fat troll was still blocking her. While avoiding his claws, Laska looked to who was closest to Viconia.

"Anomen!" Laska shouted as the squire in question downed a troll. "Vic's is in trouble! Go help her out!"

Anomen did not even glance at the elf, nor the drow. He ran towards Viconia, but brushed past the drow who was fighting for her life to engage a group of three yuan-ti on the other side of the battle-field.

"Anomen!" Laska shouted over the raging battle. "You gods-damned gloryhound!" In desperation she tried to finish off her opponent quickly so she could help her friend, but the fat troll was proving to be difficult. With a hiss, Laska decided that the only way to get to Viconia in time was to jump to one side and roll out of the troll's reach. She did just that.

Laska jumped, rolled over the ground and could literally feel the rush of air as the troll's claw barely missed her face as it slashed downward. Just as she had gotten to her feet, she let out a yelp of pain; the troll had managed to grab hold of her braid and yanked her back into his reach. Laska landed on her back with a thud and just barely managed to roll away in time before the troll slammed down both his claws.

Thankfully, help for Viconia was on the way already. Like a goddess of battle, Elotta waved her two-handed sword through the bodies of two of the Yuan-ti assaulting Viconia. All her nervousness and meekness had faded as she fought with confidence and vigor.

Slamming her shield against the third Yuan-ti's face, Viconia managed to free herself from her cornered position to give Elotta a helping hand. In the meantime, Khittix jumped on the back of the troll assaulting his mistress and sank his poisonous fangs into its neck.

Safe in the knowledge that her friend was safe, Laska could focus all her attention on the fat troll. She twirled her blades, snarled and slammed her shoulder into the troll's body, following it up with a hilt-strike to the face. The troll toppled to the ground; Laska didn't hesitate and slammed both her blades down into him, pinning him to the floor with swords sliced through both his shoulders. The elf took two throwing daggers from her belt, straddled the troll and stabbed him in the face over and over and over again with both her daggers, sending green blood and gore flying to and fro. "Regenerate that, ugly," Laska hissed when she retrieved her blades from the twitching troll.

From a dark corridor on the other side of the room, sounds of more trolls coming to do battle reached their ears. Judging from the sounds of battle alongside her, her party was holding, but no side was winning, and these reinforcements could definitely turn the tide of battle against their favor. "_FALL BACK_!" Laska shouted, while burying Ipsiya in the chest of another yuan-ti. "_FALL BACK TO THE FIRST FLOOR AND REGROUP_!"

As the party was following Laska's order, she noticed Anomen was still fighting the yuan-ti. "Dammit, Anomen!" she shouted. "GET OVER HERE!" But Anomen did not hear her. He shouted a cry of triumph as the two remaining yuan-ti fled. And, to Laska's utter annoyance, Anomen followed them. Unfortunately, he followed them right into the corridor where the troll reinforcements were coming from.

* * *

"Cowards!" Anomen shouted after the fleeing snakes, happy he had impressed them enough to strike fear in their cowardly hearts. Looking forward to finishing them off, he increased his running speed as he made his way through the dark corridor. He felt truly alive, and reveled in the fact that these creatures actually feared him. _'I will show everyone of those arrogant cowards in that party. I will prove to Sir Keldorn I am worthy of knighthood. I will show that amoral elven trollop what it means to be truly good of heart and mind! I will show my father that I am _not_ a worthless boy!'_

His train of thought was interrupted as he was unexpectedly knocked off his feet in the darkness. Only when he saw the glowing eyes and heard the deep snarls did he realize his mistake. The snakes were not afraid of him at all. They had merely led him to more dangerous foes.

His hammer had been knocked from his hands, and he would never find it in the darkness. And the trolls were too close to start casting a spell. It was over. Utter despair set in as Anomen was finally confronted with his own arrogance and the foolishness that was born from it. His life flashed before his eyes as he noticed the glowing fingernails on the troll's claws... The verbal and physical abuse he had received from his father all his life... The death of his mother... His entrance into the priesthood of Helm... All leading to a dream of knighthood which would never be fulfilled, because of a stupid, stupid mistake.

"Moira... I'm sorry," Anomen whispered as he closed his eyes and waited for death to claim him.

Instead, a guttural scream of pain resounded through the corridor and Anomen felt something wet and heavy fall on his chest. Opening his eyes, he noticed it was a hacked-off claw, illuminated by sharp blue light.

"When you're done admiring the ceiling," Laska shouted as she kicked his hammer towards him, "pick yourself up and head to the stairs. Keldorn, get the other troll!"

"Sir.. Sir Keldorn?" Anomen stammered. "My... My lady?"

"_Don't_ call me that unless you want me to break your jaw!" Laska shouted.

"Laska," Keldorn suddenly shouted. "Yuan-ti are coming from the other side of the corridor!"

"Ah, that's another fine mess you've gotten us into, Helm-boy!" Laska glared as she buried Ipsiya in the skull of one of the trolls.

"Laska!" Keldorn shouted. "That door behind you!"

"Gotcha!" Laska said as the three of them ran through the door and closed it behind them.

"Heads up!" Keldorn shouted as he slammed the Hallowed Redeemer into the faux stone archway overhead of the door, collapsing it and blocking entrance and exit from the room. Behind the door there were a few moments of shouts and angry scraping which died down after several agonizing moments.

"Well," Laska sighed. "It seems we're stuck here... At least the others made it to safety."


	29. Full speed ahead!

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 29 : ...full speed ahead!_

"They've stopped pounding on the door," Elotta whispered to Viconia. The group had fallen back to the first floor and managed to shut the main door leading up. It was heavy fortified door, meant to slow down intruding invaders, so it did its job well to keep the trolls from getting at them.

Indeed, the pounding had finally stopped. After Anomen had dashed away, separating himself from the others, Laska had ordered her party to retreat from the battleground. Both Keldorn and Laska then covered the escape of their friends, making sure they were out of harms way. When their last of their friends were in relative safely, Laska and Keldorn cut a bloody path through the surviving trolls and yuan-ti to go after Anomen.

That was the last Viconia had seen of Laska and Keldorn, and she wondered about their fate. For a moment, she cursed the both of them for chasing after that fool. If he had a deathwish, that was _his_ business and his business alone; not that of Laska and Keldorn.

"Minsc hopes Keldorn and Laska are fine," Minsc whispered. "But knowing both their sheer buttkicking abilities, they will win the day! Boo is sure of it!"

"Was that an act of goodness, Minsc? Chasing after that fool?" Viconia sighed. "An act of sheer idiocy more like."

"They would chase after _you_, Viconia," Minsc answered a bit sternly. "It's what kindly heroes do!"

"That's besides the point!" Viconia replied. "I would never put myself in such a situation like that in the first place!"

"Och, we be doin' fine," Korgan said. "I rather nae be runnin' fer those green buggers, mind ye. Send me up front when we be movin' off... I reckon we 'ave taken out a score o'yuan-ti and at least eight trolls, so we be winnin'!"

"Khittix?" Viconia asked. Immediately, Khittix chirped and put his keen spider-senses to work. A few chirps later, Khittix confirmed the trolls were gone, and there were no yuan-ti in the tunnel ahead.

"But Keldorn and Laska..." Elotta began.

"Aye," Gurgan sighed. "This mission be nay goin' ta plan. Who be our leader now?"

"I am!" Viconia spoke. "I am assuming temporary command of this party."

"Oh," Jan said. "Who died and make you lea... Errr," Jan bowed his head. "Excuse me while I have my foot surgically removed from my mouth."

"I just hope they're alright," Viconia sighed.

"Och, they both be fine," Korgan chuckled. "I be thinkin' it be takin' a lot more than trolls to kill them two. I be more worried about Anomen, though 'worried' be mayhaps a strong term. HAR!"

"You stupid, moronic, bloody... Yeah, bloody! You heard me right the first time! You stupid bloody bastard! No, you _effing_ stupid, effing stupid gormless _ass_!" Laska raged against a shocked Anomen. "You idiotic scumsucking dung-for-brain cackhanded moron! _WHAT THE BLOODY, BLOODY, BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING?!_"

Anomen, who has never heard so many expletives spew forth from the mouth of a lady, was more than a little taken aback. It didn't help that he was stuck sharing a rather small storage area with her. Moreso, he was too ashamed to face the third person in the room; Keldorn.

"Why didn't you help Viconia like I asked you to? You must have seen she was in dire straits, but you just ran right past her! Or were you to busy thinking of your self and your own glory?" Laska asked.

"At that point," Anomen spoke softly, knowing he was in trouble, "I considered her to be... an acceptable loss."

"_ACCEPT_..." Laska muttered, and Keldorn was just able to catch her before she lunged at Anomen.

"Laska!" Keldorn shouted as held the flailing elf around the waist with both arms and still had extreme difficulty keeping her subdued. "Control yourself!"

"Let me _at him_! So I can rip off his arms and beat him over the head with them!" Laska shouted. "In turn, Keldorn locked his arms around her shoulders and took her in a vice-like grip. The elf did her utmost to wriggle free, and the aged paladin was straining to keep a hold of the stronger elf.

"I am _not_ letting you go before you calm down!" Keldorn replied softly, hoping that Laska would see reason and stop fighting. He wouldn't be able to hold on to her much longer.

"Y-yes..." Laska spoke in a more hushed tone, took a few deep breaths. Keldorn carefully and slowly let go of her, readying himself to grab her again if she would lose her temper for a second time.

"Obviously," Anomen spoke in considerably less arrogant tone of voice than was usually the case. "You must have thought me to be worth saving if..."

"_POMPOUS GIT_!" Laska screamed. "In my party," she snarled, "there are no such things as 'acceptable losses'! Everybody comes out alive, and if one stays behind, we all stay! How's that for honor?!"

"I must agree with Laska that your performance in combat was abysmal," Keldorn shook his head. "Not only did your actions result in the split of our party, but your reluctance to aid Viconia in battle could be considered to as abandonment of your fellows, which..."

"... is considered one of the greatest dishonors among those of the Order," Anomen sighed. "My failure is complete..."

"We might still salvage this mission. But our first goal must be the reunion of our group, and survival," Keldorn said. "Hopefully in that order."

"Sir Keldorn... I... my zeal for justice and valour can become too much. There is an anger in my heart that I...cannot seem to control," Anomen stammered. "I see injustices everywhere and...and I wish to do nothing but strike out against them. But even when I do...I keep on striking out...the hate and anger only grows..."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Laska sighed and rubbed her scalp as she propped herself up on top of one of the barrels apparently containing pickled ham.

"Anomen," Keldorn spoke. "This is a situation you must get under control. If you must prove yourself, do it in such a way that you do not endanger others."

"There are enough people trying to kill us out there, without you trying to get us all murdered," Laska retorted.

"Is that what you think I am doing, arrogant wench?" Anomen shouted. "Playing with your lives? I act merely how a knight should! Self-sacrifice is a necessity at times. Maybe you are simply too much of a coward to be able to see that, elf!"

"Squire Anomen!" Keldorn shouted, very sternly this time. "Do not blame others for your own actions! I know self-sacrifice might be required of any of us at times, but not today! If you continue this line of thinking if you are admitted to the Order, your reckless behaviour could cost lives!"

"What he said!" Laska added.

"Anomen, I know of your father, and I know of your dream," Keldorn said. "But this urge to keep proving yourself must stop! You don't need to prove yourself beyond being a loyal servant of Helm."

"For years I have toiled without any help at all!" Anomen retorted. "All on my own. And those two? Elotta and Gurgan? They get everything thrown in their laps. Elotta is the pampered daughter of a knightess, and Gurgan was offered to join on the very streets!"

"Jealously gig, now?" Laska chuckled. "Like a monkey without bananas who's just staring at the banana trees without doing anything about it?"

"Be silent!" Anomen shouted. "Your words are hollow and I won't hear them..."

"In other words, your reply to my insult is '_Oh, yeah?!_'," Laska laughed. "Wow, good comeback!"

"Anomen," Keldorn said. "Elotta and Gurgan are humble squires, who do not set impossible goals for themselves."

"Do you think my dream of joining the Order is an unreachable one?!" Anomen shouted.

"Not at all," Keldorn replied. "But I have had the distinct displeasure of meeting Cor Delryn. And I do not think you can prove yourself to him. Not even if Helm himself would descend from the heavens to back you up..."

* * *

Viconia and her party made their way through the corridors of De'Arnise Keep without much opposition, leaving Viconia to believe the surviving trolls and yuan-ti had retreated to another floor, perhaps even the roof. The remnants of Laska's party passed through a secondary corridor, where Khittix suddenly began to chirp loudly, and pointed one of his legs to one of the bedrooms in the back of the tunnel.

"Two person in that room," Viconia said, acting on Khittix's chirping.

"That's my auntie's bedroom!" Nalia said and stormed forward.

"Little Nalia, wait!" Minsc called.

"There could be trolls in there!" Elotta yelled after her, but Nalia did not listen.

"Aunty? _Aunty_?!" Nalia yelled as she banged on the door. Immediately, the door flew open... and the person who came out almost ended up skewering Nalia on his polearm. When Nalia, now more scared that she had ever been in her life, finally managed to open her eyes, she saw that her friends had wrestled the near-insane guard to the ground.

"Oh, 'tis like a nightmare!" came a scratchy voice from the other side of the room. It belonged to a thin crow-like woman who was beyond ancient. She looked upon her rescuers with haughty disdain. "Yet more hooligans tracking their filth through the halls. We shall have to vacation for a tenday while the whole building is deloused."

"Aunty, please! We have come to rescue you!" Nalia shouted over the loud voice of Lady Delcia Caan.

"Nalia? Oh, my dear, what have you brought home with you this time? Dressed up peasantry, perhaps... Oh well, those that beg cannot afford to be choosy. At least, that is the phrase as I have heard it. Shall we get to the business of a rescue? I assume that is what you are here for?" Lady Delcia Caan said. "Please go fetch my luggage so we can be off. All my seven suitcases in my room and be careful not to break anything valuable."

"What?!" Gurgan chuckled. "This stuffed old crow cannay be serious!"

"Please do be quick about it, I am catching an alarming sniffle and could do with a warm fire. If I catch my death I'll have the hide of the peasant in charge of the heat," Lady Delcia growled.

"Absolutely!" Jan chuckled. "Round up all the little ingrates who haven't bled to death and dock their pay for their laziness! Finding good servants is bad enough, a noble lady shouldn't have to put up with laggards, as well! You are a brave, brave woman, my dearie."

"Well, nicely voiced for someone of dubious breeding. Perhaps... no, one must remember one's station," Lady Delcia cracked a slight smile of contempt. "Perhaps you are unsure where your place is? Below mine, and while your current actions may place my life in your hands, they certainly do not elevate you above your true station."

"I thought it would take me a while longer to meet the face of true evil," Elotta said. "But here she is."

"I am not evil, nor am I your enemy," Lady Delcia shot back. "I am simply your better, and the better of those that serve me. Now stand aside and let me pass, I've languished here quite long enough."

Before Delcia Caan could get away, Viconia snarled, grabbed her by the arm to shove her into a wall, and pressed the metal hilt of her flail against her tender throat. "Listen to me, worthless female. I am drow. I am as far above you as you are over a cockroach if the teachings of my people are to be believed."

"Let aunty go!" Nalia demanded, but was silenced when Korgan held up his axe.

"Oy, oy, oy!" Korgan replied. "Ye nay be interruptin' this! Be glad Laska ain't 'ere, or she would be beatin' out all 'er bloody teeth and feed 'er to the yuan-ti!"

"Now, I don't go around flaunting my supposed superiority," Viconia said as lady Delcia struggled against Viconia's iron grip. "But I still do not like to be addressed as such by a dressed-up monkey whose main concern is what hat to wear today when people are dying all around her. Let's find out if your blood is really blue... Your face already is..." Then, Viconia released her, causing the noblewoman to drop to the floor in a fit of coughing.

"Ah," Minsc said as Lady Delcia lay cowering on the floor before Viconia's feet. "Little Viconia does not get enraged all that often, but you have managed to push all the right buttons at the appropriate times, yessir!" When Minsc was finished, an indignant series of squeaks sounded from his pocket. "Oh, and Boo says that you are not allowed to hold him until you have earned the right. Such is hamster wisdom!"

"Och," Korgan chuckled. "I be likin' it more if I should pull the blue-blooded wench over me lap and show her a time like no lady I've e'er met! HAR! HAR!"

"What's stopping you?" Viconia grinned. "Nalia!" she called and dragged the young noblewoman away. "I want you to tell me where a large group of trolls might gather..."

"Come to Korrrrrrgan!" the dwarf grinned evilly as Viconia and Nalia rounded about the corner.

* * *

"And that be fer treatin' us like dirt!" Korgan said while his hand slammed against the buttocks of the flailing biddy put over his lap.

"I'll have you flogged!" Lady Delcia shouted as she unsuccessfully tried to free herself.

"And this be fer wantin' ta 'ave yer good buddy Korgan flogged! HAR! HAR!" Korgan laughed and spanked her again.

"Insolent low-live commoner!" Lady Delcia dared to say. "You're nothing but gutter slime."

"Me axe 'ere begs to differ. Would ye like a proper discussion with me axe?" Korgan said. "Or would ye rather talk to the 'and?"

"The... hand," Lady Delcia sighed and received another smack on the butt.

"Ah, and this be fer the 'beneath me'-remark," Korgan smacked once more.

"Where's a troll when you need one?" Lady Delcia cried.

"Oy, oy, oy, oy!" Korgan snarled. "That remark be costin' ye another smack! Just like the smack ye've earned fer yerself when ye called us dressed-up peasantry. I nay dressed up fer anything in me life!"

"The first thing I'll have rebuilt when this is over, are the gallows!" Lady Delcia cried.

"Ach, another smack fer ye!"

* * *

"Nurrrrrgggghhhh!" Laska grimaced as she used an old polearm as a lever to try to lift the heavy rocks blocking the barricaded door. The metal polearm bent like a straw, and even when Laska wrapped her legs around it and hung from it with all the weight of her body and armor, the rock refused to budge even a millimetre from its place. Eventually, the polearm snapped, causing Laska to yelp as she crashed to the floor.

"Oh, give it up!" Anomen, who had settled himself on one of the crates, while Keldorn leaned against the wall.

"I don't see you coming up with any plans, beard-o!" Laska retorted as she got to her feet and sat down on a crate on the opposite side of the room. Laska sighed, picked a little pocket flask from her pouch and took a swig.

"Typical," Anomen muttered.

"_Now_ what?" Laska snarled.

"You're just like my father," Anomen retorted. "A lewd drunkard who grabs the bottle at the first sight of trouble... well, the first sight of dawn, actually..."

"Guess again," Laska snarled and tossed him the flask.

"What?" Anomen said after sniffing at the flask. "Lime-juice?"

"Alcohol and sword-fighting don't mix," Laska chuckled. "I'd probably end up cutting off my own arms."

_*'You sometimes almost pull that one off without the aid of alcohol,'*_ Ipsiya chuckled.

"Care to try your luck with the bloody rocks, Ip?" Laska muttered.

"Well, it seems I was wrong," Anomen reluctantly muttered.

"I do like to slam down mugs between adventures, Anomen, and you should know, since you apparently have been following me around town," Laska winked.

"That's not true!" Anomen retorted, his face glowing again. "I only looked... errr, through your w-window when..."

"It was early morning and I jumped in the pool wearing my swim-suit? Or stark-naked for that matter?" Laska chuckled at Anomen's discomfort.

"No," Anomen said, eager to change the subject. "But my father..."

"Did he stare at nude elves too?" Laska chuckled. "Like father, like son!"

"Don't _say_ that!" Anomen shouted, then sighed. "I remember when I first achieved the rank of squire. It had been a difficult task...my father had refused to be my patron, so I was no better off than a commoner would be."

"Oh, you poor baby," Laska mock-pouted. "Having to work just as hard as a commoner..."

"A knight by the name of Sir Blethyn took pity on me and had me squired," Anomen said, ignoring the tattooed elf's barbs. "I was proud during the ceremony, and happy...but it was not to last. My father, Lord Cor, stumbled into the Order's headquarters... he was filthy drunk and full of rage. He began shouting at the knights that I had been stolen from him. That I was a worthless and weak son who should not be in the Order. Sir Ryan Trawl told him that I had proven myself, but the old bastard would hear none of it. They were finally forced to drag him out of the headquarters, kicking and screaming. Trust my father to ruin the one moment of pure pleasure I was able to steal during my time in the Order, the one thing I had achieved despite all of his opposition!"

"That's tough..." Laska said, offering somewhat of sympathy towards him for the first time. "Well, my foster-father and me were often at odds, mostly due to my pigheadedness, but he loved me no less. I never knew my mother, though..."

"That would explain a lot," Anomen muttered.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?!" Laska snarled, this time getting ready for a big fistfight.

It would never come, though, since a gust of cold wind suddenly blew through her hair. Glancing to her side, she noticed a new passageway in the side of the wall which led to a downward spiralling staircase.

"Ah," Keldorn chuckled. "That explains while one section of the wall was colder than the rest. While you two were bickering, I managed to find a switch to reveal this passage. It was the candlestick actually... A classic."

Laska grinned at Keldorn... They were back in the fight.

* * *

"HOLD HIM!" Viconia shouted as Gurgan, Minsc and Elotta wrestled the guard known as Glacius to the ground. The armored giant was foaming at the mouth and stammering nonsensical strings of words rapidly. He was obviously charmed, and the three fighters held down the struggling man as Viconia prepared a spell of healing.

"Hold him still or the spell will fail!" Viconia shouted. A few moments later, a blue light descended over the struggling man, who almost instantly relaxed. Almost reluctantly, Minsc, Gurgan and Elotta let go of Glacius, who caught his breath and slowly sat up. This battle had been taking place in the sitting-room of the keep, and several of the expensive pieces of furniture had already been torn up by swords and other weapons.

"My... my gods," Glacius muttered. "I... I was... charmed? Oh, what have I done!"

"Calm yourself," Viconia said, addressing the downed guard. "I am Viconia and I have questions! What is the last thing you remember?"

"Hey, hey, oh tyrannical drow leader of ours," Jan said. "Coming off a charm-spell can be quite a rush. You might never get all yours memories back in place, like my uncle Reggie, who's now mentally getting younger while he advances in age, but that might have something to do with the Black Lotus he crumples into his turnip-juice."

"I... I was fighting the trolls with my squad while Dougal, err, Lord De'Arnise assembled the Great Flail, which was a left-over from his adventuring days. Seeing him wield it was a sight to behold. The Acid and Fire-head of the weapon bit into the very being of the trolls as he sent at least half a dozen trolls to their maker, but... then one of the snake-people cast a spell on me and... the magic made me hit Dougal in the back of the head. I watched as they dragged him away and as they killed the remaining squad of guards, but I could do nothing..." Glaicus lamented. "Here," he said, handing Viconia the Flail of Ages. "I see your choice of weapon is the flail. Dougal would want it to be used against the attackers."

Viconia took the flail and felt its power coursing through her veins. Grinning to herself, she rose the multi-headed weapon for some practise-swings. A flail was actually a rather difficult weapon to use, since the many heads had a tendancy to fly in unpredictable paths when not wielded properly. Thankfully, Viconia had had plenty of experiences with wielding her flail during her days as a priestess of Lolth.

"Nalia," Glaicus said. "I'm so sorry..."

"It's... it's not your fault Glaicus," Nalia sighed and laid her hand on his shoulder.

"We seek to open the gate," Minsc said, "so we and the other soldiers can kick some serious asses!"

"I will help the best I can," Glaicus offered.

"OY!" Korgan shouted as he entered the sitting room. "So 'ere ye be? I be lookin' 'igh and low fer ye lot!"

"How is..." Viconia grinned.

"Ach," Korgan chuckled. "She nay be able ta sit fer over a month! HAR HAR!"

* * *

The old dungeons were indeed that... old dungeons. As Keldorn, Anomen and Laska stepped off the spiralling stairs, they were confronted with many instruments of torture, ranging from shackles on the wall, to iron maidens, pokers and guillotines. Luckily, judging from the rust on all these metal contraptions of doom, none of them had been used in at least thirty years.

"Whoa, Nalia wasn't kidding about these 'cellars'," Laska whispered. "I wonder how many peasants found their end in this dank hole."

"If these walls could talk," Anomen shuddered.

"Evil has taken place in these halls," Keldorn muttered. "Its foul stench still lingers."

"I think you might be smelling the six Umberhulks ahead," Laska whispered as they silently crept through the archway to peer into a larger room beyond. Indeed, a number of six umberhulks were standing in close proximity to each other in what looked like a storeroom. They were gorging themselves on a basket of vegetables in one of the corners.

"Is it just me, or are those cases they're eating from labeled 'Jansen Turnip Emporium'?" Laska asked.

"You tell me," Keldorn whispered. "You have better eyes than I have."

"I guess creatures from the Underdark really do love turnips," Laska shrugged.

Deciding to put her better eyes to good work, Laska quietly scanned the room, and noticed two tunnels on the right side of the room, which appeared to lead to a series of cells, and, more importantly, each could be closed off with a sturdy portcullis.

"Hey," Laska whispered. "I bet those tunnels meet in a U-bend."

"Ah, I see," Keldorn chuckled. "A good plan."

"What is?" Anomen whispered quizzically.

"But what if you're wrong?" Keldorn asked.

"Well, then I guess I'll fight myself out," Laska winked. "Ready?"

"Ready!" Keldorn confirmed.

"Ready for what?" Anomen asked again.

But Laska had already taken off. A few moments later, she was standing in front of the leftmost gate and whistled loudly. In an instant, she belted into the left corridor with six hungry umberhulks in hot pursuit. Keldorn dragged Anomen into the room and instructed the clueless Helmite to yank the handle that would drop the portcullis. To be on the safe side, Keldorn decided he would pull the handle of the corridor where Laska would exit himself. A few moments later, Laska turned around the bend with six snarling fiends chasing her and shouted for Keldorn to drop the portcullis.

Keldorn complied, and Anomen did the same. Laska jumped and dove forward, sliding under the dropping portcullis in the nick of time, and just as the snarling Umberhulks crashed into the metal grates. The creatures snarled and mauled, but the metal never budged.

"Nice one, guys," Laska chuckled. "Now to deal with those trolls."

"Indeed," Keldorn added. "I suggest we leave before those umberhulks calm down and remember they can actually dig their way to us."

* * *

Evening had fallen, and the waning light of the sun cast a reddish glow over the limestone keep. Viconia and her party lay on their bellies on the upper parapet to look down into the courtyard. From the looks of it, the remaining monsters in the keep were gathering for an attack on their old siege-camp, undoubtedly wanting to rid themselves of the troublemakers.

"Twenty-eight yuan-ti swordsmen, fourteen trolls, two yuan-ti mages," Viconia muttered.

"Boo says it will be easy to take them out, for we are great and powerful heroes," Minsc announced.

"You are more confident than I am, Minsc," Viconia muttered under her breath.

"I think they are preparing to launch a surprise attack on the siege camp," Glaicus said.

"But... but... Daleson is there! And Metigo! And Arat and Yang-ja!" Nalia wailed.

"Do not worry," Viconia grinned evilly. "We have a nasty surprise for them, but we need reinforcements to take out this large a force. We might have been able to take them out alone if Laska and Keldorn were here, but as things are now, we need someone to open the front gate, while the rest of us distracts the strike-force."

"I'll bloody do it!" Gurgan volunteered.

"Be careful, Gurgan," Elotta cautioned.

"To action then!" Viconia shouted, and the party jumped onto the lower parapet. Making as much noise as possible, the party ran down the stairs to confront the startled strike-force, while Gurgan belted across it towards the rudder controlling the gate.

Immediately, Viconia's party encountered more opposition than they had counted on. Viconia swung her flail and instantly killed one of the trolls, while the others concentrated on eliminating the yuan-ti mages, but the towering Otyugh on the other side of the courtyard had not been visible from their former perch. The disgusting creature flailed its tentacles towards the party, and drove them back to the stairs.

Meanwhile Gurgan crashed his full weight into one of the yuan-ti warriors, sending the creature tumbling down from the wall. Continuing his path, Gurgan slammed his shield into a second yuan-ti guard, sending him flying as well. As he reached the rudder, the squire kicked at the handle and the drawbridge came crashing down. Gurgan's smile of satisfaction disappeared as he noticed the Otyugh below was attacking his friends. With a savage warcry, the human raised by a dwarf jumped off the parapet and buried his sword into the brain of the savage creature, killing it instantly. The creature slumped down while Gurgan tried to retrieve his blade.

"Jan, the signal!" Viconia yelled, and immediately, Jan threw a magical spell of fireball into the air, which exploded in a brilliant flash of light.

Immediately, Yang-ja and several other elite-troops of the De'Arnise guard emerged from their hiding places near the keep and stormed through the front gate. The tide of battle clearly turned, the would-be strike force was quickly dealt with.

* * *

"Weak grrthunks! Me smell you!" a ridiculously huge troll yelled at Laska as they had entered what looked like an ornate burial chamber. Many statues lined the walls, depictions of the nobles for which this keep had been the seat of their power. Also, the room was filled with three giant trolls, as well as a downed injured man, who seemed to be having trouble breathing. "You stupid to come here! TorGal kill you all, make you food for Rocksmash pack!"

"Foul beast!" Anomen yelled in a tone that made Laska cringe. "You will fall this day!

"Indeed," Keldorn backed Anomen up this time. "Your evil stops here!"

"TorGal not die here! Only stupids who are not nobles die, and we no hurt castle! That was deal! It good deal and Rocksmash not break good deal! You die like should, then Caan and Stronger reward Rocksmash pack!" TorGal snarled back at the three adventurers.

"What's a Caan?" Laska frowned.

"Comrades-in-arms!" Anomen shouted. "We shall fight this day! To the death!"

"To the death?" Laska chuckled. "Why not 'kill these burks, and we meet at the bar later'?"

At that precise moment, the door to the room flew open, and out poured the rest of Viconia's party, flanked by the elite members of the De'Arnise guard, all armed with firebows and crossbows

"TorGal kill you... you errr," TorGal said, but before he could finish his sentence, his body had been skewered by three dozen flame-arrows.

"Awww, couldn't you have waited a bit?" Laska sighed. "I didn't even get to skewer that troll."

"Absolutely not! I turn control of this party over to you," Viconia said. "Try not to get us all killed in the near future."

"No promises," Laska repied.

Nalia suddenly gasped in horror and rushed up to a wounded man lying in the back of the room. Immediately, Viconia joined her and examined the dying Lord of the manor.

"These wounds are deep and many," Viconia said, "but I still have plenty of curative magics left to cast."

Nalia bit her tongue in nervousness as Viconia cast spell after spell on her father, and even though her father seemed healthier with every spell, she was still worried.

"There," Viconia said as Lord Dougal De'Arnise was once again showing some color in his face. She motioned to Laska to help her sit the man up. He obviously tried to make sense of what had just happened.

Suddenly, Lord Dougal De'Arnise, a kindly but strong middle-aged man with auburn hair, let out an annoyed grunt. "Dammit!" he suddenly hissed. "Dammit, dammit, dammit! Couldn't you have waited a few minutes longer? TorGal was just about to reveal everything!"

"Well," Viconia frowned. "If you like, I can try to raise him for you."

"Absolutely not!" Dougal chuckled heartily. "Thank you for saving my life, dear lady. I do not wish to be ungrateful."

"Father!" Nalia cried tears of joy as she embraced Dougal.

Dougal returned the hug. "I'm glad to see you are safe, puppet."

"Well," Laska spoke up. "The troll did mention someone or something named Caan. And something named Stronger..."

"What?!" Dougal roared. "I _knew_ it! I knew keeping that old hag around was a mistake."

"Aunty?!" Nalia spoke up. "I don't believe it."

"We'll deal with her later, puppet," Dougal smiled. "For now, let's just pick up the pieces first. Thank you all!"


	30. Evaluation

Apologies for the late posting of the next chapter. I had some severe technical difficulties over the weekend. Those are now resolved and a new chapter is ready to go. There's plenty of new content in this chapter so hopefully that'll make up for it.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 30 : Evaluation_

Keldorn strolled through the halls of d'Arnise Keep, passing some servants and giving them a friendly nod. Three days has passed since TorGal's failed invasion and life at Keep De'Arnise, and the lands surrounding it, was slowly returning to an inkling of normality. Indeed, aside from the number of barricades which still needed to be cleaned up and the occasional sword scrape still etched in the walls, there was hardly any sign that an invasion had even taken place.

After the proper burial of the fallen guards and servants, and the disposal of the fallen trolls and yuan-ti, the regular inhabitants of the keep could get started on the necessary repair-work, leaving Laska and her friends to deal with the surviving Umberhulks in the dungeons. Contractors had already been hired to start rebuilding the outer walls and work was about to start in another day. Evening had already come and lord Dougal had asked for their presence after today's dinner.

Keldorn stepped to the door leading into the room assigned to Laska after the keep had been fully retaken. His elven friend had been working hard to help out; while Viconia had been putting her mental skills to good use by negotiating for supplies and prioritizing the keep's repairs, Laska and most of the others had been doing the heavy lifting such as clearing out the excess barricades, helping to offload the building supplies and generally moving stuff to its proper place.

In fact, most of them had been putting their skills to work – he was especially proud of Elotta and Gurgan, whom had volunteered to help out in whatever way they could. Which was more than he could say for Anomen, whom had refused to do what he considered to be menial labor. As a result, Anomen had been assigned to help out the patrolling guards. Honorable work, certainly, but he could have been of better use at the Keep.

Considering the amount of work Laska had put in today, she would no doubt have turned in early for the night. Not wanting to disturb her too much, he knocked on the door and gently swung it open.

Only to have his heart jump out of his throat when he saw a stricken Laska... naked and straddling an equally naked guard; in fact, Keldorn recognized him as the young man whom they had rescued from that broom closet earlier today. Furthermore, two giggling maids, again naked, were tending Laska with massages and kisses. These were the two who had also been in the broom closet. The maids hadn't even noticed the intrusion and continued with their business. While one of the maids kissed Laska's shoulder, the second one poured a bottle of sweet honey-wine over her bare chest.

Blushing like a beet, Keldorn quickly closed the door and let out a sigh. "Lock the damn door next time, Laska!" he called.

"Come back in one hour!" Keldorn could hear Laska's muffled voice from behind the door. After a moment's hesitation, she added: "Two hours!"

Keldorn rubbed his forehead and started to walk off, the door slightly opened behind her. "Uhm," Laska said as she popped her head through the crack. "Make that three." A female hand seductively slid over Laska's shoulder before starting to pull her back inside.

Keldorn shook his head and walked off without looking back.

* * *

Slightly more than three hours later, long after dinner time, Laska strolled into the main hall of the inn, wearing her casual outfit. There was a stride in her step and a self-satisfied smirk on her face. All eyes turned to her, most looks were bemused.

"What?" Laska asked. While Minsc continued playing with Boo, Korgan and Jan resumed talking amongst themselves while Keldorn shook his head. Lord Dougal was sitting at the head of the table, looking onto the spectacle with amusement.

"Enjoyed the wine?" Viconia nodded.

"Yes, indeed I did," Laska winked as she sat down at the table. "It was one of the better rewards I've had in my career."

"Excuse me," Keldorn frowned. "Reward?"

"Yes," Laska grinned. "I was approached by the three of them. Basically, they wanted to continue where they left off when the invasion interrupted them and invited me to join them. Long story short, there was sex, there was wine and it was all fun."

"Laska," Keldorn sighed.

"What? Can't an elf accept a personal reward for saving the lives of innocent people? Especially if they're all very hot?" Laska crossed her arms.

"There is such a thing as being gracious and noble enough to refuse any rewards offered in flesh," Keldorn admonished.

"But... they were hot!" Laska countered. "They _wanted_ to thank me!"

"Laska, the virtue of a hero is to..."

"... ah, bollocks with your virtues, after all that work the past couple of days, I was just itching to get laid," Laska smirked.

Korgan guffawed and slapped his knees. "That be why Laska be a player and ye never be gettin' any Keldy, HAR HAR!"

"And you better believe it!" Laska said as she high-fived him.

"Need I remind you both that I have two children?" Keldorn said.

The sound of a throat being scraped. Lord Dougal smiled at them, "This banter really takes me back to my own adventuring days, but I'm afraid we're here to fulfill a grim task."

"You're not upset that I've slept with your servants, I hope," said Laska.

"Heavens no. I have noticed a bit of increase in promiscuity as of late, but considering what has happened recently, I can understand people here have a need to unwind," said Lord Dougal. "No, I've asked you here to witness the judgment of my sister-in-law, Delcia Caan. I want to hear her story, and if she will say what I expect her to say, I might need you to hold me back from killing her."

"Erm," Jan said. "I hope you're not expecting any of this lot to actually _stop _ you from killing her. I think that would be rather unlikely. You'd be better off convincing a shark to become a vegetarian."

"Nevertheless," Dougal sighed. A few moments later, Lady Delcia Caan, still the very vision of haughtiness even in her current predicament, was being led into the remains of the dining hall of the partially ruined Keep De'Arnise. Her beady little eyes radiated an air of arrogance as the two guards, who had apparently lost friends to Delcia's treachery, unceremoniously shoved her towards Lord Dougal De'Arnise before taking a few steps back.

Just as she was about to open her mouth, Nalia stormed into the main hall. The young mage was the slight girl, but today she had fire in her eyes. Laska could easily tell that she was seething, but there was a sadness to it; she had been betrayed by family. It was also obvious to see that she had been crying. Her sharp elven eyesight could make out Daleson peeking around the corner, apparently for moral support.

"Why did you do it?!" Nalia shouted. "Why?!"

"Nalia," Dougal held up his hand. It calmed the girl down somewhat, but not by much.

"Ah, I see you have survived, Dougal," Lady Delcia did not even bother to mask her intense disappointment.

"No thanks to your efforts, Delcia," Dougal retorted, dropping all forms of labored etiquette. "I believe Nalia asked you a question."

"How could you, auntie?!" Nalia shouted, her face contorted in a mixture of anger, grief and disbelief. "You lived with the people of the Keep. You _knew_ them! All of them!"

"I do not know what you are talking about," Lady Delcia replied, in that same annoyingly haughty tone of voice.

"Save it!" Dougal roared. "TorGal mentioned you by name, as well as someone called 'Stronger'. You were the one who ordered the assault on the Keep! Somehow the trolls knew all about the Keep's strengths, weaknesses and defenses, information undoubtedly supplied by you, and you alone!"

"Oy!" Korgan chuckled and raised his open hand in the air. "Lemme at 'er, lordie. I be smackin' the bleedin' truth out o' that ole biddy! HAR HAR! Talk ta the dwarf!"

"I have not forgotten your insults, dwarf!" Lady Delcia retorted. "And I shall see you hanged for it."

"Well," Viconia chuckled. "It seems _you_ have forgotten the situation you are currently in..."

"And you, elf, shall swing beside him!" Lady Delcia Caan retorted. The drow in the meantime, faux-yawned.

Dougal rose from his seat and stomped menacingly towards the lady. "My friends are going nowhere. Now... the truth!"

"So you want to know the truth then, Dougal?" Lady Delcia Caan chuckled wryly. "Fine, you shall have it. I had the Keep invaded because of _you_ dear brother-in-law! I could no longer stand and see these once proud lands ruled by someone of lesser birth!"

"Auntie!" Nalia snarled. "Do not speak of my father in that way!"

"It is the truth, my dear," Lady Delcia Caan. "Your mother, my sister, was foully bewitched and swept off her feet by this scandalous adventurer, a noble of lesser birth!"

Upon hearing this comment, Laska turned to Keldorn. "Nobles have ranks among themselves?"

"Certainly," said Keldorn. "There's as many layers to noblity as there are to an onion."

"He lured her away from her family and her duty by filling her head with tales of, ugh, combat, fame and glory. And despite the best efforts of her family to dissuade her from this ill-fated path, she joined his party and took off with them."

"You know I loved Phenicia!" Dougal roared.

"Yes," Lady Delcia retorted. "We are all slapped in the face with that fact when the two of you came back four years later, married and with a babe in your arms. Such ignobility. But since mother had died the summer before, the control of the lands went to Phenicia... and you!" she spat.

"Ah, of course," Jan chuckled. "You had no intention of taking the throne yourself when your sister returned. Oh, no, power doesn't mean anything to you. It wasn't convenient for you at all that she took off with her lover!"

"It wasn't?" Minsc frowned.

"Minscey," Jan smiled. "Now take what I just said and flip it around until it means the exact opposite."

"Ooooh, Minsc understands the wicked, wicked woman now. Jan is as smart as Boo sometimes."

"You filled Phenicia's head with the bizarre idea that our lesser peasantry should actually be aided. Hah, the only thing important about the peasantry is how they serve us, the nobles!" Delcia retorted. "And that's how Phenicia died: sliced to ribbons by a brigand for meager coins! You murdered my sister, you bounder!"

"Oh, and you were so happy when you didn't have to sit on the throne yourself, but had that nice brother-in-law to take over from you!" Jan chuckled. "Such a nice man to relieve you of that burden."

"For years I have been in anguish as I saw you, a mere dressed-up fop, control our lands. Our lands with such a rich noble history. I vowed that I would one day restore these lands to proper noble hands, Dougal! Luckily, I found someone who helped me organize the liberation of our lands."

Dougal rubbed his forehead, strolled over to Lady Delcia and stared her in the eye. To the onlookers it seems the very air around them radiated the hatred they had for each other. "Over fifty dead, Delcia! Forty loyal guards... eight servants... two children! All lost! And why? I always took care of you, despite your outrageous demands!"

"You are nothing but a worm, Dougal! Those fallen were nothing than worms! It was their duty to die for their betters... And they did..."

"Lady," Laska replied. "You are the biggest butt-head I have ever met. And I've met quite a few in my days."

"Boo is wondering if Lady Delcia will go squash like a soft fruit under Minsc's boot!" the hulking ranger roared.

"My Lady," Keldorn snarled. "There are no words for betrayal such as this. I have always believed that everyone can be saved, but you have truly earned a place in the deepest pit of the Abyss!"

"So you hired a pack of trolls?" Dougal De'Arnise said, boiling with barely controlled rage. "I don't believe that someone who won't even set foot on a patch of grass could even negotiate with trolls unless..." Dougal concluded, his eyes wide with realization.

"'Stronger' are the Roenalls, aren't they?" Nalia sighed.

"The Roenalls," Dougal sighed. "It always comes back to the Roenalls... Is that why you pressured the closeness, and indeed, the so-called betrothal between Nalia and that rat-faced Isaea? They've always been keen to own these lands."

At this point, Laska's keen hearing picked up some rather choice words about Isaea Roenall from Daleson at the door. It involved a pot of honey, Isaea's genitals, a performing bear and apparently a lot of blood and gore caused by the combining of those three.

"Isaea Roenall is a proper noble, who would have rules these lands like a true noble should!" Lady Delcia Caan retorted. "I did it for you, my dear," she directed at Nalia. "So you would live the life of a true noble. You would not have to endure the shame of having such a father..."

"I don't believe this," Nalia sobbed, tears welling up in her eyes. "All this horror... because of me?" But, instead of falling into tears, Nalia stiffened, slowly stepped over to Delcia and slapped her across the face with such a force that the arrogant noble nearly fell backwards. In a moment, Dougal was upon the startled noble. His hand shot to the hilt of his sword, and in moments it sang through the air, its destination being Lady Delcia's fagile neck. In the fraction of a second, however, Dougal changed his mind. He stopped the slashing blade a mere half-inch from the arrogant noble's neck. Leaving it to hoover there, he spoke in a low, growling tone. "You were such a proponent of re-opening the dungeons, weren't you? To 'spur on the lazy peasants'? Well, you're going to get acquainted with the dungeons really closely, since you'll be spending the rest of your life there. And that's being mild considering what you have done!"

For the first time, an inkling of fear crept through Lady Delcia Caan's arrogant demeanor. "You cannot treat me as such! I am a noble of the Caan family! Lesser nobles have no right to judge me!"

"Perhaps a few years of wearing a burlap sack for a gown,and having rat for supper will teach you that nobility is a privilege, not something to be exploited!" Dougal snarled. "Captain Yang-ja?" he asked, and the newly ordained Kara-Turan captain of the guards stepped forward. "Please see to it that this... lady... here gets the best room in the house."

"With pleasure, my lord," Yang-ja grinned and proceeded to drag the screaming and cursing fallen noble out of the room.

"You can't treat a member or a noble family in such a matter!" Lady Delcia Caan shouted at Dougal in a last-ditch effort to at least get in the last word. "What will the Athkatlan nobility say?"

"Frankly," Dougal smiled. "I don't give a damn..."

"Bye, bye, birdie!" Laska waved after her.

* * *

Laska strolled over to the window in the sparsely decorated room that was assigned to Viconia and glanced at the horizon. Miles away, on the small farms surrounding the Keep, she could see farmers plowing the field, while their children played around the farmhouses. It seemed the invasion had not even affected them at the very least. There, life went on as usual. Something about that make Laska feel content.

On the other hand, the pastoral scene in front of her, the lands of grassy meadows, corn fields and forests beyond did not touch her elven spirit at all. In fact, she couldn't wait to get back to the city. Nature did never do anything special for her anyway.

"Do you _have_ to keep pacing about?" Viconia replied while she lay on her cot, and looked up from her task of updating the party's journal. "It's really rather annoying. And why are you here anyway?"

"Geez," Laska snorted. "You're cheerful today."

"I was in the mood for some time alone when you suddenly barged in and refuse to leave," Viconia said. "So I'm entitled to be cranky."

"When do you think we'll be leaving?" Laska asked. "I've spent enough time in this castle already. It's cold, damp and way too big for my taste."

"Probably soon," Viconia muttered. "I've overheard Keldorn telling the squires he would return to the Order guildhouse soon to evaluate their performance."

"Indeed," the voice of Keldorn sounded through the door. Laska's head whipped towards the door where she saw him standing, being flanked by Dougal De'Arnise and Nalia.

"Don't you know when to knock?" Laska smiled. "You know, we could have been naked in here."

"The door was open," Keldorn chuckled. "And we could hear you talking from the other side of the hallway."

"Ah," Laska said. "But we still could have been talking with the door open while naked."

"You already gave Keldorn a heart-attack once today," Viconia said. "I suggest we drop this now."

"In any case," Keldorn said, ignoring Laska's barbs. "To answer you question, I am to return to the Order as soon as to issue my report. And I take it, that you wish to return to Athkatla as well. It is for you to decide when you wish to leave the Keep."

"Before you leave," Dougal broke in, speaking in his usual low and powerful voice, "I would like to express my gratitude to you and your friends for saving our Keep and indeed, our lands for the troll invasion. I would reward you with a great sum of money, but I would like to invest my resources in the repairs and the keep, so I would like to offer you..."

"Ah!" Laska spoke up. "While exploring the cellars, I spotted a few of those gigantic kegs of ale."

"Yes," Dougal replied. "We have several of those. Why do you mention this?"

"Have one delivered at my estate in Athkatla and we're even," Laska smiled, rubbing her hands.

"Well, that's enough to see you through the week," Viconia chuckled.

Laska turned around to smile at Viconia. "Yeah, yeah. I know it's quite a stretch, but I should have it empty by a ten-day," she replied with a grin.

"I was going to offer you some land for when you decide to retire," Dougal smirked, "but it's a deal..."

"I guess I'm a cheap date," Laska shrugged.

"I would like to keep the Flail of Ages," Viconia asked with a certain amount of anticipation.

"It's yours," Dougal smiled. "As a gift for saving my life."

Viconia closed the book and sat up. "I was not expecting this. Thank you."

"I would rather see such a weapon used in the hands of a proper wielder than to lie in pieces gathering dust," Dougal said.

"Speaking of retirement, how did you, an adventurer, end up as a landlord?" Laska asked, while Viconia held her new flail firmly in hand.

"Oh," Dougal said as he wrapped his arm around his smiling daughter's shoulder, "I became a family man, really. And I want to keep my family safe. And that's why I want the Roenall sword hanging over our heads removed forever."

"Lord De'Arnise and I have talked it over," Keldorn added, "and we have come to the conclusion that the Roenalls must be held accountable for their part in this invasion. Unfortunately, that is not as easy as it sounds."

"How so?" Viconia asked. "The invasion failed and there are witnesses left. Their house is doomed, no? That is how things are done in the Underdark."

"Not exactly. Even with the proper evidence they would receive nothing more than a stern slap on the wrist," Dougal sighed disgustedly. "We have to beat them by using the very rules of nobility against them..."

"By using my own social betrothal, I intend to help you unmask the Roenalls," Nalia demanded.

"Nalia, are you certain you wish to do this?" Dougal sighed nervously. "I don't want you to get hurt..."

"Yes, father... They epitomize what I hate about nobles. Everyone is beneath their status, and if you wish any respect you must be of their social number. All others are treated as dirt... They staged this whole charade just to get their hands on the wealth of these lands and I won't let them get away with it."

"The plan is as follows," Keldorn said. "If Lord Dougal goes into hiding, and we introduce the rumor that he has fallen while fighting the trolls, the Roenalls will drop their guard and will try to force the social betrothal into marriage which will give them control over the De'Arnise holdings. We are hoping the Roenalls, especially Lord Isaea and Lord Farthington act carelessly and drop the evidence we need in our laps."

"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" Laska spoke with indignity. "I'm supposed to be the leader of this pack, and I'm supposed to be making the plans!"

"Well, what's your plan then, Laska?" Keldorn asked.

"Step one: find them. Step two: kill them. Step three: Profit!" was Laska's reply.

"Our plan is a little more detailed," Nalia chuckled.

"But if your family's position is weakened," Viconia asked, "how will you prevent these _iblithen_ from taking the castle by force a second time?"

"Again we will use the rules of nobility against them," Dougal smiled.

"Yes!" Nalia chuckled. "We must appoint a weaponmaster to rule this Keep in my stead since, according to Amnian law, I am too young to rule."

Laska snorted and dropped herself on a cot. "So, where are you going get one of those?"

"Well," Nalia stammered. "Errr, we were thinking of you..."

"Me?" Laska laughed. "Me? I can't even keep my own wardrobe in order, and I am wearing the only outfit I own," she said, pointing to the rather revealing leather vest and pants she was wearing. "Unless... Ah," Laska snapped her fingers. "You want a marriage of convenience, then..."

"NO, NO!" Nalia replied quickly, but not quick enough to keep from blushing a violent red.

"Why not?" Laska asked, sitting up and stared at Nalia with an angry fire burning in her eyes. "What's wrong with me?"

"Errr, well, nothing really..." Nalia muttered.

"It's because I'm an elf, isn't it, you bloody racist!" Laska snarled as she stood up and strolled over to Nalia in a threatening fashion. "If I were a human woman, you'd marry me in an instant!"

"No, no, no!" Nalia said, trying to calm the enraged elf down a bit. She heard Viconia chuckling in the background. "It's only because you're a woman!"

"And proud of it!" Laska said, thrusting her bosom forward.

"That's just it! The Roenalls will never believe we married out of love!" Nalia chuckled uneasily, hoping the light mood would calm down Laska.

"What are you talking about?" Laska grinned. "I've read in the Amnian Gutter that Lady Caadric married her poodle last month."

"Yes, but she's insane," Nalia said.

"How good are your acting skills, Nalia?" Viconia smirked. "Can you fake a seizure?"

"No, no, no," Nalia chuckled. "I was wondering if you'd consider ruling the keep in my stead. I'd be your ward, not your wife."

In few seconds later, Viconia rolled off her cot in a bit of screaming laughter. "If... that's... your plan," she said during fits of violent giggles, "you'd be better off giving the castle to the Roenall right away."

"That's more than fine," Dougal chuckled. "Nalia? Perhaps Yang-ja is better suited for that job. She has been with us ever since our party met her in Kara-Tur, and she knows the lands better than most. Laska, I would ask you to become Nalia's bodyguard for the time being."

"Sure," Laska sighed. "My house is big enough."

Viconia held up her arms and sighed. "So much for our house being a nice and quiet private place. Are we running an hotel now?"

"I am entrusting you with my greatest treasure then," Dougal added with a touch of nervousness.

"And you, Lord De'Arnise," Sir Keldorn spoke, "are now officially dead."

* * *

Unfortunately, the trip back to Athkatla was a horrid affair. The rainy season had not yet ended and the party were surprised by a nasty cloudburst. Another curtain of rain poured down upon them as they followed the roads, limiting sight and slowing their trip back home down to a crawl. When they finally arrived back at the house after returning their horses to the corral, it was already evening. Laska and her friends were drenched to the bone, cold, tired and generally cranky.

Keldorn announced the postponement of the evaluation until tomorrow to give his friends a chance to rest. Thankfully, there were people at home who were happy to see them – or, rather, one person specifically.

"Khittix!" Risa shouted as she ran down the stairs to greet her friends. Soon enough, Becky and Jaela joined Risa, assaulting the giant spider with pets and hugs.

"And what about us?" Laska chuckled, feigning sadness.

"Oh, I love you guys too!" Risa giggled, but kept hugging the happily chirping spider.

"Mother has gone to the market, but probably hasn't gotten back yet because of the rain." Becky said. "Do you, ermmm, want to leave a massage?"

"If you mean 'message' just tell her to prepare the last free room for another guest," Laska smiled. "Young Nalia here will be staying with us for a while."

The young mage waved at the girls briefly.

"I'm just here to drop off Khittix," Viconia said.

"You're daft!" Laska said. "You're going out there again?"

"I must oversee the construction of several items by the dwarven smith Cromwell at the docks," said Viconia. "I'd rather get started right away."

"For Dynaheir?" Laska asked, to which Viconia only nodded slightly.

Both Jan and Korgan entered next. The dwarf cursed and kicked furniture for good measure when he rushed towards the cellars while muttering about 'blasted bloody rain'.

"Ah, where is my little potato-nose?" Jan asked as he came down the stairs again.

"Oh, she went to the market with mother," Becky said.

"DRAT!" Jan muttered. "I was looking forward to skipping this whole knight thing completely and taking Lissa to a romantic dinner for two. There's this wonderful place in the slums where you can get two straws in a single turnip."

* * *

Laska stirred from her slumber by a sound from the window. After a bath, Laska had plopped down on her bed as she felt the fatigue of the trip wash over her. She had fallen asleep almost immediately, but judging from the darkness in the room, it was still night. The sleepy elf yawned and turned to her side to face the window. "Ugh," she muttered to herself when she still saw the curtain of rain pouring down on Athkatla. As much as she loved Athkatla, she was really gettting fed up with the rainy season.

Thinking it was merely the occasional thunderstrike in the distance, Laska was about to roll to her stomach again to get some more sleep, but then she heard the sound again. It was, in fact, a knock, sounding more urgently this time. She could just make out a figure standing at the window.

Curious, Laska slipped out of bed, threw a bathrobe around her body and strolled over to the window. She opened and blinked as she saw who the person outside the window was. "Rose!"

"Uhm, hi," said Rose as she stood in the rain. She was drenched to the bone. Her red dress clung to her body while her strawberry blonde hair hung in wet strands over her face. "Can I come in, please?"

Laska reached out with her arm and quickly pulled the half-elf into her bedroom. After taking another look outside, Laska closed the window. Behind her, Rose hugged herself as she dripped out all over the floor. A cough followed. And another one. "Silly, really," Rose said with a weak smile. "Lived all my life in Athkatla and still I underestimate the rainstorms."

"What are you doing outside? Not even the stray dogs are out in the rain right now!"

"I..." Rose looked away. "I wanted to see you." Another cough followed.

Laska sighed and smiled briefly. "I suppose I should be flattered. Seriously, let's get you out of those wet clothes before you get seriously ill."

Being fortunate enough to being the owner of the master bedroom, Laska had a private bathroom attached to it. Laska gave Rose a towel and a bathrobe and, after feeling how cold she was, decided to run a warm bath for her.

"Wow," said Rose as she looked around. "Your house is beautiful. And your ceiling is so high!"

Laska slashed her fingertips over the surface of the water to test the heat and found it perfect. " How'd you know this was my room?"

"You described your house to me the last time you visited," Rose smiled as she disrobed and slipped into the bath. A look of sheer enjoyment crossed her features as she slowly slid down the waterline. "I have a keen memory for details. Comes in handy in my line of work."

"Remind me to give you the grand tour tomorrow morning," said Laska.

"Do you really have a pool on the second floor? How does that work?" Rose said. "I mean, isn't the weight of the water a problem?"

Laska shrugged. "Jan said magic was used in combination with strong granite load-bearing walls to shore it up. In short – a wizard did it."

"Ah,"

Rose closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth... as well as the view as she opened her eyes and found Laska sitting on the edge of the bath with a loose bathrobe.

"Rose," said Laska with a serious edge on her voice. "What's this?"

"Ah," said Rose as Laska gently brushed some wet hair from her face. "You saw that, didn't you?"

Brushing the hair away, Laska revealed a bruised left cheek and a nasty black eye. The elf gently took her arm and asked her to rise from the water. There were ugly bruises on her stomach and chest and, after turning her around, found some bruises and cuts on her back.

"Who did this?" Laska asked.

Rose kept her eyes downcast. "A customer, not a regular. He... couldn't climax and then decided to blame me for it. I... I didn't come here looking for sympathy," said Rose. Laska heard her words, but Rose's eyes told her a different story.

"Look, it's no trouble, it just means that I'm not working for a couple of days. It's raining anyway, so there's not many customers. I can spend some time alone to paint," Rose shrugged.

"And all you had to do for a couple of days off, was to get beaten up," Laska said bitterly.

"Well, if you put it that way," Rose looked away uncomfortably.

"Wait here," said Laska as she left the bathroom, and came back holding a small bottle containing a blue liquid. "Drink this."

"What is it?" Rose asked.

"Healing potion, extra strong," Laska said. "I keep some around for emergencies."

Rose took the potion and downed it. "Hm, tastes minty," she said. There were immediate results; most of the bruises slowly started to disappear.

"I'm sorry this happened to you," Laska said sincerely. "Do you want me to track him down and beat the living snot out of him?"

"No," Rose said quickly. "C-can you really find him?"

"Oh, you bet I can," Laska grinned. "Had a change of heart?"

Rose blinked. "Only if you have time. And only if you won't kill him. Or hurt him too much."

Laska leaned forward and kissed Rose on the forehead. "You are far too nice."

"Can I stay with you tonight?" Rose said. "I don't really want to go back outside into the rain."

"Sure," Laska smiled as she returned to the bedroom, tossed the bathrobe and crawled back into bed. Rose, in turn, exited the bath and dried herself. Properly warmed up, Rose also entered the bedroom and crawled underneath the duvet. The half-elf snuggled up aganst the tattooed elf and Laska very much enjoyed Rose's warmth and the feeling of her damp hair as she lay her head on her chest.

"Laska?"

"Hm."

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"Laska?"

"Hm again."

"I want to kiss you."

Laska was only to happy to oblige before the two of them drifted off into peaceful dreamless sleep.

When Laska regained consciousness, it was morning and she was still being snuggled against the still sleeping Rose. The elf smiled and brushed some hair from the half-elf's face when a second knock sounded. The door to her room slowly creaked open, caused the elf to look over her shoulder. A beefy hand holding a hamster popped through the crack.

"Boo, is little Laska decent?"

Laska yawned and stretched. "Me? Decent? Come on Minsc, how long have you known me?"

"Keldorn is expecting us. Heroes like us have no time for sleep now! We must spread the word of the squires goodness!"

"That time already?" Laska sighed. "Alright, I'll be right out."

Laska gently disentangled herself from Rose's embrace, not having the heart to wake her from her peaceful sleep. Before the elf jumped out of bed to gather her clothes, she kissed the sleeping half-elf on the cheek.

"Hey," she whispered. "I knew I promised you a tour, but I guess it'll have to wait. Sleep tight and rest."

* * *

"It's simple," Keldorn said as he and his friends were standing in the back of the Order guildhouse, waiting to be heard. "You will enter this backroom one-by-one, where Lady Sylvana Skye, Sir Ryan Trawl and Prelate Wessalen will be seated at the table to ask for your opinion on each squire. Laska and I will enter last, since she is the leader of the party. As I am the overseer of the initiates, my final report is not for the tribunal. Afterward, they will deliberate and decide who will be chosen to be knighted."

"And then we be gettin' ta drink ourselves stupid?" Korgan asked, licking his lips.

"If you mean to ask if there is a celebration afterward? Yes there is. At the Five Flagon's Inn, in fact... It is the custom that the squire who wins the position will host drinks for the other members of his party," Keldorn added.

"Cor lummy!" Korgan roared. "Let us be gettin' on with it then!"

In the distance, Elotta, Gurgan and Anomen regarded the party they had served with as Minsc was the first to enter the backroom.

"Well, it nay be me who gets knighted," Gurgan spoke. "I be too young."

"It isn't me either," Elotta sighed. "I'm just too shy and timid..."

"That leaves only one candidate!" Anomen smiled. "Of course, there is the fact that I have endangered my companions..."

"Guys?" Elotta said. "Whatever happens, I hope it's one of you two who gets knighted..."

"Me too," Gurgan offered. "I be hopin' one of ye gets knighted..."

"I hope I myself will be knighted this day!" Anomen grinned broadly.

* * *

"So, Minsc," Sir Ryan Trawl asked. "What is your opinion on..."

"All of them! They are all great butt-kicking heroes who deserve to wield the boot of justice!"

"Err, that's nice, but I want to ask you some questions per specific squire..." Sir Ryan Trawl smiled.

"All! Minsc liked them all, and they are all great heroes to stomp the huge boot of righteousness on the pimply butt of evil, nasty, icky do'ers of bad things!" Minsc said proudly. "And Boo agrees!"

"Who is Boo?" Lady Skye asked.

"This is Boo!" Minsc said proudly and held his loyal hamster to the elderly paladin.

"How cute," Lady Skye smiled.

* * *

"So Gurgan should be given the title?" Prelate Wessalen asked. "This is your opinion?"

"Aye!" Korgan said. "'E be a fine lad, and even though I be thinkin' these wanna-be's are all barmy for wantin' ta join this lot of self-righteous gits, I say 'e be the bloody best of the lot. He be talkin' the talk an' walkin' the walk! HAR!"

"I see," Sir Ryan Trawl said. "And what of Elotta?"

"A fine lass, with all the bits in the right places, if ye be knowin' what I be meanin' HAR!" Korgan chuckled, but continued unfettered when he noticed his last words weren't exactly appreciated. "Well she be 'avin' a good 'ead on her shoulders, but if ye be directin' one foul word in 'er direction she be crumblin'."

"And Anomen?" Lady Skye asked, but Korgan fell silent... and kept silent.

"Well?" Lady skye pressed.

"Afore I be enterin' this room, Keldorn be sayin' to me that if 'I ain't be 'avin' anything nice to say, donnay be sayin' nothing at all', so I be sayin' nothin'," Korgan snorted.

"So there is nothing to say in Anomen's favor?" Lady Skye asked.

"Well, he be dyin' some day," Korgan chuckled. "That be a nice thought! HAR HAR HAR!"

* * *

"Lady DeVir?" Prelate Wessalen asked. "You may give your opinion on Gurgan's performance."

"Oh, may I speak?" Viconia narrowed her eyes. "How generous of you. Am I allowed to clean your kitchen as well."

Prelate Wessalen was taken aback. "I... apologize. Let me rephrase that. Do you have an opinion on Gurgan's performance?"

"Much better. In short, he is too young a male for such a position of power," Viconia replied. "I recommend he be taught more before he is allowed to claim the position. Elotta, on the other hand, would be an excellent choice for knighthood. The handles her weapon with grace. She is shy in dealing with others, but that can be conditioned out of her character as she performs more missions for your Order. She is ready, in my expert opinion."

"And what of Anomen?" Sir Ryan Trawl asked.

"Let him eat his hammer and let him try to defecate it whole," Viconia snorted.

"Errr, harsh words," Prelate Wessalen said, trying his best to be heard over Lady Skye's roaring laughter.

"He left me standing to fight off my attackers alone while he ran off to enlarge his own glory, so what do you expect?" Viconia nodded. "Praise? I think not."

* * *

"So that is when my aunty Roberta and I escaped the Isle of No Return with all our turnips intact, but her false teeth were never the same," Jan said, finishing his story. "What was your question again?"

Lady Skye, Sir Ryan Trawl and Prelate Wessalen sighed simultaneously. "I... I can't remember," Lady Skye replied, being the first to speak.

* * *

"Gurgan fights like a demon, and so does Elotta," Laska said. "They both have a good head on their shoulders. They're very sensible and clever in combat, which is more than you can say for me in the same situation," Laska chuckled.

"Ah, yes," Lady Skye smiled. "You are full of praise for Gurgan and Elotta, but you have yet to speak of Anomen."

"Do you want the rant or the 'one word'?" Laska said. "If you want the rant, I'll just tell you that he's arrogant, moronic, has the sense of a kumquat, behaves like an ass, endangered us all, holds his hammer like an Orc, walks like a duck, talks like a duck, has no sense of humor, leaves comrades standing in the blue, is more judgmental than a bureaucrat, is just a self-righteous git and..."

"I... see..." Lady Skye stammered. "And your, ahum, 'one word'-opinion on his performance?"

"Bollocks!"

* * *

And after Laska had exited the room, it was Keldorn's turn to give his report. And the waiting began. For the squires, it was the hardest. Elotta was biting her nails, while Gurgan was constantly tapping his tones to some imaginary tune. Anomen was pacing back and forth while Laska, Minsc, Jan and Korgan were discussing the timeless art of sucking out eggs. Viconia had left as soon as she had her session with the three paladins for reasons unknown.

Finally, after a deliberation of at least a full hour, Keldorn stepped out of the room. Immediately, the three squires all but ran up to the aged inquisitor.

"And?" Elotta stammered.

"Due to your excellent performance, and by rule of extreme exception, no less than two of your group have been chosen to be knighted," Keldorn smiled.

"Who?" Gurgan asked and could not hide the nervousness in his voice. Anomen was staring openly now.

"I'm sorry Anomen," Keldorn said and put his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Perhaps next year will bring you more luck."

Anomen simply stood there and stared at his feet, while in front of him, the squealing Elotta threw herself in the chuckling Gurgan's arms.

* * *

"Hey, you slipped away from us!" Elotta told Laska as she, Gurgan and Laska's party were painting the town red in the Five Flagon's Inn.

"Well," Laska smiled as she took a cup from Gurgan's hand and slammed it down in one drought. "I had to take some time away to have a new tattoo applied," she smiled.

"Oh, a new one?" Elotta asked.

"I see you and Viconia have been talking," Laska chuckled. "Take a look at this..."

"Where?" Gurgan asked.

"Oh, I forgot," Laska smirked. "You're a knight now. Ahum, you have permission," Laska said in a half-mocking tone, "to stare at my chest..."

And there is was. On the right middle slope of her left breast now was an ornate black tracing of a flower... the outline of a rose, a tattoo that had not have the color applied yet.

"Wow," Gurgan muttered and felt his mouth go dry.

"I thought that would get your attention," Laska said. "Any cups left for me?"

Scanning the room, she noticed everyone was having a wonderful time at this celebration, with Gurgan and Elotta as veritable lighthouses of happiness. The only glum figure however, was Anomen. He was sitting away from the rest of the group, staring into his cups and often stared jealously at the two soon-to-be knights of the Order.

Already, the beginnings of a colossal prank that would certainly remove the starch from his britches, formed in Laska's mind. She grinned evilly and decided to await her opportunity.


	31. Witchy Woman

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 31: Witchy Woman_

_'This is going to be a riot!_' Laska thought gleefully as she put her prank in motion. The tattooed elf only had to wait long enough for Anomen to drown his sorrows so much than he passed out. After an apparently dead-drunk Anomen had been dragged back to Laska's mansion by his feet, she had stripped the clothes from his upper body and put him in her bed. Making a mental note to ask Lasalla to replace her bedlinnen in the morning, she had left the room and spent a few hours sleeping in another room.

When she returned in the morning, she found Anomen still snoring and was ready to continue. Smiling to herself, she swiftly removed her vest and lay down beside the snoring helmite. Chuckling to herself, she nudged the sleeping Anomen awake. "Hey! Hey, you! Wake up!" she said.

The sleeping Helmite stirred, groaned, covered his eyes with his arm and generally complained about being woken up. Then, to Laska's glee, he noticed he was not where he had expected to be. Slightly startled, the Helmite slightly rose from the pillow only to drop back on it after noticing the topless elf lying next to him.

"So, awake yet?" Laska purred. "It's time for you to leave."

"Wha.. who... We... Did we..." Anomen stammered, his eyes constantly and involuntarily darting from Laska's face to her bare chest and back again.

"Yes," Laska snickered inwardly. "I guess we both had a little too much to drink last night. Well, no matter," she said while wrapping a sheet around her body and stepping off the bed. "It's time for you to leave anyway. Go now."

"But...we... I... we spent..." Anomen stammered.

"Well, yeah," Laska shrugged. "What of it?"

"WE MUST GET MARRIED!" Anomen exclaimed, panic evident in his voice.

Laska blinked for a moment and wondered how people like this could actually function in reality. "To you?" Laska chuckled. "No offence, but I'd rather cut off my own ears with a rusty bread knife."

"But we..." Anomen added.

"Yes, we have. So what?" Laska added. "No skin of my nose."

"The sheer depravity," Anomen sighed.

"Oh, come on!" Laska chuckled. "You weren't _that _good. One a scale of one to ten, I'd give it seven for depravity. I mean, you really started going at it when you brought up the wet celery and the pliers. But, come on, don't tell me you haven't fantasized about it when we met the first time."

Anomen fell silent, apparently sinking into deep thoughts. Laska, in the meantime, could barely contain her sadistic laughter. Her prank was going great!

"Per... Perhaps..." Anomen spoke, more calm than he had been before. "Perhaps this... isn't so bad..."

"Ey?" Laska replied and shifted to sit back on the bed, surprised that the expected temper tantrum did not come.

"Ever since I first... observed your beauty from the Order Guildhouse I have been..."

"I really don't want to hear this!" Laska all but snarled and clutched the sheet a little tighter to her bare chest.

"What I mean to say is that," Anomen spoke. "Despite my objections to your demeanor, your character and your morals, I have been imagining what is would be like to hold you in my arms and whisper in your delicately pointed ears..."

"Eehhh... oh," Laska said, horrified at seeing her mean prank backfire right into her face. "It.. it... it was just a joke!" Laska retorted and stepped away from the bed, ever backing away from the suddenly love-stuck helmite.

"It is my regret that the many drinks have obscured the memory of the night we spend together," Anomen replied, blushing slightly.

"What do you mean 'many drinks'?" Laska retorted. "You passed about after half a cup of cider!"

"Nevertheless, my Lady..."

"Don't _call me that_!" Laska shouted. "And... and we didn't do anything! We both still have our pants on! Look!"

"My Lady," Anomen continued unfettered as he lifted his muscular frame out of Laska's bed. "What I mean to ask you is," he said with a certain amount of nervousness, "would you allow me the honor of wooing you?"

"Eep," was Laska's single, frightened reply. She felt all the blood rush from her face as the admittedly handsome man regarded her with anticipation.

"You need only give the word," Anomen spoke with rare humility, "and this humble servant of Helm shall lay the world at your feet."

"The world is fine where it is now!" Laska retorted and made for the door, dropping the sheet in the process.

"My Lady, wait!" Anomen spoke as his would-be elven lover sped out the door. Making every effort to follow her as quickly as possible. As he stepped through the door he whipped his head around, trying to figure out where she had gone off too, but the last thing he would see this morning was a gray-skinned fist slamming into his jaw. Briefly wandering just what the hell had happened before darkness overcame his senses, he dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

Panting with a mixture of satisfaction and nervousness, Laska stood over the prone from Anomen, trying to figure out her next step. She closed her eyes and was startled to hear a slow clapping from the other side of the room.

"Well, you've handled that with style and finesse," she heard the voice of Viconia mock her from behind. Turning around, she saw Viconia standing in the doorway to her room, wearing a mocking smile while she ran a soft brush through her long white hair. To Laska, it seemed odd that she was fully battle-ready. She was wearing her enchanted chainmail and her new Flail of Ages attached to her new weaponbelt around her slender waist. Usually, she was not as active this early in the morning.

"Tell me about it," Laska sighed.

"Busy night?" Viconia chuckled.

"With him? Hardly!" Laska retorted sharply. "My wonderfully crafted prank to get him all steamed up and angry kinda backfired."

"How so?" Viconia smirked.

"He wants to," Laska shuddered briefly, "woo me."

"Oh, you poor thing," Viconia laughed mockingly.

"Thank you for the sympathy! You're supposed to be my _abbil_, you know?" Laska shot back.

"Anyway, here he is lying on the ground," Viconia replied. "What are you going to do with him now?"

"I'm gonna toss him in the dumpster, I think," Laska replied. "I just have to drag him over to the dumpster of the Temple of Talos across the street."

"Across the street?" Viconia asked. "Why bother?"

"I don't want him to know where I live!" Laska said, and started to drag Anomen towards the door by the boots.

"I think he already has a pretty good idea where you live," Viconia smirked.

"Well, I could put him in a burlap sack with some stones, tie it shut and toss it in the river?" Laska muttered. "Oh, wait. That's an evil thing to do, right?"

"It's... on the evil side," Viconia agreed. "Look, why don't you just whip him into submission, like I always did with my husbands. I can be handy to have someone around to lick your boots clean when you come home."

"If I want someone to lick my boots, I'll buy a puppy!" Laska snapped, dropping Anomen's boots to the floor in an unceremonious fashion. "I don't need Helmite saliva anywhere near me!"

"Well, after you dispose of this fool, you must join me for a while," Viconia replied. "As I mentioned I have discovered a means to save Dynaheir's soul, in mind and body. I am about to put my plan in motion." Viconia replied in all seriousness. "I need you to come along."

"Oh?" Laska replied and put her hands on her hips. "I'm always happy to help a friend, and I feel I owe Dynaheir much. Tell me, what's my task in your master plan, oh great drowy thinker?"

"Basically, you wave your sword around," Viconia replied.

"I can do that!" Laska chuckled. "But shouldn't we bring the others?"

"No," Viconia spoke grimly. "You saw what happened to Minsc last time we met the vampiric Dynaheir, so having him around is not a good idea. Korgan is to crude to deal with such a delicate matter, while Jan is simply too chatty for a stealth operation such as this. And Keldorn, well, as much as we have come to accept each other, I do not yet trust him not to slay Dynaheir the moment he sees her, and then she will be lost forever. Beside the fact that we are two elves capable of stealth, the fact that there's only two of us will make my plan easier to follow."

"Great!" Laska said. "Errr, wait a minute. That means I'm the dumb broad with the big swords that takes on all the baddies to keep them off the back of the smart cleric casting rites and doing bugger all to help the dumb broad fight the enemies?"

"Exactly!" Viconia nodded. "You're smarter than you look."

"It's a cracker, I'm on!" Laska nodded.

_*'Ugh!'* _was shouted from the umbrella stand were Ipsiya had been put in. _*'More Violence. That means you'll be sliding me through greasy undead once more! Sometimes I wish you were a little less violent.'*_

"Ip, you're a sword," Laska replied. "Violence is your raison d'etre."

_*'I know that, but could you at least find some non-greasy, non-dirty, non-rotting enemies for a change? I am a lady, you know!'*_ Ipsiya huffed.

"So," Laska said, ignoring the sword. "That's settled. But how do you plan on actually finding her? It's a big city out there... And what if she's at the Graveyard? In the camp of that other vampire, I mean. What was her name again? Broad-thigh?"

"I have considered that, but I do not believe she resides there," Viconia smiled and sat down at the dining table, motioning Laska to join her. "You see, it's hardly a secret that the Shadow Thieves are at war with some sort of vampire-cult, led by this Bodhi we encountered earlier. She's grown quite powerful and has her mind set on controlling the city for reasons unknown. The Shadow Thieves are fighting her, but are taking heavy losses."

Laska blinked. "How do you know this?"

"I asked Jan to have his family members ask around and report back to me," Viconia smiled and tapped her fingers on the hardwood table. "Say about the Jansens what you will, but they are a very valuable resource of information."

"But why do you think Dynaheir isn't located at the Graveyard with the rest of the vampires?" Laska asked, putting her elbows in the table and supporting her head with her hands.

"Undoubtedly, the Shadow Thieves know of their main staging grounds as well, and have the graveyard constantly watched. But despite of this, the shadow thieves are being hit hardest by surprise attacks which means..."

"They have smalls nests hidden in the city!" Laska finished, snapping his fingers.

"Indeed," Viconia confirmed. "That's why we need to visit Gaelen Bayle to ask him for a complete account of all the attacks on the shadow thieves in the last few weeks. Edwardo Jansen has confirmed the vampiric Dynaheir is the leader of these assaults. And from the information gathered from the Jansens, I have managed to pinpoint the location of the secret lair to three possible points. We need Bayle to fill in the gaps."

Laska blinked again. "But... when did you do all this?!"

"I am quite efficient with my time, thank you very much," Viconia said.

"Anyway, why would Bayle help us?" Laska asked. "He didn't help us find Imoen either."

"Well," Viconia replied, "he'd be a fool not to help us rid him of one of his greatest enemies. And if he demands a price I shall allow him to bed you."

_"What?!"_ Laska replied. "I've already been traumatized once today, thank you very much!"

"Don't worry," Viconia chuckled. "I was merely jesting... Speaking of jesters, get rid of that fool so we can get going..."

"Right!" Laska said, filled grim determination as she strolled to the front door to get rid of the unconscious helmite.

"Laska?" Viconia asked as the tattooed elf opened the door. "You might want to put your vest on before you leave. A female's chest, and a naked female's chest especially, is a magnet to all those sexually repressed knights wandering the city looking for the damsel in distress with the biggest bosom."

"And considering the fact that we live next door to a knight's guildhouse," Laska said, biting her lip as she grabbed her vest and fastened it around her upper body.

"It's better not to provoke," Viconia said. "Not that is matters much, I would think. That vest of yours is so revealing and low-cut it has perhaps even a deeper effect on the weak male minds either way."

* * *

"I get the feeling," Laska grunted as she lifted a huge metal ring from the table and held it in her arms while Viconia folded the bag of holding over it, "you wanted me to come along to act as a pack-mule as well."

"I got it," Viconia said as it lowered into the Bag of Holding.

The two elves had arrived at the famed Cromwell smithy at the docks. The legendary dwarven master of the forge had assisted Viconia with the creation of a magical device that she had been researching ever since she had made a breakthrough in her reading into all things vampirical. The device was a large copper ring, engraved with the symbols of Tyr, Mystra and Tymora. It was roughly two and a half meters in diameter, and very, very heavy. Apart from the ring, there were a number of three ornate silver mirrors, small enough to hold in one's hand.

"Ye be certain this thing can cure a blood-sucker?" Cromwell, a gruff and ancient dwarf, his beard long and gray, asked with a deep, cackling voice.

"We've been working hard and long enough on it," Viconia replied, thinking back how hard it was for her, being a drow to even open a dialog with Cromwell. Still, the ancient dwarf had been honest and treated her with respect, even in his initial distrust. Viconia returned this respect, creating a proper environment so both could work comfortably.

"What does this thing do? How does it work?" Laska asked.

"Ach," Cromwell replied. "I be mannin' the forge, and Viconia 'ere be prayin' to the gods and castin' spells ta complete the bloody thing."

"That true," Viconia said. "I was surprised when Tymora was the first to answer my prayers. She did immediately, in fact, and her powers are needed for the device to work. The next to answer was Mystra, quite eager to help one of her servants. Tyr required more work, though. It took me almost all night to contact him, and only after a personally directed prayer concerning class-justice did he answer me."

"Aye, it be yer funeral if ye be usin' this thing," Cromwell sighed.

"No matter," Viconia said, handing the dwarf a bag of gold, "you've done your job and you did it well."

"Nay, nay," Cromwell spoke, refusing the gold. "I cannae in good conscience take yer gold. Ye pay me when ye know fer certain it be workin'."

"Fair enough," Viconia replied and put the coins back in her pouch.

"Aye," Cromwell said. "Well, good luck to ye two lasses then. Oh, and when ye be seein' Korgan again, ye be tellin' 'im to sit on a pike!"

* * *

"This is place is so annoying," Laska said as she and Viconia entered the Gem district, home of the Amnian nouveau-riche. It was called the 'gem-district' for a good reason: all the houses in this seemingly large district were ornated with an incredible amount of multi-colored and shiny gems, and apparently it was a symbol of status to have the most gems of the most colors chiseled in the walls of their homes. The streets were quiet, as it was yet too early for most people to be up, they were wide and suprisingly clean. Not a single soul was in sight.

"I know what you mean," Viconia muttered. "This flaunting of one's own wealth is so childish."

"Oh, no," Laska muttered as she felt a raindrop land on the top of her head. "It's starting to rain again," she said as she noticed the black clouds obscuring the dusky sunlight. "How long until the rain season stops?!"

"Never mind. The nest must be around here somewhere," Viconia said. "Remember the map Gaelen Bayle showed us?" Viconia asked as drizzle turned into a slight spatter.

"No," Laska chuckled. "I was too overjoyed I didn't have to sleep with him."

"Well, this map," Viconia said as she and Laska set down on a small bench on front of a small park in the middle of a round-about, "had all the attacks labeled with small flags. And the gem district lay in the center of all attacks. Considering Dynaheir's very structured way of thinking, this is a good place to start."

"Okay, so why haven't the Shadow Thieves found it yet?" Laska asked.

"They've sent parties of thieves in the gem district and none have ever returned. A good sign, isn't it?" Viconia smiled. "They know it's here somewhere, but they probably don't dare send in more scouting party. Every lost scouting party, swells Bohdi's army."

Laska adjusted her chainmail and directed her attention to the Drow sitting next to her. "And there's only two of us how do you expect us to..." Laska said, but when the Drow grinned at her, the realization hit her. "Oh, no... NO!" Laska retorted.

"We just have to walk around until you get nauseous," Viconia smiled.

As the search continued, lighting shot over their heads as the rain poured from the sky. Soon enough, the rainfall was of the same level as it had been several weeks ago. A density of fog and rain so thick, it was impossible to even a few feet ahead. In the middle of this rainstorm, two elves, soaking wet, were still searching for the nest of vampires.

Laska was strolling randomly across the streets and past all the houses, but she was not having much luck. Viconia, in the meantime, had taken off her helmet to avoid getting hit by a bolt of lighting and was looking rather annoyed at the sky.

"Hold on!" Laska suddenly spoke up and stopped dead in her tracks. "I felt something."

"It's not your stomach again, is it?" Viconia chuckled.

"Hey, I can't help it that you dragged me away from the house before I could fix myself breakfast," Laska retorted. She fell silent and turned towards the source of the feeling that affected her in the very pit of her stomach. "Oh, yeah," she said as she took a few more steps. "It's definitely here," she said, getting more pale with every step. "Right here!" she stamped her foot as she looked about to throw up.

"Underground," Viconia sighed as she noticed they were standing in the middle of the street. "Can't say I'm surprised."

* * *

Water trickled, leaked and poured through the grates on the surface across the walls into the small canals of the Gem District's sewer-system. The smell of the sewers was negated by the constant pour of water. The stones were slippery, and even the two elves had trouble keeping their balance at times. Deeper and deeper the continued their path though the sewers, following Laska's overdeveloped moon elven instinctive undead detector. Eventually, they came to a dry section in the sewers, which was apparently build onto a large higher dais, perhaps meant as an office for the sewer-workers.

Immediately, Viconia and Laska hid behind a large pipe as Laska took note of two skeleton warriors patrolling the dais. Fighting to keep herself from retching at the proximity of the two warriors, Laska kept her hands clasped over her mouth. She gathered that these skeleton warriors were even more powerful than the regular skeleton warriors they normally encountered were.

In the meantime, Viconia was silently praying while the patrolling skeletons drew ever nearer. "CREDO!" she shouted as she rose from the floor and confronted the skeletons. Power crackled through the moist air as the power of the negative material plane was ripped from existence. One skeleton tumbled and fell apart, while the other was left severely damaged.

Laska didn't hesitate. She drew Ipsiya and used the blue flaming moonblade to sever the skull from the neck of the surviving skeleton. Almost immediately, as the remaining negative energy faded, Laska's nausea decreased significantly. "Well," she said. "It seems we've found the nest."

"Dammit!" Viconia exclaimed as she examined the door leading into the nest. "I did not anticipate this!"

"What?" Laska asked as she picked up some of the bones from the floor.

"A magical door!" Viconia snarled. "I don't think we can get through this without the proper key."

"Just bash it, then," Laska said as she put some of the bones on a small ledge next to the door.

"Bash a solid granite door?" Viconia sighed in frustration. "All my preparations, foiled by a simple slab of enchanted rock."

But Laska didn't hear her. She too busy was gleefully holding the skull in her hands. "Not so tough now are you?" she chuckled and started to sing in a haunting, yet jovial voice. "The head-bone's connected to the... rib-bone. The rib-bone's connected to the... leg-bone. The leg-bone's connected to the... ankle-bone. And that's the way that it goes..."

"Will you _stop_ doing that?" Viconia snarled as ran her hands over the door and examined the runes. "I need to think!"

"The ankle-bone's connected to the... back-bone. The back-bone's connected to the... hip-bone. The hip-bone's connected to the... hand-bone..."

"Hand-bone?" Viconia asked herself.

"And that's the way that it... HEY!" Laska shouted as Viconia took the skeletal hand away. "I was making a freak of bones!"

"Deal with it," Viconia said and pressed the skeletal head in an inlet in the middle of the door. Immediately, the solid granite door shimmered, and slowly faded into non-existence. Immediately, Laska was overcome with a wave of extreme nausea. Immediately, Laska's freak of bones crashed to the floor as she sank to the floor, silently retching.

"Here," Viconia said gently as a blue light descended over the tattooed elf, "this will help."

"Wh.. what did you do?" Laska asked as she felt most of her nausea drain away.

"It was a spell that Shar recently granted me," Viconia replied and helped her friend to her feet. "Negative Plane Protection. It should shield you from powers of the vampires within the nest."

"Well, why the bloody hell didn't you cast it on me _before?_!" Laska all but snarled.

"It's power is finite, and may not even last the entire upcoming battle," Viconia replied. "So I suggest we get back to our plan."

Laska and Viconia entered the small makeshift crypt with a certain amount of nervousness. It was a small, sparsely decorated, earth-dark crypt. Several stone caskets lined each of the four walls, and a single, larger golden sarcophagus was situated in a slightly lowered inclination in the floor.

Viconia motioned Laska to help her remove the lid from the golden sarcophagus. They had to know for sure.

The lid was slowly and silently moved to the side of the sarcophagus, and there she was: Dynaheir. Lying lifeless in the casket with her arms crossed. In this state, she almost looked like her old self, save for the occasional glimpse of two large fangs in her mouth. Viconia nodded and helped Laska replace the lid.

"We're in luck," Viconia whispered while she fastened the mirrors in a position of an isosceles triangle around Dynaheir's sarcophagus. "She has fed recently. Vampires need a moment to assimilate the blood they have drunk the night before, meaning she won't be quick to awaken and will not be at her strongest when she does wake up. Now, we must lay the ring over the sarcophagus and we can begin. Just keep the vampires off my back until I have cast the final rite..."

"One ring, coming up!" Laska said, and swung the Bag of Holding over the sarcophagus.

"Laska, NO!" Viconia shouted, but to no avail. The heavy copper ring was flung from the Bag and landed firmly in its intended spot with an earth-shattering crash. Immediately, Viconia started casting, hoping she would finish the first incantation before Dynaheir would awaken. All around them, from the four other caskets, four vampire enforcers slowly emerged, having been disturbed from their slumber. Drawing her weapons, Laska gritted her teeth and prepared to guard Viconia from harm, and more importantly, being disturbed.

The lid of the golden sarcophagus flew through the air as Dynaheir arose. Directing her ire on the Drow kneeled at her casket, she let out a shrill snarl. Just as she stepped to Viconia, intending to sink her fangs in her tender neck, the Drow finished the spell. The ring glowed briefly, capturing Dynaheir in a magical field. In the background, Laska swung Ipsiya through the neck of one of the vampire enforcers, while Viconia quickly started the second incantation.

Laska grimaced in pain as the claws of a male vampire raked her arm. Turning to engage her attacker, she was disgusted when she noticed the same vampire gleefully licking her blood from his fingers. But as it turned out, no revenge was needed. Three beams of colored shot from the mirrors and accumulated at the ring, capturing the writhing Dynaheir in a bright beam of light, illuminating the crypt and turning the vampires in the room into dust.

A few, agonizing moments later, Viconia continued her incantation with grim determination, taking only a moment to wipe the sweat from her forehead. As she finished, a bright mist emerged from all three mirrors, which gathered inside the beam and whirled around the vampire's body. Dynaheir's soul re-entered her vessel, and expunged a dark, arid smoke from it. Only seconds later, the beam of light faded, and Dynaheir fell into the casket.

* * *

"Och, bloody blasted bleedin' rain," Korgan muttered as he glanced out the window next to the front door of Laska's estate. "I 'ate it! I 'ate bein' wet! Me beard be gettin' all soggy."

"It is merely the weather, Korgan," Keldorn responded. "So, you are certain you do not know where Laska and Viconia have gone to? I have an important matter to discuss with them and you..."

"Boo says you might as well tell us," Minsc said. "So we can tell them when they come back."

"If you insist," Keldorn said as he set himself at the table. "But I am not sure you are going to like it, since it concerns the squire An..."

Before Keldorn could finish his sentence the front door flew open, and two elves entered, grinning like cheshire cats. Very, very, very wet cheshire cats. Laska seemed to be carrying a dark-skinned human woman wearing tattered clothing.

"Ah, Boo..." Minsc managed while he stared and stammered at the sleeping body of his charge. Then, he fainted and crashed to the floor.


	32. Who's that girl?

Apologies for the late posting of a new chapter. I had some personal issues to attend to the past couple of days which took up a lot of time.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 32 : Who's that girl?_

The door leading to Viconia's room slowly creaked open, and all the persons waiting in the main entrance hall of Laska's home locked her eyes on the person emerging from it.

"She's awa..." Viconia tried to whisper softly, but was silenced by the hulking ranger who had been standing next to the door, brandishing Lilarcor.

"You will not enter the room of fair Dynaheir!" Minsc announced. "Please tell me your intent and check your weapons with the nice hamster on my shoulder!"

"OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES! Errr, please suffer the consequences! I've been dying for a fight!" Lilarcor stressed.

Viconia simply stared Minsc in the face while her features slowly twisted into unadulterated rage. "I just came from the inside of that very room, you blithering idiot!" Viconia snarled. "And will you keep quiet?! She's trying to rest!"

"Err, excuse me," Minsc replied apologetically.

Viconia rubbed her temples for a bit. "What I was trying to say before I was so rudely interrupted," Viconia sighed, "is that Dynaheir is awake, and she would like to see you."

"How is she?" Laska asked.

"I have not spoken long enough with her to determine that," Viconia replied. "So perhaps you should judge for yourself."

As Laska and her friends approached the room, Minsc held up a beefy hand. "Halt! Know fear, all ye how enter the abode of fair Dynaheir, for Minsc and Boo shall..."

"Minsc!" Laska replied. "Snap out of it!"

"Err, what's that Boo?" Minsc asked as the hamster turned his head to the ear of the hulking ranger. "Ah, yes... Sorry. Friends of Dynaheir may enter! Others may not."

And enter they did. During the long wait, morning had changed to noon. The abundant rain slammed against the windowpanes, the sound of which was clear in the dimly lit room.

"Why is it so dark here?" Laska whispered, in a soft tone which only elves could hear.

"Eyes still need to adjust to the light," Viconia returned with a subtle whisper.

On the bed, lay the prone and only slightly breathing Dynaheir, seemingly undergoing some sort of strange fever. Sweat drenched the bed as Viconia took a small wet cloth and gently laid it on Dynaheir's forehead. The dark-skinned woman looked slightly pale, and very, very weak and frail at the moment.

"Laska? It is good to see thee," Dynaheir spoke in a tired and ragged voice as she locked heavy eyes on her friends.

"Don't speak to much yet, Dynaheir," Viconia said. "Your body could barely stand the strain of having life returned to it. If you push things too hard, we might still lose you. Your body needs time to recover."

"I... understand," Dynaheir replied, coughing slightly.

"Hey, there Dyna," Laska smiled. "Welcome back to the land of the living..."

Dynaheir's eyes darted around the room. "Where am I?"

"At my house," Laska said proudly.

"Truly?" Dynaheir blinked. "Thou art a homeowner now? How did this come to be?"

Laska shrugged. "It was a reward for removing a Beholder cult a couple of weeks ago. We've settled in nicely now and we've got plenty of room. Remember when we talked about getting a base of operations or maybe buying a small keep or tower from the money we made in Baldur's Gate? Well, this is way better."

"Where is this house? Where are we now?" Dynaheir rasped – apparently her throat was parched.

"In Athkatla."

"Athkatla?" Dynaheir frowned. "So we _did_ make to south?"

Laska nodded. "What's the last thing you remember, Dyna?"

"The last thing I remember. Being on the road, those rogues coming down from the trees. And... a mask of leather?" Dynaheir replied. "Nothing else until I woke up in this bed. What happened? How long was I out?"

"Never mind that now," Laska added and squeezed Dynaheir's hand. "Concentrate on getting better instead."

"I see thou hast made several new friends," Dynaheir managed a weak smile. "Wouldst thou introduce me?"

"Ah, yes," Laska smiled. "Party, this is Dynaheir. Dynaheir, this is the party..."

Dynaheir shook her head. "Mindst thy manners, my friend. I was hoping for something more elaborate than that."

The dwarf was the first who stepped forward. "Korgan Bloodaxe be me name," Korgan chuckled. "Buryin' me axe in the skull of the blokes who be gettin' in me way, be me game! HAR HAR! So, ye be this party's last bag o'tricks, be ye nae?"

"I am... well versed in the Arts Magica, good Korgan," Dynaheir replied.

"Good Korgan?" Korgan chuckled. "Now that be an insult if ever I've 'eard one. If ye were not already prone, that might be an ax-able offense!

"Korgan, behave yourself. My lady, I am Sir Keldorn Firecam," Keldorn greeted with a curt bow. "Inquisitor and Knight of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart. At your service."

"A knight?" Dynaheir coughed again. "And a paladin. Laska, thy taste in companions has slightly improved," she said, managing a brief smile.

Viconia snorted. "I suppose his presence cancels out that of the dwarf."

"More of the short folk," said Dynaheir as she looked at Jan.

"Ah," Jan said, "missy, quite an impression you've made on use a few weeks ago, with all the blood-sucking, breaking necks and etcetera. Mind you, you're not the first person I know who has returned from the Dark Side. My cousin Abner was quite a barmy fellow, you see. Aside from the fact that he ate his turnips with ketchup and parsley, he went around wearing a black suit with a strange helmet and changed his name to Dark Invader. That wouldn't be so bad but he had this terrible weapon: The Death Sitar! And with one 'twang' he could destroy a planet! Or, that's what he told the Paladins as they dragged him into the insane asylum. He was going around telling everyone that he was their father, you see? Mostly it was due to his biographer, cousin Lucas Jansen. He kept making strange changes to the story, you see?"

"I... see..." Dynaheir replied with a weak smile. "Dost thou always talk so much?"

"Hey, they call me the Magic Mouthed Gnome. I'd be a hero, if I could fly!" Jan chuckled. "I'd collapse small building with my mighty roar and blast griffins to the ground with a single line of poetry!"

"Minsc," Dynaheir asked. "What is his fate? Is he alive and well?"

"Yes, he is," Laska chuckled. "He's outside guarding the door and making sure that you are not disturbed."

"I... I am happy my guardian Minsc is alive and well," Dynaheir smiled. "Hm, someone seems to be missing. Where is Imoen?"

"I will tell you later," Viconia interrupted. "Extra stress is something you cannot handle now."

"Can you tell me. How much you remember? About being a vampire, I mean?" Laska asked, thinking of the many questions she might be able to answer- what is the connection between Irenicus and the vampires that have been plaguing the Shadow Thieves? Where is Irenicus now? What are the vampiress Bodhi's plans?

"I... remember almost nothing of my time as a vampire," Dynaheir replied sharply. "Just flashes, nothing more. I am sorry, but I cannot answer thy questions. Perhaps later, my memories will return to me. I shallt tell thou what thou wishes to know then, if it is within my power."

Laska nodded briefly. While disappointed, she was at least happy to have one of her old friends back. However, with all the chatter going back and forth, nobody noticed the paladin in the background frown slightly.

"You must rest now," Viconia said, ending all discussions. "And so should I," she added with a yawn. "I am exhausted to the point of dropping. Channeling all those healing magics drained me severely."

"Hey, take my room for a while," Laska offered. "I'll bunk in Minsc's room. There's no way he's leaving the doorway anyway."

Viconia nodded. "I do believe I shall take you up on that offer."

"I shall watch over Lady Dynaheir," Keldorn said. "Viconia, I shall call for you immediately if I see a change in her health."

"Thank you," Viconia told her friends. After sharing a smile with Dynaheir, Viconia silently left the room, with her other friends in tow.

As the room fell silent, save for the rain trickling over the windows, Keldorn stepped over to the prone wizard and sat on the chair beside her bed. After replacing the wet cloth, Keldorn sighed and decided to ask his question. He loathed doing so, since the woman had already gone through a lot, but it was his job to track down practitioners of evil magics, and to find out the truth in all things.

"My Lady," Keldorn finally asked. "I do apologize, but I must know, especially in light of your recent... state of being. Your friends speak highly of you and I value their judgment. However, I am dedicated to tracking down those who use magic for ill intent."

"An inquisitor," said Dynaheir. "Surely, thou dost not think I am in any position to do harm currently?"

"How much do you truly remember?" said Keldorn.

"Thou can tell truth from lie in words," Dynaheir said. A statement, rather than a question.

"It is my calling," Keldorn nodded. There was kindness in his voice, wanting to reassure her that nothing would befall her as long as she was truthful. "I am surprised that Viconia did not catch your deception."

"I doubt I have fooled her," Dynaheir said. "Viconia is... perceptive."

"So. How much _do_ you remember."

Dynaheir's eyes brimmed with tears as she made a tremendous physical effort to roll to her side, to turn her back to the paladin. Facing the windows, she spoke softly "Everything..."

* * *

She gently lowered herself in the lukewarm water of the pool on the upper floor of her house. Being the first one up this fine morning, the house was quiet so Laska felt free to close her eyes as she eased herself deeper into the clear water. As the rain had stopped, she felt the warm morning sun on her face, while her sensitive elven ears only picked up the tweeting of the birds who were currently defecating on the statue of Talos, the slow breathing of her sleeping friends and the enthusiastic waking up of today's second early-bird Risa in the other room. Now, if only Korgan wouldn't snore so loudly, the experience would have been perfect, but nevertheless, her usual morning dip made her more content than she had expected.

"Laska, Laska, Laska, Laska, Laska, Laska, Laska!" Risa suddenly came running into the pool-room.

"What?" Laska started, interrupted from her reverie by the red-haired half-elven girl she had take under her roof. "What's going on?"

"It's that dark-skinned lady!" Risa said. "I was just sitting on the patio looking at the rainbow, when she suddenly appeared out of nowhere! 'Twas magic, I'm sure of it!"

"Dammit, she's not supposed to be out of bed yet," Laska said, wondering why Dynaheir would suddenly dimension door herself out of her room. Jumping from the pool, she ran out of the room and headed for the patio with Risa in tail. And there she stood. Dynaheir, wearing her old tattered purple robes, was standing on the wide brick railing of the patio, looking intently upon the ground below.

"Dynaheir?" Laska asked as gently as she could.

"Ah, Laska," she said without turning around. "And child. I apologize for startling thee."

"That's okay," Risa said. "It was a pretty neat trick, though."

"Why'd you dimension door out of your room?" Laska asked. "We have stairs, you know?"

Dynaheir looked up at the morning sun. "I wanted to see the sun in the sky, its warmth on my skin. It has been... too long."

"I hear that," said Laska as she stood next to Dynaheir. "We need to pick out a room for you. You're living here too now."

"I have missed a lot," Dynaheir said. "Viconia has brought me up to speed somewhat, but there are so many changes in such a short time. One could lose thyself in what is lost."

"Hey, we got you back," Laska said. "Gives me hope that we'll get back Imoen too."

"I had an interesting and long conversation with your friend Keldorn last night," said Dynaheir. "He certainly is far more amiable than most paladins we have met during our travels. I have some things to tell thee."

"First, breakfast!" Laska said as she clapped her hand on Dynaheir's shoulder. "Then I'll give you a tour of our house and after that we'll pick out a room. Once you're feeling well enough to travel, we'll be off to adventure again."

"I would ask of thee for a replacement of these tattered robes as well," said Dynaheir. "Tis not proper."

* * *

Anomen Delryn strolled to Laska's estate with a very nervous feeling eating away at him from the pit of his stomach. His boots moved as if lined with lead and felt heavier with every step. The estate of his soon to be lover loomed in the distance; a beacon as a lighthouse to errant ships in the fog. A few moments later, he was standing in front of the window which belonged to Laska's room.

He sighed as he took a small piece of crumpled paper in his sweaty hands. '_Yes_', he thought, '_this is how knights address their suitors. Reciting a love-poem to her, while she listens from the window..._' Being glad it had stopped raining so the ink would not smudge, he started to recite the poem. It wasn't until he had finished reciting it that he noticed the window was still closed.

Cursing under his breath, he realized he had been so nervous about the whole thing that he had forgotten to attract the elven beauty's attention first. Taking a small pebble he tossed it against the window-pane. A few moments of waiting passed and it was apparent that she had not heard it. So he threw a second pebble against the window-pane. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth.

His heart was suddenly aflutter as the curtains were roughly shoved aside. A smiling Anomen turned to face the woman of his dreams.

"WILL YOU KEEP IT DOWN?!" was shouted from the window as a drow female in a white night-shift threw them open. "THERE ARE DROW HERE WHO ARE TRYING TO SLEEP?!"

"Ah, errr, emmm," Anomen stammered. "Is... is this the wrong room? Is fair Laska not in, per'chance?"

"Oh, it's you," Viconia told him icily. "Well, Laska is still in bed," Viconia smirked. "Recovering from our long night of passionate and torrid lovemaking. Apparently, I really wore her out."

"Err, wha.. wha... did... you..." Anomen stammered while all the blood in his body rushed to his face.

"Oh, quit your blushing, weak-willed male fool," Viconia laughed. "We merely switched rooms for the night. But now, I'm still very tired and would like to sleep a few more hours. Now _leave _before I throw this decanter of water over your head!"

"Well, err," Anomen replied. "I have this poem for her, ahum, 'Oh, dream of my life, fair Laska...'," Anomen managed to say before the water splashed in his face. He ended up staring at a closed window, a defeated look crossing his features.

* * *

"This is... delicious!" Dynaheir said as she ripped another bite from a leg of turkey. Some of the old wardrobe belonging to the slaver-mage Ketta had still been stored in one of the upper rooms and the Rashemani Wychlaran had spent the better part of the morning exploring Ketta's former belongings. When she descended down the stairway, she was wearing one of Ketta's more colorful robes. The majority of the robe was in a soft-blue color, with several patches of light-brown suede covering most of the shoulders and back.

During this time, Lasalla has prepared a grand meal for her, consisting of turkey, chocolate mousse, baked potatoes and fried rice, among other things. An evening meal for breakfast.

"We can tell by the way you're inhaling that food," Laska said as she was carefully peering through the small window beside front door, her attention focused on something else. "I think that tin-can Anomen has finally left. It seems the coast is clear."

"Thy cooking skills art most impressive, Lasalla," Dynaheir said, with her mouth full. "I apologize for waking thee at this hour for the task of preparing it."

"'Tis no problem, my Lady," Lasalla beamed. "I always like to hear my services are appreciated."

"What ever happened to those virtues of 'moderation' and your sense of 'only taking what you need and not a single bit more'," Laska asked.

"Wouldst thou give me a break?" Dynaheir asked and ripped another piece of meat from the bone. "I have not eaten any solid sustenance for nearly a year. I want to partake and taste everything! I gather adventuring will keep my body in perfect shape well enough."

"I'm more concerned about your stomach," said Laska. "Viconia said your body might not be able to handle too much at once."

"Viconia is being too cautious, but I do not blame her," said Dynaheir.

Indeed, Laska had to admit Dynaheir was in a more than fine shape. The rashemani Wychlaran was shorter than Laska, and only slightly taller than Viconia, but she was about as lean as both elves were, and her vampiric transformation had certainly left some physical changes within her. The cut of her robe revealed that her long legs had gotten significantly more muscular than they were when Laska had previously travelled with her. The same went for her bare arms. Though the mage still lean, Laska noticed Dynaheir's strength and physical power had increased significantly.

"Oh, Thou might be interested to know," Dynaheir said as she popped a baked potato in her mouth, "that I have reviewed my spellbook thou hast recovered from my... previous resting place. It seems I have continued my studies of the Art during my transformation and that my specialization now lies with spells of Divination."

"Interesting," Laska said. "I wonder why."

"From what I remember," Dynaheir said as she took another bite. "I was ordered to. Trust me, one does not refuse an order from Bodhi."

"No one shall give you orders again!" Minsc shouted from the background. "I shall see to that, and so shall Boo!"

"I'll..." Laska said, deciding to give Dynaheir some time with her protector, "finish my morning dip... Errr, even though it's noon..."

"Minsc, sit thyself down, please," Dynaheir smiled as Laska left the room.

"I... I... Boo says I must be strong, but I can not be any longer," Minsc said as tears ran over his cheeks. "I... I am happy to have you back, as friend and companion but... I cannot be your protector any more. I have failed you... I am not a man, and Boo is not a hamster..."

"Minsc, no," Dynaheir spoke gently. "Thou shouldst not speak as such."

"But I should... I am not worthy of being your protector!" Minsc sniffed. "I tried to hard to save you from the leather-man, but... the bars would not bend, not even to Minsc's mighty strength! I heard you scream, but I could not reach you... I tried so hard..."

"Minsc," Dynaheir said, grasping Minsc's huge hand. "Thou couldst not have helped. Thou wouldst have been slaughtered by the vampires and then we would both have been dead."

"But..." Minsc said.

"All worked out for the best," Dynaheir spoke. "Thou hast helped Laska, and now the both of us should help to find our friend Imoen. Minsc, 'twould be my great honor to once again have you as my protector and guardian. Though I would prefer it if thou wouldst not mother me so much," she smiled.

"It's a deal!" Minsc shouted and pulled Dynaheir into a fierce embrace across the table. "Minsc and Boo shall be the best protectors there are! We shall watch over your safety like a hawk who watches a cute bunny-rabbit!"

"Minsc," Dynaheir chuckled. "I told thee not to mother me..."

"Ah, I am sorry, but I am very serious about protecting my friends, yessir!"

Dynaheir smiled and continued her meal. "Here. Taketh thee a leg of turkey."


	33. Delays, delays

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 3__3 : Delays, delays._

Imoen sat on the moderately soft cot in her room at the Asylum for the Magically Deviant, silently scribbling some spells in her new spellbook. To her, the walls of her room didn't seem so cold and clammy as they first seemed that fateful day when she had first arrived. In truth, she had no idea how long ago that exactly had been. All she could muster was the educated guess that at least a month had passed since they brought her... and him... to this place.

Luckily, the administrator of this facility did not consider her a threat as much as Irenicus so she was allowed to make ample use of the asylum's rich library to continue her studies of magic, which was about the only thing that would keep her keen mind busy these days.

"Imoen?" sounded from the open door of her room. In the doorway stood a young man, dressed in the ceremonial garb of the Cowled Wizards.

"Oh, hi, Fabian," Imoen greeted and put down her quill. She sat up straight on her cot.

"What are you still doing in here? The yard is open, and it's a lovely day outside," Fabian suggested. "You know the yard will be closed for three days after today."

"No, thanks," Imoen muttered. "Besides if I have to listen to Tiax chatter about his divine kingdom again, I'll stuff Valorum's imaginary ducks up his nose, which... wouldn't do anything, really, since Valorum's ducks are imaginary. Hmmm, let me think of something else."

Fabian snorted. Imoen regarded him as one of the few friends she had made during this nasty ordeal. Him, the old elf Dradeel and the young girl Dili, most of the others were too far gone to even chat with her. But Fabian was about her age and had even convinced Naljier Skal, the administrator, to grant her some more freedoms and privileges.

"Besides," Imoen added. "I'd rather go help out Dradeel in the kitchen today."

"Suit yourself," Fabian replied. "Besides, I've seen that Irenicus was in the yard today anyway. Perhaps you should confront him soon. He no longer had power over you, and we have him on a tight leash. Creepy guy, though. He doesn't talk much, does he?"

"Have you ever tried leashing a dragon?" Imoen shook her head. "Same thing. You might think you have everything under control, but that dragon will end up dragging you across Faerun just before trampling you with all fours and flame you for good measure..."

"Yeah," Fabian replied. "You didn't hear this from me, but most of my brethren believe that with the capture of Irenicus, we've bitten off more than we can chew. But, they keep him under strict isolation and with all the magic suppression fields in the isolation ward. No one is allowed in there, expect Naljier. It's all supposed to be perfectly safe, but I still don't sleep easy at night."

"And here you wanted me to confront him?" Imoen smiled sardonically.

"Well, it might be actually good for you, I think," Fabian replied.

"Relax," Laska chuckled, "I'll ask Laska to spare your life when she burns this place to the ground."

"You still think your sister will come for you?" Fabian asked.

"Oh, definitely!" Imoen replied. "Trust me, she'll be here."

Fabian took a chair and sat down on the chair next to the writing desk. "From what you've told me, your sister must be at least twelve foot tall and throws giants around."

"And she breathes fire! Don't forget about the fire-breathing!"

"Well, in any case," Fabian chuckled. "I came to tell you that I am leaving tomorrow?"

"What?" Imoen exclaimed. "Leaving?"

"I'm being transferred back to Athkatla, luckily. My training period here is over. I will miss you and the others, but I'm happy to finally leave here," Fabian replied. "And, well, after all the stories you've told me about Laska, I'm rather glad I won't get to meet her."

"Heh," Imoen snorted. "Say? Do... you think they'll ever let me out of here?"

"To be honest... I don't know," Fabian replied solemnly. "But you are the stablest person in this whole Asylum, and that includes the guardians."

"Say, Fabe, would... would you consider... delivering a letter to Laska I've written when you get to Athkatla?" Imoen asked hopefully.

"Imoen," Fabian replied. "You know that's against all the rules."

"Oh, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please with sugar, sprinkled, chocolate, caramel and marzipan on top?" she directed at the wizard apprentice with puppy-dog eyes.

"Oh, fine!" Fabian chuckled. "I never could resist the batting eyelashes. "I'll stop by your room tomorrow to pick up the note. But keep it quiet and no promises!" he said while walking towards the door. "There's no guarantee I'll find her when I get off this dad-blasted island."

"Island?" Imoen muttered fearfully as Fabian stepped out the door. "We're on an _island_? Oh, man, this isn't good. Oh, no." Her memory flew back to events long past.

* * *

_"NO!" Laska shouted as she stood in front of the long Bridge leading to the great city of Baldur's Gate. "Okay, you guys just enter the city and hunt down the Iron Throne. And, errr, I'll just stay here and wait for you here._

_"Oh, this is just ridiculous," Viconia muttered. "The water in that river is as clear as the sky."_

"_Your definition of clear differs from mine!" Laska spat._

_"I had thought thy resolve was stronger," Dynaheir announced. "Surely a little water doth not scare thee?"_

_"I am_ not _taking a single step on that bridge!" Laska said._

_"But," Xan said, trying to entice his friend to step on the bridge, "I am certain there are plenty of pubs over there, filled with plenty of giant cups of ale!"_

_Laska seemed to give it some thought, but then she apparently reconsidered as she pressed her lips together. "Even so!" she shouted. "I'm not stepping on that bridge."_

_"Don't be such a wimp, Laska!" Imoen chuckled and gently pushed her towards the bridge. "Come on, one step at a time!"_

_"Just think of the stomping of enemies while you put your boots down," Minsc shouted._

_Laska tentatively put her foot on the ramp of the bridge, but froze like a statue. "No," she replied sharply. "It's too deep a river."_

_"How can a strong female, who has faced a slathering Nebassu from the Abyss without fear, freeze at the sight of a stream?!" Viconia wondered._

_"Laska never liked the water," Imoen replied, "unless she can see the bottom."_

_"Ah, Laska!" Minsc said. "Brave Laska should keep her mind of the kicking of butts, I'm sure that will keep her distracted from the thoughts of vast oceans, lakes, streams and rivers pouring into gigantic reservoirs..."_

_"Ack!" Laska muttered and turned tail, knocking over Minsc and not stopping until she had reached a copse of trees. "I am _not _stepping on that bridge," she shouted as she ran._

_At that moment, Dynaheir, Viconia and Imoen pinned Minsc to the ground with their angry stares._

_"Errr, Minsc is sorry," he replied sheepishly._

_"I've got an idea," Imoen said and ran over the bridge, headed for the city-gates, leaving Dynaheir, Xan and Viconia to deal with the frightened elf._

_"Laska! Get thine arse down from that tree at this instance!" Dynaheir shouted, her patience long spent._

_"No!" Laska shouted from the top of the tree. "I like this tree. It doesn't have any water near it!"_

_"Oh, our leader will not join our effort," Xan wailed. "Surely we are done for now! The Iron Throne will slice us to ribbons, turn our organs into spell-components and feast on our disintegrating brains!"_

_"Thou... truly believest they shall do that, dost thou not?" Dynaheir gave the elf a strange look. _

_"Hey, Laska, look!" Viconia said, while she pointed to the other end of the bridge. Laska noticed it too. Imoen was standing on there holding a mug of ale. Admittedly, Laska was feeling a mite thirsty at the moment. Licking her lips, she slid down the trunk of the tree and stepped towards the bridge._

_"We have to cross this bridge, Laska," Viconia said. "And you have to come with us. We rely on you..."_

_Laska nodded and once again tried to cross the bridge. Letting out a demonic scream, she sped on the bridge and raced over it as fast as her legs could carry her, her sharp eyes locked on Imoen and the cup of ale in her hands._

_"Excuse me citizen, I..." an officer of the Flaming Fist with a huge scar over his eye and left cheek spoke up, but the running elf did not even notice him. She brushed past him with such speed that the surprised guard was pushed backwards, tumbled off the railing and landing in the water with a resounding splash._

_Still, locking her eyes on Imoen, and still howling like a demon, the frightened elf stormed off the bridge. Imoen shrieked as the elf bumped into her with full speed, leaving both sisters sprawled on the cobblestone road. The cup of ale flew into the air, and Laska deftly caught it without spilling a drop. _

_Immediately, she emptied the concoction with a single chug... and ended up coughing it up through her nose. She directed an angry gaze upon Imoen when she next spoke. _"ORANGE JUICE?!"_ she shouted._

_"Errr, sorry," Imoen chuckled. "I didn't have enough coins on me to buy a real ale."_

_"Underhanded trick," Laska muttered and tossed the tankard on the ground._

"_Hm, I think that officer is drowning," said Xan. "Should we do something about that?"_

"_Pffft, no," Viconia shrugged._

* * *

Imoen smiled in spite of herself, thinking back to the second time they had to enter Baldur's Gate, when they had to knock out Laska with a Stinking Cloud and carry her across the bridge. _But she had overcome her fears once, didn't she? She can do so again... She just has to come for me, she has to. She will come to save me._

With a sigh, the pink-haired mageling stepped out of the room and headed to the yard after all. Perhaps some fresh air would do her some good. She made her way through the winding corridors of Spellhold. Its geometry was actually designed to confuse those mages suffering from madness. The very walls would conspire against an escaping mage if he or she would try something. She passed the kitchen where Dradeel, wearing an apron and chef's hat, was working on his latest recipe – Bachelor's Balls and spaghetti.

She was about to greet Dradeel when her breath caught in her throat. Right that moment, two persons rounded about the corner. One of them was Naljier Skal, the dour administrator of his place. The other was... Him, being led back to his cell in the isolation ward.

"Enter, prisoner!" Naljier Skal snarled as Irenicus locked a single, emotion-less gaze upon Imoen. The pink-haired mageling felt her resolve crumble under his gaze, and for a moment, it seemed as if the leather-faced mage was about fifty feet tall. Then, he was led through the door, which was promptly locked with a large bar.

Imoen pressed herself against wall and repeated to herself: "He's under control. He's their captive and he cannot hurt me... They have him under control..."

Not surprisingly, it did not even came close to consoling her.

* * *

"Follow prisoner!"

"Do no bury yourself in the part, fool," Irenicus replied with a sigh as he gave the charmed and collared Naljier Skal an icy stare. "Now recede to your cell, before I have my golems do it for you."

"Yes, master," Naljier replied fearfully and withdrew. Irenicus made his way through the damp crypt that was the isolation ward of the Asylum, actually perfect for his needs. It had been disgustingly simple to mentally overpower that fool Naljier Skal. The slightest promise of power had been enough entice him and before long he was under his complete control.

In only a few steps he made his way to a large door which led to a very large chamber in the middle of the ward. It was there that Irenicus had relocated his lab to, with ample help from Naljier Skal and his minions.

The lab contained a table with many instruments, as well as about a dozen of glass containers filled with experimental subjects. On the other side of the room, a group of gnomes were hard at work building, and at some places, updating the design of a gigantic machine. Tools and parts were strewn all over the room while at least seven gnomes,all former inmates of this asylum, and all charmed and collared, were hammering away.

"Lonk, what is the status on the machine?" Irenicus asked the leader of the gnomes.

"Ah, master," Lonk muttered nervously. "Well, errrm, the last-minute alterations to the machine will take a bit longer to implement. Also, the latest shipment of tools and parts from Athkatla has not yet arrived. We can make do for now, but it might take some more time, sir."

"How much time?" Irenicus sighed. "I will brook no more unnecessary delays."

In truth, to remain hidden he had to make use of the Cowled Wizard's own infrastruction, which meant subjecting himself to horrendously inefficient bureacracy. There was nothing Irenicus detested more than to fall behind schedule.

"T... two months at least, sir... Maybe one and a half if we work continuously and get all the shipments of parts..."

"Then get back to your appointed tasks," Irenicus replied and waved his hands. All seven gnomes fell to the floor writhing in pain. "I shall increase your sessions of blinding pain to once every hour if you fall behind schedule even more"

That said, the mage strolled to the other side of the laboratory and activated a magical shield to keep out the noise make by the working gnomes. "Imp," Irenicus called. Immediately, a small winged reptilian creature, which formerly belonged to Naljier Skal, flew from her perch to assist the master. "Imp, I have fallen behind on my research log. Please keep the log as I speak."

The imp nodded and a magical book and quill appeared in her hands as her wings kept her airborne right next to Irenicus.. Immediately, Irenicus stepped over to one of the glass containers, currently filled with a single occupant.

"Subject 12-A : Shadow Thief, female, human, non-vampiric," Irenicus directed. "Recipient of a complete divine soul of one of the three minor Bhaalspawns my hirelings captured last year, and was transferred from my old lab in Athkatla. Subject had the divine soul grafted onto her own by using the first version of the Machine. Results were disappointing. The taint of Bhaal was stronger than both souls combined and somehow sensed its host was not the place where it belonged. The taint fled the new host, causing agonizing death beyond resurrection. Subject must be disposed of. Experiment is a failure." That said, Irenicus stepped over to the second container, the imp in trail.

"Subject 12-B : Shadow Thief, male, half-elf, non-vampiric. Recipient of a complete divine soul. Subjects own soul was quenched before the experiment. The taint in the divine soul did not accept the host, and it fled the subject in favor of its former host, leaving the subject a soul-less husk. Subject must be disposed off, the experiment is a failure..."

Then, Irenicus stepped over to the third container, which held a snarling female. "Subject 12-C : Shadow Thief, female, half-elf, vampiric. Recipient of a complete divine soul. The soul-less nature of the vampire allowed for the soul to settle in the body, but it fled in favor of its own host almost immediately. Judging from past three experiments, I can draw the following conclusion: the taint, as well as the actual soul, are two halves of one whole. One cannot survive without the other, unless properly anchored. In response, I conducted experiment 12-C-A, where I used a modified version of the Machine to extract only the soul from Bhaalspawn 2, leaving only the taint behind, and grafting the actual soul to the vampiric taint of subject 12-C. Subject has become somewhat stronger, and is showing progress. Bhaalspawn 2, human, male, grew weaker, went mad and eventually died. An interesting development. Subject 12-C is to be released into Bodhi's service."

Then, Irenicus stepped to the table and sat down to watch the building of the machine. "Take note," he ordered, "Bodhi's reward can thus be delivered. Bhaalspawn 3 has too weak a soul to survive the transfer, so that task will fall to Imoen, who will be referred to as Subject Y. She has shown significant promise. Her taint is buried, but fierce. To escape the curse laid upon us, we need to claim the strong, equal sides of the most powerful of Bhaalspawn. Subject Y's soul is almost ready to be grafted to Bodhi's taint. That leaves only my own curse to deal with. Bodhi no longer possesses her spirit, so she can accept the soul of any Bhaalspawn. My tastes must be more particular, it seems. I cannot graft a human soul to the remnants of my elven spirit. To do so, would surely be my death. I would need an elven spirit to escape the curse, and as luck would have it, one will be provided for me. A complete spirit would never find a home in my decaying husk, but taint of an elven Bhaalspawn is only partly connected to the spirit, making the spirit not only incomplete, but also relatively easy to separate. The gaps in the incomplete spirit can be filled, and thus anchored, by the remnants of my own. A side-effect is that, in order to survive, not only does the Machine need massive redesign, but the elven Bhaalspawn in question would need to have an extremely powerful taint to be able to survive the complete extraction-process. Fortunately, fate has provided me with one. Laska Leafwalker, Subject X. Tests in the old facility have determined that Subject X is one of one of the most powerful Bhaalspawn in existence. Unfortunately, Subject X had managed to escape during the Shadow Thief raid.

"Say, boss?" the imp dared to say in a girlish voice. "Is this going to take much longer? My arms are getting tired from writing."

"Would your prefer holding a pen in your hands?" Irenicus spoke without even a hint of emotion. "Or rather your severed wings?"

"I didn't say nuthin'!" the Imp cringed and continued writing.

"In any case, Subject X now roams free, and my servant Yoshimo's first attempt to capture her has failed," Irenicus sighed. "But she will not leave her sister behind. It is in her nature to find and rescue her, and when she does, I must be ready to confront her. No doubt she will have grown in power, and will come in force with equally powerful companions. I must make arrangements to make sure she won't pose a significant threat. In the meantime, I must instruct Bodhi to intensify her attacks on the Shadow Thieves, and make sure the needed parts are move across the sea. The Machine _must_ be ready when Subject X arrives. Subject X is a mere child by elven standards, but her power is immense for an elf of any age. A pity, I wish I had more opportunity to study her. End Log note."

With that, the imp sighed, put the book on the table and returned to her perch for a rest, while Irenicus sat in a comfortable chair to watch the gnomes build. "Imp," he said. "Instruct the assistants to prepare subjects 13 through 17. It is time for more... experiments."


	34. A noble pain in the arse

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 34 : A noble pain in the arse_

Viconia let a blissful sigh as she allowed herself to relax for what seemed to be the first time in weeks. With no more research to do, she could allow herself to be pampered for a bit. Currently, she was lying on her stomach on a massage table in one of Athkatla's more expensive spa's. The air was humid from the steambaths nearby, mixed with pleasant smells from fragrant flowers placed around the well-lit room.

Thomas, the massager, was gently kneading her skin and loosening her sore muscles. The drow had raised massage to an artform and even the practised Thomas was nothing but a rank amateur compared to trained drow massagists, but it would suffice for now. While receiving a massage, two halfling girls were busy manicuring the nails on both her hands.

Viconia closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensations. A great weight had fallen off her shoulders, but she knew that she had to get back to managing the party's financial woes, a task which she had been ignoring somewhat.

Balancing the books for an adventuring party was difficult, especially for a disorganized group of this. It was a task she had had ever since joining Laska and Imoen so long ago, but it only had gotten more complicated over time.

Thankfully, they were steadily in the black - money was coming in from rewards and sale of excess loot, money was going out for supplies, day-to-day living and upkeep for the house, not to mention the drinking binges Korgan and Laska could get into. Naturally, there had to be room to buy especially good armors and weapons from stores, but only if they could present her with a good enough reason. She had created special funds for specific emergencies as well.

Basically, what Viconia did was to take the incoming money, subtract the costs and then divide the money into equal shares amongst the group. From those shares, would come the donations to the Imoen fund. Keldorn was the most generous; his entire share went towards it, seeing he was already given a stipend from the Order anyway. Until recently, Laska used to throw her entire share into the fund. However, that only resulted in her mooching booze money from the others, so Viconia decided for her that she would keep 25% of her own share. Minsc and Jan donated half their shares. Jan sent some money back to his family, kept some to develop future inventions. Minsc - hamster perifanalia. Korgan was the least generous, but after some egging on had decided to donate 25% of his share. The Imoen fund was slowly, but certainly, on the rise.

She herself donated half her share. The fund was doing well and there should be some room for luxury, after all.

Viconia closed her eyes and sighed. Why was she so focused on keeping up with the bothersome financial records while she was being pampered? This was a time for rest, relaxation and decadent enjoyments of the senses. In fact, a wicked idea crossed her mind.

"Leave us," she ordered the halfling manicurists. "And close the door behind you."

A wicked grin crossed her features momentarily while the halflings left.

* * *

"For the last time, no!" Laska growled in frustration as Nalia followed her across the living room.

"But it's the perfect investment!"

"I don't know much about money and business, but I do know that investment usually means returns along the line. I don't see that here," said Laska as the unrelenting Nalia pressed on.

"You're an adventurer," Nalia reasoned. "Adventurers make people's lives better. So why not invest your reward money in building a soup kitchen for the poor?"

"I have a sister to free," Laska turned around and tried to stare down Nalia. "That costs money! Money I don't have yet! So why would I want to invest the money I'm saving for Imoen in a soup kitchen for people I don't even know?"

Nalia was about to open her mouth, but Laska beat her to the point. "Save it, Nalia. It's not happening."

Nalia seemed to ponder Laska's answer for a moment. "Just... think about it some more. I'll ask you again this evening and then you'll surely have changed your mind!"

"Why the hell did I let you into my house again?" Laska sighed.

While Nalia retreated into her room, Laska plopped down on the couch and sighed heavily. At that moment, Viconia, looking rather relaxed and calm, opened the front door and stepped through it. She removed her cloak and hung in over the coathanger.

"Laska," Viconia nodded.

"Well, you look content," said Laska.

"It was a very good massage," Viconia grinned.

Laska cocked her head sideways. "You slept with your massager, haven't you?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Viconia smirked and brushed past Laska. "Where is Khittix?"

Laska stretched her legs before getting up. "Upstairs with the rest of the guys. We're lazying about in the sun upstairs on the patio. Shall we go join them?"

Viconia nodded. "Sounds good to me."

Upstairs, the party and their friends were enjoying themselves. Some deck chairs were strategically placed on the sun-filled patio, while cold drinks in carafes stood on a table for everyone to partake. Laska and Viconia found Dynaheir and Risa standing next to Khittix. The dark mage seemed hesitant as the spider looked at her expectingly.

"Don't be afraid," Risa giggled as Dynaheir gently, ever so gently lowered her hand to pet the chirping spider Khittix over the head. The happy spider was very patient with the jittery Dynaheir, and eagerly expected his well-deserved pat on the head.

It was a beautiful day, not a cloud in the sky, and the sun burned its rays into the unsuspecting city below its menacing glare. On the giant balcony set into most of the second floor, Laska and her friends were enjoying themselves during their day off.

Dynaheir was chatting with everyone, getting to know them, and was currently making Khittix very happy with some well-deserved attention. Minsc was nearby, always keeping a watchful eye on Dynaheir and Boo alike as the hamster explored the Balcony's many flowerpots. Korgan sat in a lazy chair, sipping his ale through a straw while dipping his feet into a warm footbath. Becky, Risa and Jaella were running around between playing in the pool and chasing each other across the patio. At the back of the patio, stood Laska and Viconia. The tattooed elf leaned leisurely against one of the decorative pillars lining the glass door back into the house, while Viconia stood on the other side of the pillar, in the comfortable shade it offered.

"So," Laska asked as the two elves watched Dynaheir pat Khittix on the head. "What do you think of the new and improved Dynaheir?"

"Well," Viconia muttered, "she seems to have a more open mind. She would not even have considered touching the 'unclean' spider she's petting at the moment. Whether she is 'new and improved' remains to be seen."

"How's she getting along with the others?" Laska asked. "Any idea?"

"She gets along fine with you and me, obviously," Viconia muttered, "And I need not mention Minsc's devotion, which we both know so well..."

"And..."

"Korgan and Dynaheir seem to be getting along fine, though Dynaheir might object to some of his more extreme opinions or actions in the future. However, an overall bond of mutual respect seems to be forming, which will undoubtedly be strengthened when we will get on the road again."

"Speaking of which," Laska spoke, "we're still out of a job, except for waiting for the Roenalls to make their move. And then there's the portal gem we still haven't delivered. "

"Oh, the tiefling can wait for it a while longer," Viconia muttered. "Now will you please stop interrupting me?"

"Sorry," Laska chuckled.

"Anyway, Keldorn is still slightly distrustful of her, but that might have something to do with the fact that Dynaheir is a mage, and was recently a very evil creature. Not doubt with time, he shall accept her. Jan... well, Jan hasn't had many dealings with Dynaheir mainly because he hasn't been around. He went on this romantic get-together with Lissa they didn't come home last night," Viconia smirked. "All in all, I think Dynaheir will fit nicely into this new group of misfits."

"Can we talk about getting a new job now?" Laska smiled as the two elves stepped forward onto the patio until they came to the brick railing at the front of the house. They leaned onto it to watch over the temple district below.

"Fire away," Viconia smirked.

"Well, I think we should hit the taverns, the bars, the watering holes, the inns, stuff like those and just stay there as long as we have to, to find someone who will hire us," Laska beamed as she stepped back to the carafes to fetch herself a cold drink, all the while being proud of her cunning plan to find more work.

"Hah!" Viconia smirked. "I just bet that would be your strategy and... it... always... ends... with... you... drinking... steadily..." she poke as she peered over the railing, seemingly looking upon the street.

"Why... are... you... talking... like... this?" Laska mocked.

"Because there's a large number of Amnian guards standing on our doorstep," Viconia muttered. "I suggest getting our weapons ready."

That said, Laska stepped to the front of the patio again and leaned over the railing to look at what Viconia had seen. Indeed, downstairs, there were a number of ten armed guards, led by a foppish brat noble who liked like he had swallowed a fly. "Open this door immediately! In the name of Amn, I say!" the noble shouted. Viconia and Laska exchanged a look and a smile. They wouldn't even break a sweat fighting these amateurs.

"Hey, you!" Laska shouted down. "This is a private residence! Please be kind enough to _sod off_ before I have to hurt you."

"Ah, the peasant-elf!" the noble said as she stepped back and looked up. "I suggest you open this door right now, or I might just make an end to this illegal squattery of one of our fine noble homes!"

"Hey, this place is mine and I have the signed documents to prove it! They are stored in a safe place where you can never get to them!" Laska shouted back.

"You have them hidden under your mattress, don't you?" Viconia whispered.

"Perfect place!" Laska whispered back.

"I bid you to open this door immediately, in the name of Amn and Nobility!" the bratty noble tried again while his men readied their pikes.

Without saying a word, Laska took one of the carafes, unscrewed the top and emptied it over the railing. An annoyed cry escaped from the noble's mouth as Laska's watery projectile hit its mark. A few moments later, the order to break down the door followed. After a few minutes of banging on the front door, there followed a horrible explosion. A jet of green gas spewed into the group of pikemen, followed by another spigot in the wall spewing slippery oil. While the pikemen were scratching themselves like crazy, and were barely able to move in the large puddle of slippery turnip-oil, a hatch over the front-door opened, releasing hundreds upon hundreds of feathers.

While everyone on the patio came to see the spectacle below and have a good chuckle over it, the noble stood there, shaking his head and collecting the only pikemen left unscathed.

"Looks like the pikemen have discovered Jan's newly installed security-system. And it actually works," Viconia smirked.

"Looks like they're not leaving. Better go see what they want, then," Laska smirked.

* * *

The bratty noble and his remaining pikeman had entered the home of Laska and were intent creating a havoc to make a show of force. The noble was already standing ready to oversee a thrashing campaign performed by his one and only remaining pikeman, ignoring the other nine which were still struggling with their recent oilbath.

Already the pikeman had lifted a vase from a small table near the door and prepared to toss it into the piano.

"Break that vase, and I'll break your skull!" was shouted from the stairs as a fully armored elf stepped from the staircase and pointed a glowing blade at him. Soon, a battle-ready drow followed as well.

"Errr," the pikeman muttered, "Lord Isaea?"

The noble, looking even more haughty from nearby, gestured the pikeman to continue. The pikeman gulped once, nodded and rose the vase high above his head.

"Drop that vase to the floor," Laska threatened, "and I'll drop _your head_ to the floor."

The pikeman nodded and put down the vase back where it belonged before falling into position behind the noble named Lord Isaea.

"Is everyone in this entire universe against me?!" Isaea snarled, while the pikeman shrugged. "In any case, I have come for the lady you have in your custody. I was promised her hand in marriage and I intend to see to it that she _does_ become my wife! Especially now since the... unfortunate demise of her father. She is too young and distraught to be able to rule her lands. Her lands requires a strong rule"

"Well, I'm sorry, I know she's distraught and all, but Viconia will be staying right where she is," Laska smirked.

"I honestly don't know if that remark of yours is supposed to make me laugh or cry," Viconia shook her head.

"Sorry," Laska muttered.

"I shall not be denied!" Isaea snarled. "I am your better! As a noble, I command you to hand Nalia over to me this _instant_!"

"Better?" Viconia snarled. "You are my _better_?! What is it with humans claiming to be my better? Let me tell you something, scum, but when my ancestors were exploring Toril and wielding more powerful magic than the world has ever seen, your 'noble breed' were making little statues out of their own feces!"

"Feces-sculptures aside," Laska muttered. "You're not getting Nalia without a fight."

"Do not provoke me, elf!" Isaea replied. "Or I shall have you flogged!"

"Oh," Laska smiled as she slowly advanced on the haughty Roenall. "Will you have me flogged before or after I break your scrawny neck?"

Beads of sweat formed on Isaea's forehead as the elf took a step towards him... and another... and another, until he ended up being backed into a wall.

"Hey?" sounded a girl's voice as Risa sped down the stairs. "What's going on? Who's the dork-face over there?"

"Rolf!" Isaea shouted in despair at his pikeman, and, the pikeman reacted. Being the faithful dog of a man he was, he dropped the pike and fished a small crossbow from his back, which he aimed directly at Risa's heart.

"So," Isaea smiled cockily, "it seems the tables have turned. I will be taking Nalia now."

"Really? A crossbow at a child? Really?" Laska snarled. "What do you think will happen to you if you actually fire that crossbow, Rolf? It won't be pretty."

"I am in control now! The girl lives and dies by my whim! I shall be..." Isaea tried to say, but was interrupted when a flash of blinding light formed and slammed into the body of the pikeman. Rolf screamed as he flew backwards and out the door, the crossbow dropping harmlessly to the floor.

"No," the recently appeared Dynaheir snarled, "thou shalt not."

Laska nodded appeciatively. "Nice shooting, Dyna. Good to see you haven't lost your touch."

"'T was my pleasure."

"Okay, then," Laska cracked her knuckles as she advanced on the shivering Isaea. "Let's just see how well this big baby here bounces over the cobblestones."

"WAIT!" shouted Nalia as she emerged from her room, having watched the display from afar. "I need to speak to him..."

"Nalia!" Isaea snarled. "Call off your dogs! Come with me to do what is right! Honor the commitment you have made to me."

"I have made my opinion of you quite clear, Isaea. I am the head of my house now, and I intend to keep it that way!" Nalia said sternly with crossed arms. "And Laska here, she'll made sure that you won't get the opportunity to spirit me away to prison so you can 'speak for me' in the courts. In fact, I shall speak for myself in the courts. Tell your father, Isaea, that I shall face them at the courts as they will see the legitimacy of my claims. The De'Arnise lands, and my home, will _always_ belong to my family no matter what you and your rat-nest will say!"

"This," the seething Roenall snarled, "is not over by any means!"

"Oh, it's over alright," Laska said, "I'm going to close my eyes and count to three, and if I find you still here after that, I will rip your heart out and show it to you before you die!"

Not surprisingly, Isaea had ran out the door at 'one'.

Nalia, however, seemed less than happy with the way the situation with Isaea had played out. "Laska," she admonished, "you almost ruined the plan! You were going to kill Isaea!"

"Sorry for saving your arse, princess," Laska snorted. "Besides, I wasn't going to kill him. Just knock out all his teeth or something. Now, if you'll excuse me," she said as she moved to check on Risa.

Risa, in the meantime, had rushed over to where the crossbow had fallen and was now holding it in her hands. "Hey," she asked as she struggled to keep the heavy wooden crossbow from falling from her hands. "Can I keep this?"

A heavy twang sounded as the crossbow fired. A metal bolt whooshed through the air until it buried itself inside the wooden paneling of the walls... mere inches away from Nalia's head. A strangled croak escaped from Nalia's throat before her eyes fluttered shut and she sank to the group.

"Did she just faint?" Laska blinked.

"Wow," Risa giggled. "What a wuss!"

"I concur," said Viconia. "And to think she wanted to be an adventurer. Poor girl wouldn't last a week."

"Child," said Dynaheir. "I shall be taking this weapon from thee. Thou art too smart to handle it properly."

"Awwwww," Risa pouted.

"Err, excuse me?" A wormy voice coming from the front door, where the remaining pikemen had finally managed to untangle themselves from the oil-slick, broke the silence. It belonged to a scrawny looking soldier, glancing about the room a little. "Might I bend your ear a moment?"


	35. Family Law

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 35: Family Law_

"So this soldier chappy wants us to ruin this other Roenall chappy?" Jan asked as Laska and her party were standing in front of the government building, waiting for the trial to begin. Evening had started to fall, and the light of the setting sun bathed Athkatla in a deep, orange glow. The streets were quieting down as most people were returning to their homes.

"For the sixteenth time today, YES!" Viconia snarled at the confused gnome.

"Then, why was the riot-squad chasing those Otyughs all over the city?" Jan asked. "And what has the trouser-shortage of '49 got to do with all of this?"

"I never mentioned any riot-squads!" Viconia snarled in return. "And this so-called trouser-shortage never had _anything_ to do with this!"

"Ah," Jan said, smiling and pointing his index-finger at the angry drow, "but that's what _they_ want you to think!"

"Who are '_they_'?!" Viconia shouted in frustration.

"Nobody knows, and when anyone finds out, they are never heard from again," Jan spoke in a hushed voice.

"I wish you'd know more about them then," Viconia muttered.

"Jan, it would have been handy if you would have been actually _there_, when we discussed this whole matter," Laska smirked.

"Yeah, sorry, Lissa and I got held-up at a snail-crossing," Jan replied as he leant against the building, "and you know : When the parents cross, so do all their ten thousand offspring..."

Viconia grit her teeth. "Argh, gnome, do shut up! I have had enough of your insanity today!"

"And Vico, it really is your own fault for letting him ramble on," Laska said.

Viconia aimed a look at Laska which would be capable of curdling milk in less than a second. "I guess I'm more of a masochist than I thought."

Nalia scraped her throat. She, along with the party, stood in front of the entrance to the government-building. She has been jittery all day, and finally, her nervousness had reached its peak as the tribunal was about to commence. "So you're going after Isaea, then," Nalia stated. "Getting rid of him would be nice, but the real fight will be inside the courtroom."

It was then that the door to the building opened and Keldorn emerged. Nervously, Nalia approached him. "Sir Keldorn? Is everything in place?"

"Yes," Keldorn spoke solemnly, "I will be the only one required to testify, since I was charged with this mission, which leaves Laska free to pursue this other matter. I have arranged for... everything."

"Good," Nalia muttered. "Into the breach then?"

Keldorn offered Nalia an encouraging smile. "We shall unmask the Roenalls this day. They shall pay for their misdeeds."

"I just hope it all turns out that way," Nalia muttered as Keldorn led her into the building. "They had a tendency to weasel themselves out of trouble."

* * *

"In the name of Amnian Law, the Council of Six, and Nobility, let this hearing commence!" a middle-aged red haired woman who was the magistrate of Athkatla announced. Bylanna Etoil was well-known as being an incorruptibly impartial judge and administrator. She was respected by friend and foe alike, but at the moment, the Roenalls seemed to be sure that, despite being faced with an unbribable judge, she would rule in their favor. Lord Roenall and four of his sons sat smugly in an ornate bench, facing the De'Arnise bench, which only seated one very nervous girl. Keldorn stood beside Bylanna's chair, his arms crossed while he regarded the Roenalls with a thunderous look on his face.

"Yes, yes, yes," one of Lord Farthington Roenall's sons spoke with a whiny smug voice. "Can we get on with it? Just give us the twit's lands and be done with! I must meet with my date at the debutante's ball in an hour!"

Bylanna looked at him once, twice, then motioned to the bailiff. "Right, get him out of here. I'm certain that a couple of hours in the city jail will settle that temper of yours."

Lord Farthington Roenall shot his stunned youngest run a look so foul that the the boy cringed. He wisely kept his mouth shut as the bailiff led him away to spend the night in jail, rather than at the debutante's ball.

"Your Honor," Lord Roenall rose to speak to the judge. "May I respectfully inquire as to the nature of Sir Keldorn's involvement in this trial?"

"Sir Keldorn will serve as a witness. Since he experienced the invasion of Keep De'Arnise first hand, his account of the event will be invaluable," Bylanna stated. "And since the Order was in charge of the liberation of Keep De'Arnise, his voice will weigh heavily in my final decision."

"I must protest! Sir Keldorn cannot be impartial in this matter," Lord Roenall roared.

"I beg to differ, Lord Roenall," Keldorn spoke calmly. "As a Knight of my Order, it is my duty to give an impartial account for the courts if need be."

"Lord Roenall, please sit down," Bylanna said calmly.

* * *

"I pirate I was, **hic**, meant to be! Trim the,** hic**, and roam the, **hic**," a staggering sailor wailed into the night as he blundered over the docks, in an obvious state of extreme inebriation. "Yo, ho, **hic** and a bottle of **HIC**!" he wailed as he staggered and slammed into a wall. "Oy, sssxuse me, ma'am!" the pirate Barg said while tipping his hat. "Ten men on a... Errrrmmm... Errrrm, dead man's... leg?" he muttered just before slamming into a garbage can. "Errr, sorry sir..." he told an imaginary gentleman. "Oy, there's no need to, **hic,** get snappy about it! Oh, so it's a **hic** fight you want, innit?" That said, Barg rose his fists and punched out his imaginary friend. "That'll **hic** loin ya!"

Barg continued on his path until he came across a vision of loveliness gently stepping down a stone stairway. "Lookit that drow! I **hic**ed in every port on the Coast an' I ain't seen legs like that! Wowie! Errr," he said while trying to focus. "Oh, ye be a triplet! Lemme go buy you three gals an ale! **hic**"

"Oh, dear Shar!" the Drow replied with a deep sigh, "why do I always attract the scum of the earth?!"

"Oy, oy, oy!" Barg hicced along, "Now, you three girlies can tell me the truth! **Hic** Are the rumors true?"

"They are, _iblith_, but we, em, I mean _I_'ll be damned to prove it to you _ever_!" Viconia retorted. "Now, my friend and I would like too."

"Friend?! **hic**," Barg staggered around until he noticed a huge hulking mountain of a man holding a hamster.

"Boo doesn't like your singing, but Minsc does!" he smiled and greeted gently.

"Och," he said, ignoring Minsc, once again focusing all his attention on Viconia. "My little drow-puppet. **Hic** I bet your skin is silky soft!" he grinned, lunging at the snarling drow. Suddenly Barg found himself dragged backwards by the collar.

"Minsc says it's not a nice thing to lunge for a lady. Boo also says this lady will do terrible things to if you grab her," Minsc admonished.

"Oy, oy, oy!" Barg hicced. "Lemme at my **hic** lovely drow triplet! I don't need to be dragged **hic** all over the docks by you and your two **hic** brothers."

"Look, fool," Viconia told Barg as she stared him straight in the eye. "I only wish to know of your connection to..."

"Hey, I can paysss, paysss for a drink for you three fine ladies!" Barg spoke in his slurring voice, while Viconia waved her hand in front of her to get rid of the stench. "I be **hic** paid by **hic **Isaeas Roe-nail! I be pirating for him, you know! Yup, I plunders and rapes and pillages **hic**, and in turn, Isaeas covers our tracks when we **hic** sell the loot. We get to keep **hic** a lot too... Pretty shiny stuff..."

"Ah," Viconia chuckled. "You've told me all I wanted to hear... And, close your eyes, and I shall give you your reward."

Barg complied with a goofy grin and closed his eyes. A few moments later, his hands were roving over a body that had filled his dreams since adolescence, and pressed his whiskey-stained lips on those of one of the drow triplets.

"So," Minsc told Viconia as they made their way back up the stairs, "Boo wants to know: how long will it take pirate Barg to figure out he's kissing a wooden mannequin you just found in the garbage?"

"I really don't want to know," Viconia chuckled.

* * *

"It is a clear matter," Lord Roenall smiled. "Nalia is simply to young to rule her lands responsively."

"I am not a little girl anymore, Lord Roenall," Nalia rose from her bench.

"Your Honor," Lord Roenall continued unfettered. "She is barely seventeen! And unprepared for the life of rulership! Think of those who live on her land! How they will suffer under inept rule?"

"They'll have it a lot better even then compared to your iron hand-approach!" Nalia shouted, slamming her hand on the table in front of her.

"Our lessers require strong rule or they will fall into sloth," Lord Roenall smiled. It was a condescending smile, a smile aimed to placate and humiliate the person it was aimed at.

"Hah!" Nalia snorted. "When's the last time your sons have actually done a day of work, or study, or... _anything_ for that matter!"

On the Roenall bench, all of the Roenall sons took on a sour expression, while Isaea himself added a more thunderous look. "This is all consequential!" he shouted after rising to his full height. You were betrothed to me! Therefore, by law, I am now ruler of your lands. This trial is pointless."

"_ORDER_!" Bylanna shouted, and all parties slowly sat down again to face the judge. "I understand your weaponmaster, Captain Yang-ja, is now in temporary control of your lands."

"That is correct," Nalia said, "sadly she could not be here, since she is handling a crisis with the local dikes. She uncovered an inconsistency in the repair schedule. They were on the brink of breaching, so she's overseeing emergency repairs."

"Well, it certainly seems like Yang-ja is a very competent leader," Bylanna said, "but, regardless, social betrothal is considered legal. I'm afraid the court's hands are tied here..." This last statement caused many wide and evil grins to cross over the faces of those in the Roenall-camp.

"But," Nalia said, her face coloring bright red, "Errr, isn't social betrothal only binding if the girl in question is, errr, a virgin?"

"Yes," Bylanna nodded, "where is this heading, miss De'Arnise?"

"Iamnolongeravirgin," Nalia said faster than a humming-bird flaps its wings and, again, her face grew red with embarrassment. "Errr, when the keep was about to be invaded... And just before I escaped, well, Daleson and I... In the stables... We're in love you see, and... Well... Err... We thought it was our last chance..."

_"What?!"_ Shouted Lord Roenall as he watched his easy victory going down the drain.

But, the word 'what?!' was also exclaimed by a beggar in one of the visitor benches in the back of the room.

"What is this peasant doing here?!" Lord Roenall shouted, venting his frustrations on the poor beggar in the corner. "Remove him this instant!" he ordered Isaea.

"You shall do nothing of the kind," Bylanna replied sharply. "These proceedings are open and everybody is allowed access. And, to return to our case, considering her confession, I see no other chance to declare Nalia's social betrothal null and void."

"OUTRAGEOUS!" Isaea shouted as he rose from the bench. "I am to rule her lands!"

"Hah!" Nalia chuckled. "You won't even rule a latrine on my lands! Hell, you'd probably botch that up too!"

"How do we know you're even telling the truth!"

"Trust me," said Bylanna. "I've seen so many people come and go in this court and her expression said it all. Now, let us continue with the case..."

* * *

"Sooo," Laska purred as she sat in the Sea's Bounty, honing in on her prey: the malicious Officer Dirth, a direct subordinate of Isaea Roenall. From the information the brave soldier who had dared to speak up had given her, the polite smile on the man's face hid not only a corrupt officer, but a murderer and an extortionist.

"Chop, chop," Dirth ordered The Thumb as he called for his ordered drinks. "So, my Lady," he once again focused his attention on the elf, "we don't often see elves in this city. Not one such as you, in any case."

"One such as me?" Laska asked.

"One who looks so lovely and dangerous at the same time," Officer Dirth smiled, and Laska noticed that, for the tenth time since they had met, his gaze grazed her bosom. It was obvious how Dirth intended this night to end.

"Oh, you cad!" Laska chuckled outwardly. '_Oh, you bastard buggery_,' she snarled inwardly.

"I mean... those tattoos... They bring out your eyes," he said, then his face fell a little. "Your... facial tattoos! It's you!" he shouted as he got up from his seat and fumbled for his sword. "Sion and Ketta described you to me when you wiped out Captain Heagan's operation. Come for another slaver have you?!"

"Yes," Laska smiled, making no move to attack.

"You have found death!" he shouted, but before he could charge, his eyes rolled in the back of his head, and dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes. Apparently, this sort of thing was hardly uncommon, since no one in the inn seemed to mind or notice.

"Och," Korgan muttered under his breath and pulled his axe out of Dirth's back. It came loose with a sucking sound... "they donnay be makin' slavers like they used ta. Died with a single slice."

"An axe to the skull will usually do that. Do you see any documents on him?" Laska asked.

"Aye," Korgan chuckled, "and the fool boy's name be on it, stamped with the Roenall seal..."

"We still have some time," Laska chuckled. "Shall we finish our ales first?"

"Ach, now ye be talkin'! HAR HAR!"

* * *

"And then, we confronted their leader Tor'Gal and defeated him in his lair. It was he who told us of the connection between Lady Delcia Caan, who in turn named the Roenalls as co-conspirators of the invasion. She considered it unacceptable that one not of noble blood led her family's lands," Keldorn said.

"An outrage!" Lord Roenall retorted. "No doubt she wanted to save her own hide by implicating another..."

"Your Honor!" Nalia spoke calmly. "I move for the Roenall family to be implicated and demand a full restitution for all damages!"

"You cannot be serious!" Roenall chuckled, but everyone could clearly see beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

* * *

"Ah, there you are!" Viconia said as Laska and Korgan joined her, Minsc, Dynaheir and Jan at their rendez-vous in front of the government building. "About time you showed up... We've drawn the confession out of Barg..."

"And we have the slaver documents," Laska replied.

"And we found something interesting too," Jan said. "Tell her, Dynie..."

"The obnoxious little twerp smuggles gems," Dynaheir smiled. Laska noticed Dynaheir seemed to have more jewels than she had had earlier this night. Five sets of clip-on earrings, five necklaces, all fingers covered with rings, both wrists covered with four bracelets each, all jewels ranging from diamond studded to plain gold. Jan was also covered from head to toe with all manner of valuable treasure.

"Something you want to tell me?" Laska chuckled.

"No," Dynaheir replied with a stony expression on her face.

"We found the evidence rather quickly," Jan smiled, "so we decided to rob him blind..."

"Tell me about it," Viconia smiled, "I've been blinded by the moonlight reflecting off that shiny gold more than once."

"Ah, that reminds me of my uncle Baracus Jansen. Tough gnome he was, arms like tree trunks!" Jan said. "Pretty strong. Used to throw griffins around when they swooped down on little old gnomes! Always drank his milk with turnips! Sadly, he had this love of adorning his neck with an incredible amount of heavy gold chains left over from his adventuring days. And that's how he died."

"He died because of the gold around his neck?" Dynaheir asked.

"No, no, no," Jan replied, "No, all that heavy gold bent his spine into this downward U-bend, and he just rolled down the stairs one day."

"Ugh, why are we still listening to you?" Viconia muttered, "Let's just get inside, shall we?"

* * *

Isaea sighed. This trial was steadfastly turning into a shouting match, and a seemingly easy victory could very turn out to be a crushing defeat for him and his family. And now, not only had their ill-fated invasion failed, but he was also robbed of his chance to rule at Keep De'Arnise. Damn his father and his chronic gambling habit! If the courts decided that his family had to pay restitution, they would be poor. _Poor_! The thought alone made him sick to his stomach.

"Psssst," he heard from behind, but before he could turn away, he felt the tip of a dagger press against the back of his neck.

"Oh," he whispered as she realized it was the rude and nasty tattooed elf named Laska. "It's you. Look, my family is already about to be ruined, so what do you want from me?"

"Well," Laska replied. "Five hundred gold a month for the next fifty years would be nice."

"Come again?" Isaea asked.

"Five hundred gold a month, or I will reveal to the courts that you have a... secondary income smuggling gems and slaves..." Laska whispered, and for a moment, Isaea was sure the elf was gloating.

Isaea cringed inwardly. If his family lost this trial, he would need his position in the guards to be able to continue his criminal affairs, but even a hint of involvement with slavery could ruin a man. He had to do something or go down the same sinking ship his family was currently in.

"I want those documents..." Isaea smiled. "I swear I will get you for this..."

"Not bloody likely," Laska grinned. "But you can buy them off me. Meet me at the graveyard five minutes from now. On top of the De'Arnise crypt... Come alone..." Suddenly, the dagger was withdrawn and the elf had disappeared like a shadow. Being careful not to be noticed by his father or the magistrate, Isaea quietly snuck out the courtroom, only to find the elf already gone as she had fled into the night.

* * *

Isaea shivered as he stood in the graveyard. The moon cast an eerie white glow over the headstone, and any moment now, Isaea could swear he saw a hand rising from one of the dirty graves. Luckily, after blinking a few times, it seemed to have disappeared. At least this high perch would be easily defensible if the undead decided to rise. Now where was that damn elf? Maybe, one of his men could...

"Sorry I'm late," he heard say from the shadows in the corner. The tattooed elf, looking more dangerous in the dead of night than she was during the day, stepped from the shadows. "But I ran into some trouble. If you are looking for your men, you'll find them unconscious in one of the empty crypts. Very naughty of you: I told you to come alone."

"You said..." But Isaea would never finish his sentence. He never saw Laska's fist coming, but only the brick floor as he approached it.

Darkness and more darkness. Until he heard a voice in the darkness. It was faint at first, but as he returned to the world of the awake.

"Wakey, wakey, wakey!" Laska chuckled as she tossed some water in the bratty noble's face. Isaea shuddered from the cold water, shook his head... and looked at himself in horror just as Laska released a rope which she had been holding in another hand. Isaea felt his weight drop until he landed on a rickety footstool. Also, he noticed a sudden pressure around his neck... A rope... Connected to the beam above.

"Isaea Roenall, welcome to your execution!" Laska grinned like a cheshire cat. "Any last words? Any last regrets?"

Utterly terrified, Isaea Roenall tried to frantically think of a way to get out of his, but his panicked brain could not think of a single one. "Y-you said you wanted money!" Isaea stammered.

"Nope," Laska grinned. "I just want to see you swing! I believe in swift justice."

"This... this is murder!" Isaea tried.

"Oh?" Laska said as she grabbed the noble's chin and almost ground his jaw to dust as she squeezed with all her strength. "I doubt those whom you sold into slavery would see it that way. Or those whose vessels that were attacked by pirates hired by _you_?"

"I... I..."

"You're going to die and your last words are 'I... I...'?" Laska smiled. "Not very historically significant words, are they?" To her satisfaction, she noticed a wet spot was rapidly expanding downward into the noble's pants.

"I... can give you money! I can make you rich beyond your wildest dreams!" Isaea almost cried.

"Oh, I have pretty wild dreams," Laska shrugged. "A room adorned with silken drapes, filled with all manner of drink, and many scantily clad women and men to fulfill every single one of my sordid whims. So, thanks for the offer," Laska smiled, "but I don't like bribes. Just please tell the truth for once in your life and I might just decide to let you go!"

"I... I don't know what you are talking about..." Isaea stammered.

"DON'T PROVOKE ME!" Laska shouted and kicked at the footstool, breaking one of the legs. Isaea yelped and tip-toed over the now three-legged stool. "One more kick and you're done for. You trade in slaves, you trade in illegal gems and you send out pirates to do your dirty work for you. Hm, that stool is looking rather rickety. Perhaps I should remove it before someone trips over it. Wouldn't want anyone to hurt themselves now, hm?"

"ALRIGHT! I ADMIT IT! I TRADE IN SLAVES! I DID IT ALL! AND SO WHAT? I AM A NOBLE! I CAN DO WITH THE COMMONER CATTLE WHATEVER I LIKE! THERE, THAT'S THE TRUTH, NOW LET ME GO!"

Laska said nothing, but smiled... before kicking the stool away. After a brief cry of disbelief, Isaea dropped. To his surprise, he felt the rope around his neck give way and slip off, only to find the real rope had been tied to his belt.

"Say, guys," Laska chuckled. "You heard that?"

"We sure did," said the heavily accented voice of Chief Inspector Brega, flanking by Isaea's superior Corgeig Axehand as they emerged from the crypt.

"S... Sir?" Isaea stammered as he hung suspended in the air.

"Shut up, fool!" Corgeig Axehand snarled. "You're a disgrace to the guards! Consider yourself stripped of rank!"

"And," Brega added, "there's no chance in hell you'll be getting out of jail before the start of the next next century."

"It... it was under duress!" he tried as a last ditch effort. "I was just telling her what she wanted to hear so she'd let me go. You can see that right? Look at her, she's crazy!"

Corgeig was not impressed. "Laska looks pretty sane to me. Besides, your confession corroborates the other evidence we have in these written records."

"R-records?" Isaea stammered.

Laska patted him on the shoulders. "Pro-tip. You do something criminal? Make sure it's not on the books."

"You... You," Isaea snarled at Laska. "You've ruined me!"

"Glad to oblige," Laska said, untied the rope and let Isaea crash to the ground. As Isaea landed, he locked a gaze of pure hatred on the tattooed elf. Then, before Brega could apprehend him, he reached to the side of his boot. He grinned as he found what he was looking for – Laska had apparently foregone the trouble of properly searching him and never found the dagger in his boot. If he was going down, he'd be taking the elf with him.

Corgeig and Brega saw it and drew their weapons, while Laska simply shook her head. "Don't do it, mate," she sighed. "Trust me, don't do it. You're not going to win."

"Afraid of me, aren't you?" Isaea grinned. "Yeah, you're scared now!"

"Hardly," Laska said. "Seriously, mate, reconsider."

Isaea did not listen and lunged.

With surprising speed, Laska grabbed his wrist with one hand, and slammed her other hand into Isaea's elbow, snapping the bones under the force of her blow. She shot forward and thrust Isaea's hand still holding the dagger towards his chest. The bratty noble stared in disbelief at the piece of metal now lodged in his ribcage. Laska grinned and delivered a blow against his chin with the flat of her hand. The blow sent the dying noble over the railing, and he let out a scream as he fell. Seconds later, the scream was cut short as he landed with a sickening crunch.

Laska, Corgeig and Brega stepped over to the railing and looked down to see Isaea lying in a rapidly expanding pool of blood.

"I did warn him," Laska shrugged.

"Well," Corgeig Axehand said, "that will save the taxpayers some money."

* * *

"Lies, slander, untruth, gossip!" Lord Roenall snarled in desperation.

"Ever though she might have been," Keldorn spoke. "I detected no lies from Lady Delcia Caan, and she implicated you directly. Unlike the lies I am detecting from you, Lord Roenall..."

"HAH!" Lord Roenall said, but his voice wavered, and he was sweating profusely now. His sons were no better off, and were now faced with the prospect of losing their snooty lifestyle. "And... how do we know _you_ are speaking the truth, Sir Firecam! For all we know, Nalia has bribed you already! What did she promise you, Keldorn? A nice stretch of land for your retirement!"

"I shall pretend," Keldorn calmly, but fiercely, "I did not hear that!"

"Regardless," Bylanna told the court. "Sir Keldorn's account may not weigh in anyone's favor."

"Too bad poor Dougal died," Lord Roenall taunted at Nalia now that his confidence was slightly improved. "But dead men tell no tales."

"And _that_'s where you're wrong, Farty!" came from the beggar in the corner.

"Who dares!" Lord Roenall snarled as he heard him called by his none too flattering nickname. "I shall have you flogged."

"Father," Nalia smiled.

"Ey?" Farty replied as he was facing off another nasty surprise.

"Indeed," the beggar said, casting away his dirty cloak to reveal the armored form of Lord Dougal De'Arnise. "It was you who conspired with Caan to have our keep invaded so that you could get your greedy hands on my lands and my people! But we fought back and overcame! And now it is time for revenge, my friend!"

"I have heard enough!" Bylanna said. "The lot of you have turned my courtroom into a circus and I for one do not appreciate it!"

Dougal gave a curt bow. "I apologize, your honor, but I saw no other way than to use this trial to unmask the Roenalls."

"That you did quite effectively. I hereby declare that House Roenall must pay restitution to House De'Arnise," said the judge. "This trial has been one of the biggest farces I have encountered in my entire career. This is my judgment and now I wash my hands of it. Bailiff, you may prepare the paperwork."

"NO!" Roenall shouted in denial.

"People died because of you, Farty!" Lord Dougal snarled. "Children orphaned, loyal men fallen... and for what? Some lousy coins in your pockets so you can go on gambling for another two weeks! And to make matters worse you would ruin my daughter's life for it! You will pay for your crimes!"

"All holdings of House Roenall shall be seized to be auctioned off and your expenditures are to be placed under financial control until you have paid damages to House De'Arnise down to very last copper," Bylanna concluded.

"It is not enough!" Dougal roared. "Your Honor, I respectfully request to duel with Farty Roenall right here. To the death!"

"Such is your right," Bylanna said, not being surprised in the very least.

"Well," Farty Roenall said while he drew his sword. "I always knew it would end like this! I feel it is only right to warn you," he smiled cockily, "that I was trained by the best weaponmasters there are!"

And then, the fighting began. Sword on sword, the two gentlemen fought with fervor. Farty Roenall was indeed a skilled fighter, but his manner betrayed the fact that he had never fought outside of controlled conditions before. Dougal has picked up most of his tricks at swordfighting in the field, during his adventuring days; fighting for your life gave one a completely different set of skills than fighting friendly duels. For all of Farty's boasting, he was severely outmatched both by Dougal's strength, speed and agility.

"That's a little something I learned from an elven bladesinger," Dougal smiled as he made a diverting swing with his sword, only to twirl around to nick into Farty's shoulder, leaving a deep gash.

Nalia was very worried for her father, even though she knew for certain he would win this battle. Still, she expected the Roenalls to pull an underhanded trick to win this battle.

At the side, Farty's now eldest son grinned like a shark as he fished a small crossbow from his pouch. Having used this tactic during one of his father's duels before, he intended to shoot a tiny poisoned dart into the opponent, intending to weaken Dougal enough for his father to overpower him. But before he could fire, a sharp axe was suddenly pressed against his throat from behind his back. "Oy, oy, oy," Korgan chuckled. "Ye be likin' axes?"

Wisely, the noble dropped the crossbow unused.

"Smart lad," Korgan smiled and withdrew his axe.

"You've ruined me!" Roenall shouted as he rose his sword to hack into his opponent. Unfortunately, he left a very blatant opening, one which Dougal eagerly made use of. His face contorted in pain, Farty Roenall stared in disbelief at Dougal's sword, now piercing his heart.

"You've ruined yourself," Dougal spat and let the Roenall patriarch sink to the floor, disbelief still etched on his features as he blew out his final breath.

"Father!" Nalia giggled and flew into his arms.

"Whoa there, puppet," Dougal smiled. "It's over... It's all over. Let's go home..."

"Yes... _our_ home!" Nalia smiled.

"Thank you, Keldorn," Dougal smiled, receiving a smile from the paladin, "for your fine hospitality at your estate this past week and thank you all for your help," he told Laska's party. "Now, Nalia," Dougal asked. "What was this about Daleson?"

"Errr," Nalia blushed bright red once more when they walked out the courtroom.

While everybody was leaving, the judge crossed her arms. "So, who is going to clean up this mess?"

Everybody remained quiet and slowly shuffled towards the door.

"Sir Keldorn!" called out Bylanna, causing the aged paladin to close his eyes and curse under his breath. He did not expect to spend the end his evening hauling a corpse around.


	36. Alas, poor Laska, I knew her well

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 3__6: Alas, poor Laska. I knew her well._

The sound of laughter and drunk merriment sounded as the door to the Five Flagon's Inn opened, and a drunken elf staggered into the night. Laska Leafwalker let out a zombie-like moan as she labored to shuffle one foot after the other. The celebration of the Roenall takedown had gotten a little out of hand. Lord Dougal had taken Laska to the celebration, and had dragged Nalia along with him. Of course, Korgan had insisted on coming along.

On the upside, she finally got to try Cormyrian Dragon Piss. It had a kick like a mule, tasted like paint-stripper and only got better after the third tankard. On the downside, she had lost Korgan, Nalia and Dougal in the crowd and now had to figure out how to get home.

"Okay," Laska slurred as she supported herself against the wall. "Now where did I live again?"

Her vision was blurred and she felt more light-headed with every step she took. The tattooed elf collided with a lamppost and managed to grab hold of it instead of tumbling face-first into the group. The elf hoisted herself up and regarded the door.

"Okay... left... or right? Hmmmmmmmmmmm," Laska bit her lip as she burned off a couple of braincells trying to drunkenly reason in which direction her house was.

"Uuuuuuuuuughhhhh," Laska closed her eyes as the light from the lamppost turned her skull into an exploding fireball. "Okay, one's of the two..." she slurred. "Ienie, meanie, minie, moe... In that direction I shall go..."

Instead of heading either left or right, she headed straight into a nearby alleyway, staggering from left to right and narrowly avoiding a dumpster. The alleyway looped in a U-bend around a house and she found herself back at the very same road. "Hm, another road..." Laska narrowed her eyes as her blurred vision started to play tricks on her mind. "Errrmmmm... dammit, why is this so hard? Okay, Laska, you can do this? Left or right? I shall go... right!"

She staggered back alongside the road and promptly fell right into the same alleyway from before as the wall she supported herself on ended. Laska swore like a dockworker, picked herself up and followed the same U-bending alleyway. Once again, she found herself standing at the road. "Oh, gods-dammit," Laska kicked the side of the building in anger. "Why are the so many gods-damned roads in this sodding city? Okay, left or right... I shall go... RIGHT!"

This time she shuffled along to the road until she came across a familiar looking house. "Rose's house!" Laska told herself. The red lantern in front of the house was not lit, so Laska made her way to the other entrance and knocked on the door. Her sensitive elven ears picked up the sound of someone inside slowly getting out of bed and cautiously walking towards the door. The little wooden slide in the door opened, and as soon as the person behind the door saw that who had knocked, she undid the many blots and opened the door.

Rose, clad in a white bathrobe and wearing slippers, stood in the door opening. "Laska?"

"Hi Rose," Laska hiccuped. "D-do you know where I live?"

"Gods, you're so drunk," Rose said as she pulled the elf into the house, closed the door and redid the latches.

"Yeah, is great, innit?" Laska said proudly as she swaggered on her feet. "Three tankards of Cormyrian Dragon Piss!"

"Three tankards?!" Rose blinked. "One shot class of that stuff could kill a man!"

"I ain't no man!" Laska cheered, then promptly fell forward. Rose yelped as both she and Laska fell backwards into a chair. The tattooed elf found herself draped over a soft feminine body and pressed her cheek against Rose's bosom. "Hm... Bugger getting home, this is much nicer. I'm right where I wanna be."

"Gods, Laska, you can't be out at night in this state," said Rose. "This is a dangerous neighborhood for a woman alone. Why do you think I have three massive bolts on both my doors?"

But Laska could no hear her anymore. The elf had fallen fast asleep. Rose smiled to herself and started running her hand through Laska's hair. Thankfully, Laska was surprisingly light, so it was relatively easy for her to drag the elf to bed. Laska was plopped down on the bed and, after removing her boots, Rose put the duvet over her.

The half-elf sat down on the side of the bed and watched Laska sleep for a moment. The drunk elf was out like a light, and let out a drunken feminine snore as she slept. Rose reflected on how peaceful she looked; it was almost cute if Rose could forget that Laska was actually a fierce warrior.

"Well, you certainly keep life interesting, Laska," Rose whispered. Actually, she had something wonderful to tell Laska, but it would have to wait till this morning.

She didn't quite feel like sleeping, and Rose was struck by the vision of loveliness in her bed. Indeed, she felt the overwhelming urge to draw. The half-elf stepped over to where she kept her art supplied and picked up her sketchbook and a piece of charcoal. She sat down on the bed again and started to draw a sketch of Laska as she slept. Already, after a few minutes, Laska's face as she lay smushed against the pillow was coming out nicely, but she felt there was something missing.

Rose smiled to herself, walked over to her dresser and took some lipstick from her make-up kit. After liberally smearing her lips with the bright red substance, she walked over to the bed, leaned over Laska and pressed her lips against the elf's cheek, leaving a bright red imprint of Rose's lips. Laska stirred slightly, but did not awaken.

Rose smiled, it was a perfect picture. Now she only needed to finish the drawing.

When done, Rose hung her robe from the wall and slipped into bed. She hugged Laska from behind and held onto her.

"I'm falling for you, Laska Leafwalker," Rose whispered. The only answer was a snore.

* * *

Laska eyes fluttered open, which she immediately regretted. Her head felt as if it had been split open with a dwarven axe, her eyes felt as if they wanted to pop out of her skull. The sun pouring into the house was not a help either. She pulled the duvet over her head and let out a tortured groan.

Then, she wondered where she was. After peeking over the edge of the duvet, she noticed she was not in her own house but Rose's. "Rose?" she called out, her own voice resounding in her skull and tearing through her brain. "Rose, are you here?"

No answer.

How did she get here? Where did Rose go? What time is it? Did she have sex last night?"

The last question was the most important and since she noticed she was still wearing her clothes. She didn't know if she was supposed to be relieved of disappointed – it had been a long time since she had been this dead drunk, after all.

She sat up in bed and rubbed her skull. It would be nice to go to the wash basin and splash some water in her face, but it would be taking far too much effort currently. In fact, her legs weren't working yet.

It was then that she noticed a scrap of paper lying on the pillow next to her. She picked it up and saw that it was a simple, yet realistic and beautifully rendered drawing of her. Something was written below it. 'Didn't have the heart to wake you. Went to the auction. Will be back soon. There's bread in the kitchen if you want some. Love, Rose'. A heart was drawn next to the message.

Laska smiled at the message, until a single word bored itself into her recovering brain.

"Oh, shit! The auction!" Laska said as attempted to jump out of bed. Unfortunately, her legs didn't respond and she fell out of bed, flat on her face. Lying on her back, and staring at the window, she deduced it was actually quite late in the morning. Her drow friend would have been waiting for her for quite some time now.

"Bollocks, I'm so screwed."

* * *

"If we could have been here sooner," Viconia said with mild annoyance as she and Laska stepped out of the government building, "we would have gotten our hands on more of the better items in the auction."

"Hey, I was drunk and hung-over," said Laska. "Blame Lord Dougal."

"No, I'm blaming you!" Viconia sighed.

"You only want me to be your packmule anyway."

"Correct."

The auction of the Roenall-estate to pay off their debt to Lord De'Arnise had just ended and Laska and Viconia stepped out of the building brandishing their prizes. Viconia had been looking forward to buy quality artwork for ridiculously low prices, but unfortunately, she had been waiting for Laska to show up. The hung-over elf had rushed to the government district as quickly as she could, but when they had finally arrived at the auction, only to find most of the best items on the list already sold.

"Well, I got this cute lamp!" Laska smiled while she raised the blue porcelain oil-lamp. She breathed on the copper ring and rubbed away a smudge. "And it only cost me two coppers..."

"I wonder why?" Viconia muttered as she regarded the tacky lamp. "Didn't you notice you were the only one bidding for that... thing?"

"Hey, don't talk down to my lamp!" Laska retorted. "I'm going to put this in my bedroom."

"And out of sight of the non-esthetically challenged people," Viconia nodded. "I approve."

"Anyway, I don't see you with any great purchases. All that money for three times some paint on a canvas?"

"These happen to be masterpieces," Viconia replied while she held three paintings wrapped in a brown cloth. "I didn't think idiots like the Roenalls would have art like these fine works."

"Yeah," Laska smiled, reciting the titles of Viconia's paintings, "_'Knife in the back',_ _'Silent hunter' _and _'DeathStalker Betrayed'_. I'm detecting a definite pattern here. And what about that sculpture you bought. The one with the metal triangles on the rods."

"That will only be delivered tomorrow. And those triangles signify agonizing loss, don't you know anything about art?" Viconia put down the paintings to cross her arms.

"Well," Laska smiled broadly while she stared across the square, "I don't know much about art, but I do know what I like."

When Viconia looked over her shoulder, she noticed Laska's strawberry blonde half-elven friend Rose, having exchanged her usual low-cut dress for a more conservative brown tunic. She flashed Laska a broad smile of her own.

"Hello there," Rose greeted the two elves. "Looks like you finally woke up."

Laska bit her lip. "Heya. I, uh, wasn't too much trouble last night, was I?"

"Not at all," said Rose and suddenly giggled. She reached over to Laska's cheek and rubbed off some red with her thumb. "There's still lipstick on your cheek."

"Ey?" Laska blinked and rubbed her cheek. "Vico, why didn't you say anything?"

Viconia cocked her head sideways. "Because it was funny."

"I hope you're not here for the auction. It's just ended..."

"Oh, no!" Rose said as the three of them walked over to a table near the food-court. "Actually, I went to the auction quite early so I think we just missed each other. I was about to get breakfast," she said as the three sat down. "In fact, I have some wonderful news."

"Oh?" Laska cocked her head sideways.

Rose smiled warmly. "I'm quitting the game, Laska. As of today, I am no longer a streetwalker. I have had my finals dealings with the last perverted nobles and had my last preventive disease spell yesterday."

"That _is_ great news!" Laska smiled as she took Rose's hand.

Rose nodded briefly. "And it's all thanks to you."

"What?" Viconia looked stunned. "Are you saying that Laska actually had a _positive_ influence on someone?! It boggles the mind!"

"Hey, I...Ack!" Laska suddenly exclaimed as something bright shone in her eyes. Covering her sensitive elven peepers with her hand she noticed the sun reflecting off some brightly polished armor. "Oh, crud!" Laska cursed. "It's _Ah, no-mind_... Rose, quickly! Kiss me!"

"Oh, yes, brilliant plan," Viconia rolled her eyes. "That's very inconspicuous. You'll blend in perfectly that way. Besides he's already seen you, judging by the sudden spring in his step."

Laska ignored Viconia and almost pulled Rose over the table to kiss her on the lips while Anomen approached.

"My lady, I..." Anomen said, then noticed the two kissing women. "Ah, I see you are busy. Do not mind me then, I shall wait for you."

A few moments later, Anomen was still waiting. Laska whispered, inaudible for all but elven ears: "He's still here, isn't he?"

"Afraid so," Viconia whispered back.

"Can't he take a hint?"

"Do you really expect me to answer that question?"

Reluctant to face Anomen, Laska let go of Rose and turned around very, very slowly. "Hello... Anomen," she muttered.

"So," Viconia muttered, "this display doesn't bother in the slightest then, Anomen?"

"Oh, definitely not, miss Viconia," Anomen spoke with unusual understanding. "I have been doing a lot of reading on the elven race lately and I have learned that elves show affection towards friends quite differently than us humans do. At first I found the lack of virtue the whole elven culture possesses frivolous, but I have come to the conclusion my fair lady cannot help but lack the human virtues due to her elven heritage. The lawless openness in her culture is... puzzling and repulsive at first, but not wholly unappealing. I cannot expect to hold my Lady to high moral standards her people are unused to."

"First of all, I'm standing right here and I can hear you. Second, I don't know if that's a compliment or if I should punch your lights out for the insult," Laska muttered.

"Forgive me, fair lady, but if we are to be lovers, I must your more about your culture," Anomen smiled.

"Lovers?" Rose blinked. "What is this about?"

"Delusional," Laska whispered, "ever had one of your clients fall in love with you?"

Rose nodded in understanding, but still regarded Anomen with narrowed eyes. He was competition for Laska's affection, after all.

"So," the tattooed elf asked, eager for a change of subject, "you were telling us about turning over a new leaf in your life."

"Oh, yes," Rose smiled. "Remember when I told you about my hopes to one day buy my own inn and that you suggested that I should speak to Jan about it?"

Viconia put her harms to her side and looked at Laska accusingly. "Wait," Viconia said. "I am this party's financial genius and you sent her to talk to that idiot gnome?"

"Jan helped me greatly," said Jan. "His idea for us to get starting capital was insane, but it worked. You see, me and some of the other girls who wanted out of the game pooled together to pull off our scheme. The massive Jansen family helped us spread rumors that a group of anonymous dockwhores were working together to write a collection of raunchy humorous tales about the mating habits of the Amnian nobles, which would be published through the Jansen Publishing Collective."

Laska blinked. "The Jansens own a publishing house?"

"I didn't know either. Apparently, they publish a lot of turnip related magazines. Rolling Turnip, Vanity Turnip, Turnip Geographic and PlayTurnip," Rose said. "In any case, the Jansen rumor mill did its trick and what followed was a seemingly endless stream of bribes from unknown sources, asking them to reconsider publishing the book! I've never seen anything like it. It was enough for the Jansens to cover their expenses and give me and the girls plenty of starting capital."

Viconia shook her head. "I will never understand how this surface world thinks."

"We put the money in the bank on a secured account," Rose said. "A lot of the girls have a black lotus habit, so it's wise not to tempt them too much. We're looking into buying the Mithrest inn. Old Brady is retiring, and is sympathetic to us. He promised he'll take our offer. It's a wonderful location, and we can definitely class up the place."

"Amazing," Laska sat back and smiled. "I'm so happy for you."

"OH! Where did you buy that lovely lamp?!" said Rose as she noticed the lamp standing next to Viconia's purchases.

"Hah, if she likes _that_ lamp, the inn will be very classy indeed when she's done with it," Viconia muttered.

Afraid to look over her shoulder, Laska whispered to Viconia. "Anomen is still standing here, isn't here?"

Viconia looked over her shoulder and chuckled. "Indeed. This is getting quite awkward."

"I'll say," Laska whispered back.

Viconia turned toward Rose and spoke aloud. "Now that Rose will have an inn to run, does this mean she'll stop sneaking into your bedroom, Laska?" Viconia smirked.

"How did you kn..." Laska exclaimed, but then caught herself. "Errr, I don't know what you're talking about."

"Of course you don't," Viconia chuckled.

"Anyway," Laska said quickly, eager to get away from the love-struck Helmite while taking Rose by the hand. "We must be off now. Goodbye, Anomen!"

As elf and half-elf fled the scene, they left a glazy eyed Anomen standing next to Viconia, who was feeling rather miffed about being left with the man who did not come to her rescue back in Keep De'Arnise. Even worse, her purchases still needed to be moved to the house and Laska had taken her bag of holding with her.

"Ah, a pity," Anomen muttered. "I was planning to invite fair Laska to be my consort to today's Order banquet. But I am curious as to why a lady would sneak into another lady's bedroom."

"Oh," Viconia smirked. "It's the perfect setting for long, meaningful chats about boys, followed by a pillow fight and then trying out mother's make-up on each other's faces."

"Ah," Anomen nodded in understanding, "that makes sense. Perhaps I should go back to the Order guildhouse to..."

Viconia narrowed her eyes. "Hells, no! Delryn, you shall bring my purchases to my house this instance! It is your fault that Laska ran off, so now the task befalls you!"

Anomen frowned. "But..."

"NOW!"

* * *

At that moment, the only quest still on their books was to return the portal gem to the strange tiefling. Mostly, the portal gem had been lying about at Laska's house finding use as a paperweight or an impromptu bottle-opener. What they considered to be a simple job turned into an annoyance when Laska and her friends arrived at the playhouse only to find the troupe the gem belonged to in the middle of a performance. After buying tickets, the party quietly crept inside the darkened theater and took their seats.

"Oh, please don't make me go through this again," Keldorn all but whimpered as he took a seat on the bench in the basement of the Five Flagon's Inn. Having been to this same place with his wife a few weeks back, he was in no mood to watch this self-indulgent tripe for a second time.

"Sorry, Keldorn," Viconia said, "but the play had started, so what were we supposed to do? Hold up the portal gem and ask them to stop the play?"

"It's a thought," Keldorn muttered.

"Funny you don't like plays, Keldorn," Jan said. "I was certain paladins like yourself loved plays, especially the ones about paladins! Especially when they're about overly zealous, pompous, evil-seeking, do-gooder Paladins..."

"Watch yourself, sir gnome," Keldorn gritted his teeth.

"My cousin Gohanna Jansen once directed a play about the Lady paladin Diedre Braveheart, which was performed after her violent and valiant death defending the local gnomes from the Horned-Griffin With The Dripping Fangs, Razor-Sharp Teeth, But With A Dull Wit."

"Oh, sweet Torm," Keldorn groaned.

"Anyway, after Diedre was buried in fifty-seven different tiny caskets, the whole Order of the Aster showed up to honor their fallen member. Oh, it was a sight to behold; a beautiful play, with a stunning lead. A dastardly and foul plot, and a heroic death in battle for the beautiful Diedre Braveheart. A true tribute to her life, virtue and honor. I kid you not, we ended up with five hundred paladins in the audience, all crying their eyes out. The play was a wild success, and spread the fame and honor of Lady Diedre Braveheart across Toril. BUT! Lady Diedre Braveheart was not dead, but merely stunned, and the paladins accidentally buried some trash from the local slaughterhouse. So, naturally, Diedre was flattered when she heard of the success of the play and decided to attend one. Unfortunately, she visited the premiere of the play's unauthorized adult-themed sequel _'Lady Diedre Braveheart does Evermeet'_. Cousin Gohanna always knew how to fill up the benches, you see? Anyway, as Diedre defended her honor, I couldn't help but notice her subtle fighting-techniques as she chopped my cousin to bits with her two elegant katanas."

"May Torm strike me dead," Keldorn buried his face in his heads.

In the meantime, Viconia was regarding the flowery play will little interest. A soft, feminine snore came from the person sitting next to her. "Dynaheir," Viconia nudged her friend awake. Immediately, Dynaheir started awake, rose from her seat and applauded loudly, only to glance around the annoyed audience and sheepishly stopped clapping to sit down on her seat.

On her far side, beyond Dynaheir, sat Laska, yawning rather obviously. "Vico," she whispered inaudible for all but elven ears. "When do you think this play is over?"

"Don't tell me you're falling asleep as well," Viconia snorted. "But with this play, it doesn't surprise me."

"Sorry," Laska replied, "I didn't get much sleep last night, and this dialog isn't helping much either."

_'Oh, sweet Lunisia',_ the man on stage, a blue haired actor, spoke while he knelt to one knee. _'My heart aches for your touch, my soul throbs for your gentle kisses.'_

_'Oh, Rodrigo, Rodrigo!'_ the woman on stage, wearing a red robe to hide her odd greenish skin-color spoke as she regarded the other man. _'I ache for you when you are not near me. My feelings for you make me soar into the heavens!'_

"BOLLOCKS!" was suddenly shouted from the audience as Laska rose from her seat. "THIS IS JUST COMPLETE AND UTTER BOLLOCKS! YOU WANT TO SHAG HER AND SHE WANTS TO SHAG YOU, SO JUST BLOODY SAY SO AND DO IT, SO WE CAN ALL GO HOME INSTEAD OF SITTING THROUGH ALL THIS UTTER, UTTER BOLLOCKS!"

"Here speaks Laska," Viconia muttered, "theatre-critic extra-ordinaire!"

"Wish I had said that two weeks ago," Keldorn muttered.

"Ye'd be sleepin' in the doghouse, matey! HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed.

"What?" the blue haired man said to the audience. "I would recognize that temper everywhere! My woodpecker has finally arrived, she had accompanied the gem, I hope."

"Yeah, I got your gem right here," Laska replied. "Is the play over now?"

"Errr, yes," Haer'Dalis directed to the audience. "Good folks of the audience. Rodrigo and Lunisia were happily married till they died of old age and boredom. Good night folks!"

"This is it?" a man from the audience replied.

"Yes, my good parrot," Haer'Dalis replied with a smile. "It's an award-winning new approach to closing a performance. There will be another performance... shortly..."

The audience seemed to buy it and slowly moved towards the exits, leaving Laska and her party behind while the entire Sigil troupe poured towards the stage.

"So," the green skinned woman who was playing Lunisia said, "you are the uncultured loud-mouth who interrupted our play."

"You want your gem or not?" Laska replied.

"Hush, Kiri," a regal woman spoke. She was tall, dressed in a red robe and had a strange, angular look. Her eyes resembled those of a cat as she regarded the party in front of her. "Greetings, good adventurers. I am Raelis Shai, thespian extra-ordinaire and leader of the Sigil troupe."

Laska was about to say something when Viconia jabbed in her side with an elbow. "She said 'thespian', Laska."

Laska blinked for a moment. "Oh."

"This lot are even stranger than us," Laska muttered, again inaudible for all but elven ears.

"They are fiendlings," Viconia whispered back. "Part demon-kin. I think this 'Shai' is part Glabrezu."

"Can they be trusted?" Laska asked.

"Can anyone be trusted ever?" Viconia whispered back.

Before Laska could reply to Raelis Shai's question, Minsc slowly raised his hand. "I have a question about the play," Minsc announced.

"Oh?" Haer'Dalis smiled. "Why might that be, my hound?"

"So when Rodrigo was away, what happened to the dragon attacking the castle after eating all the carrots?!" Minsc asked with enthusiasm.

"Dragon?" Haer'Dalis asked.

"Castle?" Kiri wondered.

"Carrots?" Raelis Shai muttered.

"Oh, excuse Minsc," Minsc replied sheepishly. "When I get a little drowsy my mind starts to wander. It's hard to tell what I make up in my mind and what is part of the play."

"Excuse me for saying," Laska spoke up. "But you guys are seriously weird."

"I could say the same for you," Haer'Dalis smiled, earning himself a glare from an angry elf.

"Our kind is quite common in the Sigil, which is our place of origin," Shai replied.

"The Sigil?" Dynaheir spoke up. "Impossible! That city is a myth!"

"No, it isn't," Viconia added. "The Sigil is quite real. I've never been there myself, but I have heard spelljammer-captains speaking of it. They must have had a great deal of trouble traveling this far."

"Aye, and that is why the gem is so important," Haer'Dalis smiled. "Ah...my ravens, there is a tale between us that is long overdue. Forgive me if I led you to believe that the gem was just a worthless bauble for the stage. In truth it is a planar jewel, a nexus between the Astral and the Prime Material Planes."

"You've got a what now?" Laska replied while she scratched her head.

"Few of you Primes would sense its presence, but Mekrath did and so it was that I fell into his keeping. Luckily, he had not rid himself of it before your timely rescue," Haer'Dalis muttered in reply. "Now, I only wish it had not taken you so long to deliver it in our keeping. Oh my, time is short and here I am to give a lecture on the nature of the multiverse."

"No, no... no, no, no!" Laska replied quickly. "I feel a headache coming on already, so 'what I don't know can't hurt me' can be taken literally here."

"I would be interested in hearing this," Dynaheir replied.

"As would I," Viconia replied.

"Tough!" Laska replied. "Let's save that one for another time."

"How did you end up in our plane, then?" Keldorn asked. "And, more to the point, why?"

"Well, all of this really goes back to a most unfortunate satirical play which we produced while in Sigil," Haer'Dalis smiled, while Raelis Shai was gathering her members of the Sigil troupe and started to chant over the gem. It shone bright blue in the dark room. "'A Comedy of Terrors,' it was called and the fact that the playwright wished to remain anonymous should have been sufficient clue to begin with. Little did we know that the sordid tale of lust between two certain planar beings might hold a mirror to the truth. Within hours the theatre was left in ruins and a price was placed upon our fleeing heads."

"HAR HAR!" Korgan laughed. "Don't ye sissies know that playin' with a tiger often leads to broken bones?"

"It was only the Lady of Pain, herself, Mistress of all Sigil, who through her unplumbed whimsy sent us careening through a portal to emerge where we are now, in this place you know as Amn," Haer'Dalis smiled. "This gem we detected was the key to returning home, but unfortunately, it already had an owner."

"So," Keldorn snarled. "You have made us thieves?! Beware the forked-tongue of this one, Laska. I did not detect his lies earlier when he told us Mekrath had stolen the item!"

"But the price upon your heads, is it not still there?" Jan asked. "It's hard to keep living with a load of bounty hunters on your neck, as my uncle Roderick found out when he stole Lord Prissy Pants' Golden Pantaloons. He had to have eyes in the back of his head. Quite literally, really. There was this witch he knew and..."

"Aye, my questioning hounds, one does not satirize Duke Rowan Darkwood, factol of the Fated, and expect to live a life of safety," Haer'Dalis smiled, interrupting the chatty gnome. "A wretched cambion hunts us as we speak and has apparently tracked us down to the Prime Material, and that is why we have to keep on the move."

"Haer'Dalis, everyone, gather round. The stone is ready to begin the summoning," Raelis said as she apparently prayed over the stone. "As the conduits open they will bring something with them. We will do what we can to hold off whatever beasts come, the better to determine which route be safest."

"Oy, laddies and lassies," Korgan called. "'Ere's where we be comin' in, right? Me axe is twitching fer some action!"

As said, they did. Laska and her friends took up defensive positions around the shimmering vortex that was slowly forming into the very air. So mesmerized were most party-members that they did not even notice the first imp flying out of the conduit. Dynaheir quickly dispatched it after twirling around her axis with her brand new staff-spear. Nobody even broke a sweat when the shadows and the fire-elementals followed. Then... it happened.

As the conduit gained maturity and has enough size for a human-sized creature to travel through, a cambion stepped out of the vortex. He was huge, over seven feet tall. The creature had large antler-like horns, and from his leather armor hang several sets of skulls belonging to a myriad of undefinable humanoids. "So, the fools have walked right into my trap," he spoke in a raspy voice, while the entire Sigil troupe looked on in fear. The cambion waved his hands and he, and the sigil troupe were suddenly yanked into the conduit, while the stunned party looked on.

"It just took them," Dynaheir muttered.

"This is an outrage!" Minsc shouted. "Will we just leave it at this? We are good and kindly heroes and we must rescue them. We can't just leave them to their fate. Who will tell the story of the dragon, the castle and the carrots now?"

"Are you suggesting we just jump in that portal, not knowing where we'll end up or even if would could get back?!" Viconia narrowed her eyes.

"Exactly!" Laska smiled and threw herself into the vortex.

"IDIOT!" Viconia shouted after her.


	37. Stone walls do not a prison make

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 37: Stone walls do not a prison make_

After being sent careening through a long and colorful vortex of energy, Laska ended up deposited on a very strange floor. Still lying face-down she felt that the floor was warm, and rather soft to the touch. Something was off with the color as well. She pushed herself upwards and got to her feet in seconds. What she saw, she didn't know what to make of it. Pulsating walls, bioluminescent lights, a building, a cage, constructed entirely from organic material rather than brick and mortar. There was no window in sight, in fact.

Behind her, her friends were deposited into a heap as they came flying out of the portal, having entered a little too soon after each other. The struggling heap of limbs, armor and mouths filled with curses lay tangled together, and was more than a little vocal about it.

"Oy!" Korgan shouted. "Get yer smelly bootfeet outta me beard!"

"Take my Boo out of your helmet, first!"

"Maybe I can pull myself up by this cord," Jan wondered.

"OW!" Viconia shouted. "That's my HAIR you little piece of shi... Argh, get off my back, I am not a horse!"

"Sorry, Vicky!"

"Perhaps if I shift to the right, then Jan can disentangle himself from Viconia's back, and Minsc could..." Keldorn spoke as he did so.

"Wilt thou remove thine hand from my rear end, paladin?!" Dynaheir said in a none too pleased fashion.

"Apologies, Dynaheir."

Waiting for her friends to gather their wits and composure, Laska glanced around her strange surroundings. This was definitely not a normal prison. Firstly, the warmth in the place was nearing body temperature, and the humidity was pressing down on her lungs. Secondly, the prison reminded her of the organically coated dungeon that was the lair of the Eyeless Beholder, though this prison was a lot 'cleaner' than that dungeon. The floor did not squish under her boots, nor was there the terrible smell, but her elven senses picked up that everything surrounding her was alive.

Viconia had apparently thought of the same thing. Blue light shone from her hands just before she pressed a small blue orb against the organic wall. As the blue light disappeared inside the wall, she directed her gaze at Laska and nodded, confirming that the prison was indeed a single living entity.

"What be ye so worked up about?" Korgan grunted as he grabbed his axe, ready for combat, but had no enemies in sight.

"This prison is alive," Viconia replied.

"Ye be daft!" Korgan chuckled. "Buildings cannae live! Imagine yer own 'ouse kickin' ye out the door! Har, har!"

"Well, I'm not so sure about that," Jan replied, "but my aunt Coleslaw Jansen once lived in an organic house. Now, she was an illusionist of great power, really great power. She was the only Jansen who escaped the Deadly WereGriffins of Basketville. And what a way to escape too: she cast a shrink-spell on herself and simply hid herself in the griffin's fur, driving the poor beast mad with the smell of fresh gnome, but never having gnomes in sight. In fact, he went so mad he started to develop a taste in dragons, even though this infatuation with dragonmeat didn't last very long (Can't eat much dragonmeat when you're neatly roasted and in line for digestion, after all). But I digress, my apologies. Anyway, Ma found aunty Coleslaw with the help of our truffle-seeking pig, but unfortunately, the spell aunty used was so advanced that none of us knew how to turn her back! Not that aunty Coleslaw minded, after all. Just imagine how long you can do with a turnip when you're only as tall as a thumb. But I digress again. Anyway, so the time came when aunty Coleslaw broke up with the local mouse who was her roommate for a while, so she decided to get place of her own: a hollowed out turnip, still alive and growing! Why, she didn't even have to get out of bed for breakfast!"

"Mice, truffle-seeking pigs, dragon meat?" Viconia asked skeptically.

"Me 'ead be spinnin'," Korgan muttered.

"Ah, that's how poor aunty Coleslaw came to her end. We had our family reunion at the house as usual, but our neighbors were holding the 'Annual Elephant Jumping Contest' next door. So needless to say, aunty's house, with aunty inside, slid from the plank and fell onto the pile of dinner-turnips. Sadly, we didn't find out what had happened until after an army of ravenous, (but handsome) gnomes had eaten the entire stack. Poor Aunty Coleslaw, she would have been better off staying with the mouse."

*_'Oh, Laska,'_* Ipsiya spoke harshly, while the lady blade cast an angry blue light in the organic chamber. *'_What kind of hole have you dragged me to this time?!'_*

"That's what I like to know!" Viconia added. "Did you even consider where you might end up _before_ you jumped through that shimmering hole?"

"Emmm, no..." Laska replied.

"Did you consider that the portal might have ended up chewing you up and blowing out elf-sized chunks on the other side?"

"Errr, no..."

"Did you consider that you were risking the lives of your friends as well?"

"No..."

"Did you even _think_ at all before you followed your impulses and just jumped forward?"

"No..."

"Do you _ever_ think?"

"You've known me for two years, Vico. You're still figuring that out?"

"I cold to my naive hope," Viconia rubbed her temples as she regarded the shimmering blue portal. "Well, at least we can still return home."

As the drow spoke the words, the portal suddenly flashed brightly and closed, dissipating its energies into the air.

_*'Oh, this is just GREAT'* _Ipsiya snarled. _*'This place reminds of the that dragon's stomach I was in for a month after my first owner got cocky... Fortunately, my enchantment made me acid-resistant, but the trip out was rather... unpleasant and unlady-like'*._

"Oh, ho, ho!" Lilarcor shouted from Minsc's hands. "Not even the most powerful enchantment in the world will protect you from my witty charm!"

_*'Yes,'*_ Ipsiya sighed. _*'Unfortunately, the 'annoying jerk aversion'-spell has not yet been scripted.'*_

"What's done is done!" Keldorn announced as he held the Hallowed Redeemer in his hands. "From now on, we can only go forward."

"To our deaths," Viconia muttered under her breath, while she took the statue of Khittix out of her pouch. Seconds later, Khittix stood in front of the party, very eager to help out his mistress. "At least we must know what to expect."

Khittix chirped and got to work, sniffing and sensing for enemies. A puzzled look crossed his eight eyes as he kept walking over the floor in small circles. Eventually, Khittix walked back to Viconia and chirped to her in an apologetic fashion.

Viconia sighed. "Khittix doesn't smell anything. I suppose we can't blame him, this living prison is probably throwing off his senses."

"Guess we have to go about it the old fashioned way, then," Jan smiled. "Ah, not knowing what you will face, fearing that each step will trigger a scythe-trap, the fear of not having enough turnips at hand... Ah, bliss!"

"Aye!" Minsc raved. "We will only know evil when we step in it!"

* * *

As was said, they did. Slowly, Laska and her friends with the spider Khittix at point, trekked through the strange organic prison. Its structure was as illogical as its form, which became only slightly cleared as they stepped over a long and thin walkway, suspended high above a large open room. In the open room, hundreds of prisoners were doing forced labor. Most of the prisoners were hacking at a yellow organic excretion with mining tools, while several others were busy loading the ore in carts and moving those carts toward a small metal loading platform where a Spelljammer Freighter lay docked. All the prisoners seemed to be creatures of hearty adventuring stock and of many, many different races: elves, dwarves, drow, humans, gnolls, succubi, githyanki and many other races which no one of the party had ever seen before.

The oddest thing was that there were no guards in sight. Instead, all the prisoners wore a strange collar which covered most of their necks. With her keen elven eyes, Viconia noticed two metal protrusions from the collar were piercing the back of the skull of each prisoner.

Silently walking on, eager to avoid detection though none of the prisoners were really paying attention to them, they arrived at the large platform suspended at the side of the large chamber they just passed. There, they found the first guards they would see.

Creeping over the walkway, being careful not to be spotted, they saw the large tiefling that had taken the Sigil troupe. He was flanked by a number of other Tieflings and two yuan-ti spellcasters, all chuckling evilly at a halfling prisoner, who was cowering in a corner.

"T... tell the warden we need more food," the halfling stammered. "We are starving! You cannot expect us to do all this work on only a pint of water and a crust of bread..."

"Hah!" the huge tiefling roared in laughter. "You slaves will work whether you want it or not! The warden does not have to fear insurrections. Little freaks like you don't have any demands to make."

"But..."

"Okay, boys," the huge tiefling said as he cracked his knuckles. "Let's show our little friends how we 'discuss' the conditions of slavery around these parts."

"HEY!" Laska shouted as she emerged from her hiding place and drew her swords. "Why don't you pick on someone your own size?!"

"Huh?" the huge tiefling exclaimed as the tattooed elf he left on the prime earlier was standing right in front of him. Then, he grinned a toothy grin. "My, my, my. The lovely prime! So foolish of you to follow us here! Into the prison from which there is no escape, no less. Oh, I question your sanity, dear lady."

"So do I," Viconia muttered under her breath as Laska's friends emerged as well, brandishing their weapons.

"Anyway, you all had best prepare yourself for a long stay," the tiefling said, his eyes glinting at the battle-ready elf. "Hmmm, maybe, if you are nice to me, I could convince the warden to make you my concubine. You don't have to do hard labor then... well, not in the mines, anyway... Think about it..."

"Emmm, well, at least Anomen can't find me here..." Laska pretended to think. "Nah, I think I'd rather just kill you."

"Oh, dear lady," the tiefling smiled. "Once you are collared, you'll do everything I order you to do."

"So that is how thou dost controls thy prisoners?" Dynaheir smiled. "A simple enchanted collar?"

Angry at having unwittingly revealed a secret he should have kept for himself, his mood shifted. He turned to his companions and gave them the order to attack.

"But boss?" one of the wimpier tieflings replied. "They... they aren't collared! If we bully them... they might hurt us!"

"Get out there, you sniveling ape!" the huge tiefling shouted and pushed the wimpy tiefling towards the enemies. Korgan did not hesitate, and the weaker tiefling lost most of his head at the swing of his axe before the poor fellow could even raise his weapon.

The battle was on. Dynaheir started the fray by casting her best combat spell. Two orbs of energy, one ice, one fire, formed outside of the party and shot into the still clustered group of tieflings, freezing and frying them at the same time. Immediately, the melee fighters shot into the group of startled tieflings. Keldorn slammed his sword against the side of one of the Yuan-ti mages, not only wounding it severely, but also knocking the unfortunate creature of the platform, making it crash to the floor three hundred feet below them.

Minsc and Lilarcor were having great fun taking two of the smaller tiefings on at once, while Dynaheir swung her staff-spear with deadly precision. Her combat-behavior had changed very little since the time she had traveled with the party before. She fought with grim determination, showing not a single sign of holding back as she twirled her staff and cast her spells. Dynaheir had just finished casting a spell on her staff, and succeeded in hitting the huge tiefling not only with the blunt end of the staff, but also with a phenomenal discharge of crackling lightning. And, judging from exactly which bodypart Dynaheir had hit with her powerful attack, the huge tiefling wouldn't have a use for a concubine anytime soon... if ever again.

But that was not the end of the attack. As the tiefling mercenary lay doubled over in a painful heap, Dynaheir brought down the staff-spears sharp end down on his neck, crushing the vertebrae instantly and leaving the mercenary very dead indeed.

But Laska had no time to reflect on this. Her sensitive elven ears noticed that the last yuan-ti was casting as spell and she recognized the nightmarish words from her darkest of dreams. It was a spell of death... the same on she had heard Irenicus use on her many times before, stripping her from her life-force unto an inch of her life under the pressure of extreme agony. He would heal her later only to repeat the process over and over again. The thought alone made her feel cold and terrified. And now someone would use that spell on her friends.

Letting out a feral snarl, she twirled around her axis and somersaulted forwards, flying over the yuan-ti wizard while slamming her swords at the creature. In his surprise, the creature found he could no longer speak. Feeling his neck, he noticed two bleeding cuts in a neat X-formation were crossed over his throat and larynx. It simply stood there in surprise until Viconia dealt the finishing blow by crushing his skull with her flail.

In the meantime, Jan was standing on the side, carefully loading his special crossbow. Smiling wickedly, he launched one of his special flashers into the group of remaining tieflings, paralyzing them instantly.

Korgan grinned, swung his axe over his shoulder and gave the nearest tiefling a shove... The domino-effect took place, dragging the other paralyzed tieflings with him as they all tumbled over the side of the platform and landed with a satisfying 'splat'.

"Well, that was fun," Laska smiled as she sheathed her blades and stepped over to another path leading to a complex to open floors stacked on top of each other.

"Laska," Keldorn spoke as the elf approached a sphincter-like organic construction on the path. "I would be careful here, if I were you. You do not know what lies ahead."

"Oh, come on!" Laska smiled as she stepped on the sphincter. "It's perfectly saAAAAAAAAFFFFFFEEEEEEEE!" she shouted as it opened under her feet and the startled elf disappeared into a vertical tunnel.

"She must have been sucked into one of the lower levels!" Dynaheir replied.

"Oh, no!" Minsc shouted. "We must save our friend from the pit!"

"Aye, but I nay be going down that way. I donnae think Laska would be needin' rescuin' anyway."

"Khittix!" Viconia shouted to her faithful spider. "Go help out Laska, while we find another way down!"

Khittix chirped in response and jumped down the tunnel.

* * *

"Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii..." Laska shouted as she finally flew out the seemingly endless drop and landed unceremoniously on her rear end into a closed off space. The first thing that assaulted her fine elven senses was the disgusting smell. It was a mixture of rotting flesh, excrement, brimstone and wet doghair.

There was almost no light in the room, and the disgusting floor was covered with congealed blood and chewed bones. Then, Laska noticed there were two other creatures in the room as well. An aged drow male, cowering in the corner trying to keep as quiet as possible. Apparently, the drow did not know whom to fear more: the elf, ancient enemy of his people or the towering Nebassu, currently loudly snoring on a bed of straw.

Laska had seen and fought the powerful Nebassu Aec'Letec before, but this one seemed hardly as impressive as Aec had seemed. Mostly because the creature was wearing a pink bow-tie around his neck, and had an ornate collar spelling the word 'FiFi' on a copper tag.

"Eeeeeeeee! Eep!" sounded from the tunnel as the chirping spider Khittix slipped down the tunnel and landed on all eights. To Laska, he made the impression of having had lots of fun sliding down that tunnel.

With a smile, Laska motioned Khittix to silence. Confused, the spider glanced through the room, barely containing a startled chirp as he noticed the Nebassu.

Deciding not to be the tender morsel when 'FiFi' would wake up, she decided to slay the creature before it could awaken. Drawing Ipsiya, and shushing any complaints about being sunk into the flesh of such a creature, she snuck towards 'FiFi' while the drow male looked on with hope. Undoubtedly because he considered being quickly and cleanly slain by a wicked elf would be preferable than being eaten alive by a Nebassu, like so many had before him.

Closer and closer Laska snuck to the creature, her face crumpled as the smell of the creature increased exponentially with every step. _'At least Aec'Letec had a sense of personal hygiene,'_ she considered.

She snuck closer and closer, freezing as the furry Nebassu seemed to sniff the air. Eventually, Laska was close enough to strike. Gleefully, she drew Ipsiya and hovered the slightly unwilling blade over the neck of the creature, but just as Laska was about to strike, the creature growled and rose from his bed of straw. Laska now came to the conclusion that 'FiFi's breath smelled even worse than a whole septic tank filled with raw sewage.

As the tattooed elf steeled for a tough fight, Khittix was already in position. Having his hind-quarters aimed at the Nebassu, Khittix fired webbing towards 'FiFi's head, covering the creature's mouth and eyes with sticky web-stuff. Not hesitating, Laska leapt into the air and slammed Ipsiya downwards. The disgusted moonblade almost instinctively veered away, but did bury deep into the flesh of the Nebassu. The creature howled as it crashed to the ground. Laska let out a labored cry as she hacked down with her swords again and again, eventually severing 'FiFi's head from his neck.

As the creature's foul blood spread over the floor, Laska nodded at Khittix. "We make a fine team, Spiderkin..." she smiled, while Khittix chirped with pride.

Unfortunately, Laska found herself covered from head to toe with demonic blood and didn't have much of a way to clean herself.

"Wicked female!" Laska heard call from the male in broken common. "I ask you... finish me painlessly, if you can chase hatred from black, disease-ridden surface-dwelling heart!"

"Uh, what?" Laska blinked and was about to laugh in his face in response to this outrageous statement, until she heard the desperation in his voice. Until now, Viconia had been the only drow she had ever known, but the stories she had told her claimed that the drow expected very little of mercy from surface elves.

But before Laska could reply, a sphincter opened in the side of the room, and her party stormed in, looks of determination etched on their faces.

"See?!" Korgan chuckled. "I be tellin' ye lot the lass nay be needin' rescue!"

"Hi, guys!" Laska greeted. "How was your trip down?"

"We came across a huge wyvern," Jan replied. "Ever bigger than cousin Beeloo's elephants, and he feeds those things steroids."

"You should have seen fair Dynaheir finish that mean wyvern!" Minsc spoke with pride. "She cut it open with her staff, and then slammed a spell of Fireball into the wound!"

"Aye," Korgan smiled. "The lass be a good fighter. She even be finishin' it off before Keldorn here be decapitatin' it! Jealous, long-limb?"

"Hardly," Keldorn replied. "But I am impressed with her fighting-skills."

And for the first time in her life, Laska could swear she could see Dynaheir blush at a compliment.

"But what is this?" Viconia replied after patting Khittix over the head. She regarded the aged Drow male with an icy stare.

As soon as the male noticed Viconia, he dropped to the floor and grovelled with all his might. Disgusted with this display of cowardice, but expecting no less from a male of her race, Viconia motioned the male to get on his knees and speak in their own language in the traditional drow handsigns.

As the conversation in drow continued, and the male relaxed a little, Laska could barely contain her curiosity.

"What's he saying? What's he saying?" the elf asked.

"Well, after explaining three times we would not end his miserable life," Viconia smiled, "he told me that this creature, 'FiFi' and the wyvern outside, were the warden's beloved pets. He was thrown in this cage only hours ago to serve as the Nebassu's food, since this worm of a male was getting too old to work in the mines, or fight in the arena."

"Yes, but, that's not all..." the male said in common and pointed at the collar of the creature. "That is... the control gem. It... is... magic. If destroyed, all collars lose power. All free... All escape. You," he pointed at Laska. "You wicked female let me live for trade information?"

"I AM THE ONLY WICKED FEMALE HERE!" shouted Viconia, to the surprise of the party, following it up with a savage kick to his chin.

"Viconia, please!" Keldorn protested. "He has suffered enough and this no need for this mistreatment."

Viconia narrowed her eyes. "A drow male is less than dirt. He knows his place and he knows that he should answer my questions."

The drow turned towards the cowering male again. "We might spare your life," Viconia muttered under her breath and shot the male a sly grin. "If you tell us where the warden's platform is..."

As the male agreed to lead them to it, Viconia strolled over to the control gem and pried it out of the collar with a small dagger.

"What art thou going to do with that?" Dynaheir asked her drow friend.

"Oh," Viconia muttered she magically empowered the gem to float in front of her. "Just causing a prison-break," she said as she clapped her hands together, and both spell and orb shattered into a thousand pieces. Almost immediately, the male's collar snapped loose and dropped to the floor. And it seemed his collar was not the only one. After a few moments of stunned silence, the cries of battle could be heard from everywhere in the prison.

* * *

"No, NO!" the warden, a huge multi-horned cambion standing over twelve feet tall bellowed as he glanced over his shoulder into the mining-pit as hundreds of prisoners now free of the mind-control we now streaming towards the portals and to freedom. A great deal of the prisoners had also overpowered the crew of the Spelljammer freighter and were preparing to launch it to escape.

The warden's cushy job had suddenly changed into a nightmare of epic proportions. And it would be on his own head, since he was the one who had suggested to reduce the number of guards to only about a dozen due to the enhanced mind-control devices he suggested to have installed in the first place. And to make matters worse, his own private army of abducted and mind-controlled adventurers were now freed and rebelled against his rule.

"How is this possible! No one has escaped here before! How will I reach my quota this month?!" he bellowed as he slew one of the adventurers with his huge lance. The adventurers fought bravely, but the cambion was sure they would soon fall.

Then, reinforcements seemed to arrive. A small group of insurrectionists came storming towards them. The cambion was sure he had never seen them before, and considered them to be new arrivals. Immediately, he turned to engage them, only to find out these were no ordinary insurrectionists. The newcomers stormed him like a pack of Gereleths and fought with the ferocity of Balors as they slammed their weapons into his armor. Granted his armor did well to keep the force out of the blows, but their sheer power was most impressive.

The cambion roared and waved his lance in the group of adventurers, slamming aside an aged human male, a drow female and a strange gnome. He noticed another drow, an aged male, was running away, headed towards the captured Spelljammer Freighter. The last prisoners were now escaping, several of his former army staying behind help fight him. The cambion started to feel the power of the blows now as his armor had been pierced several times now. He hissed in pain as one of the tendons in his knees was cut, and he was forced to lean back against a pillar. In the background, he noticed the lone drow male had now reached the Spelljammer Freighter. As soon as he was aboard, the freighter disembarked and departed from the dock. The last adventurers gated out, leaving only the insurrectionists standing. Knowing he had nothing to lose now, the snarling cambion threw his powerful magical lance towards the adventurer the closest near him: the drow female brandishing a flail.

Unfortunately, the drow dodged the lance expertly and, to the cambion's horror, it slammed into the wall of the prison, and tore a hole straight through it. The hole expanded, and expanded as the air was suddenly sucked towards it. Eventually, it became a bleeding tear, exposing the inside of the prison to the ink black void of space. The insurrectionists, surprised as they were by this development, had managed to grab hold of something, but the cambion himself was not so lucky.

He flew towards the hole, and held on to the wound itself for a moment, but the escaping atmosphere unrelentingly pushed him out. The last thing the unfortunate warden saw when all the air was ripped from his lungs, was the outside of the formerly most secure prison in all the planes, ever growing smaller.

* * *

"What's happening?!" Laska shouted as she held on to the pillar for dear life while the air whipped around her.

"I donnae know!" Korgan replied. "But it ain't be fun!"

"MY TURNIPS!" Jan shouted as the turnips were sucked from his open satchel and flew towards the hole.

"Viconia!" Keldorn shouted, having an idea. "Heal it! Heal the wound!"

"Are you mad?!" Viconia retorted. "I'm not insane enough to approach that void!"

"It is a single creature!" Keldorn retorted. In the meantime, Khittix held on to the pillar and squirted webbing into the wound, closing it up a little, but it was still not enough to end the threat. "You can heal it from here!" Keldorn finished.

"I would need to use both my hands!" Viconia shouted against the noise of escaping air.

"Do it!" Laska shouted and hooked her legs around one of the rods sticking out of the pillars. Freeing her hands, she locked her arms around Viconia's waist as the drow let go of the pillar and held onto her friend with all her might. Immediately, Viconia felt herself being pulled ever more to the void as she was seemingly suspended in mid-air due to the pressure of the escaping atmosphere. In fear of her life she started casting. A blue light engulfed her as the curative magics flew from her hands and streamed into the wound, slowly... agonizingly slowly, closing it up.

Immediately, the party crashed to the floor as the pressure stabilized.

"Everyone okay?" Jan asked.

"Everyone still have all their stuff?" Laska added.

A quick check of equipment quickly revealed that the only loss of the day were Jan's turnips. Luckily, there were no other casualties.

"Right," Laska muttered. "Those tieflings better be _damn_ grateful for their rescue."

"At this point, I remind you we didn't actually had no particular _need_ to come here," Viconia sighed.

* * *

"You have known us for so short a time yet you have bought our freedom with blood. My child, my friend, it is a debt I can never repay," Raelis Shai spoke as she and her friends were released from the isolation ward. "We would have spend all our lives here if you had not..."

"Aye," Keldorn spoke. "I had surmised that all the slaves here were innocent. It is a good thing they are now freed."

"Me axe and I be 'avin' fun too, HAR HAR!"

"Don't look at me," Viconia muttered. "I don't give a damn..."

"Come, ye Doomguard," Raelis smiled, "we must be off and swiftly. And you, Laska. We shall bring you back to Athkatla. I can give you nothing but my gratitude. Perhaps we all shall meet again."

"Gee, I hope not," Jan muttered. "The price was simply too high. Oh, woe is my beloved turnips!"

"But we must go before the Duke marshals his forces. I will use what powers I have remaining to open another conduit. Are you ready Haer'Dalis?" Raelis asked as began summoning another portal.

"Miss Raelis," Haer'Dalis spoke, a hard look crossing his features. "I, I cannot come with you. Not this time."

"Oh, gods, here we go," Viconia muttered under her breath.

"No? No more plays, Haer'Dalis? No more theatre?" Raelis smiled briefly.

"I wish I could, Raelis, but I am just another moth come too close to your flame. To love you is to smother that flame in my own death. I shall not do it," Haer'Dalis smiled briefly, running his hand over Raelis' cheek.

"Don't be a fool, Haer'Dalis. There was no mystery writer of our play! I wrote 'A Comedy of Terrors,' it was mine! I brought all of this upon us!" Raelis shouted, oblivious to the fact that several of Laska's partymembers, including Keldorn and Viconia were getting very angry after hearing this statement.

"I know, Miss Raelis. You'll have my heart forever, but I must do as I must. Perhaps Laska will let me travel with her for a time, but the Prime beckons this sparrow, regardless," Haer'Dalis smiled.

"Hah, I've only got one man on my tail, I don't need two," Laska whispered.

"Then go, my lovely Haer'Dalis... remember us fondly in your musings. And you Laska, go with my thanks and take yon lovely moth with you."

That said, Raelis Shai waved her arms, leaving the prison an empty place.


	38. Girl's night on the town

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 38: Girl's night on the town_

The return from the planar prison to the city of Athkatla did not go without the mandatory planar-travel related annoyances.

As soon as Laska and her friends, with a recently freed tiefling in tow, emerged from the planar conduit, they were confronted with the fact that, even though they had only spent less than an hour in the planar prison, almost a month had passed in Athkatla. Viconia theorized, and was backed up by Haer'Dalis' experiences with planar travel, that the actual passage through the portals to and from the planar prison might have been a lot longer than the mere blink of an eye that it seemed to be.

Regardless, it made for some peeved party members. Keldorn feared he would be in the doghouse for at least a week, while Jan had missed several birthdays of favorite relatives. Worst of all, Laska had missed the grand opening of Rose's inn.

To celebrate their success return, the three female members of the party decided to relax. And what was a better place to attend than the recently re-opened Mithrest Inn. The three women stepped on the Promenade as the evening was falling.

"So, how about a contest?" Laska grinned. "The first one who can belch the entire alphabet wins!"

"I think not," Dynaheir replied as they walked up the stone stairs.

"Laska, you suggest that every time we go anywhere, and you know we never go along with it, so why do you keep trying?" Viconia sighed.

"I'm persistent?" Laska suggested.

"More like buffle-headed, to quote the person missing from our motley group at the moment," Dynaheir sighed.

"Not to mention nervous," said Viconia. "Any reason for that?"

Laska sighed heavily. "Lasalla told me that Rose has been at the house a couple of times looking for me. You think she'll be angry with me?"

"I'm surprised you care," Viconia shrugged. "You've left scores of satisfied men and women in your wake. I thought your Rose was just another flavor of the week."

Dynaheir turned to Viconia. "Hush now," she told her drow friend. "Laska, I'm certain if you explain well, she will understand."

Viconia snorted. "Yes, females always accept the 'well, I wasn't in this dimension anymore, so I missed your special moment' perfectly fine."

Opening the door to the Mithrest Inn and slipping inside made for quite some surprised gasps. The Mithrest was definitely not the same place it had been before they left Athkatla. The walls had been decorated with calming blue and green tints, and the bare stone floor had been covered with a sky-blue carpet. Where the tables had once stood, round shallow pits had been hewn into the rock of the colosseum. Soft pillows and subtle carpeting lay on the stone benches in the pits themselves, sitting around round oaken tables. The bar and several stools were the only still original elements in the bar and, judging from the amount of garbage they had seen outside waiting to be hauled off, the rooms of the inn had been completely redecorated as well.

The inn was reasonably filled with people, but the place lacked the rowdiness so apparent in most other places around town. In fact, most people were quietly sitting and drinking, keeping the noise level to a minimum. This was an inn where people came for peace and quiet.

In fact, the only busy people. Waiters and waitresses were running back and forth into the kitchen. They were the new owner's former 'colleagues', now no longer having to sell themselves on the streets.

"Well," Viconia said, partially blinded by the color scheme, "this place has changed."

"These conversation-pits seem very nice and appealing," Dynaheir said, feeling one of the velvet pillows, letting the fabric roll between her fingers.

"Laska!" sounded from behind the bar. Rose, wearing a classy, but still mostly revealing dress, shared a few words with a girl and then left her post behind the bar to greet the three friends. The half-elf flew into Laska's arms to took her in a fierce hug. "I missed you, where have you been?"

Laska, rather relieved that Rose wasn't angry, smiled a moment. "I think I'll need some time to explain."

"Shimmering hole. Laska, being an utter idiot, jumped through. We followed. It led to another plane. We had an adventure. We came back. Time was dilated. An hour actually took a month," Viconia summarized handily, making Rose blink a couple of times.

"I'm sorry I missed the grand opening," Laska said. "I would have liked to have been there."

Rose caressed Laska's cheek for a moment. "You're here now, aren't you? So, you like my new place?"

"It's... it's rather colorful," Viconia replied.

"But very restful," Dynaheir smiled. "Quite restful..."

"This isn't the type of bar where there's no chance of getting into a barfight, is it?" Laska asked Rose.

"Sorry, no," Rose chuckled.

"Strangely enough," Laska muttered, one eyebrow raised. "I don't really care..."

"It's the color scheme..." Rose smiled. "It's very relaxing. Here, I'll free up this conversation pit. Best seats in the house."

As Viconia and Dynaheir took their seats and examined the new menu while Laska remained standing to talk with Rose.

"Another plane, huh?" Rose smiled. "You do get around a lot, don't you? Heh, I wish I could join you in your travels sometimes... see the world and all... Hmmm, maybe we could go out adventuring sometime. Just the two of us. You could be the warrior on the horse, and I could be the one who writes down all your exploits, swings around a mean staff and needs to get rescued a lot."

"Nah," Laska replied. "It's been done to death."

"Yeah, you're right," Rose nodded. "I still can't believe this is all real. Just a couple of weeks ago, I was still selling my body on the streets and now. Look at us, Laska, all our lives are better."

Laska leaned with her back against the wall and watched the inn for a moment. "How many of your friends joined."

"Quite a lot," Rose said. "A few girls are still trying to shake their black lotus habit, but we're all helping each other. It's an honest living. We've only been open for a couple of days, but we're getting a nice steady clientele. We still have some starting money left in case of emergencies, but I think we'll be able to make profit this month already."

At that moment, a rather panicked looking girl burst from the kitchen. Undoubtedly one of Rose's former colleagues, the sandy-haired human girl immediately headed into their direction. "Rose, Rose!" she shouted.

"Brianna?" Rose asked. "What's happening?"

"The cook asked me to get you!" the excited girl spoke. She couldn't have been more than eighteen years of age. It saddened Laska that girls so young were forced into the life of streetwalker in this city, and briefly wondered what would have become of Risa and Becky if she hadn't invited them to live in her house. "The foodstuffs have been delivered but the winch broke and the cook isn't strong enough to drag the crates up the stairs!"

"Dammit," Rose muttered. "We really need that winch," then, she smiled and glanced at Laska. "Unless..."

"Sure," Laska smiled and happily flexed. "Ask the strong elf with the stronger back."

"I wouldn't ask unless it was really necessary," Rose sighed. "We're still settling in, and there are some, ehum, starting troubles."

"Say no more," Laska nodded. "Just point me in the direction of the crates and have at it..."

* * *

After helping Rose with her crates, Laska returned to the lounge and took the seat next to her friends, finally getting the chance to fill Dynaheir in what had happened to them after their capture by Irenicus over a very nice meal and plenty of drinks. All worries were soon forgotten, and the three women were gently laughing, chatting and generally enjoying themselves. In the meantime, Rose's new inn was filling up fast as new guests entered all the time. A young woman entered the room, and sat down in the conversation-pit right next to Laska's. She was looking tired and worn out, as if she had been having a lot on her mind lately.

Another person, however, was a dashing young officer of the Amnian guard, who was headed straight towards the three girls' table. Without regard for the private conversation, he knelt down and blatantly leaned over the three women, making it rather obvious he was staring down their cleavages.

"So," he leered, "what would it cost me to take you three lovely ladies into my bed this night?"

"All your teeth," Laska snarled, and clenched her fists.

Unlike Laska, Viconia burst out in laughter. "Oh, male," she laughed. "You would not survive our ministrations."

"I have several spells with which I can permanently shrink specific bodyparts," Dynaheir grinned. "Wouldst thou prefer me to demonstrate?"

The formerly dashing young officer blanched and gulped. "Err, no, no... I..."

But the ladies were not paying attention to him. Instead, their gaze drifted to the other side of the bench, the forth seat... of their stolen partymember who was sadly missing this day.

"You're a buffle-headed cootie-head," Laska said, in tribute of her kidnapped sister, and receiving smiles and nods from her two friends.

"HEY!" Rose shouted from the bar, breaking the calmth. "No solicitation in this establishment!" Rose's eyes flashed with anger and the half-elf's poisonous gaze was mimicked all the waiters and waitresses in the room. The young noble took the hint, nodded once and turned to the exit.

"Dost thou believeth that man? The nerve!" Dynaheir shook her head.

"Yeah," Laska muttered, still impressed by Rose's assertive handling of that brat. "But speaking of guys, where are the lads? I didn't see any of the boys when we left the house."

"Keldorn told me Lady Maria was quite angry at his sudden disappearance, and she feared he had taken off again without telling her, so she was quite upset," Viconia replied and took a moment to empty her cup. "He's making it up to her as we speak... he's taking her to see a musical!"

"HAH!" Laska laughed. "He must have really been desperate!"

"You should have seen Keldorn's face when Maria told him there were going to see _Beauty and the Orc: A sappy love-story,_" Viconia was doubled over herself at this moment.

Laska crossed her arms and smirked. "Vico, you are so drunk right now. How many cups of wine did you have?"

"I am not drunk!" Viconia slurred slightly. "And I resent the implication! I only have five cups... no six! Yes, six. I might be a little tipsy, but I am in complete control of my faculties," said Viconia, as she slouched in her seat. "Anyway, you are one to talk, cause you get drunk all the time and I only a few. Now, where did Minsc and Korgan go?"

"I believe Minsc went with Korgan to see the local half-orc caber-toss championships..." Dynaheir said. "I say, men and sports... Why is that?"

"More wine," Viconia called over to a waitress, whom immediately delivered her a decanter. She didn't waste much time and poured herself a cup. "Ah, precious wine. Hm, Jan and Lissa went out again... big surprise there," Viconia chuckled. "Lissa has that male wrapped around her finger."

"For as long as I have known them," Dynaheir spoke. "They have been going out every night..."

"And how long will it be before you and Rose follow that example, Laska?" Viconia smirked.

Laska, almost choking on her drink and quickly put down her tankard. She felt her face flush as a huge blush colored her light-gray skin. "Errr, where did you get that idea?" Laska said in an evasive manner, but her eyes subconsciously traveled in Rose's direction.

"What kind of fool do you take me for?" Viconia smirked. "I am not blind."

"But then what is the deal with that man?" Dynaheir asked thoughtfully. "That... Ano-myne? Didn't Lasalla say that he'd been at the house every day since we traveled to the other plane?"

"No! NO!" Laska sighed, but being grateful for the change of subject. "Let's not talk about _him_ tonight! I've had enough of Anomen's clumsy attempts at romancing." At the mention of the name Anomen, the tired looking woman in the pit next to Laska suddenly glanced over her shoulder. "Why," Laska continued. "I don't doubt he's already playing house and raising our kids in his daydreams..."

"Why dost thou not just tell him that thou art not interested?" Dynaheir replied. "I had to evade a lot of lovestruck men back in Baldur's Gate. The color of my skin seemed to be a magnet for many men seeking an exotic lover."

"I know how that feels," Viconia muttered and downed her cup.

"Yeah, but you usually don't evade them," Laska smirked. Turnabout is fair play.

"As long as they aren't humans... I can't stand the smell of their sweat..." Viconia sighed.

Laska shook her head. "Liar. There's been at least several lucky men and women who spent a night in your bed."

Viconia raised her nose in the air. "I am picky. Unlike you, elf."

"I didn't pick Anomen, did I? I mean, I've tried telling him off," Laska said, slamming her fist on the table. "Dammit, I've even kissed Rose on the lips right before his nose, and he's still after me! What does it take to get rid of him?! This has got to stop!"

"Excuse me," flowed the soft voice of a young human woman who had approached them. The voice belonged to pretty brown-haired woman with piercing green eyes and a ready smile. By her manner she was undoubtedly of noble breeding, and she wore neat clothes, but not the garish dresses that were to be expected of the nobility. "But I could not help overhearing your conversation. This Anomen you mentioned? He wouldn't be Anomen Delryn, would he?"

"Oh, he is!" Laska chuckled. "I take it you have met that fool before then? Were you one of his previous lovers? Because if you are, you are more than welcome to have that moron back! He must have been dropped on his head as a baby or something."

"Oh, no, no!" the woman chuckled and extended her hand towards the elf. "Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Moira. Moira Delryn. Anomen's sister."

At this statement, Dynaheir shook her head, Viconia was doubled over in drunken laughter, while Laska blushed for the second time today.

"Oh, don't worry," Moira giggled. "I know how he is. Once he gets an idea in his head, well, you've found out already..."

"Do I ever," Laska sighed. "Can you help me to get into his thick skull that I'm not interested in him?"

"Hmmm," Moira said, putting her finger to her chin. "The problem is that he has never had a lover before."

"Never?" Laska said.

"Never been around the bend?" Viconia smirked. "That explains a lot. Don't you want to be his first Laska?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

The next half hour, Moira joined the group for a drink while Laska and Viconia explained the situation, telling her about the events at keep De'Arnise and afterwards, about Laska's failed prank. Eventually, Moira, having only popped in for a quick drink after a long day of hard work decided it was time to go home.

"He is still my brother, and I don't wish to hurt him," Moira sighed. "But if this continues on he'll be more hurt in the end. But I think I know a way to deal with this without anyone getting hurt, provided you are good actors."

"You seem so different from Anomen," Viconia muttered.

"Are you certain you weren't adopted?" Laska asked.

"Heh," Moira smiled in a bittersweet manner. "I sometimes wish I had a different father. But no. Anyway, meet me around this time at my family estate near the government district and we will discuss our options," she said and got ready to leave.

* * *

Laska yawned as she, Dynaheir and Viconia were the last three guests of the inn still awake. Most of Rose's friends had retired to their bedchambers or had gone home.

Viconia groaned slightly as she willed her drunken body to move, failing horribly.

"You are going to have such a headache tomorrow," Laska told her drow friend.

"Oh, you'd know about headaches, don't you?" Viconia closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. "Now shut up and drag me home. Where'd Dynaheir go?"

"Toilet."

Viconia groaned and closed her eyes.

"Lightweight," Laska chuckled. "I'm not even tipsy yet."

Viconia flipped an obscene gesture in Laska's general direction without opening her eyes.

After bringing their empty plates and cups to the bar, Laska was thinking about how to get Viconia home and decided that the best way to do it was to just carry her on her back. The tattooed elf wrapped an arm around her friend's waist, lifted her on her back and decided to wait on Dynaheir for a bit before leaving.

"Need help?" Rose asked from the bar.

"We're fine," Laska smirked.

Viconia groaned. "I'm going to throw up all over you if you keep swaying like that."

Just then, the door slammed open and three men entered the inn. The three men wore dirty leather armors and brandished longswords which they waved around menacingly. Their leader wore studded leather, and had a scar which ran from his chin to deep into his dark, filthy hair.

"A robbery," Laska whispered, only audible for elven ears. "We have not brought our weapons, dammit!"

"Right now," Viconia whispered back. "I'm too drunk to care. Might I suggest hiding in the shadows until they go away?"

Reluctantly, certainly after seeing the fear in Rose's eyes, Laska agreed with Viconia's plan, with a slight alteration; hiding in the shadows and waiting for an opening to take them down. With Viconia still slung over her back, Laska slinked into the shadows, waiting for a chance to intervene and hoped that the drunken Viconia wouldn't groan too loudly.

"So," the smuggler chuckled wryly as he stepped over to Rose. "It seems you are doing well for yourself, Rosie"

"What do you want, Darius?!" Rose spat.

"Temper, temper," Darius grinned. "I only came for what you owe me."

"I don't owe you anything!" Rose replied..

"Hey, hey, hey," Darius smiled. "Who always made sure you and your friends were properly protected from all harm?"

"Protecting from your own men!" Rose snarled. "You didn't protect poor Wynne from Rejiek Hidesman! It was a racket, admit it! Bernardo didn't want to pay your protection fee, and he was fished from the river a day later! It's bad enough we had to sell our own bodies to survive, but it's even worse to pay you for non-existent protection."

"Rosie," he grinned, showing his yellowed teeth. "I wouldn't have minded a single streetwalker leaving the game, but you've taken all of them with you. How's an honest man supposed to make a living?"

"We want a better life for ourselves!"

"And that's fine!" he chuckled. "Right lads? But as long as it doesn't cut into _our_ better life! So tell you what. You and your friends go back to the Bridge District and seduce nobles, and I'll go back to leeching off your shame, is that alright?"

"No," Rose said resolutely in the face of mortal danger.

But Darius wouldn't let Rose off the hook that easily. His hands shot out and wrapped around the half-elf's tender neck. "Gee, not so talkative now, ey girlie?"

Suddenly, a sharp pain exploded in Darius' chest. Immediately, he lost the strength to hold on to Rose, who fell to the floor coughing. The filthy man glanced down... only to notice a dinner-knife sticking out of his chest.

Out of the shadows emerged an impressive sight – a hunched over elf with another elf draped over her back stood there trying to look menacing. Apparently just having thrown a dinner-knife with her free hand, the elf stepped forward. "Okay, that's far enough."

The two henchmen looked at each other, trying to decide what to do. On the one hand, the tattooed elf looked ridiculous with a drunken drow draped over her back, but on the other hand, their boss now lay on the ground gurgling up blood.

"Okay, lads," Laska said. "I think it's time for you to leave. Normally, I'd love to beat you up, break your necks and spit on your corpses, but I would rather not make too much sudden movements right now or my friend might throw up. If I might make a suggestion – get a proper job," she said as she shuffled over to the fallen Darius, currently clawing at his chest to get the knife out.

When Laska brought her booted foot down on the handle, driving the knife into his chest to the hilt, the two henchmen decided it was in their best interest to leave.

Rose flew into Laska's arms, her tears flowing freely. "Careful, careful," Laska said. "Don't want to drop Vico. And sorry I made a mess on your carpet."

Just then, Dynaheir came out of the toilet and blinked at the spectacle in front of her. "What the hell hast just happened here?"

* * *

It was a small matter of dragging Viconia home; as soon as Laska had removed Viconia's boots and put her on her bed, the drow fell into a deep and unrelenting sleep.

After Laska and Rose had made love, the tattooed elf spent most of the night of tossing and turning in her bed, not finding a comfortable sleeping position in the hotter than usual Amnian night. Having an amorous sleeping Rose draped over her most of the night didn't do much to cool her down either.

She finally managed to catch a few scant hours of sleep, when her elven senses were suddenly assaulted with a amalgamation of fragrant smells. Crumpling her face at the sudden smell of meadows, she rose from the bed, tossed on her pants and vest and stepped into the mail room of her home.

"What the bloody hell?!" Laska shouted when she was faced with a veritable sea of potted and cut plants, flowers and other assorted floral decorations.

Lasalla and the children, already up, turned to Laska as the elf rubbed her eyes. "Pardon me, Laska, but these flowers were just delivered for you. When the delivery man came, I thought he would only bring in one pot, but it turned out there were many delivery men... and many pots..."

"Pretty flowers!" Risa giggled.

At that moment, some colorful expletives involving excrement and the force-feeding of it sounded from the basement just before Korgan emerged. "Ach, I cannae sleep either with this reeking foliage 'ere. The bloody smell be driftin' downstairs!"

"What the hell is going on?!" Laska shouted.

"Och, the lil lass here be openin' the door fer a bloke, and afore we be knowin' what be bloody happening, a troupe of delivery gits storms in and dump the bloody weeds!"

"I just said that already, master dwarf," Lasalla offered.

"Oy, and I be sayin' it again! Wanna fight about it?"

"Here!" Risa smiled and handed Laska a card. It was a small cart, on it was a picture of a heart. In the card was written : 'In the name of love, I lay the world at your feet. One flower at the time. -Anomen.'

"Oh," Laska sighed. "This has GOT to stop!"

Thankfully, the garden was considerably less smelly than the house right now, so the party decided to have breakfast outside while some members of Jan's family were taking away the flowers for selling at the market, giving away to friends or to perform insane experiments on. When breakfast was done, Laska had to make good on a promise she had made during last night's pillow-talk.

Rose and Laska were standing in the garden, facing each other off brandishing fighting staves. After last night's experience, Rose had asked Laska to teach her how to fight, so she could defend herself from any possible muggers or robbers. Her experience with using weapons was limited to hiding a dagger under her pillow during her working days; a dagger which she had never actually used.

She had also learned that Darius had had many, many protection-rackets going on through-out the city, and was sponsored by the current enemies of the Shadow Thieves, it turned out. Laska reflected that she had a knack for pissing off insane vampire dominatrices.

But that was not important. Right now, Laska and Rose were alone in the backyard of her house. Staves had been used when Laska herself had first been taught how to fight and was a good method to grasp the basics of combat before moving on to another weapon. Even though Dynaheir was the master of the staff in her party, Laska had decided to teach Rose herself. She was the one who made the promise, after all.

"Strike!" Laska shouted.

Immediately, Rose delivered a rather clumsy attempt at an attack, which Laska promptly blocked.

"Come on," Laska smiled. "You're not even trying!"

"I don't want to hurt you!" Rose pouted.

"Don't worry!" Laska laughed. "You won't! Just think I'm Darius, and give it all you got!"

"If you say so," Rose said and swung her staff to the right... then to the left. Then swung it forward. Then left again. All attempts were blocked easily by the tattooed elf.

Rose was in good shape, but was very unused to fighting and Laska could see she was getting very tired already. The half-elf was sweating and breathing heavily, but was still proceeding with the practice-swings. Laska was still blocking, but she was getting more and more distracted. The half-elf had her hair tied in a ponytail and was wearing a tight-fitting black cotton pants and matching top, keeping her midriff bare. To Laska Rose looked rather... luscious.

Another swing, another block. '_Dammit_,' Laska thought as she almost missed an attack that she should have been able to block easily. '_What's wrong with me?!'_

Rose's brown eyes gleamed with determination as she continued her rain of attacks, and Laska continued blocking. Still, the elf felt her thoughts mostly at Rose's revealing form, not on the fight.

_'Dammit, I've seen her naked already! Multiple times!'_ Laska thought, her gaze directed at her opponent's tender neck. _'But... oh, alright!'_ Laska finally gave in to her own demand and gazed down to Rose's heaving...

**WHACK!**

And Laska found herself lying on the ground with a throbbing pain in her skull. She heard two thuds, the sound of wood landing on the cobblestones.

"Oh, sweet Sune!" Rose said horrified, covering her mouth with both her hands. "IthityouIhityouIhityou! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?!"

"Oh, yeah," Laska said as she came to her feet slowly. "I have a tough skull," Laska said when she saw that Rose had actually managed to break the staff over her head.

"Let's call it a day, shall we?" Laska smiled. "Glad I we didn't start out with swords," she thought as they went inside the house to ask Lasalla for a refreshing drink.

* * *

"So this the place, then?" Laska asked as they stood before the large mansion, the largest in the neighborhood. It was mostly build from sandstone rocks cemented together, which illuminated nicely in the light of the moon.

"Don't speak so loudly," Viconia groaned. "Damn, why is the sun so bright?"

"Warned you," Laska smirked.

"Vith off, elf," Viconia snarled.

Laska laughed for a moment. "I wonder if this is the mansion we're looking for."

"How should I know?" Viconia said. "I've never been here, and Dynaheir hasn't seem too much of the city yet."

"My, you're cranky when you have a hangover," said Laska.

"Vith off some more, elf!"

"Moira should be waiting for us outside," Dynaheir muttered. "But I do not see her."

Suddenly, a muffled scream of terror sounded. If there had not been two elves among the passerby's, it would not have been heard at all. But as it was then, Laska and Viconia shared a look before they kicked in the door.

* * *

"Sara!" Moira shouted, tears in her eyes as she held to the cook. "Sara! Speak to me! Please!"

"LYING WHORES!" the aging man in the middle of the room shouted, in a fit of drunken rage. "She was a spy for Saerk! You are a spy for Saerk! My own daughter betraying me! Changing my sharp business decisions behind my very back! Traitor, traitor!"

"Fool!" Moira shouted, for the first time actually standing up to her tyrannical father. "Your 'sharp business decisions' weren't so sharp at all! If I hadn't altered them, we would have been bankrupted years ago!"

"Lies, lies!" the drunken man shouted, raising his bloodstained knife. "You betrayed me! You have betraying me for years! How much did he pay you, Moira? How much did he pay you to betray your own father?!"

"You were never a father to me! No matter how much I tried to be your daughter!" Moira cried. "But I never betrayed you! Never!"

"You lie!" the man shouted, bringing down his knife, intending to go for the kill... if not for a throwing dagger suddenly lodged in the back of his neck, followed by a volley of magic missiles and the raging fires of pure lightning. The drunken man stood for a moment, then sank to his knees and fell to the floor, dead. And for the second time in twenty-four hours, Laska found herself holding a crying woman whose life has been forever changed.


	39. In Memoriam

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 39: In Memoriam_

Keldorn Firecam, having heard the terrible news of the happenings at the Delryn estate, had left his own home and headed directly across the square. In a morbid irony, he had heard it from his wife, whom in turn had heard the news from Lady Godiva Yurtgy, one of the biggest gossips of Athkatla.

And right now, that rumor was undoubtedly flying across Athkatla with the speed of light; 'Cor tried to kill his own daughter, and if not for a group of passing adventurers...'

But one thing the rumor-mill had not mentioned was that the adventurers in question were members of his own party. It was of no interest to the gossip bloodhounds, however, since they only seemed to care about the juicy tidbit that the reputation of the once so proud Delryn Trading Coster had fallen below freezing point.

Keldorn couldn't care less. His thoughts were mostly with Anomen and Moira. First losing a mother, now a father, even though very few good things could be said about Cor Delryn, he was certain the last two Delryns would have a hard time to deal with this. He actually feared Anomen's reaction.

He found the Delryn estate crawling with city-guards. After stating his name and purpose, and adding a little threatening language, Keldorn was allowed to enter the estate. He found the first floor, the living quarters, filled with three guards and a lieutenant, looking about, taking notes. The body of Lord Cor, singed with fire, lighting and a throwing dagger sticking out of the back of his neck, was still lying on the middle of the room, quite dead.

Also, in the group stood two peeved elves: Laska and Viconia.

"Keldorn," Laska greeted. "So you heard?"

"I did," Keldorn replied. "Have you been here all day?"

"Oh, shut up, I'm hung over!" Viconia retorted.

Keldorn blinked. "I beg your pardon?"

"Don't mind her," said Laska. "She doesn't get drunk often, but when she does, Viconia is a sheer terror the morning after."

Viconia's gaze snapped towards one of the guards whom had dared to look upon her longer than necessary. "Bastard! Mind your own business!"

"Like I said... angry drunk," Laska grinned.

"These guardsman," she spat in distaste, "figured a drow being on the scene of a crime to be very suspicious and would not let us leave. Well, Laska tried to, but was stopped to by the guards. So, after beating the guards around a bit... well, tossing all those tin-heads on a heap basically, the lieutenant entered the game and told Laska she could go, if she wanted to. Turns out Laska didn't want to leave at all. She just wanted to be _able_ to leave."

"I don't like little power-hungry and corrupt bureaucrats telling me what to do!" Laska muttered as she paced about the room.

"Well, I see you two have been properly cooperative with the lawful authorities," Keldorn rubbed his temples. "What about Dynaheir?

"She's upstairs with Moira," Laska replied. "Poor kid was pretty shook up."

"I can imagine. And the second victim?" the paladin asked.

"Sara?" Laska replied as she backed away a little to let a guard on his way out pass by. "Oh, Viconia just healed her and she went back to her quarters to rest."

Viconia narrowed her eyes. "Just healed her? Do you realize how difficult it is to properly use magic when you're hung over? It's like driving a hot needle through my skull!"

"Is that why you didn't want to heal the girl?" Laska asked. "I mean, she was bleeding out on the floor."

"I just hate to inconvenience myself," Viconia shrugged.

Keldorn sighed. "Viconia, we do need to have a talk about ethics."

Soon after, a brief silence fell in the house as the last remaining guards left, leaving only the lieutenant standing over the body of Cor. But, apparently the two guards still stationed outside were having some trouble.

"LET ME PASS, YOU FOOLS!" the tell-tale voice of Anomen Delryn sounded from beyond the door, followed by the sounds of armored men falling to the ground. The double doors of the estate flew open, and the young Delryn heir stormed in. Keldorn noticed a mixture of fear, frustration and intense anger on his face as he ran up to him.

"Why did the Order not inform me?!" he shouted as he forcibly grabbed Keldorn by the upper arms and shook him about. Normally, Keldorn would not have allowed this, but he sensed the boy needed to vent his anger. And if Keldorn would be the target of his ire, he would accept that. "Does the Order intend for me to shovel dung at the corral all morning without saying a single word?!"

"Calm yourself, young Anomen," Keldorn spoke calmly and removed himself from Anomen's iron grip. "I only just found out myself. Your sister..."

"Moira!" Anomen shouted before he ran upstairs to her room.

Anomen stormed through the door, and found his sister sitting on her bed, talking to another woman he did not recognize, and was sitting in a chair beside Moira's bed. Moira seemed calm, and gazed upon her brother, a smile crossing her face before tears appeared once more. Brother and sister flew in each other arms for a firm embrace. They held each other in silence for a few minutes, allowing Moira to cry on Anomen's shoulder.

"Wh... what happened?" Anomen asked.

"Tell him what thou hast told me, Moira," Dynaheir nodded encouragingly.

"Fa... father..." Moira stammered. "Anomen, you haven't been home much lately and..." It was not an accusation, but Anomen sighed as he took it as one. "Things... really went downhill after you left. Father started drinking more, and more. His business decisions became more and more erratic and... faulty. I offered to help him sort matters out but he wouldn't hear of it. He told me a woman should not involve herself in business affairs..."

"Moira..." Anomen said.

"But as father was forced to lay off his staff," Moira continued, "I was charged to be the delivery-girl and had direct access to father's papers. For three years, I altered his more foolish decisions, countermanding his orders. I had to be very careful, so he would not notice. It was maddening, though, having to pass up very good business opportunities just to keep it hidden. But I managed to keep our Trading Coster from going bankrupt. Yesterday, I got careless. I left the altered ledger lying on the bench when I went to help out Sara in the kitchen. It was first-day, so I figured he'd be out drinking a while longer. But he came home, saw the ledger and three years of alterations. He... went crazy. Accused me of keeping his house to the ground, that I had betrayed him to Saerk..."

"Saerk!" Anomen spat. "It always comes back to Saerk and their stupid feud!"

"I didn't know what happened next. I was suddenly lying on the ground bleeding from a gash in my arm, while he stood over me, holding a bloodied dagger. Sara tried to calm him, but father stormed her and... slashed her throat before turning back to me," Moira choked, tears again marring her young face. "He... he really wanted to kill me... I could see it in his eyes."

Anomen and Moira embraced once more, while Viconia entered the room. "Anomen? Keldorn wants to speak to you," she announced.

"In a moment," Anomen said, and held on to his sister.

Moira nodded to Dynaheir, while the mage and Viconia left the room to give brother and sister some privacy.

* * *

Downstairs, things were turning ugly. A merchant had entered the house, and he wore the clothes of wealth. His olive-skinned aged brow rose with morbid pleasure as he noticed the body of Cor lying in the living-room.

Keldorn had recognized this man immediately: he was the disreputable Calishite-born merchant known as Saerk. Ruthless, cunning, merciless. He had been charged with a multitude of trade violations, but none of the charges had ever stuck.

"So, you are finally out of my misery, you old buzzard," Saerk spoke gleefully as he produced a small pin from his pocket and bent down to stab Cor in the hand.

Keldorn was outraged by this blatant show of disrespect and decided he would do something about it. But Laska apparently beat him to it. Saerk shouted in agony as the tattooed elven fighter took his wrist in an iron grip and yanked his arm upwards with extreme force.

"Hey, this guy might have been an arsehole, but there's no reason to stab him with a pin. He's dead already anyway? What are you expecting? Him to get up and complain?" Laska smirked.

Saerk backed away, cradling his hurting arm. "Who?" Saerk snarled. "Who do you think you are?!"

"I'm the woman who spent an entire day trying to calm down Moira Delryn with my two friends," Laska spoke icily.

"I'll have you flogged, you impudent elven bitch!" Saerk snarled. Keldorn suppressed a snort as the merchant severely underestimated the elven fighter in front of him. The aged paladin decided not to interfere and observe.

"And if you don't leave now, I'll kill you, you idiot!" Laska snarled. Keldorn noticed with satisfaction that Saerk, not being used to being talked back to, gulped and took a few steps back. He felt a bit guilty about feeling satisfied about this unarmed merchant being threatened, but knowing how deeply Saerk was involved with misdeeds in this city, he decided he could live with it.

"I must know if he is dead!" Saerk snarled.

Keldorn smiled inwardly. "Bad move," he whispered to himself as the elf sprung to action.

Laska grabbed the struggling and swearing merchant by the collar of his neck, dragged him towards the door, and violently pushed him onto the streets. "And _stay out_!" Laska shouted as she slammed the door shut.

Keldorn and Laska shared a brief nod while the sounds of heavy boots coming down the stairs echoed through the hall. It was Anomen, a look of grim determination etched in his face. Before either Keldorn or Laska could speak to him, Anomen brushed past them both, heading straight towards the body of his father, until he stood over him, merely staring at the back of Cor's head.

"You fiend," he whispered. "You old fool, you wished to destroy the only thing beautiful that was left in your life and mine," That said, Anomen grasped the hilt of his war hammer which was tied to his back.

"Anomen!" Keldorn shouted. "Don't!"

But Anomen did not listen. Instead, he brought his hammer down on Cor's head, with all his might. Blood, brain-matter and bone was crushed under the weight of the hammer, splattering blood and gore all over the floor.

"There," Anomen snarled. "Faceless coward..."

"Dammit, Anomen!" Laska shouted. "Don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?"

Anomen whirled around in surprise, only to catch a single glimpse of Laska's fist just before it sent him flying backwards. The squire felt the coppery taste of blood in his mouth as he looked upon the elf standing him with a look of contempt crossing her features.

"Moira has gone through quite enough already without having to see _that _when she comes walking down the stairs!" Laska said, pointing to the dark blood now spreading over the marble floor. "Don't you ever think, you idiot?!"

"But, but..." Anomen whispered. "My love..."

"SHUT UP!" Laska shouted. "I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU! I AM NOT YOUR LOVER! I HAVE NEVER BEEN YOUR LOVER! I WILL NEVER BE YOUR LOVER!" she shouted in his face. Taking a few moments to calm down, Laska stared at Anomen before muttering to Keldorn: "I'm going look for a sheet to cover this mess up here. If I come back in this room and see you've made an even bigger mess, I'll shove that hammer up your arse sideways!"

Then, she was off, leaving Keldorn and Anomen standing in the room.

"All of this is my fault," Anomen said, hitting the wall with his fist, and only succeeding in bloodying a few knuckles. "I can't do anything right, Sir Keldorn."

"Do not say that, young Anomen. You could not have known..."

"I am a coward!" Anomen shouted. "I ran... I ran from my father. I ran from him rather than to face him. Moira is the true hero. She stayed with him... would have stayed with him even if father had survived. But I left... I should have stayed. Who knows what could have happened if Lady Laska hadn't happened by?"

"Anomen," Keldorn said, putting his hand on Anomen's shoulder. "Do not torture yourself like this. Your sister is alive. That is all that matters..."

"I should have never, never joined the Order," Anomen said. "I see that now. My wish could have cost Moira her life. The paladins in the Order speak only of contentment... and I have none of that. But I was so eager to join. I wanted so much to do good. To fight evil."

"I think," Keldorn said, "that your main reason to join the Order was to get away from under your father's yoke. I understand he desired for you to take over his business one day."

"That he did," Anomen sighed, while Viconia and Dynaheir finally walked down the stairs.

"Perhaps you were more interested in the idea of being and becoming a knight than actual knighthood, Anomen," Keldorn suggested, while Laska returned to the room carrying a big table cloth. The cloth was big enough to drave over the body's torso and the crushed head. "To prove to your father than you can be better than him. That you do know what honor is. Cor was not the most honest of people. He had nearly no scruples at all."

"Perhaps..." Anomen muttered, relieved that his most recent mistake was being taken care of. Viconia waved her arms over the body, causing some of the gore to be drawn back into the body through her magic."I have come to think that I am no longer worthy of knighthood," Anomen sighed. "I can see clearly now how my actions at Keep De'Arnise were... wrong. I was arrogant... Insufferable... My actions could have cost a lot of lives."

"Yeah, like mine," Viconia snarled.

Anomen turned to her. "I did apologize for that."

Viconia narrowed her eyes. "Then apologize again!"

"Well," Keldorn said, wanting to be kind, but not willing to excuse his actions.

"Don't say it, please," Anomen sighed as he lent against the wall. "And after what happened today..."

"Perhaps you need some time to rethink your life," Keldorn nodded.

"Anomen," sounded from the staircase. Both men turned their gaze to see Moira descending down the stairs. The salty trails of her tears still visible on her young face. Her brown eyes were locked on her brother. "Please say you'll stay here for a while. I... I don't think I want to be in this house alone."

"Of course," Anomen nodded.

"W.. why," Moira stammered, "why don't you help me out with the business here?"

"What?" Anomen almost laughed. "Why?!"

"Well, if... if you don't want to be a knight anymore," Moira said. "Maybe the two of us can take over father's business. Oh, please say you'll help. I'm sure the two of us can lead the Delryn Trading Coster to greatness again!"

"Me?!" Anomen replied in surprise. "A merchant?!"

"Why not?" Keldorn spoke, smiling at Anomen. "You have often told me about how much you despised dishonest merchants. You are still a priest of Helm, so why don't you become the rare truly honest merchant?"

"This is absurd!" Anomen snorted.

"No!" Moira smiled and grasped her brother's hand. "No, it is perfect! Your incorruptibility, and my keen business sense, we can rebuild the Delryn reputation. Show father how a business is _really _supposed to be run."

"But.. but," Anomen stammered. "The Order... the fight against evil!"

"There is more than one way to fight evil, Anomen," Keldorn nodded. "Have you ever heard the expression 'An army travels on its stomach'? The Order, does not own farms."

"Are you saying," Moira smiled. "That the Order would be our first client?"

"If Anomen, once a squire of the Order, becomes one of the heads of this Trading Coster, we of the Order are assured that we will not be cheated or forced to deal with unscrupulous thieves. No doubt the House of Delryn could be the Order's permanent supplier."

At this statement, Moira's eyes positively lit up. Finally, she would have the chance to make the big decisions.

"Besides," Keldorn said. "The annual jousting game is being set up and we still need..."

"WE'LL TAKE THE JOB!" Moira squealed, more than surprising the still stunned Anomen. "Sorry," Moira told her brother. "But we really need this job. Our coffers are practically empty."

"You have already made it to the final stage of your squirehood, young Anomen," Keldorn spoke. "You can always return to the Order later..."

"Oh, please say we will run fathers business together. Better than her ever could!" Moira smiled.

Anomen was now faced with perhaps the most difficult decision in his life. He had hated this house. He had wanted to leave it behind, to leave his father stewing in his own juices. Becoming a knight had meant everything for him, but now, the very reasons for this choice lay in question. Then, he looked into his sister's eyes, her sparking, joyful eyes, almost snuffed out forever by their cruel father.

He chose for sister.

* * *

"So, you wanted to see me?" Laska said as she entered a small room. It contained a single bed, a small closet and a bookshelf. It was very sparse, and only a tiny window let in the rays of the midday sun. Anomen was staring out the window, gazing upon the little park outside. "You've got five minutes," Laska replied coldly.

"I used to stare out of that window for hours when I was a child," Anomen spoke softly. "Watching the families that were actually happy."

"Get to the point please," Laska replied, sitting down on the bed.

Anomen, turned around and sat on the bed as well. "First of all, I wanted to thank you for saving my sister. Secondly, I... wanted to ask you for forgiveness..."

"I am _not_ going to marry you..." Laska snapped, but then softened in surprise. "You didn't just ask for my hand, did you?"

Anomen chuckled softly. "No, no, don't worry. I just wanted you to know, how sorry I am about everything I put you and your friends through at Keep De'Arnise. I was... arrogant, judgmental and... stupid."

"That's an understatement," Laska snorted. To her surprise, Anomen snorted as well.

"Fool that I was... A delusional fool," Anomen shook his head. "Please convey my apologies to the other members of your party. In particular to your drow friend Viconia. She did ask for an apology just now. Perhaps I should give it to her in person."

"Emmm, I don't think that's a good idea," Laska chuckled. "If you give in to her once, she will own you for life. But I'll tell all the others."

For a moment, Anomen and Laska sat next to each other in silence, until Laska finally spoke. "So," she said, "you're planning on being a merchant, then?"

"It seems so," Anomen chuckled. "I can scarcely believe it myself, but I'll be able to keep an eye on Moira, and she's promised me to help me. That's my new goal in life... Making Moira happy."

"Truth be told, Anomen," Laska smiled. "I think you'd make a good merchant. I'd rather buy my stuff from an honest Helmite, than a rat-faced salesbeast. Unless... the salesbeast gives away free ale..."

"Of course," Anomen smiled. "But you are kind to say so. It seems that, through this horrible event, both me and my sister's life has been bettered."

"Yeah, well," Laska said carefully. "You might take some time off from trading to meet some girls, you know. Girls who are not me, specifically"

Anomen laughed, then looked Laska in the eyes again. "I wanted to apologize to you as well. I pursued you to the point of dropping."

"It's the ears, isn't it?" Laska smiled. "Men always seem to go for the ears."

"When we first met in the Copper Coronet, we did not part on good terms," Anomen replied, now starting to fidget.

"My mistake," Laska took a deep breath through clenched teeth.

"But one day, I was gazing upon the canals from the Order Guildhouse, and I saw you, bathing. My behaviour was inexcusable, but as I gazed upon your beautiful form, I had wanted to meet you again, while another part of me wanted vengeance for the previous transgression. I have never had the favor of a lady, dear Laska and..."

"What?!" Laska snorted. "Handsome bloke like you, never been around the bend?"

"Sadly, that is the case," Anomen spoke. "I was always too busy training, or preparing for Order tests and trials... I never took the time..."

"So I was your first crush?" Laska smiled. "Sorry about that prank, then."

"I had hoped I had finally been with a woman," Anomen smiled. "It was painful to think that I had finally experienced a woman's charms and could not remember it in my drunken state! But it was even more painful to think that I had not experienced it all. So I deluded myself into thinking we could be lovers. And not even you kissing that half-elven girl in front of me could dissuade me from that idea. Are you and her?"

"Her name is Rose," Laska smiled. "And no. Or at least not yet. Though I'm hoping she will be one day. I've had many lovers before, but with her... it's different somehow... I'm not sure about anything, really."

"So you have my apologies then," Anomen sighed. "Pity, though," he smiled. "I daydreamed a lot about our possible future. Our children were beautiful..."

Laska stared at Anomen with open mouth, thinking about how much he had changed this day. "Alright," she finally said, and kicked the door to the room close. "Call me a sap, but I'm sold."

"Laska?" Anomen asked in surprise, just before the tattooed elf pushed him back unto the bed.

"I hope you understand, I don't do this for just anyone," she said while she removed her vest. "But trust me," she told the stricken, wide-eyed Anomen, who was, at the moment, physically incapable of taking his eyes off her naked chest. "You _will_ remember this experience."

* * *

As Moira was passing by Anomen's old room, she suddenly ran into Laska, who was currently adjusting her vest as she came out of the room in question.

"Laska?" Moira asked. "I thought you had gone home already!"

"I am going now," Laska smiled. "To get an evening dip in my pool. Relax a little. Invite Rose over to join me."

"But where is Anomen?" Moira asked. "I haven't seen him for over an hour."

"Oh, he just lost his virginity," Laska chuckled, pointing at the room. "You'll find him sleeping there, with a big, fat grin plastered all over his face."

"Oh?" Moira giggled.

"Look," Laska said. "Anomen seems to have changed. Keep him on this path."

"I intend to!" Moira smiled while Laska headed to the front door.

"So," Laska suggested, "please tell Anomen to find another girlfriend, one who is _not _me, and tell him to treat her well."

That said, Laska exited the Delryn estate, leaving Moira and Anomen to their new lives.


	40. Pachyderm

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 40: Pachyderm_

Laska was peacefully drifting on the edge of slumber, comfortably lying in her soft bed, in a state between the real world and that of the realm of dreams.

That is, until a strange odor drifted into the room. Crumpling her face, she instinctively pushed her head under her pillow, trying to block it out. But then came the sounds. The ground shook as _something_ thumped down on the floor, and to Laska's sensitive elven ears it sounded as if someone was hammering on an anvil right next to her.

Groggily forcing herself to wake up, the elf forced herself to sit up. After swinging her legs out of the bed, she looked over her shoulder. Rose was still peacefully sleeping on her stomach with her face smushed against the pillow. This was no surprise; her girlfriend was a very tight sleeper.

The elf blinked a few moments; did she just think of Rose as her girlfriend?

Writing this weird thought off to a groggy awakening, Laska rubbed her eyes and quickly tossed on her pants and vest. Not bothering to braid her long hair, she opened the door to the main hall, stepped outside... and slammed into a huge gray lump.

After getting up, rubbing her tired eyes for the second time, she gasped as she recognized the huge gray creature from the pictures she had once seen in books at Candlekeep.

It was an elephant. There was an elephant walking around in her living room.

And next to that elephant stood Jan. "Figures," Laska muttered as she picked herself up.

In the meantime, it seemed the huge trunked creature had already woken others in the house too. Already, Risa and Becky were running around the huge elephant, whooping in joy at the strange creature, which, in turn, seemed to be rather enjoying the attention.

Opposite to the hallway, Viconia opened the door to her room while wearily rubbing the salt from her eyes. But as soon as she regarded the huge creature, she shook her head. "Bugger this, I'm going back to bed," she muttered, walked back into her room and closed the door behind her.

"What's going on?" Laska heard Rose ask behind her. Turning around Laska saw her standing in the door opening, still being rather sleepy and only wearing a sheet wrapped around her body.

"You'd better go back to bed, Rose," Laska muttered. "I have a gnome to slaughter."

"'kay," Rose muttered, still to groggy to take note of the elephant now standing in the back of the room, and closed the door to the bedroom.

A shrill shriek sounded from the other side of the room. Lasalla regarded the elephant in fear, before her eyes rolled in the back of her head, and she fainted.

"Oh, great!" Laska sighed, strolled over to Lasalla, picked her up and put her on a small bench in the kitchen, before returning to the living room, thinking of a thousand and one ways to kill Jan with a potato-knife on the way back. She found the kids still playing with the elephant, and Jaella had apparently joined them.

"Jan!" Laska shouted, attracting the attention of the gnome.

"Ah, Lasky!" Jan greeted her cheerfully. "Hey, I just brought over my cousin Beeloo's pet elephant! Beeloo had to go out unexpectedly and couldn't find a sitter and, well, it was my turn. Since we're all going to the joust anyway, Drufus might as well stay here for the day. Thanks! I know you wouldn't mind!" Jan smiled, while walking towards the door. "Must be going! See you at the joust!"

"_HOLD IT_!" Laska shouted, grabbing the fleeing gnome at the collar and yanking him back. And then she first noticed the state of her living room. "What?! What happened to all my furniture?! The dinner-table?! The piano?! The vases?! The small tables?! The paintings?! My giant keg of ale!"

"Oh," Jan grinned, "I slipped those in your Bag of Holding for the time being. That's how I got Drufus in your house in the first place."

"My Bag of Holding?" Laska asked, still not letting go of Jan. "But I always stash that one in a secret place. In..."

"... the secret compartment behind the painting hanging over the nightstand of your bed," Jan spoke. "I snuck into your bedroom last night and borrowed it. I figured you wouldn't mind much..."

"You snuck into my bedroom?" Laska muttered in disbelief. "While Rose and I were in there too? Come _on_! I would have heard you!"

"Ah, you are underestimating my stealthy feet! Besides, the two of you were sleeping like babies," Jan said, but noticing the look of pure poison in Laska's eyes, he decided he should add an apologetic comment. "Hey, hey, hey! Don't look at me like that! I didn't peek! Errr, not long anyway..."

"Jan!" Laska snarled, finally releasing Jan's collar. "You are... ARGH! Look what that elephant just left on the carpet!"

Jan, grateful for the change of subject, moved to examine the huge pile of steaming... waste. "Hey, don't talk down to elephant-dung, Laska. You should know better! When the ancient drow were still jungle-dwellers, they used to make houses out of elephant-dung. Entire cities were constructed..."

"Jan," Laska smirked. "I wouldn't finish that story, if I were you. Viconia has even better ears than I have..."

"Ah, I see you point," Jan grinned uneasily. "But there have always been elephants in the Jansen family history. My great-great great-uncle Hannibal Jansen crossed the Cloudpeak-mountains with his army and twelve war-elephants. He was attempting to siege the village of Nashkel to capture their collection of crackers. They had these rare cucumber-crackers which are great with a slice of turnips on them, you see? After a two year trip through the Cloudpeaks..."

"Two years?" Laska asked. "But the pass through the mountains only takes a few hours to travel through. The Cloudpeaks are not that large or that high."

"Yeah, well," Jan muttered. "Hannibal had held put the map upside down, took a couple of wrong turns, slid off the mountains a couple of times. The usual... Anyway, they finally arrived at the town of Nashkel, and the warehouse where the crackers were stored was found. But, sadly, just before Hannibal could give the order to attack, a little mouse scurried through the high grass. Needless to say, the elephants were spooked, panicked and fled into all directions, trampling Hannibal and his army of hungry gnomes, thus leaving a thousand turnips crackerless. The elephants were better off, though, since were all hired by a vineyard, I believe, and are now stomping grapes on an executive's salary. Ah, but that's not the only story! My cousin John Hurt Jansen's condition was actually the result of a bizarre magical experiment involving an elephant, a plastic spoon and a dirty hankerchief, accidentally replacing his own stylish gnomish nose with the trunk of the elephant. And that is how cousin John Hurt got to be known as the 'Elephant Gnome'. He was fun to have around parties. He could snort up a whole bowl of turnip-beer and spray it over the guests, and suck up _whole_ turnips through his nose. In fact, he used to say 'I am _not_ an animal!' just after he had scratched his own rear-end with his nose. Sadly, the elephant wanted his nose back and threatened to sue, so we tied cousin John Hurt to his stump of a trunk and the two lived in symbiosis for two decades until John Hurt was sucked down the gob of a lake-griffin while he was drinking. The elephant died of grief shortly afterwards," Jan sniffed. "So can Drufus stay? He's been trained as a watch-elephant, so he can keep the place safe while we are gone."

"Alright," Laska sighed. "We need to get going anyway. But I want this elephant gone and my furniture replaced when we get back!"

"I know you wouldn't let me down, oh benevolent elven lady!" Jan smiled.

"And you _will_ clean up that mess," Laska snarled, pointing at the steaming pile of elephant dung. "And don't let me catch you trying to sweep it under the rug!"

"Will do!" Jan smiled. "Oh, I need to warn Minsc before he wakes up. If Drufus sees Boo he'll mistake him for a mouse, panic and tear down the house!"

* * *

The annual joust was held just outside the city, and was crawling with all manner of tourists and citydwellers. The joust, aside from giving the best paladins of the Order the chance to show their skills in front of a crowd, was also a major source of income not only for the Order, but also a numerous amounts of charities connected to the ideals of the Order. A multitude of tents and makeshift stables were built around a large jousting and combat ring. To the other side of the ring, build in a semi-circle, were the high stadium-like benches, giving seats to an enormous amount of people. And in that sea of people, sitting right in front of the ring were Laska and her friends, having been given the best seats in the house by their insider from the Order. The presentation of the newest Knights, including former squires Gurgan and Elotta, had been first on the agenda, but now, the ring was still being prepared for the first jousting match.

On the very first bench sat Dynaheir, Korgan, Lissa, Jan and Viconia, in that order. Dynaheir was wearing a strange hat, one of Jan's inventions, while Korgan was looking rather bored. Jan, in the meantime, did everything he could not to be noticed by the tattooed elf on the bench just above them, while Viconia, wearing her hooded cloak to be on the safe side, had deliberately chosen for the seat at the aisle in case she needed to leave in a hurry. And, next to her seat and in the aisle, sat Khittix, happily chirping whenever Viconia tickled him between the eyes, and ready to defend his mistress should the need arise.

"So," Jan asked Viconia. "You think Laska will stay mad at me for long?"

"I do not think so," Viconia retorted. "Laska has an extremely high-breaking point in matters concerning a friend, but A) you should have told her in advance you were bringing that elephant and B) you should never have touched her giant keg of ale."

"Point taken," Jan muttered.

"Why did you join us, Korgan?" Lissa asked the dwarf sitting next to her. "I thought you hated paladins and horses?"

"Aye, aye, lass, I do," Korgan chuckled. "'orses be more to the taste of the wee bairns, but I be just waitin' fer one o'those paladins ta be fallin' of their 'orse and be dragged all over the compound while being trampled under 'ooves! Har HAR! That be great fun ta see, no?"

"You are full of anger, aren't you?" Lissa asked.

"Lass, ye be 'avin' no idea how angry this dwarf can get," Korgan chuckled.

In the row directly above them sat Lasalla and the kids, Minsc, Rose and Laska. Keldorn was standing in the aisle next to Laska, quietly chatting.

"Imagine that!" Keldorn gasped. "Finding an elephant in your backyard!"

"No, it was in my living-room," Laska muttered.

"I can't believe I didn't notice it at first!" Rose chuckled to herself. "But it was a very sweet elephant. He let me and the kids ride on his back..."

"Through my living room," Laska grimaced. "But Keldorn, I've been noticing the symbol of the Delryn Trading Coster appearing on every crate here. It's been only two days since we left Anomen and Moira to build up their business."

"Oh, yes," Keldorn smiled. "Our regular supplier had pulled out and let us down at the last moment, so we were really desperate. But fortunately, Moira knew some addresses where she could find non-stolen goods quickly and delivered at record-speed. I tell you, that woman is a shrewd merchant... Anyway," Keldorn said, "I hope you will enjoy the joust. This is the first time female paladins are allowed to enter the match as well. Seven of the fifteen combatants are women."

"But why is this the first time female paladins are allowed to enter?" Laska asked. "There've been female paladins for such long a time already."

"Tradition mostly," Keldorn replied. "Until now, we have had a separate jousting match for the female knights of the Order. Currently, though, over one third of the knights of the Order are female, and they have become a very vocal group over the last decade. In fact, they demanded that women were allowed to compete in the main tournament. The prelate gave in immediately, mostly because the female paladin making the demand for women to compete was his own wife."

"Poppycock!" sounded from one bench behind Laska. The voice came from a greasy man, holding a pin of ale in one hand and a fat bratwurst in the other. "Jousting is a sport of kings! A sport only suited for men of steel! No sissy woman should be allowed to enter this competition. Only manly men!"

"You mean, men like you?" Laska snorted, pointing at the greasy man's huge beerbelly.

"Yeah!" the man said before taking a bite from his greasy sausage. "Like me!"

Keldorn shook his head, knowing that if the man kept talking like that in Laska's direction, he could end up seriously injured. Somehow, however, the aged paladin didn't care much for the man's safety. Instead, he nodded to his friends, wished them a good day, and walked unto the field.

"What's that thing Dynaheir has on her head?" Rose finally asked Laska as she finished another bite of her 'popped corn', a tasty treat discovered when Eduardo Jansen was hauling grain in his flying ship and accidentally dropped one of the bags down the chimney of a local smith, and which was now one of the major money-makers of this entire event.

Laska glanced over to Dynaheir, who was wearing a hardhat with two miniature alekegs attached to it. Two little tubes left each keg and ended up inside Dynaheir's mouth.

"Oh, that's Jan's beerhat," Laska smiled.

"I thought you would be interested in such an invention," Rose replied with a smile.

"Just give me a traditional mug, cup or tankard, thank you very much," Laska smiled. "At least they don't have a chance of exploding in your face..."

"Hey, I resent that remark," Jan huffed. "They only exploded once..."

* * *

In the middle of the day, through the now somewhat quiet streets of Athkatla, a group of five villainous gnomes made their way to the temple district. The place was as quiet as a meadow. Since every cleric and paladin was attending the festivities outside the city, the gnomes had free reign. Vaelag, leader of this little band, had finally decided to strike. He and his henchmen would hide in the elven bitch's house until they come home, and surprise everyone as they did. Oh, he was going to enjoy the look of fear on Jan's face when he'd slit his throat personally. Then, he would take his wife and child home, planning to teach them a lesson for betraying him. A lesson that would never make them forget that he owned them, body and soul.

They stood in front of Laska's house, and his spies had already confirmed the front door was heavily trapped. Fortunately, one of his henchman noticed an open window on the second floor and side of the house. One of his men would launch a grappling hook and enter the house, and would disable the traps and the open the door for them. At least, that was the plan.

As soon as the henchmen had climbed through the little window, the agonizing wait began. Were there more traps? Would they have to send in another henchmen. In any case, the gnomes decided to wait a while longer... until they heard the terrified scream of their companion inside.

"What the hell is going on in there?" Vaelag hissed.

"I don't know," his lieutenant replied. "But I think it sounds like he is being twirled through the air!"

As soon as the words left the lieutenant's mouth, their companion came flying through one of the stain-glass windows lining the side of the door with dazzling speed. He screamed as he crashed into the temple of Lathander on the other side of the aqueduct with an audible crack. Soon enough, from inside the house came the howl of a terrible beast.

The lieutenant could not resist his curiosity and glanced through the now open window.

"What?!" Vaelag demanded as the sounds of heavy feet came ever towards them. "What's in there?!"

"E... e... e. ele... elep... ELEPHANT!" the gnome shouted as the hulking gray mammal made his own passage through the front door of Laska's house, tossing boards and bricks aside as if it was tissue paper. With one last blow through his trunk, Drufus, the faithful watch-elephant, started to chase the screaming gnomes.

* * *

The crowd gasped in horror as a knight was knocked from his horse and fell down, only to be caught in the stirrups and ended up being dragged through the compound, over rocks and metal rods. The whole crowd fell silent, save for one dwarf in the front, who was laughing like crazy.

"Ouch," Laska snorted. "That'll leave a mark!"

"HAR HAR HAR! 'Is bloody arm be fallin' off! HAR HAR HAR! Come on, 'orse! Ye need to take a dump on 'im now! HAR HAR!"

"I say, Korgan is enjoying himself a little too much, methinks," Dynaheir frowned.

Minsc held Boo forward so that the hamster cool see better. "Look Boo, great heroes practicing to become even greater heroes! What's that, Boo? No, no, this isn't wasteful and violent at all!"

"Ah, it's just a little fun," Laska shrugged. "I'm sure they can put that arm right back good as new."

This comment earned her a jab to the ribs from Viconia. "You think healing you lot up is easy?" she hissed. "Oh, we don't have to worry about getting hurt because our good healer friend and resident idiot Viconia will do her best to put is back together again. Do you even realize how tiring and how much effort it takes to competently direct healing energies to be the most effective? Do you realize how horrificly tiring healing can be?"

"Ach!" Korgan sneered. "Put 'and on wound. 'eal. 'ow 'ard can it be? Stop yer complainin', drowsy, and do yer job!"

"See what I have to deal with daily?" Viconia huffed. "Underappreciated at all turns. The curse of being competent, I suppose. Not even so much as a thank you."

"You said it, lady," sounded from next to the benches. The voice came from a tall blonde woman with high cheekbones. She was wearing a bloodied apron and a belt was strapped around her waist which held tools like tweezers, pliers, scalpels and even a bonesaw. There was an emblem around her upper arm which identified her as one of the Order's healers. "Us healers are underappreciated for sure. Try being a combat medic, it's horrific work. You re-attach their limbs, push their broken bones back in their bodies, bust a gut to get them through the night... and then as if real battle conditions aren't bad enough, they waste their health and our time getting themselves maimed and quite often killed with these completely nonsensical jousting matches. It's insane."

Keldorn scraped his throat. "Pardon me, madam. But this is a time-honored tradition which..."

The tall woman turned to Keldorn and shot him a look so foul it could curdle milk. "Listen to me, you muscle-bound cold. Have you just spent half an hour with your hands in someone's spleen because he got pierced by a lance? Have just spent time fishing splinters from an poor teen girl's face because she happened to be standing too close to joust when the lances splintered? Have you just put together someone's hand because it happened to get stuck between the chains of a flail and you couldn't tell one finger from another? If your answer to all these three questions is 'no' the shut the hell up and stick your traditions up your armored arse!"

Keldorn blinked. "I, uhm..."

"Oh, I like her!" Viconia grinned before turning to the woman. "Apparently, I'm not the only underappreciated healer."

"Certainly not," sighed the tall woman. "Say, you... are drow, are you not? Tell me, are you one of those dour loner drow rangers who come to the surface to rebel against the evilness of drow society, because these seem to be more of those each year."

Viconia closed her eyes and sighed. "Oh, dear Shar, no. No, I am not one of those."

"Truly, you seem upset," said the woman. "I would think you'd be supportive of members of your people sticking it to the Man. Or the Woman in this case."

"I would be more supportive if they weren't all morons," sighed Viconia. "Every single one of them."

"Well, in any case," said the tall woman. "My shift is over and I'm about ready to hit the taverns. I would love to swap healing stories with you, if you are so inclined."

"Indeed," Viconia nodded. "It would be a pleasure. This bloodsport is uninteresting anyway."

The woman smiled at Viconia. "Meet me in the medical tent in a moment."

The tall woman walked off and Viconia sat back in the bench, smiling to herself. "Laska," she told her friend. "I have just met a most interesting female."

Laska grinned and clapped her on the shoulder. "Go get her, tiger!"

"I believe I shall," Viconia nodded at her friend, swung her legs out and jumped down with the grace of a cat, destination medical tent.

While the battles continued in front of them and the sound level was on the rise again, Dynaheir turned to Laska. "Hm, where did Viconia go?"

"Oh," Laska smirked. "She's off to have kinky casual sex with an angry healing lady she just met five minutes ago."

"Sounds legit," Jan said.

Korgan took up that moment to stand up and loudly protest the ongoing match. "OY! FOUL! FOUL! 'E DIDN'T GET 'IS 'EAD CHOPPED OFF! I BE DEMANDIN' A REMATCH!"

The audience didn't mind the dwarf and instead cheered at the winner of this particular match, who was clearly the favorite of the championships: Lady Elizabeth Trarr. A regal paladin in ornate full plate with fiery red hair tied in a long pony-tail. The mother of the former squire Elotta was almost sure to win this tournament according to many.

But there were still two knights left who were competing against her. The first one, wearing a helm and a black splint-mail, rode up from behind the tents and strolled his horse across the booth where several maidens were sitting, eagerly awaiting to be picked by the knight, so that he would joust in their favor.

"Shouldn't there be a booth with boys sitting on the other side of the girls' booth?" Laska said. "I mean, now that the female paladins are allowed to compete..."

"I guess they didn't want to go that far with breaking the tradition," Rose suggested.

"Still, what kind of brainless girl would lend herself to be fawned over by a sexually repressed knight?" Laska snorted.

"Well," Rose suddenly blushed, a rare occurrence. "I was in that bench once, Laska, during one of the female tournaments years ago... I was... actually picked by the winner. She was my first love, a full knight, but not much older than I was."

"Oopps," Laska muttered. "Sorry. I need some time to extract my foot from my mouth."

"S'okay," Rose smiled, recovering from her blush. "Anyway I used to come back to these jousts a lot. To, ahum, console the paladin who came in last of the bunch. Paladins tend to get very guilty about the whole thing, and thus overpay enormously, more than enough to support myself for pay-offs for my house and food for over a month. I used to love those times... I used to spend that time drawing and painting."

"I see," Laska smiled. "I just hope those sexually repressed knights treated you well. Otherwise I might be tempted to look them up..."

"Oh, those knights were surprisingly gentle. Not at all like the Lords and Ladies of the noble houses that came to me. I don't know what makes the local nobility so perverse. Brianna always told me it was something in the water," Rose smiled at Laska and promptly blushed for a second time. "But you, miss Leafwalker, are by far the most gentle lover I have ever had..."

"Err, no, no!" Laska suddenly blushed. "I'm.. I'm rough! I'm... I'm vicious! I'm... I'm... I've got a reputation to uphold, you know?!"

Rose chuckled. "Oh, you may talk big, Laska, but I know better. As for your roughness, well, I doubt you would have taken in Risa, Becky and Lasalla in your own home if you didn't care. I doubt you would have tried to convince me to turn my life around and help my friends in the process. Face it, Laska, you have a big heart... And under all that bravado and roughness, there a soft and gentle person..."

"Don't say it..." Laska sighed, holding her hands over her ears, an abysmal attempt to block out her own superior elven hearing.

"But I will!" Rose smiled. "I just hope there's plenty of room in that big heart of yours for me..."

The sound that escaped Laska's throat sounded much like a cross between a girlish giggle and a groan of embarrassment. But as another knight went down in the ring, a voice from behind ruined the perfect moment.

"Poppycock!" sounded again from the greasy man. "You girls just don't know how to handle a REAL man!"

"Do you often listen in to people's private conversations?" Rose narrowed her eyes.

"Do you often express the desire to have your skeleton removed from your body?" Laska snarled.

"Look!" the greasy man smiled and waved his bratwurst around. "Why don't you two girls stop by at my place later when the wife is not home, and I'll cure you! Free of charge!"

"Excuse me for a moment," Laska said and got up from her seat. The greasy man, in turn, would awaken the next morning, laying on the trash-heap with two black eyes, a broken jaw and zero teeth.

* * *

"That didn't take long," Rose smiled.

"Were you really surprised?" Laska returned the smile, but first noticed that a man dressed in expensive velvet clothing had taken her seat. "Excuse me, that seat is mine."

"Lord Firkraag," Rose told to the man sitting next to her. "This is Laska, the adventurer you were looking for."

Immediately, the lord, assuming a rather haughty impression, stood up, swirled around and regarded the tattooed elf for a time. Then, a fake smile spread over his face as he spoke. "Ah, yes. So you are Laska Leafwalker. You will do fine, I think. My name is Lord Jierdan Firkraag, ruler of the Windspear lands. I would like to hire you and your party for a task."

Laska took an immediate dislike to this man. There was something in his pitch-black eyes that make her wary. "And what 'task' might that be?" Laska asked.

"Well, well, well," Lord Firkraag grinned. "Ever the hero, are you not? I am willing to pay you a large sum of money for ridding my lands of a orc invasion. Think in the thousands."

"That," Laska narrowed her eyes in suspicion, "is a rather large sum for a simple monster-hunt."

"Hah!" Lord Firkraag chuckled. "Those orcs cost me more than that every day, due to the loss of trade. I bid you to rid me of those bothersome creatures."

"I'll think about it," Laska muttered.

"Please do so," Lord Firkraag nodded, and turned around, walking away from the tattooed elf, who stared after the strange man for quite some time before taking her seat next to Rose.

"You've missed the final joust," Rose said, as both of them noticed Lady Trarr had taken her place on the winner's podium and was receiving the cheers of the crowds. Suddenly, Laska jerked her head to allow her to gaze upon the left side of the ring, her sensitive ears having picked up screams.

"What is it?" Rose asked with a touch of concern.

"Trouble!" Laska muttered.

And she was right. Mere seconds later, four screaming gnomes ran through the encampment, being chased by a very, very angry elephant. The result was utter chaos. Spooked horses ran off in any direction, while knights and paladins jumped aside to avoid the stampeding creatures. The audience, in the meantime, was, of course, loving the show.

"That's Drufus!" Jan exclaimed. "I'd recognize that trunk anywhere! I wonder what happened?!"

Laska ran down to the ring to find a way to keep that elephant from stampeding and perhaps trampling innocent people. She found a weapons-cart, filled to the brim with halberds, knives, swords and other assorted sharp shiny stuff.

"OY!" shouted the still belly-laughing Korgan as he chased after Laska. "I nay want a miss this! HAR HAR!"

Both elf and dwarf took off as Laska pulled the reigns and put the cart in motion.

* * *

"Damn you, Jansen! This is your fault, this has to be your fault!" Vaelag panted as he finally had ducked into an alley to escape the evil elephant chasing him across the city, outside the city and back into the city. Vowing to avenge himself for this insult, he walked back to his estate. But as soon as he crossed the street, he came face to face with a cart baring down on him.

* * *

"This was the stupidest idea I have ever had!" Laska shouted as the cart sped down a cobblestone road. Houses zipped past and Laska counted her lucky stars that the streets were so empty. "I don't even see where that elephant ran off to!"

"Ye be tellin' me!" Korgan shouted in retort as he beard whipped in the wind. "Ye think if I be axin' off their legs, these 'orses will stop!"

From the corner of her eye, Laska noticed someone shooting onto the road from an alley.

"There's someone in the road! Pull the brake!" Laska shouted at Korgan.

"The what?!"

"That lever next to you!"

"Will do!"

"Hold on!"

The cart came to an immediate stop while elf and dwarf held on with all their might. The weapons loaded on the cart were not tied down however. Tons of sharpened steel flew over their heads and over the horses. The anguished scream of the gnome standing in the road came to an abrupt halt as the mass of weapons landed exactly where he stood.

"Ooppps," Laska bit her lip. "You think he's hurt?"

"HAR HAR!" Korgan chuckled. "'e be in piece! Har HAR! That be funny!"

* * *

Back at her mansion, Laska examined her living room with due scrutiny. All her furniture was where it belonged, the front door was fixed and there was absolutely no trace of any elephant-dung.

"Ah, Laska," Jan smiled. "You're lucky we Jansens are such good bricklayers. My cousins fixed it up in no time. It's so nice to know you can rely on family, don't you think?"

"Well done," Laska smiled. "I'm just glad my keg of ale is back where it belongs."

"Ach, ye be knowin' what be important, lass! Har Har!" Korgan laughed.

"So, they did find Drufus, munching from the turnip-patch till Ma chased him back up the attic. They also scraped three of Vaelag's henchmen from under his feet, and, speaking of Vaelag, did you hear what happened to him?"

"Can't say I have," Laska muttered.

"I nay be knowin'," Korgan grinned.

Jan just shook his head and smiled. "Thanks guys," he muttered, and went to join Lissa in the kitchen to prepare tonight's turnip-surprise.

hr


	41. Gender Identity

Hello everyone,

Sometimes when you revisit earlier written work like I'm doing with TnT right now, you come across material which you consider to be 'too awful for publication'. This, for me, happened with the original chapter 41 of TnT. For that reason, I have decided to create a new chapter 41. I cheated a little, though, since I reworked another one-shot story into this chapter. That and christmas time were the reason that hasn't been an update for a week, apologies. Hopefully, I'll be able to pick up proper pace again.

Also, most of this chapter is in flashback format, for which I've put the text in italics. Not sure if that's easy on the eyes or not, so feel free to let me know if it isn't.

Anyway, hope you'll enjoy.

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 41: Gender Identity_

Viconia stared out of the window of the apartment she had found herself in. Belonging to her lover of the eve, it was small yet cozy, located on the third and top floor of a middle-class tenement in a fairly quiet residential quarter bordering the gem quarter. It didn't compare with Laska's house where Viconia was currently living, but it certainly was a lot better than the empty barns, stables and mangy tents she had found herself in when first coming to the surface. The big two-person bed barely fit into the one and only bedroom of this apartment, so she could slightly lean out of the window while still sitting on the bed.

The streets below were quiet and dark; in this climate of an invisible but very vicious war in the Athkatla, most of the ordinary folks knew to stay off the streets after dark.

The window was open and the cold air felt good on her skin. The woman she had met, whose name she learned was Lynne, had given her a surprisingly enjoyable experience. After they had started their excertion, Viconia had quickly noticed that Lynne was experienced enough for her to intensify her efforts more than she usually did with human bedwarmers. To her pleasant surprise, Lynne had not only been able to keep up but actually been an enthusiastic participant.

The drow watched a lone drunk staggering over the street for a moment. No doubt the man was heading home, hopefully without running into a a hungry vampire.

Suddenly, Viconia felt two arms wrap around her waist while soft lips placed butterfly kisses on her shoulder. Her bedwarmer was nothing if enthusiastic.

"Hmmm," sounded Lynne. "Sure, you don't want anything more than just a night of fun?"

"Quite," Viconia replied, and briefly considered that it might sound harsher than intended. "I have enjoyed myself, but it ends in the morning."

Lynne let out a sigh and plopped on her back. "Figures. All the interesting persons I meet aren't interested in a relationship. Story of my life."

"I was upfront about it from the start," Viconia replied as she lied down next to the woman.

Lynne nodded. "I heard. I think I was too busy trying to get inside your tunic when you told me. You should really get a tunic with fewer laces for easier access."

"I consider it a test of intelligence," Viconia smirked. "If you are unable to undo the tunic then you have no right to its contents. You still did better than most."

"I was eager. The stories about the drow are so, so true," Lynne sighed. "You are a complete demon in the sack."

Viconia chuckled briefly. "And how many drow have you met?"

"One," said Lynne. "And that includes you."

"I rest my case," sighed Viconia. "The drow are more than just murderous sex-fiends."

"Well," Lynne said while snuggling against the drow. "I know some drow do heal people and have very, very soft hands."

"Hah."

"Otherwise, it's what we learn from stories and books," Lynne shrugged. "Evil race which comes to the surface to raid, kill and enslave indiscriminately and massively xenophobic."

"That is not... entirely incorrect, but it's still not all that we all. I am two centuries old," said Viconia. "I've seen a lot, done a lot, endured a lot. And I am still young by drow standards."

Lynne twirled her fingers around Viconia's belly-button. "When's the sex part coming?"

Viconia snorted. "You humans have a one-track mind. Perhaps I should indulge, considering what we have just done. Among the drow, sex is an art. On the surface, prostitutes are looked down upon, while in the Underdark, the Ssinss d'aerth of the pleasure-chambers are respected artists. When I came to the surface, all that I knew was turned upside down in more ways than one. But I know how to adapt; I was a trader for my house for over a century and you don't survive trade in the Underdark without knowing how to adapt."

"Were you one of those Saints whachamacallit?" Lynne asked.

"No," Viconia said. "Though I often employed them and I was an avid practisioner of the art. I had several husbands, lovers and handmaidens. Though I must add I appreciate art of all kinds, not only those of sexual nature."

Lynne stretched again. "So did you have much experience with other drow women? I mean, if they're all like you, it could have been an explosive combination."

"Hah!" Viconia smirked. "Among female drow nobles, there is no higher ideal than dominating another female. In fact, it's somewhat of a status symbol to have another matron for a lover. I know of one matron mother of a high-ranked house who had several lower-ranked matron mothers as lovers. Usually when my own matron mother came back from a council meeting, we always had to endure at least an hour of complaining about her boasting."

"You are friends with an elf," said Lynne. "Isn't that a big no-no among both your people?"

Viconia nodded. "When I first met Laska, I wasn't in the best of states. When I saw that I had run into a surface elf, I thought I was done for. But though she is infuriating at times, she has extended the hand of friendship and trust to me. I doubt Laska even knew what I was when we first met. Things might have gone differently if she had been raised by elves rather than humans, but... I like to think it wouldn't have mattered. It's just the kind of person she is."

"I guess things are never quite like they are in the stories," Lynne said.

"Perhaps, but there's always a core of truth to them."

"Hm," Lynne grinned. "Several sexy drow females ready to fulfill all my darkest whims? Sign me up, please."

"Do remember that most drow assassinations take place in the bedchamber," Viconia smirked.

"You're naked as a jaybird," Lynne giggled. "No place to hide the dagger."

"Daggers are so crude and amateurish," Viconia chuckled. "During our session, I had at least twelve separate opportunities to quietly murder you without leaving so much as a mark or a clue."

"Glad you didn't," Lynne said. "Though what a way to go."

"Don't be too sure. Eight of those opportunities would have been quite painful."

Lynne rolled on top of Viconia and pressed her lips on hers. After the kiss ended, Lynne grinned. "You are a very interesting lady."

"Hm," Viconia nodded. "The night is still young. Can you endure more? I doubt it."

"Tease!" Lynne accused. "Try me!"

* * *

Laska yawned as she shuffled out of bed to the kitchen. Though she was tired, she didn't really manage to find her sleep. So, she hoped she would be able finally sleep by drinking some warm milk. After entering the kitchen and lighting a wall sconce, Laska poured some milk in a pan and started heated into over the fire. When it was lukewarm, Laska poured a glass and let the milk slide down her throat.

Sadly, it didn't help.

Disappointed, Laska plopped down on the couch in the main room for a bit. Everybody else was still asleep or, in Viconia's case, still out. Laska grinned to herself; the drow was probably still rolling in bed with that sarcastic healer lady right now.

Laska stood up and walked over to the door leading into Viconia's room. She found it unlocked and took the opportunity to slip inside. What greeted her was a very tidy and large room, adorned with many paintings and statues. A large and comfortable bed was the centerpiece of the room, while the windows were darkened by thick black curtains. An altar to Shar was located in the corner of the room. The party's journal was located on an oaken writing desk, next to a series of lists.

The list was probably to catalogue a large number of armor, weapons and other assorted items which had been lain out on the floor. These were items that Laska and her friends had looted, but were not used. The elf took the list and looked at it – it was a price list for negotiating the sale of the items. Viconia was nothing if not thorough and precise.

One particular item caught her eye, however. A curved dagger with a bone hilt lay on the desk itself, and was the only item which had a note attached to it.

Curious, the elf took the dagger and read the note. 'The Cookie-Cutter. **CURSED!** Do not touch or use under any circumstance! This means YOU, Laska!'.

"Cute," Laska whispered, thinking how dumb the name 'Cookie-Cutter' was for a weapon. Cursed items was something she had had some 'interesting' experiences with. Her mind drifted back to her very first experience with a cursed item. Back to the days when she and Imoen were still living in Candlekeep.

* * *

_Banar Windspear lay content on his back in his bed at the inn as the rays of the sun emerged through the small window. Memories of this night's bliss were fresh on his mind. He was a mercenary, hired to protect the sage Melkor and his pretty young daughter Magdalyn on this fact-finding mission to Candlekeep. And he thought he'd be bored on this assignment._

_Next to him, in all her perfect glory, lay the young elf he had met yesterday, still sleeping. She lay on her stomach with her face mashed in her pillow while the sun reflected of her bare back and her wildly spread out long dark hair. Banar smiled to himself as he once again carefully studied the elfmaid's curves... although judging from the things she did last night, this girl could hardly be called an elf maid by any stretch of the imagination._

_They had met yesterday morning, the young elf called Laska had challenged him for a sparring session. In every way, she was a wanna-be warrior looking to learn new moved. They had clashed blades for almost an hour, working up quite a sweat... and it had not eluded him that Laska was both strong and beautiful. Her chest heaved as she breathed heavily at the end of the session, the sweat on her brow glistening in the sun. The sheer intensity in her eyes had been so alluring to him. She wanted to win. And she did. In the end, it was she that won the spar... but mostly because Banar was becoming distracted with Laska's fine physique, or so he liked to think._

_She was a gracious winner, though, and allowed him to treat her to dinner last evening. They chatted, and drank wine. And eventually they ended up in his room, allowing him a full view of her feminine curves during a few amazing sessions of mattress acrobatics._

_And Melkor and Magdalyn were still going to be in Candlekeep for two days. He only wondered how much more debauchery this lovely elf would introduce him to._

_She stirred for a moment, and Banar was quick to let a hand slide over her back. She didn't seem to mind and groaned into her pillow._

_"Tired?" Banar asked with a hint of pride in his voice._

_"No," Laska replied. "I just remembered I have to fix the stable's roof at noon."_

_"We all have our duties," Banar sighed. "I have to be with Melkor in a bit."_

_Laska lay on her side now, allowing Banar another eyeful of her lovely body. She seemed to notice. "Like what you see?" she smirked._

_"You are... an amazing girl," Banar said and moved to embrace the elf. Laska allowed it as the two shared a brief kiss._

_"Not so bad yourself," Laska smirked. "So, are we on for sparring before I have to fix the roof? I'd like so some more of your moves."_

_"For sure," Banar promised as Laska broke the embrace. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."_

_"Good," Laska said and returned to smushing her face into her pillow. "I'm gonna lie here for a bit. Take a bath later."_

_Banar nodded and moved to gather his clothes. _

* * *

_In the common room of Winthrop's Inn, Gorion was having a nice cup of morning tea with a visiting old friend from his Harper days. It was amazing how sour an expression Khelben Blackstaff Arunson could manage even when he was relaxing in good company. Then again, he always had been someone who was easily annoyed. In front of them lay a couple of items, each of them cursed in various ways. That was the purpose of his visit: to identify these items and disable their curses, since these items were too dangerous to be left out there in the wild for witless adventurers to try out. One of them, a Mindflayer Circlet Coker of Domination, Gorion had recognized immediately, but the others required more research._

_"Thank you for your help," said Khelben. "Can I leave these items in your care for now? I long to return to Waterdeep."_

_"Certainly, old friend," Gorion replied after rubbing his hands through his graying hair._

_"You seem tired... not to mention grayer than the last time I saw you."_

"You_ try raising two teenage daughters," Gorion chuckled. "And then see how much hair you've got left when they leave the nest."_

_"It's that insufferable elf girl that's been giving you trouble, isn't it?" Khelben scoffed._

_Gorion chuckled. "Are you still angry over that cloak incident? She was only ten years old."_

_At that moment, a huge fat cat blasted out from behind the cupboard and landed squarely on their table, spilling items on the floor, while, at the same time, sending laundry into the hair from the direction from where he came, spilling those over the floor as well. The fat cat stole the cheese off Khelben's bread and rushed outside through the front door._

_Khelben seemed somewhat mystified, but not Gorion. He looked at the cupboard sternly. "Imoen," he said. "You can come out now."_

_A pink haired girl holding a now empty laundry basket shyly emerged from the shadows. "Sorry," she whispered and quickly started to gather up the laundry. "I was holding Tom and he was starting to wriggle and, so I sorta spilled the laundry. Uhm, certainly didn't hear anything about cursed items, nosssssir. There be nothing to see here, move along."_

_That said, Imoen picked up the basket and ran upstairs._

_Khelben and a smirking Gorion watched her leave. Finally, the first turned towards the former. "I see what you mean."_

* * *

_"Yo," greeted Imoen as she entered the room she shared with Laska. Imoen and Laska were quite lucky to have been given the top floor of one of the high towers of Candlekeep since their childhood. Of course, these days, Laska was often missing during the night whenever there was an interesting man or woman staying at the keep. Imoen put down the clothes and she could see Laska relaxing in the bathtub, braiding her own hair._

_Laska returned the smile and emerged from the water, looking for a towel to dry herself. "Ah, clean clothes. Thanks for bringing this here."_

_"Well, you know, washing duty and all that. At least Ulraunt's robes haven't turned out pink again," Imoen giggled. "Small trouble," she said after handing Laska a set of folded pants, a belt and a vest. The elf nodded and moved behind the dressing screen._

_"So, had fun?" smirked Imoen as Laska hung the pants over the screen._

_"Bit of a dull guy, but he was a bloody good shag," Laska said as she picked up the leather pants. The sounds of her legs swooshing into them followed._

_"Settling for less now?" Imoen said. "Magdalyn wouldn't got for it, did she?"_

_"Tried my best lines on her," Laska scoffed. "I don't think she even understood that I was trying to pick her up. At least Banar is likable, even if he did keep staring at my chest all day."_

_The whoosh of a belt sounded as it was pulled from the dressing screen. Behind it, Laska was weaving it through the nooses of her pants._

_"Lucky Banar was there," Imoen grinned as she plopped down on her bed. "So, details! You got up to the room, and what happened exactly? I want descriptions and diagrams here!" Indeed, Laska was often forthcoming with meticulous details about her night-time adventures._

"_Well, we went up to his room and I pushed him on the bed and..." Laska started to say while doing her belt. A final, damning click of a belt-buckle snapping into place was accompanied with a strange magical halo that settled on the elf. Imoen looked on with interest as Laska, apparently confused, looked down at herself._

_"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHH!" shouted Laska and knocked over the dressing screen, exposing her bare chest. Even though it took some time to register, Imoen noticed Laska looked... deflated somehow._

_Panic was apparent in Laska's eyes. "Oh, sweet Sehanine!" Laska shouted as she headed towards the large mirror. "My breasts are gone! MY BREASTS ARE GONE!" Oddly enough, her voice was slightly lower than her regular voice. "BOOLLLOCCKKKS!"_

_Laska's formerly feminine curves were replaced with a pair of toned pectorals. Her arms were a bit more muscular and tones, while her stomach now showed faint musculature as well. Looking at her face, Imoen noticed that Laska had higher cheekbones and overall had a more boyish appearance. Her legs were more muscular as well... and Imoen blushed a bit as she noticed that Laska's leather pants had gotten a bit more tighter in one area since her miraculous transformation._

_Laska seemed to notice Imoen's gaze and, after that fact duly registered in her mind, blinked profusely. "Oh, BOLLOCKS!"_

_A red-faced Imoen nodded. "Quite literally, yes."_

_A few minutes later, after a mad dash through Candlekeep, Laska was shaking as she sat in Gorion's office, being poured a cup of tea by one of the servant girls. Imoen was there as well, laying her hands on Laska's shoulders for moral support, while Khelben and Gorion entered the door._

_"Well," Khelben said. "We've removed the belt..."_

_"IT DIDN'T WORK!" Laska wailed. "My breasts are still gone!"_

_"Ahum, yes, well," Khelben sighed. "Maybe if your sister here paid attention to..."_

_"And maybe if you had kept track of your own cursed items," Gorion started, "then my daughter wouldn't have this problem right now."_

_"Touche," Khelben admitted then turned to Laska. "Well, young, um, man..."_

_"GIRL!" Laska snarled. "I'm a girl, dammit!"_

_"Yes, um, my apologies, young... girl," Khelben said. "But at least your transformation isn't permanent."_

_Relief washed over Laska in waves. "Only a couple of more minutes then? The belt's gone now, so..."_

_Gorion and Khelben shared a look. "Well, um, not exactly."_

_"What do you mean?!" Laska got really nervous now._

_"The magic is powerful," said Gorion. "It will take some time to the magic to dissipate. No worries. It should only take a day."_

_"A DAY?!"_

_"Or two..."_

_"TWO DAYS?!"_

_"A week at most," Khelben added._

_"A BLOODY WEEK?!"_

_"But no more than that!" Gorion was quick to add. "We just don't know when it'll wear off. I'm afraid that's all we can do for now. I'm sorry, Laska, but you're just going to have to live with it."_

_Laska looked downwards, dejected and miserable._

_"Laska?" Imoen asked. "You know..."_

_"What?"_

_"You really shouldn't wear your hair in a braid while you're in this condition," she said. "It kinda makes you look effeminate."_

_Laska shot a look so vile it could curdle milk._

_"What?" Imoen looked sheepishly._

* * *

_Laska downed another cup of Winthrop's finest and slammed it down on the counter as she sat at the bar, drowning her sorrows. Whenever Laska was feeling down, Winthrop's was usually the place to go._

_"Aye," said Winthrop. "That's how a real_ man _drinks his ale."_

_A low angry growl escaped from Laska's lips, sending Winthrop on the defensive. "Uh, come now, Laska, that was a joke."_

_"Do you see me laughing?"_

_"Usually you get more jolly with every cup, Laska," Winthrop said while cleaning a tankard. "Why not now?"_

_"Because I just realized that every cup brings me closer to having to pee," sniffed Laska._

_"What, ye never looked?" Winthrop said. "Not even curious?"_

_"Why?!" Laska said. "It's not mine! It's not me! Why would I want to take a look at it?"_

_"Aye, most of young men that come in 'ere chat me ears of about bed-room matters. Wondering if they're big enough and all. Sad teenagers really. But, since you're now a temporary boy..."_

_"I'm a GIRL! And I really don't want to talk about this stuff!"_

_"Yes, yes, but you never interested in checking out your size? Maybe it's just a boy thing, then."_

_"No, not at all," Laska snorted as she looked at her bare chest. "I feel like I'm the star in my very own Kara-Turan deviant picturebook. I'm just waiting for the tentacles to show up."_

_"Ugh," Winthrop said. _

_"I don't even have any shirts that fit me anymore. And I can't wear my vests, because they look silly on me now."_

_"Yup, you're a girl, alright," chuckled Winthrop. "You know, you should get out of here and do somethin' that gets your mind off."_

_"What?!" Laska said. "But everybody will see me and know!"_

_"This is Candlekeep," Winthrop snickered. "Most of them out there know already. Ain't got anything to do. Hull's been iffy about the leaky stable-roof. That's your chore this week, isn't it?"_

_"And there's sparring," Laska's eyes lit up. "Could use a good fight right about now."_

_"Aye, there's the girl," Winthrop said. "Good ole Gorion is doing everything he can to help shorten yer stint as a boy. Might as well enjoy it while you have the chance. Sorta experience life from the other side. Ye might like it."_

_"I doubt it," Laska sighed. "Say... hypothetical question. If I cut it off now, would there be something missing if I turn back into a girl later?"_

_"And for godssakes, don't cut yourself," Winthrop shuddered. "Who knows what'll 'appen if ye do! Just get out there and do stuff that'll get your mind off."_

* * *

_"Hi!" greeted Laska as she carried her two blades in her hands. They might have be blunt and old, but they were hers and hers alone. Her armor, on the other hand, was a chainmail taken from the barracks. It sat way too loosely around her body, but her own armor obviously did not fit anymore. She found Banar waiting for her at the practice grounds. Some healthy exercise was exactly what she needed right now to get her mind off._

_Banar looked at her oddly, though, and kept looking around as if search for someone._

_"Pardon?" the young mercenary asked. "Who are you?"_

_"It's me, Laska!" she said. "Okay, I sorta look different now, but..."_

_"You're not Laska," he said. "You look totally different. Are you trying to take the piss out of me? Where's Laska?"_

_Laska gritted her teeth. "Laska is standing right in front of you. It's sort of a mishap of a magical nature that turned me into a bloke. It's all temporary, though, don't worry about it. Now, shall we spar?"_

_Banar seemed somewhat horrified. "Uh, well, uh, I sorta remember I had to be... somewhere. Quickly... So, I'd better be going now."_

_"But..." Laska blinked. "I'm still Laska!"_

_"So sorry," Banar blanched. "I... I think I hear Melkor calling."_

_"I'm an elf," Laska crossed her arms. "My hearing infinitely better than yours, and right now, I hear Melkor snoring at his room at the inn."_

_"Gotta run," Banar said and sped away._

_Anger boiled in Laska's veils. "Oh, yeah?!" she called after him. "I was good enough for you last night, when I had my head in your lap!"_

_Banar was even more horrified when this rather loud proclamation reached the ears of the watchers and visitors. Many people turned their heads towards the display, some laughing._

_"Ssshhhtt!" hissed Banar. "Please don't yell that across the yard!"_

_"Oh?!" Laska snarled, not in the slightest bit deterred by Banar's pleas. "So I'm good enough for a shag, but not for a spar? Screw you, Banar!"_

_The red faced Banar turned to the crowd. "She... she was girl last night! I swear she was a girl, with curves and everything!"_

_"ARSEHOLE!" shouted Laska. "I'm never kissing you again!"_

_Banar ran away red-faced._

* * *

_Seeing Banar had bailed on her, Laska decided to start her chores early. She returned her weapons and armor, got some tools and attached a basket with roofing tiles to the pulley of the stables. She pulled her hair loose and deftly scaled the rainpipe to the roof of the stables. Already she could see the patches of the roof that were in need to be replaced. She strolled over to the pulley and yanked on the ropes to bring up the tools and the tiles._

_She went to work, tearing loose the old tiles and starting to place the new ones. It kept her busy and stopped her from thinking too much of her predicament. Soon, the warm sun started to take its toll, though, and Laska had to take a break. She sat down and wiped the sweat from her brow. She noticed her chest was all sweaty too, so she took her canteen and poured the water over herself._

_From the keep, Laska noticed the same washerwoman passing through the windows in the outer corridor in the keep for the third time in a row. This time, she almost bumped into a wall while looking at her. How odd._

_She noticed two more young Seekers of the Keep oggling her from the second floor, looking away trying to be casual whenever she looked at them. How odd. These women never spared her a look when she was still a girl._

_"Oy, pretty boy!" she heard the voice of Hull from the ground floor. _

_"What?" Laska called down at the burly guardsman._

_"When you're done distracting the females of Candlekeep, please finish the roof. Horses don't like being wet."_

_"There isn't a cloud in the sky, Hull," Laska sighed._

_"There could be. You never know what these mages get up to. So, back to work, Las!"_

_After a day of hard work, Laska looked at a nicely repaired roof. With the new tar smoothed out, this stable was ready to face the elements. After washing up, she stood at the inn, getting ready to spend some of the fifty gold that Hull had given her as a reward. Normally, these kinds of chores were mandatory, but Hull always felt it right to reward a day of hard work. And Laska definitely felt like she had deserved a few tankards of Winthrop's finest ale._

_But just as she was about to enter the inn, she saw Magdalyn strolling along from the garden. She looked gorgeous, her raven hair swaying in the wind, held in place by a emerald studded tiara. She wore a simple mage-robe that had a deep cleavage, showing off a lot of her creamy white skin. A deep slit on the side of her robe revealed her leg up to the hip. She was a necromancer, just like her father, and it showed in the combination of her dark hair and her pale skin. She strode like a queen._

_Laska was, once again, very impressed with this gorgeous lady and... _'Oh, gods!' s_he thought and quickly turned around after suddenly noticing her pants had grown even tighter. 'I hope nobody saw that,' she blushed. How annoying it was to have suddenly have to deal with a wayward rudder. Summoning some mental discipline, she tried to will her embarrassing arousal to wilt. _

_She failed._

_"Well, hello there," sounded the voice of Magdalyn. "I don't believe I've seen you here before."_

_Laska turned around and sheepishly let her hand slide through her hair. "Uh, hello," she said, feeling Magdalyn's sparkling green eyes roaming over her exposed chest._

_"You look familiar," Magdalyn said. "Now where have I seen... Oh! You wouldn't be related to that strange girl Laska I met when I first got here, would you?"_

_"Yes, um," Laska said, "she's, um, my sister."_

_"What was it she said to me? Oh, yeah, it was 'I think you've got something in your eye. Oh, Never mind, it's just a sparkle'. And 'Do you have a Healing Potion? Because I just scraped my knee falling for you'. And then she gave me a weird look and there was a strange tone in her voice. If I wouldn't know any better, I think she was coming on to me."_

_"Uh," Laska grimaced. "Well, um, sis is weird."_

_"My name is Magdalyn Bonedancer," she purred like a cat and moved closer to her. "And your name?"_

_Again she lost all her willpower as her newly attached organ continued its rebellion. Magdalyn was close enough for her to feel her breath on her skin, close enough to rake her nails over her chest. Oh, why didn't any of her shirts fit anymore?! She might have pulled it over herself to hide her embarrassment. How did men deal with this kind of thing all the time?!_

_After breaking her train of thought, Laska could see that Magdalyn was still waiting for an answer._ 'Alright, alright, elven boy name, let's think of something...'

_"My name is Legolas," Laska finally decided. "Legolas Leafwalker. But you can call me Lego."_

_"Call me Maggie," giggled Magdalyn._

_"So, ummm..."_

_"So..."_

_"Well..."_

_"Wanna go to the inn?" asked Magdalyn. "Dinner?"_

* * *

_"Oh, Lego," giggled Magdalyn over dinner. "I felt like I've known you for years."_

_Laska kept notice of how Maggie's chest tried to escape from her robe with every giggle. Which was plenty of time. She found out two things about this lovely necromancer over this dinner. First of all, she was very beautiful, even moreso up close. Second of all, she was mind-numbingly boring._

_All she talked about was her pet ghost-hound, a reanimated skeleton of a long-dead rottweiler. Apparently, it fetched a mean frisbee and scared all the other dogs at the dogshows she went to. And talk she did... all the time... pausing long enough for Laska to get a 'uh-huh' in every now and then. _

_But this wasn't the dull part of the conversation. That part for reserved for meticulous descriptions of her wardrobe, every single robe, sock and shoe passed along while Laska tried to keep awake, just trying to keep her mind on the fact that this girl was gorgeous and, considering the looks she gave her and the suspiciously lowered shoulder of her robe, she was definitely interested in her. Other than that, 'clueless' would have been a good way to describe her._

_Winthrop's food and drink was good, as usual, and mostly it saved the evening. After some more boring conversation, Magdalyn asked Laska to walk her back to her room._

_"So..." Magdalyn sighed as they stood in front of her room._

_"So..." replied Laska. Normally, she would be more suave and secure, but this was anything but a normal situation._

_"Here we are..."_

_"Here we are..."_

_"So..."_

_"So..."_

_"Are you going to repeat everything I said?"_

_"Are you going... Uh, sorry," Laska snapped out of it. Magdalyn merely giggled and leaned in for a kiss. Laska met her lips and allowed Magdalyn to explore. To her relief, this certainly didn't feel any different. So, she pulled the girl in an embrace, pressing her against him and kissed her back. At least, that was one way to shut her up. _

_Finally, the two broke the kiss._

_"So," asked Magdalyn. "Would you... like to come in?"_

_Laska nodded, no doubt this was going to be a very interesting night._

* * *

_Morning came swiftly, and Magdalyn, still in a state of bliss, awoke groggily, having fond memories of the night. At first, she had thought he had little experience because of his fumbling in the beginning, but soon Legolas had revealed himself as a good lover. Looking into the sun, she searched for her cute elven lovetoy. Ah, she felt around his bellybutton..._ _'_How odd,' _she thought._ _'_He doesn't seem to be as muscular anymore and his skin a lot softer and smoother.'

_She planned to slide up her hands to his shoulders and embrace him in his sleep, but her fingers soon bumped into something._ 'Strange,' _she thought as she put her hand around something soft and round on his chest... there seemed to be two of them._

_It seemed Legolas was stirring in his sleep too and awakening. Magdalyn shrugged off her grogginess and looked away from the sun... only to discover that her luscious elven boy was gone... and she was actually feeling up that same strange elven girl Laska she had met the first day._

_"YES!" shouted the elven girl as she was now fully awake. "I'm a girl again! YES! YESSS! YESSSSSS!"_

_Magdalyn suddenly felt the walls tightening around her, constricting her as she realized what she had done and with whom._

_"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKK KKKKKKKKKKKK!"_

* * *

_"I'm sure my eyebrows will grow back," Laska chuckled as she and Imoen sat in front of the inn. Imoen was jiggling a purse she had just lifted, while Laska was whittling away at a small stick with her dagger._

_"I still say it was completely unreasonable that she threw that fireball into the room," Imoen huffed._

_"Well, she was kinda confused," Laska said. "Besides, she missed me... well, mostly. And I still have all the hair on my head," she said, yanking her own braid._

_"So... details!" Imoen grinned. "You and Magdalyn! What did you do, and how many times?"_

_"Well," Laska said. "I think she was good in the sack, but I haven't really got a frame of reference here. Never made love as a guy before now."_

"_So what's it like?"_

_Laska sat back and chuckled a bit. "I think I understand a bit better now why men are always so eager."_

_Imoen nodded. "I still think she has to pay for trying to hurt you."_

_"Nah, she was just confused," Laska said. "I'm just happy being a girl again with all my assets intact."_

_At that moment, Banar shyly strolled towards Laska. In turn, the elf regarded him coldly._

_"Hello," he greeted meekly. "Do you, um, still want to spar?"_

_"Bugger off," Laska muttered._

_"Really?" he asked. "You know, I could take you out to dinner and..."_

_"Bugger off," Laska said with more force._

_"But..."_

_"She said BUGGER OFF!" Imoen stood up, balled her fist and aimed it at his face. "Don't you have ears? Take a hike, pal!"_

_Banar sheepishly retreated, often looking back at Laska to see if she'd change her mind. She did not._

_Imoen turned to Laska again. "She still needs to pay, sis."_

_"I know that look in your eyes, Im," Laska said. "What did you do?"_

_"I, um, retrieved and deposited a certain cursed artifact," Imoen said sheepishly._

_On cue, a slightly baritone 'EEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK!' sounded from Magdalyn's room._

_"Oh, dear," grinned Laska. "Well, I suppose I should offer her some comfort. I mean, I know what it's like and all. Perhaps she needs some help to deal with this difficult part of her life."_

_Laska and Imoen looked at each other for a moment._

_"Nah," chuckled Laska._

* * *

Laska smiled to herself at the memory. Magdalyn had refused to talk to her and avoided her like the plague for the next two days. And she had to endure Banar's pathetic attempts at making up and trying get into her pants again. Otherwise, it had been a fun experience.

Suddenly, however, she noticed she must have had picked up the dagger while daydreaming. Her hand was tightly wrapped around the hilt.

"Uh-oh," Laska gulped as she tried to drop the knife. Try as she might, she could not muster the willpower to put it down. It was as if the dagger was attached to her body. "Oh, shit, Vico's gonna be pissed."

Suddenly, she felt hungry. In fact, she felt extremely hungry. Cookies. Cookies. There had to be cookies in the house somewhere.

Yes, milk and cookies. And then more cookies. And more cookies. In fact, all she wanted to do was to eat cookies. All day long, cookies, cookies and only cookies. She'd eat all the cookies in the house, then find a bakery and eat everything is sight even remotely resembling a cookie.

"Hmmmm, cookies," Laska swooned. She'd worry about Viconia's reaction later.

Cookies first.

Cookies now.

Cookies FOREVER!


	42. Agony-inquisitor

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 42: Agony-inquisitor_

"I still can't believe how many cookies you ate before we got to you," Viconia told Laska as the two of them were headed to the Order's corral outside the city to fetch their loaner horses. Elf and drow strolled calmly through the streets of Athkatla, passing along the many inhabitants of the city as they went on with their daily lives.

Laska held her tummy and groaned slightly. "Don't mention cookies. Or food. Ever again. Ugh, it still hurts."

"I _did_ put a note of warning on that dagger," Viconia said. "We had to chase you all over the city when you got through the house's supply of cookies. You raided three pastry shops before you doubled back home and, damn, you move fast when you're focused on something."

"Ooooh, no more food mentioning. I'm going to throw up," Laska whined.

Viconia didn't relent, however. "I have to wonder how close we came to losing a very lucrative job. I'm not sure what Lord Firkraag thought of you when he stopped by the house to discuss the particulars of the job and he found you sitting on a pile of cookies with crumbs all over your clothes and chocolate all over your face."

"Uhm, he was surprised?"

"I'll say!" Viconia snorted. "You hissed at him and kept repeating 'Mine! Cookies are mine! ALL MINE!' over and over again. While eating. Thankfully he accepted our explanation."

Laska sighed. "What was the point of that silly curse anyway?"

"Debilitation," said Viconia. "All curses debilitate. One could hardly call you effective when your only concern in the entire universe is to find and eat cookies."

"Good point," Laska replied as they finally passed through the massive city gate. After nodding to the guard, the two of them walked along the city walls towards the corral. After about five minutes of walking they arrived at the edge of the corral and stood at one of the main stables. Aside from a stable, this was a preparation area for knights to change into their armor and ready their weapons. It was a perfect place to prepare for the reasonably long trip to the Windspear plateau.

Viconia reached for Laska's bag of holding and took out her brand new armor. Eager to try it on, Viconia turned to Laska for help. "Hold that clasp, will you?"

This morning, Viconia had put on a tight green suede matching tunic and pants. When asked why she had suddenly changed her garment, she told everyone she was tired of wearing baggy robes, plus, it would be a better undergarment for the magical plate-mail she had bought yesterday. Today, she was giving the new enchanted armor a shakedown.

Laska took the clasp and pulled it, safely fastening the leg-protector around her friend's right knee. "Can I just say that it is a bit dubious to see the person guarding this party's spending and handling our finances suddenly shows up in a very expensive magical armor?"

"You could, but it would be ignored," Viconia huffed. "I bought this with my own share, Laska. I know the concept of 'savings' is alien to you, but there are those who are capable of thinking ahead."

"I know I've said this before, but are you really sure that you want to wear this armor?" Laska asked while patting Viconia's chestplate with her knuckles.

On cue, Viconia moved her body with lightning-speed, bending on one knee, grasping a twig from the ground and standing upright again, all in less than a second. "See?" Viconia smirked. "I'm still as agile as before. This plate-mail might be unnaturally light, but I can still dodge like I have always been able to."

"Chainmail allows more freedom, you know?" Laska nodded.

"Yes, yes," Viconia sighed, "we all know how acrobatic you can get, but I am not as strong as you, so I'm not able to lift my own armored body and do backflips like you do, so I might as well go for a higher protection-value." And Laska knew the drow was right. Viconia was more agile than she, so the type of armor she wore in combat didn't make that much difference, but, judging from the more speedy acrobatic techniques she relied upon, Laska would be seriously impaired if she wore anything else than chain-mail.

In the meantime, Viconia was looking powerful and not someone to mess with in the light-blue plate mail. A sly grin crossed her face when a certain half-elf made her way across the corral.

"I'll leave you two... to your business," Viconia winked. "Look, I know there's plenty of haystacks around here, but please try to keep your goodbyes short and to the point. We do have a long travel ahead."

Now feeling slightly embarrassed, Laska made her way across the corral, taking Rose in a firm embrace. And immediately regretted it when she felt the pressure on her stomach. "Ooowwww," she moaned slightly.

"Are you still feeling sick?" Rose asked.

Laska rubbed her tummy and puffed. "Cookie overdose. I will never eat pastries again ever!"

"Are you sure you want to go out while not feeling well?" Rose said, looking a bit worried. "I mean, the orc with the swords are not going to go easy on you because your belly aches."

"Hey, hey, hey, it's a simple orc-hunt," the elf muttered, feeling slightly offended, "I've stopped a war, cleared out Durlag's Tower, survived the Cult of the Eyeless. I've even sparred with demons from the Nine Hells itself and... I _can't_ believe I just said that. My stomach ache will be gone in a day, I'll be fine."

Rose giggled a moment, but her smile soon faded. Taking a moment to stroke Laska's tattooed cheek, she spoke softly. "I... I've heard so much things about Lord Firkraag, and if only half of the rumors are true then Firkraag is a wicked, wicked man. Just... don't trust him, keep on your toes."

"Well, if he makes any trouble, I'll kick his ass," Laska said resolutely. "Oh, by the way," she whispered, her sensitive ears having picked up on the clues, "we have an audience..."

Elf and half-elf turned their gaze upon two sandy-haired stablehands, twin brothers, no more than fourteen years of age. Both boys were staring rather nervously at the two women. The face off lasted about a minute, until one of the boys pushed the other forwards. "Come on, ask them, man!" he hissed.

Both boys stepped forward, and both Laska and Rose noticed they didn't look them in the eyes as they spoke. In fact, their eyesight tended to focus a little bit lower than that.

"So, uh," the boy said, started to sweat, grow red and stuttered, "theresapartyatthesaucymermai dtonightwouldyouliketobeourd atesandbecomeourwomen?"

"Let them down easy or be mean?" Rose asked.

"Let's be mean," the elf grinned and captured Rose's lips with her own. After their passionate liplock ended, Laska looked back to the gaping boys.

"Sorry, lads," Laska grinned, "but as you can see we are both taken..."

The other boy simply stared with open mouth. "C-c-could you do that again, please?" he responded with hopeful eyes.

"One more memory to cherish," Rose said, taking the initiative this time.

The boys looked upon them as if they were living a fragile dream, which was promptly broken when a gruff voice shouted from all the way on the other side of the corral. "Oy, Big-Ears!" it shouted, "we be waitin' fer ye, 'ere!"

* * *

The party set out on their loan-horses, including a cart to move their supplies, and made their way through the Amnian landscape. Though Amn was a well-traveled land, the countryside was peaceful and green. They passed fields, forests, small hamlets and traveled along a mountain range.

The trip was uneventful and the party was making wonderful time. For once, there were no trees in the road, no mud slides obscuring the path, no highway-men trying to rob them, nor did anyone fall ill and there were plenty of rations on the cart Korgan was handling.

At first nightfall, they were only half a day away from Windspear. The party set up camp and had a pleasant dinner: good food among good friends, though Laska had decided to opt out on dinner that evening. When it was time to go to rest for the night, Dynaheir worked her usual magic to keep the camp safe from harm. Still, having learned their lesson from a previous encounter, they still elected someone to keep watch. And, to the result of much cursing and threats, Korgan drew the shortest straw.

The balmy night was progressing nicely, and Keldorn stepped out of the tent, getting ready to take his shift.

"Ach," Korgan muttered, "there ye be! I be thinkin' this shift be never-ending..."

"I hope you were not bored, my good dwarf," Keldorn nodded.

"Nay, nay," Korgan sighed, "but ye be trying ta deal with those broodin' girlies, long-limb," Korgan said as he dragged himself towards the tent. "And if ye be ever callin' me 'good dwarf' again, I be slicin' yer legs off!" he said just before disappearing into the tent.

Keldorn shook his head and took his place near the fire-pit, his Hallow Redeemer ever in reach, wondering about Korgan's words earlier. But he did not have to ponder long. He noticed Laska was leaning against a gnarly old tree in the middle of camp, apparently staring at the moon above. She was not wearing her armor, just her casual leather pants and vest.

"Amazing spell, isn't it?" Keldorn said, opening the conversation as he strolled towards the brooding elf.

"One of Dynaheir's finest," Laska replied. Dynaheir had cast the 'Safe Haven'-spell, not only encasing the entire camp in a powerful force-field, but also giving the illusion to the outside world that the camp was blended into the surrounding landscape. In this case, it probably looked like a massive boulder from the outside. Keldorn noticed a mountain-lion had apparently taken a perch on that 'boulder'. For within the camp, the beast seemed to be suspended in mid-air, giving the dangerous animal a rather comical appearance.

"Shouldn't you be getting some sleep?" Keldorn asked. "We have a long day ahead still, and Orcish raiders are reported near Windspear..."

"Yeah, yeah," Laska sighed. "I would sleep, but I'm having trouble with my arms."

"Your arms?" Keldorn asked with growing concern. "Pray tell, what is the matter with your arms?"

"Well, for one thing, Rosie isn't sleeping in them..." Laska replied with a weak smirk.

"I see," Keldorn nodded.

"It's funny, you know... All my previous semi-romantic encounters with men and women I found attractive almost all never lasted longer than a single night. Not so with Rosie... I really... want to be with her. And I really like her. Her smile, the smell of her hair, her quirky giggle, the way her eyes light up whenever she laughs..."

"You're falling in love with her," Keldorn replied. "Such things happen."

"Keldorn," Laska said, turning around to face him. "She hasn't had an easy life, you know, and she needs stability, and," Laska half-chuckled, "I'm not really a stable person myself. Hell, listen to me pretending to be responsible."

"Rose might need stability," Keldorn said, "but what she wants is you, my friend..."

"It would be easier if Rose was an adventurer like I am," Laska sighed. "Even if our relationship blossoms, I will not be around her that much..."

"This something I, sadly, have ample experience with," Keldorn sighed. "I might sound like a colossal hypocrite when I say this, but you must try to find a balance between life on the road and life back home. I'm sad to say I've favored one life more than the other... But for you, adventuring and doing good is not a duty like it is for me."

"But Rose and I..."

"Let me guess," Keldorn broke in, "you feel guilty because you think you are holding back Rose's new life, you feel you're not good enough for her because you cannot be a stabilizing influence and you don't want Rose to become an adventurer because you fear for her safety?"

"Basically," Laska replied, "yeah... But despite all those concerned, part me of just screams 'fuck all that, I want her!'."

Keldorn snorted and leaned against the stump. "Well, that ties it. You're in love..."

"You've hanging around Viconia too much, I see," Laska sighed.

Immediately, Keldorn drew away from the tree and let his formerly non-galantness fade. "My point is, my friend, that you, as an elf, are blessed with the gift of long life. You should grasp love whenever you find it, because it would be a shame if you spent the coming millennia alone."

"Hah!" Laska snorted. "If I even live that long... I could be killed by a stray arrow tomorrow, even!"

"No, my friend," Keldorn smiled. "I know for certain that you will live a very, very long life. But you yourself need to fill up that time, and make your life worth living."

Laska seemed to ponder the aged paladin's words for a moment, then smiled. "Thanks Keldorn... I'll think about your words..." she said, and strolled towards the tent. But just she had reached the tent-flap, she turned around, showing off a broad grin. "In fact, I've just thought about them! As soon as I get back to Athkatla, I'm going to ask Rose to move in with me..." That said, Laska disappeared inside the tent.

But as one problem was solved, a second one arose. The mage known as Dynaheir staggered out of the tent and walked towards the small hole in the ground covered by a small wooden bench, which served as their makeshift latrine. Concern gripped Keldorn's throat as he heard the mage was quickly hurling up their evening meal. Deciding to give the woman some privacy during this embarrassing moment, he stayed back until Dynaheir returned to the tent and passed by the campfire. The two of them locked eyes, while Keldorn offered the woman some warm water. The young Wychlaran nodded in gratitude and slowly emptied the cup.

"Are you well?" Keldorn asked.

"No," Dynaheir sighed, while sitting down across the campfire. "No, I am not... It's.. it's an ailment I haven't experienced for many years now... My head is throbbing, my stomach is churning, I feel tired and I feel dizzy."

"Spell-sickness," Keldorn confirmed. As an Inquisitor, he knew that wizards wielding powerful magics could befall to this ailment whenever too many spells of extreme power were cast in rapid succession.

"Thou art correct, unfortunately," Dynaheir nodded. "Ever since I was a little girl, I was judged to have an exceptional grasp of magics. But, unfortunately, my body would succumb to spell-sickness after every casting. The mind was willing, the body was failing. I was constantly behind on the other apprentices, even though I possessed more power than them. So, with iron discipline and will, I set out to suppress the spell-sickness by mediation and practise. And, as long as I could get my power-level in perfect harmony with my body, I would no longer get spell-sickness..."

"But during your time as a vampire, your powers have increased significantly," Keldorn said, "and your body hasn't had the chance to catch up..."

"Thou art right again," Dynaheir sighed. "Undead do not suffer from spell-sickness. Oh, well, 'tis a mere obstacle to overcome. I am certain it shall not cause problems in the near future, but perhaps I should not have cast this powerful protection-spell over our camp this soon."

"My lady," Keldorn spoke, "if you ever need to talk about your time as a vampire, you shall find a willing ear..."

"I thank thee for thy kind offer," Dynaheir nodded, "but it is... still too soon."

Keldorn nodded, while Dynaheir bowed her head and returned to her tent in silence, leaving the aged paladin to stare at the fire and resume his watch.

"Well, well, well," a familiar voice sounded from the shadows. Viconia, dressed in her green suede suit, stepped from her perch, "you are turning into quite the agony aunt. Perhaps you should open an office in Athkatla and charge for it. Judging from all the emotional wrecks who live in that accursed city, you would no doubt be able to buy Amn in a few years."

"Viconia," Keldorn greeted. Viconia nodded at sat down in the same place across the fire where Dynaheir had been seated only moments ago. "It's been a while since we had our last chat."

"As Laska would say 'stuff came up'," Viconia smirked, referring to the adventures in Keep De'Arnise and the planar prison.

"You are not asleep either," Keldorn remarked.

"Really?" Viconia chuckled. "I hadn't noticed! I must have been sleepwalking. But, no, truth be told I came out of the tent to look at the forest. It's... robust, wild, strong... and incredibly alluring. How can someone not respect the strength of an oak? Rising from the ground and growing to the light until it is high above its brethren. It's inspiring, really."

"It might be the elf in you, Viconia," Keldorn smiled, "Drow and elves might not be as far apart as your races claim to be..."

"Mind your tongue, Keldorn," Viconia snarled, but her dark eyes shone with gentle humor, "for any other drow than me, or any other elf than Laska for the matter, would carve your heart from your chest for that insult. Seriously, though, I used to spend quite some time in the great mushroom gardens of Menzoberranzan. I felt content for some reason. A warning," Viconia added, "I might like the forests, but do not expect me to start frolicking naked through the woods like Laska's elven sisters enjoy doing."

"I wouldn't dream of it!" the aged paladin replied quickly. A brief silence fell between them, which Keldorn broke. "Do... do elves do that?"

"Indeed they do," Viconia said. "I have witnessed it myself when I was part of a raid to the surface many, many decades ago."

"Truly?" Keldorn asked. "You have been to the surface before your exile?"

Viconia nodded. "Several times. All of them ended bloody."

"Perhaps," Keldorn sighed. "We should end this line of questioning and discuss other things?"

"I agree. Back to the forest, then. I find the forest quite artful... I like art, as you know, and, well, dark-natured human art is fine, but it pales in comparison to the work of drow artisans. The Mural of Menzoberra, for example, is beauty beyond words. Artisans started working on it when the city was just founded, and it was still not finished when I last saw it. The oldest parts are over twenty-thousand years old, and the entire mural is now over a thousand meters long. Dark, haunting patterns, mesmerizing," Viconia spoke with longing, "I wonder how many meters have been added since I was forced to leave. It pains me to think that I will never see it again."

"You speak often of the Underdark. Do you miss it at all?" Keldorn said, knowing full well that his question was a probing one.

Viconia sighed deeply as she lowered her gaze to stare at the fire. "Deep drow is inelegant when discussing beauty, but my home tongue has over seventy words for cruel. Few of my sisters prized the sights of our dark world, but I ache for them each night. The undersea of Laratrak, for example, defies words. To sail across takes two days _luent_ to _linoin_...east to west... three days _trezen_ to _werneth_...north to south. Massive stalactites overhead shimmer from the bloodless pallor of lichen and as you sail, a bleak dead world flows beneath, the playground of blind fish and fallen deities. How I miss it," she sighed. "Whenever I led trade missions for House DeVir from Menzoberranzan to Rilauven, I used to spend hours on end standing on the railing of the fore-section of the ship, simply staring at the sea in front of us. I also remember also the crystal spires of Ustlat, a pinnacle of Drow architecture. Living crystal pruned and gardened with gems and a master jeweler's care, it spoke of defiance, strength and freedom..."

Viconia sighed. "Well, enough nostalgia," she spoke, the sentimental tone slowly vanishing from her voice. "I will watch the forest a few moments longer before resting," she concluded, leaving Keldorn to tend to the fire alone while she strolled over to the edge of the camp.

The rest of Keldorn's shift was uneventful, but Keldorn, as always, was poised to do his duty.

Or, at least, it was until Minsc emerged from the tent to relieve him. "Minsc and Boo stand ready to guard our friends from the dark, dank, twisted evil that looks to do us harm! In fact, Boo says he saw a faceless thin man wearing a nice suit stalking us from afar, but he will use his space hamster magic to scare the bad thin man away."

"Indeed?" Keldorn cocked his head sideways. Though he respected Minsc for his zeal and fighting skills, he often doubted some of the claims the hulking ranger made. Instead of saying something about it, though, he patted the small hamster on the head and decided to retire for the evening. He stole one more look at the 'floating' mountain-lion, which had apparently decided that the rock

* * *

Minsc sat down at the fire and held his sword vigorously. Nobody would sneak up on them while Minsc was on watch! No sir!

"Who's there!" he bellowed as he heard a rustle coming from a nearby tree, only relaxing when he saw it was a squirrel running around on the branches. However, that was no reason to relax during his shift. It was just one false alarm, but the next one might be a real not-false one!

"Stand and deliver!" Minsc rose from his seat at the fire, sword in hand.

"It's just me, you brainless oaf!" sounded the throaty voice of Viconia as she still sat on the rock at the edge of camp. "Will you be quiet and leave me alone?"

Minsc said nothing. Instead, he rose from his seat at the fire and calmly strolled over to Viconia. He stood next to her, looked down as the drow continued staring into the distance.

Suddenly, Viconia violently snapped her head to him and narrowed her eyes. "What?!"

"You are sad," Minsc spoke matter-of-factly.

Viconia did not reply, and resumed staring off into the darkness of the forest. "Just leave me alone," she said softly.

The hulking ranger did not comply instead, he held out his hand. Sitting in his hand was Boo, looking at Viconia with hamster eyes. "Whenever I miss the fields and forests of Rashemen, I hold Boo to comfort me. Maybe little Viconia will feel less sad when she has a hamster to hold!"

Viconia blinked. Then snarled. "Take that away, you idiot."

Minsc did not comply. In fact, he stood there like a statue, still holding out his hand.

Viconia heavily. "Alright," she sighed and allowed the ranger to put Boo in her hands.

Minsc said nothing and returned to the fire, leaving Boo in Viconia's care.

"Well," Viconia told the hamster in her hands. "Here I am, sitting on the surface, underneath the stars, friends with a surface elf and various other 'inferior' races, while holding a hamster. If someone were to tell me this would happen to me when I was a century younger, I would not have believed it."

Just then, out of the corner of her eyes, Viconia caught movement from the corner of her eyes. It was dark and the proximity of the fire threw off her darkvision a bit, but her powerful eyesight could make out a thin slender figure wearing a black suit with writhing black tentacles sprouting from his back between the trees some one hundred yards away from the camp. She tried to focus, but was distracted when Boo in her hands sprang to life and turned around too in the direction of the creature.

When she looked up again, the figure was gone.

She looked down at Boo again, and she could swear that the hamster was looking smug. He had the kind of look in his eyes that one would give if one had given an old nemesis a decisive smackdown.

Viconia sighed again, but oddly enough felt a little less homesick than before.


	43. The Windspear plateau

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 43: The Windspear plateau_

Still being rather groggy, Laska staggered out of the main tent, only to find that she was in fact the last person of the party to wake up that morning, and that the others were already sitting around the fire and were eating their breakfasts. She shrugged and stretched, letting out a massive yawn.

"Ah, the sleeping elf is finally awake," Jan chuckled. "Reminds me of my cousin Rip van Jansen, who..."

"Who slept for a long time?" Viconia groaned. "Your stories are becoming so predictable..."

"Aha, shows what you know!" Jan replied as he downed his cup of tea. "In fact, Rip was a caffeine addict. Drank so much coffee he actually sloshed whenever he walked. Then there was the great coffee-shortage of '23 and he didn't get a cup for a whole hour. Slept forty years, he did."

"So he _did_ sleep for a long time," Viconia said. "And I was right all along."

"After hearing one of thy stories," Dynaheir sighed, "I feel like doing quite the same..."

Jan huffed and downed another cup of tea. "My stories are fine. It's the audience that's wrong... Kinda reminds me of the time I played in the musical my uncle Andrew Lloyd Jansen wrote. Umber Hulks, an underground adventure. It was a lovely play depicting the everyday life of Umber Hulks under the ground. The audience loved it, though it was trouble to haul yourself in that suit everyday. Also, since Umberhulks aren't known for their singing voices, that left a lot to be desired too. All went fine until Andrew Lloyd ran away with the box-office money to life the high life on a tropic island. Often enough, he sends us postcards saying 'I have lots of money, so screw you all!'."

Ignoring the gnome, Keldorn turned to Laska whom had just finished washing up and was about to change into her armor. "Are you feeling a little better today, Laska?"

"Much so. And I'm hungry as a horse! Hey," she shouted from the other side of the make-shift dressing screen made from a linnen cloth suspended over a low branch. "Has anyone seen my right pauldron?"

"There it is!" Minsc helpfully pointed to a spot that was just outside the magical illusion Dynaheir had set over the camp last evening. The pauldron had somehow found its way to rest on a large rock just outside the illusion. "Boo has found it for you."

"Nice one, Boo," Laska smiled and passed through the illusion due to the force field being perfectly attuned to the people inside the bubble. The illusion would still last for a couple of hours, or whenever Dynaheir decided to dispell it.

"Laska!" Keldorn shouted, suddenly remembering the 'floating' mountain lion still prowling on top of the illusion After quickly glancing upwards, he noticed the mountain lion had already seen Laska as prey and was getting ready to jump the unsuspecting elf.

"What is it?" Laska said, turning around after she had picked up her pauldron. The lion, not being able to compensate for the Laska's sudden movement, sailed past the elf and crashed against a very real rock on the ground next to the illusion.

"Bad mountain lion wants to eat you!" Minsc added.

"What?" Laska frowned and then moved inside the illusion. At the same time the recovered mountain lion prepared to jump the elf again, but since it was not able to pass through the force field, the unfortunate creature crashed against the magical power. Deciding it had had enough punishment, it slipped away through the bushes.

"What mountain lion?" Laska asked as she glanced over her shoulder, not even having noticed both attacks.

"Never mind," Keldorn muttered, his eyes shining with relief.

Laska shrugged and sat down at the fire. "Anyway, what's for eats?"

"Chez Viconia's scrambled eggs and ham," said Viconia. "The breakfast of champions."

Jan perked up immediately. "And it's not ever burned. Here, try it with turnip shavings!"

"She just recovered from stomach aches, gnome," Viconia sighed. "You want to make her sick again?"

While Laska took a bowl, Keldorn watched the sun in the sky. "It's later than expected. We should break up camp and continue on our way if we want to make good time."

"Hey, mister know-it-all!" Laska retorted. "Who's the leader of this party anyway?"

"Ach," Korgan chuckled. "Bark yer orders then, elfie..."

"Eeeeh," the elf muttered. "What he said... But only _after_ I have me some breakfast..."

* * *

After a day of travel by horse, the party finally arrived at their destination in the evening. The light of the full moon illuminated the Windspear area. Windspear was a flat, rocky plateau, its sides smoothed down to steep drops due to thousands of years of wind erosion. On the south side of the plateau, alluvium had gathered, making the land fresh and fertile. It was there where most farmlands were gathered, but there were no farmsteads. Those, and the rest of the village of Windspear, were at the top of the plateau, about one hundred meters above the ground. There was only a single path leading up to the plateau, and this position had protected Windspear against invaders from the ground ever since its founding.

Leaving the horses to graze on the green pastures below, Laska and her friends made their way through the only path leading up to the Windspear plateau, no one really having a good feeling about the whole thing. The path was narrow, windy and invited an ambush from above. And with no places to hide or take cover, they would have been sitting ducks. That it was pitch black in darkness didn't help either.

Luckily, they were not attacked by anyone during the time they walked the path, but that said nothing, however, about the moment they stepped off the path and stood on the entrance to the Windspear plateau. It was a large open area, surrounded on all sides with steep rocks, the only way out being a narrow passage leading through the rock on the other side of the area. A large wooden platform fastened with pulleys was undoubtedly used to lower carts and other supplies.

But most notable at the top of the platform were a group of the ten creatures blocking their path onto the plateau. They did not speak. Instead, they engaged the party immediately without any hesitation.

Viconia raised her flail of ages high. '_Males!_' Viconia was insulted by the very indignity. '_They sent mere male mercenaries to hunt me!_'. The blow of her flail connected with the male that engaged her, sending him reeling back and giving Viconia a few moments rethink her situation. She noticed these males weren't using any of the usual drow tactics she knew about. In fact, these drow were acting strangely un-drowlike; they weren't using any sneak attacks or backstabbing-moves, but instead went for a strictly frontal assault. Before Viconia could ponder this further, the male was back on his feet and engaged her again.

Panic gripped Dynaheir by the throat. No less than ten of Bodhi's vampiric servants were attacking her and her friends. She would not allow them to take her back to Bodhi, she _wouldn't_! She launched a fireball, which exploded against the chest of one of the vampires, sending him crashing into the rocks behind him.

"NOOOO!" Minsc shouted as the five Giant IceWeasels with their dripping fangs were attacking him, his friends and his hamster. Minsc smiled inwardly as a beefy fist connected with the eye of one of the snarling creatures, decking it instantly. "Look Boo!" Minsc announced. "He'll have a black eye for weeks!"

Laska was having fun. She smiled ferally as she moved her blades like a slicer through the ranks of the orcish hordes. Well, not so much a horde, only ten warriors. Good warriors, Laska was forced to admit. A particularly ugly orc rose his two-handed sword, but the elf was quicker and ready to exploit this obvious opening. Smiling like a child getting a gift on solstice-day, she slashed Ipsiya across the orc's throat. The orc gurgled in surprise, but Laska was not yet down. She twirled around her axis to give her blade extra momentum and, with one quick stroke, decapitated her opponent. The orc's head went flying off the plateau into the depths below, while his body crashed to the ground spurting blood all over the ground. "Hah!" Laska grinned, just as her second blade sliced off the hand of one of the orcs at the wrist.

Keldorn was holding his own, swinging his Hallowed Redeemer to parry the blows of the ogre he was fighting. Somehow, the techniques his opponent used were rather familiar, but Keldorn had little time to consider this. Seeing an opening, Keldorn moved in and jabbed the Hallowed Redeemer against the ogre's bare chest... but strangely, his sword did not sink into the ogre's chest. Instead, it was deflected, accompanied with the tell-tale 'twang'-sound of metal on metal. "An invisible armor?" Keldorn muttered in surprise. But then, the ogre stopped his assault... "Sir... Sir Keldorn?" it spoke in surprisingly human voice, which Keldorn promptly recognized.

"Ajantis?" the aged Inquisitor spoke. "Ajantis is that you?"

At that moment Jan, who had been standing at the side of the battle, mostly scratched his head. "Say," he started. "Why are you lot fighting those paladins? I mean, I know I'm the resident illusionist here, but surely you can see through those shoddily constructed illusions. Right?"

"How... How can a beholder speak the voice of the noble Sir Keldorn?" the orge with the voice of Ajantis suddenly snarled. "You are playing tricks on my mind, foul fiend!"

"No, Ajantis!" Keldorn tried to reason. "'Tis truly I!"

"HAR HAR!" Korgan shouted as he jumped the ogre-Ajantis from behind, bringing his axe down upon his exposed back.

"Korgan!" Keldorn shouted, but Korgan was in the blood-frenzy. Horrified, Keldorn watched as a snarling Korgan brought his axe down again and again, literally making ogre-Ajantis' blood and innards fly through the air.

"Aye!" Korgan shouted when he was apparently finished with his carnage. "Me ole clanmen won't be causin' anymore trouble, eh? HAR HAR!" The dwarf then took a canteen from his belt and tossed it to Keldorn. "'ere, 'ave a grog on me, laddie!"

Still partially stunned and most definitely covered with Ajantis' blood, Keldorn needed a moment to recover. When he did, he whirled around, wanting to keep his friends from attacking the other members of the Order. But he was too late. Laska had already killed two, while another had fallen to Dynaheir's spells. A forth lay bleeding at Viconia's feet.

"Well, those orcs will never bother anyone again," Laska smiled. "That bodes well for our adventure here."

"Orcs?" Viconia said. "What are you talking about? These were drow males!"

"Drows?" Minsc frowned and scratched his head. "Hmmm, I could have sworn these were iceweasels. Unless drow men are different than drow women."

"Don't get me started," Viconia muttered with a smile.

"Vampires," Dynaheir replied. "I saw vampires..."

"I saw turnip-beetles at first," Jan muttered. "But, really, they were the shiniest turnip-beetles I've ever seen."

"They were... Knights of the Order," Keldorn sighed. "We killed our own men... Good men..."

"What do you mean?" Laska snickered. "You need glasses, Keldorn, just look at the bodies!"

_*'Undoubtedly the old man is going senile,'*_ Ipsiya announced. *_'Even it is was an illusion, only the most powerful of magics are able to fool a moonblade, and I do not sense a source...'_*

"Be silent, piece of metal," Keldorn retorted, looking rather sorrowful. "I recognized one of the men we attacked as one of my own squires."

The gravity of the situation was sinking in. It got worse when there was a magic crackle in the air, lifting the illusion and revealing to everybody that their quarry were indeed paladins of the Order. Now hacked to bits, slashed asunder, crushed into red pulp, ripped apart and generally having their innards spread out across the ground. It was a blood-bath.

"Uhm," Laska blinked. "Oops?"

"'Oops'?" Keldorn grit his teeth. "That's all you have to say?"

Laska bit her lip as she surveyed the carnage. "I, uh, think we were a little too efficient here."

"Har!" Korgan laughed. "Joke be on us, I be guessin'. Still, that be a good fight."

"Oh, no!" Minsc spoke sadly. "We have killed many brave knights and heroes. Perhaps we can put them together again. I think this arm belongs to this fellow. Little Viconia, could you use your magic healing powers to put this arm back?"

Viconia sighed heavily. "He's missing his head, you dolt! Reattaching his arm won't be very useful."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Laska broke in. "They attacked _us_ first."

"The Order will not see it that way," Keldorn sighed. "We'll be hunted down, brought in and there will be another tribunal."

"Okay, then," Laska said, "we take the bodies and bung them into that deep looking crevice over there and no one will ever find out..."

"Somehow," Viconia muttered, "I doubt it will be so easy."

"You... would be... correct," a panting voice belonging to a friendly looking well-dressed gentleman who was currently steadying himself against a rock. "Sorry... I mean you... no harm... My... My name is Garren Windspear and... forgive me, but I... ran... all the way from... my cabin... when I heard the sounds... of combat... Sadly, I came... too late. But undoubtedly... the Order already knows... what has... happened... In a colored version... of course... Such things tend to happen... around here."

Giving the man a few moments to catch his breath, the party gathered around the man.

"Garren Windspear?" Keldorn asked. "You are the one who traveled with the prelate before?"

"Yes," Garren replied, "and that is why I found it so strange that a group of the Order has come to Firkraag's aid."

"Why is that?" Dynaheir said. "Thou speakest in riddles..."

"In due time... Follow me to my cabin in the village and I shall explain," Garren nodded.

"Wait," Keldorn said with bowed head. "I... I must see to it that these men are properly buried."

Viconia shouted out to attract their attention. "There's a survivor here!"

Quickly, Keldorn rushed to her side, only to be confronted with more horror. He recognized the young man and Paladin Orsino, a young man whom had only recently become a full knight. This was likely his first mission, and seemingly his last. His armor had been perforated with axe impacts, revealing blood and gore through the slits. Worst of all, his sword-hand seemed to be missing.

"Look for his hand," Viconia ordered while she removed her belt and tightly wrapped it around the boy's armor, beneath the elbow. She started applying some quick healing spells to the most grievous of wounds. "I might be able to attach it, but no promises."

"Ach," Korgan chuckled. "There be plenty of spare parts 'ere fer ye ta use, drow."

"Can you save him?" Keldorn asked.

"Why are you not looking for his hand?!" Viconia snarled at him, prompting Keldorn to leave behind his line of questioning.

* * *

"Will he make it?" Keldorn asked as the party followed Garren towards Windspear village. Paladin Orsino had been patched up as best as Viconia was able to. His hand had been found and reattached, but though the boy had been stabilized enough to be moved, his survival was less than certain.

"If he lives through the night, perhaps," Viconia said. Viconia was covered in the boy's blood, her hands and wrists were soaked and her long white hair was streaked with red. "Garren," she asked the mayor. "I need a place to clean myself up."

"My cabin is ahead," said Garren. "You can take care of your patient there and wash yourself."

"Thank you, lord Windspear," Keldorn said.

They entered the village at the gate of the surrounding wall. It was small, rather quaint. Maybe thirty or so buildings surrounded a small fountain and a well, and even thought it was early in the evening, there were no lights burning anywhere, the local tavern was closed and there wasn't a soul out on the streets. The whole village seemed to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness.

"Nice little village," Viconia muttered. "All it needs is an angry mob with torches and pitchforks. Don't mind the drow covered in blood, please."

"Hey, is it just me," Laska said, "but does this whole village seems to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness to any of you?"

"What?" Viconia said in a mixture of surprise and disgust. "Where did you dig up that ancient cliche?"

"I dunno, just making a meta-comment, I guess," Laska muttered. "And I think this whole village seems to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness."

"This whole village seems to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness, you say?" Jan said. "I have a funny story about that, actually. You see, my brother's cat was..."

"Look, forget it!" Laska shouted. "I was just saying I think this whole village seems to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness! Leave it alone!"

"'This whole village seems to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness...'," Dynaheir replied. "That sounds so very cheesy."

"Look, will you guys leave me alone?!" Laska sighed. "All I said was that this whole village seems to be covered in an atmosphere of chilling fear and hopelessness!"

"Yes, and it sounds stupid!" Viconia retorted. "Laska, I really don't care! I've just spent an hour with my hands in some kid's guts, am covered from head to toe with blood and all I want now is to go inside, wash up, warm myself at the fire and sleep for twelve hours!"

"Ah, that's what _you_ say!" Laska huffed.

"And me," Dynaheir added. "Sorry, Laska, but it did sound stupid.

"Check my name on the list too," Jan added.

"Aye," Korgan chuckled.

_*'That sounded pretty lousy, Laska.'*_

"Minsc?" Laska asked, hoping to get some support.

"Errr, sorry," Minsc lowered his head.

"Oh, great, just great!" Laska sighed. "I wish we never came to this stupid pimple on the butt of Amn, which seems to be covered in a dumb-ass atmosphere of lame-o chilling fear and idiotic hopelessness!"

"Aye, now that be more like it," Korgan muttered.

"_Now_, at least, you're being original," Viconia nodded.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Laska said to no one in particular, "these are my best friends in the worlds... pity me."

"Can we please stop bickering and just get Orsino inside," Keldorn said as Garren led the party into his cabin.


	44. Cabin-fever

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter__ 44: Cabin-fever_

Viconia was tired.

In fact, she was dead on her feet. The desperate use of so many healing spells one after the other tended to have that effect.

Oh, when she came to this cabin, she got some of the details: big, spacious, warm. She simply didn't care. All she wanted to know was where the bath was.

They had put the wounded paladin in the guest wing, which had several beds and its own separate bathing facilities. Music to Viconia's ears. The first thing she did was to meticulously clean her hair; having stark white hair was as much a curse as it was a blessing in that regard. Afterwards she had soaked in the tub for a moment, enjoying the warmth of the water on her body.

Actually, she enjoyed it so much that she had fallen asleep. She woke up much later in the night still in a lukewarm bath and a died down stump of a candle.

After drying herself and donning a fluffy bathrobe, Viconia shuffled into the sleeping area. First, she checked up her patient; he was stable, but not out danger. Still, it was now up to him himself to survive.

The paladin had been put on the comfortable two-person guest bed to recover, leaving the smaller child's bed for Viconia to sleep on. And that was fine; Viconia wasn't the tallest of persons and was just short enough for the child's bed to be comfortable.

In fact, that bed was looking very comfortable right now. Viconia let herself drop face-forward onto the bed. She let out a satisfied moan and mushed her head against the soft pillow. Sleep came soon.

* * *

"Och, this be our breakfast?" Korgan snarled as he slammed his fist on top of a plate of goat-cheese, squirting the aforementioned cheese all over the table. "It be bloody rabbit-food! I be likin' fatty sausage fer breakfast..."

"So we can hear you belch and break wind all day and stare at the bits of sausage stuck in your beard?" Viconia muttered.

"Oy, that be manly! HAR!" Korgan replied.

"Boo says it's not very nice to bite the hands that feed you," Minsc said, then started talking to his hamster. "Err, you're a nice one to say that, Boo, after biting me in the thumb last time I was out of hazelnuts. Ey, that was not funny."

Boo, however, made an attempt to look even more innocent than he usually did and chattered a bit.

"Don't fool Minsc!" the giant admonished. "That wasn't an evil fruitbat that bit me, it was little Boo!"

Unlike Viconia, the rest of the party had spent a lovely night in their sleeping bags on the floor of the cabin, since the cabin didn't have enough beds for all of them. Still, it was warm and they were protected from the elements.

In the morning, they had been greeted with the lovely smell of freshly prepared breakfast and it wasn't long before they had joined Garren and his young son at the dinner table. Garren's cabin was large and luxurious, befitting a lord of the manor. Garren was one of those lords who wanted to spend his time with his people, rather than being an absent landowner, like so many other Amnian nobles. He even preferred the company of his subjects over his fellow nobles. However, Garren had yet to tell them what had been going on around this area.

"So, you're adventurers then?" Taar, Garren's fifteen year old son asked Laska.

"Well, we've done some dangerous stuff from time to time," Laska nodded.

"I admire adventurers myself, you know," Taar raved. "Oh, yes... I read a lot of books and I have a lot of Famous Adventurers Tradecards. True, I've about ten Elminster cards, though. There is simply too much about him in the set."

"Trading cards?" Laska smiled. "I remember Imoen starting a Kitten-trading cards collection. Spent all her pocket-money on substandard cards with smudged kitten-pictures on them."

"My, my, my," Viconia muttered, "those childhood-stories of yours get more and more interesting all the time..."

"I bet you've been to lotsa places," Taar said. "Say," he began, his eyes lighting up, "do you have a lover already?"

"Em, yes," Laska said, noticing Taar's eyes focused a little lower than her own eyes at the moment, "well, I have..."

"Ah," Taar replied. "Adventurers date other adventurers. No doubt your man has gigantic biceps, wields a sword twice as long as himself and talks in a funny accent?"

"Eh, not exactly," Laska smiled.

"Laska's lover is not even as tall as she is herself," Viconia smirked, throwing oil on the fire.

"But... that's against the rules!" Taar said as he finished his sandwich and went for his glass of milk. "I mean, well..."

"Elves are very open-minded," Dynaheir added with a smirk, adding to Laska's distress.

"Ah, he must be more like Drizzt, then!" Taar announced cheerfully as he gathered up the empty plates and put them in the sink.

In the meantime, all three ladies in the room cringed at the accusation. Taar did not notice, however, and continued on his fanboy rave. "Not _that_'s a hero! Two scimitars in each hand, a long white mane, muscles upon muscles. I bet all the ladies dig him..."

Laska, Viconia and Dynaheir, having met Drizzt before, shared a look and decided to have some fun.

"We met Drizzt before," Laska said.

"And we weren't impressed," Viconia added as she smirked and leant back in her chair.

"Dumb as a rock," Laska sighed.

"And twice as ugly," Viconia said, pretending to be doing her nails.

"And rather fat," Dynaheir nodded.

"Gigantic beergut... Couldn't move without sloshing," Laska smiled.

"Morbidly obese," Viconia nodded.

"He had a bald spot," Dynaheir nodded.

"Smelled from his mouth," Laska added.

"Cut himself when he drew his scimitars," Viconia chuckled.

"He can't use words which have more than six letters," Dynaheir smiled.

"Plus!" Minsc suddenly broke in. "He didn't smell so good either! Boo says he smelled like smelly bootfeet which had been smelling for years before actually entering the boots!"

"Good one, Boo," Laska winked at the seemingly smiling hamster.

"Are you sure?!" Taar said as she took a card from his pocket, depicting Drizzt as a 12-foot tall terror of a Drow, brandishing two scimitars and standing triumphantly over an obviously defeated Pit-fiend. "That doesn't look much like his picture."

"We just gave a more accurate description," Viconia said.

"To tell thee the truth, we are being a lot harsher on him than he deserves," said Dynaheir. "But I must admit there is far too much Drizzt worship going around as it is."

"Professional jealousy," Laska nodded.

"There's _other_ drow in the world, after all," Viconia said.

"Ah, but," Taar said, stepping to stand behind the sitting tattooed elf to show her the picture... and to steal a couple of glances down at her bosom.

"A horrible picture," Laska said. "And, Taar, if you don't stop staring at my boobs I'll stuff your head in that sink."

"Yes, ma'am," Taar gulped and moved to clean off the table.

"HAR HAR!" Korgan roared. "She be too much woman fer ye ta handle anyway, laddie!"

"Lord Windspear," Keldorn spoke for the first time during the breakfast, which for him, a paladin in mourning, consisted only of a cup of water. "You have yet to tell us about the situation on your lands."

"Yes, yes," Garren sighed and steadied himself in his chair. "About two years ago, Lord Jierdan Firkraag, accompanied by a score of his orcish mercenaries came to my cabin. He said this plateau was perfect for his plans, for his impending revenge. He offered me a fortune to buy these lands, saying that no price was high enough to even old scores. Of course, I refused. I love these lands and the inhabitants..."

"And then Firkraag wouldn't take 'no' for an answer, I gather?" Dynaheir noted as she shifted to one side.

"Correct. He just... moved in. There were several ruins of an ancient city nearby, hewn into the very rock. Cave-homes. We think Firkraag set up camp there, living like a king."

"You _think_ he set up camp there?" Laska asked. "Nobody knows for sure?"

"Firkraag uses powerful magics to transport himself from here to Athkatla and back. And all the nobles there love him. He's got wealth, power and is... not an eccentric landowner who lives among his own people," Garren sighed. "And to come back to your question, yes... Firkraag has hired a pack of werewolves to guard the pass. No one has ever returned from the ruins to tell the tale, except one survivor who died of his injuries the next morning."

"That does not explain the presence of those paladins we killed," Viconia said.

"Sliced 'n diced more like! HAR HAR! We done tear them apart!"

"Korgan, please!" Dynaheir hissed, directing her gaze at Keldorn.

"Ach, they be just weak..." Korgan said and a last bite from his sandwich before Taar cleaned off the last plates.

"Prelate Wessalen is an old friend of mine, and after a bit of extensive lobbying he gained the permission of the Amnian courts to attempt to eject Firkraag. That's why those paladins were sent. They came to town and were hailed as heroes, but they too disappeared for a week. And then you arrived, and they suddenly appeared again, heavily enspelled by illusionary magics."

"Well, that'll get the conspiracy theorists' imaginations working," Jan said. "I once had an uncle who said that demons were looking in on us through toothpaste, so he never brushed his teeth till we all had to look at his rotting gums. Could only eat his turnips mashed after that... So sad. Then there was the phase when he told everyone that demons were looking in on us through water, so he only drank beer. So then he was a gumless drunk. Then he stopped wearing anything with buttons on it, he stopped wearing underwear, he stopped reading books, he stopped eating icecream, he stopped stepping on cobblestones. In the end, he was a gumless, underdressed, illiterate, joyless, legless drunk... It was when he stopped eating turnips we decided it had gone too far!"

"Only then?" Keldorn dared to ask.

"Well, he was always a nutter, you see? So we paid it no mind. But when he stopped eating turnips, we _knew_ he was insane. Strangely, in the end he was right. He started saying demons were looking in on us through boxes... and promptly opened up Uncle Morridor's souvenir Fiend-in-the-Box he picked up from a tiefling traveller. Our rose a Glabrezu, grabbed him by the legs and while uttering the words 'Eeeeeewwww, don't you ever take a bath? You smell worse than a Baatezu corpse rotting in the sun!' he dragged poor uncle Stinky with him to the Abyss. No doubt, he's still down there, worrying about demons looking in on him."

"I'm sorry I asked," Keldorn muttered. "There is another matter to consider, though. Viconia, how is Paladin Orsino doing?"

Viconia said nothing, but silently motioned Keldorn to follow by subtly tilting her head to point her chin to the door of the guest-wing. A few moments later, Viconia and Keldorn stood at the bed of Paladin Orsino. The young paladin lay on the bed, his chest rising with every breath. Several of the wounds Viconia was not able to heal outright were bandaged and he would have to go through the rest of his life with one eye missing.

"We really did a number on him," said Viconia. "But he lived through the night and that is a good sign. He is a strong male and he has a good chance."

"I want to thank you, Viconia, for saving his life," said Keldorn. "I saw how much effort you put into his healing."

Viconia shook her head. "It wasn't altruism, Keldorn. This paladin is the only one who can exonerate us. If he dies, it should be difficult to convince the Order of our innocence. Keldorn, this group will never surrender to the tincans of your Order. If we are not believed and the Order decides to hunt us, a lot of your paladins are going to die."

Keldorn nodded gravely. "That is what I fear. All the same, I do wish to thank you for your zeal and efforts."

"I suppose," said Viconia. "Right now, he is doing all the work. It's up to him now to survive. And for your Order's sake, I hope he does. If the Order does decide to hunt us down, you will undoubtedly try to convince us to turn ourselves in. And you will undoubtedly fail."

"Aye," Keldorn sighed.

While Viconia was taking a moment to monitor Paladin Orsino's pulse and vitals, they could hear a commotion coming from the common room. Keldorn left Viconia to her medical duties, and entered the common room where he heard a frantic pounding on the door.

The party was gathering and Laska stood there scratching her head. "The door's unlocked!" Laska called out.

Without warning, an out-of-breath halfling wearing a red jerkin stormed through the door and did not stop. Instead, the startled halfling collided with an unsuspecting Keldorn. The hobbit was surprisingly heavy for a creature his size and sprawled the both of them on the floor.

"Apologies!" the halfling shouted, panicking when he saw that both Keldorn was rubbing his head. "Apologies!"

"Yum!" Taar shouted as he came running from his room, and promptly tripped over the fallen paladin. In turn, he stumbled forward and landed with his head right between Laska's breasts. "Gods, I'm on Mount Celestia," he muttered into Laska's chest.

"You'll wish you were in the Abyss if you don't remove your hands from my arse," Laska snarled, and Taar only then realized where his hands were.

"It'd be worth it," Taar said, again muffled by Laska's chest.

Laska decided to semi-gently remove the hormone-bomb otherwise known as a teenager from her personage. Sadly, Taar stumbled again... this time landing on top of Viconia, whom had just come out of the guest-wing to see what the commotion was all about. The drow ended up on her back with her legs spread and the boy pressed on top of her.

"Errr, hi!" Taar smiled and turned bright red as they lay in a very compromising position if someone should enter the cabin.

"Get off me," Viconia snarled viciously, her voice merely a whisper. "Or I shall cut off your member, cook it in your own blood and make you eat it during your final moments of life as you lay bleeding out on the floor from the ragged stump between your legs."

Taar blanched and quickly backed away, protectively holding his hands in front of his crotch.

"Yikes," Laska chuckled. "That threat sounded a bit... serious."

"Who said that it wasn't?" Viconia hissed.

"Hey, hey, hey, hey!" the halfling Yum hopped up and down. "They're coming, they're coming, they're coming, they're coming, they're coming!"

"WHO the bloody hell is coming?!"

"Firkraag's thugs, Firkraag's thugs, Firkraag's thugs, Firkraag's thugs!" Yum shouted then ran to hide into the cupboard. Just as soon as Yum was out of sight, four people jumped into the cabin through the windows, sending shards of glass flying. Three orcs, armed with bows and arrows, aimed their weapons at Laska, while a forth person was remarkably a heavily armored elven female. She was graceful as she strolled and, like Laska, wielded two blades. Her armor was simple steel plate, and a long pony-tail stuck out the back of her helmet.

"So, you're the one my lord hates with a passion?" she spoke in a sultry voice. "Can't say you're worth all the trouble, but his reasons are his own..."

Laska, feeling her people's innate hatred for orcs well up, stepped up to the elven mercenary to stare her in the eye. Behind her, her friends raised their weapons. "Who the hell are you? And what kind of elf travels with orcs?"

"Oh, please," she spoke. "I'm the same kind of elf you are. Like you, I was raised by humans. But unlike you, I don't give a damn about my so-called elven heritage. Pointy ears aside, the elven ideals mean nothing to me... only money does. Firkraag wants you dead, so I make you dead in exchange for his coin... But just not yet."

The elf waved her hands, and both she and Taar disappeared in a flash of light, while the orcs suddenly advanced. The orcs, however, never realized they didn't stand a chance. Korgan's axe floored two of them, while Dynaheir's spell ripped apart the third, ending the battle as quickly as it began. Laska, however, had not moved from the spot, and was reading a piece of paper pressed into her hands by the elven mercenary. Snarling, she crumpled it up and tossed it into a wastebasket.

"What was that?" Jan asked. "And what do you have against poor, innocent pieces of paper?"

"A challenge," Laska said, "from Firkraag. Daring me to come and rescue Taar Windspear to see who's the better. Gods be damned, I'm going to get to the bottom of this and punch the living daylights out of that guy! I'm going to rip out his ribcage and turn it into a xylophone! I'm going grab that prissy elf bitch by both of her boots and use her to smash his skull in!"

"Errr, in the meantime," Jan said as he regarded the smashed-up cabin, "I think we have some explaining to do when Garry-boy comes home..."

* * *

The explaining went rather well, all things considered. Garren had been expecting an attack ever since Firkraag's thugs had begun to grow more bold and terrorize the town of Windspear more openly. Laska, however, now very much irked by Firkraag's attack was ready to engage the evil lord, and rescue Garren's son on the side.

However, to say that he was calm about his son being taken from him, would be a lie. He very much feared for Taar's life, but he was very much aware that Laska and her friends was his only hope.

Together, fully armed and armored, the party stood by the edge of town in the middle of the day, the sun reflecting off their many metal appliances.

"You can avoid the were-wolves by going along the side of the mountain," Garren said, still in obvious distress for his son's life. "You'll encounter little opposition, but, there is a dryad-coven living by the lake. We have little interaction with them. They leave us alone, we leave them alone, but, well, they've been known to seduce villagers, so be on your toes. They might take offence to you traversing their lands."

"Oh," Laska said, taking three acorns from her pouch. "I think I have my travel-papers right here."

"Ohhhh! We will help the poor trapped dryads now! Glorious day!" Minsc roared in happiness.

"Fellahs? Lets go!" Laska smiled and guided her friends off the main road towards a deep forest of pine-trees.

* * *

"Have you come to spend some time with us? Have you come to share our merriment for all eternity?" the scantilly clad lady-of-the-lake spoke after she rose from the waters. The leading dryad was voluptuous and lovely, tossing her wet hair over her shoulder as she walked.

Staring over her shoulders, the tattooed elf giggled as she noticed her male friends all staring starry-eyed at the beautiful lake-nymph. "Typical," Laska said, while she handed the dryad queen the three acorns she had picked up in chateau Irenicus. "that the best offers are always made when you're already taken. Still... kiss for luck?"

The dryad queen, however, was only too happy to oblige.

* * *

"Those dryads were one hell of a kisser," Laska sighed as they stood in front of the ruins. "I think maybe I should go visit them again before we return to Athkatla."

"We're going to hear this for weeks, now will we?" Viconia sighed.

Laska chuckled. "You're just jealous because you didn't get to snog the dryads."

"Can't say I like the decor," Jan said as he regarded the ruins, "In fact, it reminds me of grandma Jansen's latest marriage... an amalgamation of old and new. Her most recent husband was an Half-Orc in his twenties..."

"I don't even want to know," Viconia sighed.

The three dryads were overjoyed to be free from Irenicus, and were more than happy to guide Laska's friends through their ancestral forest. Safely avoiding any packs of werewolf patrols, they now stood in front of the ancient ruins, which had been partially rebuild to support a marble arch. Statues of dragons in flight flanked the arch, their eyes following them across the broken square in front of the arch. Strangely enough, the rest of the ruins were not even touched.

"What kind of nutcase would live here?" Laska said.

"A depraved noble?" Viconia suggested.

"Close enough! Lets go!"

The party stormed the gate... and walked right into an ambush.


	45. Puzzle Caverns

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter__ 45: Puzzle Caverns  
_

As far as ambushes go, Laska found this particular one to be quite enjoyable.

The moment the party had entered the spacious entryway into the cavern, they were beset with a small army of hobgoblin, all snarling, all angry, all ready for a fight.

Unfortunately, for the hobgoblins, though they had the strength of numbers, they had low quality armor, low quality weapons and far less experience than their opponents. Also, they lacked the intelligence to notice this disparity until half of them lay dead on the floor. As it was, their ranks were breaking, the hobgoblins were panicking and Laska and her friends were having a whale of a time.

Laska was in the front of the fray, slashing indiscrimately at the hobgoblins. In fact, it was hard to swing and _not_ hit a hobgoblin. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Korgan straddling the chest of a fallen hobgoblin and brought down his axe on the creature's face again and again.

Not wanting to be outdone, Laska found her target; a rather nervous looking hobgoblin, trembling at the sight of the elf before him. Laska's blade sang as it cleft through the air while she twirled it in front of her, mesmerizing the hapless hobgoblin. Just after coming within striking range, Laska suddenly sidestepped the creature and tripped him up by jabbing her second blade into the side of his knee. The hobgoblin fell to his back, and was quickly treated to a sword through the chest.

As the dying hobgoblin was gurgling up blood, a fellow him tried to rather clumsily strike at the tattooed elf. Laska was not impressed; she deftly dodged the axe by a mile spun around her axis to build up momentum and lashed out with her right sword. The hobgoblin's head went flying through the air, bearing a very surprised expression.

A few meters away, Laska saw Viconia slam her shield into a hobgoblin's face, following it up with a sharp jab from the hilt of her flail. The drow was nothing if efficient; the hobgoblin went down with a bloody hole in his forehead.

Letting out a wicked laugh, Laska shot forward into a dive. She rolled back to her feet and, while still kneeling, thrust both her blades outward. Her swords found target and sliced two hobgoblins right in the gullet. She jumped up and looked for more targets, when suddenly something tiny whooshed past her face through the air. Next to her, a hobgoblin cried out in terror as he desperately tried to claw a hamster from his face.

Turning her head head, she saw Minsc looking at her with an innocent expression on her face. "He wanted go for the eyes."

That was the last of them. The marble stone was covered with blood, severed limbs and the fallen bodies of dead and dying hobgoblins while the completely unharmed party stood among the corpses.

"Well," said Laska. "A little fight in the morning gets the blood pumping."

"Quite literally," said Korgan as he pointed out the beheaded hobgoblin still spurting blood from the wound. "HAR HAR!"

"Hm," said Keldorn. "Did anyone see where the big neo-orog went? He seemed to be commanding them."

"Probably slinked back into whatever hole he crawled out of," said Laska.

"You mean... this hole?" said Keldorn as he pointed towards the cave leading deeper into the complex.

A moan came from the bodies of the floor. Apparently, a surviving hobgoblin lay trapped underneath another body and was attempting to dislodge himself and flee into the wilderness. Unfortunately for him, Laska's sharp hearing caught the attempt. He found himself hoisted up and slammed against the wall.

"Start talking," Laska snarled as she sheathed her other sword, Namarra, and took Ipsiya in both hands. The bloodied Moonblade, glowed an angry blue, more at Laska than at the frightened hobgoblin. The tip of Ipsiya pressed into his chest, with just enough force to draw blood.

"No know, no know," the hobgoblin cried. "Just hired. I no want to die... Just hired, know nothing..."

The crying hobgoblin, currently in the process of soiling himself, was suddenly hoisted up by the arm and violently tossed towards the exit of the ruins. "Sod off," the tattooed elf shouted. "Next time I see your ugly mug, I'll skewer you with my sword."

_*"Oh, goody,"*_ Ipsiya sighed.

"Wha!? Ye be lettin' the bugger go? But, I be lookin' forward to treat me axe to some of 'is inner organs?" Korgan moaned in disappointment.

"Any more blood in this corridor and we'll start slipping on it," Viconia said in disgust. "At least the rituals of Lolth kept the blood from of your clothes..."

"That's only because thou art not in thine clothing during most of those rituals," Dynaheir smirked.

"Details, details," Viconia chuckled.

"Can we please talk about something else?" Keldorn muttered.

"What?" Jan replied. "Things getting too hot under your collar, paladino? Reminds of the time the Order sent five knights to the nether-lying land of the chocolate-covered promiscuous nymphs to, ahum, pacify the nether regions, so to speak..."

"The Order never had such a campaign!" Keldorn retorted angrily.

"Ever wonder why those knights... male knights never returned?" Jan winked.

"I hate to break into this stimulating conversation, but, well..." Laska said, nodding her head in the direction leading deeper into the complex.

"Wait a moment," Viconia said sternly and pulled out the statue of Khittix. "If you would have given me the time to prepare before entering this cavern, we might have been forewarned of this attack..."

Laska shrugged. "It's not as if we were ever in trouble."

"All the same," Viconia summoned Khittix to the scene. The giant spider, eager to serve his mistress and friends, chirped happily, rose his forward front leg in some form of salute and started sniffing at the hallways. After running around in circles for a while, he pointed one of his legs in the direction of the deeper hallways.

"Several ogrillions, a Rakshasa and some kobolds," Viconia said after patting the spider on the head. "Nothing to be concerned about."

They came across a gigantic cavern, almost as high as the very mountain. Viconia examined the rocks and mainly the end of the tunnel. Sharing her conclusions, she told the party that this cavern was created, hewn out from the original ruins and barely less than two years old, which was, coincidentally, as long as Lord Firkraag had been taking up residence here. That the cavern was in everyday-use was signified by the fact that magical torches had been placed on either side of the walls.

The ogrillions were dealt with before they even came into fighting range, all falling to Jan's newly invented 'bolt-thrower'. Deeper in the caverns, they came across a small underground lake, explaining why this whole cavern was so damp, cold and wet. Even an experienced underground dweller like Viconia had problems with the humidity, and was more than a little vocal about it.

Khittix's chirping alerted the party to the proverbial end of the road, which was, this time, a gigantic dark hole giving access to a straight plummet down.

"Can you see anything down there?" Laska asked as she, Viconia and Korgan stood at the edge of the gaping black maw.

"Sorry," Viconia replied, not even her powerful elven sight being able to penetrate the darkness.

"I wonder how deep this is," Laska muttered.

"Let's find out," Viconia grinned. "Jan?" she called. "Could you come here for a second?"

"What is it, my dusky little petunia?" the gnome greeted cheerfully as he approached the Drow. "Have you considered taking me up on my offer?"

"What be that? Somethin' naughty? HAR HAR!" Korgan roared.

"No, no," Jan said, "that'll come later. I wanted her to become the official spokesmodel for the Jansentech TurnoSlice. There's not really much to do for that job, just smile pretty and lie on top of a cart of freshly unearthed turnips in a skimpy bikini and be paraded across town. Pays great too..."

"That's not important now," Viconia said. "I want you to find out what's down that hole," she added with a grin, edging the gnome closer to the crevasse.

"Sorry, Vicky," Jan said, "I don't have my parachute handy. And when my aunt tried it out last time, someone had replaced the turnip-shell canvas with an anvil. My auntie ended up as flat as a pancake, but she doesn't mind because now she can finally fit in her bathing suit for the first in ten years."

"Och, we just be usin' the time-honored dwarven way of determining depth, then," Korgan smiled and puffed up his cheeks, only to spit out a gigantic loogie that soared over the black pit and shot straight down.

"Ey, nothin'," Korgan muttered after waiting to hear the splat. "Well, that be classifyin' the pit as 'bloody buggery deep'. We ain't be goin' down that way," he said and withdrew from the pit.

But Laska's and Viconia's sensitive elven ears _had_ picked up something.

"Tell me I didn't hear that," Laska frowned as she edged away from the pit.

"It sounded much like a... disgusted snort," Viconia acknowledged.

"What's the problem with a disgusted snort?" Dynaheir asked.

Viconia bit her lip. "Judging from the way that snort sounded it..."

"... whatever snorted was quite big," Laska finished.

In any case, they decided not to stick around.

* * *

"Look, there!" Laska whispered as the two elves and Khittix decided to scout ahead, them being to hear each other's whispers while even dogs could not hear their near-silent voices.

"Four Kobolds and a Rakshasa," Viconia said as the two elves hid behind a few rocks. "Be careful, those felinoids can sense us in the dark. Let's creep back to the others and discuss our strategy. Don't mind the Kobolds, we have to find a way to get the drop on that Rakshasa."

"HEY, SEE ANYTHING YET?!" the shrill voice of a certain gnome echoed through the entire cavern, making the two elves and the spider cringe in annoyance. Apparently, the kobolds and rakshasa had heard as well. Picking up Khittix around the thorax, Laska, with Viconia in tow, sped back towards the rest of the party, where an angry Keldorn was already lifting Jan off the ground by the nape of his neck.

Taking up defensive positions, they waited for the enemies to arrive, but when a single Kobold hopped around the bend, Korgan bellylaughed and cockily decided to slice the lone Kobold into ribbons. Korgan rose his axe high and slammed it down while letting out a powerful roar... which was completely drowned out by the fiery explosion. The confused dwarf was simply staring at the charred pieces of kobold raining down, his face covered with black soot while wisps of smoke emanated from his armor and hair.

"Dammit!" Laska shouted as three more of the magically mutated kobolds hopped into sight and headed straight for them.

Acting quickly, Dynaheir swung her staff into position, swatting the kobold away and into the air before it could reach her. The kobold flew through the air and exploded when it collided with the cavern wall. Jan could swear he heard the kobold yell out 'WEEEEEEE!' until the very last moment. But Jan had his hands full at the moment. He managed to pick off the second kobold with his crossbow, but could not get to the third on time... no one could. It jumped straight forward until it landed right in the middle of the group and exploded, bringing no serious harm but confusing them enough to be taken by surprise by the Rakshasa, who had launched a magical attack.

Before they knew what was happening, they were all caught in a magical sandstorm which was slowly draining every drop of moisture out of their bodies. Laska tried to open her eyes to find the Rakshasa, but immediately, the magical sand hitting her eyes caused her indescribable pain. The party's cleric, however, had an answer ready. Her spell cast, a soft autumn light emanated from her hands, banishing the sandstorm into nothingness. Laska could swear she could even smel the scent of pinetrees and hear the sounds of tweeting birds.

Noticing his cover was blown, the Rakshasa, now standing dangerously close to the party, launch a second offensive of fireballs, but though several fireballs were launched, the Rakshasa fell to an overpowering amount of blades.

The door deeper into the complex was found, but it was disheartening for them to know they had been caught off guard and had been severely wounded before they had even made a breach in the wall.

Korgan in the meantime, was still standing in the middle of the room, silently muttering about doing very ugly things to kobolds with his axe.

"Gods, I need a drink," Laska huffed as she reached for her pocket flask.

"No!" Keldorn said as he took away the flask and thrust a waterskin in her hands. "If you drink alcohol now, you'll end up even more dehydrated."

"Spoilsport," Laska sighed before putting her mouth to the flask.

* * *

"Does this remind you of anything?" Laska said, more a statement than a question, as they walked through a long, broad and dark tunnel.

"Yes," Viconia nodded, "Durlag's Tower..."

"It shows very little resemblance," Dynaheir remarked.

"It's mostly the smell... That same stale air, moist air... The smell of decay and ruin..." Laska said. "So common in dungeons."

"The smell of dirty shoes!" Minsc said, holding his nose with one hand while holding Boo's with the other. "Oh, no, Minsc did not like that smell at Durlag's Tower, and does not like it now."

"Too bad nobody bothered to clean up," Viconia said. "There's dirt and pieces everywhere. At least Durlag's Tower had its clean spots but, this... It's like nobody bothered. And we've seen enough inhabitants already."

Viconia was right. This dungeon was very poorly taken care of. The formerly decorated plastered walls showed obvious decay, cracks and holes. Some parts of the tunnel looked to be on the verge of collapse. Pieces of weapons, equipment, empty containers, rotting wood and the remains of previous visitors and inhabitants lay haphazardly scattered all over the dungeon floor. In some places, jets of water trinkled down the walls, adding to the musty atmosphere.

"End of the road," Jan said and pulled out his lockpick-set as he approached a sturdy looking door, which was newer than the rest of the dungeon.

But, suddenly, Khittix, who had been taking point as usual, became very agitated. "Eep, Eep, Eeeeeeep!" he shouted as he bounced up and down on all eights.

"What's with him?" Laska asked.

"Maybe the humidity has annoyed the little spider?" Misnc wondered. "It makes Boo's whiskers twitch."

"Maybe he wants to ask you to dance, Vicky!" Jan chuckled. "Like my auntie Irky, who loved to dance with her horse. She was the only one enthusiastic about it too. You should see what a Clydesdale can leave on the dancefloor, and considering gnomes are very short, well... poor uncle Arthur never saw it coming... What a way to go. It must have eaten a ton of hay earlier that day."

"GET DOWN!" Viconia suddenly shouted while she dropped to the floor. Immediately, a rain of crossbow-bolts flew over their heads from both sides. An illusion had hidden a cadre of orcish crossbowmen who were shooting through small rectangular holes in the wall.

"I'm really starting to hate this Firkraag!" Laska sighed. "When I get to him, I'll break every bone in his body! YOU HEAR ME, FIRKRAAG?!" she shouted in anger.

In the meantime, Laska's friends were sitting ducks. Pulling up what little they could find to keep themselves from being turned into porcupines, they still had little hope of surviving this unless someone could stop the barrage. Another swooshing rain of bolts of later, it was Jan of all people who came up with a plan.

After whispering something in Dynaheir's ears, the gnome and the mage nodded. Two seconds later, Jan twisted the top of his ring, and both of them disappeared from sight. The orcs paused their barrage for a moment, but soon continued their assault. Unfortunately, the Orcs were not prepared for Dynaheir and Jan suddenly appearing right next to the walls. The moment they appeared in sight, they both dropped two fireballs into the small openings. The Orcs could be heard trying to clamber away, but all went down screaming in the flames.

"I'm starting to feel like a rat in a maze," Keldorn muttered as he picked himself up.

"My thought exactly," Dynaheir said.

"Little help," Laska asked, her face contorted in agony. On the left side of her upper thigh, the tail of a steel bolt was protruding. "Get this thing out, please," she gasped. "Damn thing went straight through my greaves."

Immediately, Viconia was on the case. Her experienced eye told her that the bolt had been stopped by the bone, but not by much. She cast a simple spell, disintegrating the bolt upon touch. Now that the pressure the bolt had caused was gone, blood started to flow freely from the now open wound. Viconia chanted a few words of power and a blue light descended upon the tattooed elf's leg. Underneath her hands, bone reknitted and torn flesh reconstituted.

"There you go," Viconia smirked. "Good as new," she added, patting the former wound slightly.

"Ow!" Laska hissed.

"The pain should subside in a few seconds," Viconia smirked.

"Thank you," Laska half-snarled and got up, albeit a little stiffly. "You did that on purpose..."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Did not."

"Did too."

* * *

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Will you two children please be silent," Keldorn sighed as they entered a large room passed the long tunnel. Suddenly, the ground shook.

"Hm, Boo and I were wondering who would win the did not and too fight. What's going on, friend Keldorn?" Minsc asked.

"It nay be an earthquake," Korgan muttered.

A huge door in the back of the room opened to reveal... a huge, towering man made from metal. The silver hue reflected even in the dark, and the emotionless eyes locked on. The towering fifteen foot hulk moved far too quickly for everyone's liking, and waded towards the party with grim determination.

"What the bloody hell be that monstrosity?!" Korgan shouted.

"Golem!" Dynaheir replied. "Powerful magical construct."

"Oy, it be dead now!" Korgan snarled and slammed his axe against the leg of the silver creature, not even making a dent, and only succeeding in severely shaking himself up.

The construct waded through swords, flails and other assorted weapons unharmed, until it came to Keldorn. Letting out an artificial snarl, the construct picked up the aged Inquisitor in a hulking hand. Under loud protest, the struggling paladin tried to break free but was not able to. Hurling language more colorful than the party was used to (at least from Keldorn), the paladin banged at the golem with bare hands as the construct returned to from where it came.

Quick as a flash, they were upon the door after the golem passed, but not even the combined strength of Laska, Minsc and Korgan could keep it from closing.

What happened next happened so fast no one could act upon it. A narrow wall sudden rose up from the floor without warning, cutting the party in two, while two other doors opened on either side of the room.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm stuck here with you two!" Viconia told Korgan and Jan, who were looking for way to get around the wall.

"Och, be quiet fer a while. Yer yappin' ain't helpin' much. Look, this wall be a solid block..."

"No trap mechanisms either," Jan sighed. "We're stuck here..."

"I'll say," Viconia said, and while Jan and Korgan turned around, they noticed a large armored force being led by a blonde woman in full plate was heading towards them.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Khittix was making sad keening noises as he scratched with his fore-legs at the wall keeping him from his mistress.

Dynaheir had lit a torch with her magic while Laska and Minsc were still trying to break through the wall.

In the meantime, Dynaheir stared intently at the newly opened door. From the darkness beyond at least a dozen shadowy figures slowly emerged. Fear gripped at the Rashemani's throat as she slowly back into the wall.

Suddenly getting a headache, Laska rubbed her head. "I'm starting to feel a little queasy," Laska muttered. "Crap, undead are near."

"Vampires," Dynaheir said, while the first pale-faced creature emerged. "And they've been starved..."


	46. Vampiric abilities

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 46: Vampiric abilities_

The situation was dire. The starved vampires, mad with bloodlust, launched attack after attack at the four living creatures in the room with them. Already, two vampires had fallen to Minsc's wild attacks, but there were many still remaining.

Minsc seething with wild and barely controllable berserker rage, was twirling his sword like a whirling giant deathbringer, hitting vampire after vampire, doing a lot of damage. But would it be enough?

In the meantime, Khittix was holding his own. The spider wasn't considered a priority target by the vampires, with the result that they were easily flanked by the eight-legged companion.

Laska had fallen unconscious as a result of her overly sensitive reaction to undead. More than once, the pack of blood crazed vampires had tried to get past the three remaining defenders to drag the unconscious elf towards them so they could feast on her blood. For some reason, the vampires were very, very keen on getting their hands on the elf. So focused were they on the elf, that they often even ignored the other defenders. Minsc, Dynaheir and Khittix formed a defensive cordon around the downed elf to protect her as best they could, while Khittix had fastened Laska to the floor with strong webbing in case any vampire would get past them.

Thankfully, the vampires were so starved they were only running on instinct, meaning they were not casting spells of domination or using their innate soul draining abilities to weaken their prey.

For Dynaheir, alternating blows from her staff-spear with powerful magical attack-spells, this scene was all too familiar.

* * *

_"Imagine that," Dynaheir heard a giggling voice speak._

_"The newbies are always hungry in the extreme..." another voice, male this time, spoke. "I think she's a lot more approachable now."_

_Dynaheir felt pain course through every part of her body, but it was quickly receding. The cold was loosing its grip on her body, and she found she could move again. Opening her eyes, she found the darkness of... wherever she was, to be as bright as day-light. The sight of a corpse lying at her feet startled her briefly, but fright soon made place for... a sense of alluring. It was a fresh kill, a human with its throat ripped open... from the inside out? Fresh blood was spreading out over the floor. Immediately, the wonderful coppery scent of fresh, warm blood sent a shudder of dire hunger through her body. When she looked up, and noticed her hands were covered with the blood of her victim, she could not help but smile._

_Where was she? Who was she? Why was she feeling so cold? And why was she so hungry? Try as she might, she could not even recall her own name._

_"Look, she's already adjusting," a female vampire, who used to be a half-elf in a previous life, smiled warmly, her fangs glistening in the light of the torches._

_"Interesting," the male said, looking like a very, very pale bald human muscle-mass of a man. "Look at her skin. She is not even pale. The perfect agent."_

_"Oh, Lassal, forget about the shop-talk for a while," the female smiled. "HI!" she greeted and moved to take Dynaheir by the hand and wrapped a sisterly arm over mage's shoulder. "I'm Myrna and this is Lassal. Don't worry, he's a grouch but a good guy..."_

_"Myrna," Lassal rolled his eyes. "She's only a fledgling! Do the nobles of the city talk to_ their _hired help? Why should_ we?"

_"I'll show you around the place we are proud to call home. Amn is good hunting ground for undead like us. I know the best places to get a wonderful taste of blood and I'll show you all," Myrna added, ignoring Lassal. "I'll introduce you to everyone here. I'm sure you'll fit right in."_

_Dynaheir could only nod._

_"But first the mistress would like to have a word with you," Myrna added. "Don't worry, she's not so bad. A harsh mistress, but I've run with worse master vampires. Besides, she led us to this great place! She didn't allow me to dye my hair pink, but I did get this cool navel ring!"_

_"Myrna, you're almost a thousand years old!" Lassal shouted. "Act your damn age!"_

_"Nope, nope, nope!" Myrna said. "I was twenty when I was turned and I'll be twenty till the day I get dusted, so no dice. Besides, where does a mere fifty year old vampire get off telling_ ME_ what to do?!" Myrna retorted._

_While Myrna chatted on, Dynaheir was led to a corridor past several coffins. In the back of the room, which was lit by several torches, stood a strange bath filled with a bloodlike substance. Her newly acquired sensitive nose told her that there was definitely plenty of blood in the concoction, but that was only part of it. Her nose also identified there was another woman in the room... A human woman. Immediately, her hunting instincts took over, but Myrna simply grabbed her by the arm and shook her head 'no'._

_"Why is_ she _been made a vampire immediately?!" the human woman demanded. "Have I not served you loyally the past two years?!"_

_"Valen," an innocent-sound female voice spoke with barely masked harshness, "I have more need of a human agent at the moment. Don't worry, my dear... I keep my promises. Especially to those who... serve me as well as you do. I will tell you when you will receive your award, not the other way around. You'll get what's coming to you..."_

_"Yes," Valen spoke in relief and moved to leave. "Thank you, mistress." _

_Myrna nodded and pushed Dynaheir a little into the room before stalking off. For the first time, Dynaheir was afforded a good look at the person sitting in the tub. For all intents and purposes, she was a young elf-maid, sitting submerged in the blood-like substance in the large bath. Her hair was as black as soot, while her skin had the color of finely hued white porcelain. She was small, but her power was undeniable as her eyes flashed a dangerous shade of red._

_"Ah, there you are," the elf spoke, while she extended her leg above the murky substance and ran a bloody sponge across it. "Eaten well, I presume? Take off your clothes and join me..."_

_Dynaheir was taken aback for a while, to which the elf responded. "Shy? Don't be... There are no such things as prudish vampires. Vampires, especially females, need to be in complete control of their sensuality, lest they starve. Come on, remove that robe..."_

_Something in the elf's eyes made her obey without question. The tattered purple robe slid off the mage's body and fell to the floor. She stepped towards the bath and gently lowered herself into the murky substance. She felt... strangely cleaner now that she was in this bath._

_"A good body, for a human," the elf smiled with appraising look about her. "You will certainly not starve... But then again," she smiled. "Neither will this 'elven maiden'," she smiled, then talked in a little girl's voice. "Oh, dear sir! I'm so afraid and lonely. Dear sir, would you help me, please? I'd do_ anything_ for a safe place to spend the night," she giggled. "So, easy," she spoke in her normal voice, "the nobles in this town are so depraved it's like shooting fish in a barrel. I trust Myrna has already promised to show you the best places to hunt? Heed her words. She's even older than I am... even counting the years I was alive. She's more of a follower than a leader, however, but there is much you can learn from her..."_

_Dynaheir nodded, feeling herself relax even more due to the strange properties of this bath._

_"Like the bath?" the elf giggled. "It's a rare mixture of Virgin's blood, nymph blood, troll blood with a little Glabrezu-blood added for the robustness. Very, very soothing for vampires. I usually bathe first before giving the bath to my subordinates, so feel yourself privileged. Now, turn around," the elf said, and Dynaheir obliged._

_She suddenly found herself in a surprisingly strong grip. A few seconds later, Dynaheir hissed in pain as two fangs entered her jugular vein and the elf slowly started to drain some blood. The rashami mage felt numb in her mind, and she was certain some sort of mental exchange was occurring. The exchange did work both ways, but she was mostly blocked. She did find out, however, that the elf's name was Bodhi, that she had experienced a terrible loss and was filled with rage and an utter desire to destroy a place called 'Suldenesselar'. But as soon as it began, it was over._

_"Ah, when a vampire drains another," Bodhi smiled, "more goes on than a simple exchange of fluids. Especially if you know what you're looking for... Now," Bodhi said, easing back into her bath, "I've allowed part of your memories to resurface. Tell me everything about your travels with Laska Leafwalker..."_

* * *

Dynaheir slammed her staff against the head of yet another vampire, but didn't do any permanent damage. She was running out of offensive spells fast... much faster than she was taking care of the vampires. Of the twelve attackers, only three had fallen.

* * *

_"Okay, stand behind your victim... Now move your left arm over your victim's abdomen and clench tightly," Myrna told Dynaheir as they were standing in one of the many alleys of Athkatla. Myrna had charmed a young common boy and brought him to her new friend as practice material. Dynaheir complied and grasped the young man tightly. "Now," Myrna continued, "use your right arm to grasp the chin. Be careful to cover the mouth so your victim can't scream for help. Now, yank the head up and to the right to expose the neck... Excellent... Now, if your victim is flailing and struggling, and if you intend to drain him or her completely, the best course of action is to find the lowest vertebra in the neck and push hard on it with your thumb until you hear the snap. You'll have severed the nerves inside, but your victim will still be alive so you can drink in peace... But we will practice this later. It's kinda advanced, I guess and drinking dead blood sucks."_

_Dynaheir nodded while she held her hapless victim._

_"Okay," Myrna smiled. "You're doing great so far. Now, extend your fangs fully. This may hurt the first time, but the reward will be worth it."_

_Dynaheir complied and, indeed, felt an incredible pain as her upper fangs extended out of her upper jaw and pressed several other teeth aside._

_"Now,_ BITE!_" Myrna giggled. "Oopps," she giggled even harder. "You missed the jugular! Try again... Too high this time, try again... Ah, perfect! Enjoy!"_

_Dynaheir quietly drank the blood, the young man's life. She felt instantly rejuvenated and restored._

_"Ah, I see our student is a quick learner," Bodhi smiled as she entered the alley. Myrna nodded and offered Bodhi the left wrist of the victim, while she herself put her teeth in the right wrist. Together, the three vampires drained the doomed commoner within a minute._

_"Well," Bodhi said, smiling. "It seems we..." Suddenly, however, Bodhi fell silent. A small rupture appeared on her cheek, a trickle of foul blood escaping._

_"Mistress, what..." Dynaheir asked._

"DON'T LOOK AT ME!" _Bodhi screeched and turned away from her servants. Grabbing a dirty cloth from the ground, she wrapped it around her face. "I... I need another bath," she muttered and stalked off, leaving the two vampires standing._

_"The mistress' curse," Myrna said. "The curse she tried to escape by turning to vampirism. Didn't quite work. It slowed down her curse, but didn't lift it. Anyway, I'd never bring up the subject if I were you. The last vampire who did got both his arms torn off... In any case, let us continue our lesson. To dispose of the corpses..."_

* * *

Dynaheir huffed while fighting exhaustion almost as hard as the vampires attacking her. Minsc had a seemingly endless stamina as he sliced through the vampires with his sword and Larry Lilarcor certainly enjoying himself, but even Dynaheir's enhanced strength and endurance, leftovers from her time as a vampire, could not hold out much longer without a rest.

* * *

_"So why is the mistress trying to hire the enemy of her brother again?" Lassal said as he and several other vampires were sitting in the lounge of their cozy crypt._

_"Have you no sense of humor?" Myrna smiled. "I'd be irony! Besides, she really gets to tick off that brother of hers."_

_"Irenicus?" Dynaheir asked._

_"Yeah, that guy is really dead, you know?" Myrna sighed. "There's nothing in his eyes... Even Lassal here has a sparkle there. And certainly the mistress... But him? Brrrrrrrr..." she mock-shivered. "That guy scares the hell out of me."_

_"I very much doubt this Leafwalker will work with the mistress, though," Lassal muttered._

_"Laska is... unpredictable," Dynaheir offered._

_Gutteral screaming and a litany of curses sounded from the staircase as the elf-maid known as Bodhi stalked through the corridors, covered with, it seemed, the remains of someone's gourmet dinner. A seven-course dinner... Without saying a word, the elfmaid stalked past the stunned vampires and ran down the stairs leading to her private chambers._

_Myrna was the first to snort. A snort turned into a snicker, a snicker into a laugh, a laugh into a roaring bellylaugh which ended with her rolling over the floor in laughter. The laughter was infectious and, soon enough, she took all the other vampires with her._

_They did, however, not count on a cleaned Bodhi coming back up the stairs so quickly. As the laughter continued, Bodhi just stood there, waiting for the laughter to die out. The strength was from her voice, however, and she spoke in a sad voice laced with insecurity. "Why... why are you laughing?"_

_"Errr," Myrna offered. "Lassal told a knock-knock joke..."_

_"It was... about me wasn't it?" Bodhi said, a single tear of blood running over her cheek. "My... my own minions... I... I need to be alone for a while..."_

_"Uh-oh," Myrna said. "She always starts eating when she gets into moods like this... I swear, she's such a drama queen"_

_And, as if on cue, Bodhi ripped the still-beating heart from the chest of a human thrall and started snacking on it as she ran back to her private quarters._

_"Yes," Myrna sighed. "We'll be breaking in new thralls next week."_

* * *

The fight was still going strong. Two more vampires had fallen due to the efforts of both of them. And Khittix was doing his best, squirting webbing from his hind-quarters to stop the vampiric advance.

* * *

_It was brilliant. A brilliant idea. Bodhi's plan was to slowly take away all the Shadow Thieves' support in the nobility by not only killing the lords who supported them, but they could also make use of the confusion to rob them blind before anything could react. Right now, Dynaheir was stalking through the house of Lord Pelarr, which had screamed so deliciously just moments before. Dumping his body in front of the Thieves' stronghold at the docks would create enough chaos for her not to be noticed. _

_Right now, she was filling a bag of holding with all manner of valuables found at Pelarr's estate. Silverware candlesticks, golden plates, bags of coins, land deeds. All were worth a pretty penny on the black market of Riatavin and served to enlarge Bodhi's pool of resources. Coming across a wall safe, Dynaheir smiled and ripped the door from its hinges before unloading the entire content into the Bag of Holding, as were several valuable paintings as well as several decorative weapons..._

_"Who are you?!" sounded behind her. Of course, Dynaheir had heard Pelarr's fifteen year old son approach, but she was still feeling a bit peckish._

_"You're a commoner, aren't you?" the boy shouted. "And a thief too! My dad will have you hung! Bah, you even smell like a beggar!"_

_"Do not concern thyself," Dynaheir smiled. "All thy worries shalt soon cease..."_

* * *

Anger boiled over. In a fit of rage, Dynaheir dropped her staff and raised her arms high into the air. The planned Fireball was held over her head instead of launched. Dynaheir poured every bit of magical energy stored into her body for this assault. The fireball over her head grew in intensity, illuminating the entire cavern.

Everyone stopped fighting. Minsc smiled while the starved vampires stared in fear at the powerful magics forming above Dynaheir's head.

Finally, letting out a scream of rage, she launched the fireball until it collided with the ceiling, exploding in a brilliant light. Minsc, Dynaheir and Khittix averted their eyes to the magical light, but when it had subsided, there was nothing left of the vampires but a few piles of ashes.

The Rashami mage smiled contently and collapsed to the floor. "Ah," Minsc roared. "A fine victory, isn't it, Boo? Little Dynaheir did well! Ha, HAH!"

A weak moan escaped Laska's mouth. "Wh... what's going on? Why I am stuck to the floor?" she asked.

* * *

Meanwhile, on the other side of the wall, Viconia and her two short-folk friends were confronted with a second group of adventurers whom had been stalking about the dungeon. The drow did not assume for a single moment that they were friendly sorts and neither were Jan and Korgan.

"So, Firkraag trapped you here as well," the blonde, armored woman known as Samia sighed. She was undoubtedly an experienced warrior, as were the other members of her party, which surprisingly contained a Neo-Orog.

Korgan, currently locked in a staring contest with the dwarf of the other party, did not reply.

"You could say that," Viconia replied, trying to keep as much information to herself as possible. By the look of some of the party-members, they weren't exactly paladins.

"We were on an important mission for the Queen of Tethyr. Have you come searching for the tomb as well? I was not aware of another expedition," Samia said. "And if you are graverobbers, we know how to deal with your kind."

"Ah, dealing with graverobbers, eh?" Jan said. "But how do you deal with graves that rob themselves?"

Samia blinked. "What?"

"Graves that rob themselves!" Jan announced. "It's actually an invention of my cousin Ramkhen Jansen from Mulhorand. He was deathly afraid of graverobbers, you see, so he invented a series of special caskets outfitted with robotic mechanical arms. Now, Ramkhen's treasure would be transferred from one casket to the other every hour so to confuse the graverobbers. He had about five hundred made, which unfortunately meant his mausoleum had to be the size of a pyramid. So irony upon irony, by the time he had his grave-site prepared, he was so broke there was no treasure left to steal. Figure that, ey?"

"Is he insane?" Samia asked.

"Ach, we be nay be knownin' that yet," Korgan muttered.

"It's true us Jansens have weird burial practises. One of the Jansen family crypts is near a living wall, and they attract dead bodies like crazy..." Jan replied.

"ANYWAY," Samia sneered, "I seek the tomb of King Strohm III of Tethyr. He lost his life to treachery, a sad end for a noble man. I hope to find texts in his tomb that will detail his life. I am not much of a scholar, but since this tomb is heavily trapped I was asked to recover it. But I cannot pass beyond this area. I have the key, but something prevents my entry. Perhaps the magic was attuned to stop those of a certain heritage. Probably a hold-over from at time of war, or maybe they did not want enemies defiling the tomb. You can guess what I am going to ask, can't you?"

"You want us to act as arrow-fodder?" Viconia finished.

"Basically," Samia said, tossing the key to Jan, who immediately started to work on the ornate door leading towards the deeper crypt and opened it with a creak, "you are correct. According to legend the tomb contains seven guardians. The last guards the burial chamber and is invisible even to the strongest magics. If the legends are true, I'm not sure how you would get by such a creature. There may be clues beyond this door to guide you towards such an end. The texts I seek should be in his burial chamber. Once you get them, return to me and I will allow you to keep everything else you might find. Good luck, you'll likely need it."

"_FOUND IT_!" Jan shouted as he returned from the tomb carrying a dusty old tome in his hands. "Here it is. 'Life and Times of King Strohm the Third, second edition'."

Samia was clearly taken aback and stammered like a fish on dry land. "Er... no, no. The ones I seek detail Strohm's life. They'll be within his burial chamber and, I suspect, much better preserved than this text..."

"Alright, then," Viconia said. "Wish us luck."

Korgan, Jan and Viconia took their leave and headed deeper into the dungeon. When they were safely in the dungeon, with the door closed, Viconia finally was able to speak freely. "Have you seen them?" she said.

"Aye," Korgan said. "They be killin' us as soon as we be steppin' out with the treasure."

"Now, that is a _very_ negative attitude, missy," Jan pressed. "Why, there wouldn't have been gnomes on the moon if you had been in mission control."

"There were never gnomes on the moon, _yinglin_," Viconia sighed.

"Yes there were! And the moon really is made out of green turnips," Jan smiled. "Poor astrognomes ate themselves to death."

"At any rate," Viconia sighed as she rubbed her temples, "we can't fight them off at the moment, so we might as well go along with them until we can come up with a plan to defeat them later on. Where did you find that book anyway?"

Jan shrugged. "On a half skeleton lying next to a very obvious trap. It looked like he came from deeper inside this part of the complex."

"Ach," Korgan said while trying one of the doors. "So we be playin' scholar now?"

Immediately, a gust of fire was launched through the hallways as the ancient efreeti guardian, determined to guard its part of the deathmask of Strohm, launched several fireballs. It was all Korgan, Jan and Viconia could do get the door closed again.

"Jan?" Viconia asked. "Do you still have those flashers?"

"I'm glad you asked!" Jan grinned broadly. "Yes, I've got a whole load of them in a bag here..."

"Perfect!" Viconia smiled and took the whole bag. Opening the door, she tossed the whole bag towards the malevolent genie. Diving through the hallway to avoid the explosion, the three later returned to gather their hard-earned piece of the mask among the many shredded pieces of efreeti spread about the room.

"Now that was thinking on your feet, Vicky," said Jan.

"Any more of those flashers?" Viconia asked.

"Nope, sorry Vicky," Jan tried.

"Then, you'd better get to work..."

Using the new flashers Jan had created as high-yield explosives, Viconia reduced the other guardians to cinders as well. After putting the mask together, defeating the invisible fire elemental was surprisingly easy. In the end, the three adventurers stood in the middle of the tomb, which sported a casket with a sword and a shield lying on the top. It was obvious that Samia was not looking for a book.

Unfortunately, the items were not for the taking. As soon as Jan grabbed the shield and sword, a portcullis was slowly lowering over the entrance. Korgan quickly moved to stand under it and hold it up, and just when Viconia and Jan were making their way, a shift 'click' sounded as the ceiling slowly started to lower. To make matters were, several armored boots were heading towards them.

Viconia glanced at the mechanism while Korgan was struggling with the portcullis, and informed Jan of her plans.

* * *

"Dammit!" Samia snarled as she and her party found the tomb empty and treasureless. "Where are they! They couldn't have slipped past us! Where could they have gone?! Firkraag promised that the weapons would be ours!"

Immediately, the portcullis slammed down and clicked into place.

"Samia?" the Neo-Orog asked. "Why is the room getting smaller?"

"So let us get this straight," Jan said as the spell which made all three of them invisible wore off and they walked towards the exit of the ancient tomb. "Don't we care what happens to those poor people when they run into with the trap I reset?"

"No."

"Nay."

"Don't we care that, even if they figure out how the mechanism works, they will probably starve to death?"

"No."

"Nay," said Korgan. "In fact, I be thinkin' I should be goin' back to point and laugh at them. HAR HAR!"

"Just checking. Plus, the next party which explores this dungeon will find some treasure too, now. That's a good think."

"Might be a bit crushed, though," Viconia said.

"Gold be gold," Korgan shrugged.

* * *

"No doggie! No hurt us, Doggie!" a little troll told the werewolf snarling in front him, while his friend, a hobgoblin tried to intervene.

"Yeah, youse keep me and Moe alone," the hobgoblin said.

"Oh, please," the werewolf snarled. "You have not been cleaning the golem properly, and the master forgives no mistakes... Besides, I haven't eaten for a whole day..."

But before the werewolf could attack, a blue sword emerged from his throat. His eyes glazed over, and the dead werewolf slid to the floor.

"Play dead," Laska smirked as she stood over the dead creature.

"Minsc thinks that is a good one-liner," said Minsc. "But it could have used either a sword or a hamster reference."

"Thankee," the hobgoblin said. "We be getting outta here. No good dying in a smelly hole as this, right Moe?"

"Next time," Laska said as the two friends stalked off, "find a better employer."

"Wait a minute," Minsc said. "Boo asked me to say... 'Did that werewolf say 'golem'?"

The three adventurers looked at each other... and started running as huge silver-colored magical construct emerged from the large hallway beyond.

"Is that the same golem that took Keldorn?" Dynaheir asked.

Laska looked over her shoulder and found that the golem was too close for comfort. "I'm not stopping to ask it!"

The hallways converged on a huge open area, where a narrow pathway was suspended over a seemingly bottomless pit. The signs that this room was initially used for ore-smelting were apparent due to the trolleys, the pulleys and bits of left-over iron strewn about the place. Just as Laska and her friends ran into the room, a small door on the opposite side opened up to reveal their missing friends.

"LASKA!"

"VICONIA!"

"MINSC!"

"KORGAN!"

"DYNAHEIR!"

"JAN!"

"KHITTIX!" Viconia smiled as the happy spider ran towards her and jumped in her arms.

"Boo says GOLEM!" Minsc shouted, but this time, it was Laska that came up with a plan of action. Moving like lightning, the elf placed herself between the wall and one of the rusted trolleys, her back pushed against the wall while her legs pressed against the cart. Flexing her muscles and taxing every ounce of her strength, she finally managed to move the cart.

The cart took up speed as it hit the downward curve on the tracks. Moments later, it collided with the adamantine golem as it stepped out of the corridor and onto the platform. The golem was taken by surprise and wobbled, only to keel over backwards and drop down the shaft. That the pit was not entirely bottomless, became painfully obvious by the resounding 'clank' of metal landing on rock.

"I... really..." Laska said, gasping from the strain, "HATE... Firkraag!"


	47. Draconic Encounters

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 47: Draconic Encounter_

After composing themselves for a moment, the party found a way out of the mineshafts. A subterranian tunnel led to a winding stairways leading up into the complex.

As usual, Laska took point; with swords drawn, she and her party stepped off the winding staircase and came to a small room containing nothing more than a old wooden table. But next to that wooden table stood a very familiar figure.

A hulking armored ogre, a large scar in his face, towered over the tattooed elf. He held a gigantic axe in his hand and wore the same armor he had worn when confronting them in the undercity underneath Baldur's Gate; a patchwork of sheet-metal haphazardly riveted together. However, the armor had been augmented.

Laska blinked. "Tazok?!"

"It's the big smelly ogre from the Undercity!" Minsc roared.

"Who'll turn up next?" Viconia muttered. "Silke? Sarevok? All the Xvarzts we so meticulously slaughtered?"

Tazok, the ogre brigand-leader under the command of the late Sarevok stood there, heavily armored. And whoever armored him, had invested a great deal of money. Thick adamantine plates had been added on top of the riveted iron plates, while a strong helmet with bullhorns on either sides protected a brain the size of a pea.

"Yes, it be I, Tazok! Mwuahah!" he raised as he rose his gigantic axe. "Sarevok took too much for his plate, left us in a bad position. You'll find my new master much smarter, and me much harder to kill! Seems Firkraag has a special treat in store, brought me here just for you. Got a special bug in his craw about seeing you perform."

"Sooo," Laska started, not sure how to respond, "How've you been?"

"I've been in pain since you carved through my ribs like it was a roast! Every time I breathe I am reminded of your victory over our glorious plans for the future! But I survived, little elf! I have survived. I have been training this mangled body to fight you again! No other thought or wish occupied me as I prepared for this confrontation! I shall crush you, smash you, crush you..."

Laska raised her hand. "You said 'crush' twice there."

"SHUT UP!" Tazok roared. "I'll rip out your ribcage and make music on your bleeding bones. I'll make a little stew out of your mushy insides and..." the last word that came out of his mouth was sputter of surprise. A crossbow bolt was suddenly lodged in his throat, the one part of his body that his massive armor did not protect. He clawed at it in surprise, but it had gone through his thick neck like a hot knife through butter. Much to the surprise of everybody gathered Tazok sank to the floor and died a second time.

In the meantime, all eyes were locked at Jan, who was still holding his crossbow. "What?" Jan asked. "Ogre stories are boring, you know? Smash, smash. Kill, kill. Always the same..."

"As opposed to turnips and griffins?" Viconia smirked.

"Hey, hey, missy!" Jan added. "Turnips are _very_ original, and I've never met one I didn't like. Griffins, well, those are a different thing all together... Actually, I once met..."

"_No_ stories, Jan," Laska sighed. "There's still a missing friend we have to find."

"Oh?" Jan said. "Vicky's here. Korgy, Minscy, Dyna, you, me, Khittix..."

"I'm talking about Keldorn," the elf replied.

"Who?" Jan looked puzzled.

"Big guy, human, about this tall, graying, small beard, has a face that looks like he's been attacked by a garden-rake..." the elf summed up.

"Never heard of him," Jan said.

"How," Laska sighed, "do I allow my self to be caught up in your verbal traps again and again, Jan?"

"It's a gift," the gnome grinned.

"Well," Viconia said, while pointing at a gaping black hole giving access to a wide staircase. "Looks like the only way out is down here."

"Ahey," announced Minsc as he pushed past the others. "We shall rescue brave Sir Keldorn and bring the boot of justice up the backside of naughty lord Firkraag!"

And down they went. Slowly stepping down the staircase, they entered a huge cavern under the dungeon-complex they had just so arduously traversed. Unlike the dungeon, this room was spotless, the walls were smooth and the entire cavern was filled with an air of quiet dignity. The ceiling was immensely tall, contained a very familiar gaping hole, and alongside the sides of the slightly narrow hall ran two parapets, each containing a small hanging cage. One contained Taar, the other Keldorn...

Seeing his friends were stepping into the room, Keldorn struggled to get up in the cage to warn them. "Careful!" he rasped through his dry throat. "It's a..."

Before he could speak further, a mage appeared from the bottom of the stairs and closed off the exit with a magical shield. From the shadows stepped chieftain Dig-dag, leader of the Orcish hordes under Firkraag's command. Also, from the other side, the raven-haired elven mercenary whom had kidnapped Taar earlier appeared, her longbow at the ready.

"...trap..." Keldorn finished lamely.

"Oy, long-limb!" Korgan shouted. "Ye be restin' while we be working 'ard? HAR HAR!"

But, two enormous glowing eyes stopped Korgan's roaring laughter rather abruptly. The ground shook as a gigantic creature came into sight. A huge head appeared first, narrow and long with horns and a mouth filled with rows of sharp teeth. Two reptilian eyes sparkled in arrogance as the rest of the creature came into view. A huge dragon, its muscles rippling under his red skin, its huge wings folded across his back as it stepped from the shadows. The dragon roared for good measure and folded its neck downward. Most notable about the magnificent creature, however was a long scar across the left side of its body, which appeared to be some sort of magical burn.

Noticing that his 'guests' were actually staring at his scar rather than his magnificent form, the dragon crankily turned his left side away from the party as he spoke.

"Well, well, here you are..." the dragon spoke in a deep voice. "Before this conversation continues, there is one thing I would like to know. Which one of you cretins _gobbed _in my eye?!"

The dragon followed it up with a massive roar which shook the ground. He cranked his neck downward so that he was on eye-level with the rest of the party.

The friends looked at each other until Korgan stepped forward. "Ach, that be me, then. Ye've been the recipient of a pure dwarven loogie! Har!"

The dragon snorted disgustedly. "Ugh, typical. Of course, it had to be the dwarf."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, big whoop," Laska broke in. "Look, is Firkraag coming? I have an appointment to break his kneecaps and feed his lungs to a wolf."

"Indeed?" the dragon smiled toothily. "But... Firkraag is already here!"

"Is Firkraag behind you, then?" Laska said. "That big fat ass of yours is blocking the view."

Growing increasingly nervous at Laska's irreverent behavior, her friends tensed and prepared for a coming battle. Even Korgan remained silent and held on to his axe for dear life.

"_I _am Firkraag, you idiot!" the dragon roared while the elven mercenary standing beside chuckled briefly.

"Oh?" Laska replied, scratching her head. "Ooohhh," she finally replied through clenched teeth.

"In any case," Firkraag said. "I've had my fun with you, watching you muddle through my little trickster-maze as you did. But now, well, I've gotten rather bored with you. So, you may all go..."

"What, as easy as that?" Viconia dared to say while the other party members were looking at each other.

"Hey, isn't there some sort of tradition that the heroes must fight the dragon after traversing through his deadly maze?" Jan said. "At least, that's how we did things I was young."

"Don't give him any ideas," Dynaheir snarled.

"Yes, you can go..." the dragon sighed.

Laska looked puzzled, "We can?!"

"Of course," Firkraag said, and from his expression, the dragon was being sincere.

"And we can take Keldorn and Taar with us as well?"

"Indeed," Firkraag smiled, "However, you'll have to listen to what I have to say to you first..."

"He's up to something," Viconia whispered from behind Laska, just loud enough for only elven ears to hear. Apparently, Firkraag did not hear Viconia's whisper either.

"Okay, I listen, then I go?"

"Yeeeessss," Firkraag hissed through a clenched maw. "Were you born stupid or is that just some kind of hobby? Anyway, I suppose you want an explanation?"

"Kinda," Laska muttered. "Oh, I get it now!" she added. "I'm a Bhaalspawn and you want to use me, test my potential or otherwise demean me in some fashion for your own selfish plan!"

"I couldn't care less about your questionable heritage," the dragon snorted. "I wouldn't have cared if your father was Corellon Larethian himself! It's your mother that interests me, not you or your father."

"My mother? Leilani Leafwalker?" the tattooed elf replied.

"Yes... _Leilani Leafwalker_," he spat the name is as it was a curse. "The elven bitch that maimed me in the past. All I wanted was a few maidens from the nearby elven village to eat and that... _creature_ not only denied me the purest of sustenance but also almost killed me with her magicks! Me, the great Firkraag defeated by a mere elf!"

"So," Laska smiled. "Mom kicked your ass, didn't she?"

"I roared and attacked! I used all my magics! I swooped over her head, intending to incinerate her!"

"And she didn't even break a sweat?" Laska chuckled, the look on Firkraag's snout being answer enough. "One spell and it was over, right?"

"Shut up, you, you... _bore_!" Firkraag shouted. "All these years of preparing for a second encounter to _crush_ her into dust were for naught! She is beyond my reach."

"Yeah," Laska said a little solemnly, "death in childbirth will do that..."

"HAH!" the elven mercenary chuckled. "Have you ever heard of an elf dying in childbirth? How stupid are you? Elven pregnancies and births aren't even painful nor cumbersome."

"And you know this, how?" Laska retorted as she stared down the business end of the mercenary's bow.

"I am a mother myself, you dolt!" the elven mercenary replied. "Why do you think I am a sellsword? I don't want my girls to grow up on the streets as I did..."

"Oh, my heart bleeds," Firkraag mocked from the side. "Now be quiet, Irylarr! I was speaking... No, your mother is not dead, Laska. Surprised? No... No, she is on Evermeet. With her _normal_ children, worthy of her attention. A false elf such as yourself is beneath her notice."

"He's trying to get under your skin," Viconia whispered as she noticed her friend was tensing up. "He's lying, I can tell..."

"I had spies and agents keep an eye on her, but they could not follow her to Evermeet, nor can I. So I will get through to her via her bloodline. You... But, dear Laska, I am doing you a favor. Your mother abandoned you and left you with Gorion. You were nothing to her. Nothing more than a freak of nature."

Firkraag words sliced Laska more than any mere sword could. She stood there, trembling from a mixture of rage and sorrow. Nobody in the party spoke, neither of them, not even Jan, thought this was the time for wisecracks.

The dragon nodded and Chieftain Dig-Dag approached them, holding a small shiny object. It was a glowing sphere, spreading bright red colors through the entire cavern. Laska tensed up when she saw it; it once belonged to Gorion.

Gorion had always been a very attentive and loving father, a father who was rarely strict. However, Laska had never been allowed near that glowing sphere. Gorion kept it in his study in the keep and whenever Laska used to visit him there, he would first lock it up in a heavy chest before talking to her. And now it was here, being held by a smelly orc lorded over by a dragon.

The dragon noticed Laska's confusion and seemed amused by it. "My, my, cat got your tongue? No witty remark? No bravado?"

"W-where did you get that?" Laska challenged.

"You didn't properly search Gorion's body after his, ahum, unfortunate demise, hm?" Firkraag said. "You and your bratty sister buried him with it. It was quite easily unearth."

It was all that her friends could to keep Laska from rushing the dragon. Minsc wrapped his strong arms around Laska to keep the wriggling elf from breaking free. "You bastard!" Laska shouted. "You defiled his grave! I'll kill you for that, you overgrown hedge lizard! I'll kill you for that!"

Firkraag snorted. "Still not impressed. I wasn't impressed with your adventures, I wasn't impressed with how you handled the Iron Crisis, I wasn't impressed when you allowed yourself to be captures by that boorish Irenicus and I wasn't impressed at how easy it was to lure you and your friends here. So deliciously, you have slain the paladins that were sent to kill me instead!" the dragon gloated. "Not that they ever stood a chance, but I do enjoy a good deception. Paladins are so easily fooled, having a one-track mind as they do."

Keldorn rattled the hanging cage at this statement. "Foul fiend! Those were good men, good women."

"Yes," Firkraag grinned. "And you so efficiently hacked them all up. It was quite amusing to watch, really. As for this little sphere," he added while craning his neck back to Laska. "This is a sensory-stone. A little left-over from your mother's trip to the Sigil during her youth. She used to be quite an adventurer during her maiden years, you see?"

Laska offered a lopsided grin. "Like mother like daughter. You can let go of me now, Minsc. I'm fine."

"Is little Laska sure?" Minsc asked.

"I'm sure."

"This stone contains a message to you, Laska, in the form of a collection of memories dating from the time you were conceived to the time she left you forever. Your mother wanted Gorion to give you this when you had come of age and were mature enough to understand. No doubt an explanation of her rejection. Pity Gorion never had the opportunity to show you. Well, I've had my fun, Laska, and I shall spare you any more suffering. You may leave unhindered..." Firkraag said, smiling as he slowly raised his fore-leg and lowered it again, intending to crush the little stone.

But from the corner of his right eye, he noticed a flash of brilliant blue flying towards him with great speed. It was the last thing he would ever see through his right eye.

The dragon bellowed in agony as Laska flashed across his face and, with a single slash from Ipsiya, put his eye out. The agile elf landed on her feet and performed a swift roll across the floor, avoiding the dragon's paws and scooping up the little stone in mid-roll.

Making use of the confusion, Jan whistled as he stuck out his foot. Firkraag's wizard, running down the stairs to aid his master, tripped over his own foot and bounced off the stairs, eventually landing with a sickening crack, making himself today's easiest kill.

Firkraag trashed in humiliation and agony as he attempted to make sense of his surroundings. A sudden shrill voice sounded. "A DRAGON! WOOHOO! Kill it before it's gone!" sounded just before he felt a sharp pain enter his upper left hindleg. Unfortunately for the party, the pain sent Firkraag hurtling back to reality as he found a larger bald human gleefully hacking at his leg. Two more, a dwarf and a gnome were approaching fast, while the cleric Viconia and mage Dynaheir remained behind to assault the dragon from a distance. Firkraag knew that Dynaheir's repertoire had almost been exhausted already, so Viconia was the most immediate threat.

The elf's assault had been quick, but Firkraag's consolation is that the attack was as much a surprise to her partymembers than it was to him. But where was the elf? The answer to that question presented itself as he felt a sharp pain between his fore-legs. Instinctively, the dragon took a few steps back. Unfortunately, Dig-Dag was already standing at that spot. Being stepped on and crushed by an twelve-thousand kilogram dragon did little for his mood.

"Enough of this foolishness!" Firkraag roared, and extended his wings. With one, single violent swoop, he tossed his enemies through the room, this time gaining the advantage.

In the meantime, Ilylarr watched the conflict from a distance with interest. The group was fighting very well, but she doubted they could win against Firkraag. Then, she suddenly noticed the drow running up one of the ramps. Ilylarr notched an arrow and prepared to fire... but then she noticed Firkraag buffeting his wings again and decided against it. Silently, she withdrew to the shadows.

In the meantime, the party was trying to re-organize themselves and continue the fight. At first, Laska was nowhere to be found; however, a cursory glance in Firkraag's direction offered a view of the dragon frantically tossing his head through and fro. The reason for this being that Laska had latched on to his left horn and held on for dear life with one hand, while slashing her sword at the dragon's head with the other. Try as his might, the dragon was unable to dislodge her.

Viconia, making use of the distraction Laska was providing, ran up the ramp, having noticed a glint of gold in the distance. She knew dragons had a hoard of gold and magical weapons, and with this hair-brained battle Laska had gotten them into, she had to find something to turn the tide.

And she did. She reached a stunningly huge pile of gold coins. Several weapons and armor, magical amulets and ornate artifacts were strewn about, but, strangely enough, the only weapons that were on display were old, worn, plain and used. Then, she realized what they were; trophies of past victories. And then, she noticed the one weapon that could turn the tide of battle... and what it was meant to do. Unfortunately, the previous owner had never gotten the chance to use it.

Back in the cavern Firkraag was winning. He had finally managed to shake off the elf by slamming his head into the cavern wall and now the five upstarts and their sillyspider were constantly driven back. He had had enough; it was time to end it all. But there, from the side emerged that annoying drow cleric, brandishing a spear of all things. Firkraag chuckled. What could that little drow do to a magnificent dragon such as himself? Firkraag breathed deeply, intending to incinerate the little upstart.

It was then that Viconia struck. Just as the fireball formed in Firkraag's mouth, Viconia threw the spear with deadly accuracy; it flew straight in the dragon's open mouth.

That's when Firkraag found out that the spear had been made out of lead.

The weapon melted as if in a blast-furnace, and the molten red-hot substance seared into Firkraag's throat all the way to the creature's sensitive stomach. Roaring in extreme agony, the dragon collapsed coughing. He was barely conscious as Laska jumped from the parapet onto the back of his neck, turned Ipsiya downward and drove the dainty moonblade through his skull.

In all of his long life, he had never expected that the last words he would ever hear would be '_Take that, you asshole'_.

* * *

"Good fight, Laska," Korgan said.

"Boo loved it!" Minsc said.

"We had fun!" Jan added.

While everybody else was congratulating Laska, it was Viconia who stepped up to her and slapped her in the face. "You idiot! That dragon would have let us leave! We were in no condition for fight it. If that spear hadn't been there..."

"Viconia was right," Keldorn said, while Laska continued scooping big parts of the hoard in her bag of holding. "Though I am very pleased with the end-result, it was very reckless."

The dragon's hoard was indeed impressive. Most of it was blood money from exploiting the people of Windspear and rare items stolen from various places. Besides a manipulator, Firkraag was a meticulous record keeper. In his ledgers, there was evidence of Firkraag funding and organizing brigand raids along big trade-routes to the north, east and south of Amn, bringing in lots of gold to his coffers.

"Ach, who be caring?! We be swimmin' in gold! HAR HAR!" Korgan roared as he threw up hands full of coins, making it rain gold.

Then, a glint in the corner caught the eye of Keldorn, who gasped as he recognized the ornate hilt of a legendary sword as it stuck out of a pile of gold. "Dear Torm," he said, "that is Carsomyr!"

"You've got a what now?" Laska asked as Keldorn reverently rose the sword from the pile.

_'*Hubba, hubba!*'_ Ipsiya squealed.

"Hey!" Lilarcor protested. "What's he got that I don't have?"

_'*If you have a few days, I'll give you a list,*'_ Ipsiya chuckled.

"A powerful knight was given the honor of wielding this powerful weapon," Keldorn smiled. "It was lost when she rode to battle against, well, a dragon..."

"This one, no doubt," Dynaheir nodded.

"Why don't you use it, Keldorn?" Laska said. "I mean, you saw it first."

"Oh, I couldn't!" Keldorn looked horrified. "I am not worthy of wielding such a weapon..." Fortunately, the sword disagreed and glowed briefly to voice its protest.

"Such an honor," the aged paladin all but gasped.

"What's that sound?" Viconia broke in.

Everybody took a moment to listen. A low rumble, combined with a sudden tremor shook the entire cavern.

"That wasn't normal," Laska said.

"Fools!" the elven mercenary Irylarr shouted from the site where Firkraag's body lay. "Firkraag sabotaged the dungeons! He had his orcs dig out to an underground stream and magically enchanted a barrier which would be lifted only when he would die."

"Oh, no," the young boy Taar responded, "we... we are going to die?" Immediately, his gaze upon Laska's face instantly lowered. "Say, if we are going to die anyway, can I see you naked?" he said with a hopeful smile.

"Is that all you ever think about?" Laska sighed. "And no. No, you can not."

"Oy, lads and lassies!" Korgan shouted. "Why donnae we be escapin' by climbin' up the rope-ladder that is being so conveniently lowered through that dank hole in the middle o'the ceilin'."

Not even thinking twice, the party, Taar and Irylarr in tow, clambered up the rope-ladder with amazing speed. Laska, however, glanced over at Firkraag's body, already picked clean of the strongest scales, and she got a wicked idea. Taking her bag of holding, she stretched the magics of the bag to the limits.

* * *

The ones whom had rescued Laska's party were actually the hobgoblin and the little troll the elf had rescued earlier within the dungeon. Having returned the favor, the two said their goodbyes and took off for places unknown. Keldorn and Laska were the first to step out of the cavern.

"Ah, my friend," Keldorn sighed. "After coming out of a dungeon after a perilous adventure, being greeted by the warm morning sun, is always the best part of the experience..."

"What are you talking about?" Laska snorted. "You were captured before you were even _in_ the dungeon. And you didn't have a fifteen year-old staring at your chest all the time. I swear, he was constantly staring down my cleavage while he was climbing up that rope-ladder."

"Ah, he is young," Keldorn smiled. The boy, in the meantime, had run off home to tell his father of his adventure.

"Say," Minsc said as he saw a stack of freshly killed werewolves lying gathered on top of one of the rocky plateaus near the cave. "Those werewolves weren't dead when we arrived. No doubt the noble knight hiding in the bushes had something to do with it."

A few moments later, the armored form of Paladin Orsino emerged from the foliage. "That obvious, hm?" he flashed a smile while sheathing his sword. He looked much better than he had been days ago, though not entirely free of the bandages.

"Paladin Orsino, it is good to see you up and about," Keldorn nodded.

"And I you, Sir Keldorn," Orsino replied. "I mourn the death of my fellows, but we have all been deceived in a most wicked fashion. I have sent word of Firkraag's treachery to the Order. The knight commanders will understand."

"So, we would be hunted down by righteously white-hearted paladins, then?" Jan scratched his head.

"Certainly not," said Orsino.

Dynaheir scratched her head. "White-hearted. Is that a real term?"

"Hey, if people can be black-hearted, why not white-hearted. Or pink-hearted. Or cyan-hearted."

"Certainly not," said Orsino. "And, judging by the way you slaughtered my comrades, I fear hunting you down would be detrimental to the Order's numbers."

Orsino smiled and stepped up to Viconia. The drow was suspicious when the paladin dropped to one knee and gently took her hand. The drow allowed the paladin to gently kiss it. "And you are the fair lady to whom I owe my life. I thank you. May I say that you are as beautiful as you are kind."

"Kind, hm?" Viconia narrowed her eyes. "Remember that I might be the one who attempted to kill you as well."

"And a competent warrior, then," said Orsino. "Perhaps we shall converse more often, seeing you live nearby the Order guildhouse. In the meantime, Lord Windspear will no doubt await word of your victory."

"So we are done here?" Keldorn asked. "Good, let's eat..."

At that moment, Ilylarr seized the moment to speak up. Her bow raised, she stared down the party. "Not yet!" shouted Ilylarr. "I'm not leaving until I get the money Firkraag owed me."

"Here," Laska said, tossing Ilylarr the bag of gold containing the majority of the golden coins she had scooped up before the lair flooded. "Buy yourself a new personality and give the rest to your kids."

Ilylarr smiled briefly before stalking off.

* * *

Back in Athkatla, in Laska's mansion, Viconia was relaxing in a lazy chair at a nice cozy fire. The mansion's fireplace was located at the very back of the large common room which made up the majority of the mansion's first floor. Two cozy chairs were set at the fireplace which was nestled between the two staircases leading up to the second floor.

Next to Viconia's chair was a small table with an inkwell, which she used to dip in her quill while writing in the party's ledger. On a rug in front of the fire, Khittix lay snoozing in the warmth of the fire.

Then came the sound of the letterbox flap opening and closing. Immediately, Khittix sprang to life and rushed towards the front door. The spider reached up to the letterbox at the side of the door and opened it with his front legs. After making sure that the newspaper was fastened between his mandibles, the spider rushed back to Viconia to bring it to her.

"Thank you," said Viconia while she took the newspaper and put it on the table next to the inkwell. She flicked a treat to Khittix, which he took with him back to his rug in front of the fire.

A few moments later, Laska emerged from the bathroom wearing a black bathrobe. Her hair was still damp as she plopped down in the second hair after giving Khittix a pet. "Well, Vico, don't leave me hanging. How much did we earn from this adventure."

Viconia looked up from the ledger and put the quill back in the inkwell. "You are not going to like this."

"W-what?" Laska blinked.

"Well," said Viconia. "After calculating everything, including overhead, we actually made a loss."

"Ey?" Laska almost launched from her chair. "But... gigantic pile of gold! Dragon hoard! Epic weapons!"

Viconia leaned forward. "Let's start at the beginning. First of all, we had to return a lot of the gold to the people of Windspear, on the ground that Firkraag stole quite a bit of their gold. Paladin Orsino took a lot of the epic weapons with him to return them to their original owners."

"I knew we should have left that bloke to die," Laska sighed. "I blame you for being too good a healer."

Viconia ignored the barb. "Then there was the matter of restitution to the families of the paladins we viciously slaughtered."

"Bah, an apology wasn't enough?"

"Apparently not," said Viconia. "Lastly, there was the massive party held for us at the Windspear inn. In case you don't remember, you got so sloshed that you started a fight during which you knocked over a candle. That started a fire which burned down the entire common room of the inn. We lost quite a bit of money in damages there. Then there are our usual expenses, including rent for the horses."

Laska sighed. "Crap. My memories are a bit hazy. I just remember waking up in the cart the next morning."

"Then there's the costs for the taxidermy," said Viconia as she pointed to the house's latest asset: the stuffed head of Firkraag, hanging from the chimney above the fire. It was a bit oversized, so red it was tacky and it had taken Laska and Minsc the better part of the day attaching it to the wall, but everybody agreed it was a great addition to the decor of her lover home. In fact, with some help of the Jansens, a small part of the ceiling had been redone to make room for the jutting horns.

"It's lovely," a satisfied smile cross Laska's features. "An adventurer should keep a memento of the first dragon killed."

"It's rather huge," Viconia said, noting that the horns could barely be seen through the reworked ceiling, and that the snout was sticking out quite a bit. "Perhaps you should have left less of the neck?"

"Nonsense!" Laska smiled. "Every home should have a dragon head. Any dork can kill a moose, but a dragon? That's different."

"Hm," Viconia said. "I guess. To get back to our finances, we might still break even. I have yet to sell all of the items we found and some of the enchanted items look very promising. As usual, I'll do my best to get a good price for them, but even then..."

"... we're right back where we started," Laska sighed. "Bugger it all."

Viconia nodded. "It's simply a matter of being less wasteful on our next adventure. There is plenty of work to be had for intrepid adventurers like us."

Laska stood up and started walking to her dresser in her bedroom. "Not today. We only just got back and tonight I will visit Rose."

"See you tomorrow then," Viconia smirked as she returned to her ledger.


	48. Past and Present

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 48: Past and Present_

After letting out a satisfied groan, a naked and sweaty Laska plopped down on her back and stared at the low ceiling of Rose's house. Rose, in an equally naked, sweaty and satisfied state, curled up against Laska and pushed the duvet away. The cold air felt comfortable on their wet skin as they lay together trying to catch their breath.

"Oh, gods, that was fantastic," Laska chuckled. A visit to Rose's house in the evening fielded predictable results. Instead of having dinner they decided to go for breakfast the next morning. "I missed you."

"I could tell," Rose replied softly as she snuggled Laska with her head lain on her chest. "It's a good thing we didn't go out this evening," she said as she looked at the small window. Outside, a storm was brewing; rain trickled against the roof and the window pane, mixed with the occasional flare of lightning.

"Laska?" Rose asked. "What's the matter? You've been kinda broody."

Laska frowned. "What? No way, you had my complete and utter attention."

"Oh, no," Rose replied quickly. "Not, you know, _during_. But you were... before... and after... Now."

"Sorry, I..." Laska said, then sighed... "It's nothing, I..."

"I noticed your thoughts weren't with me this evening," Rose smiled, her words not meant as an accusation, but spoken out of concern.

"It's my father," Laska sighed heavily. "After his death, Imoen and I buried him under a tree near Candlekeep. It was at the top of a cliff overlooking the bay. I like to think he would enjoy the quiet sea view. But, Firkraag's thugs raided his grave."

"That's terrible. I'm so sorry," Rose said.

"It pains me to think his remains are open to the elements. Part of me wants to leave for Candlekeep immediately to set it right, but I've sent a missive to Hull, one of the guards there, to look after it. The pigeon will probably get there long before I would."

"Why did they raid his grave?" Rose asked.

Laska smiled and kissed Rose on the lips before gently pushing her away. The elf sat up in bed and looked at the floor; her clothes were haphazardly strewn across the room after having been quickly discarded upon arrival at Rose's house. She noticed her vest was actually hanging from Rose's easel, while one of her boots was located on the windowsill. Soon enough, she found what she was looking for; her belt lay right at her feet at the side of the bed.

She picked up her belt and took a small glowing gem from a small beltpouch and held it in front of her. It shone bright red in the room as it lay in the palm of Laska's hand.

"What is that?" Rose asked as she lay on her side.

"Firkraag called it a sensory-stone," Laska said. "It records memories and can replay them. My mother left it with father for safe-keeping. He was supposed to give it to me to use when I was old enough to understand, but he... never got the chance."

"What's the problem, exactly?" Rose asked. "Why are you so upset?"

"It's what Firkraag said to me before we chopped him to bits..." Laska sighed. "I can't get it out of my mind. Did my mother leave me because I was impure? Or was it another one of his games? Part of me desperately wants to know, but another part of me wants to just throw it in the river."

Rose smiled and hugged her lover from behind, holding both arms around Laska's waist while pressing her cheek against the elf's tattooed shoulder. Laska felt Rose's warmth against her, and found it extremely comforting. "Have I ever told you about my mother, Laska?" Rose asked. "I never knew my father but my mother and I had a happy life. She never thought I was just a 'mere half-breed' like all the other humans did. She sang to me... gave me everything I wanted. She was my best friend... That's why I was so distraught when she died..."

"I'm... Fuck, this thing scares me..." Laska said. "I never had an image of my mother. I never even had need for a mother-figure, and I'm fine with that. Or at least I was. Dammit, why couldn't that overgrown lizard kept his big mouth shut?!" she sighed in frustration.

Rose lay her hand over Laska's, over the sensory-stone. "If you don't use it, you'll always wonder what your mother had to say to you. It could be good. It could be bad, yes, but not knowing is even worse."

"Am I ready for this?" Laska asked herself.

Rose giggled and started to nibble at Laska's neck for a bit. "Sweetie, after the things we just did, I'd say you're old enough."

"Touche," Laska chuckled. In her heart, Laska knew Rose was right. The tattooed elf knew she would not be able to forget about this. "I'm supposed to press this to my forehead. Well, here goes..."

Laska's breath quickened considerably as she moved the sensory-stone ever closer to her forehead. When the surprisingly warm surface of the stone touched her damp skin, her body stiffened as memories not her own started to flow into her mind.

* * *

_Gorion smiled at the moon-elven woman sitting across him. They were sitting in Leilani Leafwalker's comfortable home, high up in the green forests of Silverymoon, the city that was home to many elves. Her house was small, but large enough for the moon elven archmage. It contained a small lab for her experiments, a small bedroom, a small living space and a huge library in comparison. _

_Leilani Leafwalker was exceptionally short, even for an elf. She was an elf whom had long ago sowed her wild oats and had long since retired from the adventuring life. Instead, she had recently (as most elves consider fifty years to be recent) chosen to settle down in a Silverymoon to be close to her two children, who lived there. Her days were spent studying magic and running minor experiments, though occasionally her wanderlust would kick in and she leave for month-long treks through the nearby forests and wilderness. Sadly, neither of her children had followed in her adventuring footsteps, but she had never begrudged them this._

_Today, she was entertaining a guest; a good friend and an apprentice of old. She lounged backward in her chair, a playful smile ever crossing her grey-skinned face, looking at her friend Gorion as he told his tale. "That was until I impressed you with my tree-climbing skills..." Gorion said, continuing their conversation_

_"Tree-climbing_ skills_, you say?" Leilani smiled. "As I remember it," she grinned, "you fell down and broke both your legs..."_

_"But you were impressed, weren't you?" the middle aged man smiled as Leilani's faithful wicker-golem butler poured them a new cup of Elm tea._

_"I was impressed you were able to stay conscious long enough to ask me one more time to accept you as my apprentice," Leilani smiled as she drank her tea. "Thank you," she told her butler. "Could you please gather some green mistletoe for me and put them in my study?" The golem nodded and headed out the door._

_"A spell?" Gorion asked._

_"I like the smell," Leilani grinned in return. "Just put it in a little hot water and let it steam."_

_"Anyway, you did offer to apprentice me then, did you not?" Gorion smiled, his eyes sparkling. _

_"Well, I thought you were going to die of your injuries anyway, so I wanted to be nice..." Leilani joked._

_"It's my tenacity which got me an apprenticeship under the legendary Leilani Leafwalker, eldest living member of the Leafwalker family, mistress of magic, keeper of the sacred chalice of Sehahine Moonbow..." Gorion said, a gentle humor sparkling in his eyes._

_"Oh, please, will you shut up already!" Leilani smiled. "The sacred chalice is a moldy old pewter cup, which Sehahine Moonbow wouldn't even admit to owning! I'm using it as a paperweight and quill-holder..." Leilani shook her head. "There's old magic in Leafwalker blood. That's all there is."_

_That much was true. The Leafwalker family was a very old family with a long lineage going back to the time of the Elfwar. For as long as records of the family went back, the Leafwalker women had been blessed with potent magical aptitude, leaving the male practitioners of their family far behind them. In fact, Leilani's mother has been the Fey'Lasquillariq'uaiea Leafwalker, Fey for short, a wizard of Myth Drannor during its heyday._

_Indeed, Gorion had been her last apprentice, a quick learner, an eager mind, a kind heart._

_"So," Gorion spoke as he rose. "It was wonderful seeing you again, Leilani, I'm sorry I have to cut our visit short, but my party is waiting for me to come back with the potion. We still need to blow a nasty conspiracy out of the water."_

_"You always had problems with divination magics, Gorion. The images in the scrying bowl were always blurring. Let me guess," Leilani smiled. "Harper business, ey?" She knew very well what that meant. She herself had actually beaten the Harpers to the lair of an upstart Red Dragon._ 'Imagine that,' _Leilani thought to herself_. 'A red upstart like that simply walking into a village and demanding ten elven maidens to walk into his lair to be eaten. Heh, one cold spell and he left off before I could kill him... Coward...'. S_he had also quite enjoyed the look on the Harpers' faces when they saw that the dragon they were supposed to trick into leaving the valley was flying off with his tail between his legs. One of the Harpers had been a young mage known as Gorion... and he had been pestering her to become her apprentice ever since._

_"I know you've never liked them," Gorion nodded. "But they do good work."_

_"Hmmm," Leilani snorted. Gorion knew well where her dislike for Harpers came from. A botched up Harper assignment, or 'meddle-mission' as Leilani called them, had led to the extermination of an elven village in Tethyr, her sister being one of the victims in a slaughter. The Harpers tended to exaggerate their victories, but gloss over to downright burying their failures. "I suppose you can only tell me, but you would have to kill me afterwards?"_

_"I'll trade you a secret for a secret..." Gorion smiled gently._

_"Not a chance," Leilani smiled, briefly hugging her former apprentice before saying their farewells. Creating a Potion of Revelation had been very easy, and she had fun catching up with her old friend. Glancing out of the window, she noticed the storm she had felt brewing all day was finally breaking through. Chuckling of a mental image of Gorion cursing that he had just stepped into heavy rainfall, she decided to curl up next to the warm fire with a book and a glass of fine Evermead._

_She sat there for an hour, listening to the raindrops falling on her room while reading her book. Suddenly, she heard the front door of her house fly open. For a moment, she thought her whicker-butler had returned with the mistletoe, but she knew he would not just throw open the door._

_Instead, she found a strange elf standing in the doorway. Leilani thought she had met everyone in the city, but she had never seen this male before. Then, the lighting flashed through the room, making Leilani gasp in horror as she saw the dead eyes of the elven male._

_"You have power... you have been chosen," the male spoke in a grave voice._

_Leilani tried to cast her defensive magics, but something unknown seemed to had stolen her powers... Without her magicks, she simply could not defend herself._

* * *

"AH!" Laska cried out as she hissed in pain. The sensory-stone fell to the ground as Laska rubbed her temples.

Rose was upon her lover immediately, holding her tight. "What happened? Are you alright?"

"That wasn't a pleasant memory," Laska took a few moments to catch her breath. "I felt my mother's pain. Bhaal raped her. It was... savage. Brutal."

"Gods, I'm so sorry," Rose closed her eyes.

Laska reached for the stone. "There's more. Let's see what's in here."

* * *

_"If only I had stayed," Gorion said, guilt clearly visible in his eyes._

_"You would have ended up as a bloody smear on the wall," Leilani said. "Don't beat yourself up over it."_

_It had been a year since that night, and three months ago since Leilani found out she was with child. At the moment, she was starting to feel the weight of her pregnancy, and delegated more and more tasks to her trusted wicker-golem._

_"Whoever entered my home had enough power to cancel out my magical powers," Leilani said while she took on a more comfortable position in her chair. "Somehow, he canceled out all magical effects in my house. In a sense, no magic could exist there. Now, I've tried every kind of divination-spell I know, but I have yet to find out anything about this mystery-male."_

_"I know," Gorion sighed. "I know something more."_

_"What?" Leilani asked with anticipation._

_"Only that," Gorion sighed as he sat down, a grim expression on his face, "you're definitely not the first person this has happened too. This has been going on for years... A dark male with dead eyes, of the race of the female his chooses to assault, appears out of nowhere and forces himself on his target. There's no way to know for sure, but apparently this has been going on for over a decade now... Minor targets, mostly commoners. You are the first more powerful person this has happened too."_

_"Lucky me," Leilani chuckled._

_"Don't be so light about it," Gorion said. "For some reason, these 'encounters' always produces off-spring."_

_Leilani smiled and let her hand slide over her belly. "I've told you before... I'm keeping the baby. I have been getting on in years, so having a third child will be a delight. Besides, the baby is an innocent in all this..."_

_Gorion leant back in his chair. "I've heard you are leaving Silverymoon."_

_"Sweet Corellon," Leilani sighed. "What kind of sources do you have in that Harper organization of yours? I've only been offered the position yesterday!"_

_"Don't blame the Harpers for this one," Gorion chuckled. "The elves of Silverymoon are chatterboxes."_

_"Figures," Leilani chuckled herself. "Well, bless my ears," Leilani smiled, "but I've been offered a dual position, really. Ever since Zoar has been killed on Evermeet, Queen Amlaruil needs all the help she can get, so I was offered to take place in the Council of Wise Matrons to advise her. Also, in this position, I can receive training to become a High Mage... And for that I_ have _to go to Evermeet."_

_"Do Syrayah and Brekthiel know?" Gorion asked._

_"They know what has happened to me... and they know I am to leave for Evermeet," Leilani nodded, tossing her dark mane from her eyes. "Syrayah is ecstatic about the news of a coming brother or sister, and is coming home soon. Brekthiel is less enthusiastic about the whole thing, but both of them will come to Evermeet with me."_

_Gorion sighed. He wished he could be able to stay longer, but another mission for the harpers wouldn't allow him to. Instead, he wished her luck, and, with pain in his heart, left his teacher and friend alone for the second time._

* * *

_Leilani smiled radiantly as she was lovingly feeding her baby girl. Little Fey'Lasquillariq'uaiea's Celebration of Birth was still going strongly and elves of Silverymoon that could still stand after all that drink and dance were still celebrating. Leilani had received a lot of gifts and well-wishes._

_"Awww, she looks just like you, mother!" Syrayah Leafwalker, her oldest child, said as she was cooing over the nursing baby. "Hi there! Aren't you cute?" the red-haired Syrayah smiled. "Yes, you are! Yes, you are!"_

_"Oh, please!" Brekthiel, Leilani's son, snarled as he leant against the wall. "Trust an impure elf to coo over another impure elf," Leilani narrowed her eyes a bit, but knew her son was a typical conservative elf: so narrow-minded he could look through a keyhole with both eyes. He was young, though, and she expected him to grow up soon enough when he would encounter how bad some of the gold elf arrogance could be._

_"Fifty years apart from you wasn't long enough," Syrayah snarled at her half-brother, for all three grey-skinned moon elven children in the room had different fathers._

_"Oh, who has ever heard of a moon elf with red hair, sister?" the raven-haired Brekthiel shot back. "No doubt your bloodline's got a little human in the closet."_

_"I happen to like my hair!" Syrayah snarled and whipped her fiery mane towards her brother._

_"Will you two stop it?" Leilani shot. "I don't want Fey'Lasquillariq'uaiea's first memories of life to be two squabbling siblings."_

_"Sorry, mother," Syrayah nodded._

"_I apologize," Brekthiel looked at his feet._

_In the meantime, Leilani took her baby from her breast, but was immediately met with loud protests from her child. _

_"Looks like she wants more milk," Syrayah smiled._

_"Certainly," Brekthiel chuckled, but his hand swept a bit too close to the baby. "Ouch!" he shouted, drawing back his hand. "That child just attacked me!"_

_"How can she?!" Leilani shot her son a poisonous glare. "She's barely a day old!"_

_"I'm telling you, she pinched me!" he directed at the seemingly smiling and burbling baby girl._

_"In that case she's an excellent judge of character," Syrayah chuckled._

_"Laugh all you like!" Brekthiel retorted. "Fact of the matter is that this child is an impure elf..."_

_"Will you shut up?!" Syrayah snarled. "Not here... Not now!"_

_"Our little sister is the result of an unnatural joining! She doesn't even _feel _natural!" Brekthiel snarled_.

_"Please don't bring that up again," Leilani said, never wanting to think back to that horrible night again._

_"But we cannot take her to Evermeet!" he tried. "You know how strict their rules are. This baby is an unnatural _thing. _They'll never let her in."_

_"She's _my child!"_ Leilani snarled. "My baby! I carried her for two years! I hold her in my arms."_

_"Silverymoon will care for her," Brekthiel spoke with disgust. "These fools would accept even half-breeds in their midst."_

_"I will not go to Evermeet without my child," Leilani promised._

_"I am your child too!" Brekthiel snarled. "And how can you not go to Evermeet! Our people need you!_ I _need you!"_

_"To sponsor your application to academy?" Syrayah retorted. "You're so predictable..."_

_"Mother," the haughty elf nodded. "You are to assume a place of the Council of Wise Matrons, to receive a training as a High Mage! Surely you will not give that up for that, that... that_ thing!"

_"My child! Your sister!" Leilani retorted, while her baby was lying calmly in her arms. _

_"Sure, sure," Brekthiel sighed, suffering from the same thing most Leafwalker males experienced; envy. Leilani knew exactly what was going on; Magic was a blessing for the Leafwalker females, but a curse to the Leafwalker males. Males in their family line actually had a lot more trouble developing their magical skills and male Leafwalker mages would always stay in the shadows of the females... Brekthiel was jealous... Thinking back, Leilani was happy that Syrayah's son Alris was seeking another profession than a mage, like some Leafwalker males did by default. Her grandson would be spared this indignity._

_"Your sister needs her sleep," Leilani spoke harshly. "We will discuss this at a later time," she added before she stalked out of the room. She took a few deep breath to calm herself down before putting her baby in the little crib. She still heard her other two children arguing in the other room. After letting out a heavy sigh, she sat back in the chair next to the crib and watched her newborn sink into sleep._

_"Did you hear them?" Leilani said to a figure in the shadows. Immediately, the 'Shadow-shield', a spell of Leilani's making given to Gorion as a gift for his graduation, dissipated. The middle-aged man stood there, strolled over to the crib and gentle tickled the baby girl under her chin._

_"She's beautiful, Leilani," Gorion smiled. "Just look at those little pointed ears..." But almost immediately, he grew grim again as he stepped away from the crib._

_"Are the rumors true?" Leilani said, her face not betraying any emotion._

_"What happened to you is happening all across the Realms now. Powerful females are being assaulted, and the off-spring that were born from these foul unions were numbered high already," Gorion said grimly. "We still have no idea why this is happening, nor who is behind it. We only that it means ill for the future. Your child... you must hide her!" Gorion said, his voice taking on a more desperate edge. _

_"Gorion," Leilani said firmly. "NO! I will not! This is my child!"_

_"I... I... wasn't going to tell you this," Gorion sighed. "I really didn't want to, but... I had a dream last night. I... was approached by a demon of all things. The tallest balor imaginable with eyes of fire and wielding a blade larger than I was tall. But, don't ask me how I know this, but I could tell from his words and his demeanor that he was sincere. The balor led me to a dark layer of the Abyss. There, a woman sat on a throne of skulls. She was large and bore the markings of a traitor-priestess. At the foot of her throne stood six figures. Five I could not recognize, nor even see, but the sixth figure was a moon-elf with vile and unholy tattoos covering her entire body, her face locked in a feral and bloodthirsty snarl. I was suddenly back on Toril and found the Sword Coast turned into a gigantic battlefield. The soil was drenched in blood of the innocent. Then, the balor came to me again, and told me that all of this can be avoided... If your child is hidden from sight long enough."_

_"What are you saying?!" Leilani cried, looking read to break out in tears._

_"If you take her with you," Gorion said, glancing at the baby, "Evermeet, the Sword Coast, Amn, Tethyr... they will all burn."_

* * *

_But Leilani Leafwalker did end up going to Evermeet._

_Even though she was not even officially part of the council, she had quickly found out that being on the council wouldn't be the simple quiet job of learning and contemplation she had imagined it would be. In the past couple of months, she had been confronted with the elaborate and often vicious elven court politics. Lobbyists had been trying to influence her from day one on all kind of different issues she didn't even knew actually were issues until today. One of the most notable and vicious in her dealings was Ellesime, the young arrogant queen of Suldenesselar. And after Ellesime found Leilani less than willing to support her, the young queen changed her tactic and attempted to get her as far away from her as possible._

_In the meantime, the matter of her child's future weighed heavily on her mind. Her sweet little baby-daughter, the Scourge of the Sword Coast? It was hard to imagine. And what place would be safer for her than Evermeet, the isle of the elves? But the warning had come from the one man she trusted above all others, including her family. _

_Poor Gorion. He had felt so terrible about not being able to help her, he had been afraid to face her, until Leilani told her she never blamed him. And now he stood before him, while at her back lay the vessel that would take her to Evermeet. Even know, she wasn't certain if she had made the right decision._

_"I don't trust my child to Harpers," Leilani said, tears in her eyes as her daughter smiled at her. She always smiled... "But I trust my child to you, Gorion..." Behind them, the elven vessel lay docked at the harbor in Baldur's Gate, the sailors getting ready to set sail to fabled Evermeet._

_"I'll make sure she'll grow up to be a strong, kind-hearted, wise and loyal woman," Gorion smiled. "Just like you are."_

_Brekthiel, her son, approached from the gangplank. "Mother," he said quietly. "The captain wishes to leave. I... am sorry."_

_Leilani closed her eyes and smiled. Though he had a mean streak, Brekthiel was a good son with a soft heart. He had felt awful about what he had said to her a month ago and, in the end, was a young elf who still had a lot to learn._

_"Gorion?" she smiled as tears appeared once more. "A... a few moments with Fey'Lasquillariq'uaiea, please?"_

_"Of course," Gorion smiled, and allowed his teacher some privacy._

_Leilani walked to a more secluded spot near the ship's berth and took a moment to tickle her child's tummy for a bit. "My sweet child, though it wrenches my heart, I must... leave you now," Leilani choked. "Gorion... for your own safety you must go with him now. I believe him when he says you are in danger. I love you, my child... and that is why I must leave you. At your Celebration, you were given many wish-gifts. For a long life, for deep friendships, for the gift of open-mindedness, for the gift of kindness, for you to find love and happiness... but I you have never received a wish-gift from me... Your private name."_

_Leilani held her daughter to her mouth and whispered in her ear, making the baby giggle as her mother's hair tickled her little face. "There," Leilani said, "now only you and I know that. You can tell it to me yourself when we will meet again, because we _will _meet again. I promise you that. I will scry you every day. I will see you grow up, little Laska..."_

_And for the last time, Leilani sang a haunting lullaby to her beloved daughter._

* * *

Laska threw her head back to release an anguished sob. Instantly, Rose was at her side, taking the elf in a loving embrace. "She... she loved me," Laska sobbed as she was being held. "She never wanted to be parted from me... She _had_ to... She loved me, Rose... She loved me. Firkraag was lying... She _loved_ me," she spoke in a mixture of sorrow and happiness. "She... she looks just like me. Just a lot shorter."

Laska looked at the window, a smile on her face this time. "She's alive somewhere. Possibly on Evermeet. I'll go find her one day. One day we'll meet again..."

Rose gently rubbed her lover's tears away. "Now you know," the half-elf smiled as her green eyes sparkled. "Aren't you happy you listened to me instead of moping about?"

"Hah," Laska grinned. "And to think I was about to throw that damn thing in the river."

"Laska?" Rose asked when the elf suddenly turned towards her with a sultry smile on her face.

"Allow me to show my gratitude," Laska grinned as she wrapped one arm around Rose's shoulders and gently rubbed the other over Rose's stomach, moving ever downward. After some teaching motions and caresses, Laska found her target, causing Rose to grasp and throw her head back. The elf saw an opportunity to nip and kiss Rose's neck before slowly pushing her towards the back. The night was still young, after all, and there would still be plenty of pleasure ahead.


	49. Under one roof?

**Apologies for the late update - it's been a very busy past week. I do not think I can keep up the pace of a new updated chapter every day, and instead will settle into a far more comfortable three updates a week. (Barring annoying RL circumstances****, of course.)**_**  
**_

* * *

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 49: Under one roof?_

"So, this is the place..." Laska said as she and Rose arrived at a strange looking building, looking very chaotically built, as if it was composed of mixed building-styles. A small sign at the door said 'Python Café' in multi-colored letters.

"I dunno," Rose said. The two lovers had decided to have breakfast this morning at a new place, but even in the short fews days that it had been open, the Python Café had built up somewhat of a reputation. "Should we eat here? I've heard this place is weird."

"Oh, don't worry," Laska grinned as she opened the door to let Rose in. "What's the worst that could happen?"

The door gave access to a dark but strangely comical looking interior, which seemed to be much larger than what the building should have allowed. The place was packed, yet there was a calm atmosphere. Several tables were in use by a myriad of strange people, and humans wearing unusual clothes were flocked around the bar in the back of the room.

Laska and Rose approached the bar, and noticed the odd bartender. A 'woman', or more to the point, a man dressed as a woman, who was not intent on hiding he was, in fact, a man dressed up as a woman. (S)he turned to the couple as they approached and spoke in a fake high-pitched voice. "So, what'll it be then?"

"We'd like breakfast for two," Laska beamed.

"What's on the menu?" Rose asked, a little worried.

"Well," the not-so-female bartender responded, "there's egg and bacon. Egg, sausage and bacon. Egg and spam. Egg, bacon and spam. Egg, bacon, sausage and spam. Spam, bacon, sausage and spam. Spam, egg, spam, spam, bacon and spam. Spam, sausage, spam, spam, spam, bacon, spam, tomato and spam. Spam, spam, spam, egg and spam. Spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam, spam and spam..."

"That's... a lot of spam," Rose gulped.

"Hey, do you know your parrots are dead?" Laska said as she regarded an indoor aviary filled with blue parrots lying on the newspaper which covered the bottom.

"Oh, those are just Norwegian Blues," the not-so-female bartender replied. "Anyway, they're not dead, they're just resting."

"I think I know a dead bird when I see one," Laska muttered.

"Kinda makes you wonder where all that spam really comes from," Rose whispered.

"Or," the not-so-female bartender continued, "lobster thermador ecrovets with a bournaise sauce, served in the purple salmon or with chalots and overshies, garnished with truffle pate, brandy, a fried egg on top and spam."

"Have you got anything without spam?" Rose asked, looking and feeling a little queasy, while Laska glanced over her shoulder while a distinguished looking gentleman with a mustache who was walking in a peculiar fashion. The man suddenly extended his right leg forward, slammed it back down, crossed his legs and, took a few steps back, made a small jump forward and extended his right leg and threw it over the barstool just before sitting down.

"Well, there's spam, egg, sausage and spam. That's not got much spam in it," the bartender replied, looking a little miffed.

"I don't want any spam!" Rose all but shouted. "I didn't even eat spam when I was dead poor and lived in a rotting shed!"

"A rotting shed?" a wiry looking man sitting at the bar suddenly interrupted. "Why, you were lucky, you were. When I was a kid, me and my thirteen brothers and sisters lived in a hole in the ground covered with two planks!"

"You were lucky to have two planks!" Another man spoke up. "We were evicted from our hole in the ground. There were a hundred-fifty of us living in a shoe-box in the middle of the road."

At that moment, a much chagrined faux-female hot-dog salesman with a moustache walked by shouting: 'Albatros... ALBATROSS! Pelican-bon-bons! Seagull-sicle... ALLBBBAAATRRROSSS!"

"What's up with those guys?" Laska asked, pointing to a group of black armored knights sitting in the back of the room.

"Oh, those are just the Knights Who Say 'Ni!'," the bartender replied. "They come in here every night but never eat anything. They just want a shrubbery, and that's not on the menu. Well, shrubbery-and-spam is, but they don't like spam either..." she said, while Laska glanced at an odd painting of a house which was gobbling up people for some obscure reason.

"Could you do my egg, bacon, spam and sausage without the spam then?" A hungry Rose said, still trying to get herself a spamless dinner.

The not-so-female bartender crumpled her/his face in disgust. "Ech!"

"What do you mean 'ech'?!" Rose said, now getting a bit cross. "I don't like spam!"

"Errr, Rose?" Laska asked as she noticed a huge man sitting in the back of the room. Normally, that was not strange, but this enormously fat bloke had been eating for hours and now seemed to be... expanding rapidly.

"Oh, shit, it's mister Creosote," said one of the waiters.

"Look, could we just get the eggs and bacon?" Rose said, still negotiating with the bartender. But Laska quickly grabbed her by the arm and led her towards the door leading outside.

"Typical elves," a brown-suited man with a strange accent spoke. "All the kids are on drugs and the adults are on roller-skates."

"Say," the moustached man with the silly walk suddenly replied. "This is the silliest skit I've ever been in."

"What? This?" the brown-suited man responded. "Shall we end it, then?"

"Sure..." Silly Walk replied and both men got up and left.

Meanwhile, the fat bloke was near reaching critical mass, and just when Laska and Rose were about to escape, an old man suddenly jumped on front of the door. "HALT!" he shouted. "If thee wants to pass by me, you must first answer questions three!"

"Oh, bugger off!" Laska shouted and shoved the man outside. As the two lovers jumped through the door, they kept running until they had reached a small dry aqueduct and immediately dove into it. Back at the Python Café, a huge explosion could be heard, and an endless amount of food exploded from the Café's windows.

Elf and half-elf watched the spectacle for a moment, then looked at each other.

"Copper Coronet?" Rose asked.

"Copper Coronet," Laska confirmed.

"Laska," Rose asked as she found her lover staring at the sky. "Are you coming?"

"Just a minute," the tattooed elf replied. "For some reason, I am expecting a giant foot to slam down from the sky and crush us."

* * *

Thankfully, breakfast at the Copper Coronet proved to be a much calmer experience, and even though the food was of lesser quality, there was mercifully a severe lack of spam. During their meal, Laska told her all about her fight with Firkraag (including a healthy amount of hyperbole) and Rose told her she wanted to see the dragon trophy. Laska agreed, but on the way to Laska's mansion, Rose insisted to stop by her house to pick up some supplies. Art supplies as it was.

About half an hour later, Rose was putting her years of experience in her hobby of drawing and painting to work. The half-elf let her bit of charcoal fly over a sheet of canvas. After setting up her easel and laying out her paints in the back of Laska's house, the half-elf had been busy working on the dragon's head-turned-mantlepiece. She had working on a study of Firkraag's head, and now it was time for Laska to enter the picture.

"So where do you want me?" Laska said as she entered the room and started to unlace her vest.

"Whoa!" Rose smiled. "I like the way you think, but this is not a nude painting!"

"Oh," Laska said, sounding vaguely disappointed.

"I want to paint you in a victory pose over the dead dragon," the half-elf smiled.

"If you wanted me to be in armor, you should have said so," the tattooed elf said, returning the smile. "I've gave it to Viconia to have it repaired while she's being measured for her new set of armor."

"Oh, no!" Rose chuckled. "I wouldn't want to deprive anyone of seeing your magnificent body, so what you're wearing now is just fine..." she said, referring to her lover's casual wear: black pants with a vest which was open in the front and was kept together by a set of laces.

"Question," Laska put her finger to her lip. "The dragon's head is on the wall. How can I stand over it in a victory pose?"

Rose winked. "Imagination, silly. I pick a pose for you and then paint in the dragon's head. Trust me, I've done this before."

"Any specific way you want me to stand?" Laska asked.

"Well, if you put your right leg on that ottoman, I can make it look in the picture like you're triumphantly supporting it on the head of the dragon you've just slain," she pointed out. "Now, hold Ipsiya in your right hand and point her towards the ottoman."

"Ready, Ip?" Laska asked. Ipsiya did not respond, but glowed an angry blue. The sentient blade was still not speaking to her wielder because she had said earlier that it could not be in the painting if she kept nagging about it. Apparently, the vain sword, aside from being very insulted, probably didn't want to risk losing her chance to be immortalized.

"Okay, now suck in that gut and straighten your back, Missy!" Rose smiled, her blue eyes shining with gentle humor.

"Gut?" Laska gasped, not catching on to the joke and only calming down when she realized elves simply didn't get fat. Nodding, Laska smiled and regarded Rose. The half-elf was especially radiant this day. She was slightly shorter than Laska, but there was always a spring in her step wherever she went. On top of her head was a long mane of strawberry-blonde hair, which almost completely obscured her little, but gracefully tipped ears. Unlike Laska, Rose had a certain affinity for dresses. This day, she was wearing a lovely orange top matched with a slightly redder skirt. She held her charcoal like a true lady as she moved it across the canvas.

First, she would use charcoal to outline the picture. After which, she would fill in the outlines with paint. The backdrop would be filled in last. By the look of it, the picture would be reasonably huge, five feet high and four feet wide.

"Every estate needs a painting of the owner, hm?" Rose smiled. "I'm just making sure that tradition is upheld..."

"Speaking of my estate," Laska said, once again gathering all her courage. Five times she had tried to ask Rose to move in with her, but she always managed to chicken out at the last moment. She found herself thinking that she would rather face a thousand orcs armed with nothing more than a toothpick for a weapon than to be asking this question. "I... You like living in your house?" Laska said, again chickening out.

"Well, yes and no..." Rose sighed. "It's the first house I've ever owned and paid for by myself, but... half of it was used to sell my body. So yeah, my house has a mix of good and of bad memories attached to it. Still, it's all mine, I guess."

"Howwouldyouliketomoveinwithm e?Theresplentyofroomandspacean dyoudliveherewithmeandIllgut everyonewhotreatyoubadlysopl easemoveinwithmeanditsfunbec auseyoulllikelivingherewithm yfriendsandwedbetogethermore and..." Laska said, but interrupted herself as she felt her lungs screaming for air. Horrified now that the question was in the open, the tattooed elf waited for Rose's answer.

Rose put down her charcoal, her smile warm, her eyes watery.

* * *

Viconia slammed the door shut as she entered her house. Her first stop was at the mailbox which Laska, as usual, had ignored. She sifted through the collection of advertisements, religious leaflets and the occasional catalogue. Finding nothing interesting, she tossed the contents of the mailbox into the bin and strolled into her house.

She had just had a rather amusing experience. Because Cromwell had been too busy to take the measurements himself, he had asked his newest human apprentice, a young boy of nineteen, to take the measurements in his stead. Of course, the boy had enjoyed this job a little more than he should have. As Viconia, dressed in her leather clothes which she normally wore under her plate mail, raised her arms, she noticed the boy had spent a lot more time with the measuring-ribbon around her hip and chest-area, and more than once, his hands had 'slipped'.

While she thought this was rather amusing, when the drow had been asked to remove all the clothing from her upper body to 'get better measurements', she had decided to administer a minor torture she had picked up in the Underdark; she captured the boy's nose in a vice-like grip between index and middle-finger, and slammed her hand away with her other fist. The boy had been no more trouble after that, and her new armor, a luxurious and artfully designed Red Dragon Plate, would be ready within four days.

Tossing Laska's newly repaired armor on the couch in the main room of the house, she stepped to the back of the room, where she noticed something odd. "Lasalla will not enjoy this," Viconia muttered as she noticed a trail of smudged paint on the floor, which seemed to be leading through the kitchen towards the back door. While stepping into the garden, the Drow noticing the trail ended in the center of the grass lawn. Rose and Laska were not there at the moment, however. Instead, the two of them were sitting on a wooden love seat near the pond, where Laska was removing quite some paint from her body with paint-thinner.

"I don't even want to know," Viconia sighed at the couple and headed back inside.

* * *

That very same day, Laska had arranged for a horse and wagon to fetch Rose's belonging from her house on the Bridge, as well as swindling Korgan and Jan to help with the moving. As it turned out, however, Jan and Korgan didn't have much to do. There weren't many things Rose would be bringing along – Rose had little furniture and most of what she had, Laska's mansion had in greater supply. All in all, Rose had decided to only bring two pieces of furniture with her; a dresser which had once been owned by her mother and a large wooden trunk. Otherwise, there were her books, her clothes, some statuettes, her paint supplies and her artworks to load onto the cart.

While Korgan and Jan were struggling with the trunk, Laska stepped inside the one half of the Rose's house she had never been; that part of the house which she had used to receive customers. Immediately, Laska was overcome with the sheer tackiness of the room; the walls were painted red and several red-tinted oil-lamps, now long extinguished, lined the wall. A large bed was the center of the room, surrounded by tacky statuettes and some ugly paintings depicting erotic imagery. Since Rose had left her days as a prostitute behind her, the collection of barrels stacked in the room was a clue that she had been using it as extra storage for the Mithrest.

"Rosie?" Laska asked. "Bringing anything from here?"

Rose snorted. "Hell, no," she chuckled. "I think most of this stuff is going in the bin."

"Hm," Laska bit her lip as she picked up a riding crop and swooshed it through the air. "I dunno. I vote we bring this thing with us."

"Heh, that's the only thing, then?" Rose said as she looked away.

"Having second thoughts?" Laska asked.

"No, no," Rose replied as the elf hugged her from behind. "It's just... I've been living here for almost a decade. This was my house, paid up in full. It'll just be weird living somewhere else."

"Are you going to sell it?"

"Nah," Rose said. "Don't really need too. I think I'll use the other half of this house for storage too. One thing I won't miss is the one tiny window I have."

"Yep. Big windows, lotsa light, lotsa room, fireplace, good kitchen, big living room and a big bed to do sexy things in," Laska grinned.

"Shall we go?" Rose smiled.

The trip to the house in the temple district was uneventful and the unloading of Rose's belongings followed swiftly. A few small statuettes were added to household collection of arts, and her books were added the house's not-so-frequently used library. Rose's dresser was carefully placed in the bedroom she would now be sharing with Laska. Also, there were several wrapped packages, however, that Korgan and Jan were extra careful with.

"Brilliant," Viconia said as she feasted her eyes on some examples of the paintings in the first package, which had been delivered earlier. "Rose, your work is excellent. I can sense your anger from the very canvas and your color schemes are very well-balanced."

"Errrm," Rose blushed, not being used to praise. "Thank you... Thank you very much..."

"What do you call this piece?" Viconia asked as she tilted the painting towards the light.

"Oh, nothing fancy, just '_Lord Agrim lying in the gutter with his throat slit, slowly dying as he bleeds out his life.'_," Rose grinned, "It's a fantasy-piece. In those times, Agrim was a regular customer with... loose hands."

"And this one?" Viconia smiled as she took out another painting, again filled with dark paints all over the canvas, a spectacle of grim, swirly colors.

"_Fluffy bunny in meadow,_" Rose replied.

The third painting was more colorful and cheerful, it was a truthful and realistic depiction of a lovely human woman wearing lovely clothes and a ready smile. On her hand was a tiny half-elven girl, who had the same strawberry blonde hair as her mother and skipped alongside her.

"The title is '_mother_'," Rose said, sadness creeping into her voice.

"I don't give praise often, Rose," Viconia replied, "but you have real talent. These should be in a gallery..." the drow replied with sincerity. In the background, Minsc was laying out the paintings on the table while Dynaheir was moving her hands in arcane gestures. Instantly, magical fields briefly appeared over the canvasses before blinking out of visibility again.

"What's Dynaheir doing?" Rose asked.

"Oh, don't worry," Viconia smiled. "Things tend to start flying and get destroyed here more often than you might think. I've gone through hellish measures to protect the precious little culture in this household earlier, but now that Dynaheir has returned to us, she has been casting protection-spells over all these precious works, your paintings too now. Not even a firestorm followed by a stampede of elephants could harm these works of art after the spell has been cast."

"Thank you," Rose replied. "My paintings are very important to me."

"Where do you," Laska grunted as she was supporting a huge wooden trunk on her back, "want this thing?"

"Oh, doesn't matter," Rose smiled. "How about the attic?"

"Bloody hell," Laska sighed as she slowly stepped towards the staircase, "What's in here? Rocks?"

"Yes," Rose replied.

"Huh?" Laska exclaimed.

"I used to collect rocks."

"Figures," the elf replied and began dragging the trunk upstairs.

In the background, Risa, Becky and Jaella were giggling softly, excited about a new friend moving into their big house.

* * *

"Yo, wake up!" sounded the voice of the tiny half-elven girl Risa. "It's nine o'clock, breakfast is on and everybody is waiting for you!"

Laska forced her eyes open and stirred. Noticing her lover's movement, Rose stirred as well and snaked her arm around Laska's waist, keeping the elf from getting up. In her groggy mood, the half-elf inched closer to her elven lover and gently kissed the back of her neck. Then, she opened her eyes... and noticed that there was a little girl watching them.

Forcing herself out of her haze, Rose quickly pulled the blankets over their bodies. "We, err, we..."

"Emmm, Rose is," Laska finished, "afraid of the dark, so she didn't want to sleep alone."

"But," Risa said, looking confused, "we half-elves see so very good in the dark."

"She meant burglars," Rose said quickly, "I'm afraid of burglars."

"Burglars?" Risa said, then smiled. "That makes sense, and I'm sure Laska will break their necks for you. Becky and I just thought you guys were having sex in here but I guess we were wrong," the girl winked and sped out the door.

"Out of the mouth of babes," Rose giggled.

"Yeah," Laska smiled. "Come on, breakfast is on."

So far, things were going well on Rose's first day in her new home. At the moment, she was the center of attention. Rose sat next to Laska at the large table in the center-room of the first floor of the house. As this group preferred communal dining, Viconia, Korgan, Jan, Minsc and Dynaheir were also sitting at the table, as were Risa, Becky, Lasalla, Jaella and Lissa. Khittix, as usual, was scurrying around the table, going from person to person to try to swindle some food from them, mostly hanging around the kids since they tended to give the most. At the moment, Jan was just finishing off his latest masterpiece.

"... it was the most I ever threw up in all my life, and I never was more proud..." Jan said proudly. "Flooded half the city, I did. Mostly all the places with noble villas."

"Hah," Rose chuckled with the others. "As long as we're sharing, I've got a story for you all too."

"Oh?" Jan smiled. "Do tell."

"Well, it happened some years back when my old neighbor was one of the first settlers in Maztica," the half-elf smiled, the three kids already hanging on her every word. "Forty years ago, he had sold his house, his business and moved to the New World to try to find his fortune. After buying land and doing some farming for a month, he came across a schooled native, who told him the story of El'Chupanebray, the cursed diamond."

"Oooohh," Minsc said. "Tell me if this is a scary story. Boo's whiskers tremble so."

"Don't worry," Rose smiled, "Anyway I'm really talking big treasure here. A diamond as big as a small pumpkin!"

"Aye," Korgan said, his gold-lusty eyes betraying his most vivid daydreams. "Just be thinkin' what I can be doin' with that diamond."

"Keep it clean, Korgan," Viconia smirked. "There are children in the room."

"So, he traveled to this village and found that the natives were worshiping the diamond as a god," Rose said with a undertone of doom. "Anyway, at night, he sneaked out of his hut, stalks towards the temple, knocked out both guards, stole the diamond and rode back to port non-stop. Having made his fortune, he immediately boarded a ship back to Athkatla to enjoy his retirement. But, just before the ship sailed out of the bay, he saw the same native who told him about the cursed diamond, standing on a big rock sticking out of the ocean. '_DEATH_!' the native shouted. '_the diamond will bring ye DEATH_!'

After this final chilling performance, the entire room had fallen silent. All eyes were on the smiling half-elf, waiting for her to finish the story.

"And... did he die?" Risa dared to ask, breaking the wall of silence.

"Yes, he died..." Rose replied calmly. "Last week. He was ninety-three."

"HAR HAR HAR!" Korgan replied, his belly-laugh drowning out the snickers and giggles. "A fine tale, well told!"

"Well done, Missy," Jan chuckled. "Your tale could have used a reference to family member, and there was no mention of a turnip, but you have the makings of a great talespinner."

"Though I'd find it wise to let sleeping cursed diamonds lie," Viconia added, "this only goes to show that magic is not infallible."

"Thanks," Rose smiled and took a bite from her sandwich. "Say," she asked after slightly chewing the bread. "What kind of meat is on this. It's so tender and supple."

"It's dragon," Laska said.

"What?"

"Dragon," the elf continued. "I had shoved the whole beast into my Bag of Holding and Lasalla thought it was a waste of fine meat if we were only to use the head and the scales, so..."

"I made a deal with the local butcher," Lasalla, Laska's trusty maid replied, "I took the dragon to his warehouse where he carved it up and salted the meat. As payment, he kept a third of the meat while the rest is in cold-storage in our basement."

Rose snorted. "Head on the wall, scales at the blacksmith and meat at the butcher. Firkraag wasn't spared any indignity."

"It's great on toast, great as a roast, lovely when marinated in butter, and it makes wonderful barbecue-meat," Dynaheir said. "I... had dragonmeat before," Dynaheir added as all eyes turned towards her.

"Anyway," Rose said, getting up from the table. "I gotta go change. I have to go to to the Mithrest soon."

"Oh, come on," Laska prodded as she lounged in her chair. "Stay home for a bit. I still haven't shown you all the rooms..." she added while the kids and Dynaheir were cleaning the table to do the dishes, while the others went to their business of the day.

"Sorry, Laska," Rose smiled, "but I have to go. I'm the one in this relationship with the steady income, after all..."

"What?!" Laska replied, her eyes smiling, "I've just brought in over eight thousand gold to his household!"

Viconia scraped her throat and raised her hand. "Ahum," she started. "We talked about this, Laska. After all subtractions, we are still two thousand gold in the hole. And this is after having sold our excess loot to Ribald."

Laska grunted heavily. "Bollocks. I guess we'll have to look for work again."

"Oh, I was only joking," the half-elf smiled back. "But I do have an inn to run and a bar to tend."

"Okay, then," Laska nodded. "Time for this elf to get her morning-dip, though," she grinned and hopped towards the stairs. Rose grimaced for a moment and disappeared into the bedroom to gather her clothes for work. Deciding not to run out, but to stay to face the music, she stood below the stairs, waiting for the elf to return.

Laska, now wearing her bathrobe and not having dried herself yet, stepped down the staircase while dripping water over the woof and stone. "Rose," Laska asked in a curious tone of voice, "why are there a dozen fish swimming around in my pool?"

"Wellll," the half-elf began, "I, uhh, well... The aqua-wall in the back of the Inn isn't ready yet, and the man selling these tropical fish brought them by last week. I've had them swimming around in a bucket in my house, but I had to bring them with me..."

"Next time please tell me," Laska chuckled. "They kept nibbling on my toes."

Rose said nothing but pecked Laska on the cheek. "See you, tonight... I've got the long shift today."

* * *

Evening had fallen, and Rose was still not home. She had missed lunch, dinner, two small fires, an enraged drow chasing the gnome whom had stolen one of her boots, a dwarf who accidentally threw his axe in the ceiling and was desperately trying to get it back, two swords screaming at each other, kids playing hide-and-seek with a spider and Boo running through the hallways trying to escape from a rat which, in turn, was being chased by an enraged Rashemi ranger brandishing a giant fly-swatter.

All in all, it had been a busy day. Laska, in the meantime, had decided to go to bed early tonight. She hadn't been getting much sleep after the defeat of Firkraag and the images sent into her mind by the sensory-stone. Glancing out of the window, she noticed it had started to rain.

Only a few minutes later, the door to the bedroom was opened slightly. Rose, completely drenched, entered the room. "Sorry," she whispered at her lover. "A very long day... Brianna took a sickday, so I had to take her shift too. And, of course, it starts raining as soon as I'm out the front door," she said as she removed her wet clothes and ran a towel through her hair. Taking no more time, she laid her clothes to dry over a chair and quickly slid into bed. Cuddling up to her lover, she let loose a sigh of comfort. "So tired..." Rose muttered while Laska inched a bit closer to the half-elf herself.

"I love you," Rose muttered... a statement which sent Laska wide awake.

'_Oh, gods... This is it,_' Laska thought horrified. '_I never said I love you before and I sure as hell haven't returned an I love you either. Oh, gods, oh gods, oh, gods... Major commitment head... Am I ready for this? Really ready for this? Oh, gods... oh gods... I'd better say something, she's waiting for it..._'

"I..." Laska started, but noticed Rose had already fallen asleep. Sighing with relief, Laska closed her eyes, the inevitable being postponed for another day. Thankfully, sleep would claim her for a few hours.

Feeling this night was exceptionally cold, a groggy Laska grasped for her blanket, but was unable to find anything. She soon found out why. Rose had apparently stolen all the sheets and blankets in her sleep and lay in a fetal position with the linen wrapped tightly around her body, leaving not an inch for Laska to cover her nude form with.

Pulling on the blanket did not work. Instead, the sleeping half-elf groaned in protest and wrapped the blankets even tighter over her body. "You never did that at your old house," Laska muttered in frustration.

Instead, she decided to leave Rose to her sleep and slipped from her bed. Tossing on her pants and vest, and pulling on the laces while she silently opened the door, she slipped into the main room of her dark home. On bare feet, she entered the kitchen and looked around for some spare food. As usual, Lasalla had been very thorough and no scraps were left. Instead, Laska made her way to her giant keg of ale and poured a tankard. Slamming the tankard down the hatch, she tapped an ale again... and another one after that one.

"Late night drinking binge?" Jan asked. Of course, Laska had already heard him approach, but she decided to let him do the talking.

"Yeah," Laska replied, taking a sip from her ale. "Rose stole all the blankets... Say, Jan," the elf continued, deciding to ask about the touchy subject of commitment, "how do you... you know..."

"Oh, I know," Jan said. "It's tough to grow good turnips in a clay soil. I'll give you some tips if you'd like. You say, you've got to wrap the seeds in some elephant dung and..."

"Err, no," Laska said, "I meant... Well, you know..."

"What?" Jan said. "Didn't your father explain this to you when you were a teenager. Okay, here we go. When a boy and a girl like each other, I mean _really_ like each other, they go sit in the back of a cart and..."

"NO!" Laska responded sharply.

"What that cart's a-rockin', don't come a'knockin'..."

"NO! I mean... you know!"

"Ah, commitment!" Jan finally said. "A very touchy subject."

"Anything to say on the matter?" Laska sighed.

"Well, you know us Jansens don't like to discuss our own family..."

"Of course..."

"... but I've had some experiences with it myself. You see, Lasky, you and I are quite alike, both free spirits from birth. I just like turnips more than you do, and you're a lot taller than me. And you're and elf... and you're a girl... and you're younger than me... and you have pointy ears... and you have more hair than I do, but other than that, we're completely alike," Jan stressed. "Free spirits, living by our wits and graces, alone on the world! And then comes along that one person that sets your heart on fire. After so long of being alone, it can be damn hard to get into a solid relationship."

"Tell me about it," Laska sighed. "I really want to, though..."

"Hey, I've got a bit of news for you," Jan grinned. "Ready? Brace yourself! Lissa and I are getting married!"

"What?! Wow! When?! How?!" Laska exclaimed with a smile.

"You're the first to know," he said, "but I'll be moving out soon. Back to her mansion. Now that Vaelag is dead, there's nothing stopping us. She wants me and my family to help her run her business now it's going legit... Well, semi-legit, really," Jan grinned. "It'll be a subsidiary of JansenCorp Technologies."

"So," Laska sighed, "You'll be leaving the house? And our party? I'll be sad to see you go."

"House yes," Jan replied, "party no... I still have plenty of adventure in me to last me for a while before I retire and raise some fine turnips. Besides Lissa's house is just down the road, so no biggie there. But the point is, if I can do this commitment-thingy after two centuries of free spirited living, so can you."

"I see," Laska muttered. "Thanks, Jan."

"Besides, living together lets you really get to know each other over time," Jan said. "When my uncle married my aunt, he found out my aunt was actually a griffin. Quite a surprise mind you. She had a very small beak and reasonably blunt claws, so it worked out fine. Twenty years of happy marriage and twelve kids later, tragedy stuck when uncle Albert couldn't bring food on the table on time. We DID warn him about getting his wife peckish, but he never listened..."

"I think I need another ale," the elf chuckled

* * *

When Laska woke up the next morning she found Rose missing from the bed. A brief investigation fielded a note pinned to the door, asking Laska to come to the place where she was now standing: the graveyard.

Though she had been here before, it looked so serene in the morning sun. A few birds could be heard tweeting, there was no wind, and the sky was clear blue. After strolling around for a bit, she came across Rose, kneeling in front of a grave. The grave lay in a green patch under the shade of a beautiful Elm tree. Rose had put a bouquet of flowers in front of a simple headstone which read: _Theresa Greenhill, beloved mother._

"Sometimes I talk to my mother... Quite often really," Rose whispered to her lover, now standing next to her. "Do you find that... strange?"

"No," the elf replied softly. "In fact, there's a lot of things I'd like to say to Gorion but I never had the chance."

"You really should one day," Rose sniffed. "H... hi, mom. It's been a while since I visited you...I... I'm doing better now. I stopped selling myself... I run an inn now... A respectable inn, I can take care of myself now. I've... new friends... a good home and, this is Laska... You'd have to meet her her. My life has gotten so much better since my last visit..." the half-elf sobbed.

Laska sat down next to her and put her arm around Rose's shoulders. "I love you," the elf finally said. Together, the two lovers sat at the grave for a few more moments.


	50. Returned to Sender part 1

Hello all,

Part 50 is actually the first segment of a three-parter written for me by Laufey Green, a good friend of mine. Some of you might know her as the author of 'In the Cards' or as the creator of the Edwin Romance mod for Baldur's Gate 2. If you haven't checked out either yet, be sure to do. You won't regret it.

* * *

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 50 : Returned To Sender 1 - Only the Deadliest Work in the Postal Services_

"I'm bored", Laska said, sighing. "Who wants to go down to the Coronet and toss back a few ales?"

"By 'a few', I assume you mean 'less than twenty'?" Keldorn asked and temporarily broke off the loving polishing session he was having with Carsomyr.

"Twenty?" Korgan said. "Wha' kind o' bleedin' lily-livered weakling are ye, knight? It nay be a good night if ye can still count that high. HAR!"

Viconia smirked slightly and gave the tattooed elf a meaningful look. "This sudden onset of boredom wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that Rose went away on that Management Made Fun seminar over in Trademeet?"

"No!" Laska said, not very convincingly.

"And that she won't be back for another three days?"

"No!"

"And that you miss her enough that you talk incessantly about her in your sleep?"

"No, no and no!" The elf paused, clearing her throat. "Ah…what did I say, exactly?"

Viconia's smirk widened a little. "I'd say that's for me to know and for you to torture yourself over, _abbil._ Unless, of course, you care to accompany me to that new art exhibition I heard about."

"But…"

"You_ do_ want to know, don't you?"

"That's _blackmail!_"

"I know", Viconia said, her eyes a little dreamy. "A subtle and sophisticated art. Don't you just love it?"

Keldorn shook his head. "Viconia, you should not make jests about things like that."

"Why Keldorn, whoever said I was jesting?"

It was at this moment that there was a loud and insistent brief knock on the front door of the mansion. Strangely enough, nobody was waiting outside. Not only the doorstep, but also the entire sun drenched street was utterly empty of visitors. "Blasted kids", muttered Korgan who'd been first to the door. "I'd like te…" Then he spotted the note that had been placed on the doorstep, neatly held in place with a large rock. This is what it said:

_To Laska Leafwalker,_

_It would be to our mutual benefit if you and your companions would pay a visit to the Sea's Bounty at your earliest convenience. There are a couple of minor questions I should very much like to discuss with you, regarding the mail service of Athkatla. First, the matter of misplaced missives and where they might be recovered. Second, the little known fact that packages sent to an unknown address will, in time, be returned to the sender, and that said retrieval will have to be carried out by a third party, a third party that may already have been elsewhere occupied. _

_Rest assured that all this and more will be explained when we meet in person. I am positive that an arrangement could be made that would be advantageous to all of us. _

_Eagerly awaiting your arrival,_

_The Third Party_

_P.S. Please do try to keep the discussion civilized, no matter your personal preferences. That will spare us both a lot of needless aggravation, not to mention loss of blood. There is so much senseless violence in the world, wouldn't you agree? I'm sure you share my opinion that sensible violence is always to be preferred. _

The adventurers puzzled over this extremely strange letter for some time.

"How could _anybody_", Laska complained, "manage to make a letter about postal service sound so ominous?"

Jan scratched at his short beard. "Now that", he said, "reminds me of my cousin Karl Jansen, who worked with the Instant Message messenger service for a while. See, a group of gnomish wizards thought it would be a good idea to get messages instantly delivered all over the Realms, the very second after you'd finished writing them. So they set up a lot of teleport portals, and then had their Instant Messenger Gnomes pop through them to deliver the letter before the ink was even dry, getting equally swift answers in return."

"But surely", Dynaheir said before she could stop herself, "that would generate a lot of useless and inane chatter, and eat up the time of the people involved so that they would spend far too much valuable time writing letters with bad grammar and little content?"

"Ah, I'm glad you asked that, Dyna! The point was to get the users addicted you see, and since they had to pay an hourly fee for being 'connected' to the portals, the wizards earned a fortune. Up until the day it all went wrong, that is."

The Rashemani mage sighed. "And what, pray tell, went wrong?"

"Well, the Instant Messengers started disappearing, one by one. Popped into thin air, they did. They'd go into the portals, but they wouldn't return. Very scary that was. Soon, not even extra turnips for supper would be enough to make the few remaining ones come to work, and the entire system would have broken down if it hadn't been for my cousin Karl."

"What did he do?"

"Brave gnome that he was, he jumped into a portal armed only with his strength, his wits, and his trusty slingshot."

"Let me guess. He planned to fire turnips with it?"

"Certainly not! Wasting good turnips like that, why the very idea makes my toes curl. I'm of a good mind not to finish the story now."

"Good, because…"

"But I always forgive my friends", Jan said eagerly, "so I'll do it anyway. Karl planned to shoot rutabagas, of course. You should have guessed that, really. Imagine his surprise when he came through the portal and found himself nose to snout with a very hungry Troll! Seems that the beast had taken to the Instant Messenger System, and especially the Instant Messenger Gnomes, and now he planned to eat poor old cousin Karl, just as he had eaten all the others. But Karl wouldn't stand for that, and he fired a steady stream of rutabagas, right at the troll's ugly nose. As the troll fell, good old Karl followed up with some Flaming Oil potion, and finished him right off. Then he proudly leapt back through the portal, prepared to become a hero. Sadly, the portal had accidentally been disconnected from the system, and he got the wrong address, landing right in the middle of a griffin lair instead. Good old Karl…after that we always called him 'The Stump'. But anyway, that goes to show that the postal service is _very_ dangerous to work in, and only fit for the deadliest and most dangerous people. We should all be careful around whoever sent this letter, that's all I wanted to say."

"Wish that be all ye said", Korgan muttered. "Why donnae we jus' go down there, find the bugger an' bash 'is skull in?"

"Yes!" Minsc eagerly exclaimed. "If there is evil lurking, Minsc and Boo will be first in line to chop it into tiny little evil bits!"

"That_ might _not be the wisest course of action," Viconia said, shaking her elegant white head. "Let's find out who this person is first, and what he or she wants."

"An' _then _we bash 'is skull in?"

"Possibly, Korgan. Possibly."

* * *

The Sea's Bounty tavern was much the same as always. Dark, smoky, disreputable and stuffed full with sailors and pirates. One especially disreputable trio were perched on the bar, along with the small gray rat that one of them stroked lovingly. "What ever are you doing there?" Laska asked curiously,

"Performing", one pirate, the tall one with a peg-leg said.

"Yes", said the second pirate, a very fat one with rotting black teeth. "Performing."

"Best place for it", agreed the third, the bearded man with the rat. "Nice and comfy seat, and close to the grog. And Fluffy here has close to the cheese."

"Good point", Laska agreed. "But what exactly are you performing?"

The trio looked at each other. "Er…a manifesto to the fragility of the human psyche, especially as demonstrated by long and copious exposition to strong spirits."

"So basically", Viconia said, "you simply sit around and get drunk?"

"Er…"

"Well, ma'am…"

"Now that you put it that way…yes."

Laska grinned like a maniac. "Now _there_ is an art form I can _really_ appreciate, Vico!" she said.

"Minsc does not understand", Minsc said, scratching his bald head, "but Boo says that any man with a nice rodent is a man to be trusted. Tell us little pirates, have you seen any evil mailmen about?"

The three pirates looked at each other again.

"Um…"

"Sorry…"

"We've been too busy performing. Nice rat though."

"He is a miniature giant space hamster, but Boo says you must be forgiven for your mistake and not pounded into the ground since you mean well."

Leaving the pirates to their 'performing', the adventurers looked about the tavern. There were certainly plenty of customers about, every one more rowdy than the one before, but nobody was showing any obvious interest in Laska and her friends. Then one of the waitresses, a shapely blonde, came undulating up towards them. "Hello friends", she said in a sultry voice. "How may Gracie serve you?"

"BEER!" Korgan bellowed. "An' step on it, wench! Me beard has nay been washed in hours! HAR!"

Gracie smiled. "And a very nice beard it is too, sir", she said. "Even if I personally prefer something a little more understated." Her eyes turned dreamy. "Sooo cute…and now there's that _other_ one too…such a hard choice…"

"Excuse us, my lady", Keldorn kindly told the girl. "If there was nothing else you wanted…"

Gracie startled. "Oh! Yes, there was." Her smile turned conspiratorial. "I was asked to tell you that a returned package is waiting for you upstairs. Second room on the right past the stairs."

"Asked?" Dynaheir said. "By whom?"

"Sorry, ma'am. Can't tell. You just go up there and you'll soon find out for yourselves." She smiled again and walked off.

"Hey!" Korgan protested. "What about me beer?"

Once the adventurers reached the designated door they gathered in front of it, weapons and spells at the ready. "Right", Laska said. "Be prepared for _anything_.There could be anybody in there, even Irenicus himself. And if so, let's come out of there with his rotten heart, all right?" General nods of assent followed, and a little weary sigh from Keldorn. "Go on Minsc. Open that door."

"Nobody bars the way of Minsc!" the berserker roared. "Door, meet boot! Boot, meet Door of Evil Blocking the Way!" He raised his mighty leg, and with an equally mighty CRASH the door toppled inwards into the room. Laska was first through, Ipsiya glowing fiercely blue and ready to do battle. And then she stopped, staring, and hardly noticed a cursing Viconia crashing into her back. She _couldn't_ possibly be seeing whom she thought she was seeing.

Two men were sitting at a small table near the window, apparently engaged in a game of chess. One of them started violently at the sound of the breaking door. His face was very much familiar to Laska, though she hadn't ever expected to see it again. Edwin Odesseiron had lost some weight since last she saw him, and he'd also lost that appalling nose ring that he'd been wearing the day she stuffed him into a large crate bound for Icewind Dale. The red robe was the same though, as was the scowl on his dark face as he glared back at her, quickly composing himself after his initial moment of confusion.

The Red Wizard's companion was nobody Laska recognized, and he didn't even look up from the chessboard, giving her a few seconds in which to study him. A tall, lean man dressed all in deepest black, he was of indeterminate age. Older than Edwin certainly, but younger than Keldorn. "Knight to E4", he said in a low voice. One of the black knights gave a little squeak of assent and trotted off across the board, coming to a halt in front of the white king who sighed with defeat, threw up his hands in disgust and walked off the board, the rest of the white pieces trailing after him while the black ones cheered in piping voices. "Check…and mate", the stranger told Edwin with a small smirk on his face. "Looks like you still need to practice some more, doesn't it, boy?" Then he turned his head towards the adventurers, his black eyes betraying no surprise. "Good day to you, Laska", he said politely. "Please come in." He paused. "I _would_ ask you to close the door behind you, but that statement suddenly seems a little misplaced, don't you think?"


	51. Returned to Sender part 2

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 51 : Returned To Sender 2 - Across Enemy Lines_

"YOU!" Laska sputtered at Edwin when she was finally able to find her voice again. "What are _you_ doing here?"

Her friends weren't late to follow suit.

"Oy!" Korgan said. "That be the bleedin' wizard we be sendin' off to Icy Hell!"

"Icewind Dale, Korgan", Keldorn corrected him. "Otherwise you seem to be correct. It does indeed seem to be that very same practitioner of magic."

"Wonderful", Viconia said. "If he makes too much trouble I vote we send him off piece by piece next time."

"Would that mean paying a smaller fee?" Jan asked. "Or simply more of them?"

"RAAARRRGH!" roared Minsc. "The enemy of Dynaheir rears his evil head again! Prepare to be spitted on the sword of Minsc, and slowly grilled over the fires of Goodness!"

Dynaheir said nothing. She simply stared at Edwin and his companion with a very odd expression on her face, reminiscent of somebody who has just swallowed a bug.

The man in black raised an eyebrow and turned to Edwin. "I see you've managed to make a certain impression", he calmly stated. "You must tell me all about it at your leisure. The complete version this time, I think."

Edwin was still glowering at Laska. "What does it _look_ like I'm doing, you cretinous, beer-soaked buffoon? I'm playing chess, that's what I'm doing. A game far beyond your meager powers of comprehension, I might add. (I suggest trying to evolve into the opposable-thumb stage first.)"

There was practically coming out smoke of the elf's ears by now. "I'LL BREAK YOUR OPPOSABLE THUMBS AND SHOVE THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT, YOU LITTLE…"

It took Keldorn and Viconia to keep her from launching an outright attack, and even then they had to make an effort in order to hold her back. "No Laska", Keldorn admonished. "We are the ones who broke his door, remember? No matter what might have gone between you in the past, it would be dishonorable to attack unless he strikes the first blow."

"And besides", Viconia added, "the _rivvel_ can be very amusing with all his antics, annoying as he sometimes is. I wish to hear what he has to say."

Eventually Laska breathed easier. "Can't I just kill him a little bit?"

"No." Keldorn said.

"At least not yet." Viconia agreed.

"Fine", the elf said, sighing. "But you guys owe me, remember that."

Edwin drew a deep breath, and it was obvious from the look on his face that he was preparing an award-winning insult, something to make his opponent curl up, wither and die from the humiliation. But then something very curious happened. The sharp-faced man in black put a warning hand on his arm. "No", he said, and though he spoke in a fairly low voice there was a clear hint of steel in it. "You have said _quite_ enough for now, boy. Now hold your tongue and let me handle this unless you want me to get upset with you." Laska wouldn't have believed it if she hadn't seen it with her own eyes, but this brief comment was enough to make Edwin shut his mouth with a snap and stay silent. He actually looked chastised. Even more bizarrely, unless her normally sharp eyes were deceiving her, he was pouted a little.

"That's better", the stranger said. "Perhaps now we can go on with formal introductions without resorting to death threats." His eyes rapidly swept across Laska and her friends, taking everything in while giving nothing away. There was something about that look that greatly bothered her, though she couldn't quite think what it was. Something…missing? "My apologies in advance. I hope you will take no offence from my trying to ascertain your identities on my own. I like to keep in practice. You Laska, I have heard much about. Both the well-known facts and the…somewhat less public ones. I have been looking forward to meeting you in person, it would be very interesting to see if you are as quick as they say you are." Then he nodded to Viconia. "And you would be the Lady Viconia DeVir of course. I'm afraid I can't take all _that_ much credit for recognizing _you_. Few enough Drow leave the Underdark, and the fate of an exile - human or Drow - is harsh. That you have survived, even thrived, says something about you."

"What would you know about it, male?" Viconia said, her eyes narrowed.

"Enough to be willing to gamble that you'll help keep your friends from open hostilities for now. As an exile, you must have learnt the importance of control…of evaluating a situation before leaping into it…and that an offer of alliance should always be heard in full before it's dismissed. Am I not correct?" Viconia frowned slightly, but she gave a brief nod.

"I am glad to hear it. Now, who else? Ah, Korgan Bloodaxe. A man of the world. While I don't doubt that you would enjoy a good fight, there will be an even more enjoyable one waiting around the corner if you decide to take us up on our offer. Not to mention a very lucrative one."

It was practically possible to hear the gold coins rattling by behind Korgan's eyes. "Gold, is it?" he said. "Ye be wantin' to hire us, then?"

"In a sense. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Please allow me to get back to that later." The stranger nodded to Keldorn, flashing him a brief smile reminiscent of sunlight glinting off the edge of a sharp blade. "And Sir Keldorn Firecam. A renowned paladin, and yet you travel with more than one person that your Order would simply dismiss as 'evil'. Interesting. It would be most fascinating to be able to actually converse in a normal fashion with a paladin, one who doesn't make the all too common mistake of using words like 'smite' or acts as if he has been breathing the fumes of his armor polish nightly for years."

Keldorn blinked. "And would you have met many paladins like that, sir?" he asked.

"Oh, enough" the stranger said with a small shrug. "Though only very briefly, I must admit." Then he looked at Jan, and to Laska's utter surprise he actually looked pleased to see him, such an unusual occurrence that she was beginning to wonder if he was perhaps insane. Of course she _liked_ Jan, but he was…well…Jan. "And Jan Jansen", the man in black said. "Please allow me to congratulate you, sir. That miniature foldable crossbow you invented last year was very impressive work. Particularly the way it could be disguised as a holy symbol of the god of your choice. And then there was that high-speed mechanical cart, the one that could be used to drive under water as well as on land, that was your work too, wasn't it?"

Jan was beaming by now. "None other!" he chirped. "Some of my finest work there, and I can tell you are obviously a person of refined taste, whoever you are. I still think it might have worked, if only I could have come up with a beast that could draw the land both on land and in water. See, the horses wouldn't go in the sea, and the giant octopus refused to wear horseshoes, so _he_ didn't work out on land."

"Oh, I'm sure you'll come up with something. Unless we should be forced into a fight to the death, I should very much like to discuss this with you further. And do remind me to show you my own work on applied and specialized lock picks if we get the time, I think you would find them interesting."

"Excuse me", Laska said between clenched teeth. "But could the two of you save the shop talk for later, before I'm tempted into joining in, pointy end first?"

The stranger gave her a thin smile. "My apologies", he said. "I'm afraid that as a devoted professional I leap eagerly at all opportunities to exchange thoughts with an intelligent colleague."

"Thou…art an inventor?" Dynaheir asked, her dark face wary. She was still keeping a firm hold on her staff.

A cold edge crept into the stranger's voice when next he spoke, one that made Laska grip the hilts of her swords more tightly and tense in preparation for a blow. She could practically feel the chill in the air. "Not…exactly", the stranger said. "And you, of course, would be Dynaheir of Rasheman, along with your companion Minsc. _Avar, Wychlaran. Es vraska t'Rasheman, ne? __Irsch to domin-ne _(1)." He kept staring at Dynaheir, seemingly not blinking. "No", he repeated, his voice mild but laced with poison. "Here you do _not_ rule. You must greatly miss the plains and mountains of home. Not to mention all the hardworking slaves. Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like to call them that, do you? It so upsets the pretty picture to call things by their proper name. Spoils your benevolent image, doesn't it?"

By this time Laska very much wanted to know what in the Nine Hells was going on, and from the looks of it, so did her companions. All of them were easing their hands closer to their weapons, and Minsc was stepping out in front of his witch, ready to protect her. Meanwhile Edwin was giving his companion a very anxious look. He really did seem genuinely concerned.

Dynaheir placed a hand on Minsc's arm, holding her back. "No", she said. "Easy, my friend. I…I would speak with him." She kept looking at the stranger. "Who art thou,_ fremya_ (2)?" she asked, her voice calm. Laska could see that she had turned as pale as her dark skin allowed though, something that made her take on an unhealthy grayish tint.

The man said something else, still using that strange language, and Dynaheir turned even paler, if possible. Even Minsc looked seriously disturbed. "I would have words with thee later, fremya", Dynaheir said, her voice now a little shaky. "In private."

The man nodded. "It would be my pleasure", he grimly said. Then his urbane manner suddenly reasserted itself, much like a mask sliding into place. "But I am forgetting my manners", he told Laska. "You want explanations, and you shall have them. First, allow me to introduce myself. I am Vadrak Dekaras, official tutor of Odesseiron House, specifically of young Edwin there." He nodded briefly in the Red Wizard's direction.

"Ha!" Edwin triumphantly told Laska. "He's more than that, you know. He's probably the most skilled assassin in all of Faerun. (No, scratch the 'probably'.) He could kill you as easy as _that_!"

Dekaras gave his student a sharp look. "While I appreciate the sentiment, I believe I told you to let _me _handle this. And at the next possible opportunity I believe we must have you revise the meaning of the word 'discretion'."

Laska could feel her jaw slowly dropping open, as Edwin looked truly contrite. "I'm sorry, Teacher Dekaras", he said, sounding utterly serious.

"Who _are_ you?" Laska asked the wizard. "And what have you done with the Edwin I know and loathe?"

"That", Dekaras said, "is of less consequence. What matters is what _you_ did to him. Not to mention what we can do for each other." He made a small grimace. "You just _had _to pick Icewind Dale, didn't you? Not the Moonshae Islands or some similarly clement place, but the deeply frozen armpit of Toril, shunned by most intelligent people. I suppose it never occurred to you that somebody would have to go and fetch the boy back from the little trip you sent him on, did it? Considering how much I hate snow, I'd say you owe me some sort of compensation."

"Compensation? He should be glad I didn't kill him outright."

The assassin nodded. "Possibly. As should you, I might add. Had you done that, I would have been very unhappy with you, and we wouldn't currently be having this pleasant conversation. But I digress. No matter what reasons you think you may have had for what you did, the fact remains that you caused both my student and me some serious inconvenience. Now you have the opportunity to make that up to us, while doing yourselves an important service at the same time."

Viconia's eyes narrowed. "What exactly are you suggesting, _veldrin velve_?" she said. "You have said much, and yet offered little actual information so far. You would be wise to be truthful with us. Laska doesn't take kindly to being used, and neither do I."

Dekaras nodded, and his voice turned very businesslike. "So I have heard. It would not serve my…our… purposes to deceive you in any manner, not that you have any reason to trust that of course. Allow me to explain a few things, and then I will present you with my suggestion. You may then accept or refuse it, as you choose." He paused briefly. "You do know why my student journeyed to Nashkel in the first place, do you not?"

"Yes!" Minsc cried out. "To most foully and evilly slay fair Dynaheir, the finest and best witch to ever come out of Rasheman."

"Not that that would be such a great achievement", the assassin dryly stated. "But yes. That was what he was supposed to do, and as you know he failed."

"I could have done it", Edwin protested. "But they all ganged up on me you see, and then…"

"Boy, you can hardly blame your target for fighting back. Now let me finish sometime this decade." Dekaras shrugged briefly and turned to Laska and her friends again. "As you can probably imagine, his superiors back in Thay weren't pleased. Still, the situation might have been salvageable if he hadn't decided to stop sending reports back home and run off to Athkatla. Now, the Red Wizards don't let go of their agents easily - no more so than the Witches of Rasheman do. They sent out people to search for him, and eventually one of those agents found him. Whereupon he immediately made things even worse for himself, not that things could have been handled differently at that point."

Edwin smirked slightly. "He wasn't a very good wizard, but he made an excellent toad."

"Apparently so." Dekaras gave the Red Wizard a mildly exasperated look. "And I do wish that you'd settled for that, rather than to send your own Zulkir an insulting letter in which you compared him with the southern end of a baboon facing north and implied that the things to come _out_ of said southern end could probably do a better job than him, as well as be better-looking. Among other things."

"Hm", Laska grudgingly admitted. "Not bad."

"A Zulkir?" Viconia said. "That is a form of ruler, is it not?"

"Quite so", Dekaras said. "Thay has one Zulkir for each school of magic, the most powerful wizard of his kind. Not a person whom it is particularly wise to refer to in a letter as a 'lump of snot straight out of Demogorgon's flaring nostrils', I might add. And the humorous enchanted and moving picture of the Zulkir in an amorous encounter with a Mindflayer also didn't help, particularly since it was implied that the Mindflayer was the beauty of the pair, as well as the brains. He _also_ didn't approve of the fact that the letter was sent to a large and very important meeting of all the _other_ Zulkirs, and enchanted to display both its words and its…picture…in a very public manner." He shook his head briefly. "I had already gone to search for my pupil at this point, and so I did not learn the full truth until we returned from Icewind Dale to Athkatla and found ourselves dodging Red Wizards left and right." He gave Edwin a hard look. "Once I get my charge home we will have to have a serious conversation about that. But at the moment, we cannot go home, not as long as the Zulkir is on the warpath, and he will be that for as long as he lives. Fortunately, all men must die some day, and he is enraged enough that he has traveled to Athkatla to hunt Edwin down in person."

"So what now?" Laska asked. "You want _us_ to kill him for you? Fat chance. And besides, if you're so hot, why don't you handle him yourself?"

There was the briefest flicker of annoyance in the assassin's black eyes. "I could", he said. "But it would take some time, and time is in short supply. And no, I do not want you to kill him. I simply want you to have a word with him…to distract him, if you will. The rest I intend to handle personally. But I certainly don't expect you to do this out of the goodness of your hearts. First, the Zulkir is wealthy, and there will be several valuable magic items to gain, apart from gold."

"Sounds good to me!" Korgan agreed. "Jus' point me axe in the right direction, an' there'll be tiny bits o' wizard everywhere! Har!"

"Second, there may be fighting involved. You have been inactive for the past few days; I imagine you would appreciate the exercise. And third, and most importantly, I have something you want very much."

"ROSE!" Laska yelled, her swords out in a heartbeat. "You utter bastard, if you've hurt her I'll pin your head up next to Firkraag's and use it for target practice!"

The assassin didn't draw a weapon of his own, at least no visible one, but there was a subtle increase of tension in his posture. "For your information, I haven't touched your Rose", he snapped. "As far as I know she's perfectly safe. And I'll have you know that simply because I eliminate people on a regular basis that doesn't mean I approve of kidnapping."

"Then what is it you have to offer us?" Keldorn said as he put a gently restraining hand on the still fuming Laska's shoulder. "I feel it only fair to warn you, only under the most grave of circumstances could I condone lending assistance to a known killer." He looked at Laska. "To a _professional_ killer, I should say."

Dekaras smirked slightly again, his expression mirrored almost exactly by Edwin in a rather unsettling manner. "To each his own, I suppose. Hear me out, then. When you were recently out of town, I took the opportunity of paying a brief visit to your neighborhood. Not the first one either, I always think it prudent to learn as much as I can about my opponents."

Laska's eyes narrowed dangerously. "Have you been spying on me?" she said. "If you've been ogling me in my bath I'll…"

"Certainly not!" The assassin looked deeply insulted by that suggestion. "The very idea! I like to think of myself as a civilized person, thank you very much, and that sort of behavior would be extremely rude and unworthy of anybody but a complete lout."

"Or a would-be paladin…" Viconia murmured with an amused glint in her eyes, and completely ignored Keldorn's reproachful look.

"But anyway", Dekaras went on, "I happened to intercept a certain messenger. It would seem that he believed me to be in your employ, and I must confess I didn't inform him of his mistake. Something tells me you would be most interested in the letter he delivered to me. A letter from a place named 'Spellhold', and signed by a certain girl named 'Imoen'. Somebody you know, perhaps?"

"You just bet I know her, you smug bastard!" Laska said. "And now you can explain just what's to stop us from taking that letter off your cold, dead corpse!"

"How about the fact that even if you did manage to kill me, something that I quite frankly doubt, I don't carry it with me? You see, unlike young Edwin here, I would not make the mistake of putting my bargaining chip on the table for everybody to see." Edwin looked rather embarrassed at this comment.

"Oooh, blackmail!" Jan said. "Reminds me of my Auntie Lynn Jansen. See, she'd learnt that Billy Jansen, who was the leader of the most influential part of the family at that time, was spending lots of time at the office lately, and in the company of a young and attractive female gnome as well. So Auntie Lynn thought she might earn some money out of not letting the info slip to Billy's wife, but she hadn't counted on him being such a slick liar. Slippery Billy, we used to call him. 'I did not play 'little Turnip' with that gnome' he said, 'and if I did, at least I didn't inhale.'"

"Jan", Keldorn tried, "now is not the time…"

"So Auntie Lynn decided to try her luck with Slippery Billy's wife instead", Jan went on. "Sadly, the lady in question was a highly intelligent but bad-tempered lady griffin. We'd warned him against her, but would he listen? She swallowed both Billy and Auntie Lynn, squashing the scandal totally. Like every good Jansen, born or made, she really hated gossip, you see. Then she and the young female gnome wrote a book and a play about the whole sad affair, and became incredibly wealthy and famous, all the while griping about how they hated the publicity. So you see, blackmail usually pays off, but not always in the way you think."

There were a few seconds of silence. "I think", Dekaras said, "that I would have been satisfied with a simple 'yes' or 'no'."

"Fine!" Laska spat. "We'll do it. But you'd _better_ keep your word."

"Of course. It's not as if I have any personal interest in the scribblings of your friend Imoen, after all. Once you have done your part, you'll be welcome to them."

The elf nodded curtly, and started turning to leave. But then a wicked impulse seized her. There was still something very annoying about the assassin, quite apart from the blackmail thing. Something that should have been there but wasn't, and she _still_ couldn't think of what it was. It was irritating her immensely though, and she needed to let some steam out. Not pausing to think, she spun around, aiming a lightning-quick punch at the pointed nose of her opponent. And then something very frustrating happened. Rather than feeling the satisfying crunch of breaking bone before her fist, she merely brushed the face of the assassin lightly as he ducked out of the way with a speed matching her own. The one consolation was that he looked quite as annoyed about it as she felt, so he probably hadn't expected her to touch him at all. That made her feel a little better about the whole thing. Just a little.

"Sorry", Laska said with an insincere grin. "Just wanted to see if you could live up to your claims. I guess you do."

Edwin looked positively livid. "Why you…you psychotic, rampaging, barbarian mad-woman!" he said. "I'll…"

Then he fell silent as his companion gave him a meaningful look. "You are impressively quick yourself", the assassin told the tattooed elf, his voice betraying no emotion. "Most impressive. And now, if you have _quite_ satisfied your urges, perhaps we had better adjourn for today."

After a meeting place and time had been settled for the next evening, near the house where the Zulkir was staying, Laska and her friends moved to leave. Dynaheir remained still however. "I will catch up with thee later, my friends, as will Minsc", she said. "My _fremya_ and I have a lot to discuss, it seems."

"Yes, _Wychlaran_", Dekaras said. He was smiling faintly, and it wasn't a smile to inspire confidence. "We certainly do."

Once Laska, Korgan, Keldorn, Viconia and Jan had left, there were a few brief moments of silence. "Perhaps we should set a Silence ward?" Dynaheir eventually suggested.

"I did that before you got here", Edwin said. "Do you really think we'd have been speaking freely in front of a broken door otherwise? Who could possibly be that foolish?" He paused. "Oh, wait. Your lot was. (The utter brainlessness of these people never ceases to amaze me.)"

"Never mind that right now", Dekaras said. "What matters at the moment is the intellectual capacity of this Witch, not of her comrades." He still hadn't taken his eyes off Dynaheir's face. "I would like us to carry out this conversation in Common", he calmly stated. "My student does not speak the tongue of Rasheman, and I wish for him to hear this."

Dynaheir nodded. "As thou wouldst have it", she said. Then she paused, trying to formulate her first question. "Thou hast the speech of Rasheman, as well as the look. But it is clear that thou dost feel little love for our Mother Country. Might I ask why that is?"

There was another brief silence. "Before I answer that question", Dekaras said, "I would like to ask one of my own." He gave Dynaheir a penetrating look. "You have been away from Rasheman for some time now, haven't you? Tell me, what do you miss the most?"

It certainly wasn't what Dynaheir had expected, but she could see no reason not to answer truthfully. "Many things", she said. "Friends and family. The sunrise over the mountains. The smell when the snow first melts in spring. The songs. The sound of our language spoken everywhere I go."

"Oh? Not the absolute power over life and death? Not the knowledge that you are the absolute ruler of all you survey? That you can kill, maim and enslave, and all in the name of 'justice' and 'righteousness'? I would have thought it would be hard to adjust to being a mere mortal after holding that sort of power."

"I do not understand…"

"No? Then, _Wychlaran_, allow me to remind you of the precious and sacred laws of Rasheman." There was a deep undercurrent of hatred beneath the outer calm of those words, and though Dynaheir could sense that it wasn't directed at her specifically it made her very uneasy nevertheless. "For disobeying a Witch, the punishment is death", the assassin went on. "Not for threatening her, not for harming her. For disobeying her. Such a benevolent society, dear old Rasheman. So much more morally upstanding than the evil Thay."

Minsc was looking puzzled, but loyal as ever he couldn't resist interfering. "But Dynaheir is fair and good", he said. "She would never want to hurt others like that."

"Maybe, and maybe not. It really doesn't matter. What matters is that she _could_ do it, if she wanted to, and nobody could touch her over the matter. You, my large friend, may think of yourself as her friend, and maybe she does that as well. But under the laws of Rasheman you are simply her subject, her property and her slave. As are all of us unfortunate enough to be born into the vast prison that is Rasheman." The assassin shrugged. "Make no mistake. I've killed, many a time. But at least I don't pretend that there's anything particularly righteous about it. Also remember, the power of the _Wychlaran_ is absolute, and that means that all others have no power at all, and are literally their slaves and pets, whatever the Witches like to call it. And those they consider a potential threat to their rule…well, what they do to _them_ is yet another dirty little secret that they prefer not to talk about."

Edwin was looking increasingly furious, and it somehow seemed to Dynaheir that he was showing not only his own emotions but also those that his companion hid beneath that mask of icy calm. "And no surprise there", the Red Wizard sneered. "The Witches like to keep things nice and pretty, don't they?"

Dynaheir wasn't certain exactly what the pair was getting at, but she couldn't deny that there was a certain element of truth. "I will not accept blame for the actions of all my sisters", she said, addressing the assassin. "But yes, I see what thou meanest, _fremya_? at least in part. When I left home I did not question our ways. But now…I have seen too much not to. Tyranny is tyranny, whoever the tyrant is or what their intentions are, and the letter of the law is not everything, not when it oppresses the people it claims to protect." Bodhi's face sprang unbidden into her mind. "And…I have learnt more than I would have wished about the pain of being enslaved, to be seen as no more than a tool to be used for the purposes of a cruel Mistress. As I am now…I could not follow the way of the _Wychlaran_. Not in full. And…I have no wish to be other than I am."

"I…see", Dekaras said, and for a moment Dynaheir thought she caught a glint of compassion in his eyes. "I wonder what might have happened to cause such a change of heart? Something very unpleasant, I would wager. Very well. I will trust you with the truth then, _serya_ (3). Perhaps you will be able to do some good with it." Then he commenced speaking.

Dynaheir listened with growing horror and disgust, not wanting to believe what she heard, but helpless to do otherwise. '_This…this is the Rasheman I have loved? This…travesty?_' She wondered how much of her emotions were showing on her face, and hoped that she could hide at least some of them. She had a feeling that her pity would not be appreciated. _'I never really wondered about the male mages. To be faced with a choice like that…eternal captivity or having your powers painfully ripped away…and my own sisters did that… they still do. How could anybody go on after such a loss? What would it take to fill the void left behind by the magic? I cannot imagine what it must be like, to have part of your soul cut away. I wonder that he survived at all. Why did nobody ever _tell _me of this practice? Could it be…that they knew it was wrong all along…but they did it all the same? To keep in power? Does the rot among the leaders of the Wychlaran truly run that deep?_' "I understand now", she said once the assassin had finished his tale, and her voice was leaden. "I see clearly, where before my vision was clouded." Then she drew herself up, and there was a new sense of determination in her eyes. "I swear to thee now, such an injustice is against all that I hold dear, and I will not stand for it. Should I ever hold the power to do so, then I will do what I can to oppose it."

"Minsc agrees!" the big ranger boomed, his eyes filled with honest tears. "Dynaheir is his friend, but there can be bad witches too. It would be very wrong to pull out Boo's sharp hamster teeth to make him easier to handle, and it is wrong to pull the magic teeth of the man-witches. Minsc may not be smart as Dynaheir, but he knows that."

Dynaheir was surprised to see the assassin actually smile at this comment. "That is a first", he said. "I don't think anybody has ever likened me to a hamster before. But I appreciate the sentiment, and I think you know more than many would guess." Then he turned to Dynaheir again. "And now you know something of Rasheman that you did not before", he said. "Unpleasant as it is, I think the knowledge may benefit you. And…it pleases me that you were willing to listen. I will see you tomorrow then, _serya_, along with your friends."

Dynaheir was almost to the door before she thought of something. "Wait!" she called out. "There is something else,_ fremya. _Might I have another word with thee…just the two of us?"

The assassin and the Red Wizard turned towards her, with a strangely simultaneous movement. "If you like", Dekaras said, sounding a little curious. "Edwin, I will see you downstairs shortly."

The wizard nodded. "If you are certain you will be all right…"

"I am quite certain. Now go on." The wizard exited the room, along with the equally reluctant Minsc, leaving Dynaheir alone with the assassin.

"I…have something of which I need to speak, _fremya_", she said. "I believe that thou might understand and…I cannot yet bring myself to speak of this with my dear friends and companions. The pain is still too fresh, but I need speak with _somebody_" _'Bodhi. Blood on my hands, on my face…in my mouth. My will subjugated by that of another, my freedom taken from me, my very soul twisted into something…other. '_

Dekaras nodded. "Very well", he said. "I can understand that. Speak then, and I will listen."

And slowly, but with ever-greater speed and forcefulness, Dynaheir began to talk, feeling at least part of the tangled web of pain within her heart beginning to dissolve.

* * *

1. Greetings, witch. It is a long way from Rasheman, isn't it? Here you do not rule.

2. Brother/countryman

3. Sister/countrywoman


	52. Returned to Sender part 3

This is the final part of Returned to Sender, a three-part arc with two special guest stars and was written by Laufey. She did a wonderful job. Check out Laufey's In the Cards while you're at it. If you like TnT, you'll like In the Cards.

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 51 : Returned To Sender 3 - How To Dispose of a Zulkir in Three Easy Steps._

While Dynaheir was occupied elsewhere, Laska had reached her mansion and was having a conversation of her own. She had gathered her remaining friends in the dining room and was currently speaking in a rather forceful voice, thumping her fist on the table now and then to make a point. The fact that said fist was currently holding the fork she had used for dinner helped make the impression a lasting one, at least on the priceless antique dining table. Keldorn winced visibly each time the fork came down. "Well, I don't trust him", Laska said, digging the fork in just a little deeper. "Anybody hanging out with Edwin _has_ to be a first-class sneaky, underhanded bastard. And there is something else that bothers me about him…"

"What would that be?" Keldorn asked.

"I. ***stab*** Don't. ***stab* ** Know. ***stab* ** And it's driving me _nuts!._ Why are you asking me anyway? You're supposed to be a paladin, can't you just…I don't know…wiggle your fingers and ferret out the evil within?"

The old paladin sighed deeply. "I am sorry to say it does not quite work that way", he said. "Good and evil are complex matters, Laska. Were this person a demon in disguise I would be able to tell, or if he were the high priest of some evil god. But what I can normally sense in a person are tendencies, not absolutes, and in this case I found even that to be difficult. I _can _say that he is dangerous."

"No?" Viconia interjected. "Whatever would make you think that?"

"As I was saying", Keldorn went on, looking a little irritable, "he is dangerous, but I also got the impression that he will keep his word, at least when freely given such as in this case. I do not think he will attack us, not unless provoked." He gave Laska a sharp look. "Try not to take any more swings at him. We want your sister's letter, not a fight to the death."

The tattooed elf shrugged, displaying her body to its full advantage as her vest moved slightly aside. "Hey, I missed, didn't I? Besides, he didn't take it personally, and he was annoying me…" She suddenly fell silent. _Finally_ she knew what had been bothering her about the assassin, and it was so obvious that she couldn't imagine why she hadn't thought of it before. _'How could I be so blind? It was all there right in front of me!' _"The…the…the _bloody_ bastard!" she almost screamed. "How dare he insult me like that? I'll…I'll…I'll smack him so hard his nose comes out the back of his _head_!"

"Eh?" Korgan said. "What now?"

"Don't you get it? Don't you see?"

"I saw only that the long-limb be pretty full of 'imself, an' fond of fancy talk. Be that why ye wants to cleave 'im into little bits?"

"No."

"Then what is it?" Viconia asked, clearly almost out of patience. "You are making no sense whatsoever."

Laska was almost too indignant to get the words out. "He…he…he didn't _notice_ me!" she said, stabbing the fork so hard into the table that it stuck there and wouldn't come out. Keldorn quietly put his head in his hands.

"What do you mean 'did not notice you'?" Viconia asked, a puzzled frown on her dark face. "He was talking to you, remember?"

"Sure he noticed me! But he didn't _notice_ me! As in ogle, leer, stare or drool!" The elf pointed at her impressive physique, looking highly insulted. "I might as well have been a…a…an _Umberhulk_, for all the attention he gave me. He might as well have been taking inventory of a collection of used books!" She suddenly looked wildly panicky. "Oh gods. Suppose something's wrong with me? Suppose I'm ill? Suppose I'm cursed? Suppose Rose doesn't notice me now either?"

"Heh!" Korgan said. "I'll be happy to notice ye, any time ye wants me to…"

"Laska!" Viconia sharply said, reaching across the table to rap her friend smartly on the forehead. "You're hysterical. And even dumber than you usually are."

"But…"

"Look, it is _obvious_ what's the matter here. Since the male in question isn't blind, and isn't stupid, he has to be collared by another female. He is probably trained well enough that he wouldn't even pay attention to you if you stripped naked and threw yourself at him. I never knew there were any surface females that skilled, but there can be no other explanation. We can always ask him tomorrow, I should very much like to meet the female in question."

At this the wine that Keldorn had been in the process of swallowing hit the opposite wall with a great spurt, and both Korgan and Jan had to thump him on the back to get him breathing again. "Please", the paladin said, "please, _please _do no such thing without consulting with me first. Imoen's letter, do you remember that? Not fight to the death?"

"Oh Keldorn", Viconia laughed. "You _rivvel _are so sensitive."

"Viconia, promise me! Or I assure you that our blood will flow freely and that our hopes of regaining the missive sent by our lost companion will be cruelly swallowed by a tide of darkness."

"Oh, all _right!_", the drow said. "If you want to put it that way…"

* * *

The following afternoon the friends assembled at the designated meeting-place, a small and quiet square not far from the large mansion in the Government District where the Zulkir was staying. Dynaheir had steadfastly avoided all questions about what had been said in her private conversation with the assassin, stating only that 'certain matters had come to her attention, and she would not betray secrets not her own.' Jan had even tried pumping Minsc for information, but all the ranger had said was that he 'wouldn't speak of what the witches wanted secret, not unless it was Bad Witches, but since it wasn't then he wouldn't or they would be very disappointed in him.' That didn't really make anybody any wiser, and in the end they had to let it be.

"Wouldn't it be typical", Laska said, "if after all this they didn't bother to show up? Wouldn't surprise me one little bit if it was all some elaborate trap."

"Now that would be incredibly rude of us, wouldn't you say?" said a low voice from some distance behind the adventurers. "Not to mention foolish, since we do still wish to employ your service. Really, you must have a very low opinion of us. I feel positively hurt." Laska spun around, Ipsiya glowing like a blue flame in her hand. Dekaras was leaning against the high wall bordering one of the surrounding estates, looking for all the world as if he had been there for hours. Possibly he even had, but if he had heard any of the previous conversation he made no mention of it. Then the air shimmered next to him and Edwin became visible, and looking very pleased with himself.

"Please, do try to gape a little wider", the Red Wizard said. "The flies have been particularly bothersome today, and you do such a fine job of getting rid of them. (I must say I never realized just how entertaining this sort of thing is, particularly when they get that bug-eyed look on their faces.)"

"Say, Keldy?" Jan asked. "Where's your nifty Griffin Eye spell when we really need it?"

"It is called the Holy Gift of True Sight", Keldorn said. "And I cannot go around using it randomly, you know. I must first have some indication that there _is_ somebody hidden close by that I need to see. It is not as if it will go off on its own the moment somebody is trying to creep up on me."

"And a good thing too, for all us semi-legal folks!" the gnome chirped. "Say, my dear associate", he asked the by now quite bored-looking assassin, "did you know that a relative of mine was in the cutthroat business? My second cousin on my mother's side, Wilfred Jansen, but everybody called him Stinky. He was too cheap to buy black facial paint for his assignments, you see, and he tried to make due with griffin dung instead. Poor fellow, he never quite grasped why people would always sense him coming. 'By the wrinkling of my nose, something stinky this way goes', that's what we always used to say. But anyway, Stinky was all set on assassinating the Princess of Tethyr. Her wicked step-mother wanted her out of the way because she was much more skilled at the Royal Wave, you see. So Stinky came up with the cunning plan of poisoning a pretty turnip and offering to the princess as a present. Carefully he injected some Hubajabajawa extract into the turnip, knowing that this deadly poison would be certain to kill her and…"

"Excuse me", Dekaras politely said. "I fear I must ask you to clarify something. I admit I am not an expert on the royal lines of every Faerunian monarchy, but I believe I would have heard of it if Tethyr had had a gnomish princess."

"Ah…gnomish?" Jan said, looking a little confused.

"Yes. Gnomish. Since Hubajabajawa extract is only poisonous to gnomes, and you claimed that it would kill her, I assumed that was what you meant. Unless of course you have your facts confused."

"Oh no, not at all, I…"

"And furthermore", the assassin went on, "when combined with a turnip the extract isn't poisonous even to gnomes. Instead it makes up a popular gnomish recipe to counteract baldness, something that most non-gnomes wouldn't be aware of, as I'm sure you know." He gave the gnome's shining scalp a critical look. "Incidentally, the next time you make up a batch you may want to think about adding some were-rat hair. That will make it work better. Oh, and be careful about which _part _of the were-rat you harvest the hair from. The head-end would be far preferable to the crotch-end I think, at least for the sake of your companions. I don't think you would want your head to smell like a were-rat's nether regions." He then gave the strangely quiet Jan a look that Laska was certain was intended to look innocent, but didn't quite make it. His face wasn't quite suited for looking innocent. "Oh, I beg your pardon", he said. "Did I interrupt your story? Some other time, perhaps. Now let me explain what I want you to do…"

_'Hm'_, Laska thought. '_The bastard may have a good point or two to recommend him after all. Not that I'm about to forgive him for not noticing, but still…'_

* * *

The current Zulkir of Conjuration was a man who enjoyed his comforts. The comforts he was currently enjoying were a nice hot bath filled with enchanted magical bubbles that wouldn't burst for hours, a nice box of exquisite chocolates, a good book of deliciously fiendish spells and an enormous Crystal Ball set above the tub and enspelled to show him the annual Miss Faerun competition. At the moment the Misses were parading around the stage wearing much-reduced versions of their countries' or cities' respective national costumes. Miss Waterdeep was currently up, wearing a dress that looked like it had been painted onto her body. The old wizard sighed contentedly. And then there was a timid knock on the door.

"Pardon, Master", said one of his attendants. "But there are some people here to see you. I think you'd better come."

"So get rid of them! I'm quite busy."

"Master, I _really_ think you should come."

Grumbling quietly to himself the Zulkir pulled on his thick red bathrobe and his pair of luxurious red slippers, heavily embroidered with gold thread and studded with large rubies. He would have added some diamonds as well, but he was afraid of looking too gaudy. When he reached the entry hall he was faced with a very strange sight. A very disreputable-looking dwarf with the largest axe he had ever seen was wandering about trying to chip jewels off the furniture and stuffing them into a rather dirty knapsack. Meanwhile an elderly man in shining armor and with a very sparkly sword was methodically removing the jewels from the knapsack again and trying to collect them inside his helmet, all the while looking terribly embarrassed. "Oy!" the dwarf said. "Here be a pretty little thing, pink diamond the size of a walnut. Should buy us ale to last for months!"

"Will you stop doing that?!" the knight hissed. "You cannot simply walk around taking other people's valuables!"

"Eh? Why not? It's nay as if it'd be any use takin' their trash, now is there? HAR!"

"What", the Zulkir said in his most threatening voice, "is the meaning of this?" It will never become clear exactly what reaction he was aiming for. Mute dread is a safe guess. What he _did _get was a terrifying roar as the dwarf suddenly charged towards him, axe spinning in the air like the wings of a windmill. The Zulkir was a very powerful wizard of course, with an impressive arsenal of spells at his command. A magical globe of energy immediately was activated, encasing him in a protective shield. Still, to counterattack he needed to be able to concentrate. And it's surprising how difficult it can be to concentrate when a dwarf screaming with berserker rage is inches away from your face, trying to chop your nose off with a very, very large axe. Better men than the Zulkir have tried and failed, it is really nothing to be ashamed of.

Just as the spell was about to give out the knight managed to pull his companion off, just barely restraining him. "I am so terribly sorry!" he called out to the shocked wizard. "He gets like this sometimes, and then there is no stopping him. I fear he has taken a dislike to you." A terrible growl from the dwarf confirmed this. "Please excuse us", the knight said. "I will take him home and feed him some raw meat. That calms him down…sometimes." With that he pushed the angry dwarf out the door, leaving a very surprised and rather nervous wizard behind. He didn't even notice that several gems were still missing. '_Insanity…total insanity. Young Edwin has a lot to pay for since he made me come to this barbaric city. Oh well. Back to Miss Waterdeep…'_

Hardly had the wizard taken two steps into the house before there was another knock on the door. Angrily he tore it open, fully prepared to blast that ravening dwarf straight into the Abyss. But it wasn't a dwarf. Instead it was a small bearded gnome, who watched him shrewdly with glittering eyes. Behind him stood a vision of dark femininity, a ravishing beauty who suddenly made Miss Waterdeep seem a whole lot less interesting. _'A drow? Here?'_

"Stand aside, male", the woman said, and regally swept past the wizard. "You are lucky I still allow you to live, despite your actions." Before the Zulkir had the time to reply she was already past him, walking from room to room, sneering at the many priceless paintings and statues that ornamented them. "Garbage", she said. "Trash…rubble…travesty." She pointed contemptuously at a beautiful painting of a reclining nymph in her bath. "An obvious forgery."

"And just who are you?" the Zulkir said. If she hadn't been so attractive he would already have attempted to destroy her for her nerve, but as it was he wanted to look on her a little longer. That became his undoing.

"I am the Lady Curator of the Amnian Guild of Artists, Painters and Puppeteers", the woman haughtily proclaimed. "You, sir, are in violation of Amnian law, an offense that could land you in jail for the rest of your natural lifespan." She gave the wrinkled old man a brief look. "Or five years, whichever takes longest."

The Zulkir didn't quite understand what was going on, but he had no desire to break Amnian law. That sort of problem could only create difficulties in his hunt for the insolent young wizard he intended to see dead. "Dear lady, I'm afraid I don't understand…"

"Oh you don't, do you?" the gnome interrupted. "Shame on you, sir. Next you'll claim to be unaware that more than half of these paintings were created with illegal griffin blood paint!"

"G-griffin blood paint?"

The gnome wiped a tear from his eye. "Poor innocent creatures, slaughtered to create decadent so-called masterpieces. Well, the Guild is coming down hard on the ruthless criminals who'd do such things. We need to keep our own doorstep clean, after all."

"In the meantime", the drow said, "we are taking the illegal paintings with us as evidence. If you can prove that you had no knowledge of their origin you may have them back. Here, take this receipt." She handed the dazed Zulkir an elegantly scribed note. "And be grateful I do not choose to whip you first." She snapped her fingers at the gnome. "You there! Fetch me every painting I point out!"

"Sure thing, your Exaltitude", the gnome said with a twisted grin and hauled out a device with a large and spinning blade. "Just say the word…"

Once the drow and the gnome had left the Zulkir stood staring alternately at the now mostly bare walls and at the receipt in his hand. His brain was still trying to catch up with the events of the past few minutes, but he couldn't quite shake the feeling that something was very wrong. In time he would undoubtedly have figured it out, but just then there was another knock on the door. "WHAT?" he screamed as he yanked the door open, spittle flying. Then he stared at the people standing outside the door. The elven woman with the delicious tattoos was certainly very attractive, and under other circumstances she would have commanded his full attention. The dark-skinned woman in purple mage robes wasn't bad-looking either. But what _really_ attracted his attention was the enormous giant towering over him and sticking something small and furry into his face.

"Hello!" the giant boomed. "We are phil-ant-trop-ists collecting money for poor, orphaned little hamsters, trying to provide them with a safe and priv-il-eged upbringing." He raised the creature in his hand towards his face. "Did Minsc say that right, Boo? You will have to correct him, there were so many hard words…"

The Zulkir felt the edges of his sanity start to crumble. "That…that is a hamster you're talking to", he said, his voice much too calm.

"No, no!" the giant corrected him. "A miniature giant space-hamster. That is why he is so clever, much more clever than Minsc. He is the chair-hamster of the organization you know, and he made up a stirring speech for Minsc to recite, so you'll feel the waves of generous goodness rise high in your heart until they're brimming over and flooding the countryside! Just a moment, you will love it…"

"NO!" the Zulkir screamed. "NO, NO, NO! No more! I can't take it!" His eyes burning feverishly he conjured up a large bag of gold coins and deposited it in the giant's hand. "Here! Take it! Now please leave me alone!" With that he slammed the door in the visitors' faces, and just barely had time to hear the elf's outraged cry of 'Hey! Doesn't _anybody_ notice me these days?'

Finally. Solitude. Serenity. Safety. The Zulkir sighed deeply as he slipped into the bath, tossing a large piece of chocolate into his mouth. Chocolate…that would help calm his nerves for certain. And the bubbles were still perfect. Miss Waterdeep was long gone, but all the misses were parading around in bathing suits now and…

And then the Crystal Ball reception flickered and sparkled, and a face that definitely wasn't female appeared on the screen. "Greetings, Zulkir", Edwin Odesseiron said with a very unpleasant smirk on his face. "I trust I find you well? Enjoying your bath? Enjoying the wandering maniacs of scenic Athkatla?"

The Zulkir gasped and intended to cast a spell, but something was very wrong. It was suddenly difficult to move, and even to think.

"Of course", Edwin said, "there is the small detail that while you were occupied elsewhere a certain rare poison was slipped into your bath, one that partly paralyzes you and keeps you from spell-casting - unless you have taken the antidote of course. Have you taken the antidote? No? Such a shame. In that case I'm afraid you are about to learn just how dangerous falling asleep in your bath can be…I've been told that it should look very natural afterwards, the poison will evaporate shortly, leaving no trace behind. You _really_ shouldn't have tried to kill me you know. People who do that tend to regret it - if not for very long."

And then the Zulkir suddenly felt a pair of hands on his head, pressing him down, and as he tried to scream there were even more lovely bubbles. Not that he was in any condition to appreciate their fragile beauty, so reminiscent of that of a human life.

* * *

An hour or so later Laska and her friends were sitting at a table in the Copper Coronet, very pleased with their day so far. "Aye!" Korgan said. "This be a fine day! Gold, jewels, fancy pictures to sell…"

"We will not sell them, Korgan", Viconia patiently explained. "They are priceless masterpieces, they belong on our walls. Besides, they are certain to increase in value over time."

"Whatever", Laska said a little glumly, swallowing the last of her ale. "I still don't think it's fair that we had to go last. I wanted to terrorize the Zulkir too! Minsc took all the fun out of it…"

"Oh, I'm sure there are still a few wizards around to terrorize", Dekaras' voice said behind her. Laska did manage to keep from flinching, but she ground her teeth tightly. The assassin was walking up towards their table, Edwin trailing after him like a tame puppy, and he stopped a short distance away. "A very satisfactory arrangement", Dekaras said. "I must say, you are better at distraction maneuvers than I had dared to hope. I could have managed in a quarter of the time you bought me."

"We have kept our end of the bargain", Keldorn said. "Now what about the letter from our missing companion?"

"Imoen? Oh yes. I did promise that, didn't I?"

"If you made that whole story up…" Laska snarled.

Dekaras shook his head. "What a very suspicious mind you have", he said. "I like that. No, the letter is very real." Then he smirked at her. "When you get home, take a close look at your mailbox. Or rather, beneath it. The letter has been glued in place there all along. Safest place in the world for it, I knew you'd never search there."

The tattooed elf was quite beyond words now, and Minsc had to forcefully hold her back. "You…" she growled. "You…you sneaky…you mean we _didn't _have to go through all of that?"

Dekaras cocked his head to one side, giving her that infuriatingly non-noticing look once more. He was still looking very much amused. "A small jest, I much confess. Though it really cannot compare to the Icewind Dale entertainment. And now perhaps you will think twice before you attempt to bully my student again."

Dynaheir laughed then, a rich and happy laughter. "Oh, I must say that was really very entertaining, _fremya. _Whilst the two of you not join us? Let bygones be bygones?"

"Thank you, _serya_", the assassin said, bowing politely. "We are grateful for your kind invitation, but we really must be going. We have been away from home for too long already."

"Yes", Edwin agreed, pulling on his companion's sleeve. "Let's go home." He nodded briefly at Laska and her companions, and then turned to walk away. As he did, Laska could hear him speaking to the assassin, sounding very eager. "Did I tell you about those Cowled Wizards who terrorize all other magic users here, and who show up if you try to do some magic in the streets? Well, they probably carry all sorts of interesting magical scrolls and items, don't you think?"

The assassin put a companionable arm around the wizard's shoulder. "I'm sure they do, boy. I'm sure they do. What do you say to doing some…shopping…before heading east?"

Edwin smiled.

* * *

Once the adventurers got home Jan and Viconia immediately set to work removing the letter they discovered glued to the underside of the mailbox, just where Dekaras had promised they'd find it. Laska paid them no attention however. She was far too preoccupied with the beautiful sight that awaited her on the stairs of the mansion, in the form of a red-haired half-elf. "Laska!" Rose cried out, and then threw herself into the elf's arms, and Laska simply held her, breathing in the sweet scent that was so uniquely Rose. "Whatever have you been up to while I was at that boring seminar?" Rose asked and playfully kissed her lover's nose.

"Oh, this and that", Laska said with a big smile. "I'll tell you all about it later." Then she suddenly paused and took a step backwards. "Rose? Take a look at me, would you? Do you…notice something?"

The half-elf looked a little puzzled, but she obliged. "Is something wrong?" she asked. "You certainly _look_ just as beautiful as I remember you." The appreciative warmth in her eyes spoke louder than words.

"Thank the gods", Laska muttered before she embraced her lover again. "It's still working after all…"

hr


	53. Walk of Life

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 53: Walk of Life_

Laska lay in her bed, staring at the ceiling. Outside, the first birds were tweeting while the sun was starting to rise; it was five in the morning, far too early to get up. Laska sighed; she felt tired and figured she only had maybe an hour or two of sleep tonight. That would make it nights in a row.

Staring open-eyed at the ceiling of her bedroom, she spent some time counting the little bumps in the plaster. Eventually, against her better judgment, she decided she just had to look one more time.

Shifting on her side, she carefully opened the drawer of her nightstand and pulled out the letter the assassin Dekaras had so conveniently glued to the bottom of the letter box. This would be the twelfth time she would read it. Gently, she removed the parchment from the envelope and glanced at Imoen's delicate calligraphy.

_'Dear, lovely, gorgeous, kind and sugar sweet sister Laska,_

_Okay, now that I've made you gag, it's time to get started on this letter, don't you think? _

_First of all, I'm fine... Really, I'm fine... Wish you were here._

_Geez, that's a really lame beginning for a letter, isn't it? Well, I'm here at a place called the Asylum, a house for the 'magically deviant', as those Cowlies are so fond of saying. It's not as bad as it sounds, though. I can still train magicks and I've even learned a lot of new spells! Also, you'll be glad to know my cooking-skills have improved as well. There's an elven mage called Dradeel who's been a great teacher for me in both fields. But this could have been Elysium itself, and I'd still feel trapped and lonely. I miss you, sis, and all our friends. Please come to get me quickly!_

_How did I sent you this letter? Well, I made a friend among the Cowled Wizards here. And before you start singing 'Immy has a boyfriend' over and over again in front of the entire gathered keep, no, he's just a friend! He agreed to smuggle out this letter and give it to you._

_Irenicus... he's here too... He's safely locked away, though, in the deepest dungeon of this place. But even though everybody keeps saying he'll never get to me, it's very scary to know that he might be walking around under my feet as I write this letter._

_I'm fine, Laska... But please, please... Come and get me quickly. You know I don't like to cooped up in the same place for so long, and I can only take my sanity-test if I've been here for six months at least..._

_I love you, sis,_

_Imoen'_

"Godsdammit," Laska grit her teeth and tossed the letter back into the drawer. She lay on her back, once again staring at the ceiling, when she heard Rose stir next to her.

"Laska," Rose spoke with a groggy voice and softly caressed Laska's cheek with the back of her hand. "Don't torture yourself like this..."

"They put her in an asylum, Rose," Laska replied, closing her eyes while her lover tried to comfort her by kissing her shoulder. "How can I _not_ be upset?!"

"Calm down, love," Rose stressed again, reminding Laska of what had happened when the elf first read the letter. How she wanted to storm the Government Building and kill every wizard in her path until they would consent to freeing Imoen. It had taken the collective strength of Keldorn, Minsc and Korgan to keep her from running out the door, combined with the reasoning power of Viconia and Dynaheir. Of course, Jan offering to sell tickets to onlookers to make a fortune did not help one bit.

Finally, it were Rose, Risa and Becky who managed to calm down the stricken elf. But Laska hadn't been the same since the event.

"You really should eat something today," Rose tried.

"How can I eat? How can I sleep in this soft bed with you?" Laska muttered in her pillow after rolling on her side to face away from her girlfriend. "Look at this great house we have. Back in Baldur's Gate after killing Sarevok, the six of us were talking about buying a house there. We even viewed a couple of houses, and if we actually stayed we might have ended up living in the old Iron Throne building. Now that we finally have this great place of our own... dammit, Imoen should be here to enjoy it too!"

Thunk, was the sound of Laska's fist colliding with the headboard.

"Hey, she told you herself that she is fine," Rose said, pressing her cheek against that of her lover. "You won't help anyone by starving yourself. And the house will still be here after she's been rescued."

"We need more money, first," Laska muttered. Frustratingly enough, there hadn't been any jobs coming their way the past couple of days. She didn't think it'd be so hard to find good adventuring work in as big a city as this.

"Didn't you check the bounty board yesterday?" Rose asked.

"Slim pickings," Laska shrugged. "Small jobs, minor bounties or long-term guarding jobs with no reward in sight for month. Nothing above a hundred coins. Mostly it's stuff for starting adventurers."

Laska pulled from Rose's embrace with a frustrated growl and slipped out of bed, not bothering to cover herself. "Godsdammit, I'm almost wishing for an orc invasion right now, that would rack up some coins. I have to do some work-out," she bluntly stated. "Irenicus is there too... If I am to kill the bugger, I need every ounce of strength I can get."

"Okay," Rose replied, slipping out of bed as well and donning a robe. "I'll bring you some food later." she smiled sadly as she opened the door and slipped into the dining-hall. In the meantime, the tattooed elf stepped over to a metal bar fastened to the wall, flexed her slight musculature and jumped up, grabbing the bar. Her own weight was slight, but just enough to secure a good work-out. Hanging from the bar, she pulled herself up and let her self fall down, her thoughts drifting to the past.

* * *

_Raising her sword, the fierce elven warrior attacked the orcish overlord with fervor. The overlord was bigger, stronger and breathed flames taller than she herself was! But the elven warrior princess never faltered, and stabbed, cut, parried and finally slammed her sword into the belly of the creature, making his last night's dinner of pea-and-carrot-soup spill all over the floor!_

_"Who are you fighting?" the elven warrior princess heard a light giggle from behind, disturbing her illusion. "And why is your sword made of wood?"_

_The lean and tall elven girl, fourteen years of age, glanced over to see her beloved foster-father Gorion standing there, as always with a ready smile. But there was someone else there. A tiny girl, about six years of age, was hiding behind Gorion's leg, sometimes peeking at her. She was a small girl, but very lean, and was wearing a constant smile on her cherubic little face while a shaggy mop of reddish hair graced the top of her head._

_"You have funny ears!" the girl finally managed to say._

_"This is Imoen," Gorion smiled. "And this is Laska. Laska, Imoen will be living with us from now on."_

_"Hi," Laska greeted, while Imoen slowly crept away from Gorion and stepped out into the open._

_"Be nice to her," Gorion said, having cast a spell so that he could choose if his speech could only be heard by elven ears. "She doesn't have any parents."_

_Laska nodded, while Imoen regarded the little wooden sword. "Hey," Laska spoke, "wanna be friends?"_

_"Sure!" Imoen giggled, while in the background, Ulraunt watched the two children with baleful eyes._

* * *

Laska chuckled in spite of herself. But she soon resumed her work-out.

* * *

_"Ooooh!" was the exclamation of both children as they glanced at their new room: the uppermost tower of Candlekeep. No more sleeping above the stables for either of them!_

_It was a large round room accessible from the top-floor of the citadel. Windows allowed a magnificent view of the citadel and the surrounding lands. It contained a stacked bunk, several dressers and toy chests, as well as a carpeted floor. A bookcase and two desks stood in one of the corners for studying... But studying was the last thing on their mind right now._

_"Look at that view!" Laska smiled._

_"Sure," Imoen replied, "rub it in that you see better than I do... But I CALL THE TOP BUNK!"_

_"What?!" Laska said, ripping herself away from the view. "But I wanted the top bunk!"_

_"Sorry, called it!" Imoen grinned._

_"But I wasn't ready!"_

_"Sorry, called it," Imoen retorted._

_"Oh... oh, yeah?!" Laska replied._

_"Yeah!"_

_"Well... you got stupid hair!" Laska retorted._

_"Oh, yeah?!" Imoen play-snarled, "well, you have stupid ears!"_

_"You have crooked teeth!"_

_"You walk like a duck!"_

_"You walk like mule!"_

_"You have stupid eyes!"_

_"Well, you have a FAT BUTT!"_

_"You have spindly arms!"_

_"Oh, yeah, well... well... well," Laska said, having trouble coming up with a suitable insult. "Well, you have spindly arms!"_

_"What?" Imoen chuckled. "Are you repeating everything I say now?" _

_"What?" Laska chuckled in return. "Are you repeating everything I say now?" _

_"That is SO lame," Imoen pouted._

_"That is SO lame," Laska pouted in retort._

_"Oh, well Laska is an idiot..." Imoen giggled._

_"Oh, well Laska is an idiot... HEY!" the elven girl replied sharply._

_"I got the top bunk!" Imoen giggled and jumped on top of the bed. "See? It's mine. I wouldn't be sitting on it if it wasn't mine," she said, crossing her arms smugly._

_"Hey!" Laska shouted and started pulling on Imoen's belt in an attempt to pull her down from the bunk._

_"OUCHIE!" Imoen suddenly shouted, and pulled her bleeding finger back from a nail sticking out of the sideboard. "I hurt myself," she sniffed._

_"It's okay," Laska said. "Hey, wait!" she smiled, then bit on her lip and pressed her finger against the nail until she drew blood as well. "Here," she said, took Imoen's bleeding finger and pressed her own against it. "Here," the elf smiled. "We are now sisters."_

_Imoen merely smiled, still sniffing._

_"And sisters gotta share everything!" Laska giggled._

_"I get the top bunk!"_

_"No, I get it!"_

_A few minutes later, Gorion entered the room carrying a tray with two glasses of cold lemonade. "Are you two kids settling in?"_

_He blinked once, twice, when he saw the two giggling girls wrestling each other on the floor. "Right, I'll put this down here and come back later._

* * *

Again, Laska chuckled as she continued her work-out. Gorion had finally settled the argument by decreeing they should switch bunks every month, though that didn't stop Imoen from constantly claiming the top bunk. Still, they had a lot of fun during their childhood.

* * *

_Swiftly and silently, Imoen crept up to the tincan standing in the garden in front of the library. This paladin, an escort to a visiting sage, had been waiting outside all day now, never taking off his full platemail. Inside Imoen's pouch was a stunned wasp, which she had captured only a few minutes ago using a blowpipe filled with insect repellant._

_Mister Tincan had been accusing Imoen and Laska of being 'foul and wicked creatures'. Their crime: giggling within earshot of a temple... As if a temple had ears!_

_In the meantime Laska was distracting the paladin by asking him all kind of questions about chastisement._

_"Well, the best way is to use a cat o'nine tails dipped in salty water. Agony ensures a cleansing of the soul, after all," the tincan was saying._

_Meanwhile, Imoen had crept up to the paladin and put the wasp near one of the seams of his armor. As expected, the cold steel awakened the wasp and it slowly crept through the seam. Giving Laska a thumbs up, Imoen quickly ran from the scene. Laska followed her, leaving a puzzled paladin behind._

_But soon enough, the fun began. While the girls were watching from behind a rosebush, the paladin suddenly twitched a leg. Then his arms... Then both his arms and legs. The paladin was suddenly prancing and flailing his limbs wildly, dancing through the garden like a lumbering oaf, only to end up lying on the floor unconscious after colliding with a tree with a resounding 'CLANK'._

_A monk who had witnessed the event ran towards the paladin and removed the helmet. A lone wasp came flying out and resumed its lazying about in the garden._

_In the meantime, the two girls were belly laughing and rolling on the floor... until they heard an 'ahum' from behind and saw Gorion looking down upon them._

* * *

Laska chuckled once more. Oh, they had gotten into so much trouble for that prank, but it was worth it... But there was a time they had gotten into more trouble even.

* * *

_"No running in the hallways!" a monk shouted after the two girls as they ran through the bookcases of Candlekeep, giggling all the way, disturbing the serenity of the Great Library._

_"TAG!" Laska shouted as she caught up with Imoen. "You're it!"_

_"No fair!" Imoen pouted as they stood between two stacks. "I have shorter legs that you have!"_

_"It's just a game, Im, and," but Laska caught on too late to Imoen's wicked scheme. Instead of pouting, the little rogue shot forward, intending to tag Laska once more. But she failed. Instead, Laska jumped away and collided with one of the stacks... which started to topple. It finally fell, dragging its neighbor with it. The stacks fell like domino stones, and in the end, while she dust settled, books, fallen stacks and stricken monks were all which was left._

_The two girls looked at each other for a moment. "RUN!" they shouted at the same time._

* * *

Laska laughed at the memory. It wasn't until much later that Laska learned that that little escapade almost got herself, Gorion and Imoen thrown out of Candlekeep altogether. A wonderful stroke of luck helped save them, however, since a few long-lost books were recovered from the piles, having slid behind stacks or fallen down between the stack and the wall. Still, Laska and Imoen had to replace every single book to their proper position, which had taken three months of hard work.

Laska raised her chin to the bar and lowered herself again without much effort. She had been doing this ever since she was old enough to hold a real sword and wear real armor. To the uninitiated, armor looks flexible and light, while in reality, it is heavy and cumbersome. Even the chainmail which Laska so praised had its full weight concentrated on the elf's shoulders, so without her great strength, she would not have been able to wear it for more than a few hours. At this point, a long day of travel or dungeon-romping, thus keeping on the chainmail for long periods of time, would not bother her in the slightest... but it had taken her years of practice and working-out to be able to do so.

* * *

_The little elf, now having grown quite a bit taller, staggered out of bed, feeling very much fortunate that she had been given the lower bunk today. Her head felt like it was about to split in two, and, when the morning sun hit her eyes, she just wanted to die on the spot. Clenching her eyes shut, she strolled over to the window, poked her head-out and let her long dark hair flap in the wind as she kept her eyes downcast. The fresh air did give her some comfort, though._

_From the groaning coming from the bunk behind her, it seemed her sister was in a similar state. Glancing down at the three empty bottles at her feet, she swiftly kicked one away in anger. Yesterday, Imoen had come back from her chores at Winthrop's Inn and after liberating several bottles of Evermead from the Inn's stores. They had wanted to find out why the grown-ups liked this stuff so much. _

_And they did... The drink tasted better and better as time past and... things got a little hazy after that._

_"Gods, this hurts," Imoen muttered into this pillow._

_"I am," Laska started, "NEVER touching that shit EVER again!"_

* * *

'_Of course, that's not how it turned out_,' Laska thought to herself with a sardonic grin as she continued her work-out. '_Hmmm, I could use a sip right about now_,' she concluded, but was unwilling to break off her work-out.

* * *

_"Errrm, Corellon? Err, hi!" Laska muttered semi-reverently as she was kneeling on top of a grassy knoll in the garden, a few hours before the keep would be bustling with life. "This is, ummm, my first prayer... ever, and, well, seeing as you're supposed to be the god of elves and all, I was wondering if you could, you know? Help me out and stuff..."_

_Laska shifted uncomfortably, hoping she would not been seen or heard by anyone. "Well, Corellon, I, well, it's like this you see... Errr, let me just put it... bluntly... Corellon, I really, really, REALLY want breasts!"_

_Sighing now that her wish was finally out, she shifted again and continued chatting to the God of all elves. "I mean, my sister is already starting to develop curves and I'm still as flat as a pancake. And I'm nineteen years old and she is only twelve! Shouldn't I have at least something too by now? Err, well, Corellon, I have some coins here. There are twelve, you can count them if you want. They're all yours if you help me out... I could have had more if I hadn't lost that bet with Imoen about how many sling-bullets I could put in my mouth... Errr, thanks," Laska concluded, bowing to the grassy knoll and leaving the coins there for the god of the elves._

* * *

'Well, it worked,' Laska smiled as she looked down at her impressive physique. Only a few weeks later, Laska's body had started to blossom into womanhood, but whether it was because of the prayer or not, she never found out. In fact, after reading more and more about elves and their customs, it had become more and more apparent that there was something deeply wrong with her. She has been physically maturing about ten years ahead of time, though she did not know it then. But nothing made that so apparent as that fateful day at the mage's study hall.

* * *

_"It's_ not _doing anything!" Laska snarled as she glanced at the glass ball in front of her. "Not a bloody thing!" Laska screeched._

_But next to her, Imoen had been staring intently at her glass ball, giggling whenever the ball turned a different color._

_Gorion, in the meantime, was sitting opposite to the girls as they performed a simple test to determine magical aptitude. The objective was to simply gaze into the ball to see if there was any innate talent for the Arts Magicka. Glancing next to her, Laska almost turned green in envy when Imoen was already showing great promise. Not only was she able to make the magically sensitive object glow with color, but she could also change the color of the ball at will. But her own ball wasn't doing anything. Nothing... It just sat there as useless glass ball..._

_"This stupid ball is broken," Laska finally concluded._

_"No, it isn't" Imoen said cheerfully, not realizing her sister's distress, and glanced at Laska's ball, making it glow as well._

_"Why won't it work for_ me_?!" the young elf snarled in utter frustration._

_Gorion stared at Laska with deep concern. Unbeknowst by the Laska, he knew of the taint inside of the young elf, of the hole in her elven spirit. But he never would have suspected her to have no control of magic at all because of this. An elf, a creature born from magic, should have been able to make the magical orb glow with a simple glance. Also, considering the Leafwalkers were a family of strong female mages, there should be at least a small reaction even if there was no talent. However, it would do absolutely nothing for Laska. Despite her rich magical family-history, Laska was not able to control the flow of magic in and around her body, not even instinctively._

_Gorion was interrupted from his musings by the sound of glass shattering against the stone wall of the keep, while the young elf strode away from the table where they were sitting, shouting: 'What the bloody hell is wrong with me?!' as she walked away._

_Gorion sighed. The aged sage had been noticing the mounting frustration within the young elf for the past year. And he knew that such frustrations would lead a person to... take the simplest path in life. Something that wasn't an option for Laska, if she was to survive the coming turmoil. _

_He decided she needed someone of her own race to talk to... Being the lone elf in Candlekeep must have been very difficult until this point. It was time for him to contact the Harpers._

* * *

_'Stupid magic-test'_ Laska thought wryly. '_Well, who needs magic anyway. There's nothing that can defeat a good sword. I'd like to see a wizard casting a spell while my sword it sticking though his ribcage. Who needs that stupid magic anyway_,' she sighed bitterly and continued her work-out.

* * *

_Imoen skipped a stone across the surface of the pond in front of the garden as the first rays of the sun reached the towers of Candlekeep. Ever since this Anadielle Silverleaf had come to Candlekeep six months ago, she felt she had been losing her best friend and sister. Laska was mostly too busy to hang out with her and spent way too much time with this strange elf. Anadielle had been introducing Laska to elven literature, helped her to better grasp the elven tongue and had been regaling her with all manner of elven lore. And, unfortunately, Laska was loving every minute of it... And the young elf rarely had time to even talk to her anymore._

_Imoen found the whole affair rather suspicious. Gorion had told her the elven lady, a Bladesinger from Silverymoon, had come to study texts on the ruin of Myth Drannor, but Imoen had never seen the elven lady actually_ enter _the library. Mostly, when she wasn't hanging around Laska, she stayed inside of the Inn._

_Now, she was giving Laska sword-fighting lessons and even went as far as teaching her Bladesinger moves. Anadielle and Laska took long and arduous nature-hikes outside of Candlekeep... and no matter how much Imoen wanted to go with them, Anadielle would not allow it._

_But, at least Anadielle would be leaving... Laska would return from the hike alone today._

_And she did. Two hours later, well into the morn, the portcullis of the main gate opened, and in strolled Laska. Imoen had half expected Laska to be very sad, but for some reason, the young elf seemed to be walking on air, smiling contently._

_"Hi!" Imoen greeted._

_"Immy," Laska said, unexpectedly embracing the young human. "I've missed you..."_

_"Really?" Imoen replied. "Is Anadielle?"_

_"Gone," Laska sighed. "She told me she had taught me all she could teach me, and that it was time to go..."_

_"Hey, Las," Imoen asked. "Wanna hang?"_

_"Sure."_

* * *

Laska's thoughts drifted to Anadielle, to her kind piercing green eyes and her ready smile. She had never seen or heard from her again, and probably never would, but she would always remember her fondly. Her teacher, her friend, the person who taught her what it is like to be an elf.

By now, Laska's work-out was taking its toll. Beads of sweat ran across her face and her entire body glistened in the sunlight as her tiring body responded to the elf's devotion to honing her skills.

* * *

_Imoen hid in a dark corner of the inn. It was late at night, and most of the patrons, including Winthrop, had already turned in for the night. She had been woken up by Laska slipping from the top bunk and leaving their room silently. Imoen would never have woken up, if the elf hadn't tripped over an old teddybear and cursed softly, yet loudly enough to wake her sister._

_Imoen had followed her sister in the darkness, and she went into the inn and up the stairs. And, right now, Imoen was debating whether she should follow or not. Eventually, though, curiosity put too much pressure on the young rogue to resist. Imoen crept through the shadows and went upstairs._

_The top floor was dark, for the most part, though the flicker of a candle could be seen through the cracks under one of the doors. Approaching this door, she could already hear the labored breaths of two people. Gazing through the keyhole, Imoen saw her sister and one of the half-elven guards of a visiting sorcerer... in bed... and neither of them was wearing any clothes._

_As soon as Imoen realized just what exactly was going on, her mouth formed a perfect round circle of surprise... and she sped down the stairs._

_Tired, but pleased, Laska slipped out of the room, adjusted her clothing a bit and ran her hands through her disheveled hair. Whistling a tune, the elf slowly strolled down the stairs... and was greeted with a gentle sobbing. The source was sitting under the staircase, hugging her knees as she cried._

_"Imoen?" Laska asked._

_"You're getting married now," Imoen sniffed. "You're getting married now and you'll leave me here all alone."_

_"What?!" the elf exclaimed. "What are you blathering on about?"_

_"I saw you... and him... and the couples who do that in the romance-novels always got married..." Imoen sniffed. "He'll press you against his wet, manly chest, and sail off with you on wild pirating adventures..."_

_Laska smiled... A smile turned into a chuckle. A chuckle turned into a laugh. A laugh turned into an elf rolling on the floor in sharp laughter._

_"What... what's so funny?" Imoen sniffed._

_"Oh, Immy," Laska said, raising herself from the floor. "I really should have a little 'Talk' with you about this stuff. I'm not getting married. And I'm not going anywhere."_

_"The Talk?" Imoen nodded._

_"Yeah, know... The Talk about... stuff..."_

_"So..." Imoen said, looking Laska straight in the eyes as the light of the moon illuminated the inn through one of the upper windows, "you're not going to marry him?"_

_"Absolutely not!" Laska grinned. "I was just having a little fun..."_

_"Fun?"_

_"Yeah, fun... this wasn't my first time, you know?" the elf grinned. "But don't let me catch you doing this, Immy... I can't get pregnant for another eighty years, but _you_ on the other hand..." the elf warned._

_"But... not the first time? How long have been sneaking out of our room?" Imoen asked with increased suspicion._

_"Since..." Laska smiled. "Since Anadielle... Let's that say that, during the final night of her stay, we didn't just gaze at the stars during the night..."_

_"What?!" Imoen's eyes grew wide. "Ooooohhhh. So, _that's _why I've seen so little of you when she was here," she said then smacked Laska on the shoulder. "Shame on you for not sharing the gossip with your poor sister! How does that go anyway?"_

_"Pretty well enough," the elf replied as she gazed at the moon through the window with a half-smile._

_"Did you love her?" Imoen asked. "Did ya? Huh?" she patted Laska's shoulder again. "Com'on! Share!"_

_"No," Laska replied. "At least, I don't think so... Besides, I_ never _want to fall in love and I'll never will!"_

_"Betcha ten gold you'll fall in love one day," Imoen said with a ready smile._

_"Done!" Laska smiled. "But it will never happen!"_

* * *

"Love?" sounded the voice of Rose as Laska opened her eyes. The beautiful half-elf was standing in front of her, carrying a tray filled with fresh rye bread and honeyed tea.

'Well, that's ten coins earned for you, Immy,' Laska chuckled inwardly.

"Eat," was Rose's simple command as she put the tray on a nearby table and strolled back to the exercising elf.

"When my work-out is finished, Rose," Laska replied softly as she continued raising her sweaty body up and down.

Rose was unrelenting, however, and placed her hands on her hips in a defiant gesture. "Tell you what," she smiled. "If I can get you down from there, you'll eat the entire tray."

Thinking victory to be easy, Laska complied with a grin. "Deal."

Immediately, Rose removed two chainmail boots from the dresser and quickly slipped them on Laska's feet, strapping them carefully in place.

In a taunting fashion, Laska increased the pace of her work-out. "No sweat."

"I beg to differ," Rose said and ran her hand over Laska's glistening bicep. Without warning, the half-elf jumped on her back and clasped her arms around her neck, just above the shoulders. "How's that?" the half-elf chuckled.

"You're feather-light," Laska grinned and continued her work-out.

Then, Rose started to kiss the elf's neck, slowly moving up to her ear.

"This... isn't... doing... a... thing," the elf gasped under the erotic onslaught, having to give up her work-out completely, just barely being able to hang on to the metal bar.

Rose grinned and continued, but just as she had started nibbling on the elf's earlobe, both lovers dropped to the floor. While both laughing lovers lay in a confused heap, Rose untangled herself and picked up the tray.

"Eat," she smiled. "You won't do yourself, your friends or Imoen any good by starving yourself..."

"Yes, ma'am," Laska chuckled, picked herself up from the floor and popped a piece of fresh ryebread in her mouth... She concluded she _was_ actually quite hungry, finished the meal in record time, wrapped a robe around her body and went to see if there were any extras in the kitchen.


	54. Chicks and stuff

Some, ahum, guest stars in this chapter. The reason for the title will become apparent. :)

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 54: Chicks and stuff_

The sound of a crash in the kitchen, which was right next to Viconia's room, caused the drow to start awake at an hour which she determined was still too early. The drow's sensitive ears picked up foul curses coming from Laska as she had apparently hit her knee against the leg of the table.

Viconia sighed heavily and stared at the ceiling for a moment. She felt something warm and heavy lying on the foot-end of the bed. Looking down revealed Khittix, whom had left his basket at the fireplace and had parked himself to sleep on Viconia's bed. Viconia was in no mood to correct her loyal spider, however, so she let it be.

She didn't feel like sleeping anymore, so she settled for looking around her room. With all the new artworks she had 'liberated' from the Zulkir, her room was once again getting a bit full. She'd have to redecorate again soonish, as the artworks tended to drown each other out; she'd pick the nicest ones and spread the other ones around throughout the house. She'd teach those uncouth louts she called friends the finer points of culture yet!

After working out a new room-layout in her head for a few minutes, she lay back and relaxed in her soft bed. Oh yes, she had done quite well for herself on the surface. Certainly there had been ups and downs, but if this spacious and comfortable room in this luxurious house was any indication, there were great things ahead.

It was hard to imagine that she had been on the run for almost seventy years before she came to the surface.

The first few years after fleeing from her home city were the hardest. She was, in fact, hunted by house DeVir. The DeVirs from Menzoberranzan were only a branch of the DeVir family; being a succesful trading house, DeVir had branches in almost every major Drow city like many other of the great houses. The problem with this was that Viconia was the direct cause of Menzoberranzan DeVirs losing favor with Lolth by her disobedience and contributing greatly to the fall of house De'Vir by the hands of Do'Urden by critically injuring her mother during her escape. As such Viconia was a source of considerable embarrassment to her kin.

Some of her surviving sisters found protection among powerful groups, but Viconia could afford none. House DeVir was quite wealthy, so price on her head was quite high. High enough to not trust any group with her protection. She was on her own and she had no longer the powers of a priestess which she had relied upon for so long. She had only her wit and her will to survive.

Viconia moved from village to village, enclave to enclave, surrounded and run by commoner drow. She never stayed anywhere for long, mostly because even though exiled, she still had the behavior and arrogance of a privileged noble. Which was exactly why these commoners moved away from the safety of the big cities into the wilds of the Underdark in the first place. Eventually, she was either cast out when the commoners lost their patience with her or forced to flee when found by bounty hunters. It was how Viconia had learned the value of keeping her identity hidden.

So she moved and moved and moved, eking out a meager living doing menial jobs here and there. Her trading skills came to good use, as she was often able to sell any salvage for reasonably high prices; even at a disadvantage, she was not one to be exploited. Her sharp tongue and sharp wit served her well.

The place she had stayed the longest, for a period of almost thirty years, was a small fishing community on the banks of a huge underground lake. She was determined not to be cast out of this one – the village was remote. She found the commoners friendly and Viconia was hired on with the one and only local fishery. She quickly picked up the art of casting nets.

Though she seemed content with this life for a while, she had quickly learned a truth of about herself: even though she knew better than to break her low-profile, there was a hunger within her for power, wealth and influence.

In retrospect, she knew Beregost probably wouldn't have lasted. Even if she hadn't been abused by her disgusting neighbors, she knew in her heart that she would never have been content with her hovel and her pig farming. Eventually, she would have tried to influence Beregost leadership and attempt to take over control of the entire town.

As it was in the village, she had found the attention of several males and, more importantly, the affection of the community leader and owner of the fishery – a tall muscular female some two hundreds years her senior. Quintala was an odd sort; a mercenary whom had seen plenty of war and had turned away from it to find a more peaceful existence. Viconia shared her bed with ever growing frequency and influenced her on bettering trade.

Quintala was a wonderful community leader and an even better fisherwoman, but trade simply wasn't her thing. And it showed – the produce was sold for much lower that it should be, and the community could be much wealthier if proper trade relations had been made. Viconia started to facilitate these by starting trade missions with other nearby communities further inland. Trade flourished, and the village grew in wealth and size.

It was foolish in retrospect; trade opportunities attracted DeVirs like a cowpat did flies. It was only a matter of time before house DeVir discovered her. Quintala had quite bashfully asked Viconia to become her bondmate. Being ever the opportunist, Viconia had accepted – it would solidify her position in the village if she were the leader's mate. On the eve of the celebration proceeding the signing of their bonding contract, the village was assaulted.

The villagers, friendly as they were, turned Viconia over to the DeVirs against Quintala's wishes. The drow could not blame them as there was no way they could have stand up against the cannons of a DeVir merchantman.

Thankfully for her, house DeVir was rife with cheaply hired and easily seduced male guards and stupid ship-designers who placed the gunpowder room right next to the holding cells. Viconia hit the water the moment the ship exploded, leaving no survivors.

The village and her identity were safe, but she knew she could not stay. If another merchantman would come, they would turn her over immediately just like last time. She could still see the tears in Quintala's eyes when she asked Viconia to stay. Viconia refused; she had to move on to remain hidden. It had taken Viconia years to understand that Quintala really did love her. Still, it had been something Viconia could not return not at that point of her life, if ever. Quintala had been a means to an end; nothing more, nothing less.

Surface was her last refuge, though it had been an ordeal at first. She remembered running through the rain, this baffling falling water from the ceilingless sky. At the time, she wondered what magic could have conjured it? Where had it come from?

There had definitely been downsides, but the surface had been rife with opportunity. She had never been as wealthy or powerful and, more importantly, free as she was now. Free from the vagaries of house and Matron, she could carve her own destiny now. Her life was hers and hers alone.

Now if only that damn elf in the kitchen would be a little more quiet this morning, everything would be perfect.

* * *

Having wrapped a robe around her body, the tattooed elf emerged from the kitchen with a stack of ryebread on a plate and a pitcher of warm tea. Glancing around the spacious main-room, she noticed she and Rose were not the only ones already up. Jan was sitting at the dinner-table already, eating from a stack of breakfast-turnips. Despite her better judgment, she sat herself down at the table opposite to Jan.

"Well, good morning, sunshine," Jan greeted cheerfully. "I see you're the first one up... Well, not exactly. Dynaheir and Minsc were up really early, Korgan never came home, so... I guess you aren't the first one up after all. Hm, fancy that. Oh, and Vicky popped her head out of her room, but she just muttered 'I'm going back to bed' when she saw me sitting here. Guess she was still tired."

"Really?" Laska chuckled and poured herself some tea. "I wonder why..."

A few moments later, the front door opened, revealing a rather disappointed looking Minsc and Dynaheir. Luckily, they perked up when they saw something resembling breakfast on the table.

"Good morning. Where have you guys gone so early?" Laska asked.

"Minsc and Boo and Dynaheir have been to the bounty board already," Minsc announced proudly, but his face soon fell. "There was not any work to be found for heroes of hardy stock such as us."

Laska growled slightly. "Dammit, where did all the adventures go?"

"I actually have a theory on that," stated Dynaheir. "There has been a steep drop-off in adventuring work ever since the death of Firkraag. I presume that dragon has had his hand, or rather, claw in manipulating the entire region for his own amusement. Pitting groups against each other for his amusement. Paying orcs to occupy a mine and then hiring adventurers to clean out the mine, for example. Now that he's no longer doing that, it might take a while for the adventuring market to fully recover."

Laska snarled and turned to the dragon trophy hanging over the fireplace. "Great, this is all your fault!" she hurled at the dragon. Firkraag, being dead, did not immediately respond to this accusation.

"Not to worry," Minsc said. "Minsc and Boo rescued a kitten from a tree for a little girl on the way home!"

"Any rewards?" Laska asked.

"Confirmation that we are still good and kindly hero! Also, this lemony lollipop!"

"Only licked twice," Dynaheir added with a sigh. "However, I did pick up this notice from the bounty board. It was the highest paying one and I didn't see it posted yesterday so it's quite new."

Laska took the notice and read it. Then read it again. Then glared at Dynaheir. "You can't be serious."

"It's five hundred gold," Dynaheir shrugged.

* * *

With Jan in tow, Laska and Viconia (the drow drew the shortest straw) made their way to the upper class Jewel hotel in the Gem District where they would do their epic quest; to capture two flamingo's.

The hotel had hired the two flamingo's for a theme month and it was time to return the flamingo's to the pet rental shop. However, the staff had had some trouble actually capturing them, seeing as the birds startled easy and their legs were so delicate that they would break easily if they would just snatch up the birds after a chase.

And so Laska and Viconia were to capture the birds. But first they had to inch towards the two flamingo's. Slowly, ever so slowly, Laska and Viconia were shuffling sideways towards the flamingo enclosure while Jan (currently sleeping) was waiting near the door with the cage.

"Gods, why are we doing this?" Laska whispered in a tone only elves could hear.

"Five hundred gold," Viconia whispered back.

"So bloody boring," Laska hissed.

"Careful, they're getting suspicious again!" Viconia replied. "Retract your leg!"

Laska groaned as she did so. Once again, the two elves stood balancing on one leg while making weird motions with their heads to placate the two flamingo's. Meanwhile, the hotel guests were still entering the building.

"Mommy?" asked a young boy as he and his mom passed the two women. "What are those two elf ladies doing?"

"Don't talk to the beggars, son!" the mother said before tossing a coin in front of their feet and moving up to her room.

Laska bit her lip. "Is it safe to move yet?"

"You're supposed to be the one connected with nature. You tell me," Viconia replied. "Still you have to wonder what those two flamingo's are thinking."

"They're probably thinking 'what the hell are those two dumbasses standing there on one leg for?' or something along those lines," Laska whispered back.

"Remember, don't get cocky," Viconia said. "We have to grab them at the same time and mind the legs! If one of them tries to run and we screw up by breaking their legs, we won't get paid."

"Can't you heal them?"

"I refuse to heal birds. Especially silly looking pink ones."

"Ugh," Laska already felt her mind drifting miles away from the boring flamingo's, and back to her earlier thoughts of this morning. Memories of Imoen.

* * *

_"So, uuuhh," a very red-faced Imoen spoke as her sister finally finished the 'Talk' she has been having with her for the past hour. This would be the last of her endless questions, "what if, you know, the woman and the man are, errr, doing it and it's over, then there's the chance you're having a baby?"_

_"Yes," Laska sighed as they both sat on the top bunk while the evening was falling outside. "I thought we established that in the first sentence."_

_"You did but..."_

_"Look," the elf sighed. It was difficult to break through years of indoctrination by crappy romance novels, but it seemed Laska had finally managed to sever the link between lovemaking and piracy. "It depends on races and race combinations, but humans are most likely to conceive. I've brought you some things to take a look at..." the elf said and took out some spell-scrolls._

_"What are these?" Imoen asked._

_"Well, these are easy-to-read spell scrolls you can buy in every magic shop and temple, and priestesses of Sune give these away for free. The magic's in the paper, so even I can use this whenever I need to. This one," Laska said, giving Imoen a blue paper, "prevents conception for twenty-four hours. This red one is a preventive disease-cure. I don't these because I'm an elf, but it's supposedly really good for humans. Just cast before the act and you're set. Now, this third one is the most important one, the morning-after scroll. You use this when you've forgotten the first scroll and it cures any diseases you might have picked up too. And then there's this..."_

_"But that's your sword," Imoen replied quizzically._

_"Yes, this is my cure for any man who impregnates my sister!" Laska grinned, making Imoen giggle uncomfortably. "In the meantime, take a look at this. It'll give you a pretty good idea of what's possible."_

_Imoen took the thick, large book and almost dropped it because of its weight. "What's this? 'Abstinence and chastisement? A guide to a pure life and state of being, by Sir Horrendously Virginal'?"_

_"Open it," Laska grinned. "I got a lot of... useful tips from that book..."_

_Imoen complied and opened the book. All the pages were glued together, and, in the middle of the book was a large cut-out, in which another, smaller book rested. Taking out the small book and tossing the large one, the perky rogue read the title. "'Excess and pleasures. A guide to eroticism in the service of Sune, by Lady Scrumptious'." Opening the book, she flipped through a few pages, and immediately, her very face, possibly to the very top of her head, turned bright red._

_"Oh, my gods!" Imoen squealed and showed Laska the page and illustrative picture._

_"Oh, yeah," Laska smiled knowingly. "That's a good one..."_

_"You've _done _this?" Imoen looked horrified._

_"Sure, why not?" the elf chuckled. "I'm dexterous enough for it... And so are you. Give it a try sometimes..."_

_"I don't think so!" Imoen chuckled. "But... why does the guy in the picture have three legs?"_

_The elf took the book, shifted on the bunk bed and glanced at the picture. "Well, ermmm, that's not exactly his leg..."_

_"Oh," Imoen said and concluded with a long, "Eeeeeeeeewwwwww..." Finally, she put the book back in its resting-place and faced the elf again..."_

_"So that's basically it," Laska smiled. "And without a doubt I can tell you that 'Having it Off' is a wonderful thing."_

_"I thought it was called 'Making Love'," Imoen chuckled._

_"Oh, it all goes..." the elf smiled._

_"So..." Imoen said, hugging her pillow as her cheeks once again burned bright-red, "eemmm, so... so... what's it like doing it with another woman?"_

_"Huh?"_

_"You know, all what you've been telling me about is about sex with men, not with other women," Imoen said curiously. "What's that like?"_

_"Well, its... different, I suppose," Laska replied._

_"Different?"_

_"I can't really explain it. It's just different," the elf replied. _

_"Really?" Imoen smiled._

_"Well, I've only been with one so far, but I'm pretty sure..." Laska smiled absentmindedly._

_"Soooooo," Imoen replied, her eyes locked on to Laska's. "This chat was very clear, but where do those birds and those bees I've been hearing about fit in..."_

_Upon hearing this, Laska groaned loudly and prepared to take it from the top again... when she was suddenly hit in the face with a pillow. Opening her eyes revealed a quirky smiling Imoen._

_"Of course, you know that this means WAR!" Laska grinned and grabbed her own pillow from the bottom bunk._

* * *

_"TWANG!" Sounded through the courtyard as Imoen's arrow hit her mark... the middle of the target about one hundred meters away from her._

_"Bull's eye!" Laska grinned, her sharp eyes already revealing what Imoen had trouble with seeing in the distance._

_"YESSSSS!" Imoen threw her arms in the air, clasping her short bow and let herself slide over the grass on her knees. "I RULE! I RULE! FEEL THE PAIN!"_

_"It's dead wood," the elf standing at her side grinned. "I don't think it feels pain anymore."_

_"Don't make fun!" Imoen mock-snarled and then directed her ire at the target. "Try taunting and walking about with an arrow in your brain, stupid target!"_

_"We should be calling you 'Dead-Eye Imoen' soon," Laska chuckled. "You are deadly with that thing. Even hit a better spot than I did with my throwing daggers."_

_"Jealous?" Imoen gloated, shooting her taller sister a cheeky grin._

_"Hardly," the elf chuckled. "My arm's still hurting from yesterday," she said, rubbing her arm where yesterday's sparring partner had sliced through it on the side, creating a very deep gash. The wound was all healed now, but a wound which had exposed bone was bound to generate stabs of pain until at least the end of the week. It was an important lesson to the elf, who now knew to watch her right-flank more carefully. Unfortunately, her right arm was her throwing arm._

_"You're jealous," Imoen chuckled and cocked her bow for the second time. Only mere seconds later, another arrow shot through the air and ended up right next to the other arrow._

_"WOOHOOOOOO!" Imoen shouted, making a little jump out of joy. Immediately, she started to notch an arrow for the third time. _

_"Speaking of 'woohoos'," Laska grinned. "How did your date go last night?"_

_Imoen fumbled and her arrow shot through the air, this time landing in the wall, way off target. Imoen had been quite taken with a visiting bard, who had come to Candlekeep to study ancient legends. Imoen had been smitten from the moment she had laid eyes on her bard and finally staring from a distance had turned into conversation, which eventually turned into a date._

_"So," Laska grinned. "Did you do it?"_

_"Nah," Imoen replied sheepishly._

_"What?!" Laska offered. "Why not? It's guiltless. You'll never see that bard again when the week is done..."_

_"That's just it," Imoen blushed. "I... I don't think I can do that, you know. Not as easily as you can... I just like to have, you know, some romance and all that... Not pirate adventures, but a little kissing, hugging and holding and stuff like that..."_

_"It's okay," Laska smiled and ruffled Imoen's reddish-brown hair._

_"We did kiss, though," Imoen smiled smugly._

_"Oh?" Laska said with a sly grin. "Share..."_

_"It kinda started out like kissing a wet fish," Imoen smiled and blushed a little, "but it got real nice after that. Really nice."_

_"Kinky girl!" Laska chuckled and put her arms to her sides. "How else would you know what kissing a wet fish is like?"_

_"I dunno," Imoen sighed, "I just felt that way... at first. But then," Imoen smiled dreamily._

_"Stop drooling and shoot your arrows," Laska chuckled._

_"You're just jealous," Imoen stuck out her tongue, and fired a forth time... Bull's eye._

* * *

About three hours later, Laska, Viconia and Jan returned to the house in a less than stellar mood. Laska's nose was covered by a huge bandage, a fact which neither Jan nor Viconia were quick to point out. However, Rose walked up to her with concern in her eyes.

"Laska, what happened to you?" she asked while guiding her to the couch. "You're covered with bites!"

"Flamingo's happened to me," Laska replied in a nasal voice due to the bandage. "Those aren't bites, those are pecks."

Viconia snickered for a moment. "Laska was so focused on the legs that she forgot about the long necks those birds have. Let's just say her flamingo wasn't happy about being grabbed. It didn't help that Jan fell asleep next to the case and didn't open the door."

"I already apologized for that," Jan said. "What do you want more? Flowers? And, hey, we did make five hundred gold."

"I'll just go take a bath in a moment," Laska said before hurrying into her bedroom. A few moments later, she came out again wearing a bathrobe.

"Poor baby. Oh, before you go and take a bath, I've taken the liberty to gather the mail," Rose said while planting kiss on her lover's forehead. "There's this one letter that looks very important, though."

Her curiosity piqued, and having plenty of time while the bath was running, the tattooed elf calmly took the letter, which was stamped with the letters 'URGENT! ATHKATLAN LEGAL DOCUMENT. DO NOT BEND' and opened it.

After reading the first line, she sighed heavily. "Oh, bugger me! Can this day get any worse?"

* * *

"Ah, Keldorn!" Sir Ryan Trawl greeted happily as the two veteran knights met near the entrance of the Order guildhall.

"Ryan," Keldorn smiled. "You wanted to see me?"

"Yes, well, I..." Ryan sighed as he rubbed his chin. "Well, I wanted to hear your opinion on something, Keldorn."

Keldorn's eyebrows raised before he continued speaking. "Why is that?"

"Do... you remember I was telling you about putting an advertisement in the Amnian Gutter to attract new squires?" Ryan took a breath of air through clenched teeth.

Keldorn sighed deeply. "I never considered it a useful way to attract new potential members of the Order. Not in that rag, at least..."

"Well, we got two replies," Ryan grimaced.

"Only two?"

"The sad fact is, that becoming a paladin just isn't 'hip' at the moment," Ryan sighed. "And, well, see for yourself..."

Ryan led Keldorn to large rock, where two very, very scrawny boys were standing. One had a strange blonde mane and his face was constantly staring away from Keldorn, no matter from which direction he was looking at him. The other boy was a bit taller, had brown hair and a curled up upper lip. But, strangest of all, both boys seemed to be constantly uttering a neurotic laughter.

"Emmmm, hey dude! Huh, huh," the brown haired boy replied.

"Heyhowsitgoin'? Heh, heh," the blonde boy added.

Keldorn shared a brief look at Sir Ryan Trawl, who shrugged in return. "So, you, erm, fine lads have a desire to become Knights, then? Might I ask your reason for wanting to join the Order as Squires?"

"Uhhhhh, like, we can like, rescue chicks and stuff. Huh, huh."

"Nrrrgheheheheheh, yeah! And then, she could like, show us her thingies. You know, like, as a reward and stuff? Heh, heh. BOIN-OING-OING-OING-OING-OING..."

"So basically," Ryan chuckled. "The only reason why you want to become knights, is because you want to meet 'chicks' to 'look at their thingies'?"

"Is there any other reason, dumb-ass? Huh, huh."

"Yeah! Bunghole... Heh, heh..."

"See what I mean?" Ryan chuckled, at the point of bursting out in laughter, but Keldorn was not as amused.

"I take it," Keldorn stated through clenched teeth. "That you two lads are prepared to perform the rigorous initiation-rites all by yourself?"

"Uhhhh, Bovis does things by himself, sir! Huh, huh,"

"Shut up, Bum-head! Heh, heh."

"Well, I... commend your willing spirit, but..." Keldorn started to say.

"Could you, like, shut up," Bum-head snorted. "And, like, show us the paladong-chicks, huh huh, who are like, wearing those, uhuhuhuhuhuh, chain-mail bikinis and stuff?"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, heh, heh!" Bovis, the most neurotic of the two, replied. "You can like, see the thingies really good and stuff, and can go like, oooooohhhh, shake it baby!"

Keldorn was flabbergasted at the sheer mass of ignorance massed together in such small bodies. "No fighting women who possess even a mere shred of wisdom will wear that kind of armor!"

"That sucks, huh huh!" Bum-head replied.

"Can you like, just show us the dumb chicks then? heh heh," Bovis added. "There are paladongs in there, aren't there? Heh, heh."

"Look!" Keldorn snarled, now getting angry. "I will not have you stand here and mock the institution I have served my entire life, simply because you want to see girl's 'thingies'. The righteous, the true and the just are not merely here to entertain us, my dear boys."

The two boys merely looked upon the paladin for a while, before Bum-head finally spoke. "Uhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuh. You said 'ain-us'! Huhuhuhuhuhuh..."

"Oh, yeah! Nrrrgggheheheheheh... Heheh," Bovis added with a grin.

Keldorn felt the anger inside him come to a boil, but he let it pass.

"You're old... Heheheh," Bovis said, making Ryan almost burst out in laughter.

"What?!" Keldorn snarled.

"Yeah, old guy," Bum-head chuckled. "Do you like, huh huh, have trouble, you know, getting your sergeant to salute? Huhhuhuhuhuh..."

"Well," Keldorn replied, "my wife didn't have any complaints last night. What about your girlfriends, hm?" the aged inquisitor grinned, enjoying the blank look on the boy's faces. "I didn't think so," Keldorn chuckled briefly.

"So, uhhhhhhh, can we be, like, paladongs then?" Bovis dared to ask.

"THAT'S IT!" Keldorn snarled and grabbed both boys by the neck.

"Hey, leggo, asswipe!" Bovis shouted.

"Yeah!" Bum-head added. "Don't make us kick your ass!"

Before Bovis could shout out 'This sucks!', Keldorn tossed the two screaming boys across the canal, causing them to crash into a dumpster belonging to the temple of Talos on the opposite side. In the meantime, Sir Ryan Trawl was caught in the laughter of the moment and supported himself on the hilt of his two-handed sword.

"You just called me over to torture me, didn't you?" Keldorn sighed.

"You know me well!" Ryan chuckled through his tears. "Can you just see those two idiots, riding through the countryside as holy warriors of virtue..."

Keldorn had to admit that that image drew a chuckle, but neither paladin was ready for the sight that ran around the corner only seconds later.

"Keldorn!" Laska shouted, as she ran towards the two paladins, dressed only in a bathrobe which was slowly slipping open in the front due to its owner's running about.

Keldorn and Ryan quickly averted their eyes while the elf skidded to a stop in front of them.

"Hey, what's the matter?!" Laska muttered as she noticed the paladin looking away from her.

"Please," Keldorn sighed. "Cover your chest..."

"What?" Laska said while looking down and adjusted her robe. "Oh, Keldorn, please. Don't be so childish. They're called breasts and every woman has a pair. It's okay if you want to peek. Your friend already did a couple of times."

"I did nothing of the sort!" Ryan Trawl said quickly, but his reddened face gave him away.

In the distance, Laska's sensitive elven ears picked up disjointed sentences like 'ooooh, baby' and 'bouncy, bouncy' from the dumpster across the street, but she paid it no mind.

"Why are you running half-naked through the streets?" Keldorn finally asked when the elf was presentable.

"Take a look at this," she said and tossed the letter to him. "I'm getting sued! My neighbors across the street say that I'm bad for property-values and now they want compensation for their losses and want me to move out!"

"They can't do that," Keldorn muttered.

"You know," an angry elf snarled. "I've half a mind to visit them and POUND THE CRAP out of them! And... yes, yes, I think I shall have to do that," the elf grinned sardonically and sped off with lightning-speed.

"Laska, no!" Keldorn shouted but was unable to stop her. The aged paladin sighed. "See you later, Ryan," he added before running after the angry elf.

"LASKA, DON'T!" he shouted as he ran around the corner.


	55. Judge Bylanna

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 55: Judge Bylanna_

"This court is now in session," the bailiff announced. "The case of Colwyvv versus Leafwalker and companions. The honorable judge Bylanna presiding."

Keldorn sighed as he glanced over his camp. First of all, there was Laska, sitting in front of the bench wearing her usual casual-wear, which consisted of a pair of tight leather pants and her usual vest, which was open in the front and was only kept together by a trio of short leather straps. Even so, the leather straps were, as always, straining to keep the vest from popping open. The paladin sighed. Laska, like most of her people, were not overly concerned with 'trivialities' such as modesty, not even in official proceedings. However, she had agreed to tie her long dark hair into a ponytail to appear less threatening. Of course, the presence of her swords laid down on the desk in front of her negated that completely.

Next to Laska sat Rose, wearing her best dress for the occasion. Her eyes darted across the room, betraying her nervousness. Still, the half-elf made an impression of being stalwart, brave and ladylike.

Then there was Viconia, wearing a simple leather clerical suit. Her expression was impassive, but she had the bearing of a true lady of nobility as she surveyed the room. Her back was straight and the air around her almost humming with power. Next to her, in the corridor between the seats, lay Khittix. The giant spider wasn't really paying much attention to his surrounding as much as he was playing around with a squeaky toy which he picked up with his mandibles.

Dynaheir was also there, throwing her mane around as she glanced back and forth through the room. She radiated an odd combination of calm and readiness for battle at the same time.

In the back sat Korgan, a dwarf who didn't give a wit for official proceedings. The dwarf had removed his boots and was calmly removing filth from under his toe-nails with a dagger while humming a lewd tune.

Minsc, in the meantime, was simply too busy cooing over Boo to notice his surroundings. "Look, Boo," he whispered to the hamster. "Servants of Justice are gathered for great justice today!"

Jan, the irreverent gnome, wearing his normal Jan Jansen AdventureWear, had already fallen asleep and was snoring softly.

In the back pews sat Lasalla, her daughter Becky and the half-elven child Risa. At the moment, the two children were busy staring daggers at the two plaintiffs, and Keldorn knew for certain they were thinking rather violent thoughts.

Which brought him to the plaintiffs, Lord and Lady Corwyvv, two rich absentee-landowners whom had made their fortune growing fat and rich of renting out lands. Unfortunately, the two had been experiencing hard times, since most of their holdings were located within the southern areas now being flooding with orcs which claimed those lands as their ancestral homelands. Still, their setback was not noticeable from the way the pair dressed. A ring of gold on every finger... long, silken clothes, jewelry from feet to bald spot.

"OBJECTION!" Laska suddenly shouted. "Objection, you honor!"

The judge blinked. "We, uhm, haven't even started yet. What are you objecting against?"

"Everything!" Laska replied, causing Keldorn to facepalm.

"Noted, The plaintiffs may make their case," Bylanna said. "The accused may make defense during the plaintiffs' appeal." Immediately, Lady Corwyvv rose to her feet, cleared her throat and prepared to speak. She was a tall middle-aged human women with baleful eyes like red coals. Malice dripped from her voice as she addressed the bench.

"Your honor," the lady said with distaste of having to be civil to someone not of noble blood.

"Objection!" Laska suddenly shouted. "This lady is being a jerk!"

In the background, Keldorn sighed once more.

"What?!" Lady Alliana Corwyvv replied sharply. "How _dare_ you! I have not even spoken yet, you pointy-eared hooligan!"

"Say that again! Say that again! I dare you, I double dare you, motherfu..." Laska shouted, just as Keldorn rushed up and clapped his hand over her mouth to keep her from finishing that sentence.

"Sustained," judge Bylanna said calmly. "I do not approve of your manner, my lady. Do not think I you can hide your disdain from me. Carry on."

Lady Alliana fumed, but let it pass. Instead, she continued her plea, in a more civil manner this time. "Your honor," she started again. "My husband and I own the house opposite to the hovel, of that, that... rabble!" she spat, pointing at the non-to-impressed plaintiffs. "Do you know what they did? They painted the front of that marvelous mansion blue. BLUE! It's spoiled my precious view completely! And the color is bad for my migraines," the haughty lady concluded and faux-rubbed her faux-aching head.

"Hey, it's my house," Laska snarled. "If I wanna paint it green, red, black or purple, that's my business!"

"Oh?" the lady said. "And what about the rabble that lives with you?! And the noise? And all the explosions?"

Upon hearing that last word, Jan started awake. "Explosions? Oh, that's my department. Excuse me to elaborate the fact that I was working on a completely illegal in-house outhouse for all my friends to use! It was meant as a parting gift, since I will be moving out of the house soon to move in with my fiancee across the quarter..."

"Oh, so that's what that was," Dynaheir muttered. "I was just wondering if Korgan's flatulence had worsened."

"Oy, cannae be any worse than it be now!" Korgan chuckled and gave a rather loud example for the court's approval.

"Lovely," Viconia gagged. "Next time, try aiming for the Corwyvv's instead of your party's resident drow cleric..." As soon as the foul air reached the spider, Khittix let out a chitter, picked up his toy and skittered to the other side of the room.

"Ach, if ye cannae handle the heat," Korgan chuckled. "Stay out o'the furnace..."

"Anyway, I was working in the basement on the indoor outhouse," Jan continued as he lounged in the pew and recounted his tale. "You know, making last minute changes to the catapult, the sickle-unit and dragon-shaped foot-supports, stuff like that, when I suddenly fell through a crack in the rocks and fell for at least a thousand feet into the darkness! Luckily, something squishy broke my fall... It seemed, I had landed on top of the last of the mole-people! Grief-stricken that I had wiped out the last of their species with one foul stroke of my handsome gnomish buttocks, I was too distraught to notice that I had fallen into... THE LAND BEYOND TIME!"

"Oh, gods," Viconia groaned.

"So, when I took my first steps in THE LAND THAT TIME FORGOT!, I..."

"I thought it was called the LAND BEYOND TIME earlier," Viconia interrupted.

"Please, Vicky," Jan sighed. "Are you telling the story or am I? Anyway, I had just entered THE LAND TIME HAD NO GRIP ON! and lo-and-behold, a huge underground jungle was below the very earth we are standing on right now, complete with its own miniature sun!"

"I won't even dignify that with a response," Viconia sighed and slid back into her pew.

"So, as I explored the THE LAND OUTSIDE OF TIME, BUT NOT QUITE YET, and after running from a rather grumpy Tyrannosaurus Rex (who'd know the big lizard would object to having some of his teeth pulled?) in the forest, I came across a tribe of non-clothes wearing, primitive cave-gnomes! And, after teaching them how to loooovvveeeee, *Rrrrrowlllll*, I had them step on each other's shoulders and form this gigantic living ladder back to the surface, so I could resume working on the indoor outhouse," Jan concluded, as the giggling Risa and Becky were listening to his story with ready smiles.

"I don't get it," the judge muttered. "Where did the explosion come from, then?"

"Oh,_ that_!" Jan chuckled. "I just lit a candle and the whole thing blew up! I must have recalibrated something I shouldn't have recalibrated."

"You see?" Lady Corwyvv snarled. "See what kind of lunatic this amoral elf has hauled into her home?"

"Hey!" Laska snarled and gave the Corwyvvs a look which would have frozen a fire. "That's my friend you're talking about..."

"Well," the judge spoke. "So far I don't see any reasons to act yet. What they do in and with their own home is their business..."

"That's where you are wrong, your honor," the Lady spoke. "I have contacted our financial manager and he concluded that with neighbors like these, it will be difficult, nay, _impossible_ to sell our home! Thus, we demand restitution of one hundred-thousand gold, an immediate removal of these hooligans from the good neighborhoods and have them hauled off to the slums where they belong."

"Like hell I will!" Laska snarled, ready for bloody violence.

"Why would they haul wooden pipes into their home?" Lady Corwyvv added. "They're up to no good, I say!"

"Those are hamster-toys for Boo!" Minsc suddenly spoke up. "And if you remove Boo's toys, I will remove your legs!"

"Order, order!" Judge Bylanna said, ramming her hammer on the bench. Already, her youthful face showed fatigue, and she swiftly whipped the hair from her forehead. "We shall examine this case more carefully. Sir Keldorn, will you please approach the bench."

The aged Inquisitor nodded and stood in front of the bench. Standing on top of the seal of Tyr on the ground, he spoke the vow of truthfulness and was ready to answer Judge Bylanna's questions.

"You are the one who procured the house for your party, haven't you?" the judge spoke.

"As I recall," Keldorn smiled. "So were you..."

"Correct," the judge, who was magistrate of Amn as well, smiled. "The normal procedure is to seize the holdings of the criminals and auction them off. But we came to a compromise and only seized the slaverlords Sion and Ketta's monetary funds, while we awarded the house and its contents to Laska's party as a reward for services to the city, transferring ownership to Laska Leafwalker for the rest of her natural life."

"See?" Laska taunted at the Corwyvvs. "It's _mine_!"

"Well, this rabble is not supposed to be living in the good neighborhoods!" Lady Corwyvv sniffed.

"Thou wouldst prefer to have slaverlords for neighbors?" Dynaheir ventured to say.

"Well, at least they were proper nobles!" the lady replied. "And they were quiet... Which brings me to the horrible and noisy beer swilling jigs they are holding almost every week! Oh, my poor beauty sleep..."

"I be seein' ye 'aven't been gettin' any beauty sleep in fer years then, 'ave ye? HAR HAR!" Korgan chuckled, stroking his beard in his merriment. "Heh, ugly bint," he laughed at this own joke.

"The court has approached Laska's other neighbors for comments," Judge Bylanna spoke. "And neither the Temple of Talos, The Order, nor the Temple of Lathander have had any complaints. Actually, the Temple of Lathander had nought but praise for Laska and her friends. Dawnmistress Lara was especially positive about the drow cleric who comes to the orphanage every so often to read stories to the children..."

All eyes of the flabbergasted party turned on Viconia. The drow in question was almost hyperventilating now that her darkest secret was out. Her eyes darted from face to face as she sought for a defensive reply... but couldn't find one quick enough.

"So _that_ was why thou wert so keen on leaving two days ago," Dynaheir smiled.

Viconia finally recovered and anger was etched on her beautiful ebony-hewn face. "It's NOT true! ALL LIES!"

"Boo says little Viconia is lying when she lies," the hulking ranger said calmly. "Though that is very confusing for poor Minsc."

"Dawnmistress Lara is also very positive about the fact that Laska has taken in several homeless people and has helped shape their lives," Keldorn said, adding support to Laska.

"Urchins!" Lady Corwyvv snarled. "Urchins and harlots! That should be enough reason enough to remove them from our decent neighborhood."

"You want me to punish the woman," Judge Bylanna said, almost bursting out in sad laughter, "who has stroked her hand over her heart and opened the doors to her home for a homeless child... and a homeless mother and child?"

"And to come back to the homeless woman, who is now her servant... She enters," the lady snarled. "Oh, this is too horrible to describe. She... she enters... THROUGH THE FRONT DOOR!"

"So?" Laska and judge Bylanna said at the same time.

"It's just not done!" the lady said, while her husband, a short stocky bald man, nodded in the background.

"You are nuts, you know that?" Laska remarked.

"And a mage! They have a wizard living among them!" the lady snarled, pointing her ire at Dynaheir, who was calmly eating a jam-sandwich Lasalla had packed for lunch earlier. Dynaheir had experienced very little of the famous Amnian fear of wizards, but even then, she did not care much.

"Thou shouldst have told me that a few months ago," Dynaheir grinned ferally, the red jam apparent on her teeth, "and I assure you, the results would have been most explosive..." Still, sadness crept in her voice.

"And just look at their leader," Lady Colwyvv snarled. "Look at what she wears?! Are those the clothes of a lady?"

"They're the clothes of a lady who has something to show in the first place," Laska taunted. "But then again, you wouldn't be familiar with that, would you?"

"Look at those tattoos, look at those clothes and look at her feral demeanor and tell me she should be allowed to live in the good districts," Lady Colwyvv sniffed, while her pig-like husband nodded briefly. "She's completely immoral! She walks around her house with no clothes on..."

"Have you ever heard of someone bathing in clothes?" Laska smiled. "Sometimes I wear a swimsuit when I go for my morning-dip in the pool, sometimes I go naked... "

Keldorn sighed. "Too much information, Laska."

"But you keep your windows open, like the tramp you are!" Lady Colwyvv shrieked.

"Oh, those squires of the Order on the opposite side of the canal think I never notice them, but I do," Laska grinned.

"But if there is one sure sign of this... elf being immoral, it's that she has... relations with other women!"

Suddenly, every bit of humor drained from the tattooed elf's face and demeanor. Offering the Colwyvvs a glare of pure rage, she shifted her body towards the two plaintiffs. "Alright, you are about to die..."

"Wait a minute," Rose muttered. "Aside from the occasional hugs and kisses we keep our relationship private... so how can you know about us if you haven't been peeking into our bedroom through the window or even a scrying stone!"

Suddenly, Lady Colwyvv directed her ire at her husband. "You added this to our defense," she spoke. "How _did_ you find that out, my dear?"

"Uuuuuhhh," the pig-like Lord Colwyvv muttered. "A pixie told me?"

"We shall talk about this when we get home, Herbert," Lady Colwyvv snarled.

"Oy, sounds like the dirty lil' bugger 'as been enjoyin' himself without ye, Colwyvv-she-dog, bitch-lady," Korgan chuckled.

"Another weak male," Viconia chuckled. "The surface is filled with them, I see..."

"Herbert?" Rose muttered. She recalled having heard that name before, and paused a moment to think.

"ORDER!" Judge Bylanna said, ramming her hammer on the bench. "I call Rose Greenhill to the bench."

Gasping, Rose looked at her friends for support, which was silently given by nods and smiles. Trembling, the half-elf stood up and slowly walked to the bench, stepping onto the seal of Tyr and swore the oath of truth.

"Calm down, miss," Judge Bylanna. "You are not on trial here. Keldorn has already filled me in on the details of your current life. You used to be a streetwalker until recently, did you not?"

"Y-yes," she replied. "In the Bridge-district..."

As soon as he heard the Bridge-district mentioned, the pig-like husband Lord Colwyvv suddenly started sweating profusely.

"But I now run an inn. I took over the Mithrest and run it with other ex-streetwalkers who want a better life," Rose smiled.

"That is commendable," Judge Bylanna smiled. "You are having relations with miss Leafwalker?"

Rose smiled, first to the judge, then to her lover. "I love her," she spoke, while Laska smiled and blew her half-elven lover a kiss.

"Listen!" Lady Colwyvv said, thinking herself particularly clever. "The harlot openly admits it! Once a whore, always a whore!"

It was too much... Enough to push Laska over the edge. Before Keldorn could even shout out to stop her, the tattooed elf grasped Ipsiya and twirled the blade in her hand. With a feral grin, she extended her arm and pointed the blade directly at Lady Colwyvv, accusing the Lady, whom in turn was regarding the elf smugly, daring her to stab. Lady Colwyvv had no way of knowing, however, that the tattooed elf was actually intending to behead her on the spot.

At the very last moment, just as Laska was about to strike, she felt a soft and warm hand clasp around her wrist. Surprised, she glanced at the source. Her dark eyes met the green eyes of Rose, and they stared at each other a moment. Rose simply shook her head 'no' while she was smiling. "It's just words," the half-elf whispered.

So instead of beheading the woman, Laska spit in her face, annoying the noblewoman even more.

"Order, Order!" Judge Bylanna shouted. "It is not illegal to love another, Lady Colwyvv... Watch yourself. And I don't want to see anymore spitting here, miss Leafwalker, or you shall be removed."

"Now I remember!" Rose suddenly shouted as she regarded the sweating Lord Colwyvv. "Herbo Colwo! I didn't recognize you without the rubber mask!"

"I... I don't know what you are talking about," Herbert Colwyvv muttered, but really needed a piece of cloth to remove the sweat from his face.

"You harlot!" Lady Colwyvv shouted, ignoring the angered elf, "You... and my husband?!"

"No, no," Rose giggled. "Not me... I've been talking to the other girls, of course. You don't know what fun we had discussing the details of the debauchery of our customers. Actually, Herbo Colwo only stopped by to ask for directions."

"Dear, I think we need to be getting home," Lord Colwyvv tried as his last, desperate move.

"Directions," Rose smiled, "to the nearest goat-farm. Apparently, Herbo Colwo had quite an affinity to them..."

"Herbert!" Lady Alliana Colwyvv gasped.

"So debauchery was your main offensive strategy, Lady Colwyvv?" Judge Bylanna asked, barely being able to keep a straight face.

"Beeeeehhhhh," Laska mocked, putting oil on the fire. And soon enough, Laska's entire party, save for Keldorn, who was sighing in the corner, were making goat-noises. Even Risa and Becky, though they did not knew what was going on exactly, joined in the merriment.

"ORDER!" Judge Bylanna shouted. "It's time to put an end to this charade. Lady Colwyvv, I have checked out your holdings. I move that now that your lands are seized by orcs who actually hold a legitimate claim to the land, you are looking for alternate incomes. Also, I have heard from reliable sources that you have put up your house for sale. Now, a sum of a hundred-thousand in damages combined with the worth of your house would be a pretty penny to start anew elsewhere, wouldn't it?"

"That is... vicious slander!" Lady Colwyvv snarled. "I'll have your job!"

"But," the judge continued unfettered, "you really should pick your marks more carefully. Miss Leafwalker, answer me this. If I rule against you, and order you to leave your house and hand over your cash, would you do it?"

"Not a chance!" the elf grinned.

"Would you beat-up and throw out any guards I would sent to enforce the rulings?"

"Count on it."

"Would you then take revenge on the Colwyvvs by gutting them and then hanging them from the ceiling by their entrails and then setting fire to their house?"

"Positively absolutely!"

"So, you see, Lady Colwyvv," Judge Bylanna chuckled. "The only thing you have done here is antagonize a group of heavily armed and heavily experienced battle-hardened adventurers... who happen to live only a few meters from your own house."

"Oy!" Korgan shouted, raising his axe. "She be right, ye know? Maybe nay today, maybe nay tomorrow, but one day, me axe be ready and ye will end up with nay legs..."

"Judge!" the Colwyvv shouted quickly. "We need court protection!"

"This is my last case before the weekend," Judge Bylanna chuckled. "You can present a petition to the bailiff and I will review your case when I get back in three days."

Lady Colwyvv gulped as she noticed the baleful stares. Even the children had a malicious look on their faces. "Herbie?" she grinned uneasily. "I think we need to start packing as soon as we get home!"

* * *

"Ooooooooooooohhhhh," Laska groaned as she lay in a fetal position on her bed, looking very green and weak. After the trial, the party decided to celebrate by having a big barbecue in the backyard, and everyone in the neighborhood (except the Corwyvvs) was invited. Drunken Talosians, Jolly Lathanderites and even several paladins of the Order were cooking sausages and all kind of meat on the many braziers in the backyard... and that was how Laska had fallen ill.

Rose was sitting by the bed, holding her lover's hand, while Lasalla put a washcloth with warm water on Laska's forehead.

"There," Viconia said. "I've alleviated most of the pain, but her body will have to do the rest on her own. She should feel better tomorrow... But right now," Viconia smiles while slipping out of the room, "I have a party to get back to."

"What on Toril," Rose said, a little angrily, "possessed you to eat a sausage from the trash bin?"

"It was on top of the trash," Laska muttered. "And it still looked good..."

"Laska, there was green fungus all over it!" Lasalla sighed. "That's why I put it in the trash in the first place!"

Laska looked blankly for a moment, before replying: "It still looked good..."

"I think you just had a little too much ale tonight as well," Rose admonished.

"Only twenty cups..." Laska muttered while her stomach once again burbled in protest. "I was just getting started..."

Then, all of a sudden, the door to her room flew open. While Laska groaned in protest, Minsc entered, carrying a little boy on his shoulders. "And that is Laska Leafwalker. Heroic elf and generally good person!"

"She don't look very heroic," the boy whispered as he regarded the shivering elf.

"Who's that, Minsc?" Rose asked, smiling at the little boy.

"Ah, this is Delon!" Minsc smiled. "A good boy wanting help for his village Imnesvale in the East! There are evil wolves about, you know, and we must administer the boot of justice! I have found us adventure."

"And work! Well done Minsc, hurray!" Laska raved, just before the excitement became too much. With a loud gag, the contents of Laska's stomach found its way to the floor.

"Is the lady-elf okay?" Delon blinked.

"We'll handle this tomorrow, okay?" Rose said. "Laska is very sick at the moment..."

"I'm fine!" Laska protested and tried to sit up, only to end up groaning and clutching her stomach again.

"Oooh, Minsc does not want to hurt his friends, nossir!" the gentle giant decided. "Ah, Boo says we need to feed Delon some meat and try again tomorrow!"

"Yay!" Delon whooped at the prospect of a barbecue, while Laska groaned at the very mention of food.


	56. Love

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 56: Love_

In the dim light of the calming Mithrest Inn, the party was having a late-night dinner, while discussing their plans for the problems currently plaguing Imnesvale. Lasalla had asked Laska for a week off to spend some time with her daughter on a trip to the countryside, and the elf had granted the request immediately. Unfortunately, merely a day had passed and the house was already turning into a sty; A sty without any dinner on the table. As such, it was a perfect night to eat out of the house.

"So, what's the battle-plan for the Imnesvale situation? Suggestions?" Laska offered when she took a bite from a chicken drumstick. Beside her, Korgan was devouring a piece of mutton in record time. Rose's inn served very good food and was quickly making a name for itself among the gourmands of Athkatla... sadly, this was wasted on Korgan.

"We go to Imnesvale, and kick the evil butts of..." Minsc thought for a moment. "EEVILLLLL! And then, Delon and his friends can live there in peace and joy!"

"That's," Viconia sighed, "a hell of plan. Did you think that up all on your own?"

"I had help from Boo," Minsc smiled proudly.

"Nevertheless, Minsc," Keldorn said, "young Delon's descriptions of the victims definitely struck me as something a child should never have to see."

"What?! Boo is outraged! See his fury! It's small, so look close. Trust me, it's there," Minsc raged.

"Oh, it looks like you're getting angry, Minscey," Jan chuckled. "I think it'd be better for all of us if you give Boo to the nice gnome here. Just for safe-keeping, you know."

Minsc gasped and quickly withdrew from the gnome, shielding his precious hamster in his hulking hands. "You will not steal my Boo again, naughty gnome!" he spoke. "He is still recovering from the last time you took him out fishing. You let him swim in the lake and he almost became food for the fishes!"

"Hey, how was I supposed to know that lake was infested with Dragon-Trout?" Jan retorted.

"Wouldst thou please shut thy trap?" Dynaheir added. "Delon described that the victims were 'turned inside and out' and 'went all mad.' This is serious matter." As soon as Dynaheir spoke those last words, Korgan broke into the conversation with a cataclysmic burp.

"What's this about the rumors of strange beasts in the Umar Hills?" Laska asked.

"You know," Viconia chuckled. "If you hadn't eaten that moldy sausage, you would have paid attention the first time we talked this over."

"Yeah, yeah, _mom_," Laska muttered and took a long sip from her tankard of fresh ale. "What's this about the completely mad survivors? They die and then their bodies disappear?"

"Apparently so," Viconia said. "I'm not sure without actually examining the remains of the victims, but I suspect undead creatures are involved in this."

"Ach!" Korgan grinned, his mouth full. "I be lookin' forward ta be slicin' me axe through some shambling bone-bags. Bring 'em on, I be sayin'..."

"Imnesvale," Keldorn said while swallowing his last piece of bread. "Is a good ten hours away by horseback, barring any unforeseen circumstances. So if we leave early in the morning, we should make good time and we will arrive long before nightfall. And seeing all attacks took place at night..."

"... we have time to figure out what is going on before just jumping into the fray without knowing what's going on," Viconia said, casting an accusing stare at Laska and Korgan.

"Right," Laska said as she finished her meal. "It's settled then," she said, "we leave in the morning."

"I suggest we all get a good night's sleep. We will need our energy tomorrow," Keldorn smiled.

"You guys go on ahead," the tattooed elf smiled. "I want to finish some more ales before I go to sleep..."

"Just don't turn in too late this night," Keldorn said. Laska nodded in turn and sipped her ale as her friends slipped from their seats and headed towards the door, leaving Laska to pick up the bill.

An hour later, Laska decided she had spent enough time alone, paid her bill and moved through the dark streets headed back home. After dealing, rather heavy-handedly, with an unfortunate mugger, Laska entered the Temple district to find her home darkened. Apparently, everyone had gone to bed already. Even Korgan had seen the wisdom of getting some shut-eyes before embarking on a big quest. Laska just shrugged, slipped her key into the lock and entered her house.

The tattooed elf found no one in her large living room, which was disappointing to her to say the least. Sadly there was nobody here to keep her busy.

"Crap," Laska sighed to herself. "Everybody _did_ turn in early today."

She, of course, didn't feel like going to sleep yet. Relying on her elven sight and the light of the moon shining through the windows, she navigated through her now increasingly messy house and headed to the kitchen, hoping to run into somebody grabbing a late-night snack from the larder. Unfortunately, she was disappointed once more.

Letting out a defeated sigh, the tattooed elf moved towards her bedroom, hoping Rose would still be awake.

"Rose?" Laska whispered as she entered her bedroom. Her elven eyebrows shot into the sky as she noticed the bedroom was completely darkened, the only light coming from the moon outside... and about a score of lit scented candles placed strategically to create a mysterious setting. The play of the light was augmented by her elven vision, giving the whole room a very sensuous appearance while the scent of cinnamon tickled her sensitive elven nostrils.

But the most spectacular view was offered to the utterly captivated elf in the form of her half-elven lover. Rose was standing in the middle of the room, dressed in a simple red two piece set of lingerie. An impossibly thin transparent cloth robe was draped over her shoulders. Her deep green eyes captured the light shining through glittering strands of her loose strawberry-blonde hair as she gazed upon her lover.

"I've been waiting for you," Rose whispered as she slowly walked towards the smitten elf, stopping just a few inches short of her lover, and softly brushed her fingers across Laska's upper arm, exciting shudders from the tattooed elf. There was no mistaking the tone in Rose's soft voice. It carried her meaning all too well. The elf grinned to herself; this night might turn out to be interesting after all.

Their dance started with a brush of lips, a kiss which was soon deepened as the two lovers embraced briefly. As soon as Rose pulled away, Laska undid her vest and slowly let it slide from her arms and to the floor.

"You are so beautiful," Rose sighed as she gazed upon her elven lover.

"I love you," Laska murmured in return as they continued their game of love with a soft embrace. The sweet smell of Rose's hair as it brushed her was overcoming enough, but the half-elf was also softly biting the nape of her neck while her soft hands roved over Laska's elven body. Completely defenseless against the sensory overload of her lover's erotic assault, the elf threw her head back to give Rose better access to her neck while letting out a low throaty moan.

Being happy to leave Rose to leading their passion for now, Laska would never know how she suddenly found herself lying on her bed with her lover's half-elven body draped over hers. Their passion continued unfettered, every single brush of lips, every single touch, every single sweet caress they shared conveyed more love between the two women than a thousand lines of love-poetry ever could. In between the ocean of physical expressions of their love, they slowly, agonizingly slowly, removed the final scraps of clothing that were left on their bodies.

The dance began in earnest now, the stakes high and all boundaries passed. Laska smiled happily as she noticed Rose started playing the same game she usually did; spending more time kissing and caressing places on her body that were tattooed. It always drove her crazy... and Rose knew it. The half-elf smiled mischievously as they locked gazes while she was kissing the snake-tattoo on Laska's left knee, before slowly moving on to the tattoo of the sword on her upper right arm.

Laska braced herself now, for she knew what would come. The tattoo of the symbol of Elven Longevity covered up the single scar on her body, situated just above her navel. A magical scar, left by Sarevok's blade, a small piece of flesh which had always remained very sensitive... And as Rose left a trail of kisses leading towards the tattoo and slowly started suckling it, Laska's was overcome with the sheer sensual titillation. Her quickly overloading mind formulated that she would have never thought she'd be thanking Sarevok on both her knees for almost killing her last year. Of course, the rapture of the moment quickly banished him from her mind as quickly as he had appeared.

As their sensual adventures progressed, Laska decided it was time to lead for a while, gently clasped her arms around a smiling Rose and softly lay her on her back, after which Laska started her own exploration of her lover's body while Rose ran her hands through Laska's long dark hair. Rose's presence was more intoxicating than anything the tattooed elf had ever experienced. Her warmth, her breath, her kisses were divine.

The dance continued without end, every moment precious. During the whole of their rapture, both partners led in turn, their hearts pounding in their chests as they continued to consume each other's passion and drank from the love they shared as the night progressed.

Finally, after an eternity of dancing, the music stopped and the dancers slowly parted, gasping for air as if rising from the depths of the sea. The lovers lay spent in their bed, embracing each other as beads of sweat, testaments of their earlier exertions, made their bodies glisten in the dying light of the equally spent candles.

"That was... intense," Laska gasped, bringing forth the very words being an almost impossible feat.

"Mmmmm," Rose sighed, her eyes closed as she used her lover's chest as a pillow. "I read stories about damsels 'seeing off' their hero when they leave for their adventures. Never thought I'd actually be doing it one day."

"Are you kidding?" Laska smiled and gently kissed the top of Rose's head while tickling her cheek with the tips of her fingers. "I'm never going to leave now..."

Rose opened her eyes, raised her head a little and rested her chin on the valley between Laska's breasts. "Good," she smiled while she snaked one arm around her lover's shoulders and rested the other one across Laska's midriff, shifting her body so she could look into her lover's dark eyes. Their legs lay intertwined as Rose rested her head on the pillow next to that of her lover, softly kissing the nape of her neck. "There's still a few hours in the night for sleep," Rose whispered. "You need your strength for the ride to Imnesvale."

"Are you kidding me?" Laska shot her beloved a mischievous grin while gently wrapping an arm around Rose. Suddenly, the elf flipped Rose to her back and rolled on top of her.

"Laska!" Rose yelped.

"My turn," Laska smirked before leaning in to ravish the pinned half-elf.

* * *

"So, are we ready to go?" Dynaheir asked as all the adventurers were standing in the living room with their gear ready, their weapons sheathed and their lunches packed.

"All but one," Viconia chuckled. Near the dinner-table, Rose and Laska were in a passionate embrace, liplocked.

"Do they nay need ta be breathin'? HAR!" Korgan chuckled.

"Okay, somebody get the hose or we'll be here all week," Viconia grinned.

"I wish I had a hose three years ago," Jan sighed. "My cousin Aphrodite Jansen once took home three handsome gnomish sailors. Argh, the grunting, groaning and creaking went on all night, and..."

"Sir gnome," Keldorn sighed. "I am not in the mood for your tales of debauchery. We should be on our quest already."

"Who said anything about debauchery?" Jan replied, scratching his chin to emphasize his point. Aphrodite and her beaus were all avid and champion trampoline-jumpers and she had one in her room. They were jumping and whooping on that creaky think all night, keeping us good Jansens awake all night!"

"What would you need a hose for, then?" Keldorn said, knowing he was going to regret his question.

"Because the water would rust the damn trampoline and break it, of course," Jan chuckled. "Use your brain for something else than smiting for a change, Keldy..."

"Well," Keldorn sighed to himself. "I walked into that one with both my eyes open."

Oblivious to the commotion around them, Laska and Rose finally broke off their kiss, but definitely not their embrace. "Last night was incredible," Laska whispered.

"I'll miss you," Rose smiled sadly, staring into Laska's dark eyes.

"OY! BREAK IT UP!" Sounded from the doorway, but neither of them paid it any mind.

"I love you," Laska replied and kissed the tip of the half-elf's nose.

"I love you too," Rose smiled. "Now, get going before I change my mind, chain you to the bed and keep you prisoner for the rest of your life."

"Ohhh," Laska smiled, "Is that an offer?"

Laska was answered with a playful smack against her forehead. "Be safe..."

With a last parting, and a final 'bye, bye' from Risa, who was also standing in the room to say goodbye to her friends, the party left the house. In the end, Rose was left staring at the door, with Risa by her side.

"Well, kiddo," Rose smiled. "It looks like we have the place to ourselves tonight."

"Sucks, though," the half-elven girl with the reddish hair pouted sadly. "A whole week free from school and, except for one, all my friends are out of town. Viconia also took Khittix with her."

"Oh, we can have fun too," Rose smiled and tousled Risa's shaggy hair. "I shall be making some dinner tonight. And how about I teach you how to paint?"

"Great!" Risa smiled. "Do I get my own brush and paints?!"

"Sure," Rose replied. "Let's go to the market and get you set up?"

* * *

Waukeen's promenade was looming in the distance, and Rose was wearing a lovely green dress while the delighted Risa was skipping about her. Then, Rose put down her shopping basket and brought her hands to her hair. Usually, Rose were her long strawberry blonde hair in a pony-tail, even in her inn, and she usually only removed the band keeping her hair in place for romantic reasons. But this time, Rose tousled her hair, making sure to completely cover up her ears.

"Rose?" Risa said, ending her skipping about. "Rose, why are you hiding your ears?"

Impressed by the girl's perceptiveness, Rose sighed and knelt to one knee so she could look Risa in the eye. "You... you haven't met... unaccepting humans yet. If you're an elf, it's okay. But if they see your half-elven ears, you're a half-bred mongrel in their eyes. Especially on the market where so many different people meet. Some are accepting, but more are very rude and mean..."

"My mother always said you shouldn't hide and be afraid of what you are," Risa said, being dead serious. "There ain't many half-elves in this city, so we're unique!" the girl smiled. "It's fun being unique, too! You don't have to be afraid of yourself. And when someone says half-elves are stupid, like that dumb Tommy Ysbrady, I just punch him in the face... POW!" the girl threw a couple of shadow-punches for good measure.

Rose said nothing. She smiled in return as she realized Risa was wise beyond her years. Immediately, she retied her hair into a pony-tail, picked up her basket, and the two of them continued on their path.

Walking across the market with her ears exposed was easier than Rose had expected. Oh, there was the occasional stare, but mostly it was a less difficult that she had thought. Nobody suddenly raised prices or refused to serve her... she wondered if she had been worried for nothing the past couple of years.

Rose bought fresh fish, fresh mushrooms and fresh fruit for the making of tonight's dinner. Also, she picked up some brushes and paints for little Risa to play with later.

"My daddy was a brave elven warrior!" Risa said as they made their way from stall to stall. "He's killed many orcs and only left us because he had this big quest to go on..."

"You were luckier than we were," Rose muttered. "My father was a dog of an elf. He told my mother he loved her and would marry her, but as soon as she was pregnant with me, he dropped us like a soggy hankerchief. Never saw him again... I never knew him and I never want to know him," the half-elven lady sighed bitterly.

"My daddy said he would come back for us," Risa smiled, "mom said so. I... I hope he will be able to find me now that mom is dead and I live somewhere else..."

Rose smiled. She hoped Risa would be luckier than she had been, but she didn't have the heart to tell the tiny half-elf that it was probably just a story her mother made up, so she would not feel sad. But in the end, she didn't know what was crueler: the ugly truth or the soothing lie. One day, Risa's fragile dream would be shattered.

"Oh, yeah," Risa continued, "he's a big elven warrior with fiery red hair, deep brown eyes, very tall and he fights with magic and two swords and..."

Rose's breath caught in her throat as she came to a complete stop and listened to Risa's complete description "...and there's a tattoo resembling a unicorn on his cheek. The symbol of his Order?"

"Yes!" Risa giggled. "How did you know?"

"Does he wear green elven chainmail, with the insignia of a unicorn on his chest, just above his heart?" Rose asked gently as she once again bent to one knee.

"Yeah! How did you know?"

Rose closed her eyes. The description of Risa's father completely matched her mother's description of her own. Which meant that the little half-elven girl in front of her was her half-sister. She instantly felt light-headed, reeling with the implication. When she was younger, she was much like Risa; holding out hope that she would one day see her father come back into her life, until her heart hardened towards him with age as she came to realize that her father had abandoned her and her mother. What made this so much more worse is that her 'father' had one it again. No doubt there's an elven dog of male who visits Athkatla often and has a fetish for human women. A more frightening thought was that her mother might not have been the first woman her 'father' had left with a child, nor the last. How many more siblings could she have out there?

"Rose?" said Risa, causing Rose to open her eyes. "Are you okay? You got really quiet all of a sudden."

Rose took a good long look at Risa. How on Toril could she had missed it before, it was so obvious now. Her cheekbones, her hair, her eyes, those dimples in her cheeks when she laughed. So much like herself.

Rose smiled and took the girl in a hug. The surprised Risa giggled and returned the hug.

"Silly," Risa said. "What was that for?"

"Just because," Rose said softly and took the girl by the hand. "Come on, let's go home, make some dinner and get a brush in your hand."

"Yay, this is so cool!" Risa giggled. "Say. Could we have a pillow fight too when we get home?"

"Sure," Rose laughed and tousled the hair of her half-sister.

* * *

"Such a vision of loveliness! Oh, did you see her?!" Oberon ShineFast, paladin of Helm, member of the Order, said as he saw the loveliest lady he had ever laid his eyes upon pass along through the market in Waukeen's promenade. "Those ankles! That smile! That strawberry-colored blonde hair! And she is of elven blood! Oh, I simply must woo her! I must quest for her! I must sweep her of her feet and carry her home in my arms! This... this is a woman of virginal perfection a holy warrior would fight a dragon for! She even already has a tiny squire walking beside her!"

"'cuse me, sir."

Sir Oberon looked down to see a little boy tugging at his armor. "What can this holy warrior quest for you, little boy. Are you lost? Must I quest for your mother?"

"No, no, my mom is right here, but... why are you talking to yourself, sir?"

"Little boy, I am talking to Helm, my god, my liege, my armor polish in distress!" Sir Oberon smiled. "Oh, dear, I see that in the time that I talked to you, little boy, that my Lady has moved from the marketplace and out of my sight! I must quest to find her immediately so the wooing can commence! Little boy, I must go to quest to uphold justice... and stuff!"

"Nutcase," the boy whispered as the paladin tromped off.


	57. Sisters

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 57: Sisters_

Quietly, the party rode through the forests, headed towards Imnesvale in all haste. It was imperative that they arrive before nightfall, so the usual graces, such as camping, resting and lazying about in the warm grass were no options at the moment. Instead, the party, after gathering the horses at the Order stable, set off for Imnesvale almost immediately.

They had already been delayed a bit by two errands they had to run before leaving. First of all, Viconia had left for Cromwell to gather her new Red Dragon Plate. And so proud was she of this beautiful new armor. She sat on top of her horse like a queen, prideful of wearing a magnificent red and yellow armor created from the scales of the dragon she had killed herself. Although the colors didn't exactly mesh wonderfully with that of her skin and hair, the drow looked more dangerous and formidable than ever before.

Meanwhile Laska had slipped out to her favorite tattoo-parlor in the slums and had one of her existing tattoos altered. The small black tracing of a rose, located on the upper slope of her left breast had been filled in with lively colors, as if the rose was in bloom. The tattooed rose was surrounded by a coil of barbed wire, offering protection for the fragile flower. It's symbolism was not lost on the members of Laska's party.

The elf was currently glancing at Viconia's armor rather jealously, and mused that her Crimson chain at least kept last night's hickeys on her neck well hidden.

_'*Oh, forget it,*'_ Ipsiya said, sounding from her scabbard on Laska's back. _*'You're not fit for platemails... Besides, Red, Yellow and Blue is a more than horrid combination.*'_

"I have to agree those shells are not for me," Laska returned, "but it looks very, very good on her..."

_'*Sorry, but you'll be stuck with me for the rest of your life. I've bonded myself to you, remember?*'_ Ipsiya allowed the name 'Laska Leafwalker' magically etched in the hilt to light up. _'*And there's no way I will allow you to wear that armor, and if you try to, I just have to use my eerie mental powers to have you walk off a cliff...*'_

"You don't have any eerie powers, Ip," Laska chuckled. "And if you keep this up, I will use my completely non-eerie powers to toss you into a shrubbery... And only after Korgan is done with it, if you know what I mean."

_'*That's downright cruel!*' _Ipsiya huffed. _'*Well, at least get me a date with Carsomyr, then,*' _she added, referring to the giant holy sword tied to Keldorn's back after the aged inquisitor had lovingly polished it first.

"What about Lilarcor?" Laska grinned. "He's still pining for you. Didn't he he serenade your lovely blue glow only this morning?"

_'*He compared my innate beauty to a ripped-out heart! Both as beautiful as creation, he sang... Off key, I might add...*'_

"Ip, you are simply too demanding," Laska said, while she glanced at Lilarcor. Apparently the sword was trying to convince Minsc that he wanted to steer the huge clydesdale Tiny which was being ridden by Minsc. Luckily, Boo was already doing that.

As usual, Korgan was sitting on the cart away from the horses. On the back of the cart, among the supplies they were carrying, sat Khittix. The spider was having a whale of a time enjoying the sights and smells of the forests, often skittering back and forth and often laying his front legs on the sides of the cart.

From the back of the convoy of horses, Keldorn brushed past the cart on which Korgan and Jan were located, and slowed his horse when he was riding next to Viconia, who was taking point. Even though the drow didn't know the lay of the land, the roads of Amn were quite well-kept and the way to Imnesvale was clearly marked by signs.

"I notice you no longer retire your spider to his statue," Keldorn said.

"He has a name, you know? It's Khittix," Viconia shot back. "And I see no reason to force him back to the astral plane unless things get really dangerous."

"Apologies, I meant no offense," Keldorn said. "I know that the children love him, but a giant spider is not normally the type of animal I think of as a pet."

"You haven't been to a drow city then," Viconia said. "Every household that can afford one has one, or even several. It's usually a problem when you two females, though. Put two females together in one house and they tend to fight. An interesting parallel with drow society when you think about it."

"I suppose," Keldorn bit hit lip. "I sense no evil from him, but it still doesn't sit well with me. I wouldn't let Vesper play with him."

Viconia shrugged. "You could try giving him a treat. I've heard Laska compare Khittix with a dog and I suppose the comparison isn't far off."

"If his nose is anything like a dog's, your armor probably still smells of dragon," Keldorn said.

"It's wonderful, isn't it?" Viconia chuckled. "No doubt this armor will repel many would-be bandits. I wish I had spent more time in front of the mirror, since I undoubtedly make an imposing figure. Cromwell gave me a good price for it, but I still had to put in every coin I owned. Thankfully, I was able to get a very nice price for my old armor to help with the payment. And, no, I didn't embezzle any money from the Imoen fund."

"I wasn't making any accusations," Keldorn held up his hands.

Viconia smirked slightly. "No, but you were thinking it."

"Don't let the armor go to your head, Viconia," Keldorn chuckled. "It's more than armor that makes the adventurer."

"Oh," Viconia shot Keldorn a sly grin as they rode side by side. "I wield the Flail of Ages, Shar has granted me a deadly array of spells and I have the power of beauty and seduction on my side, should my attackers be male. Yet, your words remind me of an old friend of mine."

"Really?" Keldorn said, his tactic of initiating another one of his talks with Viconia having succeeded, "Is there something you want to get off your chest?"

"Yes," Viconia smiled. "Her name was Rauva Everhate. She was my roommate in Arach-Tilith, the clerical school of Lolth in Menzoberranzan. The first moment I saw her, during the introductory speech of Mistress-teacher Triel Baenre, I knew she would be a dangerous rival. She bore a striking pose, looking ready to defeat and conquer all. I was quite dismayed that she was assigned to be my roommate at the dorm. But in private, I found out her 'edge' was simply a mask, and that she had, in fact, a very gentle spirit. She loved to dance, she loved to laugh and tell stories. And she believed in friendship."

"She sounds very unlike the other Drow you have described to me so far," Keldorn said.

"The name 'Everhate' was somewhat of a misnomer. She was definitely not priestess material, but every female of noble birth is expected to become a priestess. Thanks to Rauva, my days at the Academy were not so lonely. But as graduation approached, the reality of drow society became a crushing burden to her. She hated her sisters, and she loathed the idea of becoming like them. But one day, reality slapped her in the face. At the very climax of the graduation ceremony, Rauva ran out of the chambers. I found her only an hour later," Viconia said, her voice taking an unwanted edge of pain. "She was not able to deal with the fact that she had become what she hated... and had hanged herself in our room."

"I'm sorry," Keldorn said sincerely.

"Her gentle spirit had been crushed... And, worse of all, the Everhate family denied her very existence. Public humiliation is a sin in Menzoberranzan, so they, and the academy, acted as if she had never existed. The Academy was only too eager to accept their bribe to scratch her name from their records and quietly make her body disappear. They simply tossed her body onto the rubbish yard to rot. I... we felt that was wrong. She was my friend, and technically she was also priestess of Lolth. And priestesses of Lolth deserve an honorable cremation. So, my brother and I snuck into the rubbish yard next and stole her body. We took her to a mushroom forest just outside of the city, one of her favorite spots, used our magics to cremate her body and spread her ashes at the foot of the largest mushroom," Viconia said solemnly as they passed through the forest on horseback.

"That was an honorable thing you did for your friend, Viconia," Keldorn spoke. "I have buried many friends in my past. It never feels right if you simply leave their bodies to rot, although sometimes there is no other choice."

"I always thought she was weak... Too weak to survive life as a drow. But now I know she turned her back to our particular brand of evil... In a way, she was stronger than I was... She's undoubtedly in a better afterlife than I'll be when I am slain," the drow sighed.

"I disagree," Keldorn pointed out. "Viconia, when you were cast out, you were thrown into a world which you did not know, a world that despised you for what you were. And yet, through the impossible hardships, you have chosen life at every turn. You are stronger than Rauva was, Viconia."

Viconia stared at Keldorn and nodded briefly, her way of thanking him without admitting it. "Perhaps I will tell you of my brother sometimes," she smiled sadly as they rode on in silence. At first, Keldorn thought the drow had simply gone morose due to the bad memories, but after seeing her expression, he figured something more was going on.

"Viconia," Keldorn asked. "Why have you suddenly fallen silent?"

"Because," Viconia whispered back. "We are being followed."

"Followed," Keldorn tensed up and knew better than to look around him. "From where?"

Viconia gently cocked her head towards the cart and saw Khittix pressing against the side of the cart so hard that he looked ready to tumble off. He seemed to be peering intently into the forest on the side of the road.

"Aren't you glad I haven't sent off Khittix to the astral plane, hm?" Viconia smirked. "I must inform Laska. We need to get ready."

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Athkatla, two half-elves had a much lighter discussion. The two had set up their easels in Jan's old room. Ever since the gnome had moved out, the room had been empty. The room's larger windows allowed for excellent lighting and thus was perfect for use as an artist's studio. Several works in progress were set against the walls, and Viconia had been using the rest of the room to store works of art she had yet to find a place for in the house.

Rose and Risa were standing next to each other, the little girl having a smaller easel, of course. Rose was continuing work on a special project which she intended to surprise her new friends with as soon as they would come back, having put the project of Laska's portrait on hold temporarily. The half-elf glanced at the girl whom she had recently learned was her half-sister and was currently engrossed in creating a work of art of her own. The two of them had been spending a lot of time together the past days, and Rose was very happy to get to know her little sister.

Risa was smiling as she added a finishing touch to her masterpiece. It was called 'Horsie'. Of course, it didn't really look much like an actual horse, but such were the vagaries of art.

The last hour of painting, little Risa had been almost literally throwing with paint. It was on the floor, on her face, on her clothes and even on the very tips of her ears. Some of the paint had even landed on the canvas.

Rose laughed when she noticed a little spot of green paint was located on the tip of Risa's nose.

"All done!" Risa smiled and tossed down the brush, splattering even more paint over the floor. "Look there! It's a horsie! There's the tail... and there's the head..."

"I..." Rose muttered, "can't really see the horsie... But I don't have to. This is art, after all."

"Okay," Risa giggled.

"Shall we leave it here to dry?" Rose asked. "It's my turn to tend bar today, so we'd better eat at the inn tonight. So let's get cleaned up..."

"Okay," Risa smiled. "I wanna meet your friends too!"

"Run along them, you little scamp," Rose chuckled and tousled Risa's hair... only to find her hand completely covered with green paint when she withdrew it. "Clean out your hair too," she called after her and just knew that she'd be stuck with removing paint from all over the house tomorrow.

After cleaning up upstairs, Rose returned to the bedroom she shared with Laska and headed for the dresser. Though the half-elf preferred to wear dresses, she picked out a suede pant-suit to wear to work today. When she came out of the bedroom, a smiling Risa was already waiting for her, her hair still wet from the wash she had given it. Hand-in-hand, they headed to the Mithrest Inn.

* * *

The new and improved Mithrest Inn was doing plenty of business, though one could not tell it from a glance inside. The Mithrest, with its calming color scheme and conversation-pit structure, was filled with people. Though the Mithrest was located right next to the Den of the Seven Vales, the two inns catered to a very different clientele and had very little competition from each other. The Mithrest was quickly gaining the reputation of a quiet and non-rowdy place with good dining and clean, luxurious rooms.

From her usual position behind the bar, Rose noted with satisfaction that her employees, or more accurately, the inn's co-owners, were doing their part to make the inn great. Also, the Aquarium-wall in the back of the Inn was finally finished, and tables near the unique aquarium-wall had to be reserved at least a day in advance.

"Another cookie, Risa?" Brianna, one of Rose's closest friends, cooed over little Risa.

"Oh, yes, please!" Risa giggled.

"Okay," Rose smiled at Risa, "No more cookies for you. Dinner is on in half an hour."

As the girl scampered off, Brianna stood next to Rose. "Your sister is very cute," she said. "Imagine finding her like that."

Rose nodded. "Yeah. Suddenly I went from having no family at all to suddenly having a little sister."

"When are you going to tell her?" Brianna batted her friend against the arm.

The half-elf leaned on the bar for a moment, lost in thought. "I'm not sure I should."

"Are you kidding me?" Brianna blinked. "Why wouldn't you?!"

At that moment, a patron come to the counter to order some drinks, which Rose and Brianna quickly fulfilled. Rose sighed as Brianna kept pressing.

"Risa still believes her father is out there looking for her," Rose said. "I know how comforting that illusion was for me. I'm not sure if I should take that away."

"She has no family now and that father of hers will never show up," Brianna crossed her arms. "And it's exactly the same for you. So why not just cut the crap, just tell her so that you can be real sisters?"

Rose nodded. "Gods, that sounds like something Laska would say." She looked at her friend; Brianna, a young human girl, had only been working the streets of the Bridge district for two years. And in that time she had been knifed over ten times. How the drunken muggers always singled out Brianna in the crowd was anybody's guess, but Rose had been looking out for her ever since she had first found her bleeding while Brianna was staggering towards the small temple of Helm on the Bridge. Friends ever since, the two had shared plenty of tales of both happiness and misery.

"You know I'm right," Brianna said. "And if that sexy elf of yours would be here, she'd be saying exactly the same thing.

"I'll have to find the right moment," Rose said. "This won't be easy."

"Let's just settle for having dinner today and leave the bomb-droppings for another day, then, if that makes you feel more comfortable."

* * *

"Ten more seconds!" Risa giggled as she and Rose were sitting on the couch back at their home. Rose's nose was scrounged up as her face contorted in uncomfortable disgust. The challenge: holding a teaspoon of pepper in her mouth for a whole minute.

"Five... four... three... two... one! YOU MADE IT!" Risa whooped with joy.

Immediately, Rose started coughing violently and downed an entire decanter of water. "Oh, gods, why did I do that?!"

"Your turn!" Risa announced.

"Truth or Dare?" Rose asked after recovering from the peppery onslaught.

"Truth!" Risa said stoically, but her face soon cracked in a smile.

"Have you ever kissed a boy?" Rose grinned.

"What?! That's an unfair question," Risa sighed. "But yeah, I did... At school, during playground-time. It was Tommy Ysbrady..."

"Hey, wasn't that the boy who called you a stupid halfbreed?" Rose asked.

"Yeah," Risa giggled. "He decided he liked half-elves after all..."

"Heh, typical," Rose chuckled.

"Yeppers," Risa smiled. "Okay, Truth or Dare?"

"Truth," Rose said, having not quite yet recovered from the pepper-incident. "Truth this time."

"Okay, I've got a really mean one," Risa grinned. "What's Laska like... in bed?"

"RISA!" Rose said horrified. "That's private!"

"So was my kiss," Risa said, crossing her arms. "Come on, share."

"But, you're only nine!"

"Old enough to know what sex is that you two are obviously having it," Risa smirked. "I'm no stupid little kid, Rose..."

"Well," Rose said, accepting this statement, but speaking with growing unease, "If you really must know, Laska is a very, very gentle lover. She takes her time for me."

Risa cocked her head sideways. "Is that everything?" she asked suspiciously.

Rose chuckled. "Alright, alright. There's also the times that she just flips me on my back and ravishes me so completely that all the stars in the sky flash before my eyes."

They were interrupted by a heavy metallic knock on the door. 'Saved by the bell,' Rose thought as she stood up from the couch and walked towards the door. Opening it, she came face to face with a huge human man, wearing a shiny full plate. His long sandy hair whipped in the wind as he gazed into Rose's eyes with his own blue peepers.

"Oh, beauteous creature!" the knight announced, while he bent to one knee and "I am Oberon, warrior-priest of Helm! Paladin in the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, delightfully questing for your approval of holy wooing according to paladine rules!"

Rose merely stared at the tincan kneeling in front of her.

"Oh, my Lady," Oberon smiled, mistaking Rose's stunned silence for approval. "I shall long to perform dangerous quests for you. I shall lay the heads of many do'ers of evil at your feet to win your approval! I shall carry you across the city to celebrate our holy love..."

"Look," Rose said, "even if I wasn't with someone right now, I'm only interested in seeing women, so please just leave me alone."

"Ah, you are coy, my Lady," the knight smiled. "But I shall strive and quest to win your heart, by all that is holy and good, I swear this..."

"I bet I kissed a lot more girls than you ever did," Rose muttered under her breath.

The knight blinked once... and twice... and thrice. "You are mistaken, my Lady. Girls kiss boys..."

"Not you, in any case," Rose said. "Sorry, but I'm really not interested."

"How can you choose a cowardly knave over a holy warrior?!" the knight smiled. "I shall do everything to win your heart! I shall quest the world, I shall find my way into your heart! Nothing shall deter me!"

Then, Rose slammed the door shut, following with a sharp 'clicking' sound.

"She... she locked the door!" the knight sighed.

"Hmmm," Oberon said, burning off half a million brain cells per second as he pondered. "Breaking the door would be against the law, and thus, evil... and I cannot be evil so I cannot break down the door, because that would be against the law and evil. And I cannot be evil, so breaking down the door is not a option, because the law would not be by my side and I'd be evil. But I'm not evil, so I cannot break down her door, because it's against the law and evil... And I cannot be evil, so I must leave the door standing. Opening it without her permission would be against the law, and thus not very good. And since I'm very good, that is not an option..." he kept repeating as he strolled across the temple-district.

"Who was it?" Risa asked as Rose returned to the couch.

"Just a troll," Rose said. "It's rather late, shall we go to sleep?"

"Errrmmm," Risa said, staring at the darkened staircase with a fearful look. "This... this house is so big when you're alone. Big and dark... Aren't you scared?" she asked hopefully. "Cause, if you're scared and all, I'll be very happy to sleep in the big bed with you, so you don't have to be scared. Please?" she asked with puppydog eyes.

"Sure," Rose smiled. "I'll feel very safe with you near," she grinned, taking the grateful girl by the hand as they went to the kitchen to brush their teeth.


	58. Songs of the Harpers

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 58: Songs of the Harpers_

The first of the assailants followed their quarry into a reasonably small clearing the woods. Two riders on horseback strode forward carefully after the people they were after suddenly veered off the road into the woods beyond.

In the clearing, the only thing they saw was the cart their target had been using. Of the horses, there was not a sign. It was quiet, too quiet. The assailants drew their swords and started circling around the cart in an attempt to figure out where the party had gone.

They were alerted to the presence of an angry female elf as Laska emerged from the trees above them. With two swords drawn, the elf rushed down. Undoubtedly, she was attempting to tackle one of the riders and wrestle her off the horse and drag her down onto the ground. Unfortunately, Laska overshot her target and effectively faceplanted herself into the forest-floor right between the two riders.

"Bollocks..." Laska groaned as she lay prone while the horses reared.

Though her planned take-down didn't exactly go as planned, it was the cue for the rest of the party to burn loose. Out of the underbrush came running one berserk dwarf and one berserk ranger.

"RRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRR RRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!" shouted Minsc as he bullrushed into the side of one of the horses and tipped over both the horse and the rider on top of it. Korgan, not wanting to be left behind, rammed his shoulder into second rider's leg. A shout folllowed a sickening snap, causing the second rider to fall to the ground crying in agony.

Meanwhile, Dynaheir, Viconia and Jan revealed themselves in the trees above, brandishing spells and, in Jan's case, a mean-looking crossbow. Keldorn, whom had also hidden in the trees, though his heavy armor forced him to stick to the lower branches, was having some trouble actually getting down. Eventually, he fell down and landed on his rear-end with a loud clang. "Argh," he groaned. "I'm too old for this nonsense!"

While Keldorn and Minsc pointed their weapons at the downed scouts, Laska slowly picked herself up. "Bloody hell," she groaned. "That really, really, hurt..."

"So much for elven grace!" Jan called down.

"Hey, I... I wasn't ready yet!" Laska retorted.

"Then why did ye jump?" Korgan smirked.

"Because... because _shut up_ that's why!" Laska said, dismissing any further discussion.

With what had now basically become a hostage situation the other pursuers, seven in total, entered the clearing. The air was thick with tension as they stepped forward. They were mostly wearing non-descript armor, yet the most distinctive feature of their attire was a bawdy pin on their lapels. One of them was obviously a wizard; a gray-skinned moon elf wearing a purple robe stepped forward, while giving Laska a piercing stare.

"Oy, we be breakin' skulls soon!" Korgan chuckled while the group took up defensive positions. Keldorn clutched Carsomyr, while Viconia and Dynaheir were preparing defensive spells. Jan was looking very jovial as he loaded his newly adapted crossbow. Minsc gently put Boo in a protective part of his armor and then grasped Lilarcor, ready to administer the very boot of justice!

Laska was grinning like a shark while she twirled her blades in a threatening fashion. Even though she was not even able to cast the simplest of spells, she was very well versed in the other elven art: swordplay. Though she had practiced hard when she was younger, a lot of people had told her she was a natural. It showed; her dual blades twirled in perfect harmony

"Impressive," the enemy moon elf spoke in a gruff, accusing voice. "But if you were a real elf, the forest would hold no secret for you... and you would not have missed that jump."

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Laska snarled. "And what do you want with us?"

"And, more importantly," Korgan added, "which bodypart would ye like to 'ave chopped off first? HAR!"

"If you seek to rob us," Keldorn spoke, "I suggest you move on. The losses would outweigh the gain."

"MINSC WILL SHOVE A PINE CONE UP THE BUTTS OF EVIL!" Minsc shouted. "Oh, Boo, that was such a nasty thing to say!" he said while his hamster seemed to giggle.

"We are not brigands," the moon elf spoke softly. "And we are merely interested in Laska... Leafwalker," he spat out the name. "How appalling... That such a noble family would produce a creature such as you. I know what you are, Laska. And you are no elf..."

"I _am_ an elf, idiot. You'd think the ears would be enough of a clue," Laska snarled, but knew exactly what her opponent was talking about.

"You are not an elf, you are a copy of one. A failed copy at that," the male mage sneered. "I am sickened by your presence. Your very existence defiles everything you touch, even the very forests. Your taint marks you."

"I am an elf," Laska repeated softly this time. "And I'm damn proud to be an elf..."

The mage merely shook his head and sighed. "You are no elf... You are an animal with the face of an elf. You can never be a true elf... But that was not the point of our discussion. I am merely to detain you until our Master Harper arrives."

Laska never let it show, but the words of her elven kinsman had cut her to the bone. She knew her elven spirit was incomplete because of the taint and that there were aspects of elven life that she would never experience. But that certainly would not mean she was not an elf, did it?

"Now, I wouldn't go and provoke her like that," Jan chuckled. "You know, when I was little, and we still lived in our old house in the forest, we lived next to a rather eccentric moon elven family. You see, whenever an elf from this family got angry, he actually _EXPLODED_! Of course, we didn't know we were living next to kamikaze moon-elves, but it soon became painfully clear when my uncle Robby went over to the neighbor's house to borrow an axe. Why, our next door neighbor literally exploded with rage, taking uncle Robby with him! Unbelievable... the only thing uncle Robby wanted was to chop down that completely useless forest to build a glorious 18-hole golf-course in the backyard, can you believe that overreaction? Same thing happened when my aunty Gradia wanted went over to bring some mud cakes... which were made out of actual 100%-pure mud from our very own pig-pen, those ungrateful elves. But the real blast came at the family reunion of 1298. It's a family-tradition that we all sing together before we dash off to the snack-table, you see? Unfortunately, the song Ma picked that day was '_Elves are a bunch of pointy eared orc-shaggers_'. The neighbor's house exploded right off the forest-floor and shot straight up into the sky. And that, my friends, is the story how the moon elves got their name. Because that house shot all the way to the very moon!"

Everyone in the glade, the two moon elves included, stared at the gnome with open mouths.

"Is... he always like that?" the male elven mage asked.

"Pretty much continuously," Laska replied.

Another figure stepped forward, an half-elven female wearing a splendid white leather armor. More importantly, Laska recognized the figure as the strange assassin that had appeared when she had returned a little bird to Xzar.

"Err, hi," Laska grinned uneasily as she recognized the female assassin. "How's the chest?" she added sheepishly.

The assassin wheezed sharply. "Every breath I take hurts like hell."

"Uhm, good luck with that."

Before Laska could formulate a reply, a bright light formed in the middle of the grove. A dimension door opened, and through it stepped three people. One was a tall and haughty human man dressed in plain leathers. Next to him stood two half-elves. One of them was a rather nervous-looking male. The other...

"Well," the female half-elf spoke in a thick Tethyrian accent, "if it isn't the self-destructive girl-child..."

"Well," Laska retorted, "if it isn't the dog-faced woman..."

* * *

_"Well, it is about time you got here," Jaheira told Laska as she and her party had just entered the Friendly Arm Inn. The inn was filled with boisterous and cheerful people, with the woman standing in front of her being a rather notable exception._

_"We went on a slight detour," Laska replied, taking an immediate dislike to the bossy woman standing in front of her._

_"Yes, I can see that," Jaheira said, casting a suspicious glance at the hooded drow who was glaring through the room like a very suspicious hawk. Imoen, the girl Laska considered to be a sister, was constantly trying to soothe the mysterious drow woman, not paying attention to the fact that Viconia had been viciously slaughtering her over and over again with her eyes alone._

_"I do not think it is wise to travel with one such as her," Jaheira whispered. "Your own heritage not withstanding, I fear that she will betray us the first chance she shall get."_

_"I choose my own friends and companions," Laska all but snarled in return. "We found her shivering in the cold and being chased by a Flaming Fist guard who tried to kill her just for being a drow. Well, we returned the favor," Laska grinned._

_"You didn't," Jaheira sighed. "So, you antagonize the entire Flaming Fist to rescue a stranger? Possibly a criminal stranger who just happens to be a drow. And now you intend to allow her to travel with you? One of the most recognizable evil races of Toril? You certainly know how to attract attention to yourself, especially when its definitely not desirable."_

_"Now, now, dear. P-p-please. Laska does have a p-point, w-when she..."_

_"Be silent, Khalid," Jaheira turned her head sharply. "How does it even make sense? You're an elf! You're not supposed to get along with drow."_

_In the background, Imoen was showing a very irritated Viconia all manner of surface utensils. "And this," Imoen cheerfully continued, "is a little instrument we call a fork. It's like a shovel to dig food in your mouth..."_

_Viconia was simply staring blankly. "I know... we wore shoes in the Underdark too," she spoke in a slow, ridiculing tone._

_"I know that, of course," Imoen chuckled. "Just looking if you were still paying attention..."_

_"Insipidly cheerful child," Viconia shook her head._

_"Hey," Imoen suddenly turned her head towards Jaheira. "Did you know how much trouble Las and I had to go through just to convince Vic here to accept the gift of an extra blanket for her ratty old bedroll? It's almost as if she doesn't trust us!"_

_"I don't," Viconia muttered bluntly, her eyes darting from patron to patron, assessing possible threats._

_The little exchange did nothing to ease Jaheira's mind. "How can you just trust someone you met two days ago over those who have been your father's friends?"_

"_That's still two days longer than I've known you," Laska retorted. "Dad never mentioned either of you once to me, you're both strangers to me!"_

_"Though I protest," Jaheira sighed. "Your companions are your own choice... But I must insist we leave for Nashkel immediately."_

_"WHAT?!" Laska chuckled. "Not a chance. I go where I bloody like! And I don't want to go to Nashkel just yet. I'd like to find the sod who killed Gorion," her eyes glazed a little, the terrible pain still being quite fresh. "Besides... I still need to get some serious drinking done."_

_"Yeah!" Imoen confirmed. "Errr, not about the drinking... about Gorion!"_

_"I go where they go," Viconia stated bluntly. "I really don't have a choice."_

_"Oh, this is intolerable!" Jaheira said. "People are counting on us, and you want to sit here to wet your whistle?!"_

_"That's basically it, yes," Laska said. "And why are people counting on you in the first place? It can't be because you're a great hero, because you really don't look like one."_

_"I cannot discuss this with you," Jaheira crossed her arms and gazed the elf in the eyes. "But it's very urgent..."_

_"Ah," Laska grinned, "so you want me to take off for places unknown, for reasons unknown, with people I don't know, for people I don't know and to fight enemies I have never heard of. Oh, yeah, you're really convincing me here."_

_"Look!" the seething half-elf snarled. "Are you going to escort us to Nashkel or not?!"_

_"Knowing my sister," Imoen chuckled. "Not..."_

_"Jaheira," Khalid tried once more. "P-p-perhaps you should..."_

_"Quit, dear," Jaheira said and directed her ire at the elf once more, while Laska downed her first cup of ale and asked Bentley for a second one. "Alright, Gorion told us you were headstrong, but this is intolerable," Jaheira said, tugging at Laska's arm. "Come on, child. We are leaving now," she continued tugging. "I said COM..."_

_Jaheira never knew what hit her. A balled fist struck against the right side of her jaw from point-blank range. Aside from an audible crack, the relatively light half-elf was given momentum by the force of the blow and was actually sent flying through the air, moving to the left of the moon-elf and landing on top of a table, rolling from it and ending up faced down on the floor, quite unconscious._

_"Jaheira! S-Speak to me!" Khalid emitted a horrified shout as he ran towards his fallen wife and supported her back._

_"KA-POWWWWW!" Imoen giggled as she imitated the uppercut which her elven sister had just delivered. Over and over again, the little rogue was shadowboxing against an unknown opponent, while even Viconia seemed to chuckle under her hood. In the meantime, Laska downed her second ale and tossed a few coins on the counter._

_"Come on," Laska told her friends. "Let's get out of here..."_

* * *

"You broke my jaw," Jaheira snarled as she narrowed her eyes at the tattooed elf. "In three separate places. It really hurt."

"Good," Laska returned in a slow voice and with a half-grin.

Then, the starting contest resumed.

"I hope you lost a couple of teeth too," Laska grinned.

"I did," Jaheira growled back. "Perhaps I should return the favor."

"Wooo!" Jan whooped. "Cat-fight!"

Meanwhile, the two scouts whom had been taken hostage were looking rather nervous. The one with the shattered leg was still in terrible pain and the fact that an angry smelly dwarf was pressing an axe against her throat wasn't helping much to better her mood. The second one was still staring down the business-end of Lilarcor and was in no mood to anger an gigantic ranger who talked to hamsters.

"Now, now, ladies," the rat-faced Master Harper said, moving between the two glaring women. "First of all, let's not do anything all of us are going to regret."

The elven mage spoke up. "Release Evelyn. She is in pain and needs treatment. If these is any shred of decency among you, give her over to us."

Viconia, still up in the trees, spoke up. "Do not release the hostages! Give her a healing potion for the pain and be done with. If we let those two go, we do nothing but invite those louts from attacking us."

The were some angry stares, enough of a sign that the drow had seen through their intentions. It was at that moment that the rat-faced man spoke up. "We have no time for this. As Master Harper, I have decisions to make."

"Master Harper?" Jaheira spat. "You are not Master Harper yet, Galvarey."

"I soon will be," Galvarey smirked, and looked as if he had just had a bag filled with gold dropped in his lap. Then, he directed his attention at Laska and her party. Scraping his throat, the rat-faced man continued. "Laska Leafwalker and friends, I would have words with you..."

"I would have _fists_ with you, if you don't start making sense!" Laska snarled.

"See, Galvarey?" Jaheira snarled. "Is she not all that I told you she was?"

"Harpers!" Keldorn suddenly spoke. "Yes, it makes sense, now. These are Harpers, Laska. And organization that supposedly does good work. Perhaps we should hear them out?"

Laska noticed, however, that Keldorn's grip on Carsomyr had not lessened in intensity. The situation was growing increasingly tense. Minsc and Korgan were twitching for battle, and it would only be a matter of time before they would simply storm into the group of Harpers cleave the limbs from their bodies.

"Very astute, paladin," Galvarey smiled. "Miss Leafwalker, do you know why we are here, then?"

"Because you're a complete bastard, and you get off on hassling hapless travelers from the bushes?" the elf tried. A sudden snicker sounded from Khalid, and even a small tug at the corners of Jaheira's mouth could be seen.

"No," Galvarey said with barely contained anger. "I am certain you do indeed know why we are concerned about you."

"Any reason why I should care?" Laska chuckled.

"Any reason why we be just standin' 'ere instead o' choppin'?" Korgan asked.

"You are blunt, as is your life," Galvarey spoke, as if preaching to a choir. "An existence pushing through everything in its path."

"Careful, Laska," Viconia whispered lowly, so that only elven ears could pick up the sound. The drow still made sure she was out of earshot of the elven Harper by whispering into a breeze blowing away from his sharp elven hearing. "This one seeks to convince his own party members more that he seeks to convince us. There is something not quite right about this Galvarey, and I know a deceptive speaker when I see one."

"Let me ask you a few things straight away," he directed at Laska. "Nothing too intrusive, I assure you. What are your earliest memories? Are they happy ones?"

"Hmmm," Laska said, pretending to think. "Well, I gotta really drunk on day and forgot everything," she joked. "And even if I could remember, I wouldn't tell you anything..."

Another tense moment followed as Galvarey remained silent. "Confrontational, I see... Not good. Tell me, do you have... violent thoughts?"

"Let's see," the elf muttered. "Would you consider me shoving a branch up your arse until leaves shoot out of your mouth violent? Would you consider me squeezing your cretinous head open like a pimple violent? Would you consider me slowly removing your ribcage with a blunt butter knife particularly violent? Or would you simply start crying when I poke you in the chest?"

Again the situation was increasingly tense. Weapons were raised on both sides, and it seemed a fight would be inevitable. Still, Khalid was snickering, and this time, he was silenced by a harsh glare from Jaheira.

"Well, no surprises there," Galvarey said, looking a little paler. "Ingrained response, I would assume. Now then, what is your favorite color?"

"Hmmm, red," Laska nodded.

"Red! The color of Blood! I should have guessed!" Galvarey cried like a priest of Cyric.

"But I'm also partial to black," the elf bit her lip.

"Black like the void! Or shadows! Or death!"

"I like green too," Laska nodded.

"Green! Jealousy, or the gangrenous limb!"

"But my favorite color has to be," Laska chuckled, "Turnip lime-Cyan." When she gazed in Jan's direction, the gnome gave her a smile and a thumbs-up sign.

"Ah, I... see... Errrm, well that is the color of... of... turnips? Err..." Galvarey sighed, burning off a million brain cells in the process. "Well, I'll just go for your first answer."

"How professional," Viconia smirked.

"But let me present more evidence!" Galvarey snarled. "Let us take a look at those you travel with! Here we have a drow! A creature born of the very fires of the Abyss... Evil to the core!"

Viconia nodded for a moment. "Born of the very fires of the Abyss? That's one I haven't heard before. Hm, two out of ten for effort, I suppose."

"And here we have Keldorn, a noble paladin. How many have you killed in the name of righteousness? How many lives have you destroyed in the name of goodness?" Galvarey foamed at the mouth.

"I could ask you the same question, of course," Keldorn spoke angrily.

"And here we have Minsc. A fine, young promising lad you have seduced to your wicked violent ways, elf!" Galvarey added, pointing a finger at the hulking ranger.

"Boo says it's not polite to point! And Minsc says it's not polite to insult Minsc's friends either!" the hulking ranger retorted.

"Jan Jansen, immoral adventurer and creator of highly illegal inventions!"

"I'll have you know my robot scorpion was perfectly legal! How was I supposed to know it would explode right in the middle of the farmer's mart? How was I supposed to know the Amnian peasants would find bits of metal in their fruit all week? But, you'll be happy to know I'm working on a newer version which is explosion-proof! I still haven't figured out how I can make it go without an engine, though."

"Korgan Bloodaxe... Enough said."

"OY!" Korgan shook his axe angrily. "Donnae I even be gettin' an 'onorable mention, fool long-limb?"

"And Dynaheir... how many people has she killed during her recent... condition?" Galvarey said, making the Rashemi Deviner shake with rage. "The blood of dozens has been, quite literally, on your hands, Dynaheir."

"No!" Viconia shouted and clasped Dynaheir's wrist just before she could hurl a spell in Galvarey's direction. Jan, who had seen this coming, took the liberty of diverting Minsc's attention by making a grab for Boo.

"And what about the one that you love, one Rose Greenhill?" Galvarey sneered, while Laska stiffened. "Oh, yes, we know about her. And ex-prostitute often catering to..."

"Gods-be-damned, you leave her out of this!" Laska snarled and shot forward, only to realize she had fallen for Galvarey's trap.

"Did you see her eyes?" Galvarey told her comrades, who nodded in response. "Like those of a rabid beast!" he said, leaving Laska to seethe in anger.

"Despite your good deeds, Laska Leafwalker, I consider you a threat to the balance," Galvarey finally said. "I have ruled that you are to be imprisoned... Now, I see what you are thinking, but it's nothing so barbaric. Imprisonment to contain the chaos you might sow, either intentionally or unwittingly. It is a humane solution. I mean the spell 'Imprisonment'. You will find yourself in a small container a few leagues under the earth. Quite peaceful."

"You cannot do that to an elf!" Keldorn spoke up. "She'll go completely mad!"

"The decision has already been made... by me... You may offer a few words in your defense, though it does not matter much."

"Are you finished?" Laska finally spoke softly, after having followed the conversation with interest. "My answer is no, Galvarey... No. I'm not going to give you a defense. No exposition of good or evil. I'm simply going to do what a Bhaalspawn does best and what you are expecting me to do..." she concluded, and, like a bolt of lightning, shot forward and delivered a sharp high-kick to the elven mage's jaw, sending him reeling backwards.

"No blood!" Laska shouted to her friends as they responded in kind, telling them to leave the Harpers alive.

"Och, ye gots ta be kiddin' me!" Korgan shot while he slammed the butt of his axe in the groin of one of the rangers, sending him moaning to the floor.

Dynaheir's spellcraft took out two more Harper footmen, the blue wave of magic knocking them backwards into the waiting armors of Minsc, who gladly took the two Harpers in a massive bear hug. Though the Harpers struggled, they could no longer breathe and eventually, Minsc dropped the unconscious Harpers to the floor. Viconia, in the meantime, knocked out the white-clad Harper assassin by slamming her shield against her jaw and following it up with a kick to the chest.

Laska shot forward once more, and before Galvarey could even grab for his sword, the elf slammed the hilt of Ipsiya against his temple, sending him reeling into Khalid. As the two men collapsed in a tumble, Laska was left facing Jaheira. The two women glared at each other, pointing their weapons at each other's throats. Suddenly, Jaheira twirled her scimitar, and set it tip-down in the dirt. The elf nodded as she understood her meaning, twirled her own blades, and set them tip-down in the dirt as well, suffering loud protests from Ipsiya. The two women raised their fists and started circling each other, both focusing on the pure hate in each other's eyes.

Finally, Jaheira sped forward, intending to storm the elf, only to find herself sidestepped by the speedier Laska, who grabbed the neck of her armor and the back of her belt as she sped past. A small tug sent the half-elf sprawled on the ground. But Jaheira quickly recovered and jumped to her feet. A flurry of punches followed, which both combatants quickly blocked, as if the two were testing each other's strength. Suddenly, Jaheira broke the pattern, twirled around her axis and slammed her elbow directly at Laska's ribs. An audible crack could be heard, and the sharp pain in Laska's chest alerted the elf to the fact that at least one of her ribs had just been broken.

In the background, Galvarey knew that the battle was lost. Instead, he stood there, fumbling with a small enchanted stone which was meant to be Laska's prison.

"W-what are you doing?!" Khalid yelled horrified. "You c-can't! J-j-jaheira is still..."

"I don't care!" Galvarey snarled and pushed Khalid away. "With Laska's imprisonment, I can be sponsored for Master Harper!"

"P-political?" Khalid said calmly. "This whole charade w-was for your own p-p-personal reasons? Are the Harpers here just as corrupt as the rest of this rotten nation?"

"Don't be a fool, Khalid, these lower Harpers are just fodder, but what I can do as Master Harper makes their sacrifice worth the..." Galvarey snarled, but Khalid would not budge. Instead, the half-elf rushed to the surprised would-be Master Harper, grasping the stone with both hands. The two men struggled for a while, but Khalid turned out to be the stronger, and was left with the magical stone in his hand.

"K-khalid!" Galvarey stammered as he tried to run. "Don't... don't do anything stupid!"

But Khalid merely smiled and activated the magic of the stone. Galvarey screamed as his body dissolved and his soul was forced into the stoney prison forever. Khalid shook his head in disgust and tossed the stone into the deep forest, not seeing where it landed. He turned to look at his wife and the violent elf, the only two still left fighting, wondering how the hell he would manage to break them up.

Jaheira shot the elf a triumphant smile as Laska was still trying to find a stable and painless breathing-pattern. Jaheira's victory was short-lived, since she suddenly found herself being thrown painfully against a tree. Another flurry of kicks and punches followed, but Jaheira was losing. Jaheira's face was bloodied as a deep gash below her right eye wetted her cheek, while several bruises started to form on exposed parts of her body. So far, Laska's only injuries were a broken rib and a black eye. Still Jaheira would not give up.

Still having fun, Laska decided it was time to end this battle. Ignoring the throbbing pain in her chest, she squatted and kicked out against Jaheira's lower leg, sending the druid down in a crumpled heap. Quick as a flash, Laska was behind the fallen druid, locking her strong arm tightly around Jaheira's neck. "All I have to do," Laska said while Jaheira was clawing at Laska's arm, "is to jerk sharply to the left and it'll be all over." But instead, Laska let go and pushed the druid to the floor.

The tattooed elf stood up, rubbing her painful chest. "I... win," she smiled.

But Jaheira did not relent. She started to stand up again.

"I win," Laska stressed and readied herself for combat again. "Don't you see? I'm letting you _go_!"

"You..." Jaheira snarled, "are a threat to the balance... I cannot."

"Jaheira, no!" Khalid shouted and was at his wife's side. "Please, don't do this..."

"Khalid," Jaheira sighed. "Please be quiet..."

"I will not!" Khalid said forcefully. "Please, I love you! For once in your life, would you please swallow your damn pride?!"

"Khalid?" Jaheira suddenly smiled. "You... you didn't stutter."

"I didn't?" Khalid said, then smiled. "I suppose I didn't..."

Smiling, the exhausted druid let herself slip to the ground, in the caring embrace of her husband.

"Let's get out of here," Laska said, leaving the two lovers behind. "I need some healing..." she grimaced.

"Wait," came the rasping sound from the elven mage as he lay wounded on the ground. "Wait..."

Laska's head whipped around to look at the fallen mage just before her party left the grove and the battle behind. Her angry eyes told the mage to make it quick and tasteful.

"I overheard Galvarey's motives just now. He was wrong. I was wrong. I apologize for my earlier words. In truth, it was meant to rile you up. You... are an elf. Your taint does not rule you. I shall tell this... to the other Master Harpers."

"You are a Master Harper?" Laska asked.

"Of course," the elven Master Harper grinned. "Galvarey was completely fooled. You... you shall no longer be bothered by the Harpers, this I promise... I wish you luck on your journey, Laska Leafwalker, daughter of Leilani. But, be honest, you did look pretty stupid after you fell out of that tree."

"Heh, not my best moment," Laska smiled warmly in return and nodded. "Take good care of your friends," she said before leaving the grove to retrieve their horses.

* * *

Meanwhile, back in Athkatla, a knock sounded at the front door of Laska's estate.

Just as before, Rose opened the door... only to come face to face with Sir Boring Old Gitface, as Risa had come to call the clueless paladin. He was standing there, with the usual shining armor and stupid grin plastered across his face.

"My lady," Oberon smiled. "I have quested far and wide, long and arduous, followed the paths of righteousness to prove my worth to you, my precious flower. I prithee, that I might be worthy of your virginal appraise."

"Didn't I made myself quite clear yesterday?" Rose sighed.

"Yesterday, I did not come bearing a gift, my Lady," Oberon smiled. "Now, with this gift," he said, handing Rose a cloth bag, "I hope that I might have a piece of your beautiful dress to tie to my lance for the next joust, so that I might defend your honor."

"When the elf who usually defends my honor returns from her adventure, you're going to wish you were never born," Rose said dryly when she opened the bag and looked inside.

A shriek of terror sounded, and the bag was dropped to the floor immediately. The half-elf looked white as a sheet as she looked upon the bag's contents, now staring at her from the ground with dead, accusing eyes.

"There... there's a _severed head_ in that bag!" Rose shouted in the paladin's face.

"Of course, my Lady," Oberon smiled as if it was nothing special. "This is my way of showing my affection for you."

"Whatever happened to flowers and a box of chocolate?!" Rose shrieked. "You just shoved a severed head in my hands! What are you, some kind of lunatic?!"

"My Lady," the paladin smiled. "You misunderstand. This, my flower, is the head of Grocus Yellowtooth, the principal Orcish brigand-leader in this region. To prove my worth to you, my virginal beauty, I have slain him and present you with his head!"

"So it's heads you want, eh?" Rose said, rubbing her chin. "Wait here," she said, slamming the door shut. Immediately, Rose ran to the second floor, to Sion's old office, which was now used as a storage area for magical weapons and items which were not currently used by Laska's party, but might be needed for the future. Tossing some weapons aside, Rose found the object she was looking for. The Gauntlets of Ogre Power. Donning the gloves, she walked downstairs.

Meanwhile, Oberon was pacing about, waiting for his vision of loveliness to return to the door. When he finally heard the door open behind him, he turned around and smiled... Only to draw his weapon as he was faced with the gigantic head of a Red Dragon, a monster of myth.

"Oh, calm yourself," Rose said as it was revealed she was, in fact, holding the stuffed head of dragon. "See this," she pointed at the large teeth. "This is the 'token of affection' which my lover has brought me," she told a little white lie. "See if you can do better than this!" Rose smiled and slammed the door shut.

"Worry not, my Lady," Oberon said to the closed door. "I shall quest, strive and suffer for your love..."

"You'll suffer, alright," Rose muttered to herself, "if you're still here when Laska comes back... Now," she said, looking at the head, "how do I put this big thing back in its place?"


	59. Adventures in magic and cooking

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 59: Adventures in magic and cooking_

Satisfied with herself, Imoen inspected the gathered ingredients lying on the table. Fresh flour, assorted vegetables, cooking oil, several freshly plucked chickens and, the crown of her achievement, a wild boar. After a month of lobbying, begging, pleading, threatening, kicking, screaming, joking, ridiculing, and battering her eyelashes, the little pink-haired mage had managed to convince Wanev to requisition these foodstuffs so that she, Dradeel and several other mages could cook themselves a wonderful meal.

The staff of the Asylum had apparently decided that cooking would distract the mages trapped here from any violent thoughts, so now, they were standing in Dradeel's kitchen, getting ready to get to work.

"Have you done any... BAD DOG!... cooking before, Imoen, I SAID BAD DOG!" Dradeel said to Imoen, while trying to get rid of an invisible werewolf at the same time.

"Well, my sister is actually a way better chef than me. It's sort of her hobby, but I helped quite a bit so I know what to do," Imoen smiled. "I started cooking back at Candlekeep when I was fifteen. Laska had found this lovely little cookbook and tried making some of the recipes at the local inn with me, you know? But it didn't... go exactly as planned."

"How so?" the halfling Tommy Gunn, a mage wearing a robe with dragon-figures stitched all over it, spoke up.

"Well, let's just say that I'm glad my sister's eyebrows started to grow back a week later... but it took another few weeks for her to talk to me without glaring whenever I glanced at her eyebrows," Imoen grimaced. "Yeah, I've better learned how to work an oven since then."

"Shall we begin then?" Tommy Gunn grinned. "My draconic belly aches for sustenance! If I have to wait any longer, I shall have to contend with eating everyone here! Mwuhahahahaha!"

Imoen snickered at Tommy's words. He was a new inmate, a halfling who apparently got it in his head that he was, in fact, an ancient wyrm whose spell backfired and was now trapped in his current tiny hobbit-form.

"Tiax rules all!" the mad gnome snarled at the others. "When I rule, I shall have my cooks whipped while they make me a feast fit for the god-king of the Realms! And I shall outlaw veggies! They get stuck between your teeth and crunch defiantly whenever you chew on them! Instead of eating, veggies shall be used for firewood!"

"Keep the dream alive, Tiax," Imoen chuckled, having long ago stopped taking the mad gnome seriously.

"Okay," Imoen said. "Any ideas for an starter?"

"I know! BAD DOG!" he said, kicking away an invisible werewolf. "How about some refreshing monkey balls?"

"Well, we'd have to make some dough and pat..."

"Dough?" Dradeel replied. "We don't need any BAD DOG, BACK WITH YOU dough. You take one monkey, remove all the fur and skin, and strip the meat off..."

"Okay, okay, eeeeeeewwwww," Imoen said, crinkling her nose in a grimace of disgust. "Let's leave the primates alone, shall we?"

"Well, if you feel that's BAD DOGGIE! PLAY DEAD! necessary," Dradeel said.

"I was thinking that we start with vegetable soup, then follow with bread and chicken legs and close with some fresh pig!" Imoen said, licking her lips in anticipation.

Tommy chose that exact moment to mock-roar. "Oh, yes! Good roasted meat! Ah, now if only I could get my powerful draconic stomach to work on a lovely virgin, ahhh, bliss..."

"Errr, yes," Imoen shook her head. "Shall we get started?"

Immediately, the four mages got to work. Imoen summoned a Mordenkainen's blade to nicely cut up the vegetables, while Tommy used his magic to levitate and pour the gigantic bag of flour into a bowl with some water. Then, using his 'draconic might', the halfling motioned the spoon to stir the forming dough in the bowl.

Then, it was Imoen's turn to shine. After casting dimension door to transport the vegetables into a gigantic pot of water, Imoen tossed a fireball under the oven to get the soup stewing nicely.

Dradeel used that time cast his own spell. A huge spectral hand formed above the dough and grasped it firmly, finally letting the dough flow out through its fingers. Then, the splat of dough was chopped into bits by the magical blade still under Imoen's control. After that, Tommy levitated the lumps of dough and allowed them to slowly spin mid-air while Imoen used a continuous Agannazar's scorcher fired between the lumps to slowly roast the dough-lumps. Eventually, Tommy, feeling very satisfied with himself, allowed the newly baked bread to float down into a neatly prepared basket.

Imoen smiled and congratulated her friends for their first success. "Heads up, guys!" Imoen smiled as she summoned a Lesser Fire Elemental.

"Chickens BAD DOG! PLAY DEAD! now?" Dradeel asked. So far, Imoen had yet to pry the elven mage's story from him, but apparently, he had been trapped on an island filled with werewolves until some kind of civil war broke out between the wolves and he had managed to escape somehow... though not with his mind intact.

"Yep," Imoen smiled. "Okay, flamey, it's your turn."

"Flamey?!" Tommy screamed. _"Flamey?!_ Was that some kind of insult? If I still could reconstitute my dragon-form, I would _eat_ you whole, you know?!"

"Calm down, Tommy," Imoen chuckled, wondering how Tommy could be so sweet and halfling like at one moment, and so harsh and draconic the next. The pink-haired mage, however, couldn't help but consider both incarnations were inherently cute. "I meant the fire elemental, of course," she said, pointing at the tiny figure resembling a burning man.

The elemental got to work, took out a six-foot long spit and shoved it through the chickens. After Dradeel had summoned a skeleton to baste the chicken which cooking oil, the fire elemental slowly started to turn the spit while the three mages used burning hands to cook the chickens. A few minutes later, six chickens floated through the air and landed in a neat row next to the bread.

"This is going great!" Imoen smiled happily. This was going to be a feast that would be remembered for a long time.

And it would have been... if Tiax had not gotten in the way. The mad cleric was charged with cooking the boar... "Tiax rules all and you will listen to his divine commands," Tiax shouted at the dead boar. "By rule of Cyric, I demand you, boar to _fry_!"

The boar, being headless, gutless and dead, of course did not respond.

"Do you deny my sovereign rule, ye fleshy pig?" Tiax shouted. "Lesser meat than you has prayed for mercy at my gnomish feet!"

Again, the boar did not respond.

"You remain _silent_?!" Tiax roared, "How can you deny this simple truth?! I am destined for greatness, while your ultimate destiny shall be the bottom of the latrine of the planes!"

Again, the boar remained silent.

"_Die_, then fool! _Die_!"

"Tiax, no!" Imoen tried to shout, but it was too late. A gigantic column of flame descended upon the hapless meat, incinerating it on the spot. As Imoen stared down sadly at the mostly blackened boar, sadness made way for ire.

"Now, now, Imoen," Tiax said as the pink-haired fury advanced on him. "Imoen, I command you to not advance on me! Errr, please?!"

Imoen growled in response. "You've just _destroyed_ our main course!"

"Now, errr, you cannot touch me! We can only use magic to prepare the food! It's in the rules... Decreed by _cyric_ himself, so you don't want to make him angry..." Tiax gulped.

"I made the rules, Tiax," Imoen snarled. "And it only applies to handling the food..."

* * *

"Tiax demands to be let down!" the gnome snarled as he was hanging from a coat hanger in the hallway from his underwear. "You shall curse the day you were born, pink-hair! Ouch," he muttered to himself. "My britches are all wedge-like now..."

But back in the kitchen, three mages sat sighing on the floor, defeated.

"What are we going to do now?" Imoen sighed while tossing dates through a small hoop connected to the wall.

"Well, we could always cook Tiax," Tommy offered. "Gnome is good, but they are hardly filling. In dragon form, I could eat a whole village and still be hungry..."

"Tommy," Dradeel snapped, "BAD DOG! You're a halfling. You've always _been_ a halfling, you will always _be_ a halfling. You never BAD DOG! were a dragon and you never will be!"

Tommy looked up at Dradeel, looking ready to burst out in tears. "Oh... oh, yeah?! Well, I don't see any dogs here either, big-ears!"

"Guys, guys!" Imoen interrupted. "This is getting us nowhere fast."

"I have an idea!" Dradeel suddenly said, standing up. "Why don't we summon an animal here? We could slaughter it and cook it!"

"But... summoned animals return to the wild after a while, don't they?" Imoen suggested.

"That just means we'll have to eat fast," Tommy grinned. "Come on, let's go for it."

Dradeel waved his arms and, soon enough, a brilliant light descended from the ceiling, depositing the summoned creature.

"Dradeel?" Imoen said.

"Yes?" the elf replied as the creature lovingly stepped towards the summoners.

"That's a dire spider," the pink-haired mage giggled.

"So?" Dradeel replied.

"We can't eat spider!" Tommy shook his head. "Spider always gives me gas!"

"Let me try," Imoen said after unsummoning the cute spider and waved her hands in arcane gestures. And, soon enough, another creature was summoned.

"A dire boar!" Tommy licked his lips. "That's even bigger that our other pig! Go on, let's kill it!"

The boar simply stood there, staring at the summoners. Imoen was the first to step forward to look the creature in the eyes. "Hi there," Imoen cooed, "how are you doing?"

The boar sniffed and grunted in response. To Imoen, the gigantic boar looked... really rather sweet.

"You're cute, you know that?" Imoen smiled. "Want an apple?" she said, taking an apple from the bowl and holding it out for the boar. The boar sniffed the apple with his big nose and slowly, gently took the apple from Imoen's fingers and munched on it. The pink-haired mage took the opportunity to pet the eating boar between the eyes, and from the look of things, the boar was really enjoying it.

"Guys," Imoen said while she looked at her friends. "We can't..."

"I," Dradeel said while tears ran from his eyes, "know... I BAD DOGGIE WEREWOLF! know...". Tommy was simply growling with hunger.

"It's okay," Imoen petted the boar one more time. "You can go home now," she said and unsummoned the boar.

"So what are we going to eat now you've unsummoned our pig?!" Tommy grunted.

"Cuteness aside," Imoen sighed. "We still don't have any dinner to serve..."

"Hey, I know!" Tommy announced. "We could tie the chickens together and make it look like a boar..."

"My sister once tried something like that," Imoen chuckled. "Trying to make one book out of six she accidentally destroyed by using them for sword practice. She accidentally combined the tenets of Helm, Bane, Selune, Shar, Sune and Talona. I surely hope some weird cult doesn't get their hands on that mangled book. But, the ruse didn't work for her, and it won't work for us."

"I know!" Tommy said. "We'll summon a demon to bring us some food!"

"Are you sure that is wise?" Imoen said. "Demons get kinda iffy when mortals call on them."

"Nah, don't worry," the halfling grinned. "I've done it plenty of times!"

Before Imoen and Dradeel could stop him, the halfling waved his hands in arcane gestures, and, soon enough, a portal formed. The portal was formed out of living, screaming bones and in it, an ominous reddish landscape, ruled by unspeakable horrors could be seen.

Imoen's breath caught in her throat as... _something_ stepped through. But soon, fear made way for surprise. The 'demon' that came through was relatively short and plump and entirely blood red. He had no horns, but he did have two short pointed ears on top of his bald head. The red demon had short legs and a beer belly. Also quite noticeable was the short tail with the point at the end... just above a gigantic posterior.

But even more remarkable was the demon's entrance. He came through the portal sliding on his tummy, while uttering 'Yeeeeeesssssssssss?' as he came to a halt.

"Are you... a demon?" Imoen asked.

Quick as a flash, the red demon stood up. "Oh, let's see. Pointy tail, pointed ears, big red butt," he said calmly. "_YES, OF COURSE I AM A DEMON! WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM, A GIRL SCOUT?!_"

Amazed at how this demon could go from a friendly to a shouty demeanor and back again within a second, Imoen continued the conversation. "Well, I mean, you do look like a demon, but I was kinda expecting..."

"Big horns, gigantic wings, fifteen eyes, _TOWERINGLY HIGH BODIES, MUSCLES LIKE A BUCKET FILLED WITH RIPPLING MAGGOTS?!_" the red guy shouted before turning friendly again. "You're thinking of Floyd. No, he's on vacation now, total burn-out," he said, while twirling his finger at the side of his red head. "Too much blood war for him. Ended up strolling around in a tutu and started blessing his comrades with a faery-dust. So, anything I can do for you?"

"Okay, then, errr, demon, I..." Imoen said.

"Just call me LackSlacks," the red guy responded.

"Well," Dradeel muttered.

"What?! You want me to _SLAUGHTER YOUR ENEMIES?!_ Do you want me to _BRING YOU MAGICAL ITEMS?! Or SCARE YOUR SISTER?_!"

"Actually, we want you to bring us... a main course?" Imoen shrugged.

LackSlacks merely stared blankly at the trio of anxious wizards. "What do I look like to you? _A DELIVERY SERVICE?!_" he finally said. "I have better things to _DO WITH MY TIME_, like _SORTING OUT MY COLLECTION OF PORCELAIN CAT FIGURINES_ or _THROWING ROCKS AT PALADINS!_"

That said, the demon fished a tin from a non-existent pocket and tossed it at the feet of the wizards. "Unbelievable," the red guy said as he pulled his knees to his chest and landed on his bouncy posterior. Immediately, the red guy butt-walked back to the portal. "What will they summon me for next?! To become _SOME SORT OF STRAIGHT-MAN FOR A COW AND A CHICKEN?!_"

As the portal closed the three mages jumped at the oddly shaped tincan.

"What is it, what is it? BAD DOG!" Dradeel said nervously.

Imoen took the strange tin and rubbed away from stains. "It says... Spam..."

"What the hell is that?" Tommy asked.

"I have no idea," Imoen said as she started tugging at the little ring to open the can.

* * *

"Dili?" Imoen asked as she had snuck away from the dinner she and the other inmates were very much enjoying. After a little switch, the soup and bread were now starters while the spam and chicken were now a mixed main course. Their soup, bread and chicken the three mages had poured his blood sweat and tears in were well received. The spam, however, was not greeted as warmly.

Imoen headed back to Dili's room, which was right next to her own. Dili, having the unique innate ability to change her shape, had been punished to be confined to her room because she had imitated Wanev earlier, but Imoen would not deny Dili some of the food.

As soon as Imoen picked the lock and slipped inside the room, she suddenly found herself staring at her mirror image. "Hi, Immy!" Dili spoke, breaking the image by adding a squeaky little girl's voice to the image.

"Gods, is my hair really that pink?" Imoen chuckled.

"Uh-huh," Dili nodded and assumed her normal shape, that of a blonde little girl, barely five years old.

"I've brought you something," Imoen said and put a tray on the table next to the bed. On the tray was a cup of vegetable soup, some slices of bread, a chicken leg and an undefined piece of meat. "That's boar," Imoen smiles. "The last piece that could be saved after Tiax charbroiled it to a crisp."

"Where is mister Tiax?" Dili smiled as she popped a piece of bread in his mouth, causing Imoen to grow as white as a sheet.

"Oh, dear, I forgot all about him!" Imoen chuckled.

* * *

"Tiax demands to be put down!" the gnome said as his feet almost reached the floor. "My underwear is hurting me! Lord Cyric, let the enemies of your servant suffer! When I rule, all girls called Imoen will be hung upside down from their ankles above a pit of yuan-ti berserkers till their brains will explode... Is there anyone there?! Anyone?! Help a poor ruler out here!"


	60. Evening in Imnesvale

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 60_: _Evening in Imnesvale_

Due to all the Harper-induced delays, the party arrived in Imnesvale, as night was about to fall. Located in a lush, green valley covered in forests and fertile farmland, Imnesvale was a quaint little farming community, with the focus on little. It consisted mainly three dozen houses gathered around a central fountain, and several of the buildings were even partially built inside the hills surrounding the valley. The town did not have a wall and had all the atmosphere of a sleepy little country town.

However, looks were deceiving. There was something decidedly off about the entire valley which hit the party as soon as they had set foot inside of it. First of all, there was nary a sign of life coming from the forest. Not a bird, not an owl, not even single cricket sang in the evening balm. Aside from that, the shadows in the dusk were much longer than they were supposed to be, seemingly twisting around the very trees that cost them. Even the steel-nerved Viconia had to admit to being rather unnerved by it.

In Imnesvale itself, there was not a person on the streets, lights were dimmed and doors and windows bolted shut. There was, however, a light source emanating from the largest building in town: A two-story building with a large set of stables attached.

"Well, here we are," Laska announced, a bit too cheerfully for the majority of her friends.

"We must hurry and get inside," Keldorn mumbled. "We know not our enemies, and it does not pay to be caught off guard."

"Okay, then," Laska said and jumped from her horse. "You put the horses in the stable, Keldorn. Vico, why don't you book us some rooms? I'll go look around for a bit..." she said.

"Aye, aye, Queen Elf," Korgan chuckled. "Any more orders?"

"Stand on your head and drink five ales through your nose," the tattooed elf retorted.

"Is that even possible?" Viconia shook her head.

"Why not?" the elf replied, looking very puzzled. "It worked for me. You just have to remember to hold your head at the right angle and breathe through your mouth."

"I don't even want to know," Viconia sighed.

"Well," Jan cheerfully announced while Keldorn and Minsc saw to getting the horses safely inside, "then you don't want to be hearing about my uncle Joost either. He did plenty of strange things too, but they made perfect sense to him, of course. Always did what the voices demanded of him, you know?"

"Voices?" Viconia sighed. "I know I'm going to regret asking this, but, please elaborate..."

"He had this hit song back in the fifties," Jan said and sang cheerfully. "_You're never alone with the voices in your head. They're telling you to do it, and they want that stranger dead!_"

"I'm sorry I asked now," the drow sighed.

"Anyway, he started a dolphin farm off the coast of Sembia after his second single bombed. He bred and trained this _whole_ flock of over a dozen pedigree dolphins and trained them for twenty years to be premium turnip pickers. Sadly, he never realized that dolphins don't function as well on land as they do in the sea."

"Lovely..." Viconia muttered in an uninterested fashion. "Shall we get inside?"

"Not before I tell you how he came to his untimely demise. You see, his wife, his turnips, his kids and even his voices left him for a richer gnome, so he decided to commit suicide by walking into a griffin-cave... But not even they wanted to eat him, so he decided to drown himself... he floated back to the surface. He tried to shoot himself, but the crossbow-bolt missed his head by a mile. He tried to poison himself, but he had an over-active liver. He tried to hang himself, but the cheapskate made his own rope from bits of string which of course broke. He tried to jump of a high building, but was rescued by a kindly avariel who was passing by. Eventually, he tried to stab himself in the chest and finally succeeded..."

"So the story is over?"

"Nah, he only succeeded in nicking his shoulder and the blood attracted a horde of vampires. Sadly, he still didn't get his wish. Whenever you get to Sembia, look for a very tiny vampire with a big nose and say 'hi from Jan for me', Vicky," he said, then noticed he was completely alone. "Vicky, where did you go?!"

* * *

Laska was surveying the edge of the forest from town, making sure she did not get too curious and would not cross the river to have a closer look. She still didn't know what she was dealing with, and, no matter how powerful a warrior she was, she drew the line at being turned inside out. Not that she would ever admit it, but she really didn't like being in this weird shadowy forest.

She knew she was being watched... aspied from afar. And not from the three boys her sensitive ears had picked up earlier, but something from the forest. Something that had the hairs in the back of her neck standing up. To her dismay, she found her overdeveloped mental undead detector was starting to send tingles through her body. She knew undead were in the area, but luckily they seemed to be very far away.

"Come, come on! Ask her, man!" the halfling teenager spurred on as the three boys, two human, one halfling finally emerged from their perch above one of the stables. Grateful for the distraction, Laska whirled around.

"Errr, hey, pretty elf babe," one of the boys shakily announced. Laska chuckled inwardly. These boys were barely fifteen years old, a difficult age for sure.

"Yeah, we were, you know, wondering..." the halfling said.

"Why aren't you inside?" Laska interrupted. "There's something bad stalking out there. I can feel it."

"Oh, that doesn't scare us!"

"Yeah!" the halfling announced. "We're tough!"

"I... see," Laska all but chuckled.

"Yeah, and, well, we, uhh."

"We like to try ale now. We're men, and we're old enough now!" the halfling pounded his chest.

"But Vincenzo keeps say we too young and need adult supervision to buy a drink..."

"Say no more laddies," Laska chuckled. "Laska knows what to do!"

"Hey," one of the boys whispered his friend. "She's already taking us for a drink, so maybe if we'll ask her really nice she'll let us see her without any clothes on!"

"Quiet, you idiot!" the other boy said as he heard the elven female chuckle. "With those ears, she can hear you whispering a mile away! Don't ruin it for it, you dork!"

* * *

"I don't care how many rooms there are left, I just want so get some sleep! I'm exhausted to the point of dropping," Viconia muttered as she was negotiating the price for two rooms with a heavy-set innkeeper. Unfortunately, her fatigue didn't progress the negotiations in her favor. The inn itself was surprisingly large and had a diverse clientele. Since Imnesvale was rather out of the way, most traders elected to stay the night at the inn before returning home. And the current strange going-on in town certainly weren't an incentive to brave the night. As such, the inn was filled with dining people, both local and traders.

"Aye, Vincenzo," Willet, the small stable-boy said, "dropping elves are bad for business, so you'd better settle soon."

"Quiet, you," Vincenzo announced. "The price is fifteen coins for each room, and that's my final offer. You'll get the room left downstairs for the girls, and the smaller room upstairs for the boys. Is that fair?"

"Fine," Viconia said while Keldorn stepped out of the stables adjacent to the inn, "it's a deal." That said, the drow yawned while she stepped away from the innkeeper and headed straight to the room.

"Is she always like that?" the innkeeper Vince asked the aged inquisitor.

"When she's tired, yes," Keldorn muttered. "Tell me, if you will, about the troubles this town is having as of late. As an Innkeeper, you must hear things. What are your opinions on the matter?"

"Glad you asked, glad you asked, dear paladin!" Vince beamed.

"If there's something in this world Vince loves, it's the sound of his own voice," Willet chuckled.

"Quiet, boy! The man asked a question," Vince said before he turned back to Keldorn. "Never mind the boy. He's an ignorant lout I took in out of pity. A simpleton who doesn't know his place."

"But you love me anyway, right?" Willet snickered. Keldorn smiled. He noticed that, despite their exchange of quips, the man and the boy were like father and son to each other.

"Now, for your question, dear sir," Vince smiled. "My family has been in this here area for a long, long time...an' the tales of the witch, Umar, have been passed down, they have!"

"Oh, no... Yer not gonna go into that rot again, are ye?" the irreverent boy snorted.

"Silence, boy! Perhaps I should give you to the witch instead, as an offering, eh? Leave ye out on the doorstep with a lace of garlic tied around yer neck?" Vince winked. "I can tell you all about the witch, Umar... a tale sure to curl yer ears, if you'd care to hear it."

"Please do," Keldorn said. "This could have relevance to our mission here."

"Ah, you're new heroes come to solve our troubles here, then!" Willet smiled. "Well, the biggest trouble we have here is the problem of horsedung in the stables. Pick up that shovel and start shovellin', soldier!"

"Nice try, boy," Vince snorted.

"Worth a shot," Willet smirked.

"Like I said... my family has been around these parts a long time. We were here back when the witch herself plagued these lands over seven hundred years ago! Umar was a wicked one. No one ever saw her except when she came down from the hills to steal some unfortunate souls. Shepherds, babes, anyone who wasn't careful. She'd torture 'em, you could hear their cries durin' the night. People tried to find her, but only the victims' bodies would turn up...mutilated and dead."

"So do the people who take the time to listen to your stories," Willet smirked.

"Quiet, boy!" Vince shook his head. "Strange thing is, Sir Keldorn, Umar just vanished one day. Maybe she was killed, maybe was not. But every century or so, it's said she comes back to the Hills... People disappear, tortured in the hills. And only sometimes are the bodies found. Once Umar's sated herself on blood she returns to whence she came. This is just like them other times... people forgets so easily. 'Tis the witch, I tell you."

"Interesting," Keldorn said. "There are certainly parallels to the current situation in this township. Do you have more evidence to back up your claim?"

"Well, there was a group o' mages some years back who came. Young ones...apprentices, I gathered. Two fellas and a young lass, sure enough. Aye, true enough. Them three went into the Hills...and they was never found again. Except for the lass' blood-stained journals...I found those meself, out in the woods."

"You mean, you tripped over it when you went to the outhouse," Willet chuckled.

"Could I see that journal?" Keldorn asked.

"Sure you can," Vince smiled and handed Keldorn a copy of a small diary. "I had a copy or two done up by a scribe friend of mine some months back. You can have this one, if you like."

"Thank you," Keldorn said, offering the bickering father and son a nod and headed to his room upstairs. It had been a long day and he was looking forward to a good night's sleep... Unfortunately, he would not yet have the chance.

"_Chug, chug, chug, chug_!" sounded from three excited boyish voices. Glancing in a back corner of the inn, Keldorn noticed Laska sitting at a table with three young boys. All had cups of ale standing in front of them. The elf had apparently exchanged her chainmail for her casual wear, and as she was downing a large cup of ale in one drought, he noticed that, because of her revealing clothes, the boys were never really looking Laska in the eyes... or at anything else besides her breasts straining to escape from her leather vest for that matter.

"Aaaaah," Laska exclaimed as she slammed down her empty tankard. "That hit the spot."

"Go, Laska!" the boys said as they took small sips from their own tankards.

"LASKA!" was shouted from the edge of the table as the paladin had approached them. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Oh?" Laska chuckled. "Well, these boys were moping around in dark because Vince wouldn't let them into the inn without supervision. So, I decided to let them taste their first ales, right lads?"

"YEAH!" the three boys shouted gleefully at the same time.

"These boys are far to young too..."

"Oh, shut up, you stupid old fart!" the halfling boy retorted.

"What?" Keldorn replied in outrage.

"Oh, I'm just keeping them out of harm's way. Sitting here drinking is much safer than being outside," the tattooed elf nodded.

"View's nicer too," one of the boy said with starry-eyes.

"Shut up, man!" the other boy elbowed him.

But this semi-harmonious picture would soon be shattered by a passing fat drunk, turning his greasy face towards the sitting elf as he uttered the devastating words 'stupid elf'.

Immediately, a vile snarl crossed over Laska's beautiful face as she rose from her seat. "WHAT?!" she spat, "What did you just say there?"

"Geez, those ears weren't big enough for you ta hear me? I called you a stupid elf, stupid elf!" the greasy drunk spoke in a deep voice.

"Say that again! Say that again! I dare you, I double-dare you, motherfu..."

"I said," the greasy man interrupted with a grin, "that you are a stupid elf, big-ears. You're just as stupid and dumb as the rest of your forest prancing race. Why don't you go marry a tree or something?"

"How would you like me to ram a tree up your big fat arse?!" the elf snarled and flexed her muscles. Though as a slender elf with only slightly visible musculature, Laska was deceptively strong. Keldorn knew that the man was getting into more trouble than he was bargaining for and decided to act.

The aged paladin stepped into keep this fight from escalating and moved to stand between his elven friend and the greasy thug. In the background, the three boys were snickering and very much looking forward to seeing her fight. "Now, now, sir," Keldorn started. "Let us all remain calm and discuss..."

"Nrrgggg," the fat drunk grunted and shoved Keldorn away by shoving him away with a push to his chest.

"Hey!" Laska shouted. "How can you pick on a defenseless old man like that?!"

"Defenseless?!" Keldorn retorted in disbelief... but all time for diplomacy had passed when Laska grabbed a chair and slammed it over the drunk thug's head.

"BAR BRAWL!" Laska shouted cheerfully, and soon enough, Vincenzo's in was a pandemonium of violent chaos. Because the situation in Imnesvale was already tense for a lot of the patrons of the iin, this brawl was like a match thrown into a powder keg. One patron struck another, seemingly not caring who hit whom. A burly villager threw a thin one through the room, while tankards, chair and even tables were tossed about. In the center of the chaos stood Laska, smiling gleefully as she threw punch after punch and kick after kick. Her laugh of joy sounded as she knocked out the greasy thug and send him flying through the air with a single violent uppercut.

"Left! A right! KAPOW!" Willet giggled as he watched the fight from the corner. In the meantime, Vince was calmly writing all the broken furniture on the slate belonging to the respective perpetrator.

Apparently, the three boys were Laska's greatest fans as they cheered for the elf whenever she decked another patron.

Keldorn simply sighed and shook his head. He decided diplomacy was a lost cause and went to bed instead. Walking up the stairs, he ran into Korgan, who was heading down.

"Fight, fight!" the eager dwarf shouted as he ran down. In his enthusiasm, the dwarf tripped and rolled down the remainder of stairs, only to land on his feet as he entered the pandemonium of violence.

* * *

After helping to clean up, Laska saw that the inn was completely deserted. All patrons had gone to their homes or to their rooms. In any case, she'd had a load of fun. And now, she was getting ready to go to bed.

"Why don't you stay?" the halfling boy asked.

"Yeah! You can settle down and live with us!" the other boy smiled hopefully.

"We want you to become our 'woman'!" the third boy said dreamily, his gaze not exactly focused on Laska's eyes.

"Sorry, lads," Laska shook her head. "But I'm already spoken for." A statement which shattered the boy's fragile teenage dreams.

Offering the boys a single smile, the elf slipped through the door to her room. The room was spacious, and decorated with seedy paintings and soft carpeting. Two bunk-beds lined both sides of the room, which had its own washbasin and bath. A large window was situated between the two bunk-beds, offering a view of the dark forest in the distance. A fully-lit candelabra was the only source of light in the room.

Dynaheir and Viconia had already changed to their night-shifts, stuffed away their belonging and were getting ready for sleep. The rashemi mage had already plopped down on one of the bunks and had tucked herself in.

"I call the top bunk!" Laska said to Viconia.

"Fine," Viconia responded with a yawn.

"What do you mean 'fine'?" Laska said.

"I mean help yourself," Viconia told her elven friend with a certain amount of puzzled curiosity. "What else could it mean? I mean, it's bad enough that you've kept me up with your stupid bar brawl, so kindly stop waggling your tongue at me and let me sleep!"

"Look, you can't just say fine and be done with!" Laska offered Viconia a look as if she was seeing ice burning in the furnace. "I mean, you're supposed to fight me for it!"

"What? Why? I told you you could have the top bunk, what more do you want?" Viconia sighed, offering Laska a look as if she was seeing a crazy person standing in front of her.

"I was expecting a fight! A struggle! At least a protest!"

"Look, I just don't _care_!" Viconia shouted. "I'm tired and I want to go to sleep, what more do you want from me?!"

"A pillowfight, at the very least!" the tattooed elf replied. "Imoen would have tried to tickle me to death by now!"

"Well, I'm not Imoen, am I?" Viconia shot back. "I'm just a sleep deprived drow who's about to get very angry..."

"I miss Imoen," Laska sighed heavily.

But suddenly, the drow's head whipped towards the window. She jumped out of bed, said nothing and strolled to it. Viconia glanced outside with narrowed eyes, scanning the darkness with her powerful vision. Puzzled, Laska joined her and leant forward with her elbows on the window-seat.

"Look out there," Viconia said.

"What is it?"

"There, in the distance," Viconia pointed.

"I can't see anything..."

"It's what you don't see that's so conspicuous," Viconia muttered. "There! You see?! There are figures out there that are so dark that they block out the lesser darkness of the forest."

"Yeah," Laska muttered as she noticed a dark figure for a second before it shot back into the forest. "What the hell could it be? I am sensing undead somewhere in the distance."

"I don't really know," Viconia muttered. "And, to be honest, I'm too tired to care. Nothing we can do about it now anyway."

"Let's just... close the curtains before we sleep," Laska muttered and did so.

"I would never have dreamt," Dynaheir muttered from her pillow, "thou wouldst give in to fear, Laska."

"It's fear of nothingness," Viconia muttered as she climbed back into the bottom bunk. In the background, Laska unlaced her vest and removed it, tossing it on a chair near the bunk-bed. "Every sentient creature fears the nothing, why do you think almost everyone fears death so much? Typical extenuation of nihilistic existentialist philosophy."

"Yeah," Laska chuckled as she removed her belt, "what she said."

"Don't unbutton your pants just yet," Viconia said as she lay on her bed. "There are three persons looking through the keyhole..."

"I've heard them already," Laska smiled.

* * *

"Come on, man!" one boy whispered softly. "Let me look!"

"Sssshh," the other boy whispered. "She's an elf, she'll hear you!"

"Wow, oh, wow!" the halfling boy sighed as he watched Laska through the keyhole. The elf was leaning on the window-bench now, offering the boys a few of her elven posterior in a very tight pair of leather pants.

"Let me see!" the second boy smiled as she looked at the elf and caught a glimpse of Laska's Blue Dragon tattoo on her lower back. "Wow, I wonder how far gone that tattoo goes!"

"A woman like that will have it go ALLLLL the way down!" the halfling sighed dreamily.

"Wow, wow, wow!" the boy looking through the keyhole suddenly exclaimed. "She's unlacing her top!"

This statement caused three heads to collide as they all tried to look through the keyhole at once.

"Whoa..." they sighed at the same time as Laska's vest dropped to the chair.

"Look at those beautiful tattoos!"

"There's a topless elf in there, and all you're looking at are her tattoos?!"

"This is even better than my dad's Nude Elf Postcards he keeps in the back of his dresser!" the halfling boy drooled.

"Whoa! She's taking off her belt! She's really going all the way!"

"WHOA!"

So focused were the boys that they never saw the elf approaching the door. Without warning, the door they were leaning against opened, dropping the three hapless boys in a heap into the room. Dreamily, they stared up at the smiling topless elf standing over them.

"Okay, boys, time to go home," the elf chuckled.

"I can attest to that," Viconia snarled as she stood in the middle of the room, red tendrils of malevolent magic forming around her body. Her eyes shone dark red as an orb of red colored energy formed in her hand. The air in the room crackled with power as she spoke: "This drow is trying to _GET SOME SLEEP_! That means I don't want to see you three male hormone-bombs in vicinity ever again or I shall kill you where you stand!"

"AAAAH! Let's get out of there!" the boys shouted as they shot out the door with incredible speed.

"Well, that's that settled," Viconia said, letting the magic dissipate as she returned to her bed. "Amazing what effect a simple Faerie-fire spell can do, no? Idiot males..."

"Impressive lightshow," Laska said as she closed the door, put the key in the lock and removed her pants and underwear. After tossing her clothes over the chair, she climbed into the top bunk and pulled the covers over her body, reflecting how much she missed her sister Imoen and her lover Rose. She would lay asleep only minutes later.


	61. Accidental Exposure

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 61: Accidental Exposure_

Shaking herself from a rather pleasant dream about sitting in a bubbling hot-tub while doing romantic things with Rose, Laska slowly opened her eyes dreamily. The room was well-lit and, glancing to the window, the tattooed elf noticed the sun was well up, though also still mostly blocked out by the closed curtains. Her two roomies were apparently still asleep, judging from the rhythm of their breath.

Vowing to buy and have a magically heated hot-tub installed as soon as she got home, Laska yawned for a bit after a few more moments of lazying about and stepped out of bed. After entering the small bathroom and brushing her teeth, Laska stopped in front of the six foot long mirror to admire her tattoos. She was not a particularly vain person, with the exception of the aforementioned tattoos, of which she was very, very proud. She took notice of some spots on her skin which would be prime candidates for new additions and moved on to cleaning herself. Unfortunately, there no proper bath but rather a lone bucket in the corner of the room.

Without hesitation, Laska picked up the large bucket filled with cold water and poured it over her head. "Brrrr," she shivered, "that'll wake ya up..."

Pleasantness made way for annoyance after Laska had wrapped a towel around her long dark and now wet hair. The towel happened to be only one in the room. Instead, a wet elf stepped from the bathroom, drips of water running down her naked body as she decided to open the curtains and to let the sun do the hard work for her.

Laska closed her eyes as she threw open the curtain and smiled as the rays of the sun warmed her cold, wet body. After opening her eyes, she noticed, however, that the current view from the room was not on the forest alone, but also on a very busy marketplace just below. Apparently, she had already been noticed by the many people running about. Every head was turned and every eye was upon her. The first whistles and cat-calls could already be heard.

"Eep," the naked elf said as she suddenly found herself to be the unwanted center of attention and quickly closed the curtains.

"Wha..." Viconia groaned as she put her pillow over her head. "Who's opened the damn curtains?"

"Sorry, that was me!" Laska chuckled as she used her sheets to dry herself.

"Whattimeissit?" Dynaheir muttered from her own bunk.

"Oh, about quarter past nine," Laska replied after stealing a look at the clock.

"Wilt thou stop being so damn cheerful?" Dynaheir groaned.

"Quarter past nine?!" Viconia said, shooting from her bunk. "By Shar, I overslept!"

"Well, you were very tired," Laska chuckled.

"Stop being so damn cheerful!" Viconia snarled and headed towards the bathroom.

Calmly, Laska slid into her underpants and put her casual clothes in her bag of holding, intending to dress in her battle-gear, and thus, first donning the leather under-armor of her chainmail.

"Alright!" Viconia shouted angrily from the bathroom as Laska put on her pants while Dynaheir rolled around in her bed. "Which one of you two idiots used up all the water?!"

Laska whistled innocently while she tied the leather straps of her under-bodice and prepared to don her chainmail.

* * *

As the party left the inn to meet with the mayor of the town on the other side of the street, the tattooed elf leading her party passed many an inhabitant of the town of Imnesvale. Many males were directing very appraising looks at Laska, while many females were regarding the elf with narrowed eyes.

"Hey," a young man smiled at Laska, "nice tattoos, beautiful..."

"Thank you," Laska nodded, beaming inwardly. So far, this had been the least suggestive pick-up line the Imnesvale bachelors had directed at her. Certainly better than 'hey baby, nice rack' or 'we'll bang, okay?'.

After running the gauntlet of wolf-whistles, poorly disguised suggestive comments and angry scowls as wives slapped their husband on the head, they finally arrived at what was supposed to be the mayor's mansion. Like many of the buildings in Imnesvale, it was a quaint little cabin, filled with all kind of rural knickknacks and memorabilia. The cabin's two inhabitants, a portly couple of humans, immediately headed towards the assorted adventurers.

"Ah," the mayor said, his eyes bulging as soon as he saw the busty elf he had seen from the marketplace leading her party.

"Ahum," his wife scowled, tipping on the mayor's shoulder with a huge dough-pin.

"I, errr," the mayor spoke, "I've never seen you before... you must be new to Imnesvale. Is there something I can, errr, help a pretty elf like you with?"

"Husband..." the wife threatened. "These are obviously adventurers. Bunch of crazies starved for attention. Their leader certainly is!"

"Excuse me!" Laska snarled while there were chuckles from Viconia and Korgan.

"No morals at all!" the woman huffed.

"I've a lovely pair of morals, thank you very much!" Laska crossed her arms in dismay, to which the woman simply started blankly. "Errr," Laska muttered as she noticed the woman's confusion, "that wasn't a euphemism just now, was it?"

"Shall we get to the matter at hand?" Keldorn broke in after a few minutes of serious face-palming.

"Thou canst exchange innuendo later," Dynaheir nodded.

"We come because the little boy, Delon, said that there was evil here in need of a butt-kicking!" Minsc announced to the world. "And good for us that we have our boots on, yes sir!"

"You did?" the mayor's pig-like eyes actually moved up to meet Laska's eyes and shone with hope. "Then the boy did get to the city after all. Ah, I am pleased to hear it! You...you have come to our aid, then, yes?"

"The boy is fine, thanks for asking," Viconia muttered sarcastically. "Don't you want to know he's well-fed, healthy and taken care of?"

"Well," the mayor blushed, "errr, we..."

"He is fine and will stay at the temple of Lathander until sister Lara will bring him back here after the troubles are taken care of," Keldorn broke in. "Now, back to the task at hand..."

"It's a gruesome business. I'm sure that little Delon told you some of the story, but I should elaborate on it for your benefit," the mayor sighed. "People murdered in their beds... their bodies disappearing... bodies found with the skins inside out... Normally we would turn to our local ranger-protector to aid us in a time like this, but our ranger, the noble half-elf Merella, has vanished without a trace. Several men went to her cabin southwest of the village and they found no sign of her. It is not like her to be absent for so long. I... I fear the worst."

"Ach," Korgan chuckled. "Ye should never have a half-elf to do a dwarf's job! HAR!"

"Are you offering to protect our village?" the wife asked.

"Nay, nay, I be offerin' to become yer local village-tyrant! Ye knew, a few selective slaughterin's and some killin's 'ere an' there... Offerin's o' gold, food and maiden ta appease me... Would be a lovely life, nay?" Korgan chuckled.

"Korgan?" Keldorn said.

"Aye, long-limb?"

"Please be quiet," the paladin sighed.

"Yes," Jan chuckled. "Please shut your noise-hole, Korgan."

"Soon after," the mayor continued, "shepherds and farmers from the outlying holds began disappearing. People heard strange noises at night and we have no ranger to turn to!"

"Boo says, 'ahum' on Minsc's behalf," Minsc scowled.

"Everyone's frightened... but they're scared to leave, as well, lest they get caught out in the wilderness by whatever has been doing the killing. There are all kinds of theories floating about."

Keldorn rubbed his chin. "Did something usual happen recently? Perhaps right before the disappearances start? Any suspicious strangers visiting Imnesvale?"

The mayor bit his lip as he thought for a moment. "Well, there was this delegation of unsavory types from Eshpurta. Something about a road they wanted to build from Eshpurta to Esmereltan to quicken the trade-route. That road would run very close to Imnesvale and right through the fields of some of our residents. Those people wanted to impress on us the importance that their road would be built and were quite unpleasant about it," he huffed. "We sent them away with the help of a few volunteers with pitchforks."

Viconia nodded thoughtfully. "Hm, interesting. And problems started right after you sent them on their merry way?"

"Those people were just rude! It's the ogres, my husband...you know it is," the wife broke in.

"The ogres?" Jan said. "Oh, sure, blame the big guys. Last time, my aunt Tilly accused her ogre-neighbor of eating all her turnips. So biased was she, that she didn't even noticed Uncle Bob lying in the corner, round as ball and drooling turnip-juice. And ogres don't like to be accused of stuff they didn't do, let me tell you. The ogre did like to eat shark, not turnips, and the next time she went shark-fishing, she used my aunt for bait, and caught herself a fine meal of Razor-Beaked Griffinshark."

"Ogres?" Laska said. "The things I saw in the dark yesterday were not ogres."

"Um, errr, yes...many people think it's that group of ogres who moved into the area just before the killings began. Likely is, too. 'Course, others think it's a pack of very large wolves that's been ranging the hills for some years. And still others claim Umar, herself...the great witch of the hills...has returned. Legend has it she was responsible for deaths much like these ones."

"This is a waste of time," Viconia snorted. "This is nothing but speculation and hearsay!"

"When none of the victims survive," Dynaheir told the drow, "who can give an accurate account?"

"Whooo... all this talk of Umar brings back memories, let me tell you," Jan chuckled. "My great-great-cousin One-knee was one of the adventurers that hunted the Great Witch of the Hills a long time ago. Said she had a fondness for little children and that her house was made out of chocolate candy, of all things. Personally, a house made of turnips sounds much more appealing, but One-knee stated decisively that the house was delicious, nevertheless. According to his stories, the witch was dead... something about getting shoved in an oven... but then grammy Jansen said that One-Knee was pretty delusional, so who knows?"

"Do not disparage this story too quickly," Keldorn said. "I have read an account given to me by the innkeep only yesterday. There are interesting parallels to be noticed."

"Yes...true. I suppose I should warn you. I've already hired the famous knight, Mazzy Fentan, and her troupe but they haven't been back since," the mayor sighed.

"Who?" Laska asked.

"Mazzy Fentan? The halfling knight?"

"Never heard of her."

"Halfling knight?" Viconia chuckled. "Of course... I gather you must be mad from fear to make a strange jest like that."

"No, no, no, there really is a halfling knight!" the mayor said.

"Are you making fun of us?" Laska said dead seriously.

"Err, no, no..."

"Well," Keldorn said, "I have heard tales of..."

"Oh, most glorious day!" Minsc shouted. "One step closer we come to being true heroes, yes indeedy! Even little Boo's fur stands on end from his anticipation! We will do this for you, honorable mayor! We shall kick evil butts till they cannot sit anymore! Yessir!"

"In other words," the elf smiled, "we'll take the job, and no more stupid jokes about halfling knights..."

* * *

_*'You know,'* _Ipsiya started when Laska tried to sneak out of town by avoiding open spaces and sliding behind cabins. _*'I really could use a nice polish'*_

"Not now, Ip," Laska muttered back. "I'm too busy avoiding lusty men..."

_*'You promised me!'*_ Ipsiya said, and if she had a face, she would surely be pouting. _*'Come on! It's good for your spirit not to break promises and I'll look pretty again!'*_

"Ip," Laska sighed. "Please, I'm trying to..."

"HI!" sounded from the distance. Laska cursed under her breath. Ipsiya had been nagging at her so much she did not notice someone sneaking up on her. Luckily for her, it turned out to be a little girl. A blonde little human girl, in fact. However, her eyes and her tiny slightly tipped ears betrayed some elven blood in her family.

"Hello there," Laska smile friendly and bent to one knee.

"Are you the naked lady everybody's talking about?" the girl giggled. "You are wearing clothes now."

"Errr, yes, that would be me," the elf chuckled. "Very observant of you."

"Please to meet you! Hi!" the girl said and extended her little hand. Laska shook her head and gave the little girl a warrior's handclasp. "I'm Kaatje."

"Laska," the elf spoke.

"Errr, I was wondering if you could find my half-sis for me," the girl asked hopefully. "I'd look for her myself, but me ma an' da won't let me leave the village."

"Sure, I'll look for her," Laska smiled. "What's her name?"

"Her name's Merella, and she's a really good ranger!" Kaatje smiled. "She's really brave, and tosses giants around and gouges out Slaadi eyes and bites orc's heads off with her teeth and kills evil by simply tossing her red hair in their faces! She's my half-sis too from before me da met me ma."

"Well, I was going to anyway," Laska smiled and tousled the little girl's hair.

"Thank you!" the girl smiled. "I'm gonna be a strong adventurer when I grow up. My half-sis was gonna teach me to fight. Please bring her back, I love her very much..."

"It's a promise," Laska smiled.

* * *

"Is it safe?" the elf asked as she emerged from the bushes.

"No flirty males here," Viconia chuckled as she summoned her faithful spider friend Khittix.

"No flirty girls either," Jan snickered, "Rose has nothing to fear yet."

"There's a twig sticking out of thy left ear," Dynaheir chuckled.

Laska shrugged and removed the offending obstacle before stepping out into the open. They were a reasonable distance from the village now, standing on a hilly area leading upwards. The shrubbery was getting thick already. Most of the area north of Imnesvale, away from the fields, were pristine and unfettered forest lands nestled underneath the mountains. The climate was like the rest of Amn; sweltering hot and humid in the sun, yet cool and comfortable in the shade of the trees.

Khittix appeared in front of the party, saluted Viconia and was ready for anything.

"Any ogres in the area?" Viconia asked. Immediately, Khittix started skittering about in circles, sniffing the air. Suddenly, the spider turned about, stood completely still and pointed one foreleg in the direction where the ogres were located.

"Never fails," Viconia smiled and petted Khittix briefly.

"He's good, isn't he, Boo?" Minsc smiled. "Our good eight-legged comrade in the fight against EVVIILLLL!"

"Oh, shut yer trap," Korgan grumbled.

The party made their way though the hills, but after walking for a few minutes, Viconia whispered in a tone that only elves could hear. "You _do_ know we are being followed, don't you?"

"Don't worry," Laska whispered back. "It's just a friend of mine."

The party snuck towards a small clean stream of water at the base of a waterfall. A group of sapient monsters had set up a camp consisting of several haphazardly raised tents arranged around a firepit. The monsters didn't seem particularly active; a few were resting while a minotaur wearing an apron was stirring in a pot suspended above the firepit.

Laska nodded to her friends, signifying it was time to step out of cover.

"Stand and deliver, foul creatures!" Keldorn shouted as he drew Carsomyr and pointed it directly at the startled monsters, who had been engrossed in a game of poker just seconds before.

"Stop being so boring, Keldorn," Laska said and put her hand on the aged inquisitor's shoulders.

"What? Boring?!" the paladin retorted.

"Yes, put your little thing away, _suliss_," Viconia chuckled.

"Boo says there is no evil here, Keldorn," Minsc said, putting Keldorn at ease.

The monsters, in the meantime, scrambled to grab their weapons to face any potential threat. A large ogre, dressed in an armor that looked much better maintained than that the rest of his fellows were wearing, stepped between the party and his men.

"I be Madulf!" the ogre mage said. "I be leader of these pack. You... you have drow. Drow be monster. You friendly to monsters?"

Viconia sighed heavily while Korgan and Laska made fun of her.

"Please to meet you, Madulf," the elf spoke with a grin. "Either you talk to me peacefully, or you'll ruin my moonblade's day when I'm forced to ram her through your chest."

"Five monsters playing poker," Dynaheir said as she regarded the two ogres, a minotaur, a gnoll and an orc, "it could have been a painting."

"Me Madulf...lead fellows from great army of Sythsill in the south. No want to kill races no more. Lead fellows in desertion. We just wants be left alone," the ogre sighed. "But is very hard. Humans hates us, and we just wants to be left alone. Some humans call knights, who chase us...not bad, here, but Madulf thinks village will call knights soon. Humans very mad."

"I do not think these creatures are responsible for the attacks," Viconia said. "They could never have created the dark shadows Laska and I saw stalking through the forest yesterday."

"Madulf and fellows like here," the ogre-mage spoke. "But something bad killing fellows. Lose two when we not pay attention. Disappear, bodies too. Very bad...Madulf very worried. Us fellows watch each other now."

"So, we're back to square one, it seems," Keldorn muttered.

"Madulf no want death...Madulf no want fight. Just want peace. You tell villagers, maybe, that Madulf and fellows will protect village...protect from orcs in mountains, yes?" the ogre asked hopefully, and even Keldorn could see that his wish was more than sincere.

"That might be difficult," Keldorn said, "though I commend you forsaking your evil ways."

"Keldorn," Jan snickered, "Laska told you not to be so boring and I'm yawning majorly now. I'm not kidding, when I yawn, I can store a whale in my mouth. The problem starts, however, when I close my mouth when I stop yawning. Them, there's no other recourse but to swallow the whale. Last time that happened, I didn't have to eat for five years."

"A whale? A whole whale?" Minsc scratched his head.

Jan shrugged. "Yeah, sure. A whale is kinda like a tape-worm, only a lot bigger. They keep quiet mostly, provided you eat a lot of fish."

"Actually, I think you can get your message over a lot better," Laska grinned and turned her back to the ogre. "KAATJE!" she called out. "You can come out now!"

The bushes started to rustle and out stepped a pouting little girl. "How'd you know I was here? I was being really quiet!"

"Here," Laska said, picked up the little girl and put her on Madulf's shoulders. The puzzled ogre directed her gaze at this strange elf. "Now, you two just walk into town, say you found this lost little girl and came to return her to her parents. Then, you'll get to see the mayor and make your offer."

"Ah, thank yous," the ogre said.

"Wow, I'm very high from the ground!" Kaatje raved.

"And if anyone starts to make trouble, just say that the 'nude elf' sent you," Laska chuckled. "That would shut them up."

"Nude elf?"

"Long story..."

* * *

The ranger cabin of Merella was found quickly after that. Hoping to find some clues, they investigated the cabin. Laska was the first to notice a trace of negative energy, signifying undead had been in the vicinity. Unfortunately, the cabin was locked, and just as Jan was about to pick the lock, Laska brushed him aside, and treated the offending door to a swift kick. Immediately, elf and gnome were overcome with the sickeningly sweet smell of rotting flesh.

After a short debate, it was Dynaheir who entered the cabin and returned after a few minutes carrying a book with her.

"I am quite used to the stench of death," Dynaheir muttered.

"The source?" Keldorn asked.

"A wolf," Dynaheir said. "The poor creature has been dead for at least a tenday. No doubt the wolf was the ranger's animal companion." At this point, Minsc decided to cuddle Boo possessively.

"I'm relieved," the elf sighed. "I wouldn't want tell poor Kaatje if her sister had been slaughtered."

"There were signs of a struggle, and then I found this," Dynaheir said and handed Laska a bloodstained journal. Laska flipped open the book and it revealed the words of a ranger who was slowly going mad from fear.

_Dark creatures roam the forests. Several townspeople have been murdered and everyone seems to have their own opinion of what is doing the killing. The strangest thing is that the bodies disappear before the morning. This leaves me baffled, for most signs point to a pack of wolves that have been in the area for a long time. Wolves don't steal bodies._

Another entry read :

_At night while I've been patrolling I've often caught shadowy glimpses of these 'wolves' running alongside me. I've tried to attract their attention but they ignore me. Not even Grimfang was able to get a reaction out of them. Years ago I spoke with the pack leaders and they were cordial. Now they either flee from me, or, and I fear to say this, they stalk me. I can feel their eyes on me in the dark..._

A third entry read :

_It is near noon and still the wood outside my cabin seems full of shadows. I've been hard pressed to hear birds and most of the larger animals have long fled. And there is something else, a whispering in my mind. It is faint now, in the waking hours, but while I sleep I dream only of this voice and the dead face behind it. I suspect by the time that the sun sets tonight I'll have answers to my questions._

The final entry was the most terrible to read.

_I... I can hear them stalking around my cabin. They came as night fell. I can hear them howl and scratch at the barricaded doors, windows and even the walls. Wolves and... others, whispering in the darkness. Grimfang is constantly growling now, and the wolves and... others, are circling the cabin... They want in... They want me for some reason._

_I cannot get out..._

_I cannot escape..._

"Poor woman," Keldorn said as Laska finished reading the final entry out loud.

"Poor Kaatje," Laska sighed, knowing she would probably not be able to fulfill her promise of bringing the girl's sister back alive.

"Hmm, Boo doesn't see any wolf-tracks," Minsc said.

"I take it Khittix already knows the way where the wolves came from?" Jan chuckled.

Indeed, the spider was already pointing to the north-east.

* * *

Standing on a high hill looking over a valley filled with lush green forest, the party gazed upon their destination. The trip had only taken two hours, but the trip down from the ravine which they were standing at now would take another hour at the very least. However, from looking down on the valley, it was obvious where they would have to head to.

"That ain't right," Laska shook her head as she regarded their destination.

"Is that your professional opinion?" Jan chuckled.

"Undoubtedly the cause of the trouble in this area," Keldorn said.

"It does stand out," Dynaheir said. "Perhaps no one had simply dared to speak of it? Or nobody has noticed it yet."

Laska's sharp elven eyes spied construction equipment and a half-finished road leading right into the forest. "You'd think the construction workers would know. If they're still alive, that is. Ugh, I need a drink," she said and took a swig from her pocket flask.

"In any case, it is where we have to go," Viconia muttered.

"Let us leave and storm the bastions of darkness!" Minsc grinned.

And indeed, though the sun was bearing down on the forest, one small part of was shrouded in the darkest of darkness. A ball of dark matter hung unmoving over the forest, and to the observant elven viewers which Laska and Viconia were, the ball of darkness was ever so slowly expanding.

With grim determination, the party left for their destination.


	62. Stupid Temples of Darkness Suck

Two chapters today, as I ran a bit behind my posting schedule. Hope you'll enjoy.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 6__2: Stupid Temples of Darkness Suck!_

Everybody was jumpy.

Even Keldorn, who had been in the adventuring business longer than anyone of the party, was nervously glancing back and forth across the terrain, though he could not see far.

Viconia seemed to be calm on the surface, but by the way her hand was clenched on the handle of her flail, everybody could see she was quite jittery.

Jan, the chatterbox of a gnome, was silent for a change, actually afraid that as soon as he opened his mouth something would snatch him up and drag him away before anyone would even notice.

So far, the only person who seemed to possess a reasonable calm was Dynaheir, who, surprisingly enough, guided the party through the darkness, carefully avoiding rocks, holes and jutting pieces of wood.

Laska followed Dynaheir, and figured her friend was still experiencing latent vampiric abilities. Still, Laska's unease stemmed from a completely different area. In the pit of her stomach, she felt the presence of undead in the distance... many, many undead. And not only that, but the amount of negative energy whirling around her almost made her hair stand up.

As soon as the party had stepped into the expanding globe of darkness, it was as if the day had gone from noon to midnight with a single step. There were barely any sources of light, and the light of the torches that they had lit quickly seemed to be absorbed by the darkness surrounding them. Even both elves with their sharp eyes were having trouble seeing further than three feet ahead of them. But it was worse still for their human friends. And yet more terrible than the darkness was the cold. It felt as if the very life was being pulled from their bodies by the penetrating cold.

There was not a living thing about. Not a single sound, yelp, twitter or even a single sign of life. Even though there was nothing in the darkness but the occasional overhanging branch, the party were speaking to each other in whispers, afraid to attract unwanted attention to themselves.

"Say, Vico?" Laska whispered as she carefully stepped over the forest floor, not even being able to see her own feet as she walked. "Could I bother you for one of those negative protection spells?"

"For the fifth time," Viconia whispered back, "they don't last forever and I only have a few memorized. We'll have to save them for when they're really necessary."

"Nrrgg," Laska muttered angrily. "Just don't get angry with me when I puke all over you..."

"Evil round every corner," Minsc said, having exchanged the loud Lilarcor for twin maces, much to Ipsiya's joy. Her joy was short lived though, since she was miffed that even her blue magical light was absorbed by the darkness. "Careful not to step on any..."

"This is darker than even I am used to," Dynaheir whispered as she probed the darkness with her staff. "Watch thy step, my friends. There is a ditch in front of us..."

"Uragg!" sounded through the darkness.

"Looks like little Laska has already found it," Minsc announced cheerfully.

"Stupid darkness," Laska snarled as she picked herself up. "Dammit, I think I lost my second sword... Oh, wait, here it is... Hey, this isn't my sword..."

"I think this is it," Viconia said as she picked up Laska's sword and handed it to the fallen elf.

"Thanks," Laska said and then examined the other sword she had found. She ran her hands over it and found it was a bastard sword. The hilt was unadorned and the blade had been broken just above it, something which became painfully obvious as Laska cut her hand on a jutting shard of metal and let out a sharp curse.

"Even I don't think that's physically possible, Laska," Viconia chuckled in response to Laska's harsh curse.

"It seems there was a struggle here then," Keldorn muttered.

"Aye," Korgan chuckled. "They be fightin' off whatever been grasping villagers..."

"There's a cave ahead," Dynaheir said, and finally, as they approached a gaping maw of a cave, which actually seemed to be lit better than the darkness surrounding them, the party became aware of a sensation. The smell of death assaulted them... The source were about three slaughtered horses, lying dead in front of the cave.

Suddenly, a pair of red eyes lit up above the cave. "You shall not rob me of my vengeance!" a growly, yet feminine voice said, before the large figure jumped down and sped into the cave.

"Why not?" Jan chuckled and moved to follow the werewolf in. "You only live once, and when this gnome can't survive a werewolf attack, it'll be the day I die..."

"I cannot argue with thy logic, dear gnome," Dynaheir replied.

* * *

As the party came into the cave, they passed through a narrow and steep passage down and ended in a large open cavern. Immediately, a large figure jumped between them, blew out their last torch and jumped backwards before cold steel could penetrate her body.

"Fools!" the werewolf shouted. "Shadows need light to exist! You condemn yourself to cold death if you bring light to this place."

"I take it the three dead warhorses were your doing?" Keldorn muttered.

"You kill the nice horsies?!" Minsc growled in outrage. "FEEL THE FURY OF MY... errr, okay, Boo, I'll be quiet..."

"Man-things!" the wolf spat. "Curse you and curse the world! Can a wolf not enjoy her last meal in peace?"

"Apparently not," Laska snorted.

"Disgusting elf," the werewolf growled. "My life is shattered, my pack has been destroyed and taken over by the master of shadows. I go willingly to my doom. I wish only to avenge my fate and that of my pack by destroying the Shade Lord."

"So, you're not the one behind the killings in Imnesvale, then?" Jan asked.

"Certainly not, what are you suggesting?" the werewolf seemed outraged.

"Just asking. One should always ask, you know? My uncle once starved to death because he refused to ask directions to the restaurant at the End of the Planes. He had heard of their wonderful turnip-meals where intelligent turnips actually introduce themselves before going in the pot! *sigh* If only he just asked, but instead he moped around on a terrace for seven years before succumbing to Jumping Stomach Disease, which is an affliction where an empty gnomish stomach leaves the bodies and goes looking for greener pastures. Too bad too... the Restaurant was actually five pace around the corner of the terrace. His stomach is still alive, though, now serving as a Cow's fourth stomach while moonlighting as a bag-pipe during the weekends," Jan chuckled.

The werewolf simply seemed to blink twice.

"Will you tell us what happened here?" Keldorn asked.

"Oy, an' when do we get ta kill somethin'?" Korgan chuckled.

"This place was not always like this... floating in a false and unholy darkness," the wolf's voice was loaded with melancholy. "It began only a short time ago. The ruins to the east of the den have long been a place of foreboding to my pack and I. We had no desire to tread the ground of the fallen temple. The temple was once dedicated to Amaunator, a god of the sun, and a great prophetess is buried within. It was holy ground once, though now it is fouled."

"Amaunator," Laska sighed. "What a dorky god that one was..."

"Please, Laska, show some respect," Keldorn sighed.

"Okay, he's dorkier than Torm is."

"Laska, please!" Keldorn replied.

"It is obvious that Amaunator's power has waned for if this was still his consecrated ground, my doom would never have arisen from the bowels of the temple," the wolf continued.

"That might be, cause he be worm-food, HAR HAR!" Korgan chuckled.

"Some weeks ago, muted rumblings were heard beneath the temple. We paid little heed to them until the skies darkened and the shadows deepened," the wolf sighed. "It was high noon when it happened and the pack gathered so that I might calm them. I thought it to be an eclipse. It was not. The Shade Lord came among us then. He dominated my wolves, my children, with a glance. I changed form and leapt at his darkness but he merely laughed. He walked amongst the terrified wolves and killed them all with a touch. Once they were all dead his darkness reached out to the corpses of my children and animated them as shade wolves. Numb with terror and sorrow, I ran."

"Yikes," Laska said.

"I am sorry for thy loss," Dynaheir replied while Viconia was glad she had recalled Khittix back to the statue before entering the globe of darkness.

"I will hide no more. The horses I killed were only to gather strength to face the Shade Lord. He wants only to kill and those he kills, be they man-thing or wolf, arise as shades in his army. We should fight them together..."

"Woof" sounded from the darkness. The only sign of an approaching creature was the ticking of nails on the rocky surface of the cave.

"Oh, it's a dog," Laska said, and petted the friendly creature, immediately noticing an irregularity. "Say, what kind of idiot would put a saddle on a dog?"

"This poor canine," the wolf began, "was the steed of one Mazzy Fentan. He was with the horses."

"Poor dog."

* * *

Moving through utter darkness to avoid the possibilities of shadows forming, the party traveled through the forest under rather difficult circumstances.

Even Minsc's brainy idea to tie a long rope around everyone's waist to walk in a single file did not work entirely. There was never enough slack to allow for a single movement out of pace, meaning they often ended up in a heap on the ground. It also didn't help that Jan was tied in between Minsc and Keldorn, but at least he often didn't even have to walk.

Eventually, being led by Anath as the werewolf called herself, they arrived at the temple. Or rather, what was left of it. A dim light emanated from a huge crystal standing at the base of the temple. The original temple had collapsed long ago, but there seemed to be a staircase at the top of the platform near the gem.

After quickly untying the rope, the party nervously stepped onto the dark platform, relieved for having even a little bit of light. Anath led her new soldiers as she was the first to step near the platform... and the first to step into the ambush.

Without warning, hundreds of red eyes lit up in the darkness surrounding the temple, and half that many shadows literally leapt into existence. Some resembled horrifically malformed humanoids, other had a more recognizable shape, but all were out to slay everything in their path.

"It is a trap!" Anath shouted. "The lens, get to the lens..." Anath shouted, her last words before the shadows tore into her with their claws, her fur and blood flying through the air as the dark creatures bore down on her.

Surprised by the sudden attack, the party was scattered, fighting for their lives as they frantically tried to reach each other to seek safety in numbers.

Minsc was ecstatic, twirling his twin maces with fervor, knocking back the shadows as they approached. At least, Minsc was ecstatic, until Boo whispered in his ear that his friends would not survive if he didn't snap to attention. Minsc noticed he was the closest to the strange colored glass object aimed at the large gemstone, and it was up to him to save his friends.

A groan and a thud coming from behind him interrupted Minsc's musings. After glancing over his shoulder, the ranger saw that Laska had fallen unconscious because of all negative energy surrounding her.

"Ah, hey!" Minsc shouted as he batted three shadow wolves away with a single blow of his mace. Quickly, he grabbed the fallen elf by her slender waist, slung her over his shoulder and ran to the lens with shadows in pursuit.

Right after kicking several shadows away, Minsc came to the odd device. Unfortunately, he had no idea how it work. As Boo was starting to give instructions for Minsc to operate the ancient and complex device, Minsc could no longer bear seeing his friends in danger. Using his great strength, Minsc pulled on the lens, breaking the mechanism, and aimed it directly at the giant gemstone.

Immediately, a column of light descended on the gemstone, which immediate bathed the area in brilliant and holy light. The screams of the dying shadows were horrifying as they were relentlessly consumed.

As the party gathered, they examined their injuries for treatment by Viconia. Laska, in the meantime, was slowly recovering. She had hit her forehead against a rock when she had fallen, leaving a deep bleeding gash.

"Can I," the tattooed elf managed weakly, "get my Negative Plane Protection now?"

"Later," Viconia said while she was still in the process of healing her own cheek, which had been scratched open by a claw during the battle.

"One dead," Keldorn sighed as he regarded the mangled corpse of Anath. "May she find peace in the afterlife."

* * *

Keldorn bent sadly over the skeleton of who had been a young girl when she was alive. Once they had entered the temple, they had found they had found it to be well lit by the many torches mounted on the walls. Immediately, Korgan had been complaining about the shoddy tunnels humans always made, while Laska had finally gotten her negative plane protection from Viconia.

Immediately, in the first large room, they had encountered a pack of shadow-wolves, fighting over and gnawing on the bones of a small child. Fueled with holy rage, Keldorn snarled and sped into the room, slaying the wolves before they even realized what had happened to them. Then, the saddened paladin had gathered all the bones together.

"I shall take her back to Athkatla," Keldorn said, letting the father in him speak as he reverently put the bones in a cloth bag. "I will see she'll receive a final resting place in consecrated ground."

"Hey, what's this key?" Laska muttered as she picked up the object.

"Oy, maybe it belongs ta a chest?" Korgan suggested. "A chest filled with golders?"

"Is that all you can think about?" Jan asked.

"Well, there be also ale and naked bearded dwarven women..." Korgan muttered. "And me axe... Of course, me axe."

It took them some time to figure out that the key actually belonged to a cell door, despite the stubborn idea Korgan had that it belonged to a chest next to the door. After drawing her swords, Laska kicked open the unlocked door and stormed inside.

Inside, Laska was confronted with the shortest halfling she had ever seen.

Merely three feet tall, an armored and snarling halfling stood on the defensive, her short sword raised. Her dirty face was twisted in a feral snarl and on her head was an unwashed mop of shaggy red hair. All in all, she looked like she had been in that cell for quite some time already.

"Whoa, there," Laska chuckled as the halfling finally realized she was not confronted with shadows. "What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Immediately, the halfling scowled once more. "Girl indeed! I am Mazzy Fentan, a warrior! My business is to make this setting less dangerous by destroying the evil that festers within," she spoke with resolution.

"Okay," Laska nodded. "You're off to a good start then, I see. That cell looks very devoid of shadows."

Apparently, Laska's indifference angered the halfling even more. "How can a noble elf be so rude and uncaring? I should rather rot in this cage than suffer dishonor by consorting with such as you. I expect you'll join my ill-fated companions in a short time."

"Oh, come on!" Laska snorted while Viconia chuckled. "I just wanted to know your bloody name!"

"Do not think I won't notice your disdain for me, elf!" the halfling snarled. "And from an elf... I never would have expected that..."

"What?!" Laska said. "I just want to know who you are and how you got here! It's _you_ that's reading all these things in it that aren't there."

The halfling was about to explode in anger now. "How can you _stand there_ and tell _me_, what I..."

But then, Keldorn turned about the corner after having secured the adjacent room. Immediately, Mazzy went starry-eyed. "S-sir Keldorn!" Mazzy gasped and brushed past the smirking elves. "This... this is such an honor! I... I never imagined I would meet you one day... And, you are shorter than I expected!" Mazzy grinned broadly.

"I sense no taint of these shadows within this noble halfling," Keldorn smiled encouragingly.

"N-noble?" Mazzy all but beamed and turned to Laska. "He called me 'noble'!"

"I heard," Laska giggled. "I have good ears."

"Well, then, young one," Keldorn smiled. "Tell me how you fare in this horrible place."

"I am an adventurer," Mazzy began bitterly, offering the elf who had inadvertently insulted her earlier some dirty looks. "I led my party here to discover the source of the evil that has befallen the area, which became abundantly clear when it slaughtered my companions at the Shadow Altar. You have fought my jailors, the shadows. Those unfortunate souls are the remnants of live victims whom have been perverted by the power of the dark fiend, the Shade Lord."

"Ah!" Laska said. "So now we have a culprit for the murders in Imnesvale."

"Don't you know it's rude to interrupt?!" Mazzy shot at Laska, making it apparent she had taken an instant dislike for the impulsive elf.

"Don't you know I can step on you and put you out of my misery?" the tattooed elf shot back.

"Laska, please," Keldorn admonished.

"This Shade Lord seems to feed on the corruption of souls. If he is not stopped he will continue to build his army of shadows," Mazzy muttered bitterly. "He is not a creature of this plane and must possess a body, feeding on its life. He inhabits Merella, now... and planned to use my own body once Merella grows weak, I suspect."

"Dammit," Laska snarled. "We need to find a way to get the Shade Lord to leave without hurting Merella."

"It is noble of you to make the attempt," Mazzy replied. "But it will be difficult to just defeat the Shade Lord, let alone rescue Merella"

"I promised a little girl to bring her sister home," Laska said.

Mazzy glanced at the elf for a brief while. "A noble act," she reluctantly admitted.

"Join us then, Mazzy," Keldorn said, "so we might end this today."

"Then we shall travel together as companions," Mazzy smiled. "With Arvoreen's blessing, our partnership shall be a fruitful one."

Stepping out of the cell door, Korgan, who had been nervously looking at the beautiful halfling, inched forward. "Aye, me lovely!" Korgan greeted, tipping his helmet politely. "I be Korgan Bloodaxe, dwarven..."

"So, Sir Keldorn?" Mazzy said, completely ignoring poor Korgan and brushing past him as she gave Keldorn admiring looks. "Might I ask how you have come to lead this band of... interesting individuals?"

"You Mazzy, you should not..." Keldorn said, but suddenly, his head whipped towards the tunnel in front on them. "RUN!" he suddenly shouted.

Immediately, no less than forty shade wolves poured into the room, letting out almost mocking howls.

"Run?!" Mazzy said in surprise as she turned to fight.

"Less talk, more walk!" Laska shouted as she took the sputtering halfling by the nape of her armor and scooped her up in the air as they ran through the tunnels, the wolves in fast pursuit.

Safety came in the form of oaken double doors, which were closed as soon as Laska had dragged a screaming Mazzy into the room with her. Minsc and Keldorn put an oaken beam in place to keep the wolves out.

"Well, that should hold them," Jan said. "Unlike my uncle Fitz..."

"I still believe you should have fought them! They are the evil minions of the shade lord!" Mazzy muttered.

"As much as I might enjoy watching them rip you to shreds," Laska said, "it wasn't a good idea."

* * *

Adventuring can have strange twists. Just the party strolled forward through the tunnels, they encountered the ghost of a girl playing in the dungeon. The girl identified herself as Amauna, a child-prophetess buried in this tomb. After kissing a surprised Keldorn on the cheek for rescuing her desecrated remains, she took the bones and gave the party a gem with which they could sneak past the shadows unhindered before she returned to the afterlife.

A few minutes later, they ran into a dragon.

The dragon was massive, even larger than Firkraag had been. It was black as night as it lay on the floor with its wings folded on its back, yet had a strange transparent quality to its skin. Loud snores sounded through the cavern as the dragon opened its gigantic maw and closed it again as it breathed. Rather than facing the dragon, the party was quietly creeping past the sleeping shadow dragon.

Then, disaster struck. As the party crept by, Laska stepped a little too close to the dragon's maw. The elf yelped as she was suddenly sucked right into the maw under the eyes of her horrified friends.

The dragon woke up.

Her eyes grew wide as the female shadow dragon was suddenly aware she could no longer breathe. Immediately, she rose to her four feet and started gagging violently. A gag turned into a cough, a cough into the launching of a pointy-eared projectile from the depths of her throat. A splat of slimy sludge splattered on the wall opposite to the dragon and ever so slowly slid down.

Eventually, a fist punched through the slimey surface as Laska finally managed to free herself. "EEEEEWWW," she exclaimed. "Dragon slobber!"

"Foul fiend!" Mazzy snarled and prepared to attack before Minsc stopped her.

"No!" the gentle giant said. "This dragon is nice. Boo says so!"

"Oh dear," the female dragon with a more than a little sarcastic edge to her voice. "It seems there are adventurers here to fight the Shade Lord whom I must now scare off. However shall I do that? Here we go: growl, snarl, hiss, stamp, breathe fire and wing buffet."

"You're really dedicated to your job, aren't you?" Jan guffawed. "Somehow, it doesn't work quite as well if you just say the words instead of actually doing it."

"Don't ye be givin' the bloody she-bitch any ideas, gnome!"

"I'm sitting in dragon slobber!" Laska shouted from the back of the room.

"Yeah, well," the shadow dragon said annoyed. "How would you like it if some shade lord yanked you from your peaceful home and won't let you leave anymore? My hoard on the Negative Material Plane is unguarded and it's just too damn bright here. Tell you what, if you can kill the Shade Lord for me, you can have the small hoard I gathered during my time here. I'll even give you some of my scales. Do we have a deal?"

"Hoard?!" Korgan chuckled. "Now we be talkin'!"

"Pip, pip, then," the dragon almost smiled. "The Shade Lord is just through that door. In the meantime, I am rather tired and will go back to sleep. Off with you lot, then."

"I... am... sitting... in... DRAGON SLOBBER!" sounded from behind them. "I want another bucket of water..."


	63. The Elven Heart

Apologies for the lateness of this chapter – I've just had two unusually busy weeks at work while this particular chapter was in need of extensive retooling and rewrites. I hope it was worth the wait.

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 63: The Elven Heart_

The Shade Lord was a mockery of a human form. Foul and disgusting, the creature hissed soon as the party stepped from the staircase to confront the strange creature. It certainly looked otherworldly, entirely composed of concentrated darkness while having a set of intense red eyes.

Laska, her swords drawn, was happy that Viconia had protected her with her magic or she'd probably have her brains leaking out of her ears.

As the party took up defensive positions, the Shade Lord simply gazed upon them with its baleful eyes. If it was impressed by them breaching its sanctuary, it did not show it. Instead, it waved with a clawlike appendage, causing a a group of shades to appear besides her. Next to her, Mazzy gasped in horror; a whimper escaped her throat as she faced with what remained of her party.

Laska had had enough; the elf shot through the air, intending to strike the creature down with the swipe of a sword. Instead, the elf simply passed through the Shade Lord's ice-cold body and crashed into a column rather painfully. Instantly, she had been chilled to the bone. Even worse, the Shade Lord's creatures started to slash at her with their claws.

Minsc roared as he heft his two-handed sword Lilarcor and made it cleave through the air. The Shade Lord parted his torso into a puff of air, reforming the moment the sword had passed through its body.

While Jan was assisting Laska by trying to keep the shadows at bay by firing a couple of shots into their ink-black bodies, it was Viconia who made the next move. After chanting a few arcane words, a column of light exploded around the drow. Though the light was quickly snuffed out by the shadows, it stunned the Shade Lord and utterly destroyed the remnants of Mazzy's party.

As the Shade Lord recovered, Keldorn had an idea. While the area had lit up from Viconia's spell, he had noticed that the shadows remained the thickest around the destroyed image of Amaunator, the old altar of this ancient temple.

With a fierce cry, the paladin raised Carsomyr over his head and struck the corrupted image with all his might. The stone split as the holy magics of the sword flowed into the rock itself. He smiled as his gambit worked; A shriek from the Shade Lord followed as Keldorn used Carsomyr to destroy his precious idol. The forest around them exploded with life, color and warmth. It was as if all the darkness, all the pain, coldness and misery was being drawn away from the forest, being drawn into the point where Keldorn had struck the creature. The Shade Lord screamed as he now bore the full brunt of the sun, now that the darkness had been banished and the forest had returned to its former, lovely state. The creature dissolved slowly, leaving an exhausted looking half-elf to collapse on the ground.

"Ey?" Korgan blinked. "That thing be a girl?"

Quickly, Laska and Viconia were upon her.

"Bloody hell, she's cold as ice," Laska shouted.

"Possession by an undead abomination will do that to a person," said Dynaheir while Viconia applied some basic healing.

"Minsc will get a fire going to warm up the fellow ranger," said Minsc as he started to gather some dead wood. The party decided to set up camp at the work-site next to the road-in-progress. Some tents had already been set up by the missing workers, as well as a firepit. A few moments later, Merella was wrapped in a warm blanket while lying on a sleeping bag close to the raging fire. Some color was returning to her face and she was breathing regularly again.

Mazzy, in the meantime, stared in silence at where the shadows of her friends had been standing just moments ago. Sitting in silence.

"Hey, Vico," Laska slugged her friend in the shoulder. "That light column? I didn't know you could do that."

"Neither did I until yesterday," Viconia smiled as she made use of the fire to cook some warm stew for Merella and the party. "Shar granted me this powerful spell just yesterday."

"Right in time to use against the shadows," Jan rubbed his bearded chin. "Never say Shar never did anything for our party. Say, does she have a spell to increase the size of turnips?"

Keldorn frowned slightly. "A spell that bathes the darkness in light? That doesn't sound like something wicked Shar would grant."

"There cannot be shadows without light, Keldorn," said Viconia. "Besides, even the night is not completely dark."

"Perhaps," said Keldorn, apparently lost in thought.

Laska cocked her head sideways at the silent halfling sitting at the edge of camp, looking away from them. "What about..."

"Let her grieve," Keldorn whispered. "The pain is still fresh."

Laska nodded. "Makes you think. I'm happy we haven't lost anyone during our travels."

"It's not for your lack of trying to get us all killed," Viconia snorted while stirring the pot.

While Minsc, Dynaheir and Korgan were off scouting the forest, Laska regarded Merella. She was a pretty half-elf and it was easy to see the family resemblance with the little girl Kaatje. "We should get back to Imnesvale, let the people there know the good news. Think we can move her yet?"

"We're not in any hurry," Jan said. "I mean, come on, they'll notice on their own that their village isn't visited anymore my shadows running about. The only shadows they'll see are their own. Unless they want us to slay those too. Kinda difficult to kill your own shadow, but my cousin Lucky Jansen managed to do it. Now that was a crossbowman for the legends. He could shoot faster than his own shadow! Which he did. And then killed him. Of course, the shadow's family sued him for all his money, a court-case which they won. So now whenever cousin Lucky and his family have to eat meager food, they can just look at the walls and see their own shadows minus one feasting on roasted pheasant. Sad thing, really."

Suddenly, Mazzy rose to her feet as she scanned the forest. Almost instantly, a huge mastiff with a saddle on his back burst out of the underbrush and assaulted Mazzy with paw and tongue.

"Honor!" Mazzy laughed as the huge dog pushed her down and licked her face. "I thought you were dead."

Viconia regarded the laughing halfling and her dog with disdain. "Ugh," she muttered.

"You have a spider, Vicky," Jan reminded her.

"Spiders don't have fleas!"

* * *

"End of the road, literally," said Merella as she regarded road which would forever remain unfinished. A few hours after waking, Merella was conscious and was feeling well enough to travel. As such, the party was breaking camp and were preparing to return to Imnesvale. Merella would be moved on a make-shift cart which the workers had used to carry bricks about.

"Minsc and Boo and Jan shall guard our sister of the woods with our lives!" Minsc said with determination in his eyes.

"Err, Minsc?" Jan asked with a grin. "Our lives? Are you sure?"

"We will guard Merella with out LIVES!" Minsc stressed.

"Lives?" Jan asked again.

"You heard Minsc!" the gentle giant replied before turning back to Merella. "Minsc wants to know if our Sister of the Woods' plight has anything to do with this odd road in the middle of the forest," said the hulking ranger as he was preparing the cart.

"You could say that," Merella returned. "Two young traders from some town to the east had the bright idea to cut a road straight through these woods and half of Imnesvale. It'd shave half a day off the regular trade-route and they'd be asking toll. My friends and I did our best to dissuade them from doing this, as there's a very good reason why the trade-routes all go around this forest. These trees are ancient and this forest hides more dark secrets than this temple."

"I take it you didn't succeed," Laska shrugged. "I mean, the road is here."

"Armed guards with bit metal swords have a way of keeping the local ranger away," Merella shook her head. "But I kept watch from afar, along with my friends. Ancient trees were felled to make way for this monstrosity of a road."

"Indeed," said Keldorn as he was helping with the clean-up. "This site looks like the workers were overwhelmed. When we first got here, the bowls were still standing on the table with the spoons still in them."

"They never knew what happened," said Merella. "When they came across this temple, they had the bright idea to scavenge it for building materials for the road. They sent out a couple of workers inside to investigate possibilities to break it down. I snuck past the guards and followed them in. I got to them just in time to see them break the seal holding the Shade Lord prisoner. You know the rest of the story," she shifted uncomfortably.

"So the workers and the traders became the first shadows?" Laska said. "Talk about being the victim of your own project."

"Minsc and Boo have a question," the large ranger rose his finger to the air. "Are those friends you mentioned the same ones who are watching us from the forest now?"

"What?" Keldorn blinked before drawing his sword.

Laska cursed under her breath and drew both her blades. "Godsdammit, Minsc, how long were you going to keep this to yourself?!"

Viconia, whom had been sitting at the table eating her stew in silence, looking up for a moment. "I'm not even surprised anymore," she muttered before bringing the spoon to her mouth once more.

"Peace, peace!" Merella said quickly and started to address the forest. "They will not harm you. Come on out, friends. You have been discovered. These are good people."

Moments later, the very trees seemed to move on their own accord. Branches cracked, roots were pulled from the ground and faces appeared in the bark. The very trees walked an moved as if they were men. The reason for this is that they actually were.

"Treants," Merella smiled. "Hundreds of them live in this forest. Told you there are secrets in these woods."

The tree-men surrounded the party and looked upon them with curiosity. Eventually, more creatures appeared. Several scantily clad fey-maidens with green hair emerged from ancient oaks, while from a nearby stream emerged a gentle water nymph. As if this wasn't enough, a group of grig and other feykin came buzzing out of the knots of other trees.

"I'll be damned," Laska chuckled.

"The first one of you who drops an acorn in my stew will be set on fire," Viconia muttered softly while eating.

Laska laughed when a group of fairies buzzed around her until two of them landed on top of her head.

"They've been hiding from the shadows ever since the workers released them," Merella said.

One of the dryads, a nubile looking creature with a ready smile, stepped forward. "We were all so very frightened. We did our best to keep the workers away by causing some accidents. Landslides, disappearing tools, dropping branches. But they were not phased by subtlety."

"Why didn't you just kick their arses?" Laska shrugged. "Could have prevented a lot of trouble."

Quick as a flash, the smiling dryad was standing in front of a self-satisfied tattooed elf. "Thank you," the dryad said. "Thank you all for saving this wonderful forest from those that would destroy it by foul means and, oh," the dryad suddenly looked upon Laska with intense grief. "Oh, so sad, you must be so sad..." she suddenly said.

"What?" Laska chuckled. "Sad? Why? I have nothing to be sad about/."

"Your... your spirit... your poor spirit has been crushed and shattered by a malevolence!" the dryad said and put her hands on Laska's cheeks. Immediately, the tattooed elf's eyes grew wide as her body started to convulse and shudder. Eventually, she fell away from the dryad, only to look upon the forest with bewilderment and confusion, apparently unaware of her surroundings.

"Laska?" Viconia asked, finally putting the spoon down.

Immediately, the elf rose to her feet and shot off into the forest with dazzling speed.

"Hm," Minsc scratched his head. "Little Laska seems upset."

"Damn!" Viconia shouted. "Dryad, what did you do to her?!"

"I..." the dryad said when suddenly faced with an angry drow. "I merely pushed the malevolence away further. With my given powers, I could fix some of the damage to her shattered spirit, if only for a part. Poor elven sister..." the dryad was genuinely sad. " I could not replace what is missing, but I have restored what was there."

"Dammit, you idiot!" Viconia snarled. "Ever consider that Laska might not **want** what you just did to her?!"

The dryad's eyes went slightly watery. "I only wanted to help..."

A search party was quickly formed and all of Laska's friends fanned out into the forest to look for their missing friend. Keldorn was eventually the one who found Laska. Muttering to himself why it had to be him, he followed a trail of discarded armor. Luckily, he had found Laska's bag of holding first, and put all the items he found inside the magic bag. Keldorn even found Laska's money pouch and moonblade lying about on the forest floor.

And then he found Laska herself. She was sitting in a grove at the edge of pond with her feet dangling in the wet stream; her leather padding for her armor as well as her clothes lay in a heap next to her as the tattooed elf was apparently humming to herself while letting the sun warm her bare body. She sat with her back to Keldorn and her tattoos seemed to be gleaming in the sunlight; her blue dragon on her lower back and upper leg being most prominent. Modesty demanded of Keldorn to look away and announce his presence by coughing in his hand.

A squirrel ran towards the elf and actually climbed her bare skin until it sat on her shoulder. The elf folded back her hand to give the creature an acorn she had found. The squirrel took the acorn in both paws and ran off immediately.

"You scared the squirrel," said Laska.

"May I cover you?"

"If you must," Laska shrugged.

Keldorn approached the elf, took a blanket from his pack and quickly wrapped it around her. He sat next to her, holding the blanket in place.

"What happened to you?" the paladin asked.

"It was overwhelming at first," Laska whispered. "All those sensations. All that life around me. All at once. I still feel a little light-headed. I can feel the energy of the forest. There... there is no way to describe the feeling... There is great tranquillity and great turmoil at the same time... I feel connected to the lands... I feel... I feel..."

Laska picked up her belt and clipped loose a small pocket flask hanging from it. She unscrewed the top and took a swig before offering it to Keldorn.

"No thanks and... oh, what is in that thing?" he said after smelling the contents from afar.

"Berduskian fire whiskey," Laska grinned. "Quite a kick."

"I believe it," Keldorn replied.

Laska smiled as she looked up to the tree-tops, "I... I was always proud to be an elf, you know? Proud to be part of a people with such a heritage, such a history, such power. But, I had only my slim build, sword craft and pointy ears to go on. For the first time, I really _feel _like I am an elf, Keldorn. Does that make any sense?"

"Does this mean you're going to become a hermit who lives in the forest and talks to the animals?" Keldorn asked, an edge of humor on his voice.

"Hell no!" Laska laughed. "In fact, I can't wait to get back to the city. There's more nature there than people realize. Also, more booze."

"Shall we get back to camp?" Keldorn asked.

"Yeah," Laska replied.

* * *

Dawn was slowly taking hold over the ranger's log cabin in Imnesvale, having been cleaned up by the inhabitants of the village before Merella's return. Inside, two occupants lay in bed underneath the sheets, Laska on her back staring at the ceiling while Merella lay curled up next to her. Laska wasn't quite sure how she got into this position in the first place, but it was a safe bet a lot of alcohol and flirting during the celebration was involved. And what a celebration it was; wine, beer, food, song, dance. The villagers apparently needed very little convincing to start a celebration. Even Madulf and his fellows had been invited to join, allowing the villagers to witness the spectacle of dancing drunk goblins passing out on the porch of the tavern. Kaatje, of course, was only too happy to be reunited with her half-sis. However, Merella had other plans which unfolded during the celebration and ended back in the ranger cabin.

"My, my," Merella stretched before running a hand across Laska's abdomen. "For a battle-hardened warrior, you certainly have soft skin."

"Just so we're sure," Laska spoke softly. "Last night was just a one time thing and only about sex, right?"

Merella sighed, but smiled softly. "Yes, you said so five times already. Something biting you? Something other than me, that is?" she added with a giggle.

Laska snorted briefly in spite of herself. "Yeah, got a girl back home. Can't wait to see her again. Half-elf, cute... like you. She said we could leave each other free a little; hell, I'm an adventurer facing death on a daily basis, so she understands when I, ahum, blow off some steam while on the road. Heh, made a sex-joke there. It's just that... in the old days, it just didn't seem right if I didn't end up rolling around in the hay with a barmaid or dragging another adventurer I met in the tavern upstairs for a wrestle between the sheets after a difficult quest. Sex can really make me feel alive."

"I'll say," Merella nodded. "After being possessed by an undead abomination, I really could use some warmth."

Laska rubbed Merella's skin gently. "Glad to be assistance. It's just that all this relationship stuff can really complicate things."

"A little late to worry about that now, isn't it?" Merella laughed briefly.

Laska snorted. "I guess so."

"You're afraid you'll fall in love on the road?" Merella asked.

"Nah, it's not just that, it... As long as it's only sex, it's okay, Rose said. I dunno, it just feels kinda weird."

"Well, I'm not complaining," Merella smiled as she lay her head on Laska's chest. "I think we both had a pretty fantastic night."

"No complaints on my end, definitely," Laska purred before the two women shared a brief kiss. "It's just that I'm new to this whole relationship stuff. Don't want to mess something up."

"As long as you both play by the rules you both set," Merella said.

"Yeah, we do," Laska looked back at the ceiling, counting the boards. Yep, Rose told her herself. If either of them met someone cute they wanted to spend the night with to blow off some steam, it was fine as long as the heart wasn't involved. Though Laska suspected it would be mostly her who'd meet someone to 'blow off steam' with, as she was the adventurer on the road. _Yeah, it was fine. It would be fine. Probably be fine. Mostly be fine. Yeah, it would be fine. Nothing to worry about. Not at all. Elves are less concerned about those things. It was a silly human thing she was worrying about. Then again, Rose was part human... But it was Rose who brought it up in the first place. Nah, it'd be fine. Sure. Sure? Sure._

"Change of subject, before your face cracks," Merella chuckled. "How are you feeling since yesterday. Still overwhelmed?"

Laska closed her eyes and felt the forest all around her. "It's... settled into place, I think. Yesterday, I felt my head was exploding, but now... I can feel the whispers of the wind through the trees around us. There's a couple of squirrels in that tree west of the cabin, fighting over a nut. An adder is slithering over the forest floor looking for food. Heh, that field mouse at the side of the cabin better watch himself. Two crows are courting in that big oak in that direction," she said, pointing it out with her hand. "It's just... I had no idea. It's kinda like wearing a blindfold for twenty years and then suddenly taking it off."

"I'm glad," Merella smiled. "Though Xanthe probably should have asked first, it still seems like a proper reward for saving the forest."

"No offense, but I kinda liked the reward from the mayor too. I need a lot of money to set up a rescue operation for my sister and this'll go a long way. Plus, Korgan and Viconia have been scavenging the building site at the road for sellable supplies. They say they got a nice haul to sell back in Athkatla."

Merella shrugged. "If anything good came out of this mess, it's that Imnesvale will be using the bricks meant for that road to build a wall around the town. Shadows skulking about the houses at night have a tendency to make a town want some more security. It'll certainly make my job easier."

It was then that both Laska and Merella were startled to hear a pounding at the door. Both shot up in bed as they perked their ears.

"OY!" sounded the muffled sound of Korgan from the other side of the door. "If ye be done shaggin' yon ranger in there, we be leavin' fer Athkatla in five minutes. Get yer bony elven arse out of bed!"

"Right," Laska shared one brief kiss with Merella before her bare feet touched the warm floorboards of the cabin and she started to look for her clothes. "I guess my new connection with nature doesn't include detecting smelly dwarves from afar."

* * *

After receiving the thanks of the people of Imnesvale (and several admiring looks at the elven adventurer now known around town as the 'naked lady'), they immediately left for home. Since the adventure was done and there was no need to arrive before nightfall, the party traveled at a more comfortable and slower pace.

Sitting on her horse, Laska was smiling constantly, breathing the very nature around her. In many ways, she was still very much overwhelmed by the new and unusual sensations. However, she knew herself – though this new connection with nature could be considered to be a life-changing event, the novelty would eventually wear off and it'd be back to drinking, adventuring and fighting. Laska concluded she should enjoy it while it would last.

After a day and a half of travel and spending the night at one of the many inns along the roads dotting the countryside of Amn, they arrived at Athkatla. As the gates were in site, a wicked grin crossed Laska's features.

"Hyah!" she shouted, forcing her horse into a run as she sped through the city-gates.

"What she be up to?" Korgan asked from his cart.

"Oh, she'll be fine," Viconia grinned.

In the meantime, Laska steered her horse through the busy streets of Athkatla, heading towards the Temple district. She was also pleasantly surprised that she had been correct; even in the city, there was still a presence of nature... small parks, pigeons, sparrows, lone trees and shrubbery... she felt them all.

The Temple District was looming into the distance now, and Laska steered her horse towards her home.

* * *

"So Risa and you are sisters?" Lasalla, who had returned from Trademeet, told Rose as both were standing in the well-lit room at Laska's mansion which served as Rose's painting room. "Imagine that..."

"We figured it out more or less by accident," Rose smiled as she folded up her easel and put it in the corner after an hour of painting. "In a way, both of us were rescued by Laska."

"I think you should tell her," Lasalla whispered.

"I'm not sure I should. Not yet anyway," Rose whispered. "Besides, what would I say?"

A sound of metal on wood sounded from the front door, and a few seconds later, Risa shouted for her sister to come. "Rose!" she shouted. "It's Sir Boring Fart again for you!"

"Oh, Sune, not again," Rose muttered.

"Who is that?" Lasalla asked.

"Oh, just some idiot paladin who thinks I want to be his bride," the half-elf sighed and headed towards the front door. And there, indeed, stood Sir Oberon, smiling as he held a bag.

"My sweetness, My fair Lady!" the knight smiled broadly. "I have done as you asked and slain an even bigger dragon than your lover has! Surely, your heart shall choose me over your cowardly knave of a suitor now!"

Immediately, the knight removed a head of a rather comical looking dragon.

"That head," Rose chuckled, "it's made from papier-mache..."

"What are you talking about, my Lady," the knight said nervously. "I quested all day, I quested all night, I quested all over the land to find the fiercest, evillest and nastiest dragon!"

"I know a fake dragon-head when I see one, especially when I can still read the headlines," Rose smiled.

Immediately, the Knight collapsed and convulsed with sobs. "It's true! It's all true!" he cried. "Whenever I found a dragon, they told me there was a meaner, bigger and eeeevvillllerrr dragon nearby! And... I forget where to go and got lost! I could not quest for the path back!"

"Were these dragons laughing as you left their lairs?" Rose shook her head.

"Yes, yes! How did you know?" the paladin cried. "My Lady, if you but give me another chance but to win your heart!"

"I keep telling you!" Rose said angrily. "You are not a woman, so I'm not interested! And even if you were a woman, my heart is not on the market!"

"My Lady!" the knight said. "I vow on the spot that I shall woo you till the last of my days! That I shall quest and strive to win your heart and..."

At that precise moment, a horse came to a skidding halt, knocking the paladin off the road and into the canal. Though the empty skull kept him afloat, the paladin was carried off by the stream of the water.

"Laska!" Rose smiled. Immediately, the mounted elf bent to one side, grabbed her lover around the waist and gently hoisted her up the horse. After Rose sat face to face with Laska, they slowly pressed their lips together and shared a deep, passionate kiss.

"I missed you," Laska smiled as they broke their kiss.

"I love you," Rose replied as she sank into Laska's embrace. "But that armor is very cold," she giggled.

"Who was that?" Laska asked. "I'm afraid he's floated off already."

"Oh, just... nobody," Rose said, not allowing to let Sir Boring Fart spoil this perfect moment.

"Say," Laska smiled. "Interested in taking a trip?"

Rose's curiosity was certainly piqued. "What kind of trip?"

"A surprise," Laska smiled.

"Sure," Rose said, caressing Laska's cheek with the back of her hand. Holding Rose, Laska allowed her to shift so that she sat behind her on the saddle, and allowed her to fold her lover's arms around her slender waist for support.

"Hold on!" Lasalla shouted as she came running out of the house with supplies. "Here, a picknick-basket and, some soft blankets and even softer pillows," she said as she handed Laska a bag.

"You must be psychic," Rose smiled.

Laska thanked Lasalla and wasted no more time. The horse, carrying the two lovers, sped out the district and out of the city, destination; the forests.


	64. Mail-order Oak

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 64: Mail-order oak_

"Well, about time you two got home," Viconia looked up from reading her book as she sat on the couch, and Rose and Laska entered their house.

"Only two days," Laska shrugged as she put down the empty picknick baskets, and strolled over to her giant keg of ale in the middle of the room to pour herself a nice cold cup.

Rose shook her head. "We only came home because Laska ran out of alcohol."

After chugging down an entire mug of ale in one quick drought and slamming down the mug on the table for maximum effect, Laska let herself sink onto the couch. "Hey, alcohol is important. It increases morale, tastes great and makes your head fuzzy."

"Feeling better now?" Viconia asked with slight disinterest, being more focused on her book.

"I'm less a bit less overwhelmed by these new feelings," Laska smiled blissfully. "Still, all's good."

Rose smiled equally blissful. "Say, love?" Rose asked. "Do you think Lasalla can get these grass-stains out of my dress?"

"Grass-stains?" Viconia smirked as she finally looked up from her book. "My, my, my..."

"Laska can get... impatient," Rose smirked. "If I hadn't kept my bodice untied, I would have returned home with scraps of red fabric instead of a dress..."

"So, what have you been doing for the past two days?" Viconia asked, a playful smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Oh," Laska smiled, "we had picknicks, made love, took long walks through nature, made love, followed a hiking-trail, made love, swam in a forest pond and made love in it, spied a burrow of badgers from afar, made love, watched the stars at night, made love, climbed trees, made love, picked chestnuts, made love, watched birds... Oh, yeah," Laska grinned at Rose, who winked back, "we made love...a lot."

"Alcohol, sex and the outdoors," Viconia shook her head. "It certainly is a hard-knock life for you, elf."

"What are you reading?" Rose asked.

Laska, however, didn't bother to ask and snatched the thick book right from the drow's slender hands. After enduring an impressive array of drow obscenities, Laska read the title out loud. "_1001 Children's Stories from all over Toril_?"

"I've exhausted my repertoire at the orphanage," Viconia admitted, running her hands through her mane, so that oceans of white hair fell across her shoulders. "I need to memorize new tales."

"Nice," Laska smirked. "This will completely ruin your reputation of Evil drowness."

"That was pretty much shot to hell already," Viconia csign. "I've been traveling with an elf for over a year now, and I haven't attempted to kill her even once."

A knock at the door sounded, and shadows that could be seen through the windows.

"Ah, they're here!" Laska smiled, "and so quickly too!"

"We made a short stop before returning home," Rose added as Viconia offered her a questioning look.

After Laska opened the door, a dozen of brown-robed druids entered Laska's home, carrying all kinds of potted plants. From conifers to bonsai-trees, from cacti to tulips, the druids put down the potted plants in the large living room to get even more potted plants still standing outside.

"What the bloody hell?!" Viconia shouted. "Why are those smelly people bringing in all that foliage?!"

"I felt we need more nature in our home," Laska said, "so I visited the druids who live at the edge of town to buy plants. Hmmm, the paintings can stay, but I think we may need to move some sculptures around. I'd like a few hanging pots too."

"OVER MY DEAD DROWISH AND BEAUTIFUL CORPSE!" Viconia shouted and threw down her book. "I worked my fingers to the bone to get this house into artistic shape and I'll be _buggered_ before I allow you to muck it up again!"

"Oh, calm down," Laska said and patted Viconia on the shoulder, "we'll just be adding some plants here and there. I want those conifers in the pool-room, and some of those bonsais on the tables, and plenty of plants in our bedroom, right Rose?"

"OY!" Korgan shouted as he raced up the stairs. "What be goin' on 'ere? I be smellin' that stuff from downstairs. I be tellin' ye, these bloody weeds better be vegetables for soup!"

"Don't you feel the life radiating from those plants?" Laska smiled. "Smell the sweet scent of nature..."

"I think that's the fresh manure you're smelling," Viconia held her nose.

"Oh, we're not done yet!" Laska grinned as a smiling elderly woman entered the house. The woman was small, but friendly and radiated power, enough to silence the entire group. "Shall we go to the garden?"

* * *

The walled garden behind Laska's mansion was big and consisted mostly of a grass-field, several flower patches, several benches, and a sauna left over from when the slaver lords lived here. After agreeing upon a suitable spot, the curious inhabitants of the mansion gathered around after the druids hat reverently marked it. Immediately, the smiling arch druid raised her arms and whispered words of power. A circle of magical light formed as the teleportation spell took form. The circle raised itself upwards and, slowly, the form of a majestic, huge and powerful ancient oak started to appear.

"Impressive," Dynaheir spoke as the oak towered over them, its branches wide, its trunk thick.

"Oh, look Boo!" Minsc smiled, showing the tree to his hamster. "A big tree for you to climb in and to jump down into a pile of hay from the top!"

"Are you sure that's wise?" Rose offered.

"Boo is a very athletic hamster," Minsc smiled.

"I'll be damned..." Jan said. "A mail-order tree... Well, I guess I shouldn't be surprised. My uncle Roderick was an assassin, you know?"

"How does assassinations and mail-order trees fit together?" Rose asked.

"Well, he owned this mail-order company for gnomes, you see. He sold turnips of all kinds, glasses, inventions and even an assortment of gnomish erotic toys, which I won't be going into right now," Jan smirked. "Anyway, he had gathered quite a clientele, so he started a little business on the side, doing some assassination work for the Shadow Thieves against gnomes who had rubbed him the wrong way. He had these specially trained griffins, you see, that kept quiet until the victim opened the package and they jumped out to devour their victim whole! It worked quite well, I should say..."

"I gather uncle Roderick died?" Rose muttered.

"Yes! How did you know? Actually, he once send the griffins in the package, but accidentally didn't put enough stamps on it, so it was returned to sender. Uncle Roddy loved presents, so he didn't even have the time to recognize his own label before he ripped open the package... Poor Roddy, swallowed whole, he was... Then the griffins took over his business. Griff-bay, it's called now."

"I'm happy that you support our initiative," the arch druid told Laska.

"What initiative is that, dear druid?" Dynaheir asked.

"I'm glad you asked!" the druid smiled. "We sell plants and rely on donations so that we can buy small lots of land to create and maintain small nature parks and petting zoos. We also organize trips for children to the rural and forested areas. That way, none of the children of the city will be deprived of nature."

Viconia suddenly shot Laska a dirty look. "Hang on a moment! Just how much did you pay for all of this?"

Laska bit her lip and twirled her thumbs nervously. "Err, my whole personal share of the Imnesvale adventure, I only wanted the best quality plants. I'm thinking of taking up gardening.

"Uh-huh," Viconia rolled her eyes. "And when your short attention span fails, all these plants will be rotting in their pots. And it's hard to run a garden when you're always on the road."

Laska bit her lip once more. "Ermmmmm..."

Viconia sighed. "Spit it out."

"Right, I'm out of booze money, could you spot me for a bit? I'll pay you back later," Laska put her hands in her pockets and shrugged.

Viconia grumbled, yanked a small pouch of coins and tossed it at her elven friend. "Ta very much!" Laska smiled as she snatched the coins out of the air and pocketed them.

"I thank you humbly," the arch druid smiled as Laska before taking his leave.

"Wow!" Becky and Risa smiled as they twirled around the tree. "Can we have a treehouse?!" Risa shouted.

"And a swing?!" Becky added.

"Looks like we'll be buying lumber too," Viconia sighed. Without saying another word, Viconia took another pouch of coins from her pocket and tossed it at Laska.

* * *

Jan's design of a three-star tree hotel was presented via a model-presentation, but after the model collapsed for no reason and caught fire without even containing flammable materials, it was decided to try a more traditional design.

Laska, Minsc and the kids were hard at work. Minsc hauled the boards to the tree, and tied the boards to the strand of webbing hung there by Khittix. The spider had crawled to the top of the tree, and lifted the boards by rolling up the strand of web with his fore-legs, until Laska could grab the boards. Right now, Laska and Becky had picked up three strong branches to support the house and were hammering the floor of the treehouse.

"Laska!" Risa shouted now that her lemonade break had been interrupted. Laska looked over the edge of the new board floor to find the little girl jumping up and down to get her attention.

"Laska!" Risa shouted again. "It's Sir Boring Fart!"

"Who?" Laska shouted back.

Laska jumped to the ground and walked to Risa, who explained everything quickly as they walked to the floor door, and outside, where Rose was looking red in the face from shouting at a very, very clueless paladin.

"But, my Lady," the paladin spoke, "we were meant to be together. The allseeing eye of Helm guided me to your pure and virginal vision of loveliness, and..."

Suddenly, the paladin found himself violently shoved away from the lovely half-elf by a figure that jumped between them at lightning speed. Looking back, the paladin found himself staring into the very, very, very angry eyes of a snarling elf.

"Okay, you do _not_ come to my house and shout at my friends and family! Not cool, you walking tin-can horse-wanker!" Laska snarled in his face, giving the paladin some pause. "Get the bloody hell out of my house or I'll toss you out on your arse!"

"You see?!" Rose shouted at the paladin. "I _told_ you I already had a lover!"

Instantly on the defensive, the paladin stared the elf down haughtily. "The cowardly knave finally dares shows his face. I, sir, am Sir Oberon ShineFast, Knight in the Order of the Most Radiant Heart..."

"His? _Sir_?" Laska asked.

"Oh, you do not fool me, my Lord," Oberon snarled. "Taking the illusionary shape of a woman will not deter me, nor shall I yield to your cowardice."

"Y-you," Laska snarled, almost boiling with rage. Her teeth gritted, her eyes shone dangerously, "...actually think I am a bloke? Ever seen a bloke with tits like these, brainless?"

"I see through your guise," the knight spoke. "Your form is a mere illusion. Naughty, naughty, you thought Helm would not notice? Shame, shame, everyone knows your name..."

"I _AM _a woman, you bloody fool!" Laska shouted, fist clench and every muscle in her body trembled as waves of sheer anger rippled through them. "Haven't you noticed these two lumps on my chest usually identified with the female gender?" she added sarcastically. "Do you, perhaps need to touch them to check their authenticity?"

"Hmmm," Rose said, approaching Laska from behind. "Let me do the checking!" the half-elf spoke, and proceeded to embrace the elf from behind, resting a hand on both Laska's breasts. Laska in the meantime, closed her eyes and smiled dreamily, especially when she felt Rose's lips press briefly against the back of her neck.

"See?" Rose smiled smugly. "Very real, very soft and very sexy. There's no reason for you to stay here, so please leave me alone. I've had quite enough of stalkers during my streetwalker days..."

"I... I..." the Helmite knight stood there flabbergasted. "I see now!" he snarled. "You have used evil magics to goad my Lady into an inappropriate relationship with another woman..."

"Oh, I'm going to kill this bloody wanker," Laska muttered to herself, eying both her swords in the umbrella stand.

"... and to boot, you are forcing my virginal lady into a life of depravity! Coward," the Helmite challenged and fished a glove from his pack, intending to slap it into Laska's face. "I challenge you to a dual for Lady Rose's hand in marr..."

**SMACK!**

The knight would never finish his sentence, for Laska deftly dodged the glove and repaid him with a staggering uppercut to the chin. Still reeling from the force of the blow, a high-kick from the elven warrior against his jaw as follow up sent him flying backwards. "Wait..." the knight tried to say as he was treated to punch after punch and kick after kick "...I haven't used the glove yet!", he said while Laska pressed her foot down on his chest after falling to the ground.

Finally, the knight lost consciousness when he felt a very, very painful crunch somewhere in his groinal area.

* * *

Sir Keldorn Firecam had just spent a wonderful time playing tea-set with his youngest daughter Vesper, though he was having trouble getting the taste of mud out of his mouth. For the occasion, Vesper had made mudcakes... out of real mud. But being the sport he was, the aged inquisitor had eaten them anyway.

After turning around the corner and stepping onto the road leading into the temple district, he noticed a gathering of knights standing next to one of the Order flagpoles, apparently in a debate about how to... get someone down?

"HELP!" sounded from the top of the flagpole, and Keldorn had a double-take. Sir Oberon ShineFast was hanging from the flagpole by his underwear. "I can't reach the floor from here and my underwear is hurting me!"

Keldorn couldn't suppress a snerk as he saw the knight hanging there, wearing only his 'Eye of Helm' boxers and a pair of grey socks. And he immediately knew who was responsible. When he arrived at the house, his suspicions were swiftly confirmed.

"Yes," Keldorn said as he sat on the chair, opposite to Laska and Rose who sat on the couch. "Sir Oberon ShineFast is a bit... well, he, uhm.. He is... Alright, I'll just say it, he's a bit of an idiot."

"Only a bit?" Rose muttered.

"Actually, he's known among the Knights of the Order as 'Manure-for-Brains Oberon'," Keldorn confirmed, noticing that the two lovers had been holding hands during their entire conversation.

"It would explain his bad breath," Laska winked.

"He was actually a cousin of prelate Wesselan, but he was too... unfocused to do anything properly. So he was allowed to enter the Order through the backdoor. He skipped squiredom entirely, much to the dismay of every knight who had to struggle through that time," Keldorn said. "But that does not change anything. Unfortunately, Oberon has issued a formal challenge over Rose's hand."

Laska turned to Rose. "Couldn't you, you know, just shag him to get rid of him?"

Rose blinked and smacked Laska in the back of the head. "Hells no! And even if I wanted to, that would be just rewarding bad behavior. I'll make my own bloody decision, thank you very much!" she said, laying her head on Laska's shoulder. "I refuse to be some prize to be fought over without any choice of my own!"

"I'm afraid the honor of the Order is at stake if the challenge does not go through," Keldorn said. "These challenges are ceremonial, and no rights can be received from them unless both parties agree, even if there is a chance that Laska will lose this challenge... But if Laska wins, you will be rid of his affections for good."

"Okay," Laska grinned wickedly. "That means I'll be breaking his face, then."

* * *

Keldorn, Sir Ryan Trawl and Rose stood at the corral, at a practice jousting-range, overlooking the range from a small booth. Rose herself was as of yet standing next to Laska, as the elf, clad in her chain-mail, was preparing her horse.

"Why do I have to do this on a horse?" Laska muttered. "Can't I just break his face normally?"

"Tradition, I guess. I know it's customary for a Lady to offer her champion a bit of her dress," Rose said, glancing at the blue dress she was currently wearing, "but I wanted to give you something else." She grinned and moved her hand into the cut of her dress, withdrew a garter from her leg and slid it up Laska's armored arm.

"Do not worry, my Lady!" Oberon, in his shiny full plate, his black eyes long healed, called over from his horse.

"Laska," Rose whispered. "Tear him to pieces."

"Count on it," Laska winked, while Rose returned to the booth, where only Keldorn and Ryan Trawl were sitting to preside over the joust. Both men looked as if they wanted to be somewhere else.

Sir Ryan Trawl rose from his seat. "This formal joust shall be fought over the right to woo Rose Greenhill, half-elven citizen of Athkatla, Amn. Sir Keldorn Firecam and myself shall be presiding. Take your positions, now!"

As the two warriors moved to their ends of the range, Sir Trawl, eager to see that idiot Oberon fall flat on his face, rubbed his hands. "This should be fun," Sir Trawl chuckled. "One... Two... THREE!" he announced.

Immediately, the two riders sped towards each other.

"What's she doing?" Sir Ryan Trawl said as the elf immediately threw away her lance.

"Wait for it," Sir Keldorn smiled. The elf found her balance and jumped up. Using her impressive dexterity, she ended up standing on top of the saddle as the horse sped towards Oberon. Just as Oberon's lance was in range, the elf jumped. She landed right of top of the lance and slid down on it, her fist extended. With a loud ***CLANG* **Oberon ended up falling from his horse while Laska pushed herself into the air with her hands, somersaulted over the fallen knight and landed on her feet.

"Impressive," Sir Trawl blinked. The elf showed no mercy and started punching.

"Trust me," Keldorn smiled. "Laska was just as likely to crash to the ground."

Sir Trawl nodded. "Still impressive, though."

"Oh, dear," Keldorn looked on. "What's she doing now?"

"It looks like she's strangling him," Sir Trawl said. "What's that around his neck?"

"It looks a bit like a garter for here," Keldorn spoke.

"What's she doing?" Sir Trawl spoke. "Why did she break that lance in two? What's she planning to do with that blunt end?"

Keldorn sighed as they looked on and buried his head in his hands. He knew what was coming and didn't want to see it."

"WHOA!" Sir Trawl called out in horror. "WHAT IS SHE STICKING IT THERE FOR?!"

"You'd better let her know she's won, Ryan," Keldorn added. "This won't end well for him."

"She's... she's trying him to the underside of his horse's saddle now... Oh, and the horse is off... Look at his armor! You can really see his horse has just been shod..."

"Good quality shoes too," Keldorn muttered. "Spiked Warhorse-shoes..."

"Does this mean Laska won you little game?" Rose smirked quirkily.

* * *

"You know," Rose said as she and Laska walked through the Order corral and were headed home. Laska had snaked an armored arm around Rose's waist as they walked, while Rose held her arm around Laska's neck and was playfully twirling her elven lover's hair, "your willingness to fight for me was really very romantic."

"Hey," Laska smiled. "I'd take on the entire Amnian army for you, if you like."

"You know," Rose said as she guided the tattooed elf towards one of the stabled. "Isn't it customary that, after such challenges, the Lady is supposed to reward her champion?"

Laska fell silent and stopped dead in her tracks. "I, uhm, have a confession to make."

"Hm?" Rose asked as she looked her elven lover in the eye.

"Back in Imnesvale, I, uh, spent the night with the local ranger, Merella," Laska said. "Just sex, nothing else."

Rose cocked her head sideways. "Laska, we've talked about this. I know you face death regularly. It's fine if you want to blow off some steam."

Laska sighed. "It's just that... when I realized that bloke I just beat up trying to woo you, I was ready to kill him right on the spot. Yet, I jumped in bed with Merella without so much of a second thought."

Rose grinned. "It's because you are young and silly. You said yourself that what happened between you and Merella was just about sex. But Oberon was actually after my heart; there's the difference and that is why you got so mad."

"But..." Laska started to say, but was silenced when Rose pressed her lips on hers.

"Shush," Rose grinned. "Trust me, being a prostitute for over ten years has taught me to see the difference between 'just sex' and love. And you, young lady, still have a lot to learn. A lot of feelings to sort out. Now be quiet, stop worrying and let me give you your reward."

"Alright," Laska smirked. "What do you have in mind, then?"

"There are quite a bit of haylofts about here, aren't there?" Rose smiled slyly as she broke from Laska's grasp and moved to climb up one of the wooden ladders leading up to one of the haylofts she had just mentioned.

Laska had some more trouble climbing the ladder, seeing how her chainmail was unyielding on the tiny ladder, and when she popped up and climbed onto the hayloft, she just saw Rose disappearing behind a stack of hay. A few seconds later, an empty blue dress was thrown from behind that stack and landed in the hay lying free.

"So," Rose smirked, pulling her hair loose as she peeked from behind the haystack, offering Laska a brief view of her naked shoulders, "get out of that cold armor and collect your reward."

Laska removed her armor in record time and joined her lover in the soft hay.


	65. Playing dress-up

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 65: Playing dress-up_

Laska felt content as she closed her eyes and allowed herself to float in the shallow end of her pond, like she had done many times before. The sun warmed her skin as she supported herself on the edge of the pool with both outstretched arms, keeping her head above the water, but leaving her thick braid to float in the water below her.

Today, the pleasant smell of newly installed flora added to the serenity. Inhaling deeply, she could smell the scent of the fresh lemon-trees placed in big pots all over the room, mixed with the smell of purple bougainvillea. Opening her eyes, her gaze drifted towards the opposite side of the room, where the druids had installed an entire wall of hanging pots, all containing various species of orchids, their sweet scent now spreading through-out the room.

Now she just had to keep them all alive for longer than a week, that would be the real challenge.

Reveling in her new-found elven nature, she closed her eyes for a few moments, enjoying the rare feelings of pure bliss. Until she suddenly found herself shoved under water. A few moments she exploded to the surface while coughing up a storm. A look of pure murder crossing her elven features, until she noticed the culprit...

Her lover Rose lay on her tummy at the side of the pool, chuckling slightly. Immediately, the swimming elf turned to the shore and faced her, supporting her arms on the side. Rose responded by placing her hands on the side of Laska's head and kissed her forehead. Knowing how much the elf enjoyed it, she kept rubbing the back of Laska's delicately pointed ears.

"I love it looking at you during one of your dips," Rose smiled. "Plus, it's one of the rare moments when I can sneak up on you..."

"Only because my ears were under water," Laska challenged.

"You forgot, didn't you?" Rose smiled.

"What?" Laska said, the gears in her brain grinding despite the grit caught between them. "I don't recall... The place is empty today. Minsc and Dynaheir went to see a play, Korgan went to a wrestling-match, Lasalla took the kids out to the circus, Jan and Lissa are out, Keldorn is reporting to the Order, Mazzy I haven't seen for days and Viconia's locked herself in her room and... HEY! We have the place all to ourselves!" Laska smirked. "How about... you join me in the pool, huh?"

"We were going to have lunch, remember?" Rose smiled. "I took my shift behind the bar off this morning so we could..."

A blank look crossed Laska's tattooed elven features. "Dammit, shit, I forgot," she finally admitted.

"I figured as such," Rose smiled. "That's why I came early... Now, get dried and dressed up, so we can leave."

"Are you sure?" Laska smiled. "We could have a lot more fun in the pool?" she suggested.

"We'll have to eat first," Rose said. "Neither of us has eaten anything since last night."

"But..." Laska started to say, but suddenly found the tip of her ear caught gently between Rose's curled index and middle finger.

"We are going for lunch," Rose smiled gently, intending her 'punishment' to be a playful one. Instead, she was confronted with a slightly panicked elf.

"Dontpulldontpulldontpulldontpull!" Laska spoke fearfully.

Rose blinked. "So... it's true what they say about grabbing an elf by the tips of their ears?"

"Yesyesyesyesyesyesyes, leggo!" Laska exclaimed. Immediately, a startled Rose released Laska's ear, the tip of which turning red instantly.

"I... I'm so sorry," the half-elf replied. "I... I hope I didn't hurt you."

"No, no, you didn't," Laska smiled, calming down. "But if you would have pulled it would have hurt like hell. Just... only touch my ears when you mean it," she added, gently placing back Rose's hand behind her ear so she could resume the gentle rubbing. "Elves are like dogs that way. Just scratch us behind the ears and we'll purr like kittens."

"I'll keep that in mind," Rose smiled briefly. "Shall we go, then?"

* * *

Viconia sat on the couch in the main room of their estate, carefully focused on her book. Laska and Rose had left just a few minutes earlier, leaving the drow, and the house, alone. Now finally having some peace and quiet, the drow was in the process of memorizing today's tale. The new smell that was hanging in the room was quite pleasant, but Viconia was currently enjoying a love/hate relationship with these horrible new additions to the household.

The problem was that Laska never did anything small. In the main room, she had the druids place large parlor palms, rubber-plants and weeping figs. And these were really, really large specimens. Some were placed in such a position that they partially obscured statues and paintings she had been carefully placing for maximum esthetic value for over two months. Also now that the light-patterns in the main room were altered because of the mini-tree's canopies, Viconia would have to start all over again.

The room was large, but there was not enough room for both all the plants and art. Unless; Viconia got a wonderful idea. All the plants were placed roughly at the walls of the room, but if she could convince Laska to place a few of them in the middle of the room, and she would hang a few paintings a bit higher on the walls, this room might even end up being reasonably presentable.

Or she could just wait until Laska's short attention span gave way and many of the plants would be dead because of lack of water and attention. At least Khittix seemed to be enjoying himself; the plants gave him lots of places to hide and play around in.

A knock on the door interrupted her musings. Immediately, the door opened, and in stepped a lost lamb, being trailed by a saddled mastiff. Sensing an intruder, Khittix jumped down from a particularly high parlor palm, landed on all eights and immediately raised his fore-legs in an attack posture while hissing loudly.

The mastiff yipped and jumped in the air with all fours, before running off to cower behind the couch.

"Ah, we were wondering when you'd show up," Viconia looked up from her book, affording the halfling a brief look with one eye.

Mazzy ignored the drow and walked right past her, into Laska's bedroom.

Viconia chuckled inwardly. Mazzy was lucky the elf wasn't at home, otherwise she'd have been subjected to full rounds of verbal abuse already.

Obviously frustrated that the elf wasn't there, Mazzy strolled past Viconia and ran upstairs... Again finding nothing, the halfling gave her attention to the reading drow.

"Where is Laska?" Mazzy asked disdainfully.

Viconia said nothing. Instead, she continued reading.

"Answer me, drow," the halfling pressed.

"Or what?" Viconia spoke softly. "You'll tickle me to death?"

Mazzy did not look amused.

"Oh, just giving you a piece of your own medicine," Viconia sighed. "She's out, you just missed her."

"Dammit," Mazzy sighed.

"Looks like you'll have to deal with me," Viconia said, still not looking up from her book.

"Right, well," Mazzy said. "I've been staying with Samuel Thunderburp and..."

"Hmmm, you seem to have forgotten your dead lover quickly," Viconia pressed.

"Be silent, foul creature!" Mazzy shouted. "I could never forget Patrick! Samuel is just a friend."

"Hm-hmmmmm..."

"Anyway, after some thinking," Mazzy said. "I have decided to give your party a chance..."

"_You_ have decided to give _us_ a chance?" Viconia snickered. "Don't make me laugh."

"You are a chaotic, unorganized band! If not for the efforts of the noble sir Keldorn, you would have descended upon each other long ago!" Mazzy told her resolutely.

"We did well enough before Keldorn joined us," Viconia said calmly.

"And that she let an evil creature such as you in our mids," Mazzy half-snarled. "Does not speak well of our leader."

"Oh, here we go again," Viconia chuckled. "After my position, are you? I have proven my measure and worth, halfling. You have not..."

"I warn you, drow, I will..."

This time, Viconia put down her book and stared Mazzy right in the eyes. "You..." she spoke dreadfully malicious, "will do... _what_, exactly?"

"I... I will _slay_ you, of course!" Mazzy pressed.

Now, Viconia rose to her full height. She was one of the shorter members of Laska's group, but still she dwarfed Mazzy. "Don't make me laugh!" Viconia chuckled. "I've had taller footstools than you and I need only step on you."

"Try it, drow, and I swear you will end up with a sword stabbed through your foot!" Mazzy snarled.

"Hah!" Viconia shook her head. "I don't have time for this..." she said and headed for the door.

"Wait!" Mazzy shouted from the couch. "Sir Keldorn... what is he like?"

Viconia raised her eyebrow, snorted and walked out the door.

* * *

"Viconia is here! It's Viconia!" little Lisette shouted to her friends as the warmly smiling drow entered.

"Hello, children," Viconia greeted as she entered the orphanage's sleeping chambers. Immediately, ten young children swarmed the drow as she sat down.

"Hey!" Lisette yelled out as one young boy pushed between two other girls.

"Loviar," Viconia scowled. "What did I tell you about respecting females?"

"To... to be nice," Loviar said and sat at the back of the row.

"That's more like it," Viconia smiled. "Today's story is from faraway Kara-Tur..."

"Oooooh," all children smiled and prepared for the story. Just as Viconia was about to start the reading, Sister Lara walked into the room and waved at Viconia.

"Oh, Viconia?" Sister Lara spoke from the back of the room. "Might I have a few words with you before you leave later?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Laska and Rose were walking arm in arm towards the 'Green Latern', a classy eatery near the government district, passing through a lane of equally classy boutiques and shops. Unlike Waukeen's Promenade, this was a calm and quiet area, void of tourists and casual shoppers.

Laska felt her tummy rumble, admittedly, she was getting very hungry. But just as the Green Latern came in sight, Rose suddenly veered off to a boutique, only to end up glued to the display window.

"Just look at that lovely green dress, Laska," Rose smiled at her lover as the elf impatiently waited for her.

"Sure," Laska said. "Say, I'm getting a bit peckish..."

"Cormyrian silk!" Rose smiled wistfully. "I could never afford that when I was still a streetwalker, and I've spent so much time here, simply looking at the dresses... Knowing I could never afford them."

"Well, the inn is making steady profit," Laska offered. "So you can afford everything in the store, now..."

"It's so lovely. I'd look so great in it, don't you think?" the half-elf offered her lover a sly grin.

Laska snaked her arms around Rose's slender waist and pulled her lover against her. "You'd look great in a burlap sack," the elf said while she rubbed her cheek against Rose's strawberry blonde hair.

"Mmmm," Rose smiled blissfully at Laska's closeness. "But," she said, recovering, "how would you like me to wear it for you?"

"You look best with nothing on at all," Laska whispered in her ear.

"It would make a great gift, you know?" Rose pressed.

"Thanks for the offer, but you know I don't wear dresses," the tattooed elf replied.

"Love?" the half-elf asked.

"Yes?"

"I've dropped enough hints already, the time for subtlety is over. If you don't buy me that dress, clueless, I'll grab the tips of both your ears and drag you across the street for five hours."

"Let's get you fitted for that dress..." Laska said, not surprisingly.

"I thought so too," Rose grinned and led her lover into the store.

Immediately, they were greeted by a thin, but friendly smiling man wearing a strange gaudy shirt. "Welcome, welcome!" the man greeted friendly. "Can I offer you a cappuccino?"

"Crappawhat?" Laska asked.

"Laska!" Rose admonished and patted her on the arm. "It's a coffee from Calimport. That would be lovely," she told the shopkeeper.

"Oh, honey," the shopkeeper said as he gazed at Laska from head to toe, "you need my help, you're a fashion-victim!"

"What?" Laska all but shouted.

"Vests are _SO_ last year," the man said, and immediately started to tug loose Laska's braid.

"HEY!" the elf protested and yanked her long braid away.

"Oh, honey," the shopkeeper smiled. "You've got a lovely head of hair! Let those long tresses float free in the wind, you'll look and feel wonderful!"

"You think so?" Laska muttered and slowly untied her braid, and shook her head about, shaking loose her long dark hair. Then, the shopkeeper spoke : "There... pretty as a picture... Oh, honey, but we need to get you into some new clothes..."

"Excuse me," Laska said, "but we came her for a dress for Rose."

"Don't tell me," the shopkeeper grinned. "The green one in the window, right?"

Immediately, Rose dove into the changing booth, and when she came out again (in record time), she looked amazing. Laska felt her mouth go dry as she look a long look at Rose's new bodice, which was tight and ornate... and worked to achieve a maximum push-up effect.

"Oh, honey," the shopkeeper smiled and swatted Laska on the bum, "I know what you're thinking, you naughty woman."

"Did... you... just," Laska replied icily, a scowl prominent on her face.

"Oh, he's harmless," Rose smiled and took her new dress to the mirror.

Laska wasn't quite sure what happened next, but when it was done, she was standing in front of a giant mirror wearing different clothes.

"I feel like an idiot!" Laska snarled as she looked in the mirror. "You can't see any of my tattoos!"

"Be nice!" Rose smiled.

Laska looked in the mirror and saw... a complete dork. The elf was wearing a pink blouse about three sizes too small, so that it was almost a second skin and the buttons were almost bursting. Under the blouse was a black miniskirt, inlaid with little stitched dragons. On her feet were reed sandals, and covering it all was a long, blue kaftan, open in the front.

"Now," the shopkeeper said, while adding some make-up, "we just need a little more eye-liner here..."

"What's the matter with these panties?" Laska stressed as she felt how uncomfortable it was.

"It's a string made from the finest Kashmir wool! I know," the shopkeeper smiled, "but no pain, no fashionable gain!"

"Wool?" Laska grimaced. "I feel like there's a sheep bleating right into my arse."

"You look," Rose said, barely able to contain her laughter, "you look... different..."

"I like the top, though," Laska said.

"Ah, it's from the Kara-turan Hentai-girl line," the shopkeeper smiled. "But to be honest, I was merely looking how far you would indulge me. You're a good sport, honey."

"What?!" Laska replied, and Rose took her by the arm, knowing full well that if she had not been here, Laska would have shown the shopkeeper exactly how much of a good sport she was by trashing the store.

* * *

"Thanks for the rescue," Laska said as she and Viconia walked through the streets of the government district. "That guy was using me as a dress-up doll. You should have seen the piles of clothing he wanted me to wear. And I _still_ haven't eaten."

"Are you wearing make-up?" Viconia asked, to which Laska responded by frantically rubbing away eye-liner.

"Another subject please," Laska sighed. "How's our money situation?"

Viconia nodded. "Really rather good, actually. We are quite close to the twenty-five thousand gold that the thieves require of us. That'll buy us a ship, a crew and, most importantly, information. No doubt those thieves are overcharging us terribly."

"Twenty-five..." Laska shook her head. "The things we could do with that."

"What are going to do with it? Buy a house? We already have have one," Viconia said. "Besides, we used to have more in the old days, but we never spent any of it on anything worthwhile."

Laska bit her lip. "I mean, finding and freeing Imoen is more than worth it, but... I just don't trust those thieves."

"Neither do I, but let's not dwell on that. In any case, sister Lara has asked me to commission a work of fine art from Sir Sarles, a renowned sculptor. Apparently, the three main temples are all vying for his attention, and sister Lara wanted me to procure a sculpture before the others did."

"Ah, gotcha," Laska said. "I'm the muscle power who puts the frighteners on the other priests! The brawn to back you up!"

"Nope," Viconia said. "I can handle everything myself. But after our meeting with Sir Sarles, we should gather about two hundred pound of ore at the ore-merchant in Waukeen's promenade."

"So," Laska scowled. "You're only bringing me along to haul ore?"

"Basically," Viconia chuckled, "yes..."

"Figures."

"Well, you're such a big strong elf, after all," Viconia smirked. "But those muscles of yours to work for a change."

Together, they entered the Jyystev estate where the artist was staying, and the butler led them into his room. As soon as they entered, they saw a man sitting at a desk with his back turned to him. He was wearing a distinctively noble attire along with rather oversized puffy pants. The man made no effort to turn around.

"This him?" Laska whispered to Viconia.

Viconia announced herself by coughing slightly.

"ARGH!" the man suddenly snapped around. "You have startled me! My muse, my muse! My muse cannot be to rudely interrupted! I am a person of delicature."

Viconia and Laska shared a look.

"Are all artists like this?" Laska whispered on a tone only elves could hear.

"Most of them are not," Viconia whispered back.

The saucer-like eyes of Sir Sarles even grew rounder when he noticed Laska.

"This is an outrage!" Sarles shouted in a squeaky voice. "I ordered a _blonde_ courtesan of elvish decent! This is disgusting! Guests are not supposed to be treated as such..." Shouting too loud to hear Laska's growl, he continued. "Hey, hey, hey!" he suddenly said. "Your ears are longer, you are slimmer! You're a proper elf, aren't you? I've never had a proper elf before," he suddenly slurred. "Leave your clothes on the bed, and we'll get started..."

"Okay," Laska held up her hands. "This deserves a rather massive pounding. So how do you want it? All your teeth knocked out? I'll even provide a little baggie for you to put them in. Do you want your knee-caps broken or would you prefer a traditional series of knuckles to the face in rapid succession?"

Not picking up on the hint, Sir Sarles frowned. "No, I'm not into that bondage and masochism stuff, I'll leave that to Lord and Lady Jysstev. Just normal sex. Again, leave your clothes on the bed..."

"YOU BLOODY..." Laska started shouting, but suddenly found herself subdued by a hand on her shoulder.

Viconia spoke up. "Please excuse my friend here. It's not the first time she's been mistaken for a prostitute, but the reaction is always the same. If you would please get your mind out of Laska's pants for a moment, then we can discuss business. I am here to commission a work of art for the temple of Lathander."

"Oh!" Sir Sarles sighed with disdain. "Another one of _those_. I'll tell you what I'd told them. Get me two hundred pounds of pure illithium first and you've got your sculpture. Now, get out! I'm expecting company... Out, out, out, OUT!"

And, like that, they were standing outside again.

"What a brat of a male," Viconia said. "I have heard he was an introvert, but this is ridiculous... Spoiled to the end and even procured a bought title. Heh, and I won't even get into the rumors about his interest in goats and other barnyard animals. His sculptures are sight to behold, though..."

"I want to kill him," Laska growled.

Viconia shrugged. "After the sculpture has been made, I don't care what you do to him."

"H-hello?" came the meek voice of a tiny, young, blonde half-elven girl in a tight dress who came walking around the corner. She looked embarrassed and ashamed to wear the clothes. "Is... Is this the Jyystev residence?"

"You here for Sarles?" Laska asked gently, feeling sorry for the girl.

"Y... yes, ma'am..."

"Well, I wouldn't if I were you," Laska chuckled. "He's diseased, you see? Spend some time with the wrong goat and now he has mushrooms growing in his pants, nasty business... You'd best go home..."

"Home," the girl's eyes lit up. "I... I can't. My mother... we're going to be thrown out of our home if I... don't bring in some money. My mother doesn't know I..."

"You haven't done this before, have you?" Laska smiled. "Well, if it's money you need, go to the Mithrest Inn and ask for Rose. Tell her I sent you and tell her what you're about to do. She'll give you a proper job with a reasonable pay."

"R-really?" the girl started to cry. "Thank you!" she said and hugged Laska briefly. "Mother will be so happy!"

"My pleasure," Laska said. "And knowing I've ruined Sarles' day is enough for me."

"Right," Viconia grinned. "Shall we get some ore, then?"


	66. Child of Murder Berserk

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 66: Child of Murder Beserk_

Bodhi sat back in her bath of blood, trying to gain even an iota of calm... and failed.

The pain had returned. She knew it would. Her joints ached, her skin felt as if it was one fire and even the simplest of movements send searing pains through her entire body. It came in phases, often; there were moments when her vampiric regeneration simply stopped working, or when she couldn't wake up and rise from her coffin for entire days.

She found her bloodbath soothing but no more than that; a temporary reprieve from the pain. Her cursed elven body was not even protected from the wrath of the Ellesime's curse in her vampiric state. At best, it only delayed the inevitable.

Over the past decades, she had gotten used to the pains, but they were now accompanied by fear as these spells of pain were slowly, but surely returning more frequently with increased intensity. Forcing the panic down, she lent back and closed her eyes, as if expecting to slip into elven reveree, but that had been something taken from her long ago.

"Let me pass minion fledgeling!" the shout of an all too familiar accented female voice shot through Bodhi's lair. The should was followed by the loud crash and the smell of released ozone, signifying that the barely week-old vampire had just been destroyed.

Immediately, Bodhi knew who the woman was, and she felt a fear much deeper than her curse could ever bring her.

The woman tossed the double doors open and strolled inside. She was a tall, ancient vampire, with long, flowing ashen-grey hair. This was Hayaxi, Flame of Darkness to the Nightsinger, So ancient that her undead body radiated coldness, and actually drew life from those too close to her. A batch of sweet-smelling nightshade, which Bodhi had asked her servant to put there in the room to soothe her, wilted instantly as the ancient Sharran passed by.

"Do not bother dragging your tired bones out of bath," Hayaxi mocked, taking pleasure in watching the younger vampire twitch.

"What do you want?" Bodhi dared to ask. Hayaxi, however, only responded with a raised eyebrow.

Bodhi sighed. "What do you want, _mistress_?" the younger vampire spat.

"Now, now, now," the ancient vampire replied and sat on the edge of the bath, dipping her finger into the bath and bringing it to her mouth for a taste. "Oh," she said. "Nymph? Delectable. In any case, I believe the phrase is... 'I was in the neighborhood'. So, I decided to check up on my... investment."

"Investment?" Bodhi snorted. "You never did anything for me! You let me struggle at any turn!"

"Struggle brings strength... Loss brings power," Hayaxi smiled. "I seem to recall a broken elven girl, throwing herself at my feet, asking me to purposely infect her with vampirism. Utterly helpless and lost. How could a Sharran resist?"

Bodhi hissed at being reminded of the sheer humiliation which that memory meant for her. For years she had sought out the most powerful vampires to help her defeat her curse... and only Hayaxi was willing to help her. Mostly out of curiosity it seems, since elves rarely became vampires or even asked to become one. But soon she had learned that Hayaxi's 'help' came with a rather hefty price-tag attached.

"Too bad not even my considerably powerful blood could slow down your curse," Hayaxi said. "But that will probably offer you a more eager incentive to continue fulfilling your promise to me. How goes the war, so to speak?"

"Well enough."

"Do not lie to me!" Hayaxi shouted and stood up. "All I asked was that you bring down the pathetic excuse for a ruling body Amn has and you have yet to make any progress. We must de-stabilize this region if we want to expand the worship of Shar. Selune's clergy has destroyed our gathered forces in Sembia, and we need a unified front now more than ever! One we will get if we have a foothold across the Sword Coast from Athkatla to Calimport."

"We are doing well enough," Bodhi snapped. "If we bring down the Shadow Thieves, the whole corrupted system will collapse like a house of cards, dragging the Cowled Wizards and the Council down with it in the chaos. That is the plan we agreed on!" she added, knowing the Sharran creed: to bring down order so that the hopelessness of anarchy would drive hordes of new worshippers to Shar.

"I fear you might be spending to much time on your 'project on the side'," Hayaxi sneered. "Unfortunately, the spy I sent to investigate never returned, but I urge you to stop this 'project' and concentrate on the matter at hand."

"We will..." Bodhi said, but Haxayi's patience was spent. The ancient vampire struck with the speed of lighting, grasping the lounging younger vampire by the neck and hoisted her out of the tub. Feeling the intense pressure on her neck, Bodhi clawed at Haxayi's iron grasp as blood dripped from her naked body. Bodhi felt sharp claws dig deep into her chest and could barely suppress a whimper.

"Not even all the power I granted you can save you," Hayaxi snarled, "if I tear your heart from your chest. Shar is an impatient goddess and a harsh mistress!"

With an angry, monstrous snarl, the ancient vampire threw Bodhi against the wall with such a force that Bodhi's elven form left a deep dent in the stone wall. Grimacing from the intense pain, Bodhi fell to the ground and lay prone.

"I shall remain in the city for a short while," Hayaxi smiled, "In the meantime, I intend to hold a sermon for all the Sharrans operating in this area. I expect, Bodhi, that you shall make arrangements? I require a large, hidden room with a consecrated altar before the end of the month..."

That said, Hayaxi turned around, and left the room, leaving Bodhi to lie on the floor.

Shivering from pain, an intense anger flowed through her. '_Disgusting old mummy!'_ she thought. '_When I am restored, we will _see _who is the more powerful vampire... Sanctimonious Sharran hag_!'

* * *

"200 pounds?! He's mad! Raving! Out of his mind!" Jerlia, the ore merchant told the two elves standing in front of her. Waukeen's promenade offered Jerlia, the female forge-smith, a workspace. She was a strong human woman, muscular and tall, dressed in the clothes befitting her trade. She was a lovely woman, her brown hair tied in a tight bun, but, seeing the forge was quite hot, her tanned skin was covered with beads of sweat and smears of coal.

"Judging by your outburst," Viconia sighed heavily, "I take it you don't have it in stock?"

"Nope... Not a chance... No way... Uh-uh... Never ever..." Jerlia replied.

"That... little wormish bugger!" Laska snarled. "Okay, I'm marching right back so I can punch Sarles in the face!"

"Hold it!" Viconia snarled. "Perhaps you could tell us why this ore is so rare in the first place. I have lived most of my life underground and I have never heard of this... illithium ore."

"That's because it's not from under the ground, it comes from above," Jerlia smiled. "Some of my stock comes from tiefling traders, but illithium is mostly from stellar debris falling down from the sky."

"Falling down... from the sky?" Laska said, glancing up to the heavens with a tiny hint of fear in her eyes.

"You don't know what is involved in getting illithium," Jerlia spoke. "I've an agreement with a rather special source, but there's only so much I'm allowed to take. 50 pounds a season at most."

"Too long and too little!" Viconia broke in. "I need two hundred pounds!"

"Hold on, don't go crazy on me," Jerlia said as she detected the drow's mounting anger. "It's difficult, but not impossible. There are two options to you. You can go to my source and try and ply the extra out of him, or you can use a... substitute. For all his pomp and balderdash, Sir Sarles wouldn't know quality materials if you beat him over the head with them. Now that's a fine image, eh?"

"I'll say," Laska grinned, and took a mental practice-shot.

"Anyway," Jerlia grinned, "I would wager that a derivative of illithium would serve just as well. Pure illithium is quite rare, but an alloy could be fashioned at a reasonable rate. I... I think I can trust you. Look for a man named Unger Hilldark. He stays in the Copper Coronet when he's in town. Don't get him mad, will you? He's at enough of a risk just coming here. He's... he's Duergar."

"Duergar?" Viconia grinned. "Oh, don't worry. I'll get information from him."

"Try not to harm him," Jerlia stressed. "He's in disguise. His kind doesn't look all that different, and as long as he's left alone, he's fine. Not a bad guy, once you get to know him. You go talk to him. Tell him I sent you. Maybe he'll let you pull a little more illithium out of him than I can get. It won't be cheap though."

The two elves thanked Jerlia and went on their way, towards the Copper Coronet. As they walked through the busy streets leading into the slums, Viconia and Laska talked to each other.

"Why are we even doing this, Vico?" Laska said. "Dragging all over town for that blowhard?"

"We are not working for the blowhard," Viconia replied. "We are working for the temple of Lathander."

"Is it just me," Laska grinned, "or are you planning to switch religions again?"

"Certainly not! Worshipping a male god?" Viconia snorted. "The thought alone! I am a Sharran and I will remain a Sharran. No, I am doing this because the orphanage hasn't been getting much donations lately, and sister Lara is hoping an art gallery will draw rich nobles to donate. I have already agreed to help them set it up and will lend them pieces from my... _our_ own private collection. I must ask Rose to put up some of her work as well."

"I'm not sure she'll agree to that," Laska said. "She's quite shy about her paintings."

"I'm sure you can convince her," Viconia nodded. "Also, Sir Sarles may be an ass of magnitude, but his work does draw the crowds... I'm doing this for having all that great art in one place. It will be a fantastic gallery. Oh, and for the children, of course."

"Okay, then. For the kids, it is..."

"Ain't illegal to be a dwarf, last I heard!" Unger shouted as soon as Laska even approached him in the Copper Coronet. "Now, just get lost, stupid elf!"

"What?!" Laska replied to the red haired, grumpy dwarf. "I haven't even opened my mouth yet!"

"Then do us all a favor and keep it shut!" he replied. "There were some blokes back there asking for an elven courtesan, so go bother them. Might make some money out of the deal too..."

"Look!" Laska said, getting angry... but a wry chuckle sounded from the shadows.

"Typical duergar behavior," Viconia said as she emerged from the shadows. "Bullying elves because you know they won't gut you for a single insult... like my people do."

Unger was instantly humbled. "D-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-drow? H-here?"

"Nice trick," Laska chuckled. "Could you teach me that?"

"Sure, just gather as many of your elven kin as possible and exterminate great portions of the duergar race," Viconia replied. "Always works."

"Ah, that'll take a while, then?" Laska replied.

"Yes," Viconia added. "Now, we are in search of Illithium..."

"Many apologies, _malla_ dark elf," Unger replied and twittered nervously. If the drow decided to attack none of these seedy patrons would come to his aid. There weren't even many seedy patrons around at the moment. "But I have none, and I won't be getting any anytime soon..."

"Are you lying to me?" Viconia snarled.

"No, no!" Unger sighed. "You want illithium, you'll have to wait for it. We mine it close to the surface where our tunnels usually don't lead to, and it's dangerous going. It's rare enough when production is normal. This is all useless information though, because my latest shipment was stolen from under me! So there's no illithium for anyone for another season or more! Typical of this city. I'm just a poor businessman, but I'll be jailed just for my shadowed face. This bastard that robbed me looks like a hill dwarf, so he's welcomed with open arms."

"So what else is new?" Viconia sighed.

"His name was Neb... Last I heard he was holed up on the Bridge. A derelict little place bought with my gold..."

"Thank you," Viconia said. "We'll leave you to your drink..."

"Yes, _malla_ drow..." the dwarf replied, grateful to see the drow stepping out the door.

"Neb..." Laska said, seemingly deep in thought as she and Viconia walked through the slums. "Where have I heard that name before?"

"A moot point," Viconia said. "Why don't you handle Neb while I go and gather the alloy from Jerlia.?"

"Hey, why do I have to do everything?"

"But you're such a big, strong elf!" Viconia mocked, allowing her voice to sound strangely girlish. "Anyway, I already handled Unger, it's your turn now."

"Figures," Laska replied and gave Viconia a mock-salute. "Alright, guvner, I'll give it me best."

* * *

"What?!" Viconia shouted as she stared into the smug face of Jerlia as she crossed her arms. On her table lay 200 pounds of Illithium alloy, in a large, irregular lump. Though the lump showed obvious imperfections, as well as a handprint and black smears of the forge, Viconia thought it was hauntingly beautiful. However, there was an outrageous pricetag. "We had settled on two hundred gold before we left, Jerlia!"

"I know we had a deal, but the market has changed drastically in the last few hours. I have been approached by two other churches for illithium. It seems they are courting Sarles as well," Jerlia said. "I'm afraid you are in competition with both the Temple of Helm and the Temple of Talos. They both seem very determined. You understand the pressures of the market, don't you? Well, I must ask for 500 gold instead of 200. It is still quite reasonable."

Viconia's snarl suddenly turning into a sadistic grin. Immediately, her hands shot out, releasing a deadly spell. Jerlia saw a red light encompassing her body... and suddenly she was locked into position, unable to move even her eyes.

"Now," the drow said as she calmly strolled over to Jerlia, and took some time to untie her bun, letting the brown hair fall down, "don't you know it's incredibly dangerous to double-cross a drow?" she said, while tapping her on the shoulder with a sharp dagger she had drawn from her belt. "I'll write off your foolishness as inexperience, but know I could have done a lot more damage than making a tiny nick with this dagger. I admire your courage, though, so I will leave you 300 gold, and not a copper more."

That said, the drow counted the money and left the pouch and moved to take the alloy while making a dramatic exit... and forgot it weighed over 200 pounds.

Immediately, the weight became apparent as she stricken drow was forced to back-paddle out of the store, trying to compensate for the weight she was barely able to hang on to. Eventually, she reached the end of the line when she fell over backwards over the edge to the next layer of the colosseum.

A loud clonk could be heard, accompanied by a splash of water, putting a proper end to her dramatic exit.

* * *

Though the Bridge was a large and technically impressive feat of engineering, a lot of the houses that were built on top, on the side and underneath of it certainly were not. Rose's little house was, in fact, in one of the better parts of the Bridge and that wasn't saying much for the state of the buildings on this part of the Bridge.

Laska followed the description she had been given and arrived at a rickety wooden staircase leading onto an even more rickety platform. Though as an elf she was rather light-footed, Laska was partially nervous that setting a single foot on it would cause it to break and plummet down into the water below. The elf closed her eyes and ignored the raging waters below as she felt the fear in the pit of her stomach. Thankfully, the platform only groaned. It led to a small brick alcove, a house built into the very Bridge itself.

It looked like this was the only building in this row that was currently in use. And for good reason; any building that were not yet condemned, should have been ages ago.

As she approached the building however, she felt a familiar feeling in the pit of her stomach. This was different from the earlier fear of the water still below her. No, there were undead inside that house... minor undead, but undead nonetheless. So, after approaching the small house, Laska decided to take a running start and surprise the thief by kicking in the door.

The wooden door relented as it flew from its hinges. Immediately as Laska stepped into the small, dark home, she was assaulted by the smell of death and decay. Glancing about, she didn't see any undead in this sparsely decorated house. She did however see, a dwarf... And she recognized this dwarf... she'd recognize that mad sneer and wild eyes everywhere.

"NEB!" Laska snarled. "I should have known! The child-killer!"

"So, my life does come back to haunt? Tee-hee!" the dwarf smiled gleefully. "Oh, dearrie, dearrie, dearrie! Think of the children!"

"I will," Laska snarled, remembering how she and her friends had used this dwarf's escape tunnel to escape from the Flaming Fist guildhouse. "You slipped away before I could kill you the last time... Looks like I'll get a second chance."

"So be it, though I shall miss the children so. Ah yes, the children..." the disgusting dwarf smiled. Behind him, four crying spectral children appeared behind him; they were small, glowing faceless shadows crying softly as if in pain. Fighting the nausea from undead near, Laska snarled and thought of Risa and Becky, two small children full of life and laughter... but these poor creatures would never know life and laughter again; they were enslaved undead.

Laska felt an unimaginable rage well up, from the very depths of her elven spirit. Anger like she had never felt before coursed through her veins. Tossing inconvenient feelings like her nausea out the window, she jumped at the dwarf... and missed completely as the dwarf blinked out of existence. After getting on the table to avoid the advancing child-spirits, she closed her eyes and let her excellent elven senses do the job for her. Neb, after all, was only invisible and could not hide the sounds he was making. Like his ragged breathing. She grinned wickedly; she knew she could do him in.

With a snarl, Laska threw a throwing dagger at the invisible Neb, impaling his hand to the wall. Neb's hiss of pain was enough to let Laska know she had hit her mark. Immediately, Neb's invisibility failed and the elf, ignoring the advancing children, jumped and somersaulted over the furniture towards Neb, grabbing the disgusting dwarf by the nape of his neck. Retrieving her dagger, Laska prepared to end the dwarf's life with a single stroke across the neck.

"The children,TEE-HEE!" the dwarf giggled, as if his mind was far away from this place. Something in Laska... just snapped.

"No," the tattooed elf snarled ferally, slamming the dwarf on the table and wrapping her hands around Neb's neck. "A sweet slow and painful death for you," she hissed... and started squeezing with all her strength, instantly crushing the dwarf's Larynx to bits.

The child-spirits stopped dead in their tracks, apparently looking upon the spectacle with fascination. Laska squeezed, and squeezed while the dwarf gurgled and wheezed, his eyes bulging as his face went red.

With a last gurgle, it was over. Laska wasn't particularly concerned with death or the afterlife, but she hoped that, wherever he was, there'd be plenty of demons with sharp claws waiting for him.

Laska stood over the corpse of Neb, his entire neck having been more than crushed. Breathing sharply, Laska's rage was still not diminished. Not even the cries and grateful giggles of the freed child-spirits, as they were gathered to their rewarded afterlife could lift her spirits..

Trying to tame her rage, the elf smashed several sets of furniture to bits... but it did not help. Then, she glanced at the body of Neb. Seeing she was wearing her casual vest and leather pants, the only weapons she was carrying was a concealed set of throwing daggers. But then, she noticed a decorative Short Sword hanging from the wall...

* * *

Lieutenant Aegisfield was at his desk at the Government building, doing some paperwork and filling out some forms to process some of the latest sentenced criminals, until he heard the gasps of some of the bureaucrats outside. Several noblewoman screamed and stepped aside as an elf waded through the startled bureaucrats and was headed straight towards him.

Aegisfield recognized the elf immediately as the one who had helped him solved the foul murders at the bridge-district... but her clothes, and a great part of her exposed skin were covered with blood.

She approached him with deadly calm and tossed a bloodied bag on his desk. Aegisfield took the bag, which turned out to be very light. Expecting to find a head, Aegisfield looked inside and almost vomited.

"I've tried to keep the face intact," the elf said calmly, her seriousness evident on her face. "But I haven't really succeeded. Tell the parents that their children's spirits are freed from his domination, and that their deaths have been avenged..." That said, the elf turned tail and walked out of the office...

"Miss Leafwalker, wait!" Aegisfield said. "There's a reward..."

"Do me a favor," Laska said, stopping in her tracks but not looking back. "And donate it to the orphanage. Oh, and the people you send to clean out Neb's home better have strong stomachs."

The elf stepped out of the office now, leaving a puzzled Aegisfield behind.

* * *

"Garbage! Tripe! Kitsch!" Sir Sarles snarled as he regarded the lump of ore. "Illithium holds no oil or grime! A handprint on illithium is an impossibility! I cannot work with this..."

"You were pleased a moment ago!" the dripping wet drow told Sarles, pushing the artist in the chest so that the fop flew backwards and crashed into the coffee-table. "I'm starting to wonder if you are indeed the fine artist everybody claims you are! In fact, I wonder if it was you that made those sculptures in the first place!"

"That... that is vicious slender!"

"I believe," Viconia corrected, "that the word you a looking for is 'slander'."

"Such an insult! These hands have created works of art that would make your heart stop with joy! They will work many more wonders, but not here!" Sarles snarled. "My muse... my muse has left me! I must go elsewhere."

"You aren't going anywhere!" Laska snarled as she entered the room. "And... what happened to you?" she asked Viconia, whom was still dripping wet.

"I fell in a horse-trough," Viconia snapped, her hair had lost her volume and she was now looking a bit like a wet cat. "Luckily enough, one of Jan's cousins was kind enough to lend me a cart so that I could move this lovely lump of ore."

"Oh," Laska said, looking at the ore. "That does look really nice."

"And what about you?" Viconia chuckled as she regarded the blood-soaked elf.

"Y-y-y-yes..." Sarles muttered. "A... are you a criminal?"

"Nope," Laska said, "but the one I killed was," she added, somehow making Sarles gulp.

"Anyhow, here's your Illithium," Laska said, taking several chunks of ore from her bag of holding. "All two hundred pounds of it. You can get to work now."

"All two hun...?! But... but... that's impossible... I can't... I..." Sarles stammered. "I am... I can't work here! My muse has been shattered. I'm not in the mood."

"Look!" Laska snarled and grasped Sarles by the neck, pushing him into the wall. "I've been traipsing all over town for this stuff, I've killed for it, so I suggest you GET IN THE MOOD!"

"Noooooo," Sarles wailed as this confrontation with a blood-soaked elf created an expanding wet patch in the seat of his pants. "Don't kill me please! I... I can't! I'm not an artist, I'm not! I can't even draw! I just found the illithium sculptures in an old dwarven tomb!"

"I see," Viconia frowned. "I should have known a sniveling weasel like yourself could not create fine sculptures like that. In fact, I'm surprised dwarves made them. Their art is often of cruder make."

"So," Laska chuckled. "You've been swindling nobles and playing games with the temples of Lathander, Talos and Helm... Planning to leave at the last moment, eh? Well, I'm afraid that they won't like that."

"I..." Sarles cried. "I've gotta go. They'll kill me!"

"Nope," Laska chuckled. "I'm going to do something a friend of ours suggested."

That said, Laska picked up the lump of ore with a grunt and slammed it into Sarles. And that's how the representatives of the temples of Helm and Talos found him: lying unconscious in the Jyystev decorative pool, with a stone fish spitting water over his head.

* * *

"I can't believe it," Sister Lara sighed as Viconia stood in front of her, dragging the lump of ore behind her on a small cart. "Sir Sarles a fraud?"

"I'm afraid so," Viconia chuckled. "When my friend Laska and I delivered the ore, he admitted he could not sculpt, and that, in fact, he had stolen the sculptures from a dwarven tomb..."

"Unbelievable," Lara spat. "And we were about to invest greatly in his stolen art. But... what is that lump here?"

"Oh, that was," Viconia said, "supposed to become the artwork. But I rather like it on its own. I think I'll have Laska put it out in the yard or something."

"Are you kidding? This new piece is a welcome understatement. Looks as though it represents the shadows receding from the dawn. Fine work," Lara said.

"Well, the artist," Viconia frowed, "is Jerlia. A local blacksmith and ore-merchant."

"It shall be the centre of our gallery!" Lara smiled.

"...so," Viconia said as she was telling Laska what had happened when the evening had fallen. The elf had taken a long bath and was currently wearing a two-piece swimsuit and was impatiently glancing back and forth to the staircase, "Jerlia is currently the 'hot' new artist around town and she's taken well to the job. She's getting orders from almost all the noble houses in Athkatla. I've sold her the Illithium so she can make more art, and in return, she'll keep ten pounds aside and will have a friend construct a Mace of Disruption for us. A powerful weapon against undead. We made a nifty profit out of the deal. All is well."

"Speaking of art," Laska smiled. "I've a new tattoo to celebrate my newly found elven nature. Wanna see?" she said, and pointed at the side of her upper right leg. A long leaved creeping vine which ran from her upper thigh to the snake-tattoo around her knee, was proudly displayed.

"Lovely," Viconia muttered. "Have you managed to convince Rose to allow us to show some of her painting in our gallery?"

"Well," Laska smirked. "She's waiting for me in the pool upstairs and I was about to ask her. I think I can persuade Rosie to allow you to use them."

"By all means," Viconia returned a knowing grin. "Persuade her..."

Laska didn't hesitate, jumped from her chair and ran up the stairs. Listening intently, Viconia heard a loud splash, followed by giggles and smaller splashes. But when the giggles and splashes made way for sounds of gentle kisses, Viconia decided to leave the lovers to their privacy. Instead, she went about to come up with the particulars of her gallery.


	67. Lesson in Virtue

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 67: Lesson in Virtue_

"Hah!" Rose shouted as she smashed her staff on Laska's as they were practicing fighting-moves on the lawn in the backyard. Laska mused that Rose was getting better and better; more to the point, she could feel it from the many impact bruises Laska sported on her body right now. In fact, Rose's last blow almost caused her to lose her balance. "Gotcha that time," Rose grinned, while panting heavily. Laska smiled, but didn't want to admit that, despite the many hits the elf had endured, she had barely worked up a sweat.

"Almost," Laska smiled, "but not quite." Taking a moment to gaze at Rose's midriff, Laska noticed with satisfaction that the last of Rose's slight baby-fat had all but disappeared. In its place was now a tight (and tantalizing) abdomen. "If this keeps up," Laska said, tearing her eyes away from Rose's tantalizing tummy, "we'll be moving on to swords soon..."

"Swords?" Rose panted as she wiped the sweat from her brow with a damp cloth. "I'd rather not... I don't like sharp stuff. Besides, you're really good with swords, so fighting you with swords is no fun at all."

"That's just because I can actually block you with a sword," the tattooed elf smiled. Laska knew she was notoriously bad at wielding two-handed weapons like staves. She had been used to fighting with two weapons, so, while holding a staff, she kept trying to part her arms instinctively, giving Rose a significant advantage.

"Let's call it a day, shall we?" Rose said. "I need to get to work! I've been skipping too many shifts at the bar already because you keep sending me employees."

"How's the new girl working out?" Laska said.

Rose snorted. "You don't really have an eye for serving talents. She's a complete and utter klutz. Poor girl has been spilling drinks, soup and food over customers all day. But, she's improving."

"Good to know."

"I'll take a quick bath and then I'll have to go."

"Hmmm," Laska mused and embraced Rose from behind. The half-elf closed her eyes and tilted her head to one side a little, to allow the elf to kiss her neck. "Want me to join you?"

"You'd better not," Rose offered. "With you in the room, I won't be able to get to bathing, nor to work... No, I'd better bathe alone today."

"Awwww," Laska mock-groaned in disappointment, then swiftly locked her arms around Rose's waist. "What if I decide not to let you go?"

"I'd bite your ears off," Rose joked.

"Eep," Laska replied, but Rose shifted and turned around in the embrace, briefly kissing her lover on the lips. "I'll be back before dinner," the half-elf smiled one last time, tickled Laska behind the left ear and broke the embrace, heading into the house.

"Bombs away!" Sounded from above. Immediately, Laska dodged a deadly waterballoon. Looking up, the tattooed elf noticed Risa and Becky were sitting in their recently finished treehouse, giggling.

"Of course you know," Laska grinned, "this means WAR!" she shouted and move to climb the tree while being bombarded with waterballoons.

* * *

A dripping wet elf made her way to her dresser in the bedroom. Having been defeated by a pair of nine year olds, Laska quickly removed her wet clothes, and, after taking a moment to admire her many tattoos in the standing mirror, she dried herself and put on a clean vest and matching pants. After putting her soggy boots in the window seat for them to dry, she stood barefoot on the soft carpet in her bedroom.

She smelled the lovely plants now adorning her bedroom. Most prominent were the six mossy creeping plants called the 'Mind-Your-Own-Business'. Finding the name very appropriate for a private bedroom, she had them placed all over the room, offset by a few pots hanging from the wall, which contained Flaming Katies. Oh, yes, Laska decided she really liked plants... immediately, she felt inner peace creeping up on her.

Apparently, that wasn't the only thing creeping up on her. She was pounced upon by Khittix, who scratched her with his fore-legs and made keening noises.

"What's going on, Khittix?" Laska asked. "Did Korgan fall down the well again?"

Khittix made a chitter which sounded like an annoying grunt before running out of the bedroom again.

"LEAFWALKER! YOU MORONIC BITCH!" was screeched from the other side of the hallway. Immediately, the elf stepped out of the bedroom, and, with a quizzical expression on her face, she stood in front of an intensely angry drow, boiling with rage, but the strangest part was that Viconia's hair was twisted in an uncharacteristic shaggy, waved mop. "You!" Viconia snarled. "You idiot! You fool surfacer! You..."

"What the bloody hell are you on about?!" Laska retorted.

"You removed the plants from my room!"

"You asked me to!" Laska said, after spending the morning removing all the plants from Viconia's bedroom with Lasalla and placing them around the house. "You said they were making you sneeze!"

"Why..." Viconia's voice took a pleading edge. "Why did you take away the plant that I usually keep my nightstand! The big oily one?! I had that one before your recent plant-fetish!"

"But... what's the problem?!" Laska held up our hands. "You wanted plants gone. Plants are gone."

"The problem, miss 'naturally straight hair'," Viconia said, grabbing Laska's long braid and giving it a sharp yank, "that I used to extract plant-oil from that bush to rub in my hair after I have washed it! I look like a medusa without it! It took me so long to find a plant with the perfect effect!"

"Why don't you just buy some conditioner at the market?" Laska shrugged.

Viconia narrowed her eyes. "Because that costs money! My spend money when plant-oil does the job just as well."

"Alright, alright, alright. that's not a problem," Laska said. "We didn't throw any plants out, so it's still around here."

"I don't know what it looks like!" Viconia snarled. "All these weeds look alike to me!"

"Well, _you_ asked me to remove the plants in the first place!"

"I _locked_ it in the closet before you started to drag all the other foliage out!" Viconia snarled. "Which meant you went through my private things!"

"Oh, yeah," Laska grinned. "Could Rose and I borrow some of those soft leather whips sometimes?"

"NO!" Viconia snarled. "And we were talking about _my plant_!"

"Okay, what's it called?!"

"I don't know!"

"What did it look like?"

"It was green and it had leaves!"

Glancing at all the plants about the room, Laska mused it would take a long time for them to find Viconia's plant... so the shouting match resumed.

"OY!" sounded from a groggy dwarf as he emerged from the cellar. "There be dwarves with hangovers 'ere!"

"OH, SHUT UP!" both elves shouted at Korgan and resumed their argument.

"Ye blasted bloody elves!" Korgan shouted. "If ye donnae shut up, I be treatin' ye to me axe! Chop ye inta bits o' bite-sized chunks ta feed to the pigeons in the park! Maybe I be even catchin' pigeons... they be tastin' like chicken! HAR!"

So, a third voice joined the argument.

"Wilt thou be quiet!" Dynaheir shouted as she emerged from her room. "I'm busy creating potions, and I cannot afford to make any mistakes!"

"NO!" two elves and a dwarf responded, and continued shouting.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Minsc came into the room. "Good friends should not fight together! Save your ire for evil!"

One comment about 'kissing hamsters' from an unknown source and Minsc joined the chorus.

The last person to join was Jan who came to visit from his home, had no reason to argue with any of them, but just jumped in for the fun of it.

The verbal battle continued as the cacophony of angry voices drifted through the room. In the end, all had forgotten why this battle had started, and it just continued on on its own power. Arguers often simply switched partners to argue with and continued. For example, Laska and Jan were arguing about the size of turnips for a while, Korgan and Minsc over the bite-radius of hamsters, Viconia and Dynaheir about the smell of Flaming Katies, Jan and Viconia about Jan's continued existence, Laska and Korgan about the usefulness of elves and dwarves in wine stomping, Minsc and Viconia about Keldorn's hideously colored armor, and Dynaheir and Laska about the taste of apricot-juice.

"ENOUGH!" suddenly sounded through the room. There stood Mazzy, in all her 4 feet fury, glancing icily at the arguing partymembers, now fallen silent. "Will you cretins stop SHOUTING! You're supposed to be a party! You're supposed to be harmonious, kindly and virtuous..."

"Where didst thou come from all of a sudden?" Dynaheir frowned.

"Now, you listen here, shorty," Laska started.

"SSSSHUUUUUUUTTTTTT UP!" Mazzy screamed, bringing forth an amazing cry from her tiny halfling lungs, immediately silencing the elf. "What you need is a couple of lessons in virtue..."

"Now, look here!" Viconia started.

"THERE WILL BE NO DISCUSSIONS!" Mazzy retorted.

"Aye, aye, aye!" the love-stuck Korgan started forward and removed his helmet. "Ye be 'earin' the lass! We be takin' lessons! Och," he muttered, "what a lass!"

* * *

"This is so... ridiculous," Laska muttered as she carefully walked across the room balancing three heavy books on her head.

"Straighten out that back, Laska," Mazzy stood on the side, looking like a stern head-mistress. "We'll have you walking like a proper lady soon enough."

"I'm dexterous enough to..."

"NO DISCUSSIONS!" Mazzy shouted.

"Geez, do you want to borrow one of Viconia's whips too, tiny dictator?" Laska spat, while the drow, currently standing on one leg in the middle of the room, scowled at her.

"Behaving properly leads to acting properly," Mazzy smiled. "Which brings me to you, Jan. 'Tis not virtuous to..."

"Yes, my little potato?"

"... keep interrupting," Mazzy concluded. "You should really learn how to..."

"You know, my aunty Rogie had a habit of interrupting people, now that you mention it. She did it all the time too. She was an impatient type, you see, always wanting to move on to the next part of her life," Jan said.

"... stop interrupting me so that..."

"Well, she usually was very astute, though, and could tell what we were saying from the first few words that came out of our mouths. Very handy too, that was quite a time-saver! Why, in those precious few seconds, we had plenty of time to clean the house, pick turnips or disarm deadly explosives!"

"...you can learn to listen to..."

"It's amazing what she could pick up, though," Jan mused. "You just say 'Eek!' and she'd go get a broom to smash the offending mouse. You just say 'Blimey, a vampire...' and she would toss a bucket of water over the tax collector. You just say 'How...' and she'd be way ahead of you and shift all the furniture to one side of the room to accommodate the herd of elephants you wanted to house."

"...what other people are saying so that..."

"That was, until the fateful day, when her husband told her: 'I'm leaving you...' Thinking it was the end of her marriage, aunty Rogie wasted no time, ran out into the street and slept with every non-related male in a mile-radius of her house..."

"...will lead to mutual respect. Clear on..."

"That was until she found out that her husband was trying to say 'I'm leaving you to go to work, be back in a jiffy, honey'. She gave birth to a half-griffin (don't ask) nine months later. Sadly, when she fed her son... she ended up feeding her son."

"...that, Jan?"

"Oh, yes, thank you for the lesson, Mazzy," Jan smirked. "Though it wasn't really nice of you to keep interrupting my story."

"Well, yes," Mazzy sighed.

"Mazzy!" Minsc shouted in the background. "I've accidentally squashed my books!"

"Oh, forget it!" Mazzy cried. "Time for table-manners!"

The party sat down at a table filled with food especially prepared by Lasalla for this lesson. Immediately, Korgan grabbed his knife and jabbed it into a chicken, shoveling large amounts of food in his mouth within the first seconds of the dinner.

"Stop!" Mazzy shouted. "A sensible bite is a virtuous bite," she said, and filled the fork for Korgan with only a tiny bit of food.

"That be all?" Korgan replied. "But then we nay be finished fer hours!"

"It's supposed to last for hours," Mazzy said, "so that the dinner-table becomes an arena for stimulating conversation."

"Oh!" Laska grinned. "I've got one! So, a raccoon is talking to this prostitute and..."

"Hey, hey, hey!" Mazzy scowled. "That's hardly what I consider a suitable topic for dinner conversation."

"Well," the tattooed elf replied. "I know some dirty limericks too..."

"I thank thee for saving us from Laska's corny jokes," Dynaheir told Mazzy.

"During dinner, you discuss the matters of the day, funny anecdotes, dreams, ideas, previous adventures!" Mazzy smiled.

"Okay," Laska started.

"NON-sexual anecdotes," Mazzy pressed.

"Well, that's us buggered then, eh Vic?" Laska muttered while Viconia nodded.

"I be killin' a bunch o'people once," Korgan started, "don't know what to tell ye otherwise..."

Soon, a veil of silence fell over the table.

Mazzy sighed. "Shall we move on to the wine, then?" she said and picked up the wine bottle. Immediately, her scowl returned as she held the empty bottle upside down. "Okay, what happened to the wine?"

*hic!* was Laska's only reply.

"Och, ye lousy elf!" Korgan turned his ire to Laska. "Ye nay left anything fer me!"

Laska shrugged. "It's Mazzy's fault for only bringing one bottle. That won't last me an entire evening."

"Then, we'll move on to dress-codes," Mazzy said. "And, ladies, I am not impressed by the amount of skin you are showing off."

"What?!" Laska, Viconia and Dynaheir shouted out together.

"Just look at me," Mazzy smiled and showed off her red robe. "Everything is mostly hidden from sight, neatly covered by cloth."

"I can't even see if you're a girl or not," Viconia snickered.

"I be seein'," Korgan ogled Mazzy carefully.

"It is best to cover up, since others might take offense!" Mazzy smiled. "Dynaheir, the slit in your robe leaves very little to the imagination. Viconia, your cleavage is simply too deep for your own good. And I won't even go to Laska's tight and tiny vest and even tighter leather pants.

"I doth protest," Dynaheir frowned. "Female wizards are supposed to wear revealing robes. It's tradition."

"Oh, Boo!" Minsc said, covering Boo's eyes as the hamster gazed in direction of the three ladies. "Do not leer at the ladies!"

"I'm not wearing anything else!" Laska snarled. "I want to show off my tattoos... And if people take offense it's because they're jealous of my well-curved, voluptuous, tall, lean, perfectly trained and young elven body."

"Well, that was an arrogant statement," Viconia chuckled.

"It isn't arrogant when it's true," Laska told Viconia with a smirk. "Just ask Rose..."

As if on cue, Rose entered the house, her shift having ended, the aged Inquisitor Keldorn in tow. The half-elf hung her coat on the wall and gazed upon the feast.

"Apologies," Keldorn said. "I did not wish to intrude on your dinner."

Rose frowned. "Hey, you started dinner without me?"

"Don't worry," Laska said and stood up. "This isn't dinner, this was Mazzy's idea... A bad idea at that..." she said and took a moment to gently kiss her lover on the lips.

"Hold it!" Mazzy said. "You cannot kiss your lover in public."

"Come again?" Rose asked.

"'Tis hardly virtuous," Mazzy offered.

"If you don't shut up now," Laska told Mazzy. "We'll just have to see how far I can kick you! I've shown you a lot of consideration today, but if I adjust to your sense of virtue I might as well stop living! Now, if you still want to be part of this group, take us the way we are, or you can take a hike right now!" she said, receiving nods from most of her party-members.

"Now, let us nay be hasty..." Korgan tried.

"But..." Mazzy sighed.

"Hey, hey, hey," Rose said, nipping a new argument in the bud. "I want to show you something I have been working on when you were adventuring in Imnesvale," she said, taking moment to walk into her studio. A few moments later, she came out carrying a painting, and held it out for her friends.

"Wow," Laska gasped.

"Look Boo!" Minsc announced.

One the painting, stood Laska's entire party, all smiling. It was apparent that they were good friends. Laska, in armor and swords drawn, stood in the middle of the group. Next to her stood Minsc, cradling his hamster. Viconia was standing next to Laska, a thoughtful smile crossing her features. Both Keldorn and Dynaheir, the calming influence on the party, were flanking the others. Korgan and Jan were standing on either side, axe and crossbow in hand.

Laska's party gathered around the party to take a look, cheerfully chatting and praising each other's likeness.

"I left room in the painting for Imoen," Rose smiled. "So that I can paint her in later."

While the group of friends were gathered around the painting and were starting an argument about where it would be best placed in the house, Mazzy withdrew from the party and sat on the couch.

"I don't know how you can stand it, Sir Keldorn," Mazzy sighed as Keldorn sat next to her, sensing her confusion. "Fighting one moment, good friends the next."

"They are always good friends," Keldorn smiled. "No fight will change that."

"They... they are so chaotic!" Mazzy sighed. "I can't stand it!"

"Mazzy, my girl, you must learn to bend and accept their differences," Keldorn offered. "Otherwise, you'll never fit in."

"I'm afraid to bend," Mazzy sulked. "I cannot afford it! How can I be a paladin if I do not adhere to the rules? Don't you know how hard it is to be accepted as a non-human paladin?"

"Non-human paladins are seen more often each year, Mazzy," Keldorn nodded. "But humans still dominate the calling. Perhaps, one day..."

"... and perhaps, one day, halflings will be lean and wear shoes," Mazzy muttered. "But... I will try, Sir Keldorn. I will try to... be more accepting."

"Try so," Keldorn offered a kindly smile. "You'll learn an important lesson."

"HEY!" Jan shouted. "I just remembered! I've got an announcement!"

"Oh, here we go," Viconia muttered sullenly.

"I'm getting married!" Jan announced. "And I would have told you sooner if Mazzy hadn't kept interrupting me!"


	68. For Turnip and for Radish

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 68: For Turnip and for Radish_

"Ow, dammit," Laska said as she walked hunched through a long dark tunnel and banged her head against the ceiling for the fifth time.

The reception, the ceremony, and the after-party would be held in a gnomish party-center about an hour travel from the city of Athkatla. However, when they had arrived, the sight of the party-center had not filled the party with hope, seeing that it only consisted of a lavish sign and a door leading into a mountain-side, which gave way to the long tunnel they were now walking through. A long, narrow, and, mostly notably, a _low_ tunnel at that.

"Oh, you can't help being a beanpole," Rose giggled as she walked aside Laska, her arm hooked in that of her lover's. Unlike the tall elf, Rose could just walk through the tunnel without having to hunch. Behind her, Minsc and Keldorn were having the same problems Laska was experiencing, if not more.

"Ow... Ow... Ow... Ow..." Minsc repeated as he hit his head against the ceiling considerably.

"You know, Minsc, you could try to duck a little," Laska said.

"Boo says walking hunched is bad for my back," Minsc replied. "Brave adventurers cannot have backaches! Head-wounds are fine, though."

According to the brochure, this party-center would contain two large halls and hundreds of rooms for guests, but, judging from the long narrow tunnel, the prospect of this did not look hopeful. Her friends were all dressed in their finery and were doing their best to keep their clothes clean and rip-free.

Rose was wearing her best dress for the occasion. The lovely green one she had bought only a week ago at the infuriating boutique from the infuriating salesman, in fact. Her strawberry blonde hair had been delicately brushed and hung loose over her shoulders. Minsc and Keldorn were wearing polished full plate, so shined they had a mirrored surface. Keldorn could see his own reflection in Minsc's armor... and reflected on the fact that he had gone even more gray of hair since he had joined this particular party. Viconia was wearing a delicate robe befitting a priestess, and wore her hair long. Luckily (for Laska), she had been able to locate the plant she used to extract her hair-products from in the pool-room and had been guarding it with her life ever since. Dynaheir would her usual wizard's robe, apparently having reasoned that would look impressive enough.

Korgan had wiped his mouth after breakfast, which was the extent of his neat dressing-up for the wedding.

Laska, on the other hand, wore her dark her long dark hair loose, and was clad in her normal casual leather pants. The one change, however, was that she wore her red vest instead of her black one. Her black one had felt wrong for the occasion, but the red one was even more revealing than her normal black vest.

"Laska?" Keldorn asked. "Was it really necessary to wear that... scrap of clothing?"

"What Keldorn means to say," Viconia snickered, "is that you look like a cheap slut."

"Well, I didn't mean to say it with so many words..." Keldorn sighed. "You should remember our lesson about tact, Viconia..."

"Oh, don't be silly. Viconia can't help being a bitch," Laska chuckled in return. "Besides, Viconia was allowed to bring Khittix, so I can indulge as well."

"Khittix doesn't really like to be alone," Viconia said, glancing at Risa, Becky and Lasalla, all following them across the long tunnel. "And don't look at me... Minsc has Boo here as well."

"And I be havin' me axe!" Korgan announced.

"Here, here," Laska grinned. "You're the only person I know who'd bring a weapon to a wedding."

"Ey," Korgan roared. "Well, what about ye? Do ye think I nay noticed those throwing daggers hidden in ye belt?"

"Disregard previous statement," Laska chuckled and patted her hidden weapons playfully... and promptly banged her head against the ceiling again. "OUCH!" the elf cried out. "I'm really going to hurt my brain this way."

"Thou meanest, more than the copious amounts of alcohol thou hath drunken and headwounds thou hast obtained during thy young life?" Dynaheir's eyes shone with humor.

"Yes, even more than that," Laska smiled.

"Rose!" Risa scowled as she walked to the older half-elf. "Do I have to wear this dress? I don't want a stupid bow-tie on my butt and I can't run in this!"

"Bear with it, Risa," Rose smiled. "You can run and play again tomorrow."

"In the meantime," Laska smiled. "I can't wait to dig into the free booze!"

"Aye," Korgan nodded. "Aye, Lassie, AYE!"

Finally, the long tunnel gave way for a huge open room. Finally they saw some of the images they had seen in the brochure. It was as high as a cathedral, and the light of the morning sun poured through large open windows. Tweeting of birds in golden aviaries added even more beauty. Apparently, the tunnel had gone straight through the mountain.

"Wow, this is different," Rose said.

"I'll say," Laska grimaced, rubbing her sore back.

"But... turnips?" Viconia spoke, her artistic self completely disgusted, for the entire room was decorated with turnips. All the walls were lined with them, chandeliers made from turnips hung from the ceilings. Most furniture was made from turnips... and even the floor.

"Well, these Jansens are nothing if consistent," Keldorn spoke.

The party made their way closer to the other side of the cathedral, where they came upon Jan talking to his friend Bob-Reggie Joe-Yo, the mindflayer they had met in Athkatla. As soon as Jan spotted them, he waved them over.

"You made it!" Jan said as he and the mindflayer stepped over to them. "First ones here too, wow, you're all so punctual."

Jan was looking rather snazzy wearing his black tuxedo with turnip-shaped cufflinks. The mindflayer was wearing his best tropical shirt, and what seemed to be a tight-fitting turban made out of tinfoil. Seeing how all the eyes in the room except Jan's were now focused on his conspicuous hat, Bob-Reggie decided to elaborate. "Ah, yes, you are wondering about my hat? Well, there's a lot of family members of my good friend Jan here coming and I know from experience that the Jansens can have... chaotic thoughts. It's infinitely worse when there's hundreds of hundreds of them about. The tinfoil in this turban blocks out the worst of the background noise."

"Wait," Dynaheir frowned. "Thou art saying that tinfoil hats actually work?"

"Certainly," Bob-Reggie replied. "Thought it's not something my fellow illithid want to be common knowledge. But then again, who cares about them anyway?"

"Could you, you know, just not read their minds?" Laska shrugged.

Bob-Reggie rubbed his cheek with one of his tentacles. "It's like asking you not to breathe for an hour. Mindreading comes just as natural to us. Oh, Jan, before I forget, Abby apologizes, but she couldn't make it to the wedding."

Jan seemed disappointed. "Oh, that's a terrible shame. Was there a scam she could not resist to pull."

"A scam that went wrong, actually," Bob-Reggie replied. "She tried to pull a fast one on a couple of drow in Ust Natha, but it went sour. Ah, she's gotten out of tougher scrapes, though. She always comes out on top."

"Who's Abby?" Laska asked Jan. "You never mentioned her before."

"Why, Abby is Abby," Jan shrugged. "We never used her real name because Aboleth names are just ridiculously long."

Keldorn's eyebrows shot up into the sky. "An Aboleth?!"

"Yep," Jan nodded with a smile. "Abby the Aboleth."

Keldorn blinked. "How... How do you just... _know_... all these weird and dangerous monstrosities?"

"Hey!" Bob-Reggie waved his tentacles about. "I'm standing right here next to, you know?!"

In response, Keldorn muttered a quick apology to the mindflayer. And that was something he had never expected to do in his lifetime ever.

"Oh, Abby's good people," Jan said. "Always looking for a quick buck, though. Ah, I remember the three of us had this scam going in Cormyr. We called it Gnomintology; we made up some bullshit story about ghosts attaching themselves to people's bodies and told them these ghosts were limiting their potential."

Bob-Reggie seemed to smile underneath his tentacles. "Oh, I remember that. We set up a series of ridiculously overpriced mental exercise courses to 'get rid of the ghosts and unlock your mental proclivity'. And it actually worked! Or rather, Abby and I were using our psionics to fool them into thinking it worked."

"I, or rather, Count Turnipsome, was the front-man of the operation," the gnome said with a hint of pride. "The visionary, the prophet..."

"Heh, the profit," Bob-Reggie grinned. "Outside of that, it was just a standard run-of-the-mill pyramid scheme. Every follower of Gnomintology was supposed to recruit five other followers. That turned out to be our downfall."

"What happened?" Laska asked.

"Well, one of the stipulations we put into the dogma, was that the followers were supposed to recruit five other people _or something terrible would happen!_ Of course, something terrible never happened, it was a just a way of prodding the followers along. Unfortunately, something terrible did happen to one of the followers before he could recruit five new members. It was a completely unrelated piano-drop incident that we had nothing to do with. Unfortunately, the guard thought it was suspicious and blamed Gnomintology for it, so we had to flee the Cormyr with all our money."

"Biggest and best scam we ever pulled off," Bob-Reggie said. "Ah, good times. Say, didn't we go undercover as an a cappella barbershop trio playing the inns along the trade-routes for a while to lay low?"

"Yeah, we did," Jan said. "Miracle that we didn't get caught, since we only had one song in our repertoire."

"Most people were too drunk to notice anyway."

"Anyway, must mingle," Jan said as he shot off.

"But... we are the only ones here," Laska scratched her head. Oddly enough, Jan was nowhere to be seen in this cavernous cathedral. "I guess we try out the free food?"

"Ah, now ye be talkin'," Korgan announced as the party started to look for the food-court. However, they found something completely different.

"WHOA! COOL!" Risa cried out. Looking in her direction, the party spotted a huge lumbering golem heading towards them. The oddest thing was that this golem was completely made from turnips and was wearing a neck-tie.

"Greetings, friends of the groom," the golem said in a deep, hollow voice. "You are early, so please partake of the feast while you wait for the ceremony to start."

"Errr, thanks," Laska muttered. "Errr, what feast?"

"Dear Lady, you are standing in it," the golem replied. "And in front of it. I am enspelled but can also be eaten."

"And, errr, the free booze?" Laska grinned.

"Ah, master Jan told me you were quite the consumer of beverages," the golem seemed to chuckle.

"OY! What about me?!" Korgan roared.

"For both of you and others, a table has been prepared in the back of the room, containing all kind of alcoholic beverages," the golem nodded. "Now, you must excuse me, the first party of guests is arriving."

As if on cue, a veritable anthill of gnomes poured through the second tunnel on the other side of the room. The party was amazed at the sheer amount of gnomes entering, but the poor golem never stood a chance. "Greetings..." was the last thing it would ever say, before it was completely overrun and covered with gnomes of all age and sizes. The sounds of munching followed, and the huge golem was reduced to tiny left-over crumbs in less than a second.

Soon enough, the party found itself knee-deep in a sea gnomes, spread out all over the room... and even more gnomes were pouring in all the time. Looking upon the giant number of gnomes, they realized that this... this was the Jansen clan. And only a very small portion of it.

"Goodness," Minsc said, having taken Becky and Risa on his shoulders to avoid them being swept away. "All these tiny naughty people trying to steal Boo!" he shouted over the incessant sounds of chatter, stories and the latest gossip about family members.

Meanwhile, Laska and Viconia's extremely sensitive elven ears could accurate pick up every sound in the room, including every voice. Using their innate instincts to regulate their hearing, both of them heard only the voices of those they wanted to hear, allowing the rest of the cacophony to sound as nothing more but background noise.

To some extend, Rose and Risa could also regulate their hearing as well, but unfortunately their companions of non-elven blood were not so lucky.

"Oh, Minsc is getting confused..."

"All these voices!" Keldorn said, covering his ears. "I'm going _mad_!"

In the meantime, Khittix had fled to the ceiling, away from the chattering gnomes. "Lucky spider," Keldorn muttered as he regarded the climbing arachnid.

"Come on, then," Laska said. "Let's get to the corners of the room. Noise-level is a bit down."

They waded through the gathering of gnomes while even more were pouring in through the entrances, until they stood near a large oaken table, containing a large bowl of punch. Most notable, however, was a small copper sign on the side of the table, reading 'Excelsior'.

"GAAAAH!" Korgan shouted, spraying at least a dozen gnomes with punch.

"What's the matter?" Viconia muttered, being very uneasy to be in this big a crowd.

"This punch be _unspiked_!" Korgan snarled.

"Oh," Laska grinned and took a small silver flask from her belt, unscrewed the top and poured the contents into the punch, "some Ole-spit-in-yer-eye will fix that..."

Bob-Reggie, however, having followed the party because he had nothing better to do, skipped over to small serving tray on the other side of the table. He removed the silver dish covering the tray, revealing several monkey heads. "Ah, chilled monkey brains," Bob-Reggie nodded. "So nice of old Jan to think of me."

"Say," Rose said. "Do any of you feel that?"

"Feel what?" Minsc asked. "Oh, Boo's whiskers are trembling. Something is happening."

Indeed a low rumbling could be felt throughout the room. Turning around, they saw a giant wave going through the sea of gnomes just coming around the corner.

"Oh, my Shar!" Viconia gasped.

"SHIELDS!" Keldorn shouted. "SHIELDS!"

"We haven't got any!" Dynaheir shouted.

"You be knowin' what this means?" Korgan asked.

"Yes," Laska said. "Drink all the punch before the wave hits us!" she said and started drinking cups at an incredible rate.

"Get on the table!" Minsc shouted and threw the contents off with one swoop of his arms. "Quickly!"

"Brace for impact!" Keldorn shouted as the group of friends held on for dear life. Almost immediately, the tsunami of gnomes hit the table, don't knocking it over, but dragging it with the current.

As gnomes flew over her head, Laska managed to keep herself and Rose on the table. Viconia, Korgan and Keldorn were holding their own, while Dynaheir and Minsc made sure the kids and Lasalla were safe as well. '_Oh, drowning in gnomes_', Laska thought. _'At least it'll look funny on my tombstone'_.

With what seemed to be mental scream of anguish, a surge of gnomes caused Bob-Reggie to toggle sideways and overboard. While the party looked on with horror, the stricken mindflayer was swept away into the frothing sea of chatting gnomes.

"We lost Bob-Reggie!" Rose shouted.

Laska grabbed hold of a coatrack and tried to use it as an oar to turn the table, but the only thing she managed with it was to illicit some loud complaints from the sea of gnomes. "I can't get this thing to go back! Let's just hope that tinfoil turban sticks to his head!"

"Steer her into the wave!" Keldorn shouted over the roar of chatting gnomes. Immediately, the table's occupants complied, sticking out their limbs to steer the table. To everybody's surprise, it actually worked. Eventually, they passed through the roaring wave of chatter, which slammed into the wall behind them. For their measure, the gnomes didn't even appear to have noticed any of this, as they kept chatting amongst themselves while snacking on turnips.

"Whoa, that was close," Laska said. "What happened?"

"Oh," one of the gnomes told Laska. "Uncle Praxis exploded again, no biggie."

"Uncle Praxis?" Keldorn asked.

"Exploded?" Dynaheir added.

"AGAIN?!" Viconia exclaimed.

"Don't worry about it," the gnome smiled. "Just enjoy yourself and forget about this unfortunate... incident."

"An _incident_?!" Keldorn offered.

"So," Laska said. "Do we tell Jan about this?"

"Are you kidding?!" Keldorn rose his eyebrows.

A few meters away at the wall, a hand emerged from the sea of gnomes and a few seconds later, a disheveled looking Bob-Reggie shot to the surface and took a deep breath. He sat among the gnomes for a while when suddenly, the tray with the chilled monkey brains came in floating right next to him. Pleased with this, Bob-Reggie took it and downed the brains one after another.

* * *

The incident was soon forgotten, especially when pleasant music was being played. A duo of human men clad in black tuxedos got up on the stage and, together with a funky brass-band, played wonderfully wild music, often alternating between singing and playing the saxophone. The two brothers were wonderful musicians, playing the stars from the heavens.

"They're good," Dynaheir told her gnomish neighbor.

"Don't disturb them, though," her neighbor told her. "They're on a mission... from god."

"Truly?" Dynaheir asked. "Which one?"

"Oh, they're all good. I don't think they even know themselves."

Meanwhile, on the other side of the room, Keldorn was in a deep and desperate conversation with Smitty the Smiteful paladin gnome.

"So I just say to him: HEY! Don't look at me like that! That's evil, that is! So, I smote him on the spot!" Smitty told Keldorn.

Keldorn, looking for a way to escape this conversation, tried an excuse. "I... think I hear Laska calling me. I must..."

"I don't hear anything," Smitty offered. "Anyway, I smite lotsa people. Lotsa people that are evil. Jaywalking... that's against the law, thus evil. So I killed all their geriatric asses! And then those baby ducks. Can you believe those fuzzy evils interrupted traffic? Smote them but good! And those dawnsisters?! They were walking on their own, so I swooped all twenty in my arms and carried them back to the church. I carry loads of things around: Horses, carts, bricks... EVVILLLLL bricks, of the type that fall on your head."

"Just a suggestion," Keldorn grimaced, "why don't you fight people who... actually perform evil deeds? People who, and I might say something that is strange to you, deserve it perhaps?"

A blank look crossed Smitty face. "Naaaaaaah," he finally said. "True evil comes from within! Take those girl-scouts selling cookies, for example. With their beady little eyes..."

Keldorn sighed heavily. Sometimes he wished he wasn't a knight so he could have told the gnome to piss off without feeling guilty about it.

Elsewhere, at the table containing the free booze, Laska was sampling some of the free wares while glancing over the guests. Gnomes were chatting everywhere, and her tall friends towered above them as islands in an ocean. Viconia and Dynaheir were chatting near the funky band this surprised Laska, because she knew the drow detested loud noises of all kind. Keldorn was frantically trying to get away from somebody in the sea of gnomes, while Minsc was playing with the gnomish children in the kid's corner.

"Hmmmm," Laska smiled as she savored the sweet taste of Cormyrian Grousse. Now, she still had to try Saurial Brandy, Calishite ale, Kuldahar wine, Troll Beer, Mushroom sweet, Streea, Wickweed extract and dozens of more exotic alcoholic drinks. Oh, she was going to enjoy this.

After pouring herself another cup and slamming it down in one drought, she shuddered at the sudden increase of warm alcohol in her body. "Oh, that was a good one," the tattooed elf licked her lips and savored the moment.

"Ah, I see you're immersed in the local beauties," Jan smiled as he approached the elf, and Laska could see he was wearing a tuxedo make from turnip-peels. "Glad you are enjoying yourself!"

"Happy to be here," Laska smiled, then pointed to the table. "Especially here..."

"Ah, yes, before I'm swept away by the crowd again, I have to let you know I'll be off on honeymoon for two weeks. Yep, I'm taking Lissa to Turno-world! A small island off the coast of Lantan. Nothing but turnips all over the place!"

"You gnomes have funny ideas about romance, Jan," Laska chuckled and downed another tankard.

"Oh, don't worry," Jan smiled, "we'll managed and we'll be back in two weeeee..." Jan said as the crowd swept him away for a second time. The elf stared at the gap of gnomes closing behind Jan and shook her head. But, she did not worry; there was booze to be consumed, after all.

"Laska," the sweet sound of Rose's voice rang through Laska's eager elven ears. Whirling around the elf offered her half-elven lover a sultry grin.

"Laska, it's only the beginning of the party," Rose said. "Why are you tanking in so many drinks at once? The night is young!"

"Why not?!" Laska smiled. "It's free booze! And exotic booze!"

"Shall we dance?" Rose said, more like an order than an actual question, and started to drag Laska away from the booze. She could swear the elf was whimpering a little.

* * *

"Boo always cries at weddings," Minsc sniffed as the guests took their places. Jan and Lissa were standing in front of the altar, she wearing a white dress with an impossibly long veil dragging behind her. The gnomish priest, a slow geriatric stuttering priest of Gond, was busy taxing the patience of the audience.

"Oh, Laska," Rose sniffed, wiping a way a tear with her hanky. "That's so beautiful, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Laska whispered, "I never thought you could make a wedding dress out of turnip-peels."

"No, no," Rose smiled and patted her elven lover's arm. "I wasn't thinking of that..."

Meanwhile, the priest had reached the climax of the ceremony. "...d-d-do you t-t-take, errrm," the priest rummaged through his notes, "Lissa Joostens as your lawful wedded wife..."

"Funny you should mention that," Jan said, putting his finger to his mouth. "I remember how that question was answered when my uncle Jimmy was getting married. He answered with a full-mouthed NO. But that wasn't surprising since aunty Kate was a hippopotamus... a real hippopotamus, with tusks and everything! He promised to marry her because he got her pregnant, but he did chicken out at the last moment. Didn't get very far, though, since her entire family was in the room at the time, and they all decided to jump on top of him as he ran. The resulting shock created an earthquake which could be felt across the Realms! Unfortunately, just below the festhall, a gigantic drow metropolis was located. So, the dark-skinned elves were very much upset that their buildings and furniture were all shook up, so they came to the surface to teach us gnomes a lesson or two... well, one thing led to another, and us gnomes, the Drow and the hippo's ended up having one boozed-out jazz-party! Oh, we danced the night away and..."

"YO, JAN!" Laska shouted from the audience. "GET MARRIED ALREADY!"

"Ey? OH!" Jan said. "I DO!"

"Come on!" an unidentified voice shouted from the crowd. "Let's throw some turnips at the happy couple!"

And so the belting began.

* * *

Laska slowly opened her eyes, to be greeted by the glare of the sun as it poured into the room. Closing her eyes again, she felt a slight headache. It took her a few moments to orientate herself and soon remembered that she and Rose kissed their way to one of the reserved suites for some private time together.

Her reward for not drinking was evident in the fact that her wrists were still tied to the bedposts with red, velvet ribbons, and the pot of honey and other sweet foodstuffs that was standing at the side of their bed and which Rose had used extensively last night. A broad grin crossed her face as the elf remembered more and more about last night, and felt something warm and soft lying on top of her. Rose, sleeping peacefully and using Laska's tummy as a pillow.

Her memories from before the erotic mattress acrobatics were a lot more hazy but it involved a lot of table-top dancing, drinking beer out of hollowed-out turnips and gnome-tossing with Korgan.

Unfortunately, an immediate need related to heavy drinking made itself known rather acutely. Laska tried to tug on the velvet ribbons, but found that they were rather tightly knotted and Laska wasn't in a good position to get good leverage to yank herself free.

"Rose," Laska wriggled a little. "Rose, wake up."

Unfortunately, Rose had had quite a few drinks too yesterday and Laska had found out that Rose would always be out like a light after having been drinking. Nothing short of an earthquake would wake her up.

"Shit," Laska muttered as she futily tugged at the velvet straps . "I really need to pee."


	69. Love's Labor Jeopardized

Heya all,

Sorry for taking so long to get out a new chapter, but this part has given me significant problems in the revision. Add in some of the busiest days and work and you've got a long preparation-time. However, chapter 70 should be out much faster, perhaps even tomorrow. Enjoy!

* * *

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 69: Love's Labor Jeopardized._

Laska lay in bed on her back while watching the ceiling for a bit. She herself would be the first to admit that she had been incredibly lazy the past couple of days. Jan had left for his honeymoon and would be gone for another week, and Laska knew she should really be looking for work. However, it had been raining heavily the past couple of days; turning her head towards the window, an minor action which seemed to be a heavy exertion in her lazy state, she saw it was still dark outside while the rain crashed against the window-pane. Due to the heavy rain, it was hard to tell if it was midday, morning or evening and Laska was too lazy to go to the living room to have a look at the clock.

Pressed against her was her girlfriend Rose, whose warmth was intoxicating. Her head lay on the pillow beside her and she nuzzled Laska's neck while she slept. One leg was hooked around one of Laska's while a hand rested on one of Laska's breasts. That was another reason she didn't want to leave the room to look at the clock; it would take too much effort to move Rose, and it would also deny her the pleasure of Rose's touch.

"Hmmmm," Rose suddenly stirred.

"You awake?" Laska asked.

Rose, keeping her eyes closed, moved her hand from Laska's breasts and slowly ran her fingers over her elven lover's soft and gray-colored skin down until she twirled then around the elf's belly button. "No," whispered Rose.

"Very convincing," Laska chuckled.

"Mmmmm," Rose said. "Should we get up? It is time for dinner? Or breakfast? Or elevensies? Really, I have no idea what time it is."

"Couple of days of just sleep and sex will do that," said Laska. "I've been waiting for you to wake up, actually."

Rose, still having her eyes closed, smirked wickedly. "So... time to break out the massage-oil again?"

"Hell no," Laska grinned as she pushed Rose to her back and nipped at her neck. "Why don't we skip the starter and head straight to the main course."

Soft, teasing lips met the tip of Rose's ear while Laska's hands roamed over the half-elf's body.

"What are you doing to me?" Rose managed to stumble the words out of her mouth. The soft sensations were wonderful.

"What?" Laska whispered into Rose's, so close her lips nearly brushed. "You mean… this?". Laska kissed her way down until her lips found Rose's soft mounds. Her lips latched onto the peak and she gently massaged it with the tip of her tongue.

THUMP!

Unfortunately, at that precise moment, someone chose to bang on the front door. Laska interrupted her ministrations and snarled a few colorful curses in the elven language under her breath while reluctantly withdrawing her mouth from Rose's breasts.

"Someone... at the door?" Rose managed despite her descent into ecstasy.

Laska sighed. "Oh come on, there's more people living in this house than just them. Let _them_ open the door."

Silence followed while Laska seemed to listen.

"Nobody's making any move to answer the door, are they?" Rose asked.

THUMP THUMP!

"Argh!" Laska pushed herself up, exasperated. "I'm taking Ipsiya to the door, and whoever's on the other side is going to be sliced into bloody ribbons" She swung her leg over Rose and put a bare foot against the cold floor, and let out a swear again. On the way to the door, she collected and donned a bathrobe in a single aggravated move.

Laska jogged down the hallway holding the robe closed with a hand, planning the offensive names she would call the interruption when she opened the door. Bracing for the cold wind which was bound to sweep against her bare skin, she swept open the door, intending to give the annoying meddler a piece of her mind.

Laska's words died on her lips. Standing in the doorway, dripping puddles onto the porch with her soggy clothing, was a slight human woman. Her soaking brown hair was plastered against her narrow face, her hood having offered her no protection from the storm. She had clearly been leaning on the door, as she fell inwards as Laska swung the door open. The swinging momentum of a large, hastily packed suitcase brought her past Laska into the room, and she gladly followed it.

Laska blinked at the boldness with which this stranger had infiltrated her abode only. "Come in, why don't you?" She muttered and closed the door quickly to stop the blasts of icy wet wind assaulting her bare legs.

"I..." She woman turned back to face the much taller elf, meeting her glare from underneath long eyelashes. Laska cocked her head slightly, not in the mood to be flirted with. "I'm sorry to disturb you. You weren't sleeping, were you?" Her voice was throaty, quite sensual. However, that huskiness sounded very rehearsed.

"Sleeping?" Laska looked pointedly down to the gown she held shut. "No. Not exactly."

"Your gown is inside-out." The woman observed, then changed the subject. "Is Rose in?"

Laska raised an eyebrow, first at the sudden desperate edge in the stranger's tone, second at the mention of her lover's name. "What? Why?"

"Rose," the woman replied, more pressing this time. "Is she here? I was told I could find her here. Could you wake her for me? I need to talk to her."

Before she could give the woman a piece of her mind, a figure rounded the corner from the hallway, her hair lose around her shoulders and a sheet wrapped carelessly around her middle, with the edge of it trailing along the ground. "Laska?" Rose queried wearily, rubbing at her eyes with the back of her free hand. "Who is it?

The soaking woman's eyes lit as she recognized the voice, and she spun, heading towards the sheet-clad figure. Rose was snapped out of her half-asleep state on site of this woman, and she took a step back, stunned. "O-Oriona?!"

"Oh, Lyndi!" The woman threw her arms around the half-elf, and Rose, too shocked to react, looked over Oriona's shoulder at the frowning Laska with wide eyes. Just half a minute again, Laska was about to spend some private time with her beloved, now that same lover was holding another woman whom had literally barged into her house. Usually, these kind of weird things only happened on the way home back from the pub.

"Look at you! I hope I didn't wake you up!"

Laska blinked and repeated, "Lyndi?"

"Her full name is Roslynd," Oriona explained dismissively.

"You... never told me your real name before," Laska said, feeling a little left out as Rose only seemed to focused on Oriona.

"What happened to you?!" Rose's hand darted up to the woman's cheek, and fingertips gently touched the surface of a fresh bruise on the woman's cheek, "Who hit you?!"

"That's not important, Lyndi, now that I'm here," There was silence for a moment, broken only by hiss of a short breath from the elf still rooted by the door. Eventually, it was Oriona, and not Rose, who acknowledged Laska. "Is this your new girlfriend? Nice choice."

Laska didn't quite link the idea of being referred to like a horse at auction, but decided to let it pass for now. She'd want answers, though.

"This is Laska," Rose smiled.

"_Pleased_," the elf spoke softly, yet there was an angry edge to her voice. "To meet you."

"I... see..." Oriona said as her hands fell from Rose's shoulders. Then she turned her head back to Rose. "Lyndi, I know it's late. But... it's raining outside. Could you put me up for the night?"

"Of course!" Rose replied too quickly, almost automatically. "I'll take you to a spare room, here, come with me." She led the smiling woman up the stairs as Oriona shrugged off her wet overcoat, leaving it in a heap on the floor.

Laska realised, to further fuel her aggravation, that Oriona arrogantly expected her to hang the coat up. "Hah, not bloody likely," Laska growled, walking pointedly over the wet coat, and returned to the bedroom to await the return of her lover.

* * *

A few minutes later, Rose once again entered the bedroom, where Laska was already lying under the covers. "Lyndi?" the tattooed elf muttered as Rose removed her robe and crawled into bed.

"Nickname. One I'd rather leave behind, actually." Rose sat herself on the bed, spreading out the sheet that she'd been wearing over them both, before sliding with relief under the warm blankets.

"I put her up in the spare room on the second floor," Rose said. "I just couldn't send her out into the cold."

Laska sighed heavily."We're not going to fuck tonight, are we?"

With an angry sigh, Rose slapped against Laska's shoulder. "Don't be crass."

Laska remained silent for a few seconds, until she finally grinned and gave a response. "We're not going to shag tonight, are we?"

Rose raised an eyebrow, before breaking into a snicker.

"Nor making love?" Laska propped herself up. "Not making the two-backed beast. No belly to belly? No bumping or grinding? No dance in the sheets? No mattress mambo? No sinking it in? Not even a knocking of the boots?"

Rose laughed in spite of herself and accepted a kiss. "You're not going to ask your ex to join us, I hope? I really don't like her."

The half-elf rolled on her back and stared at the ceiling. She turned her head to her Laska and offered a half-smile. "How'd you know?"

"Please," Laska chuckled as she lay next to Rose and stared at the ceiling as well. "I know I'm not the smartest cookie in the jar, but I'm not completely oblivious. What's the story here?"

Rose sighed heavily and almost smashed her head into the pillow. "She left me. After two years, without a goodbye. Without even a note. Nothing. I helped her out, showed her what I knew about being a streetwalker so she could support herself. She even lived with me in my little house."

Laska's silence urged Rose to continue.

"I guess I figured she would eventually. Did you see her face? She looks like a porcelain doll, doesn't she? She fell into favor with some of the wealthier clients. And moved up. Without me." Rose paused, remembering. "I saw her a year ago, visiting the Bridge in who-knows-how-long. She looked straight through me. She didn't even acknowledge I was there."

Finally, Laska spoke. "I'm sorry," she said.

Rose shook her head, sighing, "I know she used me. But every time I saw her, all I could think of was the laughing girl who rubbed mango in my face after I'd teased her about her human ears. Does that seem weird to you?"

Laska's tone was audibly controlled. "Nah. But she's an arrogant bitch. One word from you, Rose, and I swear it, I'll cut her into fifteen separate pieces."

Rose closed her eyes. "That's really not necessary. We can't just turn her out into that storm. Also did you see that bruise? There must be a reason she can't go back to her own home."

"She's using you again," Laska commented, with agonizing bluntness.

"You may be right," Rose said. "She certainly has before."

"If you want to do the dirty with her be my guest, just don't expect me to join in," Laska shrugged.

Rose laughed in spite of herself. "That wasn't exactly the first thing on my mind, Laska."

"Which?" Laska winked. "The doing the dirty with her or me joining in?"

"Gods, you're incorrigable!" Rose laughed as she playfully shoved Laska in her side. "How about we go sleep now and talk about this in the morning."

"Wait... have ever figured out what time it actually is? It might be morning already," Laska bit her lip.

Rose shrugged. "Someone else will tell us."

* * *

"There," Viconia nodded approvingly as the blue glow of healing magics faded from Oriona's cheek and shoulder. The drow, clad fashionably in her early-morning robe, swept herself smoothly into her chair at the breakfast table. Opposite to her, Laska was looking on with faked interest.

"Thank you." Oriona smiled warmly at the drow while there was a husky tone on her voice. Everything about Oriona screamed manipulative opportunist. Knowing her friend, however, Viconia would already be quite aware of this. Oriona's first act of insensitivity for the day had been commandeering Rose and convincing her to sit beside her, and not Laska, during their breakfast.

"It is so important for me to have beautiful skin in my line of work," she explained. Then, very obviously giving Viconia the once-over, she added, "What about you? You could certainly earn a fortune with that sensuous figure and lovely dark skin, honey." At this oh-so-obvious flirt,Viconia almost seemed to choke on her breakfast.

Viconia caught the human's gaze sharply, to prevent it lingering on any of her 'sensuous' curves. "Oh, I know," she replied with a slight hiss. "But I no longer wish to submit myself to the awkward gropings of lust-filled, foolish males."

"Is that a fact…?" Oriona leaned a little towards the Viconia, almost leaning on the table to look the drow in the eyes. Viconia's elegant self-restraint wore very thin when people made advances on her, and the clench in her jaw was growing progressively tighter.

Viconia's eyes glanced over Oriona's shoulder and right into Laska's. "Where'd you dig up this gem?" Viconia whispered in a low tone which only elves could hear.

"I didn't dig her up at all!" Laska whispered back. "She just showed up at my doorstep."

"This parasite wants to have sex with me!" Viconia whispered.

"I know! You gonna follow it up?"

"Not a chance."

"You slept with that healer a few weeks back!"

Viconia actually managed to whisper an inaudible heavy sigh. "You know, I blame Rose for all this. She's a nice girl and all, but ever since you and her have been knocking boots, there's all sorts of nonsensical fallout we have had to deal with. Things were much simpler when you were just screwing around."

"Wait till it happens to you."

"Hah, that'll be the day…"

The non-elven people seated around the table were blissfully unaware of the exchange between the two elves. Dynaheir was leafing through her spellbook while sipping tea, while Korgan was stacking freshly baked bacon on his sandwich; so far, Korgan was up to thirty layers. In fact, the only person other than Rose to pay any mind to Oriona was Minsc.

"Poor sad lady," Minsc offered. "No lady is to be treated as such and so says Minsc! Would you like to hold my Boo to comfort you?"

"EEK!" Oriona suddenly shouted as Minsc pointed Boo in her direction. "What a disgusting creature! Get that rat away from me! I don't want disgusting rat-hairs on my dress!"

"Boo, is no rat!" Minsc replied with indignity. "Though good point about the hair. Minsc knows how hair on armor can stick."

Rose pressed her hand on Oriona's shoulder. "Oriona, please. Do not insult my friends."

"How long will our guest be staying with us?" Dynaheir asked while she was scribbling some notes in her spellbook.

"That's what I'd like to know," Laska crossed her arms while taking a bite from her own bacon sandwich.

"Aye," Korgan chuckled and whispered to Viconia. "I be seein' Laska be not likin' Oriona, eh?"

"That's rather hard to miss," Viconia smirked. "Like your sandwich, actually. How many layers of bacon are you going for today?"

"Fifty bloody one!"

"Seriously, most of that bacon will be going right into your beard again."

At that precise moment, Keldorn chose to enter the house, looking forward to a pleasant chat with his friends. Unfortunately, that was not how it turned out. "Good day, my friends, I..." he started, but his eyes grew wide as saucers soon enough. "W-w-what are you doing here?" Keldorn stammered as he noticed Oriona sitting at Laska's dinner-table.

"Why, Lord Keldorn!" Oriona giggled pleasantly. "You've jumped into a river to avoid me before, and here you are! Have you... changed your mind?"

"No! No, most assuredly not!" Keldorn stammered, inching back towards the door. "I can assure you that no changing of the mind has occurred! I, uh... have urgent business elsewhere. Excuse me, my lady," he said and sped out the door. A clanking could be heard, following by a brief splash and a yelp.

"Better go see if Keldorn is okay," Dynaheir said and rose from her chair.

"Oy, I be wantin' ta see Keldy squirm!" Korgan chuckled and followed Dynaheir.

"And Minsc just wants to get away from the rude, rude lady," Minsc huffed and stormed away.

Viconia turned to Oriona. "I think you are annoying and I hate you," she spoke bluntly before retreating back into her own room.

And so only Laska, Rose and Oriona were left seated at the table. "Well, it seems you aren't really making yourself popular," Laska smirked.

Oriona offered Laska a slightly disdainful look before standing up and leaving the room without a word.

"Oh, very nice, Laska," Rose said angrily. "She needs help and you scoff at her."

"Dammit, she hasn't even told us what she needs help _for_!" Laska tried, but Rose stood up and followed Oriona.

* * *

"I missed you, Lyndi," Oriona said as she and Rose were sitting in the spare bedroom.

"Will you finally tell me what happened?" Rose smiled, ignoring Oriona's statement.

"Lord Pehllus did," Oriona half-smiled. "His eye fell on me. He wants me for himself alone..."

"Pehllus?!" Rose exclaimed. "Are you completely insane?! He's beaten three streetwalkers to death already! Do you want to be number four?!"

"I am _not_ a streetwalker! Not anymore!" Oriona replied sharply. "I... I can keep him under control, I know it. It just requires a soft touch..." she said, locking eyes with Rose, their faces close together. Probing the moment, Oriona closed her eyes, tilted her head and attempted to kiss Rose, but when the expected kiss never came, Oriona opened her eyes too look into Rose's eyes, looking at her with a baleful glare.

Rose let out a sigh while shaking her head. "Your manipulations didn't work on him, did it?"

Oriona feigned shock. "What are you saying?"

"You can't just come back and pretend nothing ever happened!" Rose all but snarled and stood up from her chair. She strolled over to the window and listed against the frame for a moment to regain her composure.

"Why not?" Oriona asked. "Do you know how much wealth I have amassed already? I have two houses, silk dresses, shoes as far as the eye can see!"

"No matter how you dress it up," Rose shook her head. "You're still a prostitute. Look, why not come to work for me? At the Mithrest! It's a good honest living and a safe place to work."

"Maybe," Oriona sighed, then smiled. "But I'd rather not."

Rose let out a sigh. "Because that would mean no two houses, no silk dresses and no shoes as far as the eye can see," Rose concluded.

"I'd be a nobody again, with poverty and anonymity always peeking around the corner," Oriona said.

"But at least you'll not be used as a punching bag. Pehllus uses women and then tosses them away when they no longer appeal to him. Some end up dead!" Rose replied.

"So at least you care enough not to want to see me dead. I knew I could count on you! I just need to lay low for a while until Pehllus' anger has passed. After that... Come live with me, Lyndi! I have so much to offer you..."

"We're through," Rose spoke simply. This surprised Oriona.

"Look... that's all in the past," Oriona offered.

"Yes, it is," Rose said. "No room for the past in the present. I will help you for what we shared before, but nothing more than that."

"But..."

"No buts," said Rose. "Don't expect anything."

Oriona cocked her head towards the door. "Because of Laska?"

"I've moved on," Rose said resolutely. "We'll deal with Pehllus. Then you're leaving. And not coming back."

* * *

Viconia sat reading on the couch downstairs, leafing through a book of Sharran lore while periodically bouncing a red ball for Khittix to play fetch. Laska was sitting opposite to her, twiddling her thumbs."

"You're jealous," Viconia smirked, never looking up from her book.

Laska narrowed her eyes. "I am not!"

Viconia shrugged. "I thought the two of you had an arrangement. Why the need to be jealous?"

"Yeah, we if we meet an interesting person to spend a single night with, it's okay as long as the heart isn't involved," said Laska. "Look, if Rose wanted to have a roll in the hay with an ex-flame, that'd be more than fine with me, but that bitch Oriona wants more than just a roll in the hay."

Viconia nodded. "Indeed. We have a word for people like her in the Underdark. _S'lurrpuk._"

Laska frowned at Viconia. "That sounds like someone vomiting."

Viconia snorted. "You couldn't be more right. That word is used to describe obvious sycophants and social climbers who go through any means to achieve their goal."

Laska nodded. "Sounds like Oriona, alright."

Viconia shrugged. "If you want my opinion, I'd say Rose is too smart to fall for it. Then again, she's a surfacer so what do I know?"

"Yeah, well," Laska sighed. "I'm just headed to the wine cellar. I need to consume a few bottles post haste."

"Have fun," Viconia muttered as the elf stomped down the stairs. Only a few minutes later, she heard another door slam shut upstairs. Viconia took a moment to tickle Khittix underneath his pincers. "Enter number two," she told a confused spider. And, indeed, only a few minutes later, Rose stepped down the stairs.

"Where did Laska go?" Rose asked.

"To the wine cellar," Viconia said. "I suggest you give her some alone time for a bit. She's rather upset."

"I see," a pained look crossed her half-elven features.

"Might I offer a bit of advice?" Viconia asked, not bothering to wait for Rose's answer. "In the Underdark, relationships that end in betrayal usually end permanently. Keep in mind, Rose; 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'."

"I don't need to keep it in mind," Rose smiled.

"You've made your decision, then," Viconia nodded.

* * *

Laska sat sulking into the cellar, the six empty bottles which formerly contained vintage Cormyrian Elderdusk wine lay at her feet. At least the alcohol had diminished the desire to fold up Oriona and toss her into Jan's mechanical weed-thresher a bit. Well, only a bit.

In a rather tipsy and light-headed state, Laska staggered up the stairs. The wine had gone straight to her head and she really needed to lie down for a bit. Possibly sleep it off. Yeah, sleep seemed like a really good idea right about now.

Her rosey, wine-induced bliss didn't last all that long, unfortunately. Just before she could enter her bedroom to crash on top of the bed, there was another knock on the door.

"Oh, fuck," Laska muttered underneath her alcohol-laced breath. "Another arsehole at the door!"

Another knock followed in rapid succession. Apparently, whoever was at the door was in a hurry.

"Yeah, take it easy, you bloody berk!" Laska shuffled towards the front door. Finally after having arrived there, she threw the door open. "What the bloody fuck do you want, you gormless arse-boil?!"

At the door stood a rather haughty looking gentleman wearing fine clothes. He was following in by two rather burly guards. Standing almost as tall as Laska, he did not seem to be even a bit intimidated by the tattooed elf, though he seemed rather shocked by Laska's outburst.

"C-charmed," he blinked. "You are Laska Leafwalker?" the nobleman asked.

"Who's askin'?" the tattooed elf replied.

"Lord Pehllus, at your service... and we seem to be having the same problem, which has an easy solution," the man spoke in a deep voice.

"And what might that be?" Laska asked, taking an instant disliking to him.

"Oriona," Pehllus smiled.

"I see... and what has that got to do with me?"

"Well, I've spend many a night with Oriona in my bed and at times she told me about her previous lover with nostalgia. Another harlot... not that I ever cared, but it my sources tell me that she went to see her old lover after... my unfortunate loss of temper," he said. Laska, in the meantime, struggling to stand upright due to her state of inebriation, got the feeling that he was staring right through her like she wasn't even there. She was expected to jump at his command.

"I see," Laska said, managing her voice to remain as neutral as possible.

"Now, your relationship with Rose Greenhill is well known," Pehllus spoke. "And Oriona is very manipulative. Has she attempted to steal your lover from you already? She delights in that sport, you see? I figure we could help each other. If you hand over Oriona to my care, it will solve your problem as well. Win-win for us both, my dear, slightly smelly lady."

"No," was Laska's simply reply.

"What?" Pehllus snarled, letting his mask slip. "What do you mean, _no_!? Can you not follow a simple order, woman?"

"Why 'no'?" Laska shifted on one foot to keep from falling over. "Well, first of all, I don't like you. Second, if you talk to me like that again I will remove your skeleton from your body and third, though the two of you deserve each other, I'm not handing over anyone to someone as abusive as you."

Pehllus rubbed his temple. "Why am I even talking to you? Bosk, Broig, take care of this embarrassing drunk, would you?"

The two guards grinned at each other and stepped towards the elf. They never knew what hit them. With unexpected focus, even while drunk, Laska dodged the guards, grabbed one by the shoulders and rammed his head right into the wall. As the guard called Bosk slid down to the ground while leaving a red smear on the wall, Laska grabbed the other one by the back of his coat, spun him around and jerked her knee up violently into his groin, sending him to the ground in a shuddering heap.

Pehllus seemed rather disturbed by the sudden speed and focus with which this drunken elf had taken out his two guards and tried to step back towards the door. "Oh, no," said Laska as she grabbed him by the lapels. "You ain't goin' anyway, you bloody arsehat." Lord Pehllus found himself flying through the room and landing on top of the table.

"You!" Pehllus started to say, "I'll see you hanged for this!"

"Blow it out your arse," Laska said. It was just then that another door flew open and in stepped Rose, dressed in her usual sparring outfit and brandishing her ironwood fighting staff. With a smile, Laska realized what Rose intended to do and moved out of the way to lean against the wall. Unfortunately, her inebriation got the better of her and she slid down to the ground. "I'll, uh, I'll just sit here for a moment," she slurred.

"You, Pehllus!" Rose snarled as she stepped towards the stricken lord. "Or 'lack-phallus' as we used to call you on the streets! You've hurt your last woman."

"Is this some kind of joke?" Pehllus chuckled. "Who will stop me? You?"

"As a matter of fact," Rose said, twirling her staff as if she was a true weapon specialist, "I will..."

Pehllus chuckled one more time and took a swing at Rose with his balled fist. Laska looked on with pride evident in her eyes and Rose on only deftly dodged the blow with time to spare, but also jabbed the butt of her stuff into the stomach of Pehllus, effectively knocking the wind out of him.

"You," the lord spoke in disbelief. "Harlots aren't supposed to fight back!"

Again Rose swung her staff, this time connecting her staff to Pehllus' lower jaw. "Harlots don't fight back!" he once again shouted in disbelief, spitting out a few teeth as he did so.

Rose continued her assault, and finally, she stopped, standing over the bruised body of lord Pehllus. "You'll never hurt another woman," Rose said, putting down the staff. "You will never kill another one of my friends."

While Pehllus lay groaning on the floor, Rose grabbed him by the lapels and started dragging him towards the door. Him being tall and heavy, it took Rose some effort until she finally had him laying unconscious on the doorstep. A few minutes later, she dragged the two unconscious guards out as well as tossed them on top of him. After closing to door, she sat down next to Laska, tired from her efforts.

"Proud of you," Laska said with a tired voice.

"Thanks," Rose replied.

"He gonna be a problem later?"

"Nah. He'll never admit to having been beat up by a woman," Rose replied. "But I'll make sure the story spreads. He'll be the laughing stock of high society soon enough. No working girl will ever fear him again."

"Oriona?"

"Is leaving tomorrow. She won't be coming back."

"Good."

"I loved her once, but I forgot how arrogant she could be. I mean, she expected me to drop everything and move in with her. Heh, I'd be a trophy, not a lover and... Laska?" she said as Laska keened over and landed with her head in Rose's lap.

"Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz," Laska let out a feminine drunken snore as the alcohol finally got the better of her.

Rose chuckled and ran her hand through Laska's hair. "Silly drunk elf," she smiled to herself.


	70. Losing streak

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 70: Losing streak._

Viconia closed her eyes as lay on her stomach, on the receiving end of a massage. The drow regarded massage as an art, and found precious few people on the surface who were competent enough to be considered to be on the level with drow massage. Fortunately, she had managed to strike an arrangement with one of them.

She closed her eyes and enjoyed the sensations. Thankfully, Lathanderites could be quite the hedonists; the bed she lay on was soft and had silken sheets. Several lanterns lit the room, as well as the light of the moon pouring in from the window to the side. Several expensive (if somewhat tacky and unimaginative to Viconia's discerning eye) painting hung from the walls, amidst oaken furniture.

Suddenly, soft lips kissed her back, soft breasts pressed into her kiss as Dawnbringer Lara rubbed her cheek against her shoulder blades. "Viconia," she husked. "I could make you happy, if you'd only let me."

Viconia closed her eyes and let out a sigh. Not a sigh of happiness, or a sigh of pleasure, but a sigh of frustration. This had been a simple arrangement for straight-forward, regular casual sex; sister Lara, matron of the orphanage, was comely, had an impressive physique and was a competent and enthusiastic lover. Unfortunately, all of these arrangements Viconia had started earlier, eventually became less than simple when her sex-partner started to fall in love with her. And Lara was no different; she was head-over-heels.

"Lara, we've talked about this," Viconia started, speaking with a low voice.

"Don't say it," Lara sighed heavily as her armed snaked around Viconia waist and held her tightly. "Let me have a little hope."

"Sticking your head in the sand, won't help you," replied Viconia. "I've always been up-front with you."

"People change their mind," sister Lara said as she flicked her tongue around Viconia's earlobe. "You might too. We could run the orphanage together, you and me. The kids love you."

Viconia sighed again. This week alone, there'd been words of love, offers of marriage underneath the light of Lathander and promises of happiness. Luckily, the drow had hidden her worship of Shar from Lara, or undoubtedly attempted conversion would have been added to the mix. The only reason Viconia hadn't thrown in the towel yet had been because the sex was enjoyable, the massage was the best she had experienced on the surface and because she liked the orphans. It also helped that Lara was a kind-hearted soul who treated her with respect.

However, Viconia could simply not give Lara what she wanted most.

"You knew what you were getting into when we started this arrangement," Viconia replied harshly. "Sex, just sex. Nothing beyond. You agreed to this."

The two women faced each other, their mouths met in a passionate kiss as their bodies pressed together. After they broke the kiss, Lara brushed some long white hair from Viconia's face while gently caressing her cheek with her thumb. "My heart only beats for you," she husked, causing Viconia to roll her eyes.

In a counteroffensive, Viconia's soft hands found one of Lara's breasts and gently kneaded and caressed it. The lust in Lara's eyes was evident as she responded by leaning in to kiss Viconia's neck. Viconia grinned to herself; she had learned that with sister Lara, lust tended to override love most of the time and the drow certainly wouldn't object to another session of passion early in the morning. The two women writhed over each other when gentle foreplay slowly but surely transformed into something more torrid... Viconia closed her eyes and grasped at the sheets with one hand and at Lara's hair with the other; indeed, this woman was quite enjoyable.

As she let out a moan, arched her back and threw her head back, however, she hit the headboard quite hard, let out a yelp and jerked to the left. That's when she found out that she was closer to the edge of the bed than she had anticipated. She let out another yelp as she went over the side. In a reflexive response, Viconia locked her legs tightly around Lara's head, causing her to drag the Lathanderite with her as she fell to the cold stone ground.

"Ow," Viconia landed on her stomach and had hit her forehead against the edge of the nightstand. "Shit."

"Are you alright?" Asked Lara, whom had landed squarely on top of the drow.

Now pinned between the hard cold floor and Lara's warm soft body, the drow let out a sigh. "Another 'little accident'," she bit her lip while Lara kissed the bump on her forehead. "I'm having a lot of those today."

"Hm," said Lara between kisses. "Didn't you hit your knee against the door?"

"Yes," Viconia sighed, taking a moment to return a kiss. "Then I stepped right on a tack which had fallen down from the orphanage bulletin board. It found the thinnest part of my boot and pressed its tip right into the sole of my foot."

"You are so beautiful," Lara husked as she sought Viconia's soft lips and her hands started to roam about her lover's body, eager to continue their passion. Viconia herself certainly had no objections, except for one.

"Can we do this on top of the bed instead of the floor?" Viconia asked. "I think I feel one of your slippers pressing into my back."

* * *

"Ah, _VITH_!" shouted Viconia, followed by a string of further drow obscenities which resounded through-out the house.

"Whoa, strong language detected," Laska chuckled while she and Korgan sat at the couch, the elf and dwarf discussing the effect that various drinks had on the elven and dwarven psyche if copiously consumed over the coarse of three consecutive days.

"Aye," Korgan grinned. "Ye be kissin' yer ma with that mouth, drowsy? HAR! Ye be remindin' me o'me great-aunt Helen. 'Er voice could curdle milk and be shatterin' rocks."

"I jabbed my elbow against the corner of this stupid table, argh!" Viconia shouted while rubbing her arm and kicking the table to vent her anger.

"Hey, hey, hey!" Laska grinned. "Leave the furniture alone! We've got an exercise room for that."

"Ye be breakin' furniture before, Las," Korgan pointed out.

"Yeah, but Rose doesn't like it," Laska replied. "She thinks it's a bit of a waste. I only wanted to destroy that ancient armoire with a couple of kicks. It's not that we ever used it. What do I care if that armoire belonged to the founder of Amn? We can get a new armoire anytime of the day instead of that old crap."

"Ach," Korgan chuckled, "Rose be leadin' ye around by the... appendage ye nay be 'avin', but ye know what I be meanin'... HAR!"

"I thought we were talking about me!" Viconia snarled. "I'm the one in agony here..."

"Yeah," Laska nodded. "I thought you'd be dexterous enough to avoid a little table."

"I am!" Viconia retorted while she kept rubbing her elbow. "I seem to have been having an extraordinary amount of bad luck today. It all started yesterday at the orphanage when I banged my knee against the door. Let out a couple of swears before I caught myself."

Laska chuckled. "I bet sister Lara gave you a good tongue-lashing for that."

Viconia cocked her head sideways for a bit. "Indeed, she did. Later that evening," she added with a mysterious smile. "In any case, when I got home this morning, I stepped right on top of the Flail of Ages."

"Ouch," Korgan muttered.

"Yes," Viconia said. "Its a good thing I can heal myself or I would still have second and third degree burns on the sole of my foot. And when I went to brush my teeth after breakfast, I squirted toothpaste in my eye."

"Ouch, that must have hurt!" Laska said.

"How do ye be knowin' that?" Korgan asked.

"Ah," Laska said, "Rose and I... well, I couldn't find the whipped cream and..."

"Oy, leave yer lovelife out of me brain, please."

"And then, I was reading a book and it flies out of my hands and slides under the cupboard. And when I reach under it to get it, I get my hand stuck into a mouse-trap," Viconia snarled. "I fell down the stairs... twice! Once I slipped over a loose-lying bit of laundry, the second time I tripped over my own feet! And that's just it! I've been having little accidents all day long! An exploding outhouse, a hairbrush getting stuck in my hair! A fly ramming itself right into my eye! Risa accidentally knocking me over! And just now, a roofing tile dropped on my head... and I was _inside_ the house!" Viconia shouted. "On the way from my room to the door, dozens of little accidents... OW!"

"What's wrong now?" Laska asked.

"I just pulled a muscle in my leg!" Viconia grimaced and rubbed her calf.

"Oy, if I be a religious dwarf, I be sayin' something be wantin' ye to be stayin' 'ome today," Korgan answered, but, seeing the looks Viconia and Laska were giving him, he quickly added : "Oy, I be sayn' _if_ I be a religious dwarf. All them bloody gods can defecate on themselves as far as I be carin'."

"I am definitely going," Viconia snarled.

"Aye, a beau be waitin' fer ye, then?" Korgan roared. "Ach, I be 'opin' 'e nay be 'avin' a weak 'eart! HAR HAR!"

"Don't be dense," Viconia muttered. "No, for the last time, I am going!"

Korgan rolled his eyes. "I never be seein' someone so eager ta be goin' ta church."

Viconia swiveled around and placed her hands on her hips to glower at the dwarf. "I _am_ a cleric, Korgan. A cleric who has never actually been to a sermon regarding her own faith. The moment I heard on the grapevine that a secret sermon to celebrate the glory of Shar, I was all over it. And, ah, please do not mention that to Keldorn. If he finds out a congregation of Sharrans are gathering in his city, he'll get the entire Order down the servers to stop it. We are getting along now, and I would like to keep it that way."

"Then why go?" Laska asked.

"Have you even been listening to me?! I have never experiences... OW!" Viconia suddenly shrieked.

"What happened?"

"I trod on a nail!" Viconia snarled. "Clean up your bloody mess once in a while! In any case, a Flame of Darkness will lead this sermon, no less. I am quite interested to hear what wisdom she has to share with us."

"Big whoop," Laska muttered.

"There will be booze," Viconia grinned.

"Oh! Can I come?" Laska smiled.

"No... Any outsider attending will be killed," Viconia said. "Even the Sharrans will remain unknown to each other, since the all of us will be in disguise."

"Is that why ye be lookin' like a monkey?" Korgan grinned.

Viconia looked down at her robe, a long black and purple robe with a hood. "I fail to see what's so funny," she said. "I am being quite serious," she added while donning the hood and clicking a white porcelain mask into place. "How do I look?"

"You look more like a mime to me," Laska chuckled. "Hey," the tattooed elf added while flailing her arms and flattening her hands, "do 'trapped in an invisible box' for us!"

"Good night!" Viconia snarled, ripped off her disguise and carefully placed the mask in a satchel for later us before stepping out in the night. A few moments of silence followed, and was suddenly broken by several foul drow obscenities were shouted, accompanied by the sounds of garbage-cans being knocked over.

"How about that, ey?" Korgan muttered. "Now, where we be?"

"Elderdusk whiskey," Laska nodded. "Goes right to your head after a glass or three. I say one evening before going knock-out."

"HAR! One?! Ye be a lightweight pansy, elf! I say two and so say I!"

* * *

After letting out a sigh, Viconia made her way through the sewers below, wondering why secret gatherings were always located inside sewers or dungeons. So far, Viconia's string of bad luck was not diminishing. She had accidentally stepped in refuse and banged her head into a pipe just minutes ago. And to make matters worse, she had been experiencing an unsettling feeling writhing though the back of her head.

But she would not let it deter her. Ever since she found the hidden message, announcing the sermon in an encoded message on the public-notice board just outside the Bridge-district, she had been eager to go. Truly, ever since she first heard the words of the Nightsinger in her mind, she had been eager obtain more knowledge of Shar, and books could only take her so far. She hoped that she might become less of a book-cleric if she would attend this sermon.

After rounding about the corner, she found the entrance of the hall where the sermon would be held. Many masked and robed priestesses moved silently into the hall. Realizing she was late, she cursed under her breath and quietly joined the queue.

"Welcome sister of the night!" a painfully cheerful masked girl announced holding a stack of leaflets. "Would you like a program of tonight's sermon?"

"Please," Viconia asked. "You've not been a Sharran long, have you?"

"Does it show?" the girl asked, adjusting her mask. "Nah, I'm just a temp. The usual program-girl has a broken arm due to getting lippy with the Flame of Darkness. She got of lucky if you ask me. But I really like being a Sharran a lot though. It's real girl-power. We're taking over, you know? Yep, gonna take over all of Athkatla... then, the Sword Coast, then the _world_! Wowie!"

"Do you usually spell out the secret plans of our leaders to any random stranger you encounter?" Viconia asked sarcastically.

The girl didn't pick up on the sarcasm. "Don't be silly, we're all sisters here!"

"Truly?" Viconia frowned. "Tell me more then."

"Yep, yep, yep!" the girl bubbled on. "The mistress has allies here... Powerful allies... With the Shadow Thieves gone, we'll be taking over. We'll get into the Cowled Wizards, infiltrate the council, and then Athkatla will be a Sharran town! Or at least, that's what the woman in the black robes and the white mask told me..."

"We are all wearing masks and black robes," Viconia muttered, wondering how the Sharran faith could operate with members such as these.

The girl tried to put her finger to her lips before she remembered she was actually wearing a mask. "Oh, well, it had to be one of those then... Oh, do you think I talk to much? People say I talk to much, but I don't think I talk to much? Nope, nope, nope, I don't talk too much, do I?" the girl bubbled.

Shaking her head, Viconia brushed past her, the writhing feeling in the back of her head now turning into a demanding head-ache. She tried applying a healing spell to the back of her head, but it didn't seem to help at all. Viconia sat down in one of the free pews at the back and waited for the sermon to start. The room was filled with pews, and, to the front, there was a dais with a small desk. On the desk, a book was flanked with two glowing orbs. Behind the desk, hung a banner of the symbol of Shar, the only decoration in the room.

But, then, the sermon started. The chatting masked Sharrans shut their mouths immediately as the Flame of Darkness, also masked, stepped into the room. She radiated power as she walked by, the cold emanating from her body putting out the candles as she passed by them. Viconia could sense her power, as well as her state of undeath. She mused that if Laska had been here, the sheer amount of negative energy might have put her friend in a coma.

With grace and finesse, the masked leader turned around and opened the book. Though Viconia could not feel excited due to the nagging stabs in the back of her skull.

"Greetings, my sisters," the vampire leader spoke in a deep voice. "I, your Flame of Darkness, conduit of the Nightsinger, welcome you, our warriors and servants of the Night to this gathering."

Viconia hissed. The pain in her head was becoming more and more unbearable.

"Soon, we shall strike... Soon, this city shall be ours... The government shall fall, and from the chaos, more followers shall flock to the Nightsinger and take up arms for our cause... Domination..."

Viconia concluded that this leader had quite a flair for the dramatic, and she knew almost for certain that what she said was not going to happen the way she told it. More likely, agents would infiltrate the government and control it behind the screens, establishing and fortifying a base of power instead of destroying it. Instead of the wisdom she had expected, she was disappointed to see a mere rabble-rouser. In fact, it reminded her of her old home.

"First I shall read verse..." suddenly, the vampire feel silent, glancing towards one of the orbs on the opposite side of the book. "There," the vampire snarled, "is a spy among us... One of us is _NOT OF THE SHARRAN FAITH_!"

A collective gasp went through the gathered Sharrans, and this time, Viconia finally understood. She knew not how, and she knew not why, but she was certain, that the vampire was talking about _her_. And she knew she had to get out of here.

"NO!" a few priestesses in the row in front of her stood up, blocking the view of the back row. Confusion started to spread as some of the now panicking masked women were starting to accuse each other. Blessing her luck for sitting in the back pew, close to the exit door, she used every stealthy technique she knew to escape in the darkness.

Hearing the outrage in the hall behind her, she frantically sought out a hiding place. _'When in doubt, hide in plain sight, where they never look'_ she thought to herself. Pressing herself against the wall, she waited for several Sharran priestesses to burst out of the room.

"Quickly!" Viconia shouted. "I saw someone running away fast in that direction! Catch her! Quick!"

The Sharrans, too outraged to think straight, took Viconia's directions and sped off into the sewers. Grinning behind the mask, Viconia followed them at a distance, moving from niche to niche and lurking around the corners, slowly making her way back to the manhole and safety. She did notice, however, that her headache was completely gone, and that she felt unnaturally clear of mind at the moment, her senses being able to pick up just about any sound of movement.

The drow quickly dumped her mask and black robe and drew a dagger which had been hidden in the side of her boot. She approached the manhole, and was delighted to note that there were only two guards stationed. For a moment, she doubted if she should kill a fellow Sharran, before considering it was either her or them. Stalking like a cat in the darkness, Viconia crept up behind one of the guards, quickly grabbed her chin and slit her throat. The only sound the surprised Sharran made was a low and desperate gurgle, and while Viconia lay the spasming priestess on the ground, she saw that the second guard never noticed the violent death of her companion.

Feeling the need to test a theory, she let clerical magic flow through her body. The flame that emerged from her hands burned brightly, more brightly than ever before as the fire consumed the surprised second guard. Delighted that the Goddess was still allowing her to have power, she sped to the top of the ladder and fled into the night, craving answers to new and dire questions.

* * *

"Nrrrrrggggghhhhhhh," was the sound Laska produced as she tried to uncork a bottle of wine and wasn't having much luck.

"Oy, ye can open that, ye sissy elf!" Korgan grinned as he had put his feet up on the table. "Put yer back into it!"

"NNRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!" was the reply as she increased pressure on the cork and corkscrew. Getting red in the face, her strong muscles flexed and rippled under the strain. "DAMMIT! OPEN!"

"Perhaps, Laska," Keldorn spoke with amusement after putting Carsomyr in the umbrella-stand, "the gods are trying to tell you it is time to quit drinking?" he suggested.

"Oh, yeah?" Laska replied sharply. "Well, the gods can kiss my arse!" That said, she put the bottle between her thighs and started pulling on the corkscrew with all her might.

At that precise moment, Viconia stormed inside, threw shut the door and crept underneath the windows next to the door, peeking through the closed curtains.

"What are you up to?" Keldorn asked suspiciously.

"Making sure that no one followed me," Viconia said. "And it doesn't look like it. At least..."

"Viconia?" Keldorn asked with some concern. "What were you up to?"

"She went to an orgy at the temple of Sune!" Korgan tried to cover for her. "I be wantin' to go with 'er, but at the time I be still fillin' out the crossword puzzle that be in the 'Amnian Gutter'... Do any o' ye know the five-letter name of a short race starting with 'D'."

"That's 'Dwarf'," Keldorn replied. "And I am not buying this. Where were you just now, Viconia? Do you need help?"

"Who are you? My Matron Mother?" Viconia snarled, then sighed. "Well, if you _must_ know, I went... to a Sharran Sermon!"

"What?!" Keldorn roared. "Are you out of your mind?"

"Oh, there was no evil for you to fight there, unless you count the program-girl," Viconia snorted. "Apparently, they were under the _mistaken_ impression that I was not a Sharran! Preposterous..."

"Have any bad luck since then?" Laska asked, still struggling with the bottle.

"Strangely no," Viconia muttered. "I've had wonderfully good fortune, actually. A few Sharran warrior-priestesses walked right past and never saw me, even though they should have."

"Why..." Keldorn was practically seething. "How... If I knew there was a gathering of Sharrans in this town I would have contacted the Order and..."

"Would have gotten all your fellow foolish 'Rush in where Evil gladly treads'-paladins slaughtered!" Viconia retorted. "Trust me, they have big plans for this region. The annoying program-girl spilled every bean she could possibly spill."

At that precise moment the cork from Laska's bottle miraculously shot free. The sudden release of pressure threw the elf flat on her back, just being able to catch the bottle without spilling a drop. The cork shot through the room, collided against the door and continued on to the ceiling. From the ceiling to the piano, from the piano, it bounced off a statue. From the statue, it ricochet off a plant and headed into the fireplace, where it bounced around for a whole minute. After that, it shot off the floor, collided with the trophy of Firkraag's head and headed straight towards Viconia.

Viconia saw the cork approach, but was unable to move. The cork hit her right between the eyes with force, throwing the swearing drow flat on her back.

"Ouch, did that hurt?" Laska asked while taking a few sips.

"What do you think?" Viconia snapped as she picked herself up from the floor.

"There... is an imprint on your forehead. A bruise," Keldorn spoke as he examined her forehead. "It's... a circle and inside it a... shamrock?"

"Oh, that's probably just the imprint on the cork," Viconia scoffed while she stood up, not allowing Keldorn to help her getting up. While she stood, the dusted off her robes, daring anyone to question her.

"There's... no imprint on this cork," Laska said after she examined the cork.

"It would seem," Keldorn said, seemingly delighted, "that a deity has taken a vested interest in you."

"I will hear nothing more of this," Viconia snarled, brushed past Keldorn and disappeared into her room.

"I should speak with her," Keldorn said, but found himself restrained by Laska.

"Let her cool off first," Laska said. "Trust me, I know her better than you do. You know how stubborn she can get. Just... leave her alone for a bit."

"Perhaps... that would be for the best," Keldorn said.

"OY!" Korgan shouted. "I be wantin' wine!"

"It's mine!" Laska replied and hugged the bottle possessively.

"Oy!" Korgan said and approached the elf. "Donnay be makin' me jump fer it!"

* * *

"FOOL!" was snarled into Bodhi's face as the elder vampire unceremoniously raked her claws across her cheeks, knocking the younger vampire to the ground. "You assured me that the meeting was secret! You assured me that there could be no intruders!"

"The sewer-chamber was perfect!" Bodhi retorted as she dared to stand up to her rsire. "How was I supposed to know your guards would be incompetent."

"Regardless," Hayaxi, the vampire mistress, snarled, "our entire operation is in jeopardy, as are our plans for this region. Years of infiltration, years of intrigue, years of quiet assassinations ruined by your stupidity! Someone not of the Faith was able to infiltrate us! Who knows, it could have been a Shadow Thief, even! This is a disaster!"

"That should not affect the plan," Bodhi said.

"We will still do so," Hayaxi spoke. "We'll change our tactic to one of minor misdirection. I will withdraw all my Sharrans from the city. They shall be stationed in nearby towns and cities awaiting for the time to strike."

"WHAT?!" Bodhi replied. "But that would..."

"Place the majority of the plan on your shoulders instead," Hayaxi said. "I suggest you step up your operation, recruit more independent vampires and create more fledglings. Intensify your attacks on the Shadow Thieves. In the confusion, the chaos will lead us to success. And I suggest you do NOT muck up our plans. Failure will mean your utter destruction, Bodhi. Body and mind..."

A seething Bodhi faced off a calm Hayaxi. Her eyes trailed to the table, where a stake was lying.

"Oh," Hayaxi grinned as she realized what Bodhi was looking for, "try it, Bodhi. Please do try it..."

After forcing herself to calm down, Bodhi stared as Hayaxi nodded and turned her back to her, walking out of the door. She felt the need to destroy something, and thus smashed the table into splinters.

Now, her own restoration would be in jeopardy. It all rested on the shoulders of Irenicus now, and she could only hope that he would soon crack the secrets of the Bhaalspawn essence, for that would be the key to finally getting rid of this meddling Hayaxi.

She damned herself for making a deal with the devil, but she swore bitter and unending revenge on those whom had forced her to make that deal in the first place.


	71. Existentialism

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 71: Existentialism_

Keldorn sat on Laska's couch, having dropped by to check in on his friends. To be honest, he was rather worried about them. It had been two weeks and still the party had not found work. And, also to be honest, his friends hadn't exactly been looking very hard. In the meantime, Korgan was still passed out in the basement after a binge he had had yesterday, Viconia had locked herself in her room and both Minsc and Laska were nowhere to be found.

Just then, the front door was savagely kicked open and in stepped Laska.

"What is that?" Keldorn blinked as Laska strolled inside, dragging behind her a large cart filled with bottles of all sizes and descriptions.

"Well, that's obvious, isn't it?" Laska grinned. "Replacements!"

Picking up the cart with her great strength, the elf took the cart in her arms and carried it down the three broad steps directly behind the front door. After she put the cart on the ground with a thud, one of the bottles fell over the edge and rolled away. And it would have escaped consumption if Laska hadn't stopped it with her foot. She bent over and grabbed the bottle.

"Hey, hey," the elf smiled and cradled the bottle she had just picked up. "Trying to hide from your aunty Laska, eh? Naughty!"

"All these... are replacements?" Keldorn asked, flabbergasted as he mentally counted the bottles of the cart and stopped himself when he got to eighty, and still saw even more bottles.

"Yep," Laska smiled. "Cormyrian brandy, Everdusk wine, Streaa, Evermead, Waterdhavian Creature Juice, Chult Tequila, Kara-Turan rice wine, Elminster's Choice Beer, Froth-ale, Upside down Froth-ale, Deep Froth-ale, fermented Froth-ale, Slink, Mazte, Shein, Saurian Brandy, Mushroom beer..."

"How much did all this cost?!" Keldorn said, waving his arm about to indicate his astonishment.

"Let's see... about seven hundred gold with frequent customer discount," Laska smile. "The guy at the liquor store even threw in this neat cart for free to help me carry the bottles home. I'd been meaning to refill the winecellar for a week but only got around to it now."

"All that money on liquor?" Keldorn sighed, shaking his head.

"Well, I'm not going to drink it all at once, just one bottle at the time," the tattooed elf replied with a smile. "Besides, technically, it was all for free!"

"Come again?"

"Yes, there was a group of muggers that assaulted me when I was out tonight... Of course, I made quick work of them, and found a big coin-purse on them! I wasted no time and headed right to the liquor-store," Laska smiled and gently patted the bottle she was holding.

"You just took the purse?" Keldorn asked.

"Yes."

"You don't wonder who it belonged to?"

"No..." Laska said, a blank look crossing her features.

"You never considered that the purse might have an owner?"

"No..."

"Never crossed your mind?"

"No..."

"You didn't care to think that this might have been the life-savings of an entire family?"

"No..."

"What were you thinking about when you held that purse?" Keldorn sighed.

Laska grinned and glanced at the cart filled with bottles. "Booze," Laska winked.

"Laska," Keldorn shook his head. "We should have a little chat about ethics soon."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Laska snorted. "So why are you here so late? Isn't Maria waiting for you or did she throw you out?"

"Certainly not," Keldorn scoffed at the very notion and grew more than a little tense.

"Ooops," Laska grimaced. "That was a bit tactless of me."

"I'd say so," Keldorn smiled, relaxing. "I came here to see if Viconia wants to talk. It's been my observation that people with doubts often cannot sleep. Perhaps, if I talk to her now."

"She'll be more in the mood to hear you out?" Laska interrupted. "Tell me you didn't wait for me to come home before knocking on her door, right?"

Keldorn bit his lip. "Actually, I was. I was hoping your presence as her long-time friend would make her more receptive to..."

Laska didn't let the paladin finish and brushed past him. The tattooed elf strolled over to the door to Viconia's room and banged on it quite loudly. "Yo! Vico! Keldorn wants to talk to you!"

A few moments later, the door was thrown open. Viconia popped her head around the door and narrowed her eyes. "Can't I get a moment's peace?! And... what the? Where did all those bottles come from?"

Laska shrugged. "Found seven hundred gold on some berks who tried to mug me."

Upon hearing this, the drow raised and eyebrow before shaking her head in disappointment. "Laska, that was very selfish of you."

Keldorn nodded approvingly. "Glad you agree."

"First of all, you didn't share any of the spoils with us. Secondly, we are trying to raise a big sum of gold to fund the rescue of Imoen. Seven hundred gold would have been a nice little windfall," Viconia spoke accusingly.

Keldorn sighed heavily. "I guess that was too much to hope for."

"Sorry," Laska cast her eyes downwards. "Didn't think."

"You _did_ think," Viconia said. "Your mind was just on booze. Anyway, don't stand there like a statue, Keldorn. Do come in."

Keldorn sighed and stepped inside, leaving Laska with her bottles.

Though quite effectively rebuked by Viconia, Laska was still left with a cart full of bottles and started thinking of ways to get all those bottles safely down the stairs. She would definitely have to carry all of them down one by one, since the cart couldn't fit through the staircase and then there would still be the risk of slipping over the stone steps leading into the cellar. She'd rather drink her liquor from a cup or the bottle rather than to have to lick it from the floor.

The dilemma was solved when Laska decided to put it off until tomorrow. She smiled when she heard the light step of Rose, coming down the stairs to the second floor. Crouching behind one of the parlor-palms, she grinned as the half-elf stepped off the stairs. Immediately, Laska pounced and wrapped her arms around the waist of a giggling Rose. The half-elf turned around in her arms, but for she could speak a word, Laska captured her lover's lips. During the seemingly endless kiss, Rose returned the embrace, wrapping her arms around Laska's neck.

"I haven't seen you all day," Laska smiled after finally breaking the kiss, still holding on to Rose.

"Sorry," Rose smiled apologetically. "Long day of tending bar at the inn. And I've just put Risa to bed. She insisted that I tell her no less than two stories."

"Stories? What about?" Laska asked.

"'The laughing Kobold and his dog' and 'Three little ogres'"

"Classics," Laska said, but her voice turned to a whisper. "Still trying to decide if you should tell her she's your sister?"

Rose shook her head. "I don't know. I really don't know what I should do. I'm just putting it off as long as possible, I guess. Is that cowardly?"

"Nah," Laska said. "Sorry, I brought it up."

"Say," Rose asked her lover in a sultry voice, while twirling a bit of Laska's long dark hair around her finger, "how about a game of... the brave and powerful adventurer meets the sweet, innocent and frail milkmaid?"

"Ooooh," Laska returned the embrace and kissed Rose on the lips briefly. "Sounds good to me."

"Good," Rose smiled. "I'll get the chainmail from the dresser, you get the milk and honey from the kitchen..."

"Deal," Laska smiled in return. "Say, errr," Laska asked carefully, "do _I_ get to be the adventurer this time?"

"Come on," Rose smiled and batted Laska playfully against the chest, "you're _always_ the powerful adventurer... Give someone else a chance."

* * *

"Ah, Keldorn," Viconia said as the paladin took a seat on the small couch in Viconia's room, opposite to the drow's favorite reading chair at her fireplace. Meanwhile, the drow was not looking up from the painting she was holding. "Might I ask your opinion on something?"

"Always," Keldorn smiled, hoping she would open up to him.

"Yes," Viconia said while picking up another painting, "which one of these do you think would look better over the dinner table on the right side of the room. 'Wailing Death Descends' or 'Rotting Flesh Forgotten'?"

Forcing a smile at the dark and gruesome things depicted on either painting, Keldorn forgot his disappointment for a moment. "I... I am not sure those would be... appropriate to hang over a dinner-table. I would suspect loss of appetites will lead to a fuller larder, though."

"Ah, good point," Viconia said and scribbled some notes on her diagram of the house, which hung on the wall. "Maybe I'll hang 'undead man walking' there, then."

"Undead man walking," Keldorn muttered disapprovingly and sat down in a chair.

"I've decided to take down all the artworks in this house and reorganize them. Damn Laska and her weeds!" Viconia shouted, her temper building up. "It ruined the entire light and furniture pattern in the house! I need to... I must..."

"Perform pointless busy-work to avoid confronting what happened to you yesterday?" Keldorn finished for Viconia.

"Must you," Viconia snarled, putting down the third painting, "always be so _damned_ confrontational?! Why must you always have such a sanctimonious and paladine attitude?!"

"I am a paladin, Viconia," Keldorn said. "And I am here to help you. You need only ask..."

Viconia sighed and sat down on her bed. Khittix skittered over to the bed, having noticed Viconia's distress. The drow smiled briefly and petted the spider for a moment.

"I don't know," Viconia said. "I just don't know. I know the Sharrans are no longer looking for me. And I know I can't deny what happened last night, but... damned if I can make sense of it. Shar has not abandoned me, and is still granting me powers, but I cannot figure out why."

"Did Shar ever speak to you directly?" Keldorn asked.

"HAH!" Viconia chuckled. "As a holy warrior yourself, I think you would know that the gods have better things to do that to converse with the little mortals. Especially one such as Shar. She only bothers to speak to and through her Flames."

"Then how did you come to worship her?" Keldorn probed. "You mentioned that she spoke to you before."

"Keldorn," Viconia stood up. "If you ever consider blabbing what I am about to tell you to anyone, I will personally feed your genitals to a wolf," she menaced.

After grimacing for a moment, Keldorn composed himself and dared to ask further. "Tell me, then."

"I've told you about my... Great, Shar!" Viconia said, her ears piqued as she snapped her head in the general direction of Laska's bedroom, "don't those two ever stop?"

"Apparently not," Keldorn said impatiently. "Please continue."

"Anyway," Viconia continued, "I have told you that, when I traveled the surface for the first time, I was hunted by all. I was used to being on the run, as I was being hunted across the Underdark for decades, but the surface... The surface. Imagine having lived with a roof over your head for centuries and then nothing... I saw the sky for the first time and thought it would swallow me whole. The surface is so different from the Underdark. So many unknowns... I could not find any source of food and huddled under the great open sky. It was all... too much for me to handle. I... wept and cursed my fate. I wanted to die. It seemed like it could be a release."

"Obviously you are still alive," Keldorn said. "What happened next?"

"Divine intervention," Viconia smiled. "I heard a whisper in the wind. No words were spoken but I could hear words in the winds whipping across me. A voice, strong, yet slightly benevolent offered power. Not much, just enough for me to survive, something I could nurture and something that would allow me to grow. The wind whispered a single word in my ear. 'SHAR'. And then I had the power. I knew nothing of Shar or her domain as I traveled, but it gave me purpose. Hope. I slowly learned. I was given these powers without obligations, and I always wondered why. In any case, I am grateful to Shar."

"But Tymora's sudden interest puzzles you does it not?" Keldorn asked. "It might be a good idea to pursue why she's interested in you. There is a temple to Tymora on the road between Athkatla and Trademeet. Perhaps, we could visit it together to find answers."

"STOP," Viconia shouted, but caught herself, "trying to convert me. I worship Shar and Shar alone! I do not know this Tymora and I do not want to know her."

"But, apparently," Keldorn said, "Tymora wants to know you. Would that not be reason enough to at least visit her temple?"

The air in the seemed to change as Viconia gave Keldorn an ice stare. She balled her fists as she trembled with rage. "Get out..." Viconia whispered quietly.

"But, Viconia," Keldorn started to say.

"I TOLD YOU TO GET OUT!" the drow snarled.

Keldorn nodded solemnly and silently left the room. When the paladin was gone, Viconia flopped into her desk chair and let her head hang backwards, sighing. Khittix once again came forth to comfort and received another petting over the head.

* * *

During breakfast the next day, Laska noted that Viconia had remained strangely silent. No complaints about Korgan's eating, nor any complaints about the noise coming from Laska's bedroom during the night. No complaints about Minsc feeding nuts to Boo while the hamster ran around on the table. No complaints about the state of the house. No complaints about the kids being loud.

Viconia was being rather unlike her usual cranky self today.

However, the tension in the air was obvious as time passed. Viconia silenced her fellows with a single glare. Pure murder was in her eyes as she regarded someone looking in her direction. Just as Laska wondered whether she should smack her drow friend to knock some sense into her, a very familiar gnome stepped through the door.

"Hello, hello, hello!" Jan smiled, wearing a pair of strange dark glasses and a blue shirt with palm-trees on it, "the gnome is back, so your lives have meaning once more!"

"Back from yer honeymoon so soon, ey?" Korgan chuckled. "Blimey, that be quick."

"What?!" Jan smirked, but put his hands at his sides. "What are you implying?!"

"HAR!" Korgan roared. "Ye be figurin' it out!"

"Hey there, Jan," Rose smiled as the Jan hopped onto his usual seat at the table and slapped some pancakes on his plate. "How was you honeymoon?"

"Oh, great!" Jan smiled. "We went to Lantan. To the Thompson Skiing/health/beach resort! Oh, we had so much fun. We drank from a turnip with two straws in it. And after that, we went bungee-jumping at cliff SmashDeath. And then, we went shark-fishing! Well, actually the sharks went gnome-fishing... we just had to resist the temptation to bite into the turnip the sharks had baited their hooks with. Ah, it was an adventurous holiday. Lava-surfing, Orc-punching, Skunk-tossing, Insult fingerbiting and, best of all, hurling insults at a Red Wizard! We had fun there. Lissa came up with an insult, comparing Reddie's parentage with that of a pig and a griffin. Time to dodge some fireballs there! Gotta love outdoor extreme sports. Even the wedding night was an extreme sport."

"How so?" Rose asked.

"They only have spike-beds at the resort," Jan smiled.

"Ouch," Laska said. "Elves have too soft a skin for that."

"Anyway, could you gather the troops? I have a new quest for ya!" Jan grinned.

"What?" Dynaheir grinned. "Thou wouldst not have us chase across Toril to find a golden turnip?"

"No, no, actually, I want you to explore a giant marble," Jan grinned.

"Okay, he's gone nuts," Minsc said. "Boo says married life has gone to his head already."

"No, no, no, no, no," Jan smiled. "I'm telling you, a giant marble just appeared in the slums! Just _ZAP_ it was there. Carved straight through buildings and is just sitting there like a big, useless soccer ball made out of metal. Damn thing has everyone and everything in an uproar. Cowled wizards came and tried to break in and *POOF*, they were turned into pigeons. Shadow Thieves came, tried to open the door and *POOF* were turned into Ostriches. Now, I think you can imagine a little round vault like that must contain quite a bit of treasure."

"Aye," Korgan roared. "Thar be gold in that there marble!"

"But," Laska said, "I have no intention to spending the rest of my millennia of life as a crow or a duck."

"You don't have to," Jan grinned. "Because I found someone snooping around there. Valy? Would you come in? We have pancakes!"

All heads turned to the door, where a tall, brooding man was standing, wearing a cloak that completely concealed his features. "Is," he said in a deep voice, "the gnome done talking? Please tell me his done talking."

* * *

The party was assembled completely. Laska, Minsc, Keldorn, Viconia, Dynaheir, Korgan, Jan, Mazzy and Valygar were sitting at the dinner table discussing the situation. Valygar told them about the sphere, which belonged to his ancestor Lavok, apparantly a foul necromancer, whom had doomed his family with a vile curse. One by one, with no exception, obsession with magic ruined his family, which explained his aversion to all practitioners of magic, and his desire to end the life of Lavok for once and for all.

"So," Dynaheir spoke, "thou dost not like mages much, then."

"No, I do not," Valygar said, glaring holes in her skull, "_witch_."

"Boo says that a brother of the woods should not speak so harshy to nice Dynaheir," Minsc announced.

"In any case," Valygar turned to Laska, "I heard from friend Jan here that you and your drow friend were responsible for the death of Tolgerias, the one who knew the sphere would return and would use my body to open its secrets."

"How did you know what?" Laska asked.

"I have friends among the Shadow Thieves. Don't worry, they'd rather see Tolgerias go as well," Valygar nodded. "Now, you can have everything we find inside the sphere. I just want to end Lavok's hold over my bloodline."

"Finally," Mazzy smiled. "A new quest. I was beginning to feel a bit ignored here."

Laska smiled. "See? You wait long enough and work drops right in your lap! Suit up, fellows! We're off to adventure."

"Atta girl, Laska!" Minsc cheered. "Hamsters and rangers everywhere! Rejoice!"

And the happy mood at the table changed instantly when Viconia, whom had been quiet as the grave during breakfast, slammed her fist to the table and slowly rose from her seat.

"YOU!" was suddenly shouted by Viconia, at the top of her lungs. "YOU ARE A JOKE, VALYGAR! A JOKE! TO DENY MAGIC IS TO DENY YOURSELF, TO DENY THE WORLD! YOU ARE USELESS!"

Everybody was staring at the drow with open mouths. Next, Viconia turned to Laska.

"YOU BLOODY ELF! YOU DRINK LIKE A FISH, ACT LIKE AN IDIOT AND NEVER, EVER THINK!" Viconia snarled. "YOU PLAY WITH ALL OUR LIVES GUIDED BY YOUR FOOLISH WHIMS!"

"AND YOU!" Viconia directed her ire to Minsc, "DEMENTED FOOL, GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS FOR ONCE IN A WHILE!"

"KELDORN!" she added. "SANCTIMONIOUS GIT! CAN'T YOU LEAVE WELL ENOUGH ALONE?! DO YOU HAVE TO MEDDLE WITH EVERYTHING THAT DOESN'T SUIT YOUR NARROW VISIONS OF GOOD AND EVIL?!"

"DYNAHEIR!" the drow continued, but a little gentler, "stop feeling so damn guilty about your vampirism. That wasn't you."

After this oasis of rest, she continued at full force. "KORGAN! YOU SMELL LIKE A SKUNK! TAKE A BATH AND STOP SWINGING THAT AXE AROUND EVERYWHERE YOU GO!"

"OY!"

"AND JAN!" Viconia snarled. "For the love of the gods, PLEASE SHUT UP ONCE IN A WHILE!"

"Mazzy!" Viconia snarled. "You... you... MIDGET!"

"What?!" Mazzy gasped.

"AND YOU!" Viconia pointed at a surprised Rose walking in from the kitchen. "I have... nothing nasty to say about you and I HATE THAT!"

"AND I DON'T KNOW YOU!" Viconia snarled and pointed to a startled man at the door. "BUT I'm sure you're a JERK!"

"I... I'm just the mail-man, madam," the startled man spoke.

Ignoring the flabbergasted stares of her friends, Viconia slowly walked away, finally having fallen silent. Slowly, she lowered herself on the couch, where Khittix was already waiting for her. She bent forward, cradling her head in her hands and tossing her white hair about. "I'm sorry," she said, her voice trembling with emotion, "I... love you all."

"Even me?" the mail-man dared to ask.

"Sod off!" Laska snarled at him as she and her friends walked towards the stricken drow, leaving Valygar and Mazzy sitting at the table, wondering what had just happened.

"Does that include us?" Valygar turned to Mazzy. "I've only just met her."

"Doubtful," Mazzy sighed. "Hmph, midget indeed."

Viconia was seemingly embarrassed about her outburst as her friends gathered around her with concern.

"Laska," Viconia started with a trembling voice. "Can you... miss your cleric during this adventure? I'd like Keldorn and me to visit the temple of Tymora. Find some answers."

Laska smiled and wrapped her arms around her drow friend. Viconia, feeling rather awkward about this, let her arms hand impotently at her sides. "It's not the same when you're not with us, Vico," Laska whispered softly. "We're in town for this adventure. I suppose we could miss you for a while. But do come back soon."

"I promise," Viconia smiled and finally . "I'm afraid you'll have to do this quest without me by your side to keep you grounded. Try not to blow up the city."

"I'll try," Laska chuckled, indeed realizing this was the first time she would adventure without her long-time drow friend by her side. She hoped Viconia wouldn't make a habit out of it.


	72. Spheroids

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 72: Spheroids_

"Whatcha doin'?" Risa asked Laska as the little half-elven girl strolled into the garden and found her elven friend on her knees digging in a patch of dirt directly under the kitchen window.

"I'm making a herb garden," Laska smiled as she regarded a tray with little plants and a few sacks of seeds. "There's nothing which gets an elf in touch with her elven spirit as maintaining a herb-garden does. Or so I've been told."

"Huh?" Risa cocked her head sideways.

"I don't really know. I'm a city-elf, remember?"

Risa nodded, looked over to a book which lay in the grass and smiled smugly. "Is that why are you reading 'An elven herb-garden in twelve easy steps', then?" the little girl grinned.

"Okay, okay," Laska said. "I'm following the twelve-step program because I'm new to this elven nature-thingy, wise-aleck."

"Sure," Risa giggled. "Hey, what's that plant?"

"It's mint. I just love the smell of it. I think I'll put in some more of it," Laska smiled, took a round shovel and made a hole for the little plant to go in. Laska had made sure that soil had been aerated and humus had been liberally spread over the patch of now fertile earth. Patting the earth, Laska took a cup of water and poured it down to give the little plants a good start in life.

"What's that plant?" Risa asked, pointing at a greenish vine.

"Well, it's, errr," Laska said, biting her lip as she tried to remember. "I... err," Laska grabbed the book and started to leaf through it. Yielding no result, Laska turned back to the original page. "It's... It's green," Laska finally told Risa.

"Oh, okay," the little girl replied.

"Ah, an herb-garden. It has to be grown with love, and guided by the hand of everlasting patience for years to come... Too bad I really don't have time for that right now, so I'll be using this magical growth formulae to speed things up," Laska smiled and produced a erlenmeyer flask filled with a purplish fizzing liquid.

"Sure," Risa smiled. "That mint sure smells nice, but... are you sure you should use the entire bottle? It says here in the book that you never should use more than two drops of that stuff."

"Oh, please!" Laska chuckled when she tossed the whole flask over the mint and rest of the herb-garden. "That book was written by a human. I'm the one with the elven spirit here, so I know what I'm doing."

"Uh-huh," Risa sounded unconvinced. Laska in the meantime, looked upon her works with an appreciative smile. It was easy to see that she was proud of what she was doing. Of course, learning to garden would take time, effort and patience; in other words, things which didn't appeal to Laska's notoriously short attention span.

"Well, better get armored and braid my hair," Laska said as she stood up. "We're off to the giant marble."

"Oooh, big adventure?"

"Nah, tell Rose we'll be back for dinner. That marble isn't going anywhere," Laska replied and started to braid her hair as she walked inside.

* * *

"Bloody hell, that is big," Laska said as she and her friends looked in awe at the spectacle of the sphere in front of them, a spectacle which had become an impressive part of Athkatla's skyline. It undoubtedly had a diameter of easily four hundred meters. The whole sphere seemed to be made of a strong, but unknown metal. However, the most impressive thing was that the structure seemed to have sliced itself into the buildings that supported it. Gathered around were several former inhabitants of the buildings the sphere seemed to occupy, looking at the large structure in awe and worry.

"Aye," Korgan smiled, "a thingymabob that big must be 'avin' plenty of treasure inside!"

"Boo is getting antsy," Minsc said as he tried to hold on to a hyperactive hamster. "I have never seen him this restless before."

"I feel even smaller than I normally do," Mazzy muttered. "What can you tell us about this thing, Valygar?"

"Well," Valygar rubbed his chin. The dark ranger regarded the sphere with a sense of awe and dread. "It was created by my ancestor Lavok, a foul necromancer. He set out to build that sphere as some sort of planar traveling device. Lavok disappeared with the sphere over five centuries ago and though it has not been seen again until now, but his foul influence has been destroying my family line ever since its creation. Worst of all, the Cowled Wizards will stop at nothing to control the power that Lavok has gathered. Three months ago, I was forced to flee the city after several Cowled lackeys of Tolgerias tried to collect me. Thank you for disposing of him, by the way. No wizard should have the power that this sphere brings."

"Oho! They want to use your blood to get inside the planar sphere, do they?" Jan grinned. "Not that I would mind them removing it. Takes up quite the bit of the scenery from my home, like a giant ball of wax that just fell out of nowhere. Funny they didn't mention that, but then again every wizard I've every known has had a terrible memory. Golodon used to forget to put on pants at least once a week, and his familiar, Binky, would collapse into hysterics every single time. Be nice to own this thing, though... unless there's an earthquake and it rolls over the house."

"So why are you so pansy about meeting this Lavok? Unless he's an elf, this ancestor of yours is certainly dead," Laska shrugged.

"There was worse things than death, Laska. My ancestor has extended his life, before...but that is a different story," Valygar sighed. "I am the last of the Corthala line. That may mean nothing to you, but it means plenty to Lavok. When he left Athkatla in the sphere, he was already many centuries old. Lavok extended his life by stealing the bodies of blood relations. If he yet lives, you can imagine my concern. This is also why my blood may allow entrance to the sphere."

"Hey, there you! Do you... oh, hey!" A voice sounded from the shadows, revealing an elven rogue with a ready smile and mischief in his eyes. "I'm so happy to see another of the Fair Folk here, elven sister," he greeted happily.

"Elven brother," Laska returned the greeting awkwardly. She didn't meet other elves all that often, but they insisted on calling her sister. Which was weird to Laska, since those strange elves were neither. "So, you hanging about the sphere too? Seeking to enter it?"

"Oy!" Korgan raised his axe. "We be seein' it first! Find yer own giant metal sphere ta plunder!"

"Nah, I'm not that crazy," the elf rogue smiled, ignoring the irate dwarf. "But, I did manage to sell this little marble to passing some nobles."

"But..." Mazzy broke in, "how can you sell what you don't own?"

Boo seemed to roll his eyes at Mazzy's comment. Minsc noticed and put the hamster away. "Shame on you, Boo. That was rude!"

"Oh, call it revenge," the elven rogue grinned. "This damn city of tight-asses... As soon as you show your pointed ears, you're ridiculed into damnation and reviled for your magical connection."

"They never did that to me," Laska replied.

"Well, that's because you look so damn dangerous, what with the tattoos, swords and tall-ness there," the elf grinned. "Me, I've built up quite a sum of money selling this sphere to pigeons. Mostly lords and ladies... I swear they are so dumb."

"Heh," Laska grinned. "Nice going."

"Well, I'll be off," the elf grinned. "Nice meeting you, elven sister."

As the elf left, the party was left standing at the foot (so to speak) of the sphere. There was something which looked like a door at the top of a steel platform which jutted out from the sphere. "So," Minsc asked, "Boo wants to know how we get up to that platform."

But Valygar was already one step ahead of him. After twirling a grappling hook over his head, he created a way up to platform. Without saying a word, the brooding ranger climbed up the rope.

Laska was the first to follow, Minsc cam up after her. But before the party was even entirely at the door, strange things started to happen. As soon as Valygar stepped up to the door, a panel slide aside, and a green beam exploded from it. Stoic as ever, Valygar stood still, ready to accept any fate the door would bring.

In the end, he didn't have to worry. A sultry, yet mechanical female voice spoke next : "DNA-pattern verified. Anti-personnel counter-measures disengaged. Sphere entrance chamber unlocked. Welcome back, Mr. Corthala." That said, the small door opened with a resounding hiss.

After sharing a look with Laska, Valygar simply walked inside.

"Where the hell did this voice come from?" Laska wondered as she tapped the box. "Too bad Viconia already left, she might have something to say about this."

* * *

"Not a speck o'dust," Korgan snarled as he walked through the sterile and well lit corridor leading inside the sphere. "I be 'ating clean environments."

"I'd be surprised you can even spell the word 'enviroments'," Mazzy muttered.

"A-n-d-f-i-r-e-u-m-a-n-s," Korgan replied. "It be an easy word."

The walls of the corridor were rounded out, as if they were walking through stark white tubes. The floor tiles themselves were black and though there were no windows, there was bright lights built into the sides of the wall. The corridors snaked through the sphere; Jan was ahead checking for traps, but was disappointed to have found exactly none/

"This area sure is clean," Dynaheir muttered. "And I am not feeling any magic around me."

"Nor any undead, thank Corellon," Laska said gratefully. "This place is like a rat maze. We could have used Khittix' nose, though. Too bad Viconia took him with her."

"Do not be a fool," Valygar snarled. "It would take more than your pathetic parlor-magics to out-spell the likes of Lavok, witch..."

"I do not believe I like thee very much," Dynaheir muttered in return.

"I do not care," Valygar retorted. "Stay out of my way, if you know what's good for you."

But before Valygar could continue, an elven hand grabbed him by the collar, twisted him around and slammed him into the metal walls of the interior. "Listen to me, bucko," Laska said, still pressing her forearm at Valygar's neck. "She lives with us! You _don't_! If you threaten any of my friends one more time I will show you exactly why silence is golden. Do you understand?!"

"Boo says 'YEAH!'," Minsc scowled as the hamster squeaked.

"I... understand," Valygar grumbled as the elf let him go.

"Good man," Laska said coldly and patted the side of Valygar's face before letting him go. The brooding ranger fell in line quickly and remained quiet. Finding her hands rather dusty from Valygar's jacket, Laska wiped them off. However, the dust never even reached the floor.

"LOOK!" Jan said, and pointed at the floor. "Did you see that, amazing! The dust disappeared! It was sucked right into a vent, there! Wow, this could revolutionize spring-cleaning!"

"This thing gives me the creeps," Laska said. "If I want to dust, I'd rather do it myself."

However, Jan was practically drooling at this point. "This sphere is filled with great inventions! I'd love to take it all apart!"

"End of the line," Mazzy said as they came to a huge round and unyielding door. "But there's another corridor over there."

For Jan, this turned out to be a great day. The branching corridor led towards a room filled with consoles, buttons, levels, system displays and a single round table about three meters across. As soon as the first of the party stepped inside, all machinery came alive. Mechanical sounds rang out and lights bleeped on, and again, the voice returned.

"Auxiliary control activated. Alert status Green. Controls... ready. External sensors activated and operating at half-power. Engines activated and energized. WARNING : No course plotted. Conventional thrusters ready to fire. voice library ready to access. Auxiliary control holotable activated," the female voice droned.

"Whoa," Laska said as the lights before the table blinked on. "This is cool!" as she saw the holographic representation of the slums outside. Waving her hands through the illusion, she giggled girlishly as she felt the photonic energy shooting through her hand; it tickled.

"There is no magic in this room," Dynaheir spoke with astonishment. "What is creating these illusions if not magic?"

Jan grinned broadly. "Technology! I'm going NUTS!" Jan suddenly squealed. "This place is great! I... cannot resist! Must... push... buttons!"

"Gnome, don't you _dare_!" Valygar snarled... but it was too late. The gnome had moved towards the main console and had pushed plenty of buttons before his friends could stop him. The real doozy was the big red one in the middle of the panel. Suddenly, the whole sphere shook violently.

"WARNING : No course plotted... Manual control engaged. Initiating planar travel," the voice announced.

"Oh, arse!" Laska shouted as the sudden shake almost threw her across the room, cursing herself yet again for not bringing Viconia along.

A bumpy ride later, the sphere seemed to be grinding to a sudden halt. Calm right after the raging storm.

"Geez, I lost me bleedin' lunch!" Korgan shouted. "It be a good thing the floor be cleanin' it up, innit?"

"Where the hell are we now?" Laska said, looking over at the holotable, while taking a chance to smack Jan in the back of the head while she was at it. Looking over at the table, she noticed what seemed to be a completely devastated landscape.

* * *

Zaeed Messani led his small team into one of the large empty ruined buildings of what once was a busy spaceport teeming with activity. However, the Reapers had seen to it that the spaceport was now not only a smoldering ruin but also a mass grave for the poor bastards of the nearby colony whom had tried to evacuate before the big push.

Zaeed surveyed the remnants of the spaceports; most of the ships had been turned into scrap right into their docking ports. Some others lay on the side of the tarmac with half their hulls ripped out, apparently having tried to take off with the umbilical still attached to the airlock.

Silently, the group went from building to building, until they finally came across a larger building which apparently had been used as a waiting area for passengers. The ground floor had walls entirely made out of glass, too much exposure, so Zaeed elected to go one floor up where there were plenty of windows, but also places to hide if need be.

After the floor they were on was secured, the grizzled old veteran raised his fist to signify to his team that they were setting up a perimeter for now. "Right," his gravely voiced echoed. "Target is two clicks to the south from here. Let's get this done and get the hell out."

Their target, which had brought them to the arse-end of the Terminus systems, was a Reaper communications hub. Taking it out would mean a temporary black-out between Reaper fleets in nearby systems which meant the local fleets had some time to regroup. Time, it seems, was a goddamn golden commodity these days.

As had become the norm for covert strike-teams, Zaeed's team consisted of no more than four, including himself. He wasn't sure what Hackett had been smoking when he had come up with that tactic, but it was the hand he had been dealt. Unfortunately, he'd been dealt a hand of greenhorn rookies.

Zaeed, being the experienced and battle-hardened veteran, would be the tip of the spear, leader and the bruiser of the group.

The second member was a Salarian infiltrator named Tizzik. Annoying little bastard, as far as Zaeed was concerned. Though his general arrogance didn't nearly match his skills, he was a crack shot and had a head for the battlefield. The Salarian was currently doing some scans of the terrain to look for possible routes to the target.

The third member was a human girl named Haley, infiltrator. Blonde cheerleader material. Young and inexperienced, but eager to prove herself. Zaeed never figured the Alliance made uniforms that small. Haley was nervous and twitchy, and she held her sniper rifle as if it was made out of goddamn porcelain.

Zaeed and the two infiltrator were meant to protect the fourth member of the group: an elcor named Dermott. Dermott was the key to this assignment: strapped on his back was a massive artillery cannon, paired with two chainguns facing forward. Dermott was the biggest elcor Zaeed had ever seen. Covered from heat to toe in heavy armor that would rival that of a Mako, he really lived up to his reputation of being a living tank. The cannon on his back would be used to shell the communication array from a safe distance. However, Dermott was so large and moved so slowly that he might as well have painted a big target on his arse. All three of them would be required to protect him.

"With some concern," Dermott announced with his monotone voice. "We should have encountered resistance by now."

Zaeed nodded. "You're right. Something's off here. I don't like it."

"Aggressive," Dermott again spoke in his monotome voice. "I am eager to blast some fools with my big guns."

Zaeed smirked at that. "You'll get your chance yet, you cranky bastard," he said. Zaeed had seen Dermott in action before, and he was a sight to behold. The elcor's guns had sliced through an entire battalion of cannibals, torn the wings of a Harvester and downed a Cerberus troop transport with one well-aimed shot from his artillery cannon.

Meanwhile, Haley decided to dip into the field rations. "Zaeed? Sir?" Haley spoke up with that high-pitched voice of hers. "Do you have more stories to tell?"

Zaeed snorted. Haley had been asking him for stories ever since he had first met her on the dropship two systems ago. Once she started talking, she never stopped.

"Oh, please, no more stories," Tizzik scoffed while he was pouring over his field voice.

"What?" Zaeed frowned at the irate Salarian. "Afraid you might learn something?"

Tizzik grunted and returned to his task.

"Story, eh?" Zaeed rubbed his chin. "Well, there was this time me and a couple of buddies were on a job to a goddamn hole of a planet just like this one. Seemed simple enough; get in, blow up a bloodpack training camp and get out. Things are never that goddamn simple."

"With genuine interest: what happened next?" Dermott announced while Haley leaned against him. He wasn't surprised; the big Elcor had been quite protective of the tiny girl.

"We attacked during the night. All Vorcha camp, only a few guards outside. We took those out silently. After that, it went sour. Had an arrogant arse with us. Biff Hansen, tall, lean and impatient bloke, rather like Tizzik here. Figured he could take out the whole barracks of sleeping Vorcha out with a few incendiaries. Before we knew what he was up to, the goddamn idiot threw his whole of belt of grenades in there and closed the door," Zaeed said as he looked out the window from cover. Not a Reaper ground force in sight.

Haley shrugged. "The Vorcha don't seem so tough."

"Hah!" Zaeed chuckled. "Important lesson to learn kid; when a Vorcha gets hurt, it becomes a ball of claws and teeth intent on ripping your goddamn throat out. Now, imagine that there are thirty of those which are also on fire."

"Ouch," Haley bit her lip.

Dermott cocked his head sideways. "With acute disgust: that must have smelled horrible."

"We didn't stop to smell it. Damn Vorcha threw themselves on the bloody idiot and tore him right to shreds," Zaeed said. "Shrieked like a pig on the spit. Of course, that gave me and my boys the perfect opportunity to pick off all the Vorcha, so I guess old Biff was good for something after all."

Tizzik grunted. "Is story-time over already? Wake me up later if it isn't."

"Geez, are you always such a buzzkill?" Haley huffed.

"Excuse me if I don't take the word of a man who uses such an ancient rifle very seriously."

Before Tizzik knew what had happened, he was being pinned against the wall by Zaeed who pressed the business end of his rifle against his chin. "Listen to me, you goddamn frogface! Jessie is older and more reliable than you and has killed more than you will in three lifetimes. Now find us a way to that bloody communications hub or I'll throw you out of the goddamn window!" That said, Zaeed pushed the Salarian back to his field voice, almost knocking him down on all fours.

"With acute amusement: you got owned, Tizzik," Dermott's tiny eyes seemed to smile and Haley seemed to be satisfied with the story.

As both he and Haley sat at the window to survey their surroundings, the girl turned to Zaeed. "What's that?" she said, pointing at a rather large crater in the middle of the city.

"Impact crater," Zaeed replied. "Looks like a mass driver hit there. That's the shot that probably took out most of the spaceport."

Haley gulped. "How can they... just do that?"

Zaeed turned around and crossed his arms. "How old are you, kid?" he asked.

Haley hesitated for a moment. "N-nineteen," she spoke sternly.

Zaeed looked at her for a moment. "You're a goddamn liar. Try again."

Haley bit her lip. "T-thirteen. I'm thirteen. But I killed! I killed a lot of husks!" she said defensively.

"It's alright," Zaeed grunted. "I've seen kids younger than you pull off some unbelievable shit."

Haley bit her lip. "I wanted to help. People are dying everywhere and I just couldn't sit on my hands at a refugee camp. I... enlisted with a fake ID. I think the recruiters noticed, but they didn't do anything about it."

Zaeed shook his head. Just two months ago, Haley's biggest concern in life was to figure out which color lip-gloss she would wear to school every day. And now... was the Alliance really so desperate that they were throwing goddamn children at the Reapers? He made a mental note to watch Haley's back a little more carefully when they'd come across ground forces.

Suddenly, a steady and loud beep came from Tizzik's voice. "Argh, what the..." the Salarian shouted as he shut it down quickly. Immediately, all hell broke loose. The ground shook causing plaster and bricks to fall down among them. It was then that Zaeed and Haley saw the cause of the crater crawling up to the surface.

"SON OF A B..." Zaeed shouted as he pushed a stunned Haley to the ground. Tizzik and Dermott found hiding places as well as the massive metal behemoth came fully to the surface. Dark metal, twisted in a terrible engine of destruction. Standing two-hundred meters tall, the Reaper Destroyer made the ground shake with every step it took with its four spindly legs. It turned towards the buildings with its single baleful eye and let out an ear-piercing electronic shriek.

Zaeed and Haley took up positions on either side of the window, while Tizzik bit his lip.

"It detected your goddamn scans, frogface," Zaeed snapped back at him.

"This is not my fault!" Tizzik hissed in return. "Intel dropped the ball!"

"With a sarcastic edge," started Dermott. "I think we just figured out why we haven't seen any ground forces."

Outside the Reaper Destroyer stopped in its tracks and turned towards one of the buildings. Metal plates sliced outward, revealing the firing chamber beyond. A massive red beam shot out from its eye and smashed into a building, burying it in molten metal, causing its utter destruction.

"Oh, shit, shit. Shit, that thing is big," Haley said.

Silence followed. Outside, the Reaper destroyed more buildings, one after one. The ground shook with every step. And with every building destroyed, the Reaper came closer. For a moment, Zaeed heard the tapping of plastic on plastic. Looking to his side, he noticed Haley was trembling; her rifle was tapping against her armor because of it. Zaeed reached over and held the butt of her rifle to stop the sound. Haley looked Zaeed in the eye and found her nerves once more.

"With immediate concern: what is it doing?" Dermott said.

"Bastard knows we're here," said Zaeed. "Just not where we are. Guess Tizzik did something right for a change and shut it off quickly enough."

"With sadness and shame: I am going to need a bigger set of guns," Dermott seemed to sigh.

Indeed, the Reaper outside was systematically destroying the buildings, probably in hope of wiping out whatever it was that it had detected. And it was still getting closer.

"What are we going to do, Zaeed?" Haley asked. "We can't take that thing down."

"Alright, let me think a moment," said Zaeed. "Okay, we do this right and we do this quick. We wait till the bastard moves away from us and then hustle to one of the destroyed building to hide. Once that thing goes back to sleep, we go on with the mission, blow up the hub and hope the Alliance evacs us quickly enough before that thing wakes up again."

"That's insane! We can't go out there! And how do you even know that it *will* go back to sleep?!" Tizzak replied.

"I don't see you coming up with any better ideas, frogface!"

Before the salarian could shoot back an answer, the air around them crackled with power. Outside the Reaper seemed to be the center of it. Something was appearing. Something bigger than the Reaper, even. The four soldiers looked at each other in confusion, waiting for whatever horror would emerge.

The Reaper shook and rattled, and let out one final electronic shriek before exploding. All around the spaceport, it rained down pieces of Reaper. In the place where the Reaper had been standing, there was now a large metal sphere sitting in the center of the spaceport, crushing the four legs of the Reaper beneath it.

"Utterly confused: what the fuck just happened?" Dermott spoke in his usual monotone voice.

"Damned if I know," Zaeed whispered.

A few moments later, the air crackled with power again. As quick as a flash, the sphere disappeared once more.

The four soldiers stood at the window, looking around at the pieces of Reaper. "Right," Zaeed spoke up. "Nothing between us and that communication's hub now. Let's go blow the goddamn thing straight to hell and be back on the Citadel in time for happy hour."

As the four were about to leave, Haley turned to Zaeed. "Is this going to be in one of your stories?"

"Hell no," Zaeed laughed. "Ain't nobody gonna believe this shit."

* * *

"Gee," Laska said as she stood at the holotable and saw the pieces of the massive construct lying among the sphere. "Shit, we wrecked that giant bug. I hope we don't have to pay for it."

"A golem that size would cost a fortune! Let's cheese it before someone charges us for it!" Jan said, and before he could be stopped, he pressed more buttons on the console. Immediately, the sphere rocked and shuddered, making another jump through dimensions.

"Gods damn yer eyes, gnome!" Korgan shouted as he was shot across the room several times. "I swear, I be tyin' ye to the mast!"

"I don't think this thing has a mast!" Minsc replied as he was tossed about as well, being extra careful to shield Boo from any impacts.

* * *

"We're gone!" Jan grinned, happy too that this ride was quite a bit more bumpy. It improved his morale, unlike his friends.

The low hum of the sphere's engine receded once more, but this time nothing appeared at the holo-table, save for a few tiny specks of light.

"Hey, why is it all black?" Laska asked. "Did we break it?"

"Maybe nothing is outside?" Jan suggested.

"Oh, Boo! Calm down, Boo!" Minsc shouted as he was having trouble keeping hold of Boo. "Minsc has never seen Boo so afraid before. Calm down, Boo, I will give you some nuts."

"Hey, look," Laska smiled, "I can make the picture bigger with this slider. Hmmm, let's try magnification factor twelve." The picture on the table did change this time. Part of a gigantic pitch-black orb was visible on the table, complete with a disk of swirling debris surrounding it.

Suddenly, the room was bathed in red light as the voice once again announced its presence. "WARNING, WARNING! Quantum Singularity detected! Status changed to Red Alert! Recommend immediate action!"

"What a bloody hell is a quantum whatsus?" Laska muttered.

"I surmise that it is not a good thing," Dynaheir added.

"You fool gnome!" Valygar shouted. "Where did you bring us to now?! What manner of doom have you inflicted on us?!"

"Boo says there is something called a Black Hole out there," Minsc said. "Space hamsters are very afraid of it, but that is silly. You don't have to be afraid of a hole, Boo. You only should be afraid of what can come out of a hole, like a snake or a weasel!"

Once again, the sphere started to shake, and this time, the occasional console exploded under the stress.

"Dammit!" Laska shouted in dismay as she clutched the railing. "That piece of flying debris scratched my cheek!"

"That's the least of our worries!" Valygar snarled.

"WARNING! Sphere has entered the Quantum Singularity Accretion Disk. Gravimetric forces are stressing the hull. Automatic impulse thrusters engaged. Recommend immediate action!"

"Look at the table!" Mazzy said. It seemed the sphere was in the middle of a swirling debris-field, slowly, but steadily drifting along with the debris fields. By the way the sphere shook, there were definitely impacts.

"Gnome, get us out of here," Valygar offered.

"Boo wants to go too!" Minsc shouted as yet another console exploded.

"WARNING! Structural collapse imminent. Recommend emergency procedure Gamma-2: Returning to entry point 23-AG-6748-D-Hui," the voice cheerfully announced.

"I don't know where that voice is coming from, but if I even meet her in person I'll jam that cheerfulness clear down her bloody throat!" Laska said.

"It seems like a good idea to get out of here," Jan smiled, equally cheerful. "Say, can we go now?" he asked the voice.

"Gravimetric interference will require extension of the Displacement field. Please authorize extension," the voice spoke.

"Just bloody do it!" Valygar shouted.

"Working..." the voice spoke. "Ready..." That said, the sphere was again away.

The ride this time, was considerably less bumpy, but for a massive jarring impact at the end which sent the entire party flying through the room. As the lot of them were picking themselves up from the floor, the voice. There were sounds of electrical discharges as several panels had been loosened from the impact, revealing copper wiring beneath. The holotable was flickering while the entire room was bathed in red emergency lighting.

Laska groaned as she rubbed her back. "Wow, I landed on top of a crate. I didn't think my back could bend that way."

The voice sounded again, this time slightly distorted. "Warning! Sphere operating on emergency power. Analyse: power core depleted due to emergency jump. Entry point reached. Please replace power core at the earliest convenience."

"Great. We art far away from home," Dynaheir said, glowering at Jan. "And the sphere is damaged."

"I'm afraid," Valygar sighed. "That only Lavok knows how we can go home now."

Behind them, another door hissed open, the one that had been closed earlier. The now dark corridors beckoned them, dared them to venture further into this strange object. And, once again, Laska cursed herself for not bringing Viconia along.

In any case, Laska guessed she would probably not be home for dinner tonight.

* * *

Can you guess who my favorite Mass Effect character is? Well, after Wrex and Garrus, of course. :)


	73. Lady Luck

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 73: Lady Luck_

Keldorn and Viconia rode on their steeds side by side in utter silence. Rain was liberally pouring down on them, and Viconia had her hooded cloak pulled closely around her body. The cold, howling wind whipped through their clothes, but Keldorn mused that the wind wasn't the coldest thing near to him right now.

During the half-a-day trip, Keldorn had attempted to strike up a conversation with Viconia numerous times already. And every single one of those attempts had been silenced by a cold, piercing stare from said drow. She simply kept staring angrily at Keldorn whenever he was speaking and only turned away when Keldorn kept his mouth neatly shut. It was starting to get a big awkward for Keldorn; he had plenty of female comrades in the knighthood, but these were paladins. This meant Keldorn had a fair idea what drove them and how they'd react. Currently, Viconia was very much a cypher to him.

In silence, they strode across the now muddy path. And to make things worse, the night was approaching fast. Darker skies turned darker still.

Fortunately, they arrived at the temple of Tymora only a few minutes later. It was a simple, non-descript one-story building, made from sandstone bricks. It was hardly as impressive as the temples in the Athkatla temple-district, with it's simple windows, a simple oaken front door, was surrounded with a simple garden, marked off with a simple fence and connected to a simple stable. All in all, it was just a simple, run-of-the-mill temple of Tymora on the road from Athkatla to Trademeet.

"I will put away the horses," Keldorn said uneasily, and did so.

"I will let Khittix out of the statue when we get inside," Viconia said when Keldorn returned from the stables. "He's been cooped up in there long enough now. He dislikes the rain, you see?"

Grateful for the first words Viconia had spoken to him, Keldorn nodded. Predictably, he did not quite know how to return a comment to this statement without upsetting the drow. _'What would be the best neutral response'_, he wondered. Feeling the gears grind in his head, he finally came up with a response.

"That's good," Keldorn finally spoke, satisfied with his answer.

However, Viconia was not satisfied. Not in the least.

Once again, Keldorn found himself subjected to a cold stare from an even colder drow.

_'Wrong answer'_, Keldorn thought, trying to keep out of Viconia's burning gaze.

Feeling very uncomfortable now, Keldorn gulped and moved to knock on the front door while he felt Viconia's piercing bland stare burning in the back of his head. Keldorn had faced many strange and wonderous creatures before, dangerous and terrifying... but none were as frightening as this cranky woman he called friend. He was desperate to get inside and out of Viconia's harsh stare.

Just before he could bang the knocker, the door was opened already. Thunder lit up the sky as Keldorn and Viconia moved towards the entrance. In the door opening, a friendly middle-age priestess of Tymora was standing, beckoning them come inside and share the warm fire.

"Greetings," the Tymoran spoke in a welcoming voice. "Welcome travelers. Shed your wet gear! We have prepared rooms for you."

The inside of the temple was just as simple as the outside. The corridors were reasonably narrow, but pleasantly lit with several wall sconces.

"This temple," Keldorn spoke to Viconia, while giving a small donation to pay for the rooms, "is more of a way station for travelers than a temple, though it does contain a small shrine."

"So, you are saying this is basically a substandard inn? Lovely," Viconia rolled her eyes as she hung her wet cloak on the coat rack and fished the spider figuring from a pouch on her belt. Two seconds later, Khittix was standing in the middle of the room, eager for his mistress' affection.

As Viconia bent down to pet Khittix over the head, the priestess of Tymora gulped a little. "Excuse me, miss, but... could you put that 'pet' away again?"

But this time, the priestess was the recipient of the same cold stare Keldorn had been forced to suffer to. If Viconia's eyes could kill, the priestess would have been torn into thousands of tiny strips of dead flesh already. The priestess shared a look with Keldorn; it told him that she realized that Viconia would be a problematic case.

"Right," Keldorn said. "Shall we retire for our rooms for the night, and take this up with the kindly priestess in the morning?"

"We came here for answers, Keldorn," Viconia retorted harshly. "And answers I shall get."

"Right," the priestess said. "Follow me," she continued while guiding her two guests through the corridor towards a winding staircase leading into a subterranean chamber. The chamber was reasonably large, and contained a set of two pews on either side of the aisle. In the back of the room stood the statue of Tymora, holding a coin. Numerous expensive vases and all kind of adventuring memorabilia lined the walls, giving the room a cosy impression. Viconia scoffed at the Shamrock motif, however, not finding it aesthetically pleasing. Khittix skittered behind Viconia and rested near the door.

The priestess turned towards the statue and back again. "Right, miss Viconia DeVir," she spoke. "My name is Ilmiga Shadowpuppet."

"_Shadowpuppet?_" Viconia asked with raised eyebrows.

"'Twas my father's name, and I thank you not to ridicule me for it," Ilmiga nodded.

"Fair enough," Viconia muttered. "But I would very much like to know how you know my name."

"Truth be told, dear lady," Ilmiga smiled. "I knew you were coming before you even left Athkatla."

"Stop speaking in riddles!" Viconia retorted, making Keldorn cringe. "I will have _no_ more of this! Tell your goddess to stop interfering with my faith! I worship Shar and Shar alone!"

"Viconia, please," Keldorn said, trying to interrupt her. "This will get us nowhere."

"I have no need for your decrepit trickster goddess! I feel content with my worship of Shar, and thanks to your goddess' meddling I cannot even talk to my Sisters of the Night without getting chased through the sewers by them!" Viconia snarled angrily. "Tell Tymora that I am simply not interested in worshiping her! I have chosen my faith!"

"Are you finished?" Ilmiga offered the fuming drow with a ready smile.

"Are _you_?" Viconia snarled in return.

Khittix, in the meantime, was visibly torn. He senses his mistress' anger, but also felt it was unfounded. In the end, the loyal spider chose her side and raised his forelegs at priestess Ilmiga in a threatening posture, hissing softly.

Ilmiga gulped and took a step back. "Could you, uhm, please but that thing away?"

Viconia narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms, obviously enjoying Ilmiga's discomfort. "Khittix is staying right were he is."

"Very well," Ilmiga nodded, never taking her eyes off the spider. "The goddess sent me a vision this night. She told me to expect you, Viconia... and she told me that reaction would be... strong. I'm happy to say that you didn't disappoint."

"I'm glad I could amuse you," Viconia's soft lips curved up into a wicked grin. "Shall I throw in a death-threat for good measure?"

"Please do," Ilmiga smiled.

"Very well," Viconia grinned. "Tell your goddess to back off or I shall be forced to jam a sausage down your throat and lead a starving Umberhulk up your arse!"

"Nice," Ilmiga replied, her smile not wavering even for a nano-second. In truth, the spider in the room made her more nervous than Viconia did.

Feeling the tension between the two women mounting, Keldorn scraped his throat. "Viconia," he started. "We are guests here and we shouldn't..." Keldorn fell silent, however. Again, that stare.

With Keldorn properly silenced, Viconia turned back to intimidating Ilmiga. "How about this one: I will magically fuse the Thayvian flag to your very skin, and shove you into a Rashemi berserker lodge," Viconia grinned.

"Also nice, but that won't change anything," Ilmiga nodded. "Tymora will not back off..."

"YOU WILL! SHE WILL! I WILL BURN YOUR TEMPLE!" Viconia's shriek echoed through the chamber as she advanced on the priestess. "I will use daggers to pin you to the statue of your surface god, and put enough gashes in your skin to make you bleed to death slowly and painfully. Trust me, during my days in Menzoberranzan, I've had more than enough opportunities to perfect this particular form of execution."

"Viconia!" Keldorn exclaimed in astonishment.

At that point, Ilmiga bumped back-first into the wall of the chapel, never even having realized that she had been backing off from this quite effectively frightening drow which was a full head shorter than she was.

"Ahum, yes," Ilmiga gulped, before regaining his composure. "Will you let me finish before you blow your top?" Ilmiga nodded. "You're taking a real chance with those burst of temper, you know? Be careful with that, you might pop a vein. Oh, but I see you're not interested in jokes. What I was trying to say is that Tymora will not back off, because she _can't_ back off. She is the one who has been giving you your powers from the start! Shar never had anything to do with it. It was Tymora who approached during your moment of doubt in that rainy glade so long ago. It was Tymora who adopted you in her midst, never Shar. But she knew you would never accept her, so she pretended to be a goddess you would feel inclined to worship."

Viconia was shaking like a leaf at this point, her self-doubts finally surfacing. In the back, Keldorn smiled, barely being able to contain his elation. "Viconia," he said, "I detect no lies from her."

"Shut up," Viconia hissed at him. "No more words from you, disgusting male!"

"Listen to your heart, Viconia," Ilmiga smiled. "You know it to be true. Did Shar ever speak to you at later times? No, she didn't. Did you ever felt a stern warning in your being when your travels took you into a direction Shar would not approve of? I'm willing to bet that you didn't. Did Shar ever make demands of you? Punished you? Or otherwise contacted you through divine ways? She didn't, did she? No, it was my mistress, Tymora, Lady Luck, who has been giving you powers and remained in the background."

Viconia said nothing. She did not move, and didn't even seem to be breathing. She was simply starting at the statue of Tymora in the back. Then, without saying a word, she turned away and started walking. Slowly, very slowly, one step at a time... it were the only sounds to be heard in the chamber.

Then, as she approached the door, she turned around is if she was lightning. Wearing a vicious snarl, she took one of the expensive vases from the table and flung it towards the statue. The vase exploded against the statue's head and sharps shard were flung across the chamber. Without saying a word, Viconia turned around and slowly sank into the corridor which contained the stairs leading up. Khittix seemed confused for a moment and followed her quickly.

"I should go talk to her," Keldorn sighed. "This is a lot to swallow."

"No, not yet," Ilmiga smiled. "I took a chance... now we must reap the possible benefits. I never got to discuss why Tymora saved her. That will be her next question."

* * *

An hour later, Keldorn figured Viconia had cooled down enough for them to discuss what had happened in the shrine today. After knocking on her door, he heard a grudging 'come in if you must, fool' from the other side and entered Viconia's room.

It was a small traveler's room with a small bed, a nightstand and a chest. And right now, Viconia was hunched over the chest, fidgeting with the lock. Apparently, she was poking inside the lock with two long, thin metal rods.

"There's a key on the nightstand," Keldorn said, glancing over at Khittix, who seemed to be on the ceiling, chewing on a bone.

"I'm trying to pick this lock," Viconia muttered. "Not having much luck so far. Do you think I would make a good thief, Keldorn?"

"Come again?"

"I thought I was clear enough. I can sneak around perfectly. I know how to kill in the dark. I just need to get the hang of lockpicking and trap-spotting."

Keldorn, seeing his hard work to keep Viconia honest crumbling, sputtered to protest. "This is a terrible idea! However did you come up with it?"

"All dexterous men and women in the city are regularly approached by recruiters for the Shadow Thieves. Laska and I were asked many times to join, though they've learned the hard way to leave Laska alone while she's drinking," Viconia said.

"Don't tell me you are seriously considering their offer?"

"Why not?" Viconia snorted. "I'm too old to undergo mage-training and I'm too physically weak to pursue the career of a warrior. Rogue is the only option open for me and..." sighing, she suddenly withdrew her rods and tossed them away. "Who am I fooling? I'm a cleric and I don't know how to be anything else. But when I think of all those prayers wasted..."

"Still, a goddess did see worth in your abilities," Keldorn offered. "Do not forget that."

"HAH!" Viconia threw her head back in a gale of laughter. "Tymora didn't see my worth! She sees me as an object of _pity_," she spat the word. "Pity, nothing more. I am a joke. A charity-case."

"Do not..."

"Save it!" Viconia snarled. "It's true. I know it's true. I'm a pitiable outcast of a grand race, forced to live on the surface-lands, living off scraps given to me by an _elf_, no less, the most ancient and hated enemy of my people. I am not a drow, Keldorn. I am a joke..."

"Do not say that, Viconia," Keldorn said. "Laska..."

"Is a child!" Viconia shot back. "She is barely thirty years old! She might look like a full-grown elf, but she will still be a child until the turn of her first century. If she had been a mature elf, she would have never have taken me in..."

Keldorn crossed his arms. "Do not spit on Laska's kindness, or her feelings for you. She considers you a dear friend and that feeling is mutual. And don't tell me that is an illusion, because I know better!"

Viconia nodded and looked away briefly, conceding defeat on that one point without expressing it with words. "I have been pitied all my life. Pity led me to the surface. Pity led to my downfall. When I was a priestess of Lolth, I lapsed when a child...a baby...was to die. It would not have made Lolth stronger or more influential or made her a greater deity. It was a pointless exercise... and I faltered. And by faltering, I failed Lolth's test," Viconia sighed. "I fell in disfavor with my house, and my house fell in disfavor with Lolth."

"A terrible story," Keldorn nodded. "But you refused to commit an act of heinous evil. There is still hope for you. But I do not see how refusing a single sacrifice could have such dire effect, especially in a society where sacrifices is so rampant."

"Well," Viconia's eyes shone with humor, despite herself, "it is a big deal when it is the principle sacrifice on the holiest day of the Spider Queen and it is to be performed in the Chapel of house Baenre in front of five thousand gathered priestesses."

"I see."

"Public shame is the biggest dishonor among the Drow. I brought shame upon my house, and my Matron, fearing reprisals, arranged for me to be sacrificed to appease Lolth. I think about that night almost every day. If I had not faltered, if I had been stronger, none of this would have happened! I would still be in Menzoberranzan, might even be the matron of my house! A position of power among my people! My brother might have still been alive! Yet I am here," Viconia scoffed as she looked around. "In a two-bit temple, surrounded by foolish people, nothing that I can call my own and a dead brother. Valas... he did save me in the end. But what did he accomplish?"

"Truly," Keldorn spoke. "You're never told me about him before."

"His name was Valas," Viconia said, smiling for the first time in many days, "he was my big brother, though there were only a few years between us, though, and we grow up together. As children we were inseparable, always up to mischief. I remember the two of us giggling hysterically after the sulphur-stink gleamer we levitated over the door landed all over our eldest sister. By the gods, we could smell her approach for months on end."

"We were friends," she continued as Keldorn sat down in the small chair near the window. "He always looked out for me when I was a little girl. And that continued later in life. He...watched over me and protected me, and I ensured that the worst of the abuses that befell males did not strike him. In the end...he saved my life. He...prevented my sacrifice, and allowed himself to be killed, giving me the opportunity to flee."

Finally, a tear rolled over her cheek. "That damn fool," she scoffed. "If he hadn't pitied me, he would have lived. I can never wipe the image from my mind... he yelled at me to run away and jump into the magical portal he had set up while our sisters beat him with their tentacle-rods. When I came out the other end, I waited... and waited... but he never appeared."

"I'm sorry," Keldorn spoke sincerely.

"Don't you dare feel sorry for me!" Viconia spat. "Pity... it's the bane of my life. Valas pitied me. Laska and her friends pitied me enough to take me in their midst. You pitied me enough to teach me, Keldorn. And now, Tymora pitied me enough to give me power. Now, my shame is complete..."

"That is not true, Viconia!" Keldorn retorted. "We see you as an equal, not a pariah. You have a grand inner strength that few people have. Tymora must have seen worth in you, or she would not have bothered with this deception. Laska trusts you completely. Minsc and Korgan respect you. You're the only person Jan seems to listen to. They don't pity you, they care for you. Don't dishonor their trust by mistaking it for pity."

"Save it, Keldorn," Viconia snarled. "Spare me your eternal platitudes, paladin."

"Viconia," Keldorn said, getting a bit angry now, "your brother, who obviously loved you dearly, made the ultimate sacrifice for your safety. If not for yourself, you _owe_ it to him to make the best of your life and live it well!"

"Leave," Viconia sighed. "I am tired."

Sighing, Keldorn nodded, wished her a good night, and left the room, wondering how this would all play out.


	74. Ship and crew

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 74: Ship and crew_

'_*Well, finally I'm out of the scabbard again. *sigh* It's about time, you know?! I felt like I was gathering dust in that umbrella-stand too! You don't use me often enough, Laska. I'm a SWORD, not a toothpick! I have to be wielded or I atrophy! And I don't think you respect me well enough. I am a Lady, you know?! And a moonblade who was traveling the world when your mother was just a lustful glint in your grandfather's eye! And yet you subject me to an extended stay in the umbrella-stand right next to that braggart Lilarcor!*_' Ipsiya voiced loudly.

"Gee, I wonder why?" Laska sighed. "It certainly has nothing to do with your friendly and sunny disposition and your lovely personality."

The sword continued to bicker as the elf and her friends made their ways through the narrow and winding hallways of the inner-sphere. The clanks of metal, and sounds of hissing pipes gave the sphere a very claustrophobic atmosphere... and the fact that Ipsiya's voice echoed back and forth through the corridors didn't really help.

"Hey, baby," Lilarcor grinned while Minsc held him high. "You wanna light my fire? Rrrrowwwwllll."

'_*If I had hands, I would choke you do death! But now, I just settle for calling you a wooden toy sword not even suitable to be used for mending a fence!*_' Ipsiya retorted.

"Oh, yeah," Lilarcor sighed contently. "She loves me..."

'_*HAH*_'

"Wilt thou two morons be quiet?" Dynaheir, who was the one directly following Laska through the corridor. "We have no idea what is in this object, nor what danger it poses."

"You seem a bit worried, Dynaheir," Jan said. "Perhaps a song will help? _Oh, there once a gnome who was far from home, and was feeling rather obtuse and alone. But one day, he..._"

Dynaheir grunted, interrupting the song. "Aren't you worried? We are seeing the fantastical all around us and none of it is in any way magical. 'Tis not proper!"

Jan grinned. "It's technology, Dyna! Fair and wondrous and beautiful technology!"

"Do not worry!" Minsc shouted and almost looked ready to bang his fists on his chest. "Minsc shall protect his witch! I shall not fail a second time! Boo shall see to it."

"I would be content with thy discretion now, dear friend," Dynaheir smiled. "Save thy powerful voice for thy trembling enemies."

"Did you hear that, Boo? Dynaheir called me 'dear friend'!" Minsc smiled as he petted his hamster. "Oh, yes, yes, Minsc shall be quiet," he whispered. "Quiet as a mouse pretending to be a noble hamster."

Mazzy shook her head. "We've had singing gnomes, bickering swords... I'm rather sure we've lost the element of surprise."

Dynaheir shook her head and smiled. She had missed Minsc during her ordeal. Still, she felt the eyes of that ranger in her back. What was his name again? Valgar? Vlagyr? He had been scowling her, and she felt he would do harm to her if her friends were not here to shield her from his ire. Still, she could understand his feelings after he had seen magic corrupt and destroy his family, but, to her, Valygar simply could not realize that it was not magic that corrupted her mother. Magic was merely a tool, it was the way it was used that determined the morality-factor assigned to it... Then again, power inherently corrupts, that was well known. Dynaheir decided she would ponder it, when they were in safety and back home on Toril.

"To think this... machine... could function without magic," Dynaheir said. "I would expect this to be a magical artifact."

"Perhaps you lying and there is magical all around us," Valygar spat. "Perhaps you are trying to mislead us so that you can take this sphere for yourself?"

Dynaheir's eyes narrowed as she turned to face the dark ranger. "Dost thou have a problem with my presence?"

"You are a mage," Valygar sighed. "I should never have allowed you to join us, witch... You will bring nothing but trouble."

Suddenly, a huge, beefy hand clasped around Valygar's shoulder. He cringed as he felt a subtle, yet impressive pressure, making the bones in his shoulder scream in protest. Also, he seemed to be facing a second huge fist, currently hovering in front of his nose. "Go ahead, make Minsc's day!" was roared, followed by an angry little squeak.

"Har, Har!" Korgan roared. "I be bettin' that Valygar's knocked-off head will roll at least twenty yards!"

"Please," Mazzy said, looking more than a little nervous wandering these sterile hallways. "Please stop messing about. There could be danger around every corner.

"Hold it," the tattooed elf spoke when they came to a door at the end of the corridor. The door was a huge slab of two piece of metal with no visible doorhandle or other way of opening it. "I don't think we can open this one by force."

"Hmmm," Dynaheir said, running her fingers over a smooth keypad by the side of the metal door. Immediately, several primary colors lit up behind the keys, awaiting instruction. "Maybe if we find the right combination. 'Twill take time, I fear."

Without warning Minsc's fist rang out, instantly smashing the defenseless keypad. Fortunately, it had the desired effect. With a hiss, the door slowly separated... revealing a single goblin being flanked by three humans wearing platemail.

"What?" Laska all but chuckled. "This is it? All this suspense just for a single goblin and some lackeys? This won't even make us break a sweat, right Korgan?!"

"HAR! One goblin pie, comin' up!" the dwarf grinned, swinging his axe about.

"Excuse me, madam!" the goblin seemed horrified. "But such an excessive display of gratuitous violence, aside from being utterly barbaric, is hardly necessary!"

"Whoa," Mazzy spoke.

"That was... wordy!" Minsc finished up.

"Hey, where'd you learn how to talk like that?" Laska asked the goblin.

"I might ask you the same question, madam," the goblin replied. "I gather you are from another universe, yes? Well, in my universe, elves are nothing more than ignorant savages."

"I don't believe you," Laska snarled resolutely.

"I didn't believe it either when I was told my race were meat-eating savages. But when the sphere only encountered universes where this was indeed so, I have resigned to it, though it still pains me greatly. In my world, the goblins have created a great society of artists, writers, explorers and philosophers... but on other words, my poor race seems to advance no further than 'Me crush, crush now?'. It's a very sobering thought," the goblin sighed. "My name is Avatrunay, by the way, Science Officer of this fine vessel. These three fellows next to me are the Solamnic knights Reyna, Ancan and Onvo, in charge of security. Tell me your tale, travelers."

The party shared a look at this strange development. The goblin seemed friendly enough, but the three knights seemed far more suspicious of them.

"Well, I can rarely recall someone actually requesting one of my excellent tales," Jan burst up front and started talking, "but you might be interested in the story of my Uncle Ungerick Jansen, a turnip salesman of some importance. He was married to a fine strong Halfling lass called Enya Rainfall... Well, she had to be strong, because she insisted on pulling the turnip wagons for Uncle Ungerick. They both hated horses with a passion, you see? 'We don't need those long-nosed, metal-walking, hay-eating freaks!' was their mantra in life. But I digress... You see, my Uncle Ungerick was traveling along the Coastway, pulling the reigns, which meant also pulling the bit in Aunty Enya's mouth, a very uncomfortable experience, I might add. Anyway, they were riding along the Coastway and they came upon an old ruin where they decided to spend the night. But what Ungerick and Enya didn't know that at the time, was that the old hovel was owned by a ghost whose former human state of being came to an untimely end after slipping on the soap in the shower. Every night, the ghostly figure would appear to find himself a clean towel, and since the ruin was, well, a ruin, he was in for a long search. Anyway, to make a short story even longer, Uncle Ungerick went for a midnight turnip-snack and, of course, ran into the old ghost... So thus began the great chase-scene of Ungerick. He ran and ran and ran until came to the top of the tower, with the ghost closely following behind, hollering for Room service to bring him a clean towel. Then, being caught between a rock and a hard place (presumably a second rock) Ungerick held his nose and jumped down... Enya woke up the next morning and left for Amn. Later she would write, direct and star in her own play: 'Death of a Turnipsalesman.'."

The goblin blinked twice, then glanced at Laska, who merely smiled and shrugged.

"What happened?" Reyna, the solamnic knight, spoke with a surprisingly light voice.

"Well, Uncle Ungerick's fall was broken by a briar patch. And after removing all the offending stingers, he just hid in the basement during the run of the play," Jan grinned.

"Don't look at me," Laska grinned. "We have to live with him all day. I'm Laska, by the way, a semi-civilized elf. The dwarf over there is Korgan. Next to him is Mazzy. The big guy is Minsc and the woman next to him his witch Dynaheir. And the man in the corner glowering at Dynaheir is Valygar Corthala..."

"Corthala!" Onvo smiled. "Are you, perchance, related to our noble captain?"

"Noble?" Valygar chuckled. "Noble? If you call a life-stealing, cursed half-lich noble like him noble, then you might have sniffed just a tiny bit too much of his foul necromancy, fool!"

"Hey!" Ancan glowered as he stepped forward. "I will not have you insult our captain!"

"Alright, alright!" Dynaheir broke in. "This is not getting us anywhere. Perhaps," Dynaheir said, looking at Laska, "we should meet with your captain?"

"I'm afraid that is not possible," Avatrunay sighed. "Let me tell you what happened, and let me just tell you that your actions in auxiliary control might just have saved a lot of lives."

"Our bumbling in there saved lives?" Mazzy shook her head. "That's surprising."

"Let me give you a bit of background," Avatrunay spoke, "to ease your minds. First of all, magic is something you won't find here. All phenomena are explained in this sphere. There is nothing but pure science and technology, Valygar, so please check in your backwards superstitions at the door. We are a small, but dedicated crew of travelers, wanting to expand our own horizon by traversing the multiverse, touching the very edges of the planes."

"Thy words sound very compelling," Dynaheir spoke.

"Boo is positively itching with mirth!" Minsc grinned.

"Unfortunately, we hit a bit of trouble last month. Apparently, during a trip to a demon dimension, our captain was possessed by a creature trapped there, and attempted to gain access to Lavok's home plane for reasons as of yet unknown," Avatrunay spoke. "We eventually caught on, but Lavok managed to block us by transporting several feral halflings aboard. Then, the creature in charge of Lavok initiated a travel to the point of origin: Toril. Your actions in auxiliary control returned the sphere to the creature's home before it got loose."

"I be thinkin' I be looking at one o'them feral 'alflings right now," Korgan grinned while looking at Mazzy, who immediately glared back.

"Oh, no, your friend is definitely not a feral halfling. Believe me, you would have noticed," Reyna sighed.

"The halflings smashed up the bridge and locked us into this section of the sphere while Lavok has holed up in the Engineering Section," Ancan added.

"Then that is where we will confront Lavok!" Valygar said, an eager glint appearing in his eye. "For what he and his curse have done to my family, he will pay!"

"You are welcome to try," Avatrunay snorted, "but the only access-port to Engineering is blocked by a plasma coolant leak. Nasty stuff, it will dissolve organic tissue at contact. Our chief engineer was damaged during the assault, and she is the only one who can repair the leak without, well, dissolving."

"_Damaged_'?" Laska asked.

Avatrunay nodded and beckoned them to follow him to the crew quarters. There, on a throne, sat a strange-looking woman, made completely out of shiny metal.

"Is that a golem?" Laska asked.

"Aye, can I break it?" Korgan grinned.

"This is our chief engineer, Maria," Avatrunay nodded.

"Wait there's a label here," Dynaheir said and bent forward to read it aloud. "_Made in Metropolis. Property of Fritz Lang, Hollywood 1926_."

Meanwhile, Laska gave the robot a rather suspicious look from head to toe.

"What is it?" Korgan asked.

"Metal-gal has bigger boobs than I have," Laska muttered. "I don't trust that."

"Unfortunately," Avatrunay sighed, "the halflings took her memory core with them when they retreated to the lower decks. I cannot activate her without it."

"Let me guess," Laska grinned, "you want us to retrieve the parts?"

* * *

Retrieving the part, which was a strange cylindrical object the size of a fist, was surprisingly easy. Over a score of halflings were scattered about the cargo-holds of the Sphere and, apparently, the leading halfling wore the item around his neck. Mazzy had surprisingly little trouble dealing with the halflings as well. With all the zest of a true holy warrior, she had 'slain the evil fiends' decisively... of course, the evidence that the halflings were cannibals had something to do with her rage. Laska and Minsc didn't complain either; the halflings were just the right height for 'decapitation swings' by waving their swords about.

After the item had been returned and Maria had been repaired, the clever chief engineer headed into the engineering section to repair the leak and drain the hazardous material from the corridor. Then came the time for confrontation. Valygar was almost trembling with anticipation: this was a moment he had been preparing for his whole life and he could scarcely believe this was happening.

"Right," Laska grinned. "On three... we'll storm in and surround Lavok. One..." Laska didn't hesitate and ran through the sliding door immediately.

"She be the impatient type," Korgan told Valygar as the rest of the party followed her. There they found Lavok, who very much looked to be an older version of Valygar, dressed in a strange one-piece jumpsuit. However, Lavok's expression was anything but human while he regarded the cheeky elf, who had apparently tripped over a pipe when she had entered Engineering, and jumped to her feet, raising her blades.

"LAVOK!" Valygar shouted. Immediately, the creature turned towards his younger version.

"You! You are the ones who have caused the sphere to travel once again! You fools! I was close to escaping! So close!" Lavok replied in a strange, scratchy voice which couldn't possibly be human.

"You will not escape! I shall fulfill my family's vow and end your hideous life once and for all!" Valygar retorted.

"I have been denied the material plane! I will have my revenge by slowly killing you all!" the creature spoke... and attacked.

Unfortunately, it was not an attack anyone was prepared for: he clicked a switch on his belt, raising some kind of energy-shield. Valygar attacked like a possessed man, slamming his Katana into the energy-barrier... only to end up cradling his painful wrist as he hissed in pain.

Laska, Minsc, Mazzy and Korgan attempted the same, but they found it was like trying to punch through a ship's hull. Dynaheir attempted her magic, but the quartet of magic missiles, followed by fire and acid arrows had no effect either.

Feeling frustration as Lavok smirked at them from inside his bubble, Laska attempted a second attack, but not even Ipsiya could penetrate the barrier. While shaking her head as she twirled around her axis to give her third blow a little more power, she suddenly felt her own braid hitting her in the eye. Laska always wore her long dark hair in a thick plait when going into battle, but sometimes her long hair came back to haunt her... though this time it would turn out to come to her advantage.

Laska shook off the braid and it was shot forward, until the tip connected with the energy barrier. To her horror, she found that the very tip of her braid had been singed off! As the smell of burned hair reached her nostrils, something inside her snapped.

The angry elf roared, burning with infernal rage. Her eyes glowed bright red as she shot forward, raining blow after blow after blow into the energy shield, actually startling Lavok inside. "NEVER!" she shouted as the shield flared green. "EVER!" she shouted as the shield flared yellow. "TOUCH!" she shouted as the shield flared red. "MY HAIR!" the last blow shot through the shield and slashed straight through Lavok's chest.

Lavok unleashed a rather inhuman shriek, and immediately, a shapeless billow of smoke emerged from his mouth and dissipated in the air.

"Laska, no!" Minsc said as he caught the arm of the enraged elf just before she could deliver the killing blow. "He's him again!"

"Wh-where am I? The...the force that possessed me is...is gone?" Lavok gasped, barely being able to talk.

In the background, Laska snarled as she studied her braid. "Gods dammit! Godsdammit, godsdammit, godsdammit! That's, like, a thumb's length completely burned off! Argh!"

Mazzy took offense to this and confronted the elf. "Can you keep your vanity to yourself for a moment? A man is dying!"

Laska narrowed her eyes at the halfling. "I don't care about that! Oh, my beautiful long hair..."

Ignoring the elf, Valygar stepped up to Lavok. "What is this, some manner of trick?" Valygar regarded suspiciously, his hand ever on the hilt of his Katana. "I am your descendant, Lavok. I am Valygar Corthala, and I will not allow you to take my body to extend your life. Since you yet live, I shall end it now!"

"Hold it right there, Valygar," Dynaheir spoke. "Wouldst thee not hear him out first?"

"It figures a mage would side with a mage!" Valygar snarled.

"Corthala...yes, I remember this now. My family. Oh, I am dying, Valygar Corthala, of that you can be certain," Lavok half-smiled.

"Dammit," Laska sighed, forgetting her hair for a moment, "we should have brought Vico with us! There's no way we can heal him now."

"Why would you want to?" Valygar snarled. "So what's next Lavok? Some half-wit repentance on your deathbed? Some flowery speech about not really being evil at all? That you are not the sorcerer who preyed upon his own family as a ghoul would, whose legacy has haunted my family always?"

"No, I am Lavok," he sighed. "To my everlasting shame, I am Lavok Corthala. The man you speak off... But I have had years of pain and anguish to consider my sins, and I have left the ways of magic long behind me. I can offer to you nothing other than my sorrow, Valygar, if I have brought you pain."

"I..." Valygar replied, his image of the bogeyman shattered. He had expected a snarling, irredeemable fiend, but he found a repentant old man instead. And for the first time, he felt doubt.

"Do not regret your actions, young elf," Lavok gasped. "Death shall release me soon enough from my overlong life. But I will die a free man. An equitable trade."

"You burned my hair!" Laska shouted back, shattering any illusions of regret.

"I would ask one thing of you, Valygar Corthala, although I know you have no reason to grant it to me," Lavok smiled.

There was a timidity in Valygar's voice as he spoke. "I...I don't...what would you ask of me?"

"I would wish to see the sky of my home world one final time. To be at peace, knowing that I have died in the place I was born so long ago."

"That's a good idea," Mazzy said. "We need to get home anyway."

"I'll have... Avatrunay set the controls to take us back to Toril," Lavok wheezed and coughed. "Magic has been banished from the sphere, mostly, but I still have an all-conversion drive installed next to the main engines which can jumpstart if injected with the magic of a demon-heart."

"So, all mumbo-jumbo aside," Laska grinned. "We need to get a demon-heart."

* * *

Laska felt very uneasy. Perhaps it was her connection to the land than made her feel so on edge, but she didn't much care. She stood on the red lavastone, surveying the ragged rocks in the endless landscape. The bloodred sky stretched into infinity above her, while the smell of sulphur stung her eyes and nostrils.

She was not having a good time.

She and Valygar has been sent outside the sphere to get the heart. Avatrunay had hoped that a small party would attract the least attention. '_Yeah,'_ Laska thought, _'as if a giant steel marble blends into the hellish decor._'

"See anything yet?" Valygar asked as he peered into the distance.

Laska shrugged and kicked a rock off the wooden platform. "You're the ranger. You tell me."

The elf's sensitive ears picked up that the rock hadn't, in fact, landed on something hard. As she looked down, a smile crossed her tattooed features. "Oh, hey, we're in luck!" Laska grinned as she spotted a demon, partially crushed by the shpere.

Immediately, Valygar and Laska jumped down and looked at the corpse of the very dead demon. It looked as if the upper torso was mostly intact.

"It looks like he was fused into the metal hull," Valygar said.

"Hey, beggars can't be choosers. And he looks dead enough," Laska replied with a grin.

"Are you sure this is safe?"

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Laska muttered and made the first incision with her dagger.

* * *

The familiar sights, smells and sounds of the Athkatlan slums greeted the party as they emerged from the sphere. After a bumpy ride, they once again stood on the wooden platform, while Valygar had carried Lavok outside.

"Well, I never thought I would be happy to see these slums again," Jan said. "But I said the same thing about Uncle Itchy and I still see him regularly. And that is rather difficult, seeing he's a ghost that has taken the form of an invisible stalker. Long story..."

"Please keep it to yourself for now," Laska snickered.

"The sun?" Lavok smiled. "Strange... I've been to so many places. But the sun shines the brightest right here."

"You are not the man I expected, Lavok," Valygar said while Lavok's crew gathered around them.

"Valygar," Lavok said. "This is my crew. They are my loyal friends. As my descendant... the sphere is yours, as are its secrets. Your actions tell me that... you will use it well. It can be yours, if you want it. Let my friends be your friends. See the multiverse..." That said, Lavok released his final breath.

Valygar regarded the sphere, and then, the crew. "Why not?" he finally whispered.

* * *

With one final burst of energy, the sphere left Athkatla for good, once again allowing the tenants to enter their homes again.

"Let's go home..." Laska muttered. "There's no machines there. But there is ale."

"Amen," Korgan muttered. "Who be the daft fool who got us into this job? We ain't got no reward and there be no gold aboard!"

"It was Jan," Dynaheir smiled.

"Jan," Minsc grinned.

"Jan," Mazzy added.

"Jan," Laska pointed.

"Laska!" Jan pointed to the tattooed elf. "It was her idea, she did it all!"

"Oh, thank you very much, Jan," Laska sighed as she looked at her braid; she'd have to snip the end a little to make it look presentable again and her hair still smelled burny.

The trip home was luckily uneventful. But as soon as the elf entered the door, she was greeted by the smell of mint. And then, the sight of mint... everywhere. The mint had overgrown the entire back of the room, making it even denser than the jungles of Chult.

"Uh," Laska blinked and shouted out. "We're home?"

"Hey, Laska," Rose said as she emerged from the bedroom and pecked the astonished elf on the cheek. Immediately, Rose brandished her machete and chopped through the mint-plant towards the door leading into her studio. "I'd like to get some painting done today, but the mint won't let me reach the door!"

Looking up the stairs, Laska noticed that the kids were using the thick mint vines as monkey-bars. Access to the kitchen, the basement, the fireplace and, worst of all, the toilet, was effectively cut off by a green mint jungle. Some of Viconia's prized artworks had been knocked over, furniture was displaced and the house was generally a mess. A mint-smelling mess, in fact.

"When did this happen?!" Laska said, wrapping her arms around Rose's waist as if to protect her from the jungle of mint. "And... I can't get to the ale!"

"Argh!" Korgan snarled. "The ale be in the basement! Ye blasted bloody long-ears and yer bleedin' plant fetish!"

"Just after you left... the mint has conquered the backyard and has grown right into the kitchen," Rose replied. "Risa and Becky need to use a rope-ladder to climb onto the patio to get to their rooms! It's still growing, in fact."

"Yo Laska!" Risa shouted down from upstairs as she was climbing through the vines. "Told ya the entire flask was too much!"

"Crap, so much for that. We need the weedkiller," Laska sighed.

"Good luck," Rose chuckled. "It's in the toolshed, outside."

_'*You're nuts if you think you can use me as a machete, Laska! I am a lady-blade not a garden tool, dammit!'*_ Ipsiya loudly announced.

"Oh, be quiet and do what you're told," said Laska.

Rose suddenly frowned. "Laska? What happened to your hair?"


	75. Two sides of faith

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter __75: Two sides of faith_

"Blah, the house still smells of mint," Laska sighed as she and Dynaheir stepped out the front door of her house. Her house which, until yesterday, had been the battleground of the war against the Evil Overgrown Mint Jungle. And a bloody war it had been.

Laska, Korgan and Minsc had assaulted the mint-plants with their bladed weapons, slicing their way through the first line of their plant invaders. Though Jan and Dynaheir offered the use of fire-magics, the risks of setting the house on fire would be too great. After carving up the mint, they finally managed to clear a path to the staircase, from which they managed to climb onto the balcony to oversee the backyard: an even larger minty jungle, its canopy almost risen to the balcony itself. From there, they managed to pour the weed-killer on top of Laska's would-be elven herb-garden, killing most of the mint. The rest of the day was spent trying to clean up the mint-weed, replacing the other plants and furniture, and placing the artworks to exactly where they had been so that Viconia would hopefully not notice when she would return.

The only casualty: one elven herb-garden... and the victors were left with the fear that the mint might some day return in force. But, in any case, they had scored a major victory today.

"There are worse smells than mints," said Dynaheir. "Thou must look on the bright side; we'll have more than enough mint-leaves for tea."

"Enough for the next three decades, at least," Laska snorted as the twosome made their way towards the Bridge, where the bounty board was located. After taking a short-cut through a few narrow winding streets, they arrived at the Bridge and stepped over to the bounty board to look for work.

"Anything good on the board?" Dynaheir asked as Laska scanned the papers pinned to the board.

Laska's heavy sigh was telling. "Bah, some long term guarding stuff for low pay, boring caravan escorts, finding a lost dog. Shit jobs, really. Ah, we need to run into someone on the streets who has a suspiciously high paying job for any adventurer which randomly passes bay."

"We can't really count on that happening every day," Dynaheir said.

Laska looked around. "Anyone got a well-paying job for a group of vicious sellswords? Anyone?"

The people around her look at her and then quickly walked on, often picking up their children to walk off faster. Meanwhile, Laska looked around her and sighed. "Ah, it's not the same without a serving of harsh drow sarcasm."

"Thou misses Viconia," Dynaheir stated matter-of-factly.

Laska turned her head towards her friend before smiling. "That obvious, huh? Yeah, it's weird not having her around."

"It is clear to see. Whenever thou are saying something that even thy know is stupid, you always look around, as if waiting for Viconia to remark upon it," Dynaheir said.

Laska snorted. "I've already managed to misplace my sister Imoen, got you killed even though you got better. Don't wanna lose Vico too."

Dynaheir smirked briefly. "Well, thou shalt experience her ire soon enough. What dost thou think Viconia would say to thee when she learns that you went on a risky adventure without any form of reward and then let the house almost get conquered by magically enhanced mint plants?"

"Hah," Laska laughed. "You know, I'm almost looking forward to it. Look, let's go hit the taverns and see if there's some work to be had there."

Dynaheir shook her head as the two of them headed over to the Five Flagons. "I don't think that's a good idea. Taverns have ale. Thou enjoys ale. Thou enjoys ale more than looking for work. And I don't enjoy dragging drunken elves all over the city."

"Oh, it'll be fine," Laska shrugged as the two approached what looked to be a variety carnival set up in the middle of the Bridge. People were gathered around market stands, buying sugary candy or tossing rings and generally having a good time. Some sort of fighting ring had been set up in the middle of the carnival, but Laska paid it no mind. The carnival was good for the entrepreneurs of the Bridge, it seemed, as sellers hawked their wares, taverns set up serving tables outside and the local streetwalkers plied their trade near some of the narrow alleyways.

"HHHHHEEEEEERRRRRCCCCCCCUUUUUUULLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEE!" was shouted across the carnival, quite shaking the two friends out of their pensive mood. Though not carrying her blades, Laska fished a dagger from her belt, getting ready to defend herself. Dynaheir gripped her staff, being similarly surprised.

"What the hell was that?" Laska said, and regarded a small podium where two men were standing, talking to a crowd.

* * *

"The scourge of Cormyr, the enemy of evil, Slayer of a thousand foul orcs! Ladies and Gentlemen, allow me to present," the announcer cheerfully, well, announced as he praised the man who hired him, "Hercule the Great!"

Hercule grinned broadly as he stepped forward, raised his arms and roared. Hercule was a huge, barrel-chested muscular man; a good-looking, handsome, studly man, according to himself. He was tall, broad-shouldered and acted as if he owned the city. On top of his head was a mop of curly black hair. A morning-shadow adorned his chin, augmented by a ridiculous mustache.

Hercule grinned, obviously a showman. "I, HERCULE! Greatest fighter in ALL OF TORIL, shall bedazzle you with my knowledge of martial arts! HIYAH!" he shouted, firing off a couple of practice-kicks and shadow-boxing in the air. Hercule was pleased at hearing the expected 'Ooh's and 'Aah's from the crowd.

"Ladies and gentlemen!" the announcer took over. "The great champion Hercule will fight any of you in the ring! If, by a slim chance, you manage to defeat him, you will win a fabulous price!"

Hercule grinned. He knew he could easily defeat any of these weak dregs that had gathered here. Plus, he could put up a very good show for those nice fans which had come to see him.

"Anyone?" the announced asked again. "Is nobody here brave enough to take on Hercule?"

"I'll bloody take it, mate!" an accented female voice rang up from the crowd.

Hercule could barely contain his laughter when he saw the tips of the woman's long ears. _'An elf?! How can a measly elf hope to defeat the great HERCULE!?'_ he thought, but then he noticed the body attached to the ears.

The woman standing in front of him was tall for an elf, but still, he was a head taller than even she. The elf had piercing dark eyes and wore her long dark hair in a single thick plait. The striking color of her greyish skin was offset by the appearance of several tattoos on her body. The only ones visible to him right now were her mirrored facial tattoos under her eyes, the blueish sword tattooed on her left arm, the swirling blue patterns all over her right wrist and hand, and, the tiny tattoo of a setting sun just above her navel. Like with all elven females, her body showed only the slightest of musculature, moreso when she flexed... but then there was that one tattoo that jumped into his eye, the one of the Rose just on her left breast, which revealed what the elf was wearing, or rather, what she was _not_ wearing. He gulped as he stole another look at Laska's cleavage.

Hercule's next thoughts were comprised of the words 'Down, boy!' solely alone.

"I'll fight you," the elf grinned wickedly, removed a dagger from her belt and handed it to the announcer for safekeeping. "Name's Laska..."

"Are you sure, little lady?" Hercule gulped, not being able to tear his eyes off her. "Things are bound to get a little rough."

"I can handle myself," the elf shrugged. "Come on, let's do this!"

_'Poor lady, she doesn't stand a chance. I'd better go easy on her. Who knows, maybe she'll be so impressed with my fighting skills, she'll go on a date with me and...' _Hercule's train of thought was interrupted when he ended up being doubled over on the floor after Laska's fist had somehow rammed itself in his stomach.

'_How... how did she move so fast!'_ Hercule thought as he felt his body protest against this treatment. But then he noticed the elf was getting ready to make her next more. "N-no, wait!" he yelled, trembling. "I... I wasn't ready! I'll... I'll _tell_ you went you can start fighting."

"Oh," the elf spoke with a hint of disappointment in her voice. "Sorry, I thought we'd started already. My bad," she said and returned to her end of the ring.

Hercule decided to opt for a different approach. Hoping to intimidate the elven lady, he put on a theatrical display of punches, kicks and other assorted moves. Thinking the elf would dodge this blow easily, he threw a punch, and, to his horror, ended up hitting the elf full against the cheek.

The elf, however, didn't seem to be the slightest bit impressed and resumed the same position she was in just a moment ago.

"Huh?" Hercule gulped. "Why aren't you fighting back?"

"You said you'd tell me when I could start fighting," Laska replied. "You haven't done that yet."

"Then _you may start fighting_" he announced with a theatrical flair.

He didn't have to wait long. Immediately, a high-kick connected Laska's boot to Hercule's chin. Afterwards, she twirled around with lightning speed, grabbed Hercule by both shoulders and delivered a painful knee into his stomach. But she didn't stop there; Locking her hands together, she slammed them into the partially stunned Hercule's back, ramming him to the ground while receiving wild cheers from the audience.

"This... this is some kind of trick!" Hercule gasped for air.

"No trick, amateur," Laska shook her head. "You're a dojo-fighter, nothing more. You haven't been out in the field like I have. You won't survive in the real world with those moves."

That said, the tattooed elf strolled past the stunned announcer, retrieving her dagger and getting her prize, which consisted of a small scroll.

"Art thou quite done?" Dynaheir confronted her with crossed arms.

"Sorry, Dyna," Laska grinned. "When I heard that braggart, I couldn't resist."

"What didst thou win?"

Laska looked at the scroll. "Don't know," she said as she read the scroll. "It just says that I can pick up my prize at the docks. There's an address here. Great, it's probably some sort of crappy poodle-prize. I'll go check it out tomorrow if I feel like it."

* * *

Viconia lay on her bed in the temple-hostel of Tymora. So far, her soul-searching was not going well. For two days, she hadn't left the room; Keldorn had come to visit her, but she never even let him in. He brought her food, which she only dragged into the room when she had been certain that he was gone.

On the whole, she was disappointed and angry. Angry at the usurper goddess, but mostly, she was angry with herself for not recognizing the signs. Shar never made demands or admonished her when she went against her credo... and Viconia never thought much of it.

Rolling on her side, she watched Khittix chewing on a left-over chicken bone for a bit before burying herself under the covers. She had no idea what to do. She felt angry and betrayed, and had considered giving up the priesthood all together, but a number of questions kept running through her mind. "Khittix," Viconia asked. The spider looked up and strolled over to her mistress. "What am I without faith? What am I without power?"

The spider looked at her quizzically and certainly had no answer for her. Viconia sighed and patted the spider affectionately. Then, she became angry with herself. "Viconia," she told her reflection in the wall-mounted mirror she could see from her bed. "What are you moping about? You survived without power in the Underdark on the run for sixty years! You will continue to survive!"

Viconia folded her arms into her neck and stared at the ceiling. Laska wouldn't turn her away, so she'd still have a place to live. Though she'd lose her clerical powers, she still had her keen mind and sharp trading skills to aid the party. Aside from that, Viconia had always been an aggressive trader. She might use her share of the party's spoils to open a shop. Alternatively, she might consider an administrative function; she did have organizational talent and sister Lara had offered to run the orphanage with her. She liked the orphans and, if she could stomach sister Lara's saccharine words of love, there would be sexual benefits to the entire thing. Who knows, it might even be an inroad to all kinds of lucrative administrative jobs in the city.

Yes, Viconia DeVir would survive; she always survived.

Tiredness washed over her; she hadn't slept at all this night. She was tired... very tired. A nap sounded good about now.

After sleep had found her, Viconia found herself standing in a single room... or actually, it was a single floor, hovering over an endless void. In the middle of the large floor stood a spinning coin on its edge, displaying the shamrock-encrusted emblem of Tymora.

"Great," Viconia muttered, "a religious dream. How cliché can you get?"

Shortly afterwards, two forms took shape on either side of the coin. Both were mirror images of Viconia. One was a friendly smiling Viconia, who was wearing a long, white gown and had apparently dyed her white hair silver. The other, was a viciously smiling Viconia, who was wearing the robes of Lolth's priesthood, as well as a very valuable looking Tiara on her head, inlaid with bejurals, the chosen representative gemstones of House DeVir.

"Greetings," the dress-wearing Viconia said.

"Yes, greetings, fool," the Lolth-worshipping Viconia scoffed.

"I am Viconia DeVir," the dress-wearing Viconia smiled. "Arch-priestess of Eilistraee, goddess of song. I am right-hand to Quile Veladorn at the Skullport Promenade. I promote peace, kindness and individualism, and I am in charge of the Skullport orphanage."

"I am Viconia DeVir," the Lolth-worshipping Viconia grinned. "Arch-Priestess of Lolth, Queen of Spiders. I am Matron Mother of House DeVir, and First Matron of Menzoberranzan. I promote death, destruction and tyranny, as I rule over Menzoberranzan with an Iron Fist in the name of the Dark Mother."

"We are two sides of the same coin," the dress-wearing Viconia smiled.

"We are two examples of who you could have been," the Lolth-worshipping Viconia sneered.

"We are opposite extremes to which your life could have led," the dress-wearing Viconia still kept smiling.

"We are created by choices, luck and opportunities," the Lolth-worshipping Viconia still sneered.

"My brother and I fled Menzoberranzan," dress-wearing Viconia said. "Together, we helped each other survive the perils of the Underdark until we found the guiding light of Eilistraee. It took us to Skullport, where we could live out our lives in peace. I learned the great pleasure that could be gained from helping others, and have been serving Eilistraee ever since she first appeared to me."

"My path to glory started when I slew the human baby gracefully in front of the gathered priestesses," the Lolth-worshipping Viconia snarled. "I rid myself of all my imperfections and weaknesses. I bid my time and rose to the head of my House by slaying or subduing my sisters. I utterly destroyed the Do'Urdens, the ancient rivals of my family, and placed the heads of Matron Malice and her children on spikes in my personal garden to rot for years! Finally, I led the assault of house Baenre, in an alliance of four major houses. I became first matron of the city when I personally sliced out Matron Baenre's heart and fed it to the yochlol!"

"Frankly," Viconia seemed rather unimpressed. "I think you're both useless morons."

"Are you always this stubborn?" another voice sounded, this time from the spinning coin. It was light and feminine, as well as friendly and comforting. "They are here to show you how choices can affect your walk of life. How luck and opportunity, and the ability to take chances, can alter your life forever, be it for good or for ill."

"We are shaped by our choices..." the goddess spoke, now appearing in earnest. Her hair and clothes whipped in a non-existent wind. So far, her earnest smile was having little effect on the impatient Drow. "Do you not approve of my human appearance?" she smiled, and shifted into elven form. "Or would you prefer me to resemble you?" she said and formed herself to look like a drow.

"No more charades," Viconia sighed.

"You've a nerve," Tymora winked as she shifted back into her human shape. "Making demands of a deity like that. Especially not when she appears before you, for your benefit. The Deus Ex Machina has arrived, as it were."

"Do I even want to know?"

"Ouch," Tymora shook her head. "You're such a sourpuss. Come on, laugh a bit more. Enjoy life. Though I must admit I quite enjoy your crass honesty. Most other people would be grovelling on the ground before me."

"There is nothing to laugh about!" Viconia snarled. "And I enjoy life well enough without your meddling!"

"Is that so?" Tymora snorted. "Is that why you contemplated suicide in that glade so long ago?"

That incensed Viconia. "That was moment of weakness, yes, but it was also a private matter," Viconia retorted. "You had no right to interfere!"

Tymora blinked. "You seem to forget who you are talking to. I'm a god. I don't need your permission to interfere!"

"Come on!" Tymora continued when Viconia angrily narrowed her eyes. "You didn't really want to die. It was just a matter of pride to you. And you were all to eager to take up worship of Shar when I impersonated her."

"What did... and do you want with me," Viconia asked, almost feeling the sweat break out on her forehead. This would be the big question and, in Viconia's mind, it had better have a big answer.

"I appreciate boldness and bravery, young drow," Tymora smiled. "You took a big risk coming to the surface and to try to build a life there. You attempted to master your own life and luck, and I very much respect that."

"Apparently, you did not respect me enough to appear to me as you were," Viconia sighed. "And that does not explain the general deception you pushed onto me."

"Sometimes, it is better to manipulate the odds to favor the outcome," Tymora smiled mysteriously.

"Well, that's good to know," Viconia said. "And while I agree with you, that still does not answer my question."

Tymora sighed. "You're not going to drop this, are you?" she smiled hopefully, but saw in Viconia's face that the drow was not impressed. "Fine. But rationalism sucks all the fun out of faith, don't you agree?"

"I never spit on rationalism," Viconia shot back. "Even applied to matters of faith."

"Very well," Tymora said, "I knew that you wouldn't consent to worshipping a 'flighty' goddess such as me, so I impersonated Shar. That's it."

"That's it?" Viconia replied calmly, only belying her growing anger. "That's your reason?"

"That's it," Tymora said. "Well, not really. I did put you on the path to finding Laska. We knew that she would help you further."

"We?" Viconia asked.

"Do you honestly believe that we deities don't have an interest Bhaalspawn?" Tymora smiled. "This is a unique situation; either Bhaal will return or some of the children will inherit his power and portfolio. Many gods are supporting specific Bhaalspawn, in the hopes of gaining allies, or keeping Bhaal in the Realms of the Shadows. Myself, Lliira, Sune, Meilikki and Sharess have our money bet on Laska, so to speak. Mark my words, she'll be the one to defeat the prophecy yet. Helm and Tyr might scoff at the notion, but we know a winner when we see one. The Seldarine has high hopes riding on her too."

"So..."

"_'How do I fit in?_' would be your next question, right?" Tymora said. "Well, we can't do anything directly, but we can help indirectly, so, we decided to subtly assist Laska."

Tymora looked up and shook her head. "We had, uhm, a _special consultant_ . It takes a chaotic mind to understand a chaotic mind, and on our order, he went searching for a cohesive set of people to support Laska. As I understand, yours was the first name he dropped."

"Me?" Viconia frowned. "Who are the others? Minsc? Dynaheir? Jan?"

"Uhm, Jan was, uhm, unforseen by even our special consultant," Tymora chuckled.

Viconia sighed. "Lucky us, then..."

Tymora continued. "Our consultant put together a number of dossiers for suitable people and we made sure that they would all cross Laska's path. Not everybody ended up joining Laska's party; it was her choice and our risk whom she would let into her party. We all think she made the right choice, though, by picking you first. You kept her grounded and helped cement her party together. For me, you were a worthwhile investment."

Viconia cocked her head sideways. "Who is this _special consultant_?"

"Oh, I have no doubt you and your friends will meet him eventually," Tymore shrugged. "No reason to get into that now."

Viconia obviously wasn't impressed by the answer, but she let it go. "Your deception did not hold," Viconia shook her head. "Amateur..."

"Hey, you never knew, did you?" Tymora grinned, sensing that Viconia was probing her boundaries. "Beshaba was the only one who knew. Sorry about that burning at the stake-thing, by the way. Beshaba just loves to derail my best plans."

"Sorry is right," Viconia said. "I was almost a drow-steak."

Tymora chuckled. "HAH! Drow-steak fried at the stake. That's funny..."

"No, it isn't!" Viconia snarled in anger.

"I... guess it's not," Tymora still snickered. "But your life lacked direction at the time, which is the way to the Maid of Misfortune. It's good to see that you're back on track. Unfortunately, I didn't think you'd actually _meet_ any Sharrans during your travels. Shar gets very iffy about 'false worshippers'. I tried to steer you away by causing little accidents, hoping you would decide to skip the service, but you were just too damn stubborn for your own good."

"Perhaps," Viconia sighed. "But one question remains. What happens now? I cannot direct my prayers to Shar anymore."

"Direct them to me, why don't you?"

Viconia chuckled and shook her head. "Why should I? You have lied to me from the start."

"But I never asked you for worship or made outrageous demands of you either," Tymora said. "Just go on as you always have. Be free, make your own decisions, rely on your friends and create your own fate through your actions."

"Am I to believe that you will offer me power without asking for something in return?" Viconia asked.

"I'm not Lolth or Shar," said Tymora. "I do not blame you for thinking as you do, seeing your background. But... I am willing to take a chance with you. Why would you not be willing to take a chance with me? Just... go on as you do now, and that will be worship enough for me. Live your life, embrace your goals, stand by your friends and take a risk to shape your own fate."

And finally, Tymora noticed with satisfaction that cracks started to appear in the drow's armor. Tymora's work was done and she waved her hands before the drow could protest. At least, Viconia could not be allowed to remember what she had seen, but the seeds of doubt in her mind would be enough. She would wake with the feeling that her questions had been answered, but would not recall a thing. The rest, as they say, would be up to faith.

Tymora sighed contently. Her work was done. Now, she could think of new ways to give Helm a nasty wedgie.

* * *

Ilmiga Shadowpuppet, priestess of Tymora, was standing in front of the statue of her goddess, in her devout morning prayers. Suddenly, she became aware of a second person standing in the doorway leading into the temple.

"Come in, Viconia," Ilmiga asked. "I was expecting you."

Slowly, ever so slowly, Viconia stepped towards the statue, and stood there, merely gazing upon the statue.

"Tell me about Tymora," Viconia asked quietly.


	76. Das Boot

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 76: Das Boot_

It had been a day since Viconia had returned to the city. A day since her 'conversion'; certainly a strange experience since she herself had never converted, but her patron goddess had. That was enough to make her head spin, though she was starting to come to peace with it. Certainly, she was relieved not to be stuck with the job of party rogue; not only because she was really rather bad at lockpicking, but she'd also have competition from Jan and the to be rescued Imoen.

Still, she had the need to blow off some steam and get the cobwebs out of her head by indulging in pleasures of the flesh. Though it was becoming increasingly hard to suffer through her love-sick behaviour, sister Lara was only too eager to provide.

Once again, Viconia lay on her back in sister Lara's bed, in a room at the orphanage which had been bathed with sighs and moans of pleasure mere minutes ago. The sweat on her skin from her exertions was cooling in the night air while sister Lara was curled up against her, still panting slightly.

"Sweet Lathander," sister Lara sighed contently. "That was intense."

"Naturally," Viconia nodded. She certainly was no person for half measures. "Lara, my I ask you something? I would like to compare my own experience with that of another cleric."

"Of course," Lara smiled as she propped herself up and gently caressed Viconia's skin.

"How did you come to the worship of Lathander?"

Lara seemed surprised at the question, but was eager to answer. She thought for a moment. "Well, I always wanted to serve my fellow gentlefolk of Faerun and there were several deities who strived for that. Lathander's tenets seemed to be the most appealing to me. I signed on as an acolyte and as my faith grew, so did my rank in the church. I am content here."

Viconia frowned. "It is such a strange concept, truly. To be able to choose a god or goddess to worship. Almost mindboggling."

"Drow do not choose their god?" Lara asked. For a moment, Viconia was about to laugh in her face at her naive question; of course, like to many surfacers, the drow were an exotic legend to Lara.

"Though drow in some cities are more free than others, I came from Menzoberranzan. In harsh Menzoberranzan, there is no choice other than Lolth. All other choices are wrong and result in death and torture. Females of nobles houses like myself do not choose a role in Lolth's clergy as much as they are press-ganged into it," Viconia said.

"How awful!" said Lara. "To be forced to worship a wicked thing like Lolth."

Viconia sighed. "When I rejected Lolth and came to the surface, I came to worship Shar... Oh, don't look at me like that. Shar is far removed from Lolth so it was big enough a step for me as it was. But then I found out that it was never Shar would gave me powers. It was Tymora instead."

Lara seemed to be hanging from every word. "Amazing. How did you find out?"

"She told me herself," Viconia said.

Lara's amazement turned into sheer shock. "She... _told_ you?"

Viconia frowned. "Yes? Is that so strange? Though I've never spoken with her directly, Lolth is rather hands-on in the clergy. I have noticed this is less so with the surface gods, but..."

"She spoke to you... face-to-face... you and her?" Lara pressed.

"Well, yes," Viconia said and tried to think. "Try as I might, I can't force myself to remember the details of our meeting. It's all rather hazy. I simply know that Tymora wished me to be part of her clergy."

Lara gasped. "By the gods, Tymora chose you. You are her chosen one and she told you personally. Do you realize how special that is?"

Viconia snorted. "To me, it just seems like being press-ganged in a nice way."

Still, it was obvious that Lara's lovey-dovey eyes were looking upon her with awe more than anything. And her Viconia was hoping Lara would get rough with her tonight, so that the drow would be obligated to get rough with Lara in retaliation.

Another disappointment, sadly.

* * *

Viconia strolled into the house at the break of dawn. Apparently, most people were still asleep as her sensitive ears picked up snores or rhythmic breathing. However, her eyes picked up Dynaheir sitting at the dinner table quite clearly.

"Hm," Dynaheir offered a smile as she looked up from the quick breakfast she had thrown together. "Spent the night at the orphanage? Surely you sat someone who is afraid of the dark."

There was a knowing smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

"Yes," Viconia smirked back at her friend. "Sister Lara was in need of comforting. Let it be known that I can be altruistic."

"Hm-hmmm," Dynaheir smirked as she motioned Viconia to join her. "There's fresh tea in the pot. Minty flavored."

Viconia complied and put the fine china with the warm liquid to her lips. "Why does everybody seem to have developed a taste for mint in this house? Are there any others things that happened while I was gone?"

Dynaheir shrugged. "Nothing that bears mentioning. Though I would advise thee to develop a taste for mint. We'll be drinking mint tea for at least a decade."

Viconia sighed. "I don't even want to know. I gave Laska enough of a chewing out for that ridiculous stunt with that magical steel marble. Really, what was she thinking?! Planar travel is dangerous. And if you risk danger, at least make sure that there's a reward for your troubles. All she got out of the deal was some damaged armor to sell. Well, at least the annoying halfling has buggered off back home, so Laska did something right."

The Rashemi mage gently took a sip from her tea. "I daresay Laska looked like she enjoyed being chewed out by thee. I suspect she was rather happy to see thee return."

"Hah," Viconia rolled her eyes.

"I have suspected for some time that Laska sees thee as somewhat of mother figure," said Dynaheir. "She's certainly been lacking one during her childhood."

Viconia blinked once. Twice. Then shook her head. "Me as Laska's mother," Viconia let an involuntary shudder pass through her body. "Remind me why I rescued you from Bodhi's clutches again?"

"Another subject then," said Dynaheir. "How dost thy conversion to Tymora's faith affected thee? Thou art more... tranquil."

Viconia shook her head. "Coming to terms with it. Sister Lara said I should feel fortunate and blessed that a deity has taken a personal interest in me. It certainly is strange to worship a goddess that does not make insane demands or acts of cruelty of her followers. And, though I have still a lot to learn, I find the tenets of the Tymoran faith to be appealing; risk and reward through being bold. It's not throwing yourself onto the tides of fate, but has room for calculated risks aided by skill and planning. Considering the risks I have taken in my life to date, as well as the inherent risk of traveling with fickle Laska, I fit right in."

"It pleases me that thou art taking this so well," Dynaheir said.

"My memories of the temple are a little... fuzzy," Viconia said. "I remember something abouts... risks. Being chosen. Something about a _special consultant_. Not sure what happened back there, other than taking Tymora up on her offer was my own choice."

Viconia finished her tea and looked at a stack of papers lying on the table. "I see nobody bothered to open the mail when I was gone. Hold on, what's this?" she said and picked up a scroll lying next to the unopened mail. She undid the seal and unrolled it.

"Oh, that. That was the prize Laska won in some sort of streetfighting match at a carnival two days ago," Dynaheir said. "Laska paid it no mind and tossed it on the table."

Viconia let her eyes rove over the parchment until a grin crossed her features. "Dynaheir? Go wake Laska."

"Something wrong?"

"Something right," Viconia replied. "This is a deed of ownership."

* * *

Letting out a yawn through her cavernous elven maw, Laska stretched as the three friends arrived at the Docks. The tattooed elf had been yanked out of bed, had hastily dressed and staggered like a hung-over zombie through the streets of Athkatla until the salty sea-air of the docks has somewhat of a sobering effect. "Why the bloody hell did you yank me out of bed? Can't a poor elf be hung-over in peace?"

Viconia smirked at her. "It's your own bloody fault for leaving that deed where I could find it. Think of it this way; anything requiring a deed of ownership is an object of value. If it is what I think it is, you might just have hit the jackpot."

"Don't look at me," Dynaheir added. "Viconia hast not told me anything either."

"So, what's this deed, then?" Laska said, referring to the piece of parchment that she had won from the blow-hard Hercule which was now in Viconia's hand.

"It entitles you to some property, "Viconia said. "Currently, on hold for you by one 'Stan'."

After asking for directions, the three friends made their way across a few wooden platforms with a myriad of rickety staircases to what looked like a gaudy shipyard which was out of view from the majority of the docks. In fact, the multi-colored flags, the flashy sign, and the man wearing the checkered tux and white pirate-hat, gave the three women the overwhelming urge to flee for their lives.

"What is this place?" Dynaheir asked.

"'Honest Stan's Used Nautical Vehicles'," Viconia read from the sign.

"Boats?!" Laska shouted. "Ah, I knew this thing was a dud!" she said and moved grab the deed from Viconia's hand and toss it into the ocean.

"No!" Viconia said, and quickly held the deed out of Laska's reach. "Here comes the owner. Let's hear what he has to say before you do anything rash!"

"When was the last time I did anything rash?!" Laska retorted a bit indignantly.

"Well, there was the time thou didst kick a brigand in the butt... when fifty of his friends were standing next to him," Dynaheir spoke.

"And then there was the time you accidentally drank your inkwell because you were chatting with Imoen and didn't notice you grabbed the wrong bottle. And you only found out after you drained the damn thing," Viconia snickered.

"Well, there is that," Laska grimaced.

"Welcome, welcome, welcome!" the forced-friendly voice of the salesbeast Stan sounded as he flailed his arms about. "Welcome to Honest Stan's Used Nautical Vehicles! How may I help you today! I've got charming ocean liners! Rustic fishing ships! An old Rowboat owned by a little old Kobold who used it once every Sunday to go to the temple of Helm!"

"What's that?" Dynaheir asked as Stan led them past a collection of berths. The dark Rashemi mage had noticed one berth where the tips of two masts emerged from the water.

"It's a fixer-upper," Stan smiled. "Interested?"

"Well," Viconia said, noticing that Laska was cringing and staying as far away from the waterfront as possible, "we have won this deed and..." Immediately, Stan grabbed it from her hands and let his eyes roam across the paper.

"Finally!" Stan grinned like a shark. "I thought I'd never get rid of that tub... errr, I mean, fine sea-worthy, sailing-vessel, of course! Follow that path to the berth at the end, enjoy!" that said, he left as quickly as he came.

"Strange man," Dynaheir shook her head. "Shall we go and see? I must admit I am rather curious."

"Look, guys," Laska said as the three women moved towards the berth. "You know how I feel about water, and you know I won't get on any bloody ships! So, I..." But Laska gasped as she rounded about the corner and noticed the ship resting in the last berth.

"AN ELVEN DESTROYER!" Laska all but shouted. "I've only seen these in pictures back at Candlekeep!"

Long and sleek, the elven destroyer made a majestic appearance. It was a narrow ship, with a long upper deck and an even longer stern, containing sickbay and the captain's quarters. These vessels had three lowers decks. The tactical deck, containing the cannons and armory, the Crew deck, containing the crew quarters and the cargo-deck. The cargo-deck was below the waterline, to ensure coolness so that the food supplies would not spoil. The crew deck, in turn, was just above the waterline. The destroyer was built for speed and maneuverability. Its sleek and narrow form sliced through the waves as the sails spun between the duo of masts which propelled the craft. To stabilize it, a floater pantoon, roughly measuring one quarter of the ships's length, was connected to each side to the main hull from the aft section of the ship. The destroyer was fitted and sized to accommodate a small crew of a maximum of twelve individual elves. It was the main escort-class vessel of Evermeet's prestigious fleet, constructed from finest of oak. How it came to be in Stan's possession, was beyond everyone.

Unfortunately, this particular destroyer was in a sorry state of disrepair. Its cannon were removed, and it was obvious that part of the wooden deck, upper hull and railings had been cannibalized, possibly to repair other ships, while the helm appeared to be gone altogether. The ropes were rotting, and the ship's colors seemed to have lost their flair. One of the pontoons had sprung a leak and was slowly filling with water, making the ship list to one side slightly. The ship's name could barely be made out because of the loss of color. _'Sularauka'_... Swiftwind.

"Wow," Laska gasped, almost star struck. "It's _ours_!"

"What a garbage scow," Dynaheir snorted. "I've seen seaworthier bathtubs!"

"Oh, believe me," Viconia told Dynaheir. "With just a little work, this finely crafted vessel will take us everywhere."

"Didn't Imoen write that she was on an Island? In that case, we're going to need a ship!" Dynaheir replied.

"A... ship," Laska gulped. "And it goes over water?"

"I've never heard of a land-ship, Laska," Viconia said. "And you're right there. This is a ship. I need to make an inventory of what is needed to repair the ship, but... you see, that exorbitant price the Shadow Thieves are demanding of us to finance Imoen's rescue includes the rental of a ship and crew. Now that we can provide our own on both counts, we should put the pressure on the Shadow Thieves and renegotiate our fee. No promises yet, I need to inspect the damages of the ship, but I suspect we'll be launching our rescue ahead of schedule."

"That's good," Laska said, sounding less than happy.

"Thou soundeth less than happy," Dynaheir remarked.

"I didn't think we'd have to... go over the ocean to rescue Imoen," Laska said. "I was hoping for... teleportation spell or something. But this ship? On the ocean?"

"What did you think we'd do with this ship?" said Viconia. "You seemed happy enough to own it a moment ago.

"I dunno, I wanted to put it in the yard or something."

"Forget it!" Viconia narrowed her eyes. "This ship will become seaworthy and we _will _use it in our rescue attempt."

Laska felt her stomach contract.

"Now stop gawking," Viconia said. "We have work to do."

* * *

And work there would be done. The rest of the day, Viconia inspected the ship and made an inventory of the work, materials and cost needed. The drow hit the books, checked the prices and calculated that with a relatively small investment, they would be able to restore the ship in proper shape. Furthermore, Viconia projected that repairing the ship would be cheaper than renting a ship and crew, putting the party in a good bargaining position.

The next day, the Swiftwind was moved to a repair-birth near the drydock to facilitate the repair of the sleek vessel. A crane had been used to load a fresh supply of oaken boards and beams onto the cannibalized deck, and Laska's party was hard at work at repairing the Swiftwind.

Viconia was deemed the overseer of the project, seeing how she had experience with sailing vessels and ship repair. She stood on top of the stern, overlooking the deck while checking a list with supplies. Keldorn and Jan were busy sawing boards to their perspective sizes, while Minsc and Korgan were busy hammering the boards into the wooden skeleton of the deck. The kids, Risa and Becky, were happy to help out and were constantly running back and forth with nails.

"Remember to apply tar to the bottom-side of the new boards when we're done repairing the deck," Viconia said. "It's a quick fix, but it'll do for now. I'll go down in a moment to check for any holes in the hull I might have missed yesterday."

"Oy, when does this elven tub be movin'?" Korgan yelled up.

"Not anytime soon," Viconia sighed. "Some fool male took the helm! Hard to control the ship without a helm."

"How did you know the person who took it was a male?" Keldorn asked.

"All fools are males, Keldorn," Viconia chuckled. "In any case, I've sent Laska to buy various odds and ends we still need. An anchor, a helm, furniture, some supplies..."

Jan looked up, and said nothing; in fact, he couldn't say anything. When the starboard pontoon had been fixed, Jan had volunteered to remove the seawater from it... and had had the brainy idea to suck it out through a tube. Unfortunately, the salty brine had worked on his vocal cords, making him lose his voice. The silence was unsettling, but nobody doubted the gnome would be back with a vengeance soon enough.

"I really enjoy do-it-yourself," Keldorn smiled. "There's something very wholesome about building something with your own two hands."

"Indeed," Dynaheir looked at Keldorn, who had removed all clothing from his upper body and was sweating from the efforts. She blushed a little and quickly looked away, concentrating on replacing a rotten rope.

"She thinks you're manly, Keldorn," Viconia grinned.

"Shut thy trap!"

"Minsc is helping!" the hulking ranger, also without a shirt, did his best to hammer the boards in place. "Hand me that mallet, Boo!"

Finally, the last partymember arrived. Laska slowly and reluctantly walked towards the docks. Fortunately for her, the cart she was pulling, which contained the new anchor and the new helm, slowed her down a bit. But eventually, she could not avoid the inevitable. After attaching the cart to the crane to have the objects loaded on board, she stood staring at the gangplank. Even though her friends were encouraging her loudly, she did not hear them... In her mind, the battle between mortal fear and her stubborn determination raged openly. Eventually, her iron will won out, under the influence of racial pride.

Suddenly, Laska sprinted forward and ended up standing on deck, panting violently. Rose, who had been inside the pantry with Lasalla, fixing lunch for the hard workers, emerged and embraced Laska. "I'm so proud of you," Rose smiled.

"I had to step on board," Laska said, but she was still very nervous. "I built this ship and put it in a bottle when I was just a slip of a girl. Gorion used to say it was the first thing that I was completely focused on... the first thing I've actually finished."

"Will you be alright?" Minsc asked. "Boo will be here to take your mind off things, if you like."

"Thanks Minsc, but I'll be fine as long as I keep away from the railings," Laska gulped.

"Okay, get her downstairs and put her to work on the cabins," Viconia shouted. "Minsc, Korgan! I need to you to put the anchor in place, the deck can wait! Dynaheir, Jan! I need your help with repairing the hull!"

* * *

On the crew deck were no less than ten stately cabins. Seeing as how this ship only required a minimal crew to operate, there was plenty of room for comfort. The cabins were high and large. Five were on the starboard-side, five on the port side, with a large guest-quarters in the fore-section of the vessel and a broad hallway connecting all.

Laska got to work on the cabins alone while the rest of her party worked on deck. Though still nervous, the first thing she put in place were several curtains in front of the portholes to lessen her fear. Then, she got to work on her and Rose's own cabin first. The shipments she asked for had already been loaded and she only needed to haul them up from the cargo-deck. A few moments later, she was hard at work in laying the carpet in her room. When that was finished, she got to work on the 'assemble it yourself furniture', an invention made by a mad dwarf from Icewind Dale called Mikea. After assembling the bed, which took three tries before she could make sense of the instructions, Laska knew for certain that Mikea must have been evil to the core. What sane person could devise such an elaborate schematic for such a simple thing? And she decided she'd rather forget about the strange screws with which the furniture was to be assembled in the first place. Good ole hammer and nails helped her out fine.

She had more success with the dresser. Finally, she hauled up the mattress and the linnen and put those up on the bed. One last touch was the addition of plants, for which holders were actually built into the hull.

Pleased, Laska looked at her handiwork in satisfaction. '_Only nine more to go!_'

While preparing to build up the second room, Laska reflection on how Viconia had 'confiscated' the Captain's quarters in the upper stern. Of course, it was logical, since she was the only one with nautical experience, but still... Plus, the quarters had an almost 270 degree open-window view of the sea, so Laska was more than happy that she wouldn't be sleeping there. She hoped Rose wouldn't be disappointed though.

* * *

"Be proud, people," Viconia spoke to her friends while standing on the stern in the evening sun. "Never have I heard of a derelict becoming seaworthy again so quickly as we have today!"

"Naughty!" Minsc said. "Boo sees in your face that you are lying!"

Viconia nodded. "Not a lie, an exaggerating. The last time I saw a ship restored this quickly it took double the amount of people."

"She still looks a bit colorless, though," Dynaheir said.

"That's not a problem," Viconia said. "The Swiftwind still has to be drydocked to check for rotten wood and to have the barnacles scraped from her hull. When that's done, the ship will receive a lick of paint and varnish. It should be done in a week or two if we threaten the dockworkers effectively enough."

"Viconia," Keldorn asked, "I must admit I am uncharacteristically anxious to see our handy work put to the test. Perhaps," Keldorn nodded eagerly, "we could take her for a brief sail?"

"HAR! That why ye be bein' so bloody giddy all day," Korgan roared. "Ye be wantin' to ride the lass out of port!"

"Something like that, Korgan," Keldorn smiled. "Ah, I have to say that the idea of sailing over the ocean, exploring the unknown is a very alluring one."

"Maybe you have missed your calling, Keldorn," Rose smiled.

"Aye, perhaps he be more into piracy! HAR HAR!"

"Certainly not!" Keldorn retorted.

Minsc said nothing. He, instead, tried not to laugh as he struggled with the mental image of Keldorn... with an eyepatch... a pegleg... a Maztican Blue parrot on his shoulder... saying ARRRRRR a lot.

"Art thou certain we can pilot this craft on our own, Viconia?"

"If this _Darthyrri _craft is anything like a Drow ship, a couple of trained monkeys can work it. Docking, raising and lowering the sails and departing is handled magically. The compass and the magical devices operating these features are integrated in the ship, so they were never taken."

"Then what are we waiting for?" Keldorn smiled eagerly.

"Very well," Viconia said and walked back to the helm, where a row of crystals were located. Immediately, her hands moved over them, activating their magics. Suddenly, the ship was moving slowly. The gangplank was suddenly retracted, as well as the ropes keeping the Swiftwind moored. Another crystal extended the navigational sails, slowly sending the Swiftwind and its elated crew from the harbor towards the sea. Once at sea, the Swiftwind took up the pace when Viconia extended the mains. It became obvious that the Swiftwind was made for speed as it cleaved itself through the waves. For the first time since three decades, the Swiftwind was sailing again.

"We should be alright as long as we travel along the shoreline," Viconia said.

"Say, where's Laska?" Rose asked. "I haven't seen her on deck."

* * *

"LASKA!" Rose shouted. She had decided to investigate and had entered their designated cabin. Only to find her beloved lying on the floor, on her side curled up in a fetal position. She was shivering violently and seemed to be gasping for air.

Immediately, Rose was by her side and fell to her knees. She carefully took the grateful elf and rolled her on her side. Laska clutched onto Rose with all her might, almost knocking the wind out of the hapless half-elf. Laska laid her head on Rose's bosom, while Rose raked her fingers through Laska's dark hair.

"I thought I could handle it," Laska whispered softly, only to shudder violently afterwards. "But water is all around me... All under me... I hear it against the hull... I FEEL it... It feel it... It wants to drag me down... To drag me to my death... I... I can't see the bottom, Rose, I... I'm so scared... It's an enemy I can't fight... I can't cut or stab or punch bloody water!"

"Sssssh," Rose whispered and kissed the top of Laska's head. "It's okay... It can't hurt you. It can't hurt you..." she whispered as she felt hot salty tears fall on her skin.

"I love swimming. It doesn't make any sense," Laska closed her eyes. "Why am I so scared when I can't see the bottom?"

"You can stand in the pool at home," said Rose. "It makes sense."

Laska sighed heavily. "I think it started when I was four..."

_"Laska, you keep away from that pond," her father Gorion told her with a kind, yet stern voice. "And don't run off chasing butterflies again, while I talk to Ulraunt. Try to keep in on place for a change. For me?"_

_"Okay," the tiny moon-elven girl giggled, but from the corner of her eyes, she already noticed another yellow butterfly. She was sorry that she hadn't been able bring along her butterfly-net from her old home, but some bad men had chased them away from the village, because of some stupid Ball-sparks, or something like that. Now, they had been staying at the cool castle. Too bad there weren't any other kids and the place was so boring._

_Ulraunt was a man always wearing an angry face to her. She didn't know why. Now, he was talking to Gorion. "Gorion, your package has arrived, they need you to sign for it," Laska heard the old crow-man say. "Do I have to?" her father said back, "Can't you see I am about taking my ward for a stroll in the forest?". The Ulraunt talked back : "The Harper messenger said the information was vital... pertaining to your ward. He will only give it to you. Do not worry. I will watch your brat for you.". Laska saw Gorion scowl at Ulraunt, but then he bent to one knee. "Laska? I'll be back soon, little one. Now, you stay in one place! I don't want to turn Candlekeep upside down again trying to find you."_

_That said, Gorion left and little Laska was left alone with Ulraunt._

_"Little girl," Ulraunt said in a strangely un-meant friendly way. "Take a look at that beautiful pond here in the garden."_

_"Nuh-uh!" Laska replied. "I can't. Daddy said I can't swim yet, whatever that is..."_

_"Since when do little girls do what their fathers tell them to do? Especially you," Ulraunt grinned strangely and guided Laska towards the pond. "Just take a look at those fish in the water!"_

_"Fish?" Laska said as she bent forward. "I don't see any f..." Suddenly, the little elf found herself being roughly shoved into the water._

_It was a fun experience at first, she felt like she was floating, and finally, her belly hit the muddy bottom of the pond. Laska mused briefly that daddy might be angry at her for making her clothes dirty... but panic came as Laska tried to breathe. Pain exploded in her chest as her lungs filled with water. Pain and fear ruled her as she thrashed about at the bottom of the pond. Eventually, she ended up lying on her back, unable to breathe and unable to move, simply staring up into the light of the sun shining through the water. She desperately wanted to get to that light, tried to grab for it, but to no avail... eventually, terror made way for quiet euphoria. The image of the light faded to black slowly, and images of beautiful trees entered her mind. Those beautiful trees... tall, strong, eternal! And there were elves there! Dozens of elves! Smiling at her, beckoning her to join them._

_Suddenly, she was vaguely aware of two strong hands grabbing her and hauling her to the surface. Still unable to move and still seeing the beautiful trees and the friendly elves, she felt a strong pressure on her chest... followed by someone blowing air into her lungs... followed by pressure again. The beautiful trees faded, and the elves smiled a farewell... It was not yet her time to pass into Arvandor..._

_Instead, she saw the smiling face of Gorion, looking very relieved... just before she fell into a violent fit of coughing. Gorion picked up the little girl and took her into a fierce hug... all the while directing a look of pure murder towards Ulraunt._

"_Ssssh," Gorion told her. "It's alright. You're alright."_

_"I had to do it," Ulraunt shot back. "For the good of Candlekeep!"_

_Laska didn't see what happened next. Something fast lashed out and connected to Ulraunt's nose. There was a sharp crack and red stuff spat about. The nasty man ended up sprawled on the floor._

_"I'll have you both banished for this!" Ulraunt snarled._

_"NO!" the panting voice of Tethoril sounded as he came running. "You will not Ulraunt! I was in the highest tower and saw everything."_

_"What?! You..."_

_Laska liked Tethoril. The man always gave her sweets and did silly impressions, especially about some man called Al-mister. Now, Tethoril was shouting at the bad man. "We'll see who gets banished if you push this through, Ulraunt," Tethoril threatened._

_"FINE!" Ulraunt shouted. "Keep the brat here! AND BE DAMNED!"_

"What a horrible thing to do to a child," Rose said as Laska continued crying.

"I'm not always so afraid," Laska sobbed. "I... Why am I so afraid of something so _stupid?_! I could have escaped from Irenicus a dozen times over, but the bugger hung my cage over a pool! A gods-be-damned pool filled with murky black water. It was probably an inch deep but I was utterly paralysed because I couldn't see the bottom."

"Let it all out," Rose whispered. "Keep nothing back."

"I... I miss Imoen," Laska sobbed. "I... I... miss Gorion... I miss them both so much..."

"I'll hold on to you tonight, Laska," Rose whispered and kissed the tip of her lover's ear. "This time, I'll keep _you_ safe tonight."

"I... love you," Laska replied.

* * *

"Well," Viconia said as she activated another crystal, which switched on the ship's lighting system. Night had fallen, and the ship lay anchored before the shore, "we should be safe here. We'll spend the night on board and sail back to port in the morning. Laska's calmed down now, at least, Rose make sure of that," Viconia smirked. "Who knows, a night at sea actually might be good for her."

"This is grand, isn't it?" Keldorn smiled. "Sailing the seas, exploring the unknown. When I was younger, I read books about the exploits of the great elven explorer Tiberiul Kirf."

"Really?" Viconia asked. "You know, I've heard he wears a toupee."

"That's a rumor!" Keldorn said with inappropriate fierceness. "A foul rumor spread by followers of that upstart Luciul Picarl!"

"Sorry I mentioned it," Viconia chuckled as the last two on deck moved down-below, unaware of the dark figure moving across the bow.

* * *

Appropriately magically cloaked against sound and visibility, Yoshimo, who had waited for a second change to kidnap the elf, finally slipped inside her cabin. He was happy that mistress Bodhi had given him a second chance. Second chances were only rarely given by the vampiress, so he knew he had to succeed this time or he would be stuck with tedious work yet again.

The rogue had managed to sneak onboard by hiding in a crate of supplies which had been lowered into the cargo-hold by crane and kept hidden until night had fallen. Now, with most of Laska's party sleeping, was the time to strike. As he was about to enter the crew deck by sneaking through the pantry, he suddenly pressed against the wall as he heard movement ahead.

A hulking muscled bald man stepped into the hallway from his room. "Come now, Boo. No need to be cranky. Minsc and Boo must relieve brave Korgan to take the pirate watch! We don't want to be caught by surprise by nasty pirates with their peg-legs and their parrots, nossir!"

Yoshimo waited until the hulking ranger passed and continued further into the corridor. Only to press into the wall again as the clanking sounds of dwarven armor approached his position.

"Blasted bloody..." Korgan muttered to himself as the dwarf passed him and headed to his room. He opened the door and, before entering, let out a massive and foul-smelling fart. The door closed, Yoshimo held his nose and waited for the dwarf to fall silent.

Finally, he reached Laska's room. He found the room darkened and both Laska and her new lover lying in their bed. The first difficulty presented itself as the two lovers seemed to be intertwined. Slowly, ever so slowly, he pulled the covers from the two lovers. A cursory inspection revealed that they were both quite naked. _Think un-sexy thoughts, think un-sexy thoughts, think un-sexy thoughts_, was the phrase most on his mind as he saw them lying there. The elf and the half-elf lay on their sides, facing each other and holding on to each other in a tight embrace.

Yoshimo had an idea. He decided to tickle Rose in the neck; it had the desired effect. Knowing nobody liked to be tickled in their sleep, he was right in predicting Rose shifted a little, throwing the arm around Laska away from the sleeping elf. A second tickle and Rose's legs flailed away as well.

After blowing a numbing powder in Laska's face, so the elf would not wake up from the sudden movement, he lifted her out of the embrace, and silently carried her away.

With a naked elf in his arms, he arrived on deck in the cover of night. His plan was to take the Swiftwind's long-boat to shore with a neatly tied-up elf to deliver to Bodhi. He did, however, realize too late that he should have wrapped Laska in a warm blanket first.

A cold wind blew across Laska's bare flesh, making the tattooed elf shiver and grimace in her sleep. Once again, Yoshimo had underestimated the elf; someone who could withstand copious amounts of alcohol in her body would need an extra dose of numbing powder which Yoshima had not given her. The cold air did the rest and she flailed. Her elbow connected sharply with Yoshimo's nose, breaking it for a second time. Startled, Yoshimo let go of his prize and backpedaled. The back of the elf's head hit the railing before she slid overboard.

* * *

Laska was instantly awake; the first thing she felt was a terrible ache in the back of her head. Then, she instantly realized where she was; in the water, next to a dark shape turned out to be the ship. She tried to swim but terror numbed her completely. The last thing she did was to release a final, anguished and high-pitched shriek of sheer terror as the sea claimed her.

She was sinking... towards the bottom. She looked up... and saw the moonlight shine through surface of the water... that same un-reachable light she had seen as a little girl... Her lungs were once again aching for air.

_No..._

_No! NOT AGAIN!_

_I am STRONGER! I can SWIM! I will SURVIVE!_

Immediately, Laska forced herself to take control of her body. She started to trash... she was suddenly in full control of her body. Her legs thrashed, her arms lashed out as the drowning elf fought for her life.

_I'm not a scared little girl anymore!_

Finally, to her own surprise, she reached the light... her lungs welcomed the air as Laska gasped and coughed. A hand came out of nowhere and clasped her own. With great strength, she was hoist out of the water and put on deck.

Minsc.

"Little Laska should not sleep-walk when there is only ocean to go!" Minsc announced cheerfully. "Thankfully, Minsc and Boo are great heroes on watch with eyes like hawks!"

"Minsc," Laska smiled and embraced the hulking ranger.

"Uhm," Minsc blinked at the awkwardness of being hugged by his wet and naked friend. Certainly, she was his friend, but she was also a beautiful woman.

Minsc finally decided it was a just reward for a heroic act and gracefully accepted the embrace.

* * *

"I'm still nervous," Laska smiled as she stood at the railing of the Swiftwind's upper deck, leaning on it with her forearms. "And a bit scared."

After the incident, Laska had dried herself off and returned to bed. Other than Minsc, most of her friends never even noticed her escapade in the ocean and only learned of it this morning. The sun was rising and the Switfwind was headed to port.

"But not mortified," Rose smiled in return as she stood next to her lower on the stern, looking back at the sea as Viconia steered the Swiftwind back towards the harbor. "Rather worrying, though. I've never known your to sleep-walk before."

"Might be because I was scared out of my wits," Laska shrugged. "Oh, believe me, I'll be happy to have land below my feet again," the elf smiled and pulled Rose a little closer to her. "But at least I know water can be defeated."

"It's a beginning," Rose smiled as the two lovers embraced when the harbor was in sight.

After a rather embarrassing scene at the docks after mooring the ship where Laska ran off the gangplank, sank to her knees and kissed the ground (and a subsequent rinsing of the mouth at a nearby water fountain because Laska 'found' some seagull droppings), the tattooed elf and her friends made their back to their home in the Temple district. The Swiftwind would be drydocked for the next two weeks for final repairs and overhaul. In the meantime, they had work to find.

"Ah, home sweet home," Laska smiled as she unlocked the door and entered the house, but she soon found out someone else was already there. It seemed that their faithful watchspider had turned traitor and was accepting petting and treats from the strange hooded person clad in black leather armor.

"Yeah, you're pretty cute," a very familiar female voice spoke. Laska instantly recognized the voice, but still couldn't quite believe it.

"I... Imoen?" Laska whispered. "Is that you?"

"Oh, hey," Imoen said as she removed her hood. Long hair dyed pink spilled from underneath the hood, revealing a face with a ready smile and a scar over her eye. "Yeah, it's me. Say, this place? This ours? Pretty big."


	77. Return of the Pink Tornado

Abduh belongs to Laufey, writer of In the Cards. Thanks go to her for allowing me to use him.

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 77: Return of the Pink Tornado_

"Imoen?" Laska whispered in disbelief. The girl, her beloved sister, missing for so long, was now standing front of her in her very living room.

The confused, pink-haired girl, slowly, ever so slowly turned around and removed her black hood, revealing that she was indeed, Imoen. Immediately, the look of confusion on her cheeky face made way for her trademark quirky smile.

"IMOEN!" Laska shouted in sheer joy as she rushed forward and swept the smaller woman in her arms. Immediately, she hugged Imoen fiercely, lifted her in the air and held her tightly as she spun through the room with dazzling speed. Khittix backed off to avoid being hit by a flailing leg and kept somewhat of a distance.

"WHOA!" Imoen giggled as Laska kept whooping. "I'm gettin' dizzy!"

"Oh, sorry," Laska chuckled, put down her sister and held her in an even tighter hug.

"Oooooffffff," Imoen whispered in Laska's chest. "Ribs...straining, lungs... straining for hair, structural collapse... imminent."

"Sorry again," Laska said quickly and loosened her grip on the human girl, but only slightly. "Gods, I missed you so much."

"Aww," Imoen sank into the embrace again. "I missed you too, Las."

"How the hell did you get here? I... Where? How did you know... I...?"

Imoen held up her hands and fished a scroll from a pouch hanging from her belt. "Ahum," she scraped her throat. "_I, Wanev Crendor, of sound mind and judgment, declare Imoen of Candlekeep to be sane and rehabilitated and is hereby released from Spellhold to be reintegrated with society. Don't do illegal magics again, you naughty girl_. So yeah, basically, Wanev came to my cell, gave me this grand speech about loyalty to the law, handed me this note and basically dimension-doored me over to the street in front of this house. Kinda disorienting at first."

"We have a permit to use now," Laska said. "And I'll fucking end whoever will try to take you away from us again!"

"Aw, you say the sweetest things," Imoen giggled at her sister. "Now, I need to know all the juicy gossip I missed while I was gone! But... hang on a moment"

Imoen, a full two heads shorter than Laska, held on to her sister in silence for a while. But, only a few moments later, Imoen let her eyes roam across the environment. "WOW!" she squealed. "What a big, beautiful house this is! Wow, look, a piano! Oh, oh, and paintings! Wow, look at that long table! Oh, COOOOOLLL! Check out the dragon-head! Wow... Oh, hey!" she suddenly spoke, "I was planning to rob this place to celebrate my freedom, but then I noticed your name on the front door. That's not a joke, is it?"

"Well, no. We killed that dragon," Laska grinned broadly. "I live here..."

"What?!" Imoen giggled. "You're pulling my leg here, doncha? Having a little fun with little sis?"

"No, no, I mean it, I live here... You too, now."

"Come on," Imoen rose an eyebrow and snorted. "You and settling down? Who'd have thought it!"

"Not's not the only thing. I have... taken a lover," Laska added with a sigh. There was so much that her little sister had missed.

"Oh, really?" Imoen grinned slyly. "What's her name? Come on, share!"

"Well... Hey, how'd you know she's a woman?" Laska replied.

"Heh," Imoen grinned. "Come on, we both know you don't have the patience to stay with men longer than one night. I always knew you liked girls and those of us who didn't found out when we overheard your one-time romp with Safana just before she left."

"You, ahum, you heard that?" Laska cocked her head sideways. "I think Safana and I were both pretty much wasted , by the way."

"Yep," Imoen chuckled evilly when she noticed her sister's discomfort. "All two hours of it. Why do you think we were making fun of you behind your back all day long?"

"I thought incessant moaning was a euphemism for incessant snoring... and I do _not_ snore," Laska said. "Anyway, her name is Rose."

"I really wanna meet her... I wonder what sort of girl is she is," Imoen put her finger to her lips. "Maybe she's the kind of girl that's interested in hearing weird and embarrassing childhood stories about her cheeky elven lover?"

"Don't you dare," Laska smiled and pointed at her sister. "Don't... you... dare."

"Try and stop me!" Imoen stuck our her tongue and sped towards the table, taking up a defensive position on the other side of it, facing Laska.

"Don't you dare!" Laska threatened with a smile and faced Imoen as the two circled around the table like two wild animals facing each other off. "I swear, I'll tickle you to death."

"Can't catch me!" Imoen giggled and continued circling around the table. However, Imoen was not prepared for a grinning elf jumped on to the table and making a dive directly for her. The two giggling sisters ended up rolling over the floor. In the end, it was Imoen who won the match, and ended up incapacitating her larger sister by sitting on her back and attacking her from each side of her torso with evil tickles.

Finally, after an eternity of laughing, the two sisters lay stretched out on the floor, staring at the ceiling in silence.

"Gods, how I missed this," Imoen sighed. "Why can't anything stay like it is for ever and ever?"

"I don't know," Laska replied. "But... we had fun just now, hadn't we?"

"Sure, but... so much has changed," Imoen sighed. "You traveled so long without me... You killed a dragon, even. Gods, I wish I could have been there..."

"Well," Laska gulped uncomfortably. "I..."

"And this house!" Imoen interrupted. "Wow... I mean, Lord Belt wanted to give us the Iron Throne building after we saved the city, but it was just too big and sterile for us. This house is still big, but it seems a lot more cozy and well-lit."

"I own it," Laska said. "It's your house now, too."

"WOW, really? I can live here?" Imoen smiled. "Wait a minute, it's yours?! I just figured your Rose was rich and you just moved in with her!"

"Killed some slavers that owned it and moved in," Laska grinned. "The house was completely free."

"Figures there was some epic violence involved," Imoen giggled. "Heh, so much has changed. You've got a house, a lover... next thing you'll tell me that you have kids..."

At that moment, the front door flew open, and two girls, Risa and Becky ran through the front door and headed up the stairs. Another silent moment followed.

"Errr, they're not my kids, but they live here," Laska finally said. In the meantime, Khittix stepped up from his basket and wandered over to check in on the silly people. Mostly that consisted of sniffing the strange new kind pink-haired stranger in the room.

"I need to lie down for a bit," Imoen chuckled as she petted the spider with one hand.

"You're already lying down," Laska added.

"Oh, okay... good work, Im," Imoen said and gave herself a pat on the shoulder. "So, got any new tattoos?"

Laska would never get the opportunity to answer. A third person came through the front door and immediately sighed heavily. "Laska?" Viconia asked. "Why are you lying on the floor? You aren't pissed already, are you?"

Immediately, Imoen rose off the floor. "Heya, Vic!" she greeted cheerfully as she ran towards the stunned drow. "Vicky! I haven't seen you since we got ambushed! So glad you found us!" she grinned and she took the unsuspecting Drow into a headlock and rubbed her knuckles over her scalp... "Vicky, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky, Vicky!"

"Unhand me or I will kill you!" Viconia gasped. "Now, what the hell is going on?!

"I'm back! WOOHOO!"

* * *

_Where does she put it all?!_ Lasalla must have thought as she emerged from the kitchen with yet another batch of chicken-wings. On one side of the table sat Laska and her friends, all looking stunned as they watched Imoen wolf down food on the other side of the table.

Chicken-wings, chocolate cake, all flavors of sweet puddings and fries all found their way to Imoen's mouth. "Yum," she said, with her mouth full, of course. "You don't know how often I missed these. Food was good at the Asylum, but all we got were these healthy, green leaves..."

"Thou should not feel obligated to eat thyself sick," Dynaheir added.

"Oh, I'll keep it down, don't worry! And then, I want to see it all! I want to explore this big house! I want to explore this big city!"

"Whoa, one step at the time," Laska grinned.

Meanwhile, Viconia was pouring over the scroll Imoen carried with her while enjoying a cup of mint-tea. The drow was engrossed in the paperwork and ignored most of the conversation going around her.

"Oh, yeah!" Imoen giggled. "So," Imoen smiled, "when do I get to meet this mysterious lover of yours?"

"Soon," Laska smiled dreamily. "She'll be home from tending bar soon."

"Lotsa new faces in your party. Hi, I'm Imoen," she told the gathered party as she took another bite from a chicken-leg.

"HAR!" Korgan chuckled. "Well, this lass can EAT! I can respect a lass with a 'ealthy appetite!"

"And elf and a dwarf in one party?" Imoen said. "Isn't that like putting a cat and a dog in the same tiny box?"

"Ach, nay," Korgan smiled. "That be just a stereotype. Name be Korgan Bloodaxe. I be 'andlin' the axes around this 'ere party."

"Name's Jan Jansen," the next person presented himself. "So, you're the prodigal lost sister, then, eh? Well, you seem to have found yourself before we even went looking! I wish my cousin Tinkle was as lucky as you were. One day, he found his beloved sister Nora missing! He looked all over the house but still couldn't find her, so he set off for an epic quest to locate her beloved sister. He traveled all over Toril, sparred with the samurai of Kara-Tur, battled with the drow in the Underdark, laughed with the elves of Evermeet and personally kicked Bane in the butt once. Still, he never found her, not even a clue. Downtrodden, he returned home after so long a search. Depressed, he decided to drown his sorrows with some turnip-beer which he had stored in the basement... and, to his surprise, that's where he found Nora... firmly connected to a keg with her mouth. He never bothered to look in the basement, because he figured she wouldn't be there anyway. The moral of the story: don't tell your sister not to drink your beer or you'll get punched in the face for your troubles."

"Hey, I've learned that lesson myself, except for the punching-stuff, though," Imoen chuckled. "Great story, by the way. Do you have any more?"

Immediately, Dynaheir silenced the eager gnome by placing her hand over his mouth. "Let give someone else the opportunity to introduce themselves," Dynaheir smiled.

"Hey, Dyna," Imoen smiled. "Glad to see you again. I thought you were dead after Irenicus took you off to the dissection chamber."

"It's a long story," Dynaheir sighed.

"And who's that man at the end of the table?"

"Sir Keldorn Firecam, madam," Keldorn announced. "Paladin of the Most Noble Order of the Radiant Heart, at your service, my Lady."

"A paladin?!" Imoen said. "I never figured you'd be traveling with a paladin, Big-ears. We used to make fun of them all time, don't you remembers: sexually-repressed, over-pious freaks who talk about their righteous cause with their right hands out of sight?"

"Indeed?" Keldorn spoke, raising his eyebrows at Laska. Laska merely held up her hands.

"And don't you remember what you did to Ajantis?" Imoen's eyes shone with an evil light.

"Let's not get into that right now," Laska replied.

"No, no, no, no, no," Keldorn said. "What was that about Ajantis?"

Imoen coughed: "Wedgie!"

"Thanks for getting me into trouble, sis," Laska grinned.

"My pleasure, Las," Imoen grinned.

"MINSC AND BOO are SO happy little Imoen is back!" Minsc said, practically jumping with joy. "We missed your cheerful happiness so much, haven't we, Boo?" Sounds of a happy hamster followed.

"Awww, I missed you too, you big lug," Imoen smiled. "Has Boo been behaving himself?"

"Oh, hardly," Minsc said. "Boo is a very naughty hamster." Indignant squeaks followed.

"Which leaves me to ask you," Keldorn started. "Why do you think you've been returned."

"You wanna know why I'm here? I dunno, maybe I served my time, or something," Imoen said.

"I have lived in this city for almost forty years, dear Imoen," Keldorn spoke. "And never have I known to see someone taken by the Cowled Wizards return."

"Well, maybe they let me out on good behavior or something," Imoen returned. "I'm not exactly a lich, warlock or mad sorcerer or anything."

"Dubious," Keldorn muttered. "And why would they have taken the trouble to teleport you directly into Laska's house? Why not just leave you at the docks? The Cowled Wizards aren't exactly known for their humanity."

"Geez," Imoen replied. "I come home after having been in jail for months and you start giving me the third degree. If you are so suspicious of every windfall that comes your way, you should learn to enjoy life again or you'll end up being a perpetual sourpuss."

"Perhaps they feared our mighty wrath!" Minsc shouted. "Perhaps the Cowled Wizards knew that Laska and friends were coming, so they were soiling their underpants and let Imoen go!"

"See?!" Imoen replied, perhaps a little too quickly. "That could work! I don't really care in any case. I'm free now!"

Viconia looked up from the scroll. "This scroll seems legit," the drow said. "It's been sealed with the official sign of the Cowled Wizards, signed by the administrator of the prison and all worded unambiguously. There's even a note for the government clerks to reinstate your citizenship. And it even came with a free teleport back to the city, conveniently to the front door of our house. Though I'm not one to look a gift horse in the mouth, I've learned that when something seems too good to be true, it usually is."

"OY, OY, OY!" Korgan rose from his seat. "I just be realizin' somethin'! We can be keepin' them golders for ourselves now! Screw them Shadow Thieves! HAR HAR HAR!"

"What's this about golders?" Imoen asked.

Laska shrugged. "The Shadow Thieves offered to set up a rescue operation for you, Imoen. But it wasn't free. They required a massive sum of gold for it. We've been working and adventuring to scrounge together the gold and we almost made it. But now you're here, with us again."

Imoen chuckled slightly. "I would be more than willing to help you spend some of that money. After months of prison, I need to indulge my hedonistic side. I think I'll start with a silk robe and a week-long pampering at a spa."

Finally, the sounds of a key slipping into a lock sounded from the front door, signifying that Rose had come home. The half-elf, wearing her green dress and her strawberry-blonde hair loose, looked over at the table for a moment, wondering what the commotion was about. Then, she noticed the strange, pink-haired human girl

"Ah, you must be Rose," the girl said and stood up from her seat.

Offering a questioning look to Laska, he found that her lover smiled warmly at her. "Yes, that's me," Rose replied.

"Heya, it's me, Imoen!" the girl greeted and flipped her pick hair about. "I'm your sister-in-law!"

"Imoen?" Rose said. "But... when were you rescued?"

"Released," Imoen replied. "Good behavior, if you can believe it. And," Imoen grew pale as sheet, "my friends... my friends are still at the Asylum! Little Dili, Dradeel, even Tiax! They're still with _him_! And the Cowlies! We have to go get them, Laska, they're not bad! They don't deserve to be in there."

"We will," Laska smiled. "Irenicus isn't going anywhere with the Cowlies in charge. But the most important thing at the moment is you, Imoen. Hey, you always wanted to have your own room at Candlekeep... Now, you're getting one. How'd you like to get your own room? Come on, I'll show you!"

"Laska," Keldorn said. "Why don't you let Rose show her to her room? They can get to know each other. We need to have a word..."

* * *

"Well," Rose smiled as she led Imoen into the room at the end of the hall, right next to Minsc's room. The well-carpeted room had a large two-person bed, a big dresser, a writing-desk at the windows, various plants and artworks, as well as a large grandfather-clock in the corner. "It's not the biggest room in the house, but I'm afraid it's the last one we have left."

"Are... you... kidding?!" Imoen said. "I've been living in a tiny little cell for the last months... and it didn't have any windows at all! This room... warm... furniture... light... I love it! Hey, let's go jump up and down on the bed!"

"Maybe later," Rose chuckled. "So, you're Laska's sister?"

"Yep, that's me," Imoen said. "And my sister has good taste in women. How'd you meet? Or, more to the point, how'd you guys meet?"

"Well," Rose sat next to Imoen on the bed. "Laska was doing some asking around to solve a series of horrid murders in the Bridge-district."

"Ah, Big-ears always was a quest-girl," Imoen said. "Go on."

"Well, I was... working," Rose said carefully, "and I had seen, or rather, smelled the murderer, so she came to me. And flirting ensued."

"Oh, typically her," Imoen shook her head.

"I, um, I..." Rose sighed, the continued. "I used to be a streetwalker, Imoen. I hope that's not a problem for you. I don't do that sort of thing anymore now. I own an inn now."

"Streetwalker? But isn't anyone who walks the streets a..." Imoen started to say, but then her eyes went wide with realization, while her mouth formed a perfect 'O'. "Oh, okay," she said. "No biggie."

"Glad to hear it," Rose smiled warmly. "We, well," Rose chuckled for a bit, "we ended up in bed that same night, and we started seeing each other after that... One thing led to another and we finally fell in love."

"Hah," Imoen chuckled. "Trust Laska to do things backwards. First sex and then dating. You're, in fact, the first person who seems to have tamed Laska enough to get her into a relationship. I'm happy for you two."

"You know, Laska talks about you all the time," Rose smiled.

"She does?"

"Yes," Rose smiled. "I felt that I really got to know you before I even met you."

"Really?" Imoen said, and traced the slight scar running over her right eyebrow towards her upper cheek. "Hey, you wanna hear how I got my scar?"

"This isn't a gory story, is it?" Rose grimaced.

"What? You hang around Laska but can't stand blood?"

"Don't worry," Rose sighed. "I've seen so much of my friends stabbed and cut in so many ways for the slightest of offenses... I just want to leave that behind me, so I don't like to be confronted with it again, that's all."

"Oh, I'm sorry," Imoen replied. "My scar was the result of a rather angry crab, actually."

"Excuse me?" Rose asked as she sat down at the desk.

"Yeah, you see, I was holding a dinner-knife at the ducal palace banquet," she said while standing on the bed. Slowly, she started to jump up and down. "And on my plate was this crab, but it wasn't cooked properly. It was still alive! And... are you sure you're not going to jump on the bed? It's fun!"

"I don't know," Rose said as she stared at the bouncing girl. Her welcoming smile did seem inviting, though. A moment later, the half-elf took Imoen's hand... and found herself bouncing aside her.

"So," the bouncing Imoen spoke. "This crab was still alive and grabbed my nose with his pincer and then..."

* * *

"I just find this a bit suspicious, that's all," Keldorn spoke. "Why would the Cowled Wizards simply let her go after going through so much trouble keeping her. It doesn't make sense. Especially not when she is connected to such a powerful wizard as Irenicus."

"What are you saying?" Laska spat. "That she's in league with them or something? Say that again and I'll break your face!"

"I doubt that," Keldorn spoke and held up his hands. "I detect no malice from her. There's not an evil bone in her body. She might not even know what has happened to her."

"Indeed," Viconia spoke. "But I can assure you that she is truly Imoen. Only Imoen could reach such a level of sheer pink-haired annoyance."

"But we love her anyway, right Boo?"

"The Cowled Wizards might be playing some kind of game with us," Dynaheir offered. "Might I bring to the table that it is still a mystery how Laska ended up in the sea last night? Perhaps they have agents watching us right now."

"Boo says it would not be the first time an organization of evil creepy crawlies wants a piece of Laska's heritage," Minsc said.

"But Imoen is back! So, what does it all matter?" Laska smiled. "We'll still go to the Asylum, and we'll still got to rescue Imoen's friends, so there is no difference. I've got a score to settle with the Cowlies... and questions for one of their prisoners... a blade with his name on it."

Korgan rammed his head on the table, creating the sound of a hollow clonk. "Dammit, ye bloody elf! Why can we nae keep them golders fer ourselves?! Do ye even realize how much bloody ale we be able to buy with that?"

"Ah, but there is a difference," Jan said. "It just means we have to be extra careful, that's all. At least we _know_ we're walking into a trap when we knock onto their door."

"Och, there be no 'trouble'. There be no 'complications'. We be doin' the same as we were plannin' ta do earlier! We ram through the bloody door and be axin' everythin' inside! Always works. Nay need fer yer 'plannin'' or 'preperatin'," said Korgan. "At least if we cannae keep the golders, we be bustin' some 'eads."

Laska nodded. "Yes... this changes nothing," she smiled. "Only that Imoen is back. And at our side."

"Indeed," Viconia sighed. "But I have the feeling this Irenicus will come after us anyway, as do the Cowled Ones. For some reason, it is _you_ he wants, not Imoen, that much is clear. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't be cautious. For all we know, we might be watched this very moment. We still have no idea how this vampire Bodhi is involved... or even if she is involved."

* * *

The rest of the day was spent catching up, swapping tales and Imoen being generally bummed out at all the fun adventures she had missed. With Boo crawling through her hair most of the time, Imoen listened, joked and chuckled at all the antics of old friends and new. Thankfully, Imoen got along wonderfully with Laska's new friends, even Keldorn, whom Imoen considered to be 'far less stuffy' than most paladins she had met.

In fact, Imoen was already settling in. Tomorrow, they'd hit the stores to get Imoen properly kitted out for adventure. But now, it was evening and Laska was eager for female company. The tattooed elf lay on the bed and watched Rose close the curtains before she crawled underneath the warm and welcoming duvet and into the even more warm and welcoming arms of her lover.

"It's so hard to believe," Laska sighed after sharing a brief kiss with the half-elf. "Imoen's back. Finally... I've missed her."

"She's a wonderful girl," Rose smiled. "So full of life."

"Oh?" Laska smiled teasingly. "Do I have any reason to worry?"

"Don't get jealous," Rose said while rolling on top of Laska and caressing her lover's cheek. "There's no reason to be, really... here, let me prove it," she said, moving to kiss her lover. Laska moaned hungrily as their lips touched and their passionate kiss deepened. Rose giggled as her lover embraced her firmly and two lovers ended up rolling over each other in bed, getting all wrapped up in their duvet as they continued.

They were so caught up in the moment, that they never noticed the door opening and someone slipping inside... not until that person lit a candle. Two heads popped up from under the blankets and warily directed their gaze at that person.

"Oh, my gods!" Imoen gasped. "I'm _so _sorry! But... wait a minute, it's only ten o'clock! Come on, at least wait till it gets dark outside."

"Imoen?" Laska asked as Rose rolled on her back and drew the covers over her body.

"Is something wrong?" Rose asked.

"I, ummm, I'm so sorry," Imoen sighed. "But... I just can't sleep in that big room! It's... it's just so silent. I mean, I've always slept in the company of others. I slept in the same room with Laska all my life. I've slept in tents with my friends near me... It's... It's just so quiet in that big room, and I can't hear anything. It... scares me. The quiet just scares me..."

"Say no more," Rose smiled. "Laska? Perhaps it's better if I sleep in Imoen's room tonight."

Laska sighed, trying to vent the sexual frustration. "I guess," she replied, and handed Rose a bathrobe. Just before the half-elf crawled out of bed, Laska managed to capture her lips for a final good-night kiss.

"Love you," Rose smiled at her lover. "Sleep well."

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Imoen sighed while Rose left the room. "You guys probably wanted to, you know, but I thought I could ask... if we could switch for a night or so. Just till I get used to that big room. The cells at Spellhold were tiny and you could hear what was happening miles away."

"Don't worry," Laska sighed while getting out of bed to fetch a night-shift from her dresser. "I suppose I can survive a single night without sex."

Imoen looked at her sister. "Okay, that disappointed groan at the end didn't make that sound very convincing," Imoen said, yawned and climbed into bed, while her sister put a nightshift over her head, "but at least I got to catch a glimpse of your new tattoos."

Laska turned around expecting to face Imoen's cheeky grin, but instead noticed her sister had already taken place on her pillow on the left side of the bed. Shaking her head, the tattooed elf blew out the candle and returned to bed on the right side of the bed, something with irked Laska.

"Sorry," the immensely tired Imoen whispered as she snuggled under the covers, wrapping herself in as a cinnamon-bun. "But... it was only ten o'clock, geez, save something for the rest of the night!"

"We usually don't have to," Laska grinned.

"Seriously, what do you eat every morning? Twelve eggs? Energy-drinks? Oysters? Chocolate? Serious, where do you get the energy from?"

"Hey, it's the healthiest of exercises," Laska chuckled.

"Poor Rose," Imoen giggled.

"Poor me, when Rose gets started," Laska chuckled.

"Oh, I've heard say that sex is good for the soul," Imoen offered.

"As long as you've _heard_ it say, you'll get no argument from me," Laska winked

Imoen rolled to her side and scowled at Laska. "What? You can sleep around as much as you want, but I have to remain celibate?! What exactly is wrong with that picture?"

"It's part of the protective older sister-younger sister relationship," Laska shrugged. "Sisterly duties and all that."

"Fascist," Imoen grinned and rolled to her side. "Thanks for letting me sleep here tonight, Las."

"'sokay," Laska replied.

"Thanks, sis," Imoen whispered and dozed off almost immediately. However, Laska didn't find sleep all that easily.

Mostly her mind wandered back to older days of their childhood at Candlekeep. She sat up and hugged her knees and memories, pleasant and less pleasant, resurfaced.

* * *

_"Come on, Las!" Imoen giggled as she tried to drag her big sister to the deep end of their favorite fishing hole. It was once a tenday when Laska and Imoen were let into the surrounding woods unsupervised, under the provision that they would remain in shouting distance of the walls. Thankfully, Laska's elven ears were so sharp that 'shouting distance' was quite a bit away from their home._

_"Not a chance, Im, no way!" Laska replied adamantly. She knew how her twelve year old sister could get riled up when she got her mind set on something. To an outside observer, the two girls both looked to be twelve years old even though Laska was, in fact, nineteen._

_"Don't be such a wimp, Laska," Imoen grinned as she slung her fishing-pole, one made out of flexible red-wood, over her shoulder. "I've had enough of the shallow water!"_

_"Hey, it might be harder, but we do catch fish here! I caught one just now!"_

_"Yeah, and it's so tiny, that if you lay it on your hand and the wind takes up, it'll be blown halfway to Beregost," Imoen chuckled._

_"Haw, haw, very funny, Im," Laska replied. "But I'm still not going."_

_"I'm going over there!" Imoen said, a defiant light shining in her brown eyes._

_"No, you're not," Laska replied. "Gorion put me in charge and I have to look out for you."_

_"Nope, nope, nope," Imoen stuck out her tongue to her sister. "I'm going over there, and if you weren't such a wimp about water, so would you!"_

_"Nuh-uh!"_

_"Uh-huh!"_

_"Nuh-uh!"_

_"Uh-huh!"_

_"Nuh-uh!"_

_"Fine, go over there! See if I care!" Laska snarled back._

_"Sourpuss!" Imoen stuck out her tongue and took off._

_Laska sighed. She knew Imoen was right. Truth be told she was getting bored at this spot... and that fish had actually been rather tiny. And hollering back and forth between them would scare even the last single fish away from this shallow spot._

_Then, her sensitive ears picked up the sounds of Imoen being...threatened? Immediately, Laska dropped her pole and ran towards her sister._

_"Give me back my fishing pole!" the tiny girl shouted. The bully, a greasy teenage spotty twerp, who was three heads taller and four years older than Imoen, held the rod just out of Imoen's reach, and even stooped to playing the old 'pretend-to-give-it-back-then-pull-it-away'-gag on her._

_"What, you gonna make me?!" the boy replied. This was Abduh, the son of a local trader who often travelled with his father whenever he made a stop at Candlekeep. Not only was Abduh fat and lazy, he was also dumb as a rock and twice as ugly._

_"Give it back!" Imoen shouted again._

_"What?! You can't make me give it back... because... I'm... Abduh!" the boy announced._

_"You're a mean old poopy-head with craters in his face!" Imoen shouted. "Your face looks like the moon!"_

_"Oooh," Abduh grinned. "You got some nerve... let's see how well this pole bends!" he said and started to fiddle around with the top._

_"No, leave it alone!" Imoen wailed._

_Suddenly, a flash came from nowhere... and before either of them knew what was going on, Laska had slammed her fist right into the face of the greasy thug. Stunned, Abduh never saw the second blow coming. While the elf took the pole from his hand, she delivered a swift kick to his bloated stomach, causing the startled bully to roll down the hill and crash into a tree. But his plight did not end there. A wasp-nest dropped down and broke over the head of Abduh. Apparently, the wasps decided Abduh was to blame, and send the boy running away, flailing his limbs as he tried to remove the nest from his head._

_"Thanks, sis," Imoen smiled and took the pole. Then, Imoen flew into Laska's arms._

_"Don't worry, Im," Laska said. "I'll always look out for you. You'll always be my special little sister..."_

* * *

"Some sister I turned out to be," Laska told herself as she faced the sleeping Imoen. A thousand-and-one excuses shot through her mind; not enough money to pay off the Shadow Thieves, no idea where Imoen actually was, not ready to face Irenicus... And then she thought about how much time she had wasted. Rather than looking for work to get the money scraped together quicker, she had been lazying about, spent plenty of money on alcohol and had been bedhopping with several boys and girls in the near past.

Right now, her sister was having a dream; apparently a rather nasty one, as she lay curled up into a fetal position and was shivering in her sleep.

"Godsdammit," Laska whispered to herself as self-loathing gripped her heart.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere else in the city, the rogue Yoshimo was having a rather bad time as well. The normally cocky rogue found himself in the rather precarious position of being hoisted off the ground and pressed against the cold wall by a clawed and powerful hand.

His captor, the vampiress Bodhi, was less than pleased with him. Her fangs bared, her eyes filled with malice, Yoshimo considered that his life might be over today.

"You abject failure!" Bodhi shrieked in his face. "You've had two prime opportunities to capture Laska and you failed both times. Tell why I shouldn't tear your throat out!"

Yoshimo coughed and struggled for breath. "My dear Bodhi," he tried to grin. "You would miss my sunny disposition. That would be a crying shame, would it not."

"You dare?!" Bodhi snarled.

A scraping throat could be heard from a scrying bowl in the middle of the room, in with Irenicus appeared. "Bodhi, if you could curb your urges with just a tad and listen."

"This man jeopardized my restoration!" Bodhi said. "Even worse, he delayed that! I want Imoen soul inside of me, _now_!"

This time, it was Irenicus who showed anger. "You have been suffering for almost a century. You can wait for another month or so!" he held up a shiny crystal, radiating energy. "Imoen's soul isn't going anywhere and it will be ready for you once you arrive on Brynnlaw. And do put down Yoshimo. He might have uses yet."

And put him down she did; by throwing him across the room. After the impact with the hard granite, Yoshimo found himself groaning on the ground.

"Dear sister," Irenicus said. "All we have to do, is wait. Laska will come to me and will be trapped like a rat in a maze. It is only a matter of time."

"You take a massive risk!"

Irenicus sighed. "Short-sighted, as always. Trust me, this is the best and only way to ensure restoration for both of us."


	78. Shopping Spree!

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 78: Shopping spree!_

"Say," Rose asked Laska as she strolled over to the couch in the main room where Laska was engrossed in a book of elven mythology. "Love? Did you happen to see where some of my paint went? I was planning on spending an afternoon painting, but all my cans red and white paint have gone missing."

"I told Imoen she could use some of your paint to decorate her room with. Minsc didn't bring enough cans with him this morning when he went to the general store, apparently," Laska replied.

"But... red and white?" Rose muttered, and for a moment, the two lovers shared a brief look. "No, she wouldn't."

Laska blinked. "Oh, yes... she would."

Immediately, Laska and Rose ran up to Imoen's room, opened the door... and were blinded by a sheer explosion of pink. Almost everything in the room that was wood had been painted pink; the beams in the walls and ceiling, the window frame, the bedposts of the four-poster bed in the center of the room and the writing desk near the fireplace. It clashed horribly with the still wooden floor and the graystone walls.

"Oh, sweet Sune, my eyes!" Rose exclaimed.

"HI! Careful, a lot of paint is still wet," Imoen, completely covered with spats of pink paint, greeted cheerfully as she stepped off the ladder. "How'd you like this little touch of color?"

"It's... it's... it's... very pink," Laska stammered.

"Hey, now that I have a room of my own, I can make it as pink as I want! You never let me paint our tower-room back at candlekeep," Imoen giggled.

"That's because I knew you'd paint it pink," Laska muttered. "And there was nothing wrong with the gray stones of our old room, Im."

"Oh, come on, Las," Imoen patted her elven sister in the shoulder. "I know you like it."

"It seems like you're settling in nicely," Rose smiled.

"Oh, you'd better believe it!" Imoen grinned. "Come on, I'll get washed up and we'll go on our shopping-spree!"

* * *

"I want this one, and this one, and this one!" Imoen replied cheerfully as she piled on several suits of casual wear and, surprisingly, none were pink. Laska, Viconia and Dynaheir had decided to take Imoen out shopping on Waukeen's Promenade to fill on her wardrobe and prepare her for coming adventures.

So far, Imoen had been raiding the Adventurer's Mart. It was a to-go-to shop for the adventurer, filled to the brim with everything for the modern adventurer of the thirteen-seventies: swords, armors, tents, tent pegs, spells, spell-ingredients, journals, scrolls, quills, cook ware, backpacks, compasses, maps, 'How To'-books, harps, flutes, lutes, storybooks and even treasure-maps.

"Imoen," Dynaheir offered. "Shall we move on to the armors and weapons?"

"Oh, yeah," Imoen grinned. "I'll kinda need those too, won't I?"

"Perhaps thou art interested in this studded leather?" said Dynaheir as she took an armor off the rack.

"Sure, looks cool," Imoen said and took the leather. "But it's brown! Yo, Ribald?! Do you have this one in _pink_?!"

"No, he has not!" Dynaheir snapped.

"Say, Dyna?" Imoen asked. "I've always been meaning to ask you about the stuff that's on this price-tag. _Armor Count : +2_. What does that mean?!"

"I... have no idea," Dynaheir replied, perhaps a little too quickly.

"Really?" Imoen replied as she gave the leather another look. "What's a _thac0_, then?"

"Sssssh, be quiet!" Dynaheir hissed. "Be quiet or they'll hear you!"

"Who will?"

"The _Players_!"

"The what?"

"Nobody knows anything about them! Accept that they control our lives without us knowing it. Hast thou ever cast a spell thou didst not want to cast?! Or didst thou ever ran head-first into a band of orcs even though thou knew better?"

"Well... yeah?"

"Just be careful," Dynaheir said. "The players are cruel, sadistic and only wish to control our lives!"

That moment, Imoen looked up to the skies. Allowing herself a cheeky grin she stuck out her tongue and made a rude noise. "You ain't gonna control me, stupid players!"

On the other side of the shop, Laska and Viconia were looking at a pair of earmuffs for cold nights in mountainous areas. The two elven women were rummaging through a box with earmuffs of all shapes, sizes and colors.

"Cold ears," Laska shuddered as she studied a pair of blue muffs with an elongated elven ear-shape. "What a nightmare! Remember Nashkel?"

"I hear you," Viconia grimaced as she picked out a nice pair of black ones.

"AH!" sounded the voice of Imoen from across the room "This leather doesn't fit! Am I really that fat?!"

"It's an elven sized leather, Imoen," the voice of Dynaheir sounded. She seemed rather annoyed at the moment.

"Oh," Imoen's voice sounded. "Let's put it back, then..."

"Oh, yes," Laska grinned. "I'm happy she's back. She's just what we need to breathe some more life in our party."

Viconia frowned slightly as she put the earmuffs they had chosen in a shopping basket.

"Still don't trust her?"

"I want to. But if something is too good to be true, it usually is," Viconia sighed as Laska sat down on a bench to try on a pair of boots.

"I don't know about that," Laska said as she grunted and slid her feet into the enchanted boots. "But I do know these buggers are too small. Ouch!"

"I would say," Viconia smirked. "You're trying to put on the halfling-sized versions."

"What?" Laska replied and threw the boots aside in disgust. "Oh, damn, that's why they hurt so much! Why don't they invent one-size-fits-all boots, clothes, helmets and armors?! We could really use those!"

"Look Laska," Imoen squealed as she bounced into view and presented Laska with a magic bow. "Take a look at this cool bow! It makes its own arrows. Can I have this one? Oh, pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"

"Have you seen the price tag on this thing?" Laska said as she gave the bow a look-over. "We'd probably have to slave through two whole dungeons to get that cash together!"

"Oh, we've got enough money, and it would be a shame not to use it!" Imoen smiled warmly. "Besides, think of the arrow-costs we'll save!"

"Nah, it's just too steep," Laska sighed. "Besides, it would cut into my drinking budget."

Immediately, Imoen hugged Laska from behind and pressed her cheek into her sister's. "Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"

"No..."

As a result, Imoen lay on her back, draping her head into Laska's lap and looked upon her sister with sad, puppy-dog eyes. "Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?"

"Alright," Laska sighed. "You can have the bloody bow already."

"Great!" Imoen replied and got up immediately. "Yo, Ribald! Wrap it up, she's paying!" From the counter, Ribald gave Imoen two thumbs up.

"Still glad Imoen's back?" Viconia smirked as she noticed Laska was quite miffed at having been had.

"Yes," Laska shook her head. "Very..."

* * *

After all of Imoen's purchases had been paid for and wrapped up, Laska slid them into her Bag of Holding to be taken home later, though she found it impossible to get her sister to part with her new love: her magic bow. With the bow strapped to her back, Imoen was currently eating a delicious chocolate cake at the Mithrest Inn. Though Rose wasn't tending bar today, Laska and her friends were always a welcome sight at her inn. They were offered one of the best conversation-pits, near the aquarium-wall in the back. Alternating between eating, watching the fishes and chatting with her friends, Imoen gladly participated in the conversation. She had another better time when Jan and his friend Bob-Reggie entered the Mithrest.

The plucky rogue, the chatty gnome and the friendly mindflayer were quickly engrossed in a game of dice, while Laska, Dynaheir and Viconia continued talking. Imoen rolled first, grinning at the result. The mindflayer, dressed in his gaudy shirt and silly flip-flops, took the dice and rolled.

"Argh," he sighed in frustration, causing his tentacles to wriggle slightly. "Luck is not my lady tonight."

"I'm not even gonna try," Jan sighed. "How on earth do you roll three sixes two times in a row."

"Read them and weep, boys," Imoen grinned as she raked the coins on the table towards her.

Bob-Reggie grabbed his drink and gulped it down with the help of a straw. "Say, miss DeVir, you are a Tymoran priest now. Care to send some of that luck my way?" the mindflayer asked.

"Hm?" Viconia said, her attention seemingly focused at someone sitting at the bar. "Oh, no, sorry. Doesn't work that way," she said while never taking her eyes of the person.

"A pity," Bob-Reggie shrugged.

Imoen took a few moments to stack her winnings in a proper pile of coins. "Say, you're a bit out in the open, aren't ya? Not afraid of being seen?"

The mindflayer shrugged. "Nah, I've been using my wacky mental powers to make it seem to everybody else I'm just an inconspicuous boring fat trader from Zembia. Notice the lack of panic around you."

"I dunno, you're pretty easy going for a supposedly abomination from beyond the realms of imaginations," Imoen said as she rolled the dice.

"Son of a..." Bob-Reggie growled when he saw the outcome of the roll, but caught himself. "I suppose it's the gnome in me."

Imoen blinked. "Come again?"

"I used to be a deep gnome," said Bob-Reggie. "We mindflayers start out as parasitic tadpoles that get implanted in the skull of a sentient. That tadpole eats the brain, attaches itself to the remains of the brainstem and that person then mutates into a mindflayer. Simple, no? They say nothing remains of the original host, but I think I'm living proof that's not the case."

"If it's all the same, I'll probably avoid mindflayer cities," Imoen said.

"Smart," said Bob-Reggie. "To tell you the truth, my people are horribly boring to hang out with anyway."

"Ah," Jan said as he threw the dice. "It just goes to tell you can't keep a funloving gnome down.

"They kept you down, didn't they?" Bob-Reggie chuckled.

"Ah, that was just a minor setback," Jan shrugged. "How's your latest scam coming along?"

"Quite well," said Bob-Reggie as he produced a small gilded necklace to the end of which was attached a horse-shoe shaped red piece of metal. "Bob-Reggie's super-duper-magnet mood enhancers! Feeling down in the dumbs? Depression pissing on your otherwise fine day? Just use this powerful magnet necklace to draw the negative energy right out of your body! Only five hundred gold and you shall never feel down again!"

Imoen blinked. "A... magnet. But, you know, isn't that kinda..."

The mindflayer chuckled. "I believe the word you're looking for is 'bullshit'. Now, I know that. You know that. But the dumbasses willing to put down five hundred gold for a novelty magnet that costs about five gold don't know that! You won't believe how much woo I peddle through the tabloid I run."

"Bob-Reggie, my friend," said Jan. "You are a scoundrel of the highest caliber."

"I'll be fine until my arch-nemesis catches on, the super skeptic dwarf named James Randall. Ah, he keeps me on my toes."

As Imoen, Jan and Bob-Reggie continued to chat while playing dice, Viconia remained focused on a slim female, most certainly an elf, who was wearing a black, hooded cloak and dainty gloves. In fact, Viconia was rather more dour and tense than usual.

"Excuse me for a moment," Viconia suddenly spoke and rose from her seat and slipped Laska a note, which the elf quickly read.

Slowly, the drow stepped to the figure at the bar and came to a halt a few feet behind her. The figure didn't acknowledge her, but gently put down her cup, awaiting an answer.

"_Aluve usst, dalninil_," Viconia announced. "It is not often that I encounter another drow sister on the surface."

The figure didn't turn around. "I wondered how long it would take you to spot me," she spoke.

"I saw you the moment you stepped through the door," Viconia narrowed her eyes. "Do not move."

"I am simply here to enjoy my drink."

"Hm-hmmm," Viconia replied. "Are you here to kill me? You will not succeed."

The figure seemed to chuckle. "The universe doesn't revolve around you."

What happened next startled everyone in the room. With the speed of lightning, the figure jumped up from her seat, pushed her legs against the bar and pushed herself towards Viconia. The figure turned in the air and ended up facing Viconia. Viconia, in the meantime, didn't sit still, but jumped back. Muttering arcane words in half the time it usually took to cast, blue unholy fire surrounded her hands, waiting for her final command to be let loose.

And so the two drow faced each other; blue deadly fire in Viconia's hands and red deadly magical flame in the other drow's hand. This close together, both drow would kill each other if the energies were released.

"Okay, stop right there," Laska said as she approach from the side and pressed the tip of her sword against the throat of the second drow, while holding the other sword up in the air ready to strike.

The second drow seemed to smile under her hood. "Peace," she said and let the deadly energy dissipate. Viconia narrowed her eyes and slowly did the same. Eventually Laska, satisfied that the stranger wouldn't try anything, lowered her sword.

The second drow removed her hood. Tresses of white hair fell over her shoulders, revealing the face of a young drow, maybe forty years of age. A playful smile crossed her young features, augmented by a glint in her strange, golden eyes.

"Enough games," Viconia smirked.

"Indeed," the young drow responded.

"Do I detect a hint of the Menzoberranzan tongue in your common?" Viconia asked.

"Very astute," the young drow smile. "My name is Liriel..." she paused a moment, "Shobalar..."

"Shobalar?" Viconia said, knowing the female was lying, but not out of malice. She did not seem willing to reveal her true house-name. "So, you are a female wizard, then?"

"Correct," Liriel answered, knowing House Shobalar was known for their female wizards, "and you?"

"Viconia DeVir, once of a proud House, now traveling the surface-lands out of necessity," Viconia replied.

"Indeed," Liriel spoke. "Well, then, we have something in common."

"Truly?" Viconia spoke. "Has House Shobalar fallen?"

Seeing that the threat was gone and both drow were now ignoring her, Laska sighed and started to walk back to her seat. "Since we're done pissing about," Laska said. "Let me know when you guys start making out."

"Ah... No," Liriel smiled mysteriously and then focused her attention back on Viconia. "But you seem to be doing well for yourself. You even seem to be traveling with the ancient enemy of our people."

"You mean, Laska, the elf in my party?" Viconia replied.

"No, the inconspicuous boring fat trader from Zembia in your party," Liriel snorted. "Of course, I meant the elf!"

"I distrusted her at first," Viconia said. "But she is not so bad as other elves, who would hunt us at sight. Shall I introduce you to them? It is a rare pleasure to run into another of my race."

"Agreed," Liriel offered. "Surfacers can be so... simple, can't they? Quick to judge, lacking imagination... Lacking common sense... Lacking a sense of humor and, well, lacking a brain in general. I swear, some of these surfacers haven't got a humorous bone in their body."

* * *

"So, what are your thoughts on Drizzt, Liriel?" Imoen asked the newcomer at their table. The evening was progressing nicely, and after chatting for a bit, the girls were getting a mite tipsy. The only exception to this was, in fact, Viconia. Despite that the drow Liriel was having a lot of fun with her friends, Viconia made certain that her drink was never within her reach and always kept the other drow at least at arm's length. Trust was hard to come by for Viconia, certainly if another drow female was involved.

"Oh, dear Lolth, don't start," Liriel giggled and took another sip of her wine. "When I first heard of him, I couldn't believe it. I mean, he's more like a cardboard cut-out of a drow, rather than a real one."

"Thou art telling me," Dynaheir said. "Dost thou know that we met him?"

"Truly?" Liriel said.

"Yes," Laska chuckled. "_I've sparred with demons from the Nine-Hells themselves! Must I suffer this tiresome dance?_"

"Oh, Mother Lolth!" Liriel groaned. "Did he really say that? That sounds so cheesy."

"It's completely true, I swear it!" Laska said. "_Does the mere mention of Drizzt attract your ilk?_"

"That egotist!" Liriel said. "Those gnolls were just there, I bet, minding their own business when this Drizzt suddenly swoops in and ruins their fun."

"Will you not miss your traveling companion while chatting with us?" Imoen asked.

"Nah," Liriel smiled. "Fyodor is still trying to book passage for us back to Skullport down at the docks. He'll be away for another few hours. Especially when he notices that I still have our moneypouch when he has to pay for our bunks."

"So..." Viconia spoke. "Matron Baenre is really dead? That's profound. She's been a staple of Menzoberranzan for over a thousand years."

"As a doornail, Viconia," Liriel replied. "About time, I might add. She wasn't exactly a nice old granny who'd greet you with apple-pie whenever you'd come visit her and..."

A shadow suddenly fell over the gathered women, though the elves heard them approach from afar already. Hovering over them were five men, all wearing garish clothes, which revealed their hairy, muscular chests. They were all blonde, all lust-filled and all looking very ridiculous. Quickly one of the waitresses rushed up to them.

"I am DonJon Marcose!" the leader of the pack announced. "And this is my army of lovers! And we have chosen you five lucky gals to be the subject of our wooing!"

"Excuse me, Laska," Brianna the waitress spoke. "I have asked them to leave before, and they will not!"

"Tarry not, wench!" DonJon smiled broadly. "Love cannot be stopped!" Laska noticed that the men weren't exactly looking them in the eye when they spoke to them.

"Another thing that I like about this inn," Liriel spoke, "is that you can walk around and not be fondled. Fyodor and I were at this other place, the Copper Coronet? I tell you, I was grabbed more times than a copper at a miser's convention."

"Sorry," Brianna sighed.

"Allow me," Liriel grinned and stood up, approaching the nearest male. A magical light grew around her mouth and, without hesitation, she pressed her lips on those of the hapless male. But instead of reveling in the kiss, the male coughed, choked and sputtered as he slid away from the Drow and fell to the floor. To his horror, his tongue had shrunken down to the size of a pea.

DonJon watched as Laska slammed the heads of two of his men together, and while Dynaheir and Viconia tackled the remaining one with a Hold Person spell.

"But... but... we only wanted to love you!" DonJon tried.

"More like trying to shag us, I'd say," Laska said sharply.

"You want love?" Imoen grinned and waved her arms. "I'll give you love."

A summoned creature appeared in front of DonJon in a flash of light: a skunk. Startled, DonJon fled, running as fast as his legs could carry him, but the skunk was in hot pursuit, chasing after DonJon by hopping on all four legs.

The girls giggled for a bit, but when the five men fled, another gigantic man entered. "Little raven?" he spoke in a bass voice. "Where are you?"

"There's Fyodor," Liriel said. "It's been fun. Perhaps we shall meet again."

* * *

"Oh, my head," Imoen sighed as she grabbed her forehead. "I think I drank too much. Laska, will you drag me home?"

"Say no more," said Laska as she started to get up. "I think Brianna wants to close the bar anyway."

"It's starting to get dark outside," Dynaheir groaned as she rubbed her eyes. "We should not be on the streets at night."

And so the girls started to get ready to head home. Jan had left earlier, in fact, so while the girls headed out to fetch their coats, Viconia excused herself under the guise of wanting to finish her drink. So Viconia and Bob-Reggie were left sitting at the table.

"Well?" Viconia asked.

"She is who she says she is," Bob-Reggie said, having had ample opportunity to probe Imoen's mind. "No malicious intent, genuinely happy to be back with you... not cheating with dice either."

Viconia rubbed her chin. "Indeed?"

"You seem disappointed," said Bob-Reggie.

"No, no, it's not that," Viconia replied. "It's just that... her reappearance is more than a little strange. And I don't like mysteries."

Bob-Reggie shrugged. "Well, for what it's worth, they definitely messed with her memory at Spellhold. All the signs are there and they weren't very subtle about the removal either."

"Anything you could read?"

"Can't read what's not there," Bob-Reggie chuckled.

"Good point," Viconia sighed. "I suppose you want... payment... for services rendered?"

Bob-Reggie seemed to grin underneath his tentacles. "I can't let an opportunity like this pass! And, no, I won't take gold. Viconia, I want you on page three of The Amnian Gutter!"

Viconia closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "I afraid you might say something like that."

He fished out a gilded necklace with a magnet at the end. "This will be you costume and your one and only article of clothing! Sex sells, Viconia! And your bare skin is going to be selling so many super-duper-magnet mood enhancers for me!"

Viconia grit her teeth. "This is all Imoen's fault."

* * *

Faced with the prospect of soon being photographed naked with a magnet between her breasts, Viconia hurried home in silence and couldn't wait to get a good night's rest with peace and quiet. When she arrived home, all of the others had already gone to bed. She quickly entered her room, undressed, tossed on her nightshift and felt relaxation wash over her as she pulled the duvet over herself. She was about to close her eyes when there was a sudden knock on the door.

Imoen. With some crap story about not wanting to sleep alone. Viconia was too tired to argue about it and just wanted to sleep.

"Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed tonight, Vic," Imoen smiled as she emerged from behind the dressing screen wearing her nightshift. Imoen had closed the drapes and was about to put out the oil-lamps.

"Don't mention it," Viconia said. The drow was lying on the left side of the bed with her head on her favorite pillow.

"I don't wanna sleep alone yet," Imoen said while she crawled over the drow to reach her spot, as the plucky rogue was too lazy to walk to the other side of the bed. Viconia grunted in annoyance as Imoen's knee grazed her belly and the shift of weight made her perch quiver momentarily. "And I wanted to give Laska and Rose the chance to, you know..."

"I know," Viconia spoke tiredly. "I can hear them from here."

"Really? Oh, yeah, you've got the ear-thing going on, right? So... what are they saying to each other?"

Though Viconia's back was to the quirky Imoen, who was currently wrapping herself in the warm covers, she knew Imoen would have a sly grin on her face. "Even if I knew, I wouldn't tell," Viconia replied.

"Oh, come on..."

"No..."

"Come on..."

"No..."

"Come on..."

"No..."

"I'll be your friend..."

"You are already my friend..."

"... that's true, so... what are they saying?"

"Go to sleep..."

"No..."

"Sleep now!"

"No..."

"I'm not talking to you anymore," Viconia sighed and snuggled onto her pillow.

Viconia felt herself drifting into the peace of quiet slumber... were it not that a certain pink girl announced herself once more. "Wow, what a big room!" Imoen giggled.

"Yes..."

"Hey, you got lotsa paintings and statues here," Imoen smiled. "Oh, and a full book-case!"

"Yes," Viconia said. "Laska turned the house's library into a bedroom for Risa and Becky, so I moved most of the books in here. Nobody seems to be interested in them besides me and Dynaheir, anyway. Rose gets into a reading-mood sometimes, but that's really it."

"Really, wow! I'll definitely spend more time in here! I love books!" Imoen smiled.

"Wonderful," Viconia sighed heavily.

Suddenly, the drow felt two lips smack onto her cheek. "G'night, Vic," Imoen whispered.

"Do that again and you will be sleeping on the floor," Viconia replied sharply... and tiredly.

"Geez, it was only a goodnight kiss!" Imoen pouted.

"Well, don't. Good night Imoen, now please be quiet."

Another few moments of blissful silence followed.

"Vic?" Imoen asked. Viconia groaned inwardly and did not answer. "Vic?" Imoen pressed. "Vicky?"

"Yes," Viconia finally answered.

"Are you asleep?" Imoen asked softly.

"Yes," Viconia replied sarcastically. "I always answer questions in my sleep."

"Just wondering," Imoen said.

"Please do so quietly," Viconia sighed. "Us drow need our beauty-sleep or our hair will fall out."

"Really?!" Imoen supported herself on her elbow and stared at the prone drow.

"No," Viconia said.

"Then why'd you say it?" Imoen sighed.

"To shut you up, but it failed," Viconia retorted. "Now go to sleep or I will hit you over the head with a mallet."

Again, silence... blissful silence settled in Viconia's bedroom. Still, the tired drow could not sleep. Instead, Viconia listened intently... and smiled broadly when she heard the regular breathing pattern usually associated with sleep. Finally, Viconia could allow herself to sink into blissful slumber. That was, until Imoen rolled onto her stomach. For a moment, the drow thought she had been teleported into the middle of a working saw-mill.

Rolling onto her other side, the drow snarled at her snoring friend. Thinking to have found the solution to her troubles, Viconia briefly held Imoen's nose... To no avail. The only thing she could do, was to tickle Imoen enough so that she would roll back again. Now, Viconia ended up with a snoring, giggling Imoen. After several tries, Imoen apparently had had enough and rolled back on her side.

Sighing, Viconia returned to her side of the bed and lay down on her pillow.

"Hmmmmmmmmmmm," sounded from next to her. Viconia slowly turned to Imoen with weary eyes. "That's SOOOO good!"

"_Oh, great"_, Viconia sighed._ "Just what I need... an erotic dream"._

"What are you doing to me?" Imoen moaned.

Viconia sighed wearily... for about the third time this night. Imoen was getting to be quite tiresome.

"Oh, VICONIA!" Imoen all but screamed throatily.

Viconia's eyes grew wide with horrid distress. How was she going to save herself out of this one? At least, she concluded, the girl had good taste.

"Oh, Viconia! Thank you for buying me this deliciously giant chocolate icecream! Yummy!" Imoen wailed while a broad smile crossed her cheerful features.

Viconia groaned and stuffed her head under her pillow. She didn't dare hope, but finally, Imoen seemed to have quieted down. Again, Viconia prepared to go to sleep once more... until Viconia suddenly felt a flailing arm being draped over her face. She took the arms and put it back, but she was confronted with the simple fact that Imoen... was tossing and turning.

Viconia was suddenly pushed forward when Imoen's hand was placed between her shoulde rblades, inching her towards the edge of the bed. Shortly after that, Viconia grimaced as she felt Imoen's foot against the backside of her knee. Finally, Imoen's knee in the small of her back sealed the deal: with a brief yelp, Viconia fell out of bed.

Trying to regain her composure, she was too late to stop the sleeping Imoen from rolling herself into the duvet, completely stealing them away from her side of the bed. Wrapped up tightly like a snuggly chrysalis, Imoen slept on peacefully.

* * *

Tweeting of the birds alerted Imoen to the fact that it was morning. Yawning and stretching, Imoen felt something hard and... chitinous? lying next to her as she yawned. Opening her eyes, she half-expected to see Viconia. Instead, she stared into eight playful eyes. Releasing a short yelp, Imoen found that there was a giant spider sitting on Viconia's side of the bed.

"Vic?" Imoen asked.

The spider looked at Imoen as if she was crazy, and then pointed one leg towards his basket. Inside the basket, Viconia lay sleeping peacefully, curled up into a ball as to fit into the wicket and wrapped up in a soft blanket while resting her head on her pillow.

"Weird," Imoen giggled. "Why'd she do that?!"


	79. Rainy Day

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 79: Rainy day_

"Boooooooooorrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnngggggg gggg," Imoen wailed as she lay prone on the couch, on her tummy while supporting her chin on the cushions, staring outside... at the rain, the thick unrelenting grey blanket of rain this part of Amn often had to suffer through. Even though it was the middle of the day, it seemed like night. It was nearly impossible to see more than six feet ahead.

Her friends around her were trying to enjoy themselves in spite of the rain. Thankfully, they had an enormous and gorgeous house to hang around with. Back in the days, Imoen and her friends would just stay at the inn during rainstorms. Laska would end up drinking herself stupid and generally would be adventuring with a hangover the next day.

"Thou art having trouble staying inside?" Dynaheir asked as she looked up from her book.

"Duh!" Imoen sighed. "I've just spent three months inside... I wanted to go see the city, but now it's raining... stupid rain... I'm gonna find the god of rain and kick him or her in the arse!"

"I do not mind much," Dynaheir said. "I can catch up with my reading. Being part of this group, I cannot often afford this luxury."

"Well, at least _someone_ is having fun," Imoen sighed and rolled onto her back to stare up to the ceiling. "What about you, Minsc?" she asked. "I bet you're hating this."

"Oh, no!" Minsc said as he sat at the dinner-table and was watching Boo under a magnifying glass. "Boo and I are having much fun, aren't we, Boo?" Minsc said after hearing a squeak of approval. That said, Minsc took a quill and wrote something in a booklet. "I am keeping track of Boo's hairgrowth! Oh, look Boo! Number 20345 has grown a quarter of a millimeter!"

"Well, it's a hobby," Dynaheir smirked.

"Las and I hated rain," Imoen sighed. "We were street kids... and our room just got too small for two girls whenever it rained. We usually ended up getting into pillow-fights, running around and wrestling. We almost killed each other when Winthrop got a new dartboard at the inn and gave the old one to us to put up in our room."

"Thou art sounding like thou needst something to do," Dynaheir said. "Perhaps thou shouldst chat with Rose?"

"Rose?" Imoen sighed. "Nah, she's too busy painting. She says the rain is inspiring."

"Are you talking about me?" Rose smiled as the half-elf stepped out of her studio, wearing her usual paint-covered white overall.

"You've got some paint on the tip of your nose," Imoen said.

"Oh, well," Rose giggled, "somehow, there's always some paint that finds its way up there."

"Heh," Imoen giggled, "I half expected Laska to rush in right now and lick the paint of your nose."

Minsc looked up from his booklet. "I think that would be fairly disgusting. May Boo and I recommend a fizzy drink instead?"

"Yeah, well," Rose sighed. "Laska and I have had a bit of a row last morning."

"Trouble in paradise?" Imoen asked.

* * *

"So, she just dumps that bit of information in my lap," Laska said while taking another sip from her bottle of wine. She and Korgan were sitting in the cool wine cellar, simply to chat and drink.

"Och," Korgan rumbled.

"I mean, she just says out of the blue that I need to cut down drinking a bit! Just out of nowhere!" Laska sighed. "And while I was in the middle of doing foreplay with her, mind you!"

"_Foure-play_?" Korgan mouthed quizically. "I think ye just be makin' up a word which nay exist."

"If you have to ask you'll never know, Korg," Laska muttered and took another sip. "Point is, she said I should cut down a little... for my own health."

"Ach, that be a bloody outrage, that is!" Korgan roared.

"Yeah," Laska sighed. "And guess what she suggested to replace my booze?"

"Eh?"

"Mineral water..."

"Argh, nay!" Korgan said. "Say it be nay so!"

"I'm afraid so," Laska said. "She expects me to drink the cowardly sweat of stalactites instead of the soothing deliciousness of alcohol!"

"So what did ye be sayin'?"

"I told her," the tattooed elf replied, "_'Listen to me, sweetheart, don't try to change me! I'm in control of my own life and I do what I want, forever and ever! And now, we're gonna have some sex! Assume the position!_"

* * *

"She said," Rose smiled, "_I love you, Rose, and for you I will try, but don't expect to much of me. I __won't make any promises I won't be able to keep._"

"Sure," Imoen whispered and rolled back on her tummy. "Laska tries and says a lot of things, but actually doing stuff is what she has problems with. Short attention span and all that."

"Sorry?" Rose asked.

"Nothing," Imoen sighed, turned to her back and put on a smile again. "But you do know that Laska's in the wine cellar drinking right now, right?"

"I know," Rose sighed. "But it will take time. You know, Laska's got a tough exterior, but there's all kind of deeply-rooted insecurities below the surface."

"Are we talking about the same elf here?" Imoen asked. "Laska's a simple person. Don't understand it, then SMASH!"

"If you say that," Rose raised an eyebrow. "Then you don't know your sister very well."

"Oh, I know Laska has problems," Imoen said. "But I don't think they're as deep as you say they are. Just give her a drink or an orc to fight and she'll be happy again."

Rose smiled, "Its not that simple. It never is."

"Well, she did always feel bitter about not being to cast any spells," Imoen said.

"So, are you talking about me?" Laska purred as she stepped from the stairs leading to the cellar.

"Hey," Rose smiled while Laska took her lover in a brief embrace.

"Hey is right!" Imoen said as she jumped up from the couch after hearing the lock of the front door being opened. "Have you seen this?"

Imoen handed Laska a copy of the latest Amnian Gutter, the sleaziest tabloid in all of Atkatla (and proud of it), run by Jan's friend Bob-Reggie. Laska let her eyes run over the headlines.

"_The Council of Twelve taken over by Homosexual Space Aliens shocker_!" Laska read out loud. "_Inside scoop: Sharran Infiltrator Sex Scandal. All positions revealed_! _Ban These Evil Books; Elminster Ecologies Bad Influence on Children and the Weak of Mind! _Why am I holding this trashy piece of shit?"

Imoen chuckled. "Turn to page three."

Laska did so, and when she saw what was on that page, her jaw dropped to the ground. There, on a white bear rug, lay Viconia. With her flawless dark skin exposed, she lay on a sexy yet non-revealing pose, covering most of her breasts with one arm. Her long white hair was thrown to one side and there was a large magnet on a chain around her neck. Most striking, however, was that despite the sexy pose, the annoyance at her predicament on Viconia's expression was obvious.

"Wow!" Laska blinked.

"I know!" Imoen chuckled. "It's weird really. We've both seen Viconia naked plenty of times. You know, bathing in the river, sleeping in the same big tent, sauna's in upper class inns."

"Yeah, but this is different," said Laska. "This is... classy! And I'd never thought I'd say that about thius tabloid."

"Shame about the big magnet necklace ad on the bottom of the page," said Imoen. "Still... hot."

At that moment, the appreciative girls were startled when the door was thrown open. As soon as the front door opened, it revealed a shroud of rain. And out of that shroud, stepped a drenched Drow. Viconia's boots sloshed as she stepped inside. Her robe was drenched and heavy with rainwater, while her long white hair was hanging in front of her eyes and clung to her body.

"Vic, you look like a wet cat," Imoen chuckled.

In response, Viconia blew some wet hair from her mouth.

"I know you promised those kids at the orphanage you'd read today, but couldn't it have waited?" Imoen asked.

Viconia said nothing, but shook her head.

"Viconia keeps her promises," Dynaheir said, not looking up from her book.

Imoen frowned. "Why didn't you stay at the orphanage and wait out the rain there?"

While Viconia was still dripping out all over the floor, Laska crossed her arms and smirked. "Didn't want to suffer through any more of sister Lara's pillow talk, did you?"

Viconia snapped her head at Laska and narrowed her eyes. Then she dipped her head in a brief nod, praising Laska's perceptiveness.

"Look!" Minsc suddenly shouted. "Number 1567 has grown a whole millimeter!"

The drow growled a brief grunt of annoyance and moved towards her room, intent on taking a nice relaxing warm bath.

"So," Imoen smiled as she grabbed the drenched Viconia by the arm, "did you bring the object?"

Viconia nodded, opened her pouch and revealed a (rather wet) wooden toy horse. Of course, it was pink.

"Thanks!" Imoen said, taking a brief moment to kiss Viconia on the cheek. After wiping the water from her face, Imoen continued, "this'll look great in my room. Say, come sleep in my room tonight!"

Viconia shook her head 'no'.

"Oh, come on!" Imoen giggled. "I slept in your room last night, now you'll sleep in mine."

Viconia shook her head 'no'.

"Awww, please?!" Imoen pleaded. "You know I don't like to sleep alone. Please?"

Viconia shook her head 'no'.

"So, while you decide, how about some games of cards?"

Viconia shook her head 'no'.

"Hmm," Laska said. "Imoen hasn't asked me if I wanted to play cards with her. I'm certain you must feel particuarly honored by now."

Viconia offered an icy stare and blew some hair out of her mouth.

"Oh, I guess you wanna take a bath and change clothes first, huh?" Imoen chuckled.

Viconia nodded 'yes'.

"Well, better get to it then, we'll play cards later."

"Oh, hey, Vico," Laska grinned as she gave her the tabloid she was holding. "Nice picture. Nice rack. I bet every hot blooded boy and girl in Athkatla would love to jump into bed with you right now."

Viconia stared for a moment, let out an angry snarl, grabbed the paper and tossed it across the room.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Laska held up her arms as the drow offered her a look that was bloody murder. "I'm... I'm sure you had your reasons."

The drow seemed to calm down and sighed before sloshing toward her room to run a bath.

As Imoen was about to close the still open front door, a voice came through the rain. "Wait, wait, don't close that door!" A few moments later, Jan Jansen ran through the door, holding a rather strange object in his hands.

"Oh, it's a bit wet outside, isn't it?" the gnome said. "At least I have my latest invention handy!" he said as he held out the strange object.

"Jan, that's an umbrella! They've been around for hundreds of years," Imoen chuckled.

"Maybe, but the _JansenTech Wet-B-Gone Rainprotective Shield Generator_ can fire missiles too!" Jan grinned.

"Hey, hey!" Laska said. "That's just a bit of sheet-metal on a stick."

"Jan, thou art a fool!" Dynaheir spoke. "What if lightning breaks out!"

"Oh, then I just clutch my JTWBGRSG tightly and take shelter under the nearest and tallest tree! Always works!" Jan chuckled.

"Jan, what were you doing outside in the first place?" Laska grinned.

"Like you wouldn't run out to a bar on the other side of town if they have a discount on ale, even in the middle of a thunderstorm or volcanic eruption," Jan said. "But since you must know, I was visiting my cousin who works as a garden gnome in Lady Jysstev's huge garden. She's a bit of a garden gnome aficionado, you know, and likes to place them everywhere in her yard. Hiring living gnomes to play the parts is a new thing, and bound to sweep the nation soon! Why, Lady Jysstev's known for trying out her garden gnomes in several positions on all sides of the pond. Sadly, she was a little rough on my cousin yesterday and accidentally snapped his magic flute after kicking away his wheelbarrow. And, really, where would a gnome be without his magic flute?"

"Laska?" Imoen asked. "Why are you covering my ears?"

"So you don't have to hear that smut," Laska sighed. "So, what brings you here?"

"This," Jan said. "Since you're all too lazy to be looking for work, I found you some. I took this down from the public-notice board."

Laska took the note. "Hmmm," she said. "Some sort of siege is taking place at a township called Trademeet. Something about lions and tigers and bears?"

"Thou took down a plea for help from a public-notice board?" Dynaheir said. "Isn't that a bit on the wicked side?"

"Nah, everybody does it. First come, first serve; pickings are slim and adventuring is a dog-eat-dog business. There was this other one about a missing ring, but four halflings took it with them before I had a chance to read it properly," Jan said.

"Oh, what the hell," Laska said. "Come on guys, let's gather round and discuss our next job."

"So, in the meantime, I'll tell you about my cousin's magic flute... So, after we tried some glue and failing, we decided to try a healing-spell and..."


	80. Trademeet endeavors

_**Tankards and Tempers**_

_Chapter 80: Trademeet Endeavors_

"Oh, I'm so excited!" Imoen said as she closed her eyes and raised her chin high to let the sun warm her cheeks. Athkatla was no longer in sight as the group traveled toward one the cobblestone roads of the Amnian countryside, destination adventure. "Trees, grass, the open sky... Back in Spellhold we got air in a walled courtyard. We didn't have any grass or trees. All we had was a potted plant which had been dead since last spring."

"Och," Korgan grinned, "ye just be watchin' how I be makin' these tree tremble by flashin' me axe about!"

"Oh, yes," Imoen's twinkled. "I just bet those trees will be mightily impressed if you keep swinging your little thing about."

"Aye!" Korgan roared. "Err... We be still takin' about me axe, right?"

"Maybe," Imoen winked. "Keldorn!" she said, directing her attention to the paladin trailing behind the group. "You've been moping ever since we left! Cheer up a little!"

"Do you blame me?" Keldorn sighed. "You three pulled me from my home right onto the streets because you supposedly were 'in a hurry'."

"Oh, come on, ye sissy boy! HAR!" Korgan guffawed.

"Need I remind you that I was taking a peaceful bath and I didn't have time to grab a towel before I was hoisted through the front door?" Keldorn sighed.

"Yes, and we were all very impressed," Imoen said. "Next time please hurry up when we call you."

"There was all of three seconds between you three calling me and you three dragging me from my peaceful bath!" Keldorn all but snarled as he turned away from the chuckling Korgan.

"This is the part where you complain about your old bones, isn't it?" Imoen chuckled.

"My bones _are_ old," Keldorn spoke in that deep voice of his, "and my bones might get even older if I don't get pneumonia from your little escapade."

"Keldorn, stop being so boring," Imoen said. "Come on, live a little! Do something crazy! Take a chance, do something nobody expects from you!"

"Like involuntary streaking?" the aged paladin raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, exactly!" Imoen replied. "Or cord-jumping!"

"Ey?" Korgan asked. "What be that?"

"Oh, you tie a ribbon on your legs, jump off a bridge and bounce around. It's supposed to be great fun, though there were plenty of deaths in the first years of that new sport," Imoen said.

"Why am I not surprised?" Keldorn said. "I don't understand young people these days."

"Och," Korgan snorted. "Take it from someone who be over a hundred years old, longlimb; young people be a piece of piss."

* * *

Elsewhere, in front of the traveling fellowship, Rose was riding on the back of Laska's horse, having her arms wrapped around her lover's waist and her cheek buried in Laska's long, dark hair, which she had worn loose for especially this reason. The elf could feel Rose's warmth even through her cold armor as she calmly guided her horse over the trail.

"Thanks for letting me come along," Rose muttered into Laska's hair. Indeed, for Rose this was a business trip; Trademeet had a distribution center for exotic wine and fine spirits, and the Mithrest was in dire need for more upper class stock. Thankfully, Rose's business trip coincided with the adventure of her friends, meaning Rose wouldn't have to hire armed escorts to get the expensive shipment back to Athkatla safely.

"Don't be getting any ideas, Rose," Laska said. "As soon as trouble comes along, I want you off the battleground."

"Oh," Rose smirked, "I can hold my own. You said yourself I'm mean with a staff."

"Still, I want you to..."

"I know, I know," Rose said. "Get out of harm's way. Don't worry, I'll be busy with negotiations anyway. And I think my biggest adventure will be keeping you guys out of the stock on the trip back to Athkatla."

"No promises," Laska smirked.

"I'll stay in Trademeet, sure. It's just nice to see you in action."

"Well," a sly grin crossed over Laska's face, "if you want to see me in action, we'll rent a room with a big bed and..."

"Gods, is that all you ever think about?" Rose smiled and playfully swatted Laska in the back of the head.

"No. There's also thinking about booze and fighting. So... you've been to Trademeet before," Laska said, remembering the time her lover was away for a week to go to a 'management is fun'-course some time ago. "What sort of town is it?"

"It's nice, I suppose," Rose said, giving a hesitating appraisal. "Bit of a rich burg. Very, very gaudy. Big houses, few people, lotsa old money, snootiness galore and only one tavern. You'll hate it."

The trail continued to run along a large lake for several miles. Eventually, the alabaster towers, with the gaudy gold-painted roofs could be seen from the distance, about half a mile from the lake. Indeed, it was a small town, but apparently, its inhabitants had an incredible amount of money, which could be seen from their architecture. Broad, two-story houses, coated with aquamarine lime-stone were the absolute norm. Even the defensive, yet low walls were adorned with intricate patterns, while marble statues could be seen on just about every corner. At the gate was a large square which turned out to be adorned with a beautiful mosaic of the goddess Waukeen.

Right now, however, that square was a place of carnage. With a snarl, a spotted cougar hurled itself on top of one of the fallen defenders of the town. The poor man screamed as claws dug into his flesh and rend him asunder. A huge black bear growled and raised itself to stand on its hind legs and kept two more defenders pinned against the wall, while a trio of spiders were assaulting a hapless mage.

In the middle of the carnage, directing the battle, was a single halfling barking orders... and that same halfling glowered when a large group of new combatants poured into the fight. The cougar left his kill and prepared to jump, but was met with a throwing dagger, which landed right between his feet. The cougar seemed to be assessing the situation and snarled in an intricate pattern of coherent sounding snarls. Immediately, the trio of spiders and the bear halted their attacked and brushed past the newly arrived party, running towards the forest.

"Well, that was easy," Laska said and picked up her dagger. The rest of their party arrived and was battle-ready.

"OCH! Come back 'ere ye beasties! I be wantin' ta kill ye and eat yer flesh!"

"Oh, no," the halfling sighed. "Not you again! Will I ever be rid of you?"

"Mazzy Fentan," Laska smiled. "Fancy meeting you here."

"Ah, and you have brought Sir Keldorn!" Mazzy smiled. "Well, now our situation might actually improve!"

"Mazzy, I," Keldorn blushed. "I... we will do our best, of course. Your confidence is inspiring."

"Speak with Lord Coprith," Mazzy said. "Excuse me while I gather my troops so we can treat our wounded." That said, the intrepid halfling was off without a second look over her shoulder.

"Well, she's just like I remember her," Laska muttered. "What the hell is going on here? Were those animals attacking the town?"

Minsc bent down to examine the dirt outside the gate. "Look, friends! Boo has found tracks! These are panthers, mountain lions, spiders and bears. They all came together and from the east."

"Hm," Dynaheir said. "Those are animals that usually don't get along, right?"

"No!" Minsc roared. "Some EVIL is robbing these creatures of their free will and is using them to attack innocent people! Minsc and Boo will no stand for this, ahey!"

"Think they'll come back soon?" Laska asked.

Minsc rubbed his chin. "I think we scared them off for now, but we must be vigil."

"Righto, guys? What do you say we scope out the place before we check out the town and talk to this Coprith bloke?"

"Goody!" Imoen chuckled. "Let's go shopping at that big market-place!"

"That's not what I meant when I said 'scoping out the place', Im," Laska grinned. "Let's split up and see what we can find."

"I know, Laska, I know," Imoen grinned. "Let me have the money for a while, okay? I, errr, just want to, ermmm, hold it, you know, like a kind of hobby!"

* * *

"Why do I always get paired up with you when we split up, Jan?" Viconia asked herself as she, Jan and Keldorn moved to the east side of town.

"It's fate, Vicky," Jan smiled. "We are destined to be together for all times!"

"Perish the thought," Viconia groaned. "I'd need a vacation from you every week."

"Look at this," Keldorn said as he looked at the gaudy buildings. "It's so obvious these people have too much money than they know what to do with. Luckily, I haven't noticed any homeless or beggars around."

"Trademeet is in a good location," Viconia said. "Take it from someone who knows trade. This town is in a central location in Amn, has easy access through roads and waterways. A rich lake filled with fish, ore mines and fertile farmland in every direction and a river which runs all the way to the coast. Every mass trader and landowner worth his salt would flock to this place."

"On the subject of too much money," Jan chuckled. "I once had an uncle with too much money. Oh, yes, he had so much money. He was in the barrel and crate business, you see, so cash was always flowing in. He even had this big coin-pool which he skinny-dipped in all the time, mighty cold if you ask me. Five houses, five boats, five butlers, five tables, five giant turnips, five dogs, five cats, one wife... and five mistresses. Of course, none of them knew of eachother's existence, which can be quite a stir when all ten pets met at once, and let alone the many wives! But, oh, what a lifestyle! He used to fire and hire the same people over and over again. I tell you, he was so rich he even had Lolth jumping out of his birthday-cake once!"

"I highly doubt that," Viconia sighed.

"Oh, Uncle Weber just offered Lolth some candy. She's a sucker for strawberry-flavored lollipops. Anyway, when his six wives found out about each other, they decided to do something about it. You know, the official cause of death was that he choked in a coin while swimming, but, actually, Weber found his pool was suddenly populated with about a dozen hungry griffins. The wives got all the money, and spend their days leading an alternative communal life-style on a deserted island, until it was hit by a meteor, but that is another story altogether."

"Are you going to remain silent now?" Keldorn asked.

"So, this meteor saw the six women from space and thought to himself 'hey, I want in on this party', without considering that he might be too big to join the party, so he crashed... and that is how the purple dragons all died out..."

"NO MORE STORIES!" Keldorn shouted.

"Oh, will you look at that travesty!" Viconia suddenly menaced when she saw an open tent on the edge of town. It was Calishite harem, many scantily clad veiled women surrounding a rather portly gaudily dressed man. "That's an outrage it is! Why do the surface females "

"Didn't you once say that Drow matrons often keep harems too?" Jan winked.

"That's different," Viconia said. "Female Drow are noble beings and male Drow are just dumb, voiceless cattle."

"I wonder what they are doing so far north," Keldorn said. "Also, they don't seem to be too worried about the animal attacks, even though they are in a tent and outside the city walls."

"We should also ask what the two invisible genies next to that blubbery man are doing?" Jan spoke loudly.

"Ey?" Keldorn frowned while Viconia crossed her arms. "Is this another lead-in of your stories, Jan?"

Jan shrugged. "It can be if you want to, but really, there are two genies over there. Can't fool an illusionist, you know?"

Apparently the dao realized that they had been found out. A flash of light followed and the three suddenly stood before the two genies in a dark subplane. They found themselves floating on air, seeing naught but darkness and each other.

"Greetings to you, wayfarer! I am Khan Zahraa of Calimsham, a Dao djinn, at your service!" the genie spoke in a pleasant voice.

"We don't like being ripped from reality!" Viconia snarled. "Take us back immediately!"

"Bite you tongue, mortal," Khan spoke. "Suffice it to say that we have come on a service, hunting a criminal of some repute from Calimshan... a rakshasa by the name of Ihtafeer. She has managed to elude us for about fifty years."

"What has that got to do with us?" Jan said. "We don't have any tiger-heads, you know?"

"No, but you can see through illusions, like you did ours," Khan spoke. "You might make our hunt easier."

"I take it you are offering us a job?" Keldorn spoke.

"Not a job, paladin, a mightly quest," Khan grinned. "Ihtafeer is a foul necromancer. A noble warrior such as yourself would have no problems dealing with such creatures. We dao grew tired of chasing this little rakshasa... one does not always have to do things the difficult way, after all."

"She was too strong for you defeat her, wasn't she?" Viconia grinned.

"Errrr, yes," Khan hung his head in shame. "The dao wish you well on your hunt, then, and await eagerly the sight of Ihtafeer's head! She can be very everywhere in the area right now, but I wish you luck on your quest. You'll need it."

Suddenly, the three adventurers found themselves standing in the Inn, no sign of the dao being apparent.

"Something was odd about this encounter," Keldorn spoke. "Somehow, I don't think those dao were telling us the whole story. Regardless, we have more work. That should make Laska happy."

"I'll say," Jan said. "Smoke-boy didn't even realize I picked his pockets! Come on, lets share the loot."

* * *

Elsewhere, Minsc, Dynaheir and Imoen were roaming the market looking for bargains. Unfortunately, the living standard in Trademeet was so high that even the bargains were hidiously expensive. Instead, the three decided to have some fun by having their palm read in one of the tents in the marketplace, belonging to a group of Rom travelers.

"A goddess approves of your deeds, young ranger," the mysterious Kveroslava, the mother and heart of the Rom family said as she read the palm of Minsc. "Continue on your path to greatness."

"Oh, this is exciting, isn't it Boo?"

"More exiting than the 'tall dark stranger' I will meet in the future," Dynaheir shook her head.

"Ah, it is so nice to meet a friendly face in town," Kveroslava smiled. "We came here to flee from the animal-attacks but the people here have become so paranoid. For some reason, they've got it in their heads that we Rom are werewolves."

"Me! Me!" Imoen giggled as she hopped on her seat. "I want a reading, come on!"

"Alright," Kveroslava chuckled. "Cross my palm with silver."

Like a flash, Imoen rubbed her coin across Kveroslava's hand and laid her own hand in her palm.

"I..." Kveroslava said, but suddenly fell silent.

"What?!" Imoen asked. "What do you see? Come on, tell me."

"This... isn't possible," Kveroslava told Imoen. "I... I don't see anything. There's always something but... it's as if you're not here. I'm sorry, this never happened before. I will refund your silver."

Imoen frowned. "Well. That wasn't fun. I think I'll just go buy a bag of candy from your sister instead."

* * *

After having books a couple of rooms at the local inn, Laska, Rose and Korgan walked through the center of town and headed towards the market to meet up with their friends.

"Gods," Laska cursed. "The sunlight reflecting off those shiny roofs are blinding my eyesight."

"Mergh," Korgan said. "This place be too clean. At least Athkatla be havin' some dogshit in every gutter. Athkatla be lookin' more alive."

"Shit makes a city seem more alive?" Rose asked.

"Aye!" Korgan grunted. "Ye ain't be livin' unless ye see someone emptyin' a chamber pot over somebody's 'ead. HAR!"

"As long as it's not on _our_ heads," Laska shrugged. "Still, the place is rather calm for a town that's supposedly under siege."

"Most of the people who live here are too rich to care," Rose shrugged.

They passed a building which looked newer compared to the other buildings in town. It was tucked away between a mansion and the town wall, was tall and had a series of red lanterns on either side of the large front door.

Just as the party passed, the door was thrown open and out came a tall human woman, a veritable wave of perfume emanating from her person. She was blonde, buxom and wore an expensive thin dress which left very little to the imagination. Expensive earrings and jewelry adorned her person. "Rose?" she asked as her sultry green eyes grew wide with recognition. "I thought that was you!"

"Annalynn?" there was a happiness in Rose's voice as she spoke.

Soon enough, Korgan and Laska both grinned as both women shrieked in their happiness and flew into each other's arms.

"Hey, how've you been?" Annalynn asked. "I haven't seen you for years."

"I quit," Rose said as the two women released. "I thought you would too."

"Don't look at me like that. I want to work here, I love my job," Annalynn said, "I just don't like the clientele at the bridge section. In Trademeet, all employees are treated fairly... that's Waukeen's rule: fair trade. It's good coin for an independent woman, you know."

"So is tending bar," Rose smiled.

"Really, I'm happy for you," Annalynn said. " Oh, and, who's this, then?" she said while pointing at the elf standing behind Rose.

"Laska Leafwalker," the elf spoke, hugged Rose from behind and kissed her on the top of the head. "I kill things for a living..."

"Laska, please," Rose blushed.

"Oh my," Annalynn grinned. "An elf! Congrats, girl. Elves are hard to find and even harder too hook." Annalynn gave Laska a brief look-over. "And I can see why you picked her."

Rose, who noticed Annalynn's eyes were centered at Laska's breasts when she made that statement, flushed bright red.

"Oh, yeah," Annalynn continued. "Laska, you definitely have the shape and figure my girl Rose likes."

"Yeah," Rose continued blushing.

"Does that mean," Laska asked her lover, "that when we first met, you were only interested in my body?"

"Errr," Rose blushed, impossible as it was, even a deeper shade of red. "Sorry..."

Laska thought for a moment. "I can live with that," she grinned.

"There you go!" Annalynn smiled, but suddenly, her smile faded. "Oh, shit, it's Wilfred. Come on, let's get inside quickly, he might pass us by."

Looking over her shoulder when Annalynn let them in, Laska noticed a greasy man with strange puffy pants headed towards the brothel, but the flap closed before she could make out any details.

Korgan finally said something, who had been fiddling with his beard ever since the women started talking. "Oy," he grinned, "could I be stayin' 'ere for a tad? HAR!"

The brothel's common outside appearance belied the luxury that was inside. Luxurious red carpet, and scented golden braziers spread a cinnamon smell through building. Gilded statues and expensive paintings lined the walls of a large relaxation area and bar. Around a waterpipe, on a ring a of pillows, a group of three scantily clad women were sitting, chatting and laughing. A broad staircase led up to the private areas and next to the entrance was a small desk where a friendly-smiling older woman welcomed her guests.

Unfortunately, they couldn't enjoy their quiet rest much longer. The greasy man jumped through the door and immediately put an arm around both Laska and Rose's shoulder. "NEW GIRLS!" he shouted in their sensitive elven ears, "I thought I saw you enter here. I can't wait to try you out! I'll be taking these two upstairs, Madame Jeanne!"

Laska snarled in anger when she felt a hand slide up her chest until it rested on one of her breasts. The tattooed elf twirled around, grabbed the man and pushed him into the wall. She hoisted him up and pressed her arm against his throat, causing his eyes to bulge. "NOT for sale," she hissed angrily. "And because you're so visibly addled, I'll allow you to withdraw your greasy hand from under my vest without breaking every bone in your body, including the three teensy ones in your middle ear!"

"We," Rose sighed harshly, "are not on the menu."

"Oops, sorry," Wilfred grinned. "But, hey, at least I got a free feel-up out of the deal and..."

Suddenly, with a shriek and a crash, Wilfred was sent flying through the room and ended up like a heap on the floor under the loud cheers and applause by all the gathered women.

"HAR!" Korgan roared. "Ye be makin' a big mistake, boy."

"You said you wouldn't..." Wilfred muttered meekly while rubbing his painful eye.

"A girl's got a right to change her mind, hasn't she?" Laska shrugged.

"Well, in that case," he gave Annalynn the look-over. "Lynna, my dear, you have such lovely, er, eyes," he said, despite the face that it was obvious that his own eyes were drifting a bit lower than that.

"Oh, what do you keep picking on me for?!" Annalynn sighed.

"Still loving your job?" Laska smirked.

Annalynn narrowed her eyes. "Some days are better than others."

"Gather around girls!" Wilfred announced while all the girls groaned and plotted any possible escapes from this dreadful tale they had heard dozens of times before. "While I tell you the tale of my heroic encounter with a foul beast of sheer depraved violence! You are looking at one of the finest adventurers ever to hail from the city of Luskan, my friend! I am just recently come from a fine exploit that has left me considerably richer! So, anyway, there I was traveling through the Troll Hills, right? I come across this large cavern, warm steam coming out of it and the forbidding smell of brimstone and such... A dragon, I think to myself. And being Wilfred the Red the great adventurer, I walk in and challenge the dread beast to hand-to-hand combat!"

"A... _fist-fight_ with a dragon?" Laska asked.

"Why not?" Korgan chuckled. "Dragons be needin' all four legs ta be walkin', so they cannae punch back!"

"Thirty feet high he was, with a wingspan easily three times that! Red as blood and eviller than a cockatrice in Alturiak!" Wilfred started to foam at the mouth! "I slew the beast, naturally, after a valiant struggle. A few minor scorch-marks were all I suffered for felling the beast, and its horde was mine! More gold than you could possibly imagine!"

"Ye be sure o'that?" Korgan said. "I can be imaginin' a lot! HAR!"

"Too bad I was by myself at the time. I could only gather as much gold as I could carry. Still, it was enough to make me plenty wealthy. Plus, it was a good deed, which is my forte," Wilfred grinned.

"Why don't you do a good deed and leave me alone for a day," Annalynn tried.

"Hey, no can do, babe," Wilfred grinned, "a hero has his needs."

Laska gave Wilfred a look-over. Beer-belly, bald-spot, non-existent muscle-mass, puffy leisure pants... She deemed it impossible that this man had slain a dragon unless the dragon in question was senile and blind. But Korgan beat her to the punch. "Ey!" he shouted. "Ye look ye cannay even swat a fly. Ye look ye be made from sticks, lard and cowdung. The only way ye could be defeatin' a dragon, be if ye bore it to death or if the smell o' yer mouth reaches 'is nostrils!"

"He said what we all were thinking!" Annalynn smiled.

"But, well, I, Let me tell you!" Wilfred said, but was suddenly silenced by a loud, earth-shaking crash. Then, a loud booming voice sounded from outside the building, deep and draconic. "Fe Fi Fo Fum! I smell the blood of a lousy bum!" it shouted.

Suddenly, a red draconic head crashed through the window of and darted it eyes from back to forth while sniffing loudly. Though this startled the occupants of the building, and from the sounds coming from outside, the dragon had caused quite a stir, Laska and Korgan were not as impressed. This dragon was only a fraction of the size Firkraag had been. He was about the size of a horse, so they guessed this red dragon was really quite young. One thing was obvious, though; he was angry.

"S-s-sir," Madame Jeanne gulped. "W-w-w-we're n-n-not r-r-really s-s-set up for c-c-c-customers of your, ahum, k-k-k-ind..."

Laska positioned herself between the dragon and the trembling girls at the back end of the building noting with satisfaction that a wet patch was spreading in Wilfred's pants.

"There's the bum!" the dragon snarled. "You're the one who took my hoard! I can smell it on you!"

"No, no violence! Please! I... I'm no great warrior! There! I admit it! Please don't hurt me!" Wilfred yelled and sank to his knees, while pleading for his life in front of the dragon. "I was... traveling through the Troll Hills with my caravan and I, uh, got separated from them when I responded to a, uh, call of nature... I was lost and when I thought I heard them close by, I ran to catch up. I, er, stumbled and fell into a cave of sorts. There was a dragon, there... this one ... and he was, uh, sleeping."

"THIEF!" the dragon snarled.

"So I... helped myself to its gold. And I, er, got out as quickly as I could," Wilfred moaned. "Now please don't kill me, please don't kill me! I'll do anything but please _DON'T KILL ME_!"

"I'll be taking my hoard back!" the dragon roared.

"No, you won't!" Annalynn suddenly shouted at the dragon. "We worked hard for that money! Do know how long we had to listen to his verbal diarrhoea and endured his feeble pawings?! As you might have noticed, he's not exactly a tiger in the sack! We earned that money fair and square."

The dragon seemed unimpressed. "Give me my coin or I'll huff and puff and blow your house down!" the dragon roared.

"You've been reading too many stories," Laska told the dragon. "Really, though, you're a dragon. Don't you have loads of coin?"

The young dragon hung his head slightly. "I just left mother's nest, I don't have much gold because I'm just starting out," he looked away from the girls in the room, as if ashamed. "That bum took everything. My mother will be so angry with me when she hears what happened. A dragon without a hoard is no dragon at all! I need it back!"

"Wait, wait!" Rose suddenly spoke up. "Can't we work something out? I mean, dragons are always on the lookout for more gold, right? So, why don't you apply for a job here? I mean, with the coin this place rakes in, you could turn a profit at the end of week, even."

"Yes!" Madame Jeanne smiled. "We've been looking for a good bouncer to keep the bad clientele like Wilfred here out. I'll give you a good pay and an even better dental plan. It's a good starter job if you want to build up your hoard."

"A dental plan, ey?" the now more placated young dragon said. "Now that I can use."

"Yes, I can smell that from here," Laska muttered.

Suddenly, Wilfred screamed as he found himself inside the dragon's maw. In an instant, the dragon withdrew from the tent. The sounds of a forceful spitting sounded, followed by Wilfred's screams of terror disappearing into the distance.

The young dragon scored major points with the grateful girls for this and was soon ushered into the building. Thankfully, he just fit through the door. A few minutes later, he had been fitted with his uniform; a pair of dark glasses and a black necktie around his long neck. He stood next to madame Jeanne, looking imposing.

"Halt!" he shouted, practicing his bouncer voice. "Who goes?!"

"Well, now that that's settled," Laska said. "Perhaps we should get back to the inn to see what the others have dug up."

"Err, well," Korgan said while Annalynn was playing with his beard. "We ye mind if I be stayin' 'ere fer a moment?"

"Nah," Laska said. "Just don't do anything I wouldn't do."

"You know," Rose said and winked at Laska, "you've just pretty much given him free reign."

"I know," Laska grinned.

* * *

"Long day," Laska muttered as she removed her vest and tossed it on the chair in the back of the room at the inn which she shared with Rose. It was an expensive and large room, well carpeted and warm, but, much to Laska's satisfaction, there was a huge bed. Rose was already lying under the covers when Laska removed her boots and started to unbuckle her belt. "The others didn't find out shit. Makes you wonder if there is actually something bad going on here or if someone is just exaggerating it. Good for us, though. Could be a simple job that'll be horribly overpaid."

"Don't mind me," Rose said as she stared at Laska from the bed. "Just admiring the view."

"Oh?" Laska grinned while untying her braid and shaking her head about to loosen up her hair. After blowing out the candle, she removed her pants and crawled under the blankets.

"You know," Rose said while she cuddled up to her lover. "All my relationships until now have turned out in disaster."

"How comforting to know," Laska snorted. "So, when's out break-up scheduled?"

"Hey," Rose swatted her lover against the arm. "I'm trying to be sensitive here! I wanted to say how much this relationship means to me and how much I love you, but if you keep talking through it..."

"Well," Laska said. "None of my relationships... many relationships lasted longer than a romp, except this one and," the elf sighed as she laid her head down on Rose's chest while her lover stroked her hair, "I didn't think a relationship would be for me, but it's so nice to share the fun, and the bad times, with someone else."

Rose smiled and kissed her lover on the top of the head.

"Now," Laska grinned while Rose felt her lover leading a trail of brief kisses towards the nape of her neck, "let's see if I can make you happy too..."


	81. Confidante

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 81: Confidante_

_Viconia sat in her favorite chair in her small home just putting the final touch to knitting a pair of baby-socks. After putting down her pins, she lovingly stroked a hand over her swollen belly. Her seventh child would be born soon._

_'Bang!' sounded from upstairs, and two giggling girls ran down, a boy in hot pursuit._

_Ah, such fine kids they were, short from drow, of course, but they had the tell-tale skin and hair of their people... Too bad their noses were so big._

_"Kids, don't run in the hallways!" Viconia shouted, but smiled in spite of herself._

_"Momma!" her son Joost sniffed. "Marietje and Mariken have stolen my dolly!"_

_"You're a boy, you're supposed to play with swords, not dollies!" Mariken, her youngest daughter shot at her son, a plump and sensitive boy._

_"Joost can make that decision on his own," Viconia said sternly. "Now, give him back Mister PrissyPants, or there'll be no turnip after dinner for you."_

_"Awww, mom!" Mariken whined._

_"Quiet!" Viconia said. "I think I hear your father coming home."_

_"Honey," Jan shouted as he walked into the room while Viconia bent down to be kissed on the cheek, "I'm home!"_

* * *

"AIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" Viconia found herself sitting upright in bed, bathing in sweat and near hyperventilation as her fearful eyes darted through her large room at the Trademeet Inn. Thankfully, there were no gnomes or weird drow-gnome hybrid children about.

"S'up, Vic?" she heard the tired voice of Imoen call out. On the second bed on in room, Imoen lay on her stomach, muttering into her pillow. Still, Imoen still preferred not to sleep alone, so they shared their room. There were only a few rooms available at the Inn, so they all had to made do anyway. Minsc, Jan and Dynaheir were stuck together as well, as were Keldorn and Korgan, but Viconia knew that Laska wouldn't mind sharing a room with Rose.

"Oh, Tymora," Viconia rubbed her eyes and ran her hands through her long white hair, before plopping backwards on her pillow. "What a horrid, horrid dream."

"I know just how to fix that," Imoen said and sat upright. Biting her tongue softly while she waved arcane gestures, the willed a decanter of milk standing at the foot-end of the bed to pour a glass. Afterwards, she willed her magic to levitate the glass, while a jet of flame shot from her fingers and hit the bottom of the glass. A few seconds later, she slowly allowed the glass to float to to Viconia's waiting hand.

"It seems you have improved," Viconia said as she eagerly drank her milk. "Of course, if you had dropped that decanter of milk into my lap, I would still have thrown you out the window."

"Your confidence in me is inspiring, Vic," Imoen giggled after Viconia finished her milk. "Also, you've got a milk-mustache."

"You never saw that," Viconia half-snarled as she wiped the milk from her upper lip.

"But..."

"YOU NEVER SAW THAT!" Viconia stressed.

"Pffff," Imoen snorted. "Iffy..."

"Exactly," Viconia muttered.

"Vic?"

"Yes?"

"Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"You're talking to me right now, aren't you?"

"I meant, _talking_ with you for a moment."

"What? Don't tell me you need to go to the bathroom again."

"Hey, I only asked you because it was dark and I needed someone to heal me if I'd slip on the mat!"

"You asked because you hate the sight of me sleeping peacefully! Who goes to the bathroom thrice in one hour?!"

"No, no, it's just because I drank too much orange-juice at dinner! Besides, I always wanted to use one of those modern indoor-outhouses. They're kinda neat."

"We have one back at the house. Try that one," Viconia muttered and rolled to her side, facing away from Imoen.

Silence fell in the room, causing Viconia close her eyes and get comfortable in her soft bed. Blissful sleep was close, hopefully without any further vomit-inducing dreams.

"Uhm..." sounded from the other bed.

Viconia sighed heavily and lost any hope of actually getting some sleep soon. "So, you want to chat the ears off my head again?"

"Well, it's just that there's... something which kept me up thinking tonight," Imoen sighed.

"Oh dear, was that before or after you did your rusty sawmill imitation?" Viconia retorted and laid on her side.

"Well, I can't think all night, can I?!" Imoen said and plopped her head back on her pillow. "A girl needs her beauty sleep, or I'll be tripping over the bags under my eyes next morning. And that's not fun, I tell you. They get stretched out even further until you have to tie them down with ropes to keep them from drooping, I tells ya! And I..."

"Good night! Kindly shut the _vith _up now!" Viconia snarled and tossed about, turning her back to Imoen and pulling the covers over her.

"Vic, wait, it was just a joke," the pink-hair mage pleaded. "I'm just feeling a bit... uneasy and..."

"What is it, then?" Viconia sighed, rolling back to face her friend.

"Well, remember the reading the Rom woman did for me? I told you about that at dinner," Imoen asked.

"Vaguely," Viconia said. "Look, such things are merely superstition, not worth any loss of sleep... for either of us. Seriously, you're to smart to buy into a fortune-teller's woo. It's a trick, nothing more."

"I know, but Kveroslava knew Boo's name before Minsc even came into the tent!" Imoen said.

"Are you really that surprised? Minsc bellows Boo's name all over town!" Viconia laughed. "You worry about nothing. Let me guess, she told Dynaheir that she would meet a tall dark handsome stranger? Seriously, these fortune-tellers just give you some generic things which apply to just about everybody or just 'predictions' so vague you can never verify them."

"Maybe but... I get the shivers whenever I think about it. _'It's like you're not here'_, I mean, that's awfully specific," Imoen sighed.

"No, it isn't," said Viconia. "You daydream a lot, don't you? That's rather like _not being there _hm?" Viconia sighed while Imoen nodded.

Imoen thought about that for a moment. "I suppose," said Imoen. "I guess it just hit a nerve. I want to go back to things as they were. I've missed too much while I was locked up. I've missed so many adventures and exploring and making friends and learning magic on my own... I know Laska's an elf, and she tends take things easy because of that... but was it really that hard to invest some time in saving her sister?"

"Her thoughts were with you constantly," Viconia said. "Money was an issue. We were gathering gold to pay the Shadow Thieves for information and transportation to set up your rescue. It took longer than expected."

"I know, I know, but... it still stings," Imoen said. "All that waiting... And, nothing's the same anymore. Laska has a house, a lover, new friends gained so much... and I was never there to see it all. Rose and Laska probably having fun together right now..."

Viconia looked up, putting her ears in the air. "Well, if I hear correctly, they're..."

"I bet they are!" Imoen snapped. "I want the old Laska back! You know, the one you and I could have fun with going out on the town, pulling pranks, watching her drink herself stupid. Remember the time at Feldepost's Inn in Beregost where she started dancing on the table and taking off her clothes to show off her new tattoos?"

"How could I forget?" Viconia snorted. "We were chased out of the inn by Feldepost... and then the men in the inn started tossing chairs at Feldepost for sending us away."

"Fun times," Imoen smiled. "And now, suddenly, everything is different. I suddenly have to share her time with Rose. It know that's selfish, that I'm supposed to be happy for them, but... a lot has changed so quickly... It all passed me by."

"What's your point?" Viconia asked.

"I... just don't think I trust her anymore," Imoen sighed. "I know it's not rational, but... I mean, she's always been looking out for me as long as I can remember. She's always been taking care of me, keeping me safe. She even took an arrow for me once, back at the bandit camp near Baldur's Gate!" Imoen said, her eyes growing wide. "It went straight into her chest, she could have died! But, then, why did she keep me waiting at that horrible asylum?!"

"I don't have an answer for you," Viconia said. "I cannot ease you mind. This is for Laska to answer, not for me. Perhaps, the two of us could talk to her, or I could talk to her for you if you're afraid of what answer she might give."

"No!" Imoen snapped, but caught herself. "Just... please don't tell her. I think I want her to figure it out on her own."

"Hah!" Viconia chuckled. "Well, you're in for a long wait. Laska's not one for subtlety."

"Just the same," Imoen sighed.

"Fine."

"Thanks, Vic... Thanks for being my friend."

"Okay, can we finally go to sleep now?"

"Just a minute," Imoen said as she got out of her own bed and jumped on top of Viconia's. The drow frowned as she felt the pink mage inching closer.

"What are you doing?" Viconia spoke with frustration on her voice and countered Imoen's movements.

"Oh, come on, I wanna give you a hug! Good friends always hug after these types of conversations."

"No, get away from me!"

"Oh, come on, let's cuddle!"

"No!"

"Don't be a sourpuss."

A flash of magic lighted up the room and, soon enough, Imoen's sawmill-like snores filled the room after Viconia finished her 'Sleep'-spell.

"Sleep tight, Imoen," Viconia sighed and tucked in her friend. Afterwards, she left the bed and claimed Imoen's as her own. "Sleep peacefully so I can have some rest too."


	82. Ears of endearment

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 82: Ears of Endearment_

Two lovers lazied about under the covers of their big bed in their small but well-furnished room, while the morning sun poured into the room and warmed their bodies. Rose lay with her back to Laska while the elf held her tightly and had her face half-buried in her lover's reddish-blonde hair.

"We should get up, you know?" Rose whispered. "It's getting late. We'll miss breakfast."

"Bugger breakfast, Don't wanna get up," Laska whispered back. "I like it here."

"Me too," Rose said. "But don't you have that big meeting with Lord Coprith?"

"Mmmmm, don't care. It's his problem, he can wait," Laska whispered. "Think I might get a new tattoo done."

"Where?" Rose asked.

"Don't know yet... Hey," Laska teased. "How about a belly-ring?"

"Please don't. They look horrible," Rose replied. "Besides, don't you get enough metal sliced through your skin already?"

"Or maybe," Laska grinned wickedly, knowing how much Rose hated piercings. "A tongue-stud?"

"Do that, and the only one you'll be kissing is yourself," Rose chuckled.

"Aww, you don't mean that," Laska whispered and tickled Rose's bellybutton slightly with the tips of her fingers.

"Stop that," Rose giggled and squirmed a little. "Didn't you get enough of that last night?"

"No," Laska said. "Did you?"

"Never," Rose smirked and blushed a little. "So... what are we going to do about that?"

"Well," Laska said while positioning herself a little closer to Rose to be able to kiss her. "I have a few ideas..."

Unexpectedly, the door flew open. A started Rose pulled the covers over her body while Laska reached for her belt of daggers laying on the nightstand. But the panic was unnecessary. "House-keeping!" a burly maid in the standard black and white uniform entered the room, pushing a cart. Without saying a word, she took the feather duster from the cart and started to clean.

"Look," Laska snarled. "Do you mind?!"

The maid froze a bit and looked a bit confused. "No sign. I clean now," she spoke in an accented voice.

"W-what?" Laska peeked towards the door. "Where'd the do not disturb sign go? Anyway, it doesn't matter. Will you please bugger off now? Rose and I want to, uhmm..."

The maid frowned. "No sex, clean room now."

"Sod off!" Laska shouted.

"Hm.. no, no... no... no... no," the maid muttered before continuing to clean.

"Laska, I told you the maid-service was fanatical," Rose whispered while clutching the covers to her chest. "Did you forget to put up the sign?"

"I'm sure I did, so who..." Laska said, and then the lovers shared a brief look.

"Imoen..." they said in unison.

* * *

"So that's why you got up so early today. I heard you sneaking out of our room," Viconia smirked to Imoen while the party sat gathered around the breakfast table on the main floor of the inn. It was the largest table in the room, and it was stacked with all kinds of a cereals and drinks. Most notable was the big stack of pancakes in the middle of the table. Viconia claimed one of the pancakes, put on some maple-syrup and gently sliced it with knife and fork.

"Yep," Imoen grinned at Laska and Rose.

"Very funny," Laska sighed.

"But please don't do it again?" Rose offered Imoen a hopeful look.

"No promises!" Imoen giggled. "Keldorn, pass the maple-syrup, please!"

"There you go, Imoen," Keldorn said and stretched to give Imoen the bottle of syrup. "Ouch," he suddenly spoke up as he felt his back. "Forgive me, I am not as young as I used to be... Especially not in the mornings."

"Oh, come on, Keldorn, you're only as old as you feel," Imoen said while shoving a thick slice of pancake dripping with maple syrup into her mouth.

"In that case," Keldorn smiled. "I'd be 350 years old."

"You look young for your age, then," Minsc said. "Boo says that is good."

"So, Dyna and I went shopping yesterday," Imoen said.

"Yes," Dynaheir spoke only after chewing her pancake and having swallowed it.

"Geez, a little more enthusiastic than that, please," Imoen replied.

"Well, I bought this wand. It's a wand of wonder, you know, capable of being loaded with six different spells ready to be cast at all time, so that I can bombard our enemies with power arcane." Dynaheir replied. "And better yet, it's also a letter-opener."

"Hey!" Imoen said. "I've got a new leather armor!"

"It's, uhmmm," Laska said while Imoen held it up for her friends to look at.

"What Laska means to say..." Viconia offered.

"Oy, it be bloody pink!" Korgan interrupted. "What kind o'adventurer be wearin' pink?!"

"The adventurer with class and style!" Imoen countered and held her nose up high, daring others to challenge her.

"Speaking of armor, I really think we should meet this guy in battle dress," Laska said. "We'd look more professional, don't you think?"

"I'll braid your hair!" Imoen offered with a broad smile. "I used to braid Laska's hair all the time since we were little girls, till the day we were the heroes of Baldur's Gate and..."

"Well, um," Laska took a deep breath, and was actually glancing over the table looking for a bottle to drink herself in courage. "With you gone I sorta had to learn to do that myself and, you know, these days Rose often..."

"Oh," Imoen's face fell. "That... that's okay, I guess... So, when are we leaving?"

Laska saw Rose stare and smile at her while Imoen started to stare at her plate. "You know," Laska said. "We do have some catching up to do. So if you want to braid..."

"Sure!" Imoen perked up with unbridled enthusiasm. "So, double knots or cross-ribbon pattern?"

"Cross-ribbon, I guess," Laska smiled. "Let's do it!"

* * *

If the town was steeped in opulent riches, the townhall was doubly so. Meant to impress and awe visitors, the building was draped in expensive art, gold, gems, tapestries and custom furniture.

They were asked to wait for Lord Logan Coprith to appear in the main hall. The room was well-furnished and richly carpeted. A huge, luxurious dining table was in the middle of the room, which oaken walls were adorned with expensive looking paintings in even more expensive looking frames. In the center of the room was a large oaken desk.

"How gauche," Viconia snorted. "Even the paintings are decadent. These people here simply have too much money."

"Ey, I say we be lootin' the place! What do ye think, Laska?" Korgan offered.

"Nah," Laska said. "What are we going to do with those paintings away? Nobody'd buy them and Viconia will kill us if we try to take them into the house."

"You'd better believe it," Viconia snarled and raised her eyebrow.

The wait continued and Keldorn had to stop Jan from prying a large ruby from the head of a statue with a dagger. Unfortunately for him, he couldn't watch two thieves at the same time. Whenever his back was turned, either Jan or Imoen made off with a gemstone. Between the two of them, they managed to fill an entire gem-bag.

Finally, a middle-aged, well-dressed and smiling man entered the room through another door in the back and approached the party. Though a noble, he certainly didn't look the part. The lines in his face betrayed the military man hidden under his velvet suit. "Ah, you are the kind adventurers who have come to our aid? Excuse me to have kept you waiting. My name is Lord Logan Coprith, and I am the High Merchant of this place. Welcome."

"High merchant?" Viconia shook her head. "Even the titles in this land are related to finances. You're even more decadent then the drow of Ched Nassad."

"Pardon me?"

"Don't mind her, she's awful cranky," Laska said as she got up from her seat and approached the man. "I'm Laska Leafwalker, and I'm the leader of this party, insofar as we have a leader."

"I shall get right to the point," Logan said.

"Hey, now there's a change," Jan piped up. "The last time uncle Ebert came to the point is when he fell on his own sword, but that's another story all together. You see, uncle Ebert was an inventor. And he was crazy about knick-knacks with double functions. Some of his favorite was a dog that doubles as a lawn-mover, A hose which doubled as a drainpipe, a boat which doubled as a turnip-patch, a paladin which doubled as a plunger..."

"Jan, what was that?" Keldorn asked.

"You heard me, Keldy," Jan grinned. "Anyway, he also invented a tongue which doubled as an automobile, a political party which doubled as a target for tomato-toss contests..."

"So, how'd he fall on his own sword," Imoen asked. "Did he commit suicide because he didn't he have success as an inventor?"

"No, it was just because he had invented a sword which doubled as toilet-paper and he pressed the wrong button when he was in the outhouse. A sad fate, really. Even sadder when that pack of griffins took off with his body before we could take it to the temple," Jan said.

"Errr," Logan sighed for a moment, looking very resigned to be stuck with this lot. "Is he always like that?"

"You don't know how often we hear that," Laska chuckled while she sat back and fondled her long braid. "So, what's going on here?"

"Commandant Fentan has told me you have seen them already. The animals at the gate? The very land is against us. Animals attack, and even the foliage strangles. It began subtle, but now we suspect a dark mind behind it," Logan sighed and sat opposite to the elf.

"Say it is not so!" Minsc wailed. "Poor animals do not attack. Animals roam free and run wild! They don't want any city!"

"Until recently we did not know where to place blame, but now the people have found a target. The last group attacked saw several figures directing the chaos," Logan said. "Druids, belonging to a group that has long been peaceful. No doubt many of the attacking creatures were druids in animal shape."

"Oh, well, that's alright, then," Minsc smiled broadly. "Those don't count as poor animals so Minsc will apply blade and boot to butts!"

"Hush, Minsc," Dynaheir said. "Thou art not helping."

"Aye," Korgan grinned. "If it be cow or druid shaped like cow, they both be makin' a bloody decent steak. HAR!"

"It's worse than that," Coprith said. "The people managed to capture one of the druids. Had I not locked him up they would have quartered him in the street."

"The people did?" Laska snorted. "Really?"

Coprith coughed. "Well, their hired guards did, actually. Still, I do not tolerate this kind of behavior, so I had my guards step in. Besides, he is not guilty, of this I am sure. I can tell these things. He says he has been sent to investigate the druids himself."

"So," Keldorn said. "The druids sent an overseer to see if the local druids have not fallen from their faith?"

"Something like that," Logan said. "Though many of our citizens have already made up their minds on the matter. What I would have you do is escort him to his task, or see to it yourselves, whichever you prefer. In any case, you should escort him out of town soon."

"Sure," Laska said. "And if the citizenry protests, I'm sure we'll break a few noses on the way out."

"Damn right!" Korgan grinned.

"I... trust you will not kill any of..." Logan stammered.

"Of course not," Laska said. "But I don't really care much like lynch-mobs. Almost lost a good friend to one a few months back."

Viconia coughed in reply. "In any case, we should be careful about his manipulation. Do not believe him on his word."

"I see, well," Logan looked a little relieved. "I thank you. I will allow you to pass so you might speak with him first. He may leave under promise of your care."

* * *

The cell under Logan's house was quite cramped, but even here the opulent riches were present. This is the first prison Laska had ever seen with gilded bars.

The druid inside the cell had been given quite an amount of food and soft blankets, signifying he was in protective custody, nothing more than that. Still, Laska and the druid were eying each other all the time. The druid was a middle-aged man with jet-black hair. Feathers were tied in his hair and surprisingly tough-looking leaves were stitched to his leather armor. Laska looked back at Viconia, who returned her look with one of her own... one which which told her to be on her toes. Viconia was not impressed by this druid.

"Hello and well met to you. I am Cernd. You look pleasant enough, though I cannot be sure these days. Are you friends of that charming Lord Coprith? I've made very few friends among the merchants, I fear" the druid spoke.

'_Yep,_' Laska thought. '_Vic was right._'

"Surely, he was right to send an elf to me," Cernd smiled. "Surely an elf such as you would see that nature is defended and well represented?"

Laska turned to Viconia and whispered to her in a tone only elves could hear. "You're right, he's already trying to manipulate me."

Viconia just gave her a hint of a smile. "You only noticed because I told you up front."

"Bitch," Laska whispered back.

"Correct."

Apparently, her thoughts were clear on her tattooed face, because Cernd seemed to be briefly taken aback. "Coprith sent me, but I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. What exactly are you trying to do here, druid?" Laska asked.

"Well," Cernd said. "I was send by Senidad in the north to investigate the attacks on the city of Trademeet. I know many druids in this region and they would not support such actions without due cause. I suspect that there has been a change in leadership here. Nature itself protests against its use for warfare... This foul deed sends tremors through nature all over Toril, reaching the far reaches of the desert, the peaks of mountains and even the depths of the oceans. The very land protests against this wickedness."

Laska and Viconia shared another blank look. This time, Laska was sure she could read '_brainless, stemless, witless oafish male_' in the expression on her face.

"Whoa," Laska heard Imoen say. "You sound like Laska after she's downed about twenty pints."

"Hey!" Laska snapped back with a smile. "I never say stuff like that, do I?"

"Well, it's more about swords, blood, gore and all, but it's kinda in the same vein," Imoen grinned.

"Great," Laska chuckled. "You go out adventuring expecting a good, decent, violent quest and I end up getting insulted and bored to death by a druid. Great start of the week..."

* * *

It was decided that the others would escort the druid outside, while Laska would stop by the inn to say goodbye to Rose. Of course, Imoen insisted she come along and skipped alongside her sister as they strolled over the marble grounds of Trademeet. After a long goodbye kiss, the elf and her human sister made their way towards the towngate and both nearly tripped over a rather gaudy looking halfling in a velvet suit.

"Hey, watch it!" the halfling shouted.

"Sorry, mate," Laska said and helped the man stand up. "Didn't see you there."

"Then look down once in a while, beanpole," Imoen chuckled.

"Really, I've been waiting for you for a while, wench," the halfling said. "You and I can do business."

"First of all, don't call me 'wench' or we'll just see how far I can kick you," Laska said. "Secondly, who in the Hells are you, anyway?"

"Mind your tongue, youngster, when you speak to your betters. I'm Lord Khellon Menold, future High Merchant of this town!"

"You're not nearly high enough," Laska grinned.

"Oh, that was a bad joke, Las," Imoen shook her head and pretended to choke herself.

"Don't be so dramatic," Laska said.

"Hey, you wenches be quiet when men are talking!" Khellon snarled. "I'm the man here, so you little ladies just listen to your betters."

"Did you hear anything?" Imoen said. "I didn't hear anything."

"I have better ears than you," Laska said. "But I only heard a worm below my feet, I think."

"Oh, forget it," the halfling said. "Logan has send you to find the reason for the attacks, while any drooling idiot can see why! Those nature-boys want our land and they are mad with lust for it! Mad with desire!"

"Shouldn't you be out on a ledge?" Imoen grinned.

"Bite your tongue, girlie!" Khellon huffed. "The fact of the matter is, Logan's lilly-footing ways will fail. I wonder of the fool even wants to stop the mad druids! This is not the first problem we've had with these freaks, these tree-huggers. Far from it. Last year, my company was to open a caravan route through the forest. It was to be a grand road, paved and straight. In short, it would've been the finest caravan route on the Sword Coast! My crew and I began construction but as soon as the first tree fell, a druid came running out of the bushes, screaming like a banshee! He was going on about the Spirit of the Grove, the sacredness of nature and some other nonsense. We gave him a knock on the head just to shut him up."

"Oh, my," Imoen said. "That wasn't necessary, was it?"

"Did you stand on a stool to knock him over the head or did you climb a tree?" Laska smirked.

"Within moments, more druids burst in casting spells at my men! They trussed me up with vines and roots! Kept us tied up all afternoon, lecturing about nature and other garbage."

"I know garbage when I see it, and I'm seeing it now," Imoen chuckled.

"Everything pink is usually garbage too," Khellon retorted.

"HEY!" Imoen said.

"The insult was too much! When they did let us go we killed a bunch of them before they ran off. The druid Verthan came to Trademeet and blamed _me_ for instigation and murder!" Khellon stamped his little feet.

Laska blinked. "Because... that... was... true? Why aren't you in jail."

The halfling shrugged. "Meh, just paid the fine. That idiot Logan sided with them and forbade my company from entering the grove on penalty of discommendation from the trade guild. I lost so much money already from the disasterous loss of my business partner in the north," the halfling cursed.

"W-wait," Laska blinked. "You mean the road they were building near Imnesvale? That..."

"... stumbled across some old ruin with a shadow creature inside and then got themselves killed," the halfling snarled. "We need more inbred hicks to clear out places like that. I swear, you can't throw a stone without hitting some cursed hovel or other in the Amnian highlands. They're cutting into my profits!"

"You... you," Imoen was starting to get angry now. A rare state for this paragon of cheerfulness to be in. "You make me so mad."

"Try not to pop a vein," Khellon grinned. "Logan would try to make peace with the devils. I intend to end their evil. You are obviously no stranger to battle. I would wish to hire you to make my plan a reality. We must kill the druids before they can kill us. We must destroy their source of power so that this can never happen again. We must exorcise the Grove of its evil spirit. The Grove derives its evil magic from a 'holy font' within the druid's lair. You, my friend, shall destroy the source and weaken the druids. Mopping up will be simple when the font is gone."

Laska said nothing. Instead, she bent to one knee to look the halfling in the eye. Then, she suddenly grabbed him by the lapels, stood up and hoisted the halfling in the air. "Tell me, do you see these two big ears on the side of my head?"

"Let me go!" the halfling shouted.

"Come on, you must have seen I'm an elf, and asking an elf to destroy nature is a bloody stupid thing to do... a very bloody stupid thing to do," Laska spoke slowly and menacingly.

"Ingrate! Peasant! I'll have your head!" the halfling shouted.

"I think not, now get lost," Laska snarled and dropped the halfling... and kicked him forward until he landed in a mudpuddle outside of town and slid against a tree.

"Nice, Las," Imoen said. "I hope that's the last we will see of that little creep."

"Good riddance to bad rubbish," Laska said and was about to walk on when she noticed something was tugging on her cloak. Thinking it was another halfling, Laska spun around, only to find a tiny elven girl with big eyes, blonde hair and even bigger ears looking up at her tearfully. She was wearing green clothes, and from her skin-tone, Laska could see she was a gold elf, no more than seven years of age. Again, Laska bent to one knee.

"Hello there," Laska greeted.

"Awww, she's cute," Imoen smiled warmly as she bent down as well.

"'xcuse me," the girl asked hopefully. "I'm Lise. Have you come to take me back to Suldenesselar?"

Laska was taken aback. In her youth, she had read a lot about elven history, and had come across the name Suldenesselar more than once. Still, she was at a loss as to where it would be. It was a community of gold elves, and they were known for being overly reclusive. "I'm sorry," Laska said. "But I don't know where Suldenesselar is."

"Oh," the girl sighed. "Nobody here knows where home is. My... my dad was selling stuff to these people and was eaten by a stupid wolf and now they wanna send me to an orphanage. I don't wanna go to an orphanage. I wanna go home to momma and my sisters."

Imoen blinked. "Well, that escalated quickly."

"Tell you what," Laska said. "Maybe we'll be able to find Suldenesselar one day, or find someone who knows where it is. In the meantime, why don't you come live with me and my friends."

"Wow, really?" the child, who had obviously been living on the streets for days, said.

"Sure, us elves have to look out for each other," Laska said. "Go to the inn and ask for a woman called Rose. Tell her what you told me, and you'll be fine. She'll get you a good meal and a bed to sleep in."

"Thanks!" the girl beamed, hugged Laska and ran off toward the inn. Laska smiled to herself as she watched the child run away. "Bloody hell," Laska whispered. "All those rich folks in town and they just let a kid like Lise sleep on the cobblestones."

"That was a nice thing you did," said Imoen, but there was a coldness in her voice.

Surprised by this, Laska turned to Imoen... and was met by a scowl.

"So, do I have to have pointed ears to get any attention from you?" said Imoen, without a shred of humor.

"What?" Laska asked. "What are you talking about?"

"I bet you would have come for me at the Asylum at a moment's notice if I would have had pointed ears," Imoen sighed.

"Imoen," Laska said and gently took Imoen by the shoulders while looking into her eyes. "What's up with you lately. You're not acting like yourself."

"Nothing," Imoen said, calming down as she turned her head away from Laska's gaze. "Nothing... It's, it's, just that halfling who got me worked up, that's all... And then seeing that poor kid walking around in the street while those fat-cats do nothing... Let's just... go, okay? This town sucks," Imoen said and tore away from Laska's grasp. Imoen walked towards the town-gate while Laska watched her go.

"Are you coming?!" Imoen called at the flabbergasted Laska. Apparently, Imoen's sour mood had been chased away by her cheerful self. Slightly worried, Laska followed.

* * *

"As the very wheel of the seasons turns, the oak stands firm, for strength is of all seasons," Cernd spoke.

"Ah, 'tis as the wheel of the little hamster!" Minsc grinned. "Always turning, turning without a destination or place to go to!"

"But only nature is the ultimate destination of all living creatures," Cernd continued. "After death, all returns to nature's soil and waiting lap."

"Ah, gods, make them stop!" Korgan snarled. "Yakkaty-yak-yak, two idiots tryin' to out-idiot each other! Shut them up before be shuttin' them up with me axe!"

"Korgan please," Keldorn said. "I know it is trying but you must have patience."

"I dunno, Keldorn," Laska said. "Lynching is wrong... but I have gained new understanding why the people of Trademeet would want to get rid of this guy."

"Fear not," Cernd smiled, apparently having missing Laska's remark to Keldorn. "This nettle knows when he is not wanted. Besides, it is best to approach a rabid bear from two sides when trying to apply a cure. Yes, I will leave and meet you back at the grove."

And suddenly, Cernd literally blended into the forest and disappeared, surprising most of the party members.

"Where did he go, Boo?" Minsc scratched his head. "Did he become invisible?"

"Nah, he's behind that bush over there," Laska shrugged.

"Did your elven connection to nature give him away?" Keldorn asked.

Viconia was the first to chuckle. "No, we can _hear_ him. He's struggling with the branches. One of them just caught in his long hair."


	83. Survival of the fittest

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 8__3: Survival of the fittest_

The party made their way through the increasingly thick wilderness with some people having more trouble that others. Their guide through the foliage was the ever faithful Khittix, who was skittering forward and sniffed out the path the druids had followed with consummate ease. In fact, the spider kept running back and forth whenever the group of two-legs couldn't keep up with him. If Laska didn't know any better, the spider seemed a bit frustrated with especially Minsc and Keldorn, whom had a lot of trouble with the terrain due to their size and heavy armor.

"So," Imoen asked cheerfully as she and her sister walked side-by-side on point as they approached the grove. "How many tattoos have you got now? I don't think I ever asked ya 'bout 'em."

"Ten," Laska said. "Well, actually eleven," she considered, "if you don't count the eye tats as a set."

"Whatcha got now?" Imoen said while cheerfully skipping around the walking elf.

"Well," Laska said. "There's the dragon, the..."

"Oh, I know about those already, get to the new ones!" Imoen giggled.

"Okay, okay, impatient little brat," Laska chuckled. "Too bad I'm armored, though... There's the moonblade on my right arm... There's the little rising sun on my shoulder blade which both I and Viconia had done, there..."

"Really?" Imoen laughed. "Viconia has a tattoo? How'd you swindle her into getting one of those? Heh, I'll have to ask her about that..."

"Are you finished?" Laska said.

"Sure, go on already, geez slowpoke," Imoen retorted.

"Rrright," Laska said. "Well, then there's the left wrist," she said while showing Imoen her most complicated tattoo, the sigils of swirling blue patterns covering the back of her hand and wrist towards her elbow. "And then there's the vine on my left thigh, to celebrate my new connection to nature and the world..."

"And I bet I know what that red rose on your boob stands for," Imoen grinned.

"Well, erm..."

"Don't those tattoos hurt like hell? They are poking a hot needle through your skin after all," Imoen continued while glancing about the forest. Apparently, being surrounded by green really lifted Imoen's spirits.

"There is that," Laska said. "Some places hurt more than others, though... and the result is always worth the brief pain."

"And you have to get naked in front of some strange tattoo-artist," Imoen said. "Bet you like that."

"They're professionals, Imoen, there's nothing to be scared about," Laska said. "Besides, they've all seen it before."

"I think I want a tattoo too, two tattoos, to do tattoos for two, because two tattoos are like two for tea and tea for two!" Imoen winked.

"I can't believe," Laska said sincerely, "that you just said that without getting tongue-tied."

"Still, I want a tattoo! Like, a pink sun on my belly. Or a pink lion on my ankle. Or a giant pink bunny on my butt!" Imoen winked.

"Sure, make fun if you wish," Laska chuckled. "But, as much as I hate the 'my body is my canvas'-cliche, I love my tattoos. Whenever I get a new one, I feel more whole, more complete, you know?"

"Planning any more?"

"Well, I've been designing this pattern, you see, to put on the right side of my abdomen," Laska said. "When its done, it will be my second biggest."

"Say, what's your favorite tattoo?" Imoen asked while offering Laska a knowing smile.

"My first one, my dragon..." Laska smiled blissfully and closed her eyes. "You already know this, Im."

"Your biggest," Imoen added, referring to the blue dragon tattoo that encompassed Laska's lower back and most of Laska's left hip and upper leg.

"Oh, yes," Laska said. "Waking up and suddenly finding that blue dragon tattooed on my arse was one of the best experiences in my life."

"Well, em, Las?" Imoen gulped.

"What?"

"Ah, well, um... The dragon's my fault, I think."

"Come again?"

"You know, in Nashkel, after we cleared out the minds, you got so incredibly drunk?"

"If I don't remember the party, I know I must have been utterly sloshed, Im," Laska smirked.

"Well, Las, I was about to lead you back to the inn, when I spotted this tattoo-artist setting up shop in the back of the tavern and I said 'Hey, look! There's a tattoo-artist' and, whoops, there you went... And you know how you get when you have an idea in your head," Imoen laughed a little uneasily.

"So you're to blame for starting my fascination with body-art?" Laska asked, and, without warning, snaked an arm across Imoen's waist and pulled the girl towards her to kiss the top of her head before releasing her again. "Thanks, sis!"

As Imoen giggled, Laska smiled inwardly. It seemed her sister had calmed down again. It's been a long time since Laska had seen Imoen so giddy. She thought nature was to thank for it. Imoen had always loved the forest and being outside. She considered that Imoen never really seemed to be happy in crowded cities, even though she often would sneak away to pick some pockets or conveniently 'drop' a few coins in the pockets of a beggar, a child or simply someone whom she liked.

Laska only hoped it would last.

Right then, Khittix came rushing back and brushed past everybody as he sped towards Minsc and Keldorn at the back. The spider let out a few annoyed chitters before running back to the front of the party and diving into the underbrush to sniff out more druids.

* * *

"Viconia..."

"Keldorn," Viconia said. "Do keep up."

"It's the uneven ground and all these damn vines and weeds. How these druids manage, I shall never now," the paladin panted as he was obviously struggling with the terrain. "Can I speak with you for a moment?"

"You already are," Viconia said as she deftly navigated the forest and its uneven terrain.

"Ah, yes... I, well," Keldorn started.

"Spit it out already, you incredibly silly male!" Viconia replied.

"Well, I've been meaning to ask you how you are handling your change of deity," Keldorn asked. "And, if I may say, you do seem a bit happier than you were before."

"My life is my own, Keldorn," Viconia said. "I shall deal with change on my own terms. Still, I find it... pleasant that I can worship in a relationship with my goddess that is much more closer. Not to mention that that goddess is far less demanding. To that end, I do feel more content."

"There is still more guidance that I might give you, Viconia," Keldorn offered. "The world is still a hostile place for your kind."

"So, you are saying that I should prove myself to the world? HAH!" Viconia chuckled. "After what I've gone through on the surface, the world has plenty to prove to _me_ first! I welcome our conversations, Keldorn, but do not force a change on me that I don't want or one which I will achieve on my own terms."

"I think you are already changing, Viconia," Keldorn smiled. "Whether it will be for the better or for the worse, we shall see."

"When the surroundings change, so do those living in it," Viconia nodded sagely. "But I refuse to change so that I'd better fit the limited view of the surfacers."

Keldorn frowned for a moment. "I suppose, that's a start."

At that moment, Khittix came running, slalomed around Viconia and started pushing the back of Keldorn's legs.

"Hey," Keldorn protested as the giant spider tried to prod him along.

Viconia watched the spectacle and shook her head. "Do hurry along, Keldorn or Khittix will start biting you to get you moving."

"Ack," Keldorn exclaimed as the spider continued pushing him. "Can't you call him off?!"

"No," Viconia said. "Move quicker, male."

* * *

The finally arrived at a patch of nature which seemed to be more molded towards habitation. There were clearings, meditation areas and some small buildings which seemed to have been made from mud and sticks. Some large standing stones were erected in front of what seemed to be a cave in the distance.

The party was gathered at the edge of the grove, ready for battle. Though the person most content here at the moment was Laska. Nature's presence was strong here, and the land was wild and untamed, allowed to grow without being forced to submit to any outside forces. Yet, even though it seemed peaceful and serene, the thick underbrush and high trees barely hid a sign of underlying conflict. Something was off here.

Khittix seemed confused. He sniffed the air and skittered about in a circle. Eventually the spider offered an apologetic look at Viconia.

"Damn," Viconia sighed. "Too much life and scents in the neighborhood. It's throwing off Khittix' senses."

"No worries," Laska patted the spider. "He found the druids for us. It's out job to deal with them."

"Great," Dynaheir said. "What do we do now? What dost thou suggest?"

"Ach, I say we torch the place!" Korgan roared. "Wait till wind be right and problem be solved."

"No, no, we can't do that!" Minsc said. "Trees can't run away from the fire, nosir!"

"Oh, oh, oh!" Jan raved. "I know! Laska, go and do your elf thing to see how many druids are out there."

"You have an elf thing now?" Imoen laughed.

"Nature's presence is pretty big here," Laska said. "I might try..."

"Try what?" Keldorn asked, but Laska had already closed her eyes and thrown her head back. A little fearful at first, Laska felt the lifeforce of everything surrounding her permeate her body. In an instant, she knew everything about all the life, from the druids of the grove, to the smallest insect and plants. She felt she was floating above the forest, being everywhere at once, seeing all. For only an instance, Laska floated in, above, under and over the large lake in the middle of the grove, seeing, feeling and hearing the fish chatting with the frogs, and the spider taunting the flies. Though she did not hear any words, she briefly understood their being... her spirit temporarily encompassed the entire grove, and as her mind tried to assimilate the knowledge, she saw the druids... the invasion force...

A grand total of about five hundred charmed animals, lions, tigers, bears, wolves and dogs were being readied on the other side of the grove for what was to be undoubtedly the 'big push' towards Trademeet. The most perplexing was that the packs were being led by powerful shapeshifted druids, while their ranks were augmented by cadres of trolls. Then she noticed nature was not well... In fact, the spirit of the grove was wailing, wailing in pain. The waves and waves of agony carved into her own spirit. Suddenly, she found herself being physically touched on the shoulder.

Immediately, her warrior-instincts kicked in, even before she broke her extended connection with nature's dwelling. Her fist swung out towards her assailant, and, too late, she saw it was headed right towards Imoen's face. Horrified, she tried to flex her body so that she could not hit Imoen. The momentum, however, caused that Laska lost her footing and slammed into the ground, ending up lying at the feet of a rather bemused Imoen.

"You get sillier all the time, don't you?" Imoen cocked her head sideways.

"Don't _do_ that!" Laska hissed as she got up. "I'm new at this elven concentration-stuff, you know?! I could have broken your nose and send the bone right up your brain!"

"But you didn't," Imoen said. "Besides, Viconia can heal me."

"It's not that easy, Imoen," Viconia started.

"Oh, don't worry, Laska can only do a sucker-punch," Imoen said.

It was then that Laska noticed a foul odor which seemed to be coming from the front of her armor. "Ah, shit!" she cursed when she noticed the front of her chainmail was now covered in manure.

"Quite literally," Imoen blinked. "Quite a plop too."

"Yep," Jan said. "I think we've just found the answer to an age-old question. Yes, it's true. Bears _do_ shit in the woods!"

Minsc scraped his throat. "Boo says that bears plop wherever they want to plop, ahey!"

"Enough nonsense," Keldorn broke in. "What did you see, Laska?"

Laska seemed annoyed. "A whole lot of shit!"

Keldorn huffed. "Clean yourself later. What did you see?"

"An invasion force of charmed animals," Laska said. "We'll never get in through the front door. We'll get torn to pieces."

"Ach, I say we be sendin' these lions an' tigers an' bears straight to ta abbatoir! HAR!" Korgan roared.

"Say it is not so!" Minsc added. "Minsc and Boo will not kill animals!"

"We don't have to," Laska smiled. "I've seen a second path, leading to the back of the fond, where we can confront the archdruids. The path is only guarded by four druids, we could take them easily."

That said, they started on their path towards the confrontation with the druids. Still, Laska knew something was really wrong, when she still felt the dull ache of the grove's agony deep within her spirit.

* * *

Laska cursed herself and promised herself to never, ever underestimate druids again. The four 'minor guards' turned out to be four master-druids, and the battle had not been going well. Aside from being physically strong and well-versed in weaponcraft, they were expert spellcasters.

Green vines protruded from the ground, grasping out at everyone who dared to get near. Already, Keldorn was completely and helplessly wound into vines as if he was a green mummy while Carsomyr hung limply from his hand. Laska could sense Keldorn's frustration from her position. But Keldorn wasn't the only disabled fighter.

Like a particularly vicious looking garden-gnome, Korgan stood paralyzed during his initial charge of the druids. His silent roar was etched on his face, as was the axe raised above his head. Even his waving beard was as if turned to stone.

Between them stood Viconia, her red dragon armor clashing violently with the green surroundings. Her armor offered excellent protection, but even her amazing speed and dexterity could not prevent her from being forced on the defensive by a single druid who never allowed her the time needed to cast the spell to free both Keldorn and Korgan.

Imoen and Jan stood behind Laska, on a grassy hillock, protecting the party with cover-fire. Imoen's slightly muscular arm flexed as she stretched her bow. Immediately, a magic arrow appeared and shot towards one of the druids. Her giddy expression made way for one of frustration as the druid deftly deflected the arrow with her staff... time and again.

In the meantime, it was Dynaheir who made the first kill. The air crackled with electricity as she released her magic, and a column of lightning shot from her hands to hit one of the druids square in the chest. Maintaining the flow of magic, Dynaheir raised her hands and, with it, the druid. A few seconds later, she ended the flow, and the charbroiled druid slammed into the ground.

But the victory did not last long. Dynaheir shrieked as a swarm of insects completely engulfed her. As she was being stung and bitten, she dropped her staff, and her normally strong resolve crumbled. She ran, flailing her arms and legs until she jumped into a nearby pond in a desperate attempt to get rid of her small assailants.

Of course, this little escapade sent Minsc right over the top. The huge ranger roared in anger and took Lilarcor with both hands, swinging him around wildly. "YEEEEEEE-HAAWWWWW", the sword shouted as Minsc approached the smug druid with had dared to attack Dynaheir. Soon enough, the smug druid was beheaded with one foul blow. So forceful it was, that his head flew across the clearing and landed in the lake with a surprised expression on its face, right into the eager mouth of a hungry crocodile.

_Room-service_, Laska chuckled to herself, while she was fighting a female druid, armed with a staff. Laska was frustrated. Despite her use of fast combat-moves, taught to her by a blade-singer, every single move, every single twirl she made was countered by the super-human speed of the female human druid. Something wasn't right here; this druid was in some way magically augmented.

To make matters worse, the druid's skin had suddenly turned into tough bark. Normally, this was not much of a problem, if not for Ipsiya constantly recoiling from hitting the druid's skin, often deflecting at the last moment shouting out 'Eeeeeew, bark!'. Laska hissed in frustration as the little opportunities she was allowed to actually break through the druid's defenses were limited enough as it was. Suddenly, the druid had managed to slip through Laska's twirling blades and slammed her staff right into Laska's cheek.

The tattooed elf felt a dull, throbbing pain in the right side of her face. It would not be the first bruise she'd obtain today, and certainly not the last. Prideful of her abilities as she was, Laska was getting more and more frustrated at being pushed back by this measly druid, who wasn't even wearing any form or armor. And the druid used Laska's frustration of her advantage... To the elf's utter embarrassment, the druid managed to slip her staff between Laska's legs and hooked it behind her knee so that Laska took a bad tumble, hitting her head on a rock as she fell.

Feeling warm blood seep down her cheeck and her neck, Laska regained her resolve as her anger intensified. In one quick move, Laska was on her feet again, tapping into her anger to twirl her blades even quicker. Raining sword-blow after sword-blow onto the druid, she managed to push her back completely, but it would be Viconia who would make the biggest difference. A ball of magic shot over Laska's shoulder and hit the druid. Instantly her skin turned to normal, and while she looked at herself, wondering what had happened, her heart was pieced by an eager moonblade. Laska didn't hesitate, and wrenched Ipsiya downward through her right side, carving her chest in two, while Imoen's arrows and Jan's bolts slammed into her body. The druid fell back, shuddering violently while her blood mixed with the soil of the earth.

Satisfied, Laska grinned at the dying druid, mocking her one last time... Just in time to hear Viconia's yell. Turning around, she saw the last remaining druid had knocked Viconia over the head while she had cast her spell. The drow fell unconscious to the ground, while the druid turned to face the archers. Instantly, the druid... altered, slowly taking the shape of a black panther. A big, snarling black panther. A big, snarling black panther heading straight towards Imoen with fangs bared.

Imoen tried to raise her bow but she knew she'd never make it. When Imoen shrieked in fear and tried to protect herself by raising her arms in front of her face, the panther had already jumped... It would have gotten her, if a speedy Laska hadn't collided with the panther in mid-air. Elf and beast rolled over the forest-floor while they punched and clawed at each other.

In the end, the heavier panther had Laska pinned under its paws, and Laska found that both her swords were out of reach. The panther, in the meantime, snarled and made a bite for her face. Laska tried to twist away as far as she could, so instead of her face, the panther's teeth bit down on her right shoulder. Its razor-sharp teeth went right through her chainmail and sank deep into her flesh. The elf cried out in agony as she felt warm blood... her blood, splattered onto her neck and face.

Though the pain was blinding, she knew the panther had left her an opening. Doing her best to ignore the terrible pain, Laska snaked her right arm around the panther's neck and took it into a tight lock, while fishing a throwing dagger from her belt. Even as she was about to strike, she felt the panther's claws rend through her armor and dig into her right leg. Hissing in pain, she violently drove the dagger right into the panther's brain through his eye.

Kicking the corpse of the already changing panther away, she painfully, very painfully stood up. Already she could feel the blood from her ugly shoulder-wound seep down her armor and if there was something she hated even more than shit-covered armor, it was blood sloshing about in her armor.

"Laska! Are you okay?" Imoen said while wrapping her arms around Laska's neck, making the elf hiss in pain as her sister grazed her wounds. "Oh, sorry, sis, I..."

"It's okay," Laska said. "I've had worse... Dammit, we haven't been so knocked around since the fight with Sarevok... Oh, well, I guess it keeps us on our toes."

"Sis?" Imoen said while holding Laska around the waist. "Thanks for coming through for me, Las..."

"Hey," Laska said while wiping away some pink hair and kissing Imoen's forehead and tried to keep from wincing at the pain. "I couldn't let my little sister get mauled, now could I?"

"I'd better go wake Viconia," Imoen said and tore away from the embrace. It was then that Imoen noticed the front of her tunic. "Ah, shit!" Imoen yelled as she found herself covered with bear poop mixed with elf-blood.

"Welcome to the party," Laska chuckled.

Laska looked over her scattered party. Dynaheir cover in mud, Viconia was unconscious. Keldorn and Korgan were still incapacitated, and she herself was covered with bruises and some smaller and bigger cuts and wounds. Laska considered that if this were only the minor druids, the archdruids would be quite the challenge.

The second thing Laska considered was that her ravaged shoulder really, really, really started to hurt.


	84. Fond of fonts

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 84: Fond of fonts_

Laska lay on her belly on the edge of a short drop down, overlooking the center of the druid-grove. She still grimaced often when she felt the throbbing pain in her cheek where the druid had hit her with her staff. And she wasn't the only one. Most of her party still suffered from bruises and small wounds, while Dynaheir was still covered with insect-bites, the itch making it almost impossible for her to cast any spells. Most of Viconia's daily dosis of healing spells had been used to heal Laska's wounded shoulder, which was apparently worse than it looked. The elf glanced at her shoulder, it was healed, but her pale greyish skin was still showing through the damaged chainmail... she would need to have it repaired soon.

And worst of all, she was still covered with blood and bear shit.

Right now, Laska was crawling down the hill onto her belly, using the shrubbery as cover (and hopefully would also wipe off some of the bear shit). Once again, she extended her spirit to encompass and make use of the spirit of the grove, blending into nature itself. There were only two guards, and they never saw her coming. Two hands burst from the underbrush, and grabbed one male druid by the neck. A sharp twist later, the druid sank to his knees, his neck cleanly snapped.

The second druid came to investigate, but just as Laska wanted to try the trick again, Keldorn jumped from the bushed and slammed the hilt of Carsomyr into the druid's head.

Briefly, Laska wondered how the lumbering paladin, with his clanky armor and less-than-impressive finesse was able to sneak up on druid through the woods, until she noticed he wasn't making any sound at all, probably due to Dynaheir's spells. Quickly, the party gathered in front of the center, a semi-circle like structuring before the entrance of a natural cave. So far, they had not been noticed.

"Oh, look!" Minsc suddenly announced and pointed to the ground. "A friend for Boo!"

At his feet, a black gopher appeared from the ground and walked across the stones of the semi-circle. In an instant, the gopher's form twisted, grew and reshaped itself... into the druid Cernd.

"Your investigations have been fruitful? Let us examine them for possible solutions to this situation. Speak what you have learned of the local druids. How are they tainted?" Cernd asked eagerly.

"'Hi and, gosh gee, you look hurt! Are you okay?'-to you to, Cernd," Imoen grimaced.

"Aye," Korgan roared. "We be doin' all the work and ye be just diggin' about the place, ye ninny! I be turned to stone earlier!"

"And I still have a bump on my head the size of fist," Viconia snarled. "Shall we apply the same to you, Cernd?"

"Err, well, yes, sorry," Cernd blushed a little. "But, did you?"

"We got our asses kicked by four druids," Laska said. "Four druids with supernatural speed and quite some endurance, mind you..."

"But you survived," said Cernd as he glanced down at the poop-covered chain-mail. "And I see you have been communing with nature, becoming one with the forest."

Laska narrowed her eyes and lay her hands on the hilts of her swords. "You're really pushing your luck, nature-boy!"

"No insult meant," Cernd said before putting his hand to his chin. "Commandant Fentan told Coprith the animals attacking Trademeet could endure terrible wounds before succumbing to them... It is as I feared, nature's spirit is being used to augment the power of the druid... such is a Shadow Druid technique. Shadow Druid violence is a disgrace to nature, and now that they have a hand in this area they will not stop their advance. Do you know of them? They have forsaken balance in favor of militant action. They believe they follow the Earthmother but blood is not fitting tribute."

"Have you seen the invasion army outside the grove?" Laska said. "All those animals, the trolls, the druids?"

"Yes," Cernd said. "And they will not stop at Trademeet. They'll aim to grow until they have overrun Amn and destroyed all the cities. They'll never succeed, of course. Even the most bold of nature's creatures give cities a wide berth, and for good reason."

"So, those druids want us civilized humans to dig in the ground and wallow in mud?" Keldorn said.

"Hey, that's not so bad," Jan piped up. "My cousin once thought he was a pig. Got hit in the head with a can of pork, you see? Anyway, he did all those things too, wallow in mud, digging in the ground... made a fortune digging for truffles, by the way. Eventually, he married a pig and had a lovely family of piglet-gnomes, though he used to squeal horribly whenever Ma brought home a slab of pork. He met with a bad ending, though. My other cousin Spam was looking for meat to start his new business and my cousin, well, he entered the room at precisely the wrong time."

"I don't want to know," Keldorn sighed.

"Well, Sp-meat was quite popular among griffins, bit oily, though," Jan concluded.

"Enough," Laska said. "Let's storm the place and see what happens!"

"That's... one hell of a clever plan," Viconia sighed heavily.

"Ah, it always worked thus far," Dynaheir said.

* * *

The cavern was dimly lit, and, while storming into the cave, some things went very wrong. While racing towards the font, where a single druidess was standing, Minsc, Keldorn and Korgan loudly tumbled into the deep challenge pit hewn into the rocks which they hadn't seen in the darkness. Dynaheir was able to keep her footing, but stumbled over a rock while she was constantly scratching her legs. Imoen, in her haste to take out her bow, which was strapped to her back, accidentally snapped the bowstring in her face, while Jan giggled, tried to jump over the pit... and just didn't quite made it across.

The druidess, being less than impressed with the intruders, put her hands to her hips and looked down upon the fallen adventurers.

"Well, well, what have we here?" the druidess spoke. "Powerful adventurers or the Keystone Paladins?"

While climbing out of the pit, Keldorn grimaced at the mention of the Keystone Paladins, a theatre group of comedians which made their livelihood out of parodying paladins and their behavior, but let it pass for now.

"Look, Laska!" Imoen shouted as she and the rest of the party gathered behind Laska. "It's the bitca that tried to drown us in the Cloakwood mines!"

"Come again?" Keldorn asked.

"A year ago," Minsc said. "Minsc and friends were freeing slaves and nature from evil, and this nasty, nasty, wicked druid snuck off and tried to flood the mines with us still in it. Boo's whiskers tremble at the thought..."

"Yeah," Laska said. "I thought I ran you through, Faldorn."

"I still bear the scars of that day, Leafwalker," Faldorn snarled. She wore the same leather armor as that day as well, Laska noted. Faldorn was a petite girl, with a pouty face and a harsh look in her eyes, and that same smug smile crossing her features.

"Lets see if we can make some more!" Laska shouted, drew Ipsiya and slashed it across Faldorn's neck, intending to decapitate the druidess with one foul stroke... the moonblade passed through her flesh, but as soon as the blade passed through, Faldorn's flesh instantly reconstituted itself, leaving Faldorn to mock Laska with her sardonic smile.

"Bugger..." Laska sighed. "That's not fair!"

"_*I... I feel so inadequate!*_" Ipsiya wail resounded through the cavern.

"Fool!" Faldorn chuckled. "I am stronger than ever with the aid of this grove. No harm can come to me here. Such bonding is frowned upon as it drains from the earth, but the mother feeds me that I might fight for her!"

"Faldorn, you perpetrate gross crimes here! You are unfit! I challenge you, and by the rites laid down ages ago you cannot refuse!" Cernd shouted.

"No," Faldorn said.

"No?" Cernd said. "What do you mean 'no'. You cannot refuse."

"The rites of your kind do not count here anymore, fool," Faldorn snarled. "We drove out all the other druids. No, this is Shadow Druid country here and that it shall remain. We shall free nature from civilization by any means necessary and reactionary fools like you shall not stop us from allowing trees to grow in peace and reclaim the land."

"You are the fool, Faldorn," Cernd retorted. "Amn will send armies and soldiers to stop you! All of nature will suffer under the war you seek!"

"I am immortal!" Faldorn said. "And I spread my new power over my followers. A great cleansing will come and your so-called civilization will be purged without mercy!"

"Thou remindest me of someone else now," Dynaheir muttered and scratched her arms a little.

"Okay, out of the way," Laska said, and pushed a surprised Faldorn away, right into the wall before walking towards the font.

"You'll pay for that!" Faldorn screeched as she picked herself up from the floor.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Laska snorted.

"Oh, dearrie," Jan said to Faldorn. "You remind me of my sister Roberta, a nice little lass... loved nature. Of course, she loved nature and animals so much she became a vegetarian, so that no more animals needed to suffer at the hands of the meat-industry... consequently, the meat-industry was only my cousin Vinnie's butchery, but still... Anyway, but she considered it still wasn't fair, because she still ate plants! And, she figured, that even if we don't understand them, that doesn't mean that they can't think or feel... So she stopped eating vegetables as well."

"So," Faldorn asked. "What did she eat?"

"Roberta became a cannibal. She figured civilization was culture, not nature, so it was okay... Hmmm, I remember a lot of paladins disappeared from the Order after she turned cannibal."

"Excuse me?" Keldorn spoke up.

"Nah, she probably didn't eat paladins... they're too scrawny. No meat on their bones at all."

"Yoohoo!" Laska shouted at the distracted Faldorn. The druidess directed her gaze upon the elf, just as she was pouring the last of a murky brown liquid into the font. Immediately, a ripple went through the cavern, spreading outside, throughout the grove. The force of the sudden blow nearly knocked everyone off their feet. Afterwards, an eerie glow came only from the font.

"I've just poisoned the grove," Laska said. "Your power is broken, Faldorn."

"No, this... this can't be, NO!" Faldorn shouted and stormed at the elf. Laska smiled wickedy... and ran Faldorn through with Ipsiya. This time, blood did spurt from the wound after piercing her heart. The mad druidess gasped a moment, the shuddered violently and slid off Ipsiya, down to the ground, quite dead.

"What... what have you done?!" Cernd gasped in horror.

"I got the idea from a little halfling Im and I met outside of town before we left," Laska said. "But don't worry. Nature's spirit isn't poisoned... It's just a little drunk."

"How?" Cernd asked.

Laska took a final drought from her pocket-flask. "A shame, though," she said. "It was my best whiskey."

"You... poured whiskey in the font?" Cernd blinked.

"Yeah," Laska said. "I figured Faldorn would only have immortality if she believed in it herself. You see, when she thought the grove was poisoned, she believed she was no longer immortal... and thus wasn't anymore. I got the idea from hearing Viconia yak about faith all the time."

"Gee," Viconia muttered. "Thanks."

* * *

Leaving Cernd behind them while he summoned back the ousted druids, and the now disenchanted animals had slaughtered the remaining Shadow Druids and Trolls, Laska and friends made their way back towards Trademeet, taking their time to enjoy the splendors at the grove, which were, at this time, quite unique.

Treebranches were swaying wildly in the wind, grass and flowers were hanging limply. In the lake, a crocodile was rolling on its stomach and back upright again like a playful dolphin. Fish didn't seem to know if they were coming or going. A single black bear staggered through the grove, looking silly.

"You know," Laska said as she allowed her spirit to connect with the grove. "I'm starting to feel a little woozy. Looks like I'll be getting the benefit of my whiskey anyway."

The drunken grove was left behind as the party set out to trek back to the city of Trademeet. Unfortunately, there was no nearby clean streams for Laska to dip her chain-mail into. Even drunk crocodiles were not to be trusted.

"Hey, look," Imoen, who was scouting ahead, "there's a house out there."

Indeed, a quaint little house, small but comfortable, loomed in the distance, set peacefully in the middle of the grove.

"I wonder why the Shadow Druids didn't destroy it?" Viconia muttered.

"Hmmm, there is strong protective magic surrounding the domicile," Dynaheir said.

"'Domicile'?" Imoen giggled. "Why don't you just say 'house'? That's what it is!"

"I was just trying to sound professional here," Dynaheir scoffed.

"Shall we go pay them a visit?" Laska asked while knocking on the door.

"Why are ye askin' if you plan to do it anyway?" Korgan chuckled.

"False democratic courtesy," Laska muttered when the door opened. An old little lady with a friendly smile and long grey hair answered the door.

"Hello there, dearries," the little lady spoke. "How can aunty Ithafeer help you today?"

"Say," Jan piped up. "Is it just me, or is it usual that little old ladies have tiger-heads?"

"What?!" Laska said. "You're kidding."

"Sorry," Ithafeer spoke. "My disguise..." she said, and her form shifted. Instead of a little old lady... there was now a little old Rakshasa standing in the dooropening. Her striped fur was not yellow, but grey. She stood crooked and could only walk with help of a cane. "Sorry for the deception, but I'm not as young as I used to be..."

"A foul Raksasha!" Keldorn snarled. "Laska, we must slay this user of evil magicks immediately!"

"We kill little old ladies now?" Minsc said. "Err, Boo is confused and so am I. That is not how heroes act. Heroes help little old Rakshasas cross the street, not push them into traffic."

"Down, boy," Laska sighed to Keldorn.

"But this is a member of a foul race of being evil to the core!" Keldorn snarled. "We cannot allow one as such to walk among the good."

"Ahum," sounded from Viconia, who gave Keldorn a questioning, yet intense stare.

"Ah, yes," Keldorn's cheeks colored a little. "It seems I... I might have been... Well, overreacting."

"Hey, you said it, not I," Jan chuckled. "You remind me of my cousin Backlash, who drove a cart down a street at full speed."

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing, except that he didn't know there was a marching band approaching. He's still trapped in that tuba, you know? We have to pour soup down the mouthpiece to keep him alive."

"Look, why don't you come in, you look hurt!" Ithafeer smiled, flashing her teeth, dulled and yellow with age.

* * *

"That you for the healing tea," Laska said. "My bruises are all but gone."

"And I thank thee for the healing salves!" Dynaheir said. "Finally I feel no more itch!"

"My pleasure," Ithafeer smiled. "I have always been a healer, stemming from my days living in the Muzad under Calimport."

"Ah, speaking of Calimport..." Viconia said.

"Yes, the Dao that hired you and your friend Keldorn," Ithafeer smiled and sat down at the table inside the small, yet comfortably furnished house. All kinds of paintings and memorabilia were hanging from the walls. Everywhere were herbs and reagents in jars, near a small lab where Ithafeer mixed her healing potions. "I was wondering when you'd bring them up."

"I gather you will tell us the Dao were lying?" Keldorn asked.

"Ach," Korgan chuckled, "everybody lies to us. We need to be workin' on a more violent reputation, HAR."

"The Dao are master manipulators," Ithafeer smiled. "And they have a feud against me. You see, they seek out masters that are weakminded fools. People who think they control the Dao, while, in reality, the Dao control the master though power of suggestion. The Dao once managed to get the Caliph of Calimport under their control... I exposed them, so they want me dead..."

"Cute djinn," Imoen said. "I thought you get to make wishes."

"Oh, you do," Ithafeer said. "And they have to obey it. Only they are very careful who get the hands on their lamp."

"That Calimport trader," Imoen said. "The fat dude with the harem? Sounds like a weak-minded fool to me."

"Look," Ithafeer smiled, "it's getting dark and it's a long way to Trademeet. Why don't you spend the night here, I'll fix you some dinner."

"Look, I have a plan!" Imoen grinned wickedly. "Here's what we do..."

* * *

Sjiek Abbuh Ali set his bloated body down on his chair as he had entered his tent. So far, he was truly hating the colder climate up north, and decided he needed some warming up.

"Wives!" he shouted. "Warm me." Immediately, warm hands dipped in oil started to rub over his chest at a rhythmic fashion. "Hmmm, nice, girls, very nice..."

Again, the sjiek felt a cold draft blowing over his bloated tummy, informing him that the tent-flap had been opened. He made the staggering effort to move his head a centimeter off the pillow to look up, and what he saw took his breath away. A gorgeous strawberry-blonde half-elf had entered the tent. She was barefoot, had a short, red skirt wrapped around her waist. Her midriff was bared and showed a tight abdomen. Her chest was barely covered with a slightly transparent cloth. Last, but not least, the green-eyed, exotic half-elf wore a beautiful transparent veil.

"You are sjiek Ali," the half-elf spoke.

"Away," the sjiek waved his girls away. "My dear lady, please... How can this humble camel-herder help you?"

"I... I have been spying you from afar," the half-elf spoke in a sultry voice. "And I like what I see."

"Really?" the sjiek grinned. "Well, I am a very impressive man."

"So virile, so strong, so magnificent, so... large," the half-elf spoke. "I... I wish you to take me away from this place! Take me with you to explore the world."

"Really? You wish me?"

"I will repay you," the half-elf smiled. "My elven blood... knows passion unbound, if only you take me away from this horrible cold uncivilized place."

"Well, dear lady," the sjiek gulped. "That is an offer I cannot resist..."

"Look but don't touch!" the half-elf spoke as she jumped back when the sjiek attempted to grab her. "I only ask that you take care of my jealous lover," the half-elf added. "She is... so stiflingly possessive, and when she finds out that I've left her, she'll be... angry."

"A-angry?" the sjiek gulped. This was already not going according to plan.

"Oh, it will be no problem for such a handsome, virile man as you. No doubt you will be able to defeat her in battle."

At that precise moment, an extremely angry and fully armored elven maid sliced through the back of the tent and jumped inside. "WHERE IS HE?!" she snarled angrily. "Rose! You are MINE! Tell me where he is and I will CARVE HIM TO PIECES!"

"EEEK!" the sjiek cried and hid behind his chair. This was obviously a hard woman; after all, her armor was covered with blood and bear shit!

"It's over between us Laska!" Rose snarled. "Here! This man is my new lover... and he shall destroy you utterly!"

"Now, now!" the sjiek trembled in fear. "L-lets not b-be too h-hasty. I mean, lets talk about this!"

"I don't want to bloody talk!" Laska snarled. "I want to spill your guts all over the street!"

"But I only..."

"I'll EAT YOUR BRAIN!" Laska snarled.

"DJINNIES, protect your master!" the sjiek took the lamp from his pocket into his trembling hand and attempted to rub it. However, before he got the chance, someone jumped at him from the shadows.

"YOINK!" Imoen giggled as she darted from the shadows and snatched the lamp from the sjiek's hand.

"Well done, Im!" Laska chuckled while Rose removed her veil and snaked an arm around Laska's waist in a loving fashion.

In a moment, Imoen rubbed the lamp. In a puff of purple smoke, five Dao Djinn appeared, scimitars in hand.

"Mas... mistress?" the lead Dao spoke. "It seems we have a change of owner. Well, mistress, allow me to introduce myself and..."

"Shut up!" Imoen snarled imperiously. "I am Imoen the Bloody, Warlord of the North, Ravager of cities and clubber of baby-seals! You will follow my commands or suffer the consequences."

"Y-yes, mistress," the Dao gulped. "Your wish is my command."

"I have only two wishes. First of all, you will free all the women in Ali's harem from their enchantments!" Imoen snarled. "The Dao twitched and nodded. Immediately, the women were free. From the look of it, the sjiek had a thing for strong women, since most of them were experienced adventurers... and they were now approaching the trembling sjiek with murder in their eyes.

"Second of all, I have a wish directed at you Dao," Imoen grinned.

"We... have to obey," the Dao spoke fearfully.

"Then here it is," Imoen snarled. "_**GET LOST!**_"

"NOOOOO!" the Dao shouted as a black void opened behind them. The Dao and the lamp were sucked into the void, their shouts of anger and terror diminishing as they fell deeper and deeper before it closed forever.

"Gee, that was fun," Imoen chuckled. In the meantime, members of the angry ex-harem were dragging the screaming sjiek outside while others helped themselves to his riches, an ample compensation for their undignified treatment.

"Hmmm," Laska said while kissing Rose. "Sorry you had to go through that."

"Oh, I went through worse," Rose said. "And acting was no problem. I used to do that a lot."

"Still," Laska said. "I'll make it up to you by taking you out to dinner. You... could wear that outfit."

"Is that all you ever think about?" Rose grinned and playfully swatted at Laska's arm.

"Most of the time, yes," Laska chuckled and let her hands run over Rose's bare back as they embraced.

"Uh-oh," Laska said while she looked outside the tent. Several of the angry women were throwing a rope over the branch of a tree and were tying a noose around the sjiek's neck. "Better put a stop to that. That branch will never hold that fat bloke. Somebody has to think about that poor tree."

Rose made a face and looked down at her clothes. "Ew, I think these clothes are going to need a wash first."

"Argh!" Laska cursed as she saw what she had spread. "I hate bear shit!"

As Laska and Rose ran out to intervene, Imoen looked at the purse which she had lifted from the sjiek's pocket. After opening it, she found a dozen of precious gems and a jewel-studded pendant inside. "Hmmm, let's go shopping!" Imoen smiled and walked outside the tent.


	85. Remorse

Hello all. I'll be leaving for a two week holiday abroad tomorrow, after this chapter there will be a two-week hiatus until I get back. Hope you enjoy this chapter and thanks for reading.

**Tankards and Tempers**

_Chapter 85: Remorse_

In their room at the inn, Laska and Rose stood watching the little elven girl Lise from a distance. The girl was lying on the bed in the sideroom of Laska and Rose's suite with a set of crayons she was using on a coloring book Laska had bought for her. Lise had come to Rose like Laska had said, but had spent most of her time hiding under the bed until Laska had returned from her adventure at the grove.

"Never spoke a word," Rose said. "Even now, she only responds to you."

"Poor girl," Laska sighed. "Her world was turned upside down when her mum was killed. People of Trademeet turned their backs on her when she needed help the most. Besides, gold elves tend to keep to themselves."

"Imoen and Minsc tried, but she just hides under the bed whenever they come near," said Rose. "And she's downright frightened to death of Viconia."

"Hm," Laska nodded. "She thinks Viconia will drag her underground and feed her to the spiders. I've asked Viconia to keep Khittix away from her for now. I've told Lise that Viconia is my best friend, but I'm not entirely sure she believes me. Not yet anyway."

Laska walked over to the bed and sat down next to Lise, and put a hand on her shoulder. "Hey, Lise. What are you coloring?"

"Horse," the lithe little elven girl responded. "It's supposed to be brown, but I like green."

"Rosie tells me that you don't like to talk to her," said Laska. "Don't you like her?"

Lise looked up at Laska with big blue eyes. "Rose isn't an elf. Mother always told me not to trust anyone who isn't an elf. You're an elf. I can trust you, cause elves take care of each other."

Laska sighed heavily. So young and already indoctrinated by gold elven xenophobia. But this was not the time to blame the girl; her mother had died recently and she was holding on to what she knew. "Lise," said Laska, "when we go to Athkatla, you'll be living in a house with all sorts of different people. And we'll all take care of you until we find your family. You're going to have to learn to trust them. You, me and Viconia are the only elves there, but the others. They're all good people."

Lise shuddered slightly. "I don't like Viconia. She scares me. Mum said drow are wicked and will kill us all."

Laska chuckled. "Vico's a pussycat, really. She might be a bit cranky, but she's not wicked. I've been traveling with her for years. Don't you think she would have killed me by now if she wanted to?"

The little girl didn't seem very convinced, but at least she seemed to ponder what Laska had said.

"Okay, kid," Laska said. "Rosie and I are going for a walk, but we'll be back later today, hm?"

"Okay," Lise said.

"And try sleeping _on_ the bed instead of under it, okay?" Laska smirked and ruffed the girl's hair. Lise seemed to enjoy that. That said, Laska said her goodbyes and slipped out of the smaller sideroom into her main suite where Rose was waiting. A few minutes later, they left of their walk.

* * *

"Oh, look at that!" Rose said and pulled a pouty Laska along with her. Instead of the romantic walk Laska had set her mind on earlier, Rose had insisted on strolling across the many boulevards of Trademeet. Still, Laska wouldn't mind stepping over the marble and clean city ground of Trademeet if only Rose wouldn't stop to gape at every shop-window. Right now, Rose had dragged the hapless elf to the window of a candle-shop.

"Take a look at that wrought-iron candelabra!" Rose smiled and pointed to a six-armed, richly adorned candle holder "That would look wonderful on the piano, don't you think."

"Huh?" Laska muttered.

"Hey," Rose swatted her lover in the belly. "Stop thinking about viciously slaughtering orcs."

"How'd you know I was thinking about that?" Laska asked.

"I know you," Rose said and pecked her lover on the cheek. "Shall we take a break, then? There's a coffee-place right over there."

"Thanks," Laska sighed. "You don't know how I need that right now..."

"You're not loving this, do you?" Rose gave her lover a half-smile.

"Well, being around you makes window-shopping bearable," Laska winked.

"Flirt," Rose smiled and noticed two passing men spent quite a bit of time staring at Laska. Rose immediately hooked her arm into Laska's and held onto her lover proudly, letting the men know that she was the one who had snagged her.

Meanwhile, Laska ignored the stares as the coffee-bar came into view, and saw in it a release from the torture she was forced to endure. Oh, she enjoyed spending time with Rose, and loved being with her... but what she didn't like, was being forced to wait and watch every shop-window again and again and again. And already, she felt Rose tug on her arm as she was being dragged towards yet another window. This time, however, Laska managed to escape, ironically, by finding a shopping window she liked.

Like a moth to a flame, Laska was drawn to a window of a smith. There, a great number of ornate and strong steel swords and other assorted weapons were proudly displayed. Unfortunately, her glee was short-lived.

"LASKA!" Rose called from the other side of the street. "Are you coming?"

She offered one last wistful look at the swords, while muttering a curse to express her displeasure of having to stare 15 minutes at a candelabra and spending all of one second staring at an object she actually liked.

"Look," Rose pointed at the window. Inside of it, was a long white gown. It was low-cut and had a long split on either side of the legs.

"Nice," Laska said. "But don't you have enough dresses already?"

The elf gave Rose an appraising look. Today, she wore a blue suede leather pantsuit which really accentuated her delicate form. Apparently, Rose noticed that Laska's gaze was pausing at certain parts of her anatomy and offered Laska a playful smile in return.

"Love," Rose said. "I was thinking that this dress might be something for you."

"Who?" Laska said. "Me?"

"Sure!" Rose chuckled. "Why not? Don't you ever get enough of those leather pants and that skimpy vest?"

"No," Laska said. "And neither do the guys we just passed."

"Try it sometimes," Rose smiled. "It looks so lovely. I bet you'd look like a dream in it. You've got to embrace you femininity a bit more, love."

"Rose," Laska said. "My femininity is fine as it is. Some girls like to knit, but girls like me like to spend that same time killing orcs by stabbing them with oversized cutlery. That doesn't make me less of a woman."

"Of course not," Rose smiled. "But wouldn't you like wear something else once in a whole?"

"I'll think about it," Laska said. "Now, let's go get some coffee."

* * *

"Ah, now that's good coffee," Laska said while she leaned on the table after pouring a few nips of brandy into her coffee.

"You know, Love," Rose said. "I've been doing some thinking... well, some daydreaming, actually."

"Hey, you always have your head in the clouds," Laska said, taking a moved to gently move a fallen lock of Rose's strawberry-blonde hair from her face. Today, her hair hung loose on her shoulders, floating free, while Laska still wore her hair in her usual braid. "Must be your artistic spirit."

"Well," Rose said while Laska took a sip from her spiked coffee. "I've been thinking. Have you ever considered having a child?"

It took inhuman or, rather, inelflish effort for Laska keep herself from spraying the coffee from her mouth and all over Rose. Instead, she gulped and swallowed the coffee quickly. Still, the spiked brown liquid hit her stomach like a ton of bricks.

Apparently having picked up on Laska's discomfort, Rose continued. "I mean, I know we've only known each other for four months and all, but, well, I've seen you play with Risa and Becky back home... and I've seen you take care of that little elven girl Lise. I think'd make a wonderful mother."

Laska still couldn't say a words, and was still trying to cough away the coffee she had just swallowed.

"It was just daydreaming, Las," Rose smiled. "I'm not saying I'm pregnant... I don't sleep with men, and I can't very well get pregnant from you. Besides, you won't be fertile for another century yourself... Still, it's nice to dream away..."

"As long as it's no more than dreaming right now," Laska finally said. "I'm too young to have kids."

"Me too," Rose said. "But, like I said, it's a nice thought."

"You know what's also a nice thought?" Laska said, setting herself next to Rose and twirling her fingers through her hair. "Me taking you out to dinner, in a expensive restaurant."

"Las," Rose smiled. "Such places usually have a dress-code."

"I know," Laska said, "but if they don't take me as I am, leather pants, braid, vest and all, I'll let just have to let myself in by means of extreme violence and foul cusses."

"Let's just eat at a tavern," Rose smiled. "You get unhappy sitting among nobles. But what about Lise?"

"She'll be fine," said Laska. "We should probably leave her alone for a bit. She's still mourning her mother and now that she's off the streets she's a lot safer. Elves... it's hard to explain, but we some emotions just run deep. When Gorion was killed, I was so crippled with grief I could hardly function for a couple of days. We just need to have patience with her. It'll get better."

"Shall we go to the tavern then?"

"Let's."

* * *

"I should have taken you offer and pressed for that restaurant," Rose yelled as she led a obviously quite inebriated Laska up the stairs towards the rooms their party had rented.

"Whatz," Laska slurred, "what's I do?" she added while supporting herself by leaning her body and head into the wall.

"Thirty-eight ales, Laska, thirty-eight!" Rose snarled. "And then all that food mixed in too, where do you put it all? Geez, thirty-eights of those big tankards."

"My guts," Laska slurred in reply. "Thatssss a sstupid quessthions..."

"A romantic dinner for two does _not_ include starting a drinking contest with a local half-ogre!" Rose shouted in return.

"Oh, he was askhing ffor it," Laska slurred and crumpled up her face in disgust. "He wassh being a jwerk..."

"He was just saying he admired your eyes!" Rose said.

"In a dera-derograr-dter... mean fassjion," Laska said. "I couldst heersh that betters than youse, Rozhe.."

"But the clincher was that you climbed up on our table and announced to the whole tavern that 'My girlfriend has the most beautiful breasts in existence!'," Rose sighed and shook her head.

"It'sz a lie!" Laska slurred. "I didsh't shay bweasts. I shaid tits!"

Rose facepalmed. "Oh, that makes it all better, doesn't it?"

"It waszh a compl-complis-com... true!"

"Didn't you see how many men were in that tavern?" Rose said. "After you announced the supposed magnificence of my breasts, those men leered at me, yelled at me to take my top off and groped me when we left!"

"Oy, I bushted their heads, dinnI?" Laska grinned stupidly. "Beshides, you're ushed to being groped by men enough already, I whoust think."

Dead silence fell inside the hallway as Rose simply stared at Laska... the silence seemed to last for an eternity, and was finally broken by a single sob. Tears started to well into Rose's eyes as she kept staring at the woman she loved. The harsh sound of flesh colliding with flesh followed, and Rose sped to the door of her bedroom, slamming the door shut behind her, leaving her lover behind in the hallway, a reddish imprint of a hand apparent on Laska's face.

"Geesh, what'dIdo?" Laska slurred and rubbed her face. "Doesh thish mean I don't get any tonight?!"

She stood there for a moment, staring at the door to their bedroom, waiting for Rose to come out again, but she never did.

"You've really done it this time, haven't you?" the voice of Imoen sounded from behind Laska. Immediately, the elf whirled around intending to confront her... and almost whirled into the wall. The tattooed lost her balance and fell down on her back, groaning as she did.

"Drunken sot," Imoen chuckled. "You're even drunker than usual! Usually, you can still stand and speak normally, even after 38 drinks."

"Stupid half-ogre probly putsz somethings in my alesh," Laska said, indeed feeling drunker than usual.

"Wouldn't surprise me if he tried to scam you," Imoen said. "But you always get yourself suckered into stuff like this, and look what it made you do! Las, you'll have to fix this!"

"Why?!" Laska said adamantly as she haphazardly picked herself up. "I ain't done nothin' wrong! Rhoze's tits are great!"

The fury in Imoen's eyes made Laska step back a little as the pink-haired mage approached. Finally, the mage backed her sister into the wall... no more escape for drunk elves. "You... were... being... an... utter... and... complete... bitch!" Imoen said while poking her finger into Laska's collarbone.

"Ow, that hurtz!" Laska said. "But, I didn't do nothin'!"

"You made Rose cry," Imoen said calmly.

"Oh... crap," Laska sighed while realization finally penetrated into her pickled brain.

"You have to fix this Laska. Wait here," Imoen said and ran downstairs. A few moments, she came back, took the hapless elf by the throat and forced a pot of fresh, hot, black coffee to her lips. Laska struggled a little, but most of the coffee ended up inside her mouth instead of her vest and skin. Laska coughed, sputtered and fell to all fours as she tried to recover.

"I think I've got a hangover," Laska said, sounding very much more coherent. As soon as the coffee had hit her stomach, sobriety slowly started to return to her mind.

"Come on, Las," Imoen chuckled. "Tell aunty Imoen all about it."

* * *

The door to the darkened bedroom opened, and Laska slipped inside quietly. Rose was lying on the bed with her back to the door, still sobbing quietly.

"Rose?" she asked carefully.

"Go away," Rose whispered.

"Rose, I..."

"Go away..."

"But..."

"You know I have regrets about my previous life... my 'profession', and the men that used me," Rose sniffed. "And you... I've heard hurtful things said to me before, but I never expected it from you."

After feeling Laska sit down on the bed, Rose quickly moved out of her reach.

"Rose, I... shit, Rose, I mess everything up!" Laska suddenly shouted, followed by a deep sigh. "First I blow Imoen's rescue... and now I wreck our relationship. We almost got killed back in the grove... dammit, I can be such a bloody _failure_."

Rose, who still had her back turned to Laska, relaxed a little. "Laska?" she whispered. "Laska, are you crying?"

"How'd you know?" Laska said, barely being able to keep surprise from her voice.

"I know such things," Rose said, turned to her side and... gasped.

"What?!" Laska said, jumped up from the bed, turning to face Rose. "I look terrible in it, don't I?"

Laska was wearing the same dress they had saw in the shopping-window earlier. It fit Laska's body incredibly well. It was low-cut, leaving very little to the imagination, and the split showed off Laska's long and slightly-muscled legs incredibly well. But that wasn't all. The elf wore her dark hair loose and was wearing make-up: red lipstick, black mascara... and even two long, jeweled clip-on earrings. The make-up was haphazardly applied, belying Laska's inexperience with using it.

"You're beautiful," Rose whispered.

"That's funny, because I feel like an organ grinder's monkey," Laska grimaced. "This is a one-time deal, Rose. I'm wearing it just for you."

"How?"

"Oh, Imoen did the make-up and the hair... She actually stole the dress from the shop and left some money on the counter. Same with," she said while taking the wrought-iron candelabra from a cloth bag and giving it to Rose, "this thing."

"You are crazy," Rose giggled while she held the wrought-iron monstrosity.

"You think is hideous, don't you?" Laska chuckled.

"Completely..." Rose laughed.

"I've also got you some flowers," Laska said and handed Rose a bouquet of posies.

"You know," Rose said while smelling the flowers. "These look suspiciously like the ones in the large vases downstairs."

"The, um, flower-shop was closed, and Imoen had a two-shop breaking and entering limit," Laska grinned.

Rose chuckled for a bit and invited Laska to sit down beside her. Their faces were mere inches away and they felt each other's warm breath on their skin as they gazed into each other's eyes. Suddenly, Rose started to laugh.

"What?" Laska asked.

"Imoen," she giggled, "she wrote 'kick me' on your forehead with lipstick."

"Figures," Laska smiled. "I wonder what she was doing up there..."

"Your mascara ran," Rose said and wiped away the path of Laska's tears with her thumb.

"I love you, Rose," Laska said. "I'm sorry I hurt you."

Rose answered with a kiss.

* * *

"Wow, that was intense," Rose said as the two lovers lay under the covers, holding each other close.

"I had something to make up for," Laska said and kissed the tip of her lovers nose.

"You're not the only one with regrets, love," Rose said. "We all have done something in our lives we're not proud of."

"Oh?"

"Have I never told you about my first love?"

"It is something I want to hear?" Laska chuckled.

"Don't worry," Rose smiled. "Let's see, I told you at the joust and that I was once in the box with all the other perspective young girls for the paladins to dedicate their joust to? I was sixteen at the time, a young girl hoping to get picked by one of the paladins. And I was picked; I was surprised enough to find out that I was picked by a Lady Paladin."

Laska winked. "I'm not. Was she good in the sack?"

"Laska! And... yes," Rose smiled and seemed to dream away. "You should have seen her on that horse, Laska. Tall, strong, yet very feminine... the wind blowing through her long, fiery red hair. Twenty years of age... She won the joust, of course."

"Of course."

"Well, and she invited me to celebrate her victory with her," Rose smiled. "Totally swept me off my feet. We saw each other for almost three years," Rose smiled. "At that time, ours was much of a forbidden love. I hadn't told my mother about her yet, and was very much afraid to tell her that I was... different. We met at cafés, had dinner there and talked for hours. Of course she didn't have any place of her own outside the Order, so whenever we wanted to made love, we had to do it in my room very quietly. Still, we thought it was beautiful... Our love was ours and no one else had anything to say about it."

"So, what's to regret?" Laska ask. "I hope you didn't have a bad break-up."

"No," Rose sighed. "She'd often be away a month or so to go on missions, and we'd often make love before she went. That time, she was part of a contingent of paladins which was about to take on a camp of ogre bandits which had settled near the city. I think she somehow knew she was going to die on that mission, our lovemaking was so intense. Still, she promised she'd try to be back before my nineteenth birthday. Instead, it was on my birthday that I've heard the news of her death. She had jumped right into the fray with her spear to save a comrade and was killed herself. A paladin friend of hers delivered me a letter which she wanted me to have after she died..."

"Gods, Rose, I'm sorry," Laska said.

"But that's not the worst part," Rose sighed. "I still hadn't told my mother about my... sexual preference, and I was afraid to. I... didn't go to her funeral, because I was afraid she'd find out. It was all the more bitter that, after I had finally told her, my mother told me that she'd love me and support me no matter what. I should have gone to that funeral, Laska. I really wanted to..."

"I know you wanted to," Laska said and took Rose in a firm embrace.

"Any skeletons in your romantic closet, Laska?" Rose asked.

"They don't fit the closet," Laska chuckled. "I've had more one-night stands with men and women than you can shake a stick at. One girl, though, I really regret hurting."

"Oh?"

"Well, you know, I've told you that Sarevok pierced me, right? And that I almost died? Well, I went completely wild after that, trying to enjoy life like I thought I wanted to enjoy it. I drank like a fish, went out into the woods and sewers to slaughter the monsters and had a new lover in my bed every day. Really living in the moment. It went on like that for a month or two and my friends really started to worry for me. But one day I spotted a young noble girl in the market. Human, uptight, prissy, very attractive..."

"You hit on her?"

"More than that," Laska sighed. "I lied, schemed, sweet-talked and flirted myself into her bed. Her father had just died, and I took advantage of that, now that I think about it. She was all alone in that big mansion..."

"You wanted her love?"

"I wanted sex, sex and more sex," Laska shook her head. "I took the girl's virginity, and taught her all kinds of things, from elaborate sexual techniques to sword-fighting. She sent me gifts, and all that, and I have no doubt that she came to love me. But that didn't mean I stopped sleeping around..."

"Well, that was a mess you'd gotten yourself into," Rose said.

"I'll say," Laska sighed. "I'm not proud of it. We went on like that for a month or so; she being all lovey-dovey while I was sleeping with anything with two legs... and sometimes more. But, one day, when I was supposed to see her, I was actually in a bar picking up this half-elven mage. Anyway, she came looking for me at the tavern and found me in my room... naked and on top of said half-elf."

"Oh, dear Sune, how awful."

"Yes," Laska sighed. "The world was too small for both of us after that. You know, our party left Baldur's Gate a week later, and went to Beregost to plan our next move... and I spotted her again at the Jovial Juggler. And, being the idiot I was, I went over to her."

"You wanted to apologize?"

"I wanted to have sex with her one more time," Laska said. "She didn't go for it. Instead, she just stared at me with cold eyes and told me she wanted to look at me one more time before 'I'd get what I'd deserve'. When we left Beregost the next day, we were ambushed by mercenaries and found ourselves under Irenicus' gentle care."

"She turned you over to..."

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," Laska said bitterly. "I paid the price for manipulating her. . I... truly regret that I have used her, not because of what happened to me later, but because... I think I really hurt her and I feel bad about it. Just like I feel really bad having hurt you just now."

"You grew up," Rose said and caressed Laska's cheek. "Just a little..."

"Yeah, but at a high price," Laska grimaced. "Maybe there's something to that _'true elves need 100 years to mentally mature before being considered an adult'_-thing after all, ey?"

"Sorry I slapped you," Rose sighed. "Sometimes it's hard to forget that, well, you're technically still a child and I should expect some childish behavior now and then."

"That's okay, I deserved it," Laska smiled. "And you are a very, very wicked cradle-robber."

"No more binges, okay?" Rose asked. "I don't mind if you drink, but today was... excessive, even for you."

"Promise," Laska said. "I just hope I'll be able to keep it."

"Tired," Rose whispered.

"I really... really want this relationship to work out, Rose," Laska said sincerely, and cuddled with her lover for a bit.

"And I still," Rose said, her eyes already closed, "would love to raise a child with you some day."

Together, the lovers slept peacefully.


End file.
